ALSOBYMichaelPollan

Cooked

FoodRules

InDefenseofFood

TheOmnivore’sDilemma

TheBotanyofDesire

APlaceofMyOwn

SecondNature

PENGUINPRESS

AnimprintofPenguinRandomHouseLLC375HudsonStreetNewYork,NewYork10014penguin.com

Copyright©2018byMichaelPollanPenguinsupportscopyright.Copyrightfuelscreativity,encouragesdiversevoices,promotesfreespeech,andcreatesavibrantculture.Thankyouforbuyinganauthorizededitionofthisbookandforcomplyingwithcopyrightlawsbynotreproducing,scanning,ordistributinganypartofitinanyformwithoutpermission.YouaresupportingwritersandallowingPenguintocontinuetopublishbooksforeveryreader.

Imagehereandherefrom“Homologicalscaffoldsofbrainfunctionalnetworks,”byG.Petri,P.Expert,F.Turkheimer,R.Carhart-Harris,D.Nutt,P.J.Hellyer,andF.Vaccarino,JournaloftheRoyalSocietyInterface,2014.

LIBRARYOFCONGRESSCATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATIONDATA

Names:Pollan,Michael,1955–author.Title:Howtochangeyourmind:whatthenewscienceofpsychedelicsteachesusaboutconsciousness,dying,addiction,depression,andtranscendence/MichaelPollan.Description:NewYork:PenguinPress,2018.Identifiers:LCCN2018006190(print)|LCCN2018010396(ebook)|ISBN9780525558941(ebook)|ISBN9781594204227(hardback)Subjects:LCSH:Pollan,Michael,1955—Mentalhealth.|Hallucinogenicdrugs—Therapeuticuse.|Psychotherapypatients—Biography.|BISAC:BIOGRAPHY&AUTOBIOGRAPHY/Science&Technology.|MEDICAL/MentalHealth.Classification:LCCRM324.8(ebook)|LCCRM324.8.P652018(print)|DDC615.7/883—dc23LCrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2018006190

NOTE:Thisbookrelatestheauthor’sinvestigativereportingon,andrelatedself-experimentationwith,psilocybinmushrooms,thedruglysergicaciddiethylamide(or,asitismorecommonlyknown,LSD),andthedrug5-methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine(morecommonlyknownas5-MeO-DMTorTheToad).ItisacriminaloffenseintheUnitedStatesandinmanyothercountries,punishablebyimprisonmentand/orfines,tomanufacture,possess,orsupplyLSD,psilocybinmushrooms,and/orthedrug5-MeO-DMT,exceptinconnectionwithgovernment-sanctionedresearch.Youshouldthereforeunderstandthatthisbookisintendedtoconveytheauthor’sexperiencesandtoprovideanunderstandingofthebackgroundandcurrentstateofresearchintothesesubstances.Itisnotintendedtoencourageyoutobreakthelawandnoattemptshouldbemadetousethesesubstancesforanypurposeexceptinalegallysanctionedclinicaltrial.Theauthorandthepublisherexpresslydisclaimanyliability,loss,orrisk,personalorotherwise,thatisincurredasaconsequence,directlyorindirectly,ofthecontentsofthisbook.

Certainnamesandlocationshavebeenchangedinordertoprotecttheauthorandothers.

Version_1

Formyfather

Thesoulshouldalwaysstandajar.

—EMILYDICKINSON

Contents

AlsobyMichaelPollanTitlePageCopyrightDedicationEpigraph

Prologue:ANewDoor

CHAPTERONEARenaissance

CHAPTERTWONaturalHistory:BemushroomedCoda

CHAPTERTHREEHistory:TheFirstWavePartI:ThePromisePartII:TheCrack-UpCoda

CHAPTERFOURTravelogue:JourneyingUndergroundTripOne:LSDTripTwo:PsilocybinTripThree:5-MeO-DMT(or,TheToad)

CHAPTERFIVETheNeuroscience:YourBrainonPsychedelics

CHAPTERSIXTheTripTreatment:PsychedelicsinPsychotherapyOne:DyingTwo:Addiction

Three:DepressionCoda:GoingtoMeetMyDefaultModeNetwork

Epilogue:InPraiseofNeuralDiversity

GlossaryAcknowledgmentsNotesBibliographyIndexAbouttheAuthor

PROLOGUE

ANewDoor

MIDWAYTHROUGHthetwentiethcentury,twounusualnewmolecules,organiccompoundswithastrikingfamilyresemblance,explodedupontheWest.Intime,theywouldchangethecourseofsocial,political,andculturalhistory,aswellasthepersonalhistoriesofthemillionsofpeoplewhowouldeventuallyintroducethemtotheirbrains.Asithappened,thearrivalofthesedisruptivechemistriescoincidedwithanotherworldhistoricalexplosion—thatoftheatomicbomb.Therewerepeoplewhocomparedthetwoeventsandmademuchofthecosmicsynchronicity.Extraordinarynewenergieshadbeenloosedupontheworld;thingswouldneverbequitethesame.Thefirstofthesemoleculeswasanaccidentalinventionofscience.

Lysergicaciddiethylamide,commonlyknownasLSD,wasfirstsynthesizedbyAlbertHofmannin1938,shortlybeforephysicistssplitanatomofuraniumforthefirsttime.Hofmann,whoworkedfortheSwisspharmaceuticalfirmSandoz,hadbeenlookingforadrugtostimulatecirculation,notapsychoactivecompound.Itwasn’tuntilfiveyearslaterwhenheaccidentallyingestedaminusculequantityofthenewchemicalthatherealizedhehadcreatedsomethingpowerful,atonceterrifyingandwondrous.Thesecondmoleculehadbeenaroundforthousandsofyears,though

nooneinthedevelopedworldwasawareofit.Producednotbyachemistbutbyaninconspicuouslittlebrownmushroom,thismolecule,whichwouldcometobeknownaspsilocybin,hadbeenusedbytheindigenouspeoplesofMexicoandCentralAmericaforhundredsofyearsasasacrament.CalledteonanácatlbytheAztecs,or“fleshofthegods,”themushroomwasbrutallysuppressedbytheRomanCatholicChurchaftertheSpanishconquestanddrivenunderground.In1955,twelveyearsafter

AlbertHofmann’sdiscoveryofLSD,aManhattanbankerandamateurmycologistnamedR.GordonWassonsampledthemagicmushroominthetownofHuautladeJiménezinthesouthernMexicanstateofOaxaca.Twoyearslater,hepublishedafifteen-pageaccountofthe“mushroomsthatcausestrangevisions”inLifemagazine,markingthemomentwhennewsofanewformofconsciousnessfirstreachedthegeneralpublic.(In1957,knowledgeofLSDwasmostlyconfinedtothecommunityofresearchersandmentalhealthprofessionals.)Peoplewouldnotrealizethemagnitudeofwhathadhappenedforseveralmoreyears,buthistoryintheWesthadshifted.Theimpactofthesetwomoleculesishardtooverestimate.Theadvent

ofLSDcanbelinkedtotherevolutioninbrainsciencethatbeginsinthe1950s,whenscientistsdiscoveredtheroleofneurotransmittersinthebrain.ThatquantitiesofLSDmeasuredinmicrogramscouldproducesymptomsresemblingpsychosisinspiredbrainscientiststosearchfortheneurochemicalbasisofmentaldisorderspreviouslybelievedtobepsychologicalinorigin.Atthesametime,psychedelicsfoundtheirwayintopsychotherapy,wheretheywereusedtotreatavarietyofdisorders,includingalcoholism,anxiety,anddepression.Formostofthe1950sandearly1960s,manyinthepsychiatricestablishmentregardedLSDandpsilocybinasmiracledrugs.Thearrivalofthesetwocompoundsisalsolinkedtotheriseofthe

countercultureduringthe1960sand,perhapsespecially,toitsparticulartoneandstyle.Forthefirsttimeinhistory,theyounghadariteofpassagealltheirown:the“acidtrip.”Insteadoffoldingtheyoungintotheadultworld,asritesofpassagehavealwaysdone,thisonelandedtheminacountryofthemindfewadultshadanyideaevenexisted.Theeffectonsocietywas,toputitmildly,disruptive.Yetbytheendofthe1960s,thesocialandpoliticalshockwaves

unleashedbythesemoleculesseemedtodissipate.Thedarksideofpsychedelicsbegantoreceivetremendousamountsofpublicity—badtrips,psychoticbreaks,flashbacks,suicides—andbeginningin1965theexuberancesurroundingthesenewdrugsgavewaytomoralpanic.Asquicklyasthecultureandthescientificestablishmenthadembracedpsychedelics,theynowturnedsharplyagainstthem.Bytheendofthedecade,psychedelicdrugs—whichhadbeenlegalinmostplaces—were

outlawedandforcedunderground.Atleastoneofthetwentiethcentury’stwobombsappearedtohavebeendefused.Thensomethingunexpectedandtellinghappened.Beginninginthe

1990s,welloutofviewofmostofus,asmallgroupofscientists,psychotherapists,andso-calledpsychonauts,believingthatsomethingprecioushadbeenlostfrombothscienceandculture,resolvedtorecoverit.Today,afterseveraldecadesofsuppressionandneglect,psychedelics

arehavingarenaissance.Anewgenerationofscientists,manyoftheminspiredbytheirownpersonalexperienceofthecompounds,aretestingtheirpotentialtohealmentalillnessessuchasdepression,anxiety,trauma,andaddiction.Otherscientistsareusingpsychedelicsinconjunctionwithnewbrain-imagingtoolstoexplorethelinksbetweenbrainandmind,hopingtounravelsomeofthemysteriesofconsciousness.Onegoodwaytounderstandacomplexsystemistodisturbitandthen

seewhathappens.Bysmashingatoms,aparticleacceleratorforcesthemtoyieldtheirsecrets.Byadministeringpsychedelicsincarefullycalibrateddoses,neuroscientistscanprofoundlydisturbthenormalwakingconsciousnessofvolunteers,dissolvingthestructuresoftheselfandoccasioningwhatcanbedescribedasamysticalexperience.Whilethisishappening,imagingtoolscanobservethechangesinthebrain’sactivityandpatternsofconnection.Alreadythisworkisyieldingsurprisinginsightsintothe“neuralcorrelates”ofthesenseofselfandspiritualexperience.Thehoary1960splatitudethatpsychedelicsofferedakeytounderstanding—and“expanding”—consciousnessnolongerlooksquitesopreposterous.HowtoChangeYourMindisthestoryofthisrenaissance.Althoughit

didn’tstartoutthatway,itisaverypersonalaswellaspublichistory.Perhapsthiswasinevitable.EverythingIwaslearningaboutthethird-personhistoryofpsychedelicresearchmademewanttoexplorethisnovellandscapeofthemindinthefirstpersontoo—toseehowthechangesinconsciousnessthesemoleculeswroughtactuallyfeelandwhat,ifanything,theyhadtoteachmeaboutmymindandmightcontributetomylife.

•••

THISWAS,FORME,acompletelyunexpectedturnofevents.ThehistoryofpsychedelicsI’vesummarizedhereisnotahistoryIlived.Iwasbornin1955,halfwaythroughthedecadethatpsychedelicsfirstburstontotheAmericanscene,butitwasn’tuntiltheprospectofturningsixtyhaddriftedintoviewthatIseriouslyconsideredtryingLSDforthefirsttime.Comingfromababyboomer,thatmightsoundimprobable,aderelictionofgenerationalduty.ButIwasonlytwelveyearsoldin1967,tooyoungtohavebeenmorethandimlyawareoftheSummerofLoveortheSanFranciscoAcidTests.Atfourteen,theonlywayIwasgoingtogettoWoodstockwasifmyparentsdroveme.Muchofthe1960sIexperiencedthroughthepagesofTimemagazine.BythetimetheideaoftryingornottryingLSDswamintomyconsciousawareness,ithadalreadycompleteditsspeedymediaarcfrompsychiatricwonderdrugtocounterculturesacramenttodestroyerofyoungminds.Imusthavebeeninjuniorhighschoolwhenascientistreported

(mistakenly,asitturnedout)thatLSDscrambledyourchromosomes;theentiremedia,aswellasmyhealth-edteacher,madesureweheardallaboutit.Acoupleofyearslater,thetelevisionpersonalityArtLinkletterbegancampaigningagainstLSD,whichheblamedforthefacthisdaughterhadjumpedoutofanapartmentwindow,killingherself.LSDsupposedlyhadsomethingtodowiththeMansonmurderstoo.Bytheearly1970s,whenIwenttocollege,everythingyouheardaboutLSDseemedcalculatedtoterrify.Itworkedonme:I’mlessachildofthepsychedelic1960sthanofthemoralpanicthatpsychedelicsprovoked.Ialsohadmyownpersonalreasonforsteeringclearofpsychedelics:a

painfullyanxiousadolescencethatleftme(andatleastonepsychiatrist)doubtingmygriponsanity.BythetimeIgottocollege,Iwasfeelingsturdier,buttheideaofrollingthementaldicewithapsychedelicdrugstillseemedlikeabadidea.Yearslater,inmylatetwentiesandfeelingmoresettled,Ididtry

magicmushroomstwoorthreetimes.AfriendhadgivenmeaMasonjarfullofdried,gnarlyPsilocybes,andonacoupleofmemorableoccasionsmypartner(nowwife),Judith,andIchokeddowntwoorthreeofthem,enduredabriefwaveofnausea,andthensailedoffonfourorfiveinterestinghoursinthecompanyofeachotherandwhatfeltlikeawonderfullyitalicizedversionofthefamiliarreality.

Psychedelicaficionadoswouldprobablycategorizewhatwehadasalow-dose“aestheticexperience,”ratherthanafull-blownego-disintegratingtrip.Wecertainlydidn’ttakeleaveoftheknownuniverseorhavewhatanyonewouldcallamysticalexperience.Butitwasreallyinteresting.WhatIparticularlyrememberwasthepreternaturalvividnessofthegreensinthewoods,andinparticularthevelvetychartreusesoftnessoftheferns.Iwasgrippedbyapowerfulcompulsiontobeoutdoors,undressed,andasfarfromanythingmadeofmetalorplasticasitwaspossibletoget.Becausewewerealoneinthecountry,thiswasalldoable.Idon’trecallmuchaboutafollow-uptriponaSaturdayinRiversideParkinManhattanexceptthatitwasconsiderablylessenjoyableandunselfconscious,withtoomuchtimespentwonderingifotherpeoplecouldtellthatwewerehigh.Ididn’tknowitatthetime,butthedifferencebetweenthesetwo

experiencesofthesamedrugdemonstratedsomethingimportant,andspecial,aboutpsychedelics:thecriticalinfluenceof“set”and“setting.”Setisthemind-setorexpectationonebringstotheexperience,andsettingistheenvironmentinwhichittakesplace.Comparedwithotherdrugs,psychedelicsseldomaffectpeoplethesamewaytwice,becausetheytendtomagnifywhatever’salreadygoingonbothinsideandoutsideone’shead.Afterthosetwobrieftrips,themushroomjarlivedinthebackofour

pantryforyears,untouched.Thethoughtofgivingoverawholedaytoapsychedelicexperiencehadcometoseeminconceivable.Wewereworkinglonghoursatnewcareers,andthosevastswathsofunallocatedtimethatcollege(orunemployment)affordshadbecomeamemory.Nowanother,verydifferentkindofdrugwasavailable,onethatwasconsiderablyeasiertoweaveintothefabricofaManhattancareer:cocaine.Thesnowy-whitepowdermadethewrinkledbrownmushroomsseemdowdy,unpredictable,andoverlydemanding.Cleaningoutthekitchencabinetsoneweekend,westumbledupontheforgottenjarandtosseditinthetrash,alongwiththeexhaustedspicesandexpiredpackagesoffood.Fast-forwardthreedecades,andIreallywishIhadn’tdonethat.I’d

givealottohaveawholejarofmagicmushroomsnow.I’vebeguntowonderifperhapstheseremarkablemoleculesmightbewastedontheyoung,thattheymayhavemoretoofferuslaterinlife,afterthecement

ofourmentalhabitsandeverydaybehaviorshasset.CarlJungoncewrotethatitisnottheyoungbutpeopleinmiddleagewhoneedtohavean“experienceofthenuminous”tohelpthemnegotiatethesecondhalfoftheirlives.BythetimeIarrivedsafelyinmyfifties,lifeseemedtoberunning

alongafewdeepbutcomfortablegrooves:alongandhappymarriagealongsideanequallylongandgratifyingcareer.Aswedo,Ihaddevelopedasetoffairlydependablementalalgorithmsfornavigatingwhateverlifethrewatme,whetherathomeoratwork.Whatwasmissingfrommylife?NothingIcouldthinkof—until,thatis,wordofthenewresearchintopsychedelicsbegantofinditswaytome,makingmewonderifperhapsIhadfailedtorecognizethepotentialofthesemoleculesasatoolforbothunderstandingthemindand,potentially,changingit.

•••

HEREARETHETHREEDATAPOINTSthatpersuadedmethiswasthecase.Inthespringof2010,afront-pagestoryappearedintheNewYork

Timesheadlined“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuningInAgain.”Itreportedthatresearchershadbeengivinglargedosesofpsilocybin—theactivecompoundinmagicmushrooms—toterminalcancerpatientsasawaytohelpthemdealwiththeir“existentialdistress”attheapproachofdeath.Theseexperiments,whichweretakingplacesimultaneouslyatJohns

Hopkins,UCLA,andNewYorkUniversity,seemednotjustimprobablebutcrazy.Facedwithaterminaldiagnosis,theverylastthingIwouldwanttodoistakeapsychedelicdrug—thatis,surrendercontrolofmymindandtheninthatpsychologicallyvulnerablestatestarestraightintotheabyss.Butmanyofthevolunteersreportedthatoverthecourseofasingleguidedpsychedelic“journey”theyreconceivedhowtheyviewedtheircancerandtheprospectofdying.Severalofthemsaidtheyhadlosttheirfearofdeathcompletely.Thereasonsofferedforthistransformationwereintriguingbutalsosomewhatelusive.“Individualstranscendtheirprimaryidentificationwiththeirbodiesandexperienceego-freestates,”oneoftheresearcherswasquotedassaying.They“returnwithanewperspectiveandprofoundacceptance.”

Ifiledthatstoryaway,untilayearortwolater,whenJudithandIfoundourselvesatadinnerpartyatabighouseintheBerkeleyHills,seatedatalongtablewithadozenorsopeople,whenawomanatthefarendofthetablebegantalkingaboutheracidtrips.Shelookedtobeaboutmyageand,Ilearned,wasaprominentpsychologist.Iwasengrossedinadifferentconversationatthetime,butassoonasthephonemesL-S-Ddrifteddowntomyendofthetable,Icouldn’thelpbutcupmyear(literally)andtrytotunein.Atfirst,Iassumedshewasdredgingupsomewell-polishedanecdote

fromhercollegedays.Notthecase.Itsoonbecameclearthattheacidtripinquestionhadtakenplaceonlydaysorweeksbefore,andinfactwasoneofherfirst.Theassembledeyebrowsrose.Sheandherhusband,aretiredsoftwareengineer,hadfoundtheoccasionaluseofLSDbothintellectuallystimulatingandofvaluetotheirwork.Specifically,thepsychologistfeltthatLSDgaveherinsightintohowyoungchildrenperceivetheworld.Kids’perceptionsarenotmediatedbyexpectationsandconventionsinthebeen-there,done-thatwaythatadultperceptionis;asadults,sheexplained,ourmindsdon’tsimplytakeintheworldasitissomuchastheymakeeducatedguessesaboutit.Relyingontheseguesses,whicharebasedonpastexperience,savesthemindtimeandenergy,aswhen,say,it’stryingtofigureoutwhatthatfractalpatternofgreendotsinitsvisualfieldmightbe.(Theleavesonatree,probably.)LSDappearstodisablesuchconventionalized,shorthandmodesofperceptionand,bydoingso,restoresachildlikeimmediacy,andsenseofwonder,toourexperienceofreality,asifwewereseeingeverythingforthefirsttime.(Leaves!)Ipipeduptoaskifshehadanyplanstowriteabouttheseideas,which

rivetedeveryoneatthetable.ShelaughedandgavemealookthatItooktosay,Hownaivecanyoube?LSDisaschedule1substance,meaningthegovernmentregardsitasadrugofabusewithnoacceptedmedicaluse.Surelyitwouldbefoolhardyforsomeoneinherpositiontosuggest,inprint,thatpsychedelicsmighthaveanythingtocontributetophilosophyorpsychology—thattheymightactuallybeavaluabletoolforexploringthemysteriesofhumanconsciousness.Seriousresearchintopsychedelicshadbeenmoreorlesspurgedfromtheuniversityfiftyyearsago,soonafterTimothyLeary’sHarvardPsilocybinProjectcrashedand

burnedin1963.NotevenBerkeley,itseemed,wasreadytogothereagain,atleastnotyet.Thirddatapoint:Thedinnertableconversationjoggedavague

memorythatafewyearsbeforesomebodyhade-mailedmeascientificpaperaboutpsilocybinresearch.Busywithotherthingsatthetime,Ihadn’tevenopenedit,butaquicksearchoftheterm“psilocybin”instantlyfishedthepaperoutofthevirtualpileofdiscardede-mailonmycomputer.Thepaperhadbeensenttomebyoneofitsco-authors,amanIdidn’tknowbythenameofBobJesse;perhapshehadreadsomethingI’dwrittenaboutpsychoactiveplantsandthoughtImightbeinterested.Thearticle,whichwaswrittenbythesameteamatHopkinsthatwasgivingpsilocybintocancerpatients,hadjustbeenpublishedinthejournalPsychopharmacology.Forapeer-reviewedscientificpaper,ithadamostunusualtitle:“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritualSignificance.”Nevermindtheword“psilocybin”;itwasthewords“mystical”and

“spiritual”and“meaning”thatleapedoutfromthepagesofapharmacologyjournal.Thetitlehintedatanintriguingfrontierofresearch,onethatseemedtostraddletwoworldswe’vegrownaccustomedtothinkareirreconcilable:scienceandspirituality.NowIfellontheHopkinspaper,fascinated.Thirtyvolunteerswho

hadneverbeforeusedpsychedelicshadbeengivenapillcontainingeitherasyntheticversionofpsilocybinoran“activeplacebo”—methylphenidate,orRitalin—tofoolthemintothinkingtheyhadreceivedthepsychedelic.Theythenlaydownonacouchwearingeyeshadesandlisteningtomusicthroughheadphones,attendedthewholetimebytwotherapists.(Theeyeshadesandheadphonesencourageamoreinward-focusedjourney.)Afteraboutthirtyminutes,extraordinarythingsbegantohappeninthemindsofthepeoplewhohadgottenthepsilocybinpill.Thestudydemonstratedthatahighdoseofpsilocybincouldbeusedto

safelyandreliably“occasion”amysticalexperience—typicallydescribedasthedissolutionofone’segofollowedbyasenseofmergingwithnatureortheuniverse.Thismightnotcomeasnewstopeoplewhotakepsychedelicdrugsortotheresearcherswhofirststudiedthembackinthe1950sand1960s.Butitwasn’tatallobvioustomodernscience,ortome,in2006,whenthepaperwaspublished.

Whatwasmostremarkableabouttheresultsreportedinthearticleisthatparticipantsrankedtheirpsilocybinexperienceasoneofthemostmeaningfulintheirlives,comparable“tothebirthofafirstchildordeathofaparent.”Two-thirdsoftheparticipantsratedthesessionamongthetopfive“mostspirituallysignificantexperiences”oftheirlives;one-thirdrankeditthemostsignificantsuchexperienceintheirlives.Fourteenmonthslater,theseratingshadslippedonlyslightly.Thevolunteersreportedsignificantimprovementsintheir“personalwell-being,lifesatisfactionandpositivebehaviorchange,”changesthatwereconfirmedbytheirfamilymembersandfriends.Thoughnooneknewitatthetime,therenaissanceofpsychedelic

researchnowunderwaybeganinearnestwiththepublicationofthatpaper.Itleddirectlytoaseriesoftrials—atHopkinsandseveralotheruniversities—usingpsilocybintotreatavarietyofindications,includinganxietyanddepressionincancerpatients,addictiontonicotineandalcohol,obsessive-compulsivedisorder,depression,andeatingdisorders.Whatisstrikingaboutthiswholelineofclinicalresearchisthepremisethatitisnotthepharmacologicaleffectofthedrugitselfbutthekindofmentalexperienceitoccasions—involvingthetemporarydissolutionofone’sego—thatmaybethekeytochangingone’smind.

•••

ASSOMEONEnotatallsurehehaseverhadasingle“spirituallysignificant”experience,muchlessenoughofthemtomakearanking,Ifoundthatthe2006paperpiquedmycuriositybutalsomyskepticism.Manyofthevolunteersdescribedbeinggivenaccesstoanalternativereality,a“beyond”wheretheusualphysicallawsdon’tapplyandvariousmanifestationsofcosmicconsciousnessordivinitypresentthemselvesasunmistakablyreal.AllthisIfoundbothalittlehardtotake(couldn’tthisbejustadrug-

inducedhallucination?)andyetatthesametimeintriguing;partofmewantedittobetrue,whateverexactly“it”was.Thissurprisedme,becauseIhaveneverthoughtofmyselfasaparticularlyspiritual,muchlessmystical,person.Thisispartlyafunctionofworldview,Isuppose,andpartlyofneglect:I’veneverdevotedmuchtimetoexploringspiritual

pathsanddidnothaveareligiousupbringing.Mydefaultperspectiveisthatofthephilosophicalmaterialist,whobelievesthatmatteristhefundamentalsubstanceoftheworldandthephysicallawsitobeysshouldbeabletoexplaineverythingthathappens.Istartfromtheassumptionthatnatureisallthatthereisandgravitatetowardscientificexplanationsofphenomena.Thatsaid,I’malsosensitivetothelimitationsofthescientific-materialistperspectiveandbelievethatnature(includingthehumanmind)stillholdsdeepmysteriestowardwhichsciencecansometimesseemarrogantandunjustifiablydismissive.Wasitpossiblethatasinglepsychedelicexperience—somethingthat

turnedonnothingmorethantheingestionofapillorsquareofblotterpaper—couldputabigdentinsuchaworldview?Shifthowonethoughtaboutmortality?Actuallychangeone’smindinenduringways?Theideatookholdofme.Itwasalittlelikebeingshownadoorina

familiarroom—theroomofyourownmind—thatyouhadsomehownevernoticedbeforeandbeingtoldbypeopleyoutrusted(scientists!)thatawholeotherwayofthinking—ofbeing!—laywaitingontheotherside.Allyouhadtodowasturntheknobandenter.Whowouldn’tbecurious?Imightnothavebeenlookingtochangemylife,buttheideaoflearningsomethingnewaboutit,andofshiningafreshlightonthisoldworld,begantooccupymythoughts.Maybetherewassomethingmissingfrommylife,somethingIjusthadn’tnamed.Now,Ialreadyknewsomethingaboutsuchdoors,havingwritten

aboutpsychoactiveplantsearlierinmycareer.InTheBotanyofDesire,IexploredatsomelengthwhatIhadbeensurprisedtodiscoverisauniversalhumandesiretochangeconsciousness.Thereisnotacultureonearth(well,one*)thatdoesn’tmakeuseofcertainplantstochangethecontentsofthemind,whetherasamatterofhealing,habit,orspiritualpractice.Thatsuchacuriousandseeminglymaladaptivedesireshouldexistalongsideourdesiresfornourishmentandbeautyandsex—allofwhichmakemuchmoreobviousevolutionarysense—criedoutforanexplanation.Thesimplestwasthatthesesubstanceshelprelievepainandboredom.Yetthepowerfulfeelingsandelaboratetaboosandritualsthatsurroundmanyofthesepsychoactivespeciessuggesttheremustbesomethingmoretoit.Forourspecies,Ilearned,plantsandfungiwiththepowertoradically

alterconsciousnesshavelongandwidelybeenusedastoolsforhealing

themind,forfacilitatingritesofpassage,andforservingasamediumforcommunicatingwithsupernaturalrealms,orspiritworlds.Theseuseswereancientandvenerableinagreatmanycultures,butIventuredoneotherapplication:toenrichthecollectiveimagination—theculture—withthenovelideasandvisionsthataselectfewpeoplebringbackfromwhereveritistheygo.

•••

NOWTHATIHADDEVELOPEDanintellectualappreciationforthepotentialvalueofthesepsychoactivesubstances,youmightthinkIwouldhavebeenmoreeagertotrythem.I’mnotsurewhatIwaswaitingfor:courage,maybe,ortherightopportunity,whichabusylifelivedmainlyontherightsideofthelawneverquiteseemedtoafford.ButwhenIbegantoweighthepotentialbenefitsIwashearingaboutagainsttherisks,Iwassurprisedtolearnthatpsychedelicsarefarmorefrighteningtopeoplethantheyaredangerous.Manyofthemostnotoriousperilsareeitherexaggeratedormythical.ItisvirtuallyimpossibletodiefromanoverdoseofLSDorpsilocybin,forexample,andneitherdrugisaddictive.Aftertryingthemonce,animalswillnotseekaseconddose,andrepeatedusebypeoplerobsthedrugsoftheireffect.*Itistruethattheterrifyingexperiencessomepeoplehaveonpsychedelicscanriskflippingthoseatriskintopsychosis,sonoonewithafamilyhistoryorpredispositiontomentalillnessshouldevertakethem.Butemergencyroomadmissionsinvolvingpsychedelicsareexceedinglyrare,andmanyofthecasesdoctorsdiagnoseaspsychoticbreaksturnouttobemerelyshort-livedpanicattacks.Itisalsothecasethatpeopleonpsychedelicsareliabletodostupid

anddangerousthings:walkoutintotraffic,fallfromhighplaces,and,onrareoccasions,killthemselves.“Badtrips”areveryrealandcanbeoneof“themostchallengingexperiencesof[a]lifetime,”accordingtoalargesurveyofpsychedelicusersaskedabouttheirexperiences.*Butit’simportanttodistinguishwhatcanhappenwhenthesedrugsareusedinuncontrolledsituations,withoutattentiontosetandsetting,fromwhathappensunderclinicalconditions,aftercarefulscreeningandundersupervision.Sincetherevivalofsanctionedpsychedelicresearch

beginninginthe1990s,nearlyathousandvolunteershavebeendosed,andnotasingleseriousadverseeventhasbeenreported.

•••

ITWASATTHISPOINTthattheideaof“shakingthesnowglobe,”asoneneuroscientistdescribedthepsychedelicexperience,cametoseemmoreattractivetomethanfrightening,thoughitwasstillthattoo.Aftermorethanhalfacenturyofitsmoreorlessconstant

companionship,one’sself—thisever-presentvoiceinthehead,thisceaselesslycommenting,interpreting,labeling,defendingI—becomesperhapsalittletoofamiliar.I’mnottalkingaboutanythingasdeepasself-knowledgehere.No,justabouthow,overtime,wetendtooptimizeandconventionalizeourresponsestowhateverlifebrings.Eachofusdevelopsourshorthandwaysofslottingandprocessingeverydayexperiencesandsolvingproblems,andwhilethisisnodoubtadaptive—ithelpsusgetthejobdonewithaminimumoffuss—eventuallyitbecomesrote.Itdullsus.Themusclesofattentionatrophy.Habitsareundeniablyusefultools,relievingusoftheneedtoruna

complexmentaloperationeverytimewe’reconfrontedwithanewtaskorsituation.Yettheyalsorelieveusoftheneedtostayawaketotheworld:toattend,feel,think,andthenactinadeliberatemanner.(Thatis,fromfreedomratherthancompulsion.)Ifyouneedtoberemindedhowcompletelymentalhabitblindsustoexperience,justtakeatriptoanunfamiliarcountry.Suddenlyyouwakeup!Andthealgorithmsofeverydaylifeallbutstartover,asiffromscratch.Thisiswhythevarioustravelmetaphorsforthepsychedelicexperiencearesoapt.Theefficienciesoftheadultmind,usefulastheyare,blindustothe

presentmoment.We’reconstantlyjumpingaheadtothenextthing.Weapproachexperiencemuchasanartificialintelligence(AI)programdoes,withourbrainscontinuallytranslatingthedataofthepresentintothetermsofthepast,reachingbackintimefortherelevantexperience,andthenusingthattomakeitsbestguessastohowtopredictandnavigatethefuture.Oneofthethingsthatcommendstravel,art,nature,work,andcertain

drugstousisthewaytheseexperiences,attheirbest,blockeverymental

pathforwardandback,immersingusintheflowofapresentthatisliterallywonderful—wonderbeingtheby-productofpreciselythekindofunencumberedfirstsight,orvirginalnoticing,towhichtheadultbrainhascloseditself.(It’ssoinefficient!)Alas,mostofthetimeIinhabitanear-futuretense,mypsychicthermostatsettoalowsimmerofanticipationand,toooften,worry.ThegoodthingisI’mseldomsurprised.ThebadthingisI’mseldomsurprised.WhatIamstrugglingtodescribehereiswhatIthinkofasmydefault

modeofconsciousness.Itworkswellenough,certainlygetsthejobdone,butwhatifitisn’ttheonly,ornecessarilythebest,waytogothroughlife?Thepremiseofpsychedelicresearchisthatthisspecialgroupofmoleculescangiveusaccesstoothermodesofconsciousnessthatmightofferusspecificbenefits,whethertherapeutic,spiritual,orcreative.Psychedelicsarecertainlynottheonlydoortotheseotherformsofconsciousness—andIexploresomenon-pharmacologicalalternativesinthesepages—buttheydoseemtobeoneoftheeasierknobstotakeholdofandturn.Thewholeideaofexpandingourrepertoireofconsciousstatesisnot

anentirelynewidea:HinduismandBuddhismaresteepedinit,andthereareintriguingprecedentseveninWesternscience.WilliamJames,thepioneeringAmericanpsychologistandauthorofTheVarietiesofReligiousExperience,venturedintotheserealmsmorethanacenturyago.Hereturnedwiththeconvictionthatoureverydaywakingconsciousness“isbutonespecialtypeofconsciousness,whilstallaboutit,partedfromitbythefilmiestofscreens,thereliepotentialformsofconsciousnessentirelydifferent.”Jamesisspeaking,Irealized,oftheunopeneddoorinourminds.For

him,the“touch”thatcouldthrowopenthedooranddisclosetheserealmsontheothersidewasnitrousoxide.(Mescaline,thepsychedeliccompoundderivedfromthepeyotecactus,wasavailabletoresearchersatthetime,butJameswasapparentlytoofearfultotryit.)“Noaccountoftheuniverseinitstotalitycanbefinalwhichleaves

theseotherformsofconsciousnessquitedisregarded.“Atanyrate,”Jamesconcluded,theseotherstates,theexistenceof

whichhebelievedwasasrealastheinkonthispage,“forbidaprematureclosingofouraccountswithreality.”

ThefirsttimeIreadthatsentence,IrealizedJameshadmynumber:asastaunchmaterialist,andasanadultofacertainage,Ihadprettymuchclosedmyaccountswithreality.Perhapsthishadbeenpremature.Well,herewasaninvitationtoreopenthem.

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IFEVERYDAYWAKINGCONSCIOUSNESSisbutoneofseveralpossiblewaystoconstructaworld,thenperhapsthereisvalueincultivatingagreateramountofwhatI’vecometothinkofasneuraldiversity.Withthatinmind,HowtoChangeYourMindapproachesitssubjectfromseveraldifferentperspectives,employingseveraldifferentnarrativemodes:socialandscientifichistory;naturalhistory;memoir;sciencejournalism;andcasestudiesofvolunteersandpatients.Inthemiddleofthejourney,Ialsoofferanaccountofmyownfirsthandresearch(orperhapsIshouldsaysearch)intheformofakindofmentaltravelogue.Intellingthestoryofpsychedelicresearch,pastandpresent,Idonot

attempttobecomprehensive.Thesubjectofpsychedelics,asamatterofbothscienceandsocialhistory,istoovasttosqueezebetweenthecoversofasinglebook.Ratherthantrytointroducereaderstotheentirecastofcharactersresponsibleforthepsychedelicrenaissance,mynarrativefollowsasmallnumberofpioneerswhoconstituteaparticularscientificlineage,withtheinevitableresultthatthecontributionsofmanyothershavereceivedshortshrift.Alsointheinterestofnarrativecoherence,I’vefocusedoncertaindrugstotheexclusionofothers.Thereis,forexample,littlehereaboutMDMA(alsoknownasEcstasy),whichisshowinggreatpromiseinthetreatmentofpost-traumaticstressdisorder.SomeresearcherscountMDMAamongthepsychedelics,butmostdonot,andIfollowtheirlead.MDMAoperatesthroughadifferentsetofpathwaysinthebrainandhasasubstantiallydifferentsocialhistoryfromthatoftheso-calledclassicalpsychedelics.Ofthese,Ifocusprimarilyontheonesthatarereceivingthemostattentionfromscientists—psilocybinandLSD—whichmeansthatotherpsychedelicsthatareequallyinterestingandpowerfulbutmoredifficulttobringintothelaboratory—suchasayahuasca—receivelessattention.

Afinalwordonnomenclature.TheclassofmoleculestowhichpsilocybinandLSD(andmescaline,DMT,andahandfulofothers)belonghasbeencalledbymanynamesinthedecadessincetheyhavecometoourattention.Initially,theywerecalledhallucinogens.Buttheydosomanyotherthings(andinfactfull-blownhallucinationsarefairlyuncommon)thatresearcherssoonwentlookingformorepreciseandcomprehensiveterms,aquestchronicledinchapterthree.Theterm“psychedelics,”whichIwillmainlyusehere,doeshaveitsdownside.Embracedinthe1960s,thetermcarriesalotofcounterculturalbaggage.Hopingtoescapethoseassociationsandunderscorethespiritualdimensionsofthesedrugs,someresearchershaveproposedtheyinsteadbecalled“entheogens”—fromtheGreekfor“thedivinewithin.”Thisstrikesmeastooemphatic.Despitethe1960strappings,theterm“psychedelic,”coinedin1956,isetymologicallyaccurate.DrawnfromtheGreek,itmeanssimply“mindmanifesting,”whichispreciselywhattheseextraordinarymoleculesholdthepowertodo.

CHAPTERONE

ARenaissance

IFTHESTARTofthemodernrenaissanceofpsychedelicresearchcanbedatedwithanyprecision,onegoodplacetodoitwouldbetheyear2006.Notthatthiswasobvioustomanypeopleatthetime.Therewasnolawpassedorregulationliftedordiscoveryannouncedtomarkthehistoricalshift.Butasthreeunrelatedeventsunfoldedduringthecourseofthatyear—thefirstinBasel,Switzerland,thesecondinWashington,D.C.,andthethirdinBaltimore,Maryland—sensitiveearscouldmakeoutthesoundoficebeginningtocrack.Thefirstevent,whichlookedbackbutalsoforwardlikeakindof

historicalhinge,wasthecentennialofthebirthofAlbertHofmann,theSwisschemistwho,in1943,accidentallyfoundthathehaddiscovered(fiveyearsearlier)thepsychoactivemoleculethatcametobeknownasLSD.Thiswasanunusualcentennialinthatthemanbeingfetedwasverymuchinattendance.Enteringhissecondcentury,Hofmannappearedinremarkablygoodshape,physicallyspryandmentallysharp,andhewasabletotakeanactivepartinthefestivities,whichincludedabirthdayceremonyfollowedbyathree-daysymposium.Thesymposium’sopeningceremonywasonJanuary13,twodaysafterHofmann’s100thbirthday(hewouldlivetobe102).TwothousandpeoplepackedthehallattheBaselCongressCenter,risingtoapplaudasastoopedstickofamaninadarksuitandanecktie,barelyfivefeettall,slowlycrossedthestageandtookhisseat.Twohundredjournalistsfromaroundtheworldwereinattendance,

alongwithmorethanathousandhealers,seekers,mystics,psychiatrists,pharmacologists,consciousnessresearchers,andneuroscientists,mostofthempeoplewhoseliveshadbeenprofoundlyalteredbytheremarkablemoleculethatthismanhadderivedfromafungushalfacenturybefore.

TheyhadcometocelebratehimandwhathisfriendtheSwisspoetandphysicianWalterVogtcalled“theonlyjoyousinventionofthetwentiethcentury.”Amongthepeopleinthehall,thisdidnotqualifyashyperbole.AccordingtooneoftheAmericanscientistsinattendance,manyhadcome“toworship”AlbertHofmann,andindeedtheeventboremanyofthehallmarksofareligiousobservance.AlthoughvirtuallyeverypersoninthathallknewthestoryofLSD’s

discoverybyheart,Hofmannwasaskedtorecitethecreationmythonemoretime.(Hetellsthestory,memorably,inhis1979memoir,LSD,MyProblemChild.)AsayoungchemistworkinginaunitofSandozLaboratorieschargedwithisolatingthecompoundsinmedicinalplantstofindnewdrugs,Hofmannhadbeentaskedwithsynthesizing,onebyone,themoleculesinthealkaloidsproducedbyergot.Ergotisafungusthatcaninfectgrain,oftenrye,occasionallycausingthosewhoconsumebreadmadefromittoappearmadorpossessed.(OnetheoryoftheSalemwitchtrialsblamesergotpoisoningforthebehaviorofthewomenaccused.)Butmidwiveshadlongusedergottoinducelaborandstanchbleedingpostpartum,soSandozwashopingtoisolateamarketabledrugfromthefungus’salkaloids.Inthefallof1938,Hofmannmadethetwenty-fifthmoleculeinthisseries,namingitlysergicaciddiethylamide,orLSD-25forshort.Preliminarytestingofthecompoundonanimalsdidnotshowmuchpromise(theybecamerestless,butthatwasaboutit),sotheformulaforLSD-25wasputontheshelf.Andthereitremainedforfiveyears,untiloneAprildayin1943,inthe

middleofthewar,whenHofmannhad“apeculiarpresentiment”thatLSD-25deservedasecondlook.Herehisaccounttakesaslightlymysticalturn.Normally,whenacompoundshowingnopromisewasdiscarded,heexplained,itwasdiscardedforgood.ButHofmann“likedthechemicalstructureoftheLSDmolecule,”andsomethingaboutittoldhimthat“thissubstancecouldpossesspropertiesotherthanthoseestablishedinthefirstinvestigations.”AnothermysteriousanomalyoccurredwhenhesynthesizedLSD-25forthesecondtime.Despitethemeticulousprecautionshealwaystookwhenworkingwithasubstanceastoxicasergot,Hofmannmustsomehowhaveabsorbedabitofthechemicalthroughhisskin,becausehe“wasinterruptedinmyworkbyunusualsensations.”

Hofmannwenthome,laydownonacouch,and“inadreamlikestate,witheyesclosed...Iperceivedanuninterruptedstreamoffantasticpictures,extraordinaryshapeswithintense,kaleidoscopicplayofcolors.”Thusunfoldstheworld’sfirstLSDtrip,inneutralSwitzerlandduringthedarkestdaysofWorldWarII.ItisalsotheonlyLSDtripevertakenthatwasentirelyinnocentofexpectation.Intrigued,Hofmanndecidedafewdayslatertoconductanexperiment

onhimself—notanuncommonpracticeatthetime.Proceedingwithwhathethoughtwasextremecaution,heingested0.25milligrams—amilligramisone-thousandthofagram—ofLSDdissolvedinaglassofwater.Thiswouldrepresentaminusculedoseofanyotherdrug,butLSD,itturnsout,isoneofthemostpotentpsychoactivecompoundseverdiscovered,activeatdosesmeasuredinmicrograms—thatis,onethousandthofamilligram.Thissurprisingfactwouldsooninspirescientiststolookfor,andeventuallyfind,thebrainreceptorsandtheendogenouschemical—serotonin—thatactivatesthemlikeakeyinalock,asawaytoexplainhowsuchasmallnumberofmoleculescouldhavesuchaprofoundeffectonthemind.Inthisandotherways,Hofmann’sdiscoveryhelpedtolaunchmodernbrainscienceinthe1950s.Nowunfoldstheworld’sfirstbadacidtripasHofmannisplungedinto

whatheiscertainisirretrievablemadness.Hetellshislabassistantheneedstogethome,andwiththeuseofautomobilesrestrictedduringwartime,hesomehowmanagestopedalhomebybicycleandliedownwhilehisassistantsummonsthedoctor.(TodayLSDdevoteescelebrate“BicycleDay”eachyearonApril19.)Hofmanndescribeshow“familiarobjectsandpiecesoffurnitureassumedgrotesque,threateningforms.Theywereincontinuousmotion,animatedasifdrivenbyaninnerrestlessness.”Heexperiencedthedisintegrationoftheouterworldandthedissolutionofhisownego.“Ademonhadinvadedme,hadtakenpossessionofmybody,mind,andsoul.Ijumpedupandscreamed,tryingtofreemyselffromhim,butthensankdownagainandlayhelplessonthesofa.”Hofmannbecameconvincedhewasgoingtoberenderedpermanentlyinsaneormightactuallybedying.“MyegowassuspendedsomewhereinspaceandIsawmybodylyingdeadonthesofa.”Whenthedoctorarrivedandexaminedhim,however,hefoundthatallofHofmann’svitalsigns—heartbeat,bloodpressure,breathing—were

perfectlynormal.Theonlyindicationsomethingwasamisswerehispupils,whichweredilatedintheextreme.Oncetheacuteeffectsworeoff,Hofmannfeltthe“afterglow”that

frequentlyfollowsapsychedelicexperience,theexactoppositeofahangover.Whenhewalkedoutintohisgardenafteraspringrain,“everythingglistenedandsparkledinafreshlight.Theworldwasasifnewlycreated.”We’vesincelearnedthattheexperienceofpsychedelicsispowerfullyinfluencedbyone’sexpectation;nootherclassofdrugsaremoresuggestibleintheireffects.BecauseHofmann’sexperienceswithLSDaretheonlyoneswehavethatareuncontaminatedbypreviousaccounts,it’sinterestingtonotetheyexhibitneithertheEasternnortheChristianflavoringsthatwouldsoonbecomeconventionsofthegenre.However,hisexperienceoffamiliarobjectscomingtolifeandtheworld“asifnewlycreated”—thesamerapturousAdamicmomentthatAldousHuxleywoulddescribesovividlyadecadelaterinTheDoorsofPerception—wouldbecomecommonplacesofthepsychedelicexperience.Hofmanncamebackfromhistripconvinced,first,thatLSDhad

somehowfoundhimratherthantheotherwayaroundand,second,thatLSDwouldsomedaybeofgreatvaluetomedicineandespeciallypsychiatry,possiblybyofferingresearchersamodelofschizophrenia.Itneveroccurredtohimthathis“problemchild,”asheeventuallywouldregardLSD,wouldalsobecomea“pleasuredrug”andadrugofabuse.YetHofmannalsocametoregardtheyouthculture’sadoptionofLSD

inthe1960sasanunderstandableresponsetotheemptinessofwhathedescribedasamaterialist,industrialized,andspirituallyimpoverishedsocietythathadlostitsconnectiontonature.Thismasterofchemistry—perhapsthemostmaterialistofalldisciplines—emergedfromhisexperiencewithLSD-25convincedthemoleculeofferedcivilizationnotonlyapotentialtherapeuticbutalsoaspiritualbalm—byopeningacrack“intheedificeofmaterialistrationality.”(Inthewordsofhisfriendandtranslator,JonathanOtt.)Likesomanywhofollowedafterhim,thebrilliantchemistbecame

somethingofamystic,preachingagospelofspiritualrenewalandreconnectionwithnature.Presentedwithabouquetofrosesthat2006dayinBasel,thescientisttoldtheassembledthat“thefeelingofco-creaturelinesswithallthingsaliveshouldenterourconsciousnessmorefullyandcounterbalancethematerialisticandnonsensicaltechnological

developmentsinordertoenableustoreturntotheroses,totheflowers,tonature,wherewebelong.”Theaudienceeruptedinapplause.Askepticalwitnesstotheeventwouldnotbeentirelywrongtoregard

thelittlemanonthestageasthefounderofanewreligionandtheaudienceashiscongregation.Butifthisisareligion,it’sonewithasignificantdifference.Typically,onlythefounderofareligionandperhapsafewearlyacolytescanlayclaimtothekindofauthoritythatflowsfromadirectexperienceofthesacred.Foreveryonecomingafter,thereisthecomparativelythingruelofthestories,thesymbolismofthesacrament,andfaith.Historyattenuatestheoriginalpowerofitall,whichnowmustbemediatedbythepriests.ButtheextraordinarypromiseonofferintheChurchofPsychedelicsisthatanyoneatanytimemaygainaccesstotheprimaryreligiousexperiencebymeansofthesacrament,whichhappenstobeapsychoactivemolecule.Faithisrenderedsuperfluous.Runningalongsidethecelebration’sspiritualundercurrent,however,

therealso,perhapssomewhatincongruously,camescience.DuringtheweekendsymposiumfollowingtheobservationofHofmann’sbirthday,researchersfromavarietyofdisciplines—includingneuroscience,psychiatry,pharmacology,andconsciousnessstudies,aswellasthearts—exploredtheimpactofHofmann’sinventiononsocietyandcultureanditspotentialforexpandingourunderstandingofconsciousnessandtreatingseveralintractablementaldisorders.Ahandfulofresearchprojects,studyingtheeffectsofpsychedelicsonhumans,hadbeenapprovedorwereunderwayinSwitzerlandandtheUnitedStates,andscientistsatthesymposiumvoicedtheirhopethatthelonghiatusinpsychedelicresearchmightfinallybecomingtoanend.Irrationalexuberanceseemstobeanoccupationalhazardamongpeopleworkinginthisarea,butin2006therewasgoodreasontothinktheweathermightactuallybeturning.

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THESECONDWATERSHEDEVENTof2006cameonlyfiveweekslaterwhentheU.S.SupremeCourt,inaunanimousdecisionwrittenbythenewchiefjustice,JohnG.RobertsJr.,ruledthattheUDV,atinyreligioussectthat

usesahallucinogenicteacalledayahuascaasitssacrament,couldimportthedrinktotheUnitedStates,eventhoughitcontainstheschedule1substancedimethyltryptamine,orDMT.TherulingwasbasedontheReligiousFreedomRestorationActof1993,whichhadsoughttoclarifytheright(undertheFirstAmendment’sreligiousfreedomclause)ofNativeAmericanstousepeyoteintheirceremonies,astheyhavedoneforgenerations.The1993lawsaysthatonlyifthegovernmenthasa“compellinginterest”canitinterferewithone’spracticeofreligion.IntheUDVcase,theBushadministrationhadarguedthatonlyNativeAmericans,becauseoftheir“uniquerelationship”tothegovernment,hadtherighttousepsychedelicsaspartoftheirworship,andevenintheircasethisrightcouldbeabridgedbythestate.TheCourtsoundlyrejectedthegovernment’sargument,interpreting

the1993lawtomeanthat,absentacompellingstateinterest,thefederalgovernmentcannotprohibitarecognizedreligiousgroupfromusingpsychedelicsubstancesintheirobservances.Evidently,thisincludesrelativelynewandtinyreligiousgroupsspecificallyorganizedaroundapsychedelicsacrament,or“plantmedicine,”astheayahuasqueroscalltheirtea.TheUDVisaChristianspiritistsectfoundedin1961inBrazilbyJoséGabrieldaCosta,arubbertapperinspiredbyrevelationsheexperiencedafterreceivingayahuascafromanAmazonianshamantwoyearsbefore.Thechurchclaims17,000membersinsixcountries,butatthetimeoftherulingtherewereonly130AmericanmembersoftheUDV.(TheinitialsstandforUniãodoVegetal,orUnionofthePlants,becauseayahuascaismadebybrewingtogethertwoAmazonianplantspecies,BanisteriopsiscaapiandPsychotriaviridis.)TheCourt’sdecisioninspiredsomethingofareligiousawakening

aroundayahuascainAmerica.Todaytherearecloseto525Americanmembersofthechurch,withcommunitiesinninelocations.Tosupplythem,theUDVhasbegungrowingtheplantsneededtomaketheteainHawaiiandshippingittogroupsonthemainlandwithoutinterference.ButthenumberofAmericansparticipatinginayahuascaceremoniesoutsidetheUDVhasalsomushroomedintheyearssince,andanygivennightthereareprobablydozensifnothundredsofceremoniestakingplacesomewhereinAmerica(withconcentrationsintheSanFranciscoBayAreaandBrooklyn).Federalprosecutionsforpossessionor

importationofayahuascaappeartohavestopped,atleastforthetimebeing.Withits2006decision,theSupremeCourtseemstohaveopenedupa

religiouspath—narrow,perhaps,butfirmlyrootedintheBillofRights—tothelegalrecognitionofpsychedelicdrugs,atleastwhenthey’rebeingusedasasacramentbyareligiouscommunity.Itremainstobeseenhowwideorwelltrodthatpathwillbecome,butitdoesmakeyouwonderwhatthegovernment,andtheCourt,willdowhenanAmericanJoséGabrieldaCostastepsforwardandattemptstoturnhisorherownpsychedelicrevelationsintoanewreligionintentonusingapsychoactivechemicalasitssacrament.Thejurisprudenceof“cognitiveliberty,”assomeinthepsychedeliccommunitycallit,isstillscantandlimited(toreligion),butnowithadbeenaffirmed,openinganewcrackintheedificeofthedrugwar.

•••

OFTHETHREE2006EVENTSthathelpedbringpsychedelicsoutoftheirdecades-longslumber,byfarthemostfar-reachinginitsimpactwasthepublicationthatsummerofthepaperinPsychopharmacologydescribedintheprologue—theoneBobJessee-mailedmeatthetimebutthatIdidn’tbothertoopen.Thisevent,too,hadadistinctlyspiritualcast,eventhoughtheexperimentitreportedwastheworkofarigorousandhighlyregardedscientist:RolandGriffiths.ItjustsohappensthatGriffiths,amostunlikelypsychedelicresearcher,wasinspiredtoinvestigatethepowerofpsilocybintooccasiona“mystical-type”experiencebyamysticalexperienceofhisown.Griffiths’slandmarkpaper,“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type

ExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritualSignificance,”wasthefirstrigorouslydesigned,double-blind,placebo-controlledclinicalstudyinmorethanfourdecades—ifnotever—toexaminethepsychologicaleffectsofapsychedelic.Itreceivedasmalltorrentofpresscoverage,mostofitsoenthusiasticastomakeyouwonderifthemoralpanicaroundpsychedelicsthattookholdinthelate1960smightfinallyhaverunitscourse.Nodoubtthepositivetenorofthecoverageowedmuchtothefactthat,atGriffiths’surging,thejournalhad

invitedseveraloftheworld’smostprominentdrugresearchers—someofthemdecoratedsoldiersinthedrugwar—tocommentonthestudy,givingthejournalistscoveringthestudyplentyofideologicalcover.Allofthecommentatorstreatedthepublicationasamajorevent.

HerbertD.Kleber,aformerdeputytoWilliamBennett,GeorgeH.W.Bush’sdrugczar,andlaterdirectoroftheDivisiononSubstanceAbuseatColumbiaUniversity,applaudedthepaperforitsmethodologicalrigorandacknowledgedtheremightbe“majortherapeuticpossibilities”inpsychedelicresearch“merit[ing]NIHsupport.”Charles“Bob”Schuster,whohadservedtwoRepublicanpresidentsasdirectoroftheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse(NIDA),notedthattheterm“psychedelic”impliesamind-expandingexperienceandexpressedhis“hopethatthislandmarkpaperwillalsobe‘fieldexpanding.’”Hesuggestedthatthis“fascinating”classofdrugs,andthespiritualexperiencetheyoccasion,mightproveusefulintreatingaddiction.Griffiths’spaperanditsreceptionservedtoreinforceanimportant

distinctionbetweentheso-calledclassicalpsychedelics—psilocybin,LSD,DMT,andmescaline—andthemorecommondrugsofabuse,withtheirdemonstratedtoxicityandpotentialforaddiction.TheAmericandrugresearchestablishment,suchasitis,hadsignaledinthepagesofoneofitsleadingjournalsthatthesepsychedelicdrugsdeservedtobetreatedverydifferentlyandhaddemonstrated,inthewordsofonecommentator,“that,whenusedappropriately,thesecompoundscanproduceremarkable,possiblybeneficial,effectsthatcertainlydeservefurtherstudy.”Thestoryofhowthispapercametobeshedsaninterestinglighton

thefraughtrelationshipbetweenscienceandthatotherrealmofhumaninquirythatsciencehashistoricallydisdainedandgenerallywantsnothingtodowith:spirituality.Forindesigningthis,thefirstmodernstudyofpsilocybin,Griffithshaddecidedtofocusnotonapotentialtherapeuticapplicationofthedrug—thepathtakenbyotherresearchershopingtorehabilitateotherbannedsubstances,likeMDMA—butratheronthespiritualeffectsoftheexperienceonso-calledhealthynormals.Whatgoodwasthat?InaneditorialaccompanyingGriffiths’spaper,theUniversityof

ChicagopsychiatristanddrugabuseexpertHarrietdeWittriedtoaddressthistension,pointingoutthatthequestforexperiencesthat“free

oneselfoftheboundsofeverydayperceptionandthoughtinasearchforuniversaltruthsandenlightenment”isanabidingelementofourhumanitythathasnevertheless“enjoyedlittlecredibilityinthemainstreamscientificworld.”Thetimehadcome,shesuggested,forscience“torecognizetheseextraordinarysubjectiveexperiences...eveniftheysometimesinvolveclaimsaboutultimaterealitiesthatlieoutsidethepurviewofscience.”

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ROLANDGRIFFITHSmightbethelastscientistonewouldeverimaginegettingmixedupwithpsychedelics,whichsurelyhelpsexplainhissuccessinreturningpsychedelicresearchtoscientificrespectability.Sixfeettallandrailthin,Griffiths,inhisseventies,holdshimselfboltupright;theonlyundisciplinedthingabouthimisathatchofwhitehairsodenseitappearstohaveheldhiscombtoadraw.Atleastuntilyougethimtalkingabouttheultimatequestions,whichlighthimup,hecomesacrossastheultimatestraightarrow:sober,earnest,andmethodical.Bornin1944,GriffithsgrewupinElCerrito,California,intheBay

Area,andwenttoOccidentalCollegeforhisundergraduateeducation(majoringinpsychology)andthenontotheUniversityofMinnesotatostudypsychopharmacology.AtMinnesotainthelate1960s,hecameundertheinfluenceofB.F.Skinner,theradicalbehavioristwhohelpedshiftthefocusofpsychologyfromtheexplorationofinnerstatesandsubjectiveexperiencetothestudyofoutwardbehaviorandhowitisconditioned.Behaviorismhaslittleinterestinplumbingthedepthsofthehumanpsyche,buttheapproachprovedveryusefulinstudyingbehaviorslikedruguseanddependence,whichbecameGriffiths’sspecialty.Psychedelicdrugsplayednoroleineitherhisformalorhisinformaleducation.BythetimeGriffithsgottograduateschool,TimothyLeary’snotoriouspsychedelicresearchprojectatHarvardhadalreadycollapsedinscandal,and“itwasclearfrommymentorsthatthesewerecompoundsthathadnofuture.”In1972,rightoutofgraduateschool,GriffithswashiredatJohns

Hopkins,wherehehasworkedeversince,makinghismarkasaresearcherstudyingthemechanismsofdependenceinavarietyoflegal

andillegaldrugs,includingtheopiates,theso-calledsedativehypnotics(likeValium),nicotine,alcohol,andcaffeine.WorkingundergrantsfromtheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse,Griffithshelpedpioneerthesortsofexperimentsinwhichananimal,oftenababoonorarat,ispresentedwithaleverallowingittoself-administervariousdrugsintravenously,apowerfultoolforresearchersstudyingreinforcement,dependence,preferences(lunchormorecocaine?),andwithdrawal.Thefifty-fivepapershepublishedexploringtheaddictivepropertiesofcaffeinetransformedthefield,helpingustoseecoffeelessasafoodthanasadrug,andledtothelistingof“caffeinewithdrawal”syndromeinthemostrecenteditionoftheDiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMentalDisorders,orDSM5.BythetimeGriffithsturnedfifty,in1994,hewasascientistatthetopofhisgameandhisfield.ButthatyearGriffiths’scareertookanunexpectedturn,theresultof

twoserendipitousintroductions.ThefirstcamewhenafriendintroducedhimtoSiddhaYoga.Despitehisbehavioristorientationasascientist,Griffithshadalwaysbeeninterestedinwhatphilosopherscallphenomenology—thesubjectiveexperienceofconsciousness.Hehadtriedmeditationasagraduatestudentbutfoundthat“hecouldn’tsitstillwithoutgoingstark-ravingmad.Threeminutesfeltlikethreehours.”Butwhenhetrieditagainin1994,“somethingopenedupforme.”Hestartedmeditatingregularly,goingonretreats,andworkinghiswaythroughavarietyofEasternspiritualtraditions.Hefoundhimselfdrawn“deeperanddeeperintothismystery.”Somewherealongtheway,Griffithshadwhathemodestlydescribesas

“afunnykindofawakening”—amysticalexperience.IwassurprisedwhenGriffithsmentionedthisduringourfirstmeetinginhisoffice,soIhadn’tfollowedup,butevenafterIhadgottentoknowhimalittlebetter,Griffithswasstillreluctanttosaymuchmoreaboutexactlywhathappenedand,assomeonewhohadneverhadsuchanexperience,Ihadtroublegaininganytractionwiththeideawhatsoever.Allhewouldtellmeisthattheexperience,whichtookplaceinhismeditationpractice,acquaintedhimwith“somethingway,waybeyondamaterialworldviewthatIcan’treallytalktomycolleaguesabout,becauseitinvolvesmetaphorsorassumptionsthatI’mreallyuncomfortablewithasascientist.”

Intime,whathewaslearningabout“themysteryofconsciousnessandexistence”inhismeditationpracticecametoseemmorecompellingtohimthanhisscience.Hebegantofeelsomewhatalienated:“NoneofthepeopleIwasclosetohadanyinterestinentertainingthosequestions,whichfellintothegeneralcategoryofthespiritual,andreligiouspeopleIjustdidn’tget.“HereIam,afullprofessor,publishinglikecrazy,runningoffto

importantmeetings,andthinkingIwasafraud.”Hebegantoloseinterestintheresearchthathadorganizedhiswholeadultlife.“Icouldstudyanewsedativehypnotic,learnsomethingnewaboutbrainreceptors,beonanotherFDA[FoodandDrugAdministration]panel,gotoanotherconference,butsowhat?Iwasmoreemotionallyandintellectuallycuriousaboutwherethisotherpathmightlead.Mydrugresearchbegantoseemvacuous.Iwasgoingthroughthemotionsatwork,muchmoreinterestedingoinghomeintheeveningtomeditate.”Theonlywayhecouldmotivatehimselftocontinuewritinggrantswastothinkofitasa“serviceproject”forhisgraduatestudentsandpostdocs.Inthecaseofhiscaffeineresearch,Griffithshadbeenabletotakehis

curiosityaboutadimensionofhisownexperience—whydidhefeelcompelledtodrinkcoffeeeveryday?—andturnitintoaproductivelineofscientificinquiry.Buthecouldseenowaytodothatwithhisdeepeningcuriosityaboutthedimensionsofconsciousnessthatmeditationhadopeneduptohim.“Itneveroccurredtometherewasanywaytostudyitscientifically.”Stymiedandbored,GriffithsbegantoentertainthoughtsofquittingscienceandgoingofftoanashraminIndia.ItwasaroundthistimethatBobSchuster,anoldfriendandcolleague

whohadrecentlyretiredasheadoftheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse,phonedGriffithstosuggesthetalktoayoungmanhehadrecentlymetatEsalennamedBobJesse.Jessehadorganizedasmallgatheringofresearchers,therapists,andreligiousscholarsatthelegendaryBigSurretreatcentertodiscussthespiritualandtherapeuticpotentialofpsychedelicdrugsandhowtheymightberehabilitated.Jessehimselfwasneitheramedicalprofessionalnorascientist;hewasacomputerengineer,avicepresidentofbusinessdevelopmentatOracle,whohadmadeithismissiontorevivethescienceofpsychedelics—butasatoolnotsomuchofmedicineasofspiritualdevelopment.

GriffithshadtoldSchusteralittleabouthisspiritualpracticeandconfidedinhimhisgrowingdiscontentwithconventionaldrugresearch.“Youshouldtalktothisguy,”Schustertoldhim.“Theyhavesome

interestingideasaboutworkingwithentheogens,”hesaid.“Youmighthavesomethingincommon.”

•••

WHENTHEHISTORYofsecond-wavepsychedelicresearchiswritten,BobJessewillbeseenasoneofapairofscientificoutsidersinAmerica—amateurs,really,andbrillianteccentrics—whoworkedtirelessly,oftenbehindthescenes,togetitofftheground.Bothfoundtheirvocationinthewakeoftransformativepsychedelicexperiencesthatconvincedthemthesesubstanceshadthepotentialtohealnotonlyindividualsbuthumankindasawholeandthatthebestpathtotheirrehabilitationwasbywayofcrediblescientificresearch.Inmanycases,theseuntrainedresearchersdreameduptheexperimentsfirstandthenfound(andfunded)thescientiststoconductthem.Oftenyouwillfindtheirnamesonthepapers,usuallyinthelastposition.Ofthetwo,RickDoblinhasbeenatitlongerandisbyfarthemore

wellknown.DoblinfoundedtheMultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies(MAPS)allthewaybackinthedarkdaysof1986—theyearafterMDMAwasmadeillegalandatimewhenmostwiserheadswereconvincedthatrestartingresearchintopsychedelicswasacausebeyondhopeless.Doblin,bornin1953,isagreatshaggydogwithabone;hehasbeen

lobbyingtochangethegovernment’smindaboutpsychedelicssinceshortlyaftergraduatingfromNewCollege,inFlorida,in1987.AfterexperimentingwithLSDasanundergraduate,andlaterwithMDMA,Doblindecidedhiscallinginlifewastobecomeapsychedelictherapist.ButafterthebanningofMDMAin1985,thatdreambecameunachievablewithoutachangeinfederallawsandregulations,sohedecidedhe’dbetterfirstgetadoctorateinpublicpolicyatHarvard’sKennedySchool.There,hemasteredtheintricaciesoftheFDA’sdrugapprovalprocess,andinhisdissertationplottedthelaboriouspathtoofficialacceptancethatpsilocybinandMDMAarenowfollowing.

Doblinisdisarmingly,perhapshelplessly,candid,happytotalkopenlytoareporterabouthisformativepsychedelicexperiencesaswellaspoliticalstrategyandtactics.LikeTimothyLeary,Doblinisthehappiestofwarriors,nevernotsmilingandexhibitingadegreeofenthusiasmfortheworkyouwouldn’texpectfromamanwhohasbeenknockinghisheadagainstthesamewallforhisentireadultlife.DoblinworksoutofasomewhatDickensianofficetuckedintotheatticofhisramblingcolonialinBelmont,Massachusetts,atadeskstackedtotheceilingwithprecariouspilesofmanuscripts,journalarticles,photographs,andmemorabiliareachingbackmorethanfortyyears.SomeofthememorabiliacommemoratesthetimeearlyinhiscareerwhenDoblindecidedthebestwaytoendsectarianstrifewouldbetomailagroupoftheworld’sspiritualleaderstabletsofMDMA,adrugfamousforitsabilitytobreakdownbarriersbetweenpeopleandkindleempathy.Aroundthesametime,hearrangedtohaveathousanddosesofMDMAsenttopeopleintheSovietmilitarywhowereworkingonarmscontrolnegotiationswithPresidentReagan.ForDoblin,winningFDAapprovalforthemedicaluseofpsychedelics

—whichhebelievesisnowinview,forbothMDMAandpsilocybin—isameanstoamoreambitiousandstillmorecontroversialend:theincorporationofpsychedelicsintoAmericansocietyandculture,notjustmedicine.Thisofcourseisthesamewinningstrategyfollowedbythecampaigntodecriminalizemarijuana,inwhichpromotingthemedicalusesofcannabischangedthedrug’simage,leadingtoamoregeneralpublicacceptance.Notsurprisingly,thissortoftalkranklesmorecautiousheadsinthe

community(BobJesseamongthem),butRickDoblinisnotonetosoft-pedalhisagendaortoeventhinkabouttakinganinterviewofftherecord.Thisgetshimalotofpress;howmuchithelpsthecauseisdebatable.ButthereisnoquestionthatespeciallyinthelastseveralyearsDoblinhassucceededingettingimportantresearchapprovedandfunded,especiallyinthecaseofMDMA,whichhaslongbeenMAPS’smainfocus.MAPShassponsoredseveralsmallclinicaltrialsthathavedemonstratedMDMA’svalueintreatingpost-traumaticstressdisorder,orPTSD.(Doblindefinespsychedelicsgenerously,soastoincludeMDMAandevencannabis,eventhoughtheirmechanismsofactioninthebrainareverydifferentfromthatoftheclassicalpsychedelics.)Butbeyondhelpingthosesuffering

withPTSDandotherindications—MAPSissponsoringaclinicalstudyatUCLAthatinvolvestreatingautisticadultswithMDMA—Doblinbelievesferventlyinthepowerofpsychedelicstoimprovehumankindbydisclosingaspiritualdimensionofconsciousnessweallshare,regardlessofourreligiousbeliefsorlackthereof.“Mysticism,”helikestosay,“istheantidotetofundamentalism.”

•••

COMPAREDWITHRICKDOBLIN,BobJesseisamonk.Thereisnothingshaggyoruncarefulabouthim.Taut,pressshy,anddisposedtochoosehiswordswithapairoftweezers,Jesse,nowinhisfifties,preferstodohisworkoutofpublicview,andpreferablyfromtheone-roomcabinwherehelivesbyhimselfintheruggedhillsnorthofSanFrancisco,offthegridexceptforafastInternetconnection.“BobJesseislikethepuppeteer,”KatherineMacLeantoldme.

MacLeanisapsychologistwhoworkedinRolandGriffiths’slabfrom2009until2013.“He’sthevisionaryguyworkingbehindthescenes.”FollowingJesse’smeticulousdirections,IdrovenorthfromtheBay

Area,eventuallywindingupattheendofanarrowdirtroadinacountyheaskedmenottoname.Iparkedatatrailheadandmademywaypastthe“NoTrespassing”signs,followingapathupahillthatbroughtmetohispicturesquemountaintopcamp.IfeltasifIweregoingtovisitthewizard.Theshipshapelittlecabinistightfortwo,soJessehassetoutamongthefirtreesandboulderssomecomfortablesofas,chairs,andtables.He’salsobuiltanoutdoorkitchenand,onashelfofrockcommandingaspectacularviewofthemountains,anoutdoorshower,givingthecampthefeelingofahouseturnedinsideout.Wespentthebetterpartofanearlyspringdayoutdoorsinhisliving

room,sippingherbalteaanddiscussinghisnotablyquietercampaigntorestorepsychedelicstorespectability—amasterplaninwhichRolandGriffithsplaysacentralrole.“I’malittlecamerashy,”hebegan,“soplease,nopicturesorrecordingsofanykind.”Jesseisaslender,compactfellowwithasquarishheadofclosely

croppedgrayhairandrimlessrectangularglassesthatareunostentatiouslystylish.Jesseseldomsmilesandhassomeofthe

stiffnessIassociatewithengineers,thoughoccasionallyhe’llsurpriseyouwithaflashofemotionhewillimmediatelythencaption:“Youmayhavenoticedthatthinkingaboutthatsubjectmademyeyesgetalittlewatery.Letmeexplainwhy...”Notonlydoeshechoosehisownwordswithgreatcare,butheinsiststhatyoudotoo,so,forexample,whenIcarelesslydeployedtheterm“recreationaluse,”hestoppedmeinmid-sentence.“Maybeweneedtoreexaminethatterm.Typically,itisusedtotrivializeanexperience.Butwhy?Initsliteralmeaning,theword‘recreation’impliessomethingdecidedlynontrivial.Thereismuchmoretobesaid,butlet’sbookmarkthistopicforanothertime.Pleasegoon.”MynotesshowthatJessetookourfirstconversationonandofftherecordhalfadozentimes.JessegrewupoutsideBaltimoreandwenttoJohnsHopkins,wherehe

studiedcomputerscienceandelectricalengineering.Forseveralyearsinhistwenties,heworkedforBellLabs,commutingweeklyfromBaltimoretoNewJersey.Duringthisperiod,hecameoutoftheclosetandpersuadedmanagementtorecognizethecompany’sfirstgayandlesbianemployeegroup.(Atthetime,AT&T,theparentcompany,employedsome300,000people.)Later,hepersuadedAT&TmanagementtoflyarainbowflagoverheadquartersduringGayPrideWeekandsendadelegationtomarchintheparade.ThisachievementformedBobJesse’spoliticaleducation,impressingonhimthevalueofworkingbehindthesceneswithoutmakingalotofnoiseordemandingcredit.JessemovedtoOracle,andtheBayArea,in1990,becomingemployee

number8766—notoneofthefirst,butearlyenoughtohaveacquiredachunkofstockinthecompany.Itwasn’tlongbeforeOraclefieldeditsowncontingentinSanFrancisco’sGayPrideParade,andafterJesse’sgentleproddingofseniormanagementOraclebecameoneofthefirstFortune500companiestoofferbenefitstothesame-sexpartnersofitsemployees.Jesse’scuriosityaboutpsychedelicswasfirstpiquedduringadrug

educationunitinhishighschoolscienceclass.Thisparticularclassofdrugswasneitherphysicallynorpsychologicallyaddictive,hewastold(correctly);histeacherwentontodescribethedrugs’effects,includingshiftsinconsciousnessandvisualperceptionthatJessefoundintriguing.“Icouldsensetherewasevenmoreherethantheyweretellingus,”herecalled.“SoImadeamentalnote.”Buthewouldnotbereadytoseefor

himselfwhatpsychedelicswereallaboutuntilmuchlater.Why?Heansweredinthethirdperson:“Aclosetedgaykidmightbeafraidofwhatmightcomeoutifhelethisguarddown.”Inhistwenties,whileworkingatBellLabs,Jessefellinwithagroupof

friendsinBaltimorewhodecided,inamostdeliberateway,toexperimentwithpsychedelics.Someonewouldalwaysremain“closetogroundlevel”incaseanyoneneededhelporthedoorbellrang,anddosesescalatedgradually.ItwasduringoneoftheseSaturdayafternoonexperiments,inanapartmentinBaltimore,thatJesse,twenty-fiveyearsoldandhavingingestedahighdoseofLSD,hadapowerful“non-dualexperience”thatwouldprovetransformative.Iaskedhimtodescribeit,andaftersomehemmingandhawing—“Ihopeyou’llbracketwhatissensitive”—hegingerlyproceededtotellthestory.“Iwaslyingonmybackunderneathaficustree,”herecalls.“Iknewit

wasgoingtobeastrongexperience.AndthepointcamewherethelittleIstillwasjuststartedslippingaway.IlostallawarenessofbeingonthefloorinanapartmentinBaltimore;Icouldn’ttellifmyeyeswereopenedorclosed.Whatopenedupbeforemewas,forlackofabetterword,aspace,butnotourordinaryconceptofspace,justthepureawarenessofarealmwithoutformandvoidofcontent.Andintothatrealmcameacelestialentity,whichwastheemergenceofthephysicalworld.Itwaslikethebigbang,butwithouttheboomortheblindinglight.Itwasthebirthofthephysicaluniverse.Inonesenseitwasdramatic—maybethemostimportantthingthateveroccurredinthehistoryoftheworld—yetitjustsortofhappened.”Iaskedhimwherehewasinallthis.“Iwasadiffuselylocatedobserver.Iwascoextensivewiththis

emergence.”HereIlethimknowhewaslosingme.Longpause.“I’mhesitatingbecausethewordsareanawkwardfit;wordsseemtooconstraining.”Ineffabilityisofcourseahallmarkofthemysticalexperience.“Theawarenesstranscendsanyparticularsensorymodality,”heexplained,unhelpfully.Wasitscary?“Therewasnoterror,onlyfascinationandawe.”Pause.“Um,maybealittlefear.”Fromhereon,Jessewatched(orwhateveryoucallit)thebirthof...

everything,intheunfoldingofanepicsequencebeginningwiththeappearanceofcosmicdustleadingtothecreationofthestarsandthenthesolarsystems,followedbytheemergenceoflifeandfromtherethe

arrivalof“whatwecallhumans,”thentheacquisitionoflanguageandtheunfoldingofawareness,“allthewayuptoone’sself,hereinthisroom,surroundedbymyfriends.IhadcomeallthewaybacktorightwhereIwas.Howmuchclocktimehadelapsed?Ihadnoidea.“WhatstandsoutmostformeisthequalityoftheawarenessI

experienced,somethingentirelydistinctfromwhatI’vecometoregardasBob.Howdoesthisexpandedawarenessfitintothescopeofthings?TotheextentIregardtheexperienceasveridical—andaboutthatI’mstillnotsure—ittellsmethatconsciousnessisprimarytothephysicaluniverse.Infact,itprecedesit.”Didhenowbelieveconsciousnessexistsoutsidethebrain?He’snotcertain.“Buttogofrombeingverysurethattheoppositeistrue”—thatconsciousnessistheproductofourgraymatter—“tobeunsureisanimmenseshift.”IaskedhimifheagreedwithsomethingI’dreadtheDalaiLamahadsaid,thattheideathatbrainscreateconsciousness—anideaacceptedwithoutquestionbymostscientists—“isametaphysicalassumption,notascientificfact.”“Bingo,”Jessesaid.“Andforsomeonewithmyorientation”—agnostic,

enamoredofscience—“thatchangeseverything.”

•••

HERE’SWHATIDON’TGETaboutanexperiencelikeBobJesse’s:Whyintheworldwouldyouevercredititatall?Ididn’tunderstandwhyyouwouldn’tsimplyfileitunder“interestingdream”or“drug-inducedfantasy.”Butalongwiththefeelingofineffability,theconvictionthatsomeprofoundobjectivetruthhasbeendisclosedtoyouisahallmarkofthemysticalexperience,regardlessofwhetherithasbeenoccasionedbyadrug,meditation,fasting,flagellation,orsensorydeprivation.WilliamJamesgaveanametothisconviction:thenoeticquality.Peoplefeeltheyhavebeenletinonadeepsecretoftheuniverse,andtheycannotbeshakenfromthatconviction.AsJameswrote,“Dreamscannotstandthistest.”Nodoubtthisiswhysomeofthepeoplewhohavesuchanexperiencegoontofoundreligions,changingthecourseofhistoryor,inagreatmanymorecases,thecourseoftheirownlives.“Nodoubt”isthekey.

Icanthinkofacoupleofwaystoaccountforsuchaphenomenon,neitherentirelysatisfying.Themoststraightforwardandyethardesttoacceptexplanationisthatit’ssimplytrue:thealteredstateofconsciousnesshasopenedthepersonuptoatruththattherestofus,imprisonedinordinarywakingconsciousness,simplycannotsee.Sciencehastroublewiththisinterpretation,however,because,whatevertheperceptionis,itcan’tbeverifiedbyitscustomarytools.It’sananecdotalreport,ineffect,andsohasnovalue.Sciencehaslittleinterestin,andtolerancefor,thetestimonyoftheindividual;inthisitis,curiously,muchlikeanorganizedreligion,whichhasabigproblemcreditingdirectrevelationtoo.Butit’sworthpointingoutthattherearecaseswheresciencehasnochoicebuttorelyonindividualtestimony—asinthestudyofsubjectiveconsciousness,whichisinaccessibletoourscientifictoolsandsocanonlybedescribedbythepersonexperiencingit.Herephenomenologyistheall-importantdata.However,thisisnotthecasewhenascertainingtruthsabouttheworldoutsideourheads.Theproblemwithcreditingmysticalexperiencesispreciselythatthey

oftenseemtoerasethedistinctionbetweeninsideandoutside,inthewaythatBobJesse’s“diffuseawareness”seemedtobehisbutalsotoexistoutsidehim.Thispointstothesecondpossibleexplanationforthenoeticsense:whenoursenseofasubjective“I”disintegrates,asitoftendoesinahigh-dosepsychedelicexperience(aswellasinmeditationbyexperiencedmeditators),itbecomesimpossibletodistinguishbetweenwhatissubjectivelyandobjectivelytrue.What’slefttodothedoubtingifnotyourI?

•••

INTHEYEARSfollowingthatfirstpowerfulpsychedelicjourney,BobJessehadaseriesofotherexperiencesthatshiftedthecourseofhislife.LivinginSanFranciscointheearly1990s,hegotinvolvedintheravesceneanddiscoveredthatthe“collectiveeffervescence”ofthebestall-nightdanceparties,withorwithoutpsychedelic“materials,”couldalsodissolvethe“subject-objectduality”andopenupnewspiritualvistas.Hebegantoexplorevariousspiritualtraditions,fromBuddhismtoQuakerismtomeditation,andfoundhisprioritiesinlifegraduallyshifting.“Itbeganto

occurtomethatspendingtimeinthisareamightactuallybefarmoreimportantandfarmorefulfillingthanwhatIhadbeendoing”asacomputerengineer.WhileonasabbaticalfromOracle(hewouldleaveforgoodin1995),

JessesetupanonprofitcalledtheCouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP),withtheaimof“makingdirectexperienceofthesacredmoreavailabletomorepeople.”Thewebsitedownplaystheorganization’sinterestinpromotingentheogens—BobJesse’spreferredtermforpsychedelics—butdoesdescribeitsmissioninsuggestiveterms:“toidentifyanddevelopapproachestoprimaryreligiousexperiencethatcanbeusedsafelyandeffectively.”Thewebsite(csp.org)offersanexcellentbibliographyofpsychedelicresearchandregularupdatesontheworkunderwayatJohnsHopkins.CSPwouldalsoplayaroleinsupportingtheUDVlawsuitthatresultedinthe2006SupremeCourtdecision.TheCouncilonSpiritualPracticesgrewoutofJesse’ssystematic

explorationofthepsychedelicliteratureandthepsychedeliccommunityintheBayAreasoonafterhemovedtoSanFrancisco.Inhishighlydeliberate,slightlyobsessive,andscrupulouslypoliteway,Jessecontactedtheregion’snumerous“psychedelicelders”—therichcastofcharacterswhohadbeendeeplyinvolvedinresearchandtherapyintheyearsbeforemostofthedrugswerebannedin1970,withthepassingoftheControlledSubstancesAct,andtheclassificationofLSDandpsilocybinasschedule1substanceswithahighpotentialforabuseandnorecognizedmedicaluse.TherewasJamesFadiman,theStanford-trainedpsychologistwhohaddonepioneeringresearchonpsychedelicsandproblemsolvingattheInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudyinMenloPark,untiltheFDAhaltedthegroup’sworkin1966.(Intheearly1960s,therewasatleastasmuchpsychedelicresearchgoingonaroundStanfordastherewasatHarvard;itjustdidn’thaveacharacterofthewattageofaTimothyLearyouttalkingaboutit.)ThentherewasFadiman’scolleagueattheinstituteMyronStolaroff,aprominentSiliconValleyelectricalengineerwhoworkedasaseniorexecutiveatAmpex,themagneticrecordingequipmentmaker,untilanLSDtripinspiredhimtogiveupengineering(muchlikeBobJesse)foracareerasapsychedelicresearcherandtherapist.JessealsofoundhiswayintotheinnercircleofSashaandAnnShulgin,legendaryBayAreafigureswhoheldweeklydinnersforacommunityoftherapists,scientists,andothersinterestedin

psychedelics.(SashaShulgin,whodiedin2014,wasabrilliantchemistwhoheldaDEAlicenseallowinghimtosynthesizenovelpsychedeliccompounds,whichhedidinprodigiousnumbers.HealsowasthefirsttosynthesizeMDMAsinceithadbeenpatentedbyMerckin1912andforgotten.Recognizingitspsychoactiveproperties,heintroducedtheso-calledempathogentotheBayArea’spsychotherapycommunity.Onlylater,diditbecometheclubdrugknownasEcstasy.)JessealsobefriendedHustonSmith,thescholarofcomparativereligion,whosemindhadbeenopenedtothespiritualpotentialofpsychedelicswhen,asaninstructor/lectureratMITin1962,heservedasavolunteerintheGoodFridayExperiment,fromwhichhecameawayconvincedthatamysticalexperienceoccasionedbyadrugwasnodifferentfromanyotherkind.Bywayofthese“elders”andhisownreading,Jessebeganunearthing

therichbodyoffirst-wavepsychedelicresearch,muchofwhichhadbeenlosttoscience.Helearnedthattherehadbeenmorethanathousandscientificpapersonpsychedelicdrugtherapybefore1965,involvingmorethanfortythousandresearchsubjects.Beginninginthe1950sandcontinuingintotheearly1970s,psychedeliccompoundshadbeenusedtotreatavarietyofconditions—includingalcoholism,depression,obsessive-compulsivedisorder,andanxietyattheendoflife—frequentlywithimpressiveresults.Butfewofthestudieswerewellcontrolledbymodernstandards,andsomeofthemwerecompromisedbytheenthusiasmoftheresearchersinvolved.OfevenkeenerinteresttoBobJessewastheearlyresearchexploring

thepotentialofpsychedelicstocontributetowhat,inastrikingphrase,hecalls“thebettermentofwellpeople.”Therehadbeenstudiesin“healthynormals”ofartisticandscientificcreativityandspirituality.ThemostfamousofthesewastheGoodFriday,orMarshChapel,Experiment,conductedin1962byWalterPahnke,apsychiatristandministerworkingonaPhDdissertationatHarvardunderTimothyLeary.Inthisdouble-blindexperiment,twentydivinitystudentsreceivedacapsuleofwhitepowderduringaGoodFridayserviceatMarshChapelontheBostonUniversitycampus,tenofthemcontainingpsilocybin,tenan“activeplacebo”—inthiscaseniacin,whichcreatesatinglingsensation.Eightofthetenstudentsreceivingpsilocybinreportedapowerfulmysticalexperience,whileonlyoneinthecontrolgroupdid.(Telling

themapartwasnotdifficult,renderingthedoubleblindasomewhathollowconceit:thoseontheplacebosatsedatelyintheirpewswhiletheotherslaydownorwanderedaboutthechapel,mutteringthingslike“Godiseverywhere”and“Oh,theGlory!”)Pahnkeconcludedthattheexperiencesofthosewhoreceivedthepsilocybinwere“indistinguishablefrom,ifnotidenticalwith,”theclassicmysticalexperiencesreportedintheliterature.HustonSmithagreed.“UntiltheGoodFridayExperiment,”hetoldaninterviewerin1996,“IhadhadnodirectpersonalencounterwithGod.”In1986,RickDoblinconductedafollow-upstudyoftheGoodFriday

ExperimentinwhichhetrackeddownandinterviewedallbutoneofthedivinitystudentswhoreceivedpsilocybinatMarshChapel.Mostreportedthattheexperiencehadreshapedtheirlivesandworkinprofoundandenduringways.However,DoblinfoundseriousflawsinPahnke’spublishedaccount:Pahnkehadfailedtomentionthatseveralsubjectshadstruggledwithacuteanxietyduringtheirexperience.OnehadtoberestrainedandgivenaninjectionofThorazine,apowerfulantipsychotic,afterhefledfromthechapelandheadeddownCommonwealthAvenue,convincedhehadbeenchosentoannouncethenewsofthecomingoftheMessiah.InthisandasecondreviewofanotherTimothyLeary–supervised

experiment,ofrecidivismatConcordStatePrison,DoblinhadraisedtroublingquestionsaboutthequalityoftheresearchdoneintheHarvardPsilocybinProject,suggestingthattheenthusiasmoftheexperimentershadtaintedthereportedresults.Ifthisresearchweregoingtoberevivedandtakenseriously,Jesseconcluded,itwouldhavetobedonewithconsiderablymorerigorandobjectivity.AndyettheresultsoftheGoodFridayExperimentwerehighlysuggestiveand,asBobJesseandRolandGriffithswouldsoondecide,wellworthtryingtoreproduce.

•••

BOBJESSESPENTtheearly1990sexcavatingtheknowledgeaboutpsychedelicsthathadbeenlostwhenformalresearchwashaltedandinformalresearchwentunderground.Inthis,hewasalittlelikethoseRenaissancescholarswhorediscoveredthelostworldofclassicalthought

inahandfulofmanuscriptssquirreledawayinmonasteries.However,inthiscase,considerablylesstimehadelapsed,sotheknowledgeremainedinthebrainsofpeoplestillalive,likeJamesFadimanandMyronStolaroffandWillisHarman(anotherBayAreaengineerturnedpsychedelicresearcher),whomerelyhadtobeaskedforit,andinscientificpapersinlibrariesanddatabases,whichmerelyhadtobesearched.Butifthereisamodernanalogytothemedievalmonasterywheretheworldofclassicalthoughtwassavedfromoblivion,aplacewherethegutteringflameofpsychedelicknowledgewasassiduouslyfannedduringitsowndarkage,thatplacewouldhavetobeEsalen,thelegendaryretreatcenterinBigSur,California.PerchedonacliffoverlookingthePacificasifbarelyclingingtothe

continent,theEsalenInstitutewasfoundedin1962andeversincehasbeenacenterofgravityfortheso-calledhumanpotentialmovementinAmerica,servingastheunofficialcapitaloftheNewAge.Agreatmanytherapeuticandspiritualmodalitiesweredevelopedandtaughthereovertheyears,includingthetherapeuticandspiritualpotentialofpsychedelics.Beginningin1973,StanislavGrof,theCzechémigrépsychiatristwhoisoneofthepioneersofLSD-assistedpsychotherapy,servedasscholarinresidenceatEsalen,buthehadconductedworkshopsthereforyearsbefore.Grof,whohasguidedthousandsofLSDsessions,oncepredictedthatpsychedelics“wouldbeforpsychiatrywhatthemicroscopeisforbiologyorthetelescopeisforastronomy.Thesetoolsmakeitpossibletostudyimportantprocessesthatundernormalcircumstancesarenotavailablefordirectobservation.”HundredscametoEsalentopeerthroughthatmicroscope,ofteninworkshopsGrofledforpsychotherapistswhowantedtoincorporatepsychedelicsintheirpractices.ManyifnotmostofthetherapistsandguidesnowdoingthisworkundergroundlearnedtheircraftatthefeetofStanGrofintheBigHouseatEsalen.WhethersuchworkcontinuedatEsalenafterLSDwasmadeillegalis

uncertain,butitwouldn’tbesurprising:theplaceisperchedsofaroutovertheedgeofthecontinentastofeelbeyondthereachoffederallawenforcement.Butatleastofficially,suchworkshopsendedwhenLSDbecameillegal.Grofbeganteachinginsteadsomethingcalledholotropicbreathwork,atechniqueforinducingapsychedelicstateofconsciousnesswithoutdrugs,bymeansofdeep,rapid,andrhythmicbreathing,usually

accompaniedbylouddrumming.YetEsalen’sroleinthehistoryofpsychedelicsdidnotendwiththeirprohibition.Itbecametheplacewherepeoplehopingtobringthesemoleculesbackintotheculture,whetherasanadjuncttotherapyorameansofspiritualdevelopment,mettoplottheircampaigns.InJanuary1994,BobJessemanagedtogethimselfinvitedtoonesuch

meetingatEsalen.WhilehelpingoutwiththedishesafteraFridaynightdinnerattheShulgins’,JesselearnedthatagroupoftherapistsandscientistswouldbegatheringinBigSurtodiscusstheprospectsforrevivingpsychedelicresearch.ThereweresignsthatthedoorWashington,D.C.,hadslammedshutonresearchinthelate1960smightbeopening,ifonlyacrack:CurtisWright,anewadministratorattheFDA(and,asithappens,aformerstudentofRolandGriffiths’satHopkins),hadsignaledthatresearchprotocolsforpsychedelicswouldbetreatedlikeanyother—judgedontheirmerits.Testingthisnewreceptivity,apsychiatristattheUniversityofNewMexiconamedRickStrassmanhadsoughtandreceivedapprovaltostudythephysiologicaleffectsofDMT,apowerfulpsychedeliccompoundfoundinmanyplants.Thissmalltrialmarkedthefirstfederallysanctionedexperimentwithapsychedeliccompoundsincethe1970s—inretrospect,awatershedevent.Aroundthesametime,RickDoblinandCharlesGrob,apsychiatristat

UCLA,hadsucceededinpersuadingthegovernmenttoapprovethefirsthumantrialofMDMA.(Grobisoneofthefirstpsychiatriststoadvocateforthereturnofpsychedelicstopsychotherapy;helaterconductedthefirstmoderntrialofpsilocybinforcancerpatients.)TheyearbeforetheEsalengathering(whichGrobandDoblinbothattended),DavidNichols,aPurdueUniversitychemistandpharmacologist,launchedtheHeffterResearchInstitute(namedfortheGermanchemistwhofirstidentifiedthemescalinecompoundin1897)withthethenimprobableambitionoffundingseriouspsychedelicscience.(Heffterhassincehelpedfundmanyofthemoderntrialsofpsilocybin.)Sotherewerescatteredhopefulsignsintheearly1990sthatconditionswereripeningforarevivalofpsychedelicresearch.Thetinycommunitythathadsustainedsuchadreamthroughthedarkagesbegan,tentatively,quietly,toorganize.EventhoughJessewasnewtothiscommunity,andneitherascientist

noratherapist,heaskedifhecouldattendtheEsalenmeetingandofferedtomakehimselfuseful,refillingwaterglassesifthat’swhatit

took.Mostofthegatheringwastakenupwithdiscussionsofthepotentialmedicalapplicationsofpsychedelics,aswellastheneedforbasicresearchontheneuroscience.Jessewasstruckbythefactthatsolittleattentionwaspaidtothespiritualpotentialofthesecompounds.Heleftthemeetingconvincedthat“okay,thereisroomtomaneuverhere.Iwashopingoneofthesepeoplewouldpickuptheballandrunwithit,buttheywerebusywiththeotherball.SoImadeadecisiontoseekaleaveofabsencefromOracle.”Withinayear,JessewouldlaunchtheCouncilonSpiritualPractices,andwithintwothecouncilwouldconveneitsownmeetingatEsalen,inJanuary1996,withtheaimofopeningasecondfrontinthecampaigntoresurrectpsychedelics.Fittingly,thegatheringtookplaceintheMaslowRoomatEsalen,

namedforthepsychologistwhosewritingsonthehierarchyofhumanneedsunderscoredtheimportanceof“peakexperiences”inself-actualization.Mostofthefifteeninattendancewere“psychedelicelders,”therapistsandresearcherslikeJamesFadimanandWillisHarman,MarkKleiman,thenadrug-policyexpertattheKennedySchool(andRickDoblin’sthesistutorthere),andreligiousfigureslikeHustonSmith,BrotherDavidSteindl-Rast,andJeffreyBronfman,theheadoftheUDVchurchinAmerica(andheirtotheSeagram’sliquorfortune).ButJessewiselydecidedtoinviteanoutsideraswell:Charles“Bob”Schuster,whohadservedbothRonaldReaganandGeorgeH.W.BushasdirectoroftheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse.Jessedidn’tknowSchusterwellatall;theyhadoncespokenbrieflyataconference.ButJessecameawayfromtheencounterthinkingSchusterjustmightbereceptivetoaninvitation.ExactlywhyBobSchuster—aleadingfigureintheacademic

establishmentundergirdingthedrugwar—wouldbeopentotheideaofcomingtoEsalentodiscussthespiritualpotentialofpsychedelicswasamystery,atleastuntilIhadtheopportunitytospeaktohiswidow,Chris-EllynJohanson.Johanson,whoisalsoadrugresearcher,paintedapictureofamanofexceptionallybroadinterestsanddeepcuriosity.“Bobwasopen-mindedtoafault,”shetoldme,withalaugh.“He

wouldtalktoanyone.”LikemanypeopleintheNIDAcommunity,Schusterwellunderstoodthatpsychedelicsfitawkwardlyintotheprofileofadrugofabuse;animals,giventhechoice,willnotself-administerapsychedelicmorethanonce,andtheclassicalpsychedelicsexhibitremarkablylittletoxicity.IaskedJohansonifSchusterhadevertakena

psychedelichimself;RolandGriffithshadtoldmehethoughtitwaspossible.(“Bobwasajazzmusician,”Griffithstoldme,“soIwouldn’tbeatallsurprised.”)ButJohansonsaidno.“Hewasdefinitelycuriousaboutthem,”shetoldme,“butIthinkhewastooafraid.Weweremartinipeople.”Iaskedifhewasaspiritualman.“Notreally,thoughIthinkhewouldhavelikedtohavebeen.”Jesse,notquitesurewhatSchusterwouldmakeofthemeeting,

arrangedtohaveJimFadimanbunkwithhim,instructingFadiman,apsychologist,tocheckhimout.“EarlythenextmorningJimfoundmeandsaid,‘Bob,missionaccomplished.Youhavefoundagemofahumanbeing.’”SchusterthoroughlyenjoyedhistimeatEsalen,accordingtohiswife.

HetookpartinadrummingcircleJessehadarranged—youdon’tleaveEsalenwithoutdoingsomesuchthing—andwasamazedtodiscoverhoweasilyhecouldslipintoatrance.ButSchusteralsomadesomekeycontributionstothegroup’sdeliberations.HewarnedJesseoffworkingwithMDMA,whichhebelievedwastoxictothebrainandhadbythenacquiredanunsavoryreputationasaclubdrug.HealsosuggestedthatpsilocybinwasamuchbettercandidateforresearchthanLSD,largelyforpoliticalreasons:becausesomanyfewerpeoplehadheardofit,psilocybincarriednoneofthepoliticalandculturalbaggageofLSD.Bytheendofthemeeting,theEsalengrouphadsettledonashortlist

ofobjectives,someofthemmodest—todraftacodeofethicsforspiritualguides—andothersmoreambitious:“togetaboveboard,unimpeachableresearchdone,ataninstitutionwithinvestigatorsbeyondreproach,”and,ideally,“dothiswithoutanypretextofclinicaltreatment.”“Weweren’tsurethatwaspossible,”Jessetoldme,butheandhis

colleaguesbelieved“itwouldbeabigmistakeifmedicalizationisallthathappens.”Whyamistake?BecauseBobJessewasultimatelylessinterestedinpeople’smentalproblemsthanwiththeirspiritualwell-being—inusingentheogensforthebettermentofwellpeople.ShortlyaftertheEsalenmeeting,Schustermadewhatwouldturnout

tobehismostimportantcontribution:tellingBobJesseabouthisoldfriendRolandGriffiths,whomhedescribedasexactly“theinvestigatorbeyondreproach”Jessewaslookingforand“ascientistofthefirstorder.”“EverythingRoland’sdonehe’sdevotedhimselftocompletely,”Jesse

recallsSchustersaying,“includinghismeditationpractice.Wethinkit’s

changedhim.”GriffithshadsharedwithSchusterhisgrowingdissatisfactionwithscienceandhisdeepeninginterestinthekindof“ultimatequestions”comingupinhismeditationpractice.SchusterthenmadethecalltoGriffithstellinghimabouttheinterestingyoungmanhe’djustmetatEsalen,explainingthattheysharedaninterestinspirituality,andsuggestingtheyshouldmeet.Afteranexchangeofe-mails,JesseflewtoBaltimoretohavelunchwithGriffithsinthecafeteriaontheBayviewmedicalcampus,inauguratingaseriesofconversationsandmeetingsthatwouldeventuallyleadtotheircollaborationonthe2006studyofpsilocybinandmysticalexperienceatJohnsHopkins.

•••

BUTTHEREWASSTILLonemissingpieceofthepuzzleandthescientificteam.MostofthedrugtrialsGriffithshadruninthepastinvolvedbaboonsandothernonhumanprimates;hehadmuchlessclinicalexperienceworkingwithhumansandrealizedheneededaskilledtherapisttojointheproject—a“masterclinician,”asheputit.Asithappened,BobJessehadmetapsychologistatapsychedelicconferenceafewyearsbeforewhonotonlyfilledthebillbutlivedinBaltimore.Stillmorefortuitous,thispsychologist,whosenamewasBillRichards,probablyhasmoreexperienceguidingpsychedelicjourneysinthe1960sand1970sthananyonealive,withthepossibleexceptionofStanGrof(withwhomhehadonceworked).Infact,BillRichardsadministeredtheverylastlegaldoseofpsilocybintoanAmerican,attheMarylandPsychiatricResearchCenteratSpringGroveStateHospitalinthespringof1977.Inthedecadessince,hehadbeenpracticingmoreconventionalpsychotherapyoutofhishomeinaleafyBaltimoreneighborhoodcalledWindsorHills,bidinghistimeandwaitingpatientlyfortheworldtocomearoundsothathemightworkwithpsychedelicsonceagain.“Inthebigpicture,”hetoldmethefirsttimewemetinhishome

office,“thesedrugshavebeenaroundatleastfivethousandyears,andmanytimestheyhavesurfacedandhavebeenrepressed,sothiswasanothercycle.Butthemushroomstillgrows,andeventuallythisworkwouldcomearoundagain.OrsoIhoped.”WhenhegotthecallfromBob

Jessein1998,andmetRolandGriffithsshortlythereafter,hecouldn’tquitebelievehisgoodfortune.“Itwasthrilling.”BillRichards,apreternaturallycheerfulmaninhisseventies,isa

bridgebetweenthetwoerasofpsychedelictherapy.WalterPahnkewasthebestmanathiswedding;heworkedcloselywithStanGrofatSpringGroveandvisitedTimothyLearyinMillbrook,NewYork,whereLearylandedafterhisexilefromHarvard.ThoughRichardslefttheMidwesthalfacenturyago,he’sretainedthespeechpatternsofruralMichigan,wherehewasbornin1940.Richardstodaysportsawhitegoatee,laughswithaninfectiouscackle,andendsmanyofhissentenceswithacheerful,up-spoken“y’know?”Richards,whoholdsgraduatedegreesinbothpsychologyanddivinity,

hadhisfirstpsychedelicexperiencewhileadivinitystudentatYalein1963.HewasspendingtheyearstudyinginGermany,attheUniversityofGöttingen,andfoundhimselfdrawntotheDepartmentofPsychiatry,wherehelearnedaboutaresearchprojectinvolvingadrugcalledpsilocybin.“Ihadnoideawhatthatwas,buttwofriendsofminehadparticipated

andhadhadinterestingexperiences.”Oneofthem,whosefatherhadbeenkilledinthewar,hadregressedtochildhoodtofindhimselfsittingonhisfather’slap.TheotherhadhallucinationsofSSmenmarchinginthestreet.“Ihadneverhadadecenthallucination,”Richardssaidwithachuckle,“andIwastryingtogetsomeinsightintomychildhood.Inthosedays,Iviewedmyownmindasapsychologicallaboratory,soIdecidedtovolunteer.“Thiswasbeforetheimportanceofsetandsettingwasunderstood.I

wasbroughttoabasementroom,givenaninjection,andleftalone.”Arecipeforabadtrip,surely,butRichardshadpreciselytheoppositeexperience.“IfeltimmersedinthisincrediblydetailedimagerythatlookedlikeIslamicarchitecture,withArabicscript,aboutwhichIknewnothing.AndthenIsomehowbecametheseexquisitelyintricatepatterns,losingmyusualidentity.AndallIcansayisthattheeternalbrillianceofmysticalconsciousnessmanifesteditself.Myawarenesswasfloodedwithlove,beauty,andpeacebeyondanythingIeverhadknownorimaginedtobepossible.‘Awe,’‘glory,’and‘gratitude’weretheonlywordsthatremainedrelevant.”

Descriptionsofsuchexperiencesalwayssoundalittlethin,atleastwhencomparedwiththeemotionalimpactpeoplearetryingtoconvey;foralife-transformingevent,thewordscanseempaltry.WhenImentionedthistoRichards,hesmiled.“YouhavetoimagineacavemantransportedintothemiddleofManhattan.Heseesbuses,cellphones,skyscrapers,airplanes.Thenzaphimbacktohiscave.Whatdoeshesayabouttheexperience?‘Itwasbig,itwasimpressive,itwasloud.’Hedoesn’thavethevocabularyfor‘skyscraper,’‘elevator,’‘cellphone.’Maybehehasanintuitivesensetherewassomesortofsignificanceorordertothescene.Buttherearewordsweneedthatdon’tyetexist.We’vegotfivecrayonswhenweneedfiftythousanddifferentshades.”Inthemiddleofhisjourney,oneofthepsychiatricresidentsstopped

bytheroomtolookinonRichards,askinghimtositupsohecouldtesthisreflexes.Astheresidenttappedhispatellartendonwithhislittlerubberhammer,Richardsremembersfeeling“compassionfortheinfancyofscience.Theresearchershadnoideawhatreallywashappeninginmyinnerexperientialworld,ofitsunspeakablebeautyorofitspotentialimportanceforallofus.”Afewdaysaftertheexperience,Richardsreturnedtothelabandasked,“Whatwasthatdrugyougaveme?Howisitspelled?“Andtherestofmylifeisfootnotes!”Yetafterseveralsubsequentpsilocybinsessionsfailedtoproduce

anothermysticalexperience,Richardsstartedtowonderifperhapshehadexaggeratedthatfirsttrip.Sometimelater,WalterPahnkearrivedattheuniversity,freshfromhisgraduateworkwithTimothyLearyatHarvard,andthetwobecamefriends.(ItwasRichardswhogavePahnkehisfirstpsychedelictripwhilethetwowereinGermany;hehadapparentlynevertakenLSDorpsilocybinatHarvard,thinkingitmightcompromisetheobjectivityoftheGoodFridayExperiment.)PahnkesuggestedRichardstryonemoretime,butinaroomwithsoftlighting,plants,andmusicandusingahigherdose.Onceagain,Richardshad“anincrediblyprofoundexperience.IrealizedIhadnotexaggeratedthefirsttripbutinfacthadforgotten80percentofit.“Ihaveneverdoubtedthevalidityoftheseexperiences,”Richardstold

me.“ThiswastherealmofmysticalconsciousnessthatShankarawastalkingabout,thatPlotinuswaswritingabout,thatSaintJohnoftheCrossandMeisterEckhartwerewritingabout.It’salsowhatAbraham

Maslowwastalkingaboutwithhis‘peakexperiences,’thoughAbecouldgettherewithoutthedrugs.”RichardswouldgoontostudypsychologyunderMaslowatBrandeisUniversity.“AbewasanaturalJewishmystic.Hecouldjustliedowninthebackyardandhaveamysticalexperience.Psychedelicsareforthoseofuswhoaren’tsoinnatelygifted.”Richardsemergedfromthosefirstpsychedelicexplorationsin

possessionofthreeunshakableconvictions.Thefirstisthattheexperienceofthesacredreportedbothbythegreatmysticsandbypeopleonhigh-dosepsychedelicjourneysisthesameexperienceandis“real”—thatis,notjustafigmentoftheimagination.“Yougodeepenoughorfaroutenoughinconsciousnessandyouwill

bumpintothesacred.It’snotsomethingwegenerate;it’ssomethingouttherewaitingtobediscovered.Andthisreliablyhappenstononbelieversaswellasbelievers.”Second,that,whetheroccasionedbydrugsorothermeans,theseexperiencesofmysticalconsciousnessareinalllikelihoodtheprimalbasisofreligion.(PartlyforthisreasonRichardsbelievesthatpsychedelicsshouldbepartofadivinitystudent’seducation.)Andthird,thatconsciousnessisapropertyoftheuniverse,notbrains.Onthisquestion,heholdswithHenriBergson,theFrenchphilosopher,whoconceivedofthehumanmindasakindofradioreceiver,abletotuneintofrequenciesofenergyandinformationthatexistoutsideit.“Ifyouwantedtofindtheblondewhodeliveredthenewslastnight,”Richardsofferedbywayofananalogy,“youwouldn’tlookforherintheTVset.”Thetelevisionsetis,likethehumanbrain,necessarybutnotsufficient.AfterRichardsfinishedwithhisgraduatestudiesinthelate1960s,he

foundworkasaresearchfellowattheSpringGroveStateHospitaloutsideBaltimore,whereamostimprobablecounterfactualhistoryofpsychedelicresearchwasquietlyunfolding,farfromthenoiseandglaresurroundingTimothyLeary.Indeed,thisisacasewheretheforceoftheLearynarrativehasbentthereceivedhistoryoutofshape,suchthatmanyofusassumetherewasnoseriouspsychedelicresearchbeforeLearyarrivedatHarvardandnoseriousresearchafterhewasfired.ButuntilBillRichardsadministeredpsilocybintohislastvolunteerin1977,SpringGrovewasactively(andwithoutmuchcontroversy)conductinganambitiousprogramofpsychedelicresearch—muchofitundergrantsfromtheNationalInstituteofMentalHealth—withschizophrenics,alcoholicsandotheraddicts,cancerpatientsstrugglingwithanxiety,

religiousandmentalhealthprofessionals,andpatientswithseverepersonalitydisorders.SeveralhundredpatientsandvolunteersreceivedpsychedelictherapyatSpringGrovebetweentheearly1960sandthemid-1970s.Inmanycases,theresearchersweregettingverygoodresultsinwell-designedstudiesthatwerebeingregularlypublishedinpeer-reviewedjournalssuchasJAMAandtheArchivesofGeneralPsychiatry.(RolandGriffithsisoftheopinionthatmuchofthisresearchis“suspect,”butRichardstoldme,“Thesestudiesweren’tasbadaspeoplelikeRolandmightimply.”)Itisremarkablejusthowmuchoftheworkbeingdonetoday,atHopkinsandNYUandotherplaces,wasprefiguredatSpringGrove;indeed,itishardtofindacontemporaryexperimentwithpsychedelicsthatwasn’talreadydoneinMarylandinthe1960sor1970s.Atleastatthebeginning,theSpringGrovepsychedelicworkenjoyed

lotsofpublicsupport.In1965,CBSNewsbroadcastanadmiringhour-long“specialreport”onthehospital’sworkwithalcoholics,calledLSD:TheSpringGroveExperiment.TheresponsetotheprogramwassopositivethattheMarylandstatelegislatureestablishedamultimillion-dollarresearchfacilityonthecampusoftheSpringGroveStateHospital,calledtheMarylandPsychiatricResearchCenter.StanGrof,WalterPahnke,andBillRichardswerehiredtohelprunit,alongwithseveraldozenothertherapists,psychiatrists,pharmacologists,andsupportstaff.Equallyhardtobelievetodayisthefactthat,asRichardstoldme,“wheneverwehiredsomeone,theywouldreceiveacoupleofLSDsessionsaspartoftheirtrainingtodothework.Wehadauthorization!Howelsecouldyoubesensitivetowhatwasgoingoninthemindofthepatient?IwishwecoulddothatatHopkins.”ThefactthatsuchanambitiousresearchprogramcontinuedatSpring

Grovewellintothe1970ssuggeststhestoryofthesuppressionofpsychedelicresearchisalittlemorecomplicatedthantheconventionalnarrativewouldindicate.Whileitistruethatsomeresearchprojects—suchasJimFadiman’screativitytrialsinPaloAlto—receivedordersfromWashingtontostop,otherprojectsonlong-termgrantswereallowedtocontinueuntilthemoneyranout,asiteventuallydid.Ratherthanshutdownallresearch,asmanyinthepsychedeliccommunitybelievehappened,thegovernmentsimplymadeitmoredifficulttogetapprovals,andfundinggraduallydriedup.Astimewenton,researchersfoundthatontopofallthebureaucraticandfinancialhurdlestheyalsohadtodeal

with“thesnickertest”:HowwouldyourcolleaguesreactwhenyoutoldthemyouwererunningexperimentswithLSD?Bythemid-1970s,psychedelicshadbecomesomethingofascientificembarrassment—notbecausetheywereafailure,butbecausetheyhadbecomeidentifiedwiththecountercultureandwithdisgracedscientistssuchasTimothyLeary.Buttherewasnothingembarrassingaboutpsychedelicresearchat

SpringGroveinthelate1960sandearly1970s.Then,andthere,itlookedlikethefuture.“Wethoughtthiswasthemostincrediblefrontierinpsychiatry,”Richardsrecalls.“Wewouldallsitaroundtheconferencetabletalkingabouthowweweregoingtotrainthehundredsifnotthousandsoftherapiststhatwouldbeneededtodothiswork.(Andlook,we’rehavingthesameconversationagaintoday!)Therewereinternationalconferencesonpsychedelicresearch,andwehadcolleaguesthroughoutEuropedoingsimilarwork.Thefieldwastakingoff.Butintheendthesocietalforceswerestrongerthanwewere.”In1971,RichardNixondeclaredTimothyLeary,awashed-up

psychologyprofessor,“themostdangerousmaninAmerica.”Psychedelicswerenourishingthecounterculture,andthecounterculturewassappingthewillingnessofAmerica’syoungtofight.TheNixonadministrationsoughttobluntthecounterculturebyattackingitsneurochemicalinfrastructure.Wasthesuppressionofpsychedelicresearchinevitable?Manyofthe

researchersIinterviewedfeelthatitmighthavebeenavoidedhadthedrugsnotleapedthelaboratorywalls—acontingencythat,fairlyornot,mostofthemblamesquarelyonthe“antics,”“misbehavior,”and“evangelism”ofTimothyLeary.StanislavGrofbelievesthatpsychedelicsloosed“theDionysian

element”on1960sAmerica,posingathreattothecountry’spuritanvaluesthatwasboundtoberepulsed.(Hetoldmehealsothinksthesamethingcouldhappenagain.)RolandGriffithspointsoutthatoursisnotthefirstculturetofeelthreatenedbypsychedelics:thereasonR.GordonWassonhadtorediscovermagicmushroomsinMexicowasthattheSpanishhadsuppressedthemsoeffectively,deemingthemdangerousinstrumentsofpaganism.“Thatsayssomethingimportantabouthowreluctantculturesareto

exposethemselvestothechangesthesekindsofcompoundscanoccasion,”hetoldmethefirsttimewemet.“Thereissomuchauthority

thatcomesoutoftheprimarymysticalexperiencethatitcanbethreateningtoexistinghierarchicalstructures.”

