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RELATIONSHIP TRUST GUIDE

Helping Couples Build and Restore Trust In Their Relationship

Brought to You By: Meka P. from http://relationshipdisaster.com

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Introduction

Everyone knows that a relationship needs solid trust in order to

really thrive. It’s no secret that the best relationships are the ones

built on strong trust, love, and communication.

They all tie in together.

If your relationship matters that much to you – then aside from

love, you must be able to give your partner trust as well.

This is a non-negotiable fact.

“You can love a person and desire to be with a

person, but if you cannot trust them, then there is no

true foundation that will be lasting. When you don’t

trust that your partner has your best interest at heart,

you have to wonder - is that really love?”

If both love and trust isn’t present in the relationship, the

relationship is bound to end because one or both partners has

stopped believing not only in his (or her) partner or each other, but

in the relationship itself.

Trust and love need to go hand-in-hand - and having one without

the other, will simply not work.

Then there is the communication that falls into the equation.

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Now, some sources say that communication is the key to the

success or failure of a relationship. However, if there is no real trust

between a couple, then you cannot expect the communication to be

effective at all.

In other words, good communication can only be possible if you

have trust. If you don’t have it – then don’t expect much.

As you will learn later on, communication is vital to both building

and restoring trust in a relationship.

Okay, so you know that love, trust, and communication work

together to build a strong foundation for a relationship.

Now we are going to change gears and delve deeper into the area

which a lot of couples struggle with – T R U S T.

Chapter 1: Signs of Trust Issues In a Relationship

There are quite a few signs that show that there may be trust

issues present in a relationship. If you or your partner fit these

situations, there could be some trust issues in your relationship.

* You are always checking your partners emails and cell phone

history and wanting to know who they are communicating with.

*You are overly jealousy sometimes to the point where it gets out

of hand. Tantrums, bad arguments, and even violence may occur as

a result.

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* You play detective and want to know everything about what your

partner is doing, where they are at, who they are with, and the

whole nine yards.

* You doubt your partner and don’t really believe in them. You

second guess your partner actions and feel that something is

suspicious about them.

* You are reading this ebook. You wouldn’t be reading this ebook if

you didn’t have any trust issues in your relationship. Then again,

you may just want to learn ways to strengthen the trust in your

relationship. Still, there is a high possibility that trust is a concern in

your relationship.

Chapter 2: Causes of Trust Issues in a Relationship

Trust issues can be caused by many different things. In

relationships, trust issues usually come about as a result of…

Being cheated on in the past

Having a low self-esteem and feeling insecure

Deception and Lies

Constant non-disclosure of important matters (money problems,

secrets, etc)

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Betrayal

These are among the top causes of trust issues in a relationship

but there are more.

People, their life experiences, and their relationships are different so

there could be other things that could cause them to not trust in

the one they are with.

No matter what the cause, it is very important to identify it,

understand it (with all honesty), and address it because it is vital

when trying to build or rebuild trust.

This will be the first step in resolving your trust issues and will be

helpful in making things better.

Chapter 3: Resolving Trust Issues

Before you actually work on building trust in your relationship, you

need to talk about your trust issues and find out the answers to

some questions.

First of all, you need to know who in the relationship has the trust

issues. It may just be them or it could be you. It may be both.

Ask yourself if you can be trusted. Ask yourself do you really trust

your partner.

Ask your partner if they trust you. Ask your partner if they think

they are trustworthy themselves.

Make sure you and your partner’s answers are truthful and that you

really get everything out on the table about trust.

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Communication and honesty is the key here.

Now, once you know the honest answers to these questions, take it

a step further and ask why.

If your partner doesn’t trust you, find out why. If you don’t trust

your partner, tell them why you don’t trust them. If you don’t feel

that you are trustworthy, find out the reason why and the same for

your partner.

You both need to clearly know and understand the reasoning

behind your trust issues or lack of trust.

At this point, you need to evaluate everything you have learned so

far and think about where you want the relationship to go.

Do you both want to resolve these trust issues? Do you both think

you can help each other build trust in the relationship? Are you

both ready to let go of the past and finally address and resolve

whatever it may be that is causing the trust issues?

Do you see how I keep mentioning both? I did this because it is

very important for both of you to work on the issues together.

It takes two to make a relationship to work. If you want to resolve

your trust issues and strengthen the trust in your relationship, it will

take the two of you to accomplish this goal.

If you both have decided to try to make the relationship work and

work on your trust issues together, then you can finally try to work

on building trust in the relationship.

Know that it will take time. When it comes to trust, it has to be

earned and it isn’t something that can be earned overnight.

