I Don't Believe -

november 2007 n bicycling76

IBelieveThat

That I BelieveThatYouBelieveThat You Believe Almost

No One Can Believe

SimplyBecause

In the Belief

Believes

YouCan’tBelieveIDon’tBelieveEveryone Should Believe WhatIBelieveIsWorthOurBeliefYouBelieveofOneManWhoYou Will Always Believe.

When it comes to tyler hamilton, the most contentious—and, perhaps, most important—question isn’t if he’s guilty or innocent of doping, but Why each of us has chosen a side.

by christie aschWanden illustrated by lou beach

bicycling n november 2007 77illustration by tK


Asheshouts,TylerHamilton’sfathertapshisfistonmyforehead,asifknockingonadoor.“Openyourbrain!Open.Your.Brain.”BillHamiltonisashort,wiryman,andhehaspushedhimselfsoclosethathe’sshoweringmewithspittle.Hisbushy,grayhandle-barmoustachebrushesmynose.

It’sDecember2006,andweareataholidaypartyinBoulder,Colorado,thrownonbehalfoftheTylerHamiltonFoundation.Thoughbilledasa fund-raiser for the foundation,whosemis-sion is topromotehealthandpersonalempowerment throughcycling,thisisclearlyalsoapeprallyforTyler.Withhistwo-yearsuspensionforblooddopingfinallycompleted,Tyler,theformerTourdeFrancestar,hasjustsignedacontractwiththeRussianTinkoffCreditSystemsteam.Tonight’s50orsoattendeeshavecometosendhimoff.Throughouttheevening,peopleapproachTyler,pathimonthebackandwishhimluck.Themoodisup-beatandfeelsmorelikeafamilyreunionthanafund-raiser.Mid-waythroughtheevening,foundationexecutivedirectorDeirdreMoynihanpresentsTylerwithaphoto, taken inSeptemberof2006,signedbyparticipantsofthefoundation’sMS-GlobalEu-ropeanbiketour.Tyler’ssuspension,whenit’smentionedatall,is

referredtoas“thesetwodifficultyears.”Tyler’sfather,Bill,wassmiling,ratherthanshouting,atme

untilafewminutesago.IhadjustshownhimagroupphotoofTyler,meandtherestofour1993UniversityofColoradocyclingteam.Inthepicture,we’restandinginBillandLornaHamilton’slivingroom.We’ve justwonthenationalcollegiatechampion-shipsatMIT,andBillhas thrownusacelebrationbashathisMarblehead,Massachusetts,home.

Bill located me in the photo, then tilted his eyebrows andasked,“Where’sQuinn?”Quinnwasamemberofourfive-man,five-womanteam.Ipointedhimout.

Buttinghischesttowardme,Billshouted,“Heisapersona.Non.Grata!”

WhenIaskedwhy,Bill’svoicebecamelouderstill.“Becausehe’s.Not.A.Believer!”Hisvoiceexplodedandafew

eyesglancedourway.“Whynot?”Isaid.IknewwithoutaskingthattobeaBeliever

meant to believe that Tyler had never doped—that he’d beenfalselyaccusedandconvicted.

“Becausehe’sjealous!”Billsaid,asifstatingtheobvious.Heexplained that Quinn, along with a Boulder athlete who hadcalledTyleradoperinhisblog,hadcometotheirguiltyverdictsviaenvy.

ThatiswhenIgotBill’sbloodreallyboiling.“Well,Bill,”Isaid,“Idon’tknowhowtotellyouthis.ButI’m

notsureI’maBelievereither.”

WakeUP!’’

“Wakeup,Christie!

bicycling n november 2007 79

From the moment the Phonak cycling team an-nounced in September 2004 that Tyler Hamiltonhadtestedpositiveforblooddoping,hehasdeniedallchargesofcheatingwithpassionandunflagging

insistence—apersonal,heartfeltdefensethat’sinspiredanequallyardentgroupofsupporters.Thoughtheintensityandnumbersofhisfollowershaveincreasedanddiminishedalongwithhisfor-tunesinthethreeyearssincethen,acoregroupthathasbecomeknownastheBelievershasneverwaveredinitsfaith.

At the timeofhispositive test,Tyler stoodat thepinnacleofhis career.He’dwonanOlympicgoldmedal in theAthenstimetrial,andthoughhe’dcrashedoutofthatsummer’sTourdeFrance,hewasexpectedtochallengeLanceArmstrongin2005.Andinthetwopreviousyears,aseriesofepicperformanceshadelevatedhimtonear-mythicalstatus.In2002,hefinishedsecondintheGirod’Italiadespiteracingwithafracturedshoulder.Af-terward,adentisthadtocapmolarsTylerhadworndownasheraced,clenchinghisteethinpain.In2003,Tylerbrokehiscollar-boneinthefirststageoftheTourdeFrancebutcontinuedridingand,inStage16,brokeawayandsoloedfor142kilometerstowinthestageonhiswaytofinishingfourthoverall.Alongtheway,he’dalsoestablishedareputationasthenicestguyinthepeloton.

“Lanceisuntouchable,butTyleriseveryman,”saysDeirdreMoynihan, executive director of the Tyler Hamilton Founda-tionand,alongwithTyler’sfriendandprofessionalskierChrisDavenport,thefounderofthewebsiteBelieveTyler.orgthatwasquicklyformedtoraiselegaldefensefunds,someofwhichcamefromsalesof“IBelieveTyler”T-shirtsandbuttons.ForTyler,“everythingisastruggle,”saysMoynihan.“Nothingcomeseasy,andthat’showweallliveourlives.”

Tyler’songoingstruggleforhisreputationbeganinSeptember2004,whenhefacedasetbacknoamountofteethgrindingcouldsurmount.Hewasnotifiedthathe’dtestedpositiveforblooddop-ing,onceattheOlympicsearlierthatsummer,andasecondtimeafterhiswinonStage8of theVueltaaEspaña inSeptember.Anewtesthadbeendevelopedtodetectbloodtransfusions,andTylerwasthefirsttoreturnapositive.Hehiredalawyerandre-cruitedscientistsfromHarvardandMITtotestifyonhisbehalfduringtheU.S.Anti-DopingAgency(USADA)arbitrationhear-ingthatwoulddecidehisfate.TheOlympictestwasthrownoutafterthetestlabaccidentallydestroyedthebackupsample,knownastheBsample,that’srequiredtoconfirmapositiveresult.ButinApril2005,aftersortingthroughtheevidenceandhearingmul-tipledaysoftestimonyfromTylerandexpertsonbothsides,theUSADAarbitrationpaneldecided2to1againsthimandhandedoutatwo-yearsuspensionforthepositivetestresultattheVuelta.Tylerappealedtosport’sversionoftheU.S.SupremeCourt,theCourtofArbitrationforSport(CAS),butinFebruary2006thecourtunanimouslyrejectedtheappeal.