•••

BYTHEMID-1970S,theLSDworkatSpringGrove,muchofwhichwasstatefunded,hadbecomeapoliticalhotpotatoinAnnapolis.In1975,theRockefellerCommissioninvestigatingtheCIAdisclosedthattheagencyhadalsobeenrunningLSDexperimentsinMaryland,atFortDetrick,aspartofamind-controlprojectcalledMK-Ultra.(Aninternalmemothecommissionreleasedconciselysetforththeagency’sobjective:“Canwegetcontrolofanindividualtothepointwherehewilldoourbiddingagainsthiswillandevenagainstfundamentallawsofnature,suchasself-preservation?”)ItwasrevealedthattheCIAwasdosingbothgovernmentemployeesandcivilianswithouttheirknowledge;atleastonepersonhaddied.ThenewsthatMarylandtaxpayerswerealsosupportingresearchwithLSDpromptlyblewupintoascandal,andpressuretoclosedownpsychedelicresearchatSpringGrovebecameirresistible.“Prettysoonitwasjustmeandtwosecretaries,”Richardsrecalls.“And

thenitwasover.”TodayRolandGriffiths,whowouldpickupthethreadofresearchthat

wasdroppedwhentheworkatSpringGroveended,marvelsatthefactthatthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearch,promisingasitwas,wouldendforreasonshavingnothingtodowithscience.“Weendedupdemonizingthesecompounds.Canyouthinkofanotherareaofsciencethoughttobesodangerousandtaboothatallresearchgetsshutdownfordecades?It’sunprecedentedinmodernscience.”Sotoo,perhaps,isthesheeramountofscientificknowledgethatwassimplyerased.In1998,Griffiths,Jesse,andRichardsbegandesigningapilotstudy

looselybasedontheGoodFridayExperiment.“Itwasn’tapsychotherapystudy,”Richardspointsout.“Itwasastudydesignedtodeterminewhetherpsilocybincanelicitatranscendentalexperience.ThatwewereabletoobtainpermissiontogiveittohealthynormalsisatributetoRoland’slonghistoryofcommandingrespectbothatHopkinsandinWashington.”In1999,theprotocolwasapproved,butonlyafterwendingitswaythroughfivelayersofreviewatHopkinsaswellastheFDAand

theDEA.(ManyofGriffiths’sHopkinscolleagueswereskepticaloftheproposal,worriedpsychedelicresearchmightjeopardizefederalfunding;onetoldmetherewere“peopleintheDepartmentofPsychiatryandthebroaderinstitutionwhoquestionedthework,becausethisclassofcompoundscarriesalotofbaggagefromthe’60s.”)“Wehadfaiththatthepeopleonallthesecommitteeswouldbegood

scientists,”Richardstoldme.“Andwithluckmaybeafewofthemhadtriedmushroomsincollege!”RolandGriffithsbecametheprincipalinvestigatorofthetrial,BillRichardsbecametheclinicaldirector,andBobJessecontinuedtoworkbehindthescenes.“IcanvividlyrememberthefirstsessionIranafterthatlongtwenty-

two-yearhiatus,”Richardsrecalled.HeandIweretogetherinthesessionroomatHopkins;Iwassittingonthecouchwherethevolunteersliedownduringtheirjourneys,andRichardswasinthechairwherehehasnowsatandguidedmorethanahundredpsilocybinjourneyssince1999.Theroomfeelsmorelikeadenorlivingroomthanaroominalaboratory,withaplushsofa,vaguelyspiritualpaintingsonthewalls,asculptureoftheBuddhaonasidetable,andshelvesholdingagiantstonemushroomandvariousothernondenominationalspiritualartifacts,aswellasthesmallchaliceinwhichthevolunteersreceivetheirpills.“Thisguyislyingonthecouchrighttherewhereyouare,withtears

streamingdownhisface,andI’mthinking,howabsolutelybeautifulandmeaningfulthisexperienceis.Howsacred.Howcanthiseverhavebeenillegal?It’sasifwemadeenteringGothiccathedralsillegal,ormuseums,orsunsets!“Ihonestlyneverknewifthiswouldhappenagaininmylifetime.And

lookatwherewearenow:theworkatHopkinshasbeengoingonnowforfifteenyears—fiveyearslongerthanSpringGrove.”

•••

IN1999,anoddbutintriguingadvertisementbeganappearinginweekliesintheBaltimoreandWashington,D.C.,area,undertheheadline“InterestedintheSpiritualLife?”

Universityresearchwithentheogens(roughly,God-evokingsubstancessuchaspeyoteandsacredmushrooms)hasreturned.Thefieldofstudyincludespharmacology,psychology,creativityenhancement,andspirituality.Toexplorethepossibilityofparticipatinginconfidentialentheogenresearchprojects,call1-888-585-8870,tollfree.www.csp.org.

Notlongafter,BillRichardsandMaryCosimano,asocialworkerandschoolguidancecounselorRichardsrecruitedtohelphimguidepsychedelicsessions,administeredthefirstlegaldoseofpsilocybintoanAmericanintwenty-twoyears.Intheyearssince,theHopkinsteamhasconductedmorethanthreehundredpsilocybinsessions,workinginavarietyofpopulations,includinghealthynormals,long-termandnovicemeditators,cancerpatients,smokersseekingtobreaktheirhabit,andreligiousprofessionals.Iwascurioustogetthevolunteer’s-eyeviewoftheexperiencefromallthesetypes,butespeciallyfromthatfirstcohortofhealthynormals,partlybecausetheywereparticipantsinastudythatwouldturnouttobehistoricallyimportantandpartlybecauseIfiguredtheywouldbethemostlike,well,me.Whatisitliketohavealegallysanctioned,professionallyguided,optimallycomfortablehigh-dosepsilocybinexperience?Yetthevolunteersinthefirstexperimentswerenotexactlylikeme,

becauseatthetimeIdoubtIwouldhavereadpast“InterestedintheSpiritualLife?”Therewerenostone-coldatheistsintheoriginalgroup,andinterviewswithnearlyadozenofthemsuggestedmanyifnotmostofthemcameintothestudywithspiritualleaningstoonedegreeoranother.Therewasanenergyhealer,amanwho’ddonethewholeIronJohntrip,aformerFranciscanfriar,andanherbalist.TherewasalsoaphysicistwithaninterestinZenandaphilosophyprofessorwithaninterestintheology.RolandGriffithsacknowledged,“Wewereinterestedinaspiritualeffectandwerebiasingtheconditioninitially[inthatdirection].”Thatsaid,Griffithswenttogreatlengthsinthedesignofthestudyto

controlfor“expectancyeffects.”InpartthisowedtoGriffiths’sskepticismthatadrugcouldoccasionthesamekindofmysticalexperiencehehadhadinhismeditation:“ThisisalltruthtoBillandhypothesistome.So

weneededtocontrolforBill’sbiases.”Allofthevolunteerswere“hallucinogennaive,”sohadnoideawhatpsilocybinfeltlike,andneithertheynortheirmonitorsknewinanygivensessionwhethertheyweregettingpsilocybinoraplacebo,andwhetherthatplacebowasasugarpilloranyoneofhalfadozendifferentpsychoactivedrugs.InfacttheplacebowasRitalin,andasitturnedout,themonitorsguessedwrongnearlyaquarterofthetimeastowhatwasinthepillavolunteerhadreceived.Evenyearsaftertheirexperiencesinthetrials,thevolunteersIspoke

torecalledtheminvividdetailandatconsiderablelength;theinterviewslastedhours.Thesepeoplehadbigstoriestotell;inseveralcases,thesewerethemostmeaningfulexperiencesoftheirlives,andtheyclearlyrelishedtheopportunitytorelivethemformeingreatdetail,whetherinperson,bySkype,oronthetelephone.Thevolunteerswerealsorequiredtowriteareportoftheirexperiencessoonaftertheyoccurred,andalloftheonesIinterviewedwerehappytosharethesereports,whichmadeforstrangeandfascinatingreading.ManyofthevolunteersIspoketoreportedinitialepisodesofintense

fearandanxietybeforesurrenderingthemselvestotheexperience—asthesittersencouragethemtodo.Thesittersworkfromasetof“flightinstructions”preparedbyBillRichards,basedonthehundredsofpsychedelicjourneyshehasguided.Theguidesgoovertheinstructionswiththevolunteersduringtheeighthoursofpreparationallofthemreceivebeforecommencingtheirjourneys.Theflightinstructionsadviseguidestousemantraslike“Trustthe

trajectory”and“TLO—Trust,LetGo,BeOpen.”SomeguidesliketoquoteJohnLennon:“Turnoffyourmind,relaxandfloatdownstream.”Volunteersaretoldtheymayexperiencethe“death/transcendenceof

youregooreverydayself,”butthisis“alwaysfollowedbyRebirth/Returntothenormativeworldofspace&time.Safestwaytoreturntonormalistoentrustselfunconditionallytotheemergingexperiences.”Guidesareinstructedtoremindvolunteersthey’llneverbeleftaloneandnottoworryaboutthebodywhilejourneyingbecausetheguidesaretheretokeepaneyeonit.Ifyoufeelasifyouare“dying,melting,dissolving,exploding,goingcrazyetc.—goahead.”Volunteersarequizzed:“Ifyouseeadoor,whatdoyoudo?Ifyouseeastaircase,whatdoyoudo?”“Openit”and“climbupit”areofcoursetherightanswers.

Thiscarefulpreparationmeansthatacertainexpectancyeffectisprobablyunavoidable.Afterall,theresearchersarepreparingpeopleforamajorexperience,involvingdeathandrebirthandholdingthepotentialfortransformation.“Itwouldbeirresponsiblenottowarnvolunteersthesethingscouldhappen,”GriffithspointedoutwhenIaskedifhisvolunteerswerebeing“primed”foracertainkindofexperience.Onevolunteer—thephysicist—toldmethatthe“mysticalexperiencequestionnaire”hefilledoutaftereverysessionalsoplantedexpectations.“Ilongtoseesomeofthestuffhintedatinthequestionnaire,”hewroteafteranunderwhelmingsession—perhapsontheplacebo.“Seeingeverythingasaliveandconnected,meetingthevoid,orsomeembodimentofdeitiesandthingslikethat.”Inthisandsomanyotherways,itseems,theHopkinspsilocybinexperienceistheartifactnotonlyofthispowerfulmoleculebutalsoofthepreparationandexpectationsofthevolunteer,theskillsandworldviewsofthesitters,BillRichards’sflightinstructions,thedecoroftheroom,theinwardfocusencouragedbytheeyeshadesandthemusic(andthemusicitself,muchofwhichtomyearssoundsnotablyreligious),and,thoughtheymightnotbepleasedtohearit,themindsofthedesignersoftheexperiments.Thesheersuggestibilityofpsychedelicsisoneoftheirdefining

characteristics,soinonesenseitisnowonderthatsomanyofthefirstcohortofvolunteersatHopkinshadpowerfulmysticalexperiences:theexperimentwasdesignedbythreemenintenselyinterestedinmysticalstatesofconsciousness.(AnditislikewisenowonderthattheEuropeanresearchersIinterviewedallfailedtoseeasmanyinstancesofmysticalexperienceintheirsubjectsastheAmericansdidintheirs.)Andyet,forallthepriminggoingon,thefactremainsthatthepeoplewhoreceivedaplacebosimplydidn’thavethekindsofexperiencesthatvolunteeraftervolunteerdescribedtomeasthemostmeaningfulorsignificantintheirlives.Soonafteravolunteertakesherpillfromthelittlechalice,butbefore

shefeelsanyeffects,RolandGriffithswillusuallydropbythesessionroomtowishherbonvoyage.GriffithsoftenusesaparticularmetaphorthatmadeanimpressiononmanyofthevolunteersIspoketo.“Thinkofyourselfasanastronautbeingblastedintoouterspace,”RichardBoothbyrecalledhimsaying.BoothbyisaphilosophyprofessorwhowasinhisearlyfiftieswhenhevolunteeredatHopkins.“You’regoingwayoutthere

totakeitallinandengagewithwhateveryoufindthere,butyoucanbeconfidentthatwe’llbeherekeepinganeyeonthings.Thinkofusasgroundcontrol.We’vegotyoucovered.”Fortheastronautbeingblastedintospace,theshudderofliftoffand

strainofescapingEarth’sgravitationalfieldcanbewrenching—eventerrifying.Severalvolunteersdescribetryingtoholdonfordearlifeastheyfelttheirsenseofselfrapidlydisintegrating.BrianTurner,whoatthetimeofhisjourneywasaforty-four-year-oldphysicistworkingforamilitarycontractor(withasecurityclearance),putitthisway:

Icouldfeelmybodydissolving,beginningwithmyfeet,untilitalldisappearedbuttheleftsideofmyjaw.Itwasreallyunpleasant;Icouldcountonlyafewteethleftandthebottompartofmyjaw.IknewthatifthatwentawayIwouldbegone.ThenIrememberedwhattheytoldme,thatwheneveryouencounteranythingscary,gotowardit.SoinsteadofbeingafraidofdyingIgotcuriousaboutwhatwasgoingon.Iwasnolongertryingtoavoiddying.Insteadofrecoilingfromtheexperience,Ibegantointerrogateit.Andwiththat,thewholesituationdissolvedintothispleasantfloatyfeeling,andIbecamethemusicforawhile.

Soonafter,hefoundhimself“inalargecavewhereallmypastrelationshipswerehangingdownasicicles:thepersonwhosatnexttomeinsecondgrade,highschoolfriends,myfirstgirlfriend,allofthemwerethere,encasedinice.Itwasverycool.Ithoughtabouteachoftheminturn,rememberingeverythingaboutourrelationship.Itwasareview—somethingaboutthetrajectoryofmylife.AllthesepeoplehadmademewhatIhadbecome.”AmyCharnay,anutritionistandherbalistinherthirties,cameto

Hopkinsafteracrisis.Anavidrunner,shehadbeenstudyingforestecologywhenshefellfromatreeandshatteredherankle,endingbothherrunningandherforestrycareers.Intheearlymomentsofherjourney,Amywasovercomebywavesofguiltandfear.“ThevisualIhadwasfromthe1800sandIwasuponthisstage.Two

peoplenexttomewereslippinganoosearoundmyneckwhileacrowdof

peoplewatched,cheeringformydeath.Ifeltdrenchedwithguilt,justterrified.Iwasinahellrealm.AndIrememberBillasking,‘What’sgoingon?’“‘I’mexperiencingalotofguilt.’Billreplied,‘That’saverycommon

humanexperience,’andwiththat,thewholeimageofbeinghangedpixilatedandthenjustdisappeared,tobereplacedbythistremendoussensationoffreedomandinterconnectedness.Thiswashugeforme.IsawthatifIcannameandadmitafeeling,confessittosomeone,itwouldletgo.Alittleolderandwiser,nowIcandothisformyself.”Sometimelater,Charnayfoundherselfflyingaroundtheworldand

throughtimeperchedonthebackofabird.“Iwasawareenoughtoknowmybodywasonthecouch,butIwasleavingmybodyandexperiencingthesethingsfirsthand.Ifoundmyselfinadrummingcirclewithanindigenoustribesomewhere,andIwasbeinghealedbutwasalsobeingthehealer.Thiswasveryprofoundforme.Nothavingthattraditionallineage[ofahealer],IhadalwaysfeltlikeIwasaphonydoingplantmedicine,butthismademeseeIwasconnectedtotheplantsandtopeoplewhouseplants,whetherforritualsorpsychedelicsorsalad!”Duringasubsequentsession,Charnayreconnectedwithaboyfriend

fromheryouthwhohaddiedinacaraccidentatnineteen.“AllofasuddenthereisapieceofPhillivinginmyleftshoulder.I’veneverhadanexperiencelikethat,butitwassoreal.Idon’tknowwhyhe’syellowandlivesinmyleftshoulder—whatdoesthatevenmean?—butIdon’tcare.He’sbackwithme.”Suchreconnectionswiththedeadarenotuncommon.RichardBoothby,whosetwenty-three-year-oldsonhadcommittedsuicideayearearlierafteryearsofdrugaddiction,toldme,“Oliverwasmorepresenttomenowthanhehadeverbeenbefore.”Thesupremeimportanceofsurrenderingtotheexperience,however

frighteningorbizarre,isstressedinthepreparatorysessionsandfigureslargelyinmanypeople’sjourneys,andbeyond.Boothby,thephilosopher,tooktheadvicetoheartandfoundthathecouldusetheideaasakindoftooltoshapetheexperienceinrealtime.Hewrote:

EarlyonIbegantoperceivethattheeffectsofthedrugrespondstrikinglytomyownsubjectivedetermination.If,inresponsetotheswellingintensityofthewholeexperience,Ibegantotenseupwithanxiety,thewholesceneappearsto

tighteninsomeway.ButifIthenconsciouslyremindmyselftorelax,toletmyselfgointotheexperience,theeffectisdramatic.ThespaceinwhichIseemtofindmyself,alreadyenormous,suddenlyyawnsopenevenfurtherandtheshapesthatundulatebeforemyeyesappeartoexplodewithnewandevenmoreextravagantpatterns.OverandoveragainIhadtheoverwhelmingsenseofinfinitybeingmultipliedbyanotherinfinity.IjokedtomywifeasshedrovemehomethatIfeltasifIhadbeenrepeatedlysuckedintotheassholeofGod.

Boothbyhadwhatsoundsverymuchlikeaclassicmysticalexperience,thoughhemaybethefirstinthelonglineofWesternmysticstoenterthedivinerealmthroughthatparticularaperture.

AtthedepthsofthisdeliriumIconceivedthatIwaseitherdyingor,mostbizarrely,Iwasalreadydead.Allpointsofsecureattachmenttoatrustworthysenseofrealityhadfallenaway.WhynotthinkthatIamdead?Andifthisisdying,Ithought,thensobeit.HowcanIsaynotothis?

Atthispoint,atthegreatestdepthoftheexperience,Ifeltallmyorganizingcategoriesofopposition—dreamingandwakefulness,lifeanddeath,insideandoutside,selfandother—collapseintoeachother...Realityappearedtofoldinonitself,toimplodeinakindofecstaticcatastropheoflogic.YetinthemidstofthishallucinatoryhurricaneIwashavingaweirdexperienceofultra-sublimity.AndIrememberrepeatingtomyselfagainandagain,“Nothingmatters,nothingmattersanymore.Iseethepoint!Nothingmattersatall.”

Andthenitwasover.

Duringthelastfewhours,realitybeganslowly,effortlessly,tostitchitselfbacktogether.Insyncwithsomeparticularlywowingchoralmusic,Ihadanincrediblymovingsenseof

triumphantreawakening,asifanewdayweredawningafteralongandharrowingnight.

•••

ATTHESAMETIMEIwasinterviewingRichardBoothbyandhisfellowvolunteers,IwasreadingWilliamJames’saccountofmysticalconsciousnessinTheVarietiesofReligiousExperienceinthehopeoforientingmyself.AndindeedmuchofwhatJameshadtosayhelpedmegetmybearingsamidthetorrentofwordsandimagesIwascollecting.Jamesprefacedhisdiscussionofmysticalstatesofconsciousnessbyadmittingthat“myownconstitutionshutsmeoutfromtheirenjoymentalmostentirely.”Almostentirely:whatJamesknowsaboutmysticalstateswasgleanednotjustfromhisreadingbutalsofromhisownexperimentswithdrugs,includingnitrousoxide.Ratherthanattempttodefinesomethingasdifficulttograbholdofas

amysticalexperience,Jamesoffersfour“marks”bywhichwemayrecognizeone.Thefirstand,tohismind,“handiest”isineffability:“Thesubjectofitimmediatelysaysthatitdefiesexpression,thatnoadequatereportofitscontentscanbegiveninwords.”WiththepossibleexceptionofBoothby,allthevolunteersIspoketoatonepointoranotherdespairedofconveyingthefullforceofwhattheyhadexperienced,gamelythoughtheytried.“Youhadtobethere”wasaregularrefrain.ThenoeticqualityisJames’ssecondmark:“Mysticalstatesseemto

thosewhoexperiencethemtobealsostatesofknowledge...Theyareilluminations,revelationsfullofsignificanceandimportance...andasaruletheycarrywiththemacurioussenseofauthority.”ForeveryvolunteerI’veinterviewed,theexperienceyieldedmany

moreanswersthanquestions,and—curiouslyforwhatisafteralladrugexperience—theseanswershadaboutthemaremarkablesturdinessanddurability.JohnHayes,apsychotherapistinhisfiftieswhowasoneofthefirstvolunteersatHopkins,

feltlikemysterieswerebeingunveiledandyetitallfeltfamiliarandmorelikeIwasbeingremindedofthingsIhad

alreadyknown.Ihadasenseofinitiationintodimensionsofexistencemostpeopleneverknowexist,includingthedistinctsensethatdeathwasillusory,inthesensethatitisadoorwewalkthroughintoanotherplaneofexistence,thatwe’resprungfromaneternitytowhichwewillreturn.

Whichistrueenough,Isuppose,buttosomeonehavingamysticalexperience,suchaninsightacquirestheforceofrevealedtruth.Somanyofthespecificinsightsgleanedduringthepsychedelic

journeyexistonaknife-edgepoisedbetweenprofundityandutterbanality.Boothby,anintellectualwithahighlydevelopedsenseofirony,struggledtoputwordstothedeeptruthsabouttheessenceofourhumanityrevealedtohimduringoneofhispsilocybinjourneys.

Ihaveattimesbeenalmostembarrassedbythem,asiftheygivevoicetoacosmicvisionofthetriumphoflovethatoneassociatesderisivelywiththeplatitudesofHallmarkcards.Allthesame,thebasicinsightsaffordedtomeduringthesessionstillseemforthemostpartcompelling.

Whatwasthephilosophyprofessor’scompellinginsight?

“Loveconquersall.”

Jamestouchesonthebanalityofthesemysticalinsights:“thatdeepenedsenseofthesignificanceofamaximorformulawhichoccasionallysweepsoverone.‘I’veheardthatsaidallmylife,’weexclaim,‘butIneverrealizeditsfullmeaninguntilnow.’”Themysticaljourneyseemstoofferagraduateeducationintheobvious.Yetpeoplecomeoutoftheexperienceunderstandingtheseplatitudesinanewway;whatwasmerelyknownisnowfelt,takesontheauthorityofadeeplyrootedconviction.And,moreoftenthannot,thatconvictionconcernsthesupremeimportanceoflove.KarinSokel,alifecoachandenergyhealerinherfifties,describedan

experience“thatchangedeverythingandopenedmeprofoundly.”Atthe

climaxofherjourney,shehadanencounterwithagodwhocalledhimself“IAm.”Initspresence,sherecalled,“everyoneofmychakraswasexploding.Andthentherewasthislight,itwasthepurelightofloveanddivinity,anditwaswithmeandnowordswereneeded.IwasinthepresenceofthisabsolutepuredivineloveandIwasmergingwithit,inthisexplosionofenergy...Justtalkingaboutitmyfingersaregettingelectric.Itsortofpenetratedme.Thecoreofourbeing,Inowknew,islove.Atthepeakoftheexperience,IwasliterallyholdingthefaceofOsamabinLaden,lookingintohiseyes,feelingpurelovefromhimandgivingittohim.Thecoreisnotevil,itislove.IhadthesameexperiencewithHitler,andthensomeonefromNorthKorea.SoIthinkwearedivine.Thisisnotintellectual,thisisacoreknowingness.”IaskedSokelwhatmadehersosurethiswasn’tadreamordrug-

inducedfantasy—asuggestionthatprovednomatchforhernoeticsense.“Thiswasnodream.ThiswasasrealasyouandIhavingthisconversation.Iwouldn’thaveunderstooditeitherifIhadn’thadthedirectexperience.NowitishardwiredinmybrainsoIcanconnecttoitanddooften.”ThislastpointJamesalludestoinhisdiscussionofthethirdmarkof

mysticalconsciousness,whichis“transiency.”Foralthoughthemysticalstatecannotbesustainedforlong,itstracespersistandrecur,“andfromonerecurrencetoanotheritissusceptibleofcontinuousdevelopmentinwhatisfeltasinnerrichnessandimportance.”ThefourthandlastmarkinJames’stypologyistheessential

“passivity”ofthemysticalexperience.“Themysticfeelsasifhisownwillwereinabeyance,andindeedsometimesasifheweregraspedandheldbyasuperiorpower.”Thissenseofhavingtemporarilysurrenderedtoasuperiorforceoftenleavesthepersonfeelingasifheorshehasbeenpermanentlytransformed.FormostoftheHopkinsvolunteersIinterviewed,theirpsilocybin

journeyshadtakenplacetenorfifteenyearsearlier,andyettheireffectswerestillkeenlyfelt,insomecasesonadailybasis.“PsilocybinawakenedmylovingcompassionandgratitudeinawayIhadneverexperiencedbefore,”apsychologistwhoaskednottobenamedtoldmewhenIaskedheraboutlastingeffects.“Trust,Lettinggo,Openness,andBeingwerethetouchstonesoftheexperienceforme.NowIknowthesethings

insteadofjustbelieving.”ShehadturnedBillRichards’sflightinstructionsintoamanualforliving.RichardBoothbydidmuchthesamething,convertinghisinsight

aboutlettinggointoakindofethic:

Duringmysessionthisartofrelaxationitselfbecamethebasisofanimmenserevelation,asitsuddenlyappearedtomethatsomethinginthespiritofthisrelaxation,somethingintheachievementofaperfect,trustingandlovingopennessofspirit,istheveryessenceandpurposeoflife.Ourtaskinlifeconsistspreciselyinaformoflettinggooffearandexpectations,anattempttopurelygiveoneselftotheimpactofthepresent.

JohnHayes,thepsychotherapist,emergedwith“hissenseoftheconcretedestabilized,”replacedbyaconviction“thatthere’sarealitybeneaththerealityofordinaryperceptions.Itinformedmycosmology—thatthereisaworldbeyondthisone.”Hayesparticularlyrecommendstheexperiencetopeopleinmiddleageforwhom,asCarlJungsuggested,experienceofthenuminouscanhelpthemnegotiatethesecondhalfoftheirlives.Hayesadded,“Iwouldnotrecommendittoyoungpeople.”Charnay’sjourneyatHopkinssolidifiedhercommitmenttoherbal

medicine(shenowworksforasupplementmakerinNorthernCalifornia);italsoconfirmedherinadecisiontodivorceherhusband.“Everythingwasnowsocleartome.Icameoutofthesession,andmyhusbandwaslatetopickmeup.Irealized,thisisthethemewithus.We’rejustreallydifferentpeople.Ijustgotmyasskickedtoday,andIneededhimtobeontime.”Shebrokethenewstohiminthecargoinghomeandhasnotlookedback.Tolistentothesepeopledescribethechangesintheirlivesinspiredby

theirpsilocybinjourneysistowonderiftheHopkinssessionroomisn’takindof“humantransformationfactory,”asMaryCosimano,theguidewhohasprobablyspentmoretimetherethananyoneelse,describedittome.“Fromnowon,”onevolunteertoldme,“Ithinkofmylifeasbeforeandafterpsilocybin.”Soonafterhispsilocybinexperience,BrianTurner,thephysicist,quithisjobwiththemilitarycontractorandmovedto

ColoradotostudyZen.Hehadhadameditationpracticebeforepsilocybin,but“nowIhadthemotivation,becauseIhadtastedthedestination”;hewaswillingtodothehardworkofZennowthathehadgottenapreviewofthenewmodesofconsciousnessitcouldmakeavailabletohim.TurnerisnowanordainedZenmonk,yetheisalsostillaphysicist,

workingforacompanythatmakesheliumneonlasers.Iaskedhimifhefeltanytensionbetweenhisscienceandhisspiritualpractice.“Idon’tfeelthere’sacontradiction.YetwhathappenedatHopkinshasinfluencedmyphysics.Irealizetherearejustsomedomainsthatsciencewillnotpenetrate.Sciencecanbringyoutothebigbang,butitcan’ttakeyoubeyondit.Youneedadifferentkindofapparatustopeerintothat.”Theseanecdotalreportsofpersonaltransformationfoundstrong

supportinafollow-upstudydoneonthefirstgroupsofhealthynormalsstudiedatHopkins.KatherineMacLean,apsychologistontheHopkinsteam,crunchedthesurveydataproducedbyfifty-twovolunteers,includingfollow-upinterviewswithfriendsandfamilymemberstheyhaddesignated,anddiscoveredthatinmanycasesthepsilocybinexperiencehadledtolastingchangesintheirpersonalities.Specifically,thosevolunteerswhohad“completemysticalexperiences”(asdeterminedbytheirscoresonthePahnke-RichardsMysticalExperienceQuestionnaire)showed,inadditiontolastingimprovementsinwell-being,long-termincreasesinthepersonalitytraitof“opennesstoexperience.”Oneofthefivetraitspsychologistsusetoassesspersonality(theotherfourareconscientiousness,extroversion,agreeableness,andneuroticism),opennessencompassesaestheticappreciationandsensitivity,fantasyandimagination,aswellastoleranceofothers’viewpointsandvalues;italsopredictscreativityinboththeartsandthesciences,aswellas,presumably,awillingnesstoentertainideasatoddswiththoseofcurrentscience.Suchpronouncedandlastingchangesinthepersonalitiesofadultsarerare.Yetnotalltheseshiftsinthedirectionofgreateropennesswere

confinedtothevolunteersintheHopkinsexperiments;thesitters,too,speakofhavingbeenchangedbytheexperienceofwitnessingthesejourneys,sometimesinsurprisingways.KatherineMacLean,whoguideddozensofsessionsduringhertimeatHopkins,toldme,“Istartedoutontheatheistside,butIbeganseeingthingseverydayinmyworkthatwere

atoddswiththisbelief.MyworldbecamemoreandmoremysteriousasIsatwithpeopleonpsilocybin.”DuringmylastinterviewwithRichardBoothby,towardtheendofa

leisurelySundaybrunchatthemodernartmuseuminBaltimore,helookedatmewithanexpressionthatmixedanalmostevangelicalfervoraboutthe“treasures”hehadglimpsedatHopkinswithameasureofpityforhisstill-hallucinogen-naiveinterlocutor.“Idon’tblameyouforbeingenvious.”

•••

MYENCOUNTERSwiththeHopkinsvolunteershadindeedleftmefeelingsomewhatenvious,butalsowithagreatmanymorequestionsthananswers.Howarewetoevaluatethe“insights”thesepeoplebringbackfromtheirpsychedelicjourneys?Whatsortofauthorityshouldwegrantthem?Whereintheworlddoesthematerialthatmakesupthesewakingdreamsor,asonevolunteerputit,“intrapsychicmovies,”comefrom?Theunconscious?Fromthesuggestionsoftheirguidesandthesettingoftheexperiment?Or,asmanyofthevolunteersbelieve,fromsomewhere“outthere”or“beyond”?Whatdothesemysticalstatesofconsciousnessultimatelymeanforourunderstandingofeitherthehumanmindortheuniverse?Forhispart,RolandGriffiths’sownencounterswiththevolunteersin

the2006studyreignitedhispassionforscience,buttheyalsolefthimwithadeeperrespectforallthatsciencedoesnotknow—forwhatheiscontenttocall“themysteries.”“Formethedata[fromthosefirstsessions]were...Idon’twantto

usethewordmind-blowing,butitwasunprecedentedthekindsofthingswewereseeingthere,intermsofthedeepmeaningandlastingspiritualsignificanceoftheseeffects.I’vegivenlotsofdrugstolotsofpeople,andwhatyougetaredrugexperiences.What’suniqueaboutthepsychedelicsisthemeaningthatcomesoutoftheexperience.”Yethowrealisthatmeaning?Griffithshimselfisagnostic,but

strikinglyopen-minded,evenabouthisvolunteers’firsthandreportsofa“beyond,”howevertheydefineit.“I’mwillingtoholdthepossibilitythese

experiencesmayormaynotbetrue,”hetoldme.“Theexcitingpartistousethetoolswehavetoexploreandpickapartthismystery.”Notallofhiscolleaguessharehisopen-mindedness.Duringoneofour

meetings,overbreakfastonthesunporchofhismodestranchhouseinsuburbanBaltimore,GriffithsmentionedacolleagueatHopkins,aprominentpsychiatristnamedPaulMcHugh,whodismissesthepsychedelicexperienceasnothingmorethanaformof“toxicdelirium.”HeencouragedmetogoogleMcHugh.“Doctorsencounterthisstrangeandcolorfulstateofmindinpatients

sufferingfromadvancedhepatic,renal,orpulmonarydisease,inwhichtoxicproductsaccumulateinthebodyanddotothebrainandmindjustwhatLSDdoes,”McHughhadwritteninareviewofabookabouttheHarvardPsilocybinProjectinCommentary.“Thevividnessofcolorperception,themergingofphysicalsensations,thehallucinations,thedisorientationandlossofasenseoftime,thedelusionaljoysandterrorsthatcomeandgoevokingunpredictablefeelingsandbehaviors—aresadlyfamiliarsymptomsdoctorsarecalledtotreatinhospitalseveryday.”Griffithsadmitsitispossiblethatwhathe’sseeingissomeformof

temporarypsychosis,andheplanstotestfordeliriuminanupcomingexperiment,butheseriouslydoubtsthatdiagnosisaccuratelydescribeswhatisgoingonwithhisvolunteers.“Patientssufferingfromdeliriumfinditreallyunpleasant,”hepointsout,“andtheycertainlydon’treportmonthslater,‘Wow,thatwasoneofthegreatestandmostmeaningfulexperiencesofmylife.’”WilliamJamesgrappledwiththesequestionsofveracityinhis

discussiononmysticalstatesofconsciousness.Heconcludedthattheimportoftheseexperiencesis,andshouldbe,“authoritativeovertheindividualstowhomtheycome”butthatthereisnoreasontherestofusmust“accepttheirrevelationsuncritically.”Andyethebelievedthattheverypossibilitypeoplecanexperiencethesestatesofconsciousnessshouldbearonourunderstandingofthemindandworld:“Theexistenceofmysticalstatesabsolutelyoverthrowsthepretensionofnon-mysticalstatestobethesoleandultimatedictatorsofwhatwemaybelieve.”Thesealternateformsofconsciousness“might,inspiteofalltheperplexity,beindispensablestagesinourapproachtothefinalfullnessofthetruth.”Hedetectedinsuchexperiences,inwhichthemind“ascend[s]toamoreenvelopingpointofview,”hintsofagrandmetaphysical

“reconciliation”:“Itisasiftheoppositesoftheworld,whosecontradictorinessandconflictmakeallourdifficultiesandtroubles,weremeltedintounity.”Thisultimateunity,hesuspected,wasnomeredelusion.

•••

ROLANDGRIFFITHStodaysoundslikeascientistdeeplycommitted—orratherrecommitted—tohisresearch.“IdescribedtoyouhowwhenIfirstgotintomeditation,Ifeltdisconnectedfrommyworklifeandconsidereddroppingitentirely.IwouldsayI’mnowreengagedinawaythat’smoreintegratedthanithaseverbeen.I’mmoreinterestedinthefinalquestionsandexistentialtruthsandwiththesenseofwell-being,compassion,andlovethatcomefromthesepractices.NowI’mbringingthesegiftstothelaboratory.Anditfeelsgreat.”Theideathatwecannowapproachmysticalstatesofconsciousness

withthetoolsofscienceiswhatgetsRolandGriffithsoutofbedinthemorning.“Asascientificphenomenon,ifyoucancreateaconditioninwhich70percentofpeoplewillsaytheyhavehadoneofthemostmeaningfulexperiencesoftheirlives...well,asascientistthat’sjustincredible.”Forhimtheimportofthe2006resultisthatitproved“wecannowdoprospectivestudies”ofmysticalstatesofconsciousness“becausewecanoccasionthemwithahighdegreeofprobability.That’sthewaysciencegainsrealtraction.”Hebelievesthepsilocybinworkhasopenedawholenewfrontierofhumanconsciousnesstoscientificexploration.“Idescribemyselfasakidinacandyshop.”ThegambleRolandGriffithstookwithhiscareerin1998,whenhe

decidedtodevotehimselftotheinvestigationofpsychedelicsandmysticalexperience,hasalreadypaidoff.Amonthbeforeourbreakfast,GriffithshadreceivedtheEddyAwardfromtheCollegeonProblemsofDrugDependence,perhapsthemostprestigiouslifetimeachievementprizeinthefield.ThenominatorsallcitedGriffiths’spsychedelicworkasoneofhissignalcontributions.Thescopeofthatworkhasexpandedsignificantlysincethe2006paper;whenIlastvisitedHopkins,in2015,sometwentypeoplewereworkingonvariousstudiesinvolvingpsychedelics.NotsinceSpringGrovehastherebeensuchstrong

institutionalsupportforthestudyofpsychedelics,andneverbeforehasaninstitutionofHopkins’sreputationdevotedsomanyresourcestowhatis,afterall,thestudyofmysticalstatesofconsciousness.TheHopkinslabremainskeenlyinterestedinexploringspirituality

andthe“bettermentofwellpeople”—therearetrialsunderwaygivingpsilocybintolong-termmeditatorsandreligiousprofessionals—butthetransformativeeffectofthemysticalexperiencehasobvioustherapeuticimplicationsthatthelabhasbeeninvestigating.Completedstudiessuggestthatpsilocybin—orratherthemysticalstateofconsciousnessthatpsilocybinoccasions—maybeusefulintreatingbothaddiction(apilotstudyinsmokingcessationachievedan80percentsuccessrate,whichisunprecedented)andtheexistentialdistressthatoftendebilitatespeoplefacingaterminaldiagnosis.Whenwelastmet,Griffithswasabouttosubmitanarticlereportingstrikingresultsinthelab’strialusingpsilocybintotreattheanxietyanddepressionofcancerpatients;thestudyfoundoneofthelargesttreatmenteffectseverdemonstratedforapsychiatricintervention.Themajorityofvolunteerswhohadamysticalexperiencereportedthattheirfearofdeathhadeithergreatlydiminishedorcompletelydisappeared.Onceagain,hardquestionsariseaboutthemeaningandauthorityof

suchexperiences,especiallyonesthatappeartoconvincepeoplethatconsciousnessisnotconfinedtobrainsandmightsomehowsurviveourdeaths.YeteventoquestionsofthiskindGriffithsbringsanopenandcuriousmind.“ThephenomenologyoftheseexperiencesissoprofoundlyreorganizingandprofoundlycompellingthatI’mwillingtoholdthere’samysteryherewecan’tunderstand.”Griffithshasclearlytraveledalongwayfromthestrictbehaviorism

thatonceinformedhisscientificworldview;theexperienceofalternatestatesofconsciousness,bothhisownandthoseofhisvolunteers,hasopenedhimtopossibilitiesaboutwhichfewscientistswilldarespeakopenly.“Sowhathappensafteryoudie?AllIneedisonepercent[of

uncertainty].Ican’tthinkofanythingmoreinterestingthanwhatImayormaynotdiscoveratthetimeIdie.That’sthemostinterestingquestiongoing.”Forthatreason,heferventlyhopesheisn’thitbyabusbutratherhasenoughtimeto“savor”theexperiencewithoutthedistractionofpain.“Westernmaterialismsaystheswitchgetsturnedoffandthat’sit.But

therearesomanyotherdescriptions.Itcouldbeabeginning!Wouldn’tthatbeamazing?”ThisiswhenGriffithsturnedthetablesandstartedaskingmeabout

myownspiritualoutlook,questionsforwhichIwascompletelyunprepared.“Howsureareyouthereisnothingafterdeath?”heasked.Idemurred,

buthepersisted.“Whatdoyouthinkthechancesarethereissomethingbeyonddeath?Inpercentages.”“Oh,Idon’tknow,”Istammered.“Twoorthreepercent?”TothisdayI

havenoideawherethatestimatecamefrom,butGriffithsseizedonit.“That’salot!”SoIturnedthetablebackagain,putthesamequestiontohim.“Idon’tknowifIwanttoanswerit,”hesaidwithalaugh,glancingat

mytaperecorder.“ItdependsonwhichhatI’mwearing.”RolandGriffithshadmorethanonehat!Ionlyhadone,Irealized,and

thatmademefeelalittlejealous.Comparedwithmanyscientists—orforthatmattermanyspiritual

types—RolandGriffithspossessesalargemeasureofwhatKeats,referringtoShakespeare,describedas“negativecapability,”theabilitytoexistamiduncertainties,mysteries,anddoubtwithoutreachingforabsolutes,whetherthoseofscienceorspirituality.“ItmakesnomoresensetosayI’m100percentconvincedofamaterialworldviewthantosayI’m100percentconvincedoftheliteralversionoftheBible.”Atourlastmeeting,adinneratabistroinhisBaltimore

neighborhood,ItriedtoengageGriffithsinadiscussionoftheostensibleconflictbetweenscienceandspirituality.IaskedhimifheagreedwithE.O.Wilson,whohaswrittenthatallofusmustultimatelychoose:eitherthepathofscienceorthepathofspirituality.ButGriffithsdoesn’tseethetwowaysofknowingasmutuallyexclusiveandhaslittlepatienceforabsolutistsoneithersideofthesupposeddivide.Rather,hehopesthetwowayscaninformeachotherandcorrecteachother’sdefects,andinthatexchangehelpustoposeandthen,possibly,answerthebigquestionsweface.IthenreadtohimaletterfromHustonSmith,thescholarofcomparativereligionwhoin1962hadvolunteeredinWalterPahnke’sGoodFridayExperiment.ItwaswrittentoBobJesseshortlyafterthepublicationofGriffiths’slandmark2006paper;Jessehadshareditwithme.

“TheJohnsHopkinsexperimentshows—proves—thatundercontrolled,experimentalconditions,psilocybincanoccasiongenuinemysticalexperiences.Itusesscience,whichmodernitytrusts,tounderminemodernity’ssecularism.Indoingso,itoffershopeofnothinglessthanare-sacralizationofthenaturalandsocialworld,aspiritualrevivalthatisourbestdefenseagainstnotonlysoullessness,butagainstreligiousfanaticism.Anditdoessointheveryteethoftheunscientificprejudicesbuiltintoourcurrentdruglaws.”AsIreadSmith’sletteraloud,asmilebloomedacrossGriffiths’sface;

hewasclearlymovedbuthadlittletoaddexcepttosay,“That’sbeautiful.”

CHAPTERTWO

NATURALHISTORY

Bemushroomed

ATTHEENDofmyfirstmeetingwithRolandGriffiths,thesessioninhisJohnsHopkinsofficewhereheengagedmeonthetopicsofhisownmysticalexperience,myassessmentoftheoddsofanafterlife,andthepotentialofpsilocybintochangepeople’slives,thescientiststoodupfromhisdesk,unfoldinghislankyframe,andreachedintothepocketofhistrouserstotakeoutasmallmedallion.“Alittlegiftforyou,”heexplained.“Butfirst,youmustanswera

question.“Atthismoment,”Griffithsbegan,lockingmeinfirmeyecontact,“are

youawarethatyouareaware?”Perplexed,Ithoughtforalong,self-consciousmomentandthenrepliedintheaffirmative.Thismusthavebeenthecorrectanswer,becauseGriffithshandedmethecoin.Ononesidewasaquartetoftall,slender,curvingPsilocybecubensis,oneofthemorecommonspeciesofmagicmushroom.OnthebackwasaquotationfromWilliamBlakethat,itoccurredtomelater,neatlyalignedthewayofthescientistwiththatofthemystic:“Thetruemethodofknowledgeisexperiment.”ItseemsthattheprevioussummerRolandGriffithshadgoneforthe

firsttimetoBurningMan(hadIheardofit?),andwhenhelearnedthatnomoneyisexchangedinthetemporarycity,onlygifts,hehadthemushroommedallionsmintedsohewouldhavesomethingsuitabletogiveawayortrade.Now,hegivesthecoinstovolunteersintheresearchprogramasapartinggift.Griffithshadsurprisedmeonceagain.Ortwice.First,thatthescientisthadattendedthearts-and-psychedelicsfestivalintheNevadadesert.And,second,thathehadseenfitinchoosinghisgifttohonorthepsilocybinmushroomitself.

Ononelevel,amushroommedallionmadeperfectsense:themoleculethatGriffithsandhiscolleagueshavebeenworkingwithforthelastfifteenyearsdoes,afterall,comefromafungus.Boththemushroomanditspsychoactivecompoundwereunknowntoscienceuntilthe1950s,whenthepsilocybinmushroomwasdiscoveredinsouthernMexico,whereMazatecIndianshadbeenusing“thefleshofthegods,”insecret,forhealinganddivinationsincebeforetheSpanishconquest.Yet,apartfromthedecorativeceramicmushroomontheshelfinthesessionroom,therearefewifanyremindersof“magicmushrooms”inthelab.NooneIspoketoatHopkinsevermentionedtheratherastonishingfactthatthelife-changingexperiencestheirvolunteerswerereportingowedtotheactionofachemicalcompoundfoundinnature—inamushroom.Inthelaboratorycontext,itcanbeeasytolosesightofthis

astonishment.Allofthescientistsdoingpsychedelicresearchtodayworkexclusivelywithasyntheticversionofthepsilocybinmolecule.(Themushroom’spsychoactivecompoundwasfirstidentified,synthesized,andnamedinthelate1950sbyAlbertHofmann,theSwisschemistwhodiscoveredLSD.)Sothevolunteersingestalittlewhitepillmadeinalab,ratherthanahandfulofgnarlyandacrid-tastingmushrooms.Theirjourneysunfoldinalandscapeofmedicalsuitespopulated,figurativelyspeaking,bymenandwomeninwhitecoats.Isupposethisistheusualdistancingeffectofmodernscienceatwork,buthereitiscompoundedbyaspecificdesiretodistancepsilocybinfromitstangledroots(orIshouldsay,mycelia)intheworldsof1960scounterculture,NativeAmericanshamanism,and,perhaps,natureitself.Foritisthere—innature—thatwebumpupagainstthemysteryofalittlebrownmushroomwiththepowertochangetheconsciousnessoftheanimalsthateatit.LSDtoo,itiseasytoforget,wasderivedfromafungus,Clavicepspurpurea,orergot.Somehow,forsomereason,theseremarkablemushroomsproduce,inadditiontospores,meaningsinhumanminds.InthecourseofmydaysspenthangingaroundtheHopkinslaband

hoursspentinterviewingpeopleabouttheirpsilocybinjourneys,Ibecameincreasinglycurioustoexplorethisotherterritory—thatis,thenaturalhistoryofthesemushroomsandtheirstrangepowers.Wheredidthesemushroomsgrow,andhow?Whydidtheyevolvetheabilitytoproduceachemicalcompoundsocloselyrelatedtoserotonin,theneurotransmitter,thatitcanslipacrosstheblood-brainbarrierand

temporarilytakechargeofthemammalianbrain?Wasitadefensechemical,intendedtopoisonmushroomeaters?Thatwouldseemtobethemoststraightforwardexplanation,yetitisunderminedbythefactthefungusproducesthehallucinogenalmostexclusivelyinits“fruitingbody”—thatpartoftheorganismitishappiesttohaveeaten.Wasthereperhapssomebenefittothemushroominbeingabletochangethemindsoftheanimalsthateatit?*Therewerealsothemorephilosophicalquestionsposedbythe

existenceofafungusthatcouldnotonlychangeconsciousnessbutoccasionaprofoundmysticalexperienceinhumans.Thisfactcanbeinterpretedintwocompletelydifferentways.Onthefirstinterpretation,themind-alteringpowerofpsilocybinarguesforafirmlymaterialistunderstandingofconsciousnessandspirituality,becausethechangesobservedinthemindcanbetraceddirectlytothepresenceofachemical—psilocybin.Whatismorematerialthanachemical?Onecouldreasonablyconcludefromtheactionofpsychedelicsthatthegodsarenothingmorethanchemicallyinducedfigmentsofthehominidimagination.Yet,surprisingly,mostofthepeoplewhohavehadtheseexperiences

don’tseethematterthatwayatall.Eventhemostsecularamongthemcomeawayfromtheirjourneysconvincedthereexistssomethingthattranscendsamaterialunderstandingofreality:somesortofa“Beyond.”It’snotthattheydenyanaturalisticbasisforthisrevelation;theyjustinterpretitdifferently.Iftheexperienceoftranscendenceismediatedbymoleculesthatflow

throughbothourbrainsandthenaturalworldofplantsandfungi,thenperhapsnatureisnotasmuteasSciencehastoldus,and“Spirit,”howeverdefined,existsoutthere—isimmanentinnature,inotherwords,justascountlesspremoderncultureshavebelieved.Whattomy(spirituallyimpoverished)mindseemedtoconstituteagoodcaseforthedisenchantmentoftheworldbecomesinthemindsofthemorepsychedelicallyexperiencedirrefutableproofofitsfundamentalenchantment.Fleshofthegods,indeed.Soherewasacuriousparadox.Thesamephenomenonthatpointedto

amaterialistexplanationforspiritualandreligiousbeliefgavepeopleanexperiencesopowerfulitconvincedthemoftheexistenceofanonmaterialreality—theverybasisofreligiousbelief.

IhopedthatgettingtoknowthepsychoactiveLBMs(mycologistshorthandfor“littlebrownmushrooms”)atthebottomofthisparadoxmightclarifythematteror,perhaps,somehowdissolveit.Iwasalreadysomethingofamushroomhunter,secureinmyabilitytoidentifyahandfulofediblewoodlandspecies(chanterelles,morels,blacktrumpets,andporcini)withahighenoughdegreeofconfidencetoeatwhatIfound.However,IhadbeentoldbyallmyteachersthattheworldofLBMswasfarmoredauntinginitscomplexityandperil;manyifnotmostofthespeciesthatcankillyouareLBMs.Butperhapswithsomeexpertguidance,IcouldaddaPsilocybeortwotomymushroomhuntingrepertoireandintheprocessbegintounpackthemysteryoftheirexistenceandspookypowers.

•••

THEREWASNEVERanydoubtwhocouldbesthelpmeonthisquest,assuminghewaswilling.PaulStamets,amycologistfromWashingtonStatewholiterallywrotethebookonthegenusPsilocybe,*intheformoftheauthoritative1996fieldguidePsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld.Stametshashimself“published”—thatis,identifiedanddescribedinapeer-reviewedjournal—fournewspeciesofPsilocybe,includingazurescens,namedforhissonAzureus*andthemostpotentspeciesyetknown.ButwhileStametsisoneofthecountry’smostrespectedmycologists,heworksentirelyoutsidetheacademy,hasnograduatedegree,fundsmostofhisownresearch,*andholdsviewsoftheroleoffungiinnaturethatarewelloutsidethescientificmainstreamandthat,hewillgladlytellyou,owetoinsightsgrantedtohimbythemushroomsthemselves,inthecourseofbothclosestudyandregularingestion.I’veknownStametsforyears,thoughnotverywellandalwaysfrom

whatIconfesshasbeenasomewhatskepticaldistance.Hisextravagantclaimsforthepowersofmushroomsandeyebrow-elevatingboastsabouthismushroomworkwithinstitutionslikeDARPA(thePentagon’sDefenseAdvancedResearchProjectsAgency)andNIH(theNationalInstitutesofHealth)areboundtosetoffajournalist’sbullshitdetector,rightlyor—asoftenhappensinhiscase—wrongly.

Overtheyears,we’vefoundourselvesatsomeofthesameconferences,soI’vehadseveralopportunitiestohearhistalks,whichconsistofabeguiling(oftenbrilliant)mash-upofhardscienceandvisionaryspeculation,withthelinebetweenthetwooftenimpossibletodiscern.His2008TEDtalk,whichisrepresentative,hasbeenviewedonlinemorethanfourmilliontimes.Stamets,whowasbornin1955inSalem,Ohio,isabighairymanwith

abeardandabearishmien;IwasnotsurprisedtolearnheonceworkedasalumberjackinthePacificNorthwest.Onstage,heusuallywearswhatappearstobeafelthatinthealpinestylebutwhich,ashe’llexplain,isinfactmadeinTransylvaniafromsomethingcalledamadou,thespongyinnerlayerofthehorse’shooffungus(Fomesfomentarius),apolyporethatgrowsonseveralspeciesofdeadordyingtrees.Amadouisflammableandinancienttimeswasusedtostartandtransportfires.Ötzi,thefive-thousand-year-old“IceMan”foundmummifiedinanalpineglacierin1991,wascarryingapouchinwhichhehadapieceofamadou.Becauseofitsantimicrobialproperties,Fomesfomentariuswasalsousedtodresswoundsandpreservefood.Stametsissodeepintotheworldoffungithere’sfrequentlyoneperchedontopofhishead.Fungiconstitutethemostpoorlyunderstoodandunderappreciated

kingdomoflifeonearth.Thoughindispensabletothehealthoftheplanet(asrecyclersoforganicmatterandbuildersofsoil),theyarethevictimsnotonlyofourdisregardbutofadeep-seatedillwill,amycophobiathatStametsdeemsaformof“biologicalracism.”Leavingasidetheirreputationforpoisoningus,thisissurprisinginthatwearecloser,geneticallyspeaking,tothefungalkingdomthantothatoftheplants.Likeus,theyliveofftheenergythatplantsharvestfromthesun.Stametshasmadeithislife’sworktorightthiswrong,byspeakingoutontheirbehalfandbydemonstratingthepotentialofmushroomstosolveagreatmanyoftheworld’sproblems.Indeed,thetitleofhismostpopularlecture,andthesubtitleofhis2005book,MyceliumRunning,is“HowMushroomsCanHelpSavetheWorld.”Bytheendofhispresentation,thisclaimnolongersoundshyperbolic.IcanrememberthefirsttimeIheardStametstalkabout

“mycoremediation”—histermfortheuseofmushroomstocleanuppollutionandindustrialwaste.Oneofthejobsoffungiinnatureistobreakdowncomplexorganicmolecules;withoutthem,theearthwould

longagohavebecomeavast,uninhabitablewasteheapofdeadbutundecomposedplantsandanimals.SoaftertheExxonValdezranagroundoffthecoastofAlaskain1989,spillingmillionsofgallonsofcrudeoilintoPrinceWilliamSound,Stametsrevivedalong-standingideaofputtingfungitoworkbreakingdownpetrochemicalwaste.Heshowedaslideofasteamingheapofoilyblacksludgebeforeinoculatingitwiththesporesofoystermushrooms,andthenasecondphotographofthesamepiletakenfourweekslater,whenitwasreducedbyathirdandcoveredinathickmantleofsnowywhiteoystermushrooms.Itwasaperformance,andafeatofalchemy,Iwon’tsoonforget.ButStamets’saspirationsforthefungalkingdomgowellbeyond

turningpetrochemicalsludgeintoarablesoil.Indeed,inhisviewthereisscarcelyanecologicalormedicalproblemthatmushroomscan’thelpsolve.Cancer?Stamets’sextractofturkeytailmushrooms(Trametes

versicolor)hasbeenshowntohelpcancerpatientsbystimulatingtheirimmunesystems.(Stametsclaimstohaveusedittohelpcurehismother’sstage4breastcancer.)Bioterrorism?After9/11,thefederalgovernment’sBioshieldprogram

askedtoscreenhundredsoftheraremushroomstrainsinStamets’scollectionandfoundseveralthatshowedstrongactivityagainstSARS,smallpox,herpes,andbirdandswineflu.(Ifthisstrikesyouasimplausible,rememberthatpenicillinistheproductofafungus.)Colonycollapsedisorder(CCD)?Afterwatchinghoneybeesvisitinga

woodpiletonibbleonmycelium,Stametsidentifiedseveralspeciesoffungusthatbolsterthebees’resistancetoinfectionandCCD.Insectinfestation?Afewyearsago,Stametswonapatentfora

“mycopesticide”—amutantmyceliumfromaspeciesofCordycepsthat,afterbeingeatenbycarpenterants,colonizestheirbodiesandkillsthem,butnotbeforechemicallyinducingtheanttoclimbtothehighestpointinitsenvironmentandthenburstingamushroomfromthetopofitsheadthatreleasesitssporestothewind.ThesecondorthirdtimeIwatchedStametsshowavideoofa

Cordycepsdoingitsdiabolicalthingtoanant—commandeeringitsbody,makingitdoitsbidding,andthenexplodingamushroomfromitsbraininordertodisseminateitsgenes—itoccurredtomethatStametsandthatpooranthadratheralotincommon.Fungihaven’tkilledhim,it’strue,

andheprobablyknowsenoughabouttheirwilestoheadoffthatfate.Butit’salsotruethatthisman’slife—hisbrain!—hasbeenutterlytakenoverbyfungi;hehasdedicatedhimselftotheircause,speakingforthemushroomsinthesamewaythatDr.Seuss’sLoraxspeaksforthetrees.Hedisseminatesfungalsporesfarandwide,helpingthem,whetherbymailorderorsheerdintofhisenthusiasm,tovastlyexpandtheirrangeandspreadtheirmessage.

•••

IDON’TTHINKI’msayinganythingaboutPaulStametstowhichhewouldobject.Hewritesinhisbookthatmycelia—thevast,cobwebbywhitishnetofsingle-celledfilaments,calledhyphae,withwhichfungiweavetheirwaythroughthesoil—areintelligent,forming“asentientmembrane”and“theneurologicalnetworkofnature.”ThetitleofhisbookMyceliumRunningcanbereadintwoways.Themyceliumisindeedalwaysrunningthroughtheground,whereitplaysacriticalroleinformingsoils,keepingplantsandanimalsingoodhealth,andknittingtogethertheforest.Butthemyceliumarealso,inStamets’sview,runningtheshow—thatofnatureingeneraland,likeaneuralsoftwareprogram,themindsofcertaincreatures,including,hewouldbethefirsttotellyou,PaulStametshimself.“Mushroomsarebringingusamessagefromnature,”helikestosay.“ThisisacallI’mhearing.”YetevensomeofStamets’sairiernotionsturnouttohaveascientific

foundationbeneaththem.Foryearsnow,Stametshasbeentalkingaboutthevastwebofmyceliainthesoilas“Earth’snaturalInternet”—aredundant,complexlybranched,self-repairing,andscalablecommunicationsnetworklinkingmanyspeciesovertremendousdistances.(Thebiggestorganismonearthisnotawhaleoratreebutamushroom—ahoneyfungusinOregonthatis2.4mileswide.)Stametscontendsthatthesemycelialnetworksareinsomesense“conscious”:awareoftheirenvironmentandabletorespondtochallengesaccordingly.WhenIfirstheardtheseideas,Ithoughttheywere,atbest,fancifulmetaphors.Yetintheyearssince,I’vewatchedasagrowingbodyofscientificresearchhasemergedtosuggesttheyaremuchmorethanmetaphors.Experimentswithslimemoldshavedemonstratedthese

organismscannavigatemazesinsearchoffood—sensingitslocationandthengrowinginthatdirection.Themyceliainaforestdolinkthetreesinit,roottoroot,notonlysupplyingthemwithnutrients,butservingasamediumthatconveysinformationaboutenvironmentalthreatsandallowstreestoselectivelysendnutrientstoothertreesintheforest.*Aforestisafarmorecomplex,sociable,andintelligententitythanweknew,anditisfungithatorganizethearborealsociety.Stamets’sideasandtheorieshaveturnedouttobefarmoredurable,

andpracticable,thanIeverwouldhaveguessed.ThiswastheotherreasonIbecameeagertospendsometimewithStamets:Iwascurioustofindouthowhisownexperiencewithpsilocybinhadcoloredhisthinkingandlifework.YetIwasn’tatallcertainhewouldbewillingtotalkontherecordaboutpsilocybin,muchlesstakeme’shroomhunting,nowthathehadasuccessfulbusiness,hadeightorninepatentstohisname,andwascollaboratingwithinstitutionslikeDARPAandNIHandtheLawrenceLivermoreNationalLaboratory.InthemorerecentinterviewsandlecturesIcouldfindonline,heseldomtalkedaboutpsilocybinandoftenomittedmentionofthefieldguidefromhislistofpublications.What’smore,hehadjustreceivedprestigioushonorsfromtheMycologicalSocietyofAmericaandtheAmericanAssociationfortheAdvancementofScience(AAAS).PaulStamets,itseemed,hadgonelegit.Badtimingforme.

•••

THANKFULLY,IWASWRONG.WhenIreachedStametsathishomeinKamilche,Washington,andtoldhimwhatIwasupto,hecouldn’thavebeenmoreforthcomingorcooperative.Wetalkedforalongtimeaboutpsilocybinmushrooms,anditsoonbecamecleartheyremainedasubjectofkeeninteresttohim.HeknewallabouttheworkgoingonatHopkins—infacthadconsultedwiththeHopkinsteamwhentheywerefirstlookingforasourceofpsilocybin.MyimpressionwasthattherevivaloflegitimateuniversityresearchhadmadeStametsmorecomfortablereopeningthisparticularchapterinhislife.Hementionedhewasintheprocessofupdatingthe1996psilocybinfieldguide.TheonlydiscordantnoteintheconversationcamewhenIcasuallydroppedtheslang

expressionforpsilocybinwhenaskinghimaboutgoinghuntingfor’shrooms.“Ireally,reallyhatethatword,”hesaid,almostgravely,adoptingthe

toneofaparentupbraidingapotty-mouthedchild.Thewordnevercrossedmylipsagain.Bytheendofthecall,Stametshadinvitedmeuptohisplacein

WashingtonState,ontheLittleSkookumInletatthebaseoftheOlympicPeninsula.Iaskedhim,gingerly,ifIcouldcomeatatimewhenthePsilocybeswerefruiting.“Mostofthemhavealreadycomeandgone,”hesaid.“ButifyoucomerightafterThanksgiving,andtheweather’sright,IcantakeyoutotheonlyplaceintheworldwherePsilocybeazurescenshasbeenconsistentlyfound,atthemouthoftheColumbiaRiver.”Hementionedthenameoftheparkwherehehadfoundtheminthepastandtoldmetobookayurtthere,adding,“Probablybestnottousemyname.”

•••

INTHEWEEKSBEFOREmytriptoWashingtonState,IporedoverStamets’sfieldguide,hopingtopreparemyselfforthehunt.ItseemstherearemorethantwohundredspeciesofPsilocybe,distributedallovertheworld;it’snotclearwhetherthat’salwaysbeenthecase,orifthemushroomshavefollowedinthefootstepsoftheanimalswhohavetakensuchakeeninterestinthem.(Humanshavebeenusingpsilocybinmushroomssacramentallyforatleastseventhousandyears,accordingtoStamets.Butanimalssometimesingestthemtoo,forreasonsthatremainobscure.)Psilocybesaresaprophytes,livingoffdeadplantmatteranddung.

Theyaredenizensofdisturbedland,poppingupmostofteninthehabitatscreatedbyecologicalcatastrophe,suchaslandslides,floods,storms,andvolcanoes.Theyalsoprosperintheecologicalcatastrophescausedbyourspecies:clear-cutforests,roadcuts,thewakesofbulldozers,andagriculture.(Severalspeciesliveinandfruitfromthemanureofruminants.)Curiously,orperhapsnotsocuriously,themostpotentspeciesoccurlessofteninthewildthanincitiesandtowns;theirpredilectionforhabitatsdisturbedbyushasallowedthemtotravelwidely,“followingstreamsofdebris,”includingourown.Inrecentyears,

thepracticeofmulchingwithwoodchipshasvastlyexpandedtherangeofahandfulofpotentPsilocybesonceconfinedtothePacificNorthwest.Theynowthriveinallthoseplaceswehumansnow“landscape”:suburbangardens,nurseries,cityparks,churchyards,highwayreststops,prisons,collegecampuses,even,asStametslikestopointout,onthegroundsofcourthousesandpolicestations.“Psilocybemushroomsandcivilizationcontinuetoco-evolve,”Stametswrites.Soyouwouldthinkthesemushroomswouldbefairlyeasytofind.In

factafterIpublishedanarticleaboutpsilocybinresearch,IwasinformedbyastudentthataftertheDecemberrainsPsilocybescanbefoundontheBerkeleycampus,whereIteach.“Lookinthewoodchips,”headvised.YetassoonasIbeganstudyingthephotographsinStamets’sfieldguide,Ibegantodespairofeveridentifyinganymushroomasamemberofthegenus,muchlesslearninghowtodistinguishonespeciesofPsilocybefromanother.Tojudgefromthepictures,thegenusisjustabigbunchoflittlebrown

mushrooms,mostofthemutterlynondescript.Bycomparison,theediblespecieswithwhichIwasfamiliarwereasdistinctastulipsarefromroses,poodlesfromGreatDanes.Yes,allthePsilocybeshavegills,butthatisn’tmuchhelp,becausethousandsofothermushroomshavegills,too.Afterthat,you’retryingtosortoutabewilderingarrayofcharacteristics,notallofwhicharesharedbytheclass.SomePsilocybeshavealittlenipple-likeknoborprotrusionontop—it’scalledanumbo,Ilearned;othersdon’t.Somewere“viscid”—slipperyorslimywhenwet,givingthemashinyappearance.Othersweredullandmattegray;some,likeazurescens,wereamilkycaramelcolor.ManybutnotallPsilocybessporta“pellicle”—acondom-likelayerofgelatinousmaterialcoveringthecapthatcanbepeeledoff.Myfungalvocabularymightbeexpanding,butmyconfidencewasrapidlycollapsing,muchlikethemushroomthat,inthecourseofasingleday,decomposesintoaninkypuddle.BythetimeIgottochapterfour,“TheDangersofMistaken

Identification,”Iwasreadytothrowinthetowel.“Mistakesinmushroomidentificationcanbelethal,”Stametsbegins,beforedisplayingaphotographinwhichaPsilocybestuntziiisseengrowingcheekbyjowlwithatrioofindistinguishableGalerinaautumnalis,anunremarkablelittlemushroomthat,wheneaten,“canresultinanagonizingdeath.”

ButwhileStametsurgesextremecircumspectioninamateurshopingtoidentifyPsilocybes,healsoequipsthemushroomhunterwhohasn’tbeencompletelydiscouragedwithsomethinghecalls“TheStametsianRule”:athree-prongedtestthat,he(sortof)assuresus,canheadoffdeathanddisaster.“HowdoIknowifamushroomisapsilocybinproducingspeciesor

not?”“Ifagilledmushroomhaspurplishbrowntoblackspores,andthe

fleshbruisesbluish,themushroominquestionisverylikelyapsilocybin-producingspecies.”Thisisdefinitelyabighelp,thoughIwouldn’tmindsomethingmorecategoricalthan“verylikely.”Hethenoffersasoberingcaveat.“Iknowofnoexceptionstothisrule,”headds,“butthatdoesnotmeantherearenone!”AftercommittingtomemorytheStametsianRule,Ibeganpicking

promising-lookinggilledLBMs—inmyneighbors’yards,onmywalktowork,intheparkinglotofthebank—andthenroughingthemupabittoseeiftheywouldturnblackandblue.Thebluepigmentisinfactevidenceofoxidizedpsilocin,oneofthetwomainpsychoactivecompoundsinaPsilocybe.(Theotherispsilocybin,whichbreaksdownintopsilocininthebody.)Todetermineifthemushroominquestionhadpurplish-brownorblackspores,Ibeganmakingsporeprints.Thisinvolvescuttingthecapoffamushroomandplacingit,gillsidedown,onapieceofwhitepaper.(Orblackpaperifyouhavereasontobelievethemushroomhaswhitespores.)Withinhours,themushroomcapreleasesitsmicroscopicspores,whichwillformapretty,shadowypatternonthepaper(reminiscentofalipstickkiss)thatyoucanthentrytodecideispurplishbrownorblack—orrustcolored,inwhichcaseyoumighthaveadeadlyGalerinaonyourhands.Certainthingsareperhapsbestlearnedinperson,ratherthanfroma

book.IdecidedIshouldprobablywaitbeforemakinganyirreversibledecisionsuntilIhadspentsometimeinthecompanyofmymycologicalVirgil.

•••

ATTHETIMEOFMYVISIT,PaulStametslivedwithhispartner,DustyYao,andtheirtwobigdogs,PlatoandSophie,inasprawlingnewhouseontheLittleSkookumInletthatisconstructedinsideandoutofasmallforest’sworthofthemostgorgeousclearDouglasfirandcedar.Likemanyspeciesoffungi,Stametshasapassionateattachmenttotreesandwood.IarrivedonaFriday;ourreservationatthecampsitewasn’tuntilSundaynight,sowehadthebetterpartoftheweekendtotalkPsilocybes,eat(otherkindsof)mushrooms,tourtheFungiPerfectifacilities,andramblethesurroundingwoodsandshorelinewiththedogsbeforedrivingsouthtotheOregonborderSundaymorningtohuntazzies.Thiswasthehousethatmushroomsbuilt,Stametsexplained,

launchingintoitsstorybeforeIhadachancetounpackmybag.Itreplacedaricketyoldfarmhouseonthesitethat,whenStametsmovedin,wasslowlysuccumbingtoaninfestationofcarpenterants.Stametssetaboutdevisingamycologicalsolutiontotheproblem.HeknewpreciselywhichspeciesofCordycepscouldwipeouttheantcolony,butsodidtheants:theyscrupulouslyinspecteveryreturningmemberforCordycepssporesandpromptlychewofftheheadofanyantbearingspores,dumpingthebodyfarawayfromthecolony.Stametsoutwittedtheants’defensebybreedingamutantCordyceps-likefungusthatpostponedsporulation.Heputsomeofitsmyceliuminhisdaughter’sdollhousebowl,leftthatonthefloorofthekitchen,andduringthenightwatchedasaparadeofantscarriedthemyceliumintothenest—havingmistakenitforasafefoodsource.Whenthefunguseventuallysporulated,itwasalreadydeepinsidethecolonyandtheantsweredonefor:theCordycepscolonizedtheirbodiesandsentfruitingbodiesburstingforthfromtheirheads.Itwastoolatetosavethefarmhouse,butwiththeproceedsfromthesaleofhispatentonthefungusStametswasabletoerectthisfargrandermonumenttomycologicalingenuity.Thehousewasspaciousandcomfortable;Ihadawholeupstairswing

ofbedroomstomyself.Thelivingroom,wherewespentmostofarainyDecemberweekend,hadasoaringcathedralceiling,abigwood-burningfireplace,and,loomingovertheroomfromacrosstheway,aseven-and-a-half-foot-tallskeletonofacavebear.ApaintingofAlbertHofmannhangsoverthefireplace.Overhead,beneaththepeak,isamassiveroundstainedglassdepicting“TheUniversalityoftheMycelialArchetype”—an

intricatetraceryofbluelinesonanightsky,thelinesrepresentingatoncemycelium,roots,neurons,theInternet,anddarkmatter.Displayedonthewallsheadingupstairsfromthelivingroomare

framedartworks,photographs,andkeepsakes,includingadiplomasignifyingthesuccessfulcompletionofoneoftheMerryPranksters’AcidTests,signedbyKenKeseyandNealCassady.ThereareseveralphotographsofDustyposinginold-growthforestswithimpressivespecimensoffungiandacolorfullygrotesqueprintbyAlexGrey,thedeanofAmericanpsychedelicartists.TheprintisGrey’sinterpretationoftheso-calledstonedapetheory,depictinganearly,electrified-lookinghominidclutchingaPsilocybewhileacycloneofabstractionsfliesoutofitsmouthandforehead.TheonlyreasonIcouldmakeanysenseoftheimageatallwasthatafewdaysearlierIhadreceivedane-mailfromStametsreferringtothetheoryinquestion:“IwanttodiscussthehighlikelihoodthattheStonedApeTheory,firstpresentedbyRolandFischerandthenpopularized/restatedbyTerenceMcKenna,isprobablytrue—[ingestionofpsilocybin]causingarapiddevelopmentofthehominidbrainforanalyticalthinkingandsocietalbonding.Didyouknowthat23primates(includinghumans)consumemushroomsandknowhowtodistinguish‘good’from‘bad’?”Ididnot.Butthebrief,ellipticale-mailnicelyprefiguredthetenorofmy

weekendwithStametsasIstruggledtoabsorbatorrentofmycologicalfactandspeculationthat,likearushingriver,isimpossibletofordwithoutbeingknockedsideways.ThesheerbrillianceofStamets’smushroom’s-eyeviewoftheworldcanbedazzling,butafterawhileitcanalsomakeyoufeelclaustrophobic,asonlythetruemonomaniacorautodidact—andStametsisboth—cando.Everythingisconnectediseverthesubtextwithsuchpeople;inthiscasewhatconnectseverythingyoucouldpossiblythinkofjusthappenstobefungalmycelia.IwascurioustofindouthowStametscamebyhismycocentric

worldviewandwhatrolepsilocybinmushrooms,inparticular,mighthavecontributedtoit.StametsgrewupinanOhiotownoutsideYoungstowncalledColumbiana,theyoungestoffivechildren.Hisfather’sengineeringcompanywentbelly-upwhenPaulwasaboy,thefamily“goingfromrichestoragsprettyquickly.”Dadbegantodrinkheavily,andPaulbeganlookinguptohisolderbrotherJohnasarolemodel.

Fiveyearshissenior,Johnwasanaspiringscientist—hewouldreceiveascholarshiptostudyneurophysiology—whokept“anexquisitelaboratoryinthebasement,”arealmthatwasPaul’sideaofheaven,buttowhichJohnseldomgrantedhislittlebrotheradmittance.“Ithoughtallhouseshadlaboratories,sowheneverIwentovertoafriend’shouse,Iwouldaskwherethelaboratorywas.Ididn’tunderstandwhytheywouldalwayspointmetothebathroominstead—thelavatory.”WinningJohn’sapprovalbecameamotiveforceinPaul’slife,whichperhapsexplainsthevalueStametsplacesonmainstreamscientificrecognitionofwork.Johnhaddied,ofaheartattack,sixmonthsbeforemyvisitand,asithappened,onthesamedayPaulreceivedwordofhisAAAShonor.HisdeathwasalossfromwhichPaulhadn’tyetrecovered.WhenPaulwasfourteen,Johntoldhimaboutmagicmushrooms,and

whenhewentofftoYale,Johnleftbehindabook,AlteredStatesofConsciousness,thatmadeatremendousimpressiononPaul.EditedbyCharlesT.Tart,apsychologist,thebookisadoorstopofananthologyofscholarlywritingsaboutnon-ordinarymentalstates,coveringthespectrumfromdreamingandhypnosistomeditationandpsychedelics.ButthereasonthebookmadesuchalastingimpressiononStametshadlesstodowithitscontents,provocativeasthesewere,thanwiththereactionthebookelicitedincertainadults.“MyfriendRyanSnyderwantedtoborrowit.Hisparentswerereally

conservative.Aweeklater,whenItoldhimIwanteditback,hestallsanddelays.Anotherweekgoesby,Iaskhimagain,andhefinallyconfesseswhathappened.‘Myparentsfounditandtheyburnedit.’“Theyburnedmybook?!?Thatwasapivotalmomentforme.Isawthe

Snydersastheenemy,tryingtosuppresstheexplorationofconsciousness.Butifthiswassuchpowerfulinformationthattheyfeltcompelledtodestroyit,thenthiswaspowerfulinformationInowhadtohave.SoIowethemadebtofgratitude.”StametswentofftoKenyonCollege,where,asafreshman,hehad“a

profoundpsychedelicexperience”thatsethiscourseinlife.Aslongashecouldremember,Stametshadbeenstymiedbyadebilitatingstutter.“Thiswasahugeissueforme.IwasalwayslookingdownatthegroundbecauseIwasafraidpeoplewouldtrytospeaktome.Infact,oneofthereasonsIgotsogoodatfindingmushroomswasbecauseIwasalwayslookingdown.”

Onespringafternoontowardtheendofhisfreshmanyear,walkingalonealongthewoodedridgelineabovecampus,Stametsateawholebagofmushrooms,perhapstengrams,thinkingthatwasaproperdose.(Fourgramsisalot.)Asthepsilocybinwascomingon,Stametsspiedaparticularlybeautifuloaktreeanddecidedhewouldclimbit.“AsI’mclimbingthetree,I’mliterallygettinghigherasI’mclimbinghigher.”Justthentheskybeginstodarken,andathunderstormlightsupthehorizon.Thewindsurgesasthestormapproaches,andthetreebeginstosway.“I’mgettingvertigobutIcan’tclimbdown,I’mtoohigh,soIjust

wrappedmyarmsaroundthetreeandheldon,huggingittightly.Thetreebecametheaxismundi,rootingmetotheearth.‘Thisisthetreeoflife,’Ithought;itwasexpandingintotheskyandconnectingmetotheuniverse.Andthenithitsme:I’mgoingtobestruckbylightning!Everyfewsecondsthere’sanotherstrike,here,thenthere,allaroundme.Onthevergeofenlightenment,I’mgoingtobeelectrocuted.Thisismydestiny!Thewholetime,I’mbeingwashedbywarmrains.Iamcryingnow,thereisliquideverywhere,butIalsofeelonewiththeuniverse.“AndthenIsaytomyself,whataremyissuesifIsurvivethis?Paul,I

said,you’renotstupid,butstutteringisholdingyouback.Youcan’tlookwomenintheeyes.WhatshouldIdo?Stopstutteringnow—thatbecamemymantra.Stopstutteringnow,Isaiditoverandoverandover.“Thestormeventuallypassed.Iclimbeddownfromthetreeand

walkedbacktomyroomandwenttosleep.Thatwasthemostimportantexperienceofmylifetothatpoint,andhere’swhy:Thenextmorning,I’mwalkingdownthesidewalk,andherecomesthisgirlIwasattractedto.She’swaybeyondmyreach.She’swalkingtowardme,andshesays,‘Goodmorning,Paul.Howareyou?’Ilookatherandsay,‘I’mdoinggreat.’Iwasn’tstuttering!AndIhavehardlyeverstutteredsince.“Andthat’swhenIrealizedIwantedtolookintothesemushrooms.”

•••

INAREMARKABLYSHORTSPANoftime,Stametsmadehimselfintooneofthecountry’sleadingexpertsonthegenusPsilocybe.In1978,attheageoftwenty-three,hepublishedhisfirstbook,PsilocybeMushroomsandTheirAllies—theiralliesunderstoodtobeus,theanimalthathaddone

themosttospreadtheirgenesand,asStametsnowsawashiscalling,theirplanetarygospel.StametsgothismycologicaleducationnotatKenyon,whichheleft

afteroneyear,butattheEvergreenStateCollege,whichinthemid-1970swasanewexperimentalcollegeinOlympia,Washington,wherestudentscoulddesigntheirowncourseofindependentstudy.AyoungprofessornamedMichaelBeug,whohadadegreeinenvironmentalchemistry,agreedtotakeunderhiswingStametsandtwootherequallypromisingmycologicallyobsessedstudents:JeremyBigwoodandJonathanOtt.Beugwasnothimselfamycologistbytraining,butthefourofthemmasteredthesubjecttogether,withthehelpofanelectronmicroscopeandaDEAlicensethatBeughadsomehowsecured.Thusarmed,thefourtrainedtheirattentiononagenusthattherestofthefieldgenerallychosetopassoverinuncomfortablesilence.Illegalsince1970,psilocybinmushroomswereatthetimechieflyof

interesttothecounterculture,asagentler,morenaturalalternativetoLSD,butverylittlewasknownabouttheirhabitat,distribution,lifecycle,orpotency.ItwasbelievedthatpsychedelicmushroomswerenativetosouthernMexico,whereR.GordonWassonhad“discovered”themin1955.Bythe1970s,mostofthepsilocybinincirculationinAmericawasbeingimportedfromLatinAmericaorgrowndomesticallyfromsporesofLatinAmericanspecies,mainlycubensis.TheEvergreengroupchalkedupseveralnotableaccomplishments:

theyidentifiedandpublishedthreenewpsilocybinspecies,perfectedmethodsforgrowingthemindoors,anddevelopedtechniquesformeasuringlevelsofpsilocinandpsilocybininmushrooms.Butperhapsthegroup’smostimportantcontributionwastoshiftthefocusofattentionamongpeoplewhocaredaboutPsilocybesfromsouthernMexicotothePacificNorthwest.Stametsandhiscolleagueswerefindingnewspeciesofpsilocybinmushroomsallaroundthemandpublishingtheirfindings.“Youcouldalmostfeeltheearth’saxistiltingtothiscorneroftheworld.”AnywhereyouwentinthePacificNorthwest,Stametsrecalls,youcouldseepeopletracingpeculiarpatternsthroughfarmfieldsandlawns,bentoverinwhathecalls“thepsilocybinstoop.”Duringthisperiod,thePacificNorthwestemergedasanewcenterof

gravityinAmericanpsychedelicculture,withtheEvergreenStateCollegeservingasitsdefactointellectualhubandR&Dfacility.Beginningin

1976,StametsandhisEvergreencolleaguesorganizedaseriesofnow-legendarymushroomconferences,bringingtogethertheleadinglightsofboththecredentialedandtheamateurwingsofthepsychedelicworld,andduringmyfirsteveningathishouseStametsdugoutsomeVHStapesofthelastoftheseconferences,heldin1999.ThefootagehadbeenshotbyLesBlank,butasoftenhappenedwithcoverageofsuchpsychedelicgatherings,noonecouldeverquitegetittogethertoedittherawfootage,sorawitremains.“Conference”mightnotdojusticetowhatnowappearedonStamets’s

television.Wewatchedasseveraloftheattendees—IspottedDr.AndrewWeil,bestknownforhisbooksonholisticmedicine;thepsychedelicchemistSashaShulginandhiswife,Ann;andtheNewYorkBotanicalGardenmycologistGaryLincoff—arrivedtogreatfanfareinapsychedelicallypaintedschoolbuspilotedbyKenKesey.(ThebuswascalledFarther,thesuccessortoFurther,theoriginalMerryPranksterbus,evidentlynolongerroadworthy.)TheproceedingslookedmorelikeaDionysianrevelthanaconference,yetthereweresomeserioustalks.JonathanOttdeliveredabrilliantlectureonthehistoryof“entheogens”—atermhehelpedcoin.HetracedtheiruseallthewaybacktotheEleusinianmysteriesoftheGreeks,throughthe“pharmocraticinquisition,”whentheSpanishconquestsuppressedtheMesoamericanmushroomcults,andforwardtothe“entheogenicreformation”thathasbeenunderwaysinceR.GordonWasson’sdiscoverythatthosecultshadsurvivedinMexico.Alongtheway,Ottmadeanoffhandreferencetothe“placebosacraments”oftheCatholicEucharist.Thencamefootageofabigcostumeballwithlingeringclose-upsofa

giantpunchbowlthathadbeenspikedwithdozensofdifferentkindsofpsychedelicmushrooms.Stametspointedoutseveralprominentmycologistsandethnobotanistsamongtherevelers;manyofthemdressedasspecifickindsoffungus—Amanitamuscaria,buttonmushrooms,andsoon.Stametshimselfappeareddressedasabear.Whenoneisscreeningrawfootageofpeopleincostumetrippingon

mushroomsanddancingsloppilytoareggaeband,alittlegoesalongway,soafterafewminutesweflickedofftheTV.IaskedStametsaboutearlieriterationsoftheconference,someofwhichseemedtohaveaslightlymoreinterestingratioofintellectualsubstancetoDionysianrevelry.In1977,forinstance,Stametshadtheopportunitytoplayhostto

twoofhisheroes:AlbertHofmannandR.GordonWasson,whose1957articleinLifemagazinedescribingthefirstpsilocybinjourneyevertakenbyaWesterner—hisown—helpedlaunchthepsychedelicrevolutioninAmerica.Stametsmentionedthathecollectedoriginalcopiesofthatissueof

Life,whichoccasionallyshowuponeBayandatfleamarkets,andonmywayupstairstobedthatnightwestoppedinhisofficesoIcouldhavealookatit.TheissuewasdatedMay13,1957,andBertLahrwasonthecover,muggingforthecamerainamorningsuitandabowlerhat.ButthemostprominentcoverlinewasdevotedtoWasson’snotoriousarticle:“TheDiscoveryofMushroomsThatCauseStrangeVisions.”StametssaidIcouldhaveacopy,andItookittobed.

•••

FROMTHEVANTAGEOFTODAY,itishardtobelievethatpsilocybinwasintroducedtotheWestbyavicepresidentofJ.P.Morganinthepagesofamass-circulationmagazineownedbyHenryLuce;twomoreestablishmentcharactersitwouldbedifficulttodreamup.Butin1957,psychedelicdrugshadnotyetacquiredanyoftheculturalandpoliticalstigmasthat,adecadelater,wouldweighonourattitudestowardthem.Atthetime,LSDwasnotwellknownoutsidethesmallcommunityofmedicalprofessionalswhoregardeditasapotentialmiracledrugforpsychiatricillnessandalcoholaddiction.Asithappened,theTime-Lifefounderandeditorinchief,HenryLuce,

alongwithhiswife,ClareBootheLuce,hadpersonalknowledgeofpsychedelicdrugs,andtheysharedtheenthusiasmofthemedicalandculturaleliteswhohadembracedtheminthe1950s.In1964,LucetoldagatheringofhisstaffthatheandhiswifehadbeentakingLSD“underdoctor’ssupervision”;ClareBootheLucerecalledthatduringherfirsttripinthe1950sshesawtheworld“throughtheeyesofahappyandgiftedchild.”Before1965,whenamoralpaniceruptedoverLSD,Time-Lifepublicationswereenthusiasticboostersofpsychedelics,andLucetookapersonalinterestindirectinghismagazine’scoverageofthem.SowhenR.GordonWassonapproachedLifemagazinewithhisstory,

hecouldnothaveknockedonamorereceptivedoor.Lifegavehima

generouscontractthat,inadditiontotheprincelysumofeighty-fivehundreddollars,grantedhimfinalapprovalontheeditingofhisarticle,aswellasthewordingofheadlinesandcaptions.ItspecifiedthatWasson’saccountincludea“descriptionofyourownsensationsandfantasiesundertheinfluenceofthemushroom.”AsIpagedthroughtheissueinbedthatevening,theworldof1957

seemedlikeafarawayplanet,eventhoughIlivedonit,albeitasatwo-year-old.MyparentssubscribedtoLife,sotheissueprobablysatinthebigpileinourdenforastretchofmychildhood.Lifemagazinewasamassmediumin1957,withacirculationof5.7million.“SeekingtheMagicMushroom,”inwhich“aNewYorkbankergoesto

Mexico’smountainstoparticipateintheage-oldritualsofIndianswhochewstrangegrowthsthatproducevisions,”openedonaspreadwithafull-pagecolorphotographofaMazatecwomanturningamushroomoverasmokyfireandgoesonfornofewerthanfifteenpages.Theheadlineisthefirstknownreferenceto“magicmushrooms,”aphrasethat,itturnsout,wascoinednotbyastonedhippiebutbyaTime-Lifeheadlinewriter.“Wechewedandswallowedtheseacridmushrooms,sawvisions,and

emergedfromtheexperienceawestruck,”Wassontellsus,somewhatbreathlessly,inthefirstparagraph.“Wehadcomefromafartoattendamushroomritebuthadexpectednothingsostaggeringasthevirtuosityoftheperformingcuranderas[healers]andtheastonishingeffectsofthemushrooms.[Thephotographer]andIwerethefirstwhitemeninrecordedhistorytoeatthedivinemushrooms,whichforcenturieshadbeenasecretofcertainIndianpeopleslivingfarfromthegreatworldinsouthernMexico.”Wassonthenproceedstotelltheimprobabletaleofhowsomeonelike

him,“abankerbyoccupation,”wouldendupeatingmagicmushroomsinthedirt-flooredbasementofathatch-roofed,adobe-walledhomeinaOaxacantownsoremoteitcouldonlybereachedbymeansofaneleven-hourtrekthroughthemountainsbymule.Thestorybeginsin1927,duringWasson’shoneymoonintheCatskills.

Duringanafternoonstrollintheautumnwoods,hisbride,aRussianphysiciannamedValentina,spottedapatchofwildmushrooms,beforewhich“shekneltinposesofadoration.”Wassonknewnothingof“thoseputrid,treacherousexcrescences”andwasalarmedwhenValentina

proposedtocookthemfordinner.Herefusedtopartake.“Notlongmarried,”Wassonwrote,“Ithoughttowakeupthenextmorningawidower.”Thecouplebecamecuriousastohowtwoculturescouldholdsuch

diametricallyopposedattitudestowardmushrooms.Theysoonembarkedonaresearchprojecttounderstandtheoriginsofboth“mycophobia”and“mycophilia,”termsthattheWassonsintroduced.TheyconcludedthateachIndo-Europeanpeopleisbyculturalinheritanceeithermycophobic(forexample,theAnglo-Saxons,Celts,andScandinavians)ormycophilic(theRussians,Catalans,andSlavs)andproposedanexplanationforthepowerfulfeelingsinbothcamps:“Wasitnotprobablethat,longago,longbeforethebeginningsofwrittenhistory,ourancestorshadworshippedadivinemushroom?Thiswouldexplaintheauraofthesupernaturalinwhichallfungiseemtobebathed.”*ThelogicalnextquestionpresenteditselftotheWassons—“Whatkindofmushroomwasonceworshipped,andwhy?”—andwiththatquestioninhandtheyembarkedonathirty-yearquesttofindthedivinemushroom.TheyhopedtoobtainevidencefortheaudacioustheorythatWassonhaddevelopedandthatwouldoccupyhimuntilhisdeath:thatthereligiousimpulseinhumankindhadbeenfirstkindledbythevisionsinspiredbyapsychoactivemushroom.Asaprominentfinancier,R.GordonWassonhadtheresourcesand

theconnectionstoenlistallmannerofexpertsandscholarsinhisquest.OneofthesewasthepoetRobertGraves,whosharedtheWassons’interestintheroleofmushroomsinhistoryandinthecommonoriginsoftheworld’smythsandreligions.In1952,GravessentWassonaclippingfromapharmaceuticaljournalthatmadereferencetoapsychoactivemushroomusedbysixteenth-centuryMesoamericanIndians.ThearticlewasbasedonresearchdoneinCentralAmericabyRichardEvansSchultes,aHarvardethnobotanistwhostudiedtheusesofpsychoactiveplantsandfungibyindigenouscultures.SchulteswasareveredprofessorwhomstudentsrecallshootingblowgunsinclassandkeepingabasketofpeyotebuttonsoutsidehisHarvardoffice;hetrainedagenerationofAmericanethnobotanists,includingWadeDavis,MarkPlotkin,MichaelBalick,TimPlowman,andAndrewWeil.AlongwithWasson,SchultesisoneofahandfuloffigureswhoseroleinbringingpsychedelicstotheWesthasgoneunderappreciated;indeed,someofthefirstseedsofthatmovementhavequiteliterallysatintheHarvardherbariumsincethe

1930s,morethanaquartercenturybeforeTimothyLearysetfootonthecampus.ForitwasSchulteswhofirstidentifiedteonanácatl—thesacredmushroomoftheAztecsandtheirdescendants—aswellasololiuqui,theseedsofthemorningglory,whichtheAztecsalsoconsumedsacramentallyandwhichcontainanalkaloidcloselyrelatedtoLSD.Uptothispoint,theWassonshadbeenlookingtowardAsiafortheir

divinemushroom;Schultesreorientedtheirquest,pointingthemtowardtheAmericas,wheretherewerescatteredreports,frommissionariesandanthropologists,suggestingthatanancientmushroomcultmightyetsurviveintheremotemountainvillagesofsouthernMexico.In1953,WassonmadethefirstoftentripstoMexicoandCentral

America,severalofthemtothevillageofHuautladeJiménez,deepinthemountainsofOaxaca,whereoneofhisinformants—amissionary—hadtoldhimhealerswereusingmushrooms.Atfirstthelocalsweretight-lipped.SometoldWassontheyhadneverheardofthemushrooms,orthattheywerenolongerused,orthatthepracticesurvivedonlyinsomeother,distantvillage.Theirreticencewasnotsurprising.Thesacramentaluseof

psychoactivemushroomshadbeenkeptsecretfromWesternersforfourhundredyears,sinceshortlyaftertheSpanishconquest,whenitwasdrivenunderground.ThebestaccountwehaveofthepracticeisthatoftheSpanishmissionarypriestBernardinodeSahagún,whointhesixteenthcenturydescribedtheuseofmushroomsinanAztecreligiousobservance:

Thesetheyatebeforedawnwithhoney,andtheyalsodrankcacaobeforedawn.Themushroomstheyatewithhoneywhentheybegantogetheatedfromthem,theybegantodance,andsomesang,andsomewept...Somecarednottosing,butwouldsitdownintheirrooms,andstayedtherepensive-like.Andsomesawinavisionthattheyweredying,andtheywept,andotherssawinavisionthatsomewildbeastwaseatingthem,otherssawinavisionthattheyweretakingcaptivesinwar...otherssawinavisionthattheyweretocommitadulteryandthattheirheadsweretobebashedintherefor...Thenwhenthedrunkennessofthe

mushroomshadpassed,theyspokeonewithanotheraboutthevisionsthattheyhadseen.

TheSpanishsoughttocrushthemushroomcults,viewingthem,rightly,asamortalthreattotheauthorityofthechurch.OneofthefirstpriestsCortésbroughttoMexicotoChristianizetheAztecsdeclaredthatthemushroomswerethefleshof“thedevilthattheyworshipped,and...withthisbitterfoodtheyreceivedtheircruelgodincommunion.”Indianswereinterrogatedandtorturedintoconfessingthepractice,andmushroomstones—manyofthemfoot-tallchiseledbasaltsculpturesofthesacredfungi,presumablyusedinreligiousceremonies—weresmashed.TheInquisitionwouldbringdozensofchargesagainstNativeAmericansforcrimesinvolvingbothpeyoteandpsilocybin,inwhatamountedtoanearlybattleinthewarondrugs—or,tobemoreprecise,thewaroncertainplantsandfungi.In1620,theRomanCatholicChurchdeclaredthattheuseofplantsfordivinationwas“anactofsuperstitioncondemnedasopposedtothepurityandintegrityofourHolyCatholicFaith.”It’snothardtoseewhythechurchwouldhavereactedsoviolentlyto

thesacramentaluseofmushrooms.TheNahuatlwordforthemushrooms—fleshofthegods—musthavesoundedtoSpanishearslikeadirectchallengetotheChristianSacrament,whichofcoursewasalsounderstoodtobethefleshofthegods,orratheroftheoneGod.YetthemushroomsacramentenjoyedanundeniableadvantageovertheChristianversion.IttookanactoffaithtobelievethateatingthebreadandwineoftheEucharistgavetheworshipperaccesstothedivine,anaccessthathadtobemediatedbyapriestandthechurchliturgy.ComparethatwiththeAztecsacrament,apsychoactivemushroomthatgrantedanyonewhoateitdirect,unmediatedaccesstothedivine—tovisionsofanotherworld,arealmofthegods.Sowhohadthemorepowerfulsacrament?AsaMazatecIndiantoldWasson,themushrooms“carryyoutherewheregodis.”TheRomanCatholicChurchmighthavebeenthefirstinstitutionto

fullyrecognizethethreattoitsauthorityposedbyapsychedelicplant,butitcertainlywouldn’tbethelast.

•••

ONTHENIGHTOFJUNE29–30,1955,R.GordonWassonexperiencedthesacredmushroomsfirsthand.OnhisthirdtriptoHuautla,hehadpersuadedMaríaSabina,asixty-one-year-oldMazatecandarespectedcuranderainthevillage,tolethimandhisphotographernotonlyobservebuttakepartinaceremonyinwhichnooutsiderhadeverparticipated.Thevelada,astheceremonywascalled,tookplaceafterdarkinthebasementofthehomeofalocalofficialWassonhadenlistedinhiscause,beforeasimplealtar“adornedwithChristianimages.”Toprotectheridentity,WassoncalledSabina“EvaMendez,”discerning“aspiritualityinherexpressionthatstruckusatonce.”Aftercleaningthemushroomsandpassingthemthroughthepurifyingsmokeofincense,SabinahandedWassonacupcontainingsixpairsofmushrooms;shecalledthem“thelittlechildren.”Theytastedawful:“acridwitharancidodorthatrepeateditself.”Evenso,“Icouldnothavebeenhappier:thiswastheculminationofsixyearsofpursuit.”Thevisionsthatnowarrived“wereinvividcolor,alwaysharmonious.

Theybeganwithartmotifs,angularsuchasmightdecoratecarpetsortextilesorwallpaper...Thentheyevolvedintopalaceswithcourts,arcades,gardens—resplendentpalacesalllaidoverwithsemipreciousstone.ThenIsawamythologicalbeastdrawingaregalchariot.”Andsoforth.Wasson’soriginalfieldnotebooksareinthebotanicallibraryat

Harvard.Inaneatbutsomewhatidiosyncratichand,hekeptmeticuloustrackofthetimethatnight,fromarrival(8:15)toingestion(10:40)tothesnuffingoutofthelastcandle(10:45).Afterthat,thehandwritingdisintegrates.Somesentencesnowappear

upsidedown,andWasson’sdescriptionsofwhathefeltandsawgraduallybreakintofragments:

Nauseaasvisiondistorted.Touchingwall—madetheworldofvisionsseemtocrumble.Lightfromabovedoorandbelow—moon.Tabletooknewforms—creatures,greatprocessionalvehicle,architecturalpatternsofradiantcolor.Nausea.Nophotosoncethe[illegible]seizedus.

ArchitecturalEyesoutoffocus—thecandleswesawthemdouble.Orientalsplendor—Alhambra—chariotTabletransformedContrastvisionandreality—Itouchwall.

“Thevisionswerenotblurredoruncertain,”hewrites.Indeed,“theyseemedmorerealtomethananythingIhadeverseenwithmyowneyes.”Atthispoint,thereaderbeginstofeeltheliteraryhandofAldousHuxleyexertingacertainpressureonbothWasson’sproseandhisperceptions:“IfeltthatIwasnowseeingplain,whereasordinaryvisiongivesusanimperfectview.”Wasson’sowndoorsofperceptionhadbeenflungwideopen:“Iwasseeingthearchetypes,thePlatonicideas,thatunderlietheimperfectimagesofeverydaylife.”ToreadWassonistofeelasifyouwerewitnessingthestill-freshandmalleableconventionsofthepsychedelicnarrativegraduallysolidifyingbeforeyoureyes.WhetherAldousHuxleyinventedthesetropes,orwasmerelytheirstenographer,ishardtosay,buttheywouldinformthegenre,aswellastheexperience,fromhereon.“Forthefirsttimethewordecstasytookonrealmeaning,”Wassonrecalls.“Forthefirsttimeitdidnotmeansomeoneelse’sstateofmind.”Wassonconcludedfromhisexperiencethathisworkinghypothesis

abouttherootsofthereligiousexperienceinpsychoactivefungihadbeenvindicated.“Inman’sevolutionarypast...theremusthavecomeamomentintimewhenhediscoveredthesecretofthehallucinatorymushrooms.Theireffectonhim,asIseeit,couldonlyhavebeenprofound,adetonatortonewideas.Forthemushroomsrevealedtohimworldsbeyondthehorizonsknowntohim,inspaceandtime,evenworldsonadifferentplaneofbeing,aheavenandperhapsahell...OneisemboldenedtothepointofaskingwhethertheymaynothaveplantedinprimitivemantheveryideaofaGod.”Whateveronethinksaboutthisidea,it’sworthpointingoutthat

WassoncametoHuautlawithitalreadyfirmlyplantedandhewaswillingtosubtlytwistvariouselementsofhisexperiencethereinordertoconfirmit.AsmuchashewantsustoseeMaríaSabinaasareligiousfigure,andherceremonyasaformofwhathecalls“Holycommunion,”shesawherselfquitedifferently.Themushroommightwellhaveserved

asasacramentfivehundredyearsearlier,butby1955manyMazatecshadbecomedevoutCatholics,andtheynowusedmushroomsnotforworshipbutforhealinganddivination—tolocatemissingpeopleandimportantitems.Wassonknewthisperfectlywell,whichiswhyheemployedtherusehedidtogainaccesstoaceremony:hetoldMaríaSabinahewasworriedabouthissonbackhomeandwantedinformationabouthiswhereaboutsandwell-being.(Spookilyenough,hereceivedwhathediscoveredonhisreturntoNewYorktobeaccurateinformationonbothcounts.)Wassonwasdistortingacomplexindigenouspracticeinordertofitapreconceivedtheoryandconflatingthehistoricalsignificanceofthatpracticewithitscontemporarymeaning.AsSabinatoldaninterviewersomeyearslater,“BeforeWassonnobodytookthemushroomsonlytofindGod.Theywerealwaystakenforthesicktogetwell.”AsoneofWasson’sharshercritics,theEnglishwriterAndyLetcher,acidlyputit,“TofindGod,Sabina—likeallgoodCatholics—wenttoMass.”

•••

WASSON’SARTICLEINLIFEwasreadbymillionsofpeople(includingapsychologyprofessoronhiswaytoHarvardnamedTimothyLeary).Wasson’sstoryreachedtensofmillionsmorewhenheshareditonthepopularCBSnewsprogramPersontoPerson,andinthemonthstofollowseveralothermagazines,includingTrue:TheMan’sMagazine,ranfirst-personaccountsofmagicmushroomjourneys(“TheVegetableThatDrivesMenMad”),journeysforwhichWassonsuppliedthemushrooms.(HehadbroughtbackasupplyandwouldconductceremoniesinhisManhattanapartment.)AnexhibitiononmagicmushroomssoonfollowedattheAmericanMuseumofNaturalHistoryinNewYork.ShortlyafterthearticleinLifewaspublished,Wassonarrangedto

havesomespecimensoftheMexicanmushroomssenttoAlbertHofmanninSwitzerlandforanalysis.In1958,Hofmannisolatedandnamedthetwopsychoactivecompounds,psilocybinandpsilocin,anddevelopedthesyntheticversionofpsilocybinusedinthecurrentresearch.Hofmannalsoexperimentedwiththemushroomshimself.“Thirtyminutesaftermytakingthemushrooms,”hewrote,“theexteriorworldbegantoundergoa

strangetransformation.EverythingassumedaMexicancharacter.”In1962,HofmannjoinedWassonononeofhisreturntripstoHuautla,duringwhichthechemistgaveMaríaSabinapsilocybininpillform.Shetooktwoofthepillsanddeclaredtheydidindeedcontainthespiritofthemushroom.*Itdidn’ttakelongforthousandsofotherpeople—including,

eventually,celebritiessuchasBobDylan,JohnLennon,andMickJagger—tofindtheirwaytoHuautlaandtoMaríaSabina’sdoor.*ForMaríaSabinaandhervillage,theattentionwasruinous.Wassonwouldlaterholdhimselfresponsiblefor“unleash[ing]onlovelyHuautlaatorrentofcommercialexploitationofthevilestkind,”ashewroteinaplaintive1970NewYorkTimesop-ed.Huautlahadbecomefirstabeatnik,thenahippiemecca,andthesacredmushrooms,onceacloselyguardedsecret,werenowbeingsoldopenlyonthestreet.MaríaSabina’sneighborsblamedherforwhatwashappeningtotheirvillage;herhomewasburneddown,andshewasbrieflyjailed.Nearingtheendofherlife,shehadnothingbutregretforhavingsharedthedivinemushroomswithR.GordonWassonand,inturn,theworld.“Fromthemomenttheforeignersarrived,”shetoldavisitor,“thesaintchildrenlosttheirpurity.Theylosttheirforce;theforeignersspoiledthem.Fromnowontheywon’tbeanygood.”

•••

WHENTHENEXTMORNINGIcamedownstairs,PaulStametswasinthelivingroom,arranginghiscollectionofmushroomstonesonthecoffeetable.Ihadreadabouttheseartifactsbuthadneverseenorheldone,andtheywereimpressiveobjects:roughlycarvedchunksofbasaltinavarietyofsizesandshapes.Someweresimpleandlookedlikegiganticmushrooms;othershadatripodorfour-footedbase,andstillothershadafigurecarvedintothestipe(orstem).ThousandsofthesestonesweresmashedbytheSpanish,buttwohundredareknowntosurvive,andStametsownssixteenofthem.MostofthesurvivingstoneshavebeenfoundintheGuatemalanhighlands,oftenwhenfarmersareplowingtheirfields;somehavebeendatedtoatleast1000B.C.

AsStametscarriedtheheavystones,onebyone,fromtheircabinettothecoffeetable,wherehearrangedthemwithgreatcare,helookedlikeanaltarboy,handlingthemwiththesobrietyappropriatetoirreplaceablesacredobjects.ItoccurredtomePaulStametsisR.GordonWasson’srightfulheir.(Wasson,too,collectedmushroomstones,someofwhichIsawatHarvard.)Heshareshisradicallymycocentriccosmologyandseesevidencewhereverhelooksforthecentralityofpsychoactivemushroomsinculture,religion,andnature.Stamets’slaptopiscrammedwithimagesofPsilocybestakennotonlyfromnature(he’sasuperbphotographer)butalsofromcavepaintings,NorthAfricanpetroglyphs,medievalchurcharchitecture,andIslamicdesigns,someofwhichrecalltheformsofmushroomsor,withtheirfractalgeometricpatternings,mushroomexperiences.IconfessthattryasImight,Ioftenfailedtofindthemushroomslurkinginthepictures.Nodoubtthemushroomsthemselvescouldhelp.ThisbringsustoTerenceMcKenna’sstonedapetheory,theepitomeof

allmycocentricspeculation,whichStametshadwantedtomakesurewediscussed.ThoughreadingisnosubstituteforhearingMcKennaexpoundhisthesis(youcanfindhimonYouTube),hesummarizesitinFoodoftheGods(1992):Psilocybesgaveourhominidancestors“accesstorealmsofsupernaturalpower,”“catalyzedtheemergenceofhumanself-reflection,”and“broughtusoutoftheanimalmindandintotheworldofarticulatedspeechandimagination.”Thislasthypothesisabouttheinventionoflanguageturnsontheconceptofsynesthesia,theconflationofthesensesthatpsychedelicsareknowntoinduce:undertheinfluenceofpsilocybin,numberscantakeoncolors,colorsattachtosounds,andsoon.Language,hecontends,representsaspecialcaseofsynesthesia,inwhichotherwisemeaninglesssoundsbecomelinkedtoconcepts.Hence,thestonedape:bygivingusthegiftsoflanguageandself-reflectionpsilocybinmushroomsmadeuswhoweare,transformingourprimateancestorsintoHomosapiens.Thestonedapetheoryisnotreallysusceptibletoproofordisproof.

Theconsumptionofmushroomsbyearlyhominidswouldbeunlikelytoleaveanytraceinthefossilrecord,becausethemushroomsaresofttissueandcanbeeatenfresh,requiringnospecialtoolsorprocessingmethodsthatmighthavesurvived.McKennaneverreallyexplainshowtheconsumptionofpsychoactivemushroomscouldhaveinfluenced

biologicalevolution—thatis,selectedforchangesatthelevelofthegenome.Itwouldhavebeeneasierforhimtomakeanargumentforpsychoactivefungi’sinfluenceonculturalevolution—suchastheoneWassonmade—butevidentlythefungihadmoreambitiousplansforthemindofTerenceMcKenna,andTerenceMcKennawasmorethanhappytooblige.StametsbecamegoodfriendswithMcKennaduringthelastfewyears

ofhislife,andeversinceMcKenna’sdeath(atagefifty-three,frombraincancer),hehasbeencarryingthestonedape’storch,recountingMcKenna’stheoryinmanyofhistalks.Stametsacknowledgesthechallengesofeverprovingittoanyone’ssatisfactionyetdeemsit“morelikelythannot”thatpsilocybin“waspivotalinhumanevolution.”Whatisitaboutthesemushrooms,Iwondered,andtheexperiencetheysponsorinthemindsofmen,thatfiresthiskindofintellectualextravaganceandconviction?Thestoriesofmyco-evangelistslikeMcKennareadlikeconversion

narratives,inwhichcertainpeoplewhohavefeltthepowerofthesemushroomsfirsthandemergefromtheexperienceconvincedthatthesefungiareprimemovers—gods,ofasort—thatcanexplaineverything.Theirpropheticmissioninlifebecomesclear:bringthisnewstotheworld!Nowconsiderallthisfromthemushroom’spointofview:whatmight

havestartedasabiochemicalaccidenthasturnedintoaningeniousstrategyforenlargingthespecies’rangeandnumber,bywinningtheferventdevotionofananimalasingeniousandwelltraveled(andwellspoken!)asHomosapiens.InMcKenna’svision,itisthemushroomitselfthathelpedformpreciselythekindofmind—endowedwiththetoolsoflanguageandfiredbyimagination—thatcouldbestadvanceitsinterests.Howdiabolicallybrilliant!NowonderPaulStametsisconvincedoftheirintelligence.

