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Issue 40 | July 2015 | 4 Pages | For free circulation only

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Helen Sayers (Oman)

Helen Sayers comes from Jersey, UK, and has lived in Oman for eight years. She is director of Oasis Life-Skills Training Services, a company which offers workshops in professional and personal

development for educators, students and organisations. Helen taught science, music and tennis at schools in the UK, Kenya and Swaziland. She is a lead trainer with the Association for Living Values

Education International and its focal point in Oman.

THE GIFT OF UBUNTU

From the Editor

Greetings Dear Readers!

“The earth indeed is family” – the philosophy behind Ubuntu and Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam and supported across the world by many more like the Ahmadiyya M u s l i m C o m m u n i t y a n d Bahaullah, founder of the Bahai Faith to name a few.

What a beautiful beginning to our July Issue and a reminder that each of us exists because of others around us! And I feel it is m o r e t h a n j u s t a l u c k y coincidence that this issue has contributions from ladies and experiences scattered around the globe, from Jersey, U.K. via Africa to Oman and Goa and Mumbai.

This month we draw strength from the struggles our strong sisters have faced and solace from the knowledge that we aren't alone and that no matter what we are going through or where we are, His invisible Hand and gentle grace are always guiding and protecting us. Whether it is a brainwave we need at work or the heartache of losing a loved one, He is walking besides us, bringing the people we need and the comfort we seek into our lives, in His own time.

As technology develops and further shrinks our world, bringing u s c l o s e r t o g e t h e r , t h i s philosophy is our only salvation. Our interdependence on each other and also on Mother Nature, secures our very existence, a truth most of us are unwilling to accept o r on ly g rudg ing ly acknowledge. As we evolve into a global village, I hope that articles like the ones that follow, remain continuous reminders that we are not only responsible for our holistic development but also for that of our fellow world citizens, across races, nations and species.

Happy Reading

For The Editorial Team

in the United Nations World Conference Against Racism in South Africa. We were discussing how to make a positive contribution to the general debate, which was likely to revolve around heavy controversial issues and multiple

After leaving Africa, having spent the early '80s teaching in Kenya and in Swaziland, I had o f t en wonde red what was behind an incurable nostalgia that kept pulling me b a c k t o t h e c o n t i n e n t . T h e stunning scenery,

the unforgettable sunsets, the incredible wildlife were part of it, yet there was something stronger and deeper, something connected with the soul.

It remained a mystery, till many years later, in 2001, now based in Geneva, some colleagues and I were preparing to take part

The Gift of Ubuntu

Massage Parlours

I Believe in Angels

Precious Friends

Mood Swings towards Moments of Truth

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INDEX

Dear Readers

As all of you know, Femnet is all about us women, for women and by women. We have been blessed to receive some wonderful articles over the past years and look forward to receiving many more. Some of our contributors have shared that they would enjoy writing on specific themes so we have come up with the following experiment. We are suggesting a few themes for the upcoming months and look forward to receiving your article. We also look forward to receiving articles that do not follow these themes. Like we've mentioned, it's an experiment.

August: Lessons My Friends Have Taught Me

September: Health and Well being- Share and inspire with your approach to staying healthy, the ups and downs you've faced and what you'd like our fellow-readers to know.

October: Joy of Giving Month- All of us can tell of instances of when we have given to others but what about those moments of grace when we have received? Share with us those instances when you've received something that brought you true joy. It can be a long article or a couple of sentences about the perfect gift from your better half or an unexpected hug from your little ones. We hope that the October issue can have contributions from all of our readers. Help us reach the goal!

For our contributors a gentle reminder about the guidelines to be followed for sending us your articles:

These should have a word count of a maximum of 540 if you are including a photograph. We strongly encourage this as it enhances the article.

In the event that you are not including a photograph, the word count can be a maximum of 600.

For first time contributors, we will also need biographical information about yourself in 70 words or less, written in third person.

The article for a specific Issue must reach FEMNET on or before the third Saturday of the month, as it needs to go through the regular editing process, before being released finally online.