InJune2006,asTylerwasapproachingtheendofhissuspen-sion(whichhadstartednotwhenhelosttheappealinFebruarybutbackin2004whentheresultwasreported),hewas linkedtotheSpanishdopingscandalknownasOperaciónPuerto.Evi-denceturnedupinaraidoftheofficeofSpanishdoctorEufemia-noFuentesallegedlyincludedrecordsfrom2003thatpurported-lyshowedthatTylerhadtakenalonglistofbannedperformance

enhancerssuchasEPO,humangrowthhormone,steroidsandtransfusionsofhisownblood.Theinvestigationisstillpending,but,inMayof2007TinkoffpulledTylerfromthestartlistoftheGirod’Italiaandlatersuspendedhimuntilthecaseisresolved.

TotheBelievers,eachnewrevelationaboutTyler’sinvolvement in the doping scandals, each test,each explanation of the science and each courtverdictarenotevidenceofguiltbutfurtherproof

ofaconspiracydesignedtotakedowntheirhero.“Thesystemisdesignedtobreaktheindividual,notbelieve

inhim,”saysBarryKinman,a51-year-oldfanandlawyerinPasoRobles,California.Kinman insists thata systemthatreliesondrugtestsforevidenceisfundamentallyflawed:“It’sputtingtoogreataweightonthecuttingedgeofscience.”KinmanhasnevermetTyler,buthesays,“Ifeellikethisguyhasactedlikeanin-nocentman,andIhaven’tseenanythingintheprocesstoshowotherwise.It’sveryhardto lie.That’swhy,peoplewhodolawforaliving,yougetbacktofeelings.What’syourgut?Mygutisthere’snowaythisguylies.”

Mygut toldmethesamething. In thefirstdaysofTyler’ssaga,ItookanassignmentfromasciencemagazinetoexplainthetechnologybehindthenewtestthathadnabbedTyler.Iwasea-gertodigintothestory.I’dcheeredwhenTylerwonanOlympicgoldmedalthepreviousmonth,andIwasexpectingtofindproofthatwouldconfirmwhatmyhearttoldmewastrue—theTylerI’dknownincollegewasnota liar.Butafterplowingthroughfivejournalarticlesandinterviewingahalfdozenscientists,manywithnolinktocyclingortheanti-dopingagencies,Iwasforcedtoanuncomfortableconclusion:Thetestlookedsolid.

However,sincethen,I’vefelttinypangsofdoubt.Howcouldanyonewhowasn’tinnocentdeny,deny,denyinthefaceofsuchstrongevidence?AndwhenChristianVincenzwasconvictedin2004ofextortionforattemptstoblackmailTyler’sPhonakteam,Icouldn’thelpbutwonderiftherewassomethingtothespy-novelconspiracytheoriesperpetuatedbysomeinTyler’scrowd.Whatifsomeonereallywasouttogethim?

Scanning throughTyler’sonlineguestbookoneday, I readpagesandpagesof fan letters,filledwithwords like“believe,”“faith,”“hero”and“legend.”WhileatfirstglancetheseBeliev-ersseemshopelesslynaive, theirpassionandresolutecertaintyfascinatedme.WhatdidtheyknowthatIdidn’t.

IbeginmyinvestigationattheTylerHamiltonFoun-dation’s Sunshine Hillclimb in July 2006. I learnof theeventat the lastminute froma friendwhohassignedup,andIdecidetogowatchtheshow.

the believers seem hopelessly naive, but their passion and resolute certainty

fascinated me. whatdid they know that i didn’t?


The 9-mile course ascends Sunshine Canyon, one of BoulderCounty’ssteepestclimbsandoneTylerknowsbymemory—his$1.275-millionhomesits6milesupthecanyon.Atthefinishline,ahandfulofpeoplescurryaroundinblackT-shirtswiththewordBELIEVEwritteninboldwhitelettersacrossthechest.Iwillsoondiscoverthatnearlyeverythingassociatedwiththefounda-tionisplasteredwiththisslogan—fromtheofficialjerseystothecarbonParleeZ3cbikes thatbigdonorsreceiveasgifts to thesouvenirjerseysandT-shirtsonsaleatevents.

Moynihan,whowastheTHF’sfoundingexecutivedirectoruntilsheresignedinJulyof2007,istheringleaderoftoday’srace,dartingaroundthefinisharea,talkingtoracemarshalsonthera-dioanddirectingvolunteers.Alargewomanwithvivacious,curlybrownhair,Moynihanpossessesasenseofdramahonedbyherprofessionaltrainingintheater.Partpitbullandpartteddybear,she’sthekindofpersonyoulovewhenshe’sonyourteam,andloathewhenshe’snot.She’sTyler’sfiercestandmostvocalde-fender,theDickPoundoftheBelievers.Shesignsoffhere-mailswithasingleword—Believe!

InthefirstweeksafterTyler’spositivetestwasannounced,“believe”meantonething:BelieveTylerisinnocent.Sincethen,asTylerwilltellmelaterwhenwesitdownforaformalinterview,thewordhasevolvedintoabroadermotto:Believeinthepowerofthebike.“Thebikecandoalotofamazingthingsforyou,”Tylersays,“whetheryou’resomebodywithMSoryou’resomeonesuf-feringoverthelasttwoyearslikeme.”

HelaunchedhiseponymousfoundationinJanuary2004,be-forehisinvolvementindopingscandals,withthemission“topro-videopportunityandaccessforindividualsaffectedbymultiplesclerosisandaspiringyoungathleteswithapassionforcycling.”Whennewsofhispositivetestbroke,Moynihansays,hequicklycontactedhertosaythatthefoundationhadnothingtoworryabout.“Hecalledmetoletmeknowthathewouldneverdothattome,”shesays,addingthatshe’sknownhimfor10years.“Mylife ispersonallyandprofessionallywrappedupwithhim. I’veneverquestionedhim.Ineverhadto.Idon’tthinkhecouldlookmeintheeyeifhe’ddoneit.”

