Page | 1

How To Let Go of Insecurities – 7 Steps To Build Your Confidence

“Self-worth comes from one thing – thinking that you are worthy.” Wayne Dyer

It’s okay to have insecurities, we all do and it’s crucial for us to observe and understand the impact these insecurities have on the quality of our lives. It’s our responsibility to learn how to control these insecurities and not let them control us.

If you are willing and open to shake your beliefs and insecurities a little bit, if you are willing to work on regaining the power and control over your life and build your confidence, these steps will help you do just that.

1. ACCEPT THE TRUTH – “NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT”

Nobody knows your struggles better than you do; nobody knows your life experiences better than you do. Whether you’ve been through a lot or not in your life by now and whether you feel like a victim, whether you feel like people treated you rightly or not, it’s important for you to realize, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

2. LET THE HEALING PROCESS BEGIN

People have insecurities not because they were exposed to too much positivity, encouragement and happiness but rather because those close to them criticized them, because they were exposed to destructive behaviors. Usually insecurities come from a time when you were hurt

Page | 2

and injured emotionally. Somebody said/did something to you that made you sad/hurt and often these insecurities originate in childhood. See if you can go back in time, see if you can remember how it all started, where it all originated. This practice is really therapeutic and will help you heal most of your wounds and insecurities. Let go of the old you and allow fresh new positive thoughts to enter your mind.

“You have the power to heal your life, and you need to know that. We think so often that we are helpless, but we’re not. We always have the power of our minds…Claim and consciously use your power.” Louise L. Hay

3. ASK QUESTIONS

Whenever you have a thought that is not beneficial to you pop in your mind, just ask yourself these questions, Do these thoughts have any real foundation? Will they matter 10 years from now? Are they helping me in any way? Why do I think this way? Where do these belief originate from? Are these beliefs mine? Do I really want to pollute my mind in this way?

Ask questions in order to find the answers, for in these answers you’ll discover that you don’t have to believe everything you think.

“The power to question is the basis of all human progress.” Indira Gandhi

4. BE WILLING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND

Having the same thoughts over and over again will do you no good. The same old thoughts will lead to the same old behaviors and the same old behaviors will lead to the same old results. If you are not happy with where you are and what you have, be willing to embrace change, be willing to change your mind.

No matter how old you are, no matter what part of the world you are living in, no matter what your religion is, no matter what skin color you have, it’s never too late to change your mind. It’s never too late to let go of who you think you are in order to allow yourself to become what you could be.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein

Page | 3

5. ENVISION THE END RESULT

What are the attitudes you want to embody, what are the skills you want to master? What do you want people to recognize you for? What is the envisioned result of your thoughts, decisions and actions? Know where you want to be and who you want to be and start taking action.

“Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.” Japanese Proverb

6. LOOK INTO YOUR MIND’S EYE – VISUALIZE TO MATERIALIZE

Once you know what you want to achieve, once you know the person you want to become and the level of confidence you want to master, things will start to fall into place and by using the power of visualization things will get a lot easier. It’s so important for you to look into your mind’s eye and visualize the desired outcome, to see yourself as already being the person you want to become and as already having achieved all the things you want to achieve.

I really love how George Kohlrieser talks about this in his book, Hostage at the Table: How Leaders Can Overcome Conflict, Influence Others: “The power of imagination is incredible. Often we see athletes achieving unbelievable results and wonder how they did it. One of the tools they use is visualization or mental imagery… they made the choice to create their destinies and visualized their achievements before they ultimately succeeded.”

7. GET EMOTIONAL

You want to make sure that in the end all of the things you envisioned will eventually materialize, and by assuming the feelings that come from having the things you want to have and by feeling the feelings that come from being the person you want to be, you will accelerate the manifestation process, and you will help bring into form the things you need even faster.

“The emotions aren’t always immediately subject to reason, but they are always immediately subject to action.” William James

With all my love,

Page | 4

Don’t Believe Everything You Think

“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” ~ Peace Pilgrim

Oh my, oh my. How many of us can’t silence that chatterbox of ours, that goes on and on, and on about all kind of problems that we had, have or might have in the future? Of course, most of these problems will never happen, but what do we know? We repeat in our minds all kind of scenarios and we think of all kind of ways to get back to those people that made us suffer, all those people because of whom we can’t be happy and we can’t really live our life the way we’re supposed to, and this is just one example of crazy thinking. Of course this is insane but not everybody knows it.

“I can’t believe that he/she did that to me. I hate her/him so much. How dare he/she talk to me like that?! I will show her/him what I’m really capable of, I will make him/her feel sorry for everything he/she did to me… Maybe I should stop. Maybe I am not seeing things the way they really are. Am I crazy? Maybe I am. He/She told me so… I am not crazy. In fact, he/she is the crazy one…” Sounds familiar? People do this to themselves all the time, whether they want to admit it or not.

