How to Influence Your Peers Reference Book · When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually, and most important, contextually—in the context of a deep understanding

How to Influence

Your Peers

Reference Book

CPAL e-course #

Delivered by Chad Cook & Katherine Burik

Cook Consulting & The Interview Doctor

(330) 329-3137

Date

© 2013 Cook Consulting [email protected] 2

© 2013, Cook Consulting, All Rights Reserved

WORKBOOK Overview

People today need greater skills in influencing others inside and outside their organizations.

Why? Because we're working in more fluid reporting relationships, achieving business results

in team environments, and dealing with more complexity in our marketplace and in the work

force.

PURPOSE This workbook:

Presents a vision of what it takes to operate in today's

business environment

Provides a framework (FOUR) for communicating with and

influencing others

Planning for using the four skills

Facilitates the transfer of those skills to your job

LEARNING OBJECTIVES Once you've completed this webinar, you will be able to:

Identify four different modes of communication

Move your communication toward collaboration and

partnering

Use the four tools of framing, openness, understanding and

reciprocity

Develop a plan for a current influence issue using four

Assess your own effectiveness in using the FOUR skills

ACTIVITIES On the next page are the steps you'll take to accomplish all this.



CONTENTS

SECTION

PURPOSE

LEARNING ACTIVITIES

PART 1:

FOUR Communication

Concepts

Introduces different modes of

communication and four skills

for influencing others

Select influence situation

PART 2:

FOUR Exercises

Provides "how to's" for using

FOUR skills to develop

collaboration

For each skill—Framing, Openness,

Understanding, and Reciprocity:

Read workbook section

Complete exercise

PART 3:

"FOUR-in-One"

Demonstrates integration of

FOUR skills and introduces

planning tool

Read Planning FOUR

Interactions

Review sample FOUR Planner

PART 4:

Using FOUR

on the Job

Facilitates transfer of FOUR skills

to the job

Complete FOUR Planner

Conduct on-the-job interaction

Use feedback tools to assess

progress

PART 5:

Summary

Summarizes key concepts and

skills



PART 1: FOUR Communication Concepts

INTRODUCTORY EXERCISE Before you get too far give some thought to this question...What

are the most challenging influence situations you're currently

facing in your job?

For example, do you need to:

Get resources or funding for a new project?

Convince someone to go along with a change that infringes on his or her turf?

Deal with someone who isn't pulling his or her weight?

Get backing and support from your boss?

Get someone to agree to be on your project team?

Get support where there's been a history of failed or canceled projects?

Take a minute now to select one specific influence situation from your own job that you

would really like to work on as you are completing this self-study package. It should be a

situation that:

You need to deal with soon; and

Is important to you.

Write a brief description of the influence situation you have selected in the space below.

As you work through the remainder of this material, think about how the concepts and skills

you are learning apply in this particular influence situation.



Communications continuum

Here's a quick review and a little more detail about each of the

four modes of communication.

Key

Indicators Adversarial Positional Collaborative Partnering

How individuals view each

other

Enemies Opponents Colleagues Partners

Time perspective Yesterday Today Tomorrow Long-term

future

Strategy Plot the

attack

Prepare

own case

Include

others'

perspectives

Prepare

together

Tactics Attack other

person

and/or their

ideas

Give many

reasons to

support

own ideas

Explore each

other's

perspectives

and needs

Develop

common

goals based

on a

collective set

of needs

Underlying intent Hurt or

punish the

other person

Get what you

want even at

the expense

of the

other person

Find ways to

meet your

own

needs that

also

satisfy the

other person's

Ensure that

the needs

of the

partnership

are met

Outcome LOSE-LOSE WIN-LOSE WIN-WIN WIN

Moving to the right Your success in influencing others depends upon your ability to get them

to cooperate with you because they want to, not because they have to.

This is much more likely to happen when you look beyond your own

needs and start tuning in to what other people need and value.

Question: What does it really take to move to the right on this continuum? To shift from the

more conventional paradigm of "Here's what I want" to "Let's see how we can best meet

both of our needs"?

1. Being open to listening to others

2. Changing our beliefs about others

3. Intentionally behaving in a more collaborative manner

4. Asking questions of others opinions

5. All the above

Plus: Effective use of the FOUR skills—Framing, Openness, Understanding and Reciprocity.