MoynihangivesmeanearfulwhenshelearnsI’mwritingthisarticle.ShesaysthemediahasmishandledTyler’scase,andletsmeknowthatifIdemonizehimtherewillbehelltopay.

Today,Tylerappearsabovereproach.Ratherthancrushingthesmallfieldofracers,heispacingSteveAckerman,aparaplegicridingahandbike,upSunshineCanyon,andtheraceannouncercallsoutupdatesontheduo’sprogressovertheloudspeaker.Ahandfulof racers start to trickle in.Only40or so ridershaveshownup,andtheracefee,whichhadfirstbeenadvertisedatmorethan$100,hasdroppedtolessthan$50onraceday.Still,when

Ackermanfinallycrossesthefinishline,surroundedbyTylerandaposseofridersinTHFgear,Icheer,alongwiththefewotherspectators.“Nowthisiswhatit’sallabout,”Moynihanshouts.Ican’thelpbutfeelmoved.It’sabitchofaclimb,andthisguydiditonahandbike.Aftertherace,Ackermantellsmethattoday’srideisnothingextraordinaryforhim—herecentlyfinishedthesix-day,419-mileRidetheRockiestour,whichascendsfivemountainpassesonitswayacrossColorado,andhisaround-the-worldbikeridewillbefeaturedinanupcomingfilm.

AttheawardsceremonyIcatchmyfirstcloseglimpseofTylerinnearlyadecade.He’smuchthinnerthanIremember,butother-wiseunchanged.Hehasfreckledskin,andhisbaby-blueeyesandoversizedearsgivehimapuppylikepresence.Hesaysonlyafewwordstothankeveryoneforsupportingthefoundation.Hisear-nest,slightlyawkwardmannermakeshimseemmorelikesome-one’slittlebrotherthanaworld-classsportsstar.Hegiveseachage-groupwinnerahugorhandshake,andMoynihanpresentstheracewinnerwithastuffedgoldenretriever.“YouknowhowthewinneroftheTourdeFrancegetsastuffedlion?”Moynihansays.“Well,thewinnerofthisracegetsastuffedgoldenretriever,becauseweallknowthattheTylerHamiltonFoundationisallaboutTugboatandAnchorandTanker.”

Formuchofhisprocareer,Tyler’sbelovedgoldenretrieverTugboatservedashismascot,anemblemofthehero’sheartandauthenticity.WhenTugboatbecamesickandhadtobeeutha-nizedduringthe2004Tour,Tylerworethedog’stagsaroundhisneckasatalisman,creatingthekindofhuman-intereststorythatlands athletes on magazine covers. Tyler and his wife, Haven,broughthomepuppiesAnchorandTankerafewmonthslater.

Ipickupadogtagengravedwiththeword“believe”at the next THF event I attend—a two-day bikerideinNorthernCaliforniainOctober2006,whereImeetmore than twodozenof theBelievers, in-

cludingCurtisBrownandhiswife,Cindy.TheBrownsliveinPhoenixandhavebeeninvolvedintheTHFsinceCindywentonlineafewyearsbackanddonatedafewhundreddollars.Tohersurprise,Tylercalledtothankher.“Ifyousend$500totheLanceArmstrongFoundation,youmightgetacomputer-generatedlet-ter,youwouldn’tgetaphonecallfromLance,”saysCurtis.“TohaveTylermakeapersonalphonecalllikethatwasreallyquitespecial.”Sincethen,theBrownshavebecomeevenbiggersup-porters,andCurtisservesontheboard.

KnownasCardioamonghisridingbuddies,Curtishasthesculptedlegsofadedicatedcyclistandareputationformakingotherriderssuffer.“I’mmaybemorethanjustfairlycompetitive,”hesays,“andIrecognizethatinTyler,andIthinkherecognizesthatinme.Iconsiderhimareallygoodfriend.”

WhenIarriveatthebed-and-breakfastwhereagroupofusisstayingduringtheCaliforniaChallenge,theBrownsandseveraloftheirfriendsaresittingarounddrinkingbeers.Curtisandahandfulofotherguyshaveriddenfivehours,withTyler,togethere fromSanFrancisco.WhileTy cleansup, theotherguysdeconstructthedetailsoftheride—whichgearsTylerusedontheclimbs,whatheateandtheclothinghewore.Theynotethatduringamidridestop,whileeveryoneelseloadeduponsnacks,

“my life is personally and professionally wrapped up with him,” says his founda-tion’s executive director.“i’ve never questioned him.”


Tylernibbledonlyafewbitesoflemonbar,downedwithaspar-klingsoda.Theyremarkonhowthinandfithelooks.There’sanobviousthrilltotheirbanter—whatTigerWoodsfangetsanopportunitytoplaygolfwithhishero?Theseguysjustdidafive-hourridewithanOlympicgoldmedalist.

Later,Tylercomesdownandthejokesfly.CindyBrown,atall,sassyblondewitharazor-sharpwit,sendsgood-naturedjabsTyler’sway,andhereturnstheantics,thoughwithlessskill.Atonepointshejokesthatifhe’snotcareful,they’regoingtomakehimdosomepublicspeaking,a taskthey’vedecidedisnothisstrongsuit.“BetterletHavendothetalking,”Curtisjokes.

Tyler’swife,Haven,possessesagraceful,high-societybeautythataddsatouchofelegancetoTyler’splainness—LauraBushtoTyler’sGeorgeW.Thenextmorning,Havenisthelastpersontoarriveatbreakfast,perfumedandcoiffed.Shedoesnotrideabicycle,butshedrivesameanpacecar.She’sexceedinglypleasantandpoliteandneverwandersoffpoint.BeforeshemarriedTyler,sheworkedinadvertisingandshehasthepolishandrestraintofatop-dollarpublicrelationsprofessional.

Tyler seems to enjoy the attention, but he doesn’t paradearoundlikeastar.Hemakesaconcertedefforttotalktoeachpersonindividuallyandhetreatsallofuslikefriends.We’rethein-group—insiderstothesportwealllove.

The next day about 40 cyclists, most donning BELIEVEjerseys, set off on a 66-mile ride along the coast and throughredwoodforest.Tylerridesalongsideus,settinganeasytempo,joiningthepacelinesthatinevitablyform,andtakingcaretoat-tendtoeachrider’sneeds.Onatwistydescent,hestopsatthetoptowarnusofthetrickycornerstocome,andmakesthedescentwithariderwhoisfightingMS-relatedsymptoms.Moynihan,atalentedphotographer,drivesthesagwagonandstopsfrequentlytoshootphotosaswezoomby.

