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HOW TO RESOLVE HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS WITHOUT CONFLICTS WITHOUT OFFENDING ANYONEOFFENDING ANYONE
IF YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH OTHERIF YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH OTHER
PEOPLE, YOU WILL, SOONER OR LATER,PEOPLE, YOU WILL, SOONER OR LATER,
HAVE TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT.HAVE TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT.
CONFLICT IS NOT INHERENTLY BAD.CONFLICT IS NOT INHERENTLY BAD.
IN FACT, CONFLICT SIMPLY STEMS IN FACT, CONFLICT SIMPLY STEMS FROMFROM
DIFFERING VIEWPOINTS.DIFFERING VIEWPOINTS.
SINCE NO TWO PEOPLE VIEW THESINCE NO TWO PEOPLE VIEW THE
WORLD EXACTLY THE SAME WAY,WORLD EXACTLY THE SAME WAY,
DISAGREEMENT IS QUITE NORMAL.DISAGREEMENT IS QUITE NORMAL.
CONFLICT DEVELOPS BECAUSE WECONFLICT DEVELOPS BECAUSE WE
ARE DEALING WITH PEOPLE’S LIVES,ARE DEALING WITH PEOPLE’S LIVES,
JOBS, CHILDREN, PRIDE, SELF-CONCEPT,JOBS, CHILDREN, PRIDE, SELF-CONCEPT,
EGO AND SENSE OF MISSION OREGO AND SENSE OF MISSION OR
PURPOSE.PURPOSE.
EARLY INDICATORS OF CONFLICTEARLY INDICATORS OF CONFLICT
CAN BE RECOGNIZED. THEY ARE:CAN BE RECOGNIZED. THEY ARE:
1) BODY LANGUAGE(CROSSED ARMS)1) BODY LANGUAGE(CROSSED ARMS)
2) DISAGREEMENTS, REGARDLESS OF2) DISAGREEMENTS, REGARDLESS OF
ISSUE.ISSUE.
3. INCREASING LACK OF RESPECT3. INCREASING LACK OF RESPECT
FOR YOU OR THE CLUB.FOR YOU OR THE CLUB.
4. STRONG PUBLIC STATEMENTS.4. STRONG PUBLIC STATEMENTS.
(IN PERSON OR THROUGH (IN PERSON OR THROUGH MEDIA)MEDIA)
WHEN CONFLICT IS WHEN CONFLICT IS DESTRUCTIVE?DESTRUCTIVE?
CONFLICT IS DESTRUCTIVE WHEN IT:CONFLICT IS DESTRUCTIVE WHEN IT:
1) TAKES ATTENTION AWAY FROM 1) TAKES ATTENTION AWAY FROM
OTHER IMPORTANT ACTIVITIES.OTHER IMPORTANT ACTIVITIES.
2) POLARIZES PEOPLE AND GROUPS2) POLARIZES PEOPLE AND GROUPS
REDUCING COOPERATION.REDUCING COOPERATION.
3. UNDERMINES MORALE OR SELF-3. UNDERMINES MORALE OR SELF-
CONCEPT.CONCEPT.
4) LEADS TO IRRESPONSIBLE AND4) LEADS TO IRRESPONSIBLE AND
HARMFUL BEHAVIOR, SUCH ASHARMFUL BEHAVIOR, SUCH AS
FIGHTING, NAME CALLING.FIGHTING, NAME CALLING.
WHEN IS CONFLICT WHEN IS CONFLICT CONSTRUCTIVE?CONSTRUCTIVE?
CONFLICT IS CONSTRUCTIVE WHEN IT:CONFLICT IS CONSTRUCTIVE WHEN IT:
1) RESULTS IN CLARIFICATION OF 1) RESULTS IN CLARIFICATION OF
IMPORTANT PROBLEMS AND IMPORTANT PROBLEMS AND ISSUES.ISSUES.
2) RESULTS IN SOLUTION TO 2) RESULTS IN SOLUTION TO PROBLEMS.PROBLEMS.
3. HELPS RELEASE EMOTION, ANXIETY,3. HELPS RELEASE EMOTION, ANXIETY,
AND STRESS.AND STRESS.