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So, let’s take a look at the things you can do to resolve and

strengthen trust with your partner - and your relationship as a

whole.

Building Trust In Your Relationship

If you and your partner want to build trust in the relationship and

resolve the trust issues present, doing the following things will help

greatly.

Remember, you both have to do them.

Be Honest

If your partner asks you how you feel on a certain matter, be

honest and tell them the truth.

Even if the truth may hurt your partner, you still need to be honest

with them. They will grow to respect you for your honesty and

eventually trust you more.

You should also try to avoid even the smallest lies because your

partner may catch you lying and wonder what other stuff you may

be lying about which brings about the trust issues.

Keep Your Promises

If you promised your partner you would take them out to dinner

that Friday, make sure you take your partner to dinner that Friday.

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You should try to keep all promises you make whether big or small.

If you feel that you may not be able to keep a promise, don’t make

it.

It’s better to not make a promise than to make one and then break

one. If you end up breaking a promise, explain why as soon as

possible and make sure they understand the reason behind this

broken promise.

Say What You Truly Mean

What you say should match your actions and body language. If

your partner asks you how you feel and you respond with “I’m

feeling fine” and your body language or actions isn’t backing that

statement up, they will have a hard time believing what you tell

them and there goes that lack of trust.

Don’t Keep Secrets

Hiding things from your partner is never a good idea in my opinion.

It is often troublesome when you keep secrets and even more

troublesome dealing with the consequences of keeping them once

they are exposed.

When you are trying to build trust, you should not keep secrets

from your partner. Be open and put everything on the table – that

is the most important stuff at the least.

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Set Some Boundaries

One thing that really threatens trust is jealousy. In order to avoid

those jealous moments partners can get, it is a good idea to set

some boundaries in the relationship.

You and your partner should discuss what behavior is acceptable

and what is not and you both should acknowledge them and make

sure not to cross those boundaries. It really does help with the trust

issues.

Be Predictable

Even though you might want to throw in a few surprises for your

partner or try to change things up to spice up the relationship, if

you are having trust issues, you would want to be predictable rather

than them not knowing what to expect from you.

Just think about it?

When do people start getting suspicious or wonder what is up with

their partner?

When they start doing things that they don’t normally do. That’s why

you should be predictable. Being predictable builds trust and also

lets your partner know what to expect from you which contributes

to being reliable.

If things do start to get unpredictable, make sure you let your

partner know about your changes and explain to them the reasons

behind them.

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Establish Open Communication

Communication will always be important in relationships. Good, open

communication helps in so many different areas and improves trust

and your overall relationship.

Believe in Your Partner & Their Capabilities

If you don’t believe in your partner or their capabilities, this can

cause trust issues in the relationship. You need to be able to

believe in them and what they are capable of doing and handling.

If there is an area or issue that you are concerned about, make

sure to discuss this with them and work through whatever issue or

concern it may be.

Express your needs

When you tell your partner about your needs, wants, and desires,

this will let them know what you want without them having to guess.

It brings you both closer and establishes understanding and trust.

Be open

Not only do you need to show your true self to your partner but

you need to be open with them and avoid putting a wall up. Your

partner should feel like they really know you and that you are not

holding yourself back from them.

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Keep Their Secrets

Your partner may share some very private information with you, or

in other words, things that they might not want others outside the

relationship to know.

If they tell you something in confidence, make sure that you keep

that information confidential.

Don’t go telling their secrets unless they give you permission. If they

see that they can tell you anything and don’t have to worry about

anyone else knowing that doesn’t supposed to, that will help

towards building trust in the relationship.

Work on Yourself

Sometimes trust issues come about in relationships because one

person had past experiences with trust issues which carries into the

new relationship.

If you have trust issues that stemmed from something that

happened to you in the past, you need to deal with that in order

to avoid trust issues in your new relationship.

It isn’t fair to your partner that they are not being trusted because

of something that happened to you in the past.

This may sound harsh but you need to work out your trust issues

and give your partner a chance to gain your trust if you want your

relationship to work and grow.

It may take time but as long as you try to work on it, let your

partner know your situation, and actually allow your partner to gain

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your trust and vice versa, things can and will work out for the

better.

Be positive.

If ever you encounter some problems with your partner (which you

probably will), do not be automatically negative about it. Staying

positive will bring the impression that the two of you will be able to

handle anything that comes your way. Why? Because you trust

and have each other.

Don’t leave your fights and issues unresolved.

Whenever you have some arguments or some conflicts with your

spouse or partner, do not let the day pass without talking about it.

The only exception is when you think that the two of you need time

to clear your heads or you both have arranged a time where you

both can talk about it calmly without interruptions or disturbances.