ThemoretimeIspendwithBelievers,theharderitbecomestothinkthatTylerisguilty.Foronething,Ican’thelpbutlikethesepeople.IloveCindyBrown’ssenseofhumorandIenjoytheridingcompanionsI’vemet.InoticethateverywordtheBe-lieversusetodescribeTyler—genuine,kind,giving—isareflec-tionofthemselves.IevenfindmyselflikingMoynihan,despiteourroughstart.Shehasanendearingrawnessandpassion,andIcometoseethatheraggressivedefenseofTylerstemsnotsolelyfromthe$85,000sheearnsannuallyrunningthefoundation.Shegenuinelybelievestheguy.

It’smidnightandwe’rebarrelingdownCalifornia’scoastalhighwayinTyler’srentedSUV.It’sjustthethreeofus—Tylerdriving,mesittingshotgun,andHaveninthebackseat.We’vespenttheeveningat

theTHFCaliforniaChallenge’sfiresidesoiree,recountingtheday’sride,swappingstoriesaboutourdogs,andreminiscingaboutourdaysontheUniversityofColoradocyclingteam.It’sliketheinterveningyearsneverhappened.TyleristheguyIknewbackthen—modest,kind,obliging.We’veeachknockedbackabeerortwo,andforamomentIforgetthatI’mhereasajournalist.

Iknow,inthebackofmymind,thatifevertherewasagoodtimetoaskTylertheburningquestions,thisisit.ButIcannotbringmyselftodoit.Ifeellikeajerkforevenentertainingthe

the science of beliefwhy we all want to have faith in something

an increasing number of researchers are studying belief not as psychology but as physiology, and some of them are concluding that human beings are hardwired for a capacity to believe. there’s no better arena to examine this than the one in which the founding tenet exists with zero scientific proof and relies solely on faith: belief in god.

science generally tells us how and why things happen in the physical world; religion seeks a metaphysical explanation: Why are we here? neurotheology, sometimes called biotheology, is an effort to blend the two and understand the physiological basis of spirituality.

andrew newberg, M.D., is an assistant professor of radiology at the university of Pennsylvania and author of the book Why We believe What We believe. He used a brain imaging technology called single photon emission computed tomography (sPECt) to examine brain activity in meditating buddhists and Franciscan nuns deep in prayer.

in his experiments newberg anticipated—and found—heavy brain activity in the frontal lobes, which are responsible for concentration. but the scans also showed a near-total lack of activity in an area of the superior parietal lobe, located high in the back of the brain, near the skull. termed the orientation area, it processes external stimuli and is believed by scientists to control information like our sense of self, both metaphysically and in the real world. For example, it helps control the ability to ride a bike close to other cyclists and not bump into them. During meditation or prayer “a lot of that information is blocked,” says newberg, “and you arguably lose your sense of self and experience feelings of oneness and connectedness with the world.”

scientists know that precise sections of the brain, such as broca’s area, control specific functions such as language, and linguists theorize that all human language features similar rules and structures. We’re all wired to learn language the same way. From there, it’s not much of a leap to the idea that we’re also biologically predisposed to a belief in a higher power—whether because God exists or because, facing our own mortality once we developed self-consciousness, we had to invent him.

Despite all we’ve learned in the past decade, in the end the study of belief—whether in a creator or tyler Hamilton’s innocence—ends up at the same impasse. When newberg showed his test data to observers, he was struck by how religious people viewed his work as confirmation of God’s existence and importance in their lives, while atheists took it as proof that God was “just in the brain.”

Either you have faith, or you don’t.—Joe Lindsey


thoughtthathecouldbeafraud.Alleveninglong,he’streatedmelikethelong-lostfriendIwanttobe,andI’verespondedreflex-ivelyinkind.Toconfronthisdenialsnowwouldmakemethebadguy.It’seasiertorelax,soakuphiskindnessandbelieve.

Butthat’sonlypartofmyhesitation.Thetruthis,IwanttobelieveTyler,andnevermoresothanatthisverymoment.Ihatethethoughtthathecouldbethecheaterthatthefactssuggest.IamnotreadytofacewhatitwouldmeanforTylertohavetheca-pacitytolookCurtisBrownandDeirdreMoynihanandevenhisownfatherinthefaceandlie.IwanttobelievethattheTylerbe-foremeistheTylerfromcollege—upstanding,admirable,hon-est.Iwanttobelievethatnofriendofminewouldevercheat,thatifTylerwereaphonyI’dhavedetecteditbackthen.Butmostofall,Iwanttobelievethatanordinaryguy,oneofus,cansucceedatthehighestlevelsofcyclingwithoutturningtothedarkside.

SoIdon’taskhimifhedidit.Instead,Isitbackinmyseatandenjoytheride.Later,somethingelsecomestome:ImostwanttobelieveinthemomentswhenIseemyselfreflectedinTyler.ThoughIneverreachedtheheightsTylerachieved,likehimI’velivedinEuropewhilepursuingasport(forme,Nordicskiing)atanelitelevel.DuringthatrideinTyler’sSUV,wetalkedaboutthestrictritualsoftheathleticlifeandsuddenlyIwasthinkingofmyownexperiencewithFrenchanti-dopingforces.

ItwasFebruary2003andIhadjustfinishedsecondinFrance’smostprestigiousNordicskirace.WhileAmericanforcesmarchedtoward Baghdad and the U.S. Congress indulged in “freedomfries”IwaspeeingintoacupandhandingovermyathleticcareertoaFrenchwomanI’dneverbeforemet. Iwascleanandwel-comedtheopportunitytoproveit.Butpartofmecouldn’thelpwondering:Ifthetestdidcomebackpositive,howcouldIpos-siblyprovemyinnocence?

