How To Choose A Partner

Fr. Jacob Ghaly

The 4 CategoriesThese categories are suggestions of what may be ideal

When Where How Expectations

When

An ideal time would be towards the end of your college career

- Before that age, heterosexual attraction is usually general; Later on, the attraction is towards 1 person (psychological maturity)

By law: over 18 years old -Before that age, the relationship will lack spiritual, psychological, and financial maturity

When

Females usually mature around 2 years earlier than males.

The maturity level usually “equalizes” between males and females between the ages of 25-30

The ideal difference in age is up to 5 years

Where

Church

Including activities such as retreats, service, trips, Sunday school, etc.

Work Could be anywhere according to the will of

God

How

Prayer is the best tool to find a partner where God will chose the person, the time, and the way through his wisdom.

The dangers angers of finding a partner through the internet…

Expectations

Some people will form unreal expectations of what they are looking for in a partner.

“Beauty is fading and charm is deceitful” My partner should be very close to me in terms of

my:– Spirituality– Financially– Academically

This will generally minimize many problems later on

It is very important for Churches to run some sort of program that will prepare partners for marriage.

5 Factors that go into choosing a partner

Spirit Mind Parents Feeling Open Doors

Spirit

God’s Voice Father of confession: Has wisdom and

discernment; will help and pray for you We need Jesus to be the center of the

relationship from the beginning: Jesus Christ should be the 3rd person in a relationship

The Holy Spirit is the guidance

Mind

Everything makes sense– Difference in age, personality, etc.

Parents

1 of the signs of God’s approval is the comfort of the parents

In our Coptic culture, the marriage is between 2 partners; However, both families are very much involved. If there is no harmony between the 2 families, it will create countless problems.

If there is discomfort with parents; prayer and time are key.

Feeling

Our love to our partner must be aghapy love, not aerus love

Do not rely on feelings 100%. Feelings will be overwhelming at first, but later on, you need aghapy love to sustain the relationship.

Open Doors

We prayed, we are comfortable, parents agree, we have the blessings of our families, all the doors are open: – This usually means God’s will is taking place– This doesn’t mean you will not experience any

obstacles.

Factors affecting the Decision

Family – love and respect between parents, – how they deal with relatives, – there is harmony between the 2 families

Culture Communication Dialogue Ability to express feelings Responsibility (Level of success in life) Financial Status Diseases (hepatitis, Cancer, infertility, psychological disorders,

etc.)

Questions to ask yourself after you find your potential partner

Q1: Faith Q1: Life Q3: Culture Q4: Personality

Q1: Faith

Is the person attached to the Church? Does the person have a relationship with God? Why does the person go to Church? Is Jesus the first in his/her life? Are they living a life of repentance? Is God their first refuge when there is trouble? What is the value of the Bible in their life?

Q2: Life

How do they spend money? Do they love to serve others? Do they respect other people? Do they respect the lowly? Is there any kind of addiction present in their lives? Is the person stubborn or heard-headed? Are they able to keep a private life with their spouse? Are they quick to lose friends? How long does it take to forgive someone? A moment, day,

year, forever? Ambition, greediness, laziness…

Q3: Culture

Who are their friends? What books do they read? What websites do they go on? What shows/ movies do they watch? How do they spend their free time? Hobbies? Music?

Q4: Personality

The dangers of comparing? Are they hesitant in making decisions? Punctuality in time? Do they like to own everything they see? Are they able to say sorry when they are wrong? Are they suspicious/ paranoid about people around

them? Humility?

Notes

Marriage is an establishment of the house of the Lord

Whenever 2 or 3 are gathered I will be in the midst (these are husband, wife, and children)

The bodies are holy as long as they are faithful to each other

Marriage is a spiritual gift, but not with non-believers As wine and water are mixed, also husband and

wife: to be in harmony

Wrong reasons for marriage

Money Papers Position in company Just to have kids To serve ME

Goals for marriage

To become 1 unity Aghapy love Sharing Salvation Godly Children

Bible References

Eph. 5:22 Heb. 13:24 1 Cor. 7:2, 7:4, 7:10, Eph. 5:28 Mat. 19:4, 19:6