8/3/2019 I Dreamt of Rob Last Night

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I dreamt of Rob last night.

He passed from vibrant and strong

to shade, an essence, barely held within

a shell of what he had been.

He did this in moments,not the years it had taken him in life.

Joy, love, appetite; all trailed off

into a light without heat,

dimly glowing behind tired eyes.

ere in a weakened touch,

carried on the ground-wave of tremor

as toxified nerves and muscles

struggled to maintain.

Some die a soul death, and then rush, their bodies

impatient to catch-up to the fact.

He died differently. He wanted me to know this.

His dying was an act of purification, the erosion

of layers of hurt and anger, impatience and grievance.

ese had kept his essence contained, as in a vessel

of turbulent power, striving and fighting to overcome

the Joy and compassion within.

Did you dream last night? She asked.

No, I said, At least none I remember.

at was true this morning, though the pause between

No and At least held enough space to contain

what has now come to light. As we had agreed,

What is there will come out when it has ripened

e hard part is learning to trust.

For some it is so hard, it takes their life, ebbing away

day by day. Others fight trust until this struggle defeats

them. ey die inside, as we say, while their bodies

veer-off to find their own deaths. Zombies, defeated

Vampires looking for release. e others must be Saints.

e difference in the outcome of their struggles.

I Dreamt of Rob Last Night

8/3/2019 I Dreamt of Rob Last Night

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Is there another way? Should life be

limited to battle? Cannot Joy, love, compassion

simply be chosen? Anger, rage not simply set aside?

What is hard is brittle. Everything is vulnerable. A Gift

hidden in every obstruction.

Gift.

In his life, Rob gave me the Gift of life.

In his death, he gave it to me again.

Gift dissolves the illusion of loss, of scarcity,

of the thrall of panic, and the pursuit of power.

Gift, in an Alchemy of Love,

generates abundance out of loss,

and enough out of hunger.

I dreamt of Rob

last night.

Antonio Dias 11.10.11

I Dreamt of Rob Last Night