I once heard a little girl saying to herself how stupid she is for taking low grades in math. “I am so stupid. I can’t seem to get anything right. I hate math and I hate my mom for forcing me to go to school!”

When you are an observer, you see things more clearly than the person who is in the middle of the problem. I really believe that is very dangerous

Page | 5

that we use our thoughts in this way, because if we keep on repeating to ourselves that we can’t do this or that, that is to hard, that we are too stupid, too ugly, to fat, to lazy etc. , eventually we will start acting on this belief.

When faced with a challenging situation, don’t tell yourself that you can’t do it and then quit. How can you know you can’t do something if you don’t even try? Our minds play tricks on us all the time. When thoughts pop into your mind, telling you how you can’t do something, telling you that you are worthless, ask yourself these questions, Is it true? Can I be 100% sure that what I think and what I keep on repeating to myself is true?

A lot of times you will discover that it become a habit for you to stop yourself from doing things that are new, things that in order to be done, you will have to step out of your comfort zone and do it. It’s not that it’s hard, it’s just something new, something that you haven’t done before and because of that your thoughts are telling you that you can’t do it, telling you is hard and difficult.

If you think is hard, it will be hard and you will act upon that belief and if you think it’s easy, it will be easy. Whatever you think and believe is true for you.

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” ~ Henry Ford

When you think something is difficult, you are moving yourself away from achieving it, and when you think it’s easy, you will move closer and closer toward it. If you want to do something, if you want to change your behavior, if you want to change who you are and where you are, start by seeing yourself already in that place you want to get, feel all the emotions you will feel while getting the results you want. It all begins inside you. Success, whatever that means for you, it’s nothing else but a state of mind. 90% of success is mental and the rest 10% is physical.

“Success is not to be pursued: it is to be attracted by the person you become.” ~ Jim Rohn

Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic, act happy and you will be happy. Success is nothing else than a feeling of happiness, positive mental attitude and enthusiasm. So why not be more kind with yourself? Why not build your confidence and self worth by doing things you think you can not do? Stop repeating to yourself all the horrible things about what you can,

Page | 6

and can not do. As long as you’re thinking anyway, why not think great, empowering and positive things about yourself? Why not think big?

Why is it so easy for us to think in bad terms about us, and the whole world? It appears that it is a lot more easier for us to be pessimistic than to be optimistic, when it is scientifically proven that cultivating optimism is one of the activities that make people happier? When we see somebody that is acting all happy and optimistic, we tell him/her to be more realistic, we tell him/her to stop dreaming and come back with his/her feet back on the ground. Why is it that being negative is more realistic than being positive, why is it that pessimistic is more realistic than being optimistic, when, many times, the things we fear so much about, never happen?

I know I might be crazy for some people out there, but I choose to be an optimistic no matter the circumstances because I know it’s good for my heath, it makes be feel good and look great. I choose to have beautiful, cheerful, optimistic and wonderful thoughts, for I am aware that our thoughts create our reality, and because I know that we are where we are and who we are, as a result of what we have thought. If we want to grow, we have to have the courage to step out of our comfort zone.

“Come to the edge,” he said. They said, “We are afraid.” “Come to the edge,” he said. They came. He pushed them . . . And they flew.” ~ Guillaume Apollinaire With all my love,

Page | 7

5 Clever Ways to Become More Self Confident

“You are as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fears; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.” ~ Samuel Ullman

Have you noticed how almost every social gathering you attend has someone who stands out from the rest of the group? That person is comfortable and self-assured, making each person he or she speaks to feel equally at ease. You may have sighed to yourself, wishing you were blessed with their DNA.

Here’s a secret that may make you feel better right away. Self-confidence is in your brain, not your genes. Those people you’ve admired recognized that fact and formulated a smart game plan to develop that sense of assurance, just as they would with any goal they wanted to accomplish.

You can get a head start on your own game plan and avoid the trial-and-error that comes with learning any new skill. Use these tips for the framework and you’re well on your way to having the self-confidence that others will admire.

1. Be sure to look the part

Physical appearance is always going to provide the first impression. It’s difficult to exude confidence when slumped shoulders and crossed arms indicate the opposite. People will form an opinion based on your body language before you even get to say a word.

Page | 8

Mom knew best when she told you to stand up straight. That simple detail shows that you’re not afraid to be yourself. Walk through a room at a moderate pace, looking ahead rather than at the floor. Allow your hands and arms to rest comfortably at your side. Excessive fidgeting is a red flag for insecurity.

2. “Fake it till you make it”

To paraphrase a popular saying, confident is as confident does. Don’t wait until your brain has fully processed the message. If you act with ease and self-assurance, your inside will eventually catch up and synchronize with your outside.

Be sure to look people in the eye, offer a firm handshake and speak in a well-modulated tone. No matter how nervous you may feel, these actions will cause people to react positively, which in turn will boost your confidence.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” ~ Lao Tzu

3. Understand that everyone is insecure

Shy, timid people often feel they’re the only ones struggling with lack of confidence. This mistaken idea that they’re “different” then feeds upon itself, making it even more difficult for them to come out of their shell.