PART 2:

FOUR Exercises

Question: How do you improve your ability to influence others and develop more

collaborative working relationships?

1. By letting others have their way

2. By doing your job well and letting them do their job their way

3. By planning and experimenting with it then improving with the practice

4. By joining teams to observe how they do it

5. All of the above

Answer: With some skills you'll learn here, planning, and a lot of practice!

Let's start with the skills. We're going to take each of the F.O.U.R concepts, tell you a little

about them, and then ask you to do some quick written exercises. You'll also begin relating

the skills very specifically to your own situation and thinking of ways you can improve your

ability to influence others.

FRAMING Let's start with Framing.

FRAMING: Structuring what you say in a way that takes into

account the individuals you're dealing with and the context.

Why is framing important? It helps create a shared mindset. Framing aligns people with

different frames of reference to a common idea or vision. This

alignment helps create shared mindsets.

It helps others be more receptive to listening to your ideas. To be effective in influencing

others, you first have to encourage them to give you a fair hearing. People are much

more likely to listen if they can see how your suggestions relate specifically to them as well

as how those suggestions fit within the broader business context.

It raises the level of thinking to a higher level that we both can support, versus allowing

the focus to be on ‘what is good for me’ only.

It can spark people's interest. Explaining how something aligns with current business goals

or addresses a common concern (e.g., "This could really help to increase our market

share" or "We could be the first in our industry to eliminate this problem") can get people

energized about pursuing new directions and possibilities.

When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually, and most important,

contextually—in the context of a deep understanding of their paradigms and concerns —

you significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.

(Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, p. 257)



Things to keep in mind

about framing You need to be knowledgeable about the people you're

dealing with and the context.

To make appropriate links, you need to know what's important

to the people involved and how your ideas fit with the business

strategies and direction of your unit/organization. This isn't

always easy.

You may not know much about the people because they are

new, you've never worked with them, or you already hold

preconceived notions of their performance or attitudes. And

often it's hard to get good information on the strategies and

directions of the business because they're vague, closely held,

unwritten or constantly changing.

It takes time. Framing requires you to consider the individual(s) you're dealing with and to

really think through the situation. As you know only too well, we're living in a frenetic

world. Getting the information you need to do a good job of framing can absorb some

time.

Not everyone sees things the way you do. People sometimes assume that others see the

world the same way they do and want the same things they want.



How to use framing to

move to the right

The chart below highlights several key elements that are

particularly important in framing.

Key Elements Notes Examples

Prepare ahead Carefully think through the

situation and the person(s)

involved.

Consider both sides of the

picture—history, needs, styles,

etc.

You may want to check your

preparation out with someone

who is familiar with the situation.

(To a colleague) "I've

been preparing for my

meeting with Chris, and I'd

just like to bounce some of

my thinking off you..."

Relate to others by

aligning with their

interests

Show how your ideas relate to

the other person's needs,

interests, values, "hot buttons",

etc.

If you're not sure what others'

needs/values/hot buttons are,

you may need to ask them

directly or check this out with

someone else who knows them.

" I know you have a real

desire for us to lead the

field with state-of-the-art

technology and I think this

new system I'm working on

will enable us to do that."

Link to a higher

level context you

are both

accountable for

achieving

Explain how your ideas link with

the organization's business

strategies.

“This new product

expands our line to

encompass the clients we

have been targeting in our

annual plan.”

Keep it simple and

involve them in the

conversation

Avoid long, involved

explanations. Use short, simple

statements to make your points.

Give the other person chances

to input and react.

"Let me stop here to get a

reaction to what I've said

so far."

“What thoughts do you

have about this?”

Effective use of these elements will ensure that you have the undivided attention of your

audience.

Using framing

on the job

Now think about the specific influence situation you identified in the

beginning of the workbook. What framing will you need to do in this

situation?



OPENNESS Now we're ready to take a look at the second influencing skill:

Openness.

OPENNESS: Being willing to reexamine and change your own thinking

in light of new information.

Why is openness

important?

It prevents you from getting locked into positions. If you are

constantly on the lookout for new ideas and perspectives and are

willing to give them serious consideration, it's highly unlikely that

you will get locked into a particular position.

