How to Write Clear Readable Effective Sentences

How to Write Clear, Readable Effective Sentences that Readers Love!

written by Brian Scott

http://www.LousyWriter.com

© Graphics, design and layout by Brian Scott


published by www.LousyWriter.com

published by http://www.LousyWriter.com

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Contents

Success in Writing Sentences .......................................................................... 4

Effective Use of Short Sentences ................................................................ 6

Effective Arrangement of Words ................................................................... 8

Emphasis and Force in Sentences ............................................................... 11

Importance of the Opening Sentence ........................................................ 13

Effective conciseness of expression; avoid wordiness................... 13

Variety in Sentence Structure ...................................................................... 16

How to Avoid Careless and Awkward Repetition ................................ 19

Avoid Redundant Repetition of That .......................................................... 23

Effective Use of Repetition ............................................................................. 24

Effective Balance of Constructions ......................................................... 27

Effective Starts and Stops ............................................................................ 28

How to Create Climax in Your Sentences................................................ 34

Effectiveness of Active Voice ........................................................................ 36

Specific Vs. General Style .............................................................................. 37

Using Definite, Direct Statements .............................................................. 39




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Success in Writing Sentences

Success in writing any type of formal correspondence for either

business or for the general public depends on the ability to write

clear-cut, effective sentences. Without this ability you fail to achieve

the primary purpose of a message—i.e., to convey your thoughts in a

manner that the reader easily understands them.

The sentence is the basic unit of expression. Whenever we need to

convey a thought to another person, we use the sentence. We cannot

so much as e-mail a customer or correspond with our boss without

forming a sentence in our minds. In deciding to take such action, we

say to ourselves, "We need to e-mail Mr. Smith," and then we

construct the sentence either verbally or written. Sentences are the

basic units of thought, and the effectiveness of our message depends

on our skill in constructing them.

A sentence expresses a complete thought by words that unite

grammatically. Consider this group of words: "Circulation exceeding

250,000 copies." This is not a sentence even though it begins with a

capital letter and ends with a period. It contains no complete

thought. Not until we have a subject and a predicate can we express a

complete thought—e. g., "The circulation of The New York Times

exceeds 950,000 copies."




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A sentence must have a subject and a predicate. In the example, the

subject is, "The circulation of The New York Times"; the predicate is

"exceeds 950,000 copies."

Failure to decide in your mind precisely what you want to say, or

failure to determine how you want to say it, results in sentences that

convey blurred and weak thoughts.

You can improve your ability to write effective sentences by studying

and reviewing the important principles of sentence structure in this

e-book. Follow our advice and review our many examples. By the

time you have finished our e-book, you will notice an immediate

improvement in how you construct, review and revise sentences.

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Effective Use of Short SentencesEffective Use of Short SentencesEffective Use of Short SentencesEffective Use of Short Sentences

A short sentence, when properly used, can effectively express your

thoughts.

Tip 1: A Single, Short Sentence. We can make an important

thought stand out prominently by placing it in a single, short

sentence.

Ordinary: He felt sure that the voters would soon forget his misuse

of public funds; but he was mistaken, for they did not forget.

Emphatic: He felt sure the voters would soon forget his misuse of

public funds, but he was mistaken. They did not forget.

Emphatic and Concise: He felt sure the voters would soon forget

how he misused the public funds...but he was wrong. They did not

forget.

Tip 2: A Series of Short Sentences. We can make a series of short

sentences valuable by 1) making a rapid summary; 2) taking the

reader quickly over a series of events; or 3) emphasizing a series of

important thoughts.




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Ordinary: In order that this result may be accomplished, a number of

matters will have to be adjusted. These include arranging a peace,

solving economic problems, and settling differences with European

countries. In fact, we have to re-establish ourselves in the

reconstructed world.

Emphatic: In order that this result may be accomplished, a number

of matters will have to be adjusted. We have a peace to arrange. We

have economic problems to solve. We have differences with

European countries to settle. In fact, we have to re-establish

ourselves in the reconstructed world.