The truth is that nearly everyone has insecurities of one form or another. Recognizing that fact goes a long way toward easing your own issues. Knowing that you’re on equal ground with others creates a feeling of freedom, allowing you to interact with them more easily.

“Smile, for everyone lacks self-confidence and more than any other one thing a smile reassures them.” ~ Andre Maurois

4. Use fear to your advantage

Don’t let fear derail your growing self-confidence. Just as an experienced athlete gets butterflies before a big game, confident people can still get a pit in their stomach when entering a party. Rather than backing out, they use it as motivation to sharpen and refine their skills.

Page | 9

Next time you feel anxious or scared, don’t think of it as a negative. Consider it a sign that you’re still learning and growing. As long as you’re feeling fear you’ll have an incentive to continue developing your skill.

“The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you.” ~ William Jennings Bryan

5. Practice really does make perfect

Remember how you thought that the self-confident people you met were born with it? That’s because they’ve practiced so often that they’ve internalized these traits, making them seem natural.

Going back to the sports metaphor, consider the concept of “muscle memory”. Athletes practice so often that their bodies automatically remember how to respond in a certain situation. You can use the same idea to train your brain to react with the appropriate signals. Take every possible opportunity to interact with others, practicing what you’ve already learned and gaining knowledge for the future.

These ideas provide a solid foundation for you to build and strengthen your sense of self-confidence. Before long, that person in the room everyone wants to know will be you!

In society generally, do you think there are more problems caused by overconfidence or underconfidence? I would love to know what are your thoughts on this topic. You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below

This article was written by David Morin, a serial entrepreneur, business advisor and co-founder of the multi-million dollar corporation Axel & Morin. David loves self improvement and getting to know new people and new cultures. He writes for SocialPro, a blog about friendship and finding your higher meaning.

Page | 10

Relax, Let Go and Enjoy Life a Little More

“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.” ― C. JoyBell C.

Somebody asked me recently, “Luminita, what are you really good at? What is the one thing that you can do better than anyone else. What makes you, you? and the words came out of my mouth immediately: “Helping people see themselves in the same way they would love the whole world to see them, as beautiful, worthy, loving and creative beings. I am really good at bringing out the best in people, at helping them accept, embrace and love who they are. This is what I’m good at. I’m good at helping them replace doubt, fear and insecurity with love. Might sound cheesy, but this is what I’m good at.”

If you ask me, we are too hard on ourselves. We don’t know how to treat ourselves in the same way we would want those around us to treat us. We don’t know what it means to be our own best friends. We don’t know what it means to offer ourselves the love and support we so desperately seek outside ourselves.

Page | 11

We criticize, label, judge and condemn ourselves constantly. We deprive ourselves of nourishment, encouragement and compassion and we treat ourselves as if we are our own worst enemy.

If we could only hear the words we are telling ourselves… We can’t seem to see ourselves for what we really are.

“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.” Hafiz

We lack trust, we lack faith, we lack self confidence and we lack self-compassion… We lack self love. In fact, I don’t even know how many of us fully understand what self love is all about.

We are so absorbed by our own created misery, by our many illusionary fears, flaws and imperfections that we can’t seem to see ourselves clearly anymore. We have no idea who we really are.

If you were to find out that you only had one month left to live, do you think that all of the things you stress and worry about on a daily basis would even matter to you then? I doubt that.

I had a period in my life when I secretly wished to have a near death experience just so that I would finally start living. I know it sounds crazy but I remember reading all kind of stories about people who drastically changed their lives after they were so close to death and in my mind I thought that maybe a NDE will help.

Well, you don’t really need to have a NDE to start living life fully but ”If you want to escape from your cage, you must die while you are alive.” and by doing so you will discover that there is nothing to fear.

“Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.” ~ Dorothy Thompson

We want so much from life and yet, we aren’t willing to offer much in return.

We chase perfection. We want it all and we want it now. This need for perfection keeps us from appreciating what we have, where we are and who we have become, making our lives seem a lot harder than they actually are.

Page | 12

Life is hard not because life is hard but because we make it hard and it’s all because of our untamed and savaged mind. We have no idea how to stop thinking. There’s so much noise in our minds and it’s driving us crazy. We can’t stand to be alone, we can’t stand to be still…

We are uncomfortable with silence, not knowing that ”It is out of the silence, or “the gap,” or that space between our thoughts, that everything is created-including our own bliss.” ~ Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Life is not hard because that’s how life is. Life is hard because we make it hard. How do we make our lives hard? Very simple.

We make life hard by constantly doubting and questioning our worth.

We make life hard by looking for love and approval in all the wrong places.

We make life hard by clinging on to our past, fears, excuses and limitations.

We make life hard by clinging on to pointless drama, thoughts and behaviors and by refusing to let go of people who no longer need, or want to be in your life.