It enables you to get more information. Encouraging others to react to and improve

upon your ideas signals to them that there is openness on your part for modification.

When people perceive that they have an opportunity to influence something, they are

usually more willing to contribute and offer their input.

It opens the way to new thinking and creative options. The willingness to consider a

variety of different ideas and perspectives can lead to all kinds of new possibilities and

very different solutions than might otherwise have been considered.

Two heads are better than one. Double your odds for success of your idea by

incorporating others ideas and possibilities.

Things to keep

in mind about openness

Openness is more than just letting others speak their minds.

Some people pride themselves on giving everyone a chance to

share their views before a decision is made. But how often do

they allow this sharing to really influence their own thinking? Too

often openness becomes a process of speaking out rather than

looking inward and challenging one's own thinking.

It's easy to discount or ignore new information if you've already made up your mind

about something. When someone starts giving you information that you haven't heard

before or that is different from your own view, the natural tendency is to start thinking

about how you can counter it, especially when you feel certain that your idea or

approach is the "right" one. Openness is about letting down your defenses and being

willing to let new information change your thinking. It requires one to adopt the attitude

or mindset that "It's possible that I may be wrong and you may be right."

Nothing undermines openness more surely than certainty. Once we feel as if we have "the

answer," all motivation to question our thinking disappears.

(Senge, The Fifth Discipline, p. 281)

Getting into a debate can get you entrenched in your thinking. Debate has its place

where there is a desire to look at something from radically different points of view.

However, if you're trying to develop collaboration, there is an inherent danger in debate.

It can lock people into fixed positions and prevent them from giving consideration to

other ideas and points of view.



How to use openness to

move to the right


particularly important in openness.


Remain open-

minded Keep reminding yourself that it's possible

you may not have all the answers or that

there may be other equally effective ways

to achieve the same results. (You may even

want to write a reminder to yourself at the top of

your note page.)

Be receptive to comments and suggestions

that haven't been part of your thinking thus

far.

Acknowledge good comments and new

information.

"I hadn't thought of that.

That's a good

connection you've

made with the Customer

Service unit."

Encourage

response Give people time to think. It may take

them a while to get started.

Encourage others to react to and improve

upon your ideas.

Pause once in a while. Don't fill the silence

with "chatter."

Ask for reactions. Don't assume silence is

acceptance.

Suggest alternatives yourself, as

appropriate.

"It's important we get the

best solution we can.

So, please don't hesitate

to react to and build on

the ideas that are

already here. We'll get

the best solution by all of

us putting our heads

together. Let me give

you a minute or two now

to react to what I just

suggested."

Consider new

information Don't ignore or quickly dismiss new

information that challenges or conflicts with

your own thinking.

Take time to really think through possible

implications and alternatives.

"You've given me a

different perspective on

this. I need a minute to

think about how this all

fits together."

Avoid

defending

yourself

Make sure you understand before you

react.

Even if you don't like what you're hearing,

at least listen and hear the person out.

Don't start giving a lot of reasons to justify

why you feel the way you do.

"My goal is to not get

defensive because I

know I stop listening

then."

Using openness

on the job

Now think about the specific influence situation you identified at the

beginning of this workbook.

What could get in the way of your openness in this situation and how can

you ensure that you remain open?



UNDERSTANDING Now let's look at the third skill for influencing others: Understanding.

UNDERSTANDING: Finding out what is really important to others

(their needs, interests, values, etc.)

Why is understanding

important?

It gives you accurate data to work with. Listening with the

intent to really understand is extremely powerful. Instead of

projecting your own frame of reference onto the other person

and making assumptions about his or her feelings and motives,

you're dealing with the reality inside that person's head and

heart.

When others feel they've been heard, they're more open to your ideas. Once others feel

that you understand them and their unique situation and feelings, they're more likely to

believe that what you have to say does, in fact, pertain to them.

It helps you "frame" your own thoughts and ideas. To relate your ideas to others in ways

that are meaningful to them, you need to know what's important to them and how

they're viewing the situation.

It's difficult to meet needs you don't understand. The greater the extent to which you

understand others' needs, perceptions, concerns and values, the greater the likelihood of

finding an outcome satisfactory to everyone involved.