WhenIresearchedandwrote thearticleabout the test that convicted Tyler, Iconcluded that the science was sound.ButIalsoknewthat thetest isa little

likearadardetector—solidtechnologythatdependsonacompe-tentprotocolandoperatortofunctionproperly.Atthehearings,Tyler’slawyerarguedthatthetestwasn’treadyforprimetime.D.MichaelStrong,executivevicepresidentofthePugetSoundBloodCenterinSeattle,testifiedonTyler’sbehalf,andwhileheadmitsthat,“I’mprobablyveryconservativeaboutvalidation,”hearguedthatsomeone’scareershouldnotbeputonthelinewithatestwhoserateoffalsepositiveswasnotpreciselyknown.Sci-entiststestifyingforUSADAarguedthattherewasnoevidencethatfalsepositivesexisted,butconcededtheyhadnotdonetheexhaustive,expensivestudiestoproveit.Whiletherewassome

have faith, Get fastbelief isn’t just an abstract moral concept—it can also help you drop your friends!

as one of north america’s most dominant cyclists during the 1990s, with a silver-medal-winning ride at the atlanta olympics, brian Walton knows the power of imagery. He so relied on his psychological cue, a wolf, that he had a picture of one tattooed on his ankle. “it symbolizes the lone wolf. the leader of the pack,” says Walton, who now operates Cadence Cycling Center in Philadelphia. He’s not alone in his belief in belief. research on imagery and visualization shows that when we imagine ourselves performing a motor skill—like sprinting for a city-limit sign—our brain triggers the same neurological pathways as when we actually, physically, perform that skill. other studies show that by simply visualizing yourself improving specific cycling skills, you can gain tangible physical improvements. Here are five ways to make your belief in yourself pay off.

systematize: “you need to know enough about the situation to create a specific visualization,” says unites states olympic Committee sports psychologist Kirsten Peterson. instead of visualizing yourself climbing, use a specific hill—grade, length, even the texture of the pavement—from an upcoming race.

make it ViVid: Create an image of the situation in your mind as vividly as possible. Draw on experiences from your past to recreate the details. “When we ask people if they can see the experience in their mind’s eye, usually they can—because it sucks,” Peterson jokes.

use your senses: Employ all five senses to recreate the situation in your mind—your hands squeezing the handlebar, your breath getting heavy, the smell of sweat beading on your nose, the clicking of gears. “include anything that helps increase the vividness,” Peterson says.

get a cue: use a word or specific vision to propel yourself past the obstacle. For example, Peterson says a cyclist might say the word “move,” then visualize surging over the top of the hill first. (Walton once taped the word “more” to the back of his teammate’s saddle during a team time trial.)

practice: “Just like a physical skill, imagery effectiveness takes practice,” says Peterson. try employing imagery sessions daily for about five minutes at a time.—Ian Dille

the truth i, i want to believe tyler, and never more so than

at this moment.i hate the thouGht that he could be the

cheater the facts suGGest.


indicationthatTylermighthavereceivedabloodtransfusion,thetestdidnotprovethiswith100percentcertainty,CarloBrugnara,aprofessorofpathologyatHarvardMedicalSchool,whoalsotes-tifiedforTyler,toldme.

Inaway,thosewhobasetheirjudgmentofTyleronsciencearecastingtheirlotwithatinymeasureoffaith,aswell.Theyare convinced that if they can justobtain enough informationabout the case they can determine with certainty what reallyhappened.Butscienceonlyprovidesdata;peoplemustinterpretthenumbers.Tobelievethescience,youmusthavefaithintheinterpreters,anditisinthattinygapbetweenfactandfaiththatuncertainty lives.ThosewhobelieveTylerrely lessondataortheirinterpretationthanonfaithwritlarge.

One afternoon I was listening to an interview with StuartStevensonNationalPublicRadio.Stevensisanavidcyclist,andastaunchTylerbeliever,andIwassettointerviewhimafewdayslater.Inhislifeoffthebike,StevensworksasamediastrategistfortheRepublicanPartyandduringtheNPRinterviewheopined,“It’sayearwhereit’sbettertobelievethantothink.ThatisthePresident’sgreateststrength,isthatpeoplebelievethatheissin-cere.”Hewastalkingaboutthemidtermelections,buthemayhavejustaswellhavebeentalkingaboutTyler.

BelieveinTyler’shonestyandintegrity,andyouhavenoneedtothinkthroughthestacksofarbitrationdocumentsandscien-tificpapers.The34-pageCASrulingoutlinestheargumentsonbothsides,andwithtermssuchas“secondaryantibodies”and“antigenpopulations”it’snoteasyreading.Ittakesadedicatedperson,perhapsanobsessedone,tosiftthroughalltheevidenceandassesstheargumentsinlightofthefacts.Theaverageper-sonsimplydoesnothavethewill,thetimeorthebackgroundtofullyconsidertheevidence,soformost,itcomesdowntoasimplequestion:DoyoubelievethepositivetestsandthedecisionofapanelofarbitratorswhosiftedthroughtheevidenceandtheargumentsonbothsidesandconcludedthatTylerwasguilty,ordoyoubelievethemanhimself?

FortheBelievers,thatchoiceiseasy.Againandagain,Ihearthemutterthesamewords—honest,genuine,trustworthy.Cur-tisBrownuses theword“genuine” todescribeTylerat least adozentimesduringourfirstconversation.“Whenyoumeethim,youknowimmediatelythathe’sagenuineguy,”Brownsays.“Hewantstoknowhowmanykidsyouhave,theirnames,howoldtheyare.This is aguywhohas agenuine interest inpeople.”BrownandotherssaytheyknowTyler’stellingthetruth,becausehelookedthemintheeyeandhesaidhedidn’tdoit.

Besides,theysay,Tylercouldn’tpossiblykeepupalieforallthistime.“There’snowaysomeonecouldpretendhisinnocenceforeverysecondofeverydayfortwoyears,”saysPhyllisVala-

vane,afanwhometTylerafterastageoftheTouroneyear.“Yourwholelifecan’tbefocusedon‘howamIgoingtolivethislie?’Youwouldtripupsomewherealongtheline.”

ManyoftheBelieverspointtoTyler’sworkwithTHFasevi-dencethathe’snotthetypetodope.“Theintegrityanddedica-tionthathe’sgiventoacauselikemine—Ican’timagineaguylikethatcheating,”saysMikeZimits,whowasdiagnosedwithMSnineyearsago.“I’mnotakid,I’ma44-year-oldWallStreetguy,andIbelievehehasintegrity.”