We make life hard by ignoring, hiding and running away from the many good things life sends our way.

We make life hard by facing reality, by following the rules others created for us instead of creating our own reality and our own rules.

We make life hard by thinking that there isn’t anything special about us and that everyone else deserves to live a happy life except ourselves.

We make life hard by believing every thought that we think and by allowing these negative and self defeating thoughts to dictate how we should live our lives.

We make our lives hard by attaching ourselves to the many ideas we have in our head about how life should be lived and how happiness should be packaged and delivered to us.

We make our lives hard by trying to control everything and everyone instead of allowing things to take their natural course.

We need to learn to relax, let go and enjoy life a little more. Things aren’t as bad as our minds are trying to make us think. They really aren’t.

Page | 13

Learn to quiet your mind from to time. Make peace with yourself. Work on purifying your thoughts and you’ll end up purifying your entire life. It’s that simple and yet that complicated.

Start small. Take one step at a time, one breath at a time.

Make each day a beautiful day and when you will look back you’ll realize that you’ve built a beautiful life.

One step at a time. One day at a time… This is how it’s done. No need to complicate things.

Follow the advice of Sonia Ricotti, “Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.” and trust that life will take good care of you, because it will, if you’re willing to relax, let go and get out of your own way

If I were to ask you the same question, “what are you really good at? What is the one thing that you can do better than anyone else. What makes you, you?”, what would be your answer? You can share your answer by joining the conversation in the comment section below

With all my love,

Page | 14

3 Magic Words You Should Say Today

“

He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.” ~ Lao Tzu

For years my life was defined by deep feelings of inadequacy as well as concurrent actions of striving to keep those feelings at bay. Even as a young child, I felt nothing I did was good enough, and I can still recall feelings of intense anxiety, sometimes terror, at simply waking up and knowing I had to go to school. While my parents meant well, I was inculcated with the belief that to be loved meant having to prove your worth each and every day, which meant doing things in a certain way—staying quiet, doing what you were told, getting good grades, taking certain subjects. In other words, I was given a supposed checklist of success, which would supposedly lead to this elusive state called “happiness.”

I was taught to be competitive, to believe that my self-worth was directly tied to accomplishment. I could not be of value unless I achieved something. This is a belief system embraced by many, and for me, it only served to deepen the feelings of emptiness and downright devastation that I experienced, especially if I failed at something. When one lives in a constant state of competition, there is no such thing as ever being good enough. One lives in a constant fear that you NEVER will be good enough. Even as I continually achieved and collected accolades, I suffered from constant panic attacks, chronic anxiety and depression. Therapy and anti-depressants would provide short-lived respite.

However, even as I spent most of waking time dedicated to “doing,” part of me was suspicious of what the point exactly was to all this “doing.” A secret voice was always asking, “Is this all there is?” Part of me was deeply

Page | 15

ashamed that this voice even existed. After all, society was reinforcing that I was doing things the “right way.” I dutifully checked off the items on my checklist of success, completely believing that once I completed each task, I would be closer and closer to that state called “happiness.” However, with each accomplishment, I only seemed to be further and further away from where I wanted to be. A part of me resigned myself to believing that perhaps what I really wanted could never be attained, that it was elusive and outside myself. But even as I tried to give into resignation, that voice and its question “Is this all there is?” continued to plague me. I had become an adult and done everything that was expected of me. And I was completely miserable.

“Is this all there is?” became an accusation. But I busied myself with tasks to which I attached great importance. I cooked gourmet meals. I traveled to faraway places. I did yoga. I went through the motions of what a good life was supposed to be, never realizing in all those years that what I had longed for resided within myself. My self-worth still resided in the external— from accomplishments and material possessions, in the need for validation from others. It never occurred to me that I could give myself validation because I had never been taught that.

I remember back in 2001 discovering a book by Thich Nhat Hanh, in which he spoke about suffering. It struck a chord with me, but I could not understand it. For he said to lessen suffering in the world, you had to reduce suffering within yourself. That concept seemed completely foreign to me. I did not understand how lessening MY suffering could possibly lessen the suffering of others. So even when we are well-meaning in focusing on the suffering of others, it only serves to distract from addressing what needs to change within ourselves.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell

Fast forward to the present, I now realize that we cannot possibly give or receive love without knowing love within ourselves first. And how did I finally understand this? It was when I heard the words, “Who you are is enough.” I don’t know from whom or exactly when I heard this, but the concept was so revolutionary to me that I shed tears. And for the first time, I felt free. I have heard this mantra echoed numerous times from many spiritual teachings and teachers since hearing it the first time, but I finally understood what Thich Nhat Hanh meant.

Page | 16

I have dedicated the past few years to releasing my old belief systems related to worthiness. When the inner voice asked the question “Is there all there is?”, it was really asking, “Are you good enough?” And the answer has been and always will be, “I am enough.”