"Seek first to understand" involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be

understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the

intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to speak. They're filtering everything

through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives.

(Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, p. 239)

Things to keep in mind

about understanding

It takes time. Time pressure can tempt one into taking

shortcuts, but there really aren't any shortcuts to developing

collaboration. While it's true that understanding does take time

initially, it actually saves time in the long run by preventing

misconceptions and ensuring that you are dealing with the real

issues, not just the symptoms.

You shouldn't make assumptions about others' motives and behavior. It's easy to fall into

the trap of assuming that others view the world the same way you do and to put your

own interpretations on their motives and behavior, rather than giving them a chance to

explain themselves.

It's easy to get caught up in your own needs. It's easy to become so preoccupied with

your own goals and concerns that you totally overlook or lose sight of what others need

and want.

Understanding can be risky. Coming to understand the way someone else sees things

may require you to change some of your own preconceptions. People sometimes fear



that if they do learn more, they will discover that they have made mistakes in the past or

that they might have to behave differently.

How to use

understanding to

move to the right

The chart below highlights several key elements that are particularly

important in understanding.


Probe others'

viewpoints

Explain why you want

others' points of view.

Continue probing what's

behind others' viewpoints

until you have a full

understanding.

Avoid rapid-fire, close-

ended questions.

Use What and How

questions to get them

talking.

"Once I understand your needs, I

can incorporate them into the

plan."

"What makes that so important to

you?"

"What's led you to feel this way?"

"What do you value or care about

most?"

Give others time Give others time to think

through and express all

that they want to say.

Don't rush them.

Allow "wait" time.

Use silence to encourage

responses.

" Why don't I give you a couple

minutes to pull your thoughts

together?"

Really listen Really listen to what the

other person is saying

without "filtering" the

information.

Don't think about whether

or not you agree with

what you're hearing, or

plan what you're going to

say next.

"I'm sorry. For a moment I was

thinking about how this applied to

me and I missed part of what you

said. Did you say....?"

“Okay, so following the logic of

that, could that mean that we

need to…?”

Check under-

standing

Check to see if you can

accurately summarize

how the other person is

viewing the situation and

what is important to that

person.

"So, help me make sure I

understand how you're viewing

this....."

“Okay, you seem to be saying

that the … Did I get it?”



Using understanding on

the job

Now think about the specific influence situation you identified in

the beginning of this workbook.

What do you already know about what's important to others in this

situation and what can you do to ensure you don't overlook

anything?

Reciprocity This brings us to the last of the FOUR influencing skills: Reciprocity.

RECIPROCITY: Over time, meeting each other's needs in ways that

are valued.

Why is reciprocity

important?

People are unlikely to cooperate if there's nothing in it for them.

Influence and collaboration thrive on reciprocity. It's much easier to

gain others' cooperation and support when they feel that they will

gain something of value in return.

Cooperation breeds cooperation. Someone has to make the first move. If each person

waits for someone else to start the process, it may never get going.

It's how people who lack formal authority get things done. They can't force someone to

do something, so the only real power they have is their ability to help meet others' needs

in return for their support and cooperation.

Expectations of reciprocity and equity usually are quietly understood. They become

noticeable when they are violated......When one party consistently fails to reciprocate, the

other will eventually notice and feel let down.

(Cohen & Bradford, Influence without Authority, p. 30)

Things to keep

in mind about reciprocity

It takes time and effort. Sometimes people are under so much

pressure themselves that it's hard for them to see how they can

get their own work done, let alone help someone else.

You may not know what others need or value. A lack of understanding of what is

important to others makes it very difficult to determine what you could offer that would

be of value to them.

Reciprocity can take many different forms. Sometimes people tend to think too narrowly

about possible opportunities for reciprocity and fail to see what they might offer in return.

Exchanges don't have to be "tit for tat" nor do they have to involve tangible resources.

Below are some examples of exchanges that can take place over time in reciprocal

relationships:

o Tangible resources (e.g., budget

dollars, equipment, personnel)

o Opportunity to learn a new skill

o Increased visibility with higher-ups

o Faster response time

o Access to information

o Public support or backing

o Pride in having a chance to

accomplish something important



o Inclusion on a project team or in an

important meeting

o Opportunities to make new

contacts

o Expression of gratitude or

appreciation

o Recognition of one's effort or

contribution

o A willingness to listen to someone's

problems and concerns

How to use reciprocity to

move to the right


particularly important in reciprocity.


