Moonie Blues Members of the Unification

Church, the Moonies, have been

canvassing in the College area

this week. Calling themselves

the 'Collegiate Association for

the Research of Principles'

(CARP), followers of the cult

were seen trying to recruit

students outside the Mechanical

Engineerig Building on Tuesday

and Wednesday. They have now

been banned from College

premises by security.

T h e Un i f i ca t i on C h u r c h is an umbre l l a o rgan i sa t i on f u n d e d by the K o r e a n mi l l i ona i re S u n M y u n g M o o n , and ope ra tes under at least 60 di f ferent n a m e s th roughou t the wo r l d . T h e movemen t has been w ide l y c r i t i c i sed for us ing b r a i n w a s h i n g indoc t r ina t ion t e c h n i q u e s a n d exp lo i t i ng y o u n g peop le . T h e headquar te rs of the Un i f i ca t i on C h u r c h are at L a n c a s t e r G a t e , on the o ther s ide of H y d e Park . C A R P a lso has p rem ises near G o w e r Street .

N o other L o n d o n C o l l e g e con tac ted by F E L I X repor ted see ing the M o o n i e s in recent years , a l t hough IC secu r i t y con f i rmed that they were s igh ted regu lar ly in S o u t h K e n s i n g t o n at th is t ime of year .

I C U Pres iden t Ca r l B u r g e s s d e s c r i b e d the M o o n i e s as 'bad news ' w h e n he s p o k e to F E L I X on W e d n e s d a y . He sa id that

Moonies outside Mech Eng

they were a h igh ly d a n g e r o u s o rgan i sa t i on w h o p ro fessed to offer s tudents a re lease f rom the d rudge ry of work , but in fact on ly b r a i n w a s h e d them. H e wa rned that peop le w h o jo ined the cul t were sepa ra ted f rom their fami ly , depr i ved of thei r b e l o n g i n g s , and f requent ly ended up ' p s y c h o l o g i c a l l y d a m a g e d ' . M r B u r g e s s sa id that the leader of the M o o n i e s was a c o n m a n who was feed ing on

the insecur i t i es of va r ious peop le to fill h is o w n pocke ts . He a d d e d that they were very adept at b r a i n w a s h i n g t echn iques .

Mr B u r g e s s had s p o k e n wi th peop le w h o had a t tended meet ings , a n d sa id that they had rece ived a severe p s y c h o l g i c a l bat ter ing. 'It is in ou r best interest to r emove the m o o n i e s f rom our proper ty ' he c o n c l u d e d .

FELIX Move Latest C o l l e g e admin is t ra t ion have stil l not r eached a f inal d e c i s i o n over the p lans to move the F E L I X Of f i ce to the north s ide of Bei t Q u a d . F E L I X Ed i to r H u g h Sou they , B u s i n e s s M a n a g e r J Mar t in T a y l o r and U n i o n Pres iden t Ca r l B u r g e s s had fur ther d i s c u s s i o n s wi th C o l l e g e Sec re ta ry J o h n S m i t h last Fr iday . M r S m i t h a c c e p t e d the a rgumen ts aga ins t the move, as p resen ted in the paper submi t ted by Mr S o u t h e y two week s ago . H e was stil l c o n c e r n e d , however , that to use the k i tchen a rea beh ind the L o u n g e to a c c o m m o d a t e the s p a c e needs of the B i o l o g y depar tment , ins tead of mov ing he F E L I X of f ice, w o u l d put the U n i o n in a vu lne rab le pos i t i on .

Mr B u r g e s s later c o n f i r m e d that Mr Sm i th had agreed that

to move the F E L I X o f f ice might

be an ' expens ive u s a g e of

money w h i c h w o u l d be better

spent e lsewhere ' . M r S m i t h is

sti l l invest iga t ing the cos t of the

move.

P r o f e s s o r A n d e r s o n , H e a d of

the B i o l o g y Depar tment , s p o k e

to F E L I X about the move o n

W e d n e s d a y . H e sa id that he had

app l ied to C o l l e g e for more

s p a c e for B i o l o g y , but a d d e d

that how this s p a c e s h o u l d be

a l l oca ted was not d i rec t ly h is

c o n c e r n . H e sa id that his

depar tment was rece iv ing

externa l f u n d i n g for research

into mo lecu la r pa ras i to logy and

spec i f i ca l l y into deve lop i n g new

d i a g n o s t i c t e c h n i q u e s a n d

v a c c i n e s to he lp c o m b a t

in fec t ious d i seases in the th i rd

wor ld . H e exp la i ne d that these

d i seases are sti l l the major

c a u s e of morta l i ty in d e v e l o p i n g

coun t r i es .

T o a c c o m m o d a t e the new

research p rog ram it wi l l be

n e c e s s a r y to e x p a n d the

ex is t ing labora tory fac i l i t ies.

P r o f e s s o r A n d e r s o n s t ressed

the impo r tance of th is resea rch

work , and a d d e d that it w o u l d

be best to keep fac i l i t ies

together to avo id any need of

dup l i ca t i on . He d id not feel that

for B i o l o g y to takeover the

L o u n g e k i t chen a rea ins tead of

the F E L I X o f f ice and Bei t Hal l

T V L o u n g e w o u l d be very

sa t is fac to ry . P r o f e s s o r

A n d e r s o n a d d e d that in his o w n

v iew the p r o p o s e d move of the

F E L I X O f f i ce s e e m e d l ike a

g o o d deal for the U n i o n .

3JA

U t

A

C S

Free! Friday 31 January No 729

i a *5

h [

Kotchef f , C h r i s E d w a r d s ,

N i ck G o d d a r d , N i ck

G a r d i n e r , Pete W i l s o n , A l a n

R o s e , C h r i s M u r r a y , Dave

K i n g s t o n and E u g e n e

Z h o g .

Moonies

M e m b e r s of the U n f i c a t i o n

C h u r c h (Moon ies ) are

s t a n d i n g o u t s i d e M e c h E n g

t ry ing to get the n a m e s of

s tuden ts Don't get

involved T h e p e o p l e w h o

y o u wi l l c o m e in con tac t

w i th are s i nce re . T h e y feel

they have s o m e t h i n g to

offer. Un fo r tuna te l y the

p e o p l e w h o run the

Un i f i ca t i on C h u r c h s e e m

less s i n c e r e . T h e y s e e m to

want to m a k e a lot of

m o n e y p e r s u a d i n g lone ly

y o u n g peop le to g ive all

their va luab les away . T h e y

d o th is by b r a i n w a s h i n g

y o u . A n IC S tuden t w h o

had had con tac t w i th

M o o n i e s wrote in F E L I X

of the C o l l e g e is to ' teach

a n d resea rch at the h ighes t

level ' . T h e t e a c h i n g

s t a n d a r d s at the C o l l e g e

are s o low that C o l l e g e c a n

not c l a i m to teach at ' the

h ighes t leve l ' . T h i s has l itt le

to do wi th U G C f u n d i n g . It

is the resul t of n u m e r o u s

o l d a c a d e m i c s be ing too

c o n c e r n e d wi th r esea rch to

ca re about s tuden ts .

Geoff Parsons

F E L I X w o u l d l ike to

cong ra tu la te Geo f f P a r s o n s

for b reak i ng the B r i t i sh

h igh j ump reco rd .

Rhino's Willies

A s reques ted last term

F E L I X has an ar t ic le on

R h i n o ' s wi l l ies . If y o u l i ke it

o r d is l i ke it or even read it,

S teve, B i l l G o o d w i n ,

R i c h a r d S m i t h , Pe te

H o b b i s , R i c h a r d E l l i s ,

R o s e m a r y H o s k i n g , K a m a l a

S e n , J o h n B u r g e s s , J a n e

S p i e g e l , C h r i s S tap le ton ,

N i g e A t k i n s o n , A a r o n

FEL IX is pub l ished by the Edi tor for and on behalf of Imperial C o l l e g e Un ion Pub l ica t ions Board and is pr inted by Four th Avenue , 4 Farnham Roya l , Kenn ing ton , Te lephone 735 6437 and the Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n Print Uni t , P r ince Conso r t R o a d , L o n d o n S W 7 2 B B , Te lephone 589 5111 (ext 3515) Edi tor H u g h Southey . Bus iness Manager J Mart in Tay lo r Copy r igh t FEL IX 1986. I S S N 1040-0711

Send A Valentine's Mess

' Y o u no longer th ink for

yourse l f as y o u r m ind

b e c o m e s t r a p p e d a n d the

M o o n i e s mi lk y o u dry ' .

M o o n i e s are not l ike Hare

K h r i s n a w h o s e e m to most

to be peop le to be ha rm less

e c c e n t r i c s . C o n t a c t w i th

M o o n i e s c a n ruin y o u r life.

Harrods Protest

IC U n i o n ' s protest ou t s i de

Ha r rod ' s last week was an

a m a z i n g s u c c e s s . M e m b e r s

of the p u b l i c us i ng H a r r o d s

we re m a d e aware of the

p r o b l e m s f a c i n g s tudent .

T h e protest a l so a t t rac ted

s o m e p ress c o v e r a g e . IC

U n i o n has a du ty to

o r g a n i s e m o r e pro tes ts of

th is k i nd . It is essen t i a l that

p e o p l e are made aware of

the need for better f u n d i n g

for un ivers i t ies .

Green Paper

Imper ia l C o l l e g e ' s r e s p o n s e

to the G o v e r n m e n t ' s g reen

pape r on fur ther e d u c a t i o n

s ta tes that the p r imary a i m

age to the love of your life.

p lease c o m e a n d tel l what

y o u th ink of it so that I

k n o w whe ther to i nc l ude

s im i l a r a r t i c les in fu ture.

St Valentine's FELIX

R e m e m b e r to get t hose

sma l l ads in for Va len t i nes

D a y . A l s o s e n d in you r

p r o b l e m s for ou r s p e c i a l

Va le t ines Day p r o b l e m s

page .

Small Ads

A n y o n e c a n submi t sma l l

ads for free p r o v i d i n g they

get them into the F E L I X

O f f i ce before 1.30pm

M o n d a y .

Back To Basics

Unfo r tuna te l y the ar t ic le on

page 9 ent i t led ' B a c k T o

B a s i c s ' a p p e a r s to be a

review. It is ac tua l l y an

o p i n i o n ar t ic le by C h r i s

Mur ray .

Credits

T h a n k s to D a v e J o n e s , J

Mar t in Tay lo r , J i m C l a y d e n ,

S a r a h K i rk , S u n n y B a i n s ,

Mark Co t t l e , Mark Hunter ,

Banana Split

Dear H u g h ,

I'd just l ike to say I th ink

that M r S e y m o u r has, to

say the least, ove r - reac ted

to the a b u s e he rece ived

f rom the ' B a n a n a s '

b o u n c e r s . It may have

m a d e h im a bit u n h a p p y at

the t ime , but wr i t ing to all

the powe r s that be is g o i n g

a bit far.

In fact, I s y m p a t h i s e wi th

the b o u n c e r ' s sen t imen ts in

that I, hav ing met M r

S e y m o u r s ix years ago ,

q u i c k l y c a m e to the s a m e

c o n c l u s i o n that they d id .

Neve r the less I ag ree that

he d id not deserve to be

spat o n , howeve r m u c h of a

nasty p iece of work he

real ly is.

Yours Sincerely,

Spock

What's A

Hallworth

Dear S i r ,

I a m gratefu l to M i k e S t o n e

for h is c r i t i ca l report on

S tuden t H o u s e s at Eve l yn

G a r d e n s (Ref. 24 J a n u a r y

i ssue of F E L I X ) . H i s

remarks af ford me the

w e l c o m e oppor tun i t y of

unde r l i n i ng the genera l

d i f f i cu l t ies f ac i ng th is o f f i ce

over the m a i n t e n a n c e and

imp rovemen t of C o l l e g e

R e s i d e n c e S tock .

T h e unava i lab i l i t y of

p u b l i c funds , the dear th of

c o m p e t e n t con t rac to r s and

sk i l l ed t r adesmen , the h igh

dens i t y usage of the

a c c o m m o d a t i o n c o u p l e d

wi th the m i s - u s e of

p roper ty and e q u i p m e n t by

the res iden ts are the ma in

s o u r c e s of the d i l e m m a . A n

add i t iona l p r o b l e m at

Eve l yn G a r d e n s has been

the a b s e n c e of the

H o u s e k e e p e r t h r o u g h

i l lness w h i c h severe ly

a f fec ted the on-s i te

c o m m u n i c a t i o n , c o ­

o rd ina t i on and supe rv i so r y

qua l i t ies . G i v e n that th is list

is on ly par t ia l , the ques t i on

of pr ior i t ies is in s o m e

w a y s the most vital o n e of

a l l . T h e p r ime reason for

c o n c e n t r a t i o n on the

externa l m a i n t e n a n c e

repa i rs and redeco ra t i ons

of the S tuden t H o u s e s at

E v e l y n G a r d e n s w a s to

prevent fur ther

de te r io ra t ion of the

c r u m b l i n g fabr ic . T h e

s u g g e s t i o n that ex te rna l

a p p e a r a n c e is the pr ior i ty

for expend i t u re is there fore

subs tan t ia l l y i naccu ra te .

M a y I a l so point out that

the obse rva t i ons m a d e by

M i k e S t o n e are t yp i ca l ,

s t anda rd c r i t i c i sms w h i c h I

a m h a p p y to c o u n t e r f rom

expend i t u re on R e s i d e n c e

m a i n t e n a n c e and

improvemen ts . In 1984/85,

£436,000 was spen t o n

H o u s e s as aga ins t £159,000

spent on the Ha l l s . T h e

total spent on ex terna l

w o r k s was £130,000

( H o u s e s - E v e l y n G a r d e n s )

a n d £35,000 (Ha l ls -

S o u t h s i d e ) . T h e rema in i n g

s u m was who l l y e x p e n d e d

on internal m a i n t e n a n c e

and improvemen ts .

C o n c e r n i n g the p r o b l e m s

wi th con t rac tua l labour ,

there is little point in

i nc reas ing C o l l e g e

supe rv i s i o n w h e n we are

s u r r o u n d e d by so many

se l f - appo in ted C l e r k s of

W o r k s w h o appear to be

exper ts in just about every

t rade in the bu i ld ing

p ro fess i on . It is l itt le

w o n d e r that the w o r k m e n

themse lves are so of ten

c o n f u s e d and b e m u s e d or

s h o u l d I say a m u s e d by it

a l l .

I h o p e these few

c o m m e n t s , hur r ied ly

wr i t ten, wi l l at least se rve to

e n c o u r a g e M r S t o n e to

speak to his W a r d e n , read

my repor ts on expend i t u re

a n d i m p r o v e m e n t s a n d a l so

to fo l low the e x a m p l e of

F E L I X and visit th is o f f ice

to f ind out more t h o r o u g h l y

a n d fair ly what c o n s t r u c t i v e

s teps are be ing taken to

a l lev iate the c o n c e r n s that

c lear l y are s o c l o s e to his

o w n heart.

Yours faithfully

Peter Hallworth

2 Friday 31 January FELIX

Faith

Dear S i r , I s e n d my t h a n k s to Mark A l d e r t o n for c o - o r d i n a t i n g an exce l l en t Fea tu res pag e in last w e e k s F E L I X . I s h o u l d state now, h o w e v e r that I a m an atheis t . L i k e A n d r e w Pe t tman I w a s ra ised by my parents a n d s c h o o l to be a ch r i s t i an , but w h e n , at th i r teen I re jec ted my t e a c h i n g s I d id not set about to ref ind G o d .

M y fai th was s h a k e n by b e c o m i n g aware of the other re l i g ions to be f o u n d t h roughou t the wor l d and h is tory . W h y fo l l ow Chr is t ian i ty w h e n I have not even t r ied o r though t abou t any of the res t? O b v i o u s l y th is is b e c a u s e I w a s bo rn a n d ra ised in a ch r i s t i an coun t r y a n d a baby is not c a p a b l e of f r e e d o m of c h o i c e . S o n o w that I c a n c h o o s e shou ldn ' t I s e a r c h for a n d fo l l ow the 'best ' re l i g ion . T h e ch r i s t i an w o u l d say that it d o e s not matter, that al l re l ig ions be l ieve in the s a m e G o d a n d that it is o n l y in the prac t i se of w o r s h i p a n d s p e c i f i c be l ie fs that they

dif fer. Th i s is true. T h e r e is a c o m m o n th read r u n n i n g t h r o u g h near ly al l re l ig ions , w h i c h is : -

Don ' t k i l l , don' t rape, don ' t s teal e tc . T h e s e are idea ls usefu l to m a i n t a i n i n g a s tab le soc i e t y a n d c o m e more f rom man than f rom G o d as I th ink Mark A l d e r t o n r e c o g n i s e s . S o far there fore , I s h o u l d be happy as a panthe is t .