You are enough. Always have been and always will be…

Do you think your life would look any different if you knew that you were enough? You can share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section below

Page | 17

7 Things You Should Do to Make Positive

Thinking Effective

“We carry our past with us, to wit, the primitive and inferior man with his desires and emotions, and it is only with an enormous effort that we can detach ourselves from this burden. If it comes to a neurosis, we invariably have to deal with a considerably intensified shadow. And if such a person wants to be cured it is necessary to find a way in which his conscious personality and his shadow can live together.” ~ Carl Jung

Yesterday I wrote a post on Why Positive Thinking Won’t Guarantee You Positive Results and just like I promised, today I will go deeper into the topic and talk about the 7 things you should do to make positive thinking effective.

1. Ownership

Whenever we get angry or irritated because of something people say or do to us it is so because we project our own shadows and our own darkness on to them.

Next time something negative happens and next time you come in contact with somebody you don’t quite like or maybe hate, ask yourself these questions: What is it about this person, situation that is triggering me? What is it about them that I haven’t yet accepted in me? Do I have some hidden open wounds that they touched?

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~ Carl Jung

Page | 18

2. Non Resistance

If you feel the presence of anger in your life, let it be there, allow yourself to feel its presence but don’t allow it to define you, don’t allow you to become you!

Say to yourself: There is anger, frustration, negativity, etc. in me and I allow it to be there without making it my own. There is anger in me but I am not the anger, I am the observer of this anger.

“Nonresistance is the key to the greatest power in the universe.” ~Eckhart Tolle

3. Acceptance

Accept yourself for who you are and for who you are not. Accept yourself both in the presence of positivity, progress and happiness and their absence. Accept the idea that what you dislike the most in others might be something hidden deep down within yourself, in your unconscious, something you haven’t accepted in yourself.

“The difference between my darkness and your darkness is that I can look at my own badness in the face and accept its existence while you are busy covering your mirror with a white linen sheet.” ~ C. JoyBell C.

4. Forgiveness

Forgive yourself for always believing that the enemy was outside yourself and never within you. Forgive yourself for projecting your own shadows on to the world and making it look cold, scary and frightening.

“We have met the enemy and he is us.” ~ Pogo

5. Love and compassion

We have to learn to love and accept not only the good, bright side of us but also our dark side. Only by loving and accepting our own darkness without judging and oppressing it, we will help heal it.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Page | 19

6. Visualization

Visualization is such a powerful tool that you can use to visualize the person you want to become, the life you want to live and the impact you want to have in the world.

“The power of imagination is incredible. Often we see athletes achieving unbelievable results and wonder how they did it. One of the tools they use is visualization or mental imagery… they made the choice to create their destinies and visualized their achievements before they ultimately succeeded.” ~ George Kohlrieser

7. Detachment From the Outcome

Whether things will happen the way you want them to happen or not, should not matter to you that much. You now know that your happiness and your well being is not dependent on how things are on the outside but rather how things are on the inside and if you take good care of yourself and if you heal your darkness, you whole life will be healed and light will always shine on you and through you.

“Detach yourself from the opinions of others; from the habit of judging or controlling others; from the past; from the need to be right and to win; from an obsession with material things. Follow your passion in life, but detach from the outcome and allow the universe to handle the details.” ~Dr. Wayne Dyer

Positive thinking alone does not work and only by facing our own darkness, by accepting and loving our own shadows we will be able to get the positive results from thinking all those positive thoughts.

With all my love,

Page | 20

The Hidden Stories of Your Soul

Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What

others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When

you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim

of needless suffering. ~Don Miguel Ruiz

Do You Take Things Personally?

When you take something personally or are offended, you are inadvertently

agreeing with what has been said about you.

Does this ring true or are you still having a hard time grappling with this

concept?

If you are still wrestling with this statement, it could stem from not being able to

take responsibility for your own thought streams and self-identification. I know

this sounds a bit harsh but if we are going to effectively tackle self-worth issues;

we need to get our hands initially dirty so that we can give them a good

scrubbing.

Complete Honesty is Required

A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation. ~Moliere

When someone insults you it is only the tip of the iceberg to what’s lying

underneath. When you feel slighted you are actually supporting the view of

your counterpart because it has touched a nerve. If your nerves are being

twisted, you know there is something more to the perceived insult that meets the

eye.

Page | 21

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. ~Carl Jung

The person doing the insulting is only reminding you of something that needs to

be taken out within yourself to have a good, long and hard look at. Although

you probably won’t want to give them a gold medal for their efforts, I assure

you that some people are in this life to push your buttons. Although this may

seem unloving, they actually give you the opportunity to reconsider your belief

structures – a chance to turn your trash into treasure.

Taking a Look at the Opposite Pole — Confidence

If someone tried to hurt you, or perhaps even unintentionally, says something to

you that you don’t agree with – no problem – you usually brush off this kind of

‘offense’ because it really doesn’t bother you. It could be an area in your life

that you are 100% sure you have waxed.