State your

intent

Acknowledge the

importance of meeting

the other person's needs

along with your own.

State your intent up front

to get everyone thinking

about how to achieve a

reciprocal outcome.

Emphasize the past and

future as well as the

present.

"I'm interested in having this solution

work in the long term, so that means

making sure we both get what we

need out of this."

"We have a long history of helping

each other out. I've always valued

that and want it to continue."

Think creatively Together think creatively

about the kinds of

exchanges that might be

possible. The more

possibilities you consider,

the more likely you are to

find a way to meet each

other's needs.

"I think there's an opportunity to make

some creative trades here. I could

give you some of my space for your

new equipment in exchange for both

of us being able to use that

equipment."

Agree on

action

Agree on an immediate

action that demonstrates

your commitment and

concretely conveys your

intent to meet longer-

term objectives.

"I know I've been promising to take

you through that new software

package once we get through this

crunch period. Since the worst seems

to be over, why don't we go ahead

and schedule a time now for early

next month?"

Give credit Give others credit for

their ideas and

contributions.

"I really appreciate the way I can

always count on you when I'm in a

jam. I hope you feel there's been

some balance over time because

that's important to me."



Using reciprocity

on the job

Now think about the specific influence situation you identified from

work.

What are some exchanges you can offer to build reciprocity into

this situation?



SUMMARY FOUR will enable you to influence for results if you:

Share what you are trying to accomplish in a way that is understandable

and meaningful to others

Have a clear sense of the direction you're heading and at the same time

remain open to others' input and ideas

Have a good understanding of what's most important to others

Look for ways to meet others' needs along with your own.

Now that you've had a chance to see how each of the FOUR skills work, the next step is to

start putting them all together.



PART 3:

"FOUR-in-One"

FOUR IS NOT SEQUENTIAL

Before we look at putting the FOUR skills together, it's important to

note that they are not necessarily sequential in nature. The FOUR

skills are related but they are not a lock-step set of skills. The

sequence in which they are used and the emphasis given to each

is largely dependent upon the situation.

For example, if you're working with someone new and you don't

know much about his or her needs and interests, you may need to

start by developing an understanding of where that person is

coming from before you can appropriately frame your own ideas.

Or there may be times when one or more of the skills is not

necessary because the need for it has been covered in an earlier

meeting.

Regardless of the sequence, you will want to reach a level of skill

where you can use some or all of the FOUR skills in the same

discussion. The FOUR skills can be very powerful when they're used

in combination and can lead to outstanding results.

PLANNING FOUR

INTERACTIONS

As you've probably begun to realize, it's hard to integrate the FOUR

skills without doing some significant preparation beforehand.

To influence others and gain their support and commitment, it's

important to carefully think through both the situation and the

person(s) with whom you're dealing.

Too often people think only about planning the content of the discussion and not the

process and skills they will use. Sometimes how you handle the discussion can be just as

important to sell your ideas or get others to cooperate with you as what you talk about.

In the Template portion of this workbook, you'll find a "FOUR Planner" which is designed to

help you through the planning process.



Make a copy of the FOUR Planner and take a moment to look it over.

FOUR Planner The FOUR Planner is divided into four major sections:

1. Situation

2. Dynamics

3. Tactics

4. FOUR Plan

Each section highlights factors that are important to consider in planning a FOUR interaction.

These include:

Situation

The outcome you're looking for in this interaction

Where each person is coming from in terms of past history, attitudes and opinions What each person's needs and interests are

Dynamics

Where your previous interactions with this person have been on the continuum

The interactive styles of the other person and yourself

Potential pitfalls or land mines for either of you

Tactics

How you will relate what you say to others' needs and preferences, and the context

How you will remain flexible in your own thinking

How you will find out what's important to others

How you will ensure that everyone's needs are met

FOUR Plan

How you will format and sequence what you're going to say

The process you will use

This may sound like a lot of planning for one interaction. But we're not suggesting you do this

amount of planning for every interaction you have. We do, however, recommend it for

interactions that are particularly significant or difficult. It is very important to learn to do this

level of planning because one or two significant interactions can make or break an entire

project.

