How To Protect Your Parents’ Assets, Honor Their Wishes ... · protected, their wishes are honored, and that you have the legal documents necessary to communicate with doctors,

Surviving The “Sandwiched” Years:

How To Protect Your Parents’ Assets, Honor Their Wishes & Provide Long-Term

Care…Without Losing Your Money—Or Your Mind!

By Gary Brainin, Esq.

Surviving The “Sandwiched” Years ........................................................................................................................2

You don't get to choose how you're going to die, or when.

You can only decide how you're going to live. –Joan Baez

No one ever said caring for aging parents would be easy…

…especially when you’re still providing

care and support to your own children

at home!

It’s no wonder why this unique group of

people caring for young kids and

aging parents is known as the

“Sandwich Generation,” as they are

continually pressed from all sides with

mounting emotional, physical, and

financial demands.

Perhaps you find yourself among them

today.

This e-book is designed to help you

avoid common traps and mistakes that

can cost your family tremendous time,

money, and aggravation during the

golden years.

It will also empower you to make great

decisions and secure important

resources for mom or dad during a

time of intense pressure and stress.

It’s no secret that long-term care is

expensive; however, with a little

guidance and advanced planning,

you can ensure mom and dad get the

care they need without having to

“spend down” all of their assets or pay

for costs out of your own pocket.

You’ll also learn how to protect their

independence while still maintaining

legal oversight and control.

Most importantly, you’ll have the

peace of mind knowing that mom and

dad’s affairs are in order so you can

focus on providing the best care and

enjoying every second left with your

parents.


If at any point you have questions about your situation, I encourage you to jump ahead to the end of this guide and use the

certificate entitling you to a free planning session with our office ($550 value).

During this session, we’ll sit down with you and your parents to create a comprehensive roadmap to ensure their assets are

protected, their wishes are honored, and that you have the legal documents necessary to communicate with doctors, make critical

decisions, and properly manage their affairs.

But for now, lets jump right to the most common traps Sandwich Generation Kids face—and how to avoid them!

Gary Brainin

Most importantly, you’ll have the

peace of mind knowing that mom

and dad’s affairs are in order so

you can focus on providing the

best care and enjoying every sec-

ond left with your parents.


Mistake # 1: Avoiding “Tough Conversations” About Health

Care Wishes & Long-Term Care

Nursing homes, life-support, resuscitation, feeding tubes...

...these are all very personal and

awkward topics that no one likes to

discuss while they are in good health.

But realistically, accidents, illness, and

disability can strike without warning

and that’s why it’s so important to talk

to your parents about these issues now

while they are still able to

communicate and make their own

legal decisions.

Otherwise, you may find yourself in a

crisis situation where you are unsure of

your parent’s healthcare wishes and

how to proceed with the next best

steps.

You may also find yourself at odds with

other family members, fighting over

what mom or dad “would have

wanted” in that situation.

Worse yet, you may learn of your

parent’s wishes during a crisis only to

discover that it’s “too late” to honor

them because their current mental or

medical condition is too far

progressed.

Especially in the case of dementia or

memory loss, mom or dad’s condition

can deteriorate so rapidly that you

simply won’t have time to get legal

control to pay their bills or make

medical decisions the easy way.

I say the “easy way” because once

mom or dad loses the mental capacity

to sign legal documents such as a

Power of Attorney or a Health Care

Directive, you’ll be forced to petition

the court for a conservatorship, which is

a court process that is very expensive, entirely public, and extremely time

consuming.

That’s why it’s so important to sit down

and have hard conversations with your

parents now to ensure everyone is on

the same page and that there’s

enough time to put a solid plan in

place.

Remember, even choosing a great

nursing home or assisted living facility

can seem almost impossible if you run

up against waitlists or financial hurdles

that prevent your parents from getting

great care.


To get the conversations rolling, here

are a few key issues to begin discussing

with your parents. Approach them gently with their continued

independence and best wishes in

mind:

What are your wishes for emergency or

end-of-life medical care (i.e., life

support, feeding tubes, blood

transfusions, organ donation)? Are

there any life-saving procedures you

would NEVER want?

Who do you want to make medical

decisions and communicate with your

doctors if you are unable to speak for

yourself?

What are your thoughts on long-term

care? If you were unable to live alone,

would you prefer moving into an

assisted living facility or nursing home?