KarenHudarrideswithawaterbottlehand-paintedwiththeword“believe”inbrightletters.ShewasdiagnosedwithMS10yearsago,andsincethen,she’scompletedseveraloftheNationalMSSociety’sbikerides. ImeetHudarat theCaliforniaChal-lenge.Sheisthebeautifulgirlnextdoor—earnestandcheerful,withsparklingblueeyesandanenormoussmile.She’sstrongonthebikeandshowsnooutwardsignsofMS.WhenIaskherifit’spossiblethatTylercouldbeguilty,shelooksatmeasifIaskedwhethertheworldwasflat.“Howcanyounotbelievehim?”shesays.Hudar,whospeakswithaslighttwang,livesinHoustonandconsidersTylerpartofherextendedfamily.“Ican’tturnmybackonhim—he’spartoftheMSteam,”shesays.

Tyler’sdedicationtotheMScause,hesays,wasinspiredbythemotherofhisfirstagent,LyleFulkerson.Thoughhecan’trememberhernameduringourinterview,heknowsshesufferedfromMS.In2004,theTHFraised$368,478andgave$35,476ofittotheNationalMSSociety.Ithasalsodeliveredsmalldona-tionstoothercauses—$500totheEldoraskicluband$8,100toaSpanishjunior-developmentteamin2005.Butmostofwhatthefoundationdoesis,tospeakgenerally,tohelppeoplediscoverthepowerofthebike.SomeoftheseeffortshaveincludedprovidingbikegeartoamoviestarwithMSandsendingTyleraroundtheworldtoridewithjuniorsandpeoplewithMS.

“Whentheysay‘Let’sgoclimbAlped’Huez,weknowyoucandoit,andwe’reherewithyou,’that’sanincrediblefeeling,”saysZimits.“I’mthankfultohimforhelpingguyslikemeseeitdoesn’thavetobeoverbecauseyougotsick.”

Most people overestimate their ability tosift truth from lie, says Paul Ekman, aprofessor of psychology at the Univer-sityofCalifornia,SanFrancisco,whohas

testedabout15,000people inhis labovertheyearsandfoundthatpeopledetectfalsehoodsabout55percentofthetime—onlyslightlybetterthanchance.

That’sunderstandabletoMarkGorski,whoisnoexpertonpsychologybuthasspenttimeasbotharacerandracingfan.“I’mnotdrawinganyconclusionsaboutTyler,butIdothinkthat,ingeneral,peoplewanttobelievesomething,”saysGorski,whoaf-terracingprofessionallyspenttimeasgeneralmanageroftheU.S.PostalServiceTeam.“ButpeoplewhorationalizetheiropinionbaseduponwhatTylersays,frankly,arebeingverynaive.”

According to Ekman, our judgment becomes even morecloudedthantypicalwhenwehaveapersonalstakeinbelievingaperson.“We’reactuallymoreaccurate[atdetectinglies]withstrangers,”hesays.Wemighthaveasubconscioustendencytobelievesomeonewefeelweknowbecauseifweturnouttobe

karen hudar, diaGnosed with ms 10 years aGo, rides with a water bottle painted with the word believe. “how can you not believe him?” she says.


2004august 18stunning ride in olympic time trial delivers first cycling gold on the road for america in two decades.

september 11Wins stage 8 time trial at the tour of spain, withdraws five days later, citing stomach problems.

september 21Phonak team announces that Hamilton returned two “adverse analytical findings” that indicated blood doping, one from the olympics, one from september 11 at the Vuelta. Hamilton says he is devastated but “i can guarantee you i’m 100 percent innocent.”

september 22under banner reading “We believe tyler,” Phonak owner andy rihs suspends Hamilton, adding that the rider must prove innocence or be fired “effective immediately.”

september 23Phonak announces that the olympic b sample is considered negative

because it is untestable, but the Vuelta sample is positive. Hamilton again vows innocence and begins assembling defense.

2005march 2three-day hearing before the american arbitration association ends. in a statement on website, Hamilton pronounces himself “optimistic.”

april 18in 2 to 1 decision, arbitrators suspend Hamilton for two years for blood doping.

september 8Hamilton goes before Court of arbitration for sport to appeal suspension—in unusual set of circumstances, Cas adjourns hearing to allow more time for Hamilton to prepare.

december 2005iMaX movie Wired to Win opens. the film initially followed Hamilton at 2003 tour de France, but was delayed and recut to minimize his story after guilty verdict and now focuses on Francois de Jeux’s Jimmy Caspar and baden Cooke.

2006January 10Hamilton goes before Cas again.

february 12in 3 to 0 verdict Cas rejects appeal; 34-page ruling examines and rejects all of Hamilton’s

defenses and outlines that, in 2004, Hamilton had numerous red flags on doping tests and at one point even discussed them with the uCi. Cas does backdate suspen-sion to september 22, 2004, when Phonak sidelined him from competition.

may 23spanish police raid a hematology clinic and apartment in Madrid, uncovering more than 100 bags of blood and other evidence in operación Puerto investigation, the most significant doping scandal to ever hit the sport.

June 26the spanish daily El Pais publishes information it says links Hamilton to Puerto, including detailed doping diaries and payment claims for a rider 4142, which the paper claims is Hamilton.

June 28Cas dismisses the russian olympic Committee’s appeal to strip Hamilton of gold medal in the time trial.

august 20the Danish daily Politiken publishes an extensive “doping diary” for rider 4142, alleging that he actively doped on 114 days of the 2003 season.

september 22Hamilton formally returns to competitive status, although he twice raced the Mount Washington Hillclimb during

suspension and also competed in one unsanctioned criterium in boulder, Colorado.

noVember 11Hamilton’s first race since his suspension: the silverman triathlon, where he turns a 4:33 time in 112-mile bike leg on relay team sponsored by his attorney, Howard Jacobs.

noVember 13Hamilton signs contract with tinkoff Credit systems, a new Pro Continental team.

2007february 7Hamilton starts his first uCi race in more than two years, the Etoiles des besseges stage race in France. He finishes 22nd.

april 30Gazzetta dello sport publishes new operación Puerto allegations, based on a 6,000-page dossier that Gazzetta contends links Hamilton and tinkoff teammate Jorg Jaksche to bags of blood found in the Puerto raids. Hamilton issues no public comment, but his team

manager, omar Piscina, says that he will not suspend the racer and Hamilton is still on a short list of riders for the Giro d’italia.

may 9tinkoff reverses its earlier statements and suspends Hamilton and his new teammate Jorg Jaksche, preventing both riders from starting the Giro d’italia. the day before, ivan basso admitted he was involved in Puerto, but contends he only attempted to dope. other riders, including Michele scarponi and Jaksche, would later confess their involvement in Puerto.