SUMMARY FOUR is not necessarily sequential—sequence and emphasis are

largely dependent upon the situation.

Use of the FOUR skills in combination can lead to greater results.

Thorough planning is essential for particularly significant or difficult interactions.

The next part of this workbook will help you start putting the FOUR skills into practice. You will

be asked to develop a plan (using the FOUR Planner) for the influence situation you selected

and then to actually go out and conduct the interaction.



PART 4: Using FOUR on the Job

To develop competence in using the FOUR technique, you now need to begin using the skills

on the job and to get as much practice as possible. You'll find, too, that these skills can be

just as helpful in dealing with family members, community groups, church groups, and

professional associations.

PLANNING YOUR FOUR

INTERACTION

It's time to do some in-depth preparation for the influence situation

you selected at the beginning of this workbook. The more time you

spend preparing for this interaction, the more successful it is likely to

be.

Print a blank FOUR Planner set of pages from the back of this workbook and use it now to

plan the interaction.

Follow the guidelines as you complete your FOUR Planner pages. And, be sure to review the

notes you've already made about this situation.

FRAMING GUIDELINES

It's important to be very clear about what you want to accomplish because this will

have a significant impact on how you plan the interaction (e.g., asking someone to

be a "sounding board" is a very different kind of interaction from one where you're

trying to get approval for something).

Try to be realistic about what you can expect to accomplish in one interaction.

It's important to realize there are at least two perspectives you need to consider—

yours and the other person's.

Note any thoughts and feelings that may impact what you're trying to accomplish

given previous history, individual biases and opinions you've formed.

Try to develop as clear a picture as you can of the needs and interests on both sides

and any common ground that may already exist.

OPENNESS GUIDELINES

Think about the current state of your relationship with this person and where you

would place your previous interactions on the continuum.

Realistically consider how much progress you can make in this interaction to move

your communication to the right on the continuum.

Think about how each of you receive and process information, make decisions, etc.

(This information will be helpful later in planning how best to communicate your

message.)

Be selective—concentrate on a handful of descriptors that will help you plan more

effectively.



Look for things that might go wrong given the situation and dynamics with which

you're dealing.

Identify potential land mines (e.g., a clash in styles or a history of disagreement) which

could cause the interaction to quickly move to the left on the continuum or break

down.

UNDERSTANDING GUIDELINES

Think about how FOUR can help you given the situation and dynamics with which

you're dealing.

The large boxes are intended to serve as a "notepad" for jotting down specific things

you want to remember to say or do in this interaction relative to using the FOUR skills.

(These can be notes/hints to yourself or actual dialogue you want to use in the

conversation.)

Pay particular attention to the potential pitfalls. Look for ways FOUR can help prevent

you from setting off these land mines.

Because you have a lot of notes and points about the topic to keep in mind, it helps

to pick out one thing you absolutely want to remember about FOUR in this interaction.

Write the most important thing you need to remember about FOUR in the "key

reminder" box at the bottom of the page.

RECIPROCITY GUIDELINES

This is an opportunity to begin formatting and sequencing what you're going to say

and to make some process notes.

Don't get too detailed—just hit the highlights of the beginning, middle and end.

It's especially important to have a clear beginning and end because these are key

transition points. Think about framing at the beginning and confirming understanding

and next steps at the end.

Keep in mind that the FOUR skills are not necessarily used sequentially—you'll ask for

additional information, reframe, summarize, share concerns, offer support, etc.

You may want to write some reminders to yourself—things you're likely to forget or

need to be reminded of as you get into the interaction (e.g., remember to use visual

aids).

Incorporate your "key reminder" into your plan and look for ways to apply it

throughout your discussion.



FINAL ACTIVITY Have you completed your FOUR Planner for the influence situation

you identified? Once it is complete, put it into action.

Use your FOUR skills while they are fresh in your mind—and ask for feedback. Here are some

tools you might use.

Feedback Options Tools Section

Complete a self-assessment of your use of FOUR and

where you were on the continuum in a specific

interaction.

Self-Check Tool

Ask the person(s) you were interacting with for some

feedback immediately following the interaction.