Howeve r , Chr is t ian i ty a n d in fact any re l ig ion d o e s far more than u p h o l d the ru les of soc ie t y . Fo r any ind iv idua l eve ryday l ife c a n be di f f icul t to hand le . T h e r e are t imes w h e n every th ing g o e s w r o n g a n d y o u have no f r iends at hand to he lp . It is then that G o d , as a f i gu rehead , p rov ides the is land of s tabi l i ty to keep y o u g o i n g , he is a lways there to look after y o u a n d love y o u . In a way th is is an e x t e n s i o n of the way re l i g ion is used to exp la in the i nexp l i cab le . T h e wo r l d is a c o m p l e x a n d p o s s i b l y hos t i l e p lace , but it a l l b e c o m e s qu i te a c c e p t a b l e if a ben ign g o d is there to m a k e su re y o u don ' t c o m e to ha rm.

A regu la r p l ace of w o r s h i p is a lso

Paranoia?

Dear F E L I X Ed i to r ,

It's not that I'm pa rano id

but there are m e n in

o r a n g e jacke ts c a r r y i n g

b rushes f o l l ow in g me

about .

It a p p e a r s that d u r i n g last

term the P h y s i c s B lacke t t

labora to ry was qu ie t l y

i nvaded by R B K a n d C

road sweepe rs . T h e r e was a

t ime w h e n s tuden ts w o u l d

arr ive e a c h m o r n i n g to

c h e c k the letter rack, d r ink

co f fee and genera l l y

s o c i a l i s e . N o w a d a y s they

ne rvous l y t ip toe abou t ,

leered at by hoa rdes of

r o a d s w e e p e r s - s m o k i n g

c o u g h i n g thei r gu ts up a n d

p o n d e r i n g o n the f iner

po in ts of ' shove l l i n ' dirt '.

N o b o d y ever ob jec ted to

an o c c a s i o n a l ou ts ide r

c o m i n g in for a q u i c k c u p

of co f fee a n d the use of the

toi lets. Howeve r , I be l ieve

the s i tua t ion is get t ing out

of hand now that the

P h y s i c s bu i l d i ng has

b e c o m e a regu la r mee t ing

p lace . T h e s ight of up to

n ine or ten r o a d s w e e p e r s is

not s o m e t h i n g I or m a n y

o ther s tuden ts w i s h to be

g ree ted by e a c h morn ing. I

u rge C o l l e g e S e c u r i t y to

rect i fy th is s i tua t ion

immed ia te l y .

O Smith

Physics 3

Propaganda?

D e a r E s t e e m e d C o m r a d e S o u t h e y ,

I wr i te in d isgus t at the state of ou r d e c a d e n t imper ia l i s t rad io s ta t ion .

I s t rong ly be l ieve that the i deo log i ca l l y s o u n d body that was IC R a d i o is be ing taken over by s c h e m i n g , capital ist co lon ia l is ts , lackeys of i n s i d i o u s R o n a l d M a c D o n a l d w o r s h i p p i n g rotters f r om A m e r i c a . T h e s ta t ion p lays no th ing but d e c a d e n t , bo r i ng a n d mora l l y c o r r u p t i n g , s o -ca l l ed 'm idd le -o f - t he - road ' f i lth s u c h as R . E . O S p e e d w a g o n . A n d as for the p resen te rs , they are ei ther c h e e s e b u r g e r ea t ing c o u s i n s of e m p e r o r R e a g a n or w i m p e r i n g s t o o g e s of the b o u r g o i s e l ike M r S o -ca l l ed 'Au toma t i c Bar r ie r ' w h o s e s h o w is a care fu l l y ca l cu l a t e d b low to our f ree a n d d e m o c r a t i c cu l tu ra l deve lopmen t . If mat ters do not improve rap id ly (ie more of that wonde r f u l l y p rog ress i ve and revo lu t ionary g r o u p 'Hawkw ind ' ) I sha l l be fo rced to l isten to the more cu l tu ra l l y s o u n d but d is t inc t l y less funky rad io T i rane .

Yours sincerely

Eugene Zhog

(Albanian Mountain cycling

champion 1962)

charac te r i s t i c . Th i s not on ly reaf f i rms an ind iv idua l bel ief , but p rov ides a f o c u s a n d meet ing p lace for the c o m m u n i t y . S e e i n g the o ther p e o p l e a r o u n d y o u in c h u r c h g ives a s e n s e of b e l o n g i n g , par t i cu la ry if y o u r e c o g n i s e that the c h u r c h ex tends to m i l l i ons of o ther peop le . A f r iend of m ine en joys g o i n g to m a s s not on ly for sp i r i tua l fu l f i lment , but a l s o b e c a u s e she gets to meet her f r iends a n d have a chat a f te rwards .

T h e s e t hen , are s o m e of the benef i ts of be ing a ch r i s t i an . A b o v e al l they m a k e y o u happy . S o what is the p r o b l e m ? W h y a m I an a the is t? Ch r i s t i an i t y is not d e s i g n e d to be q u e s t i o n e d . O r i g i na l l y o n l y the pr ies ts c o u l d read the ho ly t e a c h i n g s a n d they to ld the p e o p l e what w a s r ight a n d w r o n g , he re t i cs were s i l e n c e d . Even n o w there is the m y s t i c i s m of e x p e r i e n c i n g G o d , an event w h i c h we are to ld c a n n o t be d e s c r i b e d but w h i c h y o u wi l l k n o w w h e n you ' ve had it. S o today , in t ry ing to a n a l y s e G o d , he a p p e a r s cons i s ten t in h imsel f . H o w e v e r in a n a l y s i n g the evo lu t i on of re l i g ion f r om the w o r s h i p of i nan imate ob jec ts , G o d a p p e a r s a

log i ca l c rea t i on of c i v i l i sed m a n . Th i s is a stark con t ras t to man b e i n g the c rea t ion of G o d . Wi th th is k n o w l e d g e I canno t be l ieve w i thou t w o r s h i p p i n g a fa lse G o d . In r e c o g n i s i n g the p u r p o s e of G o d as a p i l lar to suppo r t me in t imes of d i f f icu l ty , t he p i l lar c r u m b l e s . A p l a c e b o wi l l not wo rk if the pat ient k n o w s he is ea t ing cha lk . I c a n be l ieve in G o d as the vo i ce of my c o n s c i e n c e (itself the resul t of my u p b r i n g i n g and h e n c e soc ie t y ) , but then I a m on l y be l iev ing in my o w n s t reng th of charac te r , not an ex te rna l , al l pervas ive , all power fu l be ing .

P e r s o n a l l y I th ink life w o u l d be happ ie r wi th G o d , but I c a n n o t c h o o s e to bel ieve. In the l ight of th is I had to a n s w e r an impor tan t q u e s t i o n before wr i t ing th is letter. Is it mo ra l l y r ight to try a n d s p r e a d a t h e i s m ? Th i s is not my in ten t ion . H o w e v e r if I do not vo i ce my i deas , they c o u l d not be q u e s t i o n e d a n d c r i t i c i sed , a n d s o w o u l d s tagnate . What I do th ink is impor tan t is that y o u d o not just i gno re G o d , whe the r he ex is ts or not. Yours (faithfully?)

Andrew M Dunn

Physics 2

a 9 3

It's Free!

L

„* Ft •*" t

SIP

M

z 0

•ml

TheWortdbeaters

U L U Trave l , Imperial Co l l ege ,

Sherf ie ld Bui ld ing,

Prince C o n s o r t R o a d ,

London S W 7 .

Tel: 01-581 8882

SIR TheWorldbeaters

FELIX Friday 31 January 3

c s

P r o f e s s o r B l o w of the

P h y s i c s Depa r tmen t wi l l be

the s p e c i a l gues t at a n

A c a d e m i c A f fa i rs o p e n

mee t ing next W e d n e s d a y .

A s c h a i r m a n of the n e w l y

f o r m e d U n d e r g r a d u a t e

S t u d i e s C o m m i t t e e , he is

c l o s e l y invo lved in the

C o l l e g e ' s cu r ren t rev iew of

t e a c h i n g m e t h o d s .

'The mee t ing s h o u l d be a

va luab le oppo r tun i t y fo r

s tuden t represen ta t i ves

f rom all depa r tmen t s to f ind

out what th is impor tan t

new c o m m i t t e e is up to,

a n d to put f o rward ther

o w n v iews ' , sa id the event 's

o rgan i se r , IC U n i o n

A c a d e m i c A f fa i rs O f f i ce r J

Mar t in Tay lo r . T h e mee t i ng

wi l l a l so c o n s i s t of a

t ra in ing e x e r c i s e for

S t u d e n t R e p s a n d a genera l

d i s c u s s i o n o n a c a d e m i c

af fa i rs a n d the U n i o n ' s

wo rk in th is f ie ld . M r T a y l o r

h o p e s the event wi l l

b e c o m e an annua l o n e if

th is f irst a t tempt is a

s u c c e s s .

T h e mee t ing wi l l be he ld

in C i v E n g 201 f r om 1.45pm

unt i l abou t 5 p m , wi th

P r o f e s s o r B l o w b e i n g

p resen t for the f irst hour .

A l l A c a d e m i c R e p s are

par t i cu la r l y e n c o u r a g e d to

a t tend, a l t h o u g h the

mee t ing wi l l be o p e n to any

in terested s tudent .

ss

T h e U n d e r g r a d u a t e S t u d i e s

C o m m i t t e e is s e n d i n g

q u e s t i o n n a i r e s to va r i ous

g r o u p s in C o l l e g e as part

of its rev iew of t e a c h i n g

m e t h o d s . IC U n i o n has

unde r t aken to su rvey

s tuden ts on its behal f to

f ind out h o w m u c h t ime

they s p e n d d o i n g a c a d e m i c

A/ork, bo th t ime tab led a n d

pr ivate s tudy , a n d on s o c i a l

act iv i t ies . T h e

q u e s t i o n n a i r e s a re b e i n g

sent out to A c a d e m i c R e p s

fo r a p i lo t su rvey , a n d a

gene ra l su rvey of al l

s tuden ts wi l l be ca r r i ed out

w i th in the next few w e e k s .

It is h o p e d the i n fo rma t i on

g a i n e d wi l l enab le s tuden t

w o r k l o a d s to be m o d e r a t e d

s i n c e s o m e depa r tmen t s

are felt to ove rwork the i r

s tuden ts .

w e

L i v e r p o o l Un ive rs i t y G u i l d

(the s tuden ts ' un ion ) are

st i l l awa i t i ng a def in i te

reac t ion f r om N U S to thei r

re fusa l to pay thei r

a f f i l ia t ion fees . T h e y have

c o l l e c t e d over 2000

s i gna tu res s u p p o r t i n g thei r

ac t i on . M r A n d y W i l k i n s o n ,

the D e p u t y P res iden t of the

G u i l d , s p o k e to the N U S

R e g i o n a l C o n v e n o r on

W e d n e s d a y last week . H e

later to ld F E L I X that he was

e x p e c t i n g to rece ive a f ina l

i nvo i ce a n d felt there was a

poss ib i l i t y that L i ve rpoo l ' s

de l ega te s m igh t be re fused

a d m i s s i o n to the next N U S

c o n f e r e n c e in A p r i l . M r

W i l k i n s o n though t the

d e c i s i o n to w i t hho ld half

the i r fees m a y b e c o m e an

i ssue in the f o r t h c o m i n g

e l ec t i on for u n i o n

s a b b a t i c a l s .

O s

S h a p u a K a u k u n g u a , U K

representa t ive of the S o u t h ­

w e s t A f r i c a n P e o p l e ' s

O r g a n i s a t i o n ( S W A P O )

a d d r e s s e d an IC A n t i -

A p a r t h e i d S o c i e t y mee t i ng

in the U D H o n T u e s d a y .

It was in 1966 that the

Un i t ed N a t i o n s te rm ina ted

the S o u t h A f r i c a n manda te

to gov e r n N a m i b i a , s a i d M r

K a u k u n g u a , a n d th is

d e c i s i o n w a s c o n f i r m e d by

the Internat ional C o u r t of

J u s t i c e in the H a g u e , w h i c h

d e c l a r e d the c o n t i n u e d

p r e s e n c e of S o u t h A f r i c a n

f o r c e s in N a m i b i a i l l ega l .

H e s t ressed the i m p o r t a n c e

of the Wes te rn suppo r t in

the c o n t i n u e d o c c u p a t i o n

of h is c o u n t r y , po in t i ng ou t

that Br i ta in ob ta ins a b o u t

half of its u r a n i u m f r om

R i o - T i n t o Z i n c ' s Ross i r tg

m ine in N a m i b i a .

p O b s e r v e r d iar is t , Pe te r

H i l l m o r e , gave a talk fo r

W e l l S o c on M o n d a y . M r

H i l l m o r e s p o k e for half an

h o u r o n the ro le of the

g o s s i p c o l u m n i s t , o n

j o u r n a l i s m a n d o n the

n e w s p a p e r indus t ry .

R e g a r d i n g the mora l i t y of

the g o s s i p c o l u m n , he sa id

that o n l y p e o p l e in the

p u b l i c e y e s h o u l d be

m e n t i o n e d a n d e n d e d wi th

the p h r a s e 'never s h o o t a

p i g m y wi th a howi tzer ' .

Eight Of The Best IC Rector Eric Ash launched boat club's new eight on

Friday. The boat, surprisingly also called Eric Ash , has

already won competitive races since its controversial

purchase at the start of the academic year. In a short

speech the Rector told a small audience that he had done

some sculling during his time as a student at Imperial.

Boat club qoach Bill Mason also announced plans to run

rowing courses for sixth formers in the summer vacation.

It is hoped that this will attract good rowers to the college

and help with the club's attempts to attract sponsorship.

In On The Act S t u d e n t s l iv ing in pr ivate

a c c o m m o d a t i o n unde r a

l i c e n c e may be ab le to get

thei r rents r e d u c e d by up

to 5 0 % fo l l ow in g a ru l ing

by a She f f i e l d j u d g e last

week . Pe te M a r d o n , a law

s tuden t at She f f i e ld

Un ive rs i t y , a r g u e d that he

a n d h is two f la tmates en joy

the p ro tec t i on of the Ren t

A c t even t h o u g h a l i c e n c e

they s i g n e d wi th the i r

l and lo rd s e e m e d to st r ip

t hem of p ro tec t ion aga ins t

e x c e s s i v e rents, un fa i r

ev i c t i on a n d bad h o u s i n g

c o n d i t i o n s . T h e s tuden ts

app l i ed to the i r l oca l rent

o f f icer , h o p i n g that a ' fair

rent' w o u l d be set b e l o w

the £17 per week they had

a g r e e d to pay . T a k i n g h is

c u e f rom a H o u s e of L o r d s

j u d g e m e n t last year , J u d g e

C o t t a n ru led in favour of

the s tuden t ' s c l a i m .

S tuden t s l iv ing in L o n d o n

w h o cu r ren t l y ho ld l i c e n c e s

are e n c o u r a g e d to a p p l y fo r

a fa i r rent to be set at the

Rent O f f i ce of the i r l oca l

c o u n c i l . Fur ther deta i ls are

ava i lab le f rom S t u d e n t

S e r v i c e s , a n d lega l a d v i c e

is ava i l ab le f r om N u c l e u s ,

t e l e p h o n e 373 4005.

Applicat ions are invited for

A PART TIME DRAUGHTSPERSON

With either an engineering or cartographic qualification

and/or experience. T h e number of hours each week

varies with demand and allows flexibility in the

execution of tasks.

Contact Mr R W Loveday, Departmental

Superintendent, Department of Civil Engineering,

either by letter or on Ext 4749.