Emphatic and Concise: To accomplish this result, we must adjust

some matters: we have to arrange a peace, to solve economic

problems, and to settle differences with European countries. In fact,

we have to re-establish ourselves in the reconstructed world.

Emphatic: To this great conflict for human rights and human liberty

America has committed herself. There can be no backward step.

There must be either humiliating and degrading submission or

terrible defeat or glorious victory. It was no human will that brought

us to this pass. It was not the President. It was not Congress. It was

not the press. It was not any political party. It was not any section or

part of our people.




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Emphatic and Concise: To this great conflict for human rights and

human liberty America has committed herself. We cannot step

backwards. We must have either terrible defeat or glorious victory.

No American brought us to this crisis--not the President, not

Congress, not the Press. It was not any political party, nor any class

of people.

We need to avoid the habitual use of short sentences otherwise we

will write in a jerky, disconnected style. As a general rule, use short

sentences to emphasize special passages.

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Effective Arrangement of WordsEffective Arrangement of WordsEffective Arrangement of WordsEffective Arrangement of Words

Writing an effective sentence requires us to arrange the words

logically. The length of the sentences that we use has an important

bearing on the effectiveness of our language.




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Short sentences, like short words, are much more easily understood.

The short sentence lends itself naturally to simplicity of treatment, if

properly handled; but a series of short sentences, unrelieved by an

occasional longer one, produces an effect of jerkiness.

A succession of long sentences, on the other hand, produces a

heaviness and formality that feels out of place in writing. The best

effect is judiciously mixing the two.

One important point in writing any sentence—arrange the parts so

that the bearing of one part to another will be clearly understood by

your readers.

The good sentence has three qualities: unity, coherence, and

emphasis. In a broader sense, these three qualities also apply to the

paragraph structure and the document as a whole.

A sentence, to be unified, must have one central idea. Two ideas in

one sentence are disastrous. To produce unity in your sentences,

follow these tips:

(1) Your sentence must have a main idea; exclude all details not

bearing on that idea.




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(2) Make each sentence short enough to help the reader understand

it as one idea, but long enough form a definite thought of the

paragraph.

A sentence is a unit in thought when we make one complete

statement; when we change the subject of a thought, a new sentence

becomes necessary.

Coherence in a sentence means simply "consecutiveness." We need

to place words in logical sequence—in "one-two-three" order. We do

not want to force the reader to go back to see how the various parts

hang together.

The following suggestions will assist you in writing coherent

sentences:

1. The sentence must stand for one central idea. Be careful to say one

thing at a time.

2. Do not join in one sentence two or more statements that are parts

of the same idea.




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3. Avoid long, rambling sentences. Do not burden sentences with

details. An attempt to say too much in a sentence leads to confusion.

4. Be cautious about appending a phrase or a clause to a sentence as if

by afterthought.

5. Use connectives carefully and sparingly.

6. Every word of reference should point with absolute accuracy to

the word or expression to which it refers.

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Emphasis and Force in SentencesEmphasis and Force in SentencesEmphasis and Force in SentencesEmphasis and Force in Sentences

When we write or speak we naturally emphasize certain words to

make our meaning clear. In writing we emphasize a word by

underscoring; in speaking we stress sound upon the word. Emphasis

is a powerful aid in effective expression. In many sentences it is

indicated by the form of the sentence— whatever is important is given

an important place. Usually the important places in a sentence, a




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paragraph, or the whole document are the beginning and the end.

The end is probably the most important as a point of emphasis. The

lack of emphasis in a sentence is usually caused by "wordiness." It is

a safe rule to strike out all words that do not add to the meaning.

The ending of a sentence often falls weak because the writer fails to

observe the law of climax—which states that a reader's interest

should grow as the writing or story progresses.

To further hold a reader's interest, you can use a literary device

called "force."

Force in writing is the quality that holds the attention of the reader.