Interaction Assessment

Tool

Ask someone to sit in on and evaluate one of your

interactions.

Interaction Assessment

Tool

Ask people you work with to complete a general

assessment of your influencing skills.

(Complete a self-assessment to see how your

perceptions compare with those of others.)

Influencing Skills

Assessment Tool

Turning a difficult

interaction into a

learning experience

In the event that your interaction doesn't go as well as you'd

hoped, you may find it helps to talk through what happened

with a manager or a colleague to get a fresh perspective on

the situation.

Here are some tips for conducting a debriefing discussion:

Explain the purpose of the meeting. (e.g., "I had a difficult interaction and would like to

spend a few minutes bouncing some things off you to get your perspective on the

situation.")

Give sufficient background about the situation. (In respect for this person's time, try to be

as brief as you can without deleting anything significant.)

Communicate that you are trying to reexamine and learn from this experience and

would welcome this person's views and suggestions.

o Give the other person a chance to provide feedback and make suggestions.

o Check to make sure your understanding of what this person has said is accurate.

o Probe areas that are of interest to you or that haven't been covered.

o Thank this person for his or her help.

o Offer to return the favor.



Templates & Tools

for FOUR Planning

and Review

Content Page

Reminder Sheet 23

FOUR Planner 24 – 27

Self Check 28 - 31



Here's a thumbnail sketch of the Communications Continuum and the FOUR skills. Use it as a

quick reference as you plan your interactions and influence others.

COMMUNICATIONS

CONTINUUM

Where are you now? Where would you like to be?

Key

Indicators Adversarial Positional Collaborative Partnering

How individuals

view each other

Enemies Opponents Colleagues Partners

Time

perspective

Yesterday Today Tomorrow Long-term

future

Strategy Plot the

attack

Prepare

own case

Include others'

perspectives

Prepare

together

Tactics Attack other

person

and/or their

ideas

Give many

reasons to

support

own ideas

Explore each

other's

perspectives

and needs

Develop

common

goals based

on a collective

set

of needs

Underlying intent Hurt or

punish the

other person

Get what you

want even at

the expense

of the

other person

Find ways to

meet your

own

needs that

also

satisfy the

other person's

Ensure that

the needs

of the

partnership

are met

Outcome LOSE-LOSE WIN-LOSE WIN-WIN WIN

FOUR SKILLS The FOUR skills can help you move to the right on the continuum.

Framing: Structuring what you say

in a way that takes into account

the individuals you're dealing with

and the context.

Prepare ahead

Relate to others

Link to context

Keep it simple

Understanding: Finding out what is

really important to others (their needs,

interests, values, etc.)

Probe others' viewpoints

Give others time

Really listen

Check understanding

Openness: Being willing to

reexamine and change your own

thinking in light of new information.

Remain open-minded

Encourage response

Consider new information

Avoid defending yourself

Reciprocity: Over time, meeting each

other's needs in ways that are valued.

State your intent

Think creatively

Agree on action

Give credit



FOUR

For your interaction with...

Planner Name

Situation

Information

"Sounding board"

Sharing/developing of

ideas

Commitment or

support

Decision / Approval

What specifically are you looking for from the other person in this

interaction?

Relative to this interaction, where is each person coming from?

What past history or

events might be

influencing how each

of you is viewing this

situation?

What attitudes or

biases do you have

that could impact this

situation?

What opinions have

each of you already

formed?

You

Other person

Relative to this interaction, what are each person's needs/

interests?



What's really important

to each of you?

What are your hooks or

"hot buttons"?

What might you be

willing to "trade" or

offer in return?

You

Other person

Dynamics

Place an "X" at the point on the continuum that best characterizes

previous interactions you have had with the other person.

Adversarial Positional Collaborative Partnering

Instructions Interactive styles

Select several words,

from the examples

shown or of your own

choosing, that best

characterize each

person's interactive

style

Abstract

Accepting

Approachable

Big picture-

oriented

"By the book"

Concrete Confrontational

Creative

Critical

Demanding

Detail-oriented

Distant

Easy to read

Easygoing

Formal

Freewheeling

Fun-loving

Hard to read

Impulsive

Independent

Indirect

Informal

Intense

"Let's consider

all the options"

"Let's decide

and get on

with it"

Low key

Objective

Open to

change

Planned

Quiet

Serious

Set in ways

Spontaneous

Straightforward

Structured

Subjective

Systematic

Talkative

Talks, then

thinks

Thinks, then

talks Unconventional

Yours

Other person's



Given your styles and

the current state of

your relationship, what

difficulties could arise?