We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. ~Roderick Thorp

So for instance, you are a rocket scientist and someone calls you stupid, the

chances of you having a wobbly melt-down in the public lavatory are going to

be slim. But let’s take another example, perhaps one that we all have had to deal

with in one way or another.

Vanity Fair or Foul?

Let’s say you are happy with your appearance and feel you are a fine specimen,

someone passes by in a vehicle and shouts out, ‘hey, freak!’

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to. ~W.C. Fields

Do you agree with that or not? If you are 100% confident that you are a

perfectly dashing human being, just as the Universe intended, then you would

most likely shrug the comment off and have a good chuckle about it. Why? This

is because you whole-heartedly disagree with the statement.

However, if you are someone whose confidence peaks and troughs daily, you

will probably instantly go into depression. The nerve that has been struck is

your internal agreement about yourself, not what the other person has said. All

they have done is ignited the spark on the BBQ that you are going to make sure

you roast on. It is a form of self-torture. To agree with anyone over anything

stemming from feelings of lack is disempowering.

Page | 22

Re-examine all that you have been told…dismiss that which insults your soul. ~Walt Whitman

We live and we learn, we travel within and we discover who we are.

What are the hidden stories of your soul? Share your insight by commenting

bellow or by posting your lovely comment on the PurposeFairy Facebook Page

And if you enjoyed reading this post, feel free to share it – Sharing is Caring

and Wisdom Never Decreases by Being Shared.

Page | 23

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right

There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

Page | 24

3. Give up on blame

Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk

Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining

Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

Page | 25

8. Give up your need to impress others

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change

Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it. “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels

Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place. “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop

Page | 26

deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

With all my love,

Page | 27

A Different Approach to Happiness

Don’t wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you’ve got to make yourself. ~Alice Walker

We have been programmed in many ways to feel that our ability to lead a happy life is dependent on outside influences. Validation of self through others, the accumulation of stuff, conformity to the norm, are just several of the ways in which we anchor what should arise from the inner core and be a part of the fabric of our being to the physical world.

It is not as if we have not been bombarded by these concepts from the time we are able to comprehend the concept of cause and effect. Through our families, media, advertising, friends, or any other human interaction in which some type of worldly worth is placed on whatever circumstance we are facing, we become conditioned to placing a value on things. We have to have so much money, this type of job, these amounts of savings, this sort of build, a certain look, to a point where the senses are overloaded and we accept this as the way it has to be.

Many of us stay content walking or running in place until a jarring event or circumstance forces us to face and at times question whether we are truly content with our lot in life. Once we are forced off the treadmill, the Universe either nudges or pushes us to seek our own individual path and we then start to become more aware that our happiness can never be of the outside plane, but resides within our individual souls. As a concept itself, happiness has a circular definition completely relative to where you are in your life in a given moment.

When I was furiously arguing with a driver in Honduras on the cusp of a pitch black field to return to a safe place after he indicated we would be picking up a friend of his for the ride, I was not happy. Once the windshield lit up from the refraction of the red beam attached to a rifle scope which danced between my forehead and that of the driver as it streamed from the

Page | 28

“empty” field, I was happy when the car backed up and we sped down the road.

1. Depend only on yourself for happiness

We have to listen to ourselves and we will be guided to do what we need to do. We cannot base any part of our happiness on another person. It is unfair and no one should be placed in that position and have that type of responsibility hoisted on them nor should we want to be with someone who craves this to be their role. We can wish someone happiness, but happiness cannot be forced, manipulated, or faked. We take actions that are thoughtful and mindful because we want to and not out of a sense of obligation. Only when we have inner peace and a healthy respect and relationship with ourselves, can we attain a sense of happiness that is in balance.

2. Live in the Present Moment

When we spend the energy to reflect on the past, we sometimes get caught up in scenarios which we play out in our heads that are not true or exaggerated truth. If things were really so great, we would still be in situations that were weighing us down and at times sucking the life out of our souls.

A set of unique events brought us each to this exact moment of time and where we are in our lives. We had to undergo constant change and movement in our lives to be the people we are this instant. If you were to change one decision in the past, the present would be completely different That is why if we are unhappy this instant, we have an incredible power to change the course of our lives so that what occurs now impacts the what happens in an hour or tomorrow. If you feel happy in this moment, decisions will be made this instant that either enhance this state of bliss or take you on a different path.

Regardless of where we are, living in the Now and allowing all things and people to just Be, opens the door for the Universe to work her magic for the good of all. The minute we try to force or control the Universe, is when we go out of balance and start spiraling into a state of chaos in our lives. Just Be. The minute we try to control, we lose control.

3. Embrace Change as an integral part to Happiness

Page | 29

What is exciting about the notion of impermanence is discovering what the change will be and what the now just became. We and everyone in our lives is blessed with the ability to change, to grow to blossom and to live out our bliss. We should embrace our potential and bravely accept the challenges we face which become the vehicles that carry us to who we are to become.

