LIKE JOEL QUENNEVILLEHOW TO MUSTACHE YOURSELF

LIKE JOEL QUENNEVILLEHARD PART

BUILDING YOUR Q-STACHE» Mustaches should be salt and pepper. The hallmark of a good ‘stache is experience.» A mustache benefits from a good diet and exercise; be sure to feed it lots of

compliments daily, and take it on long walks.» Groom your mustache to resemble a push broom or small comb.» Crumby foods are the mustache’s kryptonite; make sure to brush properly after

every cookie, cracker and potato chip.» Treat your mustache as the main event; any additional facial hair only takes away

from the glory of your Q-stache. Give it the respect and attention it deserves.» Your mustache is a handshake for your face, and your very manhood is at stake. » Nothing goes better with a mustache than an intense glare and crossed arms. If

your friends don’t ask you what’s wrong, you’re not 100 percent there.

SO NOW WHAT? (TIPS FOR ADVANCED MUSTACHIONADOS)» Once you’ve trained, try competitive mustache competitions. Start by entering local

contests and work your way up the world rankings. Will you be the next Wolfgang Schneider or Benjamin Juergens?

» Life is simply better with a mustache. Be sure to share the joy with those in your life. Start by drawing mustaches on all of your family photos.

» Give your mustache a nickname. Ideas include but are not limited to: The Lipwarmer, Lil’ Quenneville or Chewbacca.

» Look to the Mount Rushmore of mustaches: Einstein, Twain, Selleck and Quenneville. » Never take it for granted.

SIDE EFFECTSIn most instances, your new mustache will cause side effects:» Being viewed as an “alpha male” among your family and friends.» Commanding presence among your peers and superiors.» Unceasing desire to hoist Lord Stanley’s Cup.

EASY PARTS

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Be someone who can grow a mustache.

What makes the Q-Stache so definitive and feared throughout the NHL is its integrity, dominance and the fact that it has been nurtured by YEARS OF WINNING. This requires some additional steps.Grow a mustache.

Individual results may vary. Individuals should not drive or operate heavy machinery until they know exactly how much more awesome they are with a mustache. In rare instances, individuals may be forced to remove mustaches, in which case, an adhesive mustache-wig may be your best solution. Increased intimidation and power are normal side effects of mustaches and do not go away over time. 120 BLACKHAWKS MAGAZINE DECEMBER 2011