4) HELPS PEOPLE UNDERSTAND4) HELPS PEOPLE UNDERSTAND
THEMSELVES AND THE GROUP.THEMSELVES AND THE GROUP.
5. BUILDS COOPERATION AMONG5. BUILDS COOPERATION AMONG
PEOPLE THORUGH LEARNING PEOPLE THORUGH LEARNING ABOUTABOUT
EACH OTHER.EACH OTHER.
IN THIS MODULE TODAY WE ARE GOINGIN THIS MODULE TODAY WE ARE GOING
TO EXAMINE TWO MAIN AREAS WHERETO EXAMINE TWO MAIN AREAS WHERE
CONFLICTS OCCUR IN LIONISM:CONFLICTS OCCUR IN LIONISM:
1) CONFLICTS IN INTERPERSONAL1) CONFLICTS IN INTERPERSONAL
RELATIONSHIPSRELATIONSHIPS
2) CONFLICTS IN MEETINGS2) CONFLICTS IN MEETINGS
CONFLICTS IN CONFLICTS IN INTERPERSONAL INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPSRELATIONSHIPSSOMETIMES IN INTERPERSONALSOMETIMES IN INTERPERSONAL
RELATIONSHIPS, SUCH AS YOU ANDRELATIONSHIPS, SUCH AS YOU AND
ANOTHER MEMBER OF YOUR CLUB,ANOTHER MEMBER OF YOUR CLUB,
THERE MAY BE A CONFLICT THAT THERE MAY BE A CONFLICT THAT YOUYOU
ARE NOT AWARE OF.ARE NOT AWARE OF.
IF SOMEONE WHO IS NORMALLY IF SOMEONE WHO IS NORMALLY UPBEATUPBEAT
AND FRIENDLY TOWARD YOU AND FRIENDLY TOWARD YOU SUDDENLYSUDDENLY
BEGINS AVOIDING YOU OR BEINGBEGINS AVOIDING YOU OR BEING
RUDE, THERE IS USUALLY A REASON.RUDE, THERE IS USUALLY A REASON.
IF THE PERSON HAS REMAINEDIF THE PERSON HAS REMAINED
CHEERFUL WITH EVERYONE ELSE CHEERFUL WITH EVERYONE ELSE BUTBUT
YOU, THE CHANCES ARE YOU AREYOU, THE CHANCES ARE YOU ARE
DEALING WITH A CONFLICT DEALING WITH A CONFLICT SITUATION.SITUATION.
IN THESE INSTANCES, YOU WILL WANTIN THESE INSTANCES, YOU WILL WANT
TO ADDRESS THE PROBLEM BYTO ADDRESS THE PROBLEM BY
PROCEEDING THROUGH THE FOLLOWINGPROCEEDING THROUGH THE FOLLOWING
STEPS:STEPS:
1) TRY TO DETERMINE IF THERE IS A1) TRY TO DETERMINE IF THERE IS A
PROBLEM BETWEEN YOU AND THEPROBLEM BETWEEN YOU AND THE
OTHER PERSON.OTHER PERSON.
2. IF YOU THINK THERE IS A 2. IF YOU THINK THERE IS A PROBLEM,PROBLEM,
SET UP A FACE-TO-FACE SET UP A FACE-TO-FACE MEETINGMEETING
TO DISCUSS THE PROBLEM WITH TO DISCUSS THE PROBLEM WITH
THE OTHER PERSON.THE OTHER PERSON.
3.IN A NONCONFRONTATIONAL 3.IN A NONCONFRONTATIONAL MANNERMANNER
ASK THE PERSON IF THERE IS AASK THE PERSON IF THERE IS A
PROBLEM. IF HIS/HER ANSWER ISPROBLEM. IF HIS/HER ANSWER IS
“ “NO” INFORM THE PERSON THAT YOUNO” INFORM THE PERSON THAT YOU
THINK THERE IS A PROBLEM AND THINK THERE IS A PROBLEM AND
EXPLAIN WHAT YOU THINK THE EXPLAIN WHAT YOU THINK THE
PROBLEM IS.PROBLEM IS.