4 Friday 31 January FELIX

RAG In Britain students

traditionally help raise

money for charity. As well

as being great fun it also

helps to create a better

image for IC. Last year IC

Rag raised just under

£10,000 and it looks like

we're well on the way to

beating this figure by the

end of the academic year.

Most students content

themselves with supporting

one or two events in Rag

Week and forget about it

for the rest of the year but

as Rag Chairman, Jon

Ingham, writes, there is still

lots more you can do for

Rag.

Rag Committee

S i n c e t h o s e lazy, hazy d a y s

of R a g W e e k last te rm, the

R a g C o m m i t t e e have been

r e c o u p i n g the i r e n e r g i e s for

the c o m i n g m o n t h s . B e h i n d

the s c e n e s , o n e of o u r

m a n y en thus i as t i c f irst

y e a r s has been to the

N a t i o n a l R a g C o n f e r e n c e in

A b e r y s t w y t h over

C h r i s t m a s a n d has c o m e

b a c k w i th l o a d s of i deas for

us to p lay w i th . S o , to get

b a c k into the s w i n g of

t h i ngs th is year , the

f o l l ow in g events have

a l ready be p l a n n e d :

Parachuting

M e n c a p are o f fe r ing y o u

the oppo r t un i t y to

e x p e r i e n c e the thr i l l of a

l i fe t ime. A 2,000 foot

p a r a c h u t e j u m p u n d e r

exper t s u p e r v i s i o n a n d it

won ' t cos t y o u a penny ! A t

the s a m e t ime you ' l l be

ra i s ing m o n e y w h i c h w i l l

g o t owa rds the la rgest

g r o u p of d i s a b l e d p e o p l e in

the c o u n t r y - t h o s e w h o are

men ta l l y h a n d i c a p p e d . A

c h a n c e that y o u real ly j u m p

at! ( E x c u s e the pun) .

Wha t ' s the c a t c h , I c a n hear

y o u a s k i n g ? F i rs t l y y o u

mus t ob ta in an a p p l i c a t i o n

f o rm f rom a m e m b e r of the

R a g C o m m i t t e e . T h e n s i gn

a d e c l a r a t i o n of f i t ness a n d

ob ta in a doc to r ' s cer t i f i ca te .

(So r r y al l of y o u su f fe rers

f r om ep i l i psy , d i a b e t i c s

(mel l i tus ) , p y s c h i a t r i c

d i so rde r , d r u g a b u s e a n d

s c h i z o p h r e n i a but y o u ' r e

not a c c e p t a b l e ) . T h e n y o u

g ive £60 b o n d m o n e y p lus

the a p p l i c a t i o n f o rm to the

R a g C h a i r m a n , J o n I ngham

(The R a g P i g e o n h o l e is in

the IC U n i o n O f f i c e in Be i t

Q u a d r a n g l e ) . W h e n y o u r

b o o k i n g has been

c o n f i r m e d then you ' ve got

to ra ise a m i n i m u m of £125

in p l e d g e d s p o n s o r s h i p to

m a k e a f irst p a r a c h u t e

j ump . Y o u c a n c h o o s e the

da te of y o u r j u m p s o that it

doesn ' t c l a s h wi th o ther

even ts in y o u r c a l e n d e r a n d

o n c e y o u ' v e c o m p l e t e d the

b a s i c t ra in ing a n d m a d e the

j u m p y o u c a n c l a i m y o u r

£60 b o n d back on h a n d i n g

y o u r s p o n s o r m o n e y in .

Don ' t m i s s the c h a n c e of a

l i fe t ime. E i the r c o m e to

t o d a y ' s R a g C o m m i t t e

M e e t i n g or s e e J o n I n g h a m

be fo re 7 F e b r u a r y .

R C S Rag Trip

R C S U are p l a n n i n g a R a g

M a g S e l l i n g tou r in M a r c h

(p robab l y F r i day 7 to

M o n d a y 10 M a r c h ) w h i c h

invo lves twenty p e o p l e a n d

a b o u t 5,000 R a g M a g s

t rave l l i ng a r o u n d Br i t i an in

two vans . Y o u n e e d a great

se l l i ng t e c h n i q u e a n d a

s t r o n g s t o m a c h . L i k e l y

un ive rs i t i es to be s u b j e c t e d

to the o n s l a u g h t a re

M a n c h e s t e r , Le i ces te r ,

L o u g h b o r o u g h ,

N o t t i n g h a m , B r a d f o r d ,

S a l f o r d , A s t o n ,

B i r m i n g h a m , K e e l e a n d

W a r w i c k . If y o u th ink y o u

c a n se l l 250 m a g s in fou r

d a y s then all it w i l l cos t is

y o u r f o o d a n d m i s s i n g 2

d a y s in co l l ege . Don ' t be

put off by the idea that th i s

is just a ' h a c k s ' tour . It

won ' t be if y o u c o m e a l o n g

w i th a few f r iends . It's o p e n

to every s tuden t in C o l l e g e

but pr ior i ty wi l l go to R C S U

M e m b e r s .

Valentine's Day Message

or Hi t S q u a d w i th a

d i f f e rence . A r e y o u m a d l y

in love w i th the b rune t te in

the th i rd row of the lec tu re

theat re? A r e y o u too shy to

m a k e y o u r f ee l i ngs k n o w n ?

W e l l we 've got just the

t h i ng for y o u ! F o r o n l y £3

y o u c a n have a s p e c i a l

m e s s a g e a n d a box of M i l k

T ray de l i ve red to y o u r

loved o n e by a d a s h i n g ,

d e b o n a i r , y o u n g

e n o n y m o u s p a r a c h u t i n g -

sk i ier ! (A l l b e c a u s e the lady

loves M i l k T ray ) A l l prof i ts

go to R a g .

P l e a s e book th is 'never to

be repea ted ' of fer wi th

K a t h y in the IC U n i o n

o f f i ce by T u e s d a y 11

F e b r u a r y .

Rag Fete

T h i s yea r the a n n u a l R a g

Fe te wi l l be he ld on

S a t u r d a y 26 A p r i l a n d wi l l

be o p e n e d by A n n e

D i a m o n d - s o m a k e a note of

it in y o u r d ia ry . It's not t oo

ear ly to start t h i n k i n g abou t

th is o n e a n d w e wi l l be

e s p e c i a l l y h a p p y to hear

f rom c l u b s , s o c i e t i e s a n d

ha l l c o m m i t t e e s w h o w i s h

to take part.

Rag Meeting

If y o u ' r e in te res ted in any

of the a b o v e events or in

h e l p i n g us to o r g a n i s e

m u c h m o r e - o r y o u ' r e a S o c

R e p , then there 's a m e e t i n g

of the R a g C o m m i t t e e

today at 12 .30pm in the

S C R , U n i o n B u i l d i n g .

Jon Ingham, Rag Chairman

•m

>

l s

A N N O U N C E M E N T S •Australian Wine tasting-Tuesday 4th Feb 6.00pm S C R Bei t . C o m e a long and taste s o m e s m a s h e r s f rom D o w n under. At an unbel ievab le bargain pr ice of on ly £3.00 for members , non -members are very w e l c o m e at £4.00. •Audiosoc: Re tu rn f rom the dead A l i ve and K i c k i n g see diary. •Feminist postgrad. Wan ted to help in hunt for shared squat or maybe flat. P h o n e A n n 6779. •G'day cobbers if yer b i l l abong is parched l ike a wombat 's armpit , git on down to a fair d inkum tast ing of A u s s i e j umbuck ' s sweat. Usua l barn, no vomi t ing £3.00 A$7.00. •Unbeaten Linstead cha l l enge Eve lyn G a r d e n s C h a m p s Be rna rd Sun ley to footbal l match. C o n t a c t M Ph i l l ips L ins tead etc-83 or v ia C o m p u t i t n g letter racks. • O P S O C presents P r i n c e s s IDA 18-22 February , U n i o n Conce r t Ha l l .

FOR SALE

•Hockey Stick (L). G o o d cond i t i on . Con tac t L E H D o c 2 P i g e o n ho les . •Wooden B6 Clarinet B o o s e y and H a w k e s Edgware with case £110 ono, Roy Har r i son E E 1 .

WANTED

•Anyone with a synth can play it. A p p l y Dan S a l m o n s , P h y s i c s 1.

LOST •Whoever borrowed my D R X - 1 d rum pad f rom the lounge on W e d n e s d a y 22 J a n . P lease return it to me. J o h n N o b l e C h e m E n g 2. • T o whoever stole my b rown leather wallet on 17 J a n f rom L y o n Plafa i r L ibrary. I Don' t ca re about the money, but p lease return the photograph that was in i t-only c o p y and of immense sent imenta l va lue. S e n d to Surus t Maha l C h e m 2 Letter R a c k s - P l e a s e .

• O n e parker fountain pen. B r u s h e d metal cage and gap, go ld nib. Lost somewhere in P h y s i c s Dept. Con tac t D C lemen ts P h y s i c s 3.

PERSONAL •Blah , blah, b lah, b lah, blah.. .do lemons. .b lah b lah, b lah, b lah, .

•If something small and ye l low taps y o u on the ankle, bend down and hear it serenade you .

•What is shaped l ike a smal l rugby bal l and wh is t les?

•Problem: if you lie on the pavement cur led up as smal l as poss ib le , try to look bitter and purse your l ips, what do you look l ike?

•Picocon-a convention beyond you r dreams, beyond your imag inat ion . P i c o c o n - c o m i n g s o o n to a U n i o n Bu i l d i ng near you . P i c o c o n wi l l life ever be the same? P i cocon -be t te r than an craneal ly admin is te red s l i ce of lemon wrapped round a large go ld br ick. P i c o c o n - m o r e fun than bugger ing your gerb i l -uses less se l lo tape too.

•May the creator send came l shit and f leas upon the makers of the pipe f low expe r imen t -Group 13.

•Linstead and Disco, £35 a night for g o o d s o u n d and incred ib le record se lec t ions . Con tac t A T a m d s i d i A e r o 1 p idgeon holes.

•Maria, I demand a b lood tes t -Tony.

• W e put Duracell batteries in He len

and ord inary z i n c - c a r b o n batteries in

S other g i r ls and H e l e n kept buzz ing

longer!

•Mightly Mickey, huge S c r o o g e and

e n o r m o u s E b e n e z e r - B r i a n B l e s s e d ? ?

•Some people are so ted ious, they

affect o n e s bowel movements , but

your l ogo r rhoea is quite the

oppos i te .

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• O U T now! From the authoress of 'I

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G a m m y knee and how to love it'

c o m e s that cont rovers ia l best -se l ler

'1001 party conversa t ions about my

G a m m y knee ' for your own

au tographed copy , contac t Kath

Bonn i ck , G e o l o g y 2.

•Happy Birthday, little He len !

•Ida meets the h a m - c o m i n g s o o n .

• T h e Papist has r isen again and is

go ing to C O N T A C T week.

•Graham Stewart F lo rence in the

S u m m e r '84? I've lost y o u aga in .

P lease get in contact (A l i son as in

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•Churchil l su i c ides as India fal ls!

•Japanese megolomania as wor ld 's

res is tence co l lapses .

• T h e jacauncy for a leader of

nat ions is now f i l led-no more

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•Richard-stop fo ld ing up Ca ro l i ne ' s

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FELIX Friday 31 January 5

A h me, the b r a c i n g w i n d and re f resh ing ra in that th is J a n u a r y has b rough t a re b e g i n n i n g to lose the i r appea l , the e n t h u s i a s m wi th w h i c h I a p p r o a c h e d the new te rm is b e g i n n i n g to fade, a n d my grant is, to put it m id ly , d w i n d l i n g . Neve r t he l ess , o ther peop le do not s e e m to have lost heart . Instead of apa the t i ca l l y a c c e p t i n g the d regs of the J a n u a r y b lues s o m e (true IC s tuden ts all) have d e c i d e d to m a k e a litt le exc i t emen t for t hemse lves , by m a k i n g even more exc i tmen t for thei r (no doub t t empora ry ) f r iends .

R o s e , W i l s o n a n d M e l l i a r -S m i t h s e e m to be the n a m e s to w a t c h if y o u wan t to see s o m e t omfoo le r y (yes, the pun was

i n tended) . W i th i n two w e e k s they have m a n a g e d to b a m b o o z l e I C U Pres iden t C a r l B u r g e s s , R C S T r a n s p o r t O f f i ce r P a s c a l e C a r r a n d IC R a d i o S ta t i on M a n a g e r C w i s Mar t i n .

Pe te (I wan t s o m e D u r e x , a n d I want it now) W i l s o n a n d A l a n (you k n o w I'm r ight real ly) R o s e m a n a g e d , after hea r ing abou t a s im i la r offer f rom the A m e r i c a n E m b a s s y , to c o n v i n c e M r B u r g e s s that the R u s s i a n C u l t u a l A t t a c h e wan t e d a g roup of IC S t u d e n t s to turn up for an in fo rma l in te r roga t ion . Wha t ' s wo rse , w i th the in te l l i gence that m a d e h im pres ident , C a r l read i ly a c c e p t e d th is of fer f r om the mys te r i ous M r D u b l y o k i n , not f i nd ing it s t range that he s h o u l d rece ive two s u c h of fers in the s a m e day. No t on ly that, but the c o l d war hot ted up as a c c u s a t i o n s f lew f rom the U n i o n O f f i c e that the Sov ie t E m b a s s y had b u g g e d the A m e r i c a n s , inv i t ing IC on l y b e c a u s e they though t the Y a n k s know s o m e t h i n g they didn' t . L u c k i l y , an in ternat iona l i nc iden t a n d T h i r d W o r l d W a r we re a v o i d e d w h e n s o m e k ind sou l e x p l a i n e d to C a r l that he had been (shock , horror) d e c e i v e d .

Un fo r tuna te ly , M s s r s

R o s e a n d W i l s o n st i l l d id

not feel that they we re

real ly fu l f i l led whe re

p rac t i ca l j okes were

c o n c e r n e d so , to r e m e d y

this, they t eamed up wi th

T o m (sweetness a n d l ight)

M e l l i a r - S m i t h in upse t t ing

M r Car r . C l a i m i n g that they

were f rom Q M C a n d that

they had a b d u c t e d Sa l t y

T o m , they p h o n e d the R C S

o f f i ce d e m a n d i n g M a r y

( Q M C ' s mascot ) f rom M r

Ca r r . B y b r ing ing his

but th is c o u l d not ( l ike the N e w s l i n e story) be ver i f ied .

P e r h a p s a n ice r p rac t i ca l j oke was p layed on a p e r s o n a g e by the d u b i o u s label of A l k e y . Wi th c o m p l i m e n t s of th is f r iends, he o p e n e d the d o o r to his r o o m to f ind it had been w a l l p a p e r e d wi th p ic tu res of the round w o b b l y th ings . A p a s s i n g i nnocen t bys tande r heard h im ask (in as ton i shmen t rather than anger , we th ink) , ' W h o was the tit w h o put tits on my wa l l ? ' But it is k n o w n that (in o rde r to c a t c h the c r im ina ls , of course) he has d e c i d e d not to des t roy the ev idence .

A l s o so f tened by w o m a n l y w i les , M i n e s V P C h r i s Gr i f f in w a s seen s l o b b e r i n g over an o lde r w o m a n last F r i day night . Af ter mee t ing K a t h y Ta i t ' s mo the r at the party to ce leba ra te K a t h y a n d J o h n Inghams 's e n g a g e m e n t , C h r i s was heard to w h i s p e r s w e e t - n o t h i n g s in her ear. P e r s o n a l l y , I have a lways

Simon Banton: Always the good loser!

sweethear t (Jez) into the d i s c u s s i o n however , they m a n a g e d to o f fend h im deep l y a n d l ike any gen t l emen w h o has heard the h o n o u r of h is t rue love q u e s t i o n e d , he s o u g h t to p u n i s h t h o s e repons ib le . Indeed, after a par t i cu la r l y u n e n j o y a b l e (sober) F i r k in R u n (yes, a C a r r (ouch! ) was dr iv ing) P a s c a l e went into the U n i o n B a r a n d th rea tened the a fo remen t i one d perpe t ra to rs of th is das ta rd ly c r i m e wi th G B H (and we are not ta lk ing beer) . U n d e t e r r e d , they p r o c e e d e d to p lay the s a m e tr ick on M r Ma r t i n , c o n v i n c i n g h im th is t ime the G u i l d s H o n S e c D a v e P a g e had been k i d n a p p e d . A f te r the usua l t h o r o u g h IC R a d i o inves t iga t ion , C w i s u s e d th is p iece of i n fo rmat ion as a news s tory on N e w s l i n e . R u m o u r had it that he t u rned up at the a p p o i n t e d d rop off point ,

t hough t that the o lde r w o m a n / y o u n g e r m a n re la t ionsh ip was a g o o d i dea (as l o n g as it doesn ' t cons i s t of my mothe r and my boy f r iend) , but su re l y thir ty yea rs is a bit e x c e s s i v e even for a s e x -s ta rved IC S tuden t !