And when you do talk about it - do not bring up past mistakes, old

fights, or quarrels. This will help prevent the discussion from

escalating into another quarrel or fight.

Remember to have discussions only at the right time and refrain

from name-calling, insult throwing, or profanity-laden statements.

Obviously, doing so will not have any good results.

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Chapter 4: Restoring Trust In Your Relationship

Rebuilding trust is a lot harder than building trust. It can already be

a hard time just to build trust.

Once that trust is built and established and then broken, well, the

chances of getting that trust rebuilt again is very small.

Even though a lot of people say that once trust is broken after

being built, it can’t be rebuilt, there is still a possibility that it can

indeed be restored.

You will need time, effort, patience, commitment, love, honesty, and

forgiveness for it to be possible though.

If you are trying to rebuild trust in your relationship, you should

follow the tips mentioned earlier on how to build trust and do the

things you did to gain their trust in the first place.

Here are a few more things that are necessary to do in order to

rebuild trust.

* Let go of the past. Whatever that happened that caused the trust

to be broken should be left in the past when you decide to try to

rebuild the trust and make things work again. This may be hard to

do but it is necessary in order to move forward.

* Make the decision to be forgiven or to forgive. When I say

“forgive”, this means that you must wholeheartedly accept what your

partner has done to violate your trust, and give him a chance to

rectify whatever mistakes he may have committed.

Remember that until you can honestly say to yourself that you have

forgiven your partner – then chances are you will be haunted by

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that mistake and things will only get worse. And you certainly do

not want that.

* Set some goals for getting your relationship on the right path.

* The person who got their trust broken needs to share that pain.

The other partner needs to acknowledge the pain caused by their

actions.

* Take responsibility for your own actions and decisions.

* Be prepared to honestly answer any questions that may come

about in regards to the event that led to the broken trust.

* If you think you could use a third opinion, get some sort of

counseling to help you both with the hard task of rebuilding trust.

I recommend checking out Relationship Trust Turnaround for the

best advice on rebuilding trust and resolving even the most

complicated trust issues.

Final Thoughts

Indeed, trust (or the lack of it) will make or break a relationship.

And with that strong resolve to fix the trust that has been broken

and the dedication to make the relationship work – one can always

“trust” on the fact that everything is going to be just fine.

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Chapter 5: Trust Building Exercises

In some instances, trust exercises can actually be useful in

rebuilding or strengthening trust and even relationships. Here are

some which you just might find some good use for:

The Triangle of Trust

1. Take out a sheet of paper and draw a large triangle in the

center.

On the bottom line of the triangle, at the bottom of your sheet,

write these words...

"What I intend and am committed to"

On the angled line of your triangle on the right side, write these

words...

"What I say"

On the angled line of your triangle on the left side, write these

words...

"What I do"

Okay, you should have your "Triangle of Trust" drawn on your

paper, with the appropriate phrase on each line.

2. Now, think of a relationship that is important to you. In this case,

it would be your partner.

Write that person's name at the top of your page.

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3. Think of a typical interaction with this person and answer these

questions as you look back on that interaction...

**How did you react to this person?

(Were you open, loving, kind, supportive, honest, secretive, closed,

dismissive, ignored him or her?)

**What did you say to this person and how did you say it?

(Were your words respectful, supportive, honest, sarcastic, cold,

mean?)

**What was your intention and commitment in this interaction?

(Was it to connect with the other person with love or to prove you

were right about something?)

4. Now write any words or phrases from this interaction that build

trust on the inside of the triangle and words and phrases that tear

trust down outside of it. Stay with your words and phrases from

your answer to #3.

5. Look at what you wrote inside your triangle, as well as any

words or phrases surrounding it.

At the bottom of your page, write what you would like to do

differently the next time to build more trust.

Here's a practical example to help you out if you're a little

confused about this ...

When Olivia did this exercise, she chose an interaction with her

husband when they decided what they were going to do on one of

their "off" days recently.

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Because it was a beautiful summer day, she wanted to get the yard

work done—trimming bushes, planting flowers, mulching.

In fact, she'd been planning it all week in her mind.

But her husband had different ideas.

He wanted to go to the arts festival that was held in their city.

When she asked herself how she reacted to her husband when he

said he wanted to go to the festival, she wrote this...

"I was angry that he wanted to skip out on the yard work and I

didn't want to listen to his suggestion."

When she asked herself what she said and how she said it, she

wrote this...

"I told him that I felt like I had all of the responsibility for the

outside work getting done and I blamed him for not helping me."

When she asked herself what her intention and commitment was in

this interaction, she wrote this...

"I was committed to getting the yard work done that day, no matter

what!"

