100:00:00,159 --> 00:00:02,902Kids, I know you thinkthat you've heard every story200:00:02,925 --> 00:00:04,760from back before I metyour mother,300:00:04,795 --> 00:00:06,499but there aresome stories you tell400:00:06,624 --> 00:00:08,295and some stories you don't.500:00:08,796 --> 00:00:11,675Oh, my God!...Oh, my God...600:00:11,723 --> 00:00:13,029- Use your words, Ted.- Okay.700:00:14,289 --> 00:00:15,328Barney,800:00:15,450 --> 00:00:17,270- I'm about to go for the belt.- The belt?900:00:17,306 --> 00:00:18,846- The belt.- But that's impossible.1000:00:18,865 --> 00:00:20,490You were up hereless than half an hour ago.1100:00:23,825 --> 00:00:25,482Yes! Advantage Ericksen.1200:00:25,500 --> 00:00:26,919Don't get cocky.1300:00:26,935 --> 00:00:29,587- Wimbledon lasts a fortnight.- Fortnight.1400:00:29,839 --> 00:00:31,371British words are so cool.1500:00:31,425 --> 00:00:33,073Plus, did you know lawyersthere get to wear wigs?1600:00:33,108 --> 00:00:35,073I wear a wig to work,I'm a jackass.1700:00:36,298 --> 00:00:38,103All right. I'm ready.Let's hit it.1800:00:38,138 --> 00:00:39,183We can't go. Tournament.1900:00:39,228 --> 00:00:40,983What? We agreed. I suited up...2000:00:41,008 --> 00:00:42,610You take too longto get ready.2100:00:42,636 --> 00:00:43,401What are you talking about?2200:00:43,416 --> 00:00:45,302I got the low maintenance,just-rolled-out-of-bed look.2300:00:45,326 --> 00:00:47,923Yeah, which takes an hourand a half of waxing,2400:00:47,937 --> 00:00:49,822tugging and teasing to achieve.2500:00:49,927 --> 00:00:51,180And then he starts on his hair.2600:00:51,358 --> 00:00:52,033Ace!2700:00:53,337 --> 00:00:54,240Look, are we going or not?2800:00:54,287 --> 00:00:55,902Just go without us.We'll be there in five minutes.2900:00:55,956 --> 00:00:56,662Really?3000:00:56,688 --> 00:00:57,860- Yes!- Yes!3100:00:57,935 --> 00:00:59,310All right, I'm goingdown to the bar.3200:00:59,327 --> 00:01:01,750I'm ordering three beers.I'll see you guys in five minutes.3300:01:01,826 --> 00:01:04,151Three beers, five minutes.3400:01:05,338 --> 00:01:07,732Thanks for lending me these boots.Where'd you get them from?3500:01:07,837 --> 00:01:10,681This store in the Villagehad one of those crazy sales.3600:01:10,685 --> 00:01:12,402It was a footwear feeding frenzy.3700:01:14,615 --> 00:01:16,573I saw it first!3800:01:18,126 --> 00:01:19,840You just made the list, bitch!3900:01:20,065 --> 00:01:21,463So many questions.4000:01:21,486 --> 00:01:23,711Firstly, what do you think wouldhappen if a guy walked into that store4100:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,792wearing a suit of boots?4200:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,681You look fantastic in them, Robin.4300:01:28,787 --> 00:01:30,840But don't you think they'rea little high for that dress?4400:01:30,865 --> 00:01:33,602Well, that's the point: It's to hidethat fact that I haven't shaved my legs.4500:01:33,637 --> 00:01:36,011I've begun a strict no-shave policy4600:01:36,028 --> 00:01:37,003for the first three dates.4700:01:37,015 --> 00:01:38,323It's all about self-control.4800:01:38,347 --> 00:01:40,571If I don't shave, I must behave.4900:01:40,605 --> 00:01:42,762FYI: It doesn't matter, baby.5000:01:42,807 --> 00:01:45,530Guys just want to get on the green.They don't mind going through the rough.5100:01:46,087 --> 00:01:47,173Shh-clackey!5200:01:49,198 --> 00:01:49,832Stinson.5300:01:50,005 --> 00:01:51,550All right, the beers are here.5400:01:51,588 --> 00:01:52,703Yeah, we're not going to make it.5500:01:52,758 --> 00:01:54,822Oh, come on! We agreed...5600:01:55,077 --> 00:01:56,272Did Marshall take his pants off?5700:01:56,315 --> 00:01:57,402Yeah, pants are off.5800:01:57,467 --> 00:01:58,713This is Wimbledon, Ted.5900:01:58,768 --> 00:02:01,712I need the freedom and mobilitythat only underwear can provide.6000:02:02,065 --> 00:02:02,740Cheerio!6100:02:03,968 --> 00:02:04,992Fine.6200:02:05,035 --> 00:02:07,580I don't need friends.I got you guys.6300:02:07,698 --> 00:02:09,373You guys are my friends,6400:02:09,446 --> 00:02:11,591my cold refreshing friends.6500:02:12,335 --> 00:02:13,401I'm talking to beer.6600:02:14,028 --> 00:02:16,583Ted? Trudy.6700:02:17,406 --> 00:02:18,903Trudy.6800:02:19,128 --> 00:02:21,611Oh, my God. I haven'tseen you since...6900:02:24,395 --> 00:02:26,853I slept with you thenclimbed down the fire escape.7000:02:27,165 --> 00:02:28,180That was you?7100:02:28,217 --> 00:02:29,151I'm kidding.7200:02:29,256 --> 00:02:31,210I was super-wasted...7300:02:31,305 --> 00:02:33,491That night...These are not all for me.7400:02:34,407 --> 00:02:36,860No, I was going to call you,but I was so embarrassed.7500:02:36,976 --> 00:02:38,060You were embarrassed?7600:02:38,128 --> 00:02:41,323I was like, "I really like this guy,and now I'm climbing out his window,"7700:02:41,357 --> 00:02:43,152and I forgot my underwear...7800:02:43,178 --> 00:02:45,812Those were yours?God, I thought they felt kind of tight.7900:02:46,116 --> 00:02:47,931I'm kidding.I don't wear underwear.8000:02:47,958 --> 00:02:50,003Ladies' underwear. Often.8100:02:50,085 --> 00:02:51,890Ah! Again, I'm kidding.8200:02:52,708 --> 00:02:54,433I'm so glad I ran into you.8300:02:54,497 --> 00:02:55,762I know. Do you want to...?8400:02:55,775 --> 00:02:56,711Trudy?!8500:02:56,746 --> 00:02:58,120No way!8600:02:58,267 --> 00:03:00,702Oh, my God!Rachel, how are you?8700:03:02,696 --> 00:03:04,681- Ted, this is Rachel.- Hi!8800:03:05,367 --> 00:03:08,350- Kappa Epsilon Gamma! Whoo!- Kappa Epsilon Gamma! Whoo!8900:03:08,716 --> 00:03:10,551Wait, let me guess.You guys met in prison.9000:03:11,695 --> 00:03:14,420No! We were sorority sisters.9100:03:15,018 --> 00:03:17,443And best friends foreverall sophomore year.9200:03:17,456 --> 00:03:19,291When we weren'tat each other's throats.9300:03:19,315 --> 00:03:22,491We could be so competitive.Uh, but that's all behind us now.9400:03:22,516 --> 00:03:27,171Hey, mista! Hey, mista!Stay away from my sista! Whoo!9500:03:28,487 --> 00:03:29,822We have so muchcatching up to do.9600:03:29,845 --> 00:03:31,293Okay. Are you going toStacey's wedding?9700:03:31,307 --> 00:03:33,003Oh, it's off. Apparently,he's into dudes.9800:03:33,028 --> 00:03:35,103Nah! Again?!That's like her third one.9900:03:35,115 --> 00:03:35,980I know!10000:03:37,178 --> 00:03:39,020Well, beers,what do you want to do?10100:03:39,055 --> 00:03:42,331We could stay here... or I knowthis other place called "My Belly."10200:03:42,368 --> 00:03:44,440So, Trudy and I got a table.10300:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,480Oh, that's cool. I was going to get outof here anyway. I'm really tired.10400:03:47,547 --> 00:03:49,030I want you to stay.10500:03:49,066 --> 00:03:52,182Tired of people who fold early,'cause I am wide awake!10600:03:55,207 --> 00:03:57,330Okay, guys... be cool.10700:03:57,987 --> 00:04:00,490How I met your mother 3x03- Third Wheel -10800:04:12,515 --> 00:04:13,933- A-kaza-oui!- Aah!10900:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,583You've been vanquished, old bean.11000:04:15,896 --> 00:04:17,522That's 'cause you distracted me.11200:04:17,545 --> 00:04:20,262You've been hanging crumpetever since the third set.11400:04:23,405 --> 00:04:25,091Ah... Stinson.11600:04:25,146 --> 00:04:27,170I've got a situation.11700:04:27,226 --> 00:04:30,251Trudy is here... you know,from the pineapple incident?11800:04:30,306 --> 00:04:32,060Oh, you mean the girlthat chalked your pool cue11900:04:32,085 --> 00:04:34,250and then snuck downthe fire escape? Respect.12000:04:34,748 --> 00:04:37,242So, we're hitting it offand then her friend shows up12100:04:37,298 --> 00:04:38,803and they're kind of competitive.12200:04:38,827 --> 00:04:40,461I think the new girl'skind of into me.12300:04:40,517 --> 00:04:42,823So you now have two on the line?12400:04:42,865 --> 00:04:45,612- And I don't know which one to go for.