•••

THENEXTMORNING,beforewepackedupthecarsforourtripsouth,Stametshadanothergifthewantedtogiveme.Wewereinhisoffice,lookingatsomeimagesonhiscomputer,whenhepulledofftheshelfa

smallpileofamadouhats.“Seeifoneofthesefitsyou.”Mostofthemushroomhatsweretoobigforme,butIfoundonethatsatcomfortablyonmyheadandthankedhimforthegift.Thehatwassurprisinglysoftandalmostweightless,butIfeltalittlesillywithamushroomonmyhead,soIcarefullypackeditinmyluggage.EarlySundaymorningwedrovewesttowardthePacificcoastandthen

southtotheColumbiaRiver,stoppingforlunchandcampingprovisionsintheresorttownofLongBeach.ThisbeingthefirstweekofDecember,thetownwasprettywellbuttonedupandsleepy.StametsrequestedthatInotpublishtheexactlocationwherewewenthuntingforPsilocybeazurescens.ButwhatIcansayisthattherearethreepublicparksborderingthewide-openmouthoftheColumbia—FortStevens,CapeDisappointment,andtheLewisandClarkNationalHistoricalPark—andwestayedatoneofthem.Stamets,whohasbeencomingheretohuntazziesforyears,wasmildlyparanoidaboutbeingrecognizedbyaranger,sohestayedinthecarwhileIcheckedinattheofficeandpickedupamapgivingdirectionstoouryurt.Assoonasweunloadedandstowedourgear,welacedupourboots

andheadedouttolookformushrooms.Whichreallyjustmeantwalkingaroundwitheyescastdownward,tracingdesultorypatternsthroughthescrubalongthesanddunesandinthegrassyareasadjoiningtheyurts.Weadoptedthepostureofthepsilocybinstoop,exceptthatweraisedourheadseverytimeweheardacarcoming.Foragingmushroomsisprohibitedinmoststateparks,andbeinginpossessionofpsilocybinmushroomsisbothastateandafederalcrime.Theweatherwasovercastinthehighforties—balmyforthisfarnorth

onthePacificcoastinDecember,whenitcanbecold,wet,andstormy.Weprettymuchhadthewholeparktoourselves.Itwasastunning,desolatelandscape,withpinetreesprunedlowandangularbythewindscomingofftheocean,endlessdead-flatsandybeacheswithplentyofdriftwood,andgiantstorm-tossedtimberswashedupandjack-strawedhereandtherealongthebeach.Theselogshadsomehowslippedoutfromunderthethumbofthelumberindustry,floatingdowntheColumbiafromtheold-growthforestshundredsofmilesupriverandwashinguphere.StametssuspectsthatPsilocybeazurescensmightoriginallyhave

riddenoutoftheforestinthefleshofthoselogsandfounditswayhereto

themouthoftheColumbia—thusfartheonlyplacethespecieshaseverbeenfound.Somemyceliumwillactuallyinsinuateitselfintothegrainoftrees,takingupresidenceandformingasymbioticrelationshipwiththetree.Stametsbelievesthemyceliumfunctionsasakindofimmunesystemforitsarborealhost,secretingantibacterial,antiviral,andinsecticidalcompoundsthatprotectthetreesfromdiseasesandpests,inexchangefornourishmentandhabitat.Aswewalkedinwideningspiralsandfigureeightsoverthegrassy

dunes,Stametskeptupasteadymycologicalpatter;onenicethingabouthuntingmushroomsisthatyoudon’thavetoworryaboutscaringthemawaywiththesoundofyourvoice.Everynowandthenhepausedtoshowmeamushroom.Littlebrownmushroomsarenotoriouslydifficulttoidentify,butStametsalmostalwayshaditsLatinbinomialandafewinterestingfactsaboutitathisfingertips.Atonepoint,hehandedmeaRussula,explainingitwasgoodtoeat.IonlynibbledattheruddycapbeforeIhadtospititout,itwassofiery.Evidently,offeringnewbiesthisparticularRussulaisanoldmycologisthazingritual.IsawplentyofLBMsthatmightormightnotbepsilocybinandwas

constantlyinterruptingStametsforanotherID,andeverytimehehadtoprickmybubbleofhopethatIhadatlastfoundthepreciousquarry.Afteranhourortwooffruitlesssearching,Stametswonderedaloudifmaybewehadcometoolatefortheazzies.Andthenallofasudden,inanexcitedstagewhisper,hecalledout,

“Gotone!”Iracedover,askinghimtoleavethemushroominplacesoIcouldseewhereandhowitgrew.Thiswould,Ihoped,allowmeto“getmyeyeson,”asmushroomhuntersliketosay.Onceweregisteronourretinasthevisualpatternoftheobjectwe’researchingfor,it’smuchmorelikelytopopoutofthevisualfield.(Infactthetechnicalnameforthisphenomenonis“thepop-outeffect.”)Itwasahandsomelittlemushroom,withasmooth,slightlyglossy

caramel-coloredcap.Stametsletmepickit;ithadasurprisinglytenaciousgrip,andwhenitcameoutoftheground,itbroughtwithitsomeleaflitter,soil,andalittleknotofbrightwhitemycelium.“Bruisethestipeabit,”Stametssuggested.Idid,andwithinminutesabluetingeappearedwhereI’drubbedit.“That’sthepsilocin.”IneverexpectedtoactuallyseethechemicalIhadreadsomuchabout.

Themushroomhadbeengrowingastone’sthrowfromouryurt,rightontheedgeofaparkingspot.Stametssaysthatlikemanypsilocybinspecies“azziesareorganismsoftheecologicaledge.Lookatwhereweare:attheedgeofthecontinent,theedgeofanecosystem,theedgeofcivilization,andofcoursethesemushroomsbringustotheedgeofconsciousness.”Atthispoint,Stamets,whowhenitcomestomushroomsisoneseriousdude,madethefirstjokeIhadeverheardhimmake:“YouknowoneofthebestindicatorspeciesforPsilocybeazurescensareWinnebagos.”We’reobviouslynotthefirstpeopletohuntforazziesinthispark,andanyonewhopicksamushroomtrailsaninvisiblecloudofitssporebehindhim;this,hebelieves,istheoriginoftheideaoffairydust.Attheendofmanyofthosetrailsisapttobeacampsite,acar,oraWinnebago.Wefoundsevenazziesthatafternoon,thoughbyweImeanStamets;I

onlyfoundone,andeventhenIwasn’tatallcertainitwasaPsilocybeuntilStametsgavemeasmileandathumbs-up.IcouldswearitlookedexactlylikehalfadozenotherspeciesIwasfinding.Stametspatientlytutoredmeinmushroommorphology,andbythefollowingdaymyluckhadimproved,andIfoundfourlittlecaramelbeautiesonmyown.Notmuchofahaul,butthenStametshadsaidthatevenjustoneofthesemushroomscouldunderwriteamajorpsychicexpedition.Thatevening,wecarefullylaidoutoursevenmushroomsonapaper

towelandphotographedthembeforeputtingtheminfrontoftheyurt’sspaceheatertodry.Withinhours,thehotairhadtransformedamushroomthatwasunimpressivetobeginwithintoatiny,shriveledgray-bluescrapitwouldbeeasytooverlook.Theideathatsomethingsounprepossessingcouldhavesuchconsequencewashardtocredit.Ihadbeenlookingforwardtotryinganazzie,butbeforetheevening

wasover,Stametshaddampenedmyenthusiasm.“Ifindazurescensalmosttoostrong,”hetoldmewhenwewerestandingaroundthefirepitoutsideouryurt,havingabeer.Afternightfall,wehaddrivenoutontothebeachtohuntforrazorclamsbyheadlight;nowweweresautéingthemwithonionsoverthefire.“Andazzieshaveonepotentialsideeffectthatsomepeoplefind

troubling.”Yes?

“Temporaryparalysis,”hesaidmatter-of-factly.Heexplainedthatsomepeopleonazziesfindtheycan’tmovetheirmusclesforaperiodoftime.Thatmightbetolerableifyou’reinasafeplace,hesuggested,“butwhatifyou’reoutdoorsandtheweatherturnscoldandwet?Youcoulddieofhypothermia.”Notmuchofanadvertisementforazurescens,especiallycomingfromthemanwhodiscoveredthespeciesandnamedit.Iwassuddenlyinmuchlessofahurrytotryone.

•••

THEQUESTIONIKEPTreturningtothatweekendisthis:Whyintheworldwouldafungusgotothetroubleofproducingachemicalcompoundthathassucharadicaleffectonthemindsoftheanimalsthateatit?What,ifanything,didthispeculiarchemicaldoforthemushroom?Onecouldconstructaquasi-mysticalexplanationforthisphenomenon,asStametsandMcKennahavedone:bothsuggestthatneurochemistryisthelanguageinwhichnaturecommunicateswithus,andit’stryingtotellussomethingimportantbywayofpsilocybin.Butthisstrikesmeasmoreofapoeticconceitthanascientifictheory.ThebestanswerI’vemanagedtofindarrivedafewweekslater

courtesyofPaulStamets’sprofessoratEvergreenState,MichaelBeug,thechemist.WhenIreachedhimbyphoneathishomeintheColumbiaRiverGorge,160milesupriverofourcampsite,Beugsaidhewasretiredfromteachingandhadn’tspentmuchtimethinkingaboutPsilocybesrecently,buthewasintriguedbymyquestion.Iaskedhimifthereisreasontobelievethatpsilocybinisadefense

chemicalforthemushroom.Defenseagainstpestsanddiseasesisthemostcommonfunctionoftheso-calledsecondarymetabolitesproducedinplants.Curiously,manyplanttoxinsdon’tdirectlykillpests,butoftenactaspsychostimulantsaswellaspoisons,whichiswhyweusemanyofthemasdrugstoalterconsciousness.Whywouldn’tplantsjustkilltheirpredatorsoutright?Perhapsbecausethatwouldquicklyselectforresistance,whereasmessingwithitsneurotransmitternetworkscandistractthepredatoror,betterstill,leadittoengageinriskybehaviorslikelytoshortenitslife.Thinkofaninebriatedinsectbehavinginawaythatattractstheattentionofahungrybird.

ButBeugpointedoutthatifpsilocybinwereadefensechemical,“myformerstudentPaulStametswouldhavejumpedonitlongagoandfoundauseforitasanantifungal,antibacterial,orinsecticide.”InfactBeughastestedfungiforpsilocybinandpsilocinlevelsandfoundthattheyoccuronlyinminutequantitiesinthemycelium—thepartoftheorganismmostlikelytobewelldefended.“Insteadthechemicalsareinthefruitingbodies—sometimesatovertwopercentbydryweight!”—astupendousquantity,andinapartoftheorganismitisnotaprioritytodefend.Evenifpsilocybininmushroomsbeganas“anaccidentofametabolic

pathway,”thefactthatitwasn’tdiscardedduringthecourseofthespecies’evolutionsuggestsitmusthaveofferedsomebenefit.“Mybestguess,”Beugsays,“isthatthemushroomsthatproducedthemostpsilocybingotselectivelyeatenandsotheirsporesgotmorewidelydisseminated.”Eatenbywhom,orwhat?Andwhy?Beugsaysthatmanyanimalsare

knowntoeatpsilocybinmushrooms,includinghorses,cattle,anddogs.Some,likecows,appearunaffected,butmanyanimalsappeartoenjoyanoccasionalchangeinconsciousnesstoo.Beugisinchargeofgatheringmushroom-poisoningreportsfortheNorthAmericanMycologicalAssociationandovertheyearshasseenaccountsofhorsestrippingintheirpaddocksanddogsthat“zeroinonPsilocybesandappeartobehallucinating.”Severalprimatespecies(asidefromourown)arealsoknowntoenjoypsychedelicmushrooms.Presumablyanimalswithatasteforalteredstatesofconsciousnesshavehelpedspreadpsilocybinfarandwide.“Thestrainsofaspeciesthatproducedmoreratherthanlesspsilocybinandpsilocinwouldtendtobefavoredandsograduallybecomemorewidespread.”Eateninsmalldoses,psychedelicmushroomsmightwellincrease

fitnessinanimals,byincreasingsensoryacuityandpossiblyfocusaswell.A2015reviewarticleintheJournalofEthnopharmacologyreportedthatseveraltribesaroundtheworldfeedpsychoactiveplantstotheirdogsinordertoimprovetheirhuntingability.*Athigherdoses,however,onewouldthinkthatanimalstrippingon

psychedelicmushroomswouldbeatadistinctdisadvantageforsurvival,andnodoubtmanyofthemare.Butforaselectfew,theeffectsmayoffersomeadaptivevalue,notonlyforthemselves,butalsopossiblyforthegroupandeventhespecies.

Hereweventureoutontohighlyspeculative,slightlysquishyground,guidedbyanItalianethnobotanistnamedGiorgioSamorini.InabookcalledAnimalsandPsychedelics:TheNaturalWorldandtheInstincttoAlterConsciousness,Samorinihypothesizesthatduringtimesofrapidenvironmentalchangeorcrisisitmayavailthesurvivalofagroupwhenafewofitsmembersabandontheiraccustomedconditionedresponsesandexperimentwithsomeradicallynewanddifferentbehaviors.Muchlikegeneticmutations,mostofthesenoveltieswillprovedisastrousandbediscardedbynaturalselection.Butthelawsofprobabilitysuggestthatafewofthenovelbehaviorsmightendupbeinguseful,helpingtheindividual,thegroup,andpossiblythespeciestoadapttorapidchangesintheirenvironment.Samorinicallsthisa“depatterningfactor.”Therearetimesinthe

evolutionofaspecieswhentheoldpatternsnolongeravail,andtheradical,potentiallyinnovativeperceptionsandbehaviorsthatpsychedelicssometimesinspiremayofferthebestchanceforadaptation.Thinkofitasaneurochemicallyinducedsourceofvariationinapopulation.ItisdifficulttoreadaboutSamorini’slovelytheorywithoutthinking

aboutourownspeciesandthechallengingcircumstancesinwhichwefindourselvestoday.Homosapiensmighthavearrivedatoneofthoseperiodsofcrisisthatcallsforsomementalandbehavioraldepatterning.Couldthatbewhynaturehassentusthesepsychedelicmoleculesnow?

•••

SUCHANOTIONwouldnotstrikePaulStametsastheleastbitfar-fetched.Aswestoodaroundthefirepit,thewarmlightflickeringacrossourfaceswhileourdinnersizzledinitspan,Stametstalkedaboutwhatmushroomshavetaughthimaboutnature.Hewasexpansive,eloquent,grandiose,and,attimes,inacutedangerofslippingthesurlybondsofplausibility.Wehadhadafewbeers,andwhilewehadn’ttouchedourtinystashofazzies,wehadsmokedalittlepot.StametsdilatedontheideaofpsilocybinasachemicalmessengersentfromEarth,andhowwehadbeenelected,byvirtueofthegiftofconsciousnessandlanguage,tohearitscallandactbeforeit’stoolate.

“Plantsandmushroomshaveintelligence,andtheywantustotakecareoftheenvironment,andsotheycommunicatethattousinawaywecanunderstand.”Whyus?“Wehumansarethemostpopulousbipedalorganismswalkingaround,sosomeplantsandfungiareespeciallyinterestedinenlistingoursupport.Ithinktheyhaveaconsciousnessandareconstantlytryingtodirectourevolutionbyspeakingouttousbiochemically.Wejustneedtobebetterlisteners.”ThesewereriffsI’dheardStametsdeliverincountlesstalksand

interviews.“Mushroomshavetaughtmetheinterconnectednessofalllife-formsandthemolecularmatrixthatweshare,”heexplainsinanotherone.“InolongerfeelthatIaminthisenvelopeofahumanlifecalledPaulStamets.Iampartofthestreamofmoleculesthatareflowingthroughnature.Iamgivenavoice,givenconsciousnessforatime,butIfeelthatIampartofthiscontinuumofstardustintowhichIambornandtowhichIwillreturnattheendofthislife.”StametssoundedverymuchlikethevolunteersImetatHopkinswhohadhadfull-blownmysticalexperiences,peoplewhosesenseofthemselvesasindividualshadbeensubsumedintoalargerwhole—aformof“unitiveconsciousness,”which,inStamets’scase,hadfoldedhimintothewebofnature,asitsnotsohumbleservant.“IthinkPsilocybeshavegivenmenewinsightsthatmayallowmeto

helpsteerandspeedfungalevolutionsothatwecanfindsolutionstoourproblems.”Especiallyinatimeofecologicalcrisis,hesuggests,wecan’taffordtowaitforevolution,unfoldingatitsnormalpace,toputforththesesolutionsintime.Letthedepatterningbegin.AsStametsheldforth,andforth,Icouldn’thelpbutpictureinmy

mindAlexGrey’swackedpaintingofthestonedape,withthetornadoesofthoughtflyingoutofhishairyhead.SomuchofwhatStametshastosaytreadsaperilouslynarrowledge,perchedbetweentheautodidact’ssoaringspeculativeflightsandthestonedcrank’slatenightriffingsthateventuallysendeveryoneinearshotofftobed.ButjustwhenIwasbeginningtogrowimpatientwithhismeanders,andcouldhearthecallofmysleepingbagfrominsidetheyurt,he,orI,turnedacorner,andhismycologicalpropheciessuddenlyappearedtomeinamoregenerouslight.Thedaybefore,Stametshadgivenmeatourofthelabsandgrow

roomsatFungiPerfecti,thecompanyhefoundedrightoutofcollege.

Tuckedintotheevergreenforestashortwalkfromhishouse,theFungiPerfecticomplexconsistsofaseriesoflongwhitemetalbuildingsthatlooklikeQuonsethutsorsmallhangars.Outsidearepilesofwoodchips,discardedfungi,andgrowingmedia.Someofthebuildingshousethegrowroomswhereheraisesmedicinalandediblespecies;otherscontainhisresearchfacility,withcleanroomsandlaminarflowchambersinwhichStametsreproducesfungifromtissuecultureandconductshisexperiments.Ontheofficewallshangseveralofhispatents,framed.Amidthetorrentofwords,whatIobservedinthesebuildingswasasalutaryreminderthatwhileStametsissurelyabigtalker,heisnotjustatalker.Heisabigdoertoo,asuccessfulresearcherandentrepreneurwhoisusingfungitomakeoriginalcontributionsacrossaremarkablywiderangeoffields,frommedicineandenvironmentalrestorationtoagricultureandforestryandevennationaldefense.Stametsisinfactascientist,albeitofaspecialkind.ExactlywhatkindofscientistIdidn’tcompletelyunderstanduntila

fewweekslater,whenIhappenedtoreadawonderfulbiographyofAlexandervonHumboldt,thegreatearlynineteenth-centuryGermanscientist(andcolleagueofGoethe’s)whorevolutionizedourunderstandingofthenaturalworld.Humboldtbelieveditisonlywithourfeelings,oursenses,andourimaginations—thatis,withthefacultiesofhumansubjectivity—thatwecaneverpenetratenature’ssecrets.“Natureeverywherespeakstomaninavoice”thatis“familiartohissoul.”Thereisanorderandbeautyorganizingthesystemofnature—asystemthatHumboldt,afterbrieflyconsideringthename“Gaia,”chosetocall“Cosmos”—butitwouldneverhaverevealeditselftousifnotforthehumanimagination,whichisitselfofcourseaproductofnature,oftheverysystemitallowsustocomprehend.Themodernconceitofthescientistattemptingtoobservenaturewithperfectobjectivity,asiffromavantagelocatedoutsideit,wouldhavebeenanathematoHumboldt.“Imyselfamidenticalwithnature.”IfStametsisascientist,asIbelieveheis,itisintheHumboldtian

mold,makinghimsomethingofathrowback.Idon’tmeantosuggesthiscontributionisonthesameorderasHumboldt’s.Buthetooisanamateurinthebestsense,self-taught,uncredentialed,andblitheabouttrespassingdisciplinaryborders.Hetooisanaccomplishednaturalistandinventor,withseveralnewspeciesandpatentstohiscredit.Hetoo

hearsnature’svoice,anditishisimagination—wildasitoftenis—thatallowshimtoseesystemswhereothershavenot,suchaswhatisgoingonbeneathourfeetinaforest.I’mthinking,forexample,ofthe“earth’sInternet,”“theneurologicalnetworkofnature,”andthe“forest’simmunesystem”—threeRomantic-soundingmetaphorsthatitwouldbefoolishtobetagainst.WhatstrikesmeaboutbothStametsandmanyoftheso-called

Romanticscientists(likeHumboldtandGoethe,JosephBanks,ErasmusDarwin,andIwouldincludeThoreau)ishowverymuchmorealivenatureseemsintheirhandsthanitwouldsoonbecomeinthecoolerhandsoftheprofessionals.Thesemorespecializedscientists(awordthatwasn’tcoineduntil1834)graduallymovedscienceindoorsandincreasinglygazedatnaturethroughdevicesthatallowedthemtoobserveitatscalesinvisibletothehumaneye.Thesemovessubtlychangedtheobjectofstudy—indeed,madeitmoreofanobject.Insteadofseeingnatureasacollectionofdiscreteobjects,the

Romanticscientists—andIincludeStametsintheirnumber—sawadenselytangledwebofsubjects,eachactingontheotherinthegreatdancethatwouldcometobecalledcoevolution.“Everything,”Humboldtsaid,“isinteractionandreciprocal.”Theycouldseethisdanceofsubjectivitiesbecausetheycultivatedtheplant’s-eyeview,theanimal’s-eyeview,themicrobe’s-eyeview,andthefungus’s-eyeview—perspectivesthatdependasmuchonimaginationasobservation.Isuspectthatimaginativeleaphasbecomeharderforusmodernsto

make.Ourscienceandtechnologyencourageusinpreciselytheoppositedirection,towardtheobjectificationofnatureandofallspeciesotherthanourown.Surelyweneedtoacknowledgethepracticalpowerofthisperspective,whichhasgivenussomuch,butweshouldatthesametimeacknowledgeitscosts,materialaswellasspiritual.Yetthatolder,moreenchantedwayofseeingmaystillpaydividends,asitdoes(tocitejustonesmallexample)whenitallowsPaulStametstofigureoutthatthereasonhoneybeesliketovisitwoodpilesistomedicatethemselves,bynibblingonasaprophyticmyceliumthatproducesjusttherightantimicrobialcompoundthatthehiveneedstosurvive,agiftthefungusistradingfor...what?Somethingyettobeimagined.

Coda

YouareprobablywonderingwhateverhappenedtotheazziesStametsandIfoundthatweekend.Manymonthslater,inthemiddleofasummerweekspentinthehouseinNewEnglandwhereweusedtolive,aplacefreightedwithmemories,Iatethem,withJudith.Icrumbledtwolittlemushroomsineachoftwoglassesandpouredhotwateroverthemtomakeatea;StametshadrecommendedthatI“cook”themushroomstodestroythecompoundsthatcanupsetthestomach.JudithandIeachdrankhalfacup,ingestingboththeliquidandthecrumblesofmushroom.Isuggestedwetakeawalkonthedirtroadnearourhousewhilewewaitedforthepsilocybintocomeon.However,afteronlyabouttwentyminutesorso,Judithreportedshe

was“feelingthings,”noneofthempleasant.Shedidn’twanttobewalkinganymore,shesaid,butnowwewereatleastamilefromhome.Shetoldmehermindandherbodyseemedtobedriftingapartandthenthathermindhadflownoutofherheadandupintothetrees,likeabirdorinsect.“Ineedtogethomeandfeelsafe,”shesaid,nowwithsomeurgency.I

triedtoreassureherasweabruptlyturnedaroundandpickedupourpace.Itwashotandtheairwasthickwithhumidity.Shesaid,“Ireallydon’twanttorunintoanybody.”Iassuredherwewouldn’t.Istillfeltmoreorlessmyself,butitmaybethatJudith’sdistresswaskeepingmefromfeelingthemushrooms;somebodyhadtobereadytoactnormallyifaneighborhappenedtodrivebyandrolldownhiswindowforachat,aprospectthatwasquicklytakingontheproportionsofnightmare.Infactshortlybeforewegotbacktohomebase—soitnowfelttobothofus—wespottedaneighbor’spickuptruckbearingdownonusand,likeguiltychildren,weduckedintothewoodsuntilitpassed.Judithmadeabeelineforthecouchinthelivingroom,whereshelay

downwiththeshadesdrawn,whileIwentintothekitchentopolishoffmycupofmushroomtea,becauseIwasn’tyetfeelingverymuch.Iwasalittleworriedabouther,butonceshereachedherbaseonthelivingroomcouch,hermoodlightenedandshesaidshewasfine.Icouldn’tunderstandherdesiretobeindoors.Iwentoutandsaton

thescreenedporchforawhile,listeningtothesoundsinthegarden,whichsuddenlygrewveryloud,asifthevolumehadbeenturnedwayup.Theairwasstock-still,butthedesultorysoundsofflyinginsectsandthe

digitalbuzzofhummingbirdsrosetoformacacophonyIhadneverheardbefore.Itbegantograteonmynerves,untilIdecidedIwouldbebetteroffregardingthesoundasbeautiful,andthenallatonceitwas.Iliftedanarm,thenafoot,andnotedwithreliefthatIwasn’tparalyzed,thoughIalsodidn’tfeellikemovingamuscle.WheneverIclosedmyeyes,randomimageseruptedasiftheinsidesof

mylidswereascreen.Mynotesrecord:Fractalpatterns,tunnelsplungingthroughfoliage,ropyvinesforminggrids.ButwhenIstartedtofeelpanicriseatthelackofcontrolIhadovermyvisualfield,IdiscoveredthatallIneededtodotorestoreasenseofsemi-normalcywastoopenmyeyes.Toopenorclosemyeyeswaslikechangingthechannel.Ithought,“Iamlearninghowtomanagethisexperience.”Muchhappened,orseemedtohappen,duringthecourseofthat

Augustafternoon,butIwanttofocushereonjustoneelementoftheexperience,becauseitbearsonthequestionsofnatureandourplaceinitthatpsilocybinseemstoprovoke,atleastforme.IdecidedIwantedtowalkouttomywritinghouse,alittlestructureIhadbuiltmyselftwenty-fiveyearsago,inwhatisnowanotherlife,andwhichholdsagreatmanymemories.Ihadwrittentwoandahalfbooksinthelittleroom(includingoneaboutbuildingit),sittingbeforeabroadwindowthatlookedbackoverapondandthegardentoourhouse.However,IwasstillvaguelyworriedaboutJudith,sobefore

wanderingtoofarfromthehouse,Iwentinsidetocheckonher.Shewasstretchedoutonthecouch,withacooldampclothoverhereyes.Shewasfine.“I’mhavingtheseveryinterestingvisuals,”shesaid,somethinghavingtodowiththestainsonthecoffeetablecomingtolife,swirlingandtransformingandrisingfromthesurfaceinwaysshefoundcompelling.Shemadeitclearshewantedtobeleftalonetosinkmoredeeplyintotheimages—sheisapainter.Thephrase“parallelplay”poppedintomymind,andsoitwouldbefortherestoftheafternoon.Isteppedoutside,feelingunsteadyonmyfeet,legsalittlerubbery.

Thegardenwasthrummingwithactivity,dragonfliestracingcomplicatedpatternsintheair,theseedheadsofplumepoppiesrattlinglikesnakesasIbrushedby,thephloxperfumingtheairwithitssweet,heavyscent,andtheairitselfsopalpablydenseithadtobeforded.Thewordandsenseof“poignance”floodedovermeduringthewalkthroughthegarden,anditwouldreturnlater.Maybebecausewenolongerlivehere,andthis

garden,wherewespentsomanysummersasacoupleandthenafamily,andwhichatthismomentseemedsoacutelypresent,wasinfactnowpartofanirretrievablepast.Itwasasifapreciousmemoryhadnotjustbeenrecalledbuthadactuallycomebacktolife,inareincarnationbothbeautifulandcruel.Alsoheartrendingwasthefleetingnessofthismomentintime,theripenessofaNewEnglandgardeninlateAugustonthevergeofturningthecorneroftheseason.Beforedawnonecloudlessnightverysoonandwithoutwarning,thethrumandbloomandperfumewouldendallatonce,withthearrivalofthekillingfrost.Ifeltwideopenemotionally,undefended.WhenatlastIarrivedatthewritinghouse,Istretchedoutonthe

daybed,somethingIhardlyevertookthetimetodoinalltheyearswhenIwasworkingheresoindustriously.Thebookshelveshadbeenemptied,andtheplacefeltabandoned,alittlesad.FromwhereIlay,Icouldseeovermytoestothewindowscreenand,pastthat,tothegridofanarborthatwasnowdenselywovenwiththetwiningvinesofwhathadbecomeavenerableoldclimbinghydrangea,apetiolaris.Ihadplantedthehydrangeadecadesago,inhopesofcreatingjustthissortofintricatelytangledprospect.Backlitbythelateafternoonsunlightstreamingin,itsneatroundleavescompletelyfilledthewindow,whichmeantyougazedoutattheworldthroughthefreshgreenscrimtheyformed.ItseemedtomethesewerethemostbeautifulleavesIhadeverseen.Itwasasiftheywereemittingtheirownsoftgreenglow.Anditfeltlikeakindofprivilegetogazeoutattheworldthroughtheireyes,asitwere,astheleavesdrankupthelastdraughtsofsunlight,transformingthosephotonsintonewmatter.Aplant’s-eyeviewoftheworld—itwasthat,andforreal!Buttheleaveswerealsolookingbackatme,fixingmewiththisutterlybenigngaze.IcouldfeeltheircuriosityandwhatIwascertainwasanattitudeofutterbenevolencetowardmeandmykind.(DoIneedtosaythatIknowhowcrazythissounds?Ido!)IfeltasthoughIwerecommuningdirectlywithaplantforthefirst

timeandthatcertainideasIhadlongthoughtaboutandwrittenabout—havingtodowiththesubjectivityofotherspeciesandthewaytheyactuponusinwayswe’retooself-regardingtoappreciate—hadtakenonthefleshoffeelingandreality.Ilookedthroughthenegativespacesformedbythehydrangealeavestofixmygazeontheswampmapleinthemiddleofthemeadowbeyond,andittoowasnowmorealivethanI’dever

knownatreetobe,infusedwithsomekindofspirit—thisone,too,benevolent.Theideathattherehadeverbeenadisagreementbetweenmatterandspiritseemedrisible,andIfeltasthoughwhateveritisthatusuallydividesmefromtheworldouttherehadbeguntofallaway.Notcompletely:thebattlementsofegohadnotfallen;thiswasnotwhattheresearcherswoulddeema“complete”mysticalexperience,becauseIretainedthesenseofanobservingI.Butthedoorsandwindowsofperceptionhadopenedwide,andtheywereadmittingmoreoftheworldanditsmyriadnonhumanpersonalitiesthaneverbefore.Buoyedbythisdevelopment,Isatupnowandlookedoutovermy

desk,throughthebigwindowthatfacedbacktothehouse.WhenIsitedthebuilding,Icarefullyframedthemainviewbetweentwoveryoldandvenerabletrees,astolidlyverticalashontherightandanelegantlyangledandintricatelybranchedwhiteoakontheleft.Theashhasseenbetterdays;stormshaveshornseveralimportantlimbsfromit,wreckingitssymmetryandleavingsomeraggedstumps.Theoakwassomewhathealthier,infullleafnowwithitsupturnedlimbsreachingintotheskylikethelimbsofadancer.Butthemaintrunk,whichhadalwaysleanedprecariouslytooneside,nowconcernedme:asectionofithadrottedoutatgroundlevel,andforthefirsttimeitwaspossibletolookclearthroughitandseedaylight.Howwasitpossiblystillstanding?AsIgazedatthetwotreesIhadgazedatsomanytimesbeforefrom

mydesk,itsuddenlydawnedonmethatthesetreeswere—obviously!—myparents:thestolidashmyfather,theelegantoakmymother.Idon’tknowexactlywhatImeanbythat,exceptthatthinkingaboutthosetreesbecameidenticaltothinkingaboutmyparents.Theywerecompletely,indelibly,presentinthosetrees.AndsoIthoughtaboutalltheyhadgivenme,andaboutallthattimehaddonetothem,andwhatwasgoingtobecomeofthisprospect,thisplace(thisme!),whentheyfinallyfell,aseventuallytheywould.Thatparentsdieisnotexactlythestuffofepiphany,buttheprospect,nolongerdistantorabstract,piercedmemoredeeplythaniteverhad,andIwasdisarmedyetagainbythepervasivesenseofpoignancythattrailedmeallthatafternoon.YetImusthavestillhadsomewitsaboutme,becauseImadeanotetocallthearboristtomorrow;maybesomethingcouldbedonetoreducetheweightontheleaningsideoftheoak,inordertopreventitfromfalling,ifonlyforawhilelonger.

Mywalkbacktothehousewas,Ithink,thepeakoftheexperienceandcomesbacktomenowinthecolorsandtonesofadream.Therewas,again,thesenseofpushingmybodythroughamassofairthathadbeensweetenedbyphloxandwasteeming,almostfrenetic,withactivity.Thedragonflies,bigasbirds,werenowoutinforce,touchingdownjustlongenoughtokissthephloxblossomsandthenliftoff,beforemadlycrisscrossingthegardenpath.TheseweremoredragonfliesthanIhadeverseeninoneplace,somanyinfactthatIwasn’tcompletelysureiftheywerereal.(JudithlaterconfirmedthesightingwhenIgothertocomeoutside.)Andastheyexecutedtheirflightpatterns,theyleftbehindthemcontrailsthatpersistedintheair,orsoatleastitappeared.Dusknowapproaching,theairtrafficinthegardenhadbuilttoariotouscrescendo:thepollinatorsmakingtheirlastroundsoftheday,theplantsstillsignifyingtothemwiththeirflowers:me,me,me!InonewayIknewthisscenewell—thegardencomingbrieflybacktolifeaftertheheatofasummerdayhasrelented—butneverhadIfeltsointegraltoit.Iwasnolongerthealienatedhumanobserver,gazingatthegardenfromadistance,whetherliteralorfigural,butratherfeltpartandparcelofallthatwastranspiringhere.Sotheflowerswereaddressingmeasmuchasthepollinators,andperhapsbecausetheveryairthatafternoonwassuchafeltpresence,one’susualsenseofoneselfasasubjectobservingobjectsinspace—objectsthathavebeenthrownintoreliefandrendereddiscretebytheapparentvoidthatsurroundsthem—gavewaytoasenseofbeingdeepinsideandfullyimplicatedinthisscene,onemorebeinginrelationtothemyriadotherbeingsandtothewhole.“Everythingisinteractionandreciprocal,”wroteHumboldt,andthat

feltverymuchthecase,andso,forthefirsttimeIcanremember,didthis:“Imyselfamidenticalwithnature.”

•••

IHONESTLYDON’TKNOWwhattomakeofthisexperience.Inacertainlightatcertainmoments,IfeelasthoughIhadhadsomekindofspiritualexperience.IhadfeltthepersonhoodofotherbeingsinawayIhadn’tbefore;whateveritisthatkeepsusfromfeelingourfullimplicationinnaturehadbeentemporarilyinabeyance.Therehadalsobeen,Ifelt,an

openingoftheheart,towardmyparents,yes,andtowardJudith,butalso,weirdly,towardsomeoftheplantsandtreesandbirdsandeventhedamnbugsonourproperty.Someofthisopennesshaspersisted.Ithinkbackonitnowasanexperienceofwonderandimmanence.ThefactthatthistransformationofmyfamiliarworldintosomethingI

canonlydescribeasnuminouswasoccasionedbytheeatingofalittlebrownmushroomthatStametsandIhadfoundgrowingontheedgeofaparkinglotinastateparkonthePacificcoast—well,thatfactcanbeviewedinoneoftwoways:eitherasanadditionalwonderorassupportforamoreprosaicandmaterialistinterpretationofwhathappenedtomethatAugustafternoon.Accordingtooneinterpretation,Ihadhad“adrugexperience,”plainandsimple.Itwasakindofwakingdream,interestingandpleasurablebutsignifyingnothing.Thepsilocininthatmushroomunlockedthe5-hydroxytryptamine2-Areceptorsinmybrain,causingthemtofirewildlyandsetoffacascadeofdisorderedmentaleventsthat,amongotherthings,permittedsomethoughtsandfeelings,presumablyfrommysubconscious(and,perhaps,myreadingtoo),togetcross-wiredwithmyvisualcortexasitwasprocessingimagesofthetreesandplantsandinsectsinmyfieldofvision.Notquiteahallucination,“projection”isprobablythepsychological

termforthisphenomenon:whenwemixouremotionswithcertainobjectsthatthenreflectthosefeelingsbacktoussothattheyappeartoglistenwithmeaning.T.S.Eliotcalledthesethingsandsituationsthe“objectivecorrelatives”ofhumanemotion.Emersonhadasimilarphenomenoninmindwhenhesaidthat“Naturealwayswearsthecolorsofthespirit,”suggestingitisourmindsthatdressherinsuchsignificance.I’mstruckbythefacttherewasnothingsupernaturalaboutmy

heightenedperceptionsthatafternoon,nothingthatIneededanideaofmagicoradivinitytoexplain.No,allittookwasanotherperceptualslantonthesameoldreality,alensormodeofconsciousnessthatinventednothingbutmerely(merely!)italicizedtheproseofordinaryexperience,disclosingthewonderthatisalwaysthereinagardenorwood,hiddeninplainsight—anotherformofconsciousness“partedfrom[us],”asWilliamJamesputit,“bythefilmiestofscreens.”Naturedoesinfactteemwithsubjectivities—callthemspiritsifyoulike—otherthanourown;itisonlythehumanego,withitsimaginedmonopolyonsubjectivity,thatkeepsus

fromrecognizingthemall,ourkithandkin.Inthissense,IguessPaulStametsisrighttothinkthemushroomsarebringingusmessagesfromnature,oratleasthelpingustoopenupandreadthem.Beforethisafternoon,Ihadalwaysassumedaccesstoaspiritual

dimensionhingedonone’sacceptanceofthesupernatural—ofGod,ofaBeyond—butnowI’mnotsosure.TheBeyond,whateveritconsistsof,mightnotbenearlyasfarawayorinaccessibleaswethink.HustonSmith,thescholarofreligion,oncedescribedaspiritually“realizedbeing”assimplyapersonwith“anacutesenseoftheastonishingmysteryofeverything.”Faithneednotfigure.Maybetobeinagardenandfeelawe,orwonder,inthepresenceofanastonishingmystery,isnothingmorethanarecoveryofamisplacedperspective,perhapsthechild’s-eyeview;maybeweregainitbymeansofaneurochemicalchangethatdisablesthefilters(ofconvention,ofego)thatpreventusinordinaryhoursfromseeingwhatis,likethoselovelyleaves,staringusintheface.Idon’tknow.Butifthosedried-uplittlescrapsoffungustaughtmeanything,itisthatthereareother,strangerformsofconsciousnessavailabletous,and,whatevertheymean,theirveryexistence,toquoteWilliamJamesagain,“forbid[s]aprematureclosingofouraccountswithreality.”Open-minded.Andbemushroomed.Thatwasme,now,readyto

reopenmyownaccountswithreality.

CHAPTERTHREE

HISTORY

TheFirstWave

WHENTHEFEDERALAUTHORITIESCAMEdownhardonTimothyLearyinthemid-1960s,hittinghimwithathirty-yearsentenceforattemptingtobringasmallamountofmarijuanaovertheborderatLaredo,Texas,in1966,*theembattledformerpsychologyprofessorturnedtoMarshallMcLuhanforsomeadvice.ThecountrywasinthethroesofamoralpanicaboutLSD,inspiredinnosmallpartbyLeary’sownpromotionofpsychedelicdrugsasameansofpersonalandculturaltransformationandbyhisrecommendationtoAmerica’syouththatthey“turnon,tunein,dropout.”Datedandgoofyasthosewordssoundtoourears,therewasamomentwhentheyweretreatedasacrediblethreattothesocialorder,aninvitationtoAmerica’schildrennotonlytotakemind-alteringdrugsbuttorejectthepathlaidoutforthembytheirparentsandtheirgovernment—includingthepathtakingyoungmentoVietnam.Alsoin1966,LearywascalledbeforeacommitteeoftheU.S.Senatetodefendhisnotoriousslogan,whichhegamelyifnotverypersuasivelyattemptedtodo.Inthemidstofthenationalstormragingaroundhim—astorm,itshouldbesaid,hequiteenjoyed—LearymetwithMarshallMcLuhanoverlunchatthePlazahotelinNewYork,theLSDgurubettingthatthemediagurumighthavesometipsonhowbesttohandlethepublicandthepress.“DrearySenatehearingandcourtroomsarenottheplatformsforyour

message,Tim,”McLuhanadvised,inaconversationthatLearyrecountsinFlashbacks,oneofhismanyautobiographies.(Learywouldwriteanotheroneeverytimelegalfeesandalimonypaymentsthreatenedtoemptyhisbankaccount.)“Todispelfearyoumustuseyourpublicimage.Youarethebasicproductendorser.”Theproductbythispointwasof

courseLSD.“Wheneveryouarephotographed,smile.Wavereassuringly.Radiatecourage.Nevercomplainorappearangry.It’sokayifyoucomeoffasflamboyantandeccentric.You’reaprofessorafterall.Butaconfidentattitudeisthebestadvertisement.Youmustbeknownforyoursmile.”LearytookMcLuhan’sadvicetoheart.Invirtuallyallofthemany

thousandsofphotographstakenofhimfromthatlunchdateforward,Learymadesuretopresentthegiftofhismostwinninggrintothecamera.Itdidn’tmatterifhewascomingintooroutofacourthouse,addressingathrongofyouthfuladmirersinhislovebeadsandwhiterobes,beingjostledintoasquadcarfreshlyhandcuffed,orperchedontheedgeofJohnandYoko’sbedinaMontrealhotelroom,TimothyLearyalwaysmanagedtosummonabrightsmileandacheerfulwaveforthecamera.So,eversmiling,thecharismaticfigureofTimothyLearyloomslarge

overthehistoryofpsychedelicsinAmerica.Yetitdoesn’ttakemanyhoursinthelibrarybeforeyoubegintowonderifmaybeTimothyLearyloomsalittletoolargeinthathistory,oratleastinourpopularunderstandingofit.IwashardlyaloneinassumingthattheHarvardPsilocybinProject—launchedbyLearyinthefallof1960,immediatelyafterhisfirstlife-changingexperiencewithpsilocybininMexico—representedthebeginningofseriousacademicresearchintothesesubstancesorthatLeary’sdismissalfromHarvardin1963markedtheendofthatresearch.Butinfactneitherpropositionisevenremotelytrue.Learyplayedanimportantroleinthemodernhistoryofpsychedelics,

butit’snotatallthepioneeringrolehewroteforhimself.Hissuccessinshapingthepopularnarrativeofpsychedelicsinthe1960sobscuresasmuchasitreveals,creatingakindofrealitydistortionfieldthatmakesitdifficulttoseeeverythingthatcameeitherbeforeorafterhisbigmomentonstage.Inatruertellingofthehistory,theHarvardPsilocybinProjectwould

appearmorelikethebeginningoftheendofwhathadbeenaremarkablyfertileandpromisingperiodofresearchthatunfoldedduringthepreviousdecadefarfromCambridge,inplacesasfarflungasSaskatchewan,Vancouver,California,andEngland,and,everywhere,withalotlesssoundandfuryorcounterculturalbaggage.Thelarger-than-lifefigureofLearyhasalsoobscuredfromviewtheroleofa

dedicatedbutlittle-knowngroupofscientists,therapists,andpassionateamateurswho,longbeforeLearyhadevertriedpsilocybinorLSD,developedthetheoreticalframeworktomakesenseoftheseunusualchemicalsanddevisedthetherapeuticprotocolstoputthemtousehealingpeople.ManyoftheseresearcherseventuallywatchedindismayasLeary(andhis“antics,”astheyinevitablyreferredtohisvariousstuntsandpronouncements)ignitedwhatwouldbecomeapublicbonfireofalltheirhard-wonknowledgeandexperience.Intellingthemodernhistoryofpsychedelics,Iwanttoputasidethe

Learysaga,atleastuntilthecrack-upwhereitproperlybelongs,toseeifwecan’trecoversomeofthatknowledgeandtheexperiencethatproduceditwithoutpassingitthroughthelight-bendingprismofthe“PsychedelicSixties.”Indoingso,I’mfollowinginthestepsofseveralofthecurrentgenerationofpsychedelicresearchers,who,beginninginthelate1990s,setouttoexcavatetheintellectualruinsofthisfirstfloweringofresearchintoLSDandpsilocybinandwereastoundedbywhattheyfound.StephenRossisonesuchresearcher.Apsychiatristspecializingin

addictionatBellevue,hedirectedanNYUtrialusingpsilocybintotreattheexistentialdistressofcancerpatients,towhichIwillreturnlater;sincethen,hehasturnedtothetreatmentofalcoholicswithpsychedelics,whathadbeenperhapsthesinglemostpromisingareaofclinicalresearchinthe1950s.WhenseveralyearsagoanNYUcolleaguementionedtoRossthatLSDhadoncebeenusedtotreatthousandsofalcoholicsinCanadaandtheUnitedStates(andthatBillWilson,thefounderofAlcoholicsAnonymous,hadsoughttointroduceLSDtherapyintoAAinthe1950s),Ross,whowasinhisthirtiesatthetime,didsomeresearchandwas“flabbergasted”byallthathe—asanexpertonthetreatmentofalcoholism—didnotknowandhadn’tbeentold.Hisownfieldhadasecrethistory.“Ifeltalittlelikeanarchaeologist,unearthingacompletelyburied

bodyofknowledge.Beginningintheearlyfifties,psychedelicshadbeenusedtotreatawholehostofconditions,”includingaddiction,depression,obsessive-compulsivedisorder,schizophrenia,autism,andend-of-lifeanxiety.“Therehadbeenfortythousandresearchparticipantsandmorethanathousandclinicalpapers!TheAmericanPsychiatricAssociationhadwholemeetingscenteredaroundLSD,thisnewwonderdrug.”In

fact,thereweresixinternationalscientificmeetingsdevotedtopsychedelicsbetween1950and1965.“Someofthebestmindsinpsychiatryhadseriouslystudiedthesecompoundsintherapeuticmodels,withgovernmentfunding.”Butafterthecultureandthepsychiatricestablishmentturnedagainstpsychedelicsinthemid-1960s,anentirebodyofknowledgewaseffectivelyerasedfromthefield,asifallthatresearchandclinicalexperiencehadneverhappened.“BythetimeIgottomedicalschoolinthe1990s,nooneeventalkedaboutit.”

•••

WHENLSDBURSTontothepsychiatricscenein1950,thedrug’seffectsonpatients(andresearchers,whoroutinelytriedthedrugonthemselves)weresonovelandstrangethatscientistsstruggledforthebetterpartofadecadetofigureoutwhattheseextraordinaryexperienceswereormeant.How,exactly,didthisnewmind-alteringdrugfitintotheexistingparadigmsforunderstandingthemindandtheprevailingmodesofpsychiatryandpsychotherapy?Alivelydebateoverthesequestionswentonformorethanadecade.Whatwasn’tknownatthetimeisthatbeginningin1953,theCIAwasconductingitsown(classified)researchintopsychedelicsandwasstrugglingwithsimilarissuesofinterpretationandapplication:WasLSDbestregardedasapotentialtruthserum,oramind-controlagent,orachemicalweapon?Theworld’sveryfirstLSDtrip,andtheonlyoneundertakenwithno

priorexpectations,wastheoneAlbertHofmanntookin1943.Whileitlefthimuncertainwhetherhehadexperiencedmadnessortranscendence,Hofmannimmediatelysensedthepotentialimportanceofthiscompoundforneurologyandpsychiatry.SoSandoz,thepharmaceuticalcompanyforwhichheworkedatthetimeofhisdiscovery,didsomethingunusual:ineffect,itcrowd-sourcedaworldwideresearchefforttofigureoutwhatintheworldDelysid—itsbrandnameforLSD-25—mightbegoodfor.Hopingsomeonesomewherewouldhituponacommercialapplicationforitsspookilypowerfulnewcompound,Sandozofferedtosupply,freeofcharge,howevermuchLSDanyresearcherrequested.Thecompanydefinedtheterm“researcher”liberallyenoughtoincludeanytherapistwhopromisedtowriteuphisor

herclinicalobservations.Thispolicyremainedmoreorlessunchangedfrom1949to1966andwasinlargepartresponsibleforsettingoffthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearch—theonethatcrashedin1966,whenSandoz,alarmedatthecontroversythathaderuptedarounditsexperimentaldrug,abruptlywithdrewDelysidfromcirculation.Sowhatwaslearnedduringthatfertileandfreewheelingperiodof

investigation?Astraightforwardquestion,andyettheansweriscomplicatedbytheverynatureofthesedrugs,whichisanythingbutstraightforward.Astheliterarytheoristswouldsay,thepsychedelicexperienceishighly“constructed.”Ifyouaretoldyouwillhaveaspiritualexperience,chancesareprettygoodthatyouwill,and,likewise,ifyouaretoldthedrugmaydriveyoutemporarilyinsane,oracquaintyouwiththecollectiveunconscious,orhelpyouaccess“cosmicconsciousness,”orrevisitthetraumaofyourbirth,youstandagoodchanceofhavingexactlythatkindofexperience.Psychologistscalltheseself-fulfillingprophecies“expectancyeffects,”

andtheyturnouttobeespeciallypowerfulinthecaseofpsychedelics.So,forexample,ifyouhaveeverreadAldousHuxley’sDoorsofPerception,whichwaspublishedin1954,yourownpsychedelicexperiencehasprobablybeeninfluencedbytheauthor’smysticismand,specifically,themysticismoftheEasttowhichHuxleywasinclined.Indeed,evenifyouhaveneverreadHuxley,hisconstructionoftheexperiencehasprobablyinfluencedyourown,forthatEasternflavoring—thinkoftheBeatlessong“TomorrowNeverKnows”—wouldcometocharacterizetheLSDexperiencefrom1954on.(LearywouldpickupthispsychedelicorientalismfromHuxleyandthengreatlyamplifyitwhenheandhisHarvardcolleagueswroteabestsellingmanualforpsychedelicexperiencebasedontheTibetanBookoftheDead.)Furthercomplicatingthestoryandaddinganotherfeedbackloop,Huxleywasinspiredtotrypsychedelicsandwriteabouttheexperiencebyascientistwhogavehimmescalineintheexplicithopethatagreatwriter’sdescriptionsandmetaphorswouldhelphimandhiscolleaguesmakesenseofanexperiencetheywerestrugglingtointerpret.SodidAldousHuxley“makesense”ofthemodernpsychedelicexperience,ordidheinsomesenseinventit?Thishallofepistemologicalmirrorswasjustoneofthemany

challengesfacingtheresearcherswhowantedtobringLSDintothefield

ofpsychiatryandpsychotherapy:psychedelictherapycouldlookmorelikeshamanismorfaithhealingthanmedicine.AnotherchallengewastheirrationalexuberancethatseemedtoinfectanyresearcherswhogotinvolvedwithLSD,anenthusiasmthatmighthaveimprovedtheresultsoftheirexperimentsatthesametimeitfueledtheskepticismofcolleagueswhoremainedpsychedelicvirgins.Yetathirdchallengewashowtofitpsychedelicsintotheexistingstructuresofscienceandpsychiatry,ifindeedthatwaspossible.Howdoyoudoacontrolledexperimentwithapsychedelic?Howdoyoueffectivelyblindyourpatientsandcliniciansorcontrolforthepowerfulexpectancyeffect?When“set”and“setting”playsuchabigroleinthepatient’sexperience,howcanyouhopetoisolateasinglevariableordesignatherapeuticapplication?

PartI:ThePromise

Thedrugsweren’tcalled“psychedelics”atthebeginning;thattermwasn’tintroduceduntil1957.InthesamewaythatSandozcouldn’tfigureoutwhatithadonitshandswithLSD,theresearchersexperimentingwiththedrugcouldn’tfigureoutwhattocallit.Overthecourseofthe1950s,thisclassofdrugsunderwentasuccessionofnamechangesasourunderstandingofthechemicalsandtheiractionevolved,eachnewnamereflectingtheshiftinginterpretation—orwasitaconstruction?—ofwhatthesestrangeandpowerfulmoleculesmeantanddid.Thefirstnamewasperhapsthemostawkward:beginningaround

1950,shortlyafterLSDwasmadeavailabletoresearchers,thecompoundwasknownasapsychotomimetic,whichistosay,aminddrugthatmimickedpsychoses.Thiswasthemostobviousandparsimoniousinterpretationofapsychedelic’seffects.Viewedfromtheoutside,peoplegivendosesofLSDand,later,psilocybinexhibitedmanyofthesignsofatemporarypsychosis.EarlyresearchersreportedarangeofdisturbingsymptomsintheirLSDvolunteers,includingdepersonalization,lossofegoboundaries,distortedbodyimage,synesthesia(seeingsoundsorhearingsights),emotionallability,gigglingandweeping,distortionofthesenseoftime,delirium,hallucinations,paranoiddelusions,and,inthewordsofonewriter,“atantalizingsenseofportentousness.”WhenresearchersadministeredstandardizedpsychiatricteststovolunteersonLSD—suchastheRorschachinkblotsortheMinnesotaMultiphasicPersonalityInventorytest—theresultsmirroredthoseofpsychoticsand,specifically,schizophrenics.VolunteersonLSDappearedtobelosingtheirminds.ThissuggestedtosomeresearchersthatLSDheldpromiseasatoolfor

understandingpsychosis,whichispreciselyhowSandozinitiallymarketedDelysid.Althoughthedrugmightnotcureanything,theresemblanceofitseffectstothesymptomsofschizophreniasuggestedthatthementaldisordermighthaveachemicalbasisthatLSDcouldsomehowilluminate.Forclinicians,thedrugpromisedtohelpthembetterunderstandandempathizewiththeirschizophrenicpatients.That

ofcoursemeanttakingthedrugthemselves,whichseemsodd,evenscandalous,toustoday.Butintheyearsbefore1962,whenCongresspassedalawgivingtheFDAauthoritytoregulatenew“investigational”drugs,thiswasinfactcommonpractice.Indeed,itwasconsideredtheethicalthingtodo,fortonottakethedrugyourselfwastantamounttotreatingyourpatientsasguineapigs.HumphryOsmondwrotethattheextraordinarypromiseofLSDwastoallowthetherapistwhotookitto“entertheillnessandseewithamadman’seyes,hearwithhisears,andfeelwithhisskin.”BorninSurrey,England,in1917,Osmondisalittle-knownbutpivotal

figureinthehistoryofpsychedelicresearch,*probablycontributingmoretoourunderstandingofthesecompoundsandtheirtherapeuticpotentialthananyothersingleresearcher.IntheyearsfollowingWorldWarII,Osmond,atallreedofamanwithraucousteeth,waspracticingpsychiatryatSt.George’sHospitalinLondonwhenacolleaguenamedJohnSmythiesintroducedhimtoanobscurebodyofmedicalliteratureaboutmescaline.Afterlearningthatmescalineinducedhallucinationsmuchlikethosereportedbyschizophrenics,thetworesearchersbegantoexploretheideathatthediseasewascausedbyachemicalimbalanceinthebrain.Atatimewhentheroleofbrainchemistryinmentalillnesshadnotyetbeenestablished,thiswasaradicalhypothesis.Thetwopsychiatristshadobservedthatthemolecularstructureofmescalinecloselyresembledthatofadrenaline.Couldschizophreniaresultfromsomekindofdysfunctioninthemetabolismofadrenaline,transformingitintoacompoundthatproducedtheschizophrenicrupturewithreality?No,asitwouldturnout.Butitwasaproductivehypothesisevenso,

andOsmond’sresearchintothebiochemicalbasisofmentalillnesscontributedtotheriseofneurochemistryinthe1950s.LSDresearchwouldeventuallygiveanimportantboosttothenascentfield.ThefactthatsuchavanishinglysmallnumberofLSDmoleculescouldexertsuchaprofoundeffectonthemindwasanimportantcluethatasystemofneurotransmitterswithdedicatedreceptorsmightplayaroleinorganizingourmentalexperience.ThisinsighteventuallyledtothediscoveryofserotoninandtheclassofantidepressantsknownasSSRIs.ButthepowersthatbeatSt.George’sHospitalwereunsupportiveof

Osmond’sresearchonmescaline.Infrustration,theyoungdoctorwentlookingforamorehospitableinstitutioninwhichtoconductit.Thishe

foundinthewesternCanadianprovinceofSaskatchewan,ofallplaces.Beginninginthemid-1940s,theprovince’sleftistgovernmenthadinstitutedseveralradicalreformsinpublicpolicy,includingthenation’sfirstsystemofpubliclyfundedhealthcare.(ItbecamethemodelforthesystemCanadawouldadoptin1966.)Hopingtomaketheprovinceacenterofcutting-edgemedicalresearch,thegovernmentofferedgenerousfundingandararedegreeoffreedomtolureresearcherstothefrozenwastesoftheCanadianprairies.AfterreplyingtoanadintheLancet,OsmondreceivedaninvitationfromtheprovincialgovernmenttomovehisfamilyandhisnovelresearchprojecttotheremoteagrariancommunityofWeyburn,Saskatchewan,forty-fivemilesnorthoftheNorthDakotaborder.TheSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinWeyburnwouldsoonbecometheworld’smostimportanthubofresearchintopsychedelics—orrather,intotheclassofcompoundsstillknownaspsychotomimetics.ThatparadigmstillruledthethinkingofOsmondandhisnew,like-

mindedcolleagueandresearchdirector,aCanadianpsychiatristnamedAbramHoffer,astheybeganconductingexperimentsusingasupplyofLSD-25obtainedfromSandoz.Thepsychotomimeticmodelwasintroducedtothegeneralpublicin1953,whenMaclean’s,thepopularCanadianmagazine,publishedaharrowingaccountofajournalist’sexperienceonLSDtitled“My12HoursasaMadman.”SidneyKatzhadbecomethefirst“civilian”toparticipateinoneof

OsmondandHoffer’sLSDexperimentsatWeyburnhospital.Katzhadbeenledtoexpectmadness,andmadnesshedulyexperienced:“Isawfacesoffamiliarfriendsturnintofleshlessskullsandtheheadsofmenacingwitches,pigsandweasels.Thegailypatternedcarpetatmyfeetwastransformedintoafabulousheavingmassoflivingmatter,partvegetable,partanimal.”Katz’sarticle,whichwasillustratedwithanartist’srenderingofchairsflyingthroughacollapsingroom,readsliketheworkofaferventanti-LSDpropagandistcirca1965:“IwasrepeatedlyheldinthegripofaterrifyinghallucinationinwhichIcouldfeelandseemybodyconvulseandshrinkuntilallthatremainedwasahardsicklystone.”Yet,curiously,histwelvehoursofinsanity“werenotallfilledwithhorror,”hereported.“AttimesIbeheldvisionsofdazzlingbeauty—visionssorapturous,sounearthly,thatnoartistwilleverpaintthem.”

Duringthisperiod,OsmondandHofferadministeredSandozLSDtodozensofpeople,includingcolleagues,friends,familymembers,volunteers,and,ofcourse,themselves.TheirfocusonLSDasawindowintothebiochemistryofmentalillnessgraduallygavewaytoadeepeningcuriosityaboutthepoweroftheexperienceitselfandwhethertheperceptualdisturbancesproducedbythedrugmightthemselvesconfersometherapeuticbenefit.DuringalatenightbrainstormingsessioninanOttawahotelroomin1953,OsmondandHoffernotedthattheLSDexperienceappearedtosharemanyfeatureswiththedescriptionsofdeliriumtremensreportedbyalcoholics—thehellish,days-longboutofmadnessalcoholicsoftensufferwhileinthethroesofwithdrawal.ManyrecoveringalcoholicslookbackonthehallucinatoryhorrorsoftheDTsasaconversionexperienceandthebasisofthespiritualawakeningthatallowsthemtoremainsober.TheideathatanLSDexperiencecouldmimictheDTs“seemedso

bizarrethatwelaugheduproariously,”Hofferrecalledyearslater.“Butwhenourlaughtersubsided,thequestionseemedlesscomicalandweformedourhypothesis...:wouldacontrolledLSD-produceddeliriumhelpalcoholicsstaysober?”Herewasanarrestingapplicationofthepsychotomimeticparadigm:

useasinglehigh-doseLSDsessiontoinduceanepisodeofmadnessinanalcoholicthatwouldsimulatedeliriumtremens,shockingthepatientintosobriety.Overthenextdecade,OsmondandHoffertestedthishypothesisonmorethansevenhundredalcoholics,andinroughlyhalfthecases,theyreported,thetreatmentworked:thevolunteersgotsoberandremainedsoforatleastseveralmonths.Notonlywasthenewapproachmoreeffectivethanothertherapies,butitsuggestedawholenewwaytothinkaboutpsychopharmacology.“Fromthefirst,”Hofferwrote,“weconsiderednotthechemical,buttheexperienceasakeyfactorintherapy.”Thisnovelideawouldbecomeacentraltenetofpsychedelictherapy.Theemphasisonwhatsubjectsfeltrepresentedamajorbreakwiththe

prevailingideasofbehaviorisminpsychology,inwhichonlyobservableandmeasurableoutcomescountedandsubjectiveexperiencewasdeemedirrelevant.Theanalysisofthesesubjectiveexperiences,sometimescalledphenomenology,hadofcoursebeenthebasisofFreudianpsychoanalysis,whichbehaviorismhadrejectedasinsufficientlyrigorousorscientific.

Therewasnopointintryingtogetinsidethemind;itwas,inB.F.Skinner’sfamousphrase,“ablackbox.”Instead,youmeasuredwhatyoucouldmeasure,whichwasoutwardbehavior.Theworkwithpsychedelicswouldeventuallysparkarevivalofinterestinthesubjectivedimensionsofthemind—inconsciousness.Howironicthatittook,ofallthings,achemical—LSD-25—tobringinterioritybackintopsychology.Andyet,successfulasthenewtherapyseemedtobe,therewasa

nagginglittleproblemwiththetheoreticalmodelonwhichitwasbased.Whenthetherapistsbegantoanalyzethereportsofvolunteers,theirsubjectiveexperienceswhileonLSDborelittleifanyresemblancetothehorrorsoftheDTs,ortomadnessofanykind.Tothecontrary,theirexperienceswere,forthemostpart,incredibly—andbafflingly—positive.WhenOsmondandHofferbegantocatalogtheirvolunteers’sessionreports,“psychoticchanges”—hallucinations,paranoia,anxiety—sometimesoccurred,buttherewerealsodescriptionsof,say,“atranscendentalfeelingofbeingunitedwiththeworld,”oneofthemostcommonfeelingsreported.Ratherthanmadness,mostvolunteersdescribedsensationssuchasanewability“toseeoneselfobjectively”;“enhancementinthesensoryfields”;profoundnewunderstandings“inthefieldofphilosophyorreligion”;and“increasedsensitivitytothefeelingsofothers.”*Inspiteofthepowerfulexpectancyeffect,symptomsthatlookednothinglikethoseofinsanitywerebustingthroughtheresearchers’preconceptions.FormanyofthealcoholicstreatedatWeyburnhospital,thecoreofthe

LSDexperienceseemedtoinvolvesomethingclosertotranscendence,orspiritualepiphany,thantemporarypsychosis.OsmondandHofferbegantoentertaindoubtsabouttheirdeliriumtremensmodeland,eventually,towonderifperhapsthewholepsychotomimeticparadigm—andnameforthesedrugs—mightneedretooling.TheyreceivedastrongpushinthatdirectionfromAldousHuxleyafterhismescalineexperience,whichhedeclaredborescantresemblancetopsychosis.Whatapsychiatristmightdiagnoseasdepersonalization,hallucinations,ormaniamightbetterbethoughtofasinstancesofmysticalunion,visionaryexperience,orecstasy.Coulditbethatthedoctorsweremistakingtranscendenceforinsanity?Atthesametime,OsmondandHofferwerelearningfromtheir

volunteersthattheenvironmentinwhichtheLSDsessiontookplace

exertedapowerfuleffectonthekindsofexperiencespeoplehadandthatoneofthebestwaystoavoidabadsessionwasthepresenceofanengagedandempathetictherapist,ideallysomeonewhohadhadhisorherownLSDexperience.Theycametosuspectthatthefewpsychoticreactionstheydidobservemightactuallybeanartifactofthemetaphoricalwhiteroomandwhite-coatedclinician.Thoughtheterms“set”and“setting”wouldnotbeusedinthiscontextforseveralmoreyears(andbecamecloselyidentifiedwithTimothyLeary’sworkatHarvardadecadelater),OsmondandHofferwerealreadycomingtoappreciatethesupremeimportanceofthosefactorsinthesuccessoftheirtreatment.Buthoweveritworked,itworked,orcertainlyseemedto:bytheendof

thedecade,LSDwaswidelyregardedinNorthAmericaasamiraclecureforalcoholaddiction.Basedonthissuccess,theSaskatchewanprovincialgovernmenthelpeddeveloppoliciesmakingLSDtherapyastandardtreatmentoptionforalcoholicsintheprovince.YetnoteveryoneintheCanadianmedicalestablishmentfoundtheSaskatchewanresultscredible:theyseemedtoogoodtobetrue.Intheearly1960s,theAddictionResearchFoundationinToronto,theleadinginstituteofitskindinCanada,setouttoreplicatetheSaskatchewantrialsusingbettercontrols.Hopingtoisolatetheeffectsofthedrugfromallothervariables,cliniciansadministeredLSDtoalcoholicsinneutralroomsandunderinstructionsnottoengagewiththemduringtheirtrips,excepttoadministeranextensivequestionnaire.Thevolunteerswerethenputinconstraintsorblindfolded,orboth.Notsurprisingly,theresultsfailedtomatchthoseobtainedbyOsmondandHoffer.Worsestill,morethanafewofthevolunteersenduredterrifyingexperiences—badtrips,astheywouldcometobecalled.CriticsoftreatingalcoholicswithLSDconcludedthatthetreatmentdidn’tworkaswellunderrigorouslycontrolledconditions,whichwastrueenough,whilesupportersofthepracticeconcludedthatattentiontosetandsettingwasessentialtothesuccessofLSDtherapy,whichwasalsotrue.

•••

INTHEMID-1950S,BillWilson,thecofounderofAlcoholicsAnonymous,learnedaboutOsmondandHoffer’sworkwithalcoholics.Theideathatadrugcouldoccasionalife-changingspiritualexperiencewasnotexactlynewstoBillW.,ashewasknowninthefellowship.Hecreditedhisownsobrietytoamysticalexperiencehehadonbelladonna,aplant-derivedalkaloidwithhallucinogenicpropertiesthatwasadministeredtohimatTownsHospitalinManhattanin1934.FewmembersofAArealizethatthewholeideaofaspiritualawakeningleadingonetosurrendertoa“higherpower”—acornerstoneofAlcoholicsAnonymous—canbetracedtoapsychedelicdrugtrip.Twentyyearslater,BillW.becamecurioustoseeifLSD,thisnew

wonderdrug,mightproveusefulinhelpingrecoveringalcoholicshavesuchanawakening.ThroughHumphryOsmondhegotintouchwithSidneyCohen,aninternistattheBrentwoodVAhospital(and,later,UCLA)whohadbeenexperimentingwithSandozLSDsince1955.Beginningin1956,BillW.hadseveralLSDsessionsinLosAngeleswithSidneyCohenandBettyEisner,ayoungpsychologistwhohadrecentlycompletedherdoctorateatUCLA.AlongwiththepsychiatristOscarJaniger,CohenandEisnerwerebythenleadingfiguresinanewhubofLSDresearchlooselycenteredonUCLA.Bythemid-1950s,therewereperhapsadozensuchhubsinNorthAmericaandEurope;mostofthemkeptinclosecontactwithoneanother,sharingtechniques,discoveries,and,sometimes,drugs,inaspiritthatwasgenerallymorecooperativethancompetitive.BillW.’ssessionswithCohenandEisnerconvincedhimthatLSD

couldreliablyoccasionthekindofspiritualawakeninghebelievedoneneededinordertogetsober;however,hedidnotbelievetheLSDexperiencewasanythingliketheDTs,thusdrivinganothernailinthecoffinofthatidea.BillW.thoughttheremightbeaplaceforLSDtherapyinAA,buthiscolleaguesontheboardofthefellowshipstronglydisagreed,believingthattocondonetheuseofanymind-alteringsubstanceriskedmuddyingtheorganization’sbrandandmessage.

•••

SIDNEYCOHENANDHISCOLLEAGUESinLosAngeleshad,liketheCanadiangroup,startedoutthinkingthatLSDwasapsychotomimetic,butbythemid-1950sCohen,too,hadcometoquestionthatmodel.Bornin1910inNewYorkCitytoLithuanianJewishimmigrants,Cohen,whoinphotographslooksverydistinguished,withthickwhitehairslickedback,trainedinpharmacologyatColumbiaUniversityandservedintheU.S.ArmyMedicalCorpsintheSouthPacificduringWorldWarII.Itwasin1953,whileworkingonareviewarticleaboutchemicallyinducedpsychoses—along-standingresearchinterest—thatCohenfirstreadaboutanewdrugcalledLSD.YetwhenCohenfinallytriedLSDhimselfinOctober1955,he“was

takenbysurprise.”Expectingtofindhimselftrappedinsidethemindofamadman,Coheninsteadexperiencedaprofound,eventranscendentsenseoftranquillity,asif“theproblemsandstrivings,theworriesandfrustrationsofeverydaylife[had]vanished;intheirplacewasamajestic,sunlit,heavenlyinnerquietude...Iseemedtohavefinallyarrivedatthecontemplationofeternaltruth.”Whateverthiswas,hefeltcertainitwasn’tatemporarypsychosis.BettyEisnerwrotethatCohencametothinkofitinsteadassomethinghecalled“unsanity”:“astatebeyondthecontroloftheego.”Asoftenhappensinsciencewhenatheoreticalparadigmcomesunder

thepressureofcontraryevidence,theparadigmtottersforaperiodoftimeasresearchersattempttopropitupwithvariousamendmentsandadjustments,andthen,oftenquitesuddenlyandswiftly,itcollapsesasanewparadigmrisestotakeitsplace.Suchwasthefateofthepsychotomimeticparadigminthemid-1950s.Certainly,anumberofvolunteerswerereportingchallengingandsometimesevenharrowingtrips,butremarkablyfewwerehavingthefull-onpsychosistheparadigmpromised.EvenpoorMr.Katz’stwelvehoursasamadmanincludedpassagesofindescribablepleasureandinsightthatcouldnotbeoverlooked.Asithappened,thepsychotomimeticparadigmwasreplacednotby

onebutbytwodistinctnewtheoreticalmodels:thepsycholyticand,later,thepsychedelicmodel.Eachwasbasedonadifferentconceptionofhowthecompoundsworkedonthemindandthereforehowtheymightbestbedeployedinthetreatmentofmentalillness.Thetwomodelsweren’tatoddswitheachother,exactly,andsomeresearchersexploredbothat

varioustimes,buttheydidrepresentprofoundlydifferentapproachestounderstandingthepsyche,aswellastopsychotherapyand,ultimately,scienceitself.Theso-calledpsycholyticparadigmwasdevelopedfirstandproved

especiallypopularinEuropeandwiththeLosAngelesgroupidentifiedwithSidneyCohen,BettyEisner,andOscarJaniger.CoinedbyanEnglishpsychiatristnamedRonaldSandison,“psycholytic”means“mindloosening,”whichiswhatLSDandpsilocybinseemtodo—atleastatlowdoses.TherapistswhoadministereddosesofLSDaslowas25micrograms(andseldomhigherthan150micrograms)reportedthattheirpatients’egodefensesrelaxed,allowingthemtobringupanddiscussdifficultorrepressedmaterialwithrelativeease.Thissuggestedthatthedrugscouldbeusedasanaidtotalkingtherapy,becauseatthesedosesthepatients’egosremainedsufficientlyintacttoallowthemtoconversewithatherapistandlaterrecallwhatwasdiscussed.Thesupremevirtueofthepsycholyticapproachwasthatitmeshedso

neatlywiththeprevailingmodesofpsychoanalysis,apracticethatthedrugspromisedtospeedupandstreamline,ratherthanrevolutionizeorrenderobsolete.Thebigproblemwithpsychoanalysisisthattheaccesstotheunconsciousmindonwhichthewholeapproachdependsisdifficultandlimitedtotwoless-than-optimalroutes:thepatient’sfreeassociationsanddreams.Freudcalleddreams“theroyalroad”tothesubconscious,bypassingthegatesofboththeegoandthesuperego,yettheroadhasplentyofrutsandpotholes:patientsdon’talwaysremembertheirdreams,andwhentheydorecallthem,itisoftenimperfectly.DrugslikeLSDandpsilocybinpromisedabetterrouteintothesubconscious.StanislavGrof,whotrainedasapsychoanalyst,foundthatunder

moderatedosesofLSDhispatientswouldquicklyestablishastrongtransferencewiththetherapist,recoverchildhoodtraumas,givevoicetoburiedemotions,and,insomecases,actuallyrelivetheexperienceoftheirbirth—ourfirsttraumaand,Grofbelieved(followingOttoRank),akeydeterminantofpersonality.(Grofdidextensiveresearchtryingtocorrelatehispatients’recollectionsoftheirbirthexperienceonLSDwithcontemporaneousreportsfrommedicalpersonnelandparents.HeconcludedthatwiththehelpofLSDmanypeoplecanindeedrecallthecircumstancesoftheirbirth,especiallywhenitwasadifficultone.)

InLosAngeles,Cohen,Eisner,andJanigerbeganincorporatingLSDintheirweeklytherapeuticsessions,graduallysteppingupthedoseeachweekuntiltheirpatientsgainedaccesstosubconsciousmaterialsuchasrepressedemotionsandburiedmemoriesofchildhoodtrauma.Theymainlytreatedneuroticsandalcoholicsandpeoplewithminorpersonalitydisorders—theusualsortsofpatientsseenbypsychotherapists,functionalandarticulatepeoplewithintactegosandthewilltogetbetter.TheLosAngelesgroupalsotreatedhundredsofpainters,composers,andwriters,onthetheorythatifthewellspringofcreativitywasthesubconscious,LSDwouldexpandone’saccesstoit.Thesetherapistsandtheirpatientsexpectedthedrugtobe

therapeutic,and,loandbehold,itfrequentlywas:CohenandEisnerreportedthatsixteenoftheirfirsttwenty-twopatientsshowedmarkedimprovement.A1967reviewarticlesummarizingpapersaboutpsycholytictherapypublishedbetween1953and1965estimatedthatthetechnique’srateofsuccessrangedfrom70percentincasesofanxietyneurosis,62percentfordepression,and42percentforobsessive-compulsivedisorder.Theseresultswereimpressive,yettherewerefewifanyattemptstoreplicatethemincontrolledtrials.Bytheendofthedecade,psycholyticLSDtherapywasroutinepractice

inthetonierprecinctsofLosAngeles,suchasBeverlyHills.Certainlythebusinessmodelwashardtobeat:sometherapistswerechargingupwardsoffivehundreddollarsasessiontoadministeradrugtheywereoftengettingfromSandozforfree.LSDtherapyalsobecamethesubjectofremarkablypositivepressattention.Articleslike“My12HoursasaMadman”gavewaytotheenthusiastictestimonialsofthenumerousHollywoodcelebritieswhohadhadtransformativeexperiencesintheofficesofOscarJaniger,BettyEisner,andSidneyCohenandagrowingnumberofothertherapists.AnaïsNin,JackNicholson,StanleyKubrick,AndréPrevin,JamesCoburn,andthebeatcomedianLordBuckleyallunderwentLSDtherapy,manyofthemonthecouchofOscarJaniger.ButthemostfamousofthesepatientswasCaryGrant,whogaveaninterviewin1959tothesyndicatedgossipcolumnistJoeHyamsextollingthebenefitsofLSDtherapy.Granthadmorethansixtysessionsandbytheenddeclaredhimself“bornagain.”“Allthesadnessandvanitiesweretornaway,”thefifty-five-year-old

actortoldHyams,inaninterviewallthemoresurprisinginthelightof

CaryGrant’simageasareservedandproperEnglishman.“I’vehadmyegostrippedaway.Amanisabetteractorwithoutego,becausehehastruthinhim.NowIcannotbehaveuntruthfullytowardanyone,andcertainlynottomyself.”Fromthesoundofit,LSDhadturnedCaryGrantintoanAmerican.“I’mnolongerlonelyandIamahappyman,”Grantdeclared.Hesaid

theexperiencehadallowedhimtoovercomehisnarcissism,greatlyimprovingnotonlyhisactingbuthisrelationshipswithwomen:“Youngwomenhaveneverbeforebeensoattractedtome.”Notsurprisingly,Grant’sinterview,whichreceivedboatloadsof

nationalpublicity,createdasurgeindemandforLSDtherapy,andforjustplainLSD.Hyamsreceivedmorethaneighthundredlettersfromreaderseagertoknowhowtheymightobtainit:“Psychiatristscalled,complainingthattheirpatientswerenowbeggingthemforLSD.”Iftheperiodwecall“the1960s”actuallybegansometimeinthe1950s,

thefadforLSDtherapythatCaryGrantunleashedin1959isonegoodplacetomarkashiftintheculturalbreeze.YearsbeforeTimothyLearybecamenotoriousforpromotingLSDoutsideatherapeuticorresearchcontext,thedrughadalreadybegun“escapingfromthelab”inLosAngelesandreceivingferventnationalpressattention.By1959,LSDwasshowinguponthestreetinsomeplaces.SeveraltherapistsandresearchersinLosAngelesandNewYorkbeganholdingLSD“sessions”intheirhomesforfriendsandcolleagues,thoughexactlyhowthesesessionscouldbedistinguishedfrompartiesisdifficulttosay.AtleastinLosAngeles,thepremiseof“doingresearch”hadbecometenuousatbest.Asoneoftheseputativeresearcherswouldlaterwrite,“LSDbecameforusanintellectualfundrug.”SidneyCohen,whobynowwasthedeanofLSDresearchersinLos

Angeles,scrupulouslyavoidedthissceneandbegantohavesecondthoughtsaboutthedrug,oratleastaboutthewayitwasnowbeingusedanddiscussed.Accordingtohisbiographer,thehistorianStevenNovak,CohenwasmadeuncomfortablebythecultishnessandauraofreligiosityandmagicthatnowwreathedLSD.Soundingathemethatwouldcropuprepeatedlyinthehistoryofpsychedelicresearch,CohenstruggledwiththetensionbetweenthespiritualimportoftheLSDexperience(andthemysticalinclinationsitbroughtoutinitsclinicalpractitioners)andtheethosofsciencetowhichhewasdevoted.Heremaineddeeply

ambivalent:LSD,hewroteina1959lettertoacolleague,had“openedadoorfromwhichwemustnotretreatmerelybecausewefeeluncomfortablyunscientificatthethreshold.”AndyetthatispreciselyhowtheLSDworkoftenmadehimfeel:uncomfortablyunscientific.Cohenalsobegantowonderaboutthestatusoftheinsightsthat

patientsbroughtbackfromtheirjourneys.Hecametobelievethat“underLSDthefondesttheoriesofthetherapistareconfirmedbyhispatient.”TheexpectancyeffectwassuchthatpatientsworkingwithFreudiantherapistsreturnedwithFreudianinsights(framedintermsofchildhoodtrauma,sexualdrives,andoedipalemotions),whilepatientsworkingwithJungiantherapistsreturnedwithvividarchetypesfromtheatticofthecollectiveunconscious,andRankianswithrecoveredmemoriesoftheirbirthtraumas.Thisradicalsuggestibilityposedascientificdilemma,surely,butwasit

necessarilyatherapeuticdilemmaaswell?Perhapsnot:Cohenwrotethat“anyexplanationofthepatient’sproblems,iffirmlybelievedbyboththetherapistandthepatient,constitutesinsightorisusefulasinsight.”Yethequalifiedthisperspectivebyacknowledgingitwas“nihilistic,”which,scientificallyspeaking,itsurelywas.Forittakespsychotherapyperilouslyclosetotheworldofshamanismandfaithhealing,adistinctlyuncomfortableplaceforascientisttobe.Andyetaslongasitworks,aslongasithealspeople,whyshouldanyonecare?(Thisisthesamediscomfortscientistsfeelaboutusingplacebos.Itsuggestsaninterestingwaytothinkaboutpsychedelics:asakindof“activeplacebo,”toborrowatermproposedbyAndrewWeilinhis1972book,TheNaturalMind.Theydosomething,surely,butmostofwhatthatismaybeself-generated.OrasStanislavGrofputit,psychedelicsare“nonspecificamplifiers”ofmentalprocesses.)Cohen’sthoughtfulambivalenceaboutLSD,whichhewouldcontinue

tofeeluntiltheendofhiscareer,markshimasthatrarefigureinaworlddenselypopulatedbypsychedelicevangelists:theopen-mindedskeptic,amancapableofholdingcontraryideasinhishead.CohencontinuedtobelieveinthetherapeuticpowerofLSD,especiallyinthetreatmentofanxietyincancerpatients,whichhewroteabout,enthusiastically,forHarper’sin1965.There,hecalledit“therapybyself-transcendence,”suggestinghesawaroleinWesternmedicineforwhatwouldcometobecalledappliedmysticism.YetCohenneverhesitatedtocallattentionto

theabusesanddangersofLSD,ortocallouthismoreferventcolleagueswhentheystrayedtoofaroffthepathofscience—thepathfromwhichthesirensongofpsychedelicswouldluresomany.

•••

BACKINSASKATCHEWAN,HumphryOsmondandAbramHofferhadtakenaverydifferentpathafterthecollapseofthepsychotomimeticparadigm,thoughthispath,too,endedupcomplicatingtheirownrelationshiptoscience.StrugglingtoformulateanewtherapeuticmodelforLSD,theyturnedtoapairofbrilliantamateurs—oneafamousauthor,AldousHuxley,andtheotheranobscureformerbootleggerandgunrunner,spy,inventor,boatcaptain,ex-con,andCatholicmysticnamedAlHubbard.ThesetwomostunlikelynonscientistswouldhelptheCanadianpsychiatristsreconceptualizetheLSDexperienceanddevelopthetherapeuticprotocolthatisstillinusetoday.Thenameforthisnewapproach,andthenameforthisclassofdrugs

thatwouldfinallystick—psychedelics—emergedfroma1956exchangeoflettersbetweenHumphryOsmondandAldousHuxley.Thetwohadfirstmetin1953,afterHuxleywrotetoOsmondexpressinginterestintryingmescaline;hehadreadajournalarticlebyOsmonddescribingthedrug’seffectsonthemind.Huxleyhadlongharboredalivelyinterestindrugsandconsciousness—theplotofhismostfamousnovel,BraveNewWorld(1932),turnsonamind-controldrughecalledsoma—aswellasmysticism,paranormalperception,reincarnation,UFOs,andsoon.Sointhespringof1953,HumphryOsmondtraveledtoLosAngelesto

administermescalinetoAldousHuxley,thoughnotwithoutsometrepidation.Inadvanceofthesession,heconfidedtoacolleaguethathedidnot“relishthepossibility,howeverremote,offindingasmallbutdiscreditablenicheinliteraryhistoryasthemanwhodroveAldousHuxleymad.”Heneednothaveworried.Huxleyhadasplendidtrip,onethatwould

changeforevertheculture’sunderstandingofthesedrugswhen,thefollowingyear,hepublishedhisaccountofhisexperienceinTheDoorsofPerception.

“ItwaswithoutquestionthemostextraordinaryandsignificantexperiencethissideoftheBeatificVision,”Huxleywroteinalettertohiseditorshortlyafterithappened.ForHuxley,therewasnoquestionbutthatthedrugsgavehimaccessnottothemindofthemadmanbuttoaspiritualrealmofineffablebeauty.Themostmundaneobjectsglowedwiththelightofadivinityhecalled“theMindatLarge.”Even“thefoldsofmygrayflanneltrouserswerechargedwith‘is-ness,’”hetellsus,beforedilatingonthebeautyofthedraperiesinBotticelli’spaintingsandthe“AllnessandInfinityoffoldedcloth.”Whenhegazeduponasmallvaseofflowers,hesaw“whatAdamhadseenonthemorningofhiscreation—themiracle,momentbymoment,ofnakedexistence...flowersshiningwiththeirowninnerlightandallbutquiveringunderthepressureofthesignificancewithwhichtheywerecharged.”“Wordslike‘grace’and‘transfiguration’cametomymind.”For

Huxley,thedruggavehimunmediatedaccesstorealmsofexistenceusuallyknownonlytomysticsandahandfulofhistory’sgreatvisionaryartists.Thisotherworldisalwayspresentbutinordinarymomentsiskeptfromourawarenessbythe“reducingvalve”ofeverydaywakingconsciousness,akindofmentalfilterthatadmitsonly“ameaslytrickleofthekindofconsciousness”weneedinordertosurvive.Therestwasagorgeoussuperfluity,which,likepoetry,mendieeverydayforthelackthereof.MescalineflungopenwhatWilliamBlakehadcalled“thedoorsofperception,”admittingtoourconsciousawarenessaglimpseoftheinfinite,whichisalwayspresentallaroundus—eveninthecreasesinourtrousers!—ifonlywecouldjustsee.Likeeverypsychedelicexperiencebeforeorsince,Huxley’sdidnot

unfoldonablankslate,denovo,thepureproductofthechemical,butratherwasshapedinimportantwaysbyhisreadingandthephilosophicalandspiritualinclinationshebroughttotheexperience.(ItwasonlywhenItypedhislineaboutflowers“shiningwiththeirowninnerlight”and“allbutquiveringunderthepressure”oftheirsignificancethatIrealizedjusthowstronglyHuxleyhadinflectedmyownperceptionofplantsundertheinfluenceofpsilocybin.)Theideaofamentalreducingvalvethatconstrainsourperceptions,forinstance,comesfromtheFrenchphilosopherHenriBergson.Bergsonbelievedthatconsciousnesswasnotgeneratedbyhumanbrainsbutratherexistsinafieldoutsideus,somethinglikeelectromagneticwaves;ourbrains,whichhelikenedto

radioreceivers,cantuneintodifferentfrequenciesofconsciousness.Huxleyalsobelievedthatatthebaseofalltheworld’sreligionsthereliesacommoncoreofmysticalexperiencehecalled“thePerennialPhilosophy.”Naturally,Huxley’smorningonmescalineconfirmedhiminalltheseideas;asonereviewerofTheDoorsofPerceptionputit,rathersnidely,thebookcontained“99percentAldousHuxleyandonlyonehalfgrammescaline.”Butitdidn’tmatter:greatwritersstamptheworldwiththeirminds,andthepsychedelicexperiencewillforevermorebearHuxley’sindelibleimprint.Whateverelseitimpressedontheculture,Huxley’sexperienceleftno

doubtinhismindorOsmond’sthatthe“modelpsychosis”didn’tbegintodescribethemindonmescalineorLSD,whichHuxleywouldtryforthefirsttimetwoyearslater.Oneperson’s“depersonalization”couldbeanother’s“senseofoneness”;itwasallamatterofperspectiveandvocabulary.“Itwillgivethatelixirabadnameifitcontinuestobeassociated,in

thepublicmind,withschizophreniasymptoms,”HuxleywrotetoOsmondin1955.“Peoplewillthinktheyaregoingmad,wheninfacttheyarebeginning,whentheytakeit,togosane.”Clearlyanewnameforthisclassofdrugswascalledfor,andina1956

exchangeoflettersthepsychiatristandthewritercameupwithacoupleofcandidates.Surprisingly,however,itwasthepsychiatrist,notthewriter,whohadthewinningidea.Huxley’sproposalcameinacouplet:

TomakethismundaneworldsublimeJusthalfagramofphanerothyme.

HiscoinagecombinedtheGreekwordsfor“spirit”and“manifesting.”Perhapswaryofadoptingsuchanovertlyspiritualterm,thescientist

repliedwithhisownrhyme:

TofallinhellorsoarAngelicYou’llneedapinchofpsychedelic.

Osmond’sneologismmarriedtwoGreekwordsthattogethermean“mindmanifesting.”ThoughbynowthewordhastakenontheDay-Glo

coloringofthe1960s,atthetimeitwastheveryneutralityof“psychedelic”thatcommendedittohim:theword“hadnoparticularconnotationofmadness,crazinessorecstasy,butsuggestedanenlargementandexpansionofmind.”Italsohadthevirtueofbeing“uncontaminatedbyotherassociations,”thoughthatwouldnotremainthecaseforlong.“Psychedelictherapy,”asOsmondandhiscolleaguespracticedit

beginninginthemid-1950s,typicallyinvolvedasingle,high-dosesession,usuallyofLSD,thattookplaceincomfortablesurroundings,thesubjectstretchedoutonacouch,withatherapist(ortwo)inattendancewhosaysverylittle,allowingthejourneytounfoldaccordingtoitsownlogic.Toeliminatedistractionsandencourageaninwardjourney,musicisplayedandthesubjectusuallywearseyeshades.Thegoalwastocreatetheconditionsforaspiritualepiphany—whatamountedtoaconversionexperience.Butthoughthismodeoftherapywouldbecomecloselyidentifiedwith

OsmondandHoffer,theythemselvescreditedsomeoneelseforcriticalelementsofitsdesign,amanofconsiderablemysterywithnoformaltrainingasascientistortherapist:AlHubbard.AtreatmentspacedecoratedtofeelmorelikeahomethanahospitalcametobeknownasaHubbardRoom,andatleastoneearlypsychedelicresearchertoldmethatthiswholetherapeuticregime,whichisnowthenorm,shouldbyallrightsbeknownas“theHubbardmethod.”YetAlHubbard,a.k.a.“CaptainTrips”and“theJohnnyAppleseedofLSD,”isnotthekindofintellectualforebearanyonedoingseriouspsychedelicsciencetodayiseagertoacknowledge,muchlesscelebrate.

•••

ALHUBBARDISSURELYthemostimprobable,intriguing,andelusivefiguretogracethehistoryofpsychedelics,andthat’ssayingalot.Thereismuchwedon’tknowabouthim,andmanykeyfactsabouthislifeareimpossibletoconfirm,contradictory,orjustplainfishy.Tociteonesmallexample,hisFBIfileputshisheightatfivefeeteleven,butinphotographsandvideosHubbardappearsshortandstocky,withabigroundheadtoppedwithacrewcut;forreasonsknownonlytohimself,he

oftenworeaparamilitaryuniformandcarriedaColt.45revolver,givingtheimpressionofasmall-townsheriff.ButbasedonhisextensivecorrespondencewithcolleaguesandahandfulofaccountsintheCanadianpressandbooksabouttheperiod,*aswellasinterviewswithahandfulofpeoplewhoknewhimwell,it’spossibletoassemblearoughportraitoftheman,evenifitdoesleavesomeimportantareasblurryorblank.HubbardwasbornpoorinthehillsofKentuckyineither1901or1902

(hisFBIfilegivesbothdates);helikedtotellpeoplehewastwelvebeforeheownedapairofshoes.Henevergotpastthethirdgrade,buttheboyevidentlyhadaflairforelectronics.Asateenager,heinventedsomethingcalledtheHubbardEnergyTransformer,anewtypeofbatterypoweredbyradioactivitythat“couldnotbeexplainedbythetechnologyoftheday”—thisaccordingtothebestaccountwehaveofhislife,awell-researched1991HighTimesarticlebyToddBrendanFahey.Hubbardsoldahalfinterestinthepatentforseventy-fivethousanddollars,thoughnothingevercameoftheinventionandPopularSciencemagazineonceincludeditinasurveyoftechnologicalhoaxes.DuringProhibition,HubbarddroveataxiinSeattle,butthatappearstohavebeenacover:inthetrunkofhiscabhekeptasophisticatedship-to-shorecommunicationssystemheusedtoguidebootleggersseekingtoevadetheCoastGuard.HubbardwaseventuallybustedbytheFBIandspenteighteenmonthsinprisononasmugglingcharge.AfterhisreleasefromprisonthetrailofHubbard’slifebecomeseven

moredifficulttofollow,muddiedbyvagueandcontradictoryaccounts.Inoneofthem,HubbardbecameinvolvedinanundercoveroperationtoshipheavyarmamentsfromSanDiegotoCanadaandfromthereontoBritain,intheyearsbeforetheU.S.enteredWorldWarII,whenthenationwasstillofficiallyneutral.(ScoutsforthefutureOSSofficerAllenDulles,impressedbyHubbard’sexpertiseinelectronics,mayormaynothaverecruitedhimforthemission.)ButwhenCongressbeganinvestigatingtheoperation,HubbardfledtoVancouvertoavoidprosecution.TherehebecameaCanadiancitizen,foundedacharterboatbusiness(earninghimthetitleofCaptain)andbecamethesciencedirectorofauraniumminingcompany.(Accordingtooneaccount,HubbardhadsomethingtodowithsupplyinguraniumtotheManhattanProject.)Bytheageoffifty,the“barefootboyfromKentucky”had

becomeamillionaire,ownerofafleetofaircraft,aone-hundred-footyacht,aRolls-Royce,andaprivateislandoffVancouver.AtsomepointduringthewarHubbardapparentlyreturnedtotheUnitedStates,andhejoinedtheOSSshortlybeforethewartimeintelligenceagencybecametheCIA.AfewothercuriousfactsabouttheprepsychedelicAlHubbard:He

wasanardentCatholic,withapronouncedmysticalbent.Andhewasunusuallyflexibleinhisprofessionalloyalties,workingatvarioustimesasarum-andgunrunneraswellasanagentfortheBureauofAlcohol,Tobacco,andFirearms.Washeadoubleagentofsomekind?Possibly.Atonetimeoranother,healsoworkedfortheCanadianSpecialServices,theU.S.DepartmentofJustice,andtheFoodandDrugAdministration.HisFBIfilesuggestshehadlinkstotheCIAduringthe1950s,buttheredactionsaretooheavyforittorevealmuchabouthisrole,ifany.Weknowthegovernmentkeptclosetabsonthepsychedelicresearchcommunityallthroughthe1950s,1960s,and1970s(fundinguniversityresearchonLSDandscientificconferencesinsomecases),anditwouldn’tbesurprisingif,inexchangeforinformation,thegovernmentwouldallowHubbardtooperatewithasmuchfreedomashedid.Butthisremainsspeculation.AlHubbard’slifemadearight-angledchangeofcoursein1951.Atthe

time,hewashugelysuccessfulbutunhappy,“desperatelysearchingformeaninginhislife”—thisaccordingtoWillisHarman,oneofagroupofSiliconValleyengineerstowhomHubbardwouldintroduceLSDlaterinthedecade.AsHubbardtoldthestorytoHarman(andHarmantoldittoToddBrendanFahey),hewashikinginWashingtonStatewhenanangelappearedtohiminaclearing.“ShetoldAlthatsomethingtremendouslyimportanttothefutureofmankindwouldbecomingsoon,andthathecouldplayaroleinitifhewantedto.Buthehadn’tthefaintestcluewhathewassupposedtobelookingfor.”Thecluearrivedayearlater,intheformofanarticleinascientific

journaldescribingthebehaviorofratsgivenanewlydiscoveredcompoundcalledLSD.Hubbardtrackeddowntheresearcher,obtainedsomeLSD,andhadaliterallylife-changingexperience.Hewitnessedthebeginningoflifeonearthaswellashisownconception.“ItwasthedeepestmysticalthingI’veeverseen,”hetoldfriendslater.“Isawmyselfasatinymiteinabigswampwithasparkofintelligence.Isawmy

motherandfatherhavingintercourse.”Clearlythiswaswhattheangelhadforetold—“somethingtremendouslyimportanttothefutureofmankind.”HubbardrealizeditwasuptohimtobringthenewgospelofLSD,andthechemicalitself,toasmanypeopleashepossiblycould.Hehadbeengivenwhathecalleda“specialchosenrole.”ThusbeganAlHubbard’scareerastheJohnnyAppleseedofLSD.

Throughhisextensiveconnectionsinbothgovernmentandbusiness,hepersuadedSandozLaboratoriestogivehimamind-bogglingquantityofLSD—aliterbottleofit,inoneaccount,forty-threecasesinanother,sixthousandvialsinathird.(HereportedlytoldAlbertHofmannheplannedtouseit“toliberatehumanconsciousness.”)Dependingonwhomyoubelieve,hekepthissupplyhiddeninasafe-depositboxinZurichorburiedsomewhereinDeathValley,butasubstantialpartofithecarriedwithhiminaleathersatchel.Eventually,HubbardbecametheexclusivedistributorofSandozLSDinCanadaand,later,somehowsecuredanInvestigationalNewDrugpermitfromtheFDAallowinghimtoconductclinicalresearchonLSDintheUnitedStates—thiseventhoughhehadathird-gradeeducation,acriminalrecord,andasingle,arguablyfraudulentscientificcredential.(HisPhDhadbeenpurchasedfromadiplomamill.)Seeinghimselfas“acatalyticagent,”HubbardwouldintroduceanestimatedsixthousandpeopletoLSDbetween1951and1966,inanavowedefforttoshiftthecourseofhumanhistory.Curiously,thebarefootboyfromKentuckywassomethingofa

mandarin,choosingashissubjectsleadingfiguresinbusiness,government,thearts,religion,andtechnology.Hebelievedinworkingfromthetopdownanddisdainedotherpsychedelicevangelists,likeTimothyLeary,whotookamoredemocraticapproach.MembersofParliament,officialsoftheRomanCatholicChurch,*Hollywoodactors,governmentofficials,prominentwritersandphilosophers,universityofficials,computerengineers,andprominentbusinessmenwereallintroducedtoLSDaspartofHubbard’smissiontoshiftthecourseofhistoryfromabove.(NoteveryoneHubbardapproachedwouldplay:J.EdgarHoover,whomHubbardclaimedasaclosefriend,declined.)Hubbardbelievedthat“ifhecouldgivethepsychedelicexperiencetothemajorexecutivesoftheFortune500companies,”AbramHofferrecalled,“hewouldchangethewholeofsociety.”OneoftheexecutivesHubbardturnedoninthelate1950s—MyronStolaroff,assistanttothepresident

forlong-termplanningatAmpex,atthetimealeadingelectronicsfirminSiliconValley—became“convincedthat[AlHubbard]wasthemantobringLSDtoplanetEarth.”

•••

IN1953,notlongafterhispsychedelicepiphany,HubbardinvitedHumphryOsmondtolunchattheVancouverYachtClub.Likesomanyothers,OsmondwasdeeplyimpressedbyHubbard’sworldliness,wealth,connections,andaccesstoseeminglyendlesssuppliesofLSD.Thelunchledtoacollaborationthatchangedthecourseofpsychedelicresearchand,inimportantways,laidthegroundworkfortheresearchtakingplacetoday.UndertheinfluenceofbothHubbardandHuxley,whoseprimary

interestwasintherevelatoryimportofpsychedelics,Osmondabandonedthepsychotomimeticmodel.ItwasHubbardwhofirstproposedtohimthatthemysticalexperiencemanysubjectshadonasinglehighdoseofmescalineorLSDmightitselfbeharnessedasamodeoftherapy—andthattheexperiencewasmoreimportantthanthechemical.Thepsychedelicjourneycould,liketheconversionexperience,forciblyshowpeopleanew,moreencompassingperspectiveontheirlivesthatwouldhelpthemtochange.ButperhapsHubbard’smostenduringcontributiontopsychedelictherapyemergedin,ofallplaces,thetreatmentroom.ItiseasiertoaccumulatefactsaboutAlHubbard’slifethanitistoget

asteadysenseofthecharacteroftheman,itwassorifewithcontradiction.Thepistol-packingtoughguywasalsoanardentmysticwhotalkedaboutloveandtheheavenlybeatitudes.Andthewell-connectedbusinessmanandgovernmentagentprovedtobearemarkablysensitiveandgiftedtherapist.Thoughheneverusedthoseterms,Hubbardwasthefirstresearchertograspthecriticalimportanceofsetandsettinginshapingthepsychedelicexperience.Heinstinctivelyunderstoodthatthewhitewallsandfluorescentlightingofthesanitizedhospitalroomwereallwrong.Sohebroughtpicturesandmusic,flowersanddiamonds,intothetreatmentroom,wherehewouldusethemtoprimepatientsforamysticalrevelationordivertajourneywhenittookaterrifyingturn.HelikedtoshowpeoplepaintingsbySalvadorDalíand

picturesofJesusortoaskthemtostudythefacetsofadiamondhecarried.OnepatienthetreatedinVancouver,analcoholicparalyzedbysocialanxiety,recalledHubbardhandinghimabouquetofrosesduringanLSDsession:“Hesaid,‘Nowhatethem.’Theywitheredandthepetalsfelloff,andIstartedtocry.Thenhesaid,‘Lovethem,’andtheycamebackbrighterandevenmorespectacularthanbefore.Thatmeantalottome.Irealizedthatyoucanmakeyourrelationshipsanythingyouwant.ThetroubleIwashavingwithpeoplewascomingfromme.”WhatHubbardwasbringingintothetreatmentroomwassomething

wellknowntoanytraditionalhealer.Shamanshaveunderstoodformillenniathatapersoninthedepthsofatranceorundertheinfluenceofapowerfulplantmedicinecanbereadilymanipulatedwiththehelpofcertainwords,specialobjects,ortherightkindofmusic.Hubbardunderstoodintuitivelyhowthesuggestibilityofthehumanmindduringanalteredstateofconsciousnesscouldbeharnessedasanimportantresourceforhealing—forbreakingdestructivepatternsofthoughtandproposingnewperspectivesintheirplace.Researchersmightprefertocallthisamanipulationofsetandsetting,whichisaccurateenough,butHubbard’sgreatestcontributiontomodernpsychedelictherapywastointroducethetried-and-truetoolsofshamanism,oratleastaWesternizedversionofit.

•••

WITHINAFEWYEARS,HubbardhadmadetheacquaintanceofjustabouteverybodyinthepsychedelicresearchcommunityinNorthAmerica,leavinganindelibleimpressiononeveryonehemet,alongwithatrailoftherapeutictipsandampulesofSandozLSD.Bythelate1950s,hehadbecomeakindofpsychedeliccircuitrider.OneweekhemightbeinWeyburn,assistingHumphryOsmondandAbramHofferintheirworkwithalcoholics,whichwasearningtheminternationalattention.FromtheretoManhattan,tomeetwithR.GordonWasson,andthenastoponhiswaybackwesttoadministerLSDtoaVIPorcheckinonaresearchgroupworkinginChicago.ThenextweekmightfindhiminLosAngeles,conductingLSDsessionswithBettyEisner,SidneyCohen,orOscarJaniger,freelysharinghistreatmenttechniquesandsuppliesofLSD.

(“WewaitedforhimlikethelittleoldladyontheprairiewaitingforacopyoftheSearsRoebuckcatalog,”OscarJanigerrecalledyearslater.)AndthenitwasbacktoVancouver,wherehehadpersuadedHollywoodHospitaltodedicateanentirewingtotreatingalcoholicswithLSD.*HubbardwouldoftenflyhisplanedowntoLosAngelestodiscreetlyferryHollywoodcelebritiesuptoVancouverfortreatment.ItwasthissidelinethatearnedhimthenicknameCaptainTrips.HubbardalsoestablishedtwootheralcoholismtreatmentfacilitiesinCanada,whereheregularlyconductedLSDsessionsandreportedimpressiveratesofsuccess.LSDtreatmentforalcoholismusingtheHubbardmethodbecameabusinessinCanada.ButHubbardbelieveditwasunethicaltoprofitfromLSD,whichledtotensionsbetweenhimandsomeoftheinstitutionsheworkedwith,becausetheywerechargingpatientsupwardsoffivehundreddollarsforanLSDsession.ForHubbard,psychedelictherapywasaformofphilanthropy,andhedrainedhisfortuneadvancingthecause.AlHubbardmovedbetweenthesefar-flungcentersofresearchlikea

kindofpsychedelichoneybee,disseminatinginformation,chemicals,andclinicalexpertisewhilebuildingwhatbecameanextensivenetworkacrossNorthAmerica.Intime,hewouldaddMenloParkandCambridgetohiscircuit.ButwasHubbardjustspreadinginformation,orwashealsocollectingitandpassingitontotheCIA?Wasthepollinatoralsoaspy?It’simpossibletosayforcertain;somepeoplewhoknewHubbard(likeJamesFadiman)thinkit’sentirelyplausible,whileothersaren’tsosure,pointingtothefacttheCaptainoftencriticizedtheCIAforusingLSDasaweapon.“TheCIAworkstinks,”hetoldOscarJanigerinthelate1970s.Hubbardwasreferringtotheagency’sMK-Ultraresearchprogram,

whichsince1953hadbeentryingtofigureoutwhetherLSDcouldbeusedasanonlethalweaponofwar(by,say,dumpingitinanadversary’swatersupply),atruthserumininterrogations,ameansofmindcontrol,*oradirtytricktoplayonunfriendlyforeignleaders,causingthemtoactorspeakinembarrassingways.Noneoftheseschemespannedout,atleastasfarasweknow,andallreflectedaresearchagendathatremainedstuckonthepsychotomimeticmodellongafterotherresearchershadabandonedit.Alongtheway,theCIAdoseditsownemployeesandunwittingcivilianswithLSD;inonenotoriouscasethatdidn’tcometolightuntilthe1970s,theCIAadmittedtosecretlygivingLSDtoanarmy

biologicalweaponsspecialistnamedFrankOlsonin1953;afewdayslater,OlsonsupposedlyjumpedtohisdeathfromthethirteenthflooroftheStatlerHotelinNewYork.(OthersbelieveOlsonwaspushedandthattheCIA’sadmission,embarrassingasitwas,wasactuallyacover-upforacrimefarmoreheinous.)ItcouldbeOlsonwhomAlHubbardwasreferringtowhenhesaid,“Itriedtotellthemhowtouseit,butevenwhentheywerekillingpeople,youcouldn’ttellthemagoddamnedthing.”AregularstoponHubbard’svisitstoLosAngeleswasthehomeof

AldousandLauraHuxley.HuxleyandHubbardhadformedthemostunlikelyoffriendshipsafterHubbardintroducedtheauthortoLSD—andtheHubbardmethod—in1955.Theexperienceputtheauthor’s1953mescalinetripintheshade.AsHuxleywrotetoOsmondinitsaftermath,“Whatcamethroughthecloseddoorwastherealization...thedirect,totalawareness,fromtheinside,sotosay,ofLoveastheprimaryandfundamentalcosmicfact.”Theforceofthisinsightseemedalmosttoembarrassthewriterinitsbaldness:“Thewords,ofcourse,haveakindofindecencyandmustnecessarilyringfalse,seemliketwaddle.Butthefactremains.”Huxleyimmediatelyrecognizedthevalueofanallyasskilledinthe

waysoftheworldasthemanhelikedtocall“thegoodCaptain.”Assooftenseemstohappen,theManofLettersbecamesmittenwiththeManofAction.“WhatBabesintheWoodsweliterarygentsandprofessionalmen

are!”HuxleywrotetoOsmondaboutHubbard.“ThegreatWorldoccasionallyrequiresyourservices,ismildlyamusedbymine,butitsfullattentionanddeferencearepaidtoUraniumandBigBusiness.SowhatextraordinaryluckthatthisrepresentativeofboththeseHigherPowersshould(a)havebecomesopassionatelyinterestedinmescalineand(b)besuchaveryniceman.”NeitherHuxleynorHubbardwasparticularlydedicatedtomedicineor

science,soit’snotsurprisingthatovertimetheirprimaryinterestwoulddriftfromthetreatmentofindividualswithpsychologicalproblemstoadesiretotreatthewholeofsociety.(Thisaspirationseemseventuallytoinfecteveryonewhoworkswithpsychedelics,touchingscientists,too,includingonesasdifferentintemperamentasTimothyLearyandRolandGriffiths.)Butpsychologicalresearchproceedspersonbypersonand

experimentbyexperiment;thereisnoreal-worldmodelforusingadrugtochangeallofsocietyasHubbardandHuxleydeterminedtodo,withtheresultthatthescientificmethodbegantofeeltothem,asitlaterwouldtoLeary,likeastraitjacket.InthewakeofhisfirstLSDexperience,HuxleywrotetoOsmond

suggestingthat“who,havingoncecometotherealizationoftheprimordialfactofunityinlove,wouldeverwanttoreturntoexperimentationonthepsychiclevel?...Mypointisthattheopeningofthedoorbymescalin[e]orLSDistoopreciousanopportunity,toohighaprivilegetobeneglectedforthesakeofexperimentation.”Ortobelimitedtosickpeople.Osmondwasactuallysympathetictothisviewpoint—afterall,hehadadministeredmescalinetoHuxley,hardlyacontrolledexperiment—andheparticipatedinmanyofHubbard’ssessionsturningontheBestandBrightest.ButOsmondwasn’tpreparedtoabandonscienceormedicineforwhateverHuxleyandHubbardimaginedmightlaybeyondit.In1955,AlHubbardsoughttoescapethescientificstraitjacketand

formalizehisnetworkofpsychedelicresearchersbyestablishingsomethinghecalledtheCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination.Thenamereflectedhisowndesiretotakehisworkwithpsychedelicsbeyondthelimitsofmedicineanditsfocusontheill.Toserveonthecommission’sboard,HubbardrecruitedOsmond,Hoffer,Huxley,andCohen,aswellashalfadozenotherpsychedelicresearchers,aphilosopher(GeraldHeard),andaUNofficial;henamedhimself“scientificdirector.”(WhatdidthesepeoplethinkofHubbardandhisgrandiosetitle,not

tomentionhisphonyacademiccredentials?Theywereatonceindulgentandfullofadmiration.AfterBettyEisnerwrotealettertoOsmondexpressingdiscomfortwithsomeofHubbard’srepresentations,hesuggestedshethinkofhimasakindofChristopherColumbus:“Explorershavenotalwaysbeenthemostscientific,excellentorwhollydetachedpeople.”)Itisn’tclearhowmuchmoretherewastotheCommissionforthe

StudyofCreativeImaginationthanafancyletterhead,butitsveryexistencesignaledadeepeningfissurebetweenthemedicalandthespiritualapproachtopsychedelics.(SidneyCohen,everambivalentonquestionsofscienceversusmysticism,abruptlyresignedin1957,onlya

yearafterjoiningtheboard.)Histitleas“scientificdirector”notwithstanding,Hubbardhimselfsaidduringthisperiod,“Myregardforscience,asanendwithinitself,isdiminishingastimegoeson...whenthethingIwantwithallofmybeing,issomethingthatlivesfaroutsideandoutofreachofempiricalmanipulation.”LongbeforeLeary,theshiftintheobjectiveofpsychedelicresearchfrompsychotherapytoculturalrevolutionwaswellunderway.

•••

ONELASTNODEworthvisitinginAlHubbard’sfar-flungpsychedelicnetworkisSiliconValley,wherethepotentialforLSDtofoster“creativeimagination”andtherebychangetheculturereceiveditsmostthoroughtesttodate.Indeed,theseedsthatHubbardplantedinSiliconValleycontinuetoyieldinterestingfruit,intheformofthevalley’songoinginterestinpsychedelicsasatoolforcreativityandinnovation.(AsIwrite,thepracticeofmicrodosing—takingatiny,“subperceptual”regulardoseofLSDasakindofmentaltonic—isalltherageinthetechcommunity.)SteveJobsoftentoldpeoplethathisexperimentswithLSDhadbeenoneofhistwoorthreemostimportantlifeexperiences.HelikedtotauntBillGatesbysuggesting,“He’dbeabroaderguyifhehaddroppedacidonceorgoneofftoanashramwhenhewasyounger.”(GateshassaidhedidinfacttryLSD.)Itmightnotbeastraightone,butitispossibletodrawalineconnectingAlHubbard’sarrivalinSiliconValleywithhissatchelfulofLSDtothetechboomthatSteveJobshelpedsetoffaquartercenturylater.ThekeyfigureinthemarriageofAlHubbardandSiliconValleywas

MyronStolaroff.Stolaroffwasagiftedelectricalengineerwho,bythemid-1950s,hadbecomeassistanttothepresidentforstrategicplanningatAmpex,oneofthefirsttechnologycompaniestosetupshopinwhatatthetimewasasleepyvalleyoffarmsandorchards.(Itwouldn’tbecalledSiliconValleyuntil1971.)Ampex,whichatitspeakhadthirteenthousandemployees,wasapioneerinthedevelopmentofreel-to-reelmagnetictapeforbothaudioanddatarecording.BorninRoswell,NewMexico,in1920,StolaroffstudiedengineeringatStanfordandwasoneofAmpex’sveryfirstemployees,afactthatwouldmakehimawealthyman.