Next, she looked at what she had written and wrote these words

and phrases outside her triangle...

"anger, didn't listen, blame, yard work done that day no matter

what"

She didn't write anything in the center of her triangle.

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In other words, she saw that nothing about that interaction built

trust between the two of them.

Of course her husband had his own issues that created mistrust too

and he could certainly do this exercise as well--but the point is...

The "Triangle of Trust" helped Olivia see that she could have done

things differently to create more trust--and get the work done.

What could she have done to build trust?

Plenty.

You'll find some incredible tips for rebuilding trust in the

"Relationship Trust Turnaround" program that's available here.

And...

As you are reading in this example—sometimes things you don't

normally think of as trust destroyers can have a devastating effect

on a relationship.

Here are a few ways Olivia could have built trust in this situation...

1. She could have asked him earlier in the week for help with the

yard work and then made an agreement with him about when they

would do it--and maybe the work didn't have to be done on the

particular day that she had in her mind.

(Be sure to check out the section in the "Relationship Trust

Turnaround" book that talks about how to create conscious

agreements.)

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2. When she discovered he wanted to go to the festival, she could

have opened herself to the possibility that maybe it might be

something she'd like to do too.

(In fact, later that evening, she did look at the advertisement for the

festival and it did look like something she would have liked.)

3. If going to the festival appealed to her, she could have

negotiated with him about how they might do both--the yard work

and the festival. In other words, she could have been open to

changing her plans.

4. If she feels like the yard work is always left to her, she could

talk with him about how he might share the responsibility or might

pick up some other chores around the house.

(Be sure you read and practice the suggestions in the section

"Communication Tips for rebuilding trust" in the "Relationship Trust

Turnaround" book.)

Olivia's interaction with her husband may be similar to an

interaction that you might have with your loved one.

On the surface, this interaction doesn't have the look and feel of

dissolving trust--but it actually does.

Of course, if your relationship is working at all, at least some of

your interactions build trust.

The idea is to create as many trust-building interactions as possible

if you want to create more peace, love and more connection.

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The Blindfold Walk

Put a blindfold over your partner’s eyes.

Guide him or her using only your touch and voice while walking in a

room with “obstacles” (clothes, toys, chairs, objects, etc).

Continue guiding until he or she reaches the “finish line”.

Give a congratulatory hug after the exercise is done.

Exchange places with your partner.

Let your partner change the position of the obstacles, without you

looking.

Do the same exercises again, but this time, let your partner be the

one to guide you.

Note: The purpose of this exercise is to enable the partners to

practice trusting and relying on each other regardless of any

obstacles that may come their way. In effect, it is telling the couple

that as long as they have each other - they are bound to reach the

“finish line”.

The Fall And Catch

Stand 1 foot behind your partner.

Tell your partner to stand and fall back into your arms, without him

or her looking back and without hesitating.

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Trade places with your partner and this time - let him or her be the

one to catch you.

Afterwards, gradually increase your distance from each other.

Repeat the exercise.

Note: The purpose of this exercise is to enable couples to let go of

their inhibitions and fears - and to help them trust on the fact that

if in reality they ever “fall” - their partner will be there to “catch”

them.

The Eye to Eye

Stand in front of your partner at a distance of around a foot.

Maintain eye contact and do not smile or make faces while doing

so.

Continue standing in front of each other for 60 seconds.

After 60 seconds are up, stand closer to each other. If possible,

stand to the point where your faces are about to meet or you can

hug each other while maintaining eye contact. Remain in this

position for 60 seconds.

Afterwards, stand at a 2 feet distance of each other. Again, do this

for 60 seconds.

Note: This exercise is meant to show the importance of intimacy

and communication. In here, the couples will be able to feel that

the bond they have is a lot stronger when they are gazing at each

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other’s eyes at a closer distance, compared to when they are

looking at each other from afar.

Chapter 6: Relationship Trust Quotes

" The best proof of love is trust."

- Joyce Brothers

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.”

George MacDonald

“A relationship without trust; is like a car without gas. You can sit in

it as long as you want, but it won't go anywhere.”

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust

them.”

- Ernest Hemingway

“Loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, but

trusting them not to.”

- Julianne Moore

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"Trust enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in the

palm of your partner's hand, knowing they will be handled with

care."

- Carl S. Avery

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone, but

paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.

- Walter Anderson

It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

- Anonymous

I hope you enjoyed this ebook and took something away from it.

You have permission to share it with your friends and family or

whoever you think may find the information contained in the ebook

useful.

If you want more tips and advice on trust, I highly recommend you

check out Relationship Trust Turnaround.