- Go for the new girl!12500:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,821Given the choice, always partywith Dr. Strangelove.12600:04:47,876 --> 00:04:49,410New girl? What new girl?12700:04:49,466 --> 00:04:52,603Two girls are allegedly vyingfor Ted's affections, and I think...12800:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,002Oh, you don't know what you'retalking about. Give it to me.12900:04:55,055 --> 00:04:56,492- Are they friends?- Uh, yeah.13000:04:56,537 --> 00:04:58,692Uh, no... I-I don't know.They're old sorority sisters.13100:04:58,756 --> 00:04:59,631Are they Betas?13200:04:59,667 --> 00:05:01,703Because they're all sluts,and you can tell them right now13300:05:01,727 --> 00:05:03,752I didn't want to bein their sorority anyway.13400:05:04,365 --> 00:05:06,123They're Kappas, and...13500:05:06,166 --> 00:05:07,553I think I can score withone of them.13600:05:07,596 --> 00:05:10,212I don't know which one, andif I chose wrong, I lose them both.13700:05:10,245 --> 00:05:13,472Okay, well, don't worry. I'll-I'llcome down and help you figure it out.13800:05:14,476 --> 00:05:15,911I thought we were infor the evening?13900:05:15,946 --> 00:05:18,431That's what I thought about yourbangers and mash down there,14000:05:18,445 --> 00:05:20,343but I guess we're both wrong, guv'na.14100:05:23,078 --> 00:05:24,833- Hey.- Oh, Ted. Okay...14200:05:24,865 --> 00:05:26,312- Settle an argument.- Mm-hmm.14300:05:26,337 --> 00:05:28,610Is it stealing if you go outwith someone's boyfriend14400:05:28,665 --> 00:05:30,492after they've broken up?14500:05:30,620 --> 00:05:33,349- Well, that's very complicated...- See?! He agrees with me.14600:05:33,375 --> 00:05:35,147You're such a little man-thief.14700:05:35,199 --> 00:05:36,781You're the man-thief, man-thief.14800:05:36,808 --> 00:05:38,783Oh, somebody should lockyou girls up.14900:05:41,066 --> 00:05:42,530You're so funny.15000:05:43,096 --> 00:05:44,773I think Ted is funny.15100:05:44,818 --> 00:05:45,760Really?15200:05:45,817 --> 00:05:48,752I think Ted is hilarious.15300:05:49,447 --> 00:05:51,903I am never not wearinga suit again.15400:05:52,527 --> 00:05:54,870- Hello?- It's me. I'm at the bar. Don't look.15500:05:54,935 --> 00:05:58,290- Just call me "Mom."- Uh, hey, mom. How's dad's...15600:05:58,435 --> 00:05:59,240Colon?15700:05:59,378 --> 00:06:01,931What? What's the matter with you?15800:06:02,008 --> 00:06:05,002Anyway, both of these girlsare into you; take your pick.15900:06:05,075 --> 00:06:07,082- They are? Are you sure?- Yes, of course.16000:06:07,115 --> 00:06:09,510They're playing with their hairand touching your arm.16100:06:09,556 --> 00:06:10,960Classic green light.16200:06:11,376 --> 00:06:12,381Are you positive?16300:06:12,848 --> 00:06:15,142That is so fascinating.16400:06:15,507 --> 00:06:16,761So what happened?16500:06:16,835 --> 00:06:18,880Well, after 18 hours of surgery,I closed,16600:06:18,928 --> 00:06:21,731and, thankfully, both girls justcelebrated their second birthday.16700:06:21,848 --> 00:06:25,052Wow. Gosh, separatingconjoined twins,16800:06:25,088 --> 00:06:27,770that must bethe most amazing feeling.16900:06:27,946 --> 00:06:29,843True, but now the parentsdon't know what to do17000:06:29,878 --> 00:06:32,162with their huge supplyof four-legged overalls.17100:06:33,537 --> 00:06:36,620That is so funny.You're so funny.17200:06:37,735 --> 00:06:40,040Positive.They both want you bad.17300:06:40,095 --> 00:06:42,660It's a clearance saleand you're the boots, baby.17400:06:44,435 --> 00:06:47,250- Oh, it's Robin. Good luck.- Bye, mom.17500:06:48,125 --> 00:06:49,260That's my mom.17600:06:49,537 --> 00:06:51,561- Hello?