I Am Not What I Was

7/30/2019 I Am Not What I Was

1/3

I Am Not What I Was

By Betty Bland

I love early morning walks. It is as if the day were so new that the first passersby

cut through the expectant air, leaving swirls of possibility in their wake, like the

bow of a ship disturbing the glassy surface of smooth water. Repeated walks

seem to create a pattern in the air that strengthens with each repetitionlike the

visions reported by psychics of monks repeating their daily processionals

hundreds of years after they have passed from the sight of human eyes.

This is especially true in one particular out-of-the-way place that I visit only

occasionally. The passing years have hardly made a mark on the paths in the

park or the cracked sidewalk by the schoolhouse. The same rail fence guards the

pasture even though the old white mare no longer runs out to see if I might have

an apple or two. I have passed these same spots since my youth. Sometimes

that dj vu feeling becomes most intense. I feel almost as if I have entered a

time machine and am walking in my previous presencethe shadows of times

gone by.

There is a set of science fiction novels (Anne McCaffreys Dragonquestseries) in

which the characters are able to ride dragons through time, arriving in a period

earlier by centuries, or by days or hours. But their danger lies in getting too close

to an encounter with themselves and, in the contradictions of time, becoming

totally debilitated. Fortunately for me, my analogous experience is not real

enough to do me in, but it is real enough to teach me an object lesson. No matter

how close one comes to a repeat of time and place, there is never an exact

repeat of the same conditionsmost especially the condition of oneself.

The flow of consciousness continues and modifies with each new experience.

Just as one can never put ones foot into the same stream of water a second

time, so one cannot reenter the exact same space in consciousness. Change is a

universal law, as postulated in Madame Blavatskys second fundamental

proposition concerning the makeup of our cosmos:


2/3

This second assertion . . . is the absolute universality of that law of periodicity, of

flux, reflux, ebb and flow, which physical science has observed and recorded in

all departments of nature. An alternation such as that of Day and Night, Life and

Death, Sleeping and Waking, is a fact so common, so perfectly universal and

without exception, that it is easy to comprehend that in it we see one of the

absolutely fundamental laws of the universe.

This translates to a universe that is in constant flux. Motion and constant change

are fundamental characteristics of the entire manifested universe. This is

certainly clear within our own stream of consciousness. Neither you nor I are the

same from moment to moment. There are so many intervening moments of

discovery, learning, pain, and joy. Whether one day has gone by or two months

or thirty years, much has transpired to add to our storehouse of experiences that

will translate into growth sooner or later. Sometimes we may have to repeat the

same mistakes many times, but at some point the light will break through and wewill at last say, Ahaa! We will finally get it and not need to repeat that particular

lesson again.

If you have not seen the movie Groundhog Day, you have missed a good

example of this very principle. Every time the protagonist awakens in the

morning, it is the same Groundhog Day. Each day he repeats the same

experiences, except that they change slightly because he is able to change his

responses. It takes many times before he finally grows to the point that the

outcome becomes what he would like it to be. He finally gets it.

The same sort of lesson can be derived from the cycle of a tree. Each spring

when the tree issues its new growth, the leaves are not exactly the same as the

year before but are reflective of the experiences the tree has garnered. If there

are scars on the tree, or drought or insect damage, the new leafing pattern

mirrors them. If a new branch has stretched forth into a spot of available

sunshine, that too will be reflected. And so each year the tree, which of necessity

remains in the same geographical spot, is ever new and ever formed by the

previous seasons.

In every moment of our lives we can work to heal the wounds and grow new

branches into the sun so that when we cycle through a situation again, we can be

pleased with our progress. Whenever we return to similar circumstances, we will

find ourselves the same in some ways, different in others.


3/3

If we pay attention to our lives, we can sense in the previous self a

foreshadowing of the present version. In that moment we will realize that it took

all of the former events to bring us to this particular place. We can begin to see

the patterns and the meaning of it all. Why a particular occurrence happened still

may not be totally clear, but we can honor the past as the vehicle that has

brought us to this particular moment with all of its potentialities. If we have

worked well within our circumstances, then we can be pleased with the self that

has grown beyond the one that passed this way before. In the process the past

can finally fall into place, resolved as a part of the overall pattern of our journey.

This kind of alchemy can occur only if we live each moment the very best way we

can. We must take each present moment to challenge ourselves to grow beyond

our old way of interacting in the world so that when we pass this way again we

will be able to see real progress. Then we will be able to say, I may not be what I

ought to be, but I surely am better than what I was.

This is the task that is set before us. Personal transformation is the pathway of

Theosophy and all quests for Truth. With sustained effort we can regulate our

attitudes and actions, and little by little we can change our keynote to one of

compassion and concern for all. Then the vibration of our being will be able to

permeate the atmosphere, not with the distress of a siren, but with the call to

responsible living and the music of altruism.

Hast thou attuned thy heart and mind to the great mind and heart of all mankind?

For as the sacred River's roaring voice whereby all Nature-sounds are echoedback, so must the heart of him who in the stream would enter, thrill in response

to every sigh and thought of all that lives and breathes.

Voice of the Silence

Documents

I Am Not What I Was