NominallyJewish,hewasbyhisthirtiesaspiritualseekerwhosepatheventuallyledhimtoGeraldHeard,theEnglishphilosopherandfriendofAldousHuxley’s.StolaroffwassomovedbyHeard’sdescriptionofhisLSDexperiencewithAlHubbardthatinMarch1956hetraveledtoVancouverforasessionwiththeCaptaininhisapartment.Sixty-sixmicrogramsofSandozLSDlaunchedStolaroffonajourney

byturnsterrifyingandecstatic.Overthecourseofseveralhours,hewitnessedtheentirehistoryoftheplanetfromitsformationthroughthedevelopmentoflifeonearthandtheappearanceofhumankind,culminatinginthetraumaofhisownbirth.(ThisseemstohavebeenacommontrajectoryofHubbard-guidedtrips.)“Thatwasaremarkableopeningforme,”hetoldanintervieweryearslater,“atremendousopening.Irelivedaverypainfulbirthexperiencethathaddeterminedalmostallmypersonalityfeatures.ButIalsoexperiencedtheonenessofmankind,andtherealityofGod.Iknewthatfromthenon...Iwouldbetotallycommittedtothiswork.“AfterthatfirstLSDexperience,Isaid,‘thisisthegreatestdiscovery

manhasevermade.’”Stolaroffsharedthenewswithasmallnumberofhisfriendsand

colleaguesatAmpex.TheybeganmeetingeverymonthorsotodiscussspiritualquestionsandthepotentialofLSDtohelpindividuals—healthyindividuals—realizetheirfullpotential.DonAllen,ayoungAmpexengineer,andWillisHarman,aprofessorofelectricalengineeringatStanford,joinedthegroup,andAlHubbardbegancomingdowntoMenloParktoguidethemembersonpsychedelicjourneysandthentrainthemtoguideothers.“Asatherapist,”Stolaroffrecalled,“hewasoneofthebest.”ConvincedofthepowerofLSDtohelppeopletranscendtheir

limitations,Stolarofftriedforatime,withHubbard’shelp,toreshapeAmpexastheworld’sfirst“psychedeliccorporation.”HubbardconductedaseriesofweeklyworkshopsatheadquartersandadministeredLSDtocompanyexecutivesatasiteintheSierra.Buttheprojectfounderedwhenthecompany’sgeneralmanager,whowasJewish,objectedtotheimagesofChrist,theVirginMary,andtheLastSupperthatHubbardinsistedonbringingintohisoffice.Aroundthesametime,WillisHarmanshiftedthefocusofhisteachingatStanford,offeringanewclasson“thehumanpotential”thatendedwithaunitonpsychedelics.Theengineers

weregettingreligion.(Andhaveitstill:IknowofoneBayAreatechcompanytodaythatusespsychedelicsinitsmanagementtraining.Ahandfulofothershaveinstituted“microdosingFridays.”)In1961,StolaroffleftAmpextodedicatehimselffull-timeto

psychedelicresearch.WithWillisHarman,heestablishedtheorotundlytitledInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS)toexplorethepotentialofLSDtoenhancehumanpersonalityandcreativity.StolaroffhiredapsychiatristnamedCharlesSavageasmedicaldirectorand,asstaffpsychologist,afirst-yeargraduatestudentbythenameofJamesFadiman.(Fadiman,whograduatedfromHarvardin1960,wasintroducedtopsilocybinbyRichardAlpert,thoughnotuntilafterhisgraduation.“Thegreatestthingintheworldhashappenedtome,”Alperttoldhisformerstudent,“andIwanttoshareitwithyou.”)DonAllenalsolefthisengineeringpostatAmpextojoinIFASasascreenerandguide.ThefoundationsecuredadrugresearchpermitfromtheFDAandasupplyofLSDandmescalinefromAlHubbardandbegan—touseanAlHubbardterm—“processingclients.”Overthenextsixyears,thefoundationwouldprocesssome350people.AsJamesFadimanandDonAllenrecallthoseyearsatthefoundation

(bothsatforextensiveinterviews),itwasathrillingandheadytimetobeworkingonwhattheywereconvincedwasthefrontierofhumanpossibility.Forthemostpart,theirexperimentalsubjectswere“healthynormals”orwhatFadimandescribedas“ahealthyneuroticoutpatientpopulation.”Eachclientpaidfivehundreddollarsforapackagethatincludedbefore-and-afterpersonalitytesting,aguidedLSDsession,andsomefollow-up.AlHubbard“wouldfloatinandout,”DonAllenrecalls.He“wasbothourinspirationandourresidentexpert.”JamesFadimansays,“HewasthehiddenforcebehindtheMenloParkresearch.”Fromtimetotime,HubbardwouldtakemembersofthestafftoDeathValleyfortrainingsessions,inthebeliefthattheprimordiallandscapetherewasparticularlyconducivetorevelatoryexperience.Inhalfadozenorsopaperspublishedintheearly1960s,the

foundation’sresearchersreportedsomeprovocative“results.”Seventy-eightpercentofclientssaidtheexperiencehadincreasedtheirabilitytolove,71percentregisteredanincreaseinself-esteem,and83percentsaidthatduringtheirsessionstheyhadglimpsed“ahigherpower,orultimatereality.”Thosewhohadsuchanexperienceweretheoneswhoreported

themostlastingbenefitsfromtheirsession.DonAllentoldmethatmostclientsemergedwith“notableandfairlysustainablechangesinbeliefs,attitudes,andbehavior,wayabovestatisticalprobability.”Specifically,theybecame“muchlessjudgmental,muchlessrigid,moreopen,andlessdefended.”Butitwasn’tallsweetnessandlight:severalclientsabruptlybrokeoffmarriagesaftertheirsessions,nowbelievingtheyweremismatchedortrappedindestructivepatternsofbehavior.ThefoundationalsoconductedstudiestodetermineifLSDcouldin

factenhancecreativityandproblemsolving.“Thiswasn’tatallobvious,”JamesFadimanpointsout,“sincetheexperienceissopowerful,youmightjustwanderoffandlosetrackofwhatyouweretryingtoaccomplish.”Sototesttheirhypothesis,Fadimanandhiscolleaguesstartedwiththemselves,seeingiftheycoulddesignacrediblecreativityexperimentwhileonarelativelylightdoseofLSD—ahundredmicrograms.Perhapsnotsurprisingly,theydeterminedthattheycould.Workingingroupsoffour,JamesFadimanandWillisHarman

administeredthesamedoseofLSDtoartists,engineers,architects,andscientists,allofwhomweresomehow“stuck”intheirworkonaparticularproject.“Weusedeverymanipulationofsetandsettinginthebook,”Fadimanrecalled,tellingsubjects“theywouldbefascinatedbytheirintellectualcapacitiesandwouldsolveproblemsasneverbefore.”Subjectsreportedmuchgreaterfluidityintheirthinking,aswellasanenhancedabilitytobothvisualizeaproblemandrecontextualizeit.“Wewereamazed,aswereourparticipants,athowmanynovelandeffectivesolutionscameoutofoursessions,”Fadimanwrote.Amongtheirsubjectsweresomeofthevisionarieswhointhenextfewyearswouldrevolutionizecomputers,includingWilliamEnglishandDougEngelbart.*Thereareallsortsofproblemswiththisstudy—itwasnotcontrolled,itreliedonthesubjects’ownassessmentsoftheirsuccess,anditwashaltedbeforeitcouldbecompleted—butitdoesatleastpointtoapromisingavenueforresearch.Thefoundationhadclosedupshopby1966,butHubbard’sworkin

SiliconValleywasnotquiteover.Inoneofthemoremysteriousepisodesofhiscareer,HubbardwascalledoutofsemiretirementbyWillisHarmanin1968.AfterIFASdisbanded,HarmanhadgonetoworkattheStanfordResearchInstitute(SRI),aprestigiousthinktankaffiliatedwithStanfordUniversityandarecipientofcontractsfromseveralbranchesof

thefederalgovernment,includingthemilitary.HarmanwasputinchargeofSRI’sEducationalPolicyResearchCenter,withamandatetoenvisioneducation’sfuture.LSDbynowwasillegalbutstillverymuchinuseinthecommunityofengineersandacademicsinandaroundStanford.Hubbard,whobynowwasbroke,washiredasapart-time“special

investigativeagent,”ostensiblytokeeptabsontheuseofdrugsinthestudentmovement.Harman’sletterofemploymenttoHubbardisbothobscureandsuggestive:“OurinvestigationsofsomeofthecurrentsocialmovementsaffectingeducationindicatethatthedruguseprevalentamongstudentmembersoftheNewLeftisnotentirelyundesigned.Someofitappearstobepresentasadeliberateweaponaimedatpoliticalchange.Weareconcernedwithassessingthesignificanceofthisasitimpactsonmattersoflong-rangeeducationalpolicy.Inthisconnectionitwouldbeadvantageoustohaveyouconsideredinthecapacityofaspecialinvestigativeagentwhomighthaveaccesstorelevantdatawhichisnotordinarilyavailable.”Thoughnotmentionedintheletter,Hubbard’sservicestoSRIalsoincludedusinghisextensivegovernmentcontactstokeepcontractsflowing.SoAlHubbardonceagaindonnedhiskhakisecurity-guarduniform,completewithgoldbadge,sidearm,andabeltstuddedwithbullets,andgotbacktowork.Buttheuniformandthe“specialagent”titlewereallacover,andan

audaciousoneatthat.Asavocalenemyoftherisingcounterculture,it’sentirelypossible

HubbarddidinvestigateillegaldruguseoncampusforSRI(orothers*),butifhedid,hewasonceagainworkingbothsidesofthestreet.ForthoughthelegalstatusofLSDhadchangedby1968,HubbardandHarman’smission—“toprovidethe[LSD]experiencetopoliticalandintellectualleadersaroundtheworld”—apparentlyhadnot.Theworkmightwellhavecontinued,justmorequietlyandbeneathacoverstory.ForasWillisHarmantoldToddBrendanFaheyina1990interviewandasaformerSRIemployeeconfirmed,“Alneverdidanythingresemblingsecuritywork.“Al’sjobwastorunthespecialsessionsforus.”ThatformerSRIemployeeisPeterSchwartz,anengineerwhobecame

aleadingfuturist;heiscurrentlyseniorvicepresidentforgovernmentrelationsandstrategicplanningatSalesforce.com.In1973,Schwartz

wenttoworkforWillisHarmanatSRI,hisfirstjoboutofgraduateschool.Bythen,AlHubbardwasmoreorlessretired,andSchwartzwasgivenhisoffice.OnthewallabovethedeskhungalargephotographofRichardNixon,inscribed“tomygoodfriend,Al,forallyouryearsofservice,yourfriend,Dick.”Apileofmailaccumulatedinthein-box,withlettersaddressedtoA.M.Hubbardfromallovertheworld,including,herecalled,onefromGeorgeBush,thefutureCIAdirector,whoatthetimewasservingasheadoftheRepublicanNationalCommittee.“Whowasthisfellow?”Schwartzwondered.Andthenonedaythis

roundfellowwithagraycrewcut,dressedinasecurityguard’suniformandcarryinga.38,showeduptoretrievehismail.“‘I’mafriendofWillis’s,’”HubbardtoldSchwartz.“Andthenhebegan

askingmethestrangestquestions,completelywithoutcontext.‘Wheredoyouthinkyouactuallycamefrom?Whatdoyouthinkaboutthecosmos?’Ilearnedlaterthiswashowhecheckedpeopleout,todecidewhetherornotyouwereaworthycandidate.”Intrigued,SchwartzaskedHarmanaboutthismysterymanand,piece

bypiece,begantoputtogethermuchofthetaleofHubbard’slife.Theyoungfuturistsoonrealizedthat“mostofthepeopleIwasmeetingwhohadinterestingideashadtrippedwithHubbard:professorsatStanford,Berkeley,thestaffatSRI,computerengineers,scientists,writers.Andallofthemhadbeentransformedbytheexperience.”SchwartzsaidthatseveraloftheearlycomputerengineersreliedonLSDindesigningcircuitchips,especiallyintheyearsbeforetheycouldbedesignedoncomputers.“Youhadtobeabletovisualizeastaggeringcomplexityinthreedimensions,holditallinyourhead.TheyfoundthatLSDcouldhelp.”Schwartzeventuallyrealizedthat“everyoneinthatcommunity”—

referringtotheBayAreatechcrowdinthe1960sandearly1970s,aswellasthepeopleinandaroundStewartBrand’sWholeEarthNetwork—“hadtakenHubbardLSD.”Whywereengineersinparticularsotakenwithpsychedelics?

Schwartz,himselftrainedasanaerospaceengineer,thinksithastodowiththefactthatunliketheworkofscientists,whocansimplifytheproblemstheyworkon,“problemsolvinginengineeringalwaysinvolvesirreduciblecomplexity.You’realwaysbalancingcomplexvariablesyoucannevergetperfect,soyou’redesperatelysearchingtofindpatterns.LSDshowsyoupatterns.

“IhavenodoubtthatallthatHubbardLSDallofushadtakenhadabigeffectonthebirthofSiliconValley.”StewartBrandreceivedhisownbaptisminHubbardLSDatIFASin

1962,withJamesFadimanpresidingashisguide.HisfirstexperiencewithLSD“waskindofabumtrip,”herecalls,butitledtoaseriesofotherjourneysthatreshapedhisworldviewand,indirectly,allofours.TheWholeEarthNetworkBrandwouldsubsequentlygathertogether(whichincludedPeterSchwartz,EstherDyson,KevinKelly,HowardRheingold,andJohnPerryBarlow)andplayakeyroleinredefiningwhatcomputersmeantanddid,helpingtotransformthemfromatop-downtoolofthemilitary-industrialcomplex—withthecomputerpunchcardahandysymbolofOrganizationMan—intoatoolofpersonalliberationandvirtualcommunity,withadistinctlycounterculturalvibe.Howmuchdoestheideaofcyberspace,animmaterialrealmwhereonecanconstructanewidentityandmergewithacommunityofvirtualothers,owetoanimaginationshapedbytheexperienceofpsychedelics?Orforthatmattervirtualreality?*Thewholenotionofcybernetics,theideathatmaterialrealitycanbetranslatedintobitsofinformation,mayalsoowesomethingtotheexperienceofLSD,withitspowertocollapsematterintospirit.BrandthinksLSD’svaluetohiscommunitywasasaninstigatorof

creativity,onethatfirsthelpedbringthepowerofnetworkedcomputerstopeople(viaSRIcomputervisionariessuchasDougEngelbartandtheearlyhackercommunity),butthenwassupersededbythecomputersthemselves.(“Atacertainpoint,thedrugsweren’tgettinganybetter,”Brandsaid,“butthecomputerswere.”)AfterhisexperienceatIFAS,BrandgotinvolvedwithKenKeseyandhisnotoriousAcidTests,whichhedescribesas“aparticipatoryartformthatleddirectlytoBurningMan,”theannualgatheringofthearts,technology,andpsychedeliccommunitiesintheNevadadesert.Inhisview,LSDwasacriticalingredientinnourishingthespiritofcollaborativeexperiment,andtoleranceoffailure,thatdistinguishthecomputercultureoftheWestCoast.“Itgaveuspermissiontotryweirdshitincahootswithotherpeople.”Onoccasion,theLSDproducedgenuineinsight,asitdidforBrand

himselfonechillyafternooninthespringof1966.Bored,hewentupontotheroofofhisbuildinginNorthBeachandtookahundredmicrogramsofacid—Fadiman’screativitydose.Ashelookedtowarddowntownwhile

wrappedinablanket,itappearedthatthestreetslinedwithbuildingswerenotquiteparallel.ThismustbeduetothecurvatureofEarth,Branddecided.ItoccurredtohimthatwhenwethinkofEarthasflat,asweusuallydo,weassumeitisinfinite,andwetreatitsresourcesthatway.“Therelationshiptoinfinityistouseitup,”hethought,“butaroundearthwasafinitespaceshipyouhadtomanagecarefully.”Atleastthat’showitappearedtohimthatafternoon,“fromthreestoriesandonehundredmikesup.”Itwouldchangeeverythingifhecouldconveythistopeople!Buthow?

Heflashedonthespaceprogramandwondered,“Whyhaven’tweseenapictureoftheearthfromspace?Ibecomefixedonthis,onhowtogetthisphotothatwouldrevolutionizeourunderstandingofourplaceintheuniverse.Iknow,I’llmakeabutton!Butwhatshoulditsay?‘Let’shaveaphotooftheearthfromspace.’No,itneedstobeaquestion,andmaybealittleparanoid—drawonthatAmericanresource.‘Whyhaven’tweseenaphotographofthewholeearthyet?’”Brandcamedownfromhisroofandlaunchedacampaignthat

eventuallyreachedthehallsofCongressandNASA.WhoknowsifitwasthedirectresultofBrand’scampaign,buttwoyearslater,in1968,theApolloastronautsturnedtheircamerasaroundandgaveusthefirstphotographofEarthfromthemoon,andStewartBrandgaveusthefirsteditionoftheWholeEarthCatalog.Dideverythingchange?Thecasecouldbemadethatithad.

PartII:TheCrack-Up

TimothyLearycamelatetopsychedelics.BythetimehelaunchedtheHarvardPsilocybinProjectin1960,therehadalreadybeenafulldecadeofpsychedelicresearchinNorthAmerica,withhundredsofacademicpapersandseveralinternationalconferencestoshowforit.Learyhimselfseldommadereferencetothisbodyofwork,preferringtogivetheimpressionthathisownpsychedelicresearchrepresentedaradicalnewchapterintheannalsofpsychology.In1960,thefutureofpsychedelicresearchlookedbright.Yetwithinthebriefspanoffiveyears,thepoliticalandculturalweathercompletelyshifted,amoralpanicaboutLSDengulfedAmerica,andvirtuallyallpsychedelicresearchandtherapywereeitherhaltedordrivenunderground.Whathappened?“TimothyLeary”isthetoo-obviousanswertothatquestion.Justabout

everyoneI’veinterviewedonthesubject—dozensofpeople—hasprefacedhisorheranswerbysaying,“It’sfartooeasytoblameLeary,”beforeproceedingtodopreciselythat.It’shardtoavoidtheconclusionthattheflamboyantpsychologyprofessorwithatropismbendinghimtowardthesunofpublicity,goodorbad,didgravedamagetothecauseofpsychedelicresearch.Hedid.Andyetthesocialforcesunleashedbythedrugsthemselvesoncetheymovedfromthelaboratoryoutintotheculturewerebiggerandstrongerthananyindividualcouldwithstand—ortakecreditfor.Withorwithouttheheedless,joyful,andamplypublicizedanticsofTimothyLeary,thesheerDionysianpowerofLSDwasitselfboundtoshakethingsupandinciteareaction.BythetimeLearywashiredbyHarvardin1959,hehadanational

reputationasagiftedpersonalityresearcher,andyeteventhen—beforehisfirstshatteringexperiencewithpsilocybininCuernavacaduringthesummerof1960—Learywasfeelingsomewhatdisenchantedwithhisfield.Afewyearsbefore,whileworkingasdirectorofpsychiatricresearchatKaiserHospitalinOakland,Learyandacolleaguehadconductedacleverexperimenttoassesstheeffectivenessofpsychotherapy.Agroupofpatientsseekingpsychiatriccareweredividedintotwogroups;onereceivedthestandardtreatmentofthetime,theother(consistingof

peopleonawaitinglist)notreatmentatall.Afterayear,one-thirdofallthesubjectshadimproved,one-thirdhadgottenworse,andone-thirdremainedunchanged—regardlessofwhichgrouptheywerein.Whetherornotasubjectreceivedtreatmentmadenodifferencewhatsoeverintheoutcome.Sowhatgoodwasconventionalpsychotherapy?Psychology?Learyhadbeguntowonder.LearyquicklyestablishedhimselfatHarvard’sDepartmentofSocial

Relationsasadynamicandcharismatic,ifsomewhatcynical,teacher.Thehandsomeprofessorwasagreattalker,intheexpansiveIrishmode,andcouldcharmthepantsoffanyone,especiallywomen,forwhomhewasapparentlycatnip.Learyhadalwayshadaroguish,rebelliousstreak—hewascourt-martialedduringhistimeatWestPointforviolatingthehonorcodeandexpelledfromtheUniversityofAlabamaforspendingthenightinawomen’sdorm—andHarvard-the-institutionbroughtoutrebellioninhim.Learywouldspeakcynicallyofpsychologicalresearchasa“game.”HerbertKelman,acolleagueinthedepartmentwholaterbecameLeary’schiefadversary,recallsthenewprofessoras“personable”(Kelmanhelpedhimfindhisfirsthouse)butsays,“Ihadmisgivingsabouthimfromthebeginning.Hewouldoftentalkoutofthetopofhisheadaboutthingsheknewnothingabout,likeexistentialism,andhewastellingourstudentspsychologywasallagame.Itseemedtomeabitcavalierandirresponsible.”ImetKelman,nowinhisnineties,inthesmall,overstuffedapartment

whereheliveswithhiswifeinanassisted-livingfacilityinWestCambridge.KelmandisplayednorancortowardLearyyetevincedlittlerespectforhimeitherasateacherorasascientist;indeed,hebelievesLearyhadbecomedisenchantedwithsciencewellbeforepsychedelicscameintohislife.InKelman’sopinion,evenbeforethepsilocybin,“Hewasalreadyhalfwayoffthedeepend.”Leary’sintroductiontopsilocybin,poolsideinMexicoduringthe

summerof1960,camethreeyearsafterR.GordonWassonpublishedhisnotoriousLifemagazinearticleaboutthe“mushroomsthatcausestrangevisions.”ForLeary,themushroomsweretransformative.Inanafternoon,hispassiontounderstandthehumanmindhadbeenreignited—indeed,hadexploded.“InfourhoursbytheswimmingpoolinCuernavacaIlearnedmore

aboutthemind,thebrain,anditsstructuresthanIdidinthepreceding

fifteenasadiligentpsychologist,”hewrotelaterinFlashbacks,his1983memoir.“Ilearnedthatthebrainisanunderutilizedbiocomputer...Ilearnedthatnormalconsciousnessisonedropinanoceanofintelligence.Thatconsciousnessandintelligencecanbesystematicallyexpanded.Thatthebraincanbereprogrammed.”Learyreturnedfromhisjourneywithanirresistibleurgeto“rushback

andtelleveryone,”asherecalledinHighPriest,his1968memoir.Andtheninahandfulofsentencesheslidintoapropheticvoice,oneinwhichthewholefuturetrajectoryofTimothyLearycouldbeforetold:

Listen!Wakeup!YouareGod!YouhavetheDivineplanengravedincellularscriptwithinyou.Listen!Takethissacrament!You’llsee!You’llgettherevelation!Itwillchangeyourlife!

ButatleastforthefirstyearortwoatHarvard,Learywentthroughthemotionsofdoingscience.BackinCambridgethatfall,herecruitedRichardAlpert,apromisingassistantprofessorwhowasheirtoarailroadfortune,and,havingsecuredthetacitapprovaloftheirdepartmentchair,DavidMcClelland,thetwolaunchedtheHarvardPsilocybinProject,operatingoutofatinybroomclosetofanofficeintheDepartmentofSocialRelationsinahouseat5DivinityAvenue.(Iwentlookingforthehouse,butithaslongsincebeenrazedandreplacedbyasprawling,block-longbricksciencebuilding.)Leary,everthesalesman,hadconvincedHarvardthattheresearchheproposedtoundertakewassquarelyinthetraditionofWilliamJames,whointheearlyyearsofthecenturyhadalsostudiedalteredstatesofconsciousnessandmysticalexperienceatHarvard.Theuniversityplacedoneconditionontheresearch:LearyandAlpertcouldgivethenewdrugstograduatestudents,butnottoundergraduates.Beforelong,anintriguinglytitlednewseminarshowedupintheHarvardcourselistings:

ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousnessTheliteraturedescribinginternallyandexternallyinducedchangesinawarenesswillbereviewed.Thebasicelementsofmysticalexperienceswillbestudiedcross-culturally.The

membersoftheseminarwillparticipateinexperienceswithconsciousnessexpandingmethodsandasystematicanalysisofattentionwillbepaidtotheproblemsofmethodologyinthisarea.Thisseminarwillbelimitedtoadvancedgraduatestudents.Admissionbyconsentoftheinstructor.

“ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousness”provedtobeextremelypopular.

•••

INITSTHREEYEARSofexistence,theHarvardPsilocybinProjectaccomplishedsurprisinglylittle,atleastintermsofscience.Intheirfirstexperiments,LearyandAlpertadministeredpsilocybintohundredsofpeopleofallsorts,includinghousewives,musicians,artists,academics,writers,fellowpsychologists,andgraduatestudents,whothencompletedquestionnairesabouttheirexperiences.Accordingto“AmericansandMushroomsinaNaturalisticEnvironment:APreliminaryReport,”mostsubjectshadgenerallyverypositiveandoccasionallylife-changingexperiences.“Naturalistic”wasapt:thesesessionstookplacenotinuniversity

buildingsbutincomfortablelivingrooms,accompaniedbymusicandcandlelight,andtoacasualobservertheywouldhavelookedmorelikepartiesthanexperiments,especiallybecausetheresearchersthemselvesusuallyjoinedin.(LearyandAlperttookaheroicamountofpsilocybinand,later,LSD.)Atleastinthebeginning,Leary,Alpert,andtheirgraduatestudentsendeavoredtowriteupaccountsoftheirownandtheirsubjects’psilocybinjourneys,asiftheywerepioneersexploringanunmappedfrontierofconsciousnessandthepreviousdecadeofworksurveyingthepsychedeliclandscapehadneverhappened.“Wewereonourown,”Learywrote,somewhatdisingenuously.“Westernliteraturehadalmostnoguides,nomaps,notextsthatevenrecognizedtheexistenceofalteredstates.”Drawingontheirextensivefieldwork,however,Learydiddosome

originalworktheorizingtheideaof“set”and“setting,”deployingthewordsinthiscontextforthefirsttimeintheliterature.Theseusefulterms,ifnottheconceptstheydenote—forwhichAlHubbarddeserves

mostofthecredit—maywellrepresentLeary’smostenduringcontributiontopsychedelicscience.LearyandAlpertpublishedahandfulofpapersintheearlyyearsatHarvardthatarestillworthreading,bothaswell-writtenandcloselyobservedethnographiesoftheexperienceandastextsinwhichtheearlystirringsofanewsensibilitycanbeglimpsed.Buildingontheideathatthelife-changingexperiencesofvolunteersin

thePsilocybinProjectmighthavesomebroadersocialapplication,in1961Learyandagraduatestudent,RalphMetzner,dreamedupamoreambitiousresearchproject.TheConcordPrisonExperimentsoughttodiscoverifthepotentialofpsilocybintochangepersonalitycouldbeusedtoreducerecidivisminapopulationofhardenedcriminals.ThatthisaudaciousexperimentevergotoffthegroundisatestimonytoLeary’ssalesmanshipandcharm,fornotonlytheprisonpsychiatristbutthewardenhadtosignoffonit.Theideawastocomparetherecidivismratesoftwogroupsof

prisonersinamaximumsecurityprisoninConcord,Massachusetts.Agroupofthirty-twoinmatesreceivedpsilocybininsessionsthattookplaceintheprison,withonememberofLeary’steamtakingthedrugwiththem—soasnottocondescendtotheprisoners,Learyexplained,ortreatthemlikeguineapigs.*Theotherremainedstraightinordertoobserveandtakenotes.Asecondgroupofinmatesreceivednodrugsorspecialtreatmentofanykind.Thetwogroupswerethenfollowedforaperiodofmonthsaftertheirrelease.Learyreportedeye-poppingresults:tenmonthsaftertheirrelease,

only25percentofthepsilocybinrecipientshadendedupbackinjail,whilethecontrolgroupreturnedatamoretypicalrateof80percent.ButwhenRickDoblinatMAPSmeticulouslyreconstructedtheConcordexperimentdecadeslater,reviewingtheoutcomessubjectbysubject,heconcludedthatLearyhadexaggeratedthedata;infact,therewasnostatisticallysignificantdifferenceintheratesofrecidivismbetweenthetwogroups.(Evenatthetime,themethodologicalshortcomingsofthestudyhadpromptedDavidMcClelland,thedepartmentchair,towriteascathingmemotoMetzner.)OfLeary’sscientificwork,SidneyCohen,himselfapsychedelicresearcher,concludedthat“itwasthesortofresearchthatmadescientistswince.”Learyplayedamoretangentialroleinoneother,muchmorecredible

studydoneinthespringof1962:theGoodFridayExperiment,described

inchapterone.UnliketheConcordPrisonExperiment,the“MiracleatMarshChapel,”asitbecameknown,madeagoodfaithefforttohonortheconventionsofthecontrolled,double-blindpsychologyexperiment.Neithertheinvestigatorsnorthesubjects—twentydivinitystudents—weretoldwhohadgottenthedrugandwhohadgottentheplacebo,whichwasactive.TheGoodFridaystudywasfarfromperfect;Pahnkesuppressedthefactthatonesubjectfreakedoutandhadtobesedated.YetPahnke’smainconclusion—thatpsilocybincanreliablyoccasionamysticalexperiencethatis“indistinguishablefrom,ifnotidenticalwith,”theexperiencesdescribedintheliterature—stillstandsandhelpedtoinspirethecurrentwaveofresearch,particularlyatJohnsHopkins,whereitwasreplicated(roughlyspeaking)in2006.ButmostofthecreditfortheGoodFridayExperimentrightfully

belongstoWalterPahnke,notTimothyLeary,whowascriticalofitsdesignfromthestart;hehadtoldPahnkeitwasawasteoftimetouseacontrolgrouporaplacebo.“Ifwelearnedonethingfromthatexperience,”Learylaterwrote,“itwashowfoolishitwastouseadouble-blindexperimentwithpsychedelics.Afterfiveminutes,noone’sfoolinganyone.”

•••

BYNOW,Learyhadprettymuchlostinterestindoingscience;hewasgettingreadytotradethe“psychologygame”forwhathewouldcallthe“gurugame.”(PerhapsLeary’smostendearingcharactertraitwasnevertotakehimselftooseriously—evenasaguru.)IthadbecomecleartohimthatthespiritualandculturalimportofpsilocybinandLSDfaroutweighedanytherapeuticbenefittoindividuals.AswithHubbardandHuxleyandOsmondbeforehim,psychedelicshadconvincedLearythattheyhadthepowernotjusttohealpeoplebuttochangesocietyandsavehumankind,anditwashismissiontoserveastheirprophet.Itwasasthoughthechemicalsthemselveshadhituponabrilliantschemefortheirownproliferation,bycolonizingthebrainsofacertaintypeofcharismaticandmessianichuman.“Wewerethinkingfar-outhistorythoughtsatHarvard,”Learylater

wroteaboutthisperiod,“believingthatitwasatime(aftertheshallow,

nostalgicfifties)forfar-outvisions,knowingthatAmericahadrunoutofphilosophy,thatanew,empirical,tangiblemeta-physicswasdesperatelyneeded.”Thebombandthecoldwarformedthecrucialbackgroundtotheseideas,investingtheprojectwithurgency.Learywasalsoencouragedinhisshiftfromscientisttoevangelistby

someoftheartistsheturnedon.InonenotablesessionathisNewtonhomeinDecember1960,LearygavepsilocybintotheBeatpoetAllenGinsberg,amanwhoneedednochemicalinducementtoplaytheroleofvisionaryprophet.Towardtheendofanecstatictrip,Ginsbergstumbleddownstairs,tookoffallhisclothes,andannouncedhisintentiontomarchnakedthroughthestreetsofNewtonpreachingthenewgospel.“We’regoingtoteachpeopletostophating,”Ginsbergsaid,“starta

peaceandlovemovement.”Youcanalmosthearinhiswordsthe1960sbeingborn,thestill-damp,Day-Glochickcrackingoutofitsshell.WhenLearymanagedtopersuadeGinsbergnottoleavethehouse(amongotherissues,itwasDecember),thepoetgotonthephoneandstarteddialingworldleaders,tryingtogetKennedy,Khrushchev,andMaoZedongonthelinetoworkouttheirdifferences.Intheend,GinsbergwasonlyabletoreachhisfriendJackKerouac,identifyinghimselfasGod(“that’sG-O-D”)andtellinghimhemusttakethesemagicmushrooms.Alongwitheveryoneelse.GinsbergwasconvincedthatLeary,theHarvardprofessor,wasthe

perfectmantoleadthenewpsychedeliccrusade.ToGinsberg,thefactthatthenewprophet“shouldemergefromHarvardUniversity,”thealmamaterofthenewlyelectedpresident,wasacaseof“historiccomedy,”forherewas“theoneandonlyDr.Leary,arespectablehumanbeing,aworldlymanfacedwiththetaskofaMessiah.”Comingfromthegreatpoet,thewordslandedlikeseedsonthefertile,well-wateredsoilofTimothyLeary’sego.(Itisoneofthemanyparadoxesofpsychedelicsthatthesedrugscansponsoranego-dissolvingexperiencethatinsomepeoplequicklyleadstomassiveegoinflation.Havingbeenletinonagreatsecretoftheuniverse,therecipientofthisknowledgeisboundtofeelspecial,chosenforgreatthings.)HuxleyandHubbardandOsmondsharedLeary’ssenseofhistorical

mission,buttheyhadaverydifferentideaofhowbesttofulfillit.Thethreewereinclinedtoamoresupply-sidekindofspiritualism—firstyoumustturnontheelite,andthenletthenewconsciousnessfilterdownto

themasses,whomightnotbereadytoabsorbsuchashatteringexperienceallatonce.TheirunspokenmodelwastheEleusinianmysteries,inwhichtheGreekelitegatheredinsecrettoingestthesacredkykeonandshareanightofrevelation.ButLearyandGinsberg,bothfirmlyintheAmericangrain,weredeterminedtodemocratizethevisionaryexperience,maketranscendenceavailabletoeveryonenow.Surelythatwasthegreatblessingofpsychedelics:forthefirsttime,therewasatechnologythatmadethispossible.YearslaterLesterGrinspoon,aHarvardprofessorofpsychiatry,capturedtheethosnicelyinabookhewrotewithJamesBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered:“Psychedelicdrugsopenedtomasstourismmentalterritoriespreviouslyexploredonlybysmallpartiesofparticularlyintrepidadventurers,mainlyreligiousmystics.”AswellasvisionaryartistslikeWilliamBlake,WaltWhitman,andAllenGinsberg.Now,withapillorsquareofblotterpaper,anyonecouldexperiencefirsthandexactlywhatintheworldBlakeandWhitmanweretalkingabout.Butthisnewformofspiritualmasstourismhadnotyetreceivedmuch

advertisingorpromotionbeforethespringof1962.That’swhennewsofcontroversysurroundingtheHarvardPsilocybinProjectfirsthitthenewspapers,beginningwithHarvard’sownstudentpaper,theCrimson.HarvardbeingHarvard,andLearyLeary,thestoryquicklyspreadtothenationalpress,turningthepsychologyprofessorintoacelebrityandhasteninghis,andAlpert’s,departurefromHarvard,inascandalthatbothprefiguredandhelpedfuelthebacklashagainstpsychedelicsthatwouldsoonclosedownmostresearch.LearyandAlpert’scolleagueshadbeenuncomfortableaboutthe

HarvardPsilocybinProjectalmostfromthestart.A1961memofromDavidMcClellandhadraisedquestionsabouttheabsenceofcontrolsinLearyandAlpert’s“naturalistic”studiesaswellasthelackofmedicalsupervisionandthefactthattheinvestigatorsinsistedontakingthedrugswiththeirsubjects,ofwhomtherewerehundreds.(“Howoftenshouldapersontakepsilocybin?”heasked,referringtoLearyandAlpert.)McClellandalsocalledthetworesearchersoutontheir“philosophicalnaivete.”“Manyreportsaregivenofdeepmysticalexperiences,”hewrote,“but

theirchiefcharacteristicisthewonderatone’sownprofundity.”Thefollowingyear,inadetailedcritiqueofRalphMetzner’sConcordPrison

Experiment,McClellandaccusedthegraduatestudentoffailingto“analyz[e]yourdataobjectivelyandcarefully.Youknowwhattheconclusionsaretobe...andthedataaresimplyusedtosupportwhatyoualreadyknowtobetrue.”NodoubtthepopularityofthePsilocybinProjectamongthedepartment’sstudents,aswellasitscliquishness,rankledtherestofthefaculty,whohadtocompetewithLearyandAlpertandtheirdrugsforapreciousacademicresource:talentedgraduatestudents.Butthesegrievancesdidn’tleavethepremisesof5DivinityAvenue—

notuntilMarch1962.That’swhenMcClelland,respondingtoarequestbyHerbKelman,calledameetingofthefacultyandstudentstoairconcernsaboutthePsilocybinProject.KelmanaskedforthemeetingbecausehehadheardfromhisgraduatestudentsthatakindofculthadformedaroundAlpertandLeary,andsomestudentsfeltpressuretoparticipateinthedrugtaking.EarlyinthemeetingKelmantookthefloor:“IwishIcouldtreatthisasscholarlydisagreement,butthisworkviolatesthevaluesoftheacademiccommunity.Thewholeprogramhasananti-intellectualatmosphere.Itsemphasisisonpureexperience,notonverbalizingfindings.“I’malsosorrytosaythatDr.LearyandDr.Alperthavetakenavery

nonchalantattitudetowardtheseexperiments—especiallyconsideringtheeffectsthesedrugsmighthaveonthesubjects.“Whatmostconcernsme,”Kelmanconcluded,“andotherswhohave

cometome,ishowthehallucinogenicandmentaleffectsofthesedrugshavebeenusedtoformakindof‘insider’sectwithinthedepartment.Thosewhochoosenottoparticipatearelabeledas‘squares.’Ijustdon’tthinkthatkindofthingshouldbeencouragedinthisdepartment.”PsychedelicdrugshaddividedaHarvarddepartmentjustastheywouldsoondividetheculture.Alpertrespondedforcefully,claimingtheworkwas“rightinthe

traditionofWilliamJames,”thedepartment’spresidingdeity,andthatKelman’scritiqueamountedtoanattackonacademicfreedom.ButLearytookamoreconciliatoryapproach,consentingtoafewreasonablerestrictionsontheresearch.Everyonewenthomethinkingthematterhadbeenclosed.Untilthefollowingmorning.

TheroomhadbeensocompletelyjammedwithfacultyandstudentsthatnoonenoticedthepresenceofanundergraduatereporterfromtheCrimsonnamedRobertEllisSmith,furiouslytakingnotes.Thenextday’sCrimsonputthecontroversyonpage1:“PsychologistsDisagreeonPsilocybinResearch.”Thedayafterthat,thestorywaspickedupbytheBostonHerald,aHearstpaper,andgivenamuchpunchierifnotquiteasaccurateheadline:“HallucinationDrugFoughtatHarvard—350StudentsTakePills.”Nowthestorywasout,andverysoonTimothyLeary,alwayshappytosupplyareporterwithadelectablyoutrageousquote,wasfamous.HedeliveredaparticularlychoiceoneaftertheuniversityforcedhimtoputhissupplyofSandozpsilocybinpillsunderthecontrolofHealthServices:“Psychedelicdrugscausepanicandtemporaryinsanityinpeoplewhohavenottakenthem.”Bytheendoftheyear,LearyandAlperthadconcludedthat“these

materialsaretoopowerfulandtoocontroversialtoberesearchedinauniversitysetting.”TheyannouncedinalettertotheCrimsontheywereformingsomethingcalledtheInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom(IFIF)andhenceforthwouldbeconductingresearchunderitsumbrellaratherthanHarvard’s.Theydecriedthenewrestrictionsplacedonpsychedelicresearch,notonlyatHarvard,butbythefederalgovernment:inthewakeofthethalidomidetragedy,inwhichanewsedativegiventopregnantwomenformorningsicknesshadcausedterriblebirthdefectsintheirchildren,CongresshadgiventheFDAauthoritytoregulateexperimentaldrugs.“ForthefirsttimeinAmericanhistory,”theIFIFannounced,“andforthefirsttimeintheWesternworldsincetheInquisitiontherenowexistsascientificunderground.”Theypredictedthat“amajorcivillibertiesissueofthenextdecadewillbethecontrolandexpansionofconsciousness.”“Whocontrolsyourcortex?”theywroteintheirlettertotheCrimson—

whichistosay,tostudents.“Whodecidesontherangeandlimitsofyourawareness?Ifyouwanttoresearchyourownnervoussystem,expandyourconsciousness,whoistodecidethatyoucan’tandwhy?”It’softensaidthatinthe1960spsychedelics“escapedfromthe

laboratory,”butitwouldprobablybemoreaccuratetosaytheywerethrownoverthelaboratorywall,andneverwithasmuchloftorvelocityasbyTimothyLearyandRichardAlpertattheendof1962.“We’rethroughplayingthesciencegame,”LearytoldMcClellandwhenhe

returnedtoCambridgethatfall.Now,LearyandAlpertwereplayingthegameofculturalrevolution.

•••

THELARGERCOMMUNITYofpsychedelicresearchersacrossNorthAmericareactedtoLeary’sprovocationswithdismayandthenalarm.LearyhadbeeninregularcontactwiththeWestCoastandCanadiangroups,exchanginglettersandvisitswithhisfar-flungcolleaguesonafairlyregularbasis.(HeandAlperthadpaidavisittoStolaroff’sfoundationin1960or1961;“Ithinktheythoughtweweretoostraitlaced,”DonAllentoldme.)SoonafterarrivingatHarvard,LearyhadgottentoknowHuxley,whowasteachingforasemesteratMIT.Huxleyhadbecomeextremelyfondoftheroguishprofessor,andsharedhisaspirationsforpsychedelicsasanagentofculturaltransformation,butworriedthatLearywasmovingtoofastandtooflagrantly.*DuringhislastvisittoCambridge(HuxleywoulddieinLosAngelesinNovember1963,onthesamedayasJohnF.Kennedy),HuxleyfeltthatLeary“hadtalkedsuchnonsense...thatIbecamequiteconcerned.Notabouthissanity—becauseheisperfectlysane—butabouthisprospectsintheworld.”SoonafterLearyannouncedtheformationoftheInternational

FederationforInternalFreedom,HumphryOsmondtraveledtoCambridgetotrytotalksomesenseintohim.HeandAbramHofferwereworriedthatLeary’spromotionofthedrugsoutsidethecontextofclinicalresearchthreatenedtoprovokethegovernmentandupendtheirownresearch.OsmondalsofaultedLearyforworkingwithoutapsychopharmacologistandfortreatingthese“powerfulchemicals[as]harmlesstoys.”Hopingtodistanceseriousresearchfromirresponsibleuse,andtroubledthatthecounterculturewascontaminatinghisformerlyneutralterm“psychedelic,”Osmondtriedonceagaintocoinanewone:“psychodelytic.”Idon’tneedtotellyouitfailedtocatchon.“Youmustfacetheseobjectionsratherthandissipatethemwitha

smile,howevercosmic,”Osmondtoldhim.Thereitwasagain:theindestructibleLearysmile!ButOsmondgotnothingmorethanthatforhistroubles.

MyronStolaroffweighedinwithabluntlettertoLearydescribingtheIFIFas“insane”andaccuratelyprophesyingthecrack-uptocome:Itwill“wreakhavoconallofusdoingLSDworkalloverthenation...“Tim,Iamconvincedyouareheadingforveryserioustroubleifyour

plangoesaheadasyouhavedescribedittome,anditwouldnotonlymakeagreatdealoftroubleforyou,butforallofus,andmaydoirreparableharmtothepsychedelicfieldingeneral.”ButwhatexactlywastheplanoftheIFIF?Learywashappytostateit

openly:tointroduceasmanyAmericansto“thestrongpsychedelics”asitpossiblycouldinordertochangethecountryonebrainatatime.Hehaddonethemathandconcludedthat“thecriticalfigureforblowingthemindoftheAmericansocietywouldbefourmillionLSDusersandthiswouldhappenby1969.”Asitwouldturnout,Leary’smathwasnotfaroff.Thoughcloserto

twomillionAmericanshadtriedLSDby1969,thiscadrehadindeedblownthemindofAmerica,leavingthecountryinasubstantiallydifferentplace.ButperhapsthemostviolentresponsetoLeary’splansforworldwide

mentalrevolutioncamefromAlHubbard,whohadalwayshadanuneasyrelationshipwiththeprofessor.ThetwohadmetsoonafterLearygottoHarvard,whenHubbardmadethedrivetoCambridgeinhisRolls-Royce,bringingasupplyofLSDhehopedtotradeforsomeofLeary’spsilocybin.“Heblewinwiththatuniform,”Learyrecalled,“layingdownthemost

incredibleatmosphereofmysteryandflamboyance,andreallyimpressivebullshit!”—asubjectonwhichLearywascertainlyqualifiedtojudge.Hubbard“startedname-droppinglikeyouwouldn’tbelieve...claimedhewasfriendswiththePope.“Thethingthatimpressedmeis,ononehandhelookedlikea

carpetbaggerconman,andontheotherhehadthesemostimpressivepeopleintheworldinhislap,basicallybackinghim.”ButLeary’slegendarycharmneverhadmuchtractionwithHubbard,a

deeplyconservativeanddevoutmanwhodisdainedboththeglareofpublicityandthenascentcounterculture.“IlikedTimwhenwefirstmet,”hesaidyearslater,“butIwarnedhimadozentimes”aboutstayingoutoftroubleandthepress.“Heseemedlikeawell-intentionedperson,butthenhewentoverboard...heturnedouttobecompletelynogood.”Like

manyofhiscolleagues,HubbardstronglyobjectedtoLeary’sdo-it-yourselfapproachtopsychedelics,especiallyhiswillingnesstodispensewiththeall-importanttrainedguide.HisattitudetowardLearymightalsohavebeeninfluencedbyhisextensivecontactsinlawenforcementandintelligence,whichbynowhadtheprofessorontheirradar.AccordingtoOsmond,theCaptain’santipathytowardLearysurfaced

alarminglyduringapsychedelicsessionthetwosharedduringthisperiodofmountingcontroversy.“AlgotgreatlypreoccupiedwiththeideaheoughttoshootTimothy,andwhenIbegantoreasonwithhimthatthiswouldbeaverybadidea...Ibecamemuchconcernedhemightshootme.”Hubbardwasprobablyrighttothinkthatnothingshortofabulletwas

goingtostopTimothyLearynow.AsStolaroffputthematterinclosinghislettertoLeary,“Isupposethereislittlehopethatwiththebitsofirmlyinyourmouthyoucanbedeterred.”

•••

BYTHESPRINGOF1963,LearyhadonefootoutofHarvard,skippingclassesandvoicinghisintentiontoleaveattheendoftheschoolyear,whenhiscontractwouldbeup.ButAlperthadanewappointmentintheSchoolofEducationandplannedtostayon—untilanotherexplosivearticleintheCrimsongotthembothfired.ThisonewaswrittenbyanundergraduatenamedAndrewWeil.WeilhadarrivedatHarvardwithakeeninterestinpsychedelicdrugs

—hehaddevouredHuxley’sDoorsofPerceptioninhighschool—andwhenhelearnedaboutthePsilocybinProject,hebeatapathtoProfessorLeary’sofficedoortoaskifhecouldparticipate.Learyexplainedtheuniversityrulerestrictingthedrugstograduate

students.Yet,tryingtobehelpful,hetoldWeilaboutacompanyinTexaswherehemightordersomemescalinebymail(itwasstilllegalatthetime),whichWeilpromptlydid(usinguniversitystationery).Weilbecamefascinatedwiththepotentialofpsychedelicsandhelpedformanundergraduatemescalinegroup.ButhewantedbadlytobepartofLearyandAlpert’smoreexclusiveclub,sowheninthefallof1962WeilbegantohearaboutotherundergraduateswhohadreceiveddrugsfromRichard

Alpert,hewasindignant.HewenttohiseditorattheCrimsonandproposedaninvestigation.WeildevelopedleadsonahandfuloffellowstudentswhomAlperthad

turnedoninviolationofuniversityrules.(Weilwouldlaterwritethat“studentsandotherswereusinghallucinogensforseductionsbothheterosexualandhomosexual.”)Butthereweretwoproblemswithhisscoop:noneofthestudentstowhomAlpertsupposedlygavedrugswerewillingtosaysoontherecord,andtheCrimson’slawyerswereworriedaboutprintingdefamatorychargesagainstprofessors.ThelawyersadvisedWeiltoturnoverhisinformationtotheadministration.Hecouldthenwriteastoryreportingonwhateveractionstheuniversitytookinresponsetothecharges,therebyreducingthenewspaper’slegalexposure.ButWeilstillneededastudenttocomeforward.HetraveledtoNewYorkCitytomeetwiththeprominentfatherofone

ofthem—RonnieWinston—andofferedhimadeal.AsAlperttellsthestory,*“HewenttoHarryWinston”—thefamousFifthAvenuejeweler—“andhesaid,‘Yoursonisgettingdrugsfromafacultymember.Ifyoursonwilladmittothatcharge,we’llcutoutyourson’sname.Wewon’tuseitinthearticle.’”SoyoungRonniewenttothedeanand,whenaskedifhehadtakendrugsfromDr.Alpert,confessed,addinganunexpectedfillip:“Yes,sir,Idid.AnditwasthemosteducationalexperienceI’vehadatHarvard.”AlpertandLearyappeartobetheonlyHarvardprofessorsfiredinthe

twentiethcentury.(Technically,Learywasn’tfired,butHarvardstoppedpayinghimseveralmonthsbeforehiscontractended.)Thestorybecamenationalnews,introducingmillionsofAmericanstothecontroversysurroundingtheseexoticnewdrugs.ItalsoearnedAndrewWeilaplumassignmentfromLookmagazinetowriteaboutthecontroversy,whichspreadthestorystillfurther.DescribingthepsychedelicsceneatHarvardinthethirdperson,Weilalludedto“anundergraduategroup...conductingcovertresearchwithmescaline,”neglectingtomentionhewasafoundingmemberofthatgroup.Thiswasnot,sufficeittosay,AndrewWeil’sproudestmoment,and

whenIspoketohimaboutitrecently,heconfessedthathe’sfeltbadlyabouttheepisodeeversinceandhadsoughttomakeamendstobothLearyandRamDass.(TwoyearsafterhisdeparturefromHarvard,AlpertembarkedonaspiritualjourneytoIndiaandreturnedasRamDass.)

LearyreadilyacceptedWeil’sapology—themanwasapparentlyincapableofholdingagrudge—butRamDassrefusedtotalktoWeilforyears,whichpainedhim.ButafterRamDasssufferedastrokein1997,WeiltraveledtoHawaiitoseekhisforgiveness.RamDassfinallyrelented,tellingWeilthathehadcometoregardbeingfiredfromHarvardasablessing.“Ifyouhadn’tdonewhatyoudid,”hetoldWeil,“IwouldneverhavebecomeRamDass.”

•••

HERE,UPONTHEIREXITfromHarvard,weshouldprobablytakeourleaveofTimothyLearyandRichardAlpert,eventhoughtheirlong,strangetripthroughAmericanculturestillhadalong,strangewaytogo.Thetwowouldnowtaketheirshow(withitsnumerousex-studentsandhangers-on)ontheroad,movingtheInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom(whichwouldlatermorphintotheLeagueforSpiritualDiscovery)fromCambridgetoZihuatanejo,untiltheMexicangovernment(underpressurefromU.S.authorities)kickedthemout,thenbrieflytotheCaribbeanislandofDominica,untilthatgovernmentkickedthemout,beforefinallysettlingforseveralraucousyearsinasixty-four-roommansioninMillbrook,NewYork,ownedbyawealthypatronnamedBillyHitchcock.Embracedbytherisingcounterculture,Learywasinvited(alongwith

AllenGinsberg)tospeakatthefirstHumanBe-IninSanFrancisco,aneventthatdrewsometwenty-fivethousandyoungpeopletoGoldenGateParkinJanuary1967,totriponfreelydistributedLSDwhilelisteningtospeakersproclaimanewage.Theex-professor,whofortheoccasionhadtradedinhisBrooksBrothersforwhiterobesandlovebeads(andflowersinhisgrayinghair),imploredthethrongoftripping“hippies”—thetermpopularizedthatyearbythelocalnewspapercolumnistHerbCaen—to“turnon,tunein,dropout.”Theslogan—whichheatfirstsaidhehadthoughtupintheshowerbutyearslaterclaimedwas“giventohim”byMarshallMcLuhan—wouldclingtoLearyfortherestofhislife,earninghimthecontemptofparentsandpoliticianstheworldover.ButLeary’sstoryonlygetsweirder,andsadder.Soonafterhis

departurefromCambridge,thegovernment,alarmedathisgrowing

influenceonthecountry’syouth,launchedacampaignofharassmentthatculminatedinthe1966bustinLaredo;hewasdrivinghisfamilytoMexicoonvacation,whenabordersearchofhiscarturnedupasmallquantityofmarijuana.Learywouldspendyearsinjailbattlingfederalmarijuanachargesandthenseveralmoreyearsonthelamasaninternationalfugitivefromjustice.Heacquiredthisstatusin1970afterhisboldescapefromaCaliforniaprison,withthehelpoftheWeathermen,therevolutionarygroup.HiscomradesmanagedtospiritLearyoutofthecountrytoAlgeria,intothearmsofEldridgeCleaver,theBlackPanther,whohadestablishedabaseofoperationsthere.ButasylumunderCleaverturnedouttobenopicnic:thePantherconfiscatedhispassport,effectivelyholdingLearyhostage.Learyhadtoescapeyetagain,thistimemakinghiswaytoSwitzerland(wherehefoundluxuriousrefugeinthechaletofanarmsdealer),then(aftertheU.S.governmentpersuadedSwitzerlandtojailhim)ontoVienna,Beirut,andKabul,wherehewasfinallyseizedbyU.S.agentsandremandedtoanAmericanprison,nowmaximumsecurityand,foratime,solitaryconfinement.Butthepersecutiononlyfedhissenseofdestiny.Therestofhislifeisanimprobable1960stragicomedyfeaturing

plentyofcourtroomsandjails(twenty-nineinall)butalsomemoirsandspeechesandtelevisionappearances,acampaignforgovernorofCalifornia(forwhichJohnLennonwrote,andtheBeatlesrecorded,thecampaignsong,“ComeTogether”),andasuccessfulifsomewhatpatheticrunonthecollegelecturecircuitteamedupwithG.GordonLiddy.Yes,theWatergateburglar,whoinanearlierincarnationasDutchessCountyassistantDAhadbustedLearyatMillbrook.Throughitall,Learyremainsimprobablyupbeat,neverdisplayingangeror,itwouldseemfromthecountlessphotographsandfilmclips,forgettingMarshallMcLuhan’ssageadvicetosmilealways,nomatterwhat.Meanwhile,beginningin1965,Leary’sformerpartnerinpsychedelic

research,RichardAlpert,wasoffonaconsiderablylesshecticspiritualodysseytotheEast.AsRamDass,andtheauthorofthe1971classicBeHereNow,hewouldputhisownlastingmarkonAmericanculture,havingblazedoneofthemaintrailsbywhichEasternreligionfounditswayintothecountercultureandthentheso-calledNewAge.Totheextentthatthe1960sbirthedaformofspiritualrevivalinAmerica,RamDasswasoneofitsfathers.

ButLeary’spost-Harvard“antics”arerelevanttotheextenttheycontributedtothemoralpanicthatnowengulfedpsychedelicsanddoomedtheresearch.Learybecameaposterboynotjustforthedrugsbutfortheideathatacrucialpartofthecounterculture’sDNAcouldbespelledoutinthelettersLSD.BeginningwithAllenGinsberg’sDecember1960psilocybintripathishouseinNewton,Learyforgedalinkbetweenpsychedelicsandthecounterculturethathasneverbeenbrokenandthatissurelyoneofthereasonstheycametoberegardedassothreateningtotheestablishment.(Couldithavepossiblybeenotherwise?Whatiftheculturalidentityofthedrugshadbeenshapedby,say,aconservativeCatholiclikeAlHubbard?It’sdifficulttoimaginesuchacounterhistory.)Itdidn’thelpthatLearylikedtosaythingslike“LSDismore

frighteningthanthebomb”or“ThekidswhotakeLSDaren’tgoingtofightyourwars.They’renotgoingtojoinyourcorporations.”Thesewerenoemptywords:beginninginthemid-1960s,tensofthousandsofAmericanchildrenactuallydiddropout,washinguponthestreetsofHaight-AshburyandtheEastVillage.*AndyoungmenwererefusingtogotoVietnam.ThewilltofightandtheauthorityofAuthorityhadbeenundermined.Thesestrangenewdrugs,whichseemedtochangethepeoplewhotookthem,surelyhadsomethingtodowithit.TimothyLearyhadsaidso.Butthisupheavalwouldalmostcertainlyhavehappenedwithout

TimothyLeary.HewasbynomeanstheonlyroutebywhichpsychedelicswereseepingintoAmericanculture;hewasjustthemostnotorious.In1960,thesameyearLearytriedpsilocybinandlaunchedhisresearchproject,KenKesey,thenovelist,hadhisownmind-blowingLSDexperience,atripthatwouldinspirehimtospreadthepsychedelicword,andthedrugsthemselves,aswidelyandloudlyashecould.ItisoneofthericherironiesofpsychedelichistorythatKeseyhadhis

firstLSDexperiencecourtesyofagovernmentresearchprogramconductedattheMenloParkVeteransHospital,whichpaidhimseventy-fivedollarstotrytheexperimentaldrug.UnbeknownsttoKesey,hisfirstLSDtripwasboughtandpaidforbytheCIA,whichhadsponsoredtheMenloParkresearchaspartofitsMK-Ultraprogram,theagency’sdecade-longefforttodiscoverwhetherLSDcouldsomehowbeweaponized.

WithKenKesey,theCIAhadturnedonexactlythewrongman.Inwhatheaptlycalled“therevoltoftheguineapigs,”KeseyproceededtoorganizewithhisbandofMerryPrankstersaseriesof“AcidTests”inwhichthousandsofyoungpeopleintheBayAreaweregivenLSDinanefforttochangethemindofageneration.TotheextentthatKenKeseyandhisPrankstershelpedshapethenewzeitgeist,acasecanbemadethattheculturalupheavalwecallthe1960sbeganwithaCIAmind-controlexperimentgoneawry.

•••

INRETROSPECT,thepsychiatricestablishment’sreactionwasprobablyunavoidablethemomentthatHumphryOsmond,AlHubbard,andAldousHuxleyputforwardtheirnewparadigmforpsychedelictherapyin1956–1957.Theprevioustheoreticalmodelsusedtomakesenseofthesedrugswere,bycomparison,easytofoldintothefield’sexistingframeworkswithoutgreatlydisturbingthestatusquo.“Psychotomimetics”fitnicelyintothestandardpsychiatricunderstandingofmentalillness—thedrugs’effectsresembledfamiliarpsychoses—and“psycholytics”couldbeincorporatedintoboththetheoryandthepracticeofpsychoanalysisasausefuladjuncttotalkingtherapy.Butthewholeideaofpsychedelictherapyposedamuchstifferchallengetothefieldandtheprofession.Insteadofinterminableweeklysessions,thenewmodeoftherapycalledforonlyasinglehigh-dosesession,aimedatachievingakindofconversionexperienceinwhichthecustomaryrolesofbothpatientandtherapisthadtobereimagined.Academicpsychiatristswerealsomadeuncomfortablebythespiritual

trappingsofpsychedelictherapy.CharlesGrob,theUCLApsychiatristwhowouldplayanimportantroleintherevivalofresearch,wroteina1998articleonthehistoryofpsychedelicsthat“byblurringtheboundariesbetweenreligionandscience,betweensicknessandhealth,andbetweenhealerandsufferer,thepsychedelicmodelenteredtherealmofappliedmysticism”—arealmwherepsychiatry,increasinglycommittedtoabiochemicalunderstandingofthemind,wasreluctanttoventure.Withitsemphasisonsetandsetting—whatGrobcalls“thecriticalextra-pharmacologicalvariables”—psychedelictherapywasalsoalittletoo

closetoshamanismforcomfort.Forso-calledshrinksnotentirelysecureintheiridentityasscientists(theslangisshortfor“headshrinkers,”conjuringimagesofwitchdoctorsinloincloths),thiswasperhapstoofartogo.Anotherfactorwastheriseoftheplacebo-controlleddouble-blindtrialasthe“goldstandard”fortestingdrugsinthewakeofthethalidomidescandal,astandarddifficultforpsychedelicresearchtomeet.By1963,leadersoftheprofessionhadbeguneditorializingagainst

psychedelicresearchintheirjournals.RoyGrinker,theeditoroftheArchivesofGeneralPsychiatry,lambastedresearcherswhowereadministering“thedrugstothemselvesand...[hadbecome]enamoredwiththemysticalhallucinatorystate,”thusrenderingthem“disqualifiedascompetentinvestigators.”WritingthefollowingyearintheJournaloftheAmericanMedicalAssociation(JAMA),Grinkerdeploredthepracticeofinvestigatorstakingthedrugsthemselves,thereby“renderingtheirconclusionsbiasedbytheirownecstasy.”Anunscientific“auraofmagic”surroundedthenewdrugs,anothercriticchargedinJAMAin1964.(Itdidn’thelpthatsomepsychedelictherapists,likeBettyEisner,celebratedtheintroductionof“thetranscendentalintopsychiatry”anddevelopedaninterestinparanormalphenomenon.)Butalthoughthereissurelytruthtothechargethatresearcherswere

oftenbiasedbytheirownexperiencesusingthedrugs,theobviousalternative—abstinence—poseditsownsetofchallenges,withtheresultthattheloudestandmostauthoritativevoicesinthedebateoverpsychedelicsduringthe1960swerepreciselythepeoplewhoknewtheleastaboutthem.Topsychiatristswithnopersonalexperienceofpsychedelics,theireffectswereboundtolookalotmorelikepsychosesthantranscendence.Thepsychotomimeticparadigmhadreturned,nowwithavengeance.Afterquantitiesof“bootlegLSD”showeduponthestreetin1962–

1963andpeopleinthethroesof“badtrips”beganappearinginemergencyroomsandpsychwards,mainstreampsychiatryfeltcompelledtoabandonpsychedelicresearch.LSDwasnowregardedasacauseofmentalillnessratherthanacure.In1965,BellevueHospitalinManhattanadmittedsixty-fivepeopleforwhatitcalledLSD-inducedpsychoses.Withthemedianowinfullpanicmode,urbanlegendsabouttheperilsofLSDspreadmorerapidlythanfacts.*Thesamewasoften

trueinthecaseofostensiblyscientificfindings.Inonewidelypublicizedstudy,aresearcherreportedinSciencethatLSDcoulddamagechromosomes,potentiallyleadingtobirthdefects.Butwhenthestudywaslaterdiscredited(alsoinScience),therefutationreceivedlittleattention.Itdidn’tfitthenewpublicnarrativeofLSDasathreat.Yetitwastruethatthemid-1960ssawasurgeofpeopleonLSD

showingupinemergencyroomswithacutesymptomsofparanoia,mania,catatonia,andanxiety,aswellas“acidflashbacks”—aspontaneousrecurrenceofsymptomsdaysorweeksafteringestingLSD.Someofthesepatientswerehavinggenuinepsychoticbreaks.Especiallyinthecaseofyoungpeopleatriskforschizophrenia,anLSDtripcantriggertheirfirstpsychoticepisode,andsometimesdid.(Itshouldbenotedthatanytraumaticexperiencecanserveassuchatrigger,includingthedivorceofone’sparentsorgraduateschool.)Butinmanyothercases,doctorswithlittleexperienceofpsychedelicsmistookapanicreactionforafull-blownpsychosis.Whichusuallymadethingsworse.AndrewWeil,whoasayoungdoctorvolunteeredintheHaight-

AshburyFreeClinicin1968,sawalotofbadtripsandeventuallydevelopedaneffectivewayto“treat”them.“Iwouldexaminethepatient,determineitwasapanicreaction,andthentellhimorher,‘Willyouexcusemeforamoment?There’ssomeoneinthenextroomwhohasaseriousproblem.’Theywouldimmediatelybegintofeelmuchbetter.”TherisksofLSDandotherpsychedelicdrugswerefiercelydebated

duringthe1960s,bothamongscientistsandinthepress.Voicesonbothsidesofthisdebatetypicallycherry-pickedevidenceandanecdotestomaketheircase,butSidneyCohenwasanexception,approachingthequestionwithanopenmindandactuallyconductingresearchtoanswerit.Beginningin1960,hepublishedaseriesofarticlesthattrackhisgrowingconcerns.Forhisfirststudy,Cohensurveyedforty-fourresearchersworkingwithpsychedelics,collectingdataonsomefivethousandsubjectstakingLSDormescalineonatotaloftwenty-fivethousandoccasions.Hefoundonlytwocrediblereportsofsuicideinthispopulation(alowrateforagroupofpsychiatricpatients),severaltransientpanicreactions,but“noevidenceofseriousprolongedphysicalsideeffects.”Heconcludedthatwhenpsychedelicsareadministeredbyqualifiedtherapistsandresearchers,complicationswere“surprisinglyinfrequent”andthatLSDandmescalinewere“safe.”

LearyandothersoftencitedCohen’s1960paperasanexonerationofpsychedelics.Yetinafollow-uparticlepublishedintheJournaloftheAmericanMedicalAssociationin1962,Cohenreportednewand“alarming”developments.ThecasualuseofLSDoutsidetheclinicalsetting,andinthehandsofirresponsibletherapists,wasleadingto“seriouscomplications”andoccasional“catastrophicreactions.”Alarmedthatphysicianswerelosingcontrolofthedrug,Cohenwarnedthat“thedangersofsuicide,prolongedpsychoticreactionsandantisocialactingoutbehaviorexist.”InanotherpaperpublishedintheArchivesofGeneralPsychiatrythefollowingyear,hereportedseveralcasesofpsychoticbreaksandanattemptedsuicideandpresentedanaccountofaboywho,afteringestingasugarcubelacedwithLSDthathisfather,adetective,hadconfiscatedfroma“pusher,”enduredmorethanamonthofvisualdistortionsandanxietybeforerecovering.ItwasthisarticlethatinspiredRoyGrinker,thejournal’seditor,tocondemnpsychedelicresearchinanaccompanyingcommentary,eventhoughCohenhimselfcontinuedtobelievethatpsychedelicsinthehandsofresponsibletherapistshadgreatpotential.AfourtharticlethatCohenpublishedin1966reportedstillmoreLSDcasualties,includingtwoaccidentaldeathsassociatedwithLSD,onefromdrowningandtheotherfromwalkingintotrafficshouting,“Halt.”Butbalancedassessmentsoftherisksandbenefitsofpsychedelics

weretheexceptiontowhatby1966hadbecomeafull-onmoralpanicaboutLSD.Ahandfulofheadlinesfromtheperiodsuggeststhemood:“LSD-UseChargedwithKillingTeacher”;“SampledLSD,YouthPlungesfromViaduct”;“LSDUseNearEpidemicinCalifornia”;“SixStudentsBlindedonLSDTripinSun”;“Girl,5,EatsLSDandGoesWild”;“ThrillDrugWarpsMind,Kills”;and“AMonsterinOurMidst—aDrugCalledLSD.”EvenLifemagazine,whichhadhelpedignitepublicinterestinpsychedelicsjustnineyearsbeforewithR.GordonWasson’senthusiasticarticleonpsilocybin,joinedthechorusofcondemnation,publishingafeverishcoverstorytitled“LSD:TheExplodingThreatoftheMindDrugThatGotoutofControl.”Nevermindthatthemagazine’spublisherandhiswifehadrecentlyhadseveralpositiveLSDexperiencesthemselves(undertheguidanceofSidneyCohen);nowthekidsweredoingit,andithadgotten“outofcontrol.”Withpicturesofcrazedpeoplecoweringincorners,thestorywarnedthat“anLSDtripisnotalwaysaroundtrip”

butrathercouldbe“aone-waytriptoanasylum,aprisonoragrave.”*AsClareBootheLucewrotetoSidneyCohenin1965,“LSDhasbeenyourFrankensteinmonster.”

•••

OTHERPOWERFULDRUGSsubjecttoabuse,suchastheopiates,havemanagedtomaintainaseparateidentityasalegitimatetoolofmedicine.Whynotpsychedelics?ThestoryofTimothyLeary,themostfamouspsychedelicresearcher,madeitdifficulttoarguethatabrightlinebetweenthescientificandtherecreationaluseofpsychedelicscouldbedrawnandpatrolled.Themanhaddeliberately—indeedgleefully—erasedallsuchlines.Butthe“personality”ofthedrugmayhaveasmuchtodowiththecollapseofsuchdistinctionsasthepersonalitiesofpeoplelikeTimothyLearyortheflawsintheirresearch.Whatdoomedthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearchwasanirrational

exuberanceaboutitspotentialthatwasnourishedbythedrugsthemselves—that,andthefactthatthesechemicalsarewhattodaywewouldcalldisruptivetechnologies.Forpeopleworkingwiththesepowerfulmolecules,itwasimpossiblenottoconcludethat—likethatdivinitystudentrunningdownCommonwealthAvenue—youweresuddenlyinpossessionofnewswiththepowertochangenotjustindividualsbuttheworld.Toconfinethesedrugstothelaboratory,ortousethemonlyforthebenefitofthesick,becamehardtojustify,whentheycoulddosomuchforeveryone,includingtheresearchersthemselves!Learymighthavemadehismorestraitlacedcolleaguescringeathis

lackofcaution,yetmostofthemsharedhisexuberanceandhadcometomoreorlessthesameconclusionsaboutthepotentialofpsychedelics;theywerejustmorejudiciouswhenspeakingabouttheminpublic.Whoamongthefirstgenerationofpsychedelicresearcherswould

disputeawordofthisclassicgustofLearyexuberance,circa1963:“Makenomistake:theeffectofconsciousness-expandingdrugswillbetotransformourconceptsofhumannature,ofhumanpotentialities,ofexistence.Thegameisabouttobechanged,ladiesandgentlemen.Manisabouttomakeuseofthatfabulouselectricalnetworkhecarriesaroundin

hisskull.Presentsocialestablishmentshadbetterbepreparedforthechange.Ourfavoriteconceptsarestandinginthewayofafloodtide,twobillionyearsbuildingup.Theverbaldamiscollapsing.Headforthehills,orprepareyourintellectualcrafttoflowwiththecurrent.”*SoperhapsLeary’srealsinwastohavethecourageofhisconvictions

—hisandeveryoneelse’sinthepsychedelicresearchcommunity.It’softensaidthatapoliticalscandaliswhathappenswhensomeoneinpowerinadvertentlyspeaksthetruth.Learywasalltoooftenwillingtosayoutloudtoanyoneinearshotwhateveryoneelsebelievedbutknewbetterthantospeakorwriteaboutcandidly.Itwasonethingtousethesedrugstotreattheillandmaladjusted—societywillindulgeanyefforttohelpthewaywardindividualconformtoitsnorms—butitisquiteanothertousethemtotreatsocietyitselfasifitweresickandtoturntheostensiblyhealthyintowaywardindividuals.Thefactisthatwhetherbytheirverynatureorthewaythatfirst

generationofresearchershappenedtoconstructtheexperience,psychedelicsintroducedsomethingdeeplysubversivetotheWestthatthevariousestablishmentshadlittlechoicebuttorepulse.LSDtrulywasanacid,dissolvingalmosteverythingwithwhichitcameintocontact,beginningwiththehierarchiesofthemind(thesuperego,ego,andunconscious)andgoingonfromtheretosociety’svariousstructuresofauthorityandthentolinesofeveryimaginablekind:betweenpatientandtherapist,researchandrecreation,sicknessandhealth,selfandother,subjectandobject,thespiritualandthematerial.IfallsuchlinesaremanifestationsoftheApollonianstraininWesterncivilization,theimpulsethaterectsdistinctions,dualities,andhierarchiesanddefendsthem,thenpsychedelicsrepresentedtheungovernableDionysianforcethatblithelywashesallthoselinesaway.Butitsurelyisnotthecasethattheforcesunleashedbythese

chemicalsarenecessarilyungovernable.Eventhemostpowerfulacidscanbecarefullyhandledandputtouseastoolsforaccomplishingimportantthings.Whatisthestoryofthefirst-waveresearchersifnotastoryaboutsearchingforanappropriatecontainerforthesepowerfulchemicals?Theytestedseveraldifferentpossibilities:thepsychotomimetic,thepsycholytic,thepsychedelic,and,stilllater,theentheogenic.Nonewereperfect,buteachrepresentedadifferentwaytoregulatethepowerofthesecompounds,byproposingasetofprotocols

fortheiruseaswellasatheoreticalframework.WhereLearyandthecountercultureultimatelypartedwayswiththefirstgenerationofresearcherswasindecidingthatnosuchcontainer—whethermedical,religious,orscientific—wasneededandthatanunguided,do-it-yourselfapproachtopsychedelicswasjustfine.Thisisrisky,asitturnsout,andprobablyamistake.Buthowwouldweeverhavediscoveredthis,withoutexperimenting?Before1943,oursocietyhadneverhadsuchpowerfulmind-changingdrugsavailabletoit.Othersocietieshavehadlongandproductiveexperiencewith

psychedelics,andtheirexamplesmighthavesavedusalotoftroublehadweonlyknownandpaidattention.Thefactthatweregardmanyofthesesocietiesas“backward”probablykeptusfromlearningfromthem.Butthebiggestthingwemighthavelearnedisthatthesepowerfulmedicinescanbedangerous—bothtotheindividualandtothesociety—whentheydon’thaveasturdysocialcontainer:asteadyingsetofritualsandrules—protocols—governingtheiruse,andthecrucialinvolvementofaguide,thefigurethatisusuallycalledashaman.Psychedelictherapy—theHubbardmethod—wasgropingtowardaWesternizedversionofthisideal,anditremainstheclosestthingwehavetosuchaprotocol.ForyoungAmericansinthe1960s,forwhomthepsychedelicexperiencewasnewineveryway,thewholeideaofinvolvingelderswasprobablynevergoingtofly.Butthisis,Ithink,thegreatlessonofthe1960sexperimentwithpsychedelics:theimportanceoffindingthepropercontext,orcontainer,forthesepowerfulchemicalsandexperiences.Speakingoflines,psychedelicsinthe1960sdiddrawatleastoneof

them,andithasprobablyneverbeforebeenquitesosharporbright:theline,Imean,betweengenerations.Sayingexactlyhoworwhatpsychedelicscontributedtothecountercultureofthe1960sisnotaneasytask,thereweresomanyotherforcesatwork.Withorwithoutpsychedelics,thereprobablywouldhavebeenacounterculture;theVietnamWarandthedraftmadeitmorethanlikely.Buttheformsthecounterculturetookanditsdistinctivestyles—ofmusic,art,writing,design,andsocialrelations—wouldsurelyhavebeencompletelydifferentwereitnotforthesechemicals.PsychedelicsalsocontributedtowhatToddGitlinhascalledthe“asif”moodof1960spolitics—thesensethateverythingnowwasupforgrabs,thatnothinggivenwasinviolate,and

thatitmightactuallybepossibletoerasehistory(therewasthatacidagain)andstarttheworldoveragainfromscratch.Buttotheextentthattheupheavalofthe1960swastheresultofan

unusuallysharpbreakbetweengenerations,psychedelicsdeservemuchoftheblame—orcredit—forcreatingthisunprecedented“generationgap.”Foratwhatothertimeinhistorydidasociety’syoungundergoasearingriteofpassagewithwhichthepreviousgenerationwasutterlyunfamiliar?Normally,ritesofpassagehelpknitsocietiestogetherastheyoungcrossoverhurdlesandthroughgateserectedandmaintainedbytheirelders,comingoutontheothersidetotaketheirplaceinthecommunityofadults.Notsowiththepsychedelicjourneyinthe1960s,whichatitsconclusiondroppeditsyoungtravelersontoapsychiclandscapeunrecognizabletotheirparents.Thatthiswon’teverhappenagainisreasontohopethatthenextchapterinpsychedelichistorywon’tbequitesodivisive.Somaybethis,then,istheenduringcontributionofLeary:byturning

onageneration—thegenerationthat,yearslater,hasnowtakenchargeofourinstitutions—hehelpedcreatetheconditionsinwhicharevivalofpsychedelicresearchisnowpossible.

•••

BYTHEENDOF1966,thewholeprojectofpsychedelicsciencehadcollapsed.InAprilofthatyear,Sandoz,hopingtodistanceitselffromthecontroversyengulfingthedrugthatAlbertHofmannwouldcometocallhis“problemchild,”withdrewLSD-25fromcirculation,turningovermostofitsremainingstockstotheU.S.governmentandleadingmanyoftheseventyresearchprogramsthenunderwaytoshutdown.InMayofthatyear,theSenateheldhearingsabouttheLSDproblem.

TimothyLearyandSidneyCohenbothtestified,attemptingvaliantlytodefendpsychedelicresearchanddrawlinesbetweenlegitimateuseandablackmarketthatthegovernmentwasnowdeterminedtocrush.TheyfoundasurprisinglysympatheticearinSenatorRobertF.Kennedy,whosewife,Ethel,hadreportedlybeentreatedwithLSDatHollywoodHospitalinVancouver—oneofAlHubbard’soutposts.GrillingtheFDAregulatorsabouttheirplanstocancelmanyoftheremainingresearch

projects,Kennedydemandedtoknow,“Whyif[theseprojects]wereworthwhilesixmonthsago,whyaren’ttheyworthwhilenow?”Kennedysaiditwouldbea“losstothenation”ifpsychedelicswerebannedfrommedicinebecauseofillicituse.“Perhapswehavelostsightofthefactthat[they]canbevery,veryhelpfulinoursocietyifusedproperly.”ButKennedygotnowhere.Leary,andperhapsthedrugsthemselves,

hadmadedrawingsuchdistinctionsimpossible.InOctober,somesixtypsychedelicresearchersscatteredacrosstheUnitedStatesreceivedaletterfromtheFDAorderingthemtostoptheirwork.JamesFadiman,thepsychologistconductingexperimentson

creativityattheInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudyinMenloPark,remembersthedaywell.TheletterrevokingFDAapprovaloftheprojectarrivedattheverymomenthehadfinisheddosingfourofhisproblem-solvingcreativestobegintheirsession.Ashereadtheletter,sprawledonthefloorinthenextroom,“fourmenlay,theirmindsliterallyexpanding.”Fadimansaidtohiscolleagues,“Ithinkweneedtoagreethatwegotthislettertomorrow.”AndsoitwasnotuntilthefollowingdaythattheresearchprogramoftheInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,alongwithvirtuallyeveryotherresearchprogramthenunderwayintheUnitedStates,closeddown.Onepsychedelicresearchprogramsurvivedthepurge:theMaryland

PsychiatricResearchCenteratSpringGrove.Here,researcherssuchasStanislavGrof,BillRichards,RichardYensen,and,untilhisdeathin1971,WalterPahnke(theGoodFridayresearcher)continuedtoexplorethepotentialofpsilocybinandLSDtotreatalcoholism,schizophrenia,andtheexistentialdistressofcancerpatients,amongotherindications.Itremainssomethingofamysterywhythislargepsychedelicresearchprogramwasallowedtocontinue—asitdiduntil1976—whendozensofotherswerebeingcloseddown.Someresearcherswhoweren’tsofortunatespeculatethatSpringGrovemighthavebeenmakingpsychedelictherapyavailabletopowerfulpeopleinWashingtonwhorecognizeditsvalueorhopedtolearnfromtheresearchorperhapswantedtoretaintheirownaccesstothedrugs.ButtheformerstaffmembersatthecenterIspoketodoubtthiswasthecase.Theydidconfirm,however,thatthecenter’sdirector,AlbertKurland,MD,besideshavingasterlingreputationamongfederalofficials,wasexceptionallywellconnectedinWashingtonandusedhisconnectionstokeepthelights

on—andobtainLSD,someofitfromthegovernment—foradecadeaftertheyhadbeenswitchedoffeverywhereelse.Yetitturnsoutthattheeventsofneither1966nor1976putanendto

psychedelicresearchandtherapyinAmerica.Movingnowunderground,itwenton,quietlyandinsecret.

Coda

InFebruary1979,virtuallyalltheimportantfiguresinthefirstwaveofAmericanpsychedelicresearchgatheredforareunioninLosAngelesatthehomeofOscarJaniger.Someonemadeavideotapeoftheevent,andthoughthequalityispoor,mostoftheconversationisaudible.HereinJaniger’slivingroomweseeHumphryOsmond,SidneyCohen,MyronStolaroff,WillisHarman,TimothyLeary,and,sittingonthecouchnexttohim,lookingdistinctlyuncomfortable,CaptainAlHubbard.He’sseventy-seven(oreight),andhe’straveledfromCasaGrande,Arizona,wherehelivesinatrailerpark.He’swearinghisparamilitarygetup,thoughIcan’ttellifhe’scarryingasidearm.Theoldmenreminisce,abitstifflyatfirst.Somehardfeelingshangin

theair.ButLeary,stillcharming,isremarkablygenerous,workingtoputeveryoneatease.Theirbestdaysarebehindthem;thegreatprojecttowhichtheydevotedtheirliveslayinruins.Butsomethingimportantwasaccomplished,theyallbelieve—elsetheywouldn’tbehereatthisreunion.SidneyCohen,dressedinajacketandtie,asksthequestiononeveryone’smind—“Whatdoesitallmean?”—andthenventuresananswer:“Itstirredpeopleup.Itcrackedtheirframeofreferencebythethousands—millionsperhaps.AndanythingthatdoesthatisprettygoodIthink.”It’sLeary,ofallpeople,whoasksthegroup,“Doesanyoneherefeel

thatmistakesweremade?”Osmond,theunfailinglypoliteEnglishman,histeethnowinfull

revolt,declinestousetheword“mistake.”“WhatIwouldsayis...youcouldhaveseenotherwaysofdoingit.”SomeoneIdon’trecognizecracks,“Therewasamistakemade:nobodygaveittoNixon!”It’sMyronStolaroffwhofinallyconfrontstheelephantintheroom,

turningtoLearytosay,“Wewerealittledisturbedatsomeofthethings

youweredoingthat[were]makingitmoredifficulttocarryonlegitimateresearch.”Learyremindshimthatashetoldthemthen,hehadadifferentroletoplay:“Letusbethefar-outexplorers.Thefartheroutwego,themoregrounditgivesthepeopleatSpringGrovetodenounceus.”Andsoappearresponsible.“AndIjustwish,Ihopeweallunderstandthatwe’veallbeenplaying

partsthathavebeenassignedtous,andthere’snogood-guy/bad-guy,orcreditorblame,whatever...”“Well,IthinkweneedpeoplelikeTimandAl,”SidneyCohenoffers,

geniallyacceptingLeary’sframing.“They’reabsolutelynecessarytogetout,wayout,toofaroutinfact—inordertomovetheship...[turn]thingsaround.”Then,turningtoOsmond:“Andweneedpeoplelikeyou,tobereflectiveaboutitandtostudyit.Andlittlebylittle,aslightmovementismadeinthetotality.So,youknow,Ican’tthinkofhowitcouldhaveworkedoutotherwise.”AlHubbardlistensintentlytoallthisbuthaslittletoadd;hefiddles

withahardbackbookinhislap.Atonepoint,hepipesuptosuggesttheworkshouldgoon,druglawsbedamned:Weshould“justkeepondoingit.Wakepeopleup!Letthemseeforthemselveswhattheyare.IthinkoldCartercouldstandagooddose!”Carter’sdefensesecretary,HaroldBrown,andCIAdirector,StansfieldTurner,too.ButHubbard’snotatallsurehewantstobeonthiscouchwithTimothyLearyandislesswillingthantheotherstoletbygonesbebygones,orLearyoffthehook,nomatterhowsolicitousheisoftheCaptain.“Oh,Al!Ioweeverythingtoyou,”Learyoffersatonepoint,beaming

hismostexcellentsmileatHubbard.“Thegalacticcentersentyoudownjustattherightmoment.”Hubbarddoesn’tcrackasmile.Andthen,afewminuteslater:“Yousureasheckcontributedyourpart.”

CHAPTERFOUR

TRAVELOGUE

JourneyingUnderground

MYPLANHADBEENTOvolunteerforoneoftheHopkinsorNYUexperimentaltrials.IfIwasgoingtohavemyownguidedpsychedelicjourney,aharrowingprospectunderanycircumstances,Iverymuchlikedtheideaoftravelinginthecompanyoftrainedprofessionalsclosebyahospitalemergencyroom.Buttheabovegroundresearcherswerenolongerworkingwith“healthynormals.”ThismeantthatifIhopedtohavethejourneyIhadheardsomuchabout,itwouldhavetotakeplaceunderground.CouldIfindaguidewillingtoworkwithawriterwhoplannedtopublishanaccountofhisjourney,andwouldthatpersonbesomeoneIfeltsufficientlycomfortablewithandconfidentintoentrustwithmymind?Thewholeendeavorwasfraughtwithuncertaintyandentailedrisksofseveralkinds—legal,ethical,psychological,andevenliterary.Forhowdoyouputintowordsanexperiencesaidtobeineffable?“Curiosity”isanaccuratebuttepidwordforwhatdroveme.Bynow,I

hadinterviewedatlengthmorethanadozenpeoplewhohadgoneonguidedpsychedelicjourneys,anditwasimpossibletolistentotheirstorieswithoutwonderingwhatthejourneywouldbelikeforone’sself.Formanyofthem,thesewereamongthetwoorthreemostprofoundexperiencesoftheirlives,inseveralcaseschangingtheminpositiveandlastingways.Tobecomemore“open”—especiallyatthisage,whenthegroovesofmentalhabithavebeenetchedsodeepastoseeminescapable—wasanappealingprospect.Andthentherewasthepossibility,howeverremote,ofhavingsomekindofspiritualepiphany.ManyofthepeopleI’dinterviewedhadstartedoutstone-coldmaterialistsandatheists,nomorespirituallydevelopedthanI,andyetseveralhadhad“mystical

experiences”thatleftthemwiththeunshakableconvictionthattherewassomethingmoretothisworldthanweknow—a“beyond”ofsomekindthattranscendedthematerialuniverseIpresumetoconstitutethewholeshebang.IthoughtoftenaboutoneofthecancerpatientsIinterviewed,anavowedatheistwhohadneverthelessfoundherself“bathedinGod’slove.”YetnoteverythingI’dheardfromthesepeoplemademeeagerto

followthemontothecouch.Manyhadbeenbornebypsilocybindeepintotheirpasts,afewofthemtravelingallthewaybacktoscenesofunrememberedchildhoodtrauma.Thesejourneyshadbeenwrenching,shakingthetravelerstotheircore,buttheyhadbeencathartictoo.Clearlythesemedicines—asguidesbothabove-andbelowgroundinvariablycallthedrugstheyadminister—powerfullystirthepsychicpot,surfacingallsortsofrepressedmaterial,someofitterrifyingandugly.DidIreallywanttogothere?No!—tobeperfectlyhonest.YoushouldknowIhaveneverbeenone

fordeeporsustainedintrospection.Myusualorientationismoreforwardthanback,ordown,andIgenerallyprefertoleavemypsychicdepthsundisturbed,assumingtheyexist.(There’squiteenoughtodealwithuphereonthesurface;maybethat’swhyIbecameajournalistratherthananovelistorpoet.)Allthatstuffdownthereinthepsychicbasementhasbeenstowedthereforareason,andunlessyou’relookingforsomethingspecifictohelpsolveaproblem,whywouldanyonewillinglygodownthosestepsandswitchonthatlight?Peoplegenerallythinkofmeasafairlyeven-keeledand

psychologicallysturdyperson,andI’veplayedthatroleforsolongnow—inmyfamilyasachild,inmyfamilyasanadult,withmyfriends,andwithmycolleagues—thatit’sprobablyanaccurateenoughcharacterization.Buteverysooften,perhapsinthewee-hourthroesofinsomniaorundertheinfluenceofcannabis,Ihavefoundmyselftossedinapsychicstormofexistentialdreadsodarkandviolentthatthekeelcomesofftheboat,capsizingthistrustyidentity.Atsuchtimes,IbeginseriouslytoentertainthepossibilitythatsomewheredeepbeneaththeequablepresenceIpresent,thereexistsashadowmemadeupofforcesroiling,anarchic,andpotentiallymad.Justhowthinistheskinofmysanity?TherearetimeswhenIwonder.Perhapswealldo.ButdidIreallywanttofindout?R.D.Laingoncesaidtherearethreethingshuman

beingsareafraidof:death,otherpeople,andtheirownminds.Putmedownastwoforthree.Buttherearemomentswhencuriositygetsthebetteroffear.Iguessformesuchamomenthadarrived.

•••

BY“PSYCHEDELICUNDERGROUND,”Idon’tmeantheshadowyworldofpeoplemaking,selling,andusingpsychedelicdrugsillegally.Ihaveinmindaspecificsubsetofthatworld,populatedbyperhapsacouplehundred“guides,”ortherapists,workingwithavarietyofpsychedelicsubstancesinacarefullyprescribedmanner,withtheintentionofhealingtheillorbetteringthewellbyhelpingthemfulfilltheirspiritual,creative,oremotionalpotential.Manyoftheseguidesarecredentialedtherapists,sobydoingthisworktheyareriskingnotonlytheirfreedombutalsotheirprofessionallicenses.Imetonewhowasaphysicianandheardaboutanother.Somearereligiousprofessionals—rabbisandministersofvariousdenominations;afewcallthemselvesshamans;onedescribedhimselfasadruid.Therestaretherapiststrainedindizzyingcombinationsofalternativeschools:ImetJungiansandReichians,Gestalttherapistsand“transpersonal”psychologists;energyhealers;practitionersofaurawork,breathwork,andbodywork;EST,past-life,andfamilyconstellationtherapists,visionquesters,astrologers,andmeditationteachersofeverystripe—ashaggyreunionofthatwhole1970sclassofalternative“modalities”thatusuallygetlumpedtogetherundertherubricofthe“humanpotentialmovement”andthathasasitsworldheadquartersEsalen.TheNewAgeterminologycanbealittleoff-putting;thereweretimeswhenIfeltIwaslisteningtopeoplewhoselanguageandvocabularyhadstoppedevolvingsometimeintheearly1970s,attheverymomentwhenpsychedelictherapywasforcedunderground,freezingasubcultureintime.ItrackeddownseveralofthesepeopleintheBayArea,whichprobably

hasthelargestconcentrationofundergroundguidesinthecountry,withoutmuchdifficulty.Askingaround,IsoondiscoveredthatafriendhadafriendwhoworkedwithaguidedowninSantaCruz,doinganannualpsilocybinjourneyontheoccasionofhisbirthday.Ialsosoondiscoveredthatthemembranebetweentheabovegroundandthe

belowgroundpsychedelicworldsispermeableincertainplaces;acoupleofthepeopleIbefriendedwhilereportingontheuniversitypsilocybintrialswerewillingtointroducemeto“colleagues”whoworkedunderground.Oneintroductionledtoanotheraspeoplecametotrustmyintentions.Bynow,I’veinterviewedfifteenundergroundguidesandhaveworkedwithfive.Consideringtherisksinvolved,Ifoundmostofthesepeople

unexpectedlyopen,generous,andtrusting.Althoughtheauthoritieshavesofarshownnointerestingoingafterpeoplepracticingpsychedelic-assistedtherapy,theworkremainsillegalandsoisdangeroustosharewithajournalistwithouttakingprecautions.AlltheguidesaskedmenottodisclosetheirnamesorlocationsandtotakewhateverothermeasuresIcouldtoprotectthem.Withthatinmind,Ihavechangednotonlytheirnamesandlocationsbutalsocertainotheridentifyingdetailsineachoftheirstories.Butallthepeopleyouareabouttomeetarerealindividuals,notcompositesorfictions.VirtuallyalloftheundergroundguidesImetaredescendedinoneway

oranotherfromthegenerationofpsychedelictherapistsworkingontheWestCoastandaroundCambridgeduringthe1950sand1960swhenthisworkwasstilllegal.Indeed,justabouteveryoneIinterviewedcouldtraceaprofessionallineagereachingbacktoTimothyLeary(oftenthroughoneofhisgraduatestudents),StanislavGrof,AlHubbard,oraBayAreapsychologistnamedLeoZeff.Zeff,whodiedin1988,wasoneoftheearliestundergroundtherapists,andcertainlythemostwell-known;heclaimstohave“processed”(AlHubbard’sterm)threethousandpatientsandtrained150guidesduringhiscareer,includingseveraloftheonesImetontheWestCoast.Zeffalsoleftaposthumous(andanonymous)accountofhiswork,in

theformofa1997bookcalledTheSecretChief,aseriesofinterviewswithatherapistcalledJacobconductedbyhisclosefriendMyronStolaroff.(In2004,Zeff’sfamilygaveStolaroffpermissiontodisclosehisidentityandrepublishthebookasTheSecretChiefRevealed.)Ontheevidenceofhisinterviews,ZeffisinmanywaystypicaloftheundergroundtherapistsImet,inbothhisapproachandhismanner;hecomesacrossratherasfolksy,orhaimish,touseaYiddishwordZeffwouldhaveappreciated,ratherthanasarenegade,guru,orhippie.Inaphotographincludedinthe2004edition,asmilingZeff,wearingabig

pairofaviatorglassesandasweatervestoverhisshirtsleeves,looksmorelikeafavoriteunclethaneitheranoutlawormystic.Yethewasboth.Zeffwasaforty-nine-year-oldJungiantherapistpracticinginOakland

in1961whenhehadhisfirsttrip,onahundredmicrogramsofLSD.(ItmighthavebeenStolaroffhimselfwhofirst“trippedhim,”toborrowoneofZeff’slocutions.)Theguidehadaskedhimtobringalonganobjectofpersonalsignificance,soZeffbroughthisTorah.AftertheeffectsoftheLSDhadcomeon,hisguide“laidtheTorahacrossmychestandIimmediatelywentintothelapofGod.HeandIwereOne.”Zeffsoonbeganincorporatingarangeofdifferentpsychedelicsinhis

practiceandfoundthatthemedicineshelpedhispatientsbreakthroughtheirdefenses,bringingburiedlayersofunconsciousmaterialtothesurface,andachievespiritualinsights,ofteninasinglesession.Theresultswereso“fantastic,”hetoldStolaroff,thatwhenthefederalgovernmentputpsychedelicsonschedule1in1970,prohibitingtheiruseforanypurpose,Zeffmadethemomentousdecisiontocontinuehisworkunderground.Thiswasnoteasy.“ManytimesI’dbeinmuchagonyfallingasleep,

andwakeupinthemorningandhaveithitme,”hetoldStolaroff.“‘Jacob[hispseudonym],forChrist’ssakewhatareyouexposingyourselftoallthisshitfor?Youdon’tneedit.’ThenI’dlookandI’dsay,‘Lookatthepeople.Lookwhat’shappeningtothem.’I’dsay,‘Isitworthit?’...InevitablyI’dcomebackwith‘Yeah,it’sworthit’...Whateveryouhavetogothrough.It’sworthittoproducetheseresults!”Duringhislongcareer,Zeffhelpedcodifymanyoftheprotocolsof

undergroundtherapy,settingforththe“agreements”guidestypicallymakewiththeirclients—regardingconfidentiality(strict),sexualcontact(forbidden),obediencetothetherapist’sinstructionsduringthesession(absolute),andsoon—anddevelopingmanyoftheceremonialtouches,suchashavingparticipantstakethemedicinefromacup:“averyimportantsymbolofthetransformationexperience.”Zeffalsodescribedthedeparturesfromconventionaltherapeuticpracticecommonamongpsychedelicguides.Hebelieveditwasimperativethatguideshavepersonalexperienceofanymedicinetheyadminister.(Abovegroundguideseitherdon’tseeksuchexperienceordon’tadmittoit.)Hecametobelievethatguidesshouldnottrytodirectormanipulatethepsychedelicjourney,allowingitinsteadtofinditsowncourseanddestination.(“Just

leave’emalone!”hetellsStolaroff.)Guidesshouldalsobewillingtodroptheanalyst’smaskofdetachment,offeringtheirpersonalitiesandemotions,aswellasacomfortingtouchorhugtotheclientundergoingaparticularlychallengingtrip.InhisintroductiontoTheSecretChiefRevealed,MyronStolaroff

sketchedtheinfluenceofundergroundguideslikeLeoZeffonthefieldasawhole,suggestingthatthelegitimatepsychedelicresearchthatresumedinthelate1990s,whenhewaswriting,had“evolvedasaresultofanecdotalevidencefromundergroundtherapists”likeZeff,aswellasfromthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearchdoneinthe1950sand1960s.Psychedelicresearchersworkinginuniversitiestodayareunderstandablyreluctanttoacknowledgeit,butthereisacertainamountoftrafficbetweenthetwoworlds,andasmallnumberoffigureswhomove,somewhatgingerly,backandforthbetweenthem.Forexample,someprominentundergroundtherapistshavebeenrecruitedtohelptrainanewcohortofpsychedelicguidestoworkinuniversitytrialsofpsychedelicdrugs.WhentheHopkinsteamwantedtostudytheroleofmusicintheguidedpsilocybinsession,itreachedouttoseveralundergroundguides,surveyingtheirmusicalpractices.Noonehadanyideahowmanyundergroundguideswereworkingin

America,orexactlywhatthatworkconsistedof,until2010.ThatwastheyearJamesFadiman,theStanford-trainedpsychologistwhotookpartinpsychedelicresearchattheInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudyinMenloParkintheearly1960s,attendedaconferenceonpsychedelicscienceintheBayArea.TheconferencewasorganizedbyMAPS,withsponsorshipfromHeffter,theBeckleyFoundation,andBobJesse’sCouncilonSpiritualPractices,thethreeothernonprofitsthatfundedmostofthepsychedelicresearchunderwayatthetime.InaHolidayInninSanJose,theconferencebroughttogethermorethanathousandpeople,includingseveraldozenscientists(whopresentedtheirresearch,completewithPowerPointslides),anumberofguidesdrawnfromboththeuniversitytrialsandtheunderground,andagreatmanymore“psychonauts”—peopleofallageswhomakeregularuseofpsychedelicsintheirlives,whetherforspiritual,therapeutic,or“recreational”purposes.(AsBobJesseisalwaysquicktoremindmewheneverIusethatword,“recreational”doesn’tnecessarilymeanfrivolous,careless,orlackinginintention.Pointtaken.)

JamesFadimancametotheMAPSconference“onthesciencetrack,”togiveatalkaboutthevalueoftheguidedentheogenicjourney.Hewonderedifthereweremanyundergroundguidesintheaudience,soattheendofhistalkheannouncedthattherewouldbeameetingofguidesat8:00thefollowingmorning.“Idraggedmyselfoutofbedat7:30expectingtoseemaybefive

people,butahundredshowedup!Itwasstaggering.”Itwouldprobablybetoostrongtodescribethisfar-flunganddisparate

groupasacommunity,muchlessanorganization,yetmyinterviewswithmorethanadozenofthemsuggesttheyareprofessionalswhoshareanoutlook,asetofpractices,andevenacodeofconduct.SoonafterthemeetinginSanJose,a“wiki”appearedontheInternet—acollaborativewebsitewhereindividualscansharedocumentsandtogethercreatenewcontent.(FadimanincludedtheURLinhis2011book,ThePsychedelicExplorer’sGuide.)Here,Ifoundtwoitemsofparticularinterest,aswellasseveralsub-wikis—documentsunderdevelopment—thathadn’thadanewentryforseveralyears;itcouldbethatpublicdisclosureofthesiteinFadiman’sbookhadledthecreatorstoabandonitormoveelsewhereonline.Thefirstitemwasadraftcharter:“tosupportacategoryofprofound,

prizedexperiencesbecomingmoreavailabletomorepeople.”Theseexperiencesaredescribedas“unitiveconsciousness”and“non-dualconsciousness,”amongotherterms,andseveralnon-pharmacologicalmodalitiesforachievingthesestatesarementioned,includingmeditation,breathwork,andfasting.“AprincipaltooloftheGuidesisthejudicioususeofaclassofpsychoactivesubstances”knowntobe“potentspiritualcatalysts.”Thewebsiteofferswould-beguideslinkstoprintableformsforlegal

releases,ethicalagreements,andmedicalquestionnaires.(“Wedon’thaveverygoodinsurance,”oneguidetoldme,withasardonicsmile.“Sowe’reverycareful.”)There’salsoalinktoathoughtful“CodeofEthicsforSpiritualGuides,”whichacknowledgesthepsychologicalandphysicalrisksofjourneyingandemphasizestheguide’sultimateresponsibilityforthewell-beingoftheclient.Recognizingthatduring“primaryreligiouspractices”“participantsmaybeespeciallyopentosuggestion,manipulation,andexploitation,”thecodestatesthatitisincumbentupontheguidetodiscloseallrisks,obtainconsent,guaranteeconfidentiality,

protectthesafetyandhealthofparticipantsatalltimes,“safeguardagainst...ambition”andself-promotion,andaccommodateclients“withoutregardtotheirabilitytopay.”Perhapsthemostusefuldocumentonthewebsiteisthe“Guidelines

forVoyagersandGuides.”*Theguidelinesrepresentacompendiumofhalfacentury’saccumulatedknowledgeandwisdomabouthowbesttoapproachthepsychedelicjourney,whetherasaparticipantorasaguide.Itcoversthebasicsofsetandsetting;mentalandphysicalpreparationforthesession;potentialdruginteractions;thevalueofformulatinganintention;whattoexpectduringtheexperience,bothgoodandbad;thestagesofthejourney;whatcangowrongandhowtodealwithfrighteningmaterial;thesupremeimportanceofpost-session“integration”;andsoon.Forme,standingonthethresholdofsuchanexperience,itwas

reassuringtolearnthattheundergroundcommunityofpsychedelicguides,whichIhadassumedconsistedofabunchofindividualsalldoingprettymuchtheirownthing,operatedlikeprofessionals,workingfromabodyofaccumulatedknowledgeandexperienceandinasetoftraditionsthathadbeenhandeddownfrompsychedelicpioneerssuchasAlHubbard,TimothyLeary,MyronStolaroff,StanGrof,andLeoZeff.Theyhadrulesandcodesandagreements,andmanyelementsoftheworkhadbeenmoreorlessinstitutionalized.Stumblinguponthewebsitealsomademeappreciatejusthowfarthe

cultureofpsychedelicshasevolvedsincethe1950sand1960s.Implicitinthesedocuments,itseemedtome,wastherecognitionthatthesepowerful,anarchicmedicinescanandhavebeenmisusedandthatiftheyaretodomoregoodthanharm,theyrequireaculturalvesselofsomekind:protocols,rules,andritualsthattogetherformakindofApolloniancounterweighttocontainandchanneltheirsheerDionysianforce.Modernmedicine,withitscontrolledtrialsandwhite-coatedcliniciansandDSMdiagnoses,offersonesuchcontainer;theundergroundguidesofferanother.

•••

YETTHEFIRSTCOUPLEofguidesIintervieweddidnotfillmewithconfidence.MaybeitwasbecauseIwassonewtotheterritory,andnervousaboutthecontemplatedjourney,butIkepthearingthingsintheirspielsthatsetoffalarmbellsandmademewanttorunintheoppositedirection.Andrei,thefirstguideIinterviewed,wasagruffRomanian-born

psychologistinhislatesixtieswithdecadesofexperience;hehadworkedwithafriendofafriendofafriend.WemetathisofficeinamodestneighborhoodofsmallbungalowsandneatlawnsinacityinthePacificNorthwest.Ahand-letteredsignonthedoorinstructedvisitorstoremovetheirshoesandcomeupstairstothedimlylitwaitingroom.Akilimrughadbeenpinnedtothewall.InsteadofatablepiledwitholdcopiesofPeopleorConsumerReports,

Ifoundasmallshrinepopulatedwithspiritualartifactsfromabewilderingvarietyoftraditions:aBuddha,acrystal,acrow’swing,abrassbowlforburningincense,abranchofsage.Atthebackoftheshrinestoodtwoframedphotographs,oneofaHinduguruIdidn’trecognizeandtheotherofaMexicancuranderaIdid:MaríaSabina.ThiswasnotthelasttimeIwouldencountersuchaconfusingtableau.

InfacteveryguideImetmaintainedsomesuchshrineintheroomwhereheorsheworked,andclientswereoftenaskedtocontributeanitemofpersonalsignificancebeforeembarkingontheirjourneys.WhatIwastemptedtodismissasasmorgasbordofequal-opportunityNewAgetchotchkes,Iwouldeventuallycometoregardmoresympathetically,asthematerialexpressionofthesyncretismprevalentinthepsychedeliccommunity.Membersofthiscommunitytendtobemorespiritualthanreligiousinanyformalsense,focusedonthecommoncoreofmysticismor“cosmicconsciousness”thattheybelieveliesbehindallthedifferentreligioustraditions.Sowhatappearedtomeasabunchofconflictingsymbolsofdivinityareinfactdifferentmeansofexpressingorinterpretingthesameunderlyingspiritualreality,“theperennialphilosophy”thatAldousHuxleyheldtoundergirdallreligionsandtowhichpsychedelicssupposedlycanofferdirectaccess.Afterafewminutes,Andreiboundedintotheroom,andwhenIstood

tooffermyhand,hesurprisedmewithabearhug.Abigmanwithafullheadofhastilycombedgrayhair,Andreiwaswearingablue-checkedbutton-downoverayellowT-shirtthatstruggledtoencompasstheglobe

ofhisbelly.Speakingwithathickaccent,hemanagedtoseembothamiableanddisconcertinglyblunt.AndreihadhisfirstexperiencewithLSDattwenty-one,soonafterhe

cameoutofthearmy;afriendhadsentitfromAmerica,andtheexperiencetransformedhim.“Itmademerealizeweliveaverylimitedversionofwhatlifeis.”ThatrealizationpropelledhimonajourneythroughEasternreligionandWesternpsychologythateventuallyculminatedinadoctorateinpsychology.Whenmilitaryservicethreatenedtointerrupthispsycho-spiritualjourney,he“decidedIhavetomakemyownchoices”anddeserted.AndreieventuallyleftBucharestforSanFrancisco,boundforwhathe

hadheardwas“thefirstNewAgegraduateschool”—theCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies.Foundedin1968,theinstitutespecializesin“transpersonalpsychology,”aschooloftherapywithastrongspiritualorientationrootedintheworkofCarlJungandAbrahamMaslowaswellasthe“wisdomtraditions”oftheEastandtheWest,includingNativeAmericanhealingandSouthAmericanshamanism.StanislavGrof,apioneerofbothtranspersonalandpsychedelictherapy,hasbeenonthefacultyformanyyears.In2016,theinstitutebeganofferingthenation’sfirstcertificateprograminpsychedelictherapy.Aspartofhisdegreeprogram,Andreihadtoundergopsychotherapy

andfoundhiswaytoaNativeAmerican“doingmedicinework”intheFourCornersaswellastheBayArea.“Whoopee!”herecalledthinking.“BecauseofmyLSDexperience,Iknewitwasviable.”Medicineworkbecamehisvocation.“Ihelppeoplefindoutwhotheyaresotheycanlivetheirlivesfully.I

usedtoworkwithwhoevercametome,butsomeweretoofuckedup.Ifyou’reontheedgeofpsychosis,thisworkcanpushyouover.Youneedastrongegoinordertoletgoofitandthenbeabletospringbacktoyourboundaries.”Hementionedhe’doncebeensuedbyatroubledclientwhoblamedhimforasubsequentbreakdown.“SoIdecided,Idon’tworkwithcraziesanymore.AndassoonasImadethisstatementtotheuniverse,theystoppedcoming.”Thesedaysheworkswithalotofyoungpeopleinthetechworld.“I’mthedangerousvirusofSiliconValley.Theycometomewondering,‘WhatamIdoinghere,chasingthegoldencarrotinthegoldencage?’Manyofthemgoontodosomethingmoremeaningfulwiththeirlives.[Theexperience]opensthemuptothespiritualreality.”

It’shardtosayexactlywhatputmeoffworkingwithAndrei,butoddlyenoughitwaslesstheNewAgeyspiritualismthanhisnonchalanceaboutaprocessIstillfoundexoticandscary.“Idon’tplaythepsychotherapygame,”hetoldme,asblaséasaguybehindadelicounterwrappingandslicingasandwich.“Noneofthatblankscreen.Inmainstreampsychology,youdon’thug.Ihug.Itouchthem.Igiveadvice.Ihavepeoplecomestaywithusintheforest.”HeworkswithclientsnothereintheofficebutinarurallocationdeepinthewoodsoftheOlympicPeninsula.“Thoseareallbigno-no’s.”Heshruggedasiftosay,sowhat?Isharedsomeofmyfears.He’dhearditallbefore.“Youmaynotget

whatyouwant,”hetoldme,“butyou’llgetwhatyouneed.”Igulpedmentally.“Themainthingistosurrendertotheexperience,evenwhenitgetsdifficult.Surrendertoyourfear.Thebiggestfearsthatcomeuparethefearofdeathandthefearofmadness.Buttheonlythingtodoissurrender.Sosurrender!”Andreihadnamedmytwobiggestfears,buthisprescriptionseemedeasiersaidthandone.Iwashopingforaguidewhoexudedperhapsalittlemoretenderness

andpatience,Irealized,yetIwasn’tsureIshouldletAndrei’sgruffmannerputmeoff.Hewassmart,hehadloadsofexperience,andhewaswillingtoworkwithme.Thenhetoldastorythatdecidedthematter.Itwasaboutworkingwithamanmyagewhobecameconvinced

duringhispsilocybinjourneyhewashavingaheartattack.“‘I’mdying,’hesaid,‘call911!Ifeelit,myheart!’Itoldhimtosurrendertothedying.ThatSaintFrancissaidthatindyingyougaineternallife.Whenyourealizedeathisjustanotherexperience,there’snothingmoretoworryabout.”Okay,butwhatifithadbeenarealheartattack?Outthereinthe

woodsinthemiddleoftheOlympicPeninsula?Andreimentionedthatanaspiringguidehewastraininghad“onceaskedme,‘Whatdoyoudoifsomeonedies?’”Idon’tknowwhatIexpectedhimtosay,butAndrei’sreply,deliveredwithoneofhismostmatter-of-factshrugs,wasnotit.“Youburyhimwithalltheotherdeadpeople.”ItoldAndreiIwouldbeintouch.Thepsychedelicundergroundwaspopulatedwithagreatmanysuch

vividcharacters,Isoondiscovered,butnotnecessarilythekindsofcharacterstowhomIfeltIcouldentrustmymind—orforthatmatteranypartofme.ImmediatelyaftermysessionwithAndrei,Ihadameeting

withasecondprospectiveguide,abrilliantpsychologistinhiseightieswhohadbeenastudentofTimothyLeary’satHarvard.Hisknowledgeofpsychedelicswasdeep;hiscredentialsimpressive;hehadbeenhighlyrecommendedbypeopleIrespected.YetwhenoverlunchataTibetanrestaurantnearhisofficeheremovedhisbolotieandsuspendeditoverthemenu,Ibegantoloseconfidencethatthiswasmyman.Heexplainedthathereliedontheenergiesreleasedbythependulumswingofthesilverclasptochoosetheentréemostlikelytoagreewithhistemperamentaldigestion.Iforgetwhathistieorderedforlunch,butevenbeforehebegandilatingontheevidencethat9/11wasaninsidejob,Iknewmysearchforaguidewasnotoverquiteyet.

•••

ONENOTABLEDIFFERENCEaboutdoingpsychedelicsatsixty,asopposedtowhenyou’reeighteenortwenty,isthatatsixtyyou’remorelikelytohaveacardiologistyoumightwanttoconsultinadvanceofyourtrip.Thatwasme.AyearbeforeIhaddecidedtoembarkonthisadventure,myheart,thereliableoperationsofwhichIhadtakencompletelyforgrantedtothatpoint,hadsuddenlymadeitspresencefeltand,forthefirsttimeinmylife,demandedmyattention.Whilesittingatmycomputeroneafternoon,Iwassuddenlymadeawareofapronouncedandcrazilysyncopatednewrhythminmychest.“Atrialfibrillation”wasthenamethedoctorgavetheabnormal

squigglesthatappearedonmyEKG.ThedangerofAFibisnotaheartattack,hesaidtomy(short-lived)relief,butaheightenedriskofstroke.“Mycardiologist”—theunfortunatephrasehadsuddenlyjoinedmyvocabulary,probablyfortheduration—putmeonacoupleofmedstocalmtheheartrhythmsandlowerthebloodpressure,plusadailybabyaspirintothinmyblood.Andthenhetoldmenottoworryaboutit.Ifollowedallofhisadviceexceptthelastbit.NowIcouldn’thelpbut

thinkaboutmyheartconstantly.Allofitsoperationsthathadpreviouslytakenplacecompletelyoutsidemyconsciousawarenesssuddenlybecamesalient:somethingIcouldhearandfeelwheneverIthoughttocheckin,whichnowwasincessantly.Monthslater,theAFibhadnotrecurred,butmysurveillanceofmypoorhearthadgottenoutofcontrol.Icheckedmy

bloodpressuredailyandlistenedforsignsofventriculareccentricityeverytimeIgotintobed.IttookmonthsofnothavingastrokebeforeIcouldonceagaintrustmyhearttogoaboutitsbusinesswithoutmysupervision.Gradually,thankfully,itretreatedonceagaintothebackgroundofmyattention.ItellyouallthisbywayofexplainingwhyIfeltIshouldtalktomy

cardiologistbeforeembarkingonapsychedelicjourney.Mycardiologistwasmyage,sonotlikelytobeshockedbytheword“psilocybin”or“LSD”or“MDMA.”ItoldhimwhatIhadinmindandaskedifanyofthedrugsinquestionwerecontraindicated,givenmycoronaryissues,oriftherewasanyriskofaninteractionwiththemedshehadprescribed.Hewasnotoverlyconcernedaboutthepsychedelics—mostofthemconcentratetheireffectsinthemindwithremarkablylittleimpactonthecardiovascularsystem—butoneofthedrugsImentionedheadvisedIavoid.ThiswasMDMA,alsoknownasEcstasyorMolly,whichhasbeenonschedule1sincethemid-1980s,whenitemergedasapopularravedrug.Thedrug3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamineisnotaclassical

psychedelic(itworksondifferentbrainreceptorsanddoesn’thavestrongvisualeffects),yetseveraloftheguidesIwasinterviewinghadtoldmeitwaspartoftheirregimen.Sometimescalledanempathogen,MDMAlowerspsychologicaldefensesandhelpstoswiftlybuildabondbetweenpatientandtherapist.(LeoZeffwasoneofthefirsttherapiststouseMDMAinthe1970s,afterthecompoundwaspopularizedbyhisfriendthelegendaryBayAreachemistSashaShulginandhiswife,thetherapistAnnShulgin.)GuidestoldmeMDMAwasagoodwayto“breaktheice”andestablishtrustbeforethepsychedelicjourney.(Onesaid,“Itcondensesyearsofpsychotherapyintoanafternoon.”)Butasitsscientificnameindicates,MDMAisanamphetamine,andso,chemically,itimplicatestheheartinawaypsychedelicsdon’t.IwasdisappointedmycardiologisthadtakenMDMAoffthetablebutpleasedthathehadmoreorlessgivenmeagreenlightontherestofmytravelplans.