A n o l d ' f r iend ' of F E L I X has reared h is head in c o l l e g e aga in . A n u n s u c c e s s f u l c a n d i d a t e for the F E L I X ed i to rsh ip last yea r (who was s o wel l a c q u a i n t e d w i th the post he was s t a n d i n g for that he had to ask a m e m b e r of the F E L I X s ta f f . 'How m u c h work do y o u have to do for o n e page? ' ) was , wh i l e w a t c h i n g the S u p e r b o w l in the U n i o n C o n c e r t Ha l l on S u n d a y , he lp i ng an asso r tmen t of boo r i sh ma les to c o n d e m n F E L I X as ' c o m m u n i s t ' p r o p a g a n d a . At the s a m e t ime, he p r o c e e d e d to exto l l the v i r tues of F E L I X as he w o u l d have ed i ted it.

Fo r tuna te l y for F E L I X , IC

s tuden ts vo ted for s o m e o n e

w h o had seen a typeset te r

be fo re and w h o knew the

d i f fe rence be tween a pas te

up boa rd and a s c a l p e l . It

d o e s a m u s e me, howeve r to

th ink of M r B a n t o n f i x ing a

f o l d i ng m a c h i n e , c h a n g i n g

c a m e r a c h e m i c a l s , o r even

w o r k i n g the F E L I X edi tor 's

ob l i ga to ry 70 hou r week.

Neve r in a mon th of

S u n d a y s dear , never in a

mon th of S u n d a y s !

J o h n S h a r p has apparen t l y

been let t ing th ings slip at

Q T . O n hear ing abou t

A d a m Je f f r i es ( Q T

C h a i r m a n ) be ing a t tacked

by S t o i c ' s S a r a h A l s o p wi th

a bot t le of vege tab le oi l h is

g i r l f r iend was heard to

remark that the s l i ppe ry

stuff was get t ing

everywhere. W i th a

k n o w i n g look he s a i d

s i m p l y ' M m m , y e s it d o e s

dear , doesn ' t it,' W e c a n o ly

a s s u m e that the oi l in

q u e s t i o n was v i rg in o l ive oi l

o r e lse s o m e t h i n g was up.

A sn ippe t f rom s tudent

se rv i ces now. M r C h r i s t i a n ,

w a r d e n of Hamle t G a r d e n s ,

has p i s s e d off o n e of h is

m a n a g e r s to s u c h an extent

that the poo r man has

resor ted to b e c o m i n g s u b -

w a r d e n of H o l b e i n H o u s e .

O f c o u r s e it may just be

that he wan ted a change . . .

T h e 'spor ty

ma thema t i c i an ' m e n t i o n e d

in last w e e k s c o l u m n has

fa i led to r e c o g n i s e h imse l f

wh i l e a H o l b e i n res ident

has red faced ly been

d e n y i n g that he w a s the

cu lpr i t ever s i n c e F E L I X

w a s p u b l i s h e d . T h e real

' d roopy ' was very

s y m p a t h e t i c abou t the

' u n k n o w n ' ma thema t i c i an ,

e x c l a i m i n g that he had

f o u n d s o m e o n e e lse w h o

h a d his p r o b l e m . S u c h

i n n o c e n c e in a man is

rarely f o u n d .

We l l , I'll have to say ta ta

n o w as I have a p ress ing

e n g a g e m e n t (yes, it's the

i ron ing aga in) . . .sor ry abou t

al l t he p u n - i s h m e n t y o u ' v e

rece i ved , I g u e s s I w a s just

in the m o o d th is week (for

puns , dear , for puns) .

A n y w a y , lots of love k ids : a n d remember . . no o n e l ikes a smart ass .

Friday 31 January FELIX

K a r a t e

K a r a t e - D o is i n c reas ing in popu la r i t y t h roughou t the wo r l d . H o w e v e r wi th th is i nc rease in popu lar i t y , cer ta in m i s c o n c e p t i o n s abou t the p r i nc ip l es of Kara te have a r i sen .

M o s t p e o p l e if a s k e d abou t karate, wi l l th ink of the b reak ing of b r i cks a n d t i les, or of s i m p l e c o m p e t i t i o n s w h e r e two p e o p l e appea r to at tack e a c h other savage ly . Kara te is none of these th ings in e s s e n c e , and to p rac t i ce it so le l y as a f igh t ing t e c h n i q u e loses the f undamen ta l d i s c i p l i n e a n d se l f - con t ro l that must p lay the p redom inan t ro le. T h e t ra in ing there fore e n c o m p a s s e s et iquet te and the spir i t of humi l i ty , as we l l as dev l opmen t of the f i tness of both m ind a n d body . T h e e s s e n c e of karate t e c h n i q u e s is 'K ime ' , m e a n i n g an e x p l o s i v e at tack to an app rop r i a te target, us ing m a x i m u m power , and o r ig ina l l y c o m e s f rom the J a p a n e s e e x p r e s s i o n m e a n i n g to 'K i l l w i th o n e b low' . D u e to o b v i o u s d a n g e r t h o u g h compe t i t i on ru les m a k e con tac t wi th an o p p o n e n t i l lega l . H o w c a n this be r e c o n c i l e d ? T h e target po int is es tab l i shed in f ront of the o p p o n e n t s vital po in ts , a n d h e n c e the deve lopmen t of self con t ro l of f o rms a f undamen ta l bas is for Kara te .

T h e h is tory of Kara te is a d e v e l o p m e n t f rom an art k n o w n as 'Tote ' , m e a n i n g 'the hand ' , w h i c h was a f igh t ing t e c h n i q u e d e v e l o p e d in J a p a n a r o u o n d 1429. T h e J a p a n e s e E m p i r e c o v e r e d many of the i s lands in the S o u t h C h i n a S e a at th is t ime Kara te o r ig ina ted on the i s land of O k i n a w a . A s no w e a p o n s were a l l owed by J a p a n e s e over lo rds , the O k i n a w a n s used 'open h a n d ' t e c h n i q u e s as a me thod of self de fence .

T h e r e are m a n y s ty les of Kara te . T h e S h o t o k a n s ty le e m p h a s i z e s ' power a n d s p e e d ' . Wi th in the s ty le there are three major aspec t s : 'Ka ta ' , 'Kumi te ' a n d 'bas ics ' .

Ka tu are ' fo rmal e x e r c i s e s ' w h i c h c o n s i s t of l og i ca l a r rangemen ts of b l o c k i n g and s t r i k ing in pre-set s e q u e n c e s . T h e 'Ka ta ' p romo te p h y s i c a l deve lopmen t of b o n e a n d

musc le . A d d i t i o n a l benef i ts are fast re f lexes a n d the abi l i ty to move q u i c k l y . 'Kumi te ' is the art of con t ro l l ed f ree- f igh t ing . ' B a s i c s ' are the f u n d a m e n t a l t e c h n i q u e s , p u n c h e s , k i c ks and b l o c k s w h i c h fo rm the bas i c s of the spor t .

P r o g r e s s i o n and s tanda rd in the spor t is m e a s u r e d by the c o l o u r of the belt w o r n . T h e r e are n ine bel ts or ' kyn ' pr ior to B l a c k Bel t (1st Dan) . T h e c h a n g i n g of bel ts is ca l l ed 'g rad ing ' , w h i c h is a fo rma l ex am ina t i o n of an ind iv idua ls abi l i ty . Ab i l i t y is m e a s u r e d by p e r f o r m a n c e in a p rede te rm ined K a t u , s e q u e n c e of bas i c t e c h n i q u e s a n d f igh t ing , the e x e r c i s e s vary wi th the ' K y u ' s t anda rd a im e d for.

IC Kara te c l u b has been runn ing s u c c e s s f u l l y for severa l years ; t ra in ing on M o n d a y , W e d n e s d a y a n d Sa tu rday in S o u t h s i d e G y m .

C a e s e r A n d r e w is a pe rmanen t ins t ruc tor for the B u d o k w a i J u d o / K a r a t e c l u b on the F u l h a m R o a d . T h i s was the first c l u b ou t s i de J a p a n to teach J u d o . It was f o u n d e d in 1918 a n d has p r o d u c e d a se l ec t i on of O l y m p i c , E u r o p e a n and W o r l d C h a m p i o n s ; for e x a m p l e , Ne i l A d a m s and B r i an J a c k s . C a e s a r has recent ly been appo in t e d ins t ruc to r to E ton C o l l e g e ; w h e r e a new Mar t ia l A r t s cen t re has been bui l t .

T h e c l u b regu lar ly par t i c ipa tes in c o m p e t i t i o n . In the Na t i ona l S tuden t C h a m p i o n s h i p s , he ld at Kee le Un ivers i ty , the c l u b took 2nd a n d 3rd p lace in the M e n s T e a m Ka tu compe t i t i on .

G r a d i n g s are he ld at the e n d of e a c h te rm, e x a m i n e d by a top ins t ructor . H e is the ch ie f Inst ructor for S h o t o k a n in Grea t Br i ta in and E u r o p e , Mr K E n o e d a (8 Dan) ; o n e of the h ighes t rank ing K a r e t c h a in the wo r l d and o n e t ime c h a m p i o n of J a p a n .

The; c l u b is fo r tunate e n o u g h to rece ive top c l a s s ins t ruc t ion a n d s p o n s o r s h i p for its Kara te ac t iv ies . P resen t l y a r r angemen t s are be ing m a d e for Geo f f T h o m p s o n , four t imes W o r l d C h a m p i o n , to visit the c l ub .

Las f Wednesday Mr Hazard visited IC to give instruction to

IC Karate club. The training session saw Mr Hazard

running the class through some basic techniques, placing

a strong emphasis on good control, technique and

especially 'Kime'.

When performing basic techniques the body should

remain relaxed and tense only at the end of a movement,

when contact is made. This tension is know as 'kime' or

focus.

Towards the end, the techniques were put together into

combinations, with Dave Hazard demonstrating how fluid

and easy the movements can be. To finish off, a truly

spectacular display was produced by Dave and Caesar

Andrews (3rd Dan), IC's regular instructor. Starting with

static kicks and punches, both quick, free-sparing

('Kumite'). This explosive aggression of their kicks and

punches made you wonder if they were still friends!

Dave Hazard commented that: 'IC Karate club is one of

the better clubs I've seen, and has an excellent display of

discipline and attitude.'

Dave, 33, first achieved his Black Belt at the age of 20.

Since then he has won many titles and medals as well as

gaining overall third place in the World Championships in

Japan (1977). He is now concentrating on teaching and

sharing his experiences with his pupils not only in the UK,

but all over the World; in places such as Germany,

Holland and Turkey.

Union Bar y

Adnams 74p/pint y

ys

ys

Silwood Valentine's Party

Featuring The Millar Family'

Starts at 8pm

Tickets from Gareth Fish

and Life Sci Reps FELIX Friday 31 January 7

Friday 31 January

D | | e c e n t i s sues of F E L I X »

have devo ted m a n y c o l u m n

i n c h e s to the 'Grea t P o r n

Deba te ' ; their con ten t s have

not on l y been ted ious in

the ex t reme, but they have

a l so m i s s e d the point .

M i n e ' s H o n P o r n N igh t is

not the cen t ra l i ssue , it is

mere ly an ep i t omy of the

p r o b l e m that is a sex is t u

ins t i tu t ion. O n e on ly has to

c o n s i d e r the s e x i s t - m a c h o

at t i tudes that are prevalent

in m a n y of s o c i a l a n d

rec rea t iona l c l u b s to

app rec i a t e h o w d e c a d e n t ,

in th is respect , ImperiaJ has

b e c o m e

In par t icu lar , ! w o u l d c i te

the G u i l d ' s M o t o r C l u b of a

p r ime e x a m p l e of a c l ub

w h i c h is pen ia l l y

o r ien ta ted . It is cer ta in ly

not a c o i n c i d e n c e that s o -

ca l l ed ' S u p e r c a r s ' have

l ong , s leek bonne t s wi th

n o b b l y bits a t t ached on

appa ren t l y for

' a e r o d y n a m i c ' r e a s o n s .

Qu i te o b v i o u s l y , the

d e s i g n e r s of s u c h m a c h i n e s

have based them on their

o w n sexua l fan tas ies a n d I

for one feel d e g r a d e d

wheneve r I a m f o r c e d to

dr ive one . T h e M o t o r C l u b

is s u p p o r t i n g th is insu l t ing

fe rvour into a d o l e s c e n c e

a n d b e y o n d . It is not on l y

pa thet ic that fu l ly g r o w n

men do not have

a c c o r d i n g l y d e v e l o p e d

e g o s to be a b l e to restra in

the ids , but th is ' m a c h o

t h i n g ' is a l so very

fant . T h e at t i tude

valent in th is soc ie t y Is

l o t d i ss im i l a r to that found

in Ernes t H e m i n g w a y ' s

adven tu re s to r ies for b ig

b o y s , w h i c h genera l l y take

the fo rm:

' C a p t a i n Ber ty ' B i g N o b '

B u l l d o g p u s h e d fo rward

a l one , m a c h i n e gun

b l a z i n g , he had no fear, h is

c o u r a g e lay in h is

e n o r m o u s cock.. . I t was

inev i tab le that he w o u l d

d ie : h is p e n i s was so large

that the e n e m y c o u l d not

have m i s s e d . T h e cap ta in

d ied k n o w i n g that he had

taken out at least fifty of

the s w i n e w i th h im. '

L i te ra ture is not the on l y

a r t - fo rm that has been

af fec ted by the s c o u r g e :

M u s i c is c o n t a m i n a t e d too .

I refer p r i nc ipa l l y to Heavy

Me ta l : it is an i ns i d i ous

fo rm of m u s i c that re l ies

very heav i l y o n sex is t

a t t i tudes. O n e c o u l d

d i s m i s s the ly r i cs as

Inspite of th is b la tant

s e x i s m , IC rad io c o n t i n u e s

to p rov ide air t ime to th is

p o r n o g r a p h y . T h u s

s u b c o n c i o u s l y we are be ing

i ndoc t r i na ted a n d

c o n d i t i o n e d into be l i ev ing

that it is per fec t ly

a c c e p t a b l e to mo les t cu te ,

furry, l i tt le c rea tu res .

T h e g r o s s tu rp i tude of

m u s i c is not e x c l u s i v e l y

c o n t i n u e d to m o d e r n day

art ists, in fact , most of the

heavy c l a s s i c s are gen i ta l l y

o r ien ta ted . For e x a m p l e , it

is r u m o u r e d that the

o r c h e s t r a a n d cho i r , bo th

of w h o s e e m to be i nnocen t

o r g a n i z a t i o n s , were

' c o m i n g in their pan ts '

d u r i n g thei r rend i t i ons of

the ' C a r m i n a B u r a n a ' . It is

not g o o d e n o u g h to say

that b e c a u s e it is wr i t ten in

La t in then the l y r i cs a re

m e a n i n g l e s s ' . T o s i n g

abou t the rape of v i rg ins in

a d i f ferent m a n n e r m a k e s it

more g r o t e s q u e by tu rn ing

it into s o m e sort of fe t ish .

Th i s e x a m p l e e m p h a s i z e s

my c o n c e r n that s e x i s m is

preva lent t h roughou t the

w h o l e c o l l e g e s i n c e it has

penet ra ted even the

s e e m i n g l y i n n o c e n t

soc ie t i es .