- Bring me a razor.17700:06:51,596 --> 00:06:54,803What about the no-shave rule?What happened to your convictions?17800:06:55,335 --> 00:06:57,991They've been surgically removedby Dr. Awesome.17900:06:58,147 --> 00:06:59,401No, I'm not doing it.18000:06:59,418 --> 00:07:00,952The whole pointto not shaving was to...18100:07:00,975 --> 00:07:01,761Lily, please!18200:07:01,786 --> 00:07:05,130He's really cute, and I really like him,and he's got a British accent.18300:07:05,405 --> 00:07:06,381I'm on my way.18400:07:07,356 --> 00:07:09,711So this college boyfriend,who, who won him?18500:07:09,758 --> 00:07:11,600Neither of us. He left.18600:07:12,218 --> 00:07:13,921Junior year abroad.18700:07:14,446 --> 00:07:16,220It's really too bad, 'cause...18800:07:16,276 --> 00:07:19,831there was that...one thing we wanted to do.18900:07:20,206 --> 00:07:22,311We were going to do...19000:07:22,787 --> 00:07:24,102- but we never did.- Why?19100:07:24,518 --> 00:07:26,631Wait, what were you guys goingto do but never did?19200:07:26,637 --> 00:07:28,021No, it's too embarrassing.19300:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,281- You tell him.- No, you tell him.19400:07:29,305 --> 00:07:31,433- No, I don't care if you don't care.- Well, I don't care. I just...19500:07:31,467 --> 00:07:33,562Nobody cares! Just say it.19600:07:34,748 --> 00:07:36,542Why don't we tell him together.19700:07:36,595 --> 00:07:39,822Okay. On three.19800:07:40,337 --> 00:07:41,391One...19900:07:41,415 --> 00:07:43,723Well, he's right: It's a dead heat.20000:07:43,938 --> 00:07:45,032two...20100:07:45,077 --> 00:07:48,173Neither one is giving ground. I could nottell who was the third wheel.20200:07:49,116 --> 00:07:49,842...three.20300:07:49,867 --> 00:07:51,440It's a tricycle.20400:07:51,756 --> 00:07:54,563- No way, no way, no way!- What's happening?20500:07:55,286 --> 00:07:57,771- It's a tricycle.- No way, no way, no way.20600:07:58,115 --> 00:07:59,570It's a tricycle.20700:07:59,625 --> 00:08:02,442Well, I'll just say it right now.All sorority girls are sluts.20800:08:03,127 --> 00:08:04,701Put him on speaker.20900:08:04,757 --> 00:08:08,401So what you're saying to us right nowis that you have a shot at the belt?21000:08:08,457 --> 00:08:09,840Wait-wait-wait. What belt?21100:08:09,896 --> 00:08:12,013Well, Barney and I havethis running joke that the first guy21200:08:12,035 --> 00:08:14,763to actually pull this offwould "win" the championship belt.21300:08:14,807 --> 00:08:17,390Oh, so it's a metaphorical belt, right?21400:08:18,047 --> 00:08:19,701Behold...21500:08:20,985 --> 00:08:24,121- You actually bought a belt.- That's right. It's resplendent.21600:08:25,476 --> 00:08:28,113Come on, it was just a thing we said.We were kidding around.21700:08:28,168 --> 00:08:29,132I never kid.21800:08:29,198 --> 00:08:30,613Remember you said if I everslept with that girl21900:08:30,638 --> 00:08:32,511from Days of Our Lives,I'd be the king?22000:08:32,545 --> 00:08:33,492Well...22100:08:37,817 --> 00:08:40,710Why wasn't I told about the belt?I could go for the belt.22200:08:44,056 --> 00:08:48,091If Lily would've died before me,then I could ride the tricycle.22300:08:48,157 --> 00:08:51,071If I died, I would just come backand haunt your penis.22400:08:51,145 --> 00:08:53,362Guys, come on! Help me out.What do I do?22500:08:53,397 --> 00:08:56,122All right, Ted, if you're goingto go for the belt,22600:08:56,157 --> 00:08:58,250then the bylaws require meto ask the following questions:22700:08:58,276 --> 00:09:02,053One: Is the aggregate ageof all participants under 83?22800:09:02,118 --> 00:09:02,881Yes.22900:09:02,926 --> 00:09:06,493Two: Is the aggregate weightof all participants under 400 pounds?23000:09:06,846 --> 00:09:07,791Yes.23100:09:07,858 --> 00:09:09,392Theodore Mosby...23200:09:10,046 --> 00:09:13,023- are you paying these women?- What? No.23300:09:13,255 --> 00:09:14,300Ted...23400:09:14,857 --> 00:09:16,080No. Look, I got to go.23500:09:16,106 --> 00:09:18,653They're going to think I inheritedmy dad's imaginary bathroom issues.23600:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,043Oh, are you guys leaving?23700:09:23,086 --> 00:09:23,911Well,23800:09:24,048 --> 00:09:26,322it is getting pretty late.23900:09:26,388 --> 00:09:28,240Right. Well, well, it's been...24000:09:28,255 --> 00:09:31,382Maybe we could all go listen to thatWilco CD you talked about before.24100:09:32,927 --> 00:09:33,793