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If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. ~ Vincent Van Gogh

We are all beset with doubts sometimes. Even the most self-assured and successful people can be unsure of themselves. Some people are clearly more confident than others, though. To what extent this is nature and nurture is unclear, though I suspect that nurture has a lot to do with it. Ive seen my own confidence wax and wane

over the years, and external factors have certainly played a part. Some signs that you might be lacking somewhat in confidence are:

Thinking that other people are better than youExpecting the worst outcomeEngaging in negative self-talkFeeling the need to justify your behavior to othersOverreacting to criticismNot having many friends or avoiding social situationsBody language that is defensive and closed.If you have some of these traits, perhaps you need to consider building more confidence. Can this be done? I think its clear is that confidence, like most other

traits, can be developed. Like a muscle, with training and in time, it can become strong and powerful. To put it another way: confidence is a habit confidence begets confidence. Here are some training ideas to develop this most important ofhabits.

Make friends with your failings and limitationsThis is a key area. Obviously, you are not perfect far from it. So long as you are challenging yourself, stepping out of your comfort zone and seeking to develop, you will be making mistakes. The mistakes are signs of growth and nothing tobe ashamed of.. Confident people are comfortable in their own skin, happy with themselves in all their imperfection. They have nothing to prove.

Dont be pushy or aggressiveConfidence can manifest itself in many different ways, and sometimes there is avisibly assertive quality to it, but there is also a quieter and more restrainedconfidence. When you meet a confident person, you tend to pick up that the pers

on is happy with himself and feels comfortable in her own skin. Confidence doesnot mean aggressive, pushy, loud or superior, which is often a sign of over-compensation for some kind of inferiority complex.

Dont be defensiveListening to and acting on criticism is an important part of being confident. Itis often very hard for us to be objective about ourselves, and other people cangive us great insights into our strengths and weaknesses. Of course, we have to

be critical about the things that people tell us, not falling into credulity and taking everything they say at face value. But the insights afforded by otherscan be very valuable. If people laugh at you or attack you, this probably says more about them than about you. Insecure people often try to cover up their feelings of inadequacy by falling into such behaviors.

Do what you believe to be rightConfident people tend to rely on an internal guidance system to keep them goingalong the right track, whereas those with less confidence can be buffeted aroundby other peoples opinions and agendas. Having an inner compass is an essential p

art of living assertively and confidently, and following the compass can sometimes mean having to take risks. But without risk, there is no growth.

Set challenging goalsConfident people tend to live in a more conscious and deliberate way, setting go

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als for themselves. They are secure enough to tolerate failure, and are comfortable with not getting things right first time. If we are not growing, then we arefalling back there is always movement. As we challenge ourselves, our comfort z

one grows, and this growth often involves the pain of failure. This pain is toomuch for insecure people to bear. But to confident people, failure is only a stepping-stone, not the destination. Success, for confident people, is inevitable.Its only a matter of time.

Keep a record of your achievementsIt is common for people with limited self-confidence to compare themselves unfavorably with others. Such people may assume that others are better and have achieved more, so it can be very helpful to make a list of achievements. If you do this, you may find that the list is longer than you thought. Imagine what you wouldthink if this were a list of someone elses achievements. Would you be impressed?Would you think highly of that person?

Learn to be optimisticPeople who lack self-confidence are often pessimistic about the future and tendto think the worst. Its important to replace negative, self-defeating mental chat

ter with upbeat, positive self-talk. All day long, thoughts are swirling aroundinside our head and we need to be conscious about this. Such self awareness isnteasy, but with some gentle persistence you can become more aware of your thoughts and, when you catch yourself thinking in a negative way, replace the thought with something more positive. Examples of negative thinking are: exaggerating thenegative aspects of things, taking things personally, feeling you are being bla

med for things or feeling like a victim, to name just a few. Simply being awareof negative thinking modalities can be a great help in overcoming them. When youcatch yourself thinking in such negative ways, try to replace the thought with

something more self-affirming.

Take a balanced approachThe benefits of confidence are clear but, as with most things, too much of it ca

n be unhealthy. Over-confidence, which can lead to errors of judgment and under-performance, is dangerous and should be guarded against. Confidence is about getting the balance right.

RelaxConfident people are more relaxed, happier and enjoy situations, however challenging, a lot more than those with low self-esteem, trusting that they can deal with whatever problems and challenges might arise. If you fail, if you get it allwrong, it wont be the end of the world. If youre tense and worried about how yourebeing perceived, your energy is being wasted its not going into the matter at hand. So let go, take the focus of attention off yourself, relax and enjoy the ride.

Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. ~ Norman Vincent Peale

The benefits of being confident are clear: youll be happier, more relaxed and probably healthier. Youll use time more effectively because you wont be worrying endlessly about other peoples opinions, and youll have a clearer sense of purpose, soyoull be a lot more effective. Confidence, in a sense, is the key to happiness and fulfillment.

What a fool am I, thus to lie in a stinking dungeon, when I may as well walk at liberty! I have a key in my bosom, called Promise, that will, I am persuaded, open any lock in Doubting Castle. ~ John Bunyan