How to Relate to Your Parents

How well do you get along with your parents? Do you ever wish you could relate

to them better? The following tips will help you

to positively influence them to have a better

relationship with you.

Independence• What is it?• Freedom-Control-Power• Increased freedom brings

increased responsibility• When you are more responsible,

you’ll get more FREEDOM!

Parents have the same basic needs that you

do. • Maslow

- Researched human behavior- Everyone has 5 needs that need to

be met before they can fill fulfilled.

Needs• Physical: provide for our well-

being. Food, warmth, shelter, etc.• Safety: Physical and mental

security- free from abuse, hostility, danger, etc.

• Love: Love and acceptance. Everyone needs to feel needed.

• Esteem: higher needs that everyone must have. Poor self-esteem will prevent people from fulfilling their potential. Need a sense of purpose.

• Self-actualization: A sense of purpose and fulfillment. Fighting for a cause– achieving goals, etc.

Needs Identification Examples

Remember!• Teens and parents all have the

SAME basic needs in life! They were teenagers once, too.

• You can contribute to your parents’ stress or help to relieve it!

• Remember our communication techniques!!

1. Encourage your parents through good behavior.

• Show them how much you are growing up in the way you behave:– What you do at school /grades– How truthful you are– How polite you are to others– How well you do your chores

(without being asked!)– How you handle money– How you show appreciation (Please,

Thank You, I Love You)– The way you take care of your

possessions

2. Be considerate of Mom and Dad!

• Don’t just expect things to be given to you. Remember, they are the ones “bringing home the bacon” for you. Ask nicely and be prepared if they say “no.”

• If they do say “No,” do not resort to child-like communication! It will only cause them to react in a parent-like way.

• Don’t be demanding! – Let them listen to what they want

on the radio or watch on TV once in awhile.

3. Tell them “Thank You” at least once a day. • Thanks for what?

– Providing for me (food, shelter, school supplies, entertainment, spending money, support, protection, cell phone, etc.)

• When you tell your parents “thanks”, and really mean it, your life will become easier. Everyone likes to be thanked.

• Don’t take your parents for granted. Circumstances in life can change overnight.

• Never assume that your parents “owe” you a living simply because they brought you into this world. They do owe you love, guidance, direction, instruction, time and protection, but they do not owe you a living.

• You are the one responsible, as a young person, to learn how to make do with what you have-to appreciate what you have been given and make the most of it.

4. Do something special for your parents.

• The key is to do something for your parents BEFORE they ask. – Suggestions: clean your room,

help clean the house, wash the dishes, fix dinner, offer the baby-sit younger siblings, etc.

• When you do something unexpected, you are telling them by your actions that you respect and love them. They will then show you more respect and be willing to give you more privileges.

5. Apologize when you’ve done something wrong.

• Everyone makes mistakes. It is part of being human.

• Don’t be afraid to tell your parents that you’re sorry when you have done something wrong.

• It is a sure sign of a responsible adult to admit when you are wrong.

• If you are sincere when you apologize, they will be more apt to treat you like an adult. They will also have more respect for you.

6. Don’t do anything that could betray the trust of your parents or

cause them to question your honesty.

• This is the most important thing you can do if you really want to positively influence your parents!

• The more trust your parents have in you, the more freedom you will have!

• It is VERY difficult to repair that trust once it is broken because of poor choices or behavior.

7. Don’t judge your parents.• Remember, everyone makes

mistakes, even parents!• Whenever you see some of your

parents’ faults, remember that no one is perfect.

• It is difficult being a parent! Try to imagine yourself in their shoes. Would you really want all of the responsibility that a parent has to deal with?

8. Ask your parents for advice.

• Ask your parents for advice about things that are important to you. Believe it or not, they WANT you to turn to them for help.

• Remember, your parents were teenagers once too! They have been where you are and they have a lot of good, solid advice that they can share with you.

• This is also a great way to develop a deeper and more sensitive relationship with your parents.

9. Talk to your parents!• As hard as you think it might be to

do, it is a great way to strengthen your relationship.

• Try talking to your parents like you talk to your friends.

• Your parents WANT you to share experiences, talk about your problems and ask for advice.

10. Spend time with your parents.

• Spending time with your parents also strengthens your relationship.

• Try to plan one night a week where you “hang-out” with your family. (Play games or watch movies together, etc.)

• Individual time with your parents is also very important to develop a greater relationship with them.

• Remember, quality time is more important than quantity time.

Case Studies