July 10Hamilton announces on his website that he is suing tinkoff in italian court over contractual issues. Hamilton contradicts team owner oleg tinkoff (who told Cyclingnews.com in an interview, “to me, he is fired.”) and says he was offered a contract “with very different financial terms than my existing contract. since i did not think this was fair, i did not agree.” Hamilton says the suit was to be heard at the end of the month. as of press time, no decision had been announced.

epilogue: Hamilton denies any connection to Puerto. He remains licensed and able to race, but is no longer listed on the tinkoff website and has not competed since the tour de Georgia in april.

wrongitdoesn’tjustreflectonthedeceiverbutonus.“There’salottoloseaboutyourownabilitytojudgepeople,andyourownregardforapersonwhoiswillingtodeceiveyou,”saysEkman.

What’smore,saysEkman,thoughweallknowhumansarecomplexbeingswecan’thelpbutreduceourperceptionstoblackand white on some level: Everyone wants to pal around withBono;whoamonguswouldwanttomakefriendswithKennethLay?Buteithermaniscapableofdeception—orhonesty.“We’dliketothinkthatpeoplewhowouldlietousortakeadvantageofusmustbebadineveryotherrespect,andthat’snottrue,”Ekmansays.“Peoplearemorecomplicatedthanthat.Hitlerloveddogsandwaskindtochildren.”

AsIinterviewedtheBelieversandnon-Believers,Istartedtofeelasifeachgrouparrivedatitsverdictnotthroughthefacts,butinsteadlookedtothefactsforevidenceofitsposition.Non-

BelieversviewTyler’scapacitytoridethroughpainasproofthathe’spartakingofillicitaid,whileBelieversseeitasamanifestex-ampleofhischaracter.“Thewayhesuffers,throughwhateveritis—there’snodrugthat’sgoingtohelpthat,”saysBryanLarsen,ajuniorracerfromPlacerville,California.

Likewise,theaccidentalfreezingoftheBsamplethatdisal-lowedthepositiveresult inAthens iseithera luckybreakthatallowedacheatertokeepagoldmedal,orthesignofaninept—orcorrupt—testingprocessthatcan’tbetrusted.“WeknowforsurethatthetestattheOlympicswasatotaldisasterbecausetheyfrozetheBsample.Thespecificsofhowtheymishandleditisnotreallyrelevant,” says Stevens, the Republican-party media strategist,addingthatasystemwiththepowertostripanathleteofhisca-reermusthavenoroomforerror.Aswetalkaboutthecomplexi-tiesofbelief,Stevenssays,“Manyoftheargumentsyouwoulduseagainstthisarethesameargumentsthatpeoplemakeagainstthedeathpenalty.”Then,afterapause,hesays,“I’mcompletelythe tyler timeline

inconsistentwiththis,becauseIsupportthedeathpenalty.”

Beliefdoesn’tonlyfilterinformation.Italsohasthepowertoreshapefactsthatgetinthewayofwhatwewanttobetrue.Iwasremindedofthiswhilerevisitingmemoriesof theCUcy-

clingteamwithErikSchmidt,whohadcoachedtherewhileTylerandIwerebothstudents.ErikhadservedasarideleaderfortheCaliforniaChallenge,andattheSaturday-nightfiresidepartywehadachancetocatchup.

Hadwebeenonthestandinacourtroom,ErikandIbothwouldhaveswornthathehadbeenmycyclingcoachbackwhenIwasontheCUteam.Butaswereminiscedandswappedstoriesandpinneddowndatestogowitheachanecdote,wecametotheunbelievable conclusion thatourmemorieswere, in fact, false:Weneverhadanofficialcoach-athleterelationship.WecametothisrealizationonlybecausewebegantobanteraboutthedateofourtriptonationalswithTyler.Isaiditwas1993;hewassureitwas1992.Eventually,wesortedoutthathehadlastcoachedtheteamatnationalsin1992,andIhadjoinedtheteamin1993.

Thefalsehoodthathehadcoachedme,whichwe’deachin-dependentlycometoacceptasfact,wasn’tanintentionallie,anditwasn’tanimportantone,butitillustrateshoweasilyourbrainsmeldmessytruthsintoacoherentnarrative.Erikhadneverbeenmycoach.Butin1993,myfirstyearofbikeracing,hehadtaggedalongonsomeofourtrainingridesandservedasamentortome.Duringsomepartoftheprocessoftryingtoretainthatmemory,eachofourbrainshadseparatelycreatedthesame,largelyfalsenarrativetoembodytheessentialtruththatthecollegiateteamhadbroughtustogether.

OverdinnerattheCaliforniaChallenge,I’dbeenaskingTylersomeroutinequestions.“Whatyeardidyougraduate?”Iasked,morecuriousasanoldcollegebuddythanareporter.

Hesaid,“Oh,Inevergraduated.Butitwouldhavebeen1994.”Thathedroppedoutofcollegetogoprodidnotstrikemeasunusual,andwemovedontoothertopics.Then,whileresearch-ingthisarticle,IcameacrossastatementTylerhadmadetoVe-loNewsinSeptember2004.Hewasdefendinghimselfagainstthedopingallegations,explainingthathewouldneverdosomethingasdangerousandstupidasblooddoping.HetoldVeloNews,“I’mnotsayingI’magenius,butIhaveacollegedegree.I’mprettysmart.Idon’ttakerisks—Itakeeducatedrisks.”

Tyler,theguywhoinsistshecouldnottellalie,andwhoseBelieversbasetheirfaithinlargepartontheiracceptanceofthatpartofhispersonality,hadliedpublicly,andinamostself-serv-ingcontext.Itwasn’tasmalllieeither.Itwasonethat,inmanyinstances,hasruinedcareersandendedinresignations.Yet,be-causeofwhathadhappenedwithErik, I instantlyunderstoodhowTylermighthaveconvincedhimselfthathewastellingtheessentialtruth:Hewasclosetograduating.Heeasilywouldhavefinishedschoolifhehadn’tgonepro.Heismoreeducatedthanmostelitecyclists.

IbeganlookingcloseratTyler’sstatementsthroughtheyears.AttheMt.WashingtonHillclimbonAugust19of2006,Tylertoldreportersthatheintendedtocompeteattheworldchampi-onshipsinSeptember,justdaysafterhissuspensionended.When

IcalledtoverifythefactwithUSACycling,thegoverningbodythat selects the Worlds team, the representative on the phoneliterallylaughed.Thequalificationprocessrequiresasignedpe-tition forconsideration fromanyonenotearninganautomaticberth(viaresultsfromthecurrentyear).Thedeadlineforpeti-tionswasAugust11,andTylerhadn’tfiledone.