Force is the appeal that words make to the feeling; clearness is the

appeal they make to the understanding.

Force is obtained by:

1. using expressive words;

2. placing the words in emphatic positions in the sentence;

3. varying the length of sentences;

4. keeping persistently to one idea—"sticking to the text."

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Importance of the Importance of the Importance of the Importance of the Opening SentenceOpening SentenceOpening SentenceOpening Sentence

As we have seen from our study of emphasis, the beginning and the

end of sentences are important. The principle applies also to the

document as a whole. For example, the opening sentence in a

business letter is vital, especially if you are trying to win the

attention and favor of the reader, who may or may not be interested

in what you have to say. The opening paragraph of a business letter

often determines if you engage or bore the reader.

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EffectiveEffectiveEffectiveEffective conciseness of expression; avoid conciseness of expression; avoid conciseness of expression; avoid conciseness of expression; avoid wordinesswordinesswordinesswordiness

Conciseness does not necessarily mean brevity. It means getting rid

of all worthless words—finding the shortest way of expressing an

idea accurately and completely, without sacrificing any essential

thought or part of a thought. We can say a 100-word statement is




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concise if we cannot adequately express it in fewer words. We may

think a sentence of ten words in length is wordy if we can condense it

to five words.

Wordy: There is a considerable amount of time needed for doing the

work in an adequate manner.

Concise: To do the work adequately will require considerable time.

More Concise: I need more time to do the work adequately.

Wordy: These difficulties can all be avoided, or at least a large

percentage of them can be.

Concise: Most of these difficulties can be avoided.

More Concise: I can avoid most of these difficulties.

Wordy: There is only one part of the machine that needs to be oiled

daily and that is the back rod, which is sometimes called the carriage

rod.




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Concise: The only part of the machine that needs to be oiled daily is

the back rod, sometimes called the carriage rod.

More Concise: The only part of the machine that I need to oil daily

is the back rod (sometimes called the carriage rod).

To write concisely, try to reduce a main clause to a subordinate

clause, a subordinate clause to a phrase, and a phrase to a single

word.

Wordy: One feature which this machine has and which makes it

particularly desirable is that it is economical of fuel.

Concise: One particularly desirable feature of this machine is that it

is economical of fuel. (We reduce one clause to a single adjective and

an adverb; another to a phrase.)

More Concise: A desirable feature of this machine is its efficiency of

fuel.

Wordy: If you ask him a few questions which are pertinent to what

he is telling you, all that you have to do is to sit back and listen.




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Concise: If you ask him a few pertinent questions, you have only to

sit back and listen. (Two clauses reduced to a single word; another

reduced to a phrase.)

More Concise: If you ask him a few important questions, just sit

back and listen.

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Variety in Sentence Structure

Effective writing requires variety in sentence structure. We must

avoid monotony. This general principle covers various specific

injunctions, such as:

(a) Do not begin a number of successive sentences with the same

word, like the, this, he, etc., and do not place the subject at the

beginning of every sentence.

(b) Avoid "see-saw" sentences: that is, a series of sentences, each

consisting of two statements connected by and, but, or or.




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(c) Avoid a series of sentences, each containing a main clause

followed by a relative clause.

Awkward: The tendency at present is to move the iron and steel

mills from inland towns to lake points, such as Cleveland, Chicago,

and Ohio. This is due to the economy that results from having the

blast furnace close to the ore dock where the steamer unloads. This

was an important factor in causing the United States Steel

Corporation to locate to Ohio. This plant is the largest and most

complete in the world for the manufacture of steel. (Each sentence

begins with the subject, and the last three begin with the same word.)

Improved: At present, the tendency is to move the iron and steel


and Ohio. In these cities the blast furnace can be placed close to the

ore dock where the steamer unloads, and as a result the ore can be

handled more economically. It was this important factor that caused

the United States Steel Corporation to locate to Ohio, where it has

erected the largest and most complete plant in the world for the

manufacture of steel.