Or would you rather have in-home

assistance?

If you needed nursing home or in-

home care, how would you want us to

pay for it? What if Medicaid (Medi-Cal

in California) is not an option?

Do you have a will, trust, or other estate

planning documents or place? Where

can we find them and are they up to

date?

Who have you named in your “legal

helper” documents (i.e., power of

attorney, health care proxy)? Where

can we find the documentation we

need to handle your affairs in an

emergency?

You will find that knowing your parents’

wishes in these different situations will

make your job as a caregiver much

easier, as you will be prepared to

make great decisions under pressure

and plan ahead to secure the right

resources so you are not paying out of

pocket for their desired care if at all

avoidable.

Mistake # 1: Avoiding “Tough Conversations” About Health

Care Wishes & Long-Term Care


Mistake # 2: Assuming Medicare or Medi-Cal Will Pick Up the

Tab for Long-Term Care

When it comes to needing long-term care...

...including assisted living and in-home

assistance, many seniors and their

families are shocked to learn that

Medicare and Medi-Cal won’t cover

their expenses.

You may be surprised to know that

Medicare, which is the insurance most

seniors have with their social security

benefits, only pays for, at most, the first

100 days in a skilled nursing facility. This

is care related to a medical need such

as rehab after a fall or a stroke. After

100 days is up, any care still required

becomes the responsibility of the

patient.

Furthermore, Medicare does not cover

custodial care, which is help with the

tasks of everyday living such as

bathing, feeding, toileting, meal

preparation, or medication

management. These services are

often necessary for aging parents, but

they are not covered under their

policy.

At this point, Medi-Cal coverage may

be available to cover the remaining

expenses for both skilled nursing and

custodial care, but you must be

hovering around poverty level to

qualify.

For many seniors who have small

pensions, modest bank accounts, and

assets in their name, qualifying for Medi-Cal is not possible until

everything they’ve worked so hard for

(and planned to leave to their family) is

spent.

As you can imagine, this knowledge

can be devastating to families,

especially if both parents are still alive

and those remaining resources are

needed to support the healthy spouse.

Fortunately, there are legal and financial tools available to help your

parents pay for care or qualify for

public benefits without losing

everything they own. Tools such as

living trusts, long-term insurance,

annuities, and even planned gifting

strategies can help shield your parents’

assets or minimize out of pocket costs.

Many of these strategies must be

implemented in advance to avoid

strict penalties during look-back

periods or other hurdles due to your

parents’ medical condition, so don’t

wait to talk to an estate planning

attorney if you are relying on public

benefits to pay for your parents’ care.


Mistake # 3: Not Having Up-to-Date Documents To Manage

Mom’s or Dad’s Affairs and Stay In Control

It’s extremely common for parents to do an estate plan when their kids are...

...young and fail to re-visit and update

this plan as circumstances change

through the years.

This often results in mom or dad having

outdated documents where the

person they named as power of

attorney or health care agent 25 years

ago is no longer alive, or lives across

the country, or perhaps is no longer the

person they would want to manage

their end-of-life affairs.

Another concern is that their old estate

plan may fail to take into account the

new HIPAA laws in place, which could

make accessing medical information

extremely hard for their caregiver in an

emergency.

Finally, there’s a very good chance

that the will or trust they have in place

was not created with future long-term

care needs in mind.

Many times, parents create wills or

trusts when they are younger simply for

the peace of mind of knowing their

kids would be raised by the people

they want and their assets would be

properly distributed after death.

Incapacity planning is typically not a

concern and is often left out of a

younger person’s estate plan.

Then as our parents age, they have a

false sense of security believing they

have the right estate planning

documents in place, when in reality,

the documents they have only deal

with death and taxes and not

protecting their assets and

independence during the remaining

years of life.

The plan is not current, it doesn’t have

the right tools built in, and there’s a

good chance it simply will not work in

an emergency.

For example, over the course of your

parent’s life, property may have been

purchased or sold without updating

the trust. Unbeknownst to mom or

dad, if the new assets are not titled

properly and owned by the trust, they

may not have the protections they

think are in place.

Or the plan may be missing critical

tools to allow the family to transfer

assets and protect mom’s or dad’s

money in the event of sudden

incapacity. The family may still be

forced to set up a conservatorship,

even with a trust in place.