TripOne:LSD

Atleastonpaper,nothingaboutthefirstguideIchosetoworkwithsoundsauspicious.Themanlivedandworkedsofaroffthegrid,inthemountainsoftheAmericanWest,thathehadnophoneservice,generatedhisownelectricity,pumpedhisownwater,grewhisownfood,andhadonlythespottiestsatelliteInternet.Icouldjustforgetaboutthewholeideaofbeinganywhereinrangeofahospitalemergencyroom.ThentherewasthefactthatwhileIwasaJewfromafamilythathadoncebeenreluctanttobuyaGermancar,thisfellowwasthesonofaNazi—aGermaninhismidsixtieswhosefatherhadservedintheSSduringWorldWarII.AfterIhadheardsomuchabouttheimportanceofbothsetandsetting,noneofthesedetailsauguredespeciallywell.YetIlikedFritzfromthemomenthecameouttogreetme,offeringa

broadgrinandawarmhug(Iwasgettingusedtothese)whenIpulledmyrentalintohisremotecamp.Thisconsistedofatidyvillageofstructures—ahandmadehouseandacoupleofsmallercabins,anoctagonalyurt,andtwogailypaintedouthousessetoutinaclearingonthecrestofaheavilywoodedmountain.Followingthehand-drawnmapFritzhadsentme(theareawasterraincognitaforGPS),Idroveformilesonadustydirtroadthatpassedthroughtheblastedlandscapeofanabandonedminebeforerisingintoadarkforestofcypressandponderosapine,withadenseunderstoryofmanzanitas,theirsmoothbarkthecoloroffreshblood.Ihadcometothemiddleofnowhere.Fritzwasatangleofcontradictionandyetmanifestlyawarmand

seeminglyhappyman.Atsixty-five,heresembledaEuropeanmovieactorgoneslightlytoseed,withthickgrayhairpartedinthemiddleandablocky,muscularframejustbeginningtoyield.FritzgrewupinBavaria,thesonofaragingalcoholicwhohadservedintheSSasabodyguardfortheculturalattachéresponsibleforproducingoperasandotherentertainmentsforthetroops—theNazis’USO.Later,hisfatherfoughtontheRussianfrontandsurvivedStalingradbutcamehomefromthewarshell-shocked.Fritzgrewupinthedenseshadeofhismisery,sharingtheshameandangerofsomanyinhispostwargeneration.“Whenthemilitarycameforme[toservehisperiodofconscription],”

hesaid,aswesatathiskitchentablesippingteaonasunnyspringafternoon,“Itoldthemtofuckthemselvesandtheythrewmeintoprison.”Forcedeventuallytoserveinthearmy,Fritzwascourt-martialedtwice—onceforsettinghisuniformonfire.Hespenttimeinsolitary

confinementreadingTolstoyandDostoyevskyandplottingrevolutionwiththeMaoistinthenextcell,withwhomhecommunicatedthroughtheprisonplumbing.“MyproudestmomentwasthetimeIgavealltheguardsOrangeSunshinethatIhadgottenfromafriendinCalifornia.”Atuniversity,hestudiedpsychologyandtookalotofLSD,whichhe

obtainedfromtheAmericantroopsstationedinGermany.“ComparedtoLSD,Freudwasajoke.Forhimbiographywaseverything.Hehadnouseformysticalexperience.”FritzmovedontoJungandWilhelmReich,“myhero.”Alongtheway,hediscoveredthatLSDwasapowerfultoolforexploringthedepthsofhisownpsyche,allowinghimtoreexperienceandthenletgooftheangeranddepressionthathobbledhimasayoungman.“Therewasmorelightinmylifeafterthat.Somethingshifted.”AsithadformanyoftheguidesIhadmet,themysticalexperience

Fritzhadonpsychedelicslaunchedhimonadecades-longspiritualquestthateventually“blewmylinear,empiricalmind,”openinghimuptothepossibilityofpastlives,telepathy,precognition,and“synchronicities”thatdefyourconceptionsofspaceandtime.HespenttimeonanashraminIndia,wherehewitnessedspecificscenesthathadbeenprefiguredinhispsychedelicjourneys.Once,makinglovetoawomaninGermany(thetwowerepracticingTantrism),heandshesharedanout-of-bodyexperiencethatallowedthemtoobservethemselvesfromtheceiling.“Thesemedicineshaveshownmethatsomethingquote-unquoteimpossibleexists.ButIdon’tthinkit’smagicorsupernatural.It’satechnologyofconsciousnesswedon’tunderstandyet.”Normallywhenpeoplestarttalkingabouttranspersonaldimensionsof

consciousnessand“morphogeneticfields,”Ihavelittle(ifany)patience,buttherewassomethingaboutFritzthatmadesuchtalk,ifnotpersuasive,thenatleast...provocative.Hemanagedtoexpressthemostfar-fetchedideasinadisarminglymodest,evendown-to-earthway.Ihadtheimpressionhehadnoagendabeyondfeedinghisowncuriosity,whetherwithpsychedelicsorbooksonparanormalphenomena.Forsomepeople,theprivilegeofhavinghadamysticalexperiencetendstomassivelyinflatetheego,convincingthemthey’vebeengrantedsolepossessionofakeytotheuniverse.Thisisanexcellentrecipeforcreatingaguru.Thecertitudeandcondescensionformeremortalsthatusuallycomewiththatkeycanrenderthesepeopleinsufferable.Butthatwasn’tFritz.Tothecontrary.Hisotherworldlyexperienceshadhumbledhim,

openinghimuptopossibilitiesandmysterieswithoutclosinghimtoskepticism—ortothepleasuresofeverydaylifeonthisearth.Therewasnothingetherealabouthim.IsurprisedmyselfbylikingFritzasmuchasIdid.AfterfiveyearsspentlivingonacommuneinBavaria(“wewereall

tryingtoundosomeofthedamagedonetothepostwargeneration”),in1976hemetawomanfromCaliforniawhilehikingintheHimalayasandfollowedherbacktoSantaCruz.TherehefellintothewholeNorthernCaliforniahumanpotentialscene,atvarioustimesrunningameditationcenterforanIndiangurunamedRajneeshanddoingbodywork(includingdeep-tissuemassageandRolfing),GestaltandReichiantherapy,andsomelandscapingtopaythebills.Whenin1982,soonafterhisfather’sdeath,hemetStanGrofatabreathworkcourseatEsalen,hefelthehadatlastfoundhisrightfulfather.Duringtheworkshop,Fritz“hadanexperienceaspowerfulasanypsychedelic.Outoftheblue,Iexperiencedmyselfbeingborn—mymothergivingbirthtome.Whilethiswashappening,IwatchedthegoddessShivaonagiganticIMAXscreen,creatingworldsanddestroyingworlds.EveryoneinthegroupwantedwhatIhad!”Henowaddedholotropicbreathworktohisbodyworkpractice.Eventually,Fritzdidanintensiveseriesofmultiyeartrainingswith

GrofinNorthernCaliforniaandBritishColumbia.Atoneofthem,hemethisfuturewife,aclinicalpsychologist.Grofwasostensiblyteachingholotropicbreathwork,thenon-pharmacologicalmodalityhehaddevelopedafterpsychedelicsweremadeillegal.ButFritzsaidthatGrofalsosharedwiththisselectgrouphisdeepknowledgeaboutthepracticeofpsychedelictherapy,discreetlypassingonhismethodstoanewgeneration.Severalpeopleintheworkshop,Fritzandhisfuturewifeamongthem,wentontobecomeundergroundguides.Sheworkswiththewomenwhofindtheirwayupthemountain,hewiththemen.“Youdon’tmakealotofmoney,”Fritztoldme.Indeed,hecharged

onlyninehundreddollarsforathree-daysession,whichincludedroomandboard.“It’sillegalanddangerous.Youcanhaveapersongopsychotic.Andyoureallydon’tmakealotofmoney.ButI’mahealerandthesemedicineswork.”Itwasabundantlyclearhehadacallingandlovedwhathedid—lovedwitnessingpeopleundergoprofoundtransformationsbeforehiseyes.

•••

FRITZTOLDMEwhattoexpectifIweretoworkwithhim.Itwouldmeanreturninghereforthreedays,sleepingintheeight-sidedyurt,wherewewouldalsodo“thework.”Thefirstafternoonwouldbeawarm-uporget-acquaintedsession,usingeitherMDMAorbreathwork.(Iexplainedwhyinmycaseitwouldhavetobebreathwork.)ThiswouldgivehimachancetoobservehowIhandledanalteredstateofconsciousnessbeforesendingmeonanLSDjourneythemorningofthesecondday;itwouldalsohelphimdetermineasuitabledose.Iaskedhimhowhecouldbesureofthepurityandqualityofthe

medicinesheuses,sincetheycomefromchemistsworkingillicitly.Wheneverhereceivesanewshipment,heexplained,“Ifirsttestitforpurity,andthenItakeaheroicdosetoseehowitfeelsbeforeIgiveittoanyone.”NotexactlyFDAapproval,Ithoughttomyself,butbetterthannothing.Fritzdoesn’ttakeanymedicinehimselfwhilehe’sworkingbutoften

gets“acontacthigh”fromhisclients.Duringthesessionhetakesnotes,selectsthemusic,andchecksineverytwentyminutesorso.“I’llaskyounothowyouarebutwhereyouare.“I’mherejustforyou,toholdthespace,soyoudon’thavetoworry

aboutanythingoranyoneelse.Notthewife,notthechild.Soyoucanreallyletgo—andgo.”This,Irealized,wasanotherreasonIwaseagertoworkwithaguide.WhenJudithandIhadourmagicmushroomdaytheprevioussummer,thesimmerofworryaboutherwelfarekeptintrudingonmyjourney,forcingmetostayclosetothesurface.MuchasIhatedthepsychobabble-ylocution,Ilovedtheideaofsomeone“holdingspace”forme.“ThatnightI’llaskyoutomakesomenotesbeforeyougotosleep.On

yourlastmorning,we’llcomparenotesandtrytointegrateandmakesenseofyourexperience.ThenI’llcookyouabigbreakfasttogetyoureadytofacetheinterstate!”Wescheduledatimeformetocomeback.

•••

THEFIRSTTHINGIlearnedaboutmyselfthatfirstafternoon,workingwithFritzintheyurt,isthatIam“easytoputunder”—susceptibletotrance,amentalspacecompletelynewtomeandaccessiblebynothingmorethanashiftinthepatternofone’sbreathing.Itwasthedamnedestthing.Fritz’sinstructionswerestraightforward:Breathedeeplyandrapidly

whileexhalingasstronglyasyoucan.“Atfirstitwillfeelunnaturalandyou’llhavetoconcentratetomaintaintherhythm,butafterafewminutesyourbodywilltakeoveranddoitautomatically.”Istretchedoutonthemattressanddonnedapairofeyeshadeswhileheputonsomemusic,somethinggenericallytribalandrhythmic,dominatedbythepoundingofadrum.Heplacedaplasticbucketatmyside,explainingthatoccasionallypeoplethrowup.Itwashardworkatfirst,tobreatheinsuchanexaggeratedand

unnaturalway,evenwithFritz’senthusiasticcoaching,butthenallatoncemybodytookover,andIfoundthatnothoughtwasrequiredtomaintainthedrivingpaceandrhythm.ItwasasifIhadbrokenfreefromgravityandsettledintoanorbit:thebigdeepbreathsjustcame,automatically.NowIfeltanuncontrollableurgetomovemylegsandarmsinsyncwiththepoundingofthedrums,whichresonatedinmyribcagelikeapowerfulnewheartbeat.Ifeltpossessed,bothmybodyandmymind.Ican’tremembermanythoughtsexcept“Hey,thisisworking,whateveritis!”Iwasflatonmybackyetdancingwildly,myarmsandlegsmoving

withawilloftheirown.AllcontrolofmybodyIhadsurrenderedtothemusic.Itfeltalittlelikespeakingintongues,orwhatIimaginethattobe,withsomeexternalforcetakingoverthemindandbodyforitsownobscurepurpose.Therewasn’tmuchvisualimagery,justthenakedsensationof

exhilaration,untilIbegantopicturemyselfonthebackofabigblackhorse,gallopingheadlongdownapaththroughaforest.Iwaspercheduphighonitsshoulders,likeajockey,holdingontightasthebeastscissoreditsgreatmusclesforwardandbackwitheachlongstride.Asmyrhythmsyncedwiththatofthehorse,Icouldfeelmyselfabsorbingtheanimal’spower.Itfeltfantastictosofullyinhabitmybody,asifforthefirsttime.AndyetbecauseIamnotaveryconfidentrider(ordancer!),italsofeltprecarious,asifwereItomissabreathorbeatImighttumbleoff.

Ihadnoideahowlongthetrancelasted,timewasutterlylostonme,butwhenFritzgentlybroughtmebacktothepresentmomentandtherealityoftheroom,simplybyencouragingmetoslowandrelaxmybreathing,hereportedIhadbeen“init”foranhourandfifteenminutes.Ifeltflushedandsweatyandtriumphant,asifIhadrunamarathon;FritzsaidIlooked“radiant”—“younglikeababy.”“Youhadnoresistance,”hesaidapprovingly;“that’sagoodsignfor

tomorrow.”Ihadnoideawhathadjusthappened,couldrecalllittlemoreofthehourthanridingthehorse,buttheepisodeseemedtohaveinvolvedaterrificphysicalreleaseofsomekind.Somethinghadletgoofmeorbeenexpunged,andIfeltbuoyant.Andhumbledbythemysteryofit.Forherewas(toquoteWilliamJames)oneofthe“formsofconsciousnessentirelydifferent”fromtheordinaryandyetsocloseby—separatedfromnormalwakingconsciousnessby...what?Ahandfulofexhalations!Thensomethingfrighteninghappened.Fritzhadgoneuptothehouse

toprepareourdinner,leavingmetomakesomenotesabouttheexperienceonmylaptop,whenallatonceIfeltmyheartsurgeandthenbegintodancemadlyinmychest.IimmediatelyrecognizedthesensationofturbulenceasAFib,andwhenItookmypulse,itwaschaotic.Apanickybirdwastrappedinmyribcage,throwingitselfagainstthebarsinanattempttogetout.AndhereIwas,adozenmilesoffthegridsmackinthemiddleofnowhere.Itwentonlikethatfortwohours,straightthroughasubduedand

anxiousdinner.Fritzseemedconcerned;inallthehundredsofbreathworksessionshehadledorwitnessed,hehadneverseensuchareaction.(Hehadmentionedearlierasinglefatalityattributedtoholotropicbreathwork:amanwhohadhadananeurism.)NowIwasworriedabouttomorrow,andIthinkhewastoo.ThoughhealsowonderedifperhapswhatIwasfeelinginmyheartmightreflectsomepsychicshiftor“heartopening.”Iresistedtheimpliedmetaphor,holdingfirmtotheplaneofphysiology:theheartisapump,andthisoneismalfunctioning.Wediscussedtomorrow’splan.Maybewewanttogowithalowerdose,Fritzsuggested;“you’resosusceptibleyoumightnotneedverymuchtojourney.”ItoldhimImightbailoutaltogether.Andthen,assuddenlyasithadcomeon,Ifeltmyheartslipbackintothesweetgrooveofitsaccustomedrhythm.

IgotlittlesleepthatnightasadebateragedinmyheadaboutwhetherornotIwascrazytoproceedinthemorningwithLSDatanydose.Icoulddieuphereandwouldn’tthatbestupid?ButwasIreallyinanydanger?Nowmyheartfeltfine,andfromeverythingIread,theeffectsofLSDwereconfinedtothebrain,moreorless,leavingthecardiovascularsystemunaffected.Inretrospect,itmadeperfectsensethataprocessasphysicallyarduousasholotropicbreathworkwoulddiscombobulatetheheart.*Yes,IcouldtakearaincheckonmyLSDjourney,buteventhethoughtofthatoptionlandedlikeacrushingdisappointment.Ihadcomethisfar,andIhadhadthisintriguingglimpseintoastateofconsciousnessthatforallmytrepidationsIwaseagertoexploremoredeeply.Thiswentonallnight,backandforth,proandcon,butbythetimethe

suncameup,theearliestraysthreadingtheneedlesoftheeasternpines,Iwasresolved.Atbreakfast,ItoldFritzIfeltgoodandwantedtoproceed.Weagreed,however,togowithamodestdose—ahundredmicrograms,with“abooster”afteranhourortwoifIwantedone.Fritzsentmeoutonawalktoclearmyheadandthinkaboutmy

intentionwhilehedidthedishesandreadiedtheyurtformyjourney.Ihikedforanhouronatrailthroughtheforest,whichhadbeenrefreshedovernightbyarainshower;thecleansedairheldthescentofcedar,andthebarklessredlimbsofthemanzanitawereglowing.Fritzhadtoldmetolookforanobjecttoputonthealtar.WhileIwaslookingandwalking,IdecidedIwouldaskFritztogivemehispledgethatifanythingwhatsoeverwentwrong,hewouldcall911forhelpregardlessofthepersonalrisk.Ireturnedtotheyurtaroundtenwithamanzanitaleafandasmooth

blackstoneinmypocketandastraightforwardintention:tolearnwhateverthejourneyhadtoteachmeaboutmyself.Fritzhadlitafireinthewoodstove,andtheroomwasbeginningtogiveupitschill.Hehadmovedthemattressacrosstheroomsomyheadwouldbeclosetothespeakers.Insombertones,hetalkedaboutwhattoexpectandhowtohandlevariousdifficultiesthatmightarise:“paranoia,spookyplaces,thefeelingyou’relosingyourmindorthatyouaredying.“It’slikewhenyouseeamountainlion,”hesuggested.“Ifyourun,it

willchaseyou.Soyoumuststandyourground.”Iwasremindedofthe“flightinstructions”thattheguidesemployedatJohnsHopkins:instead

ofturningawayfromanymonsterthatappears,movetowardit,standyourground,anddemandtoknow,“Whatareyoudoinginmymind?Whatdoyouhavetoteachme?”Iaddedmystoneandleaftothealtar,whichheldabronzeBuddha

surroundedbytheitemsofmanyprevioustravelers.“Somethinghardandsomethingsoft,”Fritzobserved.IaskedfortheassurancesIneededtoproceedandreceivedthem.NowhehandedmeaJapaneseteacupatthebottomofwhichlayatinysquareofblotterpaperandthetornscrapsofasecondsquare—thebooster.OnesideoftheblotterpaperhadaBuddhaprintedonit,theotheracartooncharacterIdidn’trecognize.Iputthesquareonmytongueand,takingasipofwater,swallowed.Fritzdidn’tperformmuchofaceremony,buthedidtalkaboutthe“sacredtradition”Iwasnowjoining,thelineageofallthetribesandpeoplesdownthroughtimeandaroundtheworldwhousedsuchmedicinesintheirritesofinitiation.HereIwas,inrangeofmysixtiethbirthday,takingLSDforthefirsttime.Itdidfeelsomethinglikeariteofpassage,butapassagetowhere,exactly?WhilewaitingfortheLSDtocomeon,wesatonthewoodenskirtof

deckingthatcircledtheyurt,chattingquietlyaboutthisandthat.Lifeuphereonthemountain;thewildlifethatsharedthepropertywithhimbecausehedidn’tkeepadog:thereweremountainlions,bears,coyotes,foxes,andrattlesnakes.Jittery,Itriedtochangethesubject;asitwas,I’dbeenafraidduringthenighttovisittheouthouse,choosinginsteadtopeeofftheporch.LionsandbearsandsnakeswerethelastthingIwantedtothinkaboutjustnow.Aroundeleven,ItoldFritzIwasstartingtofeelwobbly.HesuggestedI

liedownonthemattressandputonmyeyeshades.Assoonashestartedthemusic—somethingAmazonianinflavor,gentlyrhythmicwithtraditionalinstrumentsbutalsonaturesounds(rainshowersandcrickets)thatcreatedavividdimensionalsenseofoutdoorspace—Iwasoff,travelingsomewhereinmymind,inafullyrealizedforestlandscapethatthemusichadsomehowsummonedintobeing.Itmademerealizewhatapowerfullittletechnologyapairofeyeshadescouldbe,atleastinthiscontext:itwaslikedonningapairofvirtualrealitygoggles,allowingmeimmediatelytotakeleaveofthisplaceandtime.IguessedIwashallucinating,yetthiswasnotatallwhatIexpectedan

LSDhallucinationtobe,whichwasoverpowering.ButFritzhadtoldme

thattheliteralmeaningofthewordistowanderinone’smind,andthatwasexactlywhatIwasdoing,withthesamedesultoryindifferencetoagencythewandererfeels.YetIstillhadagency:Icouldchangeatwillthecontentsofmythoughts,butinthisdreamystate,sowideopentosuggestion,Iwashappytolettheterrain,andthemusic,dictatemypath.Andforthenextseveralhoursthemusicdidjustthat,summoninginto

existenceasequenceofpsychiclandscapes,someofthempopulatedbythepeopleclosesttome,othersexploredonmyown.AlotofthemusicwasNewAgedrivel—thesortofstuffyoumighthearwhilegettingamassageinahigh-endspa—yetneverhaditsoundedsoevocative,sobeautiful!Musichadbecomesomethingmuchgreaterandmoreprofoundthanmeresound.Freelytrespassingthebordersoftheothersenses,itwaspalpableenoughtotouch,formingthree-dimensionalspacesIcouldmovethrough.TheAmazonian-tribalsongputmeonatrailthatascendedsteeply

throughredwoods,followingaravinenotchedintoahillsidebythesilverybladeofapowerfulstream.Iknowthisplace:itwasthetrailthatrisesfromStinsonBeachtoMountTamalpais.ButassoonasIsecuredthatrecognition,itmorphedintosomethingelseentirely.Nowthemusicformedaverticalarchitectureofwoodentimbers,horizontalsandverticalsanddiagonalsthatwerebeingmagicallycranedintoplace,forminglevelsthatroseoneontopoftheother,everhigherintotheskylikeamultistoriedtreehouseunderconstruction,yetastructureasopentotheairanditsinfluencesasawindchime.IsawthateachlevelrepresentedanotherphaseinmylifewithJudith.

Therewewere,ascendingstagebystagethroughourmanyyearstogether,beginningaskidswhometincollege,fallinginlove,livingtogetherinthecity,gettingmarried,havingourson,Isaac,becomingafamily,movingtothecountry.Now,hereatthetop,Iwatchedanew,asyetinchoatestagebeingconstructedasindeedonenowis:whateverthislifetogetherisgoingtobenowthatIsaachasgrownupandlefthome.Ilookedhard,hopingforsomeclueaboutwhattoexpect,buttheonlythingIcouldseeclearlywasthatthisnewstagewasbeingbuiltonthewoodenscaffoldingofearlieronesandthereforepromisedtobesturdy.Soitwent,songbysong,forhours.Somethingaboriginal,withthe

deepspookytonesofadidgeridoo,putmeunderground,movingsomehowthroughthebrownish-blackrootscapeofaforest.Itensed

momentarily:Wasthisabouttogetterrifying?HaveIdiedandbeeninterred?Ifso,Iwasfinewithit.Igotabsorbedwatchingawhitetraceryofmyceliumthreadingamongtherootsandlinkingthetreesinanetworkintricatebeyondcomprehension.Iknewallaboutthismycelialnetwork,howitformsakindofarborealInternetallowingthetreesinaforesttoexchangeinformation,butnowwhathadbeenmerelyanintellectualconceitwasavivid,feltrealityofwhichIhadbecomeapart.Whenthemusicturnedmoremasculineormartial,asitnowdid,sons

andthenfathersfilledmymentalfield.IwatchedaswiftlyunfoldingbiopicofIsaac’slifetothispoint—hisstrugglesasanexquisitelysensitiveboy,andhowthosesensitivitieshadturnedintostrengths,makinghimwhoheis.IthoughtaboutthingsIneededtotellhim—aboutthesurgingprideIfeltasheembarkedonhisadultlifeandmadehiswayinanewcityandcareer,butalsomyferventhopethathenothardenhimselfinsuccessordisownhisvulnerabilitiesandhissweetness.IfeltsomethingonmyeyeshadesandrealizedIhadwetthemwithmy

tears.Iwasalreadyfeelingwideopenandundefendedwhenitdawnedon

methatIwasn’ttalkingtoIsaac,ornotonlytohim,buttomyselfaswell.Somethinghardandsomethingsoft:thepairedtermskeptturningoverlikeacoin.ThenightbeforecomingtoFritz’splace,Ihadspokentotwothousandpeopleinaconcerthall,trackedacrossastagebyaspotlightasIplayedtheroleofthemanwiththeanswers,theonepeoplecoulddependontoexplainthings.ThiswasmuchthesameroleIplayedinmyfamilygrowingup,notonlyformyyoungersisters,but,intimesofcrisis,formyparentstoo.(Evennow,mysistersstubbornlyrefuseevertoacceptfrommethewords“Idon’tknow.”)“Sonowlookatme!”Ithought,asmilebloomingonmyface:thisgrownmanblindfoldedandlaidoutonthefloorofapsychedelictherapist’syurt,chasingaftermymindasitwanderedheedlesslythroughthewoodsofmylife,warmtears—ofwhat?Ididn’tknow!—slidingdownmycheeks.ThiswasunfamiliarterritoryformeandnotatallwhereIexpectedto

findmyselfonLSD.Ihadn’ttraveledveryfarfromhome.InsteadofthedemonsandangelsandvariousotherentitiesIwasexpectingtomeet,Iwashavingaseriesofencounterswiththepeopleinmyfamily.Ivisitedeachoftheminturn,themusicsettingthetone,andtheemotionscameovermeingreatwaves,whetherofadmiration(formysistersand

mother,whomIpicturedseatedaroundahorseshoe-shapedtable—liketheUN!—eachofthemrepresentingadifferentidealoffemininestrength);gratitude;orcompassion,especiallyformyfather,amanbothdrivenandpursuedformuchofhislife,andsomeonewhombeforethismomentI’dneverbeforefullyimaginedasason,andasonofferociouslydemandingparents.Thefloodtideofcompassionoverfloweditsbanksandleakedinto

someunexpectedplaces,likemyfourth-grademusicclass.HereIinexplicablyencounteredpoorMr.Roper,thisearnestyoungmaninacheapsuitwhoinspiteofheroiceffortscouldnotgetustogiveashitaboutthesectionsofanorchestrahemappedontheboardorthecharactersofthevariousinstruments,nomatterhowmanytimesheplayedPeterandtheWolfforus.Ashepacedtheclassroominhisexcitement,wewouldwaitinbreathlesssuspenseforhimtostepononeoftheupturnedthumbtacksweplacedinhispath,athrillforwhichwewerewillingtoriskstayingafterschoolindetention.ButwhowasthisMr.Roper,really?Whycouldn’tweseethatbehindthecartoonfigurewetorturedsomercilesslywas,nodoubt,adecentguywhowantednothingmorethantoigniteinushispassionformusic?Theunthinkingcrueltyofchildrensentaquickshiverofshamethroughme.Butthen:WhatasurfeitofcompassionImustbefeeling,tosparethatmuchforMr.Roper!Andcrestingoveralltheseencounterscameacascadingdambreakof

love,loveforJudithandIsaacandeveryoneinmyfamily,loveevenformyimpossiblegrandmotherandherlong-sufferinghusband.Thenextday,duringourintegrationsession,FritzreadfromhisnotestwothingsIapparentlysaidaloudduringthispartofthejourney:“Idon’twanttobesostingywithmyfeelings.”And,“Allthistimespentworryingaboutmyheart.Whataboutalltheotherheartsinmylife?”Itembarrassesmetowritethesewords;theysoundsothin,sobanal.

Thisisafailureofmylanguage,nodoubt,butperhapsitisnotonlythat.Psychedelicexperiencesarenotoriouslyhardtorenderinwords;totryisnecessarilytodoviolencetowhathasbeenseenandfelt,whichisinsomefundamentalwaypre-orpost-linguisticor,asstudentsofmysticismsay,ineffable.Emotionsarriveinalltheirnewbornnakedness,unprotectedfromtheharshlightofscrutinyand,especially,thepitilessglareofirony.Platitudesthatwouldn’tseemoutofplaceonaHallmarkcardglowwiththeforceofrevealedtruth.

Loveiseverything.Okay,butwhatelsedidyoulearn?No—youmustnothaveheardme:it’severything!Isaplatitudesodeeplyfeltstilljustaplatitude?No,Idecided.A

platitudeispreciselywhatisleftofatruthafterithasbeendrainedofallemotion.Toresaturatethatdriedhuskwithfeelingistoseeitagainforwhatitis:theloveliestandmostdeeplyrootedoftruths,hiddeninplainsight.Aspiritualinsight?Maybeso.Oratleastthat’showitappearedinthemiddleofmyjourney.Psychedelicscanmakeeventhemostcynicalofusintoferventevangelistsoftheobvious.Youcouldsaythemedicinemakesyoustupid,butaftermyjourney

throughwhatmustsoundlikeabanalandsentimentallandscape,Idon’tthinkthat’sit.Forwhatafterallisthesenseofbanality,ortheironicperspective,ifnottwoofthesturdierdefensestheadultegodeploystokeepfrombeingoverwhelmed—byouremotions,certainly,butperhapsalsobyoursenses,whichareliableatanytimetoastonishuswithnewsofthesheerwonderoftheworld.Ifweareevertogetthroughtheday,weneedtoputmostofwhatweperceiveintoboxesneatlylabeled“Known,”tobequicklyshelvedwithlittlethoughttothemarvelstherein,and“Novel,”towhich,understandably,wepaymoreattention,atleastuntilitisn’tthatanymore.Apsychedelicisliabletotakealltheboxesofftheshelf,openandremoveeventhemostfamiliaritems,turningthemoverandimaginativelyscrubbingthemuntiltheyshineonceagainwiththelightoffirstsight.Isthisreclassificationofthefamiliarawasteoftime?Ifitis,thensoisalotofart.Itseemstomethereisgreatvalueinsuchrenovation,themoresoaswegrowolderandcometothinkwe’veseenandfeltitallbefore.YetonehundredmicrogramsofLSDhadsurelynotpropelledmeinto

thelapofGod,asithadLeoZeff;evenafterthebooster(anotherfiftymicrograms,whichIwaseagertotake,inhopesofgoingdeeperandlonger).Ineverachievedatranscendent,“non-dual”or“mystical-like”experience,andasIrecappedthejourneywithFritzthefollowingmorning,Iregisteredacertaindisappointment.ButthenovelplaneofconsciousnessI’dspentafewhourswanderingonhadbeeninterestingandpleasurableand,Ithink,usefultome.Iwouldhavetoseeifitseffectsendured,butitfeltasthoughtheexperiencehadopenedmeupinunexpectedways.

Becausetheacidhadnotcompletelydissolvedmyego,Inevercompletelylosttheabilitytoredirectthestreamofmyconsciousnessortheawarenessitwasinfactmine.Butthestreamitselffeltdistinctlydifferent,lesssubjecttowilloroutsideinterference.Itremindedmeofthepleasantlybizarrementalspacethatsometimesopensupatnightinbedwhenwe’repoisedbetweenthestatesofbeingawakeandfallingasleep—so-calledhypnagogicconsciousness.Theegoseemstosignoffafewmomentsbeforetherestoftheminddoes,leavingthefieldofconsciousnessunsupervisedandvulnerabletogentleeruptionsofimageryandhallucinatorysnatchesofnarrative.Imaginethatstateextendedindefinitely,yetwithsomeabilitytodirectyourattentiontothisorthat,asifinanespeciallyvividandabsorbingdaydream.Unlikeadaydream,however,youarefullypresenttothecontentsofwhatevernarrativeisunfolding,completelyinsideitandbeyondthereachofdistraction.Ihadlittlechoicebuttoobeythedaydream’slogic,itsontologicalandepistemologicalrules,until,eitherbyforceofwillorbythefreshnotesofanewsong,thementalchannelwouldchangeandIwouldfindmyselfsomewhereelseentirely.This,Iguess,iswhathappenswhentheego’sgriponthemindis

relaxedbutnoteliminated,asalargerdosewouldprobablyhavedone.“Forthemomentthatinterferingneuroticwho,inwakinghours,triestoruntheshow,wasblessedlyoutoftheway,”asAldousHuxleyputitinTheDoorsofPerception.Notentirelyoutofthewayinmycase,buttheLSDhaddefinitelymuffledthatcontrollingvoice,andinthatlightlyregulatedspaceallsortsofinterestingthingscouldbubbleup,thingsthatanyself-respectingegowouldprobablyhavekeptsubmerged.IhadhadapsycholyticdoseofLSD,onethatallowedthepatientto

explorehispsycheinanunconstrainedbutstilldeliberatemannerwhileremainingsufficientlycombobulatedtotalkaboutit.Formeitfeltlesslikeadrugexperience—theLSDfeelscompletelytransparent,withnoneofthephysiologicalnoiseIassociatewithotherpsychoactivedrugs—thananovelmodeofcognition,fallingsomewherebetweenintellectionandfeeling.Ihadconjuredseveralofthepeopleclosesttome,andinthepresenceofeachofthemhadcomestrongeremotionsthanIhadfeltinsometime.Adamhadbeenbreached,andthesensationofreleasefeltwonderful.Too,afewgenuineinsightshademergedfromtheseencounters,liketheoneaboutmyfatherasason,whichturnedonanact

ofimagination(ofempathy)thatevengrownchildrenseldomhavesufficientdistancetoperform.Duringourintegrationsession,FritzmentionedthatsomepeopleonLSDhaveanexperiencethatincontentandcharacterismorelikeMDMAthanaclassicpsychedelictrip;maybewhatIhadhadwastheMDMAsessionI’dhadtopassup.Thenotionofafewyearsofpsychotherapycondensedintoseveralhoursseemedaboutright,especiallyafterFritzandIspentthatmorningunpackingthescenesfrommyjourney.AsIsteeredmyrentalcardownthemountainandtowardtheairport

fortheflighthome,Iwasrelievedthattheexperiencehadbeensobenign(Ihadsurvived!Hadrousednosleepingmonstersinmyunconscious!)andgratefulithadbeenproductive.Allthatdayandwellintothenext,ahigh-pressuresystemofwell-beingdominatedmypsychologicalweather.Judithfoundmeunusuallychattyandavailable;myusualimpatiencewasinabeyance,andIcouldoutlastheratthetableafterdinner,beinginnohurrytogetupanddothedishessoIcouldmoveontothenextthingandthenthethingafterthat.IguessedthiswastheafterglowI’dreadabout,andforafewdaysitcastapleasantlytheatricallightovereverything,italicizingtheordinaryinsuchawayastomakemefeeluncommonly...appreciative.Itdidn’tlast,however,andintimeIgrewdisappointedthatthe

experiencehadn’tbeenmoretransformative.Ihadbeengrantedatasteofaslightlyotherwaytobe—lessdefended,Iwouldsay,andsomorepresent.AndnowthatIhadacquaintedmyselfwiththeterritoryandreturnedfromthisfirstforaymoreorlessintact,Idecideditwastimetoventurefartherout.

TripTwo:Psilocybin

Mysecondjourneybeganaroundanaltar,inthemiddleofasecond-storyloftinasuburbofasmallcityontheEasternSeaboard.ThealtarwasbeingprayedoverbyanattractivewomanwithlongblondhairpartedinthemiddleandhighcheekbonesthatImentiononlybecausetheywouldlaterfigureinhertransformationintoaMexicanIndian.Seatedacrossthealtarfromme,Mary’seyeswereclosedassherecitedalongand

elaborateNativeAmericanprayer.Sheinvokedinturnthepowerofeachofthecardinaldirections,thefourelements,andtheanimal,plant,andmineralrealms,thespiritsofwhichsheimploredtohelpguidemeonmyjourney.Myeyeswereclosedtoo,butnowandagainIcouldn’tresistpeeking

outtotakeinthescene:thesquash-coloredloftwithitspottedplantsandsymbolsoffertilityandfemalepower;theembroideredpurplefabricfromPeruthatcoveredthealtar;andthecollectionofitemsarrayedacrossit,includinganamethystintheshapeofaheart,apurplecrystalholdingacandle,littlecupsfilledwithwater,abowlholdingafewrectanglesofdarkchocolate,thetwo“sacreditems”shehadaskedmetobring(abronzeBuddhaaclosefriendhadbroughtbackfromatriptotheEast;thepsilocybincoinRolandGriffithshadgivenmeatourfirstmeeting),and,squarelybeforeme,anantiqueplatedecoratedinagrandmotherlyfloralpatternthatheldthebiggestpsilocybinmushroomIhadeverseen.ItwashardtobelieveIwasabouttoeatthewholething.ThecrowdedaltaralsoheldabranchofsageandastubofPaloSanto,

afragrantSouthAmericanwoodthatIndiansburnceremonially,andthejet-blackwingofacrow.Atvariouspointsintheceremony,MarylitthesageandthePaloSanto,usingthewingto“smudge”mewiththesmoke—guidethespiritsthroughthespacearoundmyhead.Thewingmadeanotherworldlywhooshassheflickeditbymyear,thespookysoundofalargebirdcomingtoocloseforcomfort,oradarkspiritbeingshooedawayfromabody.Thewholethingmustsoundridiculouslyhokey,Iknow,butthe

convictionMarybroughttotheceremony,togetherwiththearomasoftheburningplantsandthesoundsofthewingpulsingtheair—plusmyownnervousnessaboutthejourneyinstore—castaspellthatallowedmetosuspendmydisbelief.Ihaddecidedtogivemyselfuptothisbigmushroom,andforMary,theguidetowhomIhadentrustedmypsycheforthisjourney,ceremonycountedforasmuchaschemistry.Inthisshewasactingmorelikeashamanthanapsychologist.MaryhadbeenrecommendedbyaguideI’dinterviewedontheWest

Coast,arabbiwhohadtakenaninterestinmypsychedeliceducation.Mary,whowasmyage,hadtrainedwiththeeighty-somethingstudentofTimothyLearywhomIhadinterviewedanddecidedwasalittletoofaroutthereforme.OnemightthinkthesameofMary,onpaper,but

somethingabouthermanner,hersobriety,andherevidentcompassionmadememorecomfortableinherpresence.MaryhadpracticedthewholegrabbagofNewAgetherapies,from

energyhealingtospiritualpsychologytofamilyconstellationtherapy,*beforebeingintroducedtomedicineworkwhenshewasfifty.(“ItcreatedthegluethatbroughttogetherallthisotherworkI’dbeendoing.”)Atthetime,Maryhadusedapsychedeliconlyonceandlongago:athertwenty-firstbirthdaypartywhileincollege.Afriendhadgivenherajarofhoneylacedwithpsilocybinmushrooms.Maryimmediatelywentuptoherroom,atetwoorthreespoonfuls,“andhadthemostprofoundexperienceofbeingwithGod.IwasGodandGodwasme.”Friendswhohadbeenpartyingdownstairscameuptoknockatherdoor,butMarywasgone.AsachildgrowingupoutsideProvidence,Maryhadbeenan

enthusiasticCatholic,until“IrealizedIwasagirl”—afactthatwoulddisqualifyherfromeverperformingtheceremoniesshecherished.Mary’sreligiositylaydormantuntilthattasteofhoney,which“catapultedmeintoahugechange,”shetoldmethefirsttimewemet.“IdroppedintosomethingIhadn’tfeltconnectedtosinceIwasalittlegirl.”ThereawakeningofherspirituallifeledherontothepathofTibetanBuddhismandeventuallytotakethevowofaninitiate:“‘Toassistallsentientbeingsintheirawakeningandtheirenlightenment.’Whichisstillmyvocation.”Andnowsittingbeforeherinhertreatmentroomwasme,thenext

sentientbeingondeck,hopingtobewakened.Isharedmyintention:tolearnwhatIcouldaboutmyselfandalsoaboutthenatureofconsciousness—myownbutalsoits“transpersonal”dimension,ifsuchadimensionexists.“Themushroomteacherhelpsustoseewhowereallyare,”Marysaid,

“bringsusbacktooursoul’spurposeforbeinghereinthislifetime.”Icanimaginehowthesewordsmightsoundtoanoutsider.ButbynowIwasinuredtotheNewAgelingo,perhapsbecauseIhadglimpsedthepotentialforsomethingmeaningfulbehindthewell-wornwords.I’dalsobeenimpressedbyMary’sintelligenceandherprofessionalism.Inadditiontohavingmeconsenttothestandard“agreements”(bowingtoherauthorityfortheduration;remainingintheroomuntilshegavemepermissiontoleave;nosexualcontact;andsoon),shehadmefilloutadetailedmedicalform,alegalrelease,andafifteen-pageautobiographical

questionnairethattookmethebetterpartofadaytocomplete.AllofwhichmademefeelIwasingoodhands—evenwhenthosehandswereflappingacrow’swingaroundmyhead.Yet,asIsattherebeforethealtar,itseemeddoubtfulIcouldchoke

downthatwholemushroom.Ithadtobefiveorsixincheslong,withacapthesizeofagolfball.IaskedherifIcouldcrumbleitintoaglassofhotwater,makeatea,anddrinkit.“Bettertobefullyconsciousofwhatyou’redoing,”shesaid,“whichis

eatingamushroomthatcamefromtheearth,onebiteatatime.Examineitfirst,closely,thenstartatthecap.”Sheofferedmeachoiceofhoneyorchocolatetohelpgetitdown;Iwentwiththechocolate.MaryhadtoldmethatafriendofhersgrowsthepsilocybinandhadlearnedthecraftyearsagoinamushroomcultivationworkshoptaughtbyPaulStamets.Itseemsthereisonlyoneortwodegreesofseparationbetweenanytwopeopleinthisworld.Onthetongue,themushroomwasdryasthedesertandtastedlike

earth-flavoredcardboard,butalternatingeachbitewithanibbleofthechocolatehelped.Exceptforthegnarlybitattheverybaseofthestipe,Iateallofit,whichamountedtotwograms.Maryplannedtooffermeanothertwogramsalongtheway,foratotaloffour.ThiswouldroughlyapproximatethedosebeinggiventovolunteersintheNYUandHopkinstrialsandwasequivalenttoroughlythreehundredmicrogramsofLSD—twiceasmuchasIhadtakenwithFritz.WechattedquietlyfortwentyminutesorsobeforeMarynoticedmy

facewasflushedandsuggestedIliedownandputoneyeshades.Ichoseapairofhigh-techblackplasticones,whichinretrospectmighthavebeenamistake.Theperimeterswerelinedwithsoftblackfoamrubber,allowingthewearertoopenhiseyestopitchdarkness.CalledtheMindfoldRelaxationMask,Marytoldme,ithadbeenexpresslydesignedforthispurposebyAlexGrey,thepsychedelicartist.AssoonasMaryputonthefirstsong—atrulyinsipidNewAge

compositionbysomeonenamedThierryDavid(anartistthricenominated,Iwouldlaterlearn,inthecategoryofBestChill/GrooveAlbum)—Iwasimmediatelypropelledintoanighttimeurbanlandscapethatappearedtohavebeengeneratedbyacomputer.Onceagain,soundbegatspace(“inthebeginningwasthenote,”Irememberthinking,withasenseofprofundity),andwhatItooktobeThierry’selectronicaconjured

adepopulatedfuturisticcity,witheachnoteforminganothersoftblackstalagmiteorstalactitethattogetherresembledthehigh-reliefsoundproofingmaterialusedtolinerecordingstudios.(Theblackfoamformingthishigh-relieflandscape,Irealizedlater,wasthesamematerialliningmyeyeshades.)Imovedeffortlesslythroughthisdigitalnightscapeasifwithintheconfinesofavideo-gamedystopia.Thoughtheplacewasn’tparticularlyfrightening,andithadacertainsleekbeauty,Ihatedbeinginitandwishedtobesomewhereelse,butitwentonseeminglyforeverandforhours,withnowayout.ItoldMaryIdidn’tliketheelectronicmusicandaskedhertoputonsomethingelse,butthoughthefeelingtonechangedwiththenewmusic,Iwasstillstuckinthissunlesscomputerworld.Why,oh,whycouldn’tIbeoutside!Innature?BecauseIhadnevermuchenjoyedvideogames,thisseemedcruel,anexpulsionfromthegarden:noplants,nopeople,nosunlight.Notthatthecomputerworldwasn’taninterestingplacetoexplore.I

watchedinaweas,onebyone,musicalnotesturnedintopalpableformsbeforemyeyes.Annoyingmusicwasthepresidingdeityoftheplace,thegenerativeforce.Eventhemostspa-appropriateNewAgecompositionhadthepowertospawnfractalpatternsinspacethatgrewandbranchedandmultipliedtoinfinity.Weirdly,everythinginmyvisualfieldwasblack,butinsomanydifferentshadesthatitwaseasytosee.Iwastraversingaworldgeneratedbymathematicalalgorithms,andthisgaveitacertainalienated,lifelessbeauty.Butwhoseworldwasit?Notmine,andIbegantowonder,whosebrainamIin?(Please,notThierryDavid’s!)“Thiscouldeasilytakeaterrifyingturn,”itoccurredtome,andwith

thatadimtideofanxietybegantobuild.Recallingtheflightinstructions,Itoldmyselftherewasnothingtodobutletgoandsurrendertotheexperience.Relaxandfloatdownstream.Thiswasnotatalllikeprevioustrips,whichhadleftmemoreorlessthecaptainofmyattention,abletodirectitthiswayorthatandchangethementalchannelatwill.No,thiswasmorelikebeingstrappedintothefrontcarofacosmicrollercoaster,itsheedlessheadlongtrajectorydeterminingmomentbymomentwhatwouldappearinmyfieldofconsciousness.Actually,thisisnotcompletelyaccurate:allIhadtodowastoremove

myeyeshadesandreality,oratleastsomethinglooselybasedonit,would

reconstituteitself.ThisiswhatInowdid,partlytosatisfymyselfthattheworldwasstillexistingbutmostlybecauseIbadlyhadtopee.Sunlightandcolorfloodedmyeyes,andIdrankitingreedily,

surveyingtheroomforthewelcomesignifiersofnon-digitalreality:walls,windows,plants.Butallofitappearedinanewaspect:jeweledwithlight.IrealizedIshouldprobablyputonmyglasses,whichpartlydomesticatedthescene,butonlypartly:objectscontinuedtosendtheirsparklesoflightmyway.Igotupcarefullyfromthemattress,firstontooneknee,then,unsteadily,ontomyfeet.Marytookmebytheelbow,geriatrically,andtogetherwemadethejourneyacrosstheroom.Iavoidedlookingather,uncertainwhatImightseeinherfaceorbetrayinmine.Atthebathroomdoorsheletgoofmyelbow.Inside,thebathroomwasariotofsparklinglight.ThearcofwaterI

sentforthwastrulythemostbeautifulthingIhadeverseen,awaterfallofdiamondscascadingintoapool,breakingitssurfaceintoabillionclatteringfractalsoflight.Thiswentonforapleasanteternity.WhenIwasoutofdiamonds,Iwenttothesinkandsplashedmyfacewithwater,makingsurenottocatchsightofmyselfinthemirror,whichseemedlikeapsychologicallyriskythingtodo.Imademyunsteadywaybacktothemattressandlaydown.Speakingsoftly,MaryaskedifIwantedabooster.Ididandsatupto

receiveit.Marywassquattingnexttome,andwhenIfinallylookedupintoherface,IsawshehadturnedintoMaríaSabina,theMexicancuranderawhohadgivenpsilocybintoR.GordonWassoninthatdirtbasementinHuautladeJiménezsixtyyearsago.Herhairwasblack,herface,stretchedtautoveritshighcheekbones,wasancientlyweathered,andshewaswearingasimplewhitepeasantdress.Itookthedriedmushroomfromthewoman’swrinkledbrownhandandlookedawayasIchewed.Ididn’tthinkIshouldtellMarywhathadhappenedtoher.(Later,whenIdid,shewasflattered:MaríaSabinawasherhero.)

•••

BUTTHEREWASSOMETHINGIneededtodobeforeputtingmyeyeshadesbackonandgoingbackunder,alittleexperimentIhadtoldMaryIwantedtoperformonmyselfduringmytrip.Iwasn’tsureifinmy

conditionIcouldpullitoff,butI’dfoundthateveninthemiddleofthejourneyitwaspossibletosummononeselftoasemblanceofnormalityforafewmomentsatatime.Loadedonmylaptopwasabriefvideoofarotatingfacemask,usedin

apsychologicaltestcalledthebinoculardepthinversionillusion.Asthemaskrotatesinspace,itsconvexsideturningtorevealitsconcaveback,somethingremarkablehappens:thehollowmaskappearstopopouttobecomeconvexagain.Thisisatrickperformedbythemind,whichassumesallfacestobeconvex,andsoautomaticallycorrectsfortheseemingerror—unless,asaneuroscientisthadtoldme,onewasundertheinfluenceofapsychedelic.Thisauto-correctfeatureisahallmarkofourperception,whichinthe

sane,adultmindisbasedasmuchoneducatedguessworkastherawdataofthesenses.Byadulthood,themindhasgottenverygoodatobservingandtestingrealityanddevelopingconfidentpredictionsaboutitthatoptimizeourinvestmentsofenergy(mentalandotherwise)andthereforeoursurvival.Soratherthanstartingfromscratchtobuildanewperceptionfromeverybatchofrawdatadeliveredbythesenses,themindjumpstothemostsensibleconclusionbasedonpastexperiencecombinedwithatinysampleofthatdata.Ourbrainsarepredictionmachinesoptimizedbyexperience,andwhenitcomestofaces,theyhaveboatloadsofexperience:facesarealwaysconvex,sothishollowmaskmustbeapredictionerrortobecorrected.Theseso-calledBayesianinferences(namedforThomasBayes,the

eighteenth-centuryEnglishphilosopherwhodevelopedthemathematicsofprobability,onwhichthesementalpredictionsarebased)serveuswellmostofthetime,speedingperceptionwhilesavingeffortandenergy,buttheycanalsotrapusinliterallypreconceivedimagesofrealitythataresimplyfalse,asinthecaseoftherotatingmask.YetitturnsoutthatBayesianinferencebreaksdowninsomepeople:

schizophrenicsand,accordingtosomeneuroscientists,peopleonhighdosesofpsychedelicsdrugs,neitherofwhom“see”inthispredictiveorconventionalizedmanner.(Nordoyoungchildren,whohaveyettobuildthesortofdatabasenecessaryforconfidentpredictions.)Thisraisesaninterestingquestion:Isitpossiblethattheperceptionsofschizophrenics,peopletrippingonpsychedelics,andyoungchildrenare,atleastin

certaininstances,moreaccurate—lessinfluencedbyexpectationandthereforemorefaithfultoreality—thanthoseofsaneandsoberadults?Beforewestarted,Ihadcuedupthevideoonmylaptop,andnowI

clickedtorunit.Themaskonthescreen,grayagainstablackground,wasclearlytheproductofcomputeranimationandwasuncannilyconsistentwiththevisualstyleoftheworldI’dbeenin.(DuringmyintegrationsessionwithMarythenextday,shesuggestedthatitmighthavebeenthisimageonmylaptopthathadconjuredthecomputerworldandtrappedmeinit.Couldtherebeabetterdemonstrationofthepowerofsetandsetting?)Astheconvexfacerotatedtorevealitsconcaveback,themaskpoppedbackout,onlyabitmoreslowlythanitdidbeforeIatethemushroom.Evidently,Bayesianinferencewasstilloperationalinmybrain.I’dtryagainlater.

•••

WHENIPUTMYEYESHADESbackonandlaydown,Iwasdisappointedtofindmyselfbackincomputerworld,butsomethinghadchanged,nodoubttheresultofthestepped-updose.WhereasbeforeInavigatedthislandscapeasmyself,takinginthescenefromaperspectiverecognizableasmyown,withmyattitudesintact(highlycriticalofthemusic,forinstance,andanxiousaboutwhatdemonsmightappear),nowIwatchedasthatfamiliarselfbegantofallapartbeforemyeyes,graduallyatfirstandthenallatonce.“I”nowturnedintoasheafoflittlepapers,nobiggerthanPost-its,and

theywerebeingscatteredtothewind.Butthe“I”takinginthisseemingcatastrophehadnodesiretochaseaftertheslipsandpilemyoldselfbacktogether.Nodesiresofanykind,infact.WhoeverInowwaswasfinewithwhateverhappened.Nomoreego?Thatwasokay,infactthemostnaturalthingintheworld.AndthenIlookedandsawmyselfoutthereagain,butthistimespreadoverthelandscapelikepaint,orbutter,thinlycoatingawideexpanseoftheworldwithasubstanceIrecognizedasme.Butwhowasthis“I”thatwasabletotakeinthesceneofitsown

dissolution?Goodquestion.Itwasn’tme,exactly.Here,thelimitsofourlanguagebecomeaproblem:inordertocompletelymakesenseofthedividethathadopenedupinmyperspective,Iwouldneedawholenew

first-personpronoun.Forwhatwasobservingthescenewasavantageandmodeofawarenessentirelydistinctfrommyaccustomedself;infactIhesitatetousethe“I”todenotethepresidingawareness,itwassodifferentfrommyusualfirstperson.Wherethatselfhadalwaysbeenasubjectencapsulatedinthisbody,thisoneseemedunboundedbyanybody,eventhoughInowhadaccesstoitsperspective.Thatperspectivewassupremelyindifferent,neutralonallquestionsofinterpretation,andunperturbedeveninthefaceofwhatshouldbyallrightshavebeenanunmitigatedpersonaldisaster.Yetthe“personal”hadbeenobliterated.EverythingIoncewasandcalledme,thisselfsixdecadesinthemaking,hadbeenliquefiedanddispersedoverthescene.Whathadalwaysbeenathinking,feeling,perceivingsubjectbasedinherewasnowanobjectoutthere.Iwaspaint!Thesovereignego,withallitsarmamentsandfears,itsbackward-

lookingresentmentsandforward-lookingworries,wassimplynomore,andtherewasnoonelefttomournitspassing.Yetsomethinghadsucceededit:thisbaredisembodiedawareness,whichgazeduponthesceneoftheself’sdissolutionwithbenignindifference.Iwaspresenttorealitybutassomethingotherthanmyself.Andalthoughtherewasnoselflefttofeel,exactly,therewasafeelingtone,whichwascalm,unburdened,content.Therewaslifeafterthedeathoftheego.Thiswasbignews.WhenIthinkbackonthispartoftheexperience,I’veoccasionally

wonderedifthisenduringawarenessmighthavebeenthe“MindatLarge”thatAldousHuxleydescribedduringhismescalinetripin1953.Huxleyneverquitedefinedwhathemeantbytheterm—excepttospeakof“thetotalityoftheawarenessbelongingtoMindatLarge”—butheseemstobedescribingauniversal,shareableformofconsciousnessunboundedbyanysinglebrain.Othershavecalleditcosmicconsciousness,theOversoul,orUniversalMind.Thisissupposedtoexistoutsideourbrains—asapropertyoftheuniverse,likelightorgravity,andjustaspervasive.Constitutivetoo.Certainindividualsatcertaintimesgainaccesstothisawareness,allowingthemtoperceiverealityinitsperfectedlight,atleastforatime.Nothinginmyexperienceledmetobelievethisnovelformof

consciousnessoriginatedoutsideme;itseemsjustasplausible,andsurelymoreparsimonious,toassumeitwasaproductofmybrain,just

liketheegoitsupplanted.Yetthisbyitselfstrikesmeasaremarkablegift:thatwecanletgoofsomuch—thedesires,fears,anddefensesofalifetime!—withoutsufferingcompleteannihilation.ThismightnotcomeasasurprisetoBuddhists,transcendentalists,orexperiencedmeditators,butitwassurenewstome,whohasneverfeltanythingbutidenticaltomyego.Coulditbethereisanothergroundonwhichtoplantourfeet?Forthefirsttimesinceembarkingonthisproject,Ibegantounderstandwhatthevolunteersinthecancer-anxietytrialshadbeentryingtotellme:howitwasthatapsychedelicjourneyhadgrantedthemaperspectivefromwhichtheveryworstlifecanthrowatus,uptoandincludingdeath,couldberegardedobjectivelyandacceptedwithequanimity.

•••

ACTUALLY,thisunderstandingarrivedalittlelater,duringthelastpartofmypsilocybintrip,whenthejourneytookadarkerturn.Afterspendinganunknownnumberofhoursincomputerworld—fortimewascompletelylostonme—Iregisteredthedesiretocheckbackinonreality,andtopeeagain.Samedeal:Maryguidedmetothebathroombytheelbow,geriatrically,andleftmetheretoproduceanotherspectacularcropofdiamonds.ButthistimeIdaredtolookinthemirror.Whatlookedbackatmewasahumanskull,butforthethinnest,palestlayerofskinstretchedoverit,tightasadrum.ThebathroomwasdecoratedinaMexicanfolkarttheme,andthehead/skullimmediatelyputmeinmindoftheDayoftheDead.Withitsdeepsocketsandlightningboltofveinzigzaggingdownitstempleononeside,Irecognizedthisashenhead/skullasmyownbutatthesametimeasmydeadgrandfather’s.Thiswassurprising,ifonlybecauseBob,myfather’sfather,isnot

someonewithwhomIeverfeltmuchincommon.InfactIlovedhimforallthewaysheseemedunlikeme—oranyoneelseIknew.Bobwasapreternaturallysunnyandseeminglyuncomplicatedmanincapableofthinkingillofanyoneorseeingevilintheworld.(Hiswife,Harriet,amplycompensatedforhisgenerosityofspirit.)Bobhadalongcareerasaliquorsalesman,makingtheweeklyroundsofthenightclubsinTimesSquareforacompanythateveryonebutheknewwasownedbythemob.UponreachingtheageIamnow,heretiredtobecomeapainteroflovely

naivelandscapesandabstractionsinspectacularcolors;I’dbroughtoneofthemwithmetoMary’sroom,alongwithawatercolorofJudith’s.Bobwasagenuinelyhappy,angst-freemanwholivedtobeninety-six,hispaintingsbecomingevermorecolorful,abstract,andfreetowardtheend.Toseehimsovividlyinmyreflectionwaschilling.Afewyearsbefore,

visitingBobinthenursinghomeintheColoradodesertwherehewouldsoondie,I’dwatchedwhathadbeenafitandvigorousman(ithadbeenhishabittostandonhisheadeverydaywellintohiseighties)contractintoaparenthesisofskinandbonesmaroonedinatinybed.Theesophagealmusclesrequiredtoswallowhadgivenout,andhewastetheredtoafeedingtube.Bythen,hissituationwaspitifulinsomanyrespects,butforsomereasonIfixedonthefactthatneveragainwouldatasteoffoodevercrosshislips.Isplashedcoldwateronourjointfaceandmademyunsteadyway

backtoMary.Riskinganotherglanceather,thistimeIwasrewardedbythesightof

aravishingyoungwoman,blondonceagainbutnowinthefullradianceofyouth.MarywassobeautifulIhadtolookaway.Shegavemeanothersmallmushroom—gramnumberfour—anda

pieceofchocolate.BeforeIputonmyeyeshade,Iattemptedtoconducttherotatingmasktestasecondtime...anditwasacompletebust,neitherconfirmingnordisprovingthehypothesis.Asthemaskbegantorotate,graduallybringingitsbacksideintoview,thewholethingdissolvedintoagrayjellythatsliddownthescreenofmylaptopbeforeIcoulddeterminewhetherthemeltingmaskIwaswatchingwasconvexorconcave.Somuchforconductingpsychologicalexperimentswhiletripping.Iputonmyeyeshadesandsankbackdownintowhatnowbecamea

crackedandparcheddesertlandscapedensewithartifactsandimagesofdeath.Bleachedskullsandbonesandthefacesofthefamiliardeadpassedbeforeme,auntsandunclesandgrandparents,friendsandteachersandmyfather-in-law—withavoicetellingmeIhadfailedtoproperlymournallofthem.Itwastrue.Ihadneverreallyreckonedthedeathofanyoneinmylife;somethinghadalwaysgottenintheway.Icoulddoithereandnowanddid.Ilookedhardateachoftheirfaces,oneafteranother,withapitythat

seemedbottomlessbutwithnofearwhatsoever.Exceptonce,whenI

cametomyauntRuthellenandwatched,horrified,asherfaceslowlytransformedintoJudith’s.RuthellenandJudithwerebothartists,andbothhadbeendiagnosedwithbreastcanceraroundthesametime.ThecancerhadkilledRuthellenandsparedJudith.SowhatwasJudithdoingdownhereamongtheunmourneddead?HadIbeendefendingmyselfagainstthatpossibilityallthistime?Heartwideopen,defensesmelting,thetearsbegantoflow.

•••

I’VELEFTOUToneimportantpartofmyjourneytotheunderworld:thesoundtrack.Beforegoingbackunderforthislastpassage,IhadaskedMarytopleasestopplayingspamusicandputonsomethingclassical.WesettledonthesecondofBach’sunaccompaniedcellosuites,performedbyYo-YoMa.ThesuiteinDminorisaspareandmournfulpiecethatI’dheardmanytimesbefore,oftenatfunerals,butuntilthismomentIhadnevertrulylistenedtoit.Though“listen”doesn’tbegintodescribewhattranspiredbetweenme

andthevibrationsofairsetinmotionbythefourstringsofthatcello.Neverbeforehasapieceofmusicpiercedmeasdeeplyasthisonedidnow.Thougheventocallit“music”istodiminishwhatnowbegantoflow,whichwasnothinglessthanthestreamofhumanconsciousness,somethinginwhichonemightgleantheverymeaningoflifeand,ifyoucouldbearit,readlife’slastchapter.(Aquestionformed:Whydon’tweplaymusiclikethisatbirthsaswellasfunerals?Andtheanswercameimmediately:thereistoomuchlife-already-livedinthispiece,andpoignancyforthepassingoftimethatnobirth,nobeginning,couldpossiblywithstandit.)Fourhoursandfourgramsofmagicmushroomintothejourney,this

iswhereIlostwhateverabilityIstillhadtodistinguishsubjectfromobject,tellapartwhatremainedofmeandwhatwasBach’smusic.InsteadofEmerson’stransparenteyeball,egolessandonewithallitbeheld,Ibecameatransparentear,indistinguishablefromthestreamofsoundthatfloodedmyconsciousnessuntiltherewasnothingelseinit,notevenadrytinycornerinwhichtoplantanIandobserve.Openedtothemusic,Ibecamefirstthestrings,couldfeelonmyskintheexquisite

frictionofthehorsehairrubbingoverme,andthenthebreezeofsoundflowingpastasitcrossedthelipsoftheinstrumentandwentouttomeettheworld,beginningitslonelytransitoftheuniverse.ThenIpasseddownintotheresonantblackwellofspaceinsidethecello,thevibratingenvelopeofairformedbythecurvesofitsspruceroofandmaplewalls.Theinstrument’swoodeninteriorformedamouthcapableofunparalleledeloquence—indeed,ofarticulatingeverythingahumancouldconceive.Butthecello’sinterioralsoformedaroomtowriteinandaskullinwhichtothinkandIwasnowit,withnoremainder.SoIbecamethecelloandmournedwithitforthetwentyorsominutes

ittookforthatpieceto,well,changeeverything.Orsoitseemed;now,itsvibrationssubsiding,I’mlesscertain.Butforthedurationofthoseexquisitemoments,Bach’scellosuitehadhadtheunmistakableeffectofreconcilingmetodeath—tothedeathsofthepeoplenowpresenttome,Bob’sandRuthellen’sandRoy’s,Judith’sfather’s,andsomanyothers,butalsotothedeathstocomeandtomyown,nolongersofaroff.Losingmyselfinthismusicwasakindofpracticeforthat—forlosingmyself,period.Havingletgooftheropeofselfandslippedintothewarmwatersofthisworldlybeauty—Bach’ssublimemusic,Imean,andYo-YoMa’sbowcaressingthosefourstringssuspendedoverthatenvelopeofair—IfeltasthoughI’dpassedbeyondthereachofsufferingandregret.

•••

THATWASMYPSILOCYBINJOURNEY,asfaithfullyasIcanrecountit.AsIreadthosewordsnow,doubtreturnsinfullforce:“Fool,youwereondrugs!”Andit’strue:youcanputtheexperienceinthathandyboxandthrowitaway,nevertodwellonitagain.Nodoubtthishasbeenthefateofcountlesspsychedelicjourneysthattheirtravelersdidn’tquiteknowwhattodowith,orfailedtomakesenseof.Yetthoughitistruethatachemicallaunchedmeonthisjourney,itisalsotruethateverythingIexperiencedIexperienced:theseareeventsthattookplaceinmymind,psychologicalfactsthatwereneitherweightlessnorevanescent.Unlikemostdreams,thetracestheseexperiencesinscribedremainindelibleandaccessible.ThedayaftermyjourneyIwasgladfortheopportunitytoreturnto

Mary’sroomforacoupleofhoursof“integration.”Ihopedtomakesense

ofwhathappenedbytellingthestoryofmytripandhearingherthoughtsaboutit.Whatyou’vejustreadistheresult,andthebeneficiary,ofthatwork,forimmediatelyafterthejourneyIwasmuchmoreconfusedbyitthanIamnow.Whatnowreadslikeareasonablycoherentnarrativehighlightingcertainthemesbeganasajumbleofdisjointedimagesandshardsofsense.Toputwordstoanexperiencethatwasinfactineffableatthetime,andthentoshapethemintosentencesandthenastory,isinevitablytodoitakindofviolence.Butthealternativeis,literally,unthinkable.Maryhadtakenapartthealtar,butwesatinthesamechairs,facing

eachotheracrossasmalltable.Twenty-fourhourslater,whathadIlearned?ThatIhadhadnoreasontobeafraid:nosleepingmonstershadawakenedinmyunconsciousandturnedonme.Thiswasadeepfearthatwentbackseveraldecades,toaterrifyingmomentinahotelroominSeattlewhen,aloneandhavingsmokedtoomuchcannabis,Ihadhadtomarshaleverylastounceofwilltokeepmyselffromdoingsomethingdeeplycrazyandirrevocable.ButhereinthisroomIhadletdownmyguardcompletely,andnothingterriblehadhappened.TheserpentofmadnessthatIworriedmightbewaitinghadnotsurfacedorpulledmeunder.Didthismeanitdidn’texist,thatIwaspsychologicallysturdierthanIbelieved?Maybethat’swhattheepisodewithBobwasallabout:maybeIwasmorelikehimthanIknew,andnotnearlyasdeeporcomplicatedasIlikedtothink.(Canarecognitionofone’sshallownessqualifyasaprofoundinsight?)Marywasn’tsosure:“Youbringadifferentselftothejourneyeverytime.”Thedemonsmightrousethemselvesthenexttime.ThatIcouldsurvivethedissolutionofmyegowithoutstruggleor

turningintoapuddlewassomethingtobegratefulfor,butevenbetterwasthediscoverythattheremightbeanothervantage—onelessneuroticandmoregenerous—fromwhichtotakeinreality.“Thataloneseemsworththepriceofadmission,”Maryoffered,andIhadtoagree.Yet,twenty-fourhourslater,myoldegowasbackinuniformandonpatrol,sowhatlong-termgoodwasthatbeguilingglimpseofaloftierperspective?Marysuggestedthathavinghadatasteofadifferent,lessdefendedwaytobe,Imightlearn,throughpractice,torelaxtheego’strigger-happycommandofmyreactionstopeopleandevents.“Nowyouhavehadan

experienceofanotherwaytoreact—ornotreact.Thatcanbecultivated.”Meditation,shesuggested,wasonewaytodothat.Itis,Ithink,preciselythisperspectivethathadallowedsomanyofthe

volunteersIinterviewedtoovercometheirfearsandanxieties,andinthecaseofthesmokers,theiraddictions.Temporarilyfreedfromthetyrannyoftheego,withitsmaddeninglyreflexivereactionsanditspinchedconceptionofone’sself-interest,wegettoexperienceanextremeversionofKeats’s“negativecapability”—theabilitytoexistamiddoubtsandmysterieswithoutreflexivelyreachingforcertainty.Tocultivatethismodeofconsciousness,withitsexceptionaldegreeofselflessness(literally!),requiresustotranscendoursubjectivityor—itcomestothesamething—widenitscirclesofarthatittakesin,besidesourselves,otherpeopleand,beyondthat,allofnature.NowIunderstoodhowapsychedeliccouldhelpustomakepreciselythatmove,fromthefirst-personsingulartothepluralandbeyond.Underitsinfluence,asenseofourinterconnectedness—thatplatitude—isfelt,becomesflesh.Thoughthisperspectiveisnotsomethingachemicalcansustainformorethanafewhours,thosehourscangiveusanopportunitytoseehowitmightgo.Andperhapstopracticebeingthere.IleftMary’sloftinhighspirits,butalsowiththefeelingIwasholding

ontosomethingpreciousbythethinnest,mosttenuousofthreads.ItseemeddoubtfulIcouldmaintainmygriponthisoutlookfortherestoftheday,muchlesstherestofmylife,butitalsoseemedworthtrying.

TripThree:5-MeO-DMT(or,TheToad)

Yes,“thetoad,”ortobemoreprecise,thesmokedvenomoftheSonoranDeserttoad(Inciliusalvarius),alsocalledtheColoradoRivertoad,whichcontainsamoleculecalled5-MeO-DMTthatisoneofthemostpotentandfast-actingpsychotropicdrugsthereis.No,Ihadneverheardofiteither.Itissoobscure,infact,thatthefederalgovernmentdidnotlist5-MeO-DMTasacontrolledsubstanceuntil2011.Theopportunitytosmokethetoadpoppedupsuddenly,givingme

verylittletimetodecideifdoingsowascrazyornot.Igotacallfromoneofmysources,awomanwhowastrainingtobecomeacertified

psychedelicguide,invitingmetomeetherfriendRocío,athirty-five-year-oldMexicantherapistwhomshedescribedas“probablytheworld’sleadingexpertonthetoad.”(Thoughhowintense,really,couldthecompetitionforthattitlebe?)RocíoisfromthestateofSonora,innorthernMexico,whereshecollectsthetoadsandmilkstheirvenom;sheadministersthemedicinetopeoplebothinMexico,whereitslegalstatusisgray,andintheUnitedStates,whereitisn’t.(Itdoesn’tappeartobeontheofficialradar,however.)RocíoworkedinaclinicinMexicothattreateddrugaddictswitha

combinationofiboga,apsychedelicplantfromAfrica,and5-MeO-DMT—apparentlywithstrikingratesofsuccess.Inrecentyears,she’sbecometheJohnnyAppleseedoftoad,travelingalloverNorthAmericawithhercapsulesofcrystallizedvenomandhervaporizer.Asmycircleofpsychonautsexpanded,mostanyoneImetwho’dhadanencounterwiththetoadhadbeenintroducedtoitbyRocío.ThefirsttimeImetRocío,atasmalldinnerorganizedbyourmutual

friend,shetoldmeaboutthetoadandwhatImightexpectfromit.Rocíowaspetite,pretty,andfashionablydressed,hershoulder-lengthblackhaircuttoframeherfacewithbangs.Shehasaneasysmilethatbringsoutadimpleononecheek.NotatallwhatIexpected,Rocíolookedlessthepartofashamanorcuranderathanthatofanurbanprofessional.AftergoingtocollegeandworkingforafewyearsintheUnitedStates,

fiveyearsagoRocíofoundherselfbackathomeinMexicolivingwithherparentsandwithoutdirection.Online,shefoundamanualaboutthetoad,whichshelearnedwasnativetothelocaldesert.(ItshabitatextendsthelengthoftheSonoranDesertnorthintoArizona.)Ninemonthsoftheyear,thetoadlivesunderground,protectedfromthedesertsunandheat,butwhenthewinterrainscome,itemergesatnightfromitsburrowforabrieforgyofeatingandcopulation.Followingtheinstructionsspelledoutinthemanual,Rocíostrappedonaheadlampandwenthuntingfortoads.“They’renotveryhardtocatch,”shetoldme.“Theyfreezeinthebeam

oflightsoyoucanjustgrabthem.”Thetoads,whicharewarty,sandcolored,androughlythesizeofaman’shand,havealargeglandoneachsideoftheirnecks,andsmalleronesontheirlegs.“Yougentlysqueezetheglandwhileholdingamirrorinfrontofittocatchthespray.”Thetoadisapparentlynonetheworseforbeingmilked.Overnight,thevenomdriesontheglass,turningintoflakycrystalsthecolorofbrownsugar.

Initsnaturalstate,thevenomistoxic—adefensechemicalsprayedbythetoadwhenitfeelsthreatened.Butwhenthecrystalsarevolatilized,thetoxinsaredestroyed,leavingbehindthe5-MeO-DMT.Rocíovaporizesthecrystalsinaglasspipewhiletherecipientinhales;beforeyou’vehadachancetoexhale,youaregone.“Thetoadcomesonquickly,andatfirstitcanbeunbelievablyintense.”InoticedthatRocíopersonifiedthetoadandseldomcalledthemedicinebyitsmolecularname.“Somepeopleremainperfectlystill.Otherpeoplescreamandflail,especiallywhenthetoadbringsouttraumas,whichitcando.Afewpeoplewillvomit.Andthenaftertwentyorthirtyminutes,thetoadisalldoneanditleaves.”Myfirstinstinctwhenfacingsuchadecisionistoreadasmuchabout

itasIcan,andlaterthatnightRocíoe-mailedmeafewarticles.Butthepickingswereslim.Unlikemostotherpsychedelics,whichbynowhavebeenextensivelystudiedbyscientistsand,inmanycases,inuseforhundredsifnotthousandsofyears,thetoadhasbeenknowntoWesternscienceonlysince1992.That’swhenAndrewWeilandWadeDavispublishedapapercalled“IdentityofaNewWorldPsychoactiveToad.”TheyhadbeeninspiredtolookforsuchafantasticalcreaturebytheimagesoffrogsinMayanart.ButtheonlypsychoactivetoadtheycouldfindlivesfartothenorthofMayancivilization.It’spossiblethatthesetoadsbecameanitemoftrade,butasyetthereisnoproofthatthepracticeofsmokingtoadvenomhasanyantiquitywhatsoever.However,5-MeO-DMTalsooccursinahandfulofSouthAmericanplants,andthereareseveralAmazoniantribeswhopoundtheseplantsintoasnuffforuseinshamanicrituals.Amongsomeofthesetribes,thesesnuffsareknownasthe“semenofthesun.”Icouldn’tfindmuchinthewayofsolidmedicalinformationabout

potentialsideeffectsordangerousdruginteractions;littleresearchhasbeendone.WhatIdidfindwereplentyoftripreportsonline,andmanyofthesewereterrifying.Ialsolearnedtherewassomeoneintown,afriendofafriendIhadmetafewtimesatdinnerparties,whohadtried5-MeO-DMT—notthetoadbutasyntheticversionoftheactiveingredient.ItookherouttolunchtoseewhatIcouldlearn.“ThisistheEverestofpsychedelics,”shebegan,portentously,putting

asteadyinghandonmyforearm.Oliviaisinherearlyfifties,a

managementconsultantwithacoupleofkids;IhadvaguelyknownshewasintoEasternreligionbuthadnoideashewasapsychonaut,too.“Youneedtobeprepared.”Overgrilledcheeses,shedescribeda

harrowingonset.“Iwasshotoutintoaninfiniterealmofpurebeing.Therewerenofiguresinthisworld,noentitiesofanykind,justpurebeing.Anditwashuge;Ididn’tknowwhatinfinitywasbeforethis.Butitwasatwo-dimensionalrealm,notthree,andaftertherushofliftoff,Ifoundmyselfinstalledinthisinfinitespaceasastar.Irememberthinking,ifthisisdeath,I’mfinewithit.Itwas...bliss.Ihadthefeeling—no,theknowledge—thateverysinglethingthereisismadeoflove.“Afterwhatseemedlikeaneternitybutwasprobablyonlyminutes,

youstarttoreassembleandcomebackintoyourbody.Ihadthethought,‘Therearechildrentoraise.Andthereisaninfiniteamountoftimetobedead.’”Iaskedherthequestionthatgnawedatmewheneversomeone

recountedsuchamysticalexperience:“Howcanyoubesurethiswasagenuinespiritualeventandnotjustadrugexperience?”“It’sanirrelevantquestion,”sherepliedcoolly.“Thiswassomething

beingrevealedtome.”Thereitwas:thenoeticsenseWilliamJameshaddescribedasamark

ofthemysticalexperience.IenviedOlivia’scertainty.WhichIsupposeisthereasonIdecidedIwouldsmokethetoad.

•••

THENIGHTBEFOREmydatewithRocíowas,predictably,sleepless.Yes,I’dcomethroughthesefirsttwotripsintact,grateful,even,forhavinggoneonthem,andhadcomeawaywiththeideaIwasstronger,physicallyandmentally,thanIhadpreviouslythought.Butnowalltheoldfearsrushedback,assailingmethroughthelongfitfulnight.Everest!Couldmyhearttaketheintensityofthosefirstharrowingmomentsofascent?WhatwerethechancesI’dgomad?Slim,perhaps,butsurelynotzero.Sowasthisanabsolutelyinsanethingtodo?Ontheplusside,Ifigured,whateverhappened,itwouldallbeoverinhalfanhour.Onthenegativeside,everythingmightbeoverinhalfanhour.

Asthesuncameup,IdecidedIwoulddecidewhenIgotthere.Rocío,whomI’dmadeawareofmytrepidations,hadofferedtoletmewatchherworkwithsomeoneelsebeforeitwasmyturn.Thisprovedreassuring,assheknewitwould.Theguybeforeme,asupremelylow-affectcollegestudentwhohaddonethetoadoncebefore,tookapufffromRocío’spipe,laybackonamattress,andembarkedonwhatappearedtobeaplacidthirty-minutenap,duringwhichheexhibitednosignsofdistress,letaloneexistentialterror.Afteritwasover,heseemedperfectlyfine.Agreatdealhadgoneoninhismind,heindicated,butfromthelooksofit,hisbodyhadscarcelybeenperturbed.Okaythen.Deathormadnessseemedmuchlesslikely.Icoulddothis.Afterpositioningmeonthemattressjustso,Rocíohadmesitupwhile

sheloadedapremeasuredcapsuleofthecrystalsintoaglassvialthatshethenscrewedontothebarrelofthepipe.Sheaskedmetogivethankstothetoadandthinkaboutmyintention.(Somethingfairlygenericaboutlearningwhateverthetoadhadtoteachme.)Rocíolitabutaneflameunderneaththevialandinstructedmetodrawonthepipeinshortsipsofairasthewhitesmokeswirledandthenfilledtheglass.“ThenonebigfinaldrawthatIwantyoutoholdaslongasyoucan.”Ihavenomemoryofeverhavingexhaled,orofbeingloweredontothe

mattressandcoveredwithablanket.AllatonceIfeltatremendousrushofenergyfillmyheadaccompaniedbyapunishingroar.Imanaged,barely,tosqueezeoutthewordsIhadprepared,“trust”and“surrender.”Thesewordsbecamemymantra,buttheyseemedutterlypathetic,wishfulscrapsofpaperinthefaceofthiscategory5mentalstorm.Terrorseizedme—andthen,likeoneofthoseflimsywoodenhouseserectedonBikiniAtolltobeblownupinthenucleartests,“I”wasnomore,blastedtoaconfetticloudbyanexplosiveforceIcouldnolongerlocateinmyhead,becauseithadexplodedthattoo,expandingtobecomeallthattherewas.Whateverthiswas,itwasnotahallucination.Ahallucinationimpliesarealityandapointofreferenceandanentitytohaveit.Noneofthosethingsremained.Unfortunately,theterrordidn’tdisappearwiththeextinctionofmy

“I.”Whateverallowedmetoregisterthisexperience,thepost-egoicawarenessI’dfirstexperiencedonmushrooms,wasnowconsumedintheflamesofterrortoo.Infacteverytouchstonethattellsus“Iexist”wasannihilated,andyetIremainedconscious.“Isthiswhatdeathfeelslike?

Couldthisbeit?”Thatwasthethought,thoughtherewasnolongerathinkertohaveit.Herewordsfail.Intruth,therewerenoflames,noblast,no

thermonuclearstorm;I’mgraspingatmetaphorinthehopeofformingsomestableandshareableconceptofwhatwasunfoldinginmymind.Intheevent,therewasnocoherentthought,justpureandterriblesensation.OnlyafterwarddidIwonderifthiswaswhatthemysticscallthemysteriumtremendum—theblindingunendurablemystery(whetherofGodorsomeotherUltimateorAbsolute)beforewhichhumanstrembleinawe.Huxleydescribeditasthefear“ofbeingoverwhelmed,ofdisintegratingunderapressureofrealitygreaterthanamind,accustomedtolivingmostofthetimeinacosyworldofsymbols,couldpossiblybear.”Oh,tobebackinthecozyworldofsymbols!AfterthefactIkeptreturningtooneoftwometaphors,andwhilethey

inevitablydeformtheexperience,*asanywordsormetaphorsorsymbolsmust,theyatleastallowmetograspholdofashadowofitand,perhaps,shareit.Thefirstistheimageofbeingontheoutsideofarocketafterlaunch.I’mholdingonwithbothhands,legsclenchedaroundit,whiletherapidlymountingg-forcesclutchatmyflesh,pullingmyfacedownintoatautgrimace,asthegreatcylinderrisesthroughsuccessivelayersofclouds,exponentiallygainingspeedandaltitude,thefuselageshudderingonthebrinkofself-destructionasitstrainstobreakfreefromEarth’sgrip,whilethefrictionitgeneratesasitcrashesthroughthethinningairissuesinadeafeningroar.Itwasalittlelikethat.Theothermetaphorwasthebigbang,butthebigbangruninreverse,

fromourfamiliarworldallthewaybacktoapointbeforetherewasanything,notimeorspaceormatter,onlythepureunboundedenergythatwasalltherewasthen,beforeanimperfection,arippleinitswaveform,causedtheuniverseofenergytofallintotime,space,andmatter.Rushingbackwardthroughfourteenbillionyears,Iwatchedthedimensionsofrealitycollapseonebyoneuntiltherewasnothingleft,notevenbeing.Onlytheall-consumingroar.Itwasjusthorrible.Andthensuddenlythedevolutionofeverythingintothenothingness

ofpureforcereversescourse.Onebyone,theelementsofouruniverse

begintoreconstitutethemselves:thedimensionsoftimeandspacereturnedfirst,blessingmystill-scatteredconfettibrainwiththecozycoordinatesofplace;thisissomewhere!AndthenIslippedbackintomyfamiliar“I”likeanoldpairofslippersandsoonafterfeltsomethingIrecognizedasmybodybegintoreassemble.Thefilmofrealitywasnowrunninginreverse,asifalltheleavesthatthethermonuclearblasthadblownoffthegreattreeofbeingandscatteredtothefourwindsweresuddenlytofindtheirwayback,flyupintothewelcominglimbsofreality,andreattach.Theorderofthingswasbeingrestored,menotablyincluded.Iwasalive!ThedescentandreentryintofamiliarrealitywasswifterthanI

expected.Havingundergonetheshudderingagonyoflaunch,Ihadexpectedtobedeposited,weightless,intoorbit—myinstallationinthefirmamentasablissed-outstar!Alas.LikethosefirstMercuryastronauts,myflightremainedsuborbital,describinganarcthatonlykissedtheserenityofinfinitespacebeforefallingbackdowntoEarth.AndyetasIfeltmyselfreconstituteasaselfandthenabody,

somethingforwhichInowsoughtconfirmationbyrunningmyhandsalongmylegsandsquirmingbeneaththeblanket,Ifeltecstatic—ashappyasIcanremembereverfeeling.Butthisecstasywasnotsuigeneris,notexactly.ItwasmoreliketheequalandoppositereactiontotheterrorIhadjustendured,lessofadivinegiftthanthesurgeofpleasurethatcomesfromthecessationofunendurablepain.Butasenseofreliefsovastanddeepastobecosmic.Withtherediscoveryofmybody,Ifeltaninexplicableurgetoliftmy

knees,andassoonasIraisedthem,Ifeltsomethingsqueezeoutfrombetweenmylegs,buteasilyandwithoutstruggleorpain.Itwasaboy:theinfantme.Thatseemedexactlyright:havingdied,Iwasnowbeingreborn.YetassoonasIlookedcloselyatthisnewbeing,itmorphedsmoothlyintoIsaac,myson.AndIthought,howfortunate—howastounding!—forafathertoexperiencetheperfectphysicalintimacythatheretoforeonlymothershaveeverhadwiththeirbabies.Whateverspacehadeverintervenedbetweenmysonandmenowclosed,andIcouldfeelthewarmtearsslidingdownmycheeks.Nextcameanoverwhelmingwaveofgratitude.Forwhat?Foronce

againexisting,yes,fortheexistenceofIsaacandJudithtoo,butalsoforsomethingevenmorefundamental:Ifeltforthefirsttimegratitudefor

theveryfactofbeing,thatthereisanythingwhatsoever.Ratherthanbeingnecessarilythecase,thisnowseemedquitethemiracle,andsomethingIresolvedneveragaintotakeforgranted.Everybodygivesthanksfor“beingalive,”butwhostopstoofferthanksforthebare-bonesgerundthatcomesbefore“alive”?Ihadjustcomefromaplacewherebeingwasnomoreandnowvowednevertoforgetwhatagift(andmystery)itis,thatthereissomethingratherthannothing.Ihadenteredafamiliarandmorecongenialmentalspace,onein

whichIwasstilltrippingbutcouldputtogetherthoughtsanddirectthemhereorthere.(Imakenoclaimsastotheirquality.)BeforeIdrewthesmokeintomylungs,Rocíohadaskedme,assheaskseveryonewhomeetsthetoad,tosearchtheexperiencefora“peaceoffering”—someideaorresolutionIcouldbringbackandputtogooduseinmylife.Mine,Idecided,hadtodowiththisquestionofbeingandwhatItooktobeitsoppositeterm,“doing.”Imeditatedonthisduality,whichcametoseemmomentous,andconcludedthatIwastoomuchoccupiedwiththelatterterminmylifeandnotenoughwiththeformer.True,onehadtofavordoinginordertogetanythingdone,butwasn’t

therealsoagreatvirtueandpsychicbenefitinsimplybeing?Incontemplationratherthanaction?IdecidedIneededtopracticebeingwithstillness,beingwithotherpeopleasIfindthem(imperfect),andbeingwithmyownunimprovedself.Tosavorwhateverisatthisverymoment,withouttryingtochangeitorevendescribeit.(Huxleystruggledwiththesameaspirationduringhismescalinejourney:“Ifonealwayssawlikethis,onewouldneverwanttodoanythingelse.”)Evennow,bornealongonthispleasantcontemplativestream,IhadtoresisttheurgetodragmyselfontoshoreandtellRocíoaboutmybigbreakthrough.No!Ihadtoremindmyself:justbewithit.JudithandIhadhadafightthepreviousnightthat,Irealized,turned

onthisdistinction,andonmyimpatiencewithbeing.Shewascomplainingaboutsomethingshedoesn’tlikeaboutherlife,andratherthansimplycommiserate,beingwithherandherdilemma,Iimmediatelywenttothechecklistofpracticalthingsshemightdotofixit.Butthiswasnotatallwhatshewantedorneeded,andshegotangry.NowIcouldseewithperfectclaritywhymyattempttobehelpfulhadbeensohurtful.Sothatwasmypeaceoffering:tobemoreanddoless.ButassoonasI

putitthatway,Irealizedtherewasaproblem—abigproblem,infact.For

wasn’ttheveryactofresolvingtofavorbeingaformofdoing?Abetrayalofthewholeidea?Atrueconnoisseurofbeingwouldneverdreamofmakingresolutions!Ihadtiedmyselfupinaphilosophicalknot,constructedaparadoxorkoanIwasclearlynotsmartenoughorsufficientlyenlightenedtountangle.Andsowhathadbegunasoneofthemostshatteringexperiencesofmylifeendedhalfanhourlaterwithawansmile.

•••

EVENNOW,manymonthslater,Istilldon’tknowexactlywhattomakeofthislasttrip.Itsviolentnarrativearc—thatawfulclimaxfollowedsoswiftlybysuchasweetdenouement—upendedtheformofastoryorjourney.Itlackedthebeginning,middle,andendthatallmyprevioustripshadhadandthatwerelyontomakesenseofexperience.Thatanditsmind-bendingvelocitymadeitdifficulttoextractmuchinformationorknowledgefromthejourney,exceptforthe(classic)psychedelicplatitudeabouttheimportanceofbeing.(Afewdaysaftermyencounterwiththetoad,Ihappenedonanolde-mailfromJamesFadimanthatended,uncannily,withthesewords,whichyoushouldpicturearrangedonthescreenlikeapoem:“Ihopewhateveryou’redoing,/you’restoppingnowandthen/and/notdoingitatall.”)Theintegrationhadbeencursory,leavingmetopuzzleoutthetoad’s

teachings,suchastheywere,onmyown.HadIhadanysortofaspiritualormysticalexperience?Orwaswhattookplaceinmymindmerelytheepiphenomenonofthesestrangemolecules?(Orwasitboth?)Olivia’swordsechoed:“It’sanirrelevantquestion.Thiswassomethingbeingrevealedtome.”What,ifanything,hadbeenrevealedtome?Notsureexactlywheretobegin,Irealizeditmightbeusefulto

measuremyexperiencesagainstthoseofthevolunteersintheHopkinsandNYUstudies.IdecidedtofilloutoneoftheMysticalExperienceQuestionnaires(MEQs)*thatthescientistshadtheirsubjectscomplete,hopingtolearnifminequalified.TheMEQaskedmetorankalistofthirtymentalphenomena—

thoughts,images,andsensationsthatpsychologistsandphilosophersregardastypicalofamysticalexperience.(Thequestionnairedrawson

theworkofWilliamJames,W.T.Stace,andWalterPahnke.)“Lookingbackontheentiretyofyoursession,pleaseratethedegreetowhichatanytime...youexperiencedthefollowingphenomena”usingasix-pointscale.(Fromzero,for“noneatall,”tofive,forextreme:“morethananyothertimeinmylife.”)Someitemswereeasytorate:“Lossofyourusualsenseoftime.”

Check;five.“Experienceofamazement.”Uh-huh.Anotherfive.“Sensethattheexperiencecannotbedescribedadequatelyinwords.”Yup.Fiveagain.“Gainofinsightfulknowledgeexperiencedatanintuitivelevel.”Hmmm.Iguesstheplatitudeaboutbeingwouldqualify.Maybeathree?ButIwasunsurewhattodowiththisone:“Feelingthatyouexperiencedeternityorinfinity.”ThelanguageimpliessomethingmorepositivethanwhatIfeltwhentimevanishedandterrortookhold;NA,Idecided.The“experienceofthefusionofyourpersonalselfintoalargerwhole”alsoseemedlikeanoverlynicewaytoputthesensationofbecomingonewithanuclearblast.Itseemedlessfusionthanfission,butokay.Igaveitafour.Andwhattodowiththisone?“Certaintyofencounterwithultimate

reality(inthesenseofbeingableto‘know’and‘see’whatisreallyrealatsomepointinyourexperience).”Imighthaveemergedfromtheexperiencewithcertainconvictions(theoneaboutbeinganddoing,say),butthesehardlyseemedlikeencounterswith“ultimatereality,”whateverthatis.Similarly,afewotheritemsmademewanttothrowupmyhands:“Feelingthatyouexperiencedsomethingprofoundlysacredandholy”(No)or“Experienceoftheinsight‘allisOne’”(Yes,butnotinagoodway;inthemidstofthatall-consumingmindstorm,therewasnothingImissedmorethandifferentiationandmultiplicity).Strugglingtoassignratingstoahandfulofsuchitems,IfeltthesurveypullingmeinthedirectionofaconclusionthatwasnotatallconsistentwithwhatIfelt.ButwhenItalliedmyscore,Iwassurprised:Ihadscoredasixty-one,

onepointoverthethresholdfora“complete”mysticalexperience.Ihadsqueakedthrough.Sothatwasamysticalexperience?Itdidn’tfeelatalllikewhatIexpectedamysticalexperiencetobe.IconcludedthattheMEQwasapoornetforcapturingmyencounterwiththetoad.Theresultwaspsychologicalbycatch,Idecided,andshouldprobablybetossedout.YetIwonderifmydissatisfactionwiththesurveyhadsomethingtodo

withtheintrinsicnature—thesheerintensityandbizarreshape—ofthe

toadexperience,forwhichitwasn’tdesigned,afterall.BecausewhenIusedthesamesurveytoevaluatemypsilocybinjourney,thefitseemedmuchbetterandratingthephenomenamucheasier.Reflectingjustonthecellointerlude,forexample,Icouldeasilyconfirmthe“fusionof[my]personalselfintoalargerwhole,”aswellasthe“feelingthat[I]experiencedsomethingprofoundlysacredandholy”and“ofbeingataspiritualheight”andeventhe“experienceofunitywithultimatereality.”Yes,yes,yes,andyes—provided,thatis,myendorsementofthoseloadedadjectivesdoesn’timplyanybeliefinasupernaturalreality.MypsilocybinjourneywithMaryyieldedasixty-sixontheMystical

ExperienceQuestionnaire.Forsomereason,Ifeltstupidlyproudofmyscore.(ThereIwasagain,doingbeing.)Ithadbeenmyobjectivetohavesuchanexperience,andatleastaccordingtothescientistsamysticalexperienceIhadhad.YetithadbroughtmenoclosertoabeliefinGodorinacosmicformofconsciousnessorinanythingmagicalatall—allofwhichImighthavebeen,unreasonably,expecting(hoping?)itmightdo.Still,therewasnoquestionthatsomethingnovelandprofoundhad

happenedtome—somethingIampreparedtocallspiritual,thoughonlywithanasterisk.IguessI’vealwaysassumedthatspiritualityimpliedabelieforfaithI’veneversharedandfromwhichitsupposedlyflows.ButnowIwondered,isthisalwaysornecessarilythecase?OnlyinthewakeofmyjourneyshaveIbeenabletounravelthe

paradoxthathadsoperplexedmewhenIinterviewedDinahBazer,aNYUcancerpatientwhobeganandendedherpsilocybinexperienceanavowedatheist.Duringtheclimaxofajourneythatextinguishedherfearofdeath,Bazerdescribed“beingbathedinGod’slove,”andyetsheemergedwithheratheismintact.Howcouldsomeoneholdthosetwowarringideasinthesamebrain?IthinkIgetitnow.Notonlywasthefloodoflovesheexperiencedineffablypowerful,butitwasunattributabletoanyindividualorworldlycause,andsowaspurelygratuitous—aformofgrace.Sohowtoconveythemagnitudeofsuchagift?“God”mightbetheonlywordinthelanguagebigenough.PartoftheproblemIwashavingevaluatingmyownexperiencehadto

dowithanotherbigandloadedword—“mystical”—implyingasitdoesanexperiencebeyondthereachofordinarycomprehensionorscience.Itreeksofthesupernatural.YetIthinkitwouldbewrongtodiscardthemystical,ifonlybecausesomuchworkhasbeendonebysomanygreat

minds—overliterallythousandsofyears—tofindthewordsforthisextraordinaryhumanexperienceandmakesenseofit.Whenwereadthetestimonyoftheseminds,wefindastrikingcommonalityintheirdescriptions,evenifwecivilianscan’tquiteunderstandwhatintheworld(oroutofit)they’retalkingabout.Accordingtoscholarsofmysticism,thesesharedtraitsgenerally

includeavisionofunityinwhichallthings,includingtheself,aresubsumed(expressedinthephrase“Allisone”);asenseofcertaintyaboutwhatonehasperceived(“Knowledgehasbeenrevealedtome”);feelingsofjoy,blessedness,andsatisfaction;atranscendenceofthecategorieswerelyontoorganizetheworld,suchastimeandspaceorselfandother;asensethatwhateverhasbeenapprehendedissomehowsacred(Wordsworth:“Somethingfarmoredeeplyinterfused”withmeaning)andoftenparadoxical(sowhiletheselfmayvanish,awarenessabides).Lastistheconvictionthattheexperienceisineffable,evenasthousandsofwordsareexpendedintheattempttocommunicateitspower.(Guilty.)Beforemyjourneys,wordsandphrasessuchastheseleftmecold;they

seemedutterlyopaque,somuchquasi-religiousmumbojumbo.Nowtheypaintarecognizablereality.Likewise,certainmysticalpassagesfromliteraturethatonceseemedsooverstatedandabstractthatIreadthemindulgently(ifatall),nowIcanreadasasubspeciesofjournalism.Herearethreenineteenth-centuryexamples,butyoucanfindtheminanycentury.RalphWaldoEmersoncrossingawintryNewEnglandcommonsin

“Nature”:

Standingonthebareground,—myheadbathedbytheblitheair,andupliftedintoinfinitespace,—allmeanegotismvanishes.Ibecomeatransparenteye-ball.Iamnothing.Iseeall.ThecurrentsoftheUniversalBeingcirculatethroughme;IampartorparticleofGod.

OrWaltWhitman,intheearlylinesofthefirst(muchbrieferandmoremystical)editionofLeavesofGrass:

Swiftlyaroseandspreadaroundmethepeaceandjoyandknowledgethatpassalltheartandargumentoftheearth;AndIknowthatthehandofGodistheelderhandofmyown,AndIknowthatthespiritofGodistheeldestbrotherofmyown,Andthatallthemeneverbornarealsomybrothers...andthe

womenmysistersandlovers,Andthatakelson*ofthecreationislove.

AndhereisAlfred,LordTennyson,describinginaletterthe“wakingtrance”thatdescendeduponhimfromtimetotimesincehisboyhood:

Allatonce,asitwereoutoftheintensityoftheconsciousnessofindividuality,theindividualityitselfseemedtodissolveandfadeintoboundlessbeing;andthiswasnotaconfusedstate,buttheclearestoftheclearest,thesurestofthesurest;utterlybeyondwords,wheredeathwasanalmostlaughableimpossibility;thelossofpersonality(ifsoitwere)seemingnoextinction,buttheonlytruelife.

WhathadchangedformewasthatnowIunderstoodexactlywhatthesewritersweretalkingabout:theirownmysticalexperiences,howeverachieved,howeverinterpreted.Formerlyinert,theirwordsnowemittedanewrayofrelation,oratleastIwasnowinapositiontoreceiveit.Suchemissionshadalwaysbeenpresentinourworld,flowingthroughliteratureandreligion,butlikeelectromagneticwavestheycouldn’tbeunderstoodwithoutsomekindofreceiver.Ihadbecomesuchaone.Aphraselike“boundlessbeing,”whichonceImighthaveskatedpastasoverlyabstractandhyperbolic,nowcommunicatedsomethingspecificandevenfamiliar.Adoorhadopenedformeontoarealmofhumanexperiencethatforsixtyyearshadbeenclosed.*ButhadIearnedtherighttogothroughthatdoor,enterintothat

conversation?Idon’tknowaboutEmerson’smysticalexperience(orWhitman’sorTennyson’s),butmineowedtoachemical.Wasn’tthatcheating?Perhapsnot:itseemslikelythatallmentalexperiencesaremediatedbychemicalsinthebrain,eventhemostseemingly“transcendent.”Howmuchshouldthegenealogyofthesechemicals

matter?Itturnsouttheverysamemoleculesflowthroughthenaturalworldandthehumanbrain,linkingusalltogetherinavastwatershedoftryptamines.Aretheseexogenousmoleculesanylessmiraculous?(Whentheycomefromamushroomoraplantoratoad!)It’sworthrememberingthattherearemanycultureswherethefactthattheinspirationforvisionaryexperiencescomesfromnature,isthegiftofothercreatures,rendersthemmoremeaningful,notless.MyowninterpretationofwhatIexperienced—mynowofficially

verifiedmysticalexperience—remainsaworkinprogress,stillinsearchoftherightwords.ButIhavenoproblemusingtheword“spiritual”todescribeelementsofwhatIsawandfelt,aslongasitisnottakeninasupernaturalsense.Forme,“spiritual”isagoodnameforsomeofthepowerfulmentalphenomenathatarisewhenthevoiceoftheegoismutedorsilenced.Ifnothingelse,thesejourneyshaveshownmehowthatpsychicconstruct—atoncesofamiliarandonreflectionsostrange—standsbetweenusandsomestrikingnewdimensionsofexperience,whetheroftheworldoutsideusorofthemindwithin.ThejourneyshaveshownmewhattheBuddhiststrytotellusbutIhaveneverreallyunderstood:thatthereismuchmoretoconsciousnessthantheego,aswewouldseeifitwouldjustshutup.Andthatitsdissolution(ortranscendence)isnothingtofear;infact,itisaprerequisiteformakinganyspiritualprogress.Buttheego,thatinnerneuroticwhoinsistsonrunningthemental

show,iswilyanddoesn’trelinquishitspowerwithoutastruggle.Deemingitselfindispensable,itwillbattleagainstitsdiminishment,whetherinadvanceorinthemiddleofthejourney.Isuspectthat’sexactlywhatminewasuptoallthroughthesleeplessnightsthatprecededeachofmytrips,strivingtoconvincemethatIwasriskingeverything,whenreallyallIwasputtingatriskwasitssovereignty.WhenHuxleyspeaksofthemind’s“reducingvalve”—thefacultythat

eliminatesasmuchoftheworldfromourconsciousawarenessasitletsin—heistalkingabouttheego.Thatstingy,vigilantsecurityguardadmitsonlythenarrowestbandwidthofreality,“ameaslytrickleofthekindofconsciousnesswhichwillhelpustostayalive.”It’sreallygoodatperformingallthoseactivitiesthatnaturalselectionvalues:gettingahead,gettinglikedandloved,gettingfed,gettinglaid.Keepingusontask,itisaferociouseditorofanythingthatmightdistractusfromthe

workathand,whetherthatmeansregulatingouraccesstomemoriesandstrongemotionsfromwithinornewsoftheworldwithout.Whatoftheworlditdoesadmitittendstoobjectify,fortheegowants

toreservethegiftsofsubjectivitytoitself.That’swhyitfailstoseethatthereisawholeworldofsoulsandspiritsoutthere,bywhichIsimplymeansubjectivitiesotherthanourown.ItwasonlywhenthevoiceofmyegowasquietedbypsilocybinthatIwasabletosensethattheplantsinmygardenhadaspirittoo.(InthewordsofR.M.Bucke,anineteenth-centuryCanadianpsychiatristandmystic,“Isawthattheuniverseisnotcomposedofdeadmatter,butis,onthecontrary,alivingPresence.”)“Ecology”and“coevolution”arescientificnamesforthesamephenomena:everyspeciesasubjectactingonothersubjects.Butwhenthisconceptacquiresthefleshoffeeling,becomes“moredeeplyinterfused,”asitdidduringmyfirstpsilocybinjourney,I’mhappytocallitaspiritualexperience.Sotoomyvariouspsychedelicmergings:withBach’scellosuite,withmyson,Isaac,withmygrandfatherBob,allspiritsdirectlyapprehendedandembraced,eachtimewithafloodoffeeling.Soperhapsspiritualexperienceissimplywhathappensinthespace

thatopensupinthemindwhen“allmeanegotismvanishes.”Wonders(andterrors)we’reordinarilydefendedagainstflowintoourawareness;thefarendsofthesensoryspectrum,whicharenormallyinvisibletous,oursensescansuddenlyadmit.Whiletheegosleeps,themindplays,proposingunexpectedpatternsofthoughtandnewraysofrelation.Thegulfbetweenselfandworld,thatno-man’s-landwhichinordinaryhourstheegosovigilantlypatrols,closesdown,allowingustofeellessseparateandmoreconnected,“partandparticle”ofsomelargerentity.WhetherwecallthatentityNature,theMindatLarge,orGodhardlymatters.Butitseemstobeinthecrucibleofthatmergingthatdeathlosessomeofitssting.

CHAPTERFIVE

THENEUROSCIENCE

YourBrainonPsychedelics

WHATJUSTHAPPENEDinmybrain?Amoleculehadlaunchedmeoneachofthesetrips,andIreturned

frommytravelsintenselycurioustolearnwhatthechemistrycouldtellmeaboutconsciousnessandwhatthatmightrevealaboutthebrain’srelationshiptothemind.Howdoyougetfromtheingestionofacompoundcreatedbyafungusoratoad(orahumanchemist)toanovelstateofconsciousnesswiththepowertochangeone’sperspectiveonthings,notjustduringthejourney,butlongafterthemoleculehasleftthebody?Actually,therewerethreedifferentmoleculesinquestion—psilocin,

LSD,and5-MeO-DMT—butevenacasualglanceattheirstructures(andIsaythisassomeonewhoearnedaDinhighschoolchemistry)indicatesaresemblance.Allthreemoleculesaretryptamines.Atryptamineisatypeoforganiccompound(anindole,tobeexact)distinguishedbythepresenceoftwolinkedrings,oneofthemwithsixatomsandtheotherwithfive.Livingnatureisawashintryptamines,whichshowupinplants,fungi,andanimals,wheretheytypicallyactassignalingmoleculesbetweencells.Themostfamoustryptamineinthehumanbodyistheneurotransmitterserotonin,thechemicalnameofwhichis5-hydroxytryptamine.Itisnocoincidencethatthismoleculehasastrongfamilyresemblancewiththepsychedelicmolecules.Serotoninmightbefamous,asneurotransmittersgo,yetmuchaboutit

remainsamystery.Forexample,itbindswithadozenorsodifferentreceptors,andthesearefoundnotonlyacrossmanypartsofthebrainbutthroughoutthebody,withasubstantialrepresentationinthedigestivetract.Dependingonthetypeofreceptorinquestionandits

location,serotoninisliabletomakeverydifferentthingshappen—sometimesexcitinganeurontofire,othertimesinhibitingit.Thinkofitasakindofword,themeaningorimportofwhichcanchangeradicallydependingonthecontextorevenitsplacementinasentence.Thegroupoftryptamineswecall“theclassicalpsychedelics”havea

strongaffinitywithoneparticulartypeofserotoninreceptor,calledthe5-HT2A.Thesereceptorsarefoundinlargenumbersinthehumancortex,theoutermost,andevolutionarilymostrecent,layerofthebrain.Basically,thepsychedelicsresembleserotonincloselyenoughthattheycanattachthemselvestothisreceptorsiteinsuchawayastoactivateittodovariousthings.Curiously,LSDhasanevenstrongeraffinitywiththe5-HT2Areceptor

—is“stickier”—thanserotoninitself,makingthisaninstancewherethesimulacrumismoreconvincing,chemically,thantheoriginal.Thishasledsomescientiststospeculatethatthehumanbodymustproducesomeother,morebespokechemicalfortheexpresspurposeofactivatingthe5-HT2Areceptor—perhapsanendogenouspsychedelicthatisreleasedundercertaincircumstances,perhapswhendreaming.OnecandidateforthatchemicalisthepsychedelicmoleculeDMT,whichhasbeenfoundintraceamountsinthepinealglandofrats.ThescienceofserotoninandLSDhasbeencloselyintertwinedsince

the1950s;infact,itwasthediscoverythatLSDaffectedconsciousnessatsuchinfinitesimaldosesthathelpedtoadvancethenewfieldofneurochemistryinthe1950s,leadingtothedevelopmentoftheSSRIantidepressants.Butitwasn’tuntil1998thatFranzVollenweider,aSwissresearcherwhoisoneofthepioneersofpsychedelicneuroscience,demonstratedthatpsychedelicslikeLSDandpsilocybinworkonthehumanbrainbybindingwiththe5-HT2Areceptors.Hedidthisbygivingsubjectsadrugcalledketanserinthatblocksthereceptor;whenhethenadministeredpsilocybin,nothinghappened.YetVollenweider’sdiscovery,importantasitwas,isbutasmallstep

onthelong(andwinding)roadfrompsychedelicchemistrytopsychedelicconsciousness.The5-HT2Areceptormightbethelockonthedoortothemindthatthosethreemoleculesunlock,buthowdidthatchemicalopeninglead,ultimately,towhatIfeltandexperienced?Tothedissolutionofmyego,forexample,andthecollapseofanydistinction

betweensubjectandobject?Ortothemorphinginmymind’seyeofMaryintoMaríaSabina?Putanotherway,what,ifanything,canbrainchemistrytellusaboutthe“phenomenology”ofthepsychedelicexperience?Allthesequestionsconcernthecontentsofconsciousness,ofcourse,

whichatleasttothispointhaseludedthetoolsofneuroscience.Byconsciousness,Idon’tmeansimply“beingconscious”—thebasicsensoryawarenesscreatureshaveofchangesintheirenvironment,whichiseasytomeasureexperimentally.Inthislimitedsense,evenplantsare“conscious,”thoughit’sdoubtfultheypossessfull-blownconsciousness.Whatneuroscientistsandphilosophersandpsychologistsmeanbyconsciousnessistheunmistakablesensewehavethatweare,orpossess,aselfthathasexperiences.SigmundFreudwrotethat“thereisnothingofwhichwearemore

certainthanthefeelingofourself,ourownego.”Yetitisdifficulttobequitesocertainthatanyoneelsepossessesconsciousness,muchlessothercreatures,becausethereisnooutwardphysicalevidencethatconsciousnessasweexperienceitexists.Thethingofwhichwearemostcertainisbeyondthereachofourscience,supposedlyoursurestwayofknowinganything.Thisdilemmahasleftajaradoorthroughwhichwritersand

philosophershavestepped.TheclassicthoughtexperimenttodeterminewhetheranotherbeingisinpossessionofconsciousnesswasproposedbyThomasNagel,aphilosopher,inafamous1974paper,“WhatIsItLiketoBeaBat?”Hearguedthatif“thereissomethingthatitisliketobeabat”—ifthereisanysubjectivedimensiontobatexperience—thenabatpossessesconsciousness.Hewentontosuggestthatthis“whatitislike”qualitymaynotbereducibletomaterialterms.Ever.WhetherornotNagel’srightaboutthatisthebiggestargumentgoing

inthefieldofconsciousnessstudies.Thequestionatitsheartisoftenreferredtoas“thehardproblem”orthe“explanatorygap”:Howdoyouexplainmind—thesubjectivequalityofexperience—intermsofmeat,thatis,intermsofthephysicalstructuresorchemistryofthebrain?Thequestionassumes,asmost(butnotall)scientistsdo,thatconsciousnessisaproductofbrainsandthatitwilleventuallybeexplainedastheepiphenomenonofmaterialthingslikeneuronsandbrainstructures,chemicalsandcommunicationsnetworks.Thatwouldcertainlyseemto

bethemostparsimonioushypothesis.Yetitisalongwayfrombeingproven,andanumberofneuroscientistsquestionwhetheriteverwillbe:whethersomethingaselusiveassubjectiveexperience—whatitfeelsliketobeyou—willeveryieldtothereductionsofscience.Thesescientistsandphilosophersaresometimescalledmysterians,whichisnotmeantasacompliment.Somescientistshaveraisedthepossibilitythatconsciousnessmaypervadetheuniverse,suggestingwethinkofitthesamewaywedoelectromagnetismorgravity,asoneofthefundamentalbuildingblocksofreality.Theideathatpsychedelicdrugsmightshedsomelightonthe

problemsofconsciousnessmakesacertainsense.Apsychedelicdrugispowerfulenoughtodisruptthesystemwecallnormalwakingconsciousnessinwaysthatmayforcesomeofitsfundamentalpropertiesintoview.True,anestheticsdisruptconsciousnesstoo,yetbecausesuchdrugsshutitdown,thiskindofdisturbanceyieldsrelativelylittledata.Incontrast,someoneonapsychedelicremainsawakeandabletoreportonwhatheorsheisexperiencinginrealtime.Nowadays,thesesubjectivereportscanbecorrelatedwithvariousmeasuresofbrainactivity,usingseveraldifferentmodesofimaging—toolsunavailabletoresearchersduringthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearchinthe1950sand1960s.BydeployingthesetechnologiesincombinationwithLSDand

psilocybin,ahandfulofscientistsworkinginbothEuropeandtheUnitedStatesareopeninganewwindowontoconsciousness,andwhattheyareglimpsingthroughitpromisestochangeourunderstandingofthelinksbetweenourbrainsandourminds.