Improved and Concise: At present, we must move the iron and steel





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and Ohio. In these cities we can place the blast furnace close to the

ore dock where the steamer unloads. We can then handle the ore

more economically. This important factor caused the United States

Steel Corporation to locate to Ohio, where it has erected the world's

largest and most complete plant to manufacture steel.

Awkward: The basement is of cement and it extends under the entire

house. A furnace of modern design is located at one end and is

arranged so that it can be regulated from the living-room upstairs.

The laundry-room occupies the entire south half of the basement and

it is light and sanitary. (" See-saw" sentences; and in addition, each

begins with the subject.)

Improved: The basement, which is of cement, extends under the

entire house. At one end is a furnace of modern design, so arranged

that it can be regulated from the living-room upstairs. A light,

sanitary laundry-room occupies the entire south half of the basement.

Improved and Concise: The basement, made of cement, extends

under the entire house. A modern furnace at one end can be

regulated from the living room upstairs. A light, sanitary laundry-

room occupies the entire south half of the basement.




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How to Avoid Careless and Awkward Repetition

Careless repetition—the kind that results from a limited vocabulary

or from laziness to find an appropriate substitute—is always

objectionable. On the other hand, intelligent repetition is sometimes

used for emphasis.

Tip 1: Avoid the careless and awkward repetition of words.

This caution applies to all classes of words—to prepositions and

conjunctions as well as to the more conspicuous parts of speech, such

as nouns and verbs.

The remedy is to substitute a synonym or a pronoun for the repeated

word or to change the construction of the sentence.




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Awkward: The boards are then passed on to the different cutters

who cut them into certain lengths. One set of workers cuts boards for

the sides and tops, while another cuts the end boards.

Improved: The boards are then passed on to different cutters who

saw them into certain lengths. The pieces for the sides and tops are

cut by one set of workers; those for the ends by another group.

Improved and Concise: The foreman passes the boards to the

cutters who saw them into certain lengths. One group cuts the pieces

for the sides and tops, and a second group cuts the ends.

Awkward: The boiler used for making the steam is the chief factor in

making the steam car a success.

Improved: The boiler is the main factor in making the steam car a

success.

Awkward: Each number is repeated eight times to enable the

librarian to get used to finding it quickly.

Improved: Each number is repeated eight times in order that the

librarian may become accustomed to finding it quickly.




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Improved and Concise: Repeat each number eight times so that the

librarian becomes accustomed to finding it quickly.

Awkward: Many students are without text books this year because

of the lack of foresight of the present shortage in paper.

Improved: Many of the students are without text books this year

because they did not foresee the shortage in paper.

Improved and Concise: Many students do not have text books this

year because they did not foresee the paper shortage.

Tip 2: Do not use a word in two different senses in the same

sentence.

Awkward: In those early days, sulphuric acid was but a curiosity, but

today industrial chemistry could not exist if the supply of this acid

were stopped.

Improved: In those early days, sulphuric acid was only a curiosity,

but today industrial chemistry could not exist if the supply of this

acid were stopped.




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Improved and Concise: In ancient times, sulphuric acid was only a

curiosity, but today industrial chemistry could not exist if we stopped

producing this acid.

Tip 3: Tandem Clauses. As a general rule, do not use two

successive clauses introduced by the same connective, unless they

both refer to the same word.

Awkward: Between the walls is a two-inch space which is packed

with granulated cork, which is the most effective non-conductor of

heat yet discovered.

Improved: Between the walls is a two-inch space packed with

granulated cork, which is the most effective non-conductor of heat

yet discovered.

Awkward: The upper floors of the building were completely

destroyed, for the firemen were unable to reach the flames, for the

water-pressure was too weak.

Improved: The upper floors of the building were completely

destroyed, for the water-pressure was so weak that the firemen were

unable to reach the flames.




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Improved and Concise: The firemen were unable to reach the

flames because of weak water-pressure, causing the fire to destroy

the upper floors of the building.