'Literature is not the only art-form that has been affected by this scourge'

Michelangelo's original cartoon for the roof of the Pristine Chapel, entitled 'You

wanna sign Adam, How's this?'

s y m b o l i s m and reve ls in the true m e a n i n g of the ' joys of mo to r i ng ' . Mo reove r , a l l spo r t s soc ie t i es have s a d o -m a s o c i s t i c ove r tones a n d mo t i ves—espec ia l l y the more ' p h y s i c a l ' ones .

A n o t h e r c l u b w h i c h has caugh t my at tent ion for thei r f lagrant s e x i s m is the S c i e n c e F i c t i on S o c i e t y . O n e c a n unde rs tand that little b o y s might e x p e r i e n c e s o m e en joymen t f rom z a p p i n g b u g - e y e d g reen mons te rs but one mus t q u e s t i o n the menta l i ty of t hose w h o ex tend th is

harmfu l l y nausea t i ng if they con ta in t hemse l ves to thei r pa the t i c fan tasy imagery , however , they d o not a n d are g r o s s l y ob jec t i onab le . G e n e r a l l y , they revo lve a r o u n d p u b l i c i s i n g the s inger ' s ' huge erect o n e ' a n d h o w he lays f ifty w o m e n a night . I quo te the e x a m p l e :

I w a s a hobb i t / she was an e l f / she tu rned me o n / s o I a b u s e d myself/1 was a h o b b i t / A n d my name 's B i l b o / S h e s p r e a d he r l e g s / A n d I r a m m e d in a d i l do .

I c o u l d c o n t i n u e l is t ing o ther c l u b s a n d thei r act iv i t ies, however , lack of s p a c e prevents me f rom do ing th is . S o , to c o n c l u d e ; these c l u b s wi l l not c h a n g e vo luntar i l y , s e x i s m wi l l c o n t i n u e to f l ou r i sh at IC w h e n ac t i on is not t aken . Boyco t t al l s o c i a l a n d spo r t i ng soc ie t i es a n d p i cke t the H a l d a n e L ib ra ry unt i l al l o f fens ive mater ia l is removed f rom its she l ves ; then p e r h a p s we migh t have a m e a n i n g f u l a n d equ i tab le s o c i a l l i fe for al l at Imper ia l .

) I s

1 L

1st-7th]

feb

CONTACT WEEK

1986

What is C o n t a c t W e e k ?

W h y have t hose C h r i s t i a n s

g o n e to the t roub le and

e x p e n s e of m a k i n g b a d g e s ,

p r in t ing 2000 pos te rs u s i n g

a sma l l m o u n t a i n of b l u -

tack e tc? T h e idea is to

m a k e C O N T A C T ! Wi th

E v e r y b o d y !

Wi th n o n - C h r i s t i a n s to

tell of s o m e t h i n g that

Ch r i s t i an i t y has to offer

a n d to l isten to c r i t i c i sm

wi th o ther C h r i s t i a n s to

learn f rom o ther t rad i t ions

a n d to g r o w together .

T o do th is 20 p e o p l e

f rom a large var iety of

b a c k g r o u n d s are l iv ing and

w o r k i n g wi th s tuden ts in

C o l l e g e . T h e y wi l l p rov ide a

s o u r c e to lead d i s c u s s i o n s

a n d ref lect on thei r o w n

e x p e r i e n c e to g ive he lp .

T h e y wi l l a l so be ava i lab le

for p e o p l e w h o w ish to talk

to s o m e o n e they wi l l never

meet aga in .

T h e h o p e is that as m a n y

p e o p l e wi l l benef i t as

p o s s i b l e . A s wi th a n y t h i n g ,

y o u on ly get out of the

week what y o u put in- there

is an o p e n inv i tat ion to y o u

a l l .

T h i s week is o r g a n i s e d

by T h e Wes t L o n d o n

C h a p l a i n c y ( A n g l i c a n ) .

T h e W L C represen ts the

A n g l i c a n T rad i t i on wi th in

C o l l e g e and ca ters for

a n y o n e w i th in the A n g l i c a n

or free C h u r c h

c o m m u n i t i e s . T h e y have

d i s c u s s i o n g r o u p s in mos t

depa r tmen ts a n d have an

in fo rma l se rv i ce o n S u n d a y

M o r n i n g s at 10am in the

C o n s o r t G a l l e r y (g round

f loor , She r f i e l d bu i ld ing ) .

The West London Catholic

Chaplaincy

The i r a im 'is to bu i ld a

C a t h o l i c c o m m u n i t y fo r

s tudents ' . L i ke the W L C

they are o p e n to a n y o n e

w h o wants to take part

us i ng the C a t h o l i c

sp i r i tua l i ty a n d T rad i t i on to

g r o w as peop le and in the

L o v e of G o d . M e e t i n g s

every T u e s d a y , C h e m i s t r y

231 at 12.30 a n d on

S u n d a y s at M o r e H o u s e , 53

C r o m w e l l R d .

A l s o invo lved in C o n t a c t

week is Un ivers i t y C h r i s t i a n

O u t r e a c h - a n in te rco l l i ega te

i n t e rdenom ina t i ona l soc ie t y

set up to sp read

Chr i s t i an i t y . E v a n g e l i c a l

a n d f r iend ly .

Biathlons And Triathlons A little be fo re C h r i s t m a s a f r iend (sadist) s u g g e s t e d to me that I w o u l d l ike to enter a race . 'What k ind of race ' I tent ive ly a s k e d a n d be fo re I k n e w wha t I h a d rash ly s i g n e d my b o d y away to the m e r c i e s of the - irst C l a s s i c B ia th l an ' .

H e l d f r om a s c h o o l near N e w M a i d e n a n d c o n s i s t i n g of a 5 mi le run f o l l owed by a 22 mi le c y c l e , it w a s k n a c k e r i n g . M y e x h a u s t i o n not be ing he lped by the lack of t ra in ing (5-10 m inu tes c y c l e to C o l l e g e a n d back e a c h day of th is term.) a n d the days f reez ing ear ly m o r n i n g tempera tu res .

H e l d last S u n d a y , the day s tar ted we l l by ge t t ing up at 7.15am ins tead of a p r o p o s e d 6.00am s o that I had to f o r sake my re laxed breakfas t a n d re laxed 10 mi le c y c l e to the start for a q u i c k b o w l of ce rea l a n d a q u i c k 10 m i les c y c l e .

O n arr iva l my h a n d s began to w a r m up w h i c h meant ex t reme a g o n y as I had no g loves on on the w a y d o w n . L u c k i l y t h o u g h I f o u n d a s y m p a t h e t i c f r iend w i th a spa re pai r to h a n d that I c o u l d use du r i ng the race .

I l a y e d m y b i k e d o w n wi th the o thers , in the rows, toge the r wi th the gear I n e e d e d ^ o c h a n g e into d u r i n g the t rans i t ion p e r i o d , leav ing for the f ina l b r ie f ing 10 m inu tes be fore the off. T h e run w a s an out a n d back route, a l o n g an A 3 s l ip road , exac t l y re t rac ing the ou twa rd j o u r n e y after the half w a y mark . B e c a u s e of th is it was relat ively e a s y to j u d g e h o w far y o u h a d run a n d h o w m u c h more effort y o u w o u l d af ford to put into the run.

B a c k at the s c h o o l fo r the t rans i t ion point , it w a s on wi th ano ther tap a n d

g rab the b ike tak ing the least p o s s i b l e t ime, be fo re h e a d i n g off on the s e c o n d a n d last s tage of the race . O v e r t ak ing p e o p l e at th is s tage as I d id m a k e me feel g o o d but c a n be a m is take it you ' re over z e a l o u s abou t it. A s it t u rned out al l w o r k e d wel l a n d wi th my e g o boos ted to start w i th I c a m e in 16th. O u t of a f ie ld of abou t 250, the t ime on as yet u n c o n f i r m e d 1 hou r 40-50 minu tes c o m p a r e d to the w inne rs 1 hou r 20 m inu tes . H e c a m e in o n h is o w n a n d 6 m inu tes a h e a d of his nearest r ival .

Even ts l ike th is toge the r wi th t r ia th lons ( s w i m m i n g , c y c l i n g a n d runn ing) l ike most spo r t s are i nc red ib l y r eward ing , e s p e c i a l l y w h e n y o u c r o s s the f in ish l ine a n d co l l ec t y o u r m e d a l . T h e r e is no th ing qu ie t l ike the fee l ing of c r o s s i n g that f in ish l ine after be ing s u c h a m a s o c h i s t to yourse l f over s u c h a t ime and c o u r s e a n d it real ly is wor th all the pa in . S o if you ' r e in te res ted , whe the r se r i ous l y c o m m i t t e d or not con tac t me, C h r i s S tap le ton v ia the F E L I X o f f i ce or the A e r o 1 p i g e o n ho les leav ing a note if I'm not a r o u n d of y o u r name , year , c o u r s e or o ther m e a n s of con tac t toge the r w i th an i nd i ca t i on of y o u r level of interest.

Just What

You've

Been

Waiting

For....

Rhino's Willies...(And other

things)

Last S u n d a y s a w the c l i m a x

to the A m e r i c a n foo tba l l

s e a s o n wi th S u p e r b o w l 20.

G R E A T . . . g o d o w n the offy,

s p e n d y o u r last penn ies on

a few bot t les of S p e c i a l

B r e w , sit yourse l f d o w n in

f ront of the te l ly a n d en joy

the thr i l ls a n d sp i l l s of 'The

Ref r igera tor ' and the l ike.

P r o b l e m ; its 8.30, a n d it

doesn ' t start t i l l 9.30. W e l l

what 's on now. G o for the

every p o p u l a r 4 bu t ton -

what s t h i s ? - s o m e b loke in

a safar i suit . ' O h no -no t

ano the r Na tu ra l H i s to ry

p r o g r a m m e ! ' N o in fact 'Pet

Ha tes ' in w h i c h s o m e b l o k e

rants o n abou t h o w s o r d i d

a n d d i sgus t i ng an im a l s are.

D i d y o u k n o w that w h e n

y o u over feed d u c k s ,

b e c a u s e they have s o m u c h

t ime re leased f rom l ook ing

for thei r o w n f o o d , al l they

d o all d a y is c o p u l a t e ? It's

a b ig p r o b l e m for the

fema le d u c k s to have

twenty ho rny d rakes after

her - (a bit l ike IC w o m e n ! )

D i d y o u k n o w that w h e n

a ma le p rey ing mant is gets

al l k e y e d up and c l i m b s on

the fema le p ray i n g mant is ,

s o m e t h i n g in his h e a d

fo rge ts what to d o ?

S o l u t i o n - f e m a l e bi tes h is

head off, a n d the rest of h is

b o d y get on wi th i t ;-wel l

the bits that aren' t be ing

eaten d o a n y w a y ! (Wh ich

bit d o e s s h e eat las t??)

B a s i c a l l y the p r o g r a m

w a s abou t th is b l o k e w h o

got i nc red ib l y p i s s e d off

abou t Na tu ra l H is to ry

p r o g r a m m e s f asc i na t i on

w i th c o p u l a t i n g an ima ls .

W h i c h leads me to the long

awa i ted bit abou t R h i n o ' s

wi l l ies . . .

We l l the po in t is , they ' re

b ig , V E R Y , V E R Y B I G .

It's d i f f icul t to d e s c r i b e

the genera l d i m e n s i o n s

w i thou t be ing d i sgus t i ng ,

but put it th is way : - y o u r

ave rage fema le R h i n o mus t

have recept ive bits that run

the ful l length of her body .

Y o u c o u l d s t ick y o u r a rm

up there no p r o b l e m . O h

th is is s o r d i d dr ive l - l ' l l

never s t re tch it out to 400

w o r d s .

10 Friday 31 January FELIX

m E s n B R f l i n Tricky triangles

C o n s i d e r a n o b t u s e t r i a n g l e

(that is, o n e w i t h a n a n g l e

g r e a t e r t h a n 90%) .

Is it p o s s i b l e to d i v i d e u p

a n y o b t u s e t r i a n g l e in to

o n l y a c u t e t r i a n g l e s ( o n e s

w i t h al l a n g l e s less t h a n

9 0 % ) ? If s o . h o w ? If no t .

w h y n o t ? £5 p r i z e fo r a

r a n d o m l y p i c k e d c o r r e c t

en t r y . C o m m e n t s a n d

c r i c i s m s w e l c o m e t o o , a n d

al l by T u e s d a y l u n c h t i m e

p l e a s e ' .

It's confusing, man!

L a s t w e e k ' s c o m m i t t e e

m e e t i n g p r o b l e m c a u s e d

q u i t e a lot of c o n f u s i o n .

M o s t p e o p l e c l a i m e d that

t h e r e w a s n o u n i q u e

s o l u t i o n or that t h e r e w e r e

t ies , c a s t i n g v o t e s e tc . W e l l

t h o s e p e o p l e w e r e al l

w r o n g , t he p r o b l e m w a s

q u i t e e a s y if y o u w e n t

a b o u t it t he r igh t w a y . I h a d

t w o c o r r e c t s o l u t i o n s a n d

the w i n n e r of t he £5 p r i z e

w a s R a c h e l H i l l . M e c h E n g

1.

W h a t m o s t p e o p l e m i s s e d

w a s that if ru le 2 is to be

e x a c t l y a d h e r e d to, t h e n

the s e a t i n g a r r a n g e m e n t

m u s t be s u c h that t he

C h a i r m a n (C) a n d

P r e s i d e n t (P) c a n vo te for

a n y b o d y e x c e p t e a c h o the r .

C o n s i d e r ru le 5, t he P a n d

C c a n n o t sit o p p o s i t e e a c h

o the r , s i n c e o n e of t h e m

w o u l d t hen have to sit nex t

to t he O r d i n a r y M e m b e r

(M) a n d w o u l d be u n a b l e to

v o t e for h i m , t h u s

c o n t r a d i c t i n g ru le 2.

S i m i l a r l y , t hey c a n n o t sit

nex t to e a c h o t h e r ( w h i c h a

lot of p e o p l e t h o u g h t ) s i n c e

t h e n o n e of t h e m w o l d h a v e

to sit t w o p l a c e s a w a y f r o m

the T r e a s u r e r (T) a n d r u l e s

2 a n d 4 w o u l d c o n t r a d i c t

e a c h o the r . T h u s t h e y m u s t

sit w i t h o n e p e r s o n

i n b e t w e e n t h e m . F o l l o w i n g

the r u l e s t h r o u g h , t h i s

l e a v e s t w o p o s s i b l e

a r r a n g e m e n t s .

1.

W h e r e 0 s t a n d s fo r

P u b l i c i t y o f f i c e r a n d S fo r

S e c r e t a r y , a n d the a r r o w s

p o i n t f r o m w h o h a s v o t e d

for w h o . '

In d i a g r a m 1 it is no t

p o s s i b l e for a n y o n e to get

f o u r v o t e s s i n c e P can ' t be

v o t e d for by C a n d T can ' t

v o t e for h i m s e l f o r M . T h i s

l e a v e s d i a g r a m 2. H e r e P

can ' t vo te fo r C , a n d T can ' t

v o t e fo r M . T h u s the o n l y

p e r s o n w h o c a n r e c e i v e

f ou r v o t e s is O . T h e

P u b l i c i t y O f f i c e r w i n s the

e l e c t i o n .

Doors and Devils

T h e p r o b l e m t w o w e e k s

a g o w a s to f o r m u l a t e a

q u e s t i o n to ask of a dev i l

w h o m a y l ie o r te l l t he

t ru th , s o as to get t he dev i l

to p o i n t at t he c o r r e c t d o o r

ou t of f o u r to g o t h r o u g h .

O n e of the r e s t r i c t i o n s w a s

that the dev i l w a s o n l y

a l l o w e d to i n d i c a t e one

d o o r . S e v e r a l a n s w e r s

i n v o l v e d the dev i l p o i n t i n g

to t h ree , a n d I d i s q u a l i f i e d

t h e s e .

M a n y of m y f r i e n d s

c l a i m e d , at f i rst g l a n c e , that

th is p r o b l e m w a s

' i m p o s s i b l e ' , but it rea l l y

jus t b e c o m e s a p r o b l e m in

s e m a n t i c s . T h e q u e s t i o n

m u s t b e p h r a s e d s u c h that

if t h e dev i l d e c i d e s to te l l

t he t ru th it a s k s fo r t he

c o r r e c t d o o r , but if he l ies

it a s k s for t he i n c o r r e c t

d o o r s o that h i s l ie w i l l

r evea l t he r igh t d o o r . T h e

o n l y w a y to d o th i s is to

h a v e a s e l f - r e f e r e n t i a l

q u e s t i o n of s o m e k i n d .