The tip of the iceberg, but a least we see the iceberg…

Is your happiness conditional? Are you only happy when you buy something? What makes you really happy? Share your insights by joining the conversation in the comment section bellow

Page | 30

How to Be Happy: The 10-Day Happiness

Challenge

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” ~ Dalai Lama

Since so many of us are looking for happiness, wanting to share it with those we love and care about, I came up with this idea of a 10 Day Happiness Challenge. I trust that by committing to these practices and by doing more of the things that bring meaning and joy into our lives, we will all start appreciating ourselves and our lives a lot more and as a result we will become happier.

So here it is, your 10 Day Happiness Challenge. Enjoy.

P.S. Just so you know, I will embark on this challenge as well. I will be doing what you are doing and experiencing what you are experiencing and together we will make this world a brighter and happier place. Let’s begin.

Day 1: Give a smile to every person you meet

I love walking on the streets with a big smile on my face, but you know what I love even more? To share my smiles with total strangers. The look on their faces once they accept “my gift” is priceless.

If you ask me, we are way too serious. Of course we all have “grown up problems” and we all have a lot of things on our minds, but that doesn’t mean we should stop enjoying life. Life is short, we might as well enjoy it as much as we can, and smiling will help us do just that.

Page | 31

On this day, your “job” is to wear a smile on your lips at all times and to share your smile with everyone you come in contact with. Trust me, you will be a lot happier if you do.

“Nobody needs a smile so much as the one who has none to give. So get used to smiling heart-warming smiles, and you will spread sunshine in a sometimes dreary world.” ~ Lawrence G. Lovasik

Day 2 – Return to ONEness

There are days when I have moments of intense clarity, moments when I can look at everyone around me and realize that we are all ONE, connected to one another. In those moments, I feel so much acceptance, love and compassion towards everything and everyone and I feel like hugging the entire planet

If you go on the Moon and from there you look down on planet Earth, I am sure that this concept of Oneness will make a lot more sense to you. Of course, there is no need to go on the Moon, you can experience it all here on this planet.

We are all in this together. This is our home, both mine and yours, and no matter how cheesy it may sound, we are all one big family, all connected, all ONE.

On this day, you will practice tolerance, love and acceptance towards everyone you come in contact with. By doing so, chances are that you will experience the ONEness, the connection between each and every one of us.

“We are one, after all, you and I, together we suffer, together exist and forever will recreate each other.” ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Day 3: Practice forgiveness

Forgiveness is such a powerful thing, for it can heal our hearts, making room for love to enter, allowing us to go back to our real and authentic Self, giving us permission to re-connect with one another at a deeper level. We forgive not because we are weak, not because we are naive, not because we want to be hurt again, but because we are strong enough to understand that the more we hold on to grudges and resentments, the more we pollute our minds, our hearts and our lives.

Page | 32

On this day, see if you can practice forgiveness, not only towards those who might have harmed you but also towards yourself, for the things you might have done, consciously or unconsciously, to hurt or harm, not only yourself but those around you as well.

Let go of anger, bitterness, hate or resentment as much as you can. Allow love to govern your mind, your heart and your life and allow peace to come to surface once again.

“He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.” ~ Thomas Fuller

Day 4: Let go of pointless drama, toxic relationships, thoughts and behaviors

We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of stress, anxiety and unhappiness, and instead of detaching and letting them all go, we cling on to them. For some strange reason, we believe that our happiness will come from holding on to toxic thoughts, things, people, experiences when in fact it will only come from letting go of them.

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” ― Deborah Reber

On this day, you will work on letting go of all the pointless drama, toxic relationships, thoughts and behaviors that are present in your life. On this day you will learn to shift your focus from the bad on to the good.

Day 5: A complaint free day

I used to complain A LOT about every little thing that was happening to me and all around me. I was so busy pointing out all the things that were going wrong in my life that I couldn’t see the many things that were going right. I was really good at pointing the maaaany things I didn’t like that I forgot about the things i did like.

“Complaining not only ruins everybody else’s day, it ruins the complainer’s day, too. The more we complain, the more unhappy we get.” Dennis Prager

On this day, you will give up the need to complain about the many things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed, and instead, you will focus on the things that make you feel good, on the things

Page | 33

that are right with the world. You will go 24 hours without complaining, because you deserve it!

Day 6: Embrace an attitude of gratitude and appreciation

I love the feeling I get every time I start to acknowledge the good that is already present in my life. We get so busy with our problems and so preoccupied with the many things that are missing from our lives that we forget to express our gratitude and appreciation for the many wonderful, people and things that we already present in our lives.

On this day, you will embrace an attitude of gratitude and appreciation and you will say an honest “thank you” for all the beautiful experiences, things and people that are making your life a lot more meaningful and joyful.