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conflicting opinions. Mxolisi, a young South African who knew from first-hand experience, the misery and horrors of racism, came up with an idea. “Let's organize a workshop on the theme: Ubuntu – a Force for Living Together.” ; going on to explain the meaning of Ubuntu –'I am because We are' – a noble way of living that has held families and communities together and built bridges across nations over centuries.

What Mxolisi expressed resonated totally with 'that thing' that had touched m y h e a r t d u r i n g m y t i m e i n Africa.“Ubuntu! That's what it is!” I whispered to myself. It was to do with the sense of belonging that I had felt, of being interconnected with others and with the natural world; and it was about the African way of sharing – not only what they have, but also what they are.

I reflected back to Kenya, and the day of my departure. As I was packing the last of my belongings, there was a gentle knock at the door. I opened it and there in front of me was a queue of people who had come to say goodbye: the old lady from the local market who always kept the best mangos aside for me; Philip who had helped in the house – smiling broadly as always; the young girl to whom I used to give my old clothes: the two boys who loved to climb the tree in the garden; the old Masai gentleman who would wave to me from the side of the road as I drove to work; and Alice the school cleaner who had helped me to learn Swahili. Each one in turn held my hand in theirs, looked at me with moist eyes and bid farewell saying “May you always be happy” or “May God go with you” or “May your life be blessed”. I was speechless, a large lump in my throat, and tears in my eyes, as I recognized and accepted their heartfelt and unconditional friendship. I shall never forget the invisible gift they gave me… it was the gift of Ubuntu.

The workshop at the UN conference was a huge success – speakers included a Rwandan Ambassador, a Zulu teacher, a researcher studying indigenous people in Mexico, and Mxolisi. They all spoke

from the heart about a way of life that is fast disappearing and that needs to be reawakened. A colourful Native American gentleman stood up from the audience and proudly told us about the values of his ancestors. He spoke of the same – 'Ubuntu' – values.

During the main conference, Mrs Mary R o b i n s o n , U N H u m a n R i g h t s Commissioner at the time, was inspired to quote Archbishop Desmond Tutu:

“Africans have this thing called UBUNTU. It is about the essence of being human – it is part of the gift that Africa will give the world. It embraces hospitality, caring about others, being able to go the extra mile for the sake of others. We believe that a person is a person through other persons, that my humanity is caught up, bound up, inextricably, with yours. When I dehumanize you, I inexorably dehumanize myself.”

Reflecting on the rich conversations leading up to and during the conference, I felt fortunate that I had recognised the gift of Ubuntu! I also intuitively knew that this was the beginning of a personal journey…with a vision to share the gift as widely as possible.

My first step was to learn more about Ubuntu through research and by networking with people from Ubuntu-oriented societies and others who implement Ubuntu values in their work. It was a fascinating time. Geneva, with its international community, was an ideal launch-pad for developing a project, and a number of events were hosted at the United Nations itself. I met many who were interested in exploring the spiritual dimension of Ubuntu – specifically the wisdom that exists at the core of every culture, and the spiritual values that live in the heart and soul of every individual and that are the foundation for living together in harmony.

I soon recognised that Ubuntu has to be felt and experienced in order to be understood and inculcated in daily life. It also dawned on me that to convey the concept to others convincingly I would

need to live the values and principles of Ubuntu myself – this continues to be a daunting but very rewarding challenge! Nelson Mandela was a great role model of Ubuntu in action: Despite serving 27 years in jail, he never lost the values of r e s pe c t , d i gn i t y, f o r g i vene s s , compass ion, reconc i l i a t ion and solidarity.

My first opportunity to facilitate an Ubuntu workshop came when I was invited to conduct a weekend retreat in Tuscany, Italy, with a group of p r o f e s s i o n a l s f r o m d i f f e r e n t backgrounds. All were curious while some were sceptical about its relevance to the corporate world. However, after exploring Ubuntu approaches to communication, conflict resolution and consensus building, they concluded that Ubuntu is definitely needed –in their companies, at home, and in the government!

