How to Maintain a Relationship in Medical School

Overview

Effective communication

Time management

Money matters

3

Effective Communiation Skills

Softened Start-ups (Gottman, 2002)

David Burns (1999) Professional Communication &

Teamwork (Cohen, 2008)

4

Softened Start-Up Rules (Gottman Institute, 2002)

Complain, but don’t blame Start statements with “I” instead

of “you” Describe what is happening, don’t

evaluate or judge Talk clearly about what you need Be polite Give appreciation Don’t store things up

5

Effective Listening Skills (Burns, 1999)

Using the Disarming Technique Law of Opposites – find the truth & agree Use “I feel” statements non-defensively Avoid getting into who is “right” or

“wrong” Using Empathy Using Inquiry

6

Professional Communication & Teamwork (Cohen, 2008) Don’t expect perfection Choose your fights Talk directly to the person Talk behind closed doors Be cool, calm & collected Be open to different interpretations of

the same event

7

Professional Communication & Teamwork (Cohen, 2008) Intervene early Establish a goal for the interaction Empathize / find the truth in what

they are saying Ask for clarifying details Good professional relationships do not

mean you have to be friends

8

So, What does Dr. Phil have to say about this? Take it private & keep it private Keep it relevant Keep it real Avoid character assassination Remain task-oriented Allow the other person to retreat

with dignity Be proportional in your intensity There’s a time limit

TIME: Priorities

What is in your pie?*School & studying * Significant other * Immediate family & friends, * Work * Life fillers (yard work, grocery

shopping, bills, meal prep, cleaning, sleep).

Time Management

Have a BALANCED plan!• Mental, Physical, Emotional, &

Spiritual

• All work & no play =

Use a planner or scheduling program Prioritize your To-Do list (ABC method)• A- Must Do• B- Should Do• C- Could Do Participate in study group Optimize based on your body clock

Obstacle to Time Management

Over Scheduling

Over Accessibility

Tyranny of the Urgent!

Procrastination

Anxiety/Depression

Perfectionism

The Money Paradox

We don’t talk about money while we are dating, but then it becomes the bane of many long-term relationships

Money Matters:Did you know…..? 43.2% of all graduate and professional students

are married ½ of all couples disagree about their net worth

by 30% ½ of all couples give income figures that differ

by more than $2,000 per year 10% of all couples give incomes figures that

differ by more than $15,000 per year 80% of couples that divorce by age 30 report

financial problems are the primary cause of marital conflict

Why is $$$ so tough to talk about?

Unromantic Spend and save Invest Financial

responsibility Measure of self-worth Power and control Inequitable incomes

Yours, mine or ours No negotiation occurs Credit cards – yikes Unrealistic

expectations Mutual trust Crisis oriented

discussions

Why Should Couples Talk About $$ Positive and rewarding interactions Constructive changes in spending and saving Enhance joint decision making Empowers partners to be committed to and

involved in the relationship Builds confidence in problem-solving abilities Promotes equity Defines shared financial goals, aspirations, etc.

Tips for Talking

Relationship 1st, $$ 2nd

What is happening in the relationship that makes money talk tough?

Schedule a time Don’t wait for a crisis

Tips….

Listen without judgment Seek input, don’t dominate Think “problem solving” Actively listen Be open to alternative solutions Compromise

Tips

Understand your values and the values of your partner: Money equals success and power Money equals security Money equals good feelings Money equals independence

Questions to Ask your Partner

Is our current approach to money management working for us?

How much money do we earn together?

How much money do we want to spend?

What kinds of purchases must we agree on?

Questions…

How much money can we each spend without consulting the other?

How much money do we want to save?

Where will we put the money we save?

Should we have separate or joint checking accounts?