R a t h e r t h a n g o in to m o r e

d e t a i l , I'll g i ve the a n s w e r s ,

w h i c h s p e a k for

t h e m s e l v e s .

Cave Canoe

Football T h i s is the s e c o n d least-k n o w n spor t p layed in Br i ta in ' sa id the P res iden t of IC cave c a n o e footba l l c l u b ( I C C C F C ) w h e n he inv i ted me to jo in t hem for a w e e k e n d ' s act iv i t ies . 'What 's the l e a s t - k n o w n ? ' was the o b v i o u s ques t i on . 'Don' t know. ' H e rep l ied . ' N o b o d y a p p e a r s to have heard of it'.

S o it was that ear ly o n e F r iday even ing in J a n u a r y I f o u n d myse l f s q u a s h e d into a rather r u n d o w n V a u x h a l l V iva head ing a l o n g the M 4 towards S o u t h Wa les . It was on th is j ou rney that I p i c k e d up gist of the ru les of th is c u r i o u s spor t .

B a s i c a l l y , two teams of f ive p laye rs ca r r y c a n o e s into a cave s y s t e m to f ind a su i tab le u n d e r g r o u n d lake or p o o l . T h e y then mark out goa l s and c o m p e t e wi th e a c h other t ryng to p rope l a l ight p las t ic foo tba l l t h rough the goa l s us ing the b lades of their padd les . L ight is p rov ided by t rad i tona l cav ing h e a d -

to rches . T h e spor t was o r ig ina ted in S o u t h W a l e s by a po t -ho l i ng c l u b f rom B r i a n w h o we re b e c o m i n g rather bo red wi th s imp l y c raw l i n g a round in the loca l caves . T h e y f o u n d e d the B r e c o n Sea l s , eas i l y the b igges t a n d most d o m i n a t i n g c lub in the spor t ' s shor t h is tory . O u r des t ina t ion that even ing was S w a n s e a Un ivers i ty , h o m e of the on ly o ther s tuden t ' s t eam. It a p p e a r e d that th is w e e k e n d was to see the very fast U A U (unof f ic ia l ) C C F C h a m p i o n s h i p f ina l . A s our ca r s pa rked on the un ivers i ty c a m p u s we were g ree ted by ga les of laughter f rom ou r h o s t s / o p p o n e n t s .

B A T C a n o e s (it s t ands for B a t h s A d v a n c e d Tra ine rs ) are used by p e o p l e learn ing to c a n o e in s w i m m i n g poo l s . T h e y are on l y half the length of ' no rma l ' c a n o e s a n d look ex t reme ly s i l ly . I hadn' t n o t i c e d !

C a r r y i n g the sma l l and l igh twe ight B A T S was eas ie r than I had

an t i c ipa ted . 'First advan tage ' g r i nned T o n y

^ P ay t on - t h e man respons ib l e . Af ter we ar r ived at the lakes ide , a c o u p l e of miner 's l amps were lit.' O n l y b e c a u s e you ' re a beg inner ' w a s the reason of fered O n my first at tempt I lasted f ive s e c o n d s in the h igh ly uns tab le B A T before I was hau led f rom the f reez ing l iqu id by Ian P e n n i n g t o n (Pres ident ) and A n d y M a s o n (Transpor t Of f i cer ) .

A f te r f ive d ips I d e c i d e d to sit on the rock shel f and leave it to the 'exper ts ' , w h o s e m inds are about as s tab le as their c a n o e s . W h e n S w a n s e a arr ived for the ma tch , b r ing ing the referee (a B r e c o n Seal ) I l ooked fo rward to s o m e enter ta inment . A l a s no. J u s t pr ior to the ' f l ick o f f s o m e b o d y tu rned off all the l ights excep t t hose s t rapped to the heads of the c o m b a t a n t s ( re f ) .Mike (Morr is ) C o l c l o u g h , the IC subs t i tue t r ied to c o m m e n t a t e for 20 m ins unti l he was f o r c e d to rep lace Mark Tu rnbu l l (mi ld

M a r k O r a m , of C h e m i s t r y

1, e x p l a i n e d to t he dev i l

that a t ru th fu l a n s w e r h a s a

v a l u e of 1, a l ie h a s a v a l u e

of 0, the c o r r e c t d o o r h a s a

v a l u e of 1, a n d the

i n c o r r e c t d o o r s h a v e a

v a l u e of 0. H e t h e n a s k e d

p o i n t to t h e d o o r w i t h the

s a m e v a l u e as y o u r

t r u t h f u l n e s s . ' T h i s q u e s t i o n

s h o w s the l o g i c of t h e

p r o b l e m e x c e l l e n t l y a n d

d e m o n s t r a t e s that s u c h a

q u e s t i o n is p o s s i b l e . It g o e s

a g a i n s t t he sp i r i t of t he

p r o b l e m , s i n c e it i n v o l v e s

p r e l i m i n a r y d e f i n i t i o n s

w h i c h t h e dev i l m i g h t

i g n o r e , but t h e s e c o u l d

a l w a y s be m a d e par t of t he

q u e s t i o n .

J a m e s D y e r , o f M e c h E n g

1, a n d N e i l T h o r n t o n , of

M a t h s 3, e n t e r e d v e r y

s i m i l a r q u e s t i o n s a l o n g t h e

l i nes of ' I nd i ca te a d o o r

y o u w o u l d te l l m e not to g o

t h r o u g h , if y o u w e r e the

o p p o s i t e in t r u t h f u l l n e s s to

that w h i c h y o u a r e n o w '

T h e p h r a s e ' o p p o s i t e in

t r u t h f u l n e s s ' is o p e n to

i n t e r p r e t a t i o n , but the dev i l

w i l l be m e r c i f u l in t h i s c a s e .

T h e r a n d o m l y s e l e c t e d

w i n n e r w a s M a r k O r a m ,

w h o n o w h a s to d e v i s e

s o m e c l e v e r e r q u e s t i o n s to

l o c a t e w h o h a s h i s £5 p r i z e

in t he F E L I X O f f i c e .

T h e bes t q u e s t i o n I c o u l d

t h i nk up w a s 'if t h i s

q u e s t i o n h a d b e e n ' i n d i c a t e

a n y d o o r not to g o t h r o u g h '

i n d i c a t e a n y d o o r y o u

w o u l d n ' t h a v e a n s w e r e d . '

T h i s a v o i d s r e f e r e n c e s to

t he ' t r u t h f u l n e s s ' a n d the

dev i l h a s n o c h o i c e but to

i n d i c a t e the c o r r e c t d o o r .

c o n c u s s i o n f o l l ow ing a c o l l i s o n wi th a s ta lect i te) .

T e n m inu tes later c a m e ha l f - t ime w h e n I d i s c o v e r e d we were l os ing 3-2 ou r goa l s f rom Ian P e n n i n g t o n , w h o was t ry ing to impress the ref a se l ec to r for the W e l s h na t iona l s q u a d ) . A se r ies of test m a t c h e s is d u e to be p layed aga ins t the tou r ing C a n a d i a n s th is s u m m e r .

T h e s e c o n d half was less s u c c e s s f u l . Ian s c o r e d ano the r but Mo r r i s was sent-of f for dir ty p lay ( smash ing an o p p o n e n t s head to rch) . M e a n w h i l e S w a n s e a s c o r e d five t imes g iv ing a f ina l s c o r e of 8-3. IC were jub i lant however , they e x p e c t e d to l ose by ten or twelve. T h e B A T S were a c c l a i m e d as a great i nnova t ion (by T o n y ) , a n d Mark r e c o v e r e d in t ime to o r g a n i s e the r i tual d u c k i n g of Ian in the water .

A s we ar r ived back in L o n d o n I f o u n d mysel f c o n s i d e r i n g the m inds of fe l low h u m a n be ings . S o m e p e o p l e c a n f ind exc i temen t in the s t ranges t of ways . ' It'll never ca t ch on!. . . .

FELIX Friday 31 January 11

2

Cycling Wellsoc SFSoc QT

10.00am last S u n d a y s a w

12 c y c l i s t s g a t h e r e d at Be i t

A r c h in p repa ra t i on for the

w e e k l y Imper ia l C o l l e g e

C y c l i n g C l u b S u n d a y R u n .

W h e r e we re we g o i n g ?

N o b o d y k n e w , s o we just

a s s u m e d that Ma r t i n , o u r

w o n d e r o u s C a p t a i n , w o u l d

lead the way . T h e wea the r

was per fec t -we l l a lmos t .

T h e s u n s h o n e br igh t l y

wi th no c l o u d s in the sky ,

but it w a s a l itt le c o l d .

H o w e v e r , by the t ime w e

got to the A 3 , a favour i te

C y c l i n g c l u b v e n u e , w e had

all w a r m e d up a n d we re

s ta r t ing to en joy o u r s e l v e s .

S o on a l o n g the A 3 - w a s

it to be G u i l d f o r d ?

D o r k i n g ? N o - w e tu rned off

a few m i les be fo re

G u i l d f o r d a n d s p e d off

t o w a r d s W o k i n g . B y n o w ,

the t raf f ic a n d c a r b o n

m o n o x i d e n o r m a l l y

a s s o c i a t e d wi th L o n d o n

h a d g i ven way to f ie lds a n d

t rees - lo ts of beaut i fu l

s c e n e r y . A f te r W o k i n g it

was off to C o b h a m w h e r e

we p a u s e d br ief ly to v iew a

c y c l o - c r o s s c o u r s e ,

d e c l i n i n g the inv i ta t ions to

r ide a r o u n d the c o u r s e .

T h e n on to C h e r t s e y , w h e r e

a f r iend ly l i tt le n e w s a g e n t s

s h o p was c l e a n e d out of

M a r s B a r s a n d C o k e in o u r

ques t to re f resh o u r s e l v e s .

S o o n we we re off a g a i n -

t h r o u g h S u n b u r y a n d

K i n g s t o n , a r r i v ing b a c k

h o m e at abou t 2 .00pm.

O v e r a l l , t he r ide w a s

e n j o y e d by a l l , a n d w e al l

n o w eager l y awai t n e w s of

w h e r e w e are g o i n g nex t

S u n d a y - i f a n y b o d y d e c i d e s

be fo re w e set off! In the

m e a n t i m e , W e d n e s d a y sees

us mee t i ng at Be i t A r c h at

2 .00pm for a shor t

a f t e rnoon r ide.

Dramsoc I no rma l l y try to d o the

l aund r y every too or th ree

w e e k s ; I f ind it m o r e

c onv en ien t to w a s h

eve ry th ing after I've w o r n

the s a m e pai r of s o c k s

tw ice , t h o u g h o c c a s i o n a l l y

I have to use the s a m e pa i r

th ree t imes .

W a s h i n g by h a n d is

s o m e t h i n g of a c h o r e , but it

is the on l y sa t i s fac to ry

s o l u t i o n for w a s h i n g

d e l i c a t e c l o t h i n g s u c h a s

w o o l l e n s . Fo r the major i ty

of us l aund ry t ime m e a n s

ano the r e n c o u n t e r wi th the

w a s h i n g m a c h i n g d o w n the

road .

W a s h i n g m a c h i n e s a re

e i ther t op or f ront

l o a d i n g , oh by the w a y

there 's an A c t i n g W o r k s h o p

o n W e d n e s d a y at 2 .30pm in

the S t o r e o o m .

T h i s w e e k ' s W e l l s o c m e e t i n g

s e e s Pro f I Cra f t b r i n g i n g us

up to date w i th the latest

d e v e l o p m e n t s in t he w o r l d of

In -v i t ro f e r t i l i s a t i o n (Tes t

T u b e B a b i e s to y o u a n d me) .

P ro f C ra f t is a w o r l d p i o n e e r

in th is f ie ld a n d wi l l be

e x p l o r i n g m a n y of the h igh ly

c o n t r o v e r s i a l a s p e c t s of IVF.

La ter in the te rm, m o r e

even ts to en l i ven y o u r

M o n d a y e v e n i n g s i n c l u d i n g

T V megas ta r , sc ien tes t a n d

a g e d au thor J a m e s B u r k e

a n d A s t r o n o m e r Pro f F r e d

H a y l e . F o r m o r e deta i ls

wai t w i th ba i ted breath for

the W e l l s o c news le t te r -

d i s t r i bu ted f ree to al l

m e m b e r s a n d a l so ava i lab le

at M o n d a y m e e t i n g s .

F ina l l y , c a l l i n g all 1st a n d

2nd year s tuden ts .

E l e c t i o n s for the n e w

W e l l s o c c o m m i t t e e wi l l take

p l a c e near the e n d of th is

t e r m s o if y o u wan t to

b e c o m e part of the new

d y n a m i c , c h a l l e n g i n g ,

en te rp r i s i ng H G W e l l s

S o c i e t y C o m m i t t e e , see the

C h a i r m a n or V i c e -

C h a i r m a n at M o n d a y

mee t i ngs .

P S what ' s th ree i n c h e s

l o n g , y e l l o w a n d w h i s t l e s ?

Guilds

T o n i g h t is the 35th

E n g i n e e r s D i n n e r a n d

D a n c e at the Park L a n e

Ho te l .

T h e B a l l r o o m wi l l be

f i l led to c a p a c i t y w i th over

370 m e m b e r s of c o l l e g e

a n d gues t s . O u r g u e s t s of

h o n o u r are P r o f e s s o r E A s h

C B E P h D D S c F C G I D I C F

E N G F R S R e c t o r of the

C o l l e g e a n d his wi fe. T h e

gues t s p e a k e r is b e i n g kept

a c l o s e l y g u a r d e d sec re t by

H o n S e c D a v e P a g e s o w e

wi l l have to wai t a n d see .

M u s i c for the eve ing

i n c l u d e s b a c k g r o u n d p i a n o

a c c o m p a n i m e n t be fo re

d inner , l ight j azz d u r i n g the

mea l a n d r a u n c h y d a n c e

b a n d m u s i c as e v e r y o n e

takes to the d a n c e f loor .

F o r t h o s e w h o real ly have

got what it takes the par ty

c o n t i n u e s back on h o m e

g r o u n d w i th a d i s c o in to

the ear ly h o u r s .

T h e d i nne r is f o rma l s o

d i n n e r su i ts mus t be w o r n

a n d o n e ma in ru le t o

o b s e r v e ie no s m o k i n g ,

l eav ing the tab le or

r e m o v i n g of j acke ts unt i l

af ter the l oya l toas t . D i n e r s

may o rde r port d u r i n g the

mea l to be u s e d d u r i n g the

toast .

W e l ook f o rwa rd to

s e e i n g y o u t h e r e ;

A s P i c o n o n 4 rap id l y

a p p r o a c h e s , great w h e e l s

are t u rn ing . T h e loca l h y p e r

c o u n c i l have g ran ted us a

l i c e n c e to se rve H 2 0 in al l

its f o rms to t h o s e a t t end ing

the C o n . A n u n c o n f i r m e d

s o u r c e s ta tes that a c o l o n y

s h i p has been on its way to

th is c o n for a c o n s i d e r a b l e

n u m b e r of m i l l en ia . T h e

e x i s t e n c e of the c o n w a s

revea led to the c a p t a i n of

the sh i p v ia a t ime warp ,

w h e n the sh ip was st i l l in

the C r a b N e b u l a .

D u e to i n c r e a s i n g cos t s ,

any b e i n g wi th m o r e than

three h e a d s , or s ix e y e s

( e x c l u d i n g c o m p o u n d eyes)

wi l l have to pay an

e n t r a n c e fee for e a c h h e a d

or part of head thereaf ter .

H o w e v e r , as the e n t r a n c e

fee is at the ba rga in p r i ce

of £2.50 or 3.3 g a l a c t i c

c red i t s ( inf lat ion) th i s

s h o u l d not p resen t t oo

m u c h of a p r o b l e m .

P i c o c o n 4 is o n F e b r u a r y

15th.

Fo r fu r ther up -da t e s on

P i c o c o n 4 w a t c h th is fou r -

s p a c e !