4. AS YOU TALK, ASK FOR 4. AS YOU TALK, ASK FOR FEEDBACK.FEEDBACK.
DO NOT “ATTACK” THE OTHERDO NOT “ATTACK” THE OTHER
PERSON WITH ACCUSATIONS.PERSON WITH ACCUSATIONS.
5. TRY TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER5. TRY TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER
WITH OPEN MINDS.WITH OPEN MINDS.
6. BE SURE TO RESPECT EACH 6. BE SURE TO RESPECT EACH
OTHER’S OPINIONS. AGREE TO OTHER’S OPINIONS. AGREE TO
DISAGREE.DISAGREE.
7. TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO 7. TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO RECYCLERECYCLE
THE OTHER PERSON’S OPINIONSTHE OTHER PERSON’S OPINIONS
IN YOUR MIND.IN YOUR MIND.
8. TRY TO DETERMINE WHY THE 8. TRY TO DETERMINE WHY THE
OTHER PERSON FELT THE WAYOTHER PERSON FELT THE WAY
THEY DID.THEY DID.
9. AVOID “FINGER-POINTING.”9. AVOID “FINGER-POINTING.”
10. FINALLY, TRY TO WORK OUT A10. FINALLY, TRY TO WORK OUT A
COMPROMISE THAT PLEASES COMPROMISE THAT PLEASES BOTHBOTH
OF YOU.OF YOU.
CONFLICTS IN CONFLICTS IN MEETINGSMEETINGS
CONFLICTS IN MEETINGS CAN BE VERYCONFLICTS IN MEETINGS CAN BE VERY
DISRUPTIVE. BUT THEY CAN ALSO BEDISRUPTIVE. BUT THEY CAN ALSO BE
VERY HELPFUL. VERY HELPFUL. REMEMBER CONFLICTSREMEMBER CONFLICTS
ARE DISAGREEMENTS.ARE DISAGREEMENTS.
IF THE PERSON WHO IS DISAGREEING IF THE PERSON WHO IS DISAGREEING
WITH YOU IS RAISING WITH YOU IS RAISING VALIDVALID QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS,
IT MAY BENEFIT THE CLUB TO ADDRESSIT MAY BENEFIT THE CLUB TO ADDRESS
THE ISSUES THEY ARE PRESENTING.THE ISSUES THEY ARE PRESENTING.
IN FACT, BY LISTENING TO THEM, YOUIN FACT, BY LISTENING TO THEM, YOU
MAY GAIN VALUABLE INSIGHT INTO MAY GAIN VALUABLE INSIGHT INTO
WHAT IS AND WHAT IS NOT WORKINGWHAT IS AND WHAT IS NOT WORKING
IN YOUR CLUB.IN YOUR CLUB.
HOWEVER, IF THE PERSON CONTINUESHOWEVER, IF THE PERSON CONTINUES
PAST THE POINT OF DISAGREEMENT PAST THE POINT OF DISAGREEMENT
TO THE POINT DISRUPTIVENESS,TO THE POINT DISRUPTIVENESS,
SPECIFIC STEPS SHOULD BE TAKEN.SPECIFIC STEPS SHOULD BE TAKEN.
TACTICS FOR GAINING TACTICS FOR GAINING CONTROLCONTROL
1) FIND SOME “GRAIN OF TRUTH” 1) FIND SOME “GRAIN OF TRUTH” IN THE OTHER PERSON’S IN THE OTHER PERSON’S POSITION THAT YOU CAN POSITION THAT YOU CAN BUILD UPON.BUILD UPON.
2) IDENTIFY AREAS OF 2) IDENTIFY AREAS OF AGREEMENTAGREEMENT
3) DEFER THE SUBJECT TO LATER IN 3) DEFER THE SUBJECT TO LATER IN
THE MEETING TO HANDLE.THE MEETING TO HANDLE.
4) HAVE YOUR SECRETARY TAKE NOTE4) HAVE YOUR SECRETARY TAKE NOTE
OF THE SUBJECT AND DISCUSS ATOF THE SUBJECT AND DISCUSS AT
NEXT MEETING NEXT MEETING
5) ASK TO SPEAK WITH THE INDIVIDUAL5) ASK TO SPEAK WITH THE INDIVIDUAL
AT YOUR BREAK OR AFTER THEAT YOUR BREAK OR AFTER THE
MEETING.MEETING.