TheOperaciónPuertorevelationsshowanotherpotentialex-ampleofhowatruthmightbeconstructedfromfalsehoods,andliesmightbeinsomesensehonest.The“dopingdiary”takenasevidenceintheraidsallegedlyshowTylerwasscheduledtouseseveralillictperformanceenhancers;buttheonlytransfusionshewasslatedtogetwereofhisownblood—atechniqueknownasanautologoustransfusion,whichwouldn’thavebeendetectedbythetestsattheOlympicsandtheVuelta.

SomeexpertsandclosefollowersofthecasebelievethatTylermistakenlywasinjectedwithsomeoneelse’sblood(ahomologousbloodtransfusion),whichtriggeredthepositive.“Idon’t thinkheeverintentionallydidahomologousbloodtransfusion,”saysJonathanVaughters,directoroftheSlipstreamcyclingteamandaformerteammateofTyler’sontheU.S.PostalServiceteam.“It’sprettyclearfromtheevidencethat’soutthererightnowthathewasintentionallydoingautologousbloodtransfusion.Prob-ablythedoctormadeamistakeandcorrectlytypedthebloodbutdidn’t actuallygiveTylerhisownblood,”Vaughters says. “Heprobably looksbackandsays, ‘No, Iwasn’tdoinghomologousblood transfusions’ and convinces himself that he’s innocent.Thatallowshimtosay,‘No,Ineverdidthis,’andtosayitwithconviction.Hereallydoesbelieveithimself.”

WhenIaskTylerandHavenabout this theory, theyscoff.Themediaisalwayscomingupwithcrazytheories,theytellme.

IaskmanyoftheBelievershowtheywouldfeelifOperaciónPuerto produces evidence, that even they consider irrefutable,thatTylerdoped.Mostsaytheywouldnotfundamentallychangetheiropinion.“IfTylerHamiltonbrokearule, itwasn’t inten-tionalorhewasonaprogramthatthey’reallon,”saysCurtisBrown,theTHFboardmember.“I’dbeinitiallyshocked,butI’dfeelbadforTyler.Tohavetogobackandtofaceyourfamilyandyoursupportgroup,andtosay,‘Oops,Ihadyouguysalloutsing-ingthetune,anditwasthewrongtune.’Ithinkthatwouldbeatragedyforhimpersonally.”

Tragedy is the thing on my mind at Tyler’ssend-offpartyasIlistentoBillHamiltonyellaboutconspiraciesandasystemthat’s“totallycorrupt.”Billhasnochoicebutbelieve,Ireal-

ize,rememberingsomethinglyingexpertPaulEkmantoldme:“Themainreasonliessucceedisthatthetargetcolludestoover-

most believers say they would not fundamentally

chanGe their opinion if there were irrefutable evidence

that tyler doped.90 november 2007 n bicycling

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lookanyflawsbecauseoftenfacingthetruthisveryuncomfort-able.Whowantstodiscovertheirspouseisunfaithful,ortheirsonisusingharddrugs?Webelievewhatwewanttobelieve.”

LookingatBill,witnessinghispassionforwhathebelieves,I’mstruckagainbyaquestionthat’sstuckwithmefromthebe-ginning:IfTylerisnotlyingonlytothepublic,butalsotothepeopleclosesttohimandrecruitingthoselovedonestoperpe-tratethatlie,canhestillbeagoodperson?

WhenIposethequestiontoVaughters,hepausesforalongwhile,thensays,“That’satoughquestion.Idon’tknowifhe’snecessarilyabadperson.Idon’twanttosaythathe’scrazybutIreallythinkthatit’salmostlikeapathologicalcondition.”Tyler

hasputhimselfinapositionwherehecannolongertellthetruth,saysVaughters.“Hisparentstaughthimthatyouhavetobefairandyouhavetoalwaysbeagraciouswinnerandagoodloser.Hemustfeellike,ifIevertellthetruthnoonewillevercareformeagain,includingmyparents.Ifthat’sthecase,islyingbeinganasty,mean,coldpersonorisitjusttryingtosavethelastlittlebitoflovethatyouhaveinyourlife?Idon’tknow.”

ThemorningaftertheTHFsend-offparty,ImeetTylerandHavenatVic’s coffee inBoulder foranhour-and-a-half inter-view.IfinallyaskthequestionsIcouldn’tcoughupinCalifornia.Helooksmeintheeyeandtellsmehe’snevertakenEPO,neverdoneabloodtransfusion.I’mnotsureifit’stheEPOconfessionsmadebyhisformerteammates,theongoingscandalsandejec-

tions from the sport, the last roundofOperaciónPuertorevelations,orsimplythewayhefidgetswhenIaskhimifhe’severdoneanyinjectionsandhetriestoconvince me that everyone in Europetakes their vitaminsvia aneedle,but Ifindmyselfstrugglingtobelieve.Atthesametime,I’mconvincedthatTylerbe-lieveshe’stellingmethetruth.

After the interview, we walk out totheparking lot,andon impulse, IgiveTylerandHavenahug.

Ahug.WhatthehellwasI thinking? On thelongdrivehome,Ibeatmyself up about my

unprofessionalism.Ajournalistisn’tsup-posedtohugsources,especiallyinastorylikethisone,fullofconflictandcritcism.

As I crest Vail Pass and begin thedescenttomyhomeontheothersideoftheContinentalDivide,Isuddenlyun-derstandthehug.

Intheend,thechoicetobelieveornotisn’taboutTyler.Standingthereaftertheinterview,IfacedachoiceaboutthekindofworldIwasgoingtobelievein.Downonepath lies aplacewhere the freckle-facedboynextdoorcandedicatehimselftothemostbeautifulsportintheworldand succeed without selling his soul.Downtheother:aworldwheremyabilitytojudgecharacterhasfailedmeandwheresomeoneIadmiredisacheatercapableoflookingmeintheeyesandlying.EvenasIstoodthere,thinking,“Hedidit,”itwasnottheplaceIwantedtogo.

Thehugwasnotreallyahug;itwasmylastgraspatafairytale.

Bio note true even when it seems that sport has turned against him. Down the other: a world

92 november 2007 n bicycling

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