•••

PERHAPSTHEMOSTAMBITIOUSneuroscientificexpeditionusingpsychedelicstomaptheterrainofhumanconsciousnessistakingplaceinalaboratoryattheCentreforPsychiatryontheHammersmithcampusofImperialCollegeinWestLondon.Recentlycompleted,thecampusconsistsofafuturisticbutoddlydepressingnetworkofbuildings,linkedbyglass-walledaerialwalkwaysandglassdoorsthatslideopensilentlyatthedetectionoftheproperidentification.ItishereinthelabofDavidNutt,aprominentEnglishpsychopharmacologist,thatateamledbya

thirtysomethingneuroscientistnamedRobinCarhart-Harrishasbeenworkingsince2009toidentifythe“neuralcorrelates,”orphysicalcounterparts,ofthepsychedelicexperience.ByinjectingvolunteerswithLSDandpsilocybinandthenusingavarietyofscanningtechnologies—includingfunctionalmagneticresonanceimaging(fMRI)andmagnetoencephalography(MEG)—toobservethechangesintheirbrains,heandhisteamhavegivenusourfirstglimpsesofwhatsomethinglikeegodissolution,orahallucination,actuallylookslikeinthebrainasitunfoldsinthemind.Thefactthatsuchanimprobableandpotentiallycontroversial

researchprojectevergotoffthegroundowestotheconvergenceofthreemostunusualcharacters,andcareers,inEnglandintheyear2005:DavidNutt,RobinCarhart-Harris,andAmandaFeilding,a.k.a.theCountessofWemyssandMarch.RobinCarhart-Harris’spathtoDavidNutt’spsychopharmacologylab

wasaneccentricone,havingfirstpassedthroughagraduatecourseinpsychoanalysis.Thesedayspsychoanalysisisatheoryfewneuroscientiststakeseriously,regardingitlessasasciencethanasasetofuntestablebeliefs.Carhart-Harrisfeltstronglyotherwise.SteepedinthewritingsofFreudandJung,hewasfascinatedbypsychoanalytictheorywhileatthesametimefrustratedbyitslackofscientificrigor,aswellasbythelimitationsofitstoolsforexploringwhatitdeemedmostimportantaboutthemind:theunconscious.“Iftheonlywaywecanaccesstheunconsciousisviadreamsandfree

association,”heexplainedthefirsttimewetalked,“wearen’tgoingtogetanywhere.Surelytheremustbesomethingelse.”Onedayheaskedhisseminarprofessorifthatsomethingelsemightbeadrug.(IaskedRobinifhishunchwasbasedonpersonalexperienceorresearch,buthemadeclearthiswasnotasubjecthewishedtodiscuss.)HisprofessorsenthimtoreadabookcalledRealmsoftheHumanUnconsciousbyStanislavGrof.“Iwenttothelibraryandreadthebookcovertocover.Iwasblown

away.Thatsetthecoursefortherestofmyyounglife.”Carhart-Harris,whoisaslender,intenseyoungmaninahurry,witha

neatlytrimmedbeardandlargepaleblueeyesthatseldomblink,formulatedaplanitwouldtakehimafewyearstoputintomotion:hewouldusepsychedelicdrugsandmodernbrain-imagingtechnologiesto

buildafoundationofhardsciencebeneaththeedificeofpsychoanalysis.“Freudsaiddreamsweretheroyalroadtotheunconscious,”heremindedme.“Psychedelicscouldturnouttobethesuperhighway.”Carhart-Harris’sdemeanorismodest,evenhumble,offeringnocluetotheaudacityofhisambition.HelikestoquoteGrof’sgrandclaimthatwhatthetelescopewasforastronomy,orthemicroscopeforbiology,psychedelicswillbeforunderstandingthemind.Carhart-Harriscompletedhismaster’sinpsychoanalysisin2005and

begantoplothismoveintotheneuroscienceofpsychedelics.HeaskedaroundanddidsomeInternetresearchthateventuallyledhimtoDavidNuttandAmandaFeildingastwopeoplewhomightbeinterestedinhisprojectandinapositiontohelp.HefirstapproachedFeilding,whoin1998hadestablishedsomethingcalledtheBeckleyFoundationtostudytheeffectsofpsychoactivesubstancesonthebrainandtolobbyfordrugpolicyreform.ThefoundationisnamedforBeckleyPark,thesprawlingfourteenth-centuryTudormanorwhereshegrewupinOxfordshireandwhere,in2005,sheinvitedCarhart-Harristolunch.(OnarecentvisitofmyowntoBeckley,Icountedtwotowersandthreemoats.)AmandaFeilding,whowasbornin1943,isaneccentricasonlythe

Englisharistocracycanbreedthem.(She’sdescendedfromthehouseofHabsburgandtwoofCharlesII’sillegitimatechildren.)Astudentofcomparativereligionandmysticism,Feildinghashadalong-standinginterestinalteredstatesofconsciousnessand,specifically,theroleofbloodflowtothebrain,whichinHomosapiens,shebelieves,hasbeencompromisedeversinceourspeciesbeganstandingupright.LSD,Feildingbelieves,enhancescognitivefunctionandfacilitateshigherstatesofconsciousnessbyincreasingcerebralcirculation.Asecondwaytoachieveasimilarresultisbymeansoftheancientpracticeoftrepanation.Thisdeservesabriefdigression.Trepanationinvolvesdrillingashallowholeintheskullsupposedlyto

improvecerebralbloodcirculation;ineffect,itreversesthefusingofthecranialbonesthathappensinchildhood.Trepanationwasforcenturiesacommonmedicalprocedure,tojudgebythenumberofancientskullsthathaveturnedupwithneatholesinthem.Convincedthattrepanationwouldhelpfacilitatehigherstatesofconsciousness,Feildingwentlookingforsomeonetoperformtheoperationonher.Whenitbecameclearnoprofessionalwouldoblige,shetrepannedherselfin1970,boringasmall

holeinthemiddleofherforeheadwithanelectricdrill.(ShedocumentedtheprocedureinashortbuthorrifyingfilmcalledHeartbeatintheBrain.)Pleasedwiththeresults,FeildingwentontostandforelectiontoParliament,twice,onaplatformof“TrepanationfortheNationalHealth.”ButwhileAmandaFeildingmaybeeccentric,sheisbynomeans

feckless.Herworkonbothdrugresearchanddrugpolicyreformhasbeenserious,strategic,andproductive.Inrecentyears,herfocushasshiftedfromtrepanationtothepotentialofpsychedelicstoimprovebrainfunction.Inherownlife,shehasusedLSDasakindof“braintonic,”favoringadailydosethathits“thatsweetspotwherecreativityandenthusiasmisincreased,butcontrolismaintained.”(Shetoldmethattherewasatimewhensheputthattonicdoseat150micrograms—faraboveamicrodoseandenoughtosendmostpeople,myselfincluded,onafull-fledgedtrip.ButbecausefrequentuseofLSDcanleadtotolerance,it’sentirelypossiblethatforsomepeople150microgramsmerely“addsacertainsparkletoconsciousness.”)IfoundFeildingtobedisarminglyfrankaboutthebaggageshebringstothenewconversationaboutpsychedelicscience:“I’madruggie.Iliveinthisbighouse.AndIhaveaholeinmyhead.Iguessthatdisqualifiesme.”So,whenanaspiringyoungscientistnamedRobinCarhart-Harris

cameforlunchatBeckleyin2005,sharinghisambitiontocombineresearchintoLSDandFreud,Feildingimmediatelysawthepotential,aswellasanopportunitytoputhertheoriesaboutcerebralbloodcirculationtothetest.FeildingindicatedtoCarhart-HarristhatherfoundationmightbewillingtofundsuchresearchandsuggestedthathecontactDavidNutt,thenaprofessorattheUniversityofBristolandanallyofFeilding’sinthecampaigntoreformdrugpolicy.Inhisownway,DavidNuttisasnotoriousinEnglandasAmanda

Feilding.Nutt,whoisalarge,jollyfellowinhissixtieswithamustacheandaboominglaugh,achievedhisparticularnotorietyin2009.That’swhenthehomesecretaryfiredhimfromthegovernment’sAdvisoryCouncilontheMisuseofDrugs,ofwhichhehadbeenchair.Thecommitteeischargedwithadvisingthegovernmentontheclassificationofillicitdrugsbasedontheirrisktoindividualsandsociety.Nutt,whoisanexpertonaddictionandontheclassofdrugscalledbenzodiazepines(suchasValium),hadcommittedthefatalpoliticalerrorofquantifying

empiricallytherisksofvariouspsychoactivesubstances,bothlegalandillegal.Hehadconcludedfromhisresearch,andwouldtellanyonewhoasked,thatalcoholwasmoredangerousthancannabisandthatusingEcstasywassaferthanridingahorse.“Butthesentencethatgotmesacked,”hetoldmewhenwemetinhis

officeatImperial,“waswhenIwentonlivebreakfasttelevision.Iwasasked,‘You’renotseriouslytellingusthatLSDislessharmfulthanalcohol,areyou?’OfcourseIam!”*RobinCarhart-HarriscametoseeDavidNuttin2005,hopingtostudy

psychedelicsanddreamingunderhimatBristol;tryingtobestrategic,hementionedthepossibilityoffundingfromFeilding.AsCarhart-Harrisrecallstheinterview,Nuttwasbluntinhisdismissal:“‘Theideayouwanttodoisincrediblyfar-fetched,youhavenoneuroscienceexperience,it’scompletelyunrealistic.’ButItoldhimIputallmyeggsinthisbasket.”Impressedbytheyoungman’sdetermination,Nuttmadehimanoffer:“ComedoaPhDwithme.We’llstartwithsomethingstraightforward”—thisturnedouttobetheeffectofMDMAontheserotoninsystem—“andthenmaybelateronwecandopsychedelics.”“Lateron”camein2009,whenCarhart-Harris,armedwithaPhDand

workinginNutt’slabwithfundingfromAmandaFeilding,receivedapproval(fromtheNationalHealthServiceandtheHomeOffice)tostudytheeffectofpsilocybinonthebrain.(LSDwouldcomeafewyearslater.)Carhart-Harrisputhimselfforwardasthefirstvolunteer.“Ifyou’regoingtogivethisdrugtopeopleandputtheminascanner,Ithought,thehonestthingistodoitfirsttoyourself.”But,ashetoldNutt,“Ihaveananxiousdisposition,andmaynothavebeeninthebestplacepsychologically,sohedissuadedme;healsothoughtparticipatingintheexperimentmightcompromisemyobjectivity.”Intheend,acolleaguebecamethefirstvolunteertoreceiveaninjectionofpsilocybinandthenslideintoanfMRIscannertohavehistrippingbrainimaged.Carhart-Harris’sworkinghypothesiswasthattheirbrainswould

exhibitincreasesinactivity,particularlyintheemotioncenters.“Ithoughtitwouldlooklikethedreamingbrain,”hetoldme.Employingadifferentscanningtechnology,FranzVollenweiderhadpublisheddataindicatingthatpsychedelicsstimulatedbrainactivity,especiallyinthefrontallobes.(Anarearesponsibleforexecutiveandotherhighercognitivefunctions.)Butwhenthefirstsetofdatacamein,Carhart-

Harrisgotasurprise:“Wewereseeingdecreasesinbloodflow”—bloodflowbeingoneoftheproxiesforbrainactivitythatfMRImeasures.“Hadwemadeamistake?Itwasarealhead-scratcher.”Buttheinitialdataonbloodflowwascorroboratedbyasecondmeasurethatlooksatchangesinoxygenconsumptiontopinpointareasofelevatedbrainactivity.Carhart-Harrisandhiscolleagueshaddiscoveredthatpsilocybinreducesbrainactivity,withthefalloffconcentratedinoneparticularbrainnetworkthatatthetimeheknewlittleabout:thedefaultmodenetwork.Carhart-Harrisbeganreadinguponit.Thedefaultmodenetwork,or

DMN,wasnotknowntobrainscienceuntil2001.ThatwaswhenMarcusRaichle,aneurologistatWashingtonUniversity,describeditinalandmarkpaperpublishedintheProceedingsoftheNationalAcademyofSciences,orPNAS.Thenetworkformsacriticalandcentrallylocatedhubofbrainactivitythatlinkspartsofthecerebralcortextodeeper(andolder)structuresinvolvedinmemoryandemotion.*Thediscoveryofthedefaultmodenetworkwasactuallyascientific

accident,ahappyby-productoftheuseofbrain-imagingtechnologiesinbrainresearch.*ThetypicalfMRIexperimentbeginsbyestablishinga“restingstate”baselineforneuralactivityasthevolunteersitsquietlyinthescannerawaitingwhateverteststheresearcherhasinstore.Raichlehadnoticedthatseveralareasinthebrainexhibitedheightenedactivitypreciselywhenhissubjectsweredoingnothingmentally.Thiswasthebrain’s“defaultmode,”thenetworkofbrainstructuresthatlightupwithactivitywhentherearenodemandsonourattentionandwehavenomentaltasktoperform.Putanotherway,Raichlehaddiscoveredtheplacewhereourmindsgotowander—todaydream,ruminate,travelintime,reflectonourselves,andworry.Itmaybethroughtheseverystructuresthatthestreamofourconsciousnessflows.Thedefaultnetworkstandsinakindofseesawrelationshipwiththe

attentionalnetworksthatwakeupwhenevertheoutsideworlddemandsourattention;whenoneisactive,theothergoesquiet,andviceversa.Butasanypersoncantellyou,quitealothappensinthemindwhennothingmuchisgoingonoutsideus.(Infact,theDMNconsumesadisproportionateshareofthebrain’senergy.)Workingataremovefromoursensoryprocessingoftheoutsideworld,thedefaultmodeismostactivewhenweareengagedinhigher-level“metacognitive”processessuchasself-reflection,mentaltimetravel,mentalconstructions(suchas

theselforego),moralreasoning,and“theoryofmind”—theabilitytoattributementalstatestoothers,aswhenwetrytoimagine“whatitislike”tobesomeoneelse.Allthesefunctionsmaybelongexclusivelytohumans,andspecificallytoadulthumans,forthedefaultmodenetworkisn’toperationaluntillateinachild’sdevelopment.“Thebrainisahierarchicalsystem,”Carhart-Harrisexplainedinone

ofourinterviews.“Thehighest-levelparts”—thosedevelopedlateinourevolution,typicallylocatedinthecortex—“exertaninhibitoryinfluenceonthelower-level[andolder]parts,likeemotionandmemory.”Asawhole,thedefaultmodenetworkexertsatop-downinfluenceonotherpartsofthebrain,manyofwhichcommunicatewithoneanotherthroughitscentrallylocatedhub.RobinhasdescribedtheDMNvariouslyasthebrain’s“orchestraconductor,”“corporateexecutive,”or“capitalcity,”chargedwithmanagingand“holdingthewholesystemtogether.”Andwithkeepingthebrain’sunruliertendenciesincheck.Thebrainconsistsofseveraldifferentspecializedsystems—onefor

visualprocessing,forexample,anothertocontrolmotoractivity—eachdoingitsownthing.“Chaosisavertedbecauseallsystemsarenotcreatedequal,”MarcusRaichlehaswritten.“Electricalsignalingfromsomebrainareastakesprecedenceoverothers.AtthetopofthishierarchyresidestheDMN,whichactsasanuber-conductortoensurethatthecacophonyofcompetingsignalsfromonesystemdonotinterferewiththosefromanother.”Thedefaultmodenetworkkeepsorderinasystemsocomplexitmightotherwisedescendintotheanarchyofmentalillness.Asmentioned,thedefaultmodenetworkappearstoplayaroleinthe

creationofmentalconstructsorprojections,themostimportantofwhichistheconstructwecalltheself,orego.*Thisiswhysomeneuroscientistscallit“themenetwork.”Ifaresearchergivesyoualistofadjectivesandasksyoutoconsiderhowtheyapplytoyou,itisyourdefaultmodenetworkthatleapsintoaction.(Italsolightsupwhenwereceive“likes”onoursocialmediafeeds.)Nodesinthedefaultnetworkarethoughttoberesponsibleforautobiographicalmemory,thematerialfromwhichwecomposethestoryofwhoweare,bylinkingourpastexperienceswithwhathappenstousandwithprojectionsofourfuturegoals.Theachievementofanindividualself,abeingwithauniquepastanda

trajectoryintothefuture,isoneofthegloriesofhumanevolution,butitisnotwithoutitsdrawbacksandpotentialdisorders.Thepriceofthe

senseofanindividualidentityisasenseofseparationfromothersandnature.Self-reflectioncanleadtogreatintellectualandartisticachievementbutalsotodestructiveformsofself-regardandmanytypesofunhappiness.(Inanoften-citedpapertitled“AWanderingMindIsanUnhappyMind,”psychologistsidentifiedastrongcorrelationbetweenunhappinessandtimespentinmindwandering,aprincipalactivityofthedefaultmodenetwork.)But,acceptingthegoodwiththebad,mostofustakethisselfasanunshakablegiven,asrealasanythingweknow,andasthefoundationofourlifeasconscioushumanbeings.OratleastIalwaystookitthatway,untilmypsychedelicexperiencesledmetowonder.PerhapsthemoststrikingdiscoveryofCarhart-Harris’sfirst

experimentwasthatthesteepestdropsindefaultmodenetworkactivitycorrelatedwithhisvolunteers’subjectiveexperienceof“egodissolution.”(“Iexistedonlyasanideaorconcept,”onevolunteerreported.Recalledanother,“Ididn’tknowwhereIendedandmysurroundingsbegan.”)Themoreprecipitousthedrop-offinbloodflowandoxygenconsumptioninthedefaultnetwork,themorelikelyavolunteerwastoreportthelossofasenseofself.*ShortlyafterCarhart-Harrispublishedhisresultsina2012paperin

PNAS(“NeuralCorrelatesofthePsychedelicStateasDeterminedbyfMRIStudieswithPsilocybin”*),JudsonBrewer,aresearcheratYale*whowasusingfMRItostudythebrainsofexperiencedmeditators,noticedthathisscansandRobin’slookedremarkablyalike.ThetranscendenceofselfreportedbyexpertmeditatorsshoweduponfMRIsasaquietingofthedefaultmodenetwork.Itappearsthatwhenactivityinthedefaultmodenetworkfallsoffprecipitously,theegotemporarilyvanishes,andtheusualboundariesweexperiencebetweenselfandworld,subjectandobject,allmeltaway.Thissenseofmergingintosomelargertotalityisofcourseoneofthe

hallmarksofthemysticalexperience;oursenseofindividualityandseparatenesshingesonaboundedselfandacleardemarcationbetweensubjectandobject.Butallthatmaybeamentalconstruction,akindofillusion—justastheBuddhistshavebeentryingtotellus.Thepsychedelicexperienceof“non-duality”suggeststhatconsciousnesssurvivesthedisappearanceoftheself,thatitisnotsoindispensableaswe—andit—liketothink.Carhart-Harrissuspectsthatthelossofacleardistinction

betweensubjectandobjectmighthelpexplainanotherfeatureofthemysticalexperience:thefactthattheinsightsitsponsorsarefelttobeobjectivelytrue—revealedtruthsratherthanplainoldinsights.Itcouldbethatinordertojudgeaninsightasmerelysubjective,oneperson’sopinion,youmustfirsthaveasenseofsubjectivity.Whichispreciselywhatthemysticonpsychedelicshaslost.Themysticalexperiencemayjustbewhatitfeelslikewhenyou

deactivatethebrain’sdefaultmodenetwork.Thiscanbeachievedanynumberofways:throughpsychedelicsandmeditation,asRobinCarhart-HarrisandJudsonBrewerhavedemonstrated,butperhapsalsobymeansofcertainbreathingexercises(likeholotropicbreathwork),sensorydeprivation,fasting,prayer,overwhelmingexperiencesofawe,extremesports,near-deathexperiences,andsoon.Whatwouldscansofbrainsinthemidstofthoseactivitiesreveal?Wecanonlyspeculate,butquitepossiblywewouldseethesamequietingofthedefaultmodenetworkBrewerandCarhart-Harrishavefound.Thisquietingmightbeaccomplishedbyrestrictingbloodflowtothenetwork,orbystimulatingtheserotonin2Areceptorsinthecortex,orbyotherwisedisturbingtheoscillatoryrhythmsthatnormallyorganizethebrain.Buthoweverithappens,takingthisparticularnetworkoff-linemaygiveusaccesstoextraordinarystatesofconsciousness—momentsofonenessorecstasythatarenolesswondrousforhavingaphysicalcause.

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IFTHEDEFAULTMODEnetworkistheconductorofthesymphonyofbrainactivity,youwouldexpectitstemporaryabsencefromthestagetoleadtoanincreaseindissonanceandmentaldisorder—asindeedappearstohappenduringthepsychedelicjourney.Inaseriesofsubsequentexperimentsusingavarietyofbrain-imagingtechniques,Carhart-Harrisandhiscolleaguesbegantostudywhathappenselsewhereintheneuralorchestrawhenthedefaultmodenetworkputsdownitsbaton.Takenasawhole,thedefaultmodenetworkexertsaninhibitory

influenceonotherpartsofthebrain,notablyincludingthelimbicregionsinvolvedinemotionandmemory,inmuchthesamewayFreudconceivedoftheegokeepingtheanarchicforcesoftheunconsciousidincheck.

(DavidNuttputsthematterbluntly,claimingthatintheDMN“we’vefoundtheneuralcorrelateforrepression.”)Carhart-Harrishypothesizesthattheseandothercentersofmentalactivityare“letofftheleash”whenthedefaultmodeleavesthestage,andinfactbrainscansshowanincreaseinactivity(asreflectedbyincreasesinbloodflowandoxygenconsumption)inseveralotherbrainregions,includingthelimbicregions,undertheinfluenceofpsychedelics.Thisdisinhibitionmightexplainwhymaterialthatisunavailabletousduringnormalwakingconsciousnessnowfloatstothesurfaceofourawareness,includingemotionsandmemoriesand,sometimes,long-buriedchildhoodtraumas.Itisforthisreasonthatsomescientistsandpsychotherapistsbelievepsychedelicscanbeprofitablyusedtosurfaceandexplorethecontentsoftheunconsciousmind.Butthedefaultmodenetworkdoesn’tonlyexerttop-downcontrol

overmaterialarisingfromwithin;italsohelpsregulatewhatisletintoconsciousnessfromtheworldoutside.Itoperatesasakindoffilter(or“reducingvalve”)chargedwithadmittingonlythat“measlytrickle”ofinformationrequiredforustogetthroughtheday.Ifnotforthebrain’sfilteringmechanisms,thetorrentofinformationthesensesmakeavailabletoourbrainsatanygivenmomentmightprovedifficulttoprocess—asindeedissometimesthecaseduringthepsychedelicexperience.“Thequestion,”asDavidNuttputsit,“iswhythebrainisordinarilysoconstrainedratherthansoopen?”Theanswermaybeassimpleas“efficiency.”Todaymostneuroscientistsworkunderaparadigmofthebrainasaprediction-makingmachine.Toformaperceptionofsomethingoutintheworld,thebraintakesinaslittlesensoryinformationasitneedstomakeaneducatedguess.Weareforevercuttingtothechase,basically,andleapingtoconclusions,relyingonpriorexperiencetoinformcurrentperception.ThemaskexperimentIattemptedtoperformduringmypsilocybin

journeyisapowerfuldemonstrationofthisphenomenon.Atleastwhenitisworkingnormally,thebrain,presentedwithafewvisualcluessuggestingitislookingataface,insistsonseeingthefaceasaconvexstructureevenwhenitisnot,becausethat’sthewayfacesusuallyare.Thephilosophicalimplicationsof“predictivecoding”aredeepand

strange.Themodelsuggeststhatourperceptionsoftheworldofferusnotaliteraltranscriptionofrealitybutratheraseamlessillusionwovenfrom

boththedataofoursensesandthemodelsinourmemories.Normalwakingconsciousnessfeelsperfectlytransparent,andyetitislessawindowonrealitythantheproductofourimaginations—akindofcontrolledhallucination.Thisraisesaquestion:Howisnormalwakingconsciousnessanydifferentfromother,seeminglylessfaithfulproductionsofourimagination—suchasdreamsorpsychoticdelusionsorpsychedelictrips?Infact,allthesestatesofconsciousnessare“imagined”:they’rementalconstructsthatweavetogethersomenewsoftheworldwithpriorsofvariouskinds.Butinthecaseofnormalwakingconsciousness,thehandshakebetweenthedataofoursensesandourpreconceptionsisespeciallyfirm.That’sbecauseitissubjecttoacontinualprocessofrealitytesting,aswhenyoureachouttoconfirmtheexistenceoftheobjectinyourvisualfieldor,uponwakingfromanightmare,consultyourmemorytoseeifyoureallydidshowuptoteachaclasswithoutanyclotheson.Unliketheseotherstatesofconsciousness,ordinarywakingconsciousnesshasbeenoptimizedbynaturalselectiontobestfacilitateoureverydaysurvival.Indeed,thatfeelingoftransparencyweassociatewithordinary

consciousnessmayowemoretofamiliarityandhabitthanitdoestoverisimilitude.Asapsychonautacquaintanceputittome,“Ifitwerepossibletotemporarilyexperienceanotherperson’smentalstate,myguessisthatitwouldfeelmorelikeapsychedelicstatethana‘normal’state,becauseofitsmassivedisparitywithwhatevermentalstateishabitualwithyou.”Anothertrippythoughtexperimentistotrytoimaginetheworldasit

appearstoacreaturewithanentirelydifferentsensoryapparatusandwayoflife.Youquicklyrealizethereisnosinglerealityouttherewaitingtobefaithfullyandcomprehensivelytranscribed.Oursenseshaveevolvedforamuchnarrowerpurposeandtakeinonlywhatservesourneedsasanimalsofaparticularkind.Thebeeperceivesasubstantiallydifferentspectrumoflightthanwedo;tolookattheworldthroughitseyesistoperceiveultravioletmarkingsonthepetalsofflowers(evolvedtoguidetheirlandingslikerunwaylights)thatdon’texistforus.Thatexampleisatleastakindofseeing—asensewehappentosharewithbees.Buthowdoweevenbegintoconceiveofthesensethatallowsbeestoregister(throughthehairsontheirlegs)theelectromagneticfieldsthatplantsproduce?(Aweakchargeindicatesanotherbeehasrecentlyvisited

theflower;depletedofnectar,it’sprobablynotworthastop.)Thenthereistheworldaccordingtoanoctopus!Imaginehowdifferentlyrealitypresentsitselftoabrainthathasbeensoradicallydecentralized,itsintelligencedistributedacrosseightarmssothateachofthemcantaste,touch,andevenmakeitsown“decisions”withoutconsultingheadquarters.

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WHATHAPPENSWHEN,undertheinfluenceofpsychedelics,theusuallyfirmhandshakebetweenbrainandworldbreaksdown?Noonething,asitturnsout.IaskedCarhart-Harriswhetherthetrippingbrainfavorstop-downpredictionsorbottom-upsensorydata.“That’stheclassicdilemma,”hesuggested:whetherthemind,unconstrained,willtendtofavoritspriorsortheevidenceofitssenses.“Youdooftenfindakindofimpetuousnessoroverzealousnessonthepartofthepriors,aswhenyouseefacesintheclouds.”Eagertomakesenseofthedatarushingin,thebrainleapstoerroneousconclusionsand,sometimes,ahallucinationresults.(Theparanoiddoesmuchthesamething,ferociouslyimposingafalsenarrativeonthestreamofincominginformation.)Butinothercases,thereducingvalveopenswidetoadmitlotsmoreinformation,uneditedandsometimeswelcome.Peoplewhoarecolor-blindreportbeingabletoseecertaincolorsfor

thefirsttimewhenonpsychedelics,andthereisresearchtosuggestthatpeoplehearmusicdifferentlyundertheinfluenceofthesedrugs.Theyprocessthetimbre,orcoloration,ofmusicmoreacutely—adimensionofmusicthatconveysemotion.WhenIlistenedtoBach’scellosuiteduringmypsilocybinjourney,IwascertainIheardmoreofitthanIeverhad,registeringshadingsandnuancesandtonesthatIhadn’tbeenabletohearbeforeandhaven’theardsince.Carhart-Harristhinksthatpsychedelicsrenderthebrain’susual

handshakeofperceptionlessstableandmoreslippery.Thetrippingbrainmay“slipbackandforth”betweenimposingitspriorsandadmittingtherawevidenceofitssenses.Hesuspectsthattherearemomentsduringthepsychedelicexperiencewhenconfidenceinourusualtop-downconceptsofrealitycollapses,openingthewayformorebottom-upinformationto

getthroughthefilter.Butwhenallthatsensoryinformationthreatenstooverwhelmus,themindfuriouslygeneratesnewconcepts(crazyorbrilliant,ithardlymatters)tomakesenseofitall—“andsoyoumightseefacescomingoutoftherain.“That’sthebraindoingwhatthebraindoes”—thatis,workingto

reduceuncertaintyby,ineffect,tellingitselfstories.

•••

THEHUMANBRAINisaninconceivablycomplexsystem—perhapsthemostcomplexsystemevertoexist—inwhichanorderhasemerged,thehighestexpressionofwhichisthesovereignselfandournormalwakingconsciousness.Byadulthood,thebrainhasgottenverygoodatobservingandtestingrealityanddevelopingreliablepredictionsaboutitthatoptimizeourinvestmentsofenergy(mentalandotherwise)andthereforeourchancesofsurvival.Uncertaintyisacomplexbrain’sbiggestchallenge,andpredictivecodingevolvedtohelpusreduceit.Ingeneral,thekindofprecookedorconventionalizedthinkingthisadaptationproducesservesuswell.Butonlyuptoapoint.PreciselywherethatpointliesisaquestionRobinCarhart-Harrisand

hiscolleagueshaveexploredinanambitiousandprovocativepapertitled“TheEntropicBrain:ATheoryofConsciousStatesInformedbyNeuroimagingResearchwithPsychedelicDrugs,”publishedinFrontiersinHumanNeurosciencein2014.Here,Carhart-Harrisattemptstolayouthisgrandsynthesisofpsychoanalysisandcognitivebrainscience.Thequestionatitsheartis,dowepayapricefortheachievementoforderandselfhoodintheadulthumanmind?Thepaperconcludesthatwedo.Whilesuppressingentropy(inthiscontext,asynonymforuncertainty)inthebrain“servestopromoterealism,foresight,carefulreflectionandanabilitytorecognizeandovercomewishfulandparanoidfantasies,”atthesametimethisachievementtendsto“constraincognition”andexert“alimitingornarrowinginfluenceonconsciousness.”AfteraseriesofSkypeinterviews,RobinCarhart-HarrisandIwere

meetingforthefirsttime,inhisfifth-floorwalk-upinanunposhsectionofNottingHill,afewmonthsafterthepublicationoftheentropypaper.Inperson,IwasstruckbyRobin’syouthfulnessandintensity.Forallhis

ambition,hisaffectisstrikinglyself-effacinganddoeslittletoprepareyouforhiswillingnesstoventureoutontointellectuallimbsthatwouldscareofflessintrepidscientists.Theentropypaperasksustoconceiveofthemindasanuncertainty-

reducingmachinewithafewseriousbugsinit.Thesheercomplexityofthehumanbrainandthegreaternumberofdifferentmentalstatesinitsrepertoire(ascomparedwithotheranimals)makethemaintenanceoforderatoppriority,lestthesystemdescendintochaos.Onceuponatime,Carhart-Harriswrites,thehumanorprotohuman

brainexhibitedamuchmoreanarchicformof“primaryconsciousness,”characterizedby“magicalthinking”—beliefsabouttheworldthathavebeenshapedbywishesandfearsandsupernaturalinterpretation.(Inprimaryconsciousness,Carhart-Harriswrites,“cognitionislessmeticulousinitssamplingoftheexternalworldandisinsteadeasilybiasedbyemotion,e.g.,wishesandanxieties.”)Magicalthinkingisonewayforhumanmindstoreducetheiruncertaintyabouttheworld,butitislessthanoptimalforthesuccessofthespecies.Abetterwaytosuppressuncertaintyandentropyinthehumanbrain

emergedwiththeevolutionofthedefaultmodenetwork,Carhart-Harriscontends,abrain-regulatingsystemthatisabsentorundevelopedinloweranimalsandyoungchildren.Alongwiththedefaultmodenetwork,“acoherentsenseofselfor‘ego’emerges”and,withthat,thehumancapacityforself-reflectionandreason.Magicalthinkinggiveswayto“amorereality-boundstyleofthinking,governedbytheego.”BorrowingfromFreud,hecallsthismorehighlyevolvedmodeofcognition“secondaryconsciousness.”Secondaryconsciousness“paysdeferencetorealityanddiligentlyseekstorepresenttheworldaspreciselyaspossible”inordertominimize“surpriseanduncertainty(i.e.entropy).”Thearticleoffersanintriguinggraphicdepictinga“spectrumof

cognitivestates,”rangingfromhigh-entropymentalstatestolowones.Atthehigh-entropyendofthespectrum,helistspsychedelicstates;infantconsciousness;earlypsychosis;magicalthinking;anddivergentorcreativethinking.Atthelow-entropyendofthespectrum,helistsnarroworrigidthinking;addiction;obsessive-compulsivedisorder;depression;anesthesia;and,finally,coma.Carhart-Harrissuggeststhatthepsychological“disorders”atthelow-

entropyendofthespectrumarenottheresultofalackoforderinthe

brainbutratherstemfromanexcessoforder.Whenthegroovesofself-reflectivethinkingdeepenandharden,theegobecomesoverbearing.Thisisperhapsmostclearlyevidentindepression,whentheegoturnsonitselfanduncontrollableintrospectiongraduallyshadesoutreality.Carhart-Harriscitesresearchindicatingthatthisdebilitatingstateofmind(sometimescalledheavyself-consciousnessordepressiverealism)maybetheresultofahyperactivedefaultmodenetwork,whichcantrapusinrepetitiveanddestructiveloopsofruminationthateventuallycloseusofffromtheworldoutside.Huxley’sreducingvalvecontractstozero.Carhart-Harrisbelievesthatpeoplesufferingfromawholerangeofdisorderscharacterizedbyexcessivelyrigidpatternsofthought—includingaddiction,obsessions,andeatingdisordersaswellasdepression—standtobenefitfrom“theabilityofpsychedelicstodisruptstereotypedpatternsofthoughtandbehaviorbydisintegratingthepatternsof[neural]activityuponwhichtheyrest.”Soitmaybethatsomebrainscouldstandtohavealittlemore

entropy,notless.Thisiswherepsychedelicscomein.Byquietingthedefaultmodenetwork,thesecompoundscanloosentheego’sgriponthemachineryofthemind,“lubricating”cognitionwherebeforeithadbeenrustedstuck.“Psychedelicsalterconsciousnessbydisorganizingbrainactivity,”Carhart-Harriswrites.Theyincreasetheamountofentropyinthebrain,withtheresultthatthesystemrevertstoalessconstrainedmodeofcognition.*“It’snotjustthatonesystemdropsaway,”hesays,“butthatanolder

systemreemerges.”Thatoldersystemisprimaryconsciousness,amodeofthinkinginwhichtheegotemporarilylosesitsdominionandtheunconscious,nowunregulated,“isbroughtintoanobservablespace.”This,forCarhart-Harris,istheheuristicvalueofpsychedelicstothestudyofthemind,thoughheseestherapeuticvalueaswell.It’sworthnotingthatCarhart-Harrisdoesnotromanticize

psychedelicsandhaslittlepatienceforthesortof“magicalthinking”and“metaphysics”thattheynourishintheiracolytes—suchastheideathatconsciousnessis“transpersonal,”apropertyoftheuniverseratherthanthehumanbrain.Inhisview,theformsofconsciousnessthatpsychedelicsunleashareregressionstoa“moreprimitive”modeofcognition.WithFreud,hebelievesthatthelossofself,andthesenseofoneness,characteristicofthemysticalexperience—whetheroccasioned

bychemistryorreligion—returnustothepsychologicalconditionoftheinfantonitsmother’sbreast,astagewhenithasyettodevelopasenseofitselfasaseparateandboundedindividual.ForCarhart-Harris,thepinnacleofhumandevelopmentistheachievementofthisdifferentiatedself,orego,anditsimpositionoforderontheanarchyofaprimitivemindbuffetedbyfearsandwishesandgiventovariousformsofmagicalthinking.WhileheholdswithAldousHuxleythatpsychedelicsthrowopenthedoorsofperception,hedoesnotagreethateverythingthatcomesthroughthatopening—includingthe“MindatLarge”thatHuxleyglimpsed—isnecessarilyreal.“Thepsychedelicexperiencecanyieldalotoffool’sgold,”hetoldme.YetCarhart-Harrisalsobelievesthereisgenuinegoldinthe

psychedelicexperience.Whenwemet,heofferedexamplesofscientistswhoseownexperienceswithLSDhadsuppliedthemwithinsightsintotheworkingsofthebrain.Toomuchentropyinthehumanbrainmayleadtoatavisticthinkingand,atthefarend,madness,yettoolittlecancrippleusaswell.Thegripofanoverbearingegocanenforcearigidityinourthinkingthatispsychologicallydestructive.Itmaybesociallyandpoliticallydestructivetoo,inthatitclosesthemindtoinformationandalternativepointsofview.Inoneofourconversations,Robinspeculatedthataclassofdrugs

withthepowertooverturnhierarchiesinthemindandsponsorunconventionalthinkinghasthepotentialtoreshapeusers’attitudestowardauthorityofallkinds;thatis,thecompoundsmayhaveapoliticaleffect.ManybelieveLSDplayedpreciselythatroleinthepoliticalupheavalofthe1960s.“Wasitthathippiesgravitatedtopsychedelics,ordopsychedelics

createhippies?Nixonthoughtitwasthelatter.Hemayhavebeenright!”Robinbelievesthatpsychedelicsmayalsosubtlyshiftpeople’sattitudestowardnature,whichalsounderwentaseachangeinthe1960s.WhentheinfluenceoftheDMNdeclines,sodoesoursenseofseparatenessfromourenvironment.HisteamatImperialCollegehastestedvolunteersonastandardpsychologicalscalethatmeasures“naturerelatedness”(respondentsratetheiragreementwithstatementslike“Iamnotseparatefromnature,butapartofnature”).Apsychedelicexperienceelevatedpeople’sscores.*

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SOWHATDOESahigh-entropybrainlooklike?ThevariousscanningtechnologiesthattheImperialCollegelabhasusedtomapthetrippingbrainshowthatthespecializedneuralnetworksofthebrain—suchasthedefaultmodenetworkandthevisualprocessingsystem—eachbecomedisintegrated,whilethebrainasawholebecomesmoreintegratedasnewconnectionsspringupamongregionsthatordinarilykeptmainlytothemselvesorwerelinkedonlyviathecentralhuboftheDMN.Putanotherway,thevariousnetworksofthebrainbecamelessspecialized.“Distinctnetworksbecamelessdistinctunderthedrug,”Carhart-

Harrisandhiscolleagueswrote,“implyingthattheycommunicatemoreopenly,”withotherbrainnetworks.“Thebrainoperateswithgreaterflexibilityandinterconnectednessunderhallucinogens.”Ina2014paperpublishedintheJournaloftheRoyalSociety

Interface,theImperialCollegeteamdemonstratedhowtheusuallinesofcommunicationswithinthebrainareradicallyreorganizedwhenthedefaultmodenetworkgoesoff-lineandthetideofentropyisallowedtorise.Usingascanningtechniquecalledmagnetoencephalography,whichmapselectricalactivityinthebrain,theauthorsproducedamapofthebrain’sinternalcommunicationsduringnormalwakingconsciousnessandafteraninjectionofpsilocybin(shownonthefollowingpages).Initsnormalstate,shownontheleft,thebrain’svariousnetworks(heredepictedliningthecircle,eachrepresentedbyadifferentcolor)talkmostlytothemselves,witharelativelyfewheavilytraffickedpathwaysamongthem.Butwhenthebrainoperatesundertheinfluenceofpsilocybin,as

shownontheright,thousandsofnewconnectionsform,linkingfar-flungbrainregionsthatduringnormalwakingconsciousnessdon’texchangemuchinformation.Ineffect,trafficisreroutedfromarelativelysmallnumberofinterstatehighwaysontomyriadsmallerroadslinkingagreatmanymoredestinations.Thebrainappearstobecomelessspecializedandmoregloballyinterconnected,withconsiderablymoreintercourse,or“crosstalk,”amongitsvariousneighborhoods.Thereareseveralwaysthistemporaryrewiringofthebrainmayaffect

mentalexperience.Whenthememoryandemotioncentersareallowedtocommunicatedirectlywiththevisualprocessingcenters,it’spossibleour

wishesandfears,prejudicesandemotions,begintoinformwhatwesee—ahallmarkofprimaryconsciousnessandarecipeformagicalthinking.Likewise,theestablishmentofnewlinkagesacrossbrainsystemscangiverisetosynesthesia,aswhensenseinformationgetscross-wiredsothatcolorsbecomesoundsorsoundsbecometactile.Orthenewlinksgiverisetohallucination,aswhenthecontentsofmymemorytransformedmyvisualperceptionofMaryintoMaríaSabina,ortheimageofmyfaceinthemirrorintoavisionofmygrandfather.Theformingofstillotherkindsofnovelconnectionscouldmanifestinmentalexperienceasanewidea,afreshperspective,acreativeinsight,ortheascribingofnewmeaningstofamiliarthings—oranynumberofthebizarrementalphenomenapeopleonpsychedelicsreport.Theincreaseinentropyallowsathousandmentalstatestobloom,manyofthembizarreandsenseless,butsomenumberofthemrevelatory,imaginative,and,atleastpotentially,transformative.Onewaytothinkaboutthisbloomingofmentalstatesisthatit

temporarilybooststhesheeramountofdiversityinourmentallife.Ifproblemsolvingisanythinglikeevolutionaryadaptation,themorepossibilitiesthemindhasatitsdisposal,themorecreativeitssolutionswillbe.Inthissense,entropyinthebrainisabitlikevariationinevolution:itsuppliesthediversityofrawmaterialsonwhichselectioncanthenoperatetosolveproblemsandbringnoveltyintotheworld.If,assomanyartistsandscientistshavetestified,thepsychedelicexperienceisanaidtocreativity—tothinking“outsidethebox”—thismodelmighthelpexplainwhythatisthecase.Maybetheproblemwith“thebox”isthatitissingular.

Akeyquestionthatthescienceofpsychedelicshasnotevenbeguntoansweriswhetherthenewneuralconnectionsthatpsychedelicsmakepossibleendureinanyway,orifthebrain’swiringreturnstothestatusquoanteoncethedrugwearsoff.ThefindingbyRolandGriffiths’slabthatthepsychedelicexperienceleadstolong-termchangesinthepersonalitytraitofopennessraisesthepossibilitythatsomekindoflearningtakesplacewhilethebrainisrewiredandthatitmightinsomewaypersist.Learningentailstheestablishmentofnewneuralcircuits;

thesegetstrongerthemoreexercisetheyget.Thelong-termfateofthenovelconnectionsformedduringthepsychedelicexperience—whethertheyprovedurableorevanescent—mightdependonwhetherwerecalland,ineffect,exercisethemaftertheexperienceends.(Thiscouldbeassimpleasrecollectingwhatweexperienced,reinforcingitduringtheintegrationprocess,orusingmeditationtoreenactthealteredstateofconsciousness.)FranzVollenweiderhassuggestedthatthepsychedelicexperiencemayfacilitate“neuroplasticity”:itopensawindowinwhichpatternsofthoughtandbehaviorbecomemoreplasticandsoeasiertochange.Hismodelsoundslikeachemicallymediatedformofcognitivebehavioraltherapy.Butsofarthisisallhighlyspeculative;asyettherehasbeenlittlemappingofthebrainbeforeandafterpsychedelicstodeterminewhat,ifanything,theexperiencechangesinalastingway.Carhart-Harrisarguesintheentropypaperthatevenatemporary

rewiringofthebrainispotentiallyvaluable,especiallyforpeoplesufferingfromdisorderscharacterizedbymentalrigidity.Ahigh-dosepsychedelicexperiencehasthepowerto“shakethesnowglobe,”hesays,disruptingunhealthypatternsofthoughtandcreatingaspaceofflexibility—entropy—inwhichmoresalubriouspatternsandnarrativeshaveanopportunitytocoalesceasthesnowslowlyresettles.

•••

THEIDEAthatincreasingtheamountofentropyinthehumanbrainmightactuallybegoodforusissurelycounterintuitive.Mostofusbringanegativeconnotationtotheterm:entropysuggeststhegradualdeteriorationofahard-wonorder,thedisintegrationofasystemovertime.Certainlygettingolderfeelslikeanentropicprocess—agradualrunningdownanddisorderingofthemindandbody.Butmaybethat’sthewrongwaytothinkaboutit.RobinCarhart-Harris’spapergotmewonderingif,atleastforthemind,agingisreallyaprocessofdecliningentropy,thefadingovertimeofwhatweshouldregardasapositiveattributeofmentallife.Certainlybymiddleage,theswayofhabitualthinkingoverthe

operationsofthemindisnearlyabsolute.Bynow,Icancountonpastexperiencetoproposequickandusuallyserviceableanswerstojustabout

anyquestionrealityposes,whetherit’sabouthowtosootheachildormollifyaspouse,repairasentence,acceptacompliment,answerthenextquestion,ormakesenseofwhatever’shappeningintheworld.Withexperienceandtime,itgetseasiertocuttothechaseandleaptoconclusions—clichésthatimplyakindofagilitybutthatinfactmaysignifypreciselytheopposite:apetrifactionofthought.Thinkofitaspredictivecodingonthescaleoflife;thepriors—andbynowI’vegotmillionsofthem—usuallyhavemyback,canbereliedontogivemeadecentenoughanswer,evenifitisn’taparticularlyfreshorimaginativeone.Aflatteringtermforthisregimeofgoodenoughpredictionsis“wisdom.”ReadingRobin’spaperhelpedmebetterunderstandwhatIwas

lookingforwhenIdecidedtoexplorepsychedelics:togivemyownsnowglobeavigorousshaking,seeifIcouldrenovatemyeverydaymentallifebyintroducingagreatermeasureofentropy,anduncertainty,intoit.Gettingoldermightrendertheworldmorepredictable(ineverysense),yetitalsolightenstheburdenofresponsibility,creatinganewspaceforexperiment.Minehadbeentoseeifitwasn’ttoolatetoskipoutofsomeofthedeepergroovesofhabitthatthebeen-theresanddone-thatsoflongexperiencehadinscribedonmymind.

•••

INBOTHPHYSICSandinformationtheory,entropyisoftenassociatedwithexpansion—asintheexpansionofagaswhenitisheatedorfreedfromtheconstraintsofacontainer.Asthegas’smoleculesdiffuseinspace,itbecomeshardertopredictthelocationofanygivenone;theuncertaintyofthesystemthusincreases.Inathrowawaylineattheendofhisentropypaper,Carhart-Harrisremindsusthatinthe1960sthepsychedelicexperiencewasusuallydescribedas“consciousness-expansion”;knowinglyornot,TimothyLearyandhiscolleagueshadhitonexactlytherightmetaphorfortheentropicbrain.ThisexpansionmetaphoralsochimeswithHuxley’sreducingvalve,implyingasitdoesthatconsciousnessexistsinastateofopeningorcontraction.Asamatterofexperience,aqualityasabstractasentropyisalmost

impossibleforustoperceive,butexpansion,perhaps,isnot.Judson

Brewer,theneuroscientistwhostudiesmeditation,hasfoundthatafeltsenseofexpansioninconsciousnesscorrelateswithadropinactivityinoneparticularnodeofthedefaultmodenetwork—theposteriorcingulatecortex(PCC),whichisassociatedwithself-referentialprocessing.Oneofthemostinterestingthingsaboutapsychedelicexperienceisthatitsharpensone’ssensitivitytoone’sownmentalstates,especiallyinthedaysimmediatelyfollowing.Theusualseamlessnessofconsciousnessisdisturbedinsuchawayastomakeanygivenstate—mindwandering,focusedattention,rumination—bothmoresalientandsomewhateasiertomanipulate.Inthewakeofmypsychedelicexperiences(and,perhaps,inthewakeofinterviewingJudsonBrewer),IfoundthatwhenIputmymindtoit,Icouldlocatemyownstateofconsciousnessonaspectrumrangingfromcontractiontoexpansion.When,forexample,I’mfeelingespeciallygenerousorgrateful,opento

feelingsandpeopleandnature,Iregisterasenseofexpansion.Thisfeelingisoftenaccompaniedbyadiminutionofego,aswellasafalloffintheattentionpaidtopastandfutureonwhichtheegofeasts.(Anddepends.)Bythesametoken,thereisapronouncedsenseofcontractionwhenI’mobsessingaboutthingsorfeelingfearful,defensive,rushed,worried,andregretful.(Theselasttwofeelingsdon’texistwithouttimetravel.)Atsuchtimes,Ifeelaltogethermoreme,andnotinagoodway.Iftheneuroscientistsareright,whatI’mobservinginmymindhasaphysicalcorrelateinthebrain:thedefaultmodenetworkiseitheronlineoroff;entropyiseitherhighorlow.WhatexactlytodowiththisinformationI’mnotyetsure.

•••

BYNOW,itmaybelosttomemory,butallofus,eventhepsychedelicallynaive,havehaddirectpersonalexperienceofanentropicbrainandthenoveltypeofconsciousnessitsponsors—asayoungchild.Babyconsciousnessissodifferentfromadultconsciousnessastoconstituteamentalcountryofitsown,onefromwhichweareexpelledsometimeearlyinadolescence.Isthereawaybackin?Theclosestwecancometovisitingthatforeignlandasadultsmaybeduringthepsychedelicjourney.ThisatleastisthestartlinghypothesisofAlisonGopnik,adevelopmental

psychologistandphilosopherwhohappenstobeacolleagueofmineatBerkeley.AlisonGopnikandRobinCarhart-Harriscomeattheproblemof

consciousnessfromwhatseemlikecompletelydifferentdirectionsanddisciplines,butsoonaftertheylearnedofeachother’swork(Ihade-mailedaPDFofRobin’sentropypapertoAlisonandtoldhimabouthersuperbbook,ThePhilosophicalBaby),theystruckupaconversationthathasproventoberemarkablyilluminating,atleastforme.InApril2016,theirconversationwounduponastageataconferenceonconsciousnessinTucson,Arizona,wherethetwometforthefirsttimeandsharedapanel.*InmuchthesamewaypsychedelicshavegivenCarhart-Harrisan

obliqueanglefromwhichtoapproachthephenomenaofnormalconsciousnessbyexploringanalteredstateofit,Gopnikproposesweregardthemindoftheyoungchildasanotherkindof“alteredstate,”andinanumberofrespectsitisastrikinglysimilarone.Shecautionsthatourthinkingaboutthesubjectisusuallyconstrainedbyourownrestrictedexperienceofconsciousness,whichwenaturallytaketobethewholeofit.Inthiscase,mostofthetheoriesandgeneralizationsaboutconsciousnesshavebeenmadebypeoplewhoshareafairlylimitedsubtypeofitshecalls“professorconsciousness,”whichshedefinesas“thephenomenologyofyouraveragemiddle-agedprofessor.”“Asacademics,eitherwe’reincrediblyfocusedonaparticular

problem,”GopniktoldtheaudienceofphilosophersandneuroscientistsinTucson,“orwe’resittingtheresayingtoourselves,‘Whycan’tIfocusonthisproblemI’msupposedtobefocusedon,andwhyinsteadamIdaydreaming?’”GopnikherselflooksthepartofaBerkeleyprofessorinherearlysixties,withhercolorfulscarves,flowingskirts,andsensibleshoes.Achildofthe1960swhoisnowagrandmother,shehasaspeakingstylethatisatoncelightheartedandlearned,studdedwithreferencesindicatingamindasmuchathomeinthehumanitiesasthesciences.“Ifyouthought,aspeopleoftenhavethought,thatthiswasallthere

wastoconsciousness...youmightverywellfindyourselfthinkingthatyoungchildrenwereactuallylessconsciousthanwewere,”becausebothfocusedattentionandself-reflectionareabsentinyoungchildren.Gopnikasksustothinkaboutchildconsciousnessintermsofnotwhat’smissingfromitorundevelopedbutratherwhatisuniquelyandwonderfully

present—qualitiesthatshebelievespsychedelicscanhelpustobetterappreciateand,possibly,reexperience.InThePhilosophicalBaby,Gopnikdrawsausefuldistinctionbetween

the“spotlightconsciousness”ofadultsandthe“lanternconsciousness”ofyoungchildren.Thefirstmodegivesadultstheabilitytonarrowlyfocusattentiononagoal.(Inhisownremarks,Carhart-Harriscalledthis“egoconsciousness”or“consciousnesswithapoint.”)Inthesecondmode—lanternconsciousness—attentionismorewidelydiffused,allowingthechildtotakeininformationfromvirtuallyanywhereinherfieldofawareness,whichisquitewide,widerthanthatofmostadults.(Bythismeasure,childrenaremoreconsciousthanadults,ratherthanless.)Whilechildrenseldomexhibitsustainedperiodsofspotlightconsciousness,adultsoccasionallyexperiencethat“vividpanoramicilluminationoftheeveryday”thatlanternconsciousnessaffordsus.ToborrowJudsonBrewer’sterms,lanternconsciousnessisexpansive,spotlightconsciousnessnarrow,orcontracted.Theadultbraindirectsthespotlightofitsattentionwhereitwilland

thenreliesonpredictivecodingtomakesenseofwhatitperceives.Thisisnotatallthechild’sapproach,Gopnikhasdiscovered.Beinginexperiencedinthewayoftheworld,themindoftheyoungchildhascomparativelyfewpriors,orpreconceptions,toguideherperceptionsdownthepredictabletracks.Instead,thechildapproachesrealitywiththeastonishmentofanadultonpsychedelics.Whatthismeansforcognitionandlearningcanbebestunderstoodby

lookingatmachinelearning,orartificialintelligence,Gopniksuggests.Inteachingcomputershowtolearnandsolveproblems,AIdesignersspeakintermsof“hightemperature”and“lowtemperature”searchesfortheanswerstoquestions.Alow-temperaturesearch(so-calledbecauseitrequireslessenergy)involvesreachingforthemostprobableornearest-to-handanswer,liketheonethatworkedforasimilarprobleminthepast.Low-temperaturesearchessucceedmoreoftenthannot.Ahigh-temperaturesearchrequiresmoreenergybecauseitinvolvesreachingforlesslikelybutpossiblymoreingeniousandcreativeanswers—thosefoundoutsidetheboxofpreconception.Drawingonitswealthofexperience,theadultmindperformslow-temperaturesearchesmostofthetime.Gopnikbelievesthatboththeyoungchild(fiveandunder)andthe

adultonapsychedelichaveastrongerpredilectionforthehigh-

temperaturesearch;intheirquesttomakesenseofthings,theirmindsexplorenotjustthenearbyandmostlikelybut“theentirespaceofpossibilities.”Thesehigh-temperaturesearchesmightbeinefficient,incurringahigherrateoferrorandrequiringmoretimeandmentalenergytoperform.High-temperaturesearchescanyieldanswersthataremoremagicalthanrealistic.Yettherearetimeswhenhotsearchesaretheonlywaytosolveaproblem,andoccasionallytheyreturnanswersofsurpassingbeautyandoriginality.E=mc2wastheproductofahigh-temperaturesearch.Gopnikhastestedthishypothesisonchildreninherlabandhasfound

thattherearelearningproblemsthatfour-year-oldsarebetteratsolvingthanadults.Thesearepreciselythekindsofproblemsthatrequirethinkingoutsidethebox,thosetimeswhenexperiencehobblesratherthangreasesthegearsofproblemsolving,oftenbecausetheproblemissonovel.Inoneexperiment,shepresentedchildrenwithatoyboxthatlightsupandplaysmusicwhenacertainkindofblockisplacedontopofit.Normally,this“blicketdetector”issettorespondtoasingleblockofacertaincolororshape,butwhentheexperimenterreprogramsthemachinesothatitrespondsonlywhentwoblocksareplacedonit,four-year-oldsfigureitoutmuchfasterthanadultsdo.“Theirthinkingislessconstrainedbyexperience,sotheywilltryeven

themostunlikelypossibilities”;thatis,they’llconductlotsofhigh-temperaturesearches,testingthemostfar-outhypotheses.“Childrenarebetterlearnersthanadultsinmanycaseswhenthesolutionsarenonobvious”or,assheputsit,“furtheroutinthespaceofpossibilities,”arealmwheretheyaremoreathomethanweare.Farout,indeed.“Wehavethelongestchildhoodofanyspecies,”Gopniksays.“This

extendedperiodoflearningandexplorationiswhat’sdistinctiveaboutus.IthinkofchildhoodastheR&Dstageofthespecies,concernedexclusivelywithlearningandexploring.Weadultsareproductionandmarketing.”LaterIaskedherifshemeanttosaythatchildrenperformR&Dfortheindividual,notthespecies,butinfactshemeantexactlywhatshesaid.“Eachgenerationofchildrenconfrontsanewenvironment,”she

explained,“andtheirbrainsareparticularlygoodatlearningandthrivinginthatenvironment.Thinkofthechildrenofimmigrants,orfour-year-oldsconfrontedwithaniPhone.Childrendon’tinventthesenewtools,

theydon’tcreatethenewenvironment,butineverygenerationtheybuildthekindofbrainthatcanbestthriveinit.Childhoodisthespecies’waysofinjectingnoiseintothesystemofculturalevolution.”“Noise,”ofcourse,isinthiscontextanotherwordfor“entropy.”“Thechild’sbrainisextremelyplastic,goodforlearning,not

accomplishing”—betterfor“exploringratherthanexploiting.”Italsohasagreatmanymoreneuralconnectionsthantheadultbrain.(Duringthepanel,Carhart-Harrisshowedhismapofthemindonpsilocybin,withitsdenseforestoflinesconnectingeveryregiontoeveryother.)Butaswereachadolescence,mostofthoseconnectionsgetpruned,sothatthe“humanbrainbecomesalean,meanactingmachine.”Akeyelementofthatdevelopmentalprocessisthesuppressionofentropy,withallofitsimplications,bothgoodandbad.Thesystemcools,andhotsearchesbecometheexceptionratherthantherule.Thedefaultmodenetworkcomesonline.“Consciousnessnarrowsaswegetolder,”Gopniksays.“Adultshave

congealedintheirbeliefsandarehardtoshift,”shehaswritten,whereas“childrenaremorefluidandconsequentlymorewillingtoentertainnewideas.“Ifyouwanttounderstandwhatanexpandedconsciousnesslooks

like,allyouhavetodoishaveteawithafour-year-old.”OrdropatabofLSD.Gopniktoldmeshehasbeenstruckbythe

similaritiesbetweenthephenomenologyoftheLSDexperienceandherunderstandingoftheconsciousnessofchildren:hottersearches,diffusedattention,morementalnoise(orentropy),magicalthinking,andlittlesenseofaselfthatiscontinuousovertime.“Theshortsummaryis,babiesandchildrenarebasicallytrippingall

thetime.”

•••

SURELYTHISINSIGHTisinteresting,butisituseful?BothGopnikandCarhart-Harrisbelieveitis,believethatthepsychedelicexperience,astheyconceptualizeit,hasthepotentialtohelppeoplewhoaresickandpeoplewhoarenot.Forthewell,psychedelics,byintroducingmorenoiseorentropyintothebrain,mightshakepeopleoutoftheirusualpatterns

ofthought—“lubricatecognition,”inCarhart-Harris’swords—inwaysthatmightenhancewell-being,makeusmoreopenandboostcreativity.InGopnik’sterms,thedrugscouldhelpadultsachievethekindoffluidthinkingthatissecondnaturetokids,expandingthespaceofcreativepossibility.If,asGopnikhypothesizes,“childhoodisawayofinjectingnoise—andnovelty—intothesystemofculturalevolution,”psychedelicsmightdothesamethingforthesystemoftheadultmind.Asfortheunwell,thepatientswhostandtogainthemostareprobably

thosesufferingfromthekindsofmentaldisorderscharacterizedbymentalrigidity:addiction,depression,obsession.“Therearearangeofdifficultiesandpathologiesinadults,like

depression,thatareconnectedwiththephenomenologyofruminationandanexcessivelynarrow,ego-basedfocus,”Gopniksays.“Yougetstuckonthesamething,youcan’tescape,youbecomeobsessive,perhapsaddicted.Itseemsplausibletomethatthepsychedelicexperiencecouldhelpusgetoutofthosestates,createanopportunityinwhichtheoldstoriesofwhowearemightberewritten.”Theexperiencecouldworkasakindofreset—aswhenyou“introduceaburstofnoiseintoasystem”thathasgottenlockedintoarigidpattern.Quietingthedefaultmodenetworkandlooseningthegripoftheego—whichshesuggestsmaybeillusoryanyway—mightalsobehelpfultosuchpeople.Gopnik’sideaofabrainrebootsoundedverymuchlikeCarhart-Harris’snotionofshakingthesnowglobe:awaytoboostentropy,orheat,inasystemthathasgottenfrozenstuck.Soonafterpublishinghisentropypaper,Carhart-Harrisresolvedto

putsomeofhistheoriesintopracticebytestingthemonpatients.Forthefirsttime,thelabexpandeditsfocusfrompureresearchtoaclinicalapplicationofthatwork.DavidNuttsecuredagrantfromtheU.K.governmentforthelabtoconductasmallpilotstudylookingatthepotentialofpsilocybintorelievethesymptomsof“treatment-resistantdepression”—patientswhohadn’trespondedtotheusualtherapeuticprotocolsanddrugs.DoingclinicalworkwasdefinitelyoutsideCarhart-Harris’sexperience

andcomfortzone,aswellasthelab’s.Oneunfortunateearlyepisodepointeduptheinherenttensionsbetweentherolesoftheclinician,devotedsolelytothepatient’swelfare,andthescientist,intentongatheringdataaswell.AfterbeinginjectedwithLSDinatrialCarhart-

Harriswasrunning(notaclinicaltrial,itshouldbepointedout),avolunteerinhislatethirtiesnamedTobySlaterbeganfeelinganxiousinthefMRIscannerandaskedtogetout.Aftertakingabreak,Slater,perhapshopingtopleasetheresearchers,volunteeredtogetbackinthemachinesotheycouldcompletetheexperiment.(“I’mafraidhecouldseemydisappointment,”Carhart-Harrisrecalls,ruefully.)ButSlater’sanxietyreturned:“Ifeltlikealabrat,”hetoldme.Heaskedtogetoutagainandtriedtoleavethelab.Theresearchershadtopersuadehimtostayandletthemadministerasedative.Carhart-Harrisdescribestheepisode—oneoftheveryfewadverse

eventsseenintheImperialresearch—as“alearningexperience”and,byallaccounts,hehassinceshownhimselftobeacompassionateandeffectiveclinicianaswellasanoriginalscientist—surelyararecombination.Theresponseofmostpatientsinthedepressiontrial,aswewillseeinthefollowingchapter,hasbeenremarkablypositive,atleastintheshortterm.OverdinneratarestaurantinWestLondon,Robintoldmeaboutoneseverelydepressedwomaninthetrialwhomoverthecourseofseveralmeetingshehadneveronceseensmile.Ashesatwithherduringherpsilocybinjourney,“shesmiledfortheveryfirsttime.“‘It’snicetosmile,’shesaid.“Afteritwasover,shetoldmeshehadbeenvisitedbyaguardian

angel.Shedescribedapresenceofsomekind,avoicethatwasentirelysupportiveandwantedhertobewell.Itwouldsaythingslike‘Darling,youneedtosmilemore,holdyourheaduphigh,stoplookingdownattheground.Thenitreachedoverandpushedupmycheeks,’shesaid,‘liftingthecornersofmymouth.’“ThatmusthavebeenwhatwashappeninginhermindwhenI

observedhersmiling,”Robinsaid,nowsmilinghimself,broadlyifabitsheepishly.Intheaftermathofherexperience,thewoman’sdepressionscoredroppedfromthirty-sixtofour.“Ihavetosay,thatwasaverynicefeeling.”

CHAPTERSIX

THETRIPTREATMENT

PsychedelicsinPsychotherapy

One:Dying

ATNEWYORKUNIVERSITY,psilocybintripstakeplaceinatreatmentroomcarefullydecoratedtolookmorelikeacozydenthanahospitalsuite.Theeffectalmostworks,butnotentirely,forthestainlesssteelandplasticfittingsofmodernmedicinepeekthroughthedomesticscrimhereandthere,chillyremindersthattheroomyouaretrippinginisstillinthebellyofabigcityhospitalcomplex.Againstonewallisacomfortablecouchlongenoughforapatientto

stretchoutonduringasession.Anabstractpainting—orisitacubistlandscape?—hangsontheoppositewall,andonthebookshelveslarge-formatbooksaboutartandmythologysharespacewithnativecraftitemsandspiritualknickknacks—alargeglazedceramicmushroom,aBuddha,acrystal.Thiscouldbetheapartmentofawell-traveledshrinkofacertainage,onewithaninterestinEasternreligionsandtheartofwhatusedtobecalledprimitivecultures.Yettheillusioncrumblesassoonasyouliftyourgazetotheceiling,wherethetracksthatwouldordinarilysupportthecurtainsdividingonehospitalbedfromanothertraversethewhiteacoustictiles.Andthenthereisthesupersizedbathroom,ablazewithfluorescentlightandoutfittedwiththerequisitegrabbarsandpedals.ItwashereinthisroomthatIfirstheardthestoryofPatrickMettes,a

volunteerinNYU’spsilocybincancertrialwho,inthecourseofaturbulentsix-hourpsilocybinjourneyonthecouchwhereInowsat,hadalife-changing—orperhapsIshouldsaydeath-changing—experience.IhadcometointerviewTonyBossis,thepalliativecarepsychologistwho

guidedMettesthatday,andhiscolleagueStephenRoss,theBellevuepsychiatristwhodirectedthetrial,whichsoughttodeterminewhetherasinglehighdoseofpsilocybincouldalleviatetheanxietyanddepressionthatoftenfollowalife-threateningcancerdiagnosis.WhileBossis,hirsuteandbearish,looksthepartofafifty-something

Manhattanshrinkwithaninterestinalternativetherapies,Ross,whoisinhisforties,comesacrossasmoreofastraightarrow;neatlytrimmedinasuitandtie,hecouldpassforaWallStreetbanker.AbookishteenagergrowingupinL.A.,RosssayshehadnopersonalexperienceofpsychedelicsandknewnexttonothingaboutthembeforeacolleaguehappenedtomentionthatLSDhadbeenusedsuccessfullytotreatalcoholicsinthe1950sand1960s.Thisbeinghispsychiatricspecialty,Rossdidsomeresearchandwasastonishedtodiscovera“completelyburiedbodyofknowledge.”Bythe1990s,whenhebeganhisresidencyinpsychiatryatColumbiaandtheNewYorkStatePsychiatricInstitute,thehistoryofpsychedelictherapyhadbeenerasedfromthefield,nevertobementioned.ThetrialatNYU,alongwithasisterstudyconductedinRoland

Griffiths’slabatJohnsHopkins,representsoneofahandfulofeffortstopickupthethreadofinquirythatgotdroppedinthe1970swhensanctionedpsychedelictherapyended.WhiletheNYUandHopkinstrialsareassessingthepotentialofpsychedelicstohelpthedying,othertrialsnowunderwayareexploringthepossibilitythatpsychedelics(usuallypsilocybinratherthanLSD,because,asRossexplained,it“carriesnoneofthepoliticalbaggageofthosethreeletters”)couldbeusedtoliftdepressionandbreakaddictions—toalcohol,cocaine,andtobacco.Noneofthisworkisexactlynew:todelveintothehistoryofclinical

researchwithpsychedelicsistorealizethatmostofthisgroundhasalreadybeentilled.CharlesGrob,theUCLApsychiatristwhose2011pilotstudyofpsilocybinforcanceranxietyclearedthepathfortheNYUandHopkinstrials,acknowledgesthat“inalotofwayswearesimplypickingupthetorchfromearliergenerationsofresearcherswhohadtoputitdownbecauseofculturalpressures.”Butifpsychedelicsareevertofindacceptanceinmodernmedicine,allthisburiedknowledgewillneedtobeexcavatedandtheexperimentsthatproduceditreprisedaccordingtotheprevailingscientificstandards.

Yetevenaspsychedelictherapiesarebeingtestedbymodernscience,theverystrangenessofthesemoleculesandtheiractionsuponthemindisatthesametimetestingwhetherWesternmedicinecandealwiththeimplicitchallengestheypose.Tociteoneobviousexample,conventionaldrugtrialsofpsychedelicsaredifficultifnotimpossibletoblind:mostparticipantscantellwhetherthey’vereceivedpsilocybinoraplacebo,andsocantheirguides.Also,intestingthesedrugs,howcanresearchershopetoteaseoutthechemical’seffectfromthecriticalinfluenceofsetandsetting?Westernscienceandmoderndrugtestingdependontheabilitytoisolateasinglevariable,butitisn’tclearthattheeffectsofapsychedelicdrugcaneverbeisolated,whetherfromthecontextinwhichitisadministered,thepresenceofthetherapistsinvolved,orthevolunteer’sexpectations.Anyofthesefactorscanmuddythewatersofcausality.AndhowisWesternmedicinetoevaluateapsychiatricdrugthatappearstoworknotbymeansofanystrictlypharmacologicaleffectbutbyadministeringacertainkindofexperienceinthemindsofthepeoplewhotakeit?Addtothisthefactthatthekindofexperiencethesedrugssponsor

oftengoesundertheheadingof“spiritual,”andyouhave,withpsychedelictherapy,averylargepillformodernmedicinetoswallow.CharlesGrobwellappreciatesthechallengebutisalsorefreshinglyunapologeticaboutit:hedescribespsychedelictherapyasaformof“appliedmysticism.”Thisissurelyanoddphrasetohearonthelipsofascientist,andtomanyearsitsoundsdangerouslyunscientific.“Formethatisnotamedicalconcept,”FranzVollenweider,the

pioneeringpsychedelicresearcher,toldSciencemagazine,whenaskedtocommentontheroleofmysticisminpsychedelictherapy.“It’smorelikeaninterestingshamanicconcept.”Butotherresearchersworkingonpsychedelicsdon’trunfromtheideathatelementsofshamanismmighthavearoletoplayinpsychedelictherapy—asindeedithasprobablydoneforseveralthousandyearsbeforetherewassuchathingasscience.“Ifwearetodevelopoptimalresearchdesignsforevaluatingthetherapeuticutilityofhallucinogens,”Grobhaswritten,“itwillnotbesufficienttoadheretostrictstandardsofscientificmethodologyalone.Wemustalsopayheedtotheexamplesprovidedusbysuchsuccessfulapplicationsoftheshamanicparadigm.”Underthatparadigm,theshaman/therapistcarefullyorchestrates“extrapharmacologicalvariables”suchassetand

settinginordertoputthe“hyper-suggestibleproperties”ofthesemedicinestobestuse.Thisispreciselywherepsychedelictherapyseemstobeoperating:onafrontierbetweenspiritualityandsciencethatisasprovocativeasitisuncomfortable.Yetthenewresearchintopsychedelicscomesalongatatimewhen

mentalhealthtreatmentinthiscountryisso“broken”—tousethewordofTomInsel,whountil2015wasdirectoroftheNationalInstituteofMentalHealth—thatthefield’swillingnesstoentertainradicalnewapproachesisperhapsgreaterthanithasbeeninageneration.Thepharmacologicaltoolboxfortreatingdepression—whichafflictsnearlyatenthofallAmericansand,worldwide,istheleadingcauseofdisability—haslittleinittoday,withantidepressantslosingtheireffectiveness*andthepipelinefornewpsychiatricdrugsdryingup.Pharmaceuticalcompaniesarenolongerinvestinginthedevelopmentofso-calledCNSdrugs—medicinestargetedatthecentralnervoussystem.Thementalhealthsystemreachesonlyafractionofthepeoplesufferingfrommentaldisorders,mostofwhomarediscouragedfromseekingtreatmentbyitscost,socialstigma,orineffectiveness.Therearealmostforty-threethousandsuicideseveryyearinAmerica(morethanthenumberofdeathsfromeitherbreastcancerorautoaccidents),yetonlyabouthalfofthepeoplewhotaketheirliveshaveeverreceivedmentalhealthtreatment.“Broken”doesnotseemtooharshacharacterizationofsuchasystem.JeffreyGuss,aManhattanpsychiatristandacoinvestigatoronthe

NYUtrial,thinksthemomentcouldberipeforpsychotherapytoentertainacompletelynewparadigm.Gusspointsoutthatformanyyearsnow“we’vehadthisconflictbetweenthebiologicallybasedtreatmentsandpsychodynamictreatments.They’vebeenfightingoneanotherforlegitimacyandresources.Ismentalillnessadisorderofchemistry,orisitalossofmeaninginone’slife?Psychedelictherapyistheweddingofthosetwoapproaches.”Inrecentyears,“psychiatryhasgonefrombeingbrainlesstobeing

mindless,”asonepsychoanalysthasputit.Ifpsychedelictherapyprovessuccessful,itwillbebecauseitsucceedsinrejoiningthebrainandthemindinthepracticeofpsychotherapy.Atleastthat’sthepromise.Forthetherapistsworkingwithpeopleapproachingtheendoflife,

thesequestionsareofmorethanacademicinterest.AsIchattedwith

StephenRossandTonyBossisintheNYUtreatmentroom,Iwasstruckbytheirexcitement,vergingongiddiness,attheresultstheywereobservingintheircancerpatients—afterasingleguidedpsilocybinsession.Atfirst,Rosscouldn’tbelievewhathewasseeing:“Ithoughtthefirsttenortwentypeoplewereplants—thattheymustbefakingit.Theyweresayingthingslike‘Iunderstandloveisthemostpowerfulforceontheplanet’or‘Ihadanencounterwithmycancer,thisblackcloudofsmoke.’Peoplewerejourneyingtoearlypartsoftheirlivesandcomingbackwithaprofoundnewsenseofthings,newpriorities.Peoplewhohadbeenpalpablyscaredofdeath—theylosttheirfear.Thefactthatadruggivenoncecouldhavesuchaneffectforsolongisanunprecedentedfinding.Wehaveneverhadanythinglikethatinthepsychiatricfield.”ThisiswhenTonyBossisfirsttoldmeabouthisexperiencesittingwith

PatrickMettesashejourneyedtoaplaceinhismindthat,somehow,liftedthesiegeofhisterror.“You’reinthisroom,butyou’reinthepresenceofsomethinglarge.I

rememberhow,aftertwohoursofsilence,Patrickbegantocrysoftlyandsay,twice,‘Birthanddeathisalotofwork.’It’shumblingtositthere.It’sthemostrewardingdayofyourcareer.”Asapalliativecarespecialist,Bossisspendsalotofhistimewiththe

dying.“Peopledon’trealizehowfewtoolswehaveinpsychiatrytoaddressexistentialdistress.”Existentialdistressiswhatpsychologistscallthecomplexofdepression,anxiety,andfearcommoninpeopleconfrontingaterminaldiagnosis.“Xanaxisn’ttheanswer.”Ifthereisananswer,Bossisbelieves,itisgoingtobemorespiritualinnaturethanpharmacological.“Sohowdowenotexplorethis,”heasks,“ifitcanrecalibratehowwe

die?”

•••

ITWASONANAPRILMONDAYin2010thatPatrickMettes,afifty-three-year-oldtelevisionnewsdirectorbeingtreatedforacancerofhisbileducts,readthearticleonthefrontpageoftheNewYorkTimesthatwouldchangehisdeath.Hisdiagnosishadcomethreeyearsearlier,shortlyafterhiswife,LisaCallaghan,noticedthatthewhitesofhiseyeshadsuddenly

turnedyellow.By2010,thecancerhadspreadtoPatrick’slungs,andhewasbucklingundertheweightofanespeciallydebilitatingchemotherapyregimeandthedawningrealizationthathemightnotsurvive.Thearticle,headlined“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuningInAgain,”brieflymentionedresearchatNYU,wherepsilocybinwasbeingtestedtorelieveexistentialdistressincancerpatients.AccordingtoLisa,Patrickhadnoexperiencewithpsychedelics,butheimmediatelydeterminedtocallNYUandvolunteer.Lisawasagainsttheidea.“Ididn’twanttheretobeaneasywayout,”

shetoldme.“Iwantedhimtofight.”Patrickplacedthecallanywayand,afterfillingoutsomeformsand

answeringalonglistofquestions,wasacceptedintothetrial.HewasassignedtoTonyBossis.TonywasroughlythesameageasPatrick;heisalsoasoulfulmanofuncommonwarmthandcompassion,andthetwoimmediatelyhititoff.Attheirfirstmeeting,BossistoldPatrickwhattoexpect.Afterthreeor

fourpreparatorysessionsoftalkingtherapy,Patrickwouldbescheduledfortwodosings—oneoftheman“activeplacebo”(inthiscaseahighdoseofniacin,whichproducesatinglingsensation),andtheotheracapsulecontainingtwenty-fivemilligramsofpsilocybin.BothsessionswouldtakeplaceinthetreatmentroomwhereImetBossisandRoss.Duringeachsession,whichwouldlastthebetterpartofaday,Patrickwouldlieonthecouchwearingeyeshadesandlisteningthroughheadphonestoaplaylistofcarefullycuratedmusic—BrianEno,PhilipGlass,PatMetheny,andRaviShankar,aswellassomeclassicalandNewAgecompositions.Twositters—oneofthemmale(Bossis)andtheotherfemale(KrystalliaKalliontzi)—wouldbeinattendancefortheduration,sayingverylittlebutavailabletohelpshouldherunintoanytrouble.Inpreparation,thetwosharedwithPatrickthesetof“flightinstructions”writtenbytheHopkinsresearcherBillRichards.BossissuggestedthatPatrickusethephrase“Trustandletgo”asa

kindofmantraforhisjourney.Gowhereverittakesyou,headvised:“Climbstaircases,opendoors,explorepaths,flyoverlandscapes.”Butthemostimportantadviceforthejourneyheofferedisalwaystomovetoward,ratherthantrytoflee,anythingtrulythreateningormonstrousyouencounter—lookitstraightintheeyes.“Diginyourheelsandask,‘Whatareyoudoinginmymind?’Or,‘WhatcanIlearnfromyou?’”

•••

THEIDEAOFGIVINGapsychedelicdrugtothedyingwasfirstbroachednotbyatherapistorscientistbutbyAldousHuxleyinalettertoHumphryOsmond,proposingaresearchprojectinvolving“theadministrationofLSDtoterminalcancercases,inthehopethatitwouldmakedyingamorespiritual,lessstrictlyphysiologicalprocess.”Huxleyhimselfhadhiswife,Laura,givehimaninjectionofLSDwhenhewasonhisowndeathbed,onNovember22,1963.Bythen,Huxley’sideahadbeentestedonanumberofcancerpatients

inNorthAmerica.In1965,SidneyCohenwroteanessayforHarper’s(“LSDandtheAnguishofDying”)exploringthepotentialofpsychedelicsto“alter[]theexperienceofdying.”HedescribedtreatmentwithLSDas“therapybyself-transcendence.”Thepremisebehindtheapproachwasthatourfearofdeathisafunctionofouregos,whichburdenuswithasenseofseparatenessthatcanbecomeunbearableasweapproachdeath.“Wearebornintoanegolessworld,”Cohenwrote,“butweliveanddieimprisonedwithinourselves.”Theideawastousepsychedelicstoescapetheprisonofself.“We

wantedtoprovideabrief,lucidintervalofcompleteegolessnesstodemonstratethatpersonalintactnesswasnotabsolutelynecessary,andthatperhapstherewassomething‘outthere’”—somethinggreaterthanourindividualselvesthatmightsurviveourdemise.Cohenquotedapatient,awomandyingofovariancancer,describingtheshiftinherperspectivefollowinganLSDsession:

Myextinctionisnotofgreatconsequenceatthismoment,notevenforme.It’sjustanotherturnintheswingofexistenceandnon-existence.Ifeelithaslittletodowiththechurchortalkofdeath.IsupposethatI’mdetached—that’sit—awayfrommyselfandmypainandmydecaying.Icoulddienicelynow—ifitshouldbeso.Idonotinviteit,nordoIputitoff.

In1972,StanislavGrofandBillRichards,whowereworkingtogetheratSpringGrove,wrotethatLSDgavepatientsanexperience“ofcosmic

unity”suchthatdeath,“insteadofbeingseenastheabsoluteendofeverythingandastepintonothingness,appearssuddenlyasatransitionintoanothertypeofexistence...Theideaofpossiblecontinuityofconsciousnessbeyondphysicaldeathbecomesmuchmoreplausiblethantheopposite.”

•••

VOLUNTEERSINTHENYUpsilocybintrialarerequiredtowriteanaccountoftheirjourneysoonafteritscompletion,andPatrickMettes,whoworkedinjournalism,tooktheassignmentseriously.Hiswife,Lisa,saidthatafterhisFridaysessionPatricklaboredallweekendtomakesenseoftheexperienceandwriteitdown.LisaagreedtosharehisaccountwithmeandalsogavePatrick’stherapist,TonyBossis,permissiontoshowmethenoteshetookduringthesession,aswellashisnotesfromseveralfollow-uppsychotherapysessions.Lisa,whoatthetimeworkedasamarketingexecutiveforacookware

company,hadanimportantmeetingonthatJanuarymorningin2011,soPatrickcamebyhimselftothetreatmentroomintheNYUdentalschoolonFirstAvenueandTwenty-fourthStreet,takingthesubwayfromtheirapartmentinBrooklyn.(Thetreatmentroomwasinthedentalcollegebecause,atthetime,bothBellevueandNYU’scancercenterwantedtokeeptheirdistancefromatrialinvolvingpsychedelics.)TonyBossisandKrystalliaKalliontzi,hisguides,greetedhim,reviewedtheday’splans,andthenat9:00a.m.presentedPatrickwithachalicecontainingthepill;whetheritcontainedpsilocybinortheplacebo,noneofthemwouldknowforatleastthirtyminutes.Patrickwasaskedtostatehisintention,whichhesaidwastolearntocopebetterwiththeanxietyanddepressionhefeltabouthiscancerandtoworkonwhathecalledhis“regretinlife.”Heplacedafewphotographsaroundtheroom,ofhimselfandLisaontheirweddingdayandoftheirdog,Arlo.At9:30,Patricklaydownonthecouch,putontheheadphonesand

eyeshades,andfellquiet.Inhisaccount,Patricklikenedthestartofthejourneytothelaunchofaspaceshuttle:“aphysicallyviolentandratherclunkyliftoffwhicheventuallygavewaytotheblissfulserenityofweightlessness.”

ManyofthevolunteersIinterviewedreportedinitialepisodesofintensefearandanxietybeforegivingthemselvesuptotheexperience,astheguidesencouragethemtodo.Thisiswheretheflightinstructionscomein.Theirpromiseisthatifyousurrendertowhateverhappens(“trust,letgo,andbeopen”or“relaxandfloatdownstream”),whateveratfirstmightseemterrifyingwillsoonmorphintosomethingelse,andlikelysomethingpleasant,evenblissful.Earlyinhisjourney,Patrickencounteredhisbrother’swife,whodied

ofcancermorethantwentyyearsearlier,atforty-three.“Ruthactedasmytourguide,”hewrote,and“didn’tseemsurprisedtoseeme.She‘wore’hertranslucentbodysoIwouldknowher...Thisperiodofmyjourneyseemedtobeaboutthefeminine.”MichelleObamamadeanappearance.“Theconsiderablefeminineenergyallaroundmemadecleartheideathatamother,anymother,regardlessofhershortcomings...couldneverNOTloveheroffspring.Thiswasverypowerful.IknewIwascrying...itwasherethatIfeltasifIwascomingoutofthewomb...beingbirthedagain.Myrebirthwassmooth...comforting.”Outwardly,however,whatwashappeningtoPatrickappearedtobe

anythingbutsmooth.Hewascrying,Bossisnoted,andbreathingheavily.Thisiswhenhefirstsaid,“Birthanddeathisalotofwork,”andseemedtobeconvulsing.ThenPatrickreachedoutandclutchedKalliontzi’shandwhilepullinguphiskneesandpushing,asifheweredeliveringababy.FromBossis’snotes:

11:15“OhGod.”11:25“It’sreallysosimple.”11:47“Whoknewamancouldgivebirth?”Andthen,“Igavebirth,towhatIdon’tknow.”

12:10“It’sjusttooamazing.”Patrickisalternatelylaughingandcryingatthispoint.“OhGod,itallmakessensenow,sosimpleandbeautiful.”

NowPatrickaskedtotakeabreak.“Itwasgettingtoointense,”hewrote.Heremovedtheheadphonesandeyeshades.“IsatupandspokewithTonyandKrystallia.Imentionedthateveryonedeservedtohavethisexperience...thatifeveryonedid,noonecouldeverdoharmtoanother

again...warswouldbeimpossibletowage.Theroomandeverythinginitwasbeautiful.TonyandKrystallia,sittingon[their]pillows,wereradiant!”Theyhelpedhimtothebathroom.“Eventhegerms(iftherewereanypresent)werebeautiful,aswaseverythinginourworldanduniverse.”Afterward,hevoicedsomereluctanceto“gobackin.”“TheworkwasconsiderablebutIlovedthesenseofadventure.”

Eventually,heputhiseyeshadesandheadphonesonandlaybackdown.“Fromhereon,lovewastheonlyconsideration...Itwasandisthe

onlypurpose.Loveseemedtoemanatefromasinglepointoflight...anditvibrated...Icouldfeelmyphysicalbodytryingtovibrateinunitywiththecosmos...and,frustratingly,Ifeltlikeaguywhocouldn’tdance...buttheuniverseacceptedit.Thesheerjoy...thebliss...thenirvana...wasindescribable.Andinfacttherearenowordstoaccuratelycapturemyexperience...mystate...thisplace.IknowI’vehadnoearthlypleasurethat’severcomeclosetothisfeeling...nosensation,noimageofbeauty,nothingduringmytimeonearthhasfeltaspureandjoyfulandgloriousastheheightofthisjourney.”Aloud,hesaid,“Neverhadanorgasmofthesoulbefore.”Themusicloomedlargeintheexperience:“Iwaslearningasongandthesongwassimple...itwasonenote...C...itwasthevibrationoftheuniverse...acollectionofeverythingthateverexisted...alltogetherequalingGod.”Patrickthendescribedanepiphanyhavingtodowithsimplicity.He

wasthinkingaboutpoliticsandfood,musicandarchitecture,and—hisfield—televisionnews,whichherealizedwas,likesomuchelse,“over-produced.Weputtoomanynotesinasong...toomanyingredientsinourrecipes...toomanyflourishesintheclotheswewear,thehouseswelivein...itallseemedsopointlesswhenreallyallweneededtodowasfocusonthelove.”JustthenhesawDerekJeter,thentheYankeeshortstop,“makingyetanotherballeticturntofirstbase.”“IwasconvincedinthatmomentIhadfigureditallout...Itwasright

thereinfrontofme...love...theonlythingthatmattered.Thiswasnowtobemylife’scause.”ThenhesaidsomethingthatBossisjotteddownat12:15:“Ok,Igetit!

Youcanallpunchoutnow.Ourworkisdone.”Butitwasn’tdone,notyet.Now“Itookatourofmylungs...I

rememberbreathingdeeplytohelpfacilitatethe‘seeing.’”Bossisnoted

thatat2:30Patrickhadsaid,“Iwentintomylungsandsawtwospots.Theywerenobigdeal.“Iwasbeingtold(withoutwords)nottoworryaboutthecancer...it’s

minorintheschemeofthings...simplyanimperfectionofyourhumanityandthatthemoreimportantmatter...therealworktobedoneisbeforeyou.Again,love.”NowPatrickexperiencedwhathecalled“abriefdeath.”“Iapproachedwhatappearedtobeaverysharp,pointedpieceof

stainlesssteel.Ithadarazorbladequalitytoit.IcontinueduptotheapexofthisshinymetalobjectandasIarrived,Ihadachoice,tolookornotlook,overtheedgeandintotheinfiniteabyss...thevastnessoftheuniverse...theeyeofeverything...[and]ofnothing.Iwashesitantbutnotfrightened.IwantedtogoallinbutfeltthatifIdid,Iwouldpossiblyleavemybodypermanently...deathfromthislife.Butitwasnotadifficultdecision...Iknewtherewasmuchmoreformehere.”Tellinghisguidesabouthischoice,Patrickexplainedthathe“wasnotreadytojumpoffandleaveLisa.”Then,rathersuddenlyaround3:00p.m.,itwasover.“Thetransition

fromastatewhereIhadnosenseoftimeorspacetotherelativedullnessofnow,happenedquickly.Ihadaheadache.”WhenLisaarrivedtotakehimhome,Patrick“lookedlikehehadruna

race,”sherecalled.“Thecolorinhisfacewasnotgood,helookedtiredandsweaty,buthewasonfire.Hewaslitupwithallthethingshewantedtotellmeandallthethingshecouldn’t.”Hetoldherhe“hadtouchedthefaceofGod.”

•••

EVERYPSYCHEDELICJOURNEYisdifferent,yetafewcommonthemesseemtorecurinthejourneysofthosestrugglingwithcancer.ManyofthecancerpatientsIintervieweddescribedanexperienceofeithergivingbirthorbeingreborn,thoughnonequiteasintenseasPatrick’s.Manyalsodescribedanencounterwiththeircancer(ortheirfearofit)thathadtheeffectofshrinkingitspoweroverthem.ImentionedearliertheexperienceofDinahBazer,apetiteandmildNewYorkerinhersixties,afigure-skatinginstructor,whowasdiagnosedwithovariancancerin

2010.WhenwemetintheNYUtreatmentroom,Dinah,whohasauburncurlsandworelargehoopearrings,toldmethatevenafterasuccessfulcourseofchemotherapyshewasparalyzedbythefearofarecurrenceandwastedherdays“waitingfortheothershoetodrop.”ShetooworkedwithTonyBossisandinthedifficultfirstmomentsof

hersessionimaginedherselftrappedintheholdofaship,rockingbackandforth,consumedbyfear.“Istuckmyhandoutfromundertheblanketandsaid,‘Iamsoscared.’Tonytookmyhandandtoldmetojustgowithit.Hishandbecamemyanchor.“Isawmyfear.Almostasinadream,myfearwaslocatedundermy

ribcageontheleftside;itwasnotmytumor,butitwasthisblackthinginmybody.Anditmademeimmenselyangry;Iwasenragedbymyfear.Iscreamed,‘Getthefuckout!Iwon’tbeeatenalive.’Andyouknowwhat?Itwasgone!Itwentaway.Idroveitawaywithmyanger.”Dinahreportsthatyearslaterithasn’treturned.“Thecancerissomethingcompletelyoutofmycontrol,butthefear,Irealized,isnot.”Dinah’sepiphanygavewaytofeelingsof“overwhelminglove”asher

thoughtsturnedfromherfeartoherchildren.Shetoldmeshewasandremainsa“solidatheist,”andyet“thephrasethatIused—whichIhatetousebutit’stheonlywaytodescribeit—isthatIfelt‘bathedinGod’slove.’”Paradoxisahallmarkofthemysticalexperience,andthecontradictionbetweenthedivineloveDinahfeltand“nothavingashredofbelief”didn’tseemtofazeher.WhenIpointedthisout,sheshruggedandthensmiled:“Whatotherwayistheretoexpressit?”Notsurprisingly,visionsofdeathloomlargeinthejourneystakenby

thecancerpatientsIinterviewedatNYUandHopkins.Abreastcancersurvivorinhersixties(whoaskedtoremainanonymous)describedzippingmerrilythroughspaceasifinavideogameuntilshearrivedsmackatthewallofacrematoriumandrealized,withafright,“I’vediedandnowI’mgoingtobecremated.(ButIdidn’thavetheexperienceofburning—howcouldI?Iwasdead!)ThenextthingIknow,I’mbelowgroundinthisgorgeousforest,deepwoods,loamyandbrown.TherearerootsallaroundmeandI’mseeingthetreesgrowing,andI’mpartofthem.IhaddiedbutIwasthereinthegroundwithalltheserootsanditdidn’tfeelsadorhappy,justnatural,contented,peaceful.Iwasn’tgone.Iwaspartoftheearth.”

Severalcancerpatientsdescribededginguptotheprecipiceofdeathandlookingovertotheothersidebeforedrawingback.TammyBurgess,diagnosedwithovariancanceratfifty-five,foundherselfpeeringacross“thegreatplaneofconsciousness.Itwasverysereneandbeautiful.Ifeltalone,butIcouldreachoutandtouchanyoneI’deverknown.“Whenmytimecame,that’swheremylifewouldgoonceitleftme,

andthatwasokay.”Theuncannyauthorityofthepsychedelicexperiencemighthelp

explainwhysomanycancerpatientsinthetrialsreportedthattheirfearofdeathhadliftedoratleastabated:theyhadstareddirectlyatdeathandcometoknowsomethingaboutit,inakindofdressrehearsal.“Ahigh-dosepsychedelicexperienceisdeathpractice,”saysKatherineMacLean,theformerHopkinspsychologist.“You’relosingeverythingyouknowtobereal,lettinggoofyouregoandyourbody,andthatprocesscanfeellikedying.”Andyettheexperiencebringsthecomfortingnewsthatthereissomethingontheothersideofthatdeath—whetheritisthe“greatplaneofconsciousness”orone’sashesundergroundbeingtakenupbytherootsoftrees—andsomeabiding,disembodiedintelligencetosomehowknowit.“NowIamawarethatthereisawholeother‘reality,’”oneNYUvolunteertoldaresearcherafewmonthsafterherjourney.“Comparedtootherpeople,itislikeIknowanotherlanguage.”Atafollow-upsessionwithTonyBossisafewweeksafterhisjourney,

PatrickMettes—whomhiswife,Lisa,describesas“anearthy,connectedperson,adoer”—discussedtheideaofanafterlife.Bossis’snotesindicatethatPatrickinterpretedhisjourneyas“prettyclearlyawindow...[on]akindofafterlife,somethingbeyondthisphysicalbody.”Hespokeof“theplaneofexistenceoflove”as“infinite.”Insubsequentsessions,Patricktalkedabouthisbodyandcancer“as[a]typeofillusion.”Italsobecameclearthat,psychologicallyatleast,Patrickwasdoingremarkablywellintheaftermathofhissession.Hewasmeditatingregularly,felthehadbecomebetterabletoliveinthepresent,and“describedloving[his]wifeevenmore.”InasessioninMarch,twomonthsoutfromhisjourney,BossisnotedthatPatrick,thoughslowlydyingofcancer,“feelsthehappiestinhislife.”“Iamtheluckiestmanonearth.”

•••

HOWMUCHSHOULDTHEAUTHENTICITYoftheseexperiencesconcernus?Mostofthetherapistsinvolvedintheresearchtakeascrupulouslypragmaticviewofthequestion.They’refixedonrelievingtheirpatients’sufferingandexhibitscantinterestinmetaphysicaltheoriesorquestionsoftruth.“That’sabovemypaygrade,”TonyBossissaidwithashrugwhenIaskedhimwhetherhethoughttheexperiencesofcosmicconsciousnessdescribedbyhispatientswerefictiveorreal.Askedthesamequestion,BillRichardscitedWilliamJames,whosuggestedwejudgethemysticalexperiencenotbyitsveracity,whichisunknowable,butby“itsfruits”:Doesitturnsomeone’slifeinapositivedirection?Manyresearchersacknowledgethatastrongplaceboeffectmaybeat

workwhenadrugassuggestibleaspsilocybinisadministeredbymedicalprofessionalswithlegalandinstitutionalsanction:undersuchconditions,theexpectationsofthetherapistaremuchmorelikelytobefulfilledbythepatient.(Andbadtripsaremuchlesslikelytooccur.)Herewebumpintooneofthericherparadoxesofthepsilocybintrials:whileitsucceedsinnosmallpartbecauseithasthesanctionandauthorityofscience,itseffectivenessseemstodependonamysticalexperiencethatleavespeopleconvincedthereismoretothisworldthansciencecanexplain.ScienceisbeingusedtovalidateanexperiencethatwouldappeartounderminethescientificperspectiveinwhatmightbecalledWhite-CoatShamanism.Arequestionsoftruthimportant,ifthetherapyhelpspeoplewhoare

suffering?Ihaddifficultyfindinganyoneinvolvedintheresearchwhowastroubledbysuchquestions.DavidNichols,theretiredPurdueUniversitychemistandpharmacologistwhofoundedtheHeffterResearchInstitutein1993tosupportpsychedelicresearch(includingthetrialsatHopkins,forwhichhesynthesizedthepsilocybin),putsthepragmaticcasemostbaldly.Ina2014interviewwithSciencemagazine,hesaid,“Ifitgivesthempeace,ifithelpspeopletodiepeacefullywiththeirfriendsandtheirfamilyattheirside,Idon’tcareifit’srealoranillusion.”Forhispart,RolandGriffithsacknowledgesthat“authenticityisa

scientificquestionnotyetanswered.Allwehavetogobyisthephenomenology”—thatis,whatpeopletellusabouttheirinternalexperiences.That’swhenhebeganqueryingmeaboutmyownspiritual

development,whichIconfessedwasstillfairlyrudimentary;Itoldhimmyworldviewhasalwaysbeenstaunchlymaterialist.“Okay,then,butwhataboutthemiraclethatweareconscious?Just

thinkaboutthatforasecond,thatweareawareandthatweareawarethatweareaware!Howunlikelyisthat?”Howcanwebecertain,hewassuggesting,thatourexperienceofconsciousnessis“authentic”?Theansweriswecan’t;itisbeyondthereachofourscience,andyetwhodoubtsitsreality?Infact,theevidencefortheexistenceofconsciousnessismuchliketheevidencefortherealityofthemysticalexperience:webelieveitexistsnotbecausesciencecanindependentlyverifyitbutbecauseagreatmanypeoplehavebeenconvincedofitsreality;here,too,allwehavetogoonisthephenomenology.GriffithswassuggestingthatinsofarasIwasonboardforone“miracle”wellbeyondthereachofmaterialistscience—“themarvelofconsciousness,”asVladimirNabokovoncecalledit,“thatsuddenwindowswingingopenonasunlitlandscapeamidstthenightofnon-being”—maybeIneededtokeepamoreopenmindtothepossibilityofothers.

•••

INDECEMBER2016,afront-pagestoryintheNewYorkTimesreportedonthedramaticresultsoftheJohnsHopkinsandNYUpsilocybincancerstudies,whichwerepublishedtogetherinaspecialissueoftheJournalofPsychopharmacology,alongwithnearlyadozencommentariesfromprominentvoicesinthementalhealthestablishment—includingtwopastpresidentsoftheAmericanPsychiatricAssociation—hailingthefindings.InboththeNYUandtheHopkinstrials,some80percentofcancer

patientsshowedclinicallysignificantreductionsinstandardmeasuresofanxietyanddepression,aneffectthatenduredforatleastsixmonthsaftertheirpsilocybinsession.Inbothtrials,theintensityofthemysticalexperiencevolunteersreportedcloselycorrelatedwiththedegreetowhichtheirsymptomssubsided.Fewifanypsychiatricinterventionsofanykindhavedemonstratedsuchdramaticandsustainedresults.*Thetrialsweresmall—eightysubjectsinall—andwillhavetobe

repeatedonalargerscalebeforethegovernmentwillconsiderreschedulingpsilocybinandapprovingthetreatment.*Buttheresults

wereencouragingenoughtowintheattentionandcautioussupportofthementalhealthcommunity,whichhascalledformoreresearch.Dozensofmedicalschoolshaveaskedtoparticipateinfuturetrials,andfundershavesteppedforwardtounderwritethosetrials.Afterdecadesintheshadows,psychedelictherapyissuddenlyrespectableagain,ornearlyso.NewYorkUniversity,whichproudlypromotedtheresultsofatrialithadonceonlytoleratedsomewhatgrudgingly,invitedStephenRosstomovehistreatmentroomfromthedentalcollegeintothemainhospital.EventheNYUcancercenter,whichhadinitiallybeenreluctanttoreferpatientstothepsilocybintrial,askedRosstosetupatreatmentroomonitspremisesforanupcomingtrial.Thepapersofferedlittleinthewayofatheorytoexplaintheeffectsof

psilocybin,excepttopointoutthatthepatientswiththebestoutcomesweretheoneswhohadthemostcompletemysticalexperience.Butexactlywhyshouldthatexperiencetranslateintorelieffromanxietyanddepression?Isittheintimationofsomekindofimmortalitythataccountsfortheeffect?Thisseemstoosimpleandfailstoaccountforthevarietyofexperiencespeoplehad,manyofwhichdidnotdwellonanafterlife.Andsomeoftheonesthatdidconceivedofwhathappensafterdeathinnaturalisticterms,aswhentheanonymousvolunteerimaginedherselfas“partoftheearth,”moleculesofmatterbeingtakenupbytherootsoftrees.Thisreallyhappens.Ofcoursethemysticalexperienceconsistsofseveralcomponents,

mostofwhichdon’trequireasupernaturalexplanation.Thedissolutionofthesenseofself,forexample,canbeunderstoodineitherpsychologicalorneurobiologicalterms(aspossiblythedisintegrationofthedefaultmodenetwork)andmayexplainmanyofthebenefitspeopleexperiencedduringtheirjourneyswithoutresorttoanyspiritualconceptionof“oneness.”Likewise,thesenseof“sacredness”thatclassicallyaccompaniesthemysticalexperiencecanbeunderstoodinmoreseculartermsassimplyaheightenedsenseofmeaningorpurpose.It’sstillearlydaysinourunderstandingofconsciousness,andnosingleoneofourvocabulariesforapproachingthesubject—thebiological,thepsychological,thephilosophical,orthespiritual—hasyetearnedtherighttoclaimithasthefinalword.Itmaybethatbylayeringthesedifferentperspectivesoneupontheother,wecangaintherichestpictureofwhatmightbegoingon.

Inafollow-upstudytotheNYUtrial,“PatientExperiencesofPsilocybin-AssistedPsychotherapy,”publishedintheJournalofHumanisticPsychologyin2017,AlexanderBelser,amemberoftheNYUteam,interviewedvolunteerstobetterunderstandthepsychologicalmechanismsunderlyingthetransformationstheyexperienced.Ireadthestudyasasubtleattempttomovebeyondthemysticalexperienceparadigmtoamorehumanisticoneandatthesametimetounderscoretheimportanceofthepsychotherapistinthepsychedelicexperience.(Notetheuseoftheterm“psilocybin-assistedpsychotherapy”inthetitle;neitherofthepapersinPsychopharmacologymentionedpsychotherapyinitstitle,onlythedrug.)Afewkeythemesemerged.Allofthepatientsintervieweddescribed

powerfulfeelingsofconnectiontolovedones(“relationalembeddedness”isthetermtheauthorsused)and,moregenerally,ashift“fromfeelingsofseparatenesstointerconnectedness.”Inmostcases,thisshiftwasaccompaniedbyarepertoireofpowerfulemotions,including“exaltedfeelingsofjoy,bliss,andlove.”Difficultpassagesduringthejourneyweretypicallyfollowedbypositivefeelingsofsurrenderandacceptance(evenoftheircancers)aspeople’sfearsfellaway.JeffreyGuss,acoauthoronthepaperandapsychiatrist,interprets

whathappensduringthesessionintermsofthepsilocybin’s“egolytic”effects—thedrug’sabilitytoeithersilenceoratleastmufflethevoiceoftheego.Inhisview,whichisinformedbyhispsychoanalytictraining,theegoisamentalconstructthatperformscertainfunctionsonbehalfoftheself.Chiefamongthesearemaintainingtheboundarybetweentheconsciousandtheunconsciousrealmsofthemindandtheboundarybetweenselfandother,orsubjectandobject.Itisonlywhentheseboundariesfadeordisappear,astheyseemtodoundertheinfluenceofpsychedelics,thatwecan“letgoofrigidpatternsofthought,allowingustoperceivenewmeaningswithlessfear.”ThewholequestionofmeaningiscentraltotheapproachoftheNYU

therapists,*andisperhapsespeciallyhelpfulinunderstandingtheexperienceofthecancerpatientsonpsilocybin.Formanyofthesepatients,adiagnosisofterminalcancerconstitutes,amongotherthings,acrisisofmeaning.Whyme?WhyhaveIbeensingledoutforthisfate?Isthereanysensetolifeandtheuniverse?Undertheweightofthisexistentialcrisis,one’shorizonshrinks,one’semotionalrepertoire

contracts,andone’sfocusnarrowsasthemindturnsinonitself,shuttingouttheworld.Loopsofruminationandworrycometooccupymoreofone’smentaltimeandspace,reinforcinghabitsofthoughtitbecomesevermoredifficulttoescape.Existentialdistressattheendoflifebearsmanyofthehallmarksofa

hyperactivedefaultnetwork,includingobsessiveself-reflectionandaninabilitytojumpthedeepeninggroovesofnegativethinking.Theego,facedwiththeprospectofitsownextinction,turnsinwardandbecomeshypervigilant,withdrawingitsinvestmentintheworldandotherpeople.ThecancerpatientsIinterviewedspokeoffeelingclosedofffromlovedones,fromtheworld,andfromthefullrangeofemotions;theyfelt,asoneputit,“existentiallyalone.”Bytemporarilydisablingtheego,psilocybinseemstoopenanewfield

ofpsychologicalpossibility,symbolizedbythedeathandrebirthreportedbymanyofthepatientsIinterviewed.Atfirst,thefallingawayoftheselffeelsthreatening,butifonecanletgoandsurrender,powerfulandusuallypositiveemotionsflowin—alongwithformerlyinaccessiblememoriesandsenseimpressionsandmeanings.Nolongerdefendedbytheego,thegatebetweenselfandother—Huxley’sreducingvalve—isthrownwideopen.Andwhatcomesthroughthatopeningformanypeople,inagreatflood,islove.Loveforspecificindividuals,yes,butalso,asPatrickMettescametofeel(toknow!),loveforeveryoneandeverything—loveasthemeaningandpurposeoflife,thekeytotheuniverse,andtheultimatetruth.Soitmaybethatthelossofselfleadstoagaininmeaning.Canthisbe

explainedbiologically?Probablynotyet,butrecentneuroscienceoffersafewintriguingclues.RecallthattheImperialCollegeteamfoundthatwhenthedefaultmodenetworkdisintegrates(takingwithitthesenseofself),thebrain’soverallconnectivityincreases,allowingbrainregionsthatdon’tordinarilycommunicatetoformnewlinesofconnection.Isitpossiblethatsomeofthesenewconnectionsinthebrainmanifestinthemindasnewmeaningsorperspectives?Theconnectingofformerlyfar-flungdots?Itmayalsobethatpsychedelicscandirectlyimbueotherwise

irrelevantsensoryinformationwithmeaning.ArecentpaperinCurrentBiology*describedanexperimentinwhichpiecesofmusicthatheldnopersonalrelevanceforvolunteerswereplayedforthemwhileonLSD.

Undertheinfluenceofthepsychedelic,however,volunteersattributedmarkedandlastingpersonalmeaningtothesamesongs.Thesemedicinesmayhelpusconstructmeaning,ifnotdiscoverit.Nodoubtthesuggestibilityofthemindonpsychedelicsandthe

guidingpresenceofpsychotherapistsalsoplayaroleinattributingmeaningtotheexperience.Inpreparingvolunteersfortheirjourneys,JeffreyGussspeaksexplicitlyabouttheacquisitionofmeaning,tellinghispatients“thatthemedicinewillshowyouhiddenorunknownshadowpartsofyourself;thatyouwillgaininsightintoyourself,andcometolearnaboutthemeaningoflifeandexistence.”(Healsotellsthemtheymayhaveamysticalortranscendentexperiencebutcarefullyrefrainsfromdefiningit.)“Asaresultofthismoleculebeinginyourbody,you’llunderstandmoreaboutyourselfandlifeandtheuniverse.”Andmoreoftenthannotthishappens.Replacethescience-yword“molecule”with“sacredmushroom”or“plantteacher,”andyouhavetheincantationsofashamanatthestartofaceremonialhealing.Buthoweveritworks,andwhatevervocabularyweusetoexplainit,

thisseemstomethegreatgiftofthepsychedelicjourney,especiallytothedying:itspowertoimbueeverythinginourfieldofexperiencewithaheightenedsenseofpurposeandconsequence.Dependingonone’sorientation,thiscanbeunderstoodeitherinhumanisticorinspiritualterms—forwhatistheSacredbutacapitalizedversionofsignificance?EvenforatheistslikeDinahBazer—likeme!—psychedelicscanchargeaworldfromwhichthegodslongagodepartedwiththepulseofmeaning,theimmanencewithwhichtheyonceinfusedit.Thesenseofacoldandarbitraryuniversegovernedpurelybychanceisbanished.Especiallyintheabsenceoffaith,thesemedicines,intherighthands,mayofferpowerfulantidotesfortheexistentialterrorsthatafflictnotonlythedying.Tobelievethatlifehasanymeaningatallisofcoursealarge

presumption,requiringinsomealeapoffaith,butsurelyitisahelpfulone,andnevermoresothanattheapproachofdeath.Tosituatetheselfinalargercontextofmeaning,whateveritis—asenseofonenesswithnatureoruniversallove—canmakeextinctionoftheselfsomewhateasiertocontemplate.Religionhasalwaysunderstoodthiswager,butwhyshouldreligionenjoyamonopoly?BertrandRussellwrotethatthebestwaytoovercomeone’sfearofdeath“istomakeyourinterestsgradually

widerandmoreimpersonal,untilbitbybitthewallsoftheegorecede,andyourlifebecomesincreasinglymergedintheuniversallife.”Hegoeson:

Anindividualhumanexistenceshouldbelikeariver:smallatfirst,narrowlycontainedwithinitsbanks,andrushingpassionatelypastrocksandoverwaterfalls.Gradually,therivergrowswider,thebanksrecede,thewatersflowmorequietly,andintheend,withoutanyvisiblebreak,theybecomemergedinthesea,andpainlesslylosetheirindividualbeing.

•••

PATRICKMETTESlivedseventeenmonthsafterhispsilocybinsession,andaccordingtoLisathosemonthswerefilledwithagreatmanyunexpectedsatisfactions,alongsidePatrick’sdawningacceptancethathewasgoingtodie.LisahadinitiallybeenwaryoftheNYUtrial,interpretingPatrick’s

desiretoparticipateasasignhe’dgivenupthefight.Intheevent,hecameawayconvincedhestillhadmuchtodointhislife—muchlovetogiveandreceive—andwasn’tyetreadytoleaveitand,especially,hiswife.Patrick’spsychedelicjourneyhadshiftedhisperspective,fromanarrowlenstrainedontheprospectofdyingtoarenewedfocusonhowbesttolivethetimelefttohim.“Hehadanewresolve.Thattherewasapointtohislife,thathegotit,andwasmovingwithit.“Westillhadourarguments,”Lisarecalled,“andwehadaverytrying

summer”astheyenduredacalamitousapartmentrenovationinBrooklyn.“Thatwashellonearth,”Lisarecalled,butPatrick“hadchanged.Hehadasenseofpatiencehehadneverhadbefore,andwithmehehadrealjoyaboutthings.Itwasasifhehadbeenrelievedofthedutyofcaringaboutthedetailsoflife,andhecouldletallthatgo.Nowitwasaboutbeingwithpeople,enjoyinghissandwichandthewalkonthepromenade.Itwasasifwelivedalifetimeinayear.”