After experiencing the success and potential of this workshop and others that followed, I decided to write a training manual for teachers and facilitators, with the cooperation of friends and an international team of educators. 'UBUNTU! The Spirit of Humanity' is now available in English, French, Arabic, Spanish and in Konkani; and Ubuntu workshops and Train-the-Trainer courses have been conducted in Europe, the Middle East, Africa, and in Goa.

Living now in Oman, it is a joy to explore Ubuntu with local people, finding parallels in their culture, and making connections with the values of the Qu'ran. Four years ago, Eleanor Viegas invited me to develop an Ubuntu project in Goa. Since then, we have worked together with an enthusiastic local team to provide workshops in the community, as well as at the Legislative Assembly. In the sessions, Ubuntu is often compared w i t h t h e I n d i a n c o n c e p t o f Vasudhaivakutumbakan – belonging to a global family – just another way of saying “I am because We are”!

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ARE MASSAGE PARLOURS IN GOA SAFE?

Auda Viegas (Goa, India)

through their acquaintances or friends from their home state or are enticed into this activity by unscrupulous agents of the owners of dance bars, massage parlours / beauty parlours. The interviews are conducted in their own state. Those who are offered these jobs are generally untrained. The agents conduct a survey and women who are looking for job opportunities are identified. The bait by way of salary and perks is tempting and the victim is enticed and caught. When the

girl joins the parlour/dance bar it is too late to back out as the deal has been done and she has been paid to come to Goa.

The young women are provided jobs in Goa without an appointment letter or any contract. Surprisingly they are untrained girls, employed to massage mostly males, who are given on job training. I fail to understand the reasons for the rush to massage parlours here,

Under the title of performers, dancers, s i nge r s e t c ., g i r l s i n d i f f i c u l t circumstances from impoverished states in India and other countries are procured and pushed into prostitution in Goa. They are brought to Goa through pimps who live off the earnings of these unsuspecting girls. These cunning operators prey on the vulnerability of their circumstances and sometimes befriend them with promises of a more lucrative job in Goa. They are contacted

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Andrea Barreto (Mumbai, India)

to be on the safe side, the doctor asked us to be extra careful for the first, three months. If anything had to go wrong it would happen before that time. Wrong Again. A day after I crossed the 3 month threshold, I was bleeding. This time, however, the bleeding did not stop, I had to be rushed to the emergency room, where they stabilised me before doing the dreaded ultra sound. Dare we hope, how could this be happening again, wasn't twice enough, how much more could I take, how could I continue being a mother to my son after killing 3 babies. As we waited for the radiologist to come in and confirm the news that we were destined to hear, something blessed happened. As the icy ultrasound probe touched my skin, the room exploded with the sound of a little heart. The image on the screen showed a little head and body and hands and legs. She was there, she was whole and she was healthy. The minute I saw that image I knew everything was going to be alright. The bleeding was caused by a low lying placenta, a complication, but not a life threatening one. Five months and dozens of tests later, I delivered, a healthy baby and my son finally had his sister.

One day my son asked, 'Mama, what happens to babies who die?'. I told him they are so pure and so good that they go straight up to heaven and become angels. His eyes lit up and with his beautiful innocent smile he said 'Mama, we are so lucky, we have two angels in our family.'

11 years ago I became a mother for the first time. Like every mother and parent will tell you, it was the happiest day of my life. Through God's grace we were responsible for this tiny little life, a little ball of clay that we could mould and nurture into a beautiful human being.

We set off on the wondrous and challenging journey of parenthood and soon realised we wanted more.The first time around went so well, what could go wrong? Everything, two months into the pregnancy, at the first ultrasound, the radiologist reported that the embryo was too small and the heart beat wasn't strong enough. We dared to hope. Our doctor said the baby is just developing a little slow, give it some time it will catch up. A month later the embryo had not grown at all and the heart beat even fainter. We still dared to hope. I was advised a month of bed rest, so I quit my job and stayed home. My little boy wondered why 'mama' was suddenly sleeping all the time. He took it in his stride and gave me a daily dose of a dozen hugs, just to make sure I was ok. A month later, all hope died. The ultrasound showed not a sound, nor a

shape, nothing. We were devastated. How could this happen? No one I knew had ever gone through something like this, or no one ever spoke about it. As the doctors cleaned out my womb, it felt like they cleaned out a bit of my heart too, I felt empty, lost, and my only beacon of hope was my son.