6) SEE IF SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT HAVE6) SEE IF SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT HAVE
A RESPONSE OR RECOMMENDATION.A RESPONSE OR RECOMMENDATION.
7) AGREE THAT THE PERSON HAS A7) AGREE THAT THE PERSON HAS A
VALID POINT AND THERE MAY BE VALID POINT AND THERE MAY BE
SOME WAY TO MAKE THE SITUATIONSOME WAY TO MAKE THE SITUATION
WORK FOR BOTH PARTIES.WORK FOR BOTH PARTIES.
RULES FOR DISAGREEING RULES FOR DISAGREEING DIPLOMATICALLYDIPLOMATICALLY
REGARDLESS OF THE TYPE OF CONFLICTREGARDLESS OF THE TYPE OF CONFLICT
YOU ARE DEALING WITH, THERE ARE AYOU ARE DEALING WITH, THERE ARE A
FEW GENERAL RULES YOU SHOULD FEW GENERAL RULES YOU SHOULD
FOLLOW WHENEVER YOU ARE TRYING TOFOLLOW WHENEVER YOU ARE TRYING TO
BRING HARMONY TO A VOLATILEBRING HARMONY TO A VOLATILE
SITUATION. HERE THEY ARE:SITUATION. HERE THEY ARE:
1) REFLECT YOUR UNDERSTANDING1) REFLECT YOUR UNDERSTANDING
OF THE OTHER’S POSITION OROF THE OTHER’S POSITION OR
OPINION. SAY THINGS LIKE:OPINION. SAY THINGS LIKE:
““I FEEL, I THINK, I WANT, ETC.”I FEEL, I THINK, I WANT, ETC.”
THIS SAYS, “I AM LISTENING TO YOURTHIS SAYS, “I AM LISTENING TO YOUR
OPINION AND I TAKE YOUR OPINIONOPINION AND I TAKE YOUR OPINION
INTO ACCOUNT BEFORE I STATE INTO ACCOUNT BEFORE I STATE MINE.”MINE.”
2) LET THE OTHER PERSON KNOW2) LET THE OTHER PERSON KNOW
THAT YOU VALUE HIM/HER AS ATHAT YOU VALUE HIM/HER AS A
PERSON EVEN THOUGH HIS/HERPERSON EVEN THOUGH HIS/HER
OPINION IS DIFFERENT FROM OPINION IS DIFFERENT FROM
YOURS.YOURS.
SAY THINGS LIKE:SAY THINGS LIKE:
““I UNDERSTAND, APPRECIATE, I UNDERSTAND, APPRECIATE, RESPECT,RESPECT,
SEE HOW YOU WOULD FEEL THAT SEE HOW YOU WOULD FEEL THAT WAY.”WAY.”
THIS SAYS, “I HEAR YOU AND THIS SAYS, “I HEAR YOU AND RESPECTRESPECT
YOUR OPINION.”YOUR OPINION.”
3) FINALLY, STATE YOUR POSITION OR3) FINALLY, STATE YOUR POSITION OR
OPINION. “I FEEL, THINK, WANT, ETC.”OPINION. “I FEEL, THINK, WANT, ETC.”
THIS SAYS, “I DON’T AGREE, BUT I THIS SAYS, “I DON’T AGREE, BUT I
VALUE YOU- SO LET’S EXCHANGE IDEASVALUE YOU- SO LET’S EXCHANGE IDEAS
COMFORTABLY, NOT AS A CONTESTCOMFORTABLY, NOT AS A CONTEST
FOR SUPERIORITY.”FOR SUPERIORITY.”
THIS CONCLUDES YOUR DISTRICTTHIS CONCLUDES YOUR DISTRICT
LIONS CLUB TRAINING ON LIONS CLUB TRAINING ON CONFLICTCONFLICT
RESOLUTION.RESOLUTION.
THANK YOU!THANK YOU!