ICMAC

L e s s o n 12: L e F l y i n g

L e s s o n

Ins t ruc teur : B o n j o u r et

W e l c o m e . A u j o u r d ' h u i on

va learner c o m m e n t o n f l ies

un m o d e l a i rcraf t , a v e c le

rad io c o n t r o l . V i o l a le

n o u v e a u F leet T ransm i t t e r

aux qua t re c h a n n e l s .

Lea rne r : A h ou i - je vo is . Et

s i o n p o u s s e ce t te t w i d d l e y

s t ick i c i ?

Ins t ructeur : Ca c 'est p o u r le

rudder . L e m o d e l a i rcra f t

p i t che s et y a w s . P o u r

t ou rne r I'aircraft, o n ne doi t

pas oub l i e r un peu

d 'e levator .

L e a r n e u r : L 'e leva to r?

Ins t ruc teur : O u i - o n do i t

p o u s s e r cet te tw idd ley s t ick

la.

L e a r n e u r : B o n . Et qu 'es t

q u e c 'es t , ce t te k n o b ?

Ins t ruc teur : C 'es t L 'a i re lon

et r udde r c o u p l e - c ' e s t p o u r

t ou rne r m ieux .

L e a r n e u r : ....et ce t te ratchet

t h ing i c i ?

Ins t ructeur : C 'es t p o u r le

moteur . L 'a i rcraf t t ou rne et

fait un p l u n g e par terre, en

heur tan t la ter re avec un g -

fo rce de 10g. Et pu is

e x p l o d e s .

L e a r n e u r : D o m m a g e . J e

m ' e x c u s e .

Ins t ructeur : C e n'est r ien .

B o n - j e va is te vo i r a

S o u t h s i d e , ' a 1pm, J e u d i .

L e a r n e u r : D ' a c c o r d . A u

revoi r .

Ins t ruc teur : A u revoir .

T h e r e w a s a great dea l of

c o n s t e r n a t i o n at th is w e e k ' s

Q T m e e t i n g over the

d i s a p p e a r a n c e of o u r

go r i l l a , G e r a l d . I w o u l d l ike

to in fo rm reade rs at th is

po in t that G e r a l d

rep resen ts no d a n g e r to the

gene ra l p u b l i c , ma in l y d u e

to the fact that he has been

d e a d for e ight yea rs .

G e r a l d is e igh t feet ta l l ,

c o v e r e d in d e n s e ba lck hai r

a n d has a d i s t i n g u i s h i n g

bir th mark on his left

k n e e c a p .

T h e poss ib i l i t y that

G e r a l d has been k i d n a p p e d

has not been ru led out . In

fact Q T 'sent a c o u p l e of

the b o y s r o u n d ' to visi t

c o l l e g e g a n g l a n d b o s s

H a r o l d ' S i d e b o a r d s '

M c k e n z i e . M r M c k e n z i e has

h a d severa l p rev ious

c o n v i c t i o n s , i n c l u d i n g

' Lo i te r i ng wi th intent to buy

grapef ru i t ' . A sel f c o n f e s s e d

f ru i toph i le , s i d e b o a r d s has

just been re leased f rom a

c h a r g e of ' m a k i n g i m p r o p e r

a d v a n c e s to an ap r i co t

u n d e r the age of c o n s e n t '

M r M c k e n z i e d e n i e d al l

k n o w l e d g e of the theft, a n d

p r o u d l y d i s p l a y e d the

u n u s u a l l y la rge a n d

e x t r e m e l y rare ' B l a c k

C a n a r y ' g i ven to h im by h is

A u n t A g a t h a . T h e c a n a r y ,

w h i c h w a s m u n c h i n g a

b a n a n a a n d g r o w l i n g at the

t ime, d e c l i n e d to c o m m e n t .

O u r ma jo r fear is that

s o m e h o w G e r a l d has

pene t ra ted the R o y a l

S c h o o l of M i n e s b u i l d i n g ,

w h e r e he wi l l be c o m p l e t e l y

i n d i s t i n g u i s h a b l e f rom the

i n d i g i n o u s s a v a g e s .

Barn Dancing

A l t h o u g h c o n c e i v e d , the

B a r n D a n c i n g S o c i e t y is

st i l l l a c k i n g mater ia l

e x i s t e n c e . Don ' t p a n i c ! T h e

G u i l d s Va len t i ne s B a r n

D a n c e is l i ned up a n d there

are a l im i ted n u m b e r of

t i cke ts l u rk ing in the G u i l d s

O f f i c e a n d R o g e r P r e e c e ' s

pocke t . W h e n w a s s u c h

v a l u e - f o r - m o n e y o f fe red in

the 100 y e a r s of C i t y a n d

G u i l d s ? A l ive b a n d , bar

e x t e n s i o n , a n d o d d m e n t s of

f o o d wi l l s u p p o r t the

en te r ta inmen t w h i c h wi l l

essen t i a l l y be c r e a t e d by

the d a n c e r s (ie y o u ) . A n d

the p r i c e ? £2.00 peanu ts

i n c l u d e d .

Even t : T h e Va len t i ne s B a r n

D a n c e .

V e n u e : T h e H o l l a n d An t .

Da te : 14th F e b r u a r y

(Su rp r i se , su rp r i se )

T i m e : 7 .30pm

T i c k e t s : F r o m the G u i l d s

O f f i ce .

12 Friday 31 January FELIX

Football

St Thomas 1 IC 1sts 7

Imper ia l 's s e c o n d g a m e of th is term s h o w e d the d i f f e rence in s t a n d a r d s be tween the top, a n d bo t tom, of the p remie r d i v i s i on . W i th on l y ten m e n , a n d yet to w in in the l eague th is s e a s o n , S t T h o m a s l o o k e d to be an easy w in for a s l igh t ly w e a k e n e d IC team. Howeve r , it was 15 m inu tes be fore a twen ty ya rd c r o s s c o m e shot f rom Mar t i n B r a d l e y d i p p e d u n d e r the c r o s s bar, t ak i ng the lead for IC.

IC 's s e c o n d goa l c a m e f rom a free k ick taken by G u y P o p p y a n d exper t l y n o d d e d past the St T h o m a s keeper by M i k e H o u s e b y on the near post .

D e s p i t e severa l a t tempts by the St T h o m a s d e f e n c e to keep the bal l out of the i r net ( i nc l ud ing a hand bal l , conven ien t l y i gno red by the ref) M i k e H o u s e b y s c o r e d h is s e c o n d a n d IC 's th i rd w i th a f l ick past the keepe r f rom o n e y a r d after a sho t by Dave L y n n e b o u n c e d a c r o s s the face of the goa l .

It w a s th is c o m b i n a t i o n that s a w IC g o 4-0 up just be fo re half t ime w i th M i k e H o u s e b y put t ing D a v e ' g o for goa l ' L y n n e t h r o u g h a n d D a v e p u s h i n g the bal l past the a d v a n c i n g keeper .

T h e s e c o n d half saw more a t tempts at the S t T h o m a s goa l , i n c l ud i n g a 25 ya rd cu r le r f rom A l e x L u n g h i w h i c h hit the post , r e b o u n d e d back into p lay, leav ing IC flat foo ted as S t T h o m a s ran past the bo red IC de fence a n d s lo t t ing the bal l in the back of the net.

IC we re q u i c k to retal iate, a n d were a w a r d e d a pena l ty after G u y P o p p y was b rough t d o w n after a thir ty y a r d run. M i k e H o u s e b y s h o w e d the f irst team h o w to take pena l t ies a n d s c o r e d c o n v i n c i n g l y f rom the spo t to put IC 5-1 up.

IC 's s ix th goa l c a m e f r om a pene t ra t ing pass f rom G u y P o p p y to M i k e H o u s e b y (aga in in the s ix ya rd area) w h o cou ldn ' t m iss f rom that c l o s e !

IC 's seven th a n d M i k e H o u s e b y ' s 5th w a s exce l len t l y taken by M i k e as he c h i p p e d the keeper f rom 18 y a r d s after a s e a r c h i n g pass f rom C h r i s E n g b e r g .

A l t oge the r a g o o d p e r f o r m a n c e f rom IC espec ia l l y M i k e H o u s e b y (need we men t ion h im aga in?) a n d Mar t i n B a r n e s in m id f ie ld .

Football

Wed 22

K Q C 1sts 0 IC 1sts 4

IC 3rds 3 R F H 4

K Q C 3rds 1 IC 4ths 1

Sat 25

IC ^nds 3 R F H 1

St Mary 's is ts 5 IC 3rds 0

G u y s 2nds 1 IC 4ths 0 IC 5ths 0 K Q C 6ths 2

Hockey

Wed 22

Mens

IC Is ts 1 L o n d o n Hosp i ta l 0

L S E 3 G u i l d s 0

R S M 2 K C H 3

Q E C 2 R C S 5

Sat 25

Mens

N P L 1 IC 1sts 0

IC 2nds 0 N P L 7

Mixed

IC 1 R S M 0 .lugby

Wed 15

G u i l d s 1sts 20 Met P o l i c e K Div 12

Wed 22

G u i l d s la ta 7 Vets 1sts 17

G u i l d s 2nds 12 U C L 4ths 8

Badminton

Saf 11

Mixed

IC 1sts 8 St G e o r g e s 1

Wed 15

Mens

IC 3rds 7 G u y s 2 Sat 18

Mixed

IC 2nds 6 St G e o r g e s 3

Wed 22

Mens

IC 1sts 9 St G e o r g e s 0 Sat 25

Mens Knockout Cup

IC 1sts 6 R H B N C 5

K Q C 1sts 0 IC 1sts 4

IC 's impress i ve f o rm c o n t i n u e d w h e n they w o n the i r four th c o n s e c u t i v e l eague game . In c o n d i t i o n s not c o n d u c i v e to g o o d foo tba l l wi th a s t r ong c r o s s f i e l d w i n d b l o w i n g IC we re the f irst to sett le p l ay i n g s o m e de l igh t fu l o n e a n d two t o u c h foo tba l l . IC 's first c a m e w h e n A l e x L u n g h i ' s f ree k ick was p l aye d to P a u l B rave ry w h o s e mis-h i t sho t f r om 10 ya rds was de f lec ted past

the s t r a n d e d keeper .

IC c o n t i n u e d to put p r e s s u r e on the K Q C d e f e n c e wi th the keepe r pe r f o rm ing he ro i cs to keep the s c o r e at 1-0. IC d id i nc rease the i r lead w h e n G u y P o p p y s h r u g g e d off severa l c h a l l e n g e s be fore d r i l l i ng the ba l l h o m e f r om 18 ya rds . T h e th i rd c a m e w h e n P a u l B r a v e r y in te rcep ted a back pass s h o o t i n g past the a d v a n c i n g keeper .

IC e x p e c t e d K Q C to c o m e s t rong l y in the

Wednesday Results

1sts

1sts

Football

IC

IC

IC

Rugby

R S M

R S M

Hockey

IC

Badminton

IC Lad ies have reached the U A U semi- f ina ls after S w a n s e a

c o n c e e d e d their quater f inal against IC. Th is puts IC in the semi

f inal o n 22nd February at Yo rk Univers i ty .

1sts

2nds

4ths

1sts

2nds

1sts

St Thomas ' s

M i n e s

A n o t h e r C o l l e g e

R F H

R F H

K i n g s

1

3

2

10

22

1sts 1

s e c o n d half but th is never

ma te r i a l i sed d u e to a s o u n d

all r o u n d team effort wi th

keeper N i c k T a r n never

tes ted. IC c o m p l e t e d the

s c o r i n g late in the g a m e

w h e n D a v e L y n n e he ld off

severa l c h a l l e n g e s in

c rea t ing an o p e n i n g for

h imse l f , s h o o t i n g past the

s t r anded K Q C keeper .

I

Cricket

T h e nets l ists have g o n e up ou t s i de the J C R . T h e y are in the g lass cab ine t next to al l the S T A f l ight news (end nearest the b o o k s h o p ) . A n y o n e w i s h i n g to p lay c r i cke t c a n s i gn up for not more than two s e s s i o n s be tween T u e s d a y 4 /2 a n d the e n d of te rm. T h e nets are at L o r d s f rom 8 -9pm. W h i t e s a n d t ra in ing s h o e s must be w o r n .

T h e c r i cke t c l u b en te r ta inments present a s o c i a l even ing in the Wes t E n d on F r i day 7 Feb rua ry . Mee t in S o u t h s i d e be tween 5.30 a n d 7 .30pm w h e n c e for th t ravel wi l l be e i ther tube or bus . T h e even ing wi l l c o m p r i s e of a visit to a c o u p l e of l oca l Hos te l r i es f o l l owed by e x p l o r i n g the de l igh ts of C h i n e s e C u i s i n e a n d o ther l oca l en te r ta inment . A l l c r i cke t p laye rs , c l u b m e m b e r s are w e l c o m e . Y o u s h o u l d al l have rece ived a no te to the a b o v e effect f rom R o g e r W i l s o n , c l u b cap ta in . In c a s e of d i f f icu l ty he c a n be c o n t a c t e d on Int 6289.

Guilds

Rugby

T h e s e wi l l be he ld at H a r l i n g t o n on S u n d a y 9 Feb rua ry . T e a m s of 7 p l us 1 are requ i red of w h i c h on l y o n e p layer may be a n o n - G u i l d s m a n . W h e n y o u have a t e a m toge the r p lease c a n y o u s i g n up in the G u i l d s o f f ice. If y o u are shor t of the o d d p laye r p lease just let me k n o w a n d I wi l l try a n d f ind the ext ra . T h i s event is mean t to be fun a n d the s t a n d a r d var ies e n o r m o u s l y s o d o not be af ra id that e v e r y o n e wi l l be too g o o d , they gene ra l l y aren't . O n l y the o d d o n e o r two.

T h e r e wi l l be p r i zes for the w inne rs . T h e bar wi l l be o p e n at H a r l i n g t o n a n d f o o d wi l l a l so be ava i lab le . C o a c h e s wi l l leave f rom Bei t at 11 o - c l o c k s o c o m e o n a n d get y o u r t e a m together .

FELIX Friday 31 January 13

2130h

The Lounge

The Igloo Club: ICE present the reincarnat ion party—melt down

1800h More House, 53 Cromwell Road

Mass and talk. Th is week Del ia Smith talks about 'Prayer In Our Daily Lives'.

1240h

Elec Eng 403A

Alternative Energy Policy a talk by Dave Ell iott of Open Universi ty Network For Alternative Techno logy and Techno logy Assesment , al l we lcome.

1300h

TV Lounges STOIC The wit and humour of Dame Edna Everage in a specia l guest interview

Maths 340

Nonlinear Optics a M O P S O C lecture by Prof Geof f New.

1800h TV Lounges STOIC The wit and humour of Dame Edna Everage in a specia l guest interview

Union SCR

Australian Wines The 'appl iance of sc ience ' helps make these wines f rom down under so good . Try them for yourself. Admiss ion £3 for members and £4 for non -members.

1900h

Sherfield Quiet Room The Cornflake Shop Al l we lcome to listen to music at its best. Xerxes, L inn, Nairn.... Admiss ion free.

All Day Trip to Nairn Audio

C o m e to Aud io Soc meeting Tuesday luncht ime or evening for detai ls.

1300h

Huxley 213 Bishop Of Durham Rt Rev David Jenk ins comes to IC to talk. G o and listen to one of Bri tain 's most controversia l chu rchmen .

1400h

Beit Arch

Cycling Club short afternoon ride

1430h Storeroom

Dramsoc Workshop

1900h Graffitti Room

Graffitti Demo of T-shirt print ing

1300h TV Lounges STOIC Newsbreak with the latest Co l lege and Ci ty news and specia l features.

1800h TV Lounges

STOIC Newsbreak with the latest Co l lege and C i ty news and specia l features.

1900h

999KHz

IC Roundtable with Cathy Tait, Jud i th Hackney and Andy Cave compla in about this week's latest releases.

rs

Additions Sunday

1000h Beit Arch Cycling Club Weekly Run

Tuesday

1845h Mech Eng Foyer

Cricket Nets Whites and training shoes required.

imwm 1245h JCR Chinese Chess Wei -Qi and X iang-Q i also known as G o h in Japanese. Beginners we lcome.