“Gratitude is the key to happiness. When gratitude is practiced regularly and from the heart, it leads to a richer, fuller and more complete life… It is impossible to bring more abundance into your life if you are feeling ungrateful about what you already have. Why? Because the thoughts and feelings you emit as you feel ungrateful are negative emotions and they will attract more of those feelings and events into your life.” ~ Vishen Lakhiani

Day 7: Practice Self love and acceptance

If you ask me, not too many people know how to be their own best friend. We are pretty good at being our own worst enemy but not so good at being our own best friend. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with your beautiful and magnificent self and that is why you need to learn how to love and accept yourself fully.

On this day, you will act in kind and loving ways towards yourself and you will treat yourself just as you will treat your own best friend. On this day, you will work on building the relationship you have with yourself and you will give yourself permission to be whoever you want to be without placing any harsh labels or judgements on yourself. On this day you will treat yourself with much love and acceptance.

“You surrender to a lot of things which are not worthy of you. I wish you would surrender to your radiance … your integrity … your beautiful human grace.” – Yogi Bhajan

Day 8: Practice random acts of kindness

Page | 34

What if, on this day, you practice giving without expecting anything in return. What if on this day you allow yourself to feel the wonderful joy that comes from doing a good for someone without expecting anything in return.

It can be anything… calling a friend or family member you haven’t spoken to in a while, giving free hugs (I looove hugs), paying for the person behind you in a drive-thru or at a coffee shop, leaving money in a public place for someone to find, or maybe sending a card or flowers to a person that might be going through a hard time. It can be an expensive gift that you give, it can be money or maybe just a love note that you leave on someone’s desk. It doesn’t really matter how big or small your gift is as long as you give it from the heart.

Giving is receiving, it really is, and the more we give to others, the more that we will receive ourselves.

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” ~ Lao Tzu

Day 9: Lighten your material load

I used to be so bad at giving away things I no longer needed. I remember when I came back from U.S., I was in shock when I saw that my sister gave away all my things to “the poor people”. Because she assumed that I no longer needed them, she gave them all away.

Even though I didn’t want to admit it at that time, the truth of the matter is that she was right. I really didn’t need those things anymore but I just couldn’t give them away. I was so attached to every single thing I had and I couldn’t understand how can people give away their things. It felt like such a weird concept to me. Not sure who was weirder, me or the concept

I thought I was the one owning the stuff when in fact the stuff was owning me. Well, things changed, I changed and I am happy to say that I now know how to let go of the things I no longer use and I do it with ease.

When you give away things you no longer use, or need, you make room in your life for better things to come your way. You take out the old and you allow the new to enter. Lightening your material load can be a real therapeutical experience.

Page | 35

On this day, make time to go through your house, your closets, your basement, etc. and take out all the clothes, shoes, bags, books, and any other stuff you no longer need or use. Give it all away and see how much better, lighter and happier you will feel.

“The more you have, the more you are occupied, the less you give. But the less you have the more free you are. Poverty for us is a freedom. It is not mortification, a penance. It is joyful freedom. There is no television here, no this, no that. But we are perfectly happy.” ~ Mother Theresa

Day 10: Awareness Day

A few years ago I came to the realization that one day I will die (yes, it took me quite some time to realize that one day I will die). I saw in my mind’s eye this image… It was me on the death bed, looking back at my life with regrets, many regrets about the many things I didn’t had the courage to do.

That image really scared me! As a result, on the same day, I made a commitment to myself to start living life fully and to make the rest of my life the best of my life. To stop running away from my fears and from life and to start living. In those moments the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt made more sense to me than ever: “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”

On this day I want you to use your imagination, to see how your life would look like if you continue living your life the way you are living right now. When you will be on your death bed ready to leave this world, looking back at your life would you be happy with what you see, would you have any regrets?

I don’t want this exercise to scare you but rather to give you the push you need to start living life fully.To use one fear (fear of living with regrets) against another fear (fear of doing the things your heart desires) and in the end to get the push you need to start living life fully. If you don’t do the things you fear doing and if you don’t follow your heart, chances are that you will live a life full of regrets…

“Remembering that you are going to die one day is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. Follow your heart.” ~ Steve Jobs

You see, happiness is not so hard to achieve.

Page | 36

By giving yourself permission to practice these things for 10 days, not only will you become a lot happier, but you will also become more disciplined and focus on building other new positive habits in different areas of your life. If you tell your mind you want to try something for 10 days, it will most likely be willing to co-operate. 10 days doesn’t feel like a very long time.

After you have completed your 10 days, your conscious mind will have the choice of stopping or carrying on with these healthy and positive practices… or at least that’s what it thinks. Your neural pathways have formed already and chances are that you will continue with the new healthy habits. You have seen the benefits along the way and your unconscious mind will want to continue if it has been beneficial. After the 10 days, you can pick some of your favorite things from this list and continue for 11 more days, to make it a total of 21 days… Your 21 day happiness challenge. Use your imagination and just have fun with it

With all my love,