These mistakes and oversights are more

common than you would imagine,

which is why it’s recommended you

have your estate plan reviewed by

your lawyer every 3-5 years to ensure

it’s up-to-date and accounts for your

parents’ needs during all of life’s

transitions.

If it’s been a while since your parents

had their plan reviewed or their

attorney never talked to them about

planning ahead and protecting their

assets in the event they need long-

term care, don’t wait to schedule an

appointment with your attorney and

have everything thoroughly reviewed.

Mistake # 3: Not Having Up-to-Date Documents To Manage

Mom’s or Dad’s Affairs and Stay In Control


Mistake # 4: Do-It Yourself (DIY) Estate Planning

Getting sound legal advice is critical...

...if your parents have assets they are

trying to protect while applying for

Medi-Cal or skilled medical care. We

often see families use DIY asset

protection strategies such as adding

someone else’s name to mom’s bank

account or even switching names on

assets, only to have them backfire

miserably when a crisis situation occurs.

For example, an adult child may be

added to the title of mom’s or dad’s

home believing the state or a nursing

home cannot come after something

“jointly owned.” However, if the deed

is not worded properly or other

mistakes are made, the home may still

be subject to a huge Medi-Cal lien

after mom or dad passes.

Or, a child may add themselves to

mom’s or dad’s bank accounts with

the goal of managing their money

without formal legal documents in

place. All seems to be going well until

the adult child gets sick or is in an

accident (or even goes through a

divorce!) and now their creditors come

after the bank account they own

jointly with mom or dad.

In an instant, mom’s or dad’s entire life

savings can be gone because of a

situation that affected the joint owner

of their account. There are better (and

safer) ways to protect your parents’

money and manage their affairs

without adding yourself to their bank

accounts. It’s worth the time to sit with

an attorney and discuss your options.

Finally, many older parents will attempt

to “gift” away their money to relatives

in order protect it from the reach of

nursing homes or the state. More times

than not, this strategy backfires as

there are strict “look-back periods” in

place that can not only cause your

transfer to be discovered, but will result

in ineligibility for Medi-Cal.

This could mean your parents (and in

cases of extremely bad DIY planning—

their CHIDLREN!) will be on the hook for

all of mom’s or dad’s long-term care

costs, which could run in excess of

$8,000 a month!

Before making a gift of any size with

the goal of protecting mom’s or dad’s

money from a nursing home, talk to an

attorney first about your safest and

most effective options.

Surviving The “Sandwiched” Years ...................................................................................................................... 10

Mistake # 5: Waiting Until The Last Minute To Gather

Emergency Information

As a Sandwich Generation Kid, your life may already feel pretty crazy, but...

...nothing is worse than the chaos and

frustration of facing a serious medical

emergency without the right

documents in place.

In a crisis situation, there is simply no

time to be hunting for insurance cards,

looking for important phone numbers,

or gathering information you need to

make the very best decisions for mom

or dad.

That’s why it’s a good idea to sit down

with your parents now and begin to

compile all of the documentation you

could possibly need so that it’s

organized and easily accessible in a

medical emergency.

Such information would include:

Copies of the front and back of

cards, including your parents’

drivers license, insurance cards,

prescription cards, and military ID

cards.

The names and phone numbers of

their primary doctor, medical

specialists, and care managers.

The contact information for their

bank, financial advisor, insurance

agents, and attorneys.

The account numbers and

locations for any savings, checking,

or investment accounts.

The location of any safe deposit

boxes and how to access them in

an emergency.

A detailed list of their prior medical

history, including any surgeries,

allergies, and blood type.

A current list of their medication

and the doses they take.

Having this information handy and

organized will save you a tremendous

amount of time and headache if a

medical crisis strikes.

Once this information is compiled, be

sure to keep it in a central location so

anyone in the family can access it in a

true emergency.


Give Your Parents the Gift of Aging Without Worry or Struggle

As we mentioned at the beginning of this e-book, planning ahead for your parents’ long-

term care is certainly not easy, but...

...by avoiding these 5 common

mistakes, you’ll be well positioned

when medical and financial needs

begin to present themselves.

There’s no greater peace of mind than

knowing your parents’ bills will be paid,

their assets protected, and they will

receive the care they deserve during

their final years of life.