What things tend to set

you off?

What dynamics or

behavior patterns do

you have difficulty

dealing with?

What objections or

concerns might be

raised?

What potential pitfalls might keep you from achieving your desired

outcome?



Tactics

Reflect on

your Situation

& Dynamics

notes for this

interaction.

Consider how

you might use

each FOUR

technique to

help you

achieve your

desired

outcome.

Write down

any specific

things you

want to say

or do during

the

upcoming

interaction.

Prepare

Relate to others

Link to context

Keep it simple

Probe others' viewpoints

Give others time

Really listen

Check understanding

Framing

Understanding

Remain open-minded

Encourage response

Consider new information

Avoid defending yourself

State your intent

Think creatively

Agree on action

Give credit

Openness

Reciprocity

Key Reminder

What is the most important thing about FOUR you need to remember during

this interaction?



FOUR Plan Instructions Plan Discussion Notes

Use this section

to further plan

before and

take notes

during your

interaction.

Opening

Body

Closing



FOUR Talk Self Check

Person with

whom you

interacted

Name Date

Discussion Topic

Instructions Reflect on the interaction you just had with this person.

Complete the following pages of this form.



FOUR Check

BEHAVIOR EFFECTIVENESS

Mark the box

that indicates

the level of

effectiveness

you exhibited

in this

interaction for

each of the

behaviors

listed.

Framing

Weak

Adequate

Strong

Not

applicable

In my preparation I

took both the situation

and the individual(s)

involved into account.

I related my ideas to

the other person's

needs and interests.

I linked my ideas to

the organization's

business strategies.

I gave short, simple

explanations when

presenting my ideas.

Openness

Weak

Adequate

Strong

Not

applicable

I remained open-

minded throughout

the interaction.

I encouraged the

other person to react

to and improve upon

my ideas.

I gave full

consideration to new

information that

challenged or

conflicted with my

own thinking.

I avoided getting into

a debate about why I

was "right".





BEHAVIOR EFFECTIVENESS

Understanding

Weak

Adequate

Strong

Not

applicable

I probed what was

behind the other

person's views and

feelings.

I gave the other

person a chance to

say all that he/she

wanted to say.

I really listened to what

the other person was

saying.

I checked frequently

to make sure that I

had understood

correctly.

Reciprocity

Weak

Adequate

Strong

Not

applicable

I indicated my intent

was to reach an

agreement or solution

that was mutually

beneficial.

I encouraged us to

think creatively about

the kinds of

exchanges that might

be possible.

I agreed on action

that demonstrated my

commitment to

meeting the other

person's needs.

I gave the other

person credit for

his/her ideas and

contributions.



Continuum Check

Key Indicators

For each of

the key

indicators in

the left-hand

column, circle

the word(s)

that best

describe how

you handled

this

interaction.

How I viewed

the other

person

Enemy Opponent Colleague Partner

My time

perspective

Yesterday Today Tomorrow Long-term

future

The strategy

I used

Plotted the

attack

Prepared my

own case

Included

others'

perspectives

Prepared

together

The tactics

I used

Attacked

other person/

his/her ideas

Gave many

reasons to

support my

own ideas

Explored other

person's

perspectives

and needs

Developed

common

goals based

on a

collective set

of needs

My underlying

intent was to:

Hurt or punish

the other

person

Get what

I wanted even

at the

expense of

the other

person

Find ways to

meet my own

needs that

also satisfied

the other

person's

Ensure that

the needs of

the

partnership

were met

The outcome

was:

LOSE-LOSE WIN-LOSE WIN-WIN WIN

Now place an

"X" on the

continuum at

the right to

indicate

where you feel

this interaction

was

positioned.

Adversarial Positional Collaborative Partnering

Documents

How to Influence Your Peers Reference Book · When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually, and most important, contextually—in the context of a deep understanding