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Avoid Avoid Avoid Avoid Redundant Repetition of Redundant Repetition of Redundant Repetition of Redundant Repetition of ThatThatThatThat

In a noun clause introduced by that, you should be careful not to

repeat the conjunction after a number of intervening words because

you are likely to forget that you have already used it.

Wrong: We have decided that since labor and materials are sure to

be lower within a few months that it would be inadvisable to begin

the construction now.

Right: We have decided that since labor and materials are sure to be

lower within a few months, it would be inadvisable to begin the

construction now.




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Better: We have decided to postpone construction because we

believe the cost of labor and materials will drop within a few months.

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Effective Effective Effective Effective Use of Use of Use of Use of RepetitionRepetitionRepetitionRepetition

Tip 1: Sometimes we can repeat an important word for

emphasis.

Right: They were starving—starving in a land of plenty.

Right: It [the work of the Peace Conference] is full of perils; perils

for this country, perils for all lands, perils for the people throughout

the world. (Lloyd George.)

Right: We wish peace; but we wish the peace of justice, the peace of

righteousness. (Theodore Roosevelt.)

Tip 2: Effective Repetition of the Same Form of Construction.




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You can add emphasis and clearness by repeating the same form of

construction—noun clause, adverbial clause, infinitive phrase,

prepositional phrase, and the like—introduced by the same

connective.

Use this device only when your sentence has parallel expressions are

parallel: that is, when they perform the same function in the sentence.

Right: If you believe that honesty and hard work are needed in city

government, if you believe that faithful service to the public should

be rewarded, you should work for the re-election of this candidate.

Right and Concise: If you believe the city government needs

honesty and hard work, if you believe the public should reward you

for faithful service, then you should work to re-elect this candidate.

Right: Any sort of restraint, whether by military force, by

legislation, or by public opinion, is obnoxious to this group of

radicals.

Right: Based on the objectives of scientists, they need to determine

the constituents of which the material world is composed, to reduce

these constituents to their simplest forms, and to build up new

chemical compounds from them.




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Right and Concise: The scientists' objectives are to determine what

elements compose our world, to reduce these elements to their

simplest forms, and to create new chemical compounds from them.

In these cases we should repeat the connective wherever the

repetition will make the statement clearer or more emphatic.

Not Clear: The courses are intended for students who have had

experience in the banking business and also those in other kinds of

work who wish to get a better knowledge of the Federal Reserve

System.

Improved: The courses are intended for students who have had

experience in the banking business and also for those who wish to

get a better knowledge of the Federal Reserve System.

Improved and Concise: The courses are for students who have prior

experience in the banking business and also for students who want to

learn more about the Federal Reserve System.

Not Clear: The auditor said that the cashier is under suspicion, and

there can be no doubt as to his guilt. (Does the writer or the auditor

say that the cashier is guilty?)




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Improved: The auditor said that the cashier is under suspicion and

that there can be no doubt as to his guilt.

Improved and Concise: The auditor said that the cashier, who is

under suspicion, is guilty.

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Effective Balance ofEffective Balance ofEffective Balance ofEffective Balance of ConstructionsConstructionsConstructionsConstructions

For special emphasis, you can place two contrasted thoughts (less

frequently two similar thoughts) in balanced constructions.

Balanced constructions are similar in form. We build them in such a

way that one seems to weigh itself against the other. Unlike the

expressions in the preceding sections, they do not necessarily begin

with the same word.

Not Balanced—Weak: In New York, subways are built, but in

Chicago the plans never get beyond the talking stage.




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Balanced—Emphatic: New York builds subways; Chicago talks

about building them.

Not Balanced: These goods are of excellent quality, and a low price

has been put on them.

Balanced—More Emphatic: The quality of these goods is excellent,

and the price is low.

(Or)

Balanced—More Emphatic: These goods are excellent in quality

and low in price.