Afterthepsilocybinsession,LisasomehowconvincedherselfthatPatrickwasnotgoingtodieafterall.Hecontinuedwithhischemoandhisspiritsimproved,butshenowthinksallthistime“heknewverywellhewasn’tgoingtomakeit.”Lisacontinuedtowork,andPatrickspenthisgooddayswalkingthecity.“Hewouldwalkeverywhere,tryeveryrestaurantforlunch,andtellmeaboutallthegreatplaceshediscovered.Buthisgooddaysgotfewerandfewer.”Then,inMarch2012,hetoldherhewantedtostopchemo.“Hedidn’twanttodie,”Lisasays,“butIthinkhejustdecidedthatthis

isnothowhewantedtolive.”Thatfallhislungsbegantofail,andPatrickwoundupinthehospital.

“Hegatheredeveryonetogetherandsaidgood-byeandexplainedthatthisishowhewantedtodie.Hehadaveryconsciousdeath.”Patrick’sseemingequanimityinthefaceofdeathexertedapowerfulinfluenceoneveryonearoundhim,Lisasaid,andhisroominthepalliativecareunitatMountSinaibecameacenterofgravityinthehospital.“Everyone,thenursesandthedoctors,wantedtohangoutinourroom;theyjustdidn’twanttoleave.Patrickwouldtalkandtalk.Itwaslikehewasayogi.Heputoutsomuchlove.”WhenTonyBossisvisitedPatrickaweekbeforehedied,hewasstruckbythemoodintheroomandbyPatrick’sserenity.“Hewasconsolingme.Hesaidhisbiggestsadnesswasleavinghis

wife.Buthewasnotafraid.”Lisae-mailedmeaphotographofPatrickshehadtakenafewdays

beforehedied,andwhentheimagepoppedopenonmyscreen,itmomentarilytookmybreathaway.Herewasanemaciatedmaninahospitalgown,anoxygenclipinhisnose,butwithbright,shiningblueeyesandabroadsmile.Ontheeveofdeath,themanwasbeaming.LisastayedwithPatrickinhishospitalroomnightafternight,thetwo

ofthemoftentalkingintotheweehours.“IfeellikeIhaveonefootinthisworldandoneinthenext,”hetoldheratonepoint.“Oneofthelastnightsweweretogether,hesaid,‘Honey,don’tpushme.I’mfindingmyway.’”Atthesametime,hesoughttocomforther.“Thisissimplythewheeloflife,”sherecallshimsaying.“‘Youfeellikeyou’rebeinggrounddownbyitnow,butthewheelisgoingtoturnandyou’llbeontopagain.’”Lisahadn’thadashowerindays,andherbrotherfinallypersuaded

hertogohomeforafewhours.Minutesbeforeshereturnedtohis

bedside,Patrickslippedaway.“Iwenthometoshowerandhedied.”Wewerespeakingonthephone,andIcouldhearhercryingsoftly.“Hewasn’tgoingtodieaslongasIwasthere.Mybrotherhadtoldme,‘Youneedtolethimgo.’”Patrickwasgonebythetimeshegotbacktothehospital.“Hehaddied

secondsbefore.Itwaslikesomethinghadevaporatedfromhim.Isatwithhimforthreehours.It’salongtimebeforethesoulisoutoftheroom.”“Itwasagooddeath,”Lisatoldme,afactshecreditstothepeopleat

NYUandtoPatrick’spsilocybinjourney.“Ifeelindebtedtothemforwhattheyallowedhimtoexperience—thedeepresourcestheyallowedhimtotapinto.Thesewerehisowndeepresources.That,Ithink,iswhatthesemind-alteringdrugsdo.”“PatrickwasfarmorespiritualthanIwastobeginwith,”Lisatoldme

thelasttimewespoke.Itwasclearhisjourneyhadchangedhertoo.“ItwasanaffirmationofaworldIknewnothingabout.ButtherearemoredimensionstothisworldthanIeverknewexisted.”

Two:Addiction

ThedozenorsoApolloastronautswhohaveescapedEarth’sorbitandtraveledtothemoonhadtheprivilegeofseeingtheplanetfromaperspectiveneverbeforeavailabletoourspecies,andseveralofthemreportedthattheexperiencechangedtheminprofoundandenduringways.Thesightofthat“palebluedot”hangingintheinfiniteblackvoidofspaceerasedthenationalbordersonourmapsandrenderedEarthsmall,vulnerable,exceptional,andprecious.EdgarMitchell,returningfromthemoononApollo14,hadwhathe

hasdescribedasamysticalexperience,specificallyasavikalpasamadhi,inwhichtheegovanisheswhenconfrontedwiththeimmensityoftheuniverseduringthecourseofameditationonanobject—inthiscase,planetEarth.“Thebiggestjoywasonthewayhome,”herecalled.“Inmycockpit

window,everytwominutes:theearth,themoon,thesun,andthewholepanoramaoftheheavens.Thatwasapowerful,overwhelmingexperience.

“AndsuddenlyIrealizedthatthemoleculesofmybody,andthemoleculesofmyspacecraft,themoleculesinthebodyofmypartners,wereprototyped,manufacturedinsomeancientgenerationofstars.[Ifelt]anoverwhelmingsenseofoneness,ofconnectedness...Itwasn’t‘ThemandUs,’itwas‘That’sme!That’sallofit,it’sonething.’Anditwasaccompaniedbyanecstasy,asenseof‘OhmyGod,wow,yes’—aninsight,anepiphany.”*Itwasthepowerofthisnovelperspective—thesameperspectivethat

StewartBrand,afterhis1966LSDtriponaNorthBeachrooftop,workedsohardtodisseminatetotheculture—thathelpedtoinspirethemodernenvironmentalmovementaswellastheGaiahypothesis,theideathatEarthanditsatmospheretogetherconstituteasinglelivingorganism.Ithoughtaboutthisso-calledovervieweffectduringmyconversations

withvolunteersinthepsilocybintrials,andespeciallywiththosewhohadovercometheiraddictionsafterapsychedelicjourney—toinnerspace,ifyouwill.Severalvolunteersdescribedachievinganewdistanceontheirownlives,avantagefromwhichmattersthathadonceseemeddauntingnowseemedsmallerandmoremanageable,includingtheiraddictions.Itsoundedasthoughthepsychedelicexperiencehadgivenmanyofthemanovervieweffectonthescenesoftheirownlives,makingpossibleashiftinworldviewandprioritiesthatallowedthemtoletgoofoldhabits,sometimeswithremarkableease.AsonelifetimesmokerputittomeintermssosimpleIfoundithardtobelieve,“Smokingbecameirrelevant,soIstopped.”Thesmokingcessationpilotstudyinwhichthismantookpart—his

nameisCharlesBessant,andhehasbeenabstinentnowforsixyears—wasdirectedbyMatthewJohnson,aprotégéofRolandGriffiths’satJohnsHopkins,wherethestudytookplace.Johnsonisapsychologistinhisearlyfortieswho,likeGriffiths,trainedasabehaviorist,studyingthingslike“operantconditioning”inrats.Tall,slender,andangular,Johnsonwearsascrupulouslytrimmedblackbeardandoversizedretro-nerdblackglassesthatmakehimlookalittlelikeIraGlass.Hisinterestinpsychedelicsgoesbacktohiscollegedays,whenhereadRamDassandlearnedabouttheHarvardPsilocybinProject,butneverdidhedaretoimaginehewouldsomedayhaveajobworkingwiththeminalaboratory.“IhaditinthebackofmymindthatsomedayIwantedtodoresearch

withthepsychedeliccompounds,”hetoldmewhenwefirstmetinhis

Hopkinsoffice,“butIfiguredthatwasalongwayoffinthefuture.”YetsoonafterJohnsonarrivedatJohnsHopkinstodoapharmacologypostdocin2004,“IfoundoutthatRolandhadthissuperhush-hushprojectwithpsilocybin.Everythinglinedupperfectly.”Johnsonworkedonthelab’searlypsilocybinstudies,servingasa

guideforseveraldozensessionsandhelpingtocrunchthedata,beforelaunchingastudyofhisownin2009.Thesmokingstudygavefifteenvolunteersmokerswhoweretryingtoquitseveralsessionsofcognitivebehavioraltherapyfollowedbytwoorthreedosesofpsilocybin.Aso-calledopen-labelstudy,therewasnoplacebo,sotheyallknewtheyweregettingthedrug.Volunteershadtostopsmokingbeforetheirpsilocybinsession;theyhadtheircarbon-monoxidelevelsmeasuredatseveralintervalstoensurecomplianceandconfirmtheyremainedabstinent.Thestudywastinyandnotrandomized,buttheresultswere

neverthelessstriking,especiallywhenyouconsiderthatsmokingisoneofthemostdifficultaddictionstobreak—harder,somesay,thanheroin.Sixmonthsaftertheirpsychedelicsessions,80percentofthevolunteerswereconfirmedasabstinent;attheone-yearmark,thatfigurehadfallento67percent,whichisstillabetterrateofsuccessthanthebesttreatmentnowavailable.(Amuchlargerrandomizedstudy,comparingtheeffectivenessofpsilocybintherapywiththenicotinepatch,iscurrentlyunderway.)Asinthecancer-anxietystudies,thevolunteerswhohadthemostcompletemysticalexperienceshadthebestoutcomes;theywere,likeCharlesBessant,abletoquitsmoking.Afterinterviewingcancerpatientsconfrontedwiththeprospectof

death,peoplewhohadhadepicjourneysinwhichtheyconfrontedtheircancersandtraveledtotheunderworld,Iwonderedhowtheexperiencewouldcomparewhenthestakeswerelower:Whatkindsofjourneyswouldordinarypeoplesimplyhopingtobreakabadhabithave,andwhatkindsofinsightswouldtheyreturnwith?Surprisinglybanal,itturnsout.Notthattheirjourneyswerebanal—

psilocybintransportedthemallovertheworldandthroughhistoryandtoouterspace—buttheinsightstheybroughtbackwiththemweremundaneintheextreme.AliceO’Donnell,asixtyishbookeditorborninIreland,reveled“inthefreedomtogoeverywhere”inthecourseofherjourney.ShegrewfeathersthatallowedhertotravelbackintimetovariousscenesofEuropeanhistory,diedthreetimes,watchedher“soulmovefromher

bodytoafuneralpyrefloatingontheGanges,”andfoundherself“standingontheedgeoftheuniverse,witnessingthedawnofcreation.”Shehadthe“humbling”realizationthat“everythingintheuniverseisofequalimportance,includingyourself.“Insteadofbeingsonarrowlyfocused,movingthroughthislittle

tunnelofadultlife,”shefoundthatthejourney“returnedmetothechild’swidersenseofwonder—totheworldofWordsworth.Apartofmybrainthathadgonetosleepwasawakened.“Theuniversewassogreatandthereweresomanythingsyoucould

doandseeinitthatkillingyourselfseemedlikeadumbidea.Itputsmokinginawholenewcontext.Smokingseemedveryunimportant;itseemedkindofstupid,tobehonest.”Aliceimaginedherselfthrowingoutlotsofjunkfromherhouse,

emptyingtheatticandthebasement:“Ihadanimageoftossingeverythingovertheledge,allthestuffIdidn’tneedanymore.It’samazinghowyoucanwhittlethingsdowntothefewreallyimportantthingsthatarenecessaryforsurvival.Andthemostimportantthingofallisthebreath.Whenthatstops,you’redead.”Sheemergedfromherjourneywiththeconviction“thatyoushouldcherishyourbreath.”Shehasnothadacigarettesinceherpsilocybinjourney.Whenevershefeelsacraving,shegoesbackinmemorytohersession“andthinksofallthewonderfulthingsIexperienced,andhowitfelttobeonthatmuchhigherplane.”CharlesBessanthadhisepiphanywhileonasimilarly“higherplane.”

Bessant,amuseumexhibitdesignerinhissixties,foundhimselfstandingonamountaintopintheAlps,“theGermanstatesstretchingoutbeforemeallthewaytotheBaltic.”(Wagnerwasplayinginhisheadphones.)“Myegohaddissolved,yetI’mtellingyouthis.Itwasterrifying.”Hesoundedlikeanineteenth-centuryRomanticdescribinganencounterwiththesublime,atonceterribleandaweinspiring.“Peopleusewordslike‘oneness,’‘connectivity,’‘unity’—Igetit!Iwas

partofsomethingsomuchlargerthananythingIhadeverimagined.”WewerespeakingbyphoneonaSaturdaymorning,andatonepointBessantpausedinhisaccounttodescribethescenebeforehim.“Rightnow,I’mstandinghereinmygarden,andthelightiscoming

throughthecanopyofleaves.Formetobeabletostandhereinthebeautyofthislight,talkingtoyou,it’sonlybecausemyeyesareopento

seeit.Ifyoudon’tstoptolook,you’llneverseeit.It’sthestatementofanobviousthing,Iknow,buttofeelit,tolookandbeamazedbythislight”isagiftheattributestohissession,whichgavehim“afeelingofconnectednesstoeverything.”Bessantfolloweduponourconversationbye-mailwithaseriesof

clarificationsandelaborations,strivingtofindthewordsequaltotheimmensityoftheexperience.Itwasinthefaceofthisimmensitythatsmokingsuddenlyseemedpitifullysmall.“Whyquitsmoking?BecauseIfounditirrelevant.Becauseotherthingshadbecomesomuchmoreimportant.”Somevolunteersmarveledthemselvesatthesimultaneouspowerand

banalityoftheirinsights.SavannahMillerisasinglemominherthirtieswhoworksasabookkeeperforherfather’scompanyinMaryland.Possiblybecauseshespenthertwentiestangledinanabusiverelationshipwithamanshedescribesas“apsychopath,”hertripwaspainfulbutultimatelycathartic;sherememberscryinguncontrollablyandproducingtremendousamountsofsnot(somethingherguidesconfirmedreallyhappened).Savannahgavelittlethoughttoherhabitduringthejourney,excepttowardtheendwhenshepicturedherselfasasmokinggargoyle.“Youknowhowgargoyleslook,croucheddownwiththeirshoulders

hunched?That’showIfeltandsawmyself,alittlegolemcreaturesmoking,pullinginthesmokeandnotlettingitout,untilmychesthurtsandI’mchoking.Itwaspowerfulanddisgusting.Icanstillseeitnow,thathideouscoughinggargoyle,wheneverIpicturemyselfasasmoker.”Monthslater,shesaystheimageisstillhelpfulwhentheinevitablecravingsarise.Inthemiddleofhersession,Savannahsuddenlysatupand

announcedshehaddiscoveredsomethingimportant,an“epiphany”thatherguidesneededtowritedownsoitwouldn’tbelosttoposterity:“Eatright.Exercise.Stretch.”MattJohnsonreferstotheserealizationsas“duhmoments”andsays

theyarecommonamonghisvolunteersandnotatallinsignificant.Smokersknowperfectlywellthattheirhabitisunhealthy,disgusting,expensive,andunnecessary,butundertheinfluenceofpsilocybinthatknowingacquiresanewweight,becomes“somethingtheyfeelinthegutandtheheart.Insightslikethisbecomemorecompelling,stickier,and

hardertoavoidthinkingabout.Thesesessionsdeprivepeopleoftheluxuryofmindlessness”—ourdefaultstate,andoneinwhichaddictionslikesmokingcanflourish.Johnsonbelievesthevalueofpsilocybinfortheaddictisinthenew

perspective—atonceobviousandprofound—thatitopensontoone’slifeanditshabits.“Addictionisastorywegetstuckin,astorythatgetsreinforcedeverytimewetryandfailtoquit:‘I’masmokerandI’mpowerlesstostop.’Thejourneyallowsthemtogetsomedistanceandseethebiggerpictureandtoseetheshort-termpleasuresofsmokinginthelarger,longer-termcontextoftheirlives.”Ofcourse,thisre-contextualizationofanoldhabitdoesn’tjust

happen;countlesspeoplehavetakenpsilocybinandcontinuedtosmoke.Ifitdoeshappen,it’sbecausebreakingthehabitistheavowedintentionofthesession,stronglyreinforcedbythetherapistinthepreparatorymeetingsandtheintegrationafterward.The“set”ofthepsychedelicjourneyiscarefullyorchestratedbythetherapistinmuchthesamewayashamanwouldusehisauthorityandstagecrafttomaximizethemedicine’sdeeppowersofsuggestion.Thisiswhyitisimportanttounderstandthat“psychedelictherapy”isnotsimplytreatmentwithapsychedelicdrugbutratheraformof“psychedelic-assistedtherapy,”asmanyoftheresearcherstakepainstoemphasize.Yetwhataccountsfortheunusualauthorityoftheratherordinary

insightsvolunteersbroughtbackfromtheirjourneys?“Youdon’tgetthatonanyotherdrug,”RolandGriffithspointsout.Indeed,aftermostdrugexperiences,we’refullyawareof,andoftenembarrassedby,theinauthenticityofwhatwethoughtandfeltwhileundertheinfluence.ThoughneitherGriffithsnorJohnsonmentionedit,theconnectionbetweenseeingandbelievingmightexplainthissenseofauthenticity.Veryoftenonpsychedelicsourthoughtsbecomevisible.Thesearenothallucinations,exactly,becausethesubjectisoftenfullyawarethatwhatsheisseeingisnotreallybeforeher,yetthesethoughtsmadevisibleareneverthelessremarkablyconcrete,vivid,andthereforememorable.Thisisacuriousphenomenon,asyetunexplainedbyneuroscience,

thoughsomeinterestinghypotheseshaverecentlybeenproposed.WhenneuroscientistswhostudyvisionusefMRIstoimagebrainactivity,theyfindthatthesameregionsinthevisualcortexlightupwhetheroneisseeinganobjectlive—“online”—ormerelyrecallingorimaginingit,off-

line.Thissuggeststhattheabilitytovisualizeourthoughtsshouldbetheruleratherthantheexception.Someneuroscientistssuspectthatduringnormalwakinghourssomethinginthebraininhibitsthevisualcortexfrompresentingtoconsciousnessavisualimageofwhateveritiswe’rethinkingabout.It’snothardtoseewhysuchaninhibitionmightbeadaptive:clutteringthemindwithvividimageswouldcomplicatereasoningandabstractthought,nottomentioneverydayactivitieslikewalkingordrivingacar.Butwhenweareabletovisualizeourthoughts—suchasthethoughtofourselvesasasmokerlookinglikeacoughinggargoyle—thosethoughtstakeonaddedweight,feelmorerealtous.Seeingisbelieving.Perhapsthisisoneofthethingspsychedelicsdo:relaxthebrain’s

inhibitiononvisualizingourthoughts,therebyrenderingthemmoreauthoritative,memorable,andsticky.Theovervieweffectreportedbytheastronautsdidn’taddanythingtoourintellectualunderstandingofthis“palebluedot”inthevastseaofspace,butseeingitmadeitrealinawayithadneverbeenbefore.Perhapstheequallyvividovervieweffectonthescenesoftheirlivesthatpsychedelicsaffordsomepeopleiswhatmakesitpossibleforthemtochangetheirbehavior.MattJohnsonbelievesthatpsychedelicscanbeusedtochangeall

sortsofbehaviors,notjustaddiction.Thekey,inhisview,istheirpowertooccasionasufficientlydramaticexperienceto“dope-slappeopleoutoftheirstory.It’sliterallyarebootofthesystem—abiologicalcontrol-alt-delete.Psychedelicsopenawindowofmentalflexibilityinwhichpeoplecanletgoofthementalmodelsweusetoorganizereality.”Inhisview,themostimportantsuchmodelistheself,orego,whicha

high-dosepsychedelicexperiencetemporarilydissolves.Hespeaksof“ouraddictiontoapatternofthinkingwiththeselfatthecenterofit.”Thisunderlyingaddictiontoapatternofthinking,orcognitivestyle,linkstheaddicttothedepressiveandtothecancerpatientobsessedwithdeathorrecurrence.“Somuchofhumansufferingstemsfromhavingthisselfthatneedsto

bepsychologicallydefendedatallcosts.We’retrappedinastorythatseesourselvesasindependent,isolatedagentsactingintheworld.Butthatselfisanillusion.Itcanbeausefulillusion,whenyou’reswingingthroughthetreesorescapingfromacheetahortryingtodoyourtaxes.Butatthesystemslevel,thereisnotruthtoit.Youcantakeanynumber

ofmoreaccurateperspectives:thatwe’reaswarmofgenes,vehiclesforpassingonDNA;thatwe’resocialcreaturesthroughandthrough,unabletosurvivealone;thatwe’reorganismsinanecosystem,linkedtogetheronthisplanetfloatinginthemiddleofnowhere.Whereveryoulook,youseethatthelevelofinterconnectednessistrulyamazing,andyetweinsistonthinkingofourselvesasindividualagents.”AlbertEinsteincalledthemodernhuman’ssenseofseparateness“akindofopticaldelusionofhisconsciousness.”*“Psychedelicsknockthelegsoutfromunderthatmodel.Thatcanbe

dangerousinthewrongcircumstances,leadingtobadtripsandworse.”JohnsonbroughtupthecaseofCharlesManson,whoreportedlyusedLSDtobreakdownandbrainwashhisfollowers,atheoryofthecasehedeemsplausible.“Butintherightsetting,whereyoursafetyisassured,itmaybeagoodinterventionfordealingwithsomeoftheproblemsoftheself”—ofwhichaddictionisonlyone.Dying,depression,obsession,eatingdisorders—allareexacerbatedbythetyrannyofanegoandthefixednarrativesitconstructsaboutourrelationshiptotheworld.Bytemporarilyoverturningthattyrannyandthrowingourmindsintoanunusuallyplasticstate(RobinCarhart-Harriswouldcallitastateofheightenedentropy),psychedelics,withthehelpofagoodtherapist,giveusanopportunitytoproposesomenew,moreconstructivestoriesabouttheselfanditsrelationshiptotheworld,storiesthatjustmightstick.Thisisaverydifferentkindoftherapythanweareaccustomedtoin

theWest,becauseitisneitherpurelychemicalnorpurelypsychodynamic—neithermindlessnorbrainless.WhetherWesternmedicineisreadytoaccommodatesucharadicallynovel—andancient—modelformentaltransformationisanopenquestion.Intakingpeoplesafelythroughtheliminalstatepsychedelicsoccasion,withitsradicalsuggestibility,Johnsonacknowledgesthatthedoctorsandresearchers“playthesameroleasshamansorelders.“Whateverwe’redelvingintohere,it’sinthesamerealmasthe

placebo.Butaplaceboonrocketboosters.”

•••

THEWHOLEIDEAofusingapsychedelicdrugtotreataddictionisnotnew.NativeAmericanshavelongusedpeyoteasbothasacramentandatreatmentforalcoholism,ascourgeoftheindigenouscommunitysincethearrivalofthewhiteman.SpeakingatameetingoftheAmericanPsychiatricAssociationin1971,thepsychiatristKarlMenningersaidthat“peyoteisnotharmfultothesepeople...Itisabetterantidotetoalcoholthananythingthemissionaries,thewhiteman,theAmericanMedicalAssociation,andthepublichealthserviceshavecomeupwith.”*ThousandsofalcoholicsweretreatedwithLSDandotherpsychedelics

inthe1950sand1960s,thoughuntilrecentlyit’sbeenhardtosayanythingdefinitiveabouttheresults.Foratime,thetherapywasdeemedeffectiveenoughtobecomeastandardtreatmentforalcoholisminSaskatchewan.Clinicalreportswereenthusiastic,yetmostoftheformalstudiesconductedwerepoorlydesignedandbadlycontrolled,ifatall.Resultswerenotablyimpressivewhenthestudieswereperformedbysympathetictherapists(andespeciallybytherapistswhothemselveshadtakenLSD)andnotablydismalwhenconductedbyinexperiencedinvestigatorswhogavemammothdosestopatientswithnoattentiontosetorsetting.Therecordwasacompletemuddleuntil2012,whenameta-analysis

thatcombineddatafromthesixbestrandomizedcontrolledstudiesdoneinthe1960sand1970s(involvingmorethanfivehundredpatientsinall)foundthatindeedtherehadbeenastatisticallyrobustandclinically“significantbeneficialeffectonalcoholmisuse”fromasingledoseofLSD,aneffectthatlasteduptosixmonths.“GiventheevidenceforabeneficialeffectofLSDonalcoholism,”theauthorsconcluded,“itispuzzlingwhythistreatmenthasbeenlargelyoverlooked.”Sincethen,psychedelictherapyforalcoholandotheraddictionshas

undergoneamodestandsofarencouragingrevival,bothinuniversitystudiesandinvariousundergroundsettings.*Ina2015pilotstudyconductedattheUniversityofNewMexicotenalcoholicsreceivedpsilocybin,combinedwith“motivationalenhancementtherapy,”atypeofcognitivebehavioraltherapydesignedexpresslytotreataddiction.Byitself,thepsychotherapyhadlittleeffectondrinkingbehavior,butafterthepsilocybinsessiondrinkingdecreasedsignificantly,andthesechangesweresustainedduringthethirty-sixweeksoffollow-up.MichaelBogenschutz,theleadinvestigator,reportedastrongcorrelationbetween

the“strengthoftheexperienceandtheeffect”ondrinkingbehavior.TheNewMexicoresultswereencouragingenoughtowarrantamuchlargerphase2trial,involving180volunteers,whichBogenschutzisnowconductingatNYUincollaborationwithStephenRossandJeffreyGuss.“Alcoholismcanbeunderstoodasaspiritualdisorder,”Rosstoldme

thefirsttimewemet,inthetreatmentroomatNYU.“Overtimeyouloseyourconnectiontoeverythingbutthiscompound.Lifelosesallmeaning.Attheend,nothingismoreimportantthanthatbottle,notevenyourwifeandyourkids.Eventually,thereisnothingyouwon’tsacrificeforit.”ItwasRosswhofirsttoldmethestoryofBillW.,thefounderofAA,

howhegotsoberafteramysticalexperienceonbelladonnaandinthe1950ssoughttointroduceLSDintothefellowship.Touseadrugtopromotesobrietymightsoundcounterintuitive,evencrazy,yetitmakesacertainsensewhenyouconsiderhowreliablypsychedelicscansponsorspiritualbreakthroughsaswellastheconviction,centraltotheAAphilosophy,thatbeforeshecanhopetorecover,thealcoholicmustfirstacknowledgeher“powerlessness.”AAtakesadimviewofthehumanegoand,likepsychedelictherapy,attemptstoshifttheaddict’sattentionfromtheselftoa“higherpower”aswellastotheconsolationsoffellowship—thesenseofinterconnectedness.MichaelBogenschutzputmeintouchwithawomanI’llcallTerry

McDaniels,avolunteerinhisalcoholismpilotstudyinNewMexico—asurprisingintroduction,Icametothink,becauseherswasn’tthekindofunqualifiedsuccessstoryresearchersliketogivejournalists.IspoketoMcDanielsbyphonefromhertrailerparkoutsideAlbuquerque,whereshelivesondisabilityafewtrailersdownfromherdaughter.Shehasn’tbeenabletoworksince1997,when“myex-husbandbeatmyheadinwithacast-ironskillet.Sincethatoccurred,I’vehadarealproblemwithmymemory.”McDaniels,whowasbornin1954,hashadatoughlife,goingbackto

herchildhood,whenherparentsleftherforlongperiodsintheindifferentcareofoldersiblings.“EventothisdayIhaveahardtimelaughing.”Shetoldmeshespendsmanyofherdaysmiredinfeelingsofregret,anger,envy,self-loathing,and,especially,adeepsenseofguilttowardherchildren.“IfeelverybadIhaven’tgiventhemthelifeIcouldhaveifIhadstayedawayfromdrink.IthinkaboutthatotherlifeImighthavehadallthetime.”

WhenIaskedMcDanielshowlongshehadbeensober,shesurprisedme:shewasn’t.She’dactuallybeenonabenderjustafewweeksearlier,afterherdaughter“hurtmyfeelingsbyaskingformoneyIowedher.”Butthebingelastedonlyaday,andshehadonlyhadbeerandwinetodrink;intheyearsbeforeherpsychedelicsession,shewouldbingeonhardliquorfortwoweeksatatime,thedrinkinginterruptedonlywhensheblackedout.ForMcDaniels,aone-daybingenowandagainrepresentsprogress.McDanielsreadaboutthepsilocybintrialinthelocalalternative

weekly.Shehadneverbeforeusedapsychedelicbutfeltdesperateandwillingtotrysomethingnew.Shehadmademanyattemptstogetsober,hadbeeninrehab,therapy,andAA,butalwaysfellbackonthebottle.Sheworriedthatherheadinjurymightdisqualifyherfromthetrial,butshewasacceptedandintheeventhadapowerfulspiritualexperience.Thefirstpartofthetripwasunbearablydark:“IsawmychildrenandI

wasbawlingandbawling,forthelifetheyneverhad.”Buteventuallyitturnedintosomethingaweinspiring.“IsawJesusonthecross,”sherecalled.“Itwasjusthisheadand

shoulders,anditwaslikeIwasalittlekidinatinyhelicoptercirclingaroundhishead.Buthewasonthecross.Andhejustsortofgatheredmeupinhishands,youknow,thewayyouwouldcomfortasmallchild.Ifeltsuchagreatweightliftfrommyshoulders,feltverymuchatpeace.Itwasabeautifulexperience.”Theteachingoftheexperience,shefelt,wasself-acceptance.“Ispend

lesstimethinkingaboutpeoplewhohaveabetterlifethanme.IrealizeI’mnotabadperson;I’mapersonwho’shadalotofbadthingshappen.Jesusmighthavebeentryingtotellmeitwasokay,thatthesethingshappen.Hewastryingtocomfortme.”Now,McDanielssays,“IreadmyBibleeverydayandkeepaconsciouscontactwithGod.”Byherownlights,McDanielsisdoing,ifnotwellexactly,then

somewhatbetter.Theexperiencehashelpedherbegintorethinkthestoryofherlifeshetellsherself:“Idon’ttakeeverythingsopersonally,likeIusedto.Ihavemoreself-acceptance,andthatisagift,becauseforalotofyears,Ididnotlikemyself.ButIamnotabadperson.”Thatone’sperspectivecouldshiftinsuchawayintheabsenceofany

changeincircumstancestrikesmeasbothhopefulandpoignant.IwasremindedofanexperimentthatseveraloftheaddictionresearchersI

interviewedhadtoldmeabout—theso-calledratparkexperiment.It’swellknowninthefieldofdrugabuseresearchthatratsinacagegivenaccesstodrugsofvariouskindswillquicklyaddictthemselves,pressingthelittleleversforthedrugonofferinpreferencetofood,oftentothepointofdeath.Muchlesswellknown,however,isthefactthatifthecageis“enriched”withopportunitiesforplay,interactionwithotherrats,andexposuretonature,thesameratswillutterlyignorethedrugsandsoneverbecomeaddicted.Theratparkexperimentslendsupporttotheideathatthepropensitytoaddictionmighthavelesstodowithgenesorchemistrythanwithone’spersonalhistoryandenvironment.Nowcomesaclassofchemicalsthatmayhavethepowertochange

howweexperienceourpersonalhistoryandenvironment,nomatterhowimpoverishedorpainfultheymaybe.“Doyouseetheworldasaprisonoraplayground?”isthekeyquestionMattJohnsontakesawayfromtheratparkexperiment.Ifaddictionrepresentsaradicalnarrowingofone’sperspectiveandbehaviorandemotionalrepertoire,thepsychedelicjourneyhasthepotentialtoreversethatconstriction,openpeopleuptothepossibilityofchangebydisruptingandenrichingtheirinteriorenvironment.“Peoplecomeoutoftheseexperiencesseeingtheworldalittlemore

likeaplayground.”

•••

ONEGOODWORDtodescribetheexperiencesofboththeApolloastronautsandthevolunteersontheirpsilocybinjourneysis“awe,”ahumanemotionthatcanperhapshelpweavetogetherthedisparatestrandsofpsychologicalinterpretationproposedbythepsychedelicresearcherswithwhomIspoke.ItwasPeterHendricks,ayoungpsychologistattheUniversityofAlabamaconductingatrialusingpsilocybintotreatcocaineaddicts,whofirstsuggestedtomethattheexperienceofawemightofferthepsychologicalkeytoexplainthepowerofpsychedelicstoalterdeeplyrootedpatternsofbehavior.“Peoplewhoareaddictedknowthey’reharmingthemselves—their

health,theircareers,theirsocialwell-being—buttheyoftenfailtoseethedamagetheirbehaviorisdoingtoothers.”Addictionis,amongother

things,aradicalformofselfishness.Oneofthechallengesoftreatingtheaddictisgettinghimtobroadenhisperspectivebeyondaconsumingself-interestinhisaddiction,thebehaviorthathascometodefinehisidentityandorganizehisdays.Awe,Hendricksbelieves,hasthepowertodothis.HendricksmentionedtheresearchofDacherKeltner,apsychologistat

Berkeleywhohappenstobeaclosefriend.“Keltnerbelievesthataweisafundamentalhumanemotion,onethatevolvedinusbecauseitpromotesaltruisticbehavior.Wearedescendantsofthosewhofoundtheexperienceofaweblissful,becauseit’sadvantageousforthespeciestohaveanemotionthatmakesusfeelpartofsomethingmuchlargerthanourselves.”Thislargerentitycouldbethesocialcollective,natureasawhole,oraspiritworld,butitissomethingsufficientlyoverpoweringtodwarfusandournarrowself-interest.“Awepromotesasenseofthe‘smallself’thatdirectsourattentionawayfromtheindividualtothegroupandthegreatergood.”Keltner’slabatBerkeleyhasdoneacleverseriesofexperiments

demonstratingthatafterpeoplehavehadevenarelativelymodestexperienceofawe,suchaslookingatsoaringtrees,they’remorelikelytocometotheassistanceofothers.(Inthisexperiment,conductedinaeucalyptusgroveontheBerkeleycampus,volunteersspentaminutelookingeitheratthetreesoratthefaçadeofanearbybuilding.Thenaconfederatewalkedtowardtheparticipantsandstumbled,scatteringpensontheground.Bystanderswhohadlookedatthetreesprovedmorelikelytocometoheraidthanthosewhohadlookedatthebuilding.)Inanotherexperiment,Keltner’slabfoundthatifyouaskpeopletodrawthemselvesbeforeandafterviewingawe-inspiringimagesofnature,theafter-aweself-portraitswilltakeupconsiderablylessspaceonthepage.Anexperienceofaweappearstobeanexcellentantidoteforegotism.“Wenowhaveapharmacologicalinterventionthatcanoccasiontruly

profoundexperiencesofawe,”Hendrickspointedout.Aweinapill.Fortheself-obsessedaddict,“itcanbeblissfultofeelapartofsomethinglargerandgreaterthanthemselves,tofeelreconnectedtootherpeople”—totheweaveofsocialandfamilyrelationsthataddictionreliablyfrays.“Veryoftentheycometorecognizetheharmthey’redoingnotonlytothemselvesbuttolovedones.That’swherethemotivationtochangeoftencomesfrom—arenewedsenseofconnectionandresponsibility,as

wellasthepositivefeelingofbeingasmallselfinthepresenceofsomethinggreater.”Theconceptofawe,Irealized,couldhelpconnectseveralofthedots

I’dbeencollectinginthecourseofmyjourneythroughthelandscapeofpsychedelictherapy.Whetheraweisacauseoraneffectofthementalchangespsychedelicssponsorisn’tentirelyclear.Buteitherway,awefiguresinmuchofthephenomenologyofpsychedelicconsciousness,includingthemysticalexperience,theovervieweffect,self-transcendence,theenrichmentofourinnerenvironment,andeventhegenerationofnewmeanings.AsKeltnerhaswritten,theoverwhelmingforceandthemysteryofawearesuchthattheexperiencecan’treadilybeinterpretedaccordingtoouraccustomedframesofthought.Byrockingthoseconceptualframeworks,awehasthepowertochangeourminds.

Three:Depression

Somethingunexpectedhappenedwhen,earlyin2017,RolandGriffithsandStephenRossbroughttheresultsoftheirclinicaltrialstotheFDA,hopingtowinapprovalforalarger,phase3trialofpsilocybinforcancerpatients.Impressedbytheirdata—andseeminglyundeterredbytheuniquechallengesposedbypsychedelicresearch,suchastheproblemofblinding,thecombiningoftherapyandmedicine,andthefactthatthedruginquestionisstillillegal—theFDAstaffsurprisedtheresearchersbyaskingthemtoexpandtheirfocusandambition:totestwhetherpsilocybincouldbeusedtotreatthemuchlargerandmorepressingproblemofdepressioninthegeneralpopulation.Astheregulatorssawit,thedatacontainedastrongenough“signal”thatpsilocybincouldrelievedepression;itwouldbeashamenottotesttheproposition,giventheenormityoftheneedandthelimitationsofthetherapiesnowavailable.RossandGriffithshadfocusedoncancerpatientsbecausetheythoughtitwouldbeeasiertowinapprovaltostudyacontrolledsubstanceinpeoplewhowerealreadyseriouslyillordying.Nowthegovernmentwastellingthemtoraisetheirsights.“Itwassurreal,”Rosstoldme,twice,asherecountedthemeeting,stillsomewhatstunnedattheresponseandoutcome.(TheFDAdeclinedtoconfirmordenythisaccountofthe

meeting,explainingthatitdoesn’tcommentondrugsindevelopmentorunderregulatoryreview.)MuchthesamethinghappenedinEurope,when,in2016,researchers

approachedtheEuropeanMedicinesAgency(EMA)—theEuropeanUnion’sdrug-regulatingbody—seekingapprovaltousepsilocybininthetreatmentofanxietyanddepressioninpatientswithlife-changingdiagnoses.“Existentialdistress”isnotanofficialDSMdiagnosis,theregulatorspointedout,sothenationalhealthserviceswon’tcoverit.Butthere’sasignalherethatpsilocybincouldbeusefulintreatingdepression,sowhydon’tyoudoabig,multisitetrialforthat?TheEMAwasrespondingnotonlytotheHopkinsandNYUdatabut

alsotothesmall“feasibilitystudy”ofthepotentialofusingpsilocybintotreatdepressionthatRobinCarhart-HarrishaddirectedinDavidNutt’slabatImperialCollege.Inthestudy,theinitialresultsofwhichappearedinLancetPsychiatryin2016,researchersgavepsilocybintosixmenandsixwomensufferingfrom“treatment-resistantdepression”—meaningtheyhadalreadytriedatleasttwotreatmentswithoutsuccess.Therewasnocontrolgroup,soeveryoneknewheorshewasgettingpsilocybin.Afteraweek,allofthevolunteersshowedimprovementintheir

symptoms,andtwo-thirdsofthemweredepression-free,insomecasesforthefirsttimeinyears.Sevenofthetwelvevolunteersstillshowedsubstantialbenefitafterthreemonths.Thestudywasexpandedtoincludeatotaloftwentyvolunteers;aftersixmonths,sixremainedinremission,whiletheothershadrelapsedtoonedegreeoranother,suggestingthetreatmentmightneedtoberepeated.Thestudywasmodestinscaleandnotrandomized,butitdemonstratedthatpsilocybinwaswelltoleratedinthispopulation,withnoadverseevents,andmostofthesubjectshadseenbenefitsthatweremarkedandrapid.*TheEMAwassufficientlyimpressedwiththedatatosuggestamuchlargertrialfortreatment-resistantdepression,whichafflictsmorethan800,000peopleinEurope.(Thisisoutofatotalofsome40millionEuropeanswithdepressivedisorders,accordingtotheWorldHealthOrganization.)RosalindWattswasayoungclinicalpsychologistworkingforthe

NationalHealthServicewhenshereadanarticleaboutpsychedelictherapyintheNewYorker.*TheideathatyoumightactuallybeabletocurementalillnessratherthanjustmanageitssymptomsinspiredhertowritetoRobinCarhart-Harris,whohiredhertohelpoutwiththe

depressionstudy,thelab’sfirstforayintoclinicalresearch.Wattsguidedseveralsessionsandthenconductedqualitativeinterviewswithallofthevolunteerssixmonthsaftertheirtreatments,hopingtounderstandexactlyhowthepsychedelicsessionhadaffectedthem.Watts’sinterviewsuncoveredtwo“master”themes.Thefirstwasthat

thevolunteersdepictedtheirdepressionforemostasastateof“disconnection,”whetherfromotherpeople,theirearlierselves,theirsensesandfeelings,theircorebeliefsandspiritualvalues,ornature.Severalreferredtolivingin“amentalprison,”otherstobeing“stuck”inendlesscirclesofruminationtheylikenedtomental“gridlock.”IwasremindedofCarhart-Harris’shypothesisthatdepressionmightbetheresultofanoveractivedefaultmodenetwork—thesiteinthebrainwhereruminationappearstotakeplace.TheImperialdepressivesalsofeltdisconnectedfromtheirsenses.“I

wouldlookatorchids,”onetoldWatts,“andintellectuallyunderstandthattherewasbeauty,butnotexperienceit.”Formostofthevolunteers,thepsilocybinexperiencehadsprungthem

fromtheirmentaljails,ifonlytemporarily.Onewomaninthestudytoldmethatthemonthfollowinghersessionwasthefirsttimeshehadbeenfreefromdepressionsince1991.Othersdescribedsimilarexperiences:“Itwaslikeaholidayawayfromtheprisonofmybrain.Ifeltfree,

carefree,reenergized.”“Itwaslikethelightswitchbeingturnedoninadarkhouse.”“You’renotimmersedinthoughtpatterns;theconcretecoathascome

off.”“Itwaslikewhenyoudefragtheharddriveonyourcomputer...I

thought,‘Mybrainisbeingdefragged,howbrilliantisthat!’”Formanyofthevolunteers,thesechangesintheexperienceoftheir

ownmindspersisted:“Mymindworksdifferently.Iruminatemuchless,andmythoughts

feelordered,contextualized.”Severalreportedreconnectingtotheirsenses:“Aveildroppedfrommyeyes,thingsweresuddenlyclear,glowing,

bright.Ilookedatplantsandfelttheirbeauty.Icanstilllookatmyorchidsandfeelthat:thatisonethingthathasreallylasted.”Somereconnectedtothemselves:“Ihadanexperienceoftendernesstowardmyself.”

“Atitsmostbasic,IfeellikeIusedtobeforethedepression.”Othersreconnectedtootherpeople:“Iwastalkingtostrangers.Ihadthesefulllongconversationswith

everybodyIcameintocontactwith.”“Iwouldlookatpeopleonthestreetandthink,‘Howinterestingwe

are’—Ifeltconnectedtothemall.”Andtonature:“Before,Ienjoyednature;nowIfeelpartofit.BeforeIwaslookingat

itasathing,likeTVorpainting.You’repartofit,there’snoseparationordistinction,youareit.”“Iwaseverybody,unity,onelifewith6billionfaces.Iwastheone

askingforloveandgivinglove,Iwasswimminginthesea,andtheseawasme.”Thesecondmasterthemewasanewaccesstodifficultemotions,

emotionsthatdepressionoftenbluntsorclosesdowncompletely.Wattshypothesizesthatthedepressedpatient’sincessantruminationconstrictshisorheremotionalrepertoire.Inothercases,thedepressivekeepsemotionsatbaybecauseitistoopainfultoexperiencethem.Thisisespeciallytrueincasesofchildhoodtrauma.Wattsputmein

touchwithathirty-nine-year-oldmaninthestudy,amusicjournalistnamedIanRouiller,who,alongwithhisoldersister,hadbeenabusedbyhisfatherasachild.Asadults,thesiblingsbroughtchargesagainsttheirfatherthatputhiminjailforseveralyears,butthishadn’trelievedthedepressionthathastrailedIanformostofhislife.“Icanrememberthemomentwhenthehorriblecloudfirstcameover

me.ItwasinthefamilyroomofapubcalledtheFightingCocksinSt.Albans.Iwasten.”Antidepressantshelpedforawhile,but“puttingtheplasteroverthewounddoesn’thealanything.”Onpsilocybin,hewasableforthefirsttimetoconfronthislifelongpain—andhisfather.“Normally,whenDadcomesupinmyhead,Ijustpushthethought

away.ButthistimeIwenttheotherway.”Hisguidehadtoldhimheshould“goinandthrough”anyfrighteningmaterialthataroseduringhisjourney.“SothistimeIlookedhimintheeye.Thatwasareallybigthingfor

me,toliterallyfacethedemon.Andtherehewas.Buthewasahorse!Amilitaryhorsestandingonitshindlegs,dressedinamilitaryoutfitwithahelmet,andholdingagun.Itwasterrifying,andIwantedtopushthe

imageaside,butIdidn’t.Inandthrough:Instead,Ilookedthehorseintheeyes—andpromptlystartedtolaugh,itwassoridiculous.“That’swhenwhathadbeenabadtripreallyturned.NowIhadevery

sortofemotion,positive,negative,itdidn’tmatter.Ithoughtaboutthe[Syrian]refugeesinCalaisandstartedcryingforthem,andIsawthateveryemotionisasvalidasanyother.Youdon’tcherry-pickhappinessandenjoyment,theso-calledgoodemotions;itwasokaytohavenegativethoughts.That’slife.Forme,tryingtoresistemotionsjustamplifiedthem.OnceIwasinthisstate,itwasbeautiful—afeelingofdeepcontentment.Ihadthisoverwhelmingfeeling—itwasn’tevenathought—thateverythingandeveryoneneedstobeapproachedwithlove,includingmyself.”Ianenjoyedseveralmonthsofrelieffromhisdepressionaswellasa

newperspectiveonhislife—somethingnoantidepressanthadevergivenhim.“LikeGoogleEarth,Ihadzoomedout,”hetoldWattsinhissix-monthinterview.Forseveralweeksafterhissession,“Iwasabsolutelyconnectedtomyself,toeverylivingthing,totheuniverse.”Eventually,Ian’sovervieweffectfaded,however,andheendedupbackonZoloft.“Thesheenandshinethatlifeandexistencehadregainedimmediately

afterthetrialandforseveralweeksaftergraduallyfaded,”hewroteoneyearlater.“TheinsightsIgainedduringthetrialhaveneverleftandwillneverleaveme.Buttheynowfeelmorelikeideas,”hesays.Hesayshe’sdoingbetterthanbeforeandhasbeenabletoholddownajob,buthisdepressionhasreturned.HetoldmehewisheshecouldhaveanotherpsilocybinsessionatImperial.Becausethat’scurrentlynotanoption,he’llsometimesmeditateandlistentotheplaylistfromhissession.“Thatreallydoeshelpputmebackinthatplace.”MorethanhalfoftheImperialvolunteerssawthecloudsoftheir

depressioneventuallyreturn,soitseemslikelythatpsychedelictherapyfordepression,shoulditproveusefulandbeapproved,willnotbeaonetimeintervention.Buteventhetemporaryrespitethevolunteersregardedasprecious,becauseitremindedthemtherewasanotherwaytobethatwasworthworkingtorecapture.Likeelectroconvulsivetherapyfordepression,whichitinsomewaysresembles,psychedelictherapyisashocktothesystem—a“reboot”or“defragging”—thatmayneedtoberepeatedeverysooften.(Assumingthetreatmentworksaswellwhen

repeated.)Butthepotentialofthetherapyhasregulatorsandresearchersandmuchofthementalhealthcommunityfeelinghopeful.“Ibelievethiscouldrevolutionizementalhealthcare,”Wattstoldme.

HerconvictionissharedbyeveryotherpsychedelicresearcherIinterviewed.

•••

“IFMANYREMEDIESareprescribedforanillness,”wroteAntonChekhov,whowasaphysicianaswellasawriter,“youmaybecertainthattheillnesshasnocure.”ButwhataboutthereverseofChekhov’sstatement?Whatarewetomakeofasingleremedybeingprescribedforagreatmanyillnesses?Howcoulditbethatpsychedelictherapymightbehelpfulfordisordersasdifferentasdepression,addiction,theanxietyofthecancerpatient,nottomentionobsessive-compulsivedisorder(aboutwhichtherehasbeenoneencouragingstudy)andeatingdisorders(whichHopkinsnowplanstostudy)?Weshouldn’tforgetthatirrationalexuberancehasafflicted

psychedelicresearchsincethebeginning,andthebeliefthatthesemoleculesareapanaceaforwhateverailsusisatleastasoldasTimothyLeary.Itcouldwellbethatthecurrententhusiasmwilleventuallygivewaytoamoremodestassessmentoftheirpotential.Newtreatmentsalwayslookshiniestandmostpromisingatthebeginning.Inearlystudieswithsmallsamples,theresearchers,whoareusuallybiasedinfavoroffindinganeffect,havetheluxuryofselectingthevolunteersmostlikelytorespond.Becausetheirnumberissosmall,thesevolunteersbenefitfromthecareandattentionofexceptionallywell-trainedanddedicatedtherapists,whoarealsobiasedinfavorofsuccess.Also,theplaceboeffectisusuallystrongestinanewmedicineandtendstofadeovertime,asobservedinthecaseofantidepressants;theydon’tworknearlyaswelltodayastheydidupontheirintroductioninthe1980s.Noneofthesepsychedelictherapieshaveyetproventhemselvestoworkinlargepopulations;whatsuccesseshavebeenreportedshouldbetakenaspromisingsignalsstandingoutfromthenoiseofdata,ratherthanasdefinitiveproofsofcure.

Yetthefactthatpsychedelicshaveproducedsuchasignalacrossarangeofindicationscanbeinterpretedinamorepositivelight.Whenasingleremedyisprescribedforagreatmanyillnesses,toparaphraseChekhov,itcouldmeanthoseillnessesaremorealikethanwe’reaccustomedtothink.Ifatherapycontainsanimplicittheoryofthedisorderitpurportstoremedy,whatmightthefactthatpsychedelictherapyseemstoaddresssomanyindicationshavetotellusaboutwhatthosedisordersmighthaveincommon?Andaboutmentalillnessingeneral?IputthisquestiontoTomInsel,theformerheadoftheNational

InstituteofMentalHealth.“Itdoesn’tsurprisemeatall”thatthesametreatmentshouldshowpromiseforsomanyindications.HepointsoutthattheDSM—theDiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMentalDisorders,nowinitsfifthedition—drawssomewhatarbitrarylinesbetweenmentaldisorders,linesthatshiftwitheachnewedition.“TheDSMcategorieswehavedon’treflectreality,”Inselsaid;they

existfortheconvenienceoftheinsuranceindustryasmuchasanythingelse.“There’smuchmoreofacontinuumbetweenthesedisordersthantheDSMrecognizes.”HepointstothefactthatSSRIs,whentheywork,areusefulfortreatingarangeofconditionsbesidesdepression,includinganxietyandobsessive-compulsivedisorder,suggestingtheexistenceofsomecommonunderlyingmechanism.AndrewSolomon,inhisbookTheNoondayDemon:AnAtlasof

Depression,tracesthelinksbetweenaddictionanddepression,whichfrequentlyco-occur,aswellastheintimaterelationshipbetweendepressionandanxiety.Hequotesanexpertonanxietywhosuggestsweshouldthinkofthetwodisordersas“fraternaltwins”:“Depressionisaresponsetopastloss,andanxietyisaresponsetofutureloss.”Bothreflectamindmiredinrumination,onedwellingonthepast,theotherworryingaboutthefuture.Whatmainlydistinguishesthetwodisordersistheirtense.Ahandfulofresearchersinthementalhealthfieldseemtobegroping

towardagrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness,thoughtheywouldnotbesoarrogantastocallitthat.DavidKessler,thephysicianandformerheadoftheFDA,recentlypublishedabookcalledCapture:UnravelingtheMysteryofMentalSufferingthatmakesthecaseforsuchanapproach.“Capture”ishistermforthecommonmechanismunderlying

addiction,depression,anxiety,mania,andobsession;inhisview,allthesedisordersinvolvelearnedhabitsofnegativethinkingandbehaviorthathijackourattentionandtrapusinloopsofself-reflection.“Whatstartedasapleasurebecomesaneed;whatwasonceabadmoodbecomescontinuousself-indictment;whatwasonceanannoyancebecomespersecution,”inaprocesshedescribesasaformof“inverselearning.”“Everytimewerespond[toastimulus],westrengthentheneuralcircuitrythatpromptsustorepeat”thesamedestructivethoughtsorbehaviors.Coulditbethatthescienceofpsychedelicshasacontributiontomake

tothedevelopmentofagrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness—oratleastofsomementalillnesses?Mostoftheresearchersinthefield—fromRobinCarhart-HarristoRolandGriffiths,MatthewJohnson,andJeffreyGuss—havebecomeconvincedthatpsychedelicsoperateonsomehigher-ordermechanismsinthebrainandmind,mechanismsthatmayunderlie,andhelpexplain,awidevarietyofmentalandbehavioraldisorders,aswellas,perhaps,garden-varietyunhappiness.Itcouldbeasstraightforwardasthenotionofa“mentalreboot”—Matt

Johnson’sbiologicalcontrol-alt-deletekey—thatjoltsthebrainoutofdestructivepatterns(suchasKessler’s“capture”),affordinganopportunityfornewpatternstotakeroot.Itcouldbethat,asFranzVollenweiderhashypothesized,psychedelicsenhanceneuroplasticity.Themyriadnewconnectionsthatspringupinthebrainduringthepsychedelicexperience,asmappedbytheneuroimagingdoneatImperialCollege,andthedisintegrationofwell-traveledoldconnections,mayservesimplyto“shakethesnowglobe,”inRobinCarhart-Harris’sphrase,apredicateforestablishingnewpathways.MendelKaelen,aDutchpostdocintheImperiallab,proposesamore

extendedsnowmetaphor:“Thinkofthebrainasahillcoveredinsnow,andthoughtsassledsglidingdownthathill.Asonesledafteranothergoesdownthehill,asmallnumberofmaintrailswillappearinthesnow.Andeverytimeanewsledgoesdown,itwillbedrawnintothepreexistingtrails,almostlikeamagnet.”Thosemaintrailsrepresentthemostwell-traveledneuralconnectionsinyourbrain,manyofthempassingthroughthedefaultmodenetwork.“Intime,itbecomesmoreandmoredifficulttoglidedownthehillonanyotherpathorinadifferentdirection.

“Thinkofpsychedelicsastemporarilyflatteningthesnow.Thedeeplyworntrailsdisappear,andsuddenlythesledcangoinotherdirections,exploringnewlandscapesand,literally,creatingnewpathways.”Whenthesnowisfreshest,themindismostimpressionable,andtheslightestnudge—whetherfromasongoranintentionoratherapist’ssuggestion—canpowerfullyinfluenceitsfuturecourse.RobinCarhart-Harris’stheoryoftheentropicbrainrepresentsa

promisingelaborationonthisgeneralidea,andafirststabataunifiedtheoryofmentalillnessthathelpsexplainallthreeofthedisorderswe’veexaminedinthesepages.Ahappybrainisasuppleandflexiblebrain,hebelieves;depression,anxiety,obsession,andthecravingsofaddictionarehowitfeelstohaveabrainthathasbecomeexcessivelyrigidorfixedinitspathwaysandlinkages—abrainwithmoreorderthanisgoodforit.Onthespectrumhelaysout(inhisentropicbrainarticle)rangingfromexcessiveordertoexcessiveentropy,depression,addiction,anddisordersofobsessionallfallonthetoo-much-orderend.(Psychosisisontheentropyendofthespectrum,whichiswhyitprobablydoesn’trespondtopsychedelictherapy.)Thetherapeuticvalueofpsychedelics,inCarhart-Harris’sview,liesin

theirabilitytotemporarilyelevateentropyintheinflexiblebrain,joltingthesystemoutofitsdefaultpatterns.Carhart-Harrisusesthemetaphorofannealingfrommetallurgy:psychedelicsintroduceenergyintothesystem,givingittheflexibilitynecessaryforittobendandsochange.TheHopkinsresearchersuseasimilarmetaphortomakethesamepoint:psychedelictherapycreatesanintervalofmaximumplasticityinwhich,withproperguidance,newpatternsofthoughtandbehaviorcanbelearned.Allthesemetaphorsforbrainactivityarejustthat—metaphors—and

notthethingitself.Yettheneuroimagingoftrippingbrainsthat’sbeendoneatImperialCollege(andthathassincebeenreplicatedinseveralotherlabsusingnotonlypsilocybinbutalsoLSDandayahuasca)hasidentifiedmeasurablechangesinthebrainthatlendcredencetothesemetaphors.Inparticular,thechangesinactivityandconnectivityinthedefaultmodenetworkonpsychedelicssuggestitmaybepossibletolinkthefeltexperienceofcertaintypesofmentalsufferingwithsomethingobservable—andalterable—inthebrain.Ifthedefaultmodenetworkdoeswhatneuroscientiststhinkitdoes,thenaninterventionthattargetsthat

networkhasthepotentialtohelprelieveseveralformsofmentalillness,includingthehandfulofdisorderspsychedelicresearchershavetrialedsofar.SomanyofthevolunteersIspoketo,whetheramongthedying,the

addicted,orthedepressed,describedfeelingmentally“stuck,”capturedinruminativeloopstheyfeltpowerlesstobreak.Theytalkedabout“prisonsoftheself,”spiralsofobsessiveintrospectionthatwallthemofffromotherpeople,nature,theirearlierselves,andthepresentmoment.Allthesethoughtsandfeelingsmaybetheproductsofanoveractivedefaultmodenetwork,thattightlylinkedsetofbrainstructuresimplicatedinrumination,self-referentialthought,andmetacognition—thinkingaboutthinking.Itstandstoreasonthatbyquietingthebrainnetworkresponsibleforthinkingaboutourselves,andthinkingaboutthinkingaboutourselves,wemightbeabletojumpthattrack,oreraseitfromthesnow.Thedefaultmodenetworkappearstobetheseatnotonlyoftheego,

orself,butofthementalfacultyoftimetravelaswell.Thetwoareofcoursecloselyrelated:withouttheabilitytorememberourpastandimagineafuture,thenotionofacoherentselfcouldhardlybesaidtoexist;wedefineourselveswithreferencetoourpersonalhistoryandfutureobjectives.(Asmeditatorseventuallydiscover,ifwecanmanagetostopthinkingaboutthepastorfutureandsinkintothepresent,theselfseemstodisappear.)Mentaltimetravelisconstantlytakingusoffthefrontierofthepresentmoment.Thiscanbehighlyadaptive;itallowsustolearnfromthepastandplanforthefuture.Butwhentimetravelturnsobsessive,itfostersthebackward-lookinggazeofdepressionandtheforwardpitchofanxiety.Addiction,too,seemstoinvolveuncontrollabletimetravel.Theaddictuseshishabittoorganizetime:Whenwasthelasthit,andwhencanIgetthenext?Tosaythedefaultmodenetworkistheseatoftheselfisnotasimple

proposition,especiallywhenyouconsiderthattheselfmaynotbeexactlyreal.Yetwecansaythereisasetofmentaloperations,timetravelamongthem,thatareassociatedwiththeself.Thinkofitsimplyasthelocusofthisparticularsetofmentalactivities,manyofwhichappeartohavetheirhomeinthestructuresofthedefaultmodenetwork.Anothertypeofmentalactivitythatneuroimaginghaslocatedinthe

DMN(andspecificallyintheposteriorcingulatecortex)isthework

performedbytheso-calledautobiographicalorexperientialself:thementaloperationresponsibleforthenarrativesthatlinkourfirstpersontotheworld,andsohelpdefineus.“ThisiswhoIam.”“Idon’tdeservetobeloved.”“I’mthekindofpersonwithoutthewillpowertobreakthisaddiction.”Gettingoverlyattachedtothesenarratives,takingthemasfixedtruthsaboutourselvesratherthanasstoriessubjecttorevision,contributesmightilytoaddiction,depression,andanxiety.Psychedelictherapyseemstoweakenthegripofthesenarratives,perhapsbytemporarilydisintegratingthepartsofthedefaultmodenetworkwheretheyoperate.Andthenthereistheego,perhapsthemostformidablecreationofthe

defaultmodenetwork,whichstrivestodefendusfromthreatsbothinternalandexternal.Whenallisworkingasitshouldbe,theegokeepstheorganismontrack,helpingittorealizeitsgoalsandprovideforitsneeds,notablyforsurvivalandreproduction.Itgetsthejobdone.Butitisalsofundamentallyconservative.“Theegokeepsusinourgrooves,”asMattJohnsonputsit.Forbetterand,sometimes,forworse.Foroccasionallytheegocanbecometyrannicalandturnitsformidablepowersontherestofus.*Perhapsthisisthelinkbetweenthevariousformsofmentalillnessthatpsychedelictherapyseemstohelpmost:allinvolveadisorderedego—overbearing,punishing,ormisdirected.*Inacollegecommencementaddresshedeliveredthreeyearsbefore

hissuicide,DavidFosterWallaceaskedhisaudienceto“thinkoftheoldclichéabout‘themindbeinganexcellentservantbutaterriblemaster.’This,likemanyclichés,solameandunexcitingonthesurface,actuallyexpressesagreatandterribletruth,”hesaid.“Itisnottheleastbitcoincidentalthatadultswhocommitsuicidewith

firearmsalmostalwaysshootthemselvesinthehead.Theyshoottheterriblemaster.”

•••

OFALLTHEPHENOMENOLOGICALEFFECTSthatpeopleonpsychedelicsreport,thedissolutionoftheegoseemstomebyfarthemostimportantandthemosttherapeutic.IfoundlittleconsensusonterminologyamongtheresearchersIinterviewed,butwhenIunpacktheirmetaphorsand

vocabularies—whetherspiritual,humanistic,psychoanalytic,orneurological—itisfinallythelossofegoorself(whatJungcalled“psychicdeath”)they’resuggestingisthekeypsychologicaldriveroftheexperience.Itisthisthatgivesusthemysticalexperience,thedeathrehearsalprocess,theovervieweffect,thenotionofamentalreboot,themakingofnewmeanings,andtheexperienceofawe.Considerthecaseofthemysticalexperience:thesenseof

transcendence,sacredness,unitiveconsciousness,infinitude,andblissfulnesspeoplereportcanallbeexplainedaswhatitcanfeelliketoamindwhenitssenseofbeing,orhaving,aseparateselfissuddenlynomore.Isitanywonderwewouldfeelonewiththeuniversewhenthe

boundariesbetweenselfandworldthattheegopatrolssuddenlyfallaway?Becausewearemeaning-makingcreatures,ourmindsstrivetocomeupwithnewstoriestoexplainwhatishappeningtothemduringtheexperience.Someofthesestoriesareboundtobesupernaturalor“spiritual,”ifonlybecausethephenomenaaresoextraordinarytheycan’tbeeasilyexplainedintermsofourusualconceptualcategories.Thepredictivebrainisgettingsomanyerrorsignalsthatitisforcedtodevelopextravagantnewinterpretationsofanexperiencethattranscendsitscapacityforunderstanding.Whetherthemostmagnificentofthesestoriesrepresentaregression

tomagicalthinking,asFreudbelieved,oraccesstotranspersonalrealmssuchasthe“MindatLarge,”asHuxleybelieved,isitselfamatterofinterpretation.Whocansayforcertain?Yetitseemstomeverylikelythatlosingorshrinkingtheselfwouldmakeanyonefeelmore“spiritual,”howeveryouchoosetodefinetheword,andthatthisisapttomakeonefeelbetter.Theusualantonymfortheword“spiritual”is“material.”Thatatleast

iswhatIbelievedwhenIbeganthisinquiry—thatthewholeissuewithspiritualityturnedonaquestionofmetaphysics.NowI’minclinedtothinkamuchbetterandcertainlymoreusefulantonymfor“spiritual”mightbe“egotistical.”SelfandSpiritdefinetheoppositeendsofaspectrum,butthatspectrumneedn’treachcleartotheheavenstohavemeaningforus.Itcanstayrighthereonearth.Whentheegodissolves,sodoesaboundedconceptionnotonlyofourselfbutofourself-interest.Whatemergesinitsplaceisinvariablyabroader,moreopenheartedand

altruistic—thatis,morespiritual—ideaofwhatmattersinlife.Oneinwhichanewsenseofconnection,orlove,howeverdefined,seemstofigureprominently.“Thepsychedelicjourneymaynotgiveyouwhatyouwant,”asmore

thanoneguidememorablywarnedme,“butitwillgiveyouwhatyouneed.”Iguessthat’sbeentrueforme.ItmighthavebeennothingliketheoneIsignedupfor,butIcanseenowthatthejourneyhasbeenaspiritualeducationafterall.

Coda:GoingtoMeetMyDefaultModeNetwork

Igottheopportunity—anon-pharmacologicalopportunity—topeerintomyowndefaultmodenetworksoonafterIinterviewedJudsonBrewer,thepsychiatristandneuroscientistwhostudiesthebrainsofmeditators.ItwasBrewer,you’llrecall,whodiscoveredthatthebrainsofexperiencedmeditatorslookmuchlikethebrainsofpeopleonpsilocybin:thepracticeandthemedicinebothdramaticallyreduceactivityinthedefaultmodenetwork.BrewerinvitedmetovisithislabattheCenterforMindfulnessatthe

UniversityofMassachusettsmedicalschoolinWorcestertorunsomeexperimentsonmyowndefaultmodenetwork.Hislabhasdevelopedaneuralfeedbacktoolthatallowsresearchers(andtheirvolunteers)toobserveinrealtimetheactivityinoneofthekeybrainstructuresinthedefaultmodenetwork:theposteriorcingulatecortex.UntilnowIhavetriedtospareyouthenamesandfunctionsofspecific

partsofbrainanatomy,butIdoneedtodescribethisoneinabitmoredetail.Theposteriorcingulatecortexisacentrallylocatednodewithinthedefaultmodenetworkinvolvedinself-referentialmentalprocesses.Situatedinthemiddleofthebrain,itlinkstheprefrontalcortex—siteofourexecutivefunction,whereweplanandexercisewill—withthecentersofmemoryandemotioninthehippocampus.ThePCCisbelievedtobethelocusoftheexperientialornarrativeself;itappearstogeneratethenarrativesthatlinkwhathappenstoustoourabidingsenseofwhoweare.Brewerbelievesthatthisparticularoperation,whenitgoesawry,isattherootofseveralformsofmentalsuffering,includingaddiction.

AsBrewerexplainsit,activityinthePCCiscorrelatednotsomuchwithourthoughtsandfeelingsaswith“howwerelatetoourthoughtsandfeelings.”Itiswhereweget“caughtupinthepushandpullofourexperience.”(Thishasparticularrelevancefortheaddict:“It’sonethingtohavecravings,”asBrewerpointsout,“butquiteanothertogetcaughtupinyourcravings.”)Whenwetakesomethingthathappenstouspersonally?That’sthePCCdoingits(egotistical)thing.TohearBrewerdescribeitistosuspectneurosciencemighthaveatlastfoundtheaddressforthe“Butenoughaboutyou”centerofthebrain.Buddhistsbelievethatattachmentisattherootofallformsofmental

suffering;iftheneuroscienceisright,alotoftheseattachmentshavetheirmooringinthePCC,wheretheyarenurturedandsustained.Brewerthinksthatbydiminishingitsactivity,whetherbymeansofmeditationorpsychedelics,wecanlearn“tobewithourthoughtsandcravingswithoutgettingcaughtupinthem.”Achievingsuchadetachmentfromourthoughts,feelings,anddesiresiswhatBuddhism(alongwithseveralotherwisdomtraditions)teachesisthesurestpathoutofhumansuffering.Brewertookmeintoasmall,darkenedroomwhereacomfortable

chairfacedacomputermonitor.Oneofhislaboratoryassistantsbroughtinthecontraption:aredrubberbathingcapwith128sensorsarrayedinadensegridacrosseverycentimeterofitssurface.Eachofthesensorswaslinkedtoacable.Aftertheassistantcarefullyfittedthecapontomyskull,shesquirtedadabofconductivegelbeneatheachofthe128electrodestoensurethefaintelectricalsignalsemanatingfromdeepwithinmybraincouldreadilytraversemyscalp.Brewertookapictureofmeonmyphone:Ihadsproutedagoofytangleofhigh-techdreadlocks.TocalibrateabaselinelevelofactivityformyPCC,Brewerprojecteda

seriesofadjectivesonthescreen—“courageous,”“cheap,”“patriotic,”“impulsive,”andsoon.SimplyreadingthelistdoesnothingtoactivatethePCC,whichiswhyhetoldmenowtothinkabouthowtheseadjectiveseitherappliedordidn’tapplytome.Takeitpersonally,inotherwords.ThisispreciselythethoughtprocessthatthePCCexiststoperform,relatingthoughtsandexperiencestooursenseofwhoweare.Oncehehadestablishedabaseline,Brewer,fromanotherroom,led

methroughaseriesofexercisestoseeifIcouldaltertheactivityofmyPCCbythinkingdifferentkindsofthoughts.Atthecompletionofeach

“run”—lastingafewminutes—hewouldprojectabargraphonthescreeninfrontofme;thelengthofeachbarindicatestowhatextenttheactivityinmyPCChadexceededordroppedbelowbaseline,inten-secondincrements.IcouldalsofollowtheupsanddownsofmyPCCactivitybylisteningtorisingandfallingtonesonamonitor,butIfoundthattoodistracting.Ibeganbytryingtomeditate,somethingI’dgottenintothehabitof

doingearlyinmyforayintothescienceandpracticeofpsychedelicconsciousness.AbriefdailymeditationhadbecomeawayformetostayintouchwiththekindofthinkingI’ddoneonpsychedelics.Idiscoveredmytripshadmadeiteasierformetodropintoamentallyquietplace,somethingthatinthepasthadalwayseludedme.SoIclosedmyeyesandbegantofollowmybreath.Ihadnevertriedtomeditateinfrontofotherpeople,anditfeltawkward,butwhenBrewerputthegraphuponthescreen,IcouldseethatIhadsucceededinquietingmyPCC—notbyalot,butmostofthebarsdippedbelowbaseline.Yetthegraphwassomewhatjagged,withseveralbarsleapingabovebaseline.Brewerexplainedthatthisiswhathappenswhenyou’retryingtoohardtomeditateandbecomeconsciousoftheeffort.Thereitwasinblackandwhite:thegraphofmyeffortfulnessandself-criticism.NextBreweraskedmetodoa“loving-kindness”meditation.Thisis

onewhereyou’resupposedtocloseyoureyesandthinkwarmandcharitablethoughtsaboutpeople:firstyourself,thenthoseclosesttoyou,andfinallypeopleyoudon’tknow—humanityatlarge.Thebarsdroppedsmartlybelowbaseline,deeperthanbefore:Iwasgoodatthis!(Aself-congratulatorythoughtthatnodoubtshotabarskyward.)Forthenextandlastrun,ItoldBrewerIhadanideaforamental

exerciseIwantedtotrybutdidn’twanttotellhimwhatitwasuntilafterward.Iclosedmyeyesandtriedtosummonscenesfrommypsychedelicjourneys.Theonethatcametomindfirstwasanimageofapastorallandscape,agentlyrollingquiltoffieldandforestandpond,directlyabovewhichhoveredsomekindofgiganticrectangularframemadeofsteel.Thestructure,whichwasafewstoriestallbuthollow,resembledapylonforelectricaltransmissionlinesorsomethingakidmightbuildfromanErectorset—afavoritetoyofmychildhood.Anyway,bytheoddlogicofpsychedelicexperience,itwascleartomeeveninthe

momentthatthisstructurerepresentedmyego,andthelandscapeabovewhichitloomedwas,Ipresumed,therestofme.Thedescriptionmakesitsoundasthoughthestructurewere

menacing,hoveringoverheadlikeaUFO,butinfacttheemotionaltoneoftheimagewasmostlybenign.Thestructurehadrevealeditselfasemptyandsuperfluousandhadlostitspurchaseontheground—onme.Thescenehadgivenmeakindofovervieweffect:beholdyourego,sturdy,gray,empty,andfloatingfree,likeanuntetheredpylon.Considerhowmuchmorebeautifulthescenewouldbewereitnotintheway.Thephrase“child’splay”loopedinmymind:thestructurewasnothingmorethanatoythatachildcouldassembleanddisassembleatwill.Duringthetripthestructurecontinuedtoloom,castinganintricateshadowoverthescene,butnowinmyrecollectionIcouldpictureitdriftingoff,leavingme...tobe.Whoknowswhatkindsofelectricalsignalswereleakingfrommy

defaultmodenetworkduringthisreverie,orforthatmatterwhattheimagesymbolized.You’vereadthischapter:obviously,I’vebeengivingalotofthoughttotheegoanditsdiscontents.Herewassomeofthatthinkingrenderedstarklyvisible.Ihadsucceededindetachingmyselffrommyego,atleastimaginatively,somethingIwouldneverhavethoughtpossiblebeforepsychedelics.Aren’tweidenticalwithourego?What’sleftofuswithoutit?Thelessonofbothpsychedelicsandmeditationisthesame:No!onthefirstcount,andMorethanenoughonthesecond.Includingthislovelylandscapeofthemind,whichbecamelovelierstillwhenIletthatridiculoussteelstructurefloataway,takingitsshadowwithit.Abeepindicatedtherunwasover.Brewer’svoicecameonthe

loudspeaker:“Whatintheworldwereyouthinking?”Apparently,I’ddroppedwaybelowbaseline.Itoldhim,ingeneralterms.Hesoundedexcitedbytheideathatthemererecollectionofapsychedelicexperiencemightsomehowreplicatewhathappensinthebrainduringtherealthing.Maybethat’swhatwasgoingon.Ormaybeitwasthespecificcontentoftheimage,andthemerethoughtofbiddingadieutomyego,watchingitfloatawaylikeahot-airballoon,thathadthepowertosilencemydefaultmodenetwork.Brewerstartedspoutinghypotheses.Whichisreallyallthatscience

canofferusatthispoint:hunches,theories,somanymoreexperiments

totry.Wehaveplentyofclues,andmorenowthanbeforetherenaissanceofpsychedelicscience,butweremainalongwayfromunderstandingexactlywhathappenstoconsciousnesswhenwealterit,eitherwithamoleculeorwithmeditation.Yetgazingatthebarsonthegraphbeforeme,thesecrudehieroglyphsofpsychedelicthought,IfeltasifIwerestandingontheedgeofawide-openfrontier,squintingtomakeoutsomethingwondrous.

EPILOGUE

InPraiseofNeuralDiversity

INAPRIL2017,theinternationalpsychedeliccommunitygatheredintheOaklandConventionCenterforPsychedelicScience,anevery-few-years-or-soeventorganizedbyMAPS,theMultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies,thenonprofitestablishedbyRickDoblinin1986withtheimprobablegoalofreturningpsychedelicstoscientificandculturalrespectability.In2016,Doblinhimselfseemedstunnedathowfarandfastthingshadcomeandhowclosetohandvictorynowseemed.Earlierintheyear,theFDAhadapprovedphase3trialsofMDMA,andpsilocybinwasnotfarbehind.Iftheresultsofthesetrialscomeanywherenearthoseofphase2,thegovernmentwillpresumablyhavetoreschedulethetwodrugs,andthendoctorswillbeabletoprescribethem.“Wearenotthecounterculture,”Doblintoldareporterduringtheconference.“Wearetheculture.”Whathadbeenasrecentlyas2010amodestgatheringofpsychonauts

andahandfulofrenegaderesearcherswasnowasix-dayconvention-cum-conferencethathaddrawnmorethanthreethousandpeoplefromallovertheworldtohearresearchersfromtwenty-fivecountriespresenttheirfindings.Notthatthereweren’talsoplentyofpsychonautsandlegionsofthepsychedelicallycurious.Betweenthelecturesandpanelsandplenaries,theybrowsedasprawlingmarketplaceofferingpsychedelicbooks,psychedelicartwork,andpsychedelicmusic.Forme,theeventturnedouttobeakindofreunion,bringingtogether

mostofthecharactersinmystoryunderoneroof.IwasabletocatchupwithvirtuallyallthescientistsI’dinterviewed(thoughRobinCarhart-Harris,withababyontheway,hadtoskip),aswellasseveraloftheundergroundguideswithwhomI’dworked.

Everyone,itseemed,washere,scientistsrubbingshoulderswithguidesandshamans,veteranpsychonauts,alargecontingentoftherapistseagertoaddpsychedelicstotheirpractice,plusfundersandfilmmakersandevenasmatteringofentrepreneurssniffingoutbusinessopportunities.AndalthoughIpickedupsnippetsofconcernaboutthenewattorneygeneral’seffortstorekindlethedrugwar,onthewholethemoodwasunmistakablycelebratory.WhenIaskedconferencegoerswhichsessiontheydeemedmost

memorable,almostinvariablytheymentionedtheplenarypanelcalled“FutureofPsychedelicPsychiatry.”Whatwasmostnoteworthyaboutthispanelwastheidentityofthepanelists,which,atapsychedelicconvention,wascauseforcognitivedissonance.HerewasPaulSummergrad,MD,theformerheadoftheAmericanPsychiatricAssociation,seatednexttoTomInsel,MD,theformerheadoftheNationalInstituteofMentalHealth.ThepanelwasorganizedandmoderatedbyGeorgeGoldsmith,anAmericanentrepreneurandhealthindustryconsultantbasedinLondon.Inthelastseveralyears,heandhiswife,EkaterinaMalievskaia,aRussian-bornphysician,havedevotedtheirconsiderableenergyandresourcestowinningapprovalforpsilocybin-assistedtherapyintheEuropeanUnion.Itwascleartoeveryoneinthestanding-roomcrowdexactlywhatthe

threemenonthepanelrepresented:therecognitionofpsychedelictherapybythementalhealthestablishment.Inselspokeofhowpoorlytherecordofmentalhealthcarestacksupagainsttheachievementsoftherestofmedicine.Hepointedoutthatithasfailedtolowermortalityfromseriouspsychiatricdisordersandspokeofthepromiseofnewmodelsofmentalhealthtreatmentsuchaspsychedelictherapy.“I’mreallyimpressedbytheapproachhere,”hetoldthegroup.“Peopledon’tsay,simply,we’regonnagivepsychedelics.Theytalkabout‘psychedelic-assistedpsychotherapy.’...Ithinkit’sareallynovelapproach.”Inseltemperedhisenthusiasm,however,bynotingthatsuchanovelparadigmmaybedevilregulatorsaccustomedtoevaluatingnewdrugsinisolation.GeorgeGoldsmithaskedbothmenwhatadvicetheywouldgivetothe

researchersintheroom,menandwomenwhohavebeenworkingdiligentlyforyearstobringpsychedelictherapytopatients.Withouthesitating,Inselturnedtotheaudienceandsaid,“Don’tscrewitup!”

“Theremaybelotsofpromisehere,”Inselsaid,“butit’sreallyeasytoforgetaboutissuesrelatedtosafety,issuesrelatedtorigor,issuesrelatedtoreputationalrisks.”Hesuggestedthatpsychedelicswouldprobablyneedtoberebrandedinthepublicmindandthatitwouldbeessentialtosteerclearofanythingthatsmackedof“recreationaluse.”HeandSummergradbothwarnedthatasinglesloppyresearcher,orapatientwithadisastrousexperience,couldpoisonthewellforeverybody.NobodyneededtomentionthenameTimothyLeary.

•••

HOWCLOSEAREWEtoaworldinwhichpsychedelictherapyissanctionedandroutine,andwhatwouldsuchaworldlooklike?BobJessewasintheaudiencewhentheformerheadofNIMHtookhisswipeagainst“recreationaluse,”andthoughIdidn’tseeit,Icanpicturehisgrimace.Andwhatexactlyiswrongwithre-creatingourselves?BobJesseworriesthatthe“medicalization”ofpsychedelicsthesemenwereadvocatingastheonetruepathwouldbeamistake.Notthatmedicalizationwillbeeasy.Severalsteepregulatoryhurdles

willfirstneedtobeovercome.Phase3trialsinvolvemultiplesitesandhundredsofvolunteers;theycancosttensofmillionsofdollars.NormallyBigPharmafootsthebillforsuchtrials,butthusfarthepharmaceuticalcompanieshaveshownscantinterestinpsychedelics.Foronething,thisclassofdrugsoffersthemlittleifanyintellectualproperty:psilocybinisaproductofnature,andthepatentonLSDexpireddecadesago.Foranother,BigPharmamostlyinvestsindrugsforchronicconditions,thepillsyouhavetotakeeveryday.Whywoulditinvestinapillpatientsmightonlyneedtotakeonceinalifetime?Psychiatryfacesasimilardilemma:ittooisweddedtointerminable

therapies,whetherthatmeansthedailyantidepressantortheweeklypsychotherapysession.Itistruethatapsychedelicsessionlastsseveralhoursandusuallyrequirestwotherapistsbepresentfortheduration,butifthetherapyworksasit’ssupposedto,therewon’tbealotofrepeatbusiness.It’snotatallclearwhatthebusinessmodelmightbe.Yet.SeveraloftheresearchersandtherapistsI’veinterviewednevertheless

lookforwardtoatime,notfaroff,whenpsychedelictherapyisroutine

andwidelyavailable,intheformofanovelhybridofpharmacologyandpsychotherapy.GeorgeGoldsmithenvisionsanetworkofpsychedelictreatmentcenters,facilitiesinattractivenaturalsettingswherepatientswillgofortheirguidedsessions.HehasformedacompanycalledCompassPathwaystobuildthesecentersinthebelieftheycanofferatreatmentforarangeofmentalillnessessufficientlyeffectiveandeconomicalthatEurope’snationalhealthserviceswillreimburseforthem.Goldsmithhassofarraisedthreemillionpoundstofundandorganizepsilocybintrials(startingwithtreatment-resistantdepression)atmultiplesitesinEurope.AlreadyheisworkingwithdesignersatIDEO,theinternationaldesignfirm,toredesigntheentireexperienceofpsychedelictherapy.PaulSummergradandTomInselhavebothjoinedhisadvisoryboard.KatherineMacLean,theformerHopkinsresearcherwhowrotethe

landmarkpaperonopenness,hopessomedaytoestablisha“psychedelichospice,”aretreatcentersomewhereoutinnaturewherenotonlythedyingbuttheirlovedonescanusepsychedelicstohelpthemletgo—thepatientandthelovedonesboth.“Ifwelimitpsychedelicsjusttothepatient,”sheexplains,“we’re

stickingtotheoldmedicalmodel.Butpsychedelicsaremoreradicalthanthat.Igetnervouswhenpeoplesaytheyshouldonlybeprescribedbyadoctor.Iimagineabroaderapplication.”InMacLean’swordsit’seasytohearechoesofthe1960sexperience

withpsychedelics—theexcitementabouttheirpotentialtohelpnotonlythesickbuteveryoneelsetoo.Thiskindofthinking—ortalking—makessomeofhermainstreamcolleaguesnervous.It’sexactlythekindoftalkthatInselandSummergradwerewarningthecommunityagainst.Goodluckwiththat.“Thebettermentofwellpeople”isverymuchonthemindsofmostof

theresearchersIinterviewed,evenifsomeofthemweremorereluctanttodiscussitontherecordthaninstitutionaloutsiderslikeBobJesseandRickDoblinandKatherineMacLean.Forthem,medicalacceptanceisafirststeptowardamuchbroaderculturalacceptance—outrightlegalization,inDoblin’sview,orsomethingmorecarefullycontrolledinMacLean’sandJesse’s.Jessewouldliketoseethedrugsadministeredbytrainedguidesworkinginwhathecalls“longitudinalmultigenerationalcontexts,”which,ashedescribesthem,soundalotlikechurches.(Think

ofthechurchesthatuseayahuascainaritualcontext,administeredbyexperiencedeldersinagroupsetting.)Othersenvisionatimewhenpeopleseekingapsychedelicexperience—whetherforreasonsofmentalhealthorspiritualseekingorsimplecuriosity—couldgo,veryoccasionally,tosomethinglikea“mentalhealthclub,”asJulieHolland,apsychiatristwhousedtoworkwithStephenRossatBellevue,describedit.“Sortoflikeacrossbetweenaspa/retreatandagym,wherepeoplecanexperiencepsychedelicsinasafe,supportiveenvironment.”*Everyonespeaksoftheimportanceofwell-trainedpsychedelicguides

—“boardcertified”—andtheneedtohelppeopleafterwardintegratethepowerfulexperiencestheyhavehadinordertomakesenseofthemandrenderthemtrulyuseful.TonyBossisparaphrasesthereligiousscholar(andGoodFridayExperimentvolunteer)HustonSmithonthispoint:“Aspiritualexperiencedoesnotbyitselfmakeaspirituallife.”Integrationisessentialtomakingsenseoftheexperience,whetherinoroutofthemedicalcontext.Orelseitremainsjustadrugexperience.Asfortheguidesthemselves,theyarealreadybeingtrainedand

certified:latein2016,theCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesgraduateditsfirstclassofforty-twopsychedelictherapists.(Thisisadevelopmentthatworriessomeintheunderground,whofearbeingleftbehindwhenpsychedelictherapyislegitimized.Yetit’shardtoimaginesuchexperiencedandhighlyskilledpractitionerswon’tcontinuetofindclients,especiallyamongthewell.)WhenIaskedRickDoblinifheworriesaboutanotherbacklash,he

pointedoutthatourculturehascomealongwayfromthe1960sandhasshownaremarkableabilitytodigestagreatmanyoftheculturalnoveltiesfirstcookedupduringthatera.“Thatwasaverydifferenttime.Peoplewouldn’teventalkabout

cancerordeaththen.Womenweretranquilizedtogivebirth;menweren’tallowedinthedeliveryroom!Yogaandmeditationweretotallyweird.Nowmindfulnessismainstreamandeveryonedoesyoga,andtherearebirthingcentersandhospicesallover.We’veintegratedallthesethingsintoourculture.AndnowIthinkwe’rereadytointegratepsychedelics.”Doblinpointsoutthatmanyofthepeoplenowinchargeofour

institutionsareofagenerationwellacquaintedwiththesemolecules.This,hesuggests,isthetruelegacyofTimothyLeary.It’sallwelland

goodfortoday’sresearcherstodisdainhis“antics”andblamehimforderailingthefirstwaveofresearch,andyet,asDoblinpointsoutwithasmile,“therewouldbenosecondwaveifLearyhadn’tturnedonawholegeneration.”Indeed.ConsiderthecaseofPaulSummergrad,whohasspokenpubliclyofhisownyouthfuluseofpsychedelics.InavideotapedinterviewwithRamDassthatwasshownatthe2015meetingoftheAmericanPsychiatricAssociation,hetoldhiscolleaguesthatanacidtriphetookincollegehadbeenformativeinhisintellectualdevelopment.(JeffreyLieberman,anotherpastpresidentoftheAmericanPsychiatricAssociation,hasalsowrittenoftheinsightsgleanedfromhisyouthfulexperimentswithLSD.*)Andyet,andyet...AsmuchasIwanttobelieveDoblin’ssunny

forecast,it’snothardtoimaginethingseasilygoingofftherails.TonyBossisagrees,asmuchashehopesthatpsychedelicswillsomedayberoutineinpalliativecare.“Wedon’tdiewellinAmerica.Askpeoplewheredoyouwanttodie,

andtheywilltellyou,athomewiththeirlovedones.ButmostofusdieinanICU.ThebiggesttabooinAmericaistheconversationaboutdeath.Sure,it’sgottenbetter;nowwehavehospices,whichdidn’texistnotsolongago.Buttoadoctor,it’sstillaninsulttoletapatientgo.”Inhisview,psychedelicshavethepotentialnotonlytoopenupthatdifficultconversationbuttochangetheexperienceofdyingitself.Ifthemedicalcommunitywillembracethem.“Thisculturehasafearofdeath,afearoftranscendence,andafearof

theunknown,allofwhichareembodiedinthiswork.”Psychedelicsmaybytheirverynaturebetoodisruptiveforourinstitutionsevertoembracethem.Institutionsgenerallyliketomediatetheindividual’saccesstoauthorityofwhateverkind—whethermedicalorspiritual—whereasthepsychedelicexperienceofferssomethingakintodirectrevelation,makingitinherentlyantinomian.AndyetsomecultureshavesuccessfullydevisedritualformstocontainandharnesstheDionysianenergiesofpsychedelics;thinkoftheEleusinianmysteriesofancientGreeceortheshamanicceremoniessurroundingpeyoteorayahuascaintheAmericastoday.Itisnotimpossible.ThefirsttimeIraisedJesse’sideaofthebettermentofwellpeople

withRolandGriffiths,heseemedtosquirmabitinhischairandthenchosehiswordswithcare.“Culturallyrightnow,thatisadangerousidea

topromote.”Andyet,aswe’vetalked,nowoverthecourseofthreeyears,it’sbecomeclearthathetoofeelsthatmanyofus,andnotjustthosedealingwithcancerordepressionoraddiction,standtobenefitfromtheseremarkablemoleculesand,evenmore,fromthespiritualexperiencestowhichhebelieves—indeed,hisresearchhasdemonstrated—theycanopenadoor.“We’realldealingwithdeath,”ashetoldmethefirsttimewemet.

“Thisisfartoovaluabletolimittosickpeople.”Acarefulman,mindfulofthepoliticallandminesthatmayyetlieahead,Griffithsamendedthatlastsentencejustslightly,recastitinthefuturetense:“Thiswillbefartoovaluabletolimittosickpeople.”

•••

I,FORONE,sincerelyhopethatthekindsofexperiencesI’vehadonpsychedelicswillnotbelimitedtosickpeopleandwillsomedaybecomemorewidelyavailable.DoesthatmeanIthinkthesedrugsshouldsimplybelegalized?Notexactly.ItistrueIhadaverypositiveexperienceusingpsilocybin“recreationally”—onmyown,thatis,withoutthesupportofaguide—andforsomepeoplethismightbefine.Butsoonerorlater,itseems,everyonehasatripforwhich“bad”isfartoopallidamodifier.Iwouldhatetobealonewhenthathappens.Forme,workingone-on-onewithanexperiencedguideinasafeplaceremovedfrommyeverydaylifeturnedouttobetheidealwaytoexplorepsychedelics.Yetthereareotherwaystostructurethepsychedelicjourney—toprovideasafecontainerforitspotentiallyoverwhelmingenergies.Ayahuascaandpeyotearetypicallyusedinagroup,withtheleader,oftenbutnotnecessarilyashaman,actinginasupervisoryroleandhelpingpeopletonavigateandinterprettheirexperiences.Butwhetherindividuallyorinagroup,thepresenceofsomeonewithtrainingandexperiencewhocan“holdthespace”—tousethathoaryNewAgelocution—ismoremeaningfulandcomfortingthanIwouldhaveimagined.NotonlydidmyguidescreateasettinginwhichIfeltsafeenoughto

surrendertothepsychedelicexperience,buttheyalsohelpedmetomakesenseofitafterward.Justasimportant,theyhelpedmetoseetherewassomethinghereworthmakingsenseof.Thisisbynomeansself-evident.

Itisalltooeasytodismisswhatunfoldsinourmindsduringapsychedelicjourneyassimplya“drugexperience,”andthatispreciselywhatourcultureencouragesustodo.MattJohnsonmadethispointthefirsttimewespoke:“Let’ssayyouhavesomenineteen-year-oldstakingmushroomsataparty.Oneofthemhasaprofoundexperience.He’scometounderstandwhatGodis,orhisconnectiontotheuniverse.Whatdohisfriendssay?‘Oh,man,youhadtoomuchlastnight!Nomoremushroomsforyou!’“‘Wereyoudrinkingorondrugs?’iswhatourculturesayswhenyou

haveapowerfulexperience.”Yetevenamoment’sreflectiontellsyouthatattributingthecontentof

thepsychedelicexperienceto“drugs”explainsvirtuallynothingaboutit.Theimagesandthenarrativesandtheinsightsdon’tcomefromnowhere,andtheycertainlydon’tcomefromachemical.Theycomefrominsideourminds,*andattheveryleasthavesomethingtotellusaboutthat.Ifdreamsandfantasiesandfreeassociationsareworthinterpreting,thensurelysoisthemorevividanddetailedmaterialwithwhichthepsychedelicjourneypresentsus.Itopensanewdooronone’smind.Andaboutthatmypsychedelicjourneyshavetaughtmeagreatmany

interestingthings.Manyofthesewerethekindsofthingsonemightlearninthecourseofpsychotherapy:insightsintoimportantrelationships;theoutlinesoffearsanddesiresordinarilykeptoutofview;repressedmemoriesandemotions;and,perhapsmostinterestinganduseful,anewperspectiveonhowone’smindworks.This,Ithink,isthegreatvalueofexploringnon-ordinarystatesof

consciousness:thelighttheyreflectbackontheordinaryones,whichnolongerseemquitesotransparentorsoordinary.Torealize,asWilliamJamesconcluded,thatnormalwakingconsciousnessisbutoneofmanypotentialformsofconsciousness—waysofperceivingorconstructingtheworld—separatedfromitbymerely“thefilmiestofscreens,”istorecognizethatouraccountofreality,whetherinwardoroutward,isincompleteatbest.Normalwakingconsciousnessmightseemtoofferafaithfulmaptotheterritoryofreality,anditisgoodformanythings,butitisonlyamap—andnottheonlymap.Astowhytheseothermodesofconsciousnessexist,wecanonlyspeculate.Mostofthetime,itisnormalwakingconsciousnessthatbestservestheinterestsofsurvival—andismostadaptive.Buttherearemomentsinthelifeofanindividualora

communitywhentheimaginativenoveltiesproposedbyalteredstatesofconsciousnessintroduceexactlythesortofvariationthatcansendalife,oraculture,downanewpath.Forme,themomentIrecognizedthetenuousnessandrelativityofmy

owndefaultconsciousnesscamethatafternoononFritz’smountaintop,whenhetaughtmehowtoenteratrancestatebymeansofnothingmorethanapatternofrapidbreathingandthesoundsofrhythmicdrumming.Whereintheworldhasthatbeenallmylife?ThisisnothingFreudoranynumberofpsychologistsandbehavioraleconomistshaven’ttoldus,buttheideathat“normal”consciousnessisbutthetipofalargeandlargelyunchartedpsychicicebergisnowformesomethingmorethanatheory;thehiddenvastnessofthemindisafeltreality.Idon’tmeantosuggestIhaveachievedthisstateofego-transcending

awareness,onlytastedit.Theseexperiencesdon’tlast,oratleasttheydidn’tforme.AftereachofmypsychedelicsessionscameaperiodofseveralweeksinwhichIfeltnoticeablydifferent—morepresenttothemoment,muchlessinclinedtodwellonwhat’snext.Iwasalsonotablymoreemotionalandsurprisedmyselfonseveraloccasionsbyhowlittleittooktomakemetearuporsmile.Ifoundmyselfthinkingaboutthingslikedeathandtimeandinfinity,butlessinangstthaninwonder.(Ispentanunreasonableamountoftimereflectingonhowimprobableandfortunateitistobelivinghereandnowatthefrontieroftwoeternitiesofnonexistence.)Allatonceandunexpectedly,wavesofcompassionorwonderorpitywouldwashoverme.ThiswasawayofbeingItreasured,but,alas,everytimeiteventually

faded.It’sdifficultnottoslipbackintothefamiliargroovesofmentalhabit;theyaresowellworn;thetidalpullofwhattheBuddhistscallour“habitenergies”isdifficulttowithstand.Addtothistheexpectationsofotherpeople,whichsubtlyenforceacertainwayofbeingyourself,nomatterhowmuchyoumightwanttoattemptanother.Afteramonthorso,itwasprettymuchbacktobaseline.Butnotquite,notcompletely.FormuchlikethedepressedpatientsI

interviewedinLondon,whodescribedbeingnourishedandeveninspiredbytheirfurloughsfromthecageofdepression,theexperienceofsomeotherwayofbeingintheworldsurvivesinmemory,asapossibilityandadestination.

Forme,thepsychedelicexperienceopenedadoortoaspecificmodeofconsciousnessthatIcannowoccasionallyrecaptureinmeditation.I’mspeakingofacertaincognitivespacethatopensuplateinatriporinthemidstofamildone,aspacewhereyoucanentertainallsortsofthoughtsandscenarioswithoutreachingforanykindofresolution.Itsomewhatresembleshypnagogicconsciousness,thatliminalstateperchedontheedgeofsleepwhenallkindsofimagesandscrapsofstorybrieflysurfacebeforefloatingaway.Butthisissustained,andwhatcomesupcanbeclearlyrecalled.Andthoughtheimagesandideasthatappeararenotunderyourdirectcontrol,butratherseemtobearrivinganddepartingoftheirownaccord,youcanlaunchatopicorchangeit,likeachannel.Theegoisnotentirelyabsent—youhaven’tbeenblastedintoparticles,orhavereturnedfromthatparticularstate—butthestreamofconsciousnessistakingitsowndesultorycourse,andyouarebobbinganddriftingalongwithit,lookingneitherforwardnorback,immersedinthecurrentsofbeingratherthandoing.Andyetacertainkindofmentalworkisgettingdone,andoccasionallyIhaveemergedfromthestatewithusableideas,images,ormetaphors.*Mypsychedelicadventuresfamiliarizedmewiththismentalterritory,

and,sometimes,notalways,IfindIcanreturntoitduringmydailymeditation.Idon’tknowifthisisexactlywhereI’msupposedtobewhenI’mmeditating,butI’malwayshappytofindmyselffloatinginthisparticularmentalstream.Iwouldneverhavefounditifnotforpsychedelics.Thisstrikesmeasoneofthegreatgiftsoftheexperiencetheyafford:theexpansionofone’srepertoireofconsciousstates.Justbecausethepsychedelicjourneytakesplaceentirelyinone’smind

doesn’tmeanitisn’treal.Itisanexperienceand,forsomeofus,oneofthemostprofoundapersoncanhave.Assuch,ittakesitsplaceasafeatureinthelandscapeofalife.Itcanserveasareferencepoint,aguidepost,awellspring,and,forsome,akindofspiritualsignorshrine.Forme,theexperienceshavebecomelandmarkstocirclearoundandinterrogateformeaning—meaningsaboutmyself,obviously,butalsoabouttheworld.SeveraloftheimagesthatappearedinthecourseofmytripsIthinkaboutallthetime,hopingtounwrapwhatfeelslikeagiftofmeaning—fromwhereorwhatorwhom,Icannotsay.Therewasthatsteelpylonhoveringoverthelandscapeofself.Ortheimageofmygrandfather’sskullstaringbackatmeinMary’smirror.Themajesticbut

nowhollowed-outtreesinwhichmyparentsappearedtome,liabletotoppleinthenextwindstorm.OrtheinkywellofYo-YoMa’scello,resonatingwithBach’swarmembraceofdeath.ButthereisoneotherimageIhaven’tsharedthatIkeepthinkingmustcontainsomeimportantteaching,evenasitcontinuestomystifyme.Mylastpsychedelicjourneywasonayahuasca.Iwasinvitedtojoina

circleofwomenwhogathereverythreeorfourmonthstoworkwithalegendaryguide,awomaninhereightieswhohadtrainedunderLeoZeff.(SheinturnhadtrainedMary,thewomanwhoguidedmypsilocybinjourney.)Thisjourneywasdifferentfromtheothersinthatittookplaceinthecompanyofadozenothertravelers,allofthemstrangerstome.Befittingthisparticularpsychedelic,whichisateabrewedfromtwoAmazonianplants(oneavine,theotheraleaf),therewasaconsiderableamountofceremonyintheshamanicmode:thesingingoftraditionalicaros,prayersandinvocationsto“thegrandmother”(a.k.a.the“plantteacher”orayahuasca),bellsandrattlesandshakapas,andtheblowingonusofvariousscentsandsmokes.Allofwhichcontributedtoamoodofdeepmysteryandasuspensionofdisbeliefthatwasespeciallywelcome,inasmuchaswewereinayogastudioalongwayfromanyjungle.Ashasbeenthecasewithallofmyjourneys,thenightbeforehadbeen

sleepless,aspartofmeworkedtoconvincetherestofmenottodothiscrazything.Thatpartwasofcoursemyego,whichbeforeeverytriphasfoughtthethreattoitsintegritywithferocityandingenuity,plantingdoubtsandscenariosofdisasterIhadtroublebattingaway.Whataboutyourheart,pal?Youcoulddie!Whatifyouloseyourlunchor,evenworse,yourshit?!Andwhatif“thegrandmother”dredgesupsomechildhoodtrauma?Doyoureallywanttoloseitamongthesestrangers?Thesewomen?(Partofthepoweroftheegoflowsfromitscommandofone’srationalfaculties.)BythetimeIarrivedforthecircle,Iwasanervouswreck,assailedbysecondandthirdthoughtsastothewisdomofwhatIwasabouttodo.But,ashashappenedeverytime,assoonasIswallowedthemedicine

andslippedpastthepointofnoreturn,thevoiceofdoubtwentquietandIsurrenderedtowhateverwasinstore.Whichwasnotunlikemyotherpsychedelicexperiences,withacoupleofnotableexceptions.Perhapsbecausethetea,whichwasviscousandacridandunexpectedlysweet,makesitsalienpresencefeltinyourstomachandintestines,ayahuascais

amorebodilyexperiencethansomeotherpsychedelics.Ididnotgetsick,butIwasverymuchawareofthethickbrewmovingthroughmeand,astheeffectoftheDMT(ayahuasca’sactiveingredient)cameon,imagineditasavinewindingitswaythroughthecurlsandconvolutionsofmyintestines,occupyingmybodybeforeslowlyworkingitssnakelikewayuptoandintomyhead.Therefollowedagreatmanymemoriesandimages,somehorrifying,

othersmagnificent,butIwanttodescribeoneinparticularbecause,althoughIdon’tcompletelyunderstandit,itcapturessomethingthatpsychedelicshavetaughtme,somethingimportant.Becausetherewasstillsomelightintheroomwhentheceremony

began,wewereallwearingeyemasks,andminefeltalittletightaroundmyhead.Earlyinthejourney,Ibecameawareoftheblackstrapscirclingmyskull,andthesemorphedintobars.Myheadwascagedinsteel.Thebarsthenbegantomultiply,movingdownfrommyheadtoencirclemytorsoandthenmylegs.Iwasnowtrappedheadtotoeinablacksteelcage.Ipressedagainstthebars,buttheywereunyielding.Therewasnowayout.PanicwasbuildingwhenInoticedthegreentipofavineatthebaseofthecage.Itwasgrowingsteadilyupwardandthenturning,sinuously,toslipoutbetweentwoofthebars,freeingitselfandatthesametimereachingtowardthelight.“Aplantcan’tbecaged,”Iheardmyselfthinking.“Onlyananimalcanbecaged.”Ican’ttellyouwhatthismeans,ifanything.Wastheplantshowingme

awayout?Perhaps,butit’snotasifIcouldactuallyfollowit;Iamananimal,afterall.Yetitseemedtheplantwastryingtoteachmesomething,thatitwasproposingakindofvisualkoanformetounpack,andIhavebeenturningitoverinmymindeversince.Maybeitwasalessonaboutthefollyofapproachinganobstaclehead-on,thatsometimestheanswerisnottheapplicationofforcebutratherchangingthetermsoftheprobleminsuchawaythatitlosesitsdominionwithoutactuallycrumbling.Itfeltlikesomekindofjujitsu.Becausethevinewasn’tjustescapingtheconfinesofthecage,itwasusingthestructuretoimproveitssituation,climbinghighertogathermorelightforitself.Ormaybethelessonwasmoreuniversal,somethingaboutplants

themselvesandhowweunderestimatethem.Myplantteacher,asIbegantothinkofthevine,wastryingtotellmesomethingaboutitselfandthegreenkingdomitrepresents,akingdomthathasalwaysfiguredlargelyin

myworkandmyimagination.ThatplantsareintelligentIhavebelievedforalongtime—notnecessarilyinthewaywethinkofintelligence,butinawayappropriatetothemselves.Wecandomanythingsplantscan’t,yettheycandoallsortsofthingswecan’t—escapingfromsteelcages,forexample,oreatingsunlight.Ifyoudefineintelligenceastheabilitytosolvethenovelproblemsrealitythrowsattheliving,plantssurelyhaveit.Theyalsopossessagency,anawarenessoftheirenvironment,andakindofsubjectivity—asetofintereststheypursueandsoapointofview.ButthoughtheseareallideasIhavelongbelievedandamhappytodefend,neverbeforehaveIfeltthemtobetrue,tobeasdeeplyrootedasIdidaftermypsychedelicjourneys.Theun-cageablevineremindedmeofthatfirstpsilocybintrip,whenI

felttheleavesandplantsinthegardenreturningmygaze.Oneofthegiftsofpsychedelicsisthewaytheyreanimatetheworld,asiftheyweredistributingtheblessingsofconsciousnessmorewidelyandevenlyoverthelandscape,intheprocessbreakingthehumanmonopolyonsubjectivitythatwemodernstakeasagiven.Tous,wearetheworld’sonlyconscioussubjects,withtherestofcreationmadeupofobjects;tothemoreegotisticalamongus,evenotherpeoplecountasobjects.Psychedelicconsciousnessoverturnsthatview,bygrantingusawider,moregenerouslensthroughwhichwecanglimpsethesubject-hood—thespirit!—ofeverything,animal,vegetable,evenmineral,allofitnowsomehowreturningourgaze.Spirits,itseems,areeverywhere.Newraysofrelationappearbetweenusandalltheworld’sOthers.Eveninthecaseoftheminerals,modernphysics(forgetpsychedelics!)

givesusreasontowonderifperhapssomeformofconsciousnessmightnotfigureintheconstructionofreality.Quantummechanicsholdsthatmattermaynotbeasinnocentofmindasthematerialistwouldhaveusbelieve.Forexample,asubatomicparticlecanexistsimultaneouslyinmultiplelocations,ispurepossibility,untilitismeasured—thatis,perceivedbyamind.Onlythenandnotamomentsoonerdoesitdropintorealityasweknowit:acquirefixedcoordinatesintimeandspace.Theimplicationhereisthatmattermightnotexistassuchintheabsenceofaperceivingsubject.Needlesstosay,thisraisessometrickyquestionsforamaterialistunderstandingofconsciousness.Thegroundunderfootmaybemuchlesssolidthanwethink.

Thisistheviewofquantumphysics,notsomepsychonaut—thoughitisaverypsychedelictheory.Imentionitonlybecauseitlendssomeoftheauthorityofsciencetospeculationsthatwouldotherwisesoundutterlylunatic.Istilltendtothinkthatconsciousnessmustbeconfinedtobrains,butIamlesscertainofthisbeliefnowthanIwasbeforeIembarkedonthisjourney.Maybeittoohasslippedoutfrombetweenthebarsofthatcage.Mysteriesabide.ButthisIcansaywithcertainty:themindisvaster,andtheworldeversomuchmorealive,thanIknewwhenIbegan.

Glossary

activeplacebo:Atypeofplacebousedindrugtrialstofoolthevolunteerintothinkinghehasreceivedthepsychoactivedrugbeingtested.Inthepsilocybintrials,researchershaveusedniacin,whichproducesatinglingsensation,andmethylphenidate(Ritalin),whichisastimulant.

ayahuasca:ApsychedelicteamadefromacombinationofplantsnativetotheAmazonbasin,typicallyBanisteriopsiscaapiandPsychotriaviridis(orchacruna),andusedsacramentallybyindigenouspeoplesofSouthAmerica.ThechacrunaplantcontainsthepsychedeliccompoundDMT(N,N-dimethyltryptamine),butitisdeactivatedbydigestiveenzymesunlessitisingestedwithamonoamineoxidaseinhibitorsuchasBanisteriopsis.In2006,theU.S.SupremeCourtaffirmedtherightoftheBrazil-basedUDVChurchtouseayahuascaasasacrament.

BeckleyFoundation:TheorganizationestablishedbyAmandaFeildinginEnglandin1998tosupportresearchintopsychedelicsandadvocateinternationallyforthereformofdruglaws.TheorganizationisnamedforFeilding’sancestralestateinOxfordshire(BeckleyFoundation.org).

CouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP):AnonprofitorganizationestablishedbyBobJessein1993and“dedicatedtomakingdirectexperienceofthesacredmoreavailabletomorepeople.”CSPhelpedorganizeandfundthefirstexperimentsinpsychedelicresearchatJohnsHopkins;CSPalsosupportedthesuitthatresultedinthe2006SupremeCourtdecisionrecognizingayahuascaasasacramentintheUDVChurch.In1995,CSPdevelopedandpublishedthe“CodeofEthicsforSpiritualGuides”thatmanyundergroundpsychedelicguideshaveadopted(csp.org).

defaultmodenetwork(DMN):Asetofinteractingbrainstructuresfirstdescribedin2001bytheWashingtonUniversityneuroscientistMarcusRaichle.Thedefaultmodenetwork,calledthatbecauseitismostactivewhenthebrainisinarestingstate,linkspartsofthecerebralcortexwithdeeperandevolutionarilyolderstructuresofthebraininvolvedinemotionandmemory.(Itskeystructuresinclude,andlink,theposteriorcingulatecortex,themedialprefrontalcortex,andthehippocampus.)NeuroimagingstudiessuggestthattheDMNisinvolvedinsuchhigher-order“metacognitive”activitiesasself-reflection,mentalprojection,timetravel,andtheoryofmind—theabilitytoattributementalstatestoothers.ActivityintheDMNfallsduringthepsychedelicexperiences,andwhenitfallsmostprecipitouslyvolunteersoftenreportadissolutionoftheirsenseofself.

DMT(orN,N-dimethyltryptamine):Arapid-onset,intense,andshort-actingpsychedeliccompoundsometimesreferredtoas“thebusinessman’strip.”Thistryptaminemoleculeisfoundinmanyplantsandanimalsforreasonsnotwellunderstood.

empathogen:Apsychoactivedrugthatproducesaheightenedsenseofconnectedness,emotionalopenness,andcompassion.MDMA,orEcstasy,issuchadrug.Alsosometimescalledan

entactogen.

entheogen:FromtheGreek,“generatingthedivinewithin.”Apsychoactivesubstancethatproducesorfacilitatesaspiritualexperience.Entheogenshavebeenusedbymanyculturesforthousandsofyears,whetherbyshamansoraspartofreligiousorspiritualpractices.However,thetermwasnotcoineduntilthe1970s,byagroupofscholarsthatincludedR.GordonWasson,RichardEvansSchultes,JonathanOtt,andCarlRuck.Thewordwasintendedtohelprehabilitatepsychedelicsbydistinguishingtheirancientspiritualrolefromtherecreationalusestowhichtheywereoftenputbeginninginthe1960s.

Esalen,ortheEsalenInstitute:AretreatcenterinBigSur,California,foundedin1962toexplorethevariousmethodsforexpandingconsciousnessthatoftengoundertheumbrellaofthehumanpotentialmovement.Esalenwascloselyidentifiedwiththepsychedelicmovementbeforethedrugswerebanned;intheyearsafterward,aseriesofmeetingstookplaceatEsalen,wherestrategiestorehabilitateandrestartresearchintopsychedelicsweredeveloped.ManypsychedelicguidesnowworkingundergroundreceivedtheirtrainingatEsalen.

5-HT2Areceptor:Oneofseveraltypesofreceptorsinthebrainthatrespondtotheneurotransmitterserotonin.Psychedeliccompoundsalsobindtothisreceptor,precipitatingacascadeof(poorlyunderstood)eventsthatproducethepsychedelicexperience.Becauseofitsdistinctivemolecularshape,LSDbindsparticularlywelltothe5-HT2Areceptor.Inaddition,aportionofthereceptorfoldsovertheLSDmoleculeandholdsitinsidethereceptor,whichmightexplainitsintensityandlongdurationofaction.