It’s equally reassuring to know that

there are ways to plan ahead to make

your job as a caregiver easier and

minimize the chance that you’ll have

to pay more for legal help or elder

care services during a health care

crisis.

Not to mention, it’s every parent’s

greatest fear to become a burden to

their children, and long-term care

planning can give your parents the

confidence of knowing that they can

age with dignity and leave a legacy

for their family that has nothing to do

with debt or hardship.

But, having this peace of mind starts

with sitting down with an attorney to

review your parents’ current situation

and discuss all of their options for

preserving their independence,

protecting their assets, and making it

easier for their adult children to

manage their affairs.


Give Your Parents the Gift of Aging Without Worry or Struggle

You may be nervous to take this next step because meeting with an attorney must be

expensive, right?

Well, not necessarily.

Because you’ve taken the time to read

this e-book and learn some of the best

ways to help your parents plan for the

future, we want to reward you with a

certificate to come in for a

comprehensive planning session with

our office at no charge ($550 value).

During this meeting, we’ll sit down with

you and your parents to review their

current situation and any documents

they have in place. We’ll check to

make sure they have stayed up to

date as their life (and the law) has

changed through the years, and we’ll

also let you know exactly where your

parents would stand if incapacity or a

medical crisis occurred tomorrow.

If we determine your parents have

everything in order and no further

planning needs to be done, you’ll

leave with the peace of mind knowing

that you are well prepared for the

future.

On the other hand, if you are not

satisfied with your current state of

affairs and the position your family

would be in should your parents

become incapacitated or require

long-term care, we’ll determine your

best options and help you create a

plan that honors your parents’ wishes

and adequately takes into account

their long-term care needs.

There’s no pressure, no hassles, and no

obligation to sign up for legal services

during this meeting. Caring for young

kids and aging parents is hard enough,

and our goal is to simply help you

make life easier and steer you clear of

any legal or financial nightmares that

may present themselves down the

road.

To reserve your planning session, simply

call our office at 650-422-3313 and ask

to redeem your certificate from the

Sandwich Generation e-book.

We hope you found this information

helpful and encourage you to share

this eBook with anyone you know that

may be struggling to help their parents

plan for the future. Just send them to

www.braininlaw.com/planning-for-

aging-parents-guide to request a free

copy.

Remember, time is your greatest asset

when it comes to planning for long-

term care, so don't wait to use your

certificate to sit down with an attorney

and make sure you are taking

advantage of every tool, benefit, and

opportunity to give your family the

greatest protection and security during

their senior years.

http://www.chillag.com/planning-for-aging-parents-guide

http://www.chillag.com/planning-for-aging-parents-guide

CERTIFICATE for Free Wealth Planning Session (value $550)

Schedule your Wealth Planning Session

by calling 650-422-3313

2855 Kifer Road, Suite 220

Santa Clara, CA 95051

www.braininlaw.com

About the Author

Gary Brainin

Gary Brainin is a dedicated advocate for

individuals, families, and business owners

seeking to protect themselves, their assets,

and the people they love. He believes that

serving clients is about more than just

creating documents, but instead about

establishing clear and open lines of

communication where people can feel

comfortable talking to their attorney

without fear of a bill for every phone call,

fax, or email they send.

Brainin Law Office works with clients in the

areas of estate planning, elder law, trust

administration, probate, business law, real

estate law, and construction law. Because

of this specific focus, clients can feel

confident knowing they are getting the

most up-to-date legal information and

using the most cutting-edge strategies to

secure their legacies and protect what

matters most.

Gary graduated summa cum laude from

Brandeis University with high honors in

Philosophy, in addition to his focus on Legal

Studies. He attended Stanford Law School

where he had the distinct privilege of

serving as Executive Editor of the Stanford

Law Review.

Gary joined the well-established firm of

Chillag & Associates in 1997, managing all

files and serving clients in the areas of wills,

trusts, estates, probate, real estate law,

and construction law. He took over the firm

in 2013 following Attorney Chillag’s

retirement.

He is a member of the American Academy

Estate Planning Attorneys, an exclusive

membership organization for attorneys

dedicated to providing clients with the

highest level of estate and elder law

services possible, Elder Counsel, and the

California Bar Association.

Gary is married to his fabulous wife, Sandy,

and lives in the Bay Area with his two dogs,

Sophie and Maggie (both rescues).