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Effective Starts and StopsEffective Starts and StopsEffective Starts and StopsEffective Starts and Stops

The most prominent places in the sentence are the beginning and the

end. The skillful writer takes advantage of this fact, whenever




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possible. He places important statements at the beginning or end to

add attention and emphasis. In some cases you should use the

beginning for making a smooth transition from the preceding

sentence; you cannot always reserve the beginning for emphatic

statements. In general, the end is more significant than the

beginning, especially for emphasis.

Feeble Ending

Never end a sentence with a weak, straggling phrase or subordinate

clause. This caution does not apply to a phrase or clause which makes

a definite contribution to the thought. It refers to those expressions

which contain a weak and hesitating modification of the main idea, or

give the impression of being an after-thought. We should avoid these

expressions within the sentence, or if this is impractical we can place

them at the beginning.

Weak: Our future prosperity depends upon the co-operation of

capital and labor, to a large extent.

More Emphatic: Our future prosperity, to a large extent, depends

on the co-operation of capital and labor.




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Weak: An excess of magnesia in the cement will cause it to expand

and crack in time.

More Emphatic: An excess of magnesia in the cement will, in time,

cause it to expand and crack.

Weak: This device is adapted for use only with plate cameras having

removable holders, for reasons which will be explained later.

More Emphatic: For reasons which will be explained later, this

device is adapted for use only with plate cameras having removable

holders.

Emphatic and Concise: For reasons I will explain later, we can use

only this device with plate cameras having removable holders.

A Preposition at the End of a Sentence

As a general rule, a preposition makes a weak ending for a sentence.

Weak: The parlor, a medium-sized room, artistically decorated,

makes a very attractive place to entertain your guests in.




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More Emphatic: The parlor, a medium-sized room and artistically

decorated, makes a very attractive place in which to entertain your

guests.

Emphatic and Concise: The parlor, a medium-sized room and

artistically decorated, makes an attractive place to entertain guests.

In some cases, a preposition may properly stand at the end of a

sentence. This is especially true in certain questions that lose their

effectiveness if you use another construction.

Emphatic: Where did you come from? ("From where did

you come?" would be much less effective.)

Emphatic: What did you do that for? (More emphatic than

"Why did you do that?")

Certain sentences (see below) are also allowed in speaking and some

informal types of writing.

Allowable: This is the article that you were talking about.

Allowable: He is the man that you asked for.




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The Periodic Sentence

For special emphasis, you can place the main thought at the end of

the sentence. This type of construction produces what is known as

the periodic sentence.

Not Periodic: Four members sprang to their feet as soon as the

chairman finished his remarks.

Periodic—More Emphatic: As soon as the chairman finished his

remarks, four members sprang to their feet.

In practice, not all sentences, or even the majority of them, are made

periodic. The constant use of this type would produce a stiff and

monotonous style; but when employed judiciously, it is a valuable aid

to emphasis.

Note—Strictly speaking, a periodic sentence is one in which the

grammatical construction is not complete until the end of the

sentence is reached. For practical purposes, we can regard a periodic

sentence when we place a main clause last.




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Transposed Elements

We can emphasize a word by transposing it— giving it a position

different from its normal one. This is especially true of direct objects

(words or clauses), predicate adjectives, and adverbs placed at the

beginning of the sentence. Direct objects and predicate adjectives

normally follow the verb; adverbs either precede or follow the verb.

When we place them at the beginning of the sentence, the

unusualness of the position serves to attract the reader's attention to

them.

Normal: Although he was tired, he refused to rest.

More Emphatic: Tired as he was, he refused to rest.

Normal: We are always willing to help the poor.

More Emphatic: The poor...we are always willing to help.

Normal: He is willing to admit that he has failed.

More Emphatic: "I have failed," he admitted.

Normal: The procession moved slowly through the crowded street.




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More Emphatic: Slowly the procession moved through the crowded

street.