5-MeO-DMT(5-methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine):Apowerful,short-actingpsychedeliccompoundfoundincertainSouthAmericanplantsandinthevenomoftheSonorandeserttoad(Inciliusalvarius).Thetoadvenomistypicallyvaporizedandsmoked;5-MeO-DMTobtainedfromplantsisusuallymadeintoasnuff.ThecompoundhasbeenusedsacramentallyinSouthAmericaformanyyears;itwasfirstsynthesizedin1936andwasnotmadeillegaluntil2011.

hallucinogen:Theclassofpsychoactivedrugsthatinducehallucinations,includingthepsychedelics,thedissociatives,andthedeliriants.Thetermisoftenusedasasynonymforpsychedelics,eventhoughpsychedelicsdon’tnecessarilyproducefull-fledgedhallucinations.

HarvardPsilocybinProject:ThepsychologicalresearchprogramestablishedbyTimothyLearyandRichardAlpert(laterRamDass)intheDepartmentofSocialRelationsatHarvardin1960.Theresearchers(whoincludedRalphMetzner,agraduatestudent)administeredpsilocybintohundredsofvolunteers“inanaturalisticsetting”;theyalsoconductedexperimentswithprisonersatConcordStatePrisonandwiththeologystudentsatBostonUniversity’sMarshChapel.Later,thegroupbeganworkingwithLSD.Theprojectwasengulfedincontroversyin1962andcloseddownafterithadbeenreportedthatAlperthadgivenpsilocybintoanundergraduate,inviolationofitsagreementwithHarvard.LearyandAlpertestablishedasuccessororganizationinCambridgebutoutsideHarvard,calledtheInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom.

HeffterResearchInstitute:Anonprofitestablishedin1993byDavidE.Nichols,achemistandpharmacologistatPurdueUniversity,withseveralcolleagues,tosupportscientificresearchintopsychedeliccompounds.TheinstitutewasnamedforArthurHeffter,theGermanchemist,pharmacologist,andphysicianwhofirstidentifiedmescalineasthepsychoactivecomponentofthepeyotecactusinthelate1890s.Establishedatatimewhenpsychedelicresearchhadbeendormantfortwodecades,theHeffterInstitutehasplayedapivotal,butquiet,roleintherevivalofthatresearch,helpingtofundmostofthepsilocybintrialsdoneinAmericasincethelate1990s,includingtheworkatHopkinsandNYU(Heffter.org).

holotropicbreathwork:Abreathingexercisedevelopedinthemid1970sbythepsychedelictherapistStanislavGrof,andhiswife,Christina,afterLSDwasmadeillegal.Bybreathingrapidlyandexhalingdeeply,nearlytothepointofhyperventilation,subjectsenteranalteredstateofconsciousnesswithouttheuseofadrug.Thistrancelikestatecangiveaccesstosubconsciousmaterial.“Holotropic”means“movingtowardwholeness.”

LSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide):Alsoknownasacid,thispsychedeliccompoundwasfirstsynthesizedin1938byAlbertHofmann,aSwisschemistatSandozwhowassearchingforadrugtostimulatecirculation.LSDwasthetwenty-fifthmoleculethatHofmannhadderivedfromthealkaloidsproducedbyergot,afungusthatinfectsgrain.Hofmannshelvedthecompoundwhenitprovedineffectiveasamedicine,butfiveyearslaterapremonitionledhimtoresynthesizeit.AfteraccidentallyingestingasmallquantityofLSD,hediscovereditspowerfulpsychoactiveproperties.In1947,SandozbeganmarketingLSDasapsychiatricdrugunderthenameDelysid.Itwaswithdrawnfromcirculationin1966afterthedrugappearedontheblackmarket.

MAPS(MultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies):Thenonprofitmembershiporganizationfoundedin1986byRickDoblintoincreasepublicunderstandingofpsychedelicsandsupportscientificresearchintotheirtherapeuticapplications.BasedinSantaCruz,California,MAPShasfocuseditseffortsonMDMA,orEcstasy,asatherapeuticinterventionforpeoplesufferingfromPTSD.In2016,itwonFDAapprovaltoconductphase3trialsofMDMAinthetreatmentofPTSD;in2017,theFDAdesignatedMDMAasa“breakthroughtherapy”forPTSD,clearingthewayforanexpeditedreview.Doblin,andMAPS,haveplayedacentralroleintherevivalofpsychedelicresearch.MAPSalsosponsorsPsychedelicScience,theinternationalconferenceonpsychedelicresearchthattakesplaceinNorthernCaliforniaeveryfewyears.

MDMA(3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine):ApsychoactivecompoundfirstsynthesizedbyMerckin1912butnevermarketed.AfterthecompoundwasresynthesizedbytheBayAreachemistAlexander“Sasha”Shulgininthe1970s,itbecameapopularadjuncttopsychotherapy,becauseits“empathogenic”qualitieshelpedpatientsformastrongbondoftrustwiththeirtherapists.Inthe1980s,thedrugshowedupintheravescene,whereitwassoldunderthenameofEcstasy(orEorlaterMolly);in1986,theU.S.governmentputMDMAonschedule1,declaringitadrugofabusewithnoacceptedmedicaluse.However,recentdrugtrialssponsoredbyMAPShavedemonstratedMDMA’svalueintreatingPTSD.MDMAisnotconsidereda“classicalpsychedelic,”becauseitappearstooperateondifferentbrainpathwaysfromLSDorpsilocybin.

mescaline:Apsychedeliccompoundderivedfromseveralcacti,includingpeyoteandSanPedro.ThecompoundwasfirstidentifiedandnamedbytheGermanchemistArthurHeffterin1897.TheDoorsofPerceptionisafirst-personaccountofAldousHuxley’sfirstmescalineexperience.

microdosing:Thepracticeofingestingasmall,“subperceptual”doseofapsychedelic,usuallyLSDorpsilocybin,everyfewdaysasanaidtomentalhealthormentalperformance.AcommonprotocolistotaketenmicrogramsofLSD(atenthofamediumdose)everyfourthday.Thepracticeisfairlynew,andasyettheevidenceforitseffectivenessisanecdotal.Severaltrialsareunderway.

MK-Ultra:ThecodenameforanundercoverresearchprogramonpsychedelicdrugsconductedbytheCIAbeginningin1953;itwascloseddownin1963or1964.Atvarioustimes,theCIAsoughttodeterminewhetherLSDandrelatedcompoundscouldbeusedasameansofmindcontrol;aninterrogationtool(ortruthserum);abiologicalweapon(addedtoapopulation’swatersupply);orapoliticaltool(bydosingadversariestogetthemtodofoolishthings).Aspartoftheresearchprogram,whichattimesinvolvedforty-fouruniversitiesandcolleges,civiliansandmilitarypersonnelweredosedwithouttheirknowledge,sometimeswithdisastrousconsequences.The

publicfirstlearnedaboutMK-UltraduringtheChurchCommitteehearingsontheCIAheldin1975;furtherhearingsontheprogramwereheldin1977.However,mostoftheagency’sdocumentsontheprogramhadbeendestroyedin1973onordersfromdirectorRichardHelms.

MysticalExperienceQuestionnaire:Thepsychologicalsurvey,developedbyWalterPahnkeandWilliamRichardsinthe1960s,usedtoassesswhetheravolunteerinatrialofapsychedelicdrughasundergoneamystical-typeexperience.Itseekstomeasure,onascaleofonetofive,sevenattributesofamysticalexperience:internalunity;externalunity;transcendenceoftimeandspace;ineffabilityandparadoxicality;asenseofsacredness;thenoeticquality;andadeeplyfeltpositivemood.SeveralrevisedversionsoftheMEQhavesincebeendeveloped.

noeticquality:AtermintroducedbyWilliamJames,anAmericanpsychologist,todenotethefactthatthemysticalstateregistersnotonlyasafeelingbutasastateofknowledge.Peopleemergewiththeenduringconvictionthatimportanttruthshavebeenrevealedtothem.Thenoeticqualitywas,forJames,oneofthefourmarksofthemysticalexperience,alongwithineffability,transiency,andpassivity.

phenethylamines:Aclassoforganicmolecule,andthenameforoneofthetwoprincipaltypesofpsychedeliccompounds;theotheristhetryptamines.MescalineandMDMAareexamplesofphenethylamines.

psilocin:Oneofthetwoprincipalpsychoactivecompoundsfoundinpsilocybinmushrooms.Theotherispsilocybin,whichbreaksdowntopsilocinundercertainconditions.Bothcompoundswereisolated(frommushroomsprovidedbyR.GordonWasson)andnamedbyAlbertHofmannin1958.Psilociniswhatgivespsilocybinmushroomstheirbluishtintwhenbruised.

Psilocybe:Agenusofapproximatelytwohundredgilledmushrooms,roughlyhalfofwhichproducepsychoactivecompoundssuchaspsilocybinandpsilocin.Psilocybesaredistributedthroughouttheworld.Theirpossessionisillegalinmostjurisdictions.Thebest-knownmembersofthegenusarePsilocybecubensis,Psilocybecyanescens,Psilocybesemilanceata,andPsilocybeazurescens.

psilocybin:Themainpsychoactivecompoundfoundinpsilocybinmushroomsandashorthandfortheclassofmushroomsthatcontainit.

psychedelic:FromtheGreekfor“mindmanifesting.”Thetermwascoinedin1956byHumphryOsmondtodescribedrugslikeLSDandpsilocybinthatproduceradicalchangesinconsciousness.

psycholytic:Atermcoinedinthe1960sforadrug,ordoseofadrug,thatloosensconstraintsonthemind,allowingsubconsciousmaterialtoenterone’sawareness.Alsothenameforaformofpsychotherapythatuseslowdosesofpsychedelicstorelaxthepatient’segowithoutobliteratingit.

psychotomimetic:Thenameforadrugthatproduceseffectsresemblingpsychosis.ThiswasacommontermforLSDanddrugslikeitwhentheywerefirstintroducedtopsychiatryinthe1950s;researchersbelievedtheyproducedtemporarypsychosesthatwouldyieldinsightsintothenatureofmentalillnessandgivetherapiststheopportunitytoexperiencemadnessfirsthand.

reducingvalve:ThetermusedbyAldousHuxleyinTheDoorsofPerceptionforthementalfilterthatadmitstoourawarenessonlya“measlytrickleofthekindofconsciousness”weneedtosurvive.Inhisview,thevalueofpsychedelicswastoopenthereducingvalve,givingusaccesstothefullnessofexperienceandtheuniversal“MindatLarge.”

setandsetting:Theinnerandouterenvironmentsinwhichadrugexperiencetakesplace;“set”isatermforthemind-setandexpectationsthepersonbringstotheexperience,and“setting”istheoutwardcircumstancesinwhichittakesplace.Setandsettingareparticularlyinfluentialinthecaseofpsychedelics.ThetermsareusuallycreditedtoTimothyLeary,buttheconceptwasrecognizedandmadeuseofbyearlierresearcherssuchasAlHubbard.

tryptamine:Aclassoforganicmoleculecommoninnature,andthenameforoneofthetwoprincipaltypesofpsychedeliccompounds;theotheristhephenethylamines.LSD,psilocybin,andDMTaretryptamines.Theneurotransmitterserotoninisalsoatryptamine.

Acknowledgments

CHANGINGONE’SMIND,orone’ssubjectasawriter,isnevereasy,andthisbookwouldneverhavebeenventured,muchlesscompleted,ifnotforthesupportandencouragementofthepeoplearoundme.AnnGodoff,mybookeditorforgoingonfourdecadesnow,didn’tblinkorblanchwhenItoldherIwantedtowriteabookaboutpsychedelics;herenthusiasmandsure-footededitorialguidancethroughthis,oureighthbooktogether,hasbeenablessing.AmandaUrban,too,abettedthisadventureinsomanyways;mycareer-longdebttoherisincalculable.Thanks,too,tothesuperbteamsintheirrespectiveoffices:SarahHutson,CaseyDenis,andKarenMayer,atPenguin;and,atICM,LizFarrell,MarisDyer,DaisyMeyrick,MollyAtlas,andRonBernstein.Thebestthingaboutbeingajournalistisgettingpaidtolearnwhole

newsubjectsasanadult.Yetthepursuitofsuchacontinuingeducationwouldbeimpossiblewithouttheforbearanceofthepeopleweasktobeourteachers.I’mgratefultoeveryone—thescientists,thevolunteers,thepatients,thetherapists,andtheadvocates—whoenduredthemultiple,lengthyinterviewsandallthedumbquestions.SpecialthankstoBobJesse,RolandGriffiths,MatthewJohnson,MaryCosimano,BillRichards,KatherineMacLean,RickDoblin,PaulStamets,JamesFadiman,StephenRoss,TonyBossis,JeffreyGuss,GeorgeGoldsmith,EkaterinaMalievskaia,CharlesGrob,TeriKrebs,RobinCarhart-Harris,DavidNutt,DavidNichols,GeorgeSarlo,VickyDulai,JudsonBrewer,BiaLabate,GaborMaté,LisaCallaghan,andAndrewWeil.ThoughnoteveryoneIinterviewedisquotedherebyname,allwereexcellentteachers,andIamdeeplygratefulforyourpatiencewithmyquestionsandgenerositywithyouranswers.Severalpeopletooksubstantialrisksinsharingtheirstorieswithme;althoughIcan’tthankthempublicly,Ioweatremendousdebttothemanyundergroundguideswhogavesofreelyoftheirtime,

theirexperience,andtheirwisdom.Itisashamethatatleastfornowtheirhealingpracticedependsonactsofcivildisobedience.IspentaproductiveandpleasurableyearasafellowoftheRadcliffe

InstituteforAdvancedStudyatHarvard,whichgavemetheopportunitytoresearchandwritethehistoryofpsychedelicresearchinthecitywhereanimportantchapterofittookplace.Theinstituteofferedtheperfectenvironmentforpursuingaprojectthattouchesonsomanydifferentdisciplines:Ionlyhadtowalkdownthehalltoconsultabrainscientist,abiologist,ananthropologist,andaninvestigativereporter.WhileatRadcliffe,IwasblessedtoworkwithadoggedundergraduateresearchassistantwhohelpedmenavigatetheHarvardarchivesandturneduponehiddengemafteranother:thankyou,TeddyDelwiche.IalsooweadebttoEdWasserman,mydeanattheGraduateSchoolofJournalismatBerkeley,forgrantingmetimeofffromteachingsothatIcouldgotoCambridgeand,later,completethebook.BackinBerkeley,BridgetHuberdidbrilliantwork,firstasaresearch

assistantandthenasafact-checker;thatthisisthemostthoroughlysourcedofmybooksowesentirelytoherdiligenceandskill.SeveralofmycolleaguesatBerkeleycontributedhugelytomyeducationinneuroscienceandpsychology:DavidPresti,DacherKeltner,andAlisonGopnikenrichedthisbookinmorewaysthantheyrealizeand,inthecaseofDavidandhispartner,KristiPanik,whoreadadraftoftheneurosciencechapter,savedmefromerrorslargeandsmall.(Thoughtheybearnoresponsibilityforanyerrorsthatmayremain.)MarkEdmundsonsuppliedsomecrucialearlyadvicethathelpedshapethenarrative,andMarkDannerwas,asever,aninvaluablesoundingboardonourwalksatInspirationPoint.IcountmyselfespeciallyluckytobeclosefriendswithaneditorasastuteandgenerousasGerryMarzorati;hiscommentsonthemanuscriptwereinvaluableandsavedyou,dearreader,fromhavingtoreadseveralthousandunnecessarywords.Myfirstforayintothesubjectofpsychedelicscameina2015piecein

theNewYorker,“TheTripTreatment”;thankstoAlanBurdick,thegiftededitorwhoassignedit,andDavidRemnick,forseeingitfittopublish;thepieceopenedallsortsofdoors.Forcrucialresearchassistancealongtheway,aswellastheir

indispensableonlinelibrary,I’mdeeplygratefultoEarthandFire,the

proprietorsofErowid,whichisthesinglemostimportantresourceonpsychedelicsthereis.Checkitout.Fortheirwise,helpful,andreassuringlegalcounsel,I’mgratefultomy

dearfriendHowardSobelandhiscolleagueMarvinPutnamatLatham&Watkins.Isleepmuchbetterknowingtheyhavemyback.Alongbookprojecthasawayofinflectingtheemotionalweatherina

family,thisoneperhapsmorethanmost.Isaac,ithasmeanttheworldtometobeabletotalkthroughmyjourneyswithyou;Ialwayscomeawayfromourconversationswithsomethingsmart,useful,andunexpected.Yoursupport,curiosity,andencouragementhavemadeallthedifference.WhenIembarkedonthislong,strangetrip,Judithwonderedwhatit

mightmeanforourthirty-year-pluscollaboration.WouldIreturnsomehowchanged?NeverwouldIhaveimaginedthatafterallthattimeanythingcouldbringusclosertogether,butthereitis.Thankyouforpushingmetoattemptsomethingnew,forthesearchingquestionsandinsightsalongtheway,forthecloseeditingofeverychapter—and,mostofall,forgoingwithmeonthejourney.

Notes

PROLOGUEANEWDOOR

Thefirstofthesemolecules:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,40–47.Thesecondmolecule:WassonandWasson,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,vol.2.afifteen-pageaccount:Wasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”LSDscrambledyourchromosomes:Cohen,Hirschhorn,andFrosch,“InVivoandInVitro

ChromosomalDamageInducedbyLSD-25.”Inthespringof2010:Tierney,“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuningInAgain.”Forapeer-reviewedscientificpaper:Griffithsetal.,“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type

ExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritualSignificance.”emergencyroomadmissionsinvolvingpsychedelics:JohansenandKrebs,“PsychedelicsNotLinked

toMentalHealthProblemsorSuicidalBehavior.”nearlyathousandvolunteers:PersonalcorrespondencewithMatthewW.Johnson,PhD.theterm“psychedelics”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1–2.

CHAPTERONEARENAISSANCE

Enteringhissecondcentury:Langlitz,Neuropsychedelia,24–26.“theonlyjoyousinvention”:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,184–85.Asayoungchemist:Ibid.,36–45.Andthereitremainedforfiveyears:Ibid.,46–47.Nowunfoldstheworld’sfirstbadacidtrip:Ibid.,48–49.“Myegowassuspended”:QuotedinNichols,“LSD.”“everythingglistenedandsparkled”:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,51.“intheedificeofmaterialistrationality”:JonathanOttintranslator’sprefacetoibid.,25.“thefeelingofco-creatureliness”:Langlitz,Neuropsychedelia,25–26.Thesecondwatershedeventof2006:Gonzalesv.OCentroEspiritaBeneficenteUniaodoVegetal.“majortherapeuticpossibilities”:Kleber,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type

Experiences,”292.“hopethatthislandmarkpaper”:Schuster,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-

TypeExperiences,”289.“that,whenusedappropriately”:Nichols,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type

Experiences,”284.“freeoneselfofthebounds”:Wit,“TowardsaScienceofSpiritualExperience.”thenoeticquality:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,370.“Dreamscannotstandthistest”:Ibid.,389.morethanathousandscientificpapers:See,forexample,GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugs

Reconsidered,192.

aPhDdissertationatHarvard:WalterPahnke’sthesis,“DrugsandMysticism:AnAnalysisoftheRelationshipBetweenPsychedelicDrugsandtheMysticalConsciousness,”isavailableinPDFformathttp://www.maps.org/images/pdf/books/pahnke/walter_pahnke_drugs_and_mysticism.pdf.

“UntiltheGoodFridayExperiment”:HustonSmith,HustonSmithReader,73.afollow-upstudyoftheGoodFridayExperiment:Doblin,“Pahnke’s‘GoodFridayExperiment.’”asecondreview:Doblin,“Dr.Leary’sConcordPrisonExperiment.”“wouldbeforpsychiatry”:QuotedinNutt,“BraveNewWorldforPsychology?,”658.thefirstmoderntrialofpsilocybin:Grobetal.,“PilotStudyofPsilocybinTreatmentforAnxietyin

PatientswithAdvanced-StageCancer.”Aninternalmemo:AcacheofdeclassifiedCIAfilesrelatedtoProjectArtichokeisavailableat

http://www.paperlessarchives.com/FreeTitles/ARTICHOKECIAFiles.pdf.“myownconstitutionshutsmeout”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,369.“Thesubjectofitimmediatelysays”:Ibid.,370.“Mysticalstatesseemtothosewhoexperiencethem”:Ibid.“thatdeepenedsenseofthesignificance”:Ibid.,372.“andfromonerecurrencetoanother”:Ibid.,371.“Themysticfeelsasifhisownwill”:Ibid.ledtolastingchangesintheirpersonalities:MacLeanetal.,“MysticalExperiencesOccasionedbythe

HallucinogenPsilocybinLeadtoIncreasesinthePersonalityDomainofOpenness.”“Doctorsencounterthisstrange”:McHugh,reviewofTheHarvardPsychedelicClub,byDonLattin.“authoritativeovertheindividuals”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,415.“Theexistenceofmysticalstates”:Ibid.,419.“might,inspiteofalltheperplexity”:Ibid.,420.“ascend[s]toamoreenvelopingpointofview”:Ibid.“Itisasiftheoppositesoftheworld”:Ibid.,378.apilotstudyinsmokingcessation:Johnsonetal.,“PilotStudyofthe5-HT2ARAgonistPsilocybinin

theTreatmentofTobaccoAddiction.”

CHAPTERTWONATURALHISTORY:BEMUSHROOMED

Themyceliainaforest:Simardetal.,“NetTransferofCarbonBetweenEctomycorrhizalTreeSpeciesintheField.”

Humanshavebeenusingpsilocybinmushrooms:Stamets,PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld,11.“Psilocybemushroomsandcivilization”:Ibid.,16.“Mistakesinmushroomidentificationcanbelethal”:Ibid.,30–32.“TheStametsianRule”:Ibid.,53.hadpersonalknowledgeofpsychedelicdrugs:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,71.“throughtheeyesofahappyandgiftedchild”:Siff,AcidHype,93.Lifegavehimagenerouscontract:Ibid.,80.“descriptionofyourownsensations”:Ibid.,73.acirculationof5.7million:Ibid.“SeekingtheMagicMushroom”:AllquotationsappearinWasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”“Thesetheyatebeforedawn”:WassonandWasson,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,223.“thedevilthattheyworshipped”:Davis,OneRiver,95.“anactofsuperstitioncondemned”:Siff,AcidHype,69.“carryyoutherewheregodis”:Wasson,Hofmann,andRuck,RoadtoEleusis,33.OnthenightofJune29–30,1955:Wasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”“BeforeWassonnobodytookthemushrooms”:Estrada,MaríaSabina,73.“TofindGod,Sabina”:Letcher,Shroom,104.

PersontoPerson:Siff,AcidHype,80.severalothermagazines:Ibid.,83.Anexhibitiononmagicmushrooms:Ibid.,74.Hofmannisolatedandnamed:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,128.“Thirtyminutesaftermytaking”:Ibid.,126.In1962,HofmannjoinedWasson:Ibid.,139–52.“unleash[ing]onlovelyHuautla”:Wasson,“Drugs,”21.“Fromthemomenttheforeignersarrived”:Estrada,MaríaSabina,90–91.youcanfindhimonYouTube:Thevideo,TheStonedApeTheory,byTerenceMcKenna,isat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOtLJwK7kdk.“accesstorealmsofsupernaturalpower”:McKenna,FoodoftheGods,26.“catalyzedtheemergenceofhumanself-reflection”:Ibid.,24.“broughtusoutoftheanimalmind”:SeeMcKenna’stalkonYouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOtLJwK7kdk.Samorinicallsthisa“depatterningfactor”:Samorini,AnimalsandPsychedelics,84–88.“Natureeverywherespeakstoman”:Wulf,InventionofNature,54.“Imyselfamidenticalwithnature”:Ibid.,128.“Everything,”Humboldtsaid,“isinteractionandreciprocal”:Ibid.,59.“Naturealwayswearsthecolors”:Emerson,Nature,14.anotherformofconsciousness“partedfrom[us]”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,377.aspiritually“realizedbeing”:HustonSmith,CleansingtheDoorsofPerception,76.“forbid[s]aprematureclosing”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,378.

CHAPTERTHREEHISTORY:THEFIRSTWAVE

Whenthefederalauthorities:Leary,Flashbacks,232–42.Learywascalledbeforeacommittee:Greenfield,TimothyLeary,267–72.“DrearySenatehearingandcourtrooms”:Leary,Flashbacks,251–52.“atantalizingsenseofportentousness”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”91.“entertheillnessandseewithamadman’seyes”:Osmond,“OnBeingMad.”IntheyearsfollowingWorldWarII:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,17.thetworesearchersbegantoexplore:Ibid.Butitwasaproductivehypothesis:Foranexcellentoverviewofhowthisresearchcontributedtothe

riseofneurochemistry,seeNichols,“Psychedelics,”267.TheSaskatchewanMentalHospital:Weyburnwouldsoonbecometheworld’smostimportanthubof

researchintopsychedelics.Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,26–28.“My12HoursasaMadman”:Foradiscussionofthearticle,seeibid.,31–33.TheirfocusonLSD:Ibid.,40–42.“seemedsobizarrethatwelaugheduproariously”:Ibid.,58–59.“Fromthefirst”:Ibid.,59.Basedonthissuccess:Ibid.,71.theyseemedtoogoodtobetrue:Ibid.,73.Theideathatadrugcouldoccasion:SeeNovak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”97,andtheanonymously

published“PassItOn,”Kindlelocation5372.Beginningin1956,BillW.hadseveralLSDsessions:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”

14,26–45;Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”97.Bornin1910inNewYorkCity:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”88–89.“wastakenbysurprise”:Ibid.,92.“theproblemsandstrivings”:Ibid.

Cohencametothinkofit:BettyGroverEisner,draftof“SidneyCohen,M.D.:ARemembrance,”box7,folder3,BettyGroverEisnerPapers,StanfordUniversityDepartmentofSpecialCollectionsandUniversityArchives.

“psycholytic”means“mindloosening”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,7.StanislavGrof,whotrainedasapsychoanalyst:Foradetailedaccountofthiswork,seeGrof,LSD.A1967reviewarticle:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,208.AnaïsNin,JackNicholson,StanleyKubrick:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,62.themostfamousofthesepatientswasCaryGrant:Siff,AcidHype,100.declaredhimself“bornagain”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,64.“Allthesadnessandvanities”:Siff,AcidHype,100.“I’mnolongerlonely”:Ibid.“Youngwomenhaveneverbefore”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”103.asurgeindemandforLSDtherapy:Ibid.“LSDbecameforusanintellectualfundrug”:Ibid.,99.Cohenwasmadeuncomfortable:Ibid.,99–101.Heremaineddeeplyambivalent:Ibid.,100.“underLSDthefondesttheories”:Cohen,BeyondWithin,182.“anyexplanationofthepatient’sproblems”:Ibid.“therapybyself-transcendence”:Cohen,“LSDandtheAnguishofDying,”71.“relishthepossibility”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1.“Itwaswithoutquestion”:Huxley,Moksha,42.“thefoldsofmygrayflanneltrousers”:Huxley,DoorsofPerception,33.“whatAdamhadseenonthemorning”:Ibid.,17.“Wordslike‘grace’and‘transfiguration’”:Ibid.,18.“ameaslytrickle”:Ibid.,23.“shiningwiththeirowninnerlight”:Ibid.,17.acommoncoreofmysticalexperience:Huxley,PerennialPhilosophy.“99percentAldousHuxley”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”93.“Itwillgivethatelixirabadname”:Ibid.,95.Clearlyanewnameforthisclass:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1–2.“hadnoparticularconnotationofmadness”:Ibid.,2.“uncontaminatedbyotherassociations”:Osmond,“ReviewoftheClinicalEffectsof

PsychotomimeticAgents,”429.Thegoalwastocreatetheconditions:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,

194–95.hisFBIfile:Hubbard’sFBIfileisavailableattheInternetArchive:

https://archive.org/details/AlHubbard.thebestaccountwehaveofhislife:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”thetrailofHubbard’slife:Thesefacts,andtheircontradictions,aredrawnfromLeeandShlain,

AcidDreams,andFahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”Weknowthegovernmentkeptclosetabs:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,45.“Itwasthedeepestmysticalthing”:Ibid.“acatalyticagent”:Ibid.,52.“ifhecouldgivethepsychedelicexperience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”“convincedthat[AlHubbard]wastheman”:Ibid.Osmondabandonedthepsychotomimeticmodel:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,54.Hubbardwasthefirstresearchertograsp:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,93.“Hesaid,‘Nowhatethem’”:R.C.,“B.C.’sAcidFlashback.”“Wewaitedforhimlikethelittleoldlady”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,51.impressiveratesofsuccess:Stevens,StormingHeaven,175.

“TheCIAworkstinks”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,52.“Itriedtotellthemhowtouseit”:Ibid.“Whatcamethroughthecloseddoor”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,56.“WhatBabesintheWoods”:Ibid.,54.“who,havingoncecometotherealization”:Ibid.,57.CommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”10.“Explorershavenotalwaysbeenthemostscientific”:Ibid.,57.“Myregardforscience”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,97–98.SteveJobsoftentoldpeople:Markoff,WhattheDormouseSaid,xix.“He’dbeabroaderguy”:Isaacson,SteveJobs,172–73.“Thatwasaremarkableopening”:Goldsmith,“ConversationwithGeorgeGreerandMyron

Stolaroff.”“AfterthatfirstLSDexperience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”“Thegreatestthingintheworld”:Markoff,WhattheDormouseSaid,58.Seventy-eightpercentofclients:Stevens,StormingHeaven,178.“Wewereamazed”:Fadiman,PsychedelicExplorer’sGuide,185.“Ourinvestigationsofsomeofthecurrentsocialmovements”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,198.“toprovidethe[LSD]experience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”“Alneverdidanythingresemblingsecuritywork”:Ibid.hisfirstshatteringexperience:Leary,Flashbacks,29–33.“Infourhoursbytheswimmingpool”:Ibid.,33.Listen!Wakeup!YouareGod!:Leary,HighPriest,285.ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousness:ThiscoursedescriptionisintheNewYorkPublic

Library’scollectionofLeary’spapers.http://archives.nypl.org/mss/18400#detailed.“Wewereonourown”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,135.Learyreportedeye-poppingresults:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,75.RickDoblinatMAPSmeticulouslyreconstructed:Doblin,“Dr.Leary’sConcordPrisonExperiment.”“itwasthesortofresearch”:Cohen,BeyondWithin,224.“Ifwelearnedonething”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,74.“Wewerethinkingfar-outhistorythoughts”:Learyetal.,Neuropolitics,3.“We’regoingtoteachpeople”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,77.“Psychedelicdrugsopenedtomasstourism”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugs

Reconsidered,86.A1961memofromDavidMcClelland:“SomeSocialReactionstothePsilocybinResearchProject,”

Oct.8,1961.“analyz[e]yourdataobjectively”:MemofromMcClellandtoMetzner,Dec.19,1962.“IwishIcouldtreatthis”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,89.Thenextday’sCrimson:RobertEllisSmith,“PsychologistsDisagreeonPsilocybinResearch.”“HallucinationDrugFoughtatHarvard”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,91.“Psychedelicdrugscausepanic”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,66.“thesematerialsaretoopowerful”:LearyandAlpert,“LetterfromAlpert,Leary.”“ForthefirsttimeinAmericanhistory”:Ibid.“We’rethroughplayingthesciencegame”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,189.“hadtalkedsuchnonsense”:Ibid.,190.“powerfulchemicals[as]harmlesstoys”:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”145.Osmondtriedonceagaintocoinanewone:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,132.“Youmustfacetheseobjections”:Ibid.,108.“wreakhavoconallofus”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,191.Learywashappytostateit:Leary,HighPriest,132.“Heblewinwiththatuniform”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”

“IlikedTimwhenwefirstmet”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,88.“Algotgreatlypreoccupied”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”“Isupposethereislittlehope”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,191.“usinghallucinogensforseductions”:Weil,“StrangeCaseoftheHarvardDrugScandal.”“Yes,sir,Idid”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,94.AlpertandLearyappeartobe:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams.“anundergraduategroup”:Weil,“StrangeCaseoftheHarvardDrugScandal.”“giventohim”byMarshallMcLuhan:Strauss,EveryoneLovesYouWhenYou’reDead,location352.“ThekidswhotakeLSD”:ThisquotationappearsinavideomadebyRetroReport,availablehere:

https://www.retroreport.org/video/the-long-strange-trip-of-lsd/.WithKenKesey,theCIAhadturnedon:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,124.“byblurringtheboundaries”:Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens.”“thedrugstothemselves”:Grinker,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide.”“renderingtheirconclusionsbiased”:Grinker,“BootleggedEcstasy.”“auraofmagic”:ColeandKatz,“PsychotomimeticDrugs,”758.“thetranscendentalintopsychiatry”:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”112.Butwhenthestudywaslaterdiscredited:PrestiandBeck,“StrychnineandOtherEnduringMyths,”

130–31.Forhisfirststudy:Cohen,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide.”“thedangersofsuicide”:CohenandDitman,“ComplicationsAssociatedwithLysergicAcid

Diethylamide(LSD-25),”162.Inanotherpaperpublished:CohenandDitman,“ProlongedAdverseReactionstoLysergicAcid

Diethylamide.”Afourtharticle:Cohen,“ClassificationofLSDComplications.”feverishcoverstory:MooreandSchiller,“ExplodingThreatoftheMindDrugThatGotoutof

Control.”“LSDhasbeenyourFrankenstein”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”109.“Whyif[theseprojects]wereworthwhile”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,93.“fourmenlay,theirmindsliterallyexpanding”:Fadiman,PsychedelicExplorer’sGuide,186.Someonemadeavideotapeoftheevent:Andit’savailableonYouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjylxvQqm0U.he’straveledfromCasaGrande:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”

CHAPTERFOURTRAVELOGUE:JOURNEYINGUNDERGROUND

therearethreethingshumanbeingsareafraidof:QuotedinEpstein,ThoughtsWithoutaThinker,119.

threethousandpatientsandtrained150guides:Stolaroff,SecretChiefRevealed,28,59.“laidtheTorahacrossmychest”:Ibid.,36.“ManytimesI’dbeinmuchagony”:Ibid.,61.“Justleave’emalone!”:Ibid.,50.surveyingtheirmusicalpractices:Barrettetal.,“QualitativeandQuantitativeFeaturesofMusic

ReportedtoSupportPeakMysticalExperiencesDuringPsychedelicTherapySessions.”“formsofconsciousnessentirelydifferent”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,377.“Forthemomentthatinterferingneurotic”:Huxley,DoorsofPerception,53.“thetotalityoftheawarenessbelongingtoMindatLarge”:Ibid.,24.“ofbeingoverwhelmed,ofdisintegrating”:Ibid.,55.“Ifonealwayssawlikethis”:Ibid.,34–35.“Standingonthebareground”:Emerson,Nature,13.“Swiftlyaroseandspreadaroundme”:Whitman,LeavesofGrass,29.

“Allatonce,asitwereoutoftheintensity”:Tennysons,“LuminousSleep.”“Isawthattheuniverse”:QuotedinJames,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,391.

CHAPTERFIVENEUROSCIENCE:YOURBRAINONPSYCHEDELICS

Onecandidateforthatchemical:Formoredetail,seeDavidNichols’stalk“DMTandthePinealGland:Factsvs.Fantasy,”availableathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeeqHUiC8Io.

psychedelicslikeLSDandpsilocybinwork:Vollenweideretal.,“PsilocybinInducesSchizophrenia-LikePsychosisinHumansviaaSerotonin-2AgonistAction.”

“thereisnothingofwhichwearemorecertain”:Freud,CivilizationandItsDiscontents,12.Theclassicthoughtexperiment:Nagel,“WhatIsItLiketoBeaBat?”consciousnessmaypervadetheuniverse:Frank,“MindingMatter.”alandmarkpaper:Raichleetal.,“DefaultModeofBrainFunction.”“Chaosisaverted”:Raichle,“Brain’sDarkEnergy.”Italsolightsupwhenwereceive“likes”:Brewer,CravingMind,46.Inanoften-citedpaper:KillingsworthandGilbert,“WanderingMindIsanUnhappyMind.”ShortlyafterCarhart-Harrispublished:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“NeuralCorrelatesofthePsychedelic

StateasDeterminedbyfMRIStudieswithPsilocybin.”Thebeeperceivesasubstantiallydifferentspectrum:Srinivasan,“HoneyBeesasaModelforVision,

Perception,andCognition”;Dyeretal.,“SeeinginColour.”thesensethatallowsbeestoregister:Suttonetal.,“MechanosensoryHairsinBumblebees(Bombus

terrestris)DetectWeakElectricFields.”adimensionofmusicthatconveysemotion:Kaelen,“PsychologicalandHumanBrainEffectsof

MusicinCombinationwithPsychedelicDrugs.”“servestopromoterealism”:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“EntropicBrain.”“Distinctnetworksbecamelessdistinct”:Carhart-Harris,Kaelen,andNutt,“HowDoHallucinogens

WorkontheBrain?”theusuallinesofcommunications:Petrietal.,“HomologicalScaffoldsofBrainFunctional

Networks.”hersuperbbook:Gopnik,PhilosophicalBaby.“Adultshavecongealedintheirbeliefs”:Lucasetal.,“WhenChildrenAreBetter(oratLeastMore

Open-Minded)LearnersThanAdults.”

CHAPTERSIXTHETRIPTREATMENT:PSYCHEDELICSINPSYCHOTHERAPY

“Formethatisnotamedicalconcept”:Kupferschmidt,“HighHopes,”23.“Ifwearetodevelopoptimalresearchdesigns”:Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens.”onlyabouthalfofthepeoplewhotaketheirlives:BeaconHealthOptions,“WeNeedtoTalkAbout

Suicide,”10.“psychiatryhasgonefrombeingbrainless”:Solomon,NoondayDemon,102.“alter[]theexperienceofdying”:Cohen,“LSDandtheAnguishofDying.”“ofcosmicunity”:Richardsetal.,“LSD-AssistedPsychotherapyandtheHumanEncounterwith

Death.”“Iamtheluckiestmanonearth”:Grob,Bossis,andGriffiths,“UseoftheClassicHallucinogen

PsilocybinforTreatmentofExistentialDistressAssociatedwithCancer,”303.InDecember2016,afront-pagestory:Hoffman,“DoseofaHallucinogenfroma‘MagicMushroom,’

andThenLastingPeace.”Inafollow-upstudytotheNYUtrial:Belseretal.,“PatientExperiencesofPsilocybin-Assisted

Psychotherapy:AnInterpretativePhenomenologicalAnalysis.”“istomakeyourinterestsgraduallywider”:BertrandRussell,“HowtoGrowOld.”“AndsuddenlyIrealizedthatthemolecules”:Hertzberg,“MoonShots(3of3).”

80percentofthevolunteerswereconfirmedasabstinent:Johnsonetal.,“PilotStudyofthe5-HT2ARAgonistPsilocybinintheTreatmentofTobaccoAddiction.”

Thissuggeststhattheability:PersonalcommunicationwiththeneuroscientistDraulioAraujo.Therecordwasacompletemuddle:KrebsandJohansen,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide(LSD)for

Alcoholism.”“Giventheevidenceforabeneficialeffect”:Ibid.a2015pilotstudy:Bogenschutzetal.,“Psilocybin-AssistedTreatmentforAlcoholDependence.”volunteersspentaminutelooking:Piffetal.,“Awe,theSmallSelf,andProsocialBehavior.”theafter-aweself-portraits:Baietal.,“Awe,theDiminishedSelf,andCollectiveEngagement.”researchersgavepsilocybintosixmen:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“PsilocybinwithPsychologicalSupport

forTreatment-ResistantDepression.”Watts’sinterviewsuncoveredtwo“master”themes:Wattsetal.,“Patients’AccountsofIncreased

‘Connectedness’and‘Acceptance’AfterPsilocybinforTreatment-ResistantDepression.”“Itwaslikeaholiday”:Ibid.“Thesheenandshinethatlifeandexistence”:ForRouiller’sfullaccount,see

http://inandthrough.blogspot.com/2016/08/psilocybin-trial-diary-one-year-on.html.obsessive-compulsivedisorder:Morenoetal.,“Safety,Tolerability,andEfficacyofPsilocybinin9

PatientswithObsessive-CompulsiveDisorder.”“Depressionisaresponsetopastloss”:Solomon,NoondayDemon,65.“Whatstartedasapleasurebecomesaneed”:Kessler,Capture,8–9.psychedelicsenhanceneuroplasticity:VollenweiderandKometer,“NeurobiologyofPsychedelic

Drugs.”Inacollegecommencementaddress:Reproduced,inpart,atBrainPickings:

https://www.brainpickings.org/2012/09/12/this-is-water-david-foster-wallace/.“howwerelatetoourthoughtsandfeelings”:Brewer,CravingMind,115.

EPILOGUEINPRAISEOFNEURALDIVERSITY

“Wearenotthecounterculture”:Schwartz,“MollyattheMarriott.”mentionedtheplenarypanel:Avideoofthetalkisathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=_oZ_v3QFQDE.avideotapedinterviewwithRamDass:Availableathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=NhlTrDIOcrQ&feature=share.

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Index

Thepagenumbersinthisindexrefertotheprintedversionofthisbook.Thelinkprovidedwilltakeyoutothebeginningofthatprintpage.Youmayneedtoscrollforwardfromthatlocationtofindthecorrespondingreferenceonyoure-reader.

Note:Pagenumbersinitalicsrefertoillustrations.

abuseofpsychedelics,lowriskof,50AcidTests,184,206activeplacebos,psychedelicsas,159Adamicmoments,25addiction,358–75andautobiographicalnarratives,387–88,391andawe-inspiringexperiences,373–75andayahuasca,369nbanalityofinsightsaftertreatments,361–62,363–64anddefaultmodenetwork,387–88depression’slinksto,383andegodissolution,271,366andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385andmentaltimetravel,387andnegativethinkinghabits,383Nutt’sconclusionson,300nandovervieweffect,359–60andratparkexperiment,372–73andrisksofpsychedelics,14,30Seealsoalcoholism;smokingcessation

AddictionResearchFoundationinToronto,151adrenaline,146afterglowofpsychedelicexperiences,24–25,254agnosticsandatheistsmysticalexperiencesof,74,222,284–85,345andvalueofmeaning,355

AlcoholicsAnonymous(AA),141,152–53,370alcoholismandBillW’spsychedelicexperiences,152–53,370andHubbard’streatmentfacilities,171LSDastreatmentfor,141,148–53,368–69,370

andOsmond/Hoffer’sresearch,170andpersonalhistory/environment,370–72peyoteusedtotreat,368andpsychotherapy,369resultsfromtreatmentof,368–69andSpringGrove’sresearch,57,218andsuppressionofpsychedelicresearch,141–42

Allen,Don,176–77,178,181n,198,206nAlpert,Richard(laterRamDass)andcounterculture,205criticismsofresearch,194,195defenseofresearch,196dismissalfromHarvard,202–3andFadiman,177andHarvardPsilocybinProject,188,189,190andInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom,203andJohnson,360post-Harvardlifeof,205andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,197andWeil,202–3

AlteredStatesofConsciousness(Tart),99altruisticbehavior,373–74amadou,87,117AmericanPsychiatricAssociation(APA),141Ampex,44,176AnimalsandPsychedelics(Samorini),123–24animals’consumptionofPsilocybes,93,98,122–23antidepressantsdiscoveryof,147andlossofeffectiveness,335andneurochemistryfield,293andplaceboeffect,335n,382rangeofdisordersaddressedby,383

anxietyandautobiographicalnarratives,387–88anddefaultmodenetwork,387–88andeffectofpsychedelicsonego,271andmentaltimetravel,387andnegativethinkinghabits,383duringpsychedelicexperiences,46,63andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156,159ruminationin,383

Apolloastronauts,358–59,373artificialintelligence(AI),325–26authorityofpsychedelicexperiences,59,71,346,365–66autism,37autobiographicalself,304,387–88,391awe,experiencesof,306,373–75,389ayahuascainaddictiontreatments,369n

ingroupsettings,405lackofresearchon,18andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,410–13ritualuseof,402,404andUDVcourtcase,27–28

Aztecs,2,108–9

badtripsandbacklashagainstpsychedelics,3andexpectationsoftherapist,347firstbadtrip,24ingeneralpopulation,209andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,152androleofguides,405androleofsetting,14Weil’s“treatment”for,210

Balick,Michael,107Barlow,JohnPerry,183BayAreatechcommunity,171,175–83,181nBayesianinferences,261–63Bazer,Dinah,284–85,344–45,355BeHereNow(RamDass),205Beatles,143,204BeckleyFoundation,228,297,299behaviorism,149being/doingduality,280–81,282belladonna,152,370Belser,Alexander,351Bergson,Henri,56,162Bessant,Charles,360,361,362–63Beug,Michael,101,121–23“BicycleDay”(April19),24Bigwood,Jeremy,101bioterrorism,89birthexperiences,155,176,240,279–80,341–42,344Blake,William,82,161,194Bogenschutz,Michael,369,370–72Boothby,Richard,65,67–68,69,70,72,75Bossis,Tonyonauthenticityquestions,347andBazer’stherapy,344–45onculturalfearofdeath,404andMettes’stherapy,336,337–38,340–43,346,357onresultswithcancerpatients,336onroleofguides,402

TheBotanyofDesire(Pollan),12–13brainscience,2–3,24.SeealsoneuroscienceofpsychedelicsBrand,Stewart,182,183–85,359BraveNewWorld(Huxley),160

breathwork,242–44,245,245n,306Brewer,Judsonandexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322,325andmeditationexperiment,392–95andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,305,306,322,390–91

Bronfman,Jeffrey,49Bucke,R.M.,289Buckley,Lord,157Buddhism,16,288,305,392Burgess,Tammy,346BurningMan,83,184Bush,George,27,181

Caen,Herb,204CaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,232–33,402Canada,147–50,171,198cancerpatientresearch,331–58andauthenticityquestions,347–49andbirthexperiences,338–39,344commonthemesin,344–46criticismsofresearch,350nanddeathrehearsalprocess,346andfearofdeath,8,79,336–37,346–47andfear/anxietyduringtreatments,341,345andflightinstructions,338,341follow-upstudy,351–52Griffiths’slandmarkpaperon,10–11,29–30meaningin,352–55andmysticalexperiences,79,349,350–51atNewYorkUniversity,332–33,337–38originsof,338–39andPatrickMettes,332,336,337–38,340–44,346–47,356–57andperspectiveshiftsofpatients,339–40andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,159resultsof,349–50atSpringGrove,218treatmentroomsin,331–32andvisionsofdeath,345–46volunteers’accountsof,351–52

cannabisandmarijuana,36,37,138,138n,204,299Capture:UnravelingtheMysteryofMentalSuffering(Kessler),383Carhart-Harris,Robinonconsciousness-expansion,322anddepressionpilotstudy,329–30,376–81ondisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314,314nandeffectofpsilocybinonbrainactivity,300–301andFeilding,297,299andGopnik,323–24onpoliticaleffectsofpsychedelics,315

onpredictive/sensorydata,310–11psychoanalysisresearchof,296–97,311onrewiringofbrain,316,320,327,384onvalueofpsychedelicexperiences,315,328Seealsodefaultmodenetwork(DMN);entropicbraintheory

carpenterants,89,96–97CBSNews,57,113celebritiesonpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156–57,171CentralIntelligenceAgency(CIA)andculturalupheavalofthesixties,206–7andHubbard,166,171–72MK-Ultraexperimentsof,59,113n,172,172n,206,207andpsychotomimeticmodel,172andsearchforLSDapplications,142,206

CentreforPsychiatry,ImperialCollegeLondon,295–96Charnay,Amy,66–67,73Chekhov,Anton,381,382childrenconsciousnessof,323–28anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),312,328memoriesfromchildhood,222,307problemsolvingin,325–28asR&Dstageofspecies,327andsuppressionofentropy,328

Clavicepspurpurea,84.SeealsoLSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide)Cleaver,Eldridge,204Coburn,James,156cocaine,7Cohen,Sidneyambivalenceaboutpsychedelics,158–59,175andBillW’spsychedelicexperiences,152–53andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174,175andcongressionalhearings,217andHubbard,171,174,175onLeary’smethodologicalissues,191LSDexperiencesof,153–54andLSDtherapy,156andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220onrisksofpsychedelics,210–11onterminalpatients,339

colonycollapsedisorder(CCD),89colorblindness,310“ComeTogether”(Beatles),204CommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174–75CompassPathways,401computertechnology,183–84,183nConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n,195consciousnessandarrivalofpsychedelics,2Bergsonon,162

Carhart-Harris’stheoryon,312–13,314ofchildren,323–28anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),302,306,307expandingrepertoireof,408–9expansionandcontractionof,322–23andHuxley’s“reducingvalve”concept,161–62,289,307,313,322hypnagogicconsciousness,252Jesseon,41lanternvs.spotlight,325Learyon,187andmeditation,408–9neuroscienceof,293–95,302,305–6,307–9,311–14,322–23andourperceptionsofreality,137andparadoxofpsilocybin,85philosophicalapproachto,294preconceptions,308asproductofbrain,41,265aspropertyoftheuniverse,56,264,314andquantummechanics,413–14scientificevidencefor,348–49andtrepanation,298universaldesiretochange,13valueofalteredstatesof,406–9

convictionassociatedwithmysticalexperiences,41,70–71Cordyceps,89,96–97Cosimano,Mary,61,73Costa,JoséGabrielda,27–28CouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP),43,49–51,228countercultureandcomputertechnology,183–84,183ndo-it-yourselfapproachof,215andEasternreligion,205effortstodistancepsychedelicresearchfrom,84andgenerationgap,215–16andHubbard,181,181n,200inevitabilityof,215–16andKesey’sAcidTests,206–7andLeary,203–4,205negativeassociationsof,58andNixonadministration,58psychedelics’linkto,205,215–16and“psychedelics”term,19andRamDass,205andresearchers,215riseof,3andupheavalsofthesixties,205–7,215–16,315andVietnamWar,215

Coyne,James,350ncreativeimagination,156,175,179,183,319culturalrevolution,175,197,205–7.Seealsocounterculture

cybernetics,183

DalaiLama,41dangersofpsychedelics,14–15,209–11,209nDavis,Wade,107,274deathanddyingdeathrehearsalprocess,346,389deathsassociatedwithpsychedelics,14,211fearof,8,78–79,218,223,336–37,339,346–47,353,355,404Griffiths’soutlookon,79–80andhospiceservices,401near-deathexperiences,306perceptionsof,68,70,79andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,267,269reconnectionswiththedead,67visionsof,345–46Seealsocancerpatientresearch

defaultmodenetwork(DMN)activityreductionsin,300,304–6,313–14,316–20,322andautobiographicalnarratives,304,387–88,391andchildren’sbrains,312,328anddepression,313,378,387–88discoveryof,301–2anddisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314neffectofpsilocybinon,300–301,304–5andego,312,313–14,329,387,388andegodissolution,304–5,351evolutionof,312andexistentialdistress,353andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23functionof,301–4,306–7keystructuresof,301nandmentalillness,329,386andmentaltimetravel,387andmysticalexperiences,306overactivityin,313,353,378,386andposteriorcingulatecortex,387–88,391–93quietingthroughmeditation,305,306,391,392–95andrelationshiptonature,315–16andrewiringofbrain,316–20,353–54andsnowtrailsmetaphor,385

Delysid(LSD-25),142–43,145–46,216–17depatterningfactor,124depression,375–81andaccesstoemotions,379–80addiction’slinksto,383andantidepressants,147,293,335,335n,382andautobiographicalnarratives,387–88Carhart-Harris’spilotstudyon,329–30,376–81

anddefaultmodenetwork,313,378,387–88disconnectionexperiencedin,377–78andego’styranny,367andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385inadequatetreatmentsfor,335andmentaltimetravel,387andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156returnof,380–81andrumination,377–78,383andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76

DiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMentalDisorders(DSM),383dimethyltryptamine(DMT),27,48,293Doblin,Rickambitionsof,36–37,401–2backgroundof,35onlegalization,402andMAPS,35,36–37,397andMDMAtrials,48onprogressoffield,397,403–4onqualityofHarvard-basedresearch,45–46,191

TheDoorsofPerception(Huxley),25,143,160,162,201,253double-blindtrialsinresearch,208dreamsanddreaming,155,292,297DrugEnforcementAdministration(DEA),60drugwar,28,50,398DrugsWithouttheHotAir(Nutt),300nDulles,Allen,165Dylan,Bob,114Dyson,Esther,183

Easternreligions,205eatingdisorders,313,367ecstasyinpsychedelicexperiences,111egoandAlcoholicsAnonymous(AA),370andawe-inspiringexperiences,374anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),312,313–14,329,387,388excessivecontrolof,313,315,367,388andexistentialdistress,353andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,323andfearofdeath,339functionsof,352andmentaltimetravel,387silencingof,288–90,394–95andspirituality,390weakenedstateof,252–53

egodissolutionandaddictiontreatment,366attitudespredictedby,316n

anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),304–5,351andGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,10inHofmann’strip,24andmysticalexperiences,389andnoeticquality,42andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,252,263–65,270–71,277andspirituality,288,390therapeuticvalueof,389–90volunteers’accountsof,65–66

Einstein,Albert,367Eisner,BettyonCohen’s“unsanity,”154andHubbard,171,174andLSDtherapy,156paranormalinterestsof,208andWestCoastresearchhub,152–53

Eliot,T.S.,136emergencyroomadmissions,14,209–10Emerson,RalphWaldo,136,286emotionsaccesstodifficult,379–80andcancerpatientresearch,351–52,353inhibitedbydefaultmodenetwork,307andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,317

Engelbart,Doug,179,179n,183–84engineers’useofpsychedelics,182English,William,179entheogens,19,103entropicbraintheoryandaging,321andchildren’sbrains,312,323–28andcommunicationswithinbrain,316–20,318–19andevolutionofdefaultmodenetwork,312andexcessorderinbrain,313,315,385andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23andgrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness,385andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,313–14,316–20andspectrumofcognitivestates,313,315,385andvalueofpsychedelics,313–14,315,385

environment,attitudestoward,315–16,359environment,personal,372–73environmentofpsychedelicexperiencesandbadtrips,152andcriticismsofpsychedelictherapy,207–8Hubbard’srolein,164,169–70,190andOsmondandHoffer’sresearch,151,152,163–64and“setandsetting”concepts,14,53,151,190,207–8

ergot,22–23,84EsalenInstitute,47–48,49–51EuropeanMedicinesAgency(EMA),376–77

EvergreenStateCollege,101,102evolution,roleofpsilocybinin,115–16existentialdistress,8,78–79,218,223,336–37,353expectancyeffectsandCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158andexpectationsoftherapist,347andGriffiths’spsilocybinresearch,62–63,64andHuxley,143–44,161–62andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,150

ExxonValdezdisaster,88

Fadiman,JamesandAlpert(laterRamDass),177andCouncilonSpiritualPractices,49andcreativedoseofLSD,184andHubbard,172atInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,177–78,183,184andJesse,43–44,46,49aspioneerinfield,43–44ThePsychedelicExplorer’sGuide,229andresearchapprovalrevokedbyFDA,57,217–18onSchuster,50andundergroundtherapists,228

Fahey,ToddBrendan,165,166,181fasting,306FederalBureauofInvestigation(FBI),164Feilding,Amandabackgroundof,297–99andCarhart-Harris,296,297,299cerebralcirculationtheoryof,298,299,305nandresearchfunding,299,300

Fischer,Roland,975-HT2Areceptors,292–93,354n5-MeO-DMT(TheToad),272–90,291–92flashbacks,3,209Flashbacks(Leary),139,187,190nflightinstructionsandcancerpatientresearchatNYU,338,341andHopkins’spsilocybinresearch,63,64,72andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,246,259–60

Fomesfomentarius,87FoodoftheGods(McKenna),115forests,mycelialnetworksin,91,91nFrankl,Viktor,352nFreud,Sigmund,155,294,297,307,312,314,389fungiClavicepspurpurea,84(seealsoLSD)Cordyceps,89,96–97andforests,91,91n

Galerinaautumnalis,94mycelialnetworksof,84n,90–91,118,122andmycoremediation,88Stamets’sadvocacyfor,87–90SeealsoPsilocybes

FungiPerfectioperationofStamets,86n,126

Gaiahypothesis,359Galerinaautumnalis,94Gates,Bill,175Ginsberg,Allen,193–94,203,205Gitlin,Todd,216Godexperiences,71,343,344,345,371–72Goldsmith,George,398–99,400–401GoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,80–81,191–92Gopnik,Alison,323–28,329Gottlieb,Sidney,172nGrant,Cary,157Graves,Robert,107Grey,Alex,125Griffiths,Rolandonapplicationsforwellpeople,404–5onauthenticityquestions,76,348–49onauthorityofexperiences,365awakeningof,33backgroundof,31–34careersuccessof,78commitmenttoresearch,77ondeath,79–80anddepressionresearch,375–76andJesse,38,51–52onlongtermchangesinopenness,319–20onmeaningassociatedwithpsychedelicexperiences,75mushroommedallionsof,82–83mysteriesanduncertaintiesembracedby,75,79,80onpreparingvolunteersfortrials,64“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritualSignificance,”10–11,29–30

andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60,62,65,79,360onresearchatSpringGrove,56andRichards,53onSchuster,50spiritualemphasisof,62on“threats”ofpsychedelics,59

Grinker,Roy,208,211Grob,Charleson“appliedmysticism,”207,334onfirstwaveresearch,333andMDMAtrials,48

andshamanicparadigm,208,334Grof,StanislavonAmericanvalues,58–59onamplificationeffectsofpsychedelics,159onbirthexperiences,155andCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,232atEsalenInstitute,47andguides,225,230,240RealmsoftheHumanUnconscious,297andRichards,53atSpringGrove,57,218andterminalpatients,339

groupsettings,psychedelicsin,405Guatemala,114–15guidesandbadtrips,405codeofethics,229andfutureofpsychedelics,402–3guidelinesandprotocolsof,226–27,230,230nandintegrationofjourney,250–52,269–71,282,364,402,405–6interviewswith,231–35personalexperienceswithpsychedelics,227inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,237–41,242,254–57,272–74inpsychedelicunderground,223–30qualificationsof,224risksassumedby,224–25roleof,215,242,364–65,405–6andsecondwaveofresearch,227shrinesoraltarsof,231–32,245–46,254–55trainingof,225,402websitefor,228–30

Guss,Jeffrey,335,352,354,369

habits,360–64.Seealsosmokingcessationhackercommunity,184hallucinations,310,317hallucinogens(term),18Harman,Willisambitionsof,181andHubbard,166andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS),177andJesse,46,49andpsychedelicsinSiliconValley,176–77researchoncreativeproblemsolving,179andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219atStanfordResearchInstitute,180–82

HarvardPsilocybinProjectcontroversysurrounding,194–97criticismsof,46,76,195

misperceptionsof,140natureofexperimentsin,189andresearchofpreviousdecade,140,185researchers’consumptionofdrugsin,189,195andWeil,201

HarvardUniversityandConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n,195andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,191–92andJames,188,196Leary’semploymentat,140,186–87,201–3andLeary’spsychedelicseminar,188–89andSchultes,107

Hayes,John,70,72–73Heard,Gerald,174,176HeffterResearchInstitute,48–49,228Helms,Richard,172nHendricks,Peter,373hierarchies,psychedelics’abilitytooverturn,315HighPriest(Leary),187–88Hinduism,16hippiesofthesixties,203–4,315history,personal,372–73Hitchcock,Billy,203Hoffer,AbramandCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174andHubbard,168,170,174andLeary,198andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,147–52,170andpsychotomimeticmodel,159–60androleofenvironment,151

Hofmann,Albertbirthdaycelebrationfor,21–22creationofLSD-25,1–2,22–23andHubbard,167isolationofpsilocybinandpsilocin,113andmushroomconferences,103psychedelicexperiencesof,23–25,113,142onreconnectionwithnature,25–26andStamets,97,103andsyntheticpsilocybin,83,113

Holland,Julie,402Hollywoodcelebrities,156–57,171holotropicbreathwork,242–44,245,245n,306honeybeesandcolonycollapsedisorder,89,128Hoover,J.Edgar,168hospice,psychedelic,401HuautladeJiménezinsouthernMexico,2,108,110,112,113–14Hubbard,Aladvocacyforpsychedelics,167–68ambitionsof,167–68,173,181,194,198n

backgroundof,164–67andBayAreacommunity,171,175–78,180–83CaptainTripsnickname,171andCIA,166,171–72andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174–75contradictionsinlifeof,164,169andcounterculture,181,181n,200andenvironmentofpsychedelicexperiences,164andguides,225,230andHuxley,172–74andleadingresearchers,170–71andLeary,199–200,219,220LSDexperiencesof,167andmescaline,169,173andOsmond,168–69,200andOsmond/Hoffer’sresearch,170andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,164,169–70,171,207andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220andSandozLSD,167,170atStanfordResearchInstitute,180–82ontherapeuticvalueofpsychedelics,169andWasson,170

HumanBe-IninSanFrancisco,203–4Humboldt,Alexandervon,126–27,128,134Huxley,Aldousambitionsof,194,198nBraveNewWorld,160andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174deathof,338TheDoorsofPerception,25,143,160,162,201,253onego,253,289andexpectancyeffects,143–44,161–62andHubbard,172–74imprintonmodernpsychedelicexperiences,111,143–44,162andLeary,198LSDexperiencesof,173–74mescalineexperienceof,144,151,160–62and“MindatLarge”state,264,315,389andOsmond,160,174PerennialPhilosophyconceptof,162,232andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,207and“psychedelics”term,160,162–63“reducingvalve”conceptof,161–62,289,307,313,322,353andterminalpatients,338

Huxley,Laura,172Hyams,Joe,157hypnagogicconsciousness,252

ibogaine,369n

imagination,308ImperialCollegeLondon’sCentreforPsychiatry,295–96.SeealsoCarhart-Harris,Robinindustrialwaste,mycoremediationof,88ineffabilityofmysticalexperiences,40,54,69,251,270,285Insel,Tom,335,383,388n,398,401interconnectednessandaddictiontreatment,362–63AlcoholicsAnonymous’semphasison,370andcancerpatientresearch,351anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),305anddepressionpilotstudy,379inmysticalexperiences,285,305andovervieweffect,359andPollan’sPsilocybesexperience,134Stametson,125

InternationalFederationforInternalFreedom(IFIF),197,198,199,203InternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS)andBrand,183closureof,180Fadiman’sworkat,43–44andLeary,198researchapprovalrevokedbyFDA,44,217–18researchconductedat,177–79

Inuitpeople,13n

Jagger,Mick,114James,Williamonconsciousness,16–17,136,137,244,407onfourhallmarksofmysticalexperiences,69–72onjudgingmysticalexperiences,347andmysticalexperiencesurvey,282onnoeticqualityofmysticalexperiences,41,69–70,275andquestionsofveracity,76–77researchatHarvard,188,196andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219TheVarietiesofReligiousExperience,69

Janiger,OscarandcelebritiesinLSDtherapy,156–57andHubbard,171,172andLSDtherapy,156andWestCoastresearchhub,153

Jesse,Bobbackgroundof,38–40,42–43behind-the-scenesworkof,37andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,401–2,404cabinof,37–38andCouncilonSpiritualPractices,43,49–51,228andDoblin’sambitions,36earlypsychedelicexperiencesof,39–40

andeldersofpsychedeliccommunity,43–44andEsalenInstitute,48,49andfirst-waveofpsychedelicresearch,44–45,46–47andGriffiths,38,51–52andJohnHopkinsexperiment,81andMDMA,51and“medicalization”concerns,51,400andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,10,60on“recreationaluse”term,38,400andRichards,52roleof,insecond-waveresearch,34–35spiritualemphasisof,51

Jobs,Steve,175Johanson,Chris-Ellyn,50JohnHopkins’spsychedelicresearchandastronaut/groundcontrolmetaphor,65withcancerpatients,8,10–11,332–33,349controllingforexpectancyeffectsin,62,64andhallmarksofmysticalstates,69–72landmarkpsilocybinpaper,10–11,29–30launchoftrial,60–61preparingvolunteersin,63–65,67recruitmentofvolunteersfor,61replicationofGoodFridayexperiment,192andsitters,63–64,74andStamets,92ontherapeuticapplications,78–79volunteers’accountsof,63,65–69,70–71,72–75

Johnson,Matthewbackgroundof,360onbanalinsights,364andego’scontrol,388and“mentalreboot,”366,384andpersonalhistory/environment,372–73onreactionstopowerfulexperiences,406andsmokingcessationstudy,360,364onvalueofpsychedelics,366–68

Jung,Carl,7,73,232,389

Kaelen,Mendel,384–85KaiserHospitalinOakland,186Kalliontzi,Krystallia,338,340,342Katz,Sidney,148,154Kelly,Kevin,183Kelman,Herbert,187,195–96Keltner,Dacher,373–74,375Kennedy,RobertF.,217Kerouac,Jack,193Kesey,Ken,102,184,206–7

Kessler,David,383Kleber,HerbertD.,29–30Kleiman,Mark,49Kubrick,Stanley,156Kurland,Albert,218

Laing,R.D.,223LeagueforSpiritualDiscovery,203Leary,Timothyarrestsandsentencesof,138,204candorof,213–14andconcernsofresearchcommunity,198–201andConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190nandcongressionalhearings,217onconsciousness-expansion,322andcounterculture,203–4,205criticismsofresearch,46,191,194–97andculturalupheavalofthesixties,205–7deemed“mostdangerousmaninAmerica,”58desiretoeffectsocialchanges,173,192,194,198n,199,213do-it-yourselfapproachof,200,215andEasterninfluences,143–44exuberanceof,187–88,192Flashbacks,139,187,190nandGinsberg,193–94,205andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,191–92government’spursuitof,204andguides,225,230atHarvard,140,186–87,201–3HighPriest,187–88andHubbard,199–200,219,220impactonpsychedelicresearch,9,185–86,190,198–99,212,219–20,403andInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom,197,198,199,203andmoralpanicprovokedbypsychedelics,185,205andOsmond,198–99post-Harvardlifeof,203–6andpsilocybin,187–88psychedelicseminarofferedby,188–89andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,197andresearchofpreviousdecade,140,185,189andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219–20andRichards,53“set”and“setting”conceptsof,151,190smilingpersonaof,139,199,205,220“turnon,tunein,dropout”sloganof,138,139,204,206andWasson’sLifemagazinearticle,113andWeil,201–3SeealsoHarvardPsilocybinProject

LeavesofGrass(Whitman),286

legalstatusofpsychedelics,3,402,405Lennon,John,114,204Letcher,Andy,112Liddy,G.Gordon,205Lieberman,Jeffrey,403Lifemagazineonmoralpanic,211–12Wasson’spsilocybinarticlein,2,103–9,113

limbicsystem,307Lincoff,Gary,102Linkletter,Art,5LosAngelesgroup,152,153,154–58.SeealsoCohen,Sidney;Eisner,Betty;Janiger,OscarLSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide)accidentalinventionof,1–2,22–25andAcidTestsofKesey,184,206asalcoholismtreatment,141,148–53,368–69,370andbadtrips,209,210and“BicycleDay,”24bootleg/undergroundproductionof,181n,209andbrainscience,2–3,24,147casualuseof,211,212CIA’sresearchon,59,113n,142,172,172n,206,207Cohen’sambivalenceabout,158–59creationmythof,22–25andcreativeimagination,175asderivativeoffungus,84engineers’useof,182“escapingfromthelab,”157–58andFeilding’scerebralcirculationtheory,298firstLSDtrips,23–25Hubbardontherapeuticvalueof,169legalstatusof,3,181andMansonmurders,5,367misinformationabout,5moralpanicprovokedby,138–39,209Nuttonlowrisksof,300perceiveddangersof,209–11,209nandpharmaceuticalcompanies,400politicalbaggageof,51,333andpoliticalupheavalsofthesixties,315andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,237–54andpsychotomimeticmodel,153–54,162receptorsfor,292–93andresearchatEsalenInstitute,47Sandoz’sdistributionofDelysid,142–43,148,152,176Sandoz’swithdrawalofDelysid,143,216–17andschizophreniaresearch,146–47andsecondwaveofresearch,333inSiliconValley,175–80andSpringGrove’sresearch,56–58,59,218

subversivepowerof,214astryptamine,291–92youthculture’sadoptionof,25,212

Luce,ClareBoothe,104,212Luce,Henry,104,212

machinelearning,325–26MacLean,Katherine,37,74,346,401,402Maclean’s,148magicalthinking,312,314,317,389Malievskaia,Ekaterina,399mania,383Man’sSearchforMeaning(Frankl),352nManson,Charles,5,367marijuanaandcannabis,36,37,138,138n,204,299MarylandPsychiatricResearchCenteratSpringGrove,52,57,218Maslow,Abraham,49,55,232materialistperspective,12,85,135Mayancivilization,274MazatecIndians,83,109,110,112McClelland,David,191,195,197McDaniels,Terry,370–72McHugh,Paul,76McKenna,Terence,97,115–17,121McLuhan,Marshall,138,139,204,205MDMA(Ecstasy)andcardiacconcerns,236–37Doblin’sdistributionof,36Nutt’sconclusionson,299andphase3trialsapproval,397inPTSDtreatments,18,36–37Schusteron,51Shulgin’ssynthesisof,44andtherapeuticbond,236–37trialsfor,48

meaning,personalandawe-inspiringexperiences,375andcancerpatientresearch,11,63,352–55constructionof,354andegodissolution,389and5-HT2Areceptors,354nGriffithson,75–76andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,354valueof,355

mediaandHarvardPsilocybinProjectcontroversy,194–95,196–97andKatz’s“My12HoursasaMadman,”148,154andLSD’sescapefromthelab,157onmoralpanic,211–12

onperilsofpsychedelics,209,209nonpsychedelicsatHarvard,202onpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156–57

medicalizationofpsychedelicdrugs,36,51,400,402meditationandaccesstoothermodesofconsciousness,408–9ofGriffiths,32–33andmentaltimetravel,387andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,305,306,391,392–95

memories,307,317MenloPark,psychedelicuseinandCIA’smindcontrolresearch,206–7andHubbard,171,177–78atInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,43–44,177–80,198,217,228

Menninger,Karl,368mentalillnessassociatedwithmentalrigidity,329commonunderlyingmechanismfor,383–84anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),329,386andegoinlow-entropydisorders,313grandunifiedtheoryof,383–84,385inadequatetreatmentsfor,335–36potentialforcuring,377andsuicides,335Seealsoaddiction;depression

MerryPranksters,206–7mescalineandHarvardcontroversy,202andHubbard,169,173andHuxley,144,150–51,160–62andJames,17andOsmond’sresearch,146,147perceiveddangersof,210andpsychotomimeticmodel,162andschizophreniaresearch,146andWeil,201

MesoamericanIndians,107Mettes,Patrick,332,336,337–38,340–44,346,356–57Metzner,Ralph,190,191,195Michaux,Henri,278n“microdosing,”14n,175middle-agedpeople,7,73,321Miller,Savannah,363–64mindwandering,304MiserableMiracle(Michaux),278nMitchell,Edgar,358–59MK-UltraexperimentsofCIA,59,113n,172,172n,206,207Moore,James,113nmoralpanicprovokedbypsychedelicseffectof,onpsychedelicresearch,185,205

andLeary,138–39,205mediacoverageof,211–12andoutlawingofpsychedelics,3

MultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies(MAPS),35,36–37,191,228,397–99mushroomsidentificationof,94–96,119lethalvarietiesof,86,94inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,257–58,266Russula,119stoneartifactsof,114–15SeealsoPsilocybes;psilocybin

Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory(Wasson),114nmycelialnetworks,84n,90–91,118,122MyceliumRunning(Stamets),88,90mycopesticides,89mycoremediation,88mysteriumtremendum,277MysticalExperienceQuestionnaires(MEQs),282–84mysticalexperiencesofagnosticsandatheists,74,222,284–85,345andawe-inspiringexperiences,375brain-basedexplanationsfor,76incancerpatientresearch,79,349,350–51anddeactivationofdefaultmodenetwork,305–6andegodissolution,389inEuropeanresearch,64andexpectancyeffects,143andfanaticism/fundamentalism,37,81andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45,191–92ofGriffiths,33andGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,10–11,29–30ofHubbard,167ofHuxley,161ineffabilityof,40,54,69,251,270,285interconnectednessin,285,305languageof,285–87inliterature,286–87andlossofsubjectivity,305–6noeticqualityof,41–42,69–70,275,285,305–6andovervieweffect,359andparadoxes,85,345passivityashallmarkof,72profundity/banalityofinsightsfrom,70–71,251ofRichards,53–55scienceasameansto,77–78,81andscience-mysticismparadox,347–48sharedtraitsof,285andsmokingcessation,361strengthof,correlatedwithoutcomes,361andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,64

transiencyashallmarkof,71–72ofWasson,111ofZeff,226

Nabokov,Vladimir,349Nagel,Thomas,294narcissism,157NASA’sphotoofEarthfromspace,184–85NationalInstituteofMentalHealth,56NativeAmericansconversiontoChristianity,112andpeyote,27,368sacramentaluseofplants,2,27,83,108–9,112andSpanishsuppressionofmushrooms,108–9

TheNaturalMind(Weil),159natureattitudestoward,315–16,379Hofmannonreconnectionwith,25–26

near-deathexperiences,306negativethinking,353,383–84neurochemistry,emergenceof,147,293neuroplasticity,320,384neuroscienceofpsychedelics,291–330andauthorityofpsychedelicexperiences,365–66andBayesianinferences,261–63andchildren’sbrains,323–28andconsciousness,293–95,302,305–6,307–9,311–14,322–23anddisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23andhallucinations,310andmentalrigidityinmentalillness,329–30andpredictivecoding,307–8,310,311,321,325andpsychoanalysis,296–97,299,311receptors,292–93,314nandrewiringofbrain,316–20,318–19,353–54androtatingfacemasktest,261–63,267andvisualcortex,365Seealsodefaultmodenetwork(DMN);entropicbraintheory

neurotransmitters,147NewAge,205,224NewYorkTimes,7–8,114,349NewYorkUniversityalcoholismtreatmentat,369cancerpatientresearchat,8,141,332–33,337–38,349,350

Nichols,David,48–49,348Nicholson,Jack,156Nin,Anaïs,156nitrousoxide,17,69Nixon,Richard,58,181,219,315

noeticqualityofmysticalexperiences,41–42,69–70,275,285,305–6TheNoondayDemon(Solomon),383Novak,Steven,158Nutt,Davidbackgroundof,299–300andCarhart-Harris’sresearch,295–96,297,300oncomparativerisksofdrugs,299–300,300nanddepressionpilotstudy,329DrugsWithouttheHotAir,300nonrepression,307

obsessive-compulsivedisorderandego’styranny,367andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385andnegativethinkinghabits,383andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156

ololiuqui(seedsofthemorningglory),107Olson,Frank,172opennesstoexperienceandegodissolution,316nlongtermchangesin,74,319–20inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,135,137,222,252

opiates,212,369nOsmond,Humphryambitionsof,194andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174andHubbard,168–69,170,174,200andHuxley,160,174andLeary,198–99,198nandLSDtherapyforalcoholism,148–52,170andmescaline,146–47andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,163,169,207and“psychedelics”term,160,162–63and“psychodelytic”term,199andpsychotomimeticmodel,162,169andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220androleofenvironment,151schizophreniaresearchof,146–47

Ott,Jonathan,25,101,103overdosingwithpsychedelics,14overvieweffect,359–60,366,375,380,389

Pahnke,WalterandGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,80–81,191–92onmodesofconsciousness,409nandmysticalexperiencesurvey,282andRichards,53,54–55atSpringGrove,57,218

paranoia,310

passivityofmysticalexperiences,72peakexperiences,Maslow’sconceptof,49,55perceptionsandsenses,308–9PersontoPersonCBSnewsprogram,113personalitydisorders,56petrochemicalwaste,mycoremediationof,88peyote,17,27,368,404,405.Seealsomescalinepharmaceuticalcompanies,400phase3trialsforpsychedelics,397,400phenomenology,42,149ThePhilosophicalBaby(Gopnik),325placeboeffect,347,368,382placebo-controlleddouble-blindtrials,208platitudes,251Plotkin,Mark,107Plowman,Tim,107politicaleffectsofpsychedelics,315pollution,mycoremediationof,88posteriorcingulatecortex(PCC),322,387–88,391–93post-traumaticstressdisorder(PTSD),18,36–37prayer,306predictivecodingbybrain,307–8,310,311,321,325Previn,André,156primates’consumptionofmushrooms,97–98,123problemsolvinghigh/lowtemperaturesearchesin,325–27impactofLSDon,179,182andrewiringofbrain,318–19

protocolsforpsychedelicuse,valueof,214–15psilocinandanimals’mushroomconsumption,123Hofmann’sisolationof,113andmaterialistperspective,135measuring,102andmushroomidentification,95,119inmycelium,122

PsilocybeMushroomsandTheirAllies(Stamets),101Psilocybesauthor’searlyexperiencewith,5–6andAztecs,2consumedbyanimals,93,98,122–23evolutionaryfunctionofpsilocybinin,84,121–24as“fleshofthegods,”2,83,109habitatsof,93–94,101identificationof,94–96LatinAmericansourcesof,101legalpenaltiesforpossessionof,118andmushroomconferences,102–3NativeAmericans’useof,2,83,107newspeciesidentified,86,101–2

P.azurescens,86,92,94,117–21,128–34inPacificNorthwest,102andPollan’sazurescensexperience,128–37,161–62sacramentaluseof,2,93,107,109,112searchingfor,117–21and’shrooms(term),92speciesof,93Stamets’simagesof,115andStonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17suppressionof,2,59,108–9Wasson’srediscoveryof,59,101

psilocybinarrivalof,intheWest,1,2andCIA’spsychedelicresearch,113nandConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190ndiscoveryof,83effectof,onbrainactivity,300–301evolutionaryfunctionof,84,121–24andGinsberg,193–94,205andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,80–81,191atHarvard(seeHarvardPsilocybinProject)Hofmann’sisolationof,113atHopkins(seeJohnHopkins’spsychedelicresearch)andhumanevolution,116JohnHopkins’slandmarkpaperon,10–11Leary’sintroductionto,187–88materialist/nonmaterialistparadoxof,85andmysticalexperiences,10–11andpharmaceuticalcompanies,400andphase3trialsapproval,397andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,254–72,284receptorsfor,293andrewiringofbrain,317,318–19Schusteronresearchpotentialof,51andsecondwaveofresearch,79,333andSpringGrove’sresearch,218andStamets’smessengertheory,124–25andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76syntheticversionof,83–84,113astryptamine,291–92Seealsomushrooms

“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritualSignificance”(Griffiths,Richards,McCann,Jesse),10–11,29–30

PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld(Stamets),86PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered(GrinspoonandBakalar),194ThePsychedelicExplorer’sGuide(Fadiman),229psychedelicjourneysofPollanandcardiacconcerns,235–37,244–45,245nandlanguageofmysticism,285–87withLSD,237–54

andmysticalexperiencesurvey,282–84withpsilocybin,254–72,284recapsandreflectionson,250–54,269–72,281–84andsearchforaguide,231–35as“spiritual”experience,288–90withTheToad(5-MeO-DMT),272–90

PsychedelicPsychiatry(Dyck),146nPsychedelicScience2017,397psychedelictherapyas“appliedmysticism,”207andaspirationsofproponents,173andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,78,401,404andCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,233andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158–59criticismsandchallengesfacedby,207–8andegodissolution,389–90emergenceofparadigm,160,163–64,169–71,207andestablishedpsychiatricfield,207atfrontierofspiritualityandscience,334futureof,400–405growingrecognitionof,399andHubbard,160,164,169–70,171,207keyroleofexperiencein,149,169andlowrisks,210andprevioustheoreticalmodels,207andprimingpatients,169–70protocolsandagreementsof,215,226–27and“psychedelic-assistedtherapy”term,365,399rangeofdisordersaddressedby,382–83asrebootofsystem,366,384,389resultsof,368–69andreturnofsymptoms,380–81revivalof,369roleofenvironmentin,163–64,169–70,207–8,365roleoftherapistin,365–66,368(seealsoguides)shamanism’srolein,334spiritualtrappingsof,207andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,158–59,170visualimageryin,365–66Seealsoaddiction;cancerpatientresearch;depression

“psychedelics”term,18–19,144–45,160,162–63psychiatryfield,207–8,211,400psychoanalysis,149,155,207,296–97,311psycholyticmodel,154–57,207psychosisandentropicbraintheory,313,385panicreactionsmistakenfor,210psychoticbreaks,3,14,209,211andpsychotomimeticmodel,145,150–51,154,162andrisksassociatedwithpsychedelics,14,233

psychotherapy,2–3,186,351,369,406psychotomimeticmodel,145–50andCIA’spsychedelicresearch,172andCohen,153–54andestablishedpsychiatricfield,207andOsmond,162,169andpsychiatrists’criticismsofpsychedelictherapy,208andSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50

quantummechanics,413–14

Raichle,Marcus,301,303RamDass,203,205,360.SeealsoAlpert,RichardRank,Otto,155ratparkexperiment,372–73RealmsoftheHumanUnconscious(Grof),297recidivismatConcordStatePrisonexperiment,46,190–91,190n,195“recreational”druguse,38,228,399,400religionanddruguseinreligiouspractices,27–28fanaticism/fundamentalismin,81originsofreligiousbelief,55–56,85,106,111–12andsuppressionofpsychoactiveplants,2,109Seealsospirituality

ReligiousFreedomRestorationActof1993,27renaissanceofpsychedelicsandGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,11,29–30andHofmann’s100thbirthdaycelebration/symposium,21–22,26–27andsecondwaveofresearch,3–4andUDVcourtcase,27–28

researchonpsychedelics,firstwave,138–218andaspirationsofproponents,173,212–13badtripsin,152challengesfacedby,144congressionalhearingson,217andcounterculture,215endof,59–60,216–17andexpectancyeffects,143–44andexuberanceofresearchers,144,212–13federalmonitoringof,166federalrestrictionson,197federalsupportfor,57–58fundingfor,57GoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,80–81,191–92andguides,200hubsofresearch,153initiatedbySandoz’sDelysiddistribution,143andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,43–44,177–80,198,217,228Jesse’sinterestin,44–46

Leary’simpacton,9,185–86,190,198–99,212,219–20andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,148–52andmethodologicalissues,152,208andmoralpanicprovokedbypsychedelics,185,205andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,157–58,197andpsycholyticmodel,154–57andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–50researchers’consumptionofdrugs,146,148,189,195,208reunionoffiguresin(1979),218–20atSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50skepticismtoward,144atSpringGrovefacilities,52,56–58,59,218structuredapproaches/protocolsof,214–15suppressionof,44,57–58,60,141–42,332andterminalpatients,338–40volumeandscopeof,44–45,141–42SeealsoCentralIntelligenceAgency(CIA);HarvardPsilocybinProject

researchonpsychedelics,secondwaveabsenceofadverseeventsin,14–15andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,78,401,404challengesfacedby,333–34andcountercultureofthesixties,84criticsof,76andCSPwebsite,43anddiscoveriesoffirst-waveresearch,332andexuberanceofresearchers,26–27,381,382FDAprotocolson,48federalsanctioningof,48andHofmann’s100thbirthdaycelebration/symposium,21–22,26–27Jesse’srolein,34–35andmethodologicalissues,333–34andphase3trialsforpsychedelics,397,400replicationofGoodFridayexperiment,192roleofscientificoutsidersin,34–35withsyntheticpsilocybin,83–84andundergroundtherapists,227Seealsocancerpatientresearch

Rheingold,Howard,183Richards,Billonauthenticityquestions,347asbridgebetweenfirst/seconderas,52–53flightinstructionspreparedby,63,72andJesse,52,53andPahnke,53,54–55andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60–61psychedelicexperiencesof,53–55atSpringGrove,52,56–58,218andterminalpatients,339

riskybehaviorsofpeopleonpsychedelics,14riteofpassage,psychedelictripsas,3,216,246

ritualsforpsychedelics,404Roberts,JohnG.,27RomanCatholicChurch,2,109Romanticscientists,126–28Ross,Stephenonalcoholism,369–70andnewrespectabilityofresearch,350onresultswithcancerpatients,336andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76onsuppressionofresearch,141–42,332

rotatingfacemasktest,261–63,267,308Rouiller,Ian,379rumination,313,329,353,377–78,383Russell,Bertrand,355Russulamushroom,119

Sabina,MaríainPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,261,317andWasson,110,112,113–14,114n

sacraments,psychedelicusedas,2,27–28,83,93,107–9,112Sahagún,Bernardinode,108Samorini,Giorgio,123–24SandozpharmaceuticalfirmcreationofLSD-25,1–2,22–23distributionofLSD-25(Delysid),142–43,148,152,176andHubbard,167,170andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–46withdrawalofDelysid,143,216–17

SaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50.SeealsoHoffer,Abram;Osmond,HumphrySavage,Charles,177schizophreniaandemergenceofneurochemistryfield,146–47andLSDastriggerofpsychoticbreaks,209–10andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–46,162androtatingfacemasktest,262andSpringGrove’sresearch,218

Schultes,RichardEvans,107Schuster,Charles“Bob,”30,34,49–50Schwartz,Peter,181–82,183scienceandCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158–59asameanstomysticalexperience,77–78,81methodologicalstandardsin,208andmysticism-scienceparadox,347–48andnature’smysteries,12andRomanticscientists,126–28andspirituality,30–31,73–74,80,174–75,207,334andtestimonyofindividuals,42andvalidationofmysticalexperiences,347–48

TheSecretChief(Zeff),225sensesandperceptions,308–9sensorydeprivation,306serotonin,24,147,292,314nsetandsetting,14,53,151,190,207–8shamanism,84,170,214–15,334,348’shrooms(term),92Shulgin,Ann,44,102Shulgin,Sasha,44,102,236,237sideeffectsofpsychedelics,210SiliconValley,44,175–83Skinner,B.F.,149Slater,Toby,330Smith,HustonandCouncilonSpiritualPractices,49andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45onGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,80–81andJesse,44,49onspirituality,136,402

Smith,RobertEllis,196smokingcessation,78,360–64Smythies,John,146socialmedia,304Sokel,Karin,71Solomon,Andrew,383Spanishsuppressionofpsychoactivemushrooms,59–60,108spiritualityandegodissolution,390andGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,10–11,29–30andmodernmedicine,334andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,288–90androleofguides,402andscience,30–31,73–74,80,174–75,207,334stateof,136

sports,306SpringGrovehospitalandresearchcenter,52,56–58,59,218Stace,W.T.,282Stamets,Pauladvocacyforfungi,87–90backgroundof,87,98–100onevolutionaryfunctionofpsilocybin,121expertiseinmycology,86,99,127fieldguidesof,86,92FungiPerfectioperationof,86n,126andHofmann,97,103homeof,96–97honorsaccordedto,91–92onhumanevolution,115–16huntingformushrooms,117–21andimagesofPsilocybes,115

andMcKenna,116andmushroomconferences,102–3onmushroomidentification,94–95mushroomstoneartifactsof,114–15MyceliumRunning,88,90mycologicaltheoriesof,124–26,136newspeciesidentifiedby,86andP.azurescens,86,92,118,120–21,129PsilocybeMushroomsandTheirAllies,101PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld,86asRomanticscientist,126–28and’shrooms(term),92andStonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17

StanfordResearchInstitute(SRI),180–82StanfordUniversity,44,180Stanley,Owsley,III,181nSteindl-Rast,David,49stigmasofpsychedelicdrugs,104Stolaroff,Myronbackgroundof,175–76careerpivotof,44,177,206nandguides,230andHubbard,168,177andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS),177andJesse,44,46andLeary,198,199,200–201psychedelicexperiencesof,176andpsychedelicsinSiliconValley,176–77andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219andundergroundtherapists,227andZeff,225,227

StonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17Strassman,Rick,48subconscious,155subjectivity,305–6,413suggestibilityofpsychedelicsandattributionsofmeaning,354andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158andexpectationsofusers,25andHopkins’spsilocybinresearch,64andHubbard,170andplaceboeffect,347

suicides,3,210,211,335,388Summergrad,Paul,398,401,403synesthesia,115–16,145,317

talkingtherapy,155technologicaladvances,183–84Tennyson,Alfred,Lord,287

teonanácatl(sacredmushroomoftheAztecs),2,107terminalpatients,78–79,338–40.Seealsocancerpatientresearchthalidomidetragedy,197,208timetravel,mentalfacultyof,387Time-Lifepublications,104Toad.See5-MeO-DMT(theToad)toleranceforpsychedelics,14,299“TomorrowNeverKnows”(Beatles),143toxicityofpsychedelics,lowlevelsof,50trances,242–44transiencyofmysticalexperiences,71–72travelmetaphorsforpsychedelicexperiences,15treesandmycelialnetworks,91,91n,118trepanation,298True:TheMan’sMagazine,113truths,revelationsof,70,251,305–6tryptamines,291–92Turner,Brian,65–66,73–74

UDVcourtcase,27–28,43,49UniversityofCalifornia,LosAngeles,8,37,152–53UniversityofNewMexico,369U.S.FoodandDrugAdministration(FDA)andapprovalofStrassman’strial,48depressionstudiesrequestedby,375–76andHubbard’sclinicalresearch,167andphase3trialsapprovals,397andpotentialreschedulingofpsychedelics,36,397andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60regulationofexperimentaldrugs,146,197researchapprovalsrevokedby,217–18andthalidomidetragedy,197

U.S.SupremeCourt,27–28

TheVarietiesofReligiousExperience(James),69VietnamWar,139,206,215–16virtualreality,183visualizingthoughts,365–66Vogt,Walter,22Vollenweider,Franz,293,301,320,334,384

Wallace,DavidFoster,388Wasson,R.Gordoncriticsof,112fieldnotebooksof,110–11andHubbard,170Lifemagazinearticleof,2,103–9,113andmushroomconferences,103Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,114n

andmushroomsfromsouthernMexico,2,59,101,110–14,114nandoriginsofreligiousbelief,106,111–12preconceivedtheoriesof,112psychedelicexperiencesof,110–12

Watts,Rosalind,377,379,380,381Weathermen,204Weil,Andrewonactiveplacebos,159anddismissalsofLearyandAlpert,201–3andmushroomconferences,102TheNaturalMind,159andSchultes,107andToad(5-MeO-DMT),274andtreatmentofbadtrips,210

well-being,improvementsin,74,254,285Whitman,Walt,194,286WholeEarthNetwork,182,183Wilson,Bill,141,152–53,369Wilson,E.O.,80wisdom,321Wit,Harrietde,30–31wonder,16,135,136Wordsworth,William,285Wright,Curtis,48

Yensen,Richard,218Yoder,Norman,209nyouthculture,25

Zeff,Leo,225–27,230,236,252Zen,73

AbouttheAuthor

MICHAELPOLLANistheauthorofsevenpreviousbooks,includingCooked,FoodRules,InDefenseofFood,TheOmnivore’sDilemma,andTheBotanyofDesire,allofwhichwereNewYorkTimesbestsellers.AlongtimecontributortoTheNewYorkTimesMagazine,healsoteacheswritingatHarvardandtheUniversityofCalifornia,Berkeley,whereheistheJohnS.andJamesL.KnightProfessorofJournalism.In2010,Timemagazinenamedhiminitslistoftheonehundredmostinfluentialpeopleintheworld.

*TheInuitappeartobetheexceptionthatprovestherule,butonlybecausenothingpsychoactivegrowswheretheylive.(Atleastnotyet.)

*DavidJ.Nutt,DrugsWithouttheHotAir:MinimisingtheHarmsofLegalandIllegalDrugs(Cambridge,U.K.:UIT,2012).Thisiswhypeople“microdosing”onpsychedelicsnevertakethemonconsecutivedays.

*TheresaM.Carbonaroetal.,“SurveyStudyofChallengingExperiencesAfterIngestingPsilocybinMushrooms:AcuteandEnduringPositiveandNegativeConsequences,”JournalofPsychopharmacology(2016):1268–78.Thesurveyfoundthat7.6percentofrespondentssoughttreatmentfor“oneormorepsychologicalsymptomstheyattributedtotheirchallengingpsilocybinexperience.”

*Technically,amushroomisthe“fruitingbody”ofafungus—itsreproductiveorgan.Thinkofmushroomsastheapplesonatreethatgrowsentirelyunderground.Mostofthefungalorganismexistsbelowground,intheformofmycelia—thetypicallywhitecobwebbysingle-cell-widefilamentsthatextendthroughthesoil.Butbecauseitishardtoobserveandstudythesedelicatesubterraneanstructures—theycan’tbeunearthedwithoutbreaking—wetendtofocusonthemushroomswecansee,eventhoughtheyarejustthetipofakindoffungaliceberg.

*Pronouncedsill-OSS-a-bee.

*Complicatingmatters,StametsfirstnamedhissonforthebluishcolorthatPsilocybesturn,thennamedthebluestofPsilocybesafterhisson.

*Since1984,StametshasrunaverysuccessfulcompanycalledFungiPerfecti,whichsellsmedicinalmushroomsupplements,spores,andgrowingkitsforediblemushrooms,aswellasvariousothermushroom-relatedparaphernalia.

*ScientistsattheUniversityofBritishColumbia(UBC)injectedfirtreeswithradioactivecarbonisotopes,thenfollowedthespreadoftheisotopesthroughtheforestcommunityusingavarietyofsensingmethods,includingaGeigercounter.Withinafewdays,storesoftheradioactivecarbonhadbeenroutedfromtreetotree.Everytreeinaplotthirtymeterssquarewasconnectedtothenetwork;theoldesttreesfunctionedashubs,somewithasmanyasforty-sevenconnections.ThediagramoftheforestnetworkresembledamapoftheInternet.InwhatissurelyatipofthehattoStamets,apaperbyoneoftheUBCscientistsdubbeditthe“wood-wideweb.”

*TheWassonseitherdismissedoroverlookedasomewhatsimplerexplanation:thatpowerfulfeelingsandacultofmysterycouldbeexpectedtogatherarounda“plant”that,dependingonknowledgeandcontext,couldeithernourishanddelightorleadtoanagonizingdeath.

*Onanotherreturntrip,WassonwasjoinedbyJamesMoore,whohadintroducedhimselfasachemistforapharmaceuticalcompany.ButMoorewasreallyaCIAagenteagertoobtainpsilocybinfortheagency’sownpsychedelicresearchprogram,MK-Ultra.

*WassonwashalfheartedinhisdesiretoprotectMaríaSabina’sidentity.ThesameweekthattheLifearticleappeared,heself-publishedabook,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,inwhichheretoldherstorybutneglectedtodisguisehername.

*Theauthorsconcludedthat“hallucinogenicplantsalterperceptioninhuntingdogsbydiminishingextraneoussignalsandbyenhancingsensoryperception(mostlikelyolfaction)thatisdirectlyinvolvedinthedetectionandcaptureofgame.”BradleyC.BennettandRocíoAlarcón,“HuntingandHallucinogens:TheUsePsychoactiveandOtherPlantstoImprovetheHuntingAbilityofDogs,”JournalofEthnopharmacology171(2015):171–83.

*BecausepossessionofLSDwouldn’tbeafederalcrimeuntil1968,thegovernmentoftenhadtorelyonmarijuanaprosecutionswhenmovingagainstpeopleinthecounterculture.

*Osmond’sstory,andtherichCanadianhistoryofpsychedelicresearch,iswelltoldinErikaDyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry:LSDfromClinictoCampus(Baltimore:JohnsHopkinsUniversityPress,2008).

*DuncanC.BlewettandNickChwelos,HandbookfortheTherapeuticUseofLysergicAcidDiethlylamide-25:IndividualandGroupProcedures(1959),http://www.maps.org/research-archive/ritesofpassage/lsdhandbook.pdf.BlewettandChwelosdrewheavilyonOsmondandHoffer’scasereportsfortheirmanual.

*SeeespeciallyMartinA.LeeandBruceShlain,AcidDreams:TheCompleteSocialHistoryofLSD(NewYork:GrovePress,1992),andJayStevens,StormingHeaven:LSDandtheAmericanDream(NewYork:GrovePress,1987).

*Hubbardtreasureda1957letterhereceivedfromaMonsignorBrownmajorinVancouverendorsinghiswork:“Wethereforeapproachthestudyofthesepsychedelicsandtheirinfluenceonthemindofmananxioustodiscoverwhateverattributestheypossess,respectfullyevaluatingtheirproperplaceintheDivineEconomy.”

*Hubbard’snameappearsonasinglescientificpaper,writtenwithhiscolleaguesatHollywoodHospital:“TheUseofLSD-25intheTreatmentofAlcoholismandOtherPsychiatricProblems,”QuarterlyJournalofStudiesonAlcohol22(March1961):34–45.

*SidneyGottlieb,theCIAofficerinchargeofMK-Ultra,wouldtestifytoCongressthatitsgoalwas“toinvestigatewhetherandhowitwaspossibletomodifyanindividual’sbehaviorbycovertmeans.”WewouldknowmoreaboutMK-UltrahadGottliebnotdestroyedmostoftheprogram’srecordsontheordersoftheCIAdirectorRichardHelms.

*DuringhisLSDsession,Engelbartinventeda“tinkletoy”totoilettrainchildren,oratleastboys:awaterwheelfloatinginatoiletthatcouldbepoweredbyastreamofurine.Hewentontoconsiderablymoresignificantaccomplishments,includingthecomputermouse,thegraphicalcomputerinterface,textediting,hypertext,networkedcomputers,e-mail,andvideoconferencing,allofwhichhedemonstratedinalegendary“motherofalldemos”inSanFranciscoin1968.

*Hubbardhatedtheideaofstreetacidandthecounterculture’suseofit.AccordingtoDonAllen,heplayedaroleinatleastonebustofanimportantundergroundLSDchemistin1967.HubbardsentDonAllentoameetingtoposeasaCanadianbuyerlookingtopurchase“pureLSD”fromaBayAreagroupthatincludedthenotoriousLSDchemist(andGratefulDeadsoundengineer)OwsleyStanleyIII.FederalagentstailedthepeopleatthemeetingbacktoStanleyandhislabinOrinda,California;duringthebust,theyreportedlyfound350,000dosesofLSD.

*Thetwobestaccountsofthecounterculture’s(anditschemicals’)influenceonthecomputerrevolutionareFredTurner’sFromCounterculturetoCyberculture:StewartBrand,theWholeEarthNetwork,andtheRiseofDigitalUtopianism(Chicago:UniversityofChicagoPress,2006)andJohnMarkoff’sWhattheDormouseSaid:HowtheSixtiesCountercultureShapedthePersonalComputerIndustry(NewYork:PenguinBooks,2005).

*LearywroteinFlashbacksthathewasinitiallyfrightenedtotakepsilocybininaprisonwithviolentcriminals.Whenheconfessedhisfeartooneoftheprisoners,theinmateadmittedhewasafraidtoo.“Whyareyouafraidofme?”Learyasked,puzzled.“I’mafraidofyou’causeyou’reafuckingmadscientist.”

*Ina1992lettertoBettyEisner,HumphryOsmondwrote,“WherebothAl[Hubbard]andAldous[Huxley]disagreedwithTimothyLearywasthattheybelievedthathehadgotthetimescalewrong,andthattheUShadamuchgreaterinertiathanhesupposed.Theybothbelievedforquitedifferentreasonsthatworkinginconspicuouslybutdeterminedlywithinthesystemcouldtransformitinthelongrun.Timothybelievedthatitcouldbetakenbystorm.”

*InDonLattin,TheHarvardPsychedelicClub(NewYork:HarperOne,2010),94.

*OnecouldarguethattheLSDdropoutproblembeganbackinthe1950s,whensuccessfulengineerslikeMyronStolaroff,WillisHarman,andDonAllenleftAmpexandStanfordtotuneintopsychedelics.

*Severaloftheseurbanlegendshavebeentracedtotheirsourceanddiscredited.Forexample,a1967NewsweekstoryaboutsixcollegestudentstrippingonLSDwhowentblindafterstaringintothesunturnedouttobeahoaxconcoctedbyPennsylvania’sstatecommissionerfortheblind,Dr.NormanYoder.Accordingtothegovernor,whodisclosedthehoax,Yoderhad“attendedalectureontheuseofLSDbychildrenandbecameconcernedandemotionallyinvolved.”Yetonceintroducedintotheculture,theseurbanlegendssurviveand,onoccasion,goontobecome“true”whenpeopletrippingonLSDareinspiredtoimitatethem,ashashappenedinthecaseofthestaring-into-the-sunstory.SeeDavidPrestiandJeromeBeck,“StrychnineandOtherEnduringMyths:ExpertandUserFolkloreSurroundingLSD,”inPsychoactiveSacramentals:EssaysonEntheogensandReligion,ed.ThomasB.Roberts(SanFrancisco:CouncilonSpiritualPractices,2001).

*Therearequotationsinthispiecethatshouldhavesetoffanyeditor’sbullshitdetector.“WhenmyhusbandandIwanttotakeatriptogether,”saysthepsychedelicmotheroffour,“Ijustputalittleacidinthekids’orangejuiceinthemorningandletthemspendthedayfreakingoutinthewoods.”

*OriginallypublishedinHarvardReview(Summer1963)andreprintedinTimothyLearyandJamesPenner,TimothyLeary,TheHarvardYears:EarlyWritingsonLSDandPsilocybinwithRichardAlpert,HustonSmith,RalphMetzner,andOthers(Rochester,Vt.:ParkStreetPress,2014).Theparagraphalsoappearsinthetranscriptofa1966SenatehearingonfederalregulationofLSDbytheSenateSubcommitteeonExecutiveReorganization,p.141.

*AversionoftheguidelinescanalsobefoundinJamesFadiman’sbookThePsychedelicExplorer’sGuide:Safe,Therapeutic,andSacredJourneys(Rochester,Vt.:ParkStreetPress,2011).

*Isubsequentlylearnedthathyperventilation,whichplaysaroleinbreathwork,changestheCO2levelsoftheblood,whichinturncanaltertherhythmsoftheheartinsomepeople.WhatIassumedwasaphysiologicallybenignalternativetoMDMAturnsouttobenothingofthekind;evenwithoutadrug,itispossibletochangeone’sbloodchemistryinwaysthatcanaffectheartrhythms.

*Familyconstellationtherapy,whichwasfoundedbyaGermantherapistnamedBertHellinger,focusesonthehiddenroleofancestorsinshapingourlivesandworkstohelpusmakepeacewiththeseghostlikepresences.

*HenriMichaux,acontemporaryofHuxley’swhoalsowroteabouthispsychedelicexperiences,tookaverydifferenttact,refusingtheofferofmetaphortomakesenseofsomethinghebelievedwasbeyondcomprehension.InhisbookMiserableMiracle,heaimedtobe“attentivetowhat’sgoingon—asitis—withouttryingtodeformitandimagineitotherwiseinordertomakeitmoreinterestingtome.”Orsensibletohisreaders:thebookisintermittentlybrilliantbutforlongstretchesunreadable.“Ihadnolongeranyauthorityoverwords.Inolongerknewhowtomanagethem.Farewelltowriting!”Iknowwhathemeans,butI’veelectedtoresist,evenifthatmeanstoleratingsomemeasureofdeformationinmyaccount.

*Specifically,ItooktheRevisedMysticalExperienceQuestionnaire,orMEQ30.

*“Kelson”isanauticaltermforastructuralmemberinthehullofaboat.

*Oratleastfifty-fiveyears,becauseIthinkyoungchildrenhavereadyaccesstothesekindsofexperiences,aswewillseeinthenextchapter.

*Inhis2012book,DrugsWithouttheHotAir,Nuttwritesthat“psychedelicsoverallareamongthesafestdrugsweknowof...It’svirtuallyimpossibletodiefromanoverdoseofthem;theycausenophysicalharm;andifanythingthey’reanti-addictive”(254).

*Thekeystructuresmakingupthedefaultmodenetworkarethemedialprefrontalcortex,theposteriorcingulatecortex,theinferiorparietallobule,thelateraltemporalcortex,thedorsalmedialprefrontalcortex,andthehippocampusformation.SeeRandyL.Buckner,JessicaR.Andrews-Hanna,andDanielL.Schacter,“TheBrain’sDefaultNetwork,”AnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences1124,no.1(2008).Whileneuroimagingindicatesstronglinksbetweenthesestructures,theconceptofthedefaultmodenetworkremainsnewandisstillnotuniversallyaccepted.

*It’simportanttokeepinmindthelimitationsoffMRIandotherneuroimagingtechnologies.Mostofthemmeasurenotbrainactivitydirectlybutproxiesofit,suchasbloodflowandoxygenconsumption.Theyalsodependoncomplexsoftwaretotranslatefaintsignalsintodramaticimages,softwaretheaccuracyofwhichcriticshaverecentlyquestioned.Inmyexperience,brainscientistswhoworkwithanimalstheycaninsertprobesintoaredismissiveoffMRI,whilebrainscientistswhoworkwithhumansacceptitasthebesttoolavailable.

*I’musingthetermsmoreorlessinterchangeablyhere.However,theego,beingcloselyassociatedwithFreud’smodelofthemind,impliesaconstructthatstandsinadynamicrelationshiptootherpartsofthemind,suchastheunconscious,orid,actingonbehalfoftheself.

*It’sworthnotingthatthesefindingsseemtobeatoddswithAmandaFeilding’sinitialhypothesisthatpsychedelicsworkbyincreasingbloodflowtothebrain.

*DavidNuttandAmandaFeildingarecoauthors.

*BrewerhassincemovedtotheUniversityofMassachusettsMedicalSchool,wherehe’sthedirectorofresearchattheCenterforMindfulness.

*Exactlyhowpsychedelicsaccomplishthis,neurochemically,isstilluncertain,butsomeofCarhart-Harris’sresearchpointstoaplausiblemechanism.Becauseoftheiraffinitywiththeserotonin2Areceptors,psychedeliccompoundscauseasetofneuronsinthecortex(“layerfivepyramidalneurons,”tobeexact)thatarerichinthesereceptorstofireinsuchawayastodesynchronizetheusualoscillationsofthebrain.Carhart-Harrislikenstheseoscillations,whichhelptoorganizebrainactivity,tothesynchronizedclappingofanaudience.Whenafewwaywardindividualsclapoutoforder,theapplausebecomeslessrhythmicandmorechaotic.Similarly,theexcitationofthesecorticalneuronsappearstodisruptoscillationsinaparticularfrequency—thealphawaves—thathavebeencorrelatedwithactivityinthedefaultmodenetworkand,specifically,inself-reflection.

*Thisresearchwaspublishedin2017:MatthewM.Nouretal.,“Psychedelics,Personality,andPoliticalPerspectives,”JournalofPsychoactiveDrugs.“Egodissolutionexperiencedduringaparticipant’s‘mostintense’psychedelicexperiencepositivelypredictedliberalpoliticalviews,opennessandnaturerelatedness,andnegativelypredictedauthoritarianpoliticalviews.”

*ThepanelwasrecordedandisavailableonYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2VzRMevUXg.

*Asinthecaseofmanydrugs,theSSRIantidepressantsintroducedinthe1980sweremuchmoreeffectivewhentheywerenew,probablyowingtotheplaceboeffect.Today,theyperformonlyslightlybetterthanaplacebo.

*Thestatistical“effectsize”oftheseresults—atorabove1.0formostoftheoutcomemeasuresusedinbothtrials—isremarkableforapsychiatrictreatment.Asacomparison,whentheSSRIantidepressantshadtheirfirstclinicaltrials,theeffectsizewasonly0.3—whichwasgoodenoughforthemtobeapproved.

*Afewcriticalvoiceswereheard.InapairofblogpostsonPLOS,JamesCoyneraisedseveralmethodologicalobjectionshavingtodowiththesizeandcompositionofthepatientgroup,thereliabilityofthediagnoses,theplacebocontrol,theblinding,andthetheoreticalassumptions:“Sincewhenareexistential/spiritualwell-beingissuespsychiatric?”http://blogs.plos.org/mindthebrain/2016/12/14/psilocybin-as-a-treatment-for-cancer-patients-who-are-not-depressed-the-nyu-study/.

*SeveraloftheNYUtherapistsreferredmetothewritingofViktorE.Frankl,theViennesepsychoanalystandtheauthorofMan’sSearchforMeaning.Frankl,whosurvivedbothAuschwitzandDachau,believedthatthecrucialhumandriveisnotforpleasure,ashisteacherFreudmaintained,orpower,asAlfredAdlermaintained,butmeaning.FranklconcurswithNietzsche,whowrote,“HewhohasaWhytoliveforcanbearalmostanyHow.”

*KatrinH.Prelleretal.,“TheFabricofMeaningandSubjectiveEffectsinLSD-InducedStatesDependonSerotonin2AReceptorActivation,”CurrentBiology27,no.3(2017):451–57.TheworkwasdoneinFranzVollenweider’slab.Whentheserotonin5-HT2Areceptorswereblockedwithadrug(ketanserin),“theLSD-inducedattributionofpersonalrelevancetopreviouslymeaninglessstimuli”wasalsoblocked,leadingtheauthorstoconcludethatthesereceptorsplayaroleinthegenerationandattributionofpersonalmeaning.

*Theexperiencewouldshapehispost-NASAwork:theformerengineerestablishedtheInstituteofNoeticSciencestostudyconsciousnessandparanormalphenomena.

*“Ahumanbeingisapartofthewholecalledbyus‘Universe,’apartlimitedintimeandspace.Heexperienceshimself,histhoughtsandfeelingassomethingseparatedfromtherest—akindofopticaldelusionofhisconsciousness.Thisdelusionisakindofprisonforus,restrictingustoourpersonaldesiresandtoaffectionforafewpersonsnearesttous.Ourtaskmustbetofreeourselvesfromthisprisonbywideningourcircleofcompassiontoembracealllivingcreaturesandthewholeofnatureinitsbeauty.”(WalterSullivan,“TheEinsteinPapers:AManofManyParts,”TheNewYorkTimes,March29,1972.)

*QuotedinCharlesS.Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens:WhatHaveWeLearned?,”HeffterReviewofPsychedelicResearch1(1998).

*Ibogaine,apsychedelicderivedfromtherootofanAfricanshrub,isbeingusedundergroundaswellasinclinicsinMexicototreatopiateaddiction;ayahuascahasalsobeenreportedtobehelpfulbreakingaddictions.

*Asforthethreevolunteerswhoreceivednobenefit,theyhadmildorunremarkablesessions.ThismightbebecausetheywerestillonSSRIs,whichmayblocktheeffectsofpsychedelics,orbecausesomefractionofthepopulationsimplydoesn’trespondtothedrugs.TheHopkinsteam,too,hasoccasionallyseencasesof“dudtrips”thatleavepeopleunaffected.

*Byme,asithappened.“TheTripTreatment,”NewYorker,Feb.9,2015.

*ThisishowFreudunderstooddepression,whichhecalledmelancholia:afterthelossofanobjectofdesire,theegosplitsintwo,withonepartpunishingtheother,whichhastakentheplaceofthelostloveinourattentions.Inhisview,depressionisamisplacedformofrevengeforaloss,retributionthathasbeenmisdirectedattheself.

*TomInsel,whoafterleavingtheNIMHwenttoworkforGoogle’slifesciencesubsidiary,Verily,beforejoiningamentalhealthstart-upcalledMindstrongHealth,toldmethattherearenowalgorithmsthatcanreliablydiagnosedepressionbasedonthefrequencyandcontextofone’suseofthefirst-personpronoun.

*Oratleastpeoplewhocanaffordit.Oneadvantageofmedicalizingpsychedelictherapyisthatitwouldpresumablybeaccessibletoeveryonewithhealthinsurance.

*HerecountstheseexperiencesinhisbookShrinks:TheUntoldStoryofPsychiatry(NewYork:Little,Brown,2015),190–93.

*Idon’tdismissthepossibilitytheymaycomefromsomewhereelse,butwillconfinemyselfheretothemoreparsimoniousexplanation.

*Ina1969essayintheHarvardTheologicalReview,WalterPahnkedescribedseveraldistinctmodesofpsychedelicconsciousness,includingonehetermed“thecognitivepsychedelicexperience.”Thisis“characterizedbyastonishinglylucidthought.Problemscanbeseenfromanovelperspective,andtheinnerrelationshipsofmanylevelsordimensionscanbeseenallatonce.Thecreativeexperiencemayhavesomethingincommonwiththiskindofpsychedelicexperience,butsuchapossibilitymustawaittheresultoffutureinvestigation.”

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