How to Heal Your Love Life

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    Trevor Emdon

    By Trevor Emdon

    http:www.trust-in-relationships.com

    Copyright notice: This e-book is free - please feel free to distribute itas it is. It is NOT

    for sale or resale.

    http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/http://www.trust-in-relationships.com/
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    Introduction ...............................................3Tip 1: Magic Moments ..............................4

    Tip 2: Responsibility isn't blame...............6Tip 3: Endings are also beginnings.........10Tip 4:.......................................................12Go where you are significant - not whereyou feel insignificant. ..............................12Tip 5:.......................................................14

    Only date yourself until you have love forlife in your heart again. ...........................14Tip 6: Smile!............................................16Tip 7: Contribute. ....................................18Tip 8: Grow .............................................19................................................................19

    Tip 9: Enjoy uncertainty. .........................21Tip 10: Restore Your Trust InRelationships. .........................................23

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    Trevor Emdon

    Tip 1: Magic Moments

    Remember, or realise if you've never thought of it before, that you have the

    power to choose what to focus your thoughts on.

    After a great shock or big pain such as the loss of a relationship, it's natural to

    spend all your time ruminating on what's happened and what you've lost. In the

    early days you won't feel as though you have too much control over this, but

    there is something you can do.

    Buy a nice notebook and keep it, together with a pen, by your bed. (Bedtime is

    the worst time for all the sad, bad thoughts to come rushing in anyway).

    When you climb into bed, before you turn out the light, grab your notebook and

    pen. Now tiptoe back in your mind through your day and come up with three

    "magic moments." When each one pops into your head, jot it down.

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    Magic moments can be anything: a sunset, a checkout cashier who smiled at

    you, finding a parking space easily, a (good) surprise phone call or email, finding

    a penny in the street, the taste of a cappuccino, a flower that bloomed today

    you get the idea. Anything, no matter how small, that lifted your spirits even one

    tenth of one degree.

    Soon you'll begin to realise that not every moment of every day is as dark as

    you'd thought it was.

    If you're disciplined about this, you'll discover that the process has a great side

    effect: it helps you sleep better.

    The mental action of deliberately focussing your thoughts on good and positive

    things soothes your troubled mind and relieves the pressure of the pain.

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    Trevor Emdon

    Tip 2: Responsibility isn't blame.

    One major problem when a relationship breaks up is the tendency to beat

    yourself up. The notion that it must "all be my fault" is often reinforced by the

    other party too, so self esteem can take a real bashing at this time.

    Let's get this out of the way right now. Whose "fault" it is, is irrelevant!

    Even if you could prove it one way or the other, (and you never will because so

    much is subjective and very biased opinion), what difference would it make?

    "One of us is a bad person, (and that's you), so I must be the good one"?

    I don't think it's ever going to come out like that, is it? Adolf Hitler had a love life,

    and Mother Teresa no doubt had people who disliked her, so I don't think we're

    going to establish any criteria for what makes a person good, bad, right or wrong

    that the whole world would agree upon!

    Blaming yourself for what has happened is useless and makes you feel bad.

    Blaming the other person for what has happened is also useless and makes both

    of you feel bad.

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    The outcome you want is to feel better, right? You might think that that would be

    achieved if the person came back. If they won't then your brain will look for other

    ways to feel better. And that's when the tendency to "blame" one party or the

    other begins.

    Are you willing to try another tack with me?

    Great!

    Let's look at responsibility then. "Responsibility" literally means "the ability to

    respond." It doesn't mean something is your "fault."

    (In fact, I'd like to do away with the notion that people have "faults." To

    ourselves, each of us is perfect. It's only the judgement of others that makes us

    decide that some aspects of character should be defined as "faults". Imagine a

    wild rose growing next to a bluebell in a forest. Is one wrong because it's red or

    blue? Is one bad because it has thorns? They're both perfect as what they are!)

    Now if you "have the ability to respond", this implies that you have resources.

    Some of those resources you may not have thought about.

    You have the ability, (as I pointed out in the "magic moments" tip) to focus on

    what you think about. You can think about what you've lost, or you can look for

    positives. You have more time for yourself now, for example.

    In the early days, much of your thinking and feeling time will be about the other

    person. So take this on board: you can be right or you can be kind.

    In the long run, which will make you feel better?

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    I will offer you a "lens" to look through about this: All human beings have the

    same basic needs.

    We all want to feel significant.

    We all want to be loved.

    We all need certainty, variety and to feel that we're growing.

    If someone leaves a relationship, or makes any other major change in life, it's

    because somewhere inside them, they felt one or more of those needs was not

    being adequately met.

    That doesn't mean it was your fault, or theirs.

    It just means it wasn't being adequately met - for them.

    To accommodate that feeling some people change or take up a new religion;

    others choose atheism.

    Others become vegetarian or vegan, but some people love meat.

    Some people choose celibacy, whilst others go for promiscuity.

    There are no faults or blames here. There are simply people searching for their

    own inner, personal version of peace.

    Now, if you are willing to accept that that was - and is - what your ex is doing at

    some level, does that make it easier to let go?

    Does that ease the burden of guilt and blame for you?

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    Does that enable you, above all, to find the ability to respond to what has

    happened by being kind to yourself?

    A great tip by the way: use visualisation to create rapid happiness and increase

    your ability to find magic moments. If you do this for 15 minutes a day, you'll find

    magic moments happening to you for real!

    Try this very beautiful and empowering hypnosis program to change your life.

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