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How to Create How to Create How to Create How to Create ClimaxClimaxClimaxClimax in Your Sentencein Your Sentencein Your Sentencein Your Sentencessss

In a series of words and phrases that vary in relative importance, you

should arrange the members with the weakest first and the strongest

last.

Anti-climax: He was a prominent jurist, a distinguished lawyer, and

a skillful politician.

Improved: He was a skillful politician, a distinguished lawyer, and a

prominent jurist.




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The Shorter Element before a Longer One in a Series

As a general rule, the shorter member of a series should precede the

longer member. In this way we secure one form of climactic

arrangement.

Awkward: The book is beautifully illustrated in colors and

interesting.

Improved: The book is interesting and beautifully illustrated in

colors.

A Negative Statement Before a Contrasted Affirmative One

In many cases, placing a negative statement before an affirmative

contrasted statement makes a more emphatic sentence.

Less Emphatic: He failed because he was over confident, not because

he was over trained.

More Emphatic: He failed, not because he was over trained, but

because he was over confident.




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Less Emphatic: His actions were guided by a desire for power, not

by love of humanity.

More Emphatic: His actions were guided, not by love of humanity,

but by a desire for power.

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Effectiveness of Active VoiceEffectiveness of Active VoiceEffectiveness of Active VoiceEffectiveness of Active Voice

Do not use the passive voice when the active voice would be more

natural and definite. Especially avoid the passive voice when it does

not clearly indicate the person or thing to which the statement refers.

Awkward: You know that your efforts are appreciated by us.

Improved: You know that we appreciate your efforts.

Awkward and Indefinite: The committee has worked faithfully and

a number of reforms have been passed. (Who effected the reforms?)




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Improved: The committee has worked faithfully and has passed a

number of reforms.

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Specific Vs. General StyleSpecific Vs. General StyleSpecific Vs. General StyleSpecific Vs. General Style

For emphasis, make a statement concrete by using specific words,

details, and examples. General statements have a legitimate use in

carrying the reader over less important parts of an article, but they

are not suitable for passages that you need to emphasize. The specific

style is more vivid and it will stimulate the reader's imagination and

thought.

General: This machine is guaranteed not to injure any fabric.

Specific—More Effective: This machine is guaranteed not to tear

the finest chiffon or the most delicate lace.

General: By means of production you can become familiar with the

manufacturing processes used in different cities.




38

Specific—More Effective: By means of international production

you can become familiar with the process of manufacturing steel rails

in Pittsburgh, silk in Japan, and laces in France.

General: Everybody uses this car.

Specific—More Effective: Everybody uses this car—bankers,

lawyers, students, parents, mechanics, United States Senators.

General: All these companies made huge profits during the economy

and disbursed relatively little in dividends.

Specific Example Added: During the 2010 recession, all these

companies made huge profits, and disbursed little in dividends. For

example, the Corolla Steel Co. earned $179.96 a share on the

common stock, and paid out only $22.00 a share in dividends.

�




39

Using Using Using Using Definite, Direct StatementsDefinite, Direct StatementsDefinite, Direct StatementsDefinite, Direct Statements

Make definite, direct, straightforward statements. Do not be satisfied

with an approximate statement of a thought. Avoid awkward and

involved expressions.

Not Definite: Because of recent conditions, Europe is very limited in

the industry producing wool.

Improved—More Direct: Because of the recent war, Europe is

producing little wool.

Improved—More Direct and Specific: Because of the recent war,

Europe is producing only five percent of its normal amount of wool.

Not Definite: A notable difference between bank panics and

industrial depressions is the length of time of each.

Improved: A notable difference between bank panics and industrial

depressions is that the latter cover a longer period of time.

Awkward and Involved: Here the student will get instruction which

cannot help being an aid to him in the betterment of the daily

pursuance of his duties.




40

Improved: Here the student will get instruction which will be of

benefit to him in his daily work.

Improved, Specific and Concise: The new school will provide the

student with advanced English lessons which will benefit him in his

daily work.

�

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