The doctor advised us to wait for a couple of months before trying again; we took the advice and soon were blessed with another reason to hope. This time within a month, the doctor knew there was no point hoping. This pregnancy was headed the same way as the last. Why was this happening, why us, what did we do wrong? While I was wheeled out of the OT, under anaesthetic stupor, my husband said I begged the doctor to give me back my babies.

Test after test indicated I had some kind of parasite in my blood - toxoplasmosis, which doesn't really affect you, unless there is a pregnancy involved. Lucky for us, it was a self-limiting parasite which would clear up in less than 6 months. There was nothing physically wrong and we could go ahead and have a normal pregnancy once the infection cleared up.

We were ready to try again, 12 months had passed and there was no chance of the infection ruining our chances again. Just

I BELIEVE IN ANGELS

If woman trafficking for such risky jobs is to stop than the source states need to step in and Goa should have a policy in place where the human dignity of a woman is not compromised. There is a need for fast track courts to punish the perpetrators/exploiters. The girls rescued from these places could give their statements before they leave. Once they leave they will not return. There are laws in place like the Goa Health Act which prohibits cross massage but there is no political will to act by putting a policy in place. Yes, we are a tourist destination, definitely not to exploit our women.

Rescues are needed but at the same time there has to be a will on the part of the state to have systems in place to protect the rights and aspirations of the trafficked girls.

especially as the girls are untrained and inexperienced, unless the reasons are something else.

The girls that I have spoken to, all claim that a salary of Rs 10,000/-, a commission on every customer, food allowance, accommodation and tips has been promised. They earn a lot of money on the extra services that the owner forces them to perform. If they do not obey, they are fined or threatened with expulsion from employment. With no options to fall back on and with problems staring them in the eye, the girls are forced to surrender to their plight most reluctantly, as being in a new place they are unaware of whom to ask for help. They have ventured to work here as jobs back home do not pay much.

They are not only provided travel to Goa

but also pick up on arrival, free accommodation, free food, and transport to and fro from the workplace. With such an attractive package and that too, to the land of sun, sea, and sand the girls succumb to the temptation.

Once the girls are in Goa they are at the mercy of their bosses and are like insects that are drawn to its own end as they dance around a lit bulb.

Massage parlours, dance bars have mushroomed as they do good business here. The police machinery on receiving a tip off that there is exploitation of women employed in these places and being pushed into prostitution do conduct raids, however the girls are hesitant to disclose their abuse. When they are rescued they request the police not to inform their relatives where they were working.

Founder: Betsy Pinto-Nunes | Founder Members: Janis Mwosa, Colleen D'Souza, Pam Gonsalves, Mafalda-Anne (Mafie) DeSa, Marie-dale (M-d) Pais, Jaya Earnest, Cynthia Pinto-McDonnell

Editor: Chandandeep Myrtle DeSa Email address for submission: femnet.newsletter@gmail.com

Issue 40 | Page 4Visit us at femnet.goanet.org

Jennifer Dos Reis Falcao (Goa, India)

And in that meeting they have become the reason and the rhyme.

Although it sounds fantastic for me to make this claim,

I really am composed of each remembered name.

Although you're not aware of any special link

Just meeting you has shaped my life more than you could think.

So please don't think my greetings are just a mere routine,

Your name was not.... forgotten in between.

For when I send a greeting that is addressed to you,

It is because you're on that list of folks...I'm indebted to.

Whether I have known you for many years or few,

In some ways you have a part in shaping things I do.

I am but a total of many folks I've met

You are one I would prefer.......

Never to forget.

Friends add more colours to our rainbow. They brighten our days, add sparkle to ou r l i v e s , a r e t hough t f u l a nd dependable. To our Best Friend Above, a thank you from the heart for these precious gems.

We all have them. We all need them. We start acquiring them from childhood. We keep accumulating them through the years. And they remain with us for a lifetime. They are God's gift to us and they are called Friends.