Thursday

1230h Southside Upper Lounge

Cycling Club Meeting to dec ide where to go on Sunday .

SOUTHSIDE BAR

Fri 31st Jan

DISCO

Sat 1st Feb

4th Birthday Party

DISCO Bitter from 50p/pint Lager from 50p/pint

Plus food and videos Fancy dress optional

Mon 3rd Feb

CASTLEMAINE XXXX

50p/pint

Deletions Thursday

Ch inese Chess ' s Thursday luncht ime meeting.

Contact Week IMPERIAL C O L L E G E

L u n c h t i m e even ts d u r i n g C o n t a c t W e e k at Imper ia l

C o l l e g e take the fo rm of W O R K S H O P S on a n u m b e r of

d i f ferent t h e m e s . T h e w o r k s h o p s e a c h last for two

lunchtimes.

W o r k s h o p s run on M o n d a y / T u e s d a y ( 3rd a n d 4th Feb)

a n d T h u r s d a y / F r i d a y (6th a n d 7th) .

T h e w o r k s h o p s e a c h run tw ice , o n c e at the b e g i n n i n g of

the week a n d o n c e at the e n d , s o you ' l l be ab le to g o to

an y two w o r k s h o p s of y o u r c h o i c e , in any o rder . L u n c h

wi l l be p rov ided at a n o m i c a l c h a r g e at al l w o r k s h o p s .

The workshop titles and nominal themes are:-

'How to win friends and'-Personal Relationships ( P h y s i c s

737)

'All I want to know is Christ' ( C h e m E n g 252)

' G o d so loved the world'-Being a Christian in the world.

(Hux ley 410)

'All Scripture is given'-How do we study the Bible?

( H u x l e y 413)

'Living from within: Prayer and meditation'. (Aero E n g

E452)

'Being a Christian in the local community.' (Hux ley 540)

'Who is my neighbour?' ( H u x l e y 642)

On Wednesday at More House

P e a c e G r o u p at 8 p m with Fr T o m C u l l i n a n .

Sunday Services;

Anglican/Methodist Eucharist

10am G r o u n d F loo r She r f i e l d B u i l d i n g Imper ia l C o l l e g e .

R C Mass

6 p m at M o r e H o u s e , 53 C r o m w e l l R o a d S W 7

Sat 1st Opening Service Rev T o m S m a i l , 7 .30pm Imper ia l

C o l l e g e P h y s i c s 8th F l oo r Comnrfon r o o m (or M o r e H o u s e at

7pm)

Sun 2nd Delia Smith 7 .45pm at M o r e H o u s e

Tues 4th Prof John Marshall (a M e m b e r of the W a r n o c k

C o m m i t t e e ) S p e a k i n g on the E t h i c s of the W a r n o c k Repor t

6 p m S C R R e y n o l d s B u i l d i n g C h a r i n g C r o s s a n d Wes tm ins te r

M e d i c a l S c h o o l (or meet at M o r e H o u s e at 5pm)

Wed 5th Rt Rev David Jenkins (the B i s h o p of D u r h a m )

Imper ia l C o l l e g e , H u x l e y r o o m 213 at 1 p m (or meet at M o r e

H o u s e at 12.40)

Fri 7th Closing Service a n d par ty at M o r e H o u s e at 7 p m

14 Friday 31 January FELIX

Some people's idea of the

word 'alternative' is to play

Scrabble with Chamber's

20th Century Dictionary.

These inhabitants of the

edge of existence

occasionally score 20 with

the obscure word Kea';

according to Chamber's, "a

species of New Zealand

parrot which sometimes

kills sheep"—not always,

just sometimes. This is just

as well, since a plague of

blood-crazed, myopic

avians picking off anyone

in a C&A sweater with

reckless abandon would

not be expected to boost

the Antipodean tourist

industry—not to mention

putting a dent in C&A's

share prices. But as it

could be regarded as being

a welcome fate for 90% of

their jerseys it could catch

on as a new concept in

biological control. As long

as Terence Conran doesn't

start buying large chunks

of Australasia you're safe.

Such admirable taste in

clothing is probably

displayed by the legendary

Half Man, Half Biscuit'

(well they don't like Nerys

Hughes anyway) as they

describe life 'Back In The

DHSS' at the Bull & Gate in

Kentish Town on Tuesday

and Wednesday. They were

described by John Peel as

"the best thing since Viv

Stanshall wrote for the

Bonzo Dog Band."

However he also described

'Los Butto Banditos — the

notorious gay Bolivian

Country & Western Salsa

band, who swapped nose

flutes for tracheostomy

tubes claiming they give a

fruitier sound—in much the

same way. Both gigs start

at 7:30pm and cost just

three quid a time. The Bull

& Gate itself can be found

in Kentish Town Road, just

50 yards up the road from

Kentish Town tube.

"Old hippies never die,

they just go on tour," is

one of the quotes from the

Face Companion To Things

Paul Morley Never Said But

Might Have Given Half A

Chance, published this

week. Coincidentally it also

describes the band Haze,

made infamous by their

mole fetish1

, who are

playing the Ruskin Arms in

East Ham on Sunday at

8:30pm. The gig is entirely

free.

Not a million miles away

is the Mean Fiddler near

Willesden Junction (alright,

so it's on the other side of

London, but it 's not a

million miles unless Mark

Thatcher happens to be

driving). Programmed by

Mike Stock and Pete

Waterman, and let loose in

a sequined Big-Bin

liner—Divine rolls in for a

more against the wall than

off it performance. It costs

a blue one, starts at nine

and doesn't finish until two.

1

See the Sun story

Leather Bondage Romp

With Sex-Change Vicar In

Cabinet Minister And Nude

Mole Scandal

With falling gates, most

football clubs would give a

squad's worth of arms and

legs for Cabinet Ministers

to resign over which

foreign consortium of

Sardine Trifle

manufacturers buys them

out—it might even start a

new game by the name of

headball. Chelsea, itself,

has undergone something

of a resurgence in form (or

should that read just

surgence?). Unfortunately

the gates have not quite

reflected this. Perhaps it is

just the possibility of

having a bicycle chain

become a new item of

personal jewellery, or the

endless stops in the play

that make football not the

most enticing of spectator

events; being somewhere

between a bit part in

Deathwish III and watching

the tide come in at

Maidenhead.

Fear not. Hugh assures

me that Saturday's game

against Leicester will be

'shit hot'. I feel I can't

comment on the

thermodynamic properties

of excrement—perhaps

those people around

college who keep on eating

the stuff can tell you. All I

can do is recommend you

to go down and watch the

match: It starts at 3:00pm,

and can be found on the

Fulham Road just past St

Stephen's Hospital.

Remember Morph, the

psychotic plasticene bloke

with a pet clothesbrush?

Well he's alive and well,

and suffering a nervous

breakdown at this moment.

He seems to have poured

out his entire life story to

Ken Kiff who then

converted it into a series of

paintings on show at the

Serpentine Gallery just

across the road.

In fact that was all lies,

but it gives you an idea of

what to expect. Ken Kiff's

nightmare people flood

across his paintings,

defecating and melting. In

a sort of visual O'Casey

play, the men are portrayed

as warped and twisted

while the women are given

a rather kinder image, if a

little purple around the

edges.

If you're bored with the

usual old galleries, fed up

with re-runs of old Francis

Bacon polytychs at the

Tate, tired of endless

scenes of Dutch people

ice-skating everywhere at

the National, and generally

sick to death of paying two

quid just to get totally lost

in the Royal A c a d e m y -

then it might be an idea to

try the galleries dotted

around the Green Park

area. For some reason

private art galleries seem to

breed around here—it may

not be long before the area

is overrun by hordes of

marauding art dealers

mowing down IBM salemen

in their Porsches.

Here's a list of some of

the more representative

venues:

Anne Berthoud

1st floor, 10 Clifford St.

Anthony d'Offay

9 Dering St.

Marlborough

6 Albermale St.

Nigel Greenwood

4 New Burlington St.

Waddington

2,4 & 34 Cork St.

Nicola Jacobs (9 Cork

St) is also showing works

by Ken Kiff, this time

illustrations for the 1977

book 'Folk Tales of the

British Isles'.

i ST

1

l

FELIX Friday 31 January 15

'Much More

Generous' Br i ta in is m u c h m o r e g e n e r o u s ' to its s tuden ts than o ther d e v e l o p e d coun t r i es , S i r Ke i th J o s e p h to ld M P s last week .

In r e s p o n s e to g r o w i n g anger at the a n n o u n c e d 2% rise in grants for 1986/87 a n d the th rea tened l oss of we l fa re benef i ts , he quo t e d f igures p r o d u c e d by U N E S C O , c o m p a r i n g a m o u n t s g iven out by seven coun t r i es as gran ts or loans for s tudent suppor t . T h e s ta t is t ics s h o w that Br i t ian pays s ign i f i can t l y more (£1367 per fu l l - t ime s tudent ) than any o ther coun t r y o n the list, r ang ing f rom H o l l a n d (£281) and the U S A (£104) to p rac t i ca l l y no m o n e y h a n d e d out by the J a p a n e s e gove rnmen t for s tudent suppor t . A l s o men t i oned was the p e r c e n t a g e of G N P spen t on s tudent suppo r t .Th i s var ied f rom 0.25% (Br i ta in) to 0% (Japan) . T h e s e f igures , however , da te f rom

1982 at the latest. N U S V i c e - P r e s i d e n t

Wel fare , V i c k y Ph i l l i ps , a g r e e d that in m a n y w a y s the Br i t i sh sys tem was relat ively g e n e r o u s , but made the point that 'Th is is s o m e t h i n g to be p roud of rather than an e x c u s e to g o r o u n d c h o p p i n g bits off it.'

Leade rs of the N U S have for the first t ime been g ran ted a meet ing wi th a min is te r f rom the Depar tmen t of Hea l th a n d S o c i a l Secu r i t y , M r T o n y N e w t o n , to d i s c u s s the lack of benef i ts . P r e v i o u s ta lks had been wi th m in is te rs of the Depar tmen t of E d u c a t i o n and S c i e n c e , and had been rest r ic ted to the issue of grants regu la t ions . T h e N U S has p lanned protests aga ins t what it sees as G o v e r n m e n t po l i cy c h a n g e s w h i c h have not been ful ly deba ted , a n d w a r n e d that parents of present and p rospec t i ve s tudents are be ing a n t a g o n i s e d .

What Future

What future can there be for a coun t r y w h i c h won' t invest in t o m o r r o w ? ' was the ques t i on a s k e d of over 5000 H a r r o d s s h o p p e r s w h o were g iven leaf lets by IC demons t ; a tors last Fr iday . A r o u n d 30 s tuden ts , i n c l u d i n g I C U D e p u t y Pres iden t Dave K i n g s t o n , a t tended the l unch t ime protest , w h i c h was o r g a n i s e d by Ex te rna l Af fa i rs O f f i ce r G r e n v i l l e M a n u e l .

T h e leaf lets c i ted the cu ts

in lec turers pay a n d s tuden t

grants over the last s ix years

and a t tacked the

G o v e r n m e n t s ' p r o p o s a l s to

prevent s tuden ts f rom

c l a i m i n g cer ta in benef i ts . It

was s t ressed that m o n e y

spent on h igher e d u c a t i o n

is an investment , essent ia l

for the coun t r y ' s future

prosper i ty .

Mr M a n u e l later

d e s c r i b e d the

demons t ra t i on as a 'genera l

s u c c e s s ' , a d d i n g that it had

been very g o o d h u m o u r e d

a n d that there had been no

t roub le f rom the po l i ce .

e n r

T h e C o m i t t e e of V i c e -C h a n c e l l o r s and P r i n c i p a l s and the C o m m i t t e e of D i rec to rs of P o l y t e c h n i c s have p r o d u c e d fo rma l r e s p o n s e s to the G o v e r n m e n t ' s G r e e n P a p e r o n h igher e d u c a t i o n , e x p r e s s i n g deep o p p o s i t i o n to the d o c u m e n t . Bo th commi t t ee s c l a im that the G r e e n P a p e r takes no a c c o u n t wha tsoeve r of the needs of the nat ion in the next f i f teen years .

T h e V i c e C h a n c e l l o r s ' 'a l ternat ive ' g reen paper con t a i n s a w ide range of g r i evances , f rom the G o v e r n m e n t ' s ' b l i nke red v iew' and fa i lure to rea l ise the s c a l e of the p r o b l e m s be ing faced, to the d i f f icu l ty of r unn ing a u t o n o m o u s un ivers i t ies wh i le min is ter ia l and depar tmen ta l in tervent ion i nc reases . T h e paper po in ts out that if f u n d i n g is cut be low a cer ta in level the qua l i t y of the un ivers i t ies ' work wi l l dec l i ne . It a l so c r i t i c i ses the G o v e r n m e n t ' s j udgemen t on many i ssues , for e x a m p l e the ra is ing of fees for fo re ign s tudents . A n o t h e r i tem of c o n c e r n was the low sa lary level in un ivers i t ies w h i c h leads to p r o b l e m s of s ta f f ing a n d mora le . T h e paper de fends s tudents ' behav iou r a n d r ights, aga ins t adve rse c o m m e n t s in the G r e e n Paper .

ke

T h e C B I is r unn ing a

compe t i t i on to f ind '21

twen ty -one year o lds wi th a

s t rong point of v iew on

how to put the U K back on

t rack to the top' .

P e o p l e w h o wil l be 21

this year are be ing a s k e d to

wr i te 1000 w o r d s abou t the

d i rec t i on Br i t ish indust ry

s h o u l d be go ing in . 21

reg iona l w inne rs wi l l be

se lec ted and each wi l l

rece ive £500. A n overa l l

w inne r wi l l then be se lec ted

w h o wi l l win £5000. Ent ry

f o rms are ava i lab le f rom

any b r a n c h of L l o y d ' s

Bank .

s e

H o l d e r s of the Y o u n g

P e r s o n s R a i l c a r d wi l l be

ab le to get up to 80%

d i s c o u n t s o n 'Saver ' fa res

as f rom t o m o r r o w . Br i t i sh

Rai l have i n t r oduce d an

offer d e s i g n e d to i nc rease

b u s i n e s s in a t rad i t iona l ly

s lack pe r iod .

U n d e r the ' F a b u l o u s

Feb rua ry Fare ' offer, 'Saver '

t i cke ts w h i c h usua l l y c o s t

up to £20 wi l l be ava i lab le

at £4, t hose up to £40 wi l l

be r e d u c e d to £8 and any

over £40 wil l cos t £12. L o w

p r i ce t i cke ts wi l l be o n sa le

every day in February ,

excep t be tween 1200 and

2000 on F r i days .

F r o m S u n d a y , B R is a lso

r e d u c i n g the c h a r g e for

ca r r i age reserva t ions on

interc i ty 125 t ra ins to £3,

a n d m a k i n g m o r e 125's

ava i lab le wi th this fac i l i ty .

Ex t ra benef i ts are p r o m i s e d

in M a y .

e e

T h e Na t i ona l A n t i -

V i v i sec t i on Soc ie t y has

l a u n c h e d a ' V i o l e n c e Free

S c i e n c e ' c a m p a i g n . T h e

c a m p a i g n a ims to s e c u r e

for s tuden ts the r ight to

c h o o s e whe ther they

par t i c ipa te in d i s s e c t i o n

and v iv i sec t ion . T h e

c a m p a i g n ' s o rgan ise r ,

Lo r ra ine Walker , exp la ined

that m a n y s tudents were

wor r i ed about the

expe r imen ts they were

be ing fo rced to per fo rm. A t

present many s tuden ts are

pena l i sed if they re fuse to

take part in expe r imen ts on

l ive an ima ls .

d p

H i g h J u m p e r Geof f P a r s o n s b roke the U K o u t d o o r reco rd by 4 c m last Sa tu rday when he c lea red 2.30 metres in the Pear l A s s u r a n c e Nat iona l Indoor C h a m p i o n s h i p s at C o s f o r d . Mr P a r s o n s , a s e c o n d year s tudent in M ine ra l R e s o u r c e s E n g i n e e r i n g , went on to at tempt a wor ld reco rd of 2.40 metres and on ly nar rowly fa i led to c lea r the bar at th is he ight .

16 Friday 31 January FELIX