Friends come in different ages and temperaments. We pick them up as we journey through life and they are always around somewhere. How often have we not "bumped" into a long lost friend? We all need friends. They are the one constant in our lives whom we can turn to at any time. And because of the variety in the relationships we share, we can say we have a friend for each occasion. I have madcap friends who take out the seriousness in problems and give me a much needed break. I have serious friends who give me their sane and sober opinions so I can make responsible decisions. Then there are the "tell it like it is" friends who help me vent out repressed anger. This done I can face the situation in a calm manner keeping my dignity intact. Quite sure you readers must have similar friends.

As I am typing this I received an email from a friend which was just a forward. At the bottom she added that every forward she sends means she is thinking of me, even though we do not exchange

conversations that often. Now I know, my friends need not be seen or heard. I know they are there, just a click away, in the messages they forward.

To have friends means we need to be friends in return. They need to see us the way we see them. So I was particularly honoured and also touched when this delightfully young-at-heart 82 year friend, Betsy, the Founder of Femnet, shared happy family news with me. She was obviously proud of the achievements of her children and grandchildren and knew I would not think of her as being boastful for sharing her family news with me. On the contrary she was certain I would join in the rejoicing. Now I am the one feeling boastful, to be the chosen one! A re-read maybe, but this poem says it all, to EACH friend we know:

My Special List

I have a list of folks I know, all written in a book,

And every now and then I go and take a look.

That is when I realize these names... they are a part

Not of the book they're written on, but taken from the heart.

Each name stands for someone who has crossed my path sometime

PRECIOUS GEMS

MOOD SWINGS towards her MOMENTS of TRUTH

Ravina Fernandes (Goa, India)

if I acknowledged and re-directed this rage to a vent with purpose and conviction thus using this anger to promote right over wrong. This venture was incited because of the awareness that the rampant use of PMS as the natural state of every woman is a fallacy fed to us by the general lot and is grossly misused. The scale used for the determination of a true PMS syndrome is a lot stringent and affects few women compared to our generalised use of the condition (Credit to Robert Stein DeLuca – The good news about PMS).

At many points I caved in to the idea that the mood swing took the guise of PMS because of a shift in my biological make-up; my favourite adage is 'where there's a smoke there's a fire' but I now realize that the bonfire was an accumulation of slights and hurt piled on from the vicinity of life. It sucks to be a minority gender and the cognizance itself would cause enough outrage for a lifetime of cycles, no pun intended.

So what does a minority get irked about on

a daily basis. The constant glare from passer bys, the intrusiveness, the cold heat of them frenemies because everyone wants to enjoy the fruits, the high-handedness of the fortunate, the rough-handedness from others, the i n s u l a r d i s c o n n e c t f r o m t h e neighborhood and what have you. Sounds insignificant - yes each one of us goes through the same mundane atrocities but I figured must be darned offensive if all accumulated month-on-month. One would holler considering that entire grunge instead she gives a little pip-squeak and that also is attributed to a humbug. And that's why the rage.

Remember PMS is a myth, so next time around let the truth, triggered via your gut instinct, prevail. It's going to be tough when your diktat is 'Live and let live' amidst the 'Live and let die' attitude of many but remember you have to be heard and not wished away as a syndrome. May the true blood flowing in us give us strength to be vocal to go ahead, go forth and right the wrong.

My so-called PMS now feels like a good hangover – used to be that I can't make sense of the whys behind me being overwhelmed but I now welcome the strength it gives me to do daring and meaningful deeds. We're talking about the typical stuff here; the one-off behavior that calls for snide remarks like she's PMS'y (a syndrome coined and used loosely for just about every woman but not backed by sufficient scientific evidence). Most PMS reasoning is to allow for ignorance of her haughty current state of affairs without a deep dive into the reason behind of being upset.

Same here - to fall in line with such social demands I thought it necessary to quieten myself down and sort this PMS thingy attacking me on a monthly basis. First I paid heed to solicited advice from the wannabe doctors, switched to supplements to compensate for nonexistent deficiencies. A few more calamities and I may have progressed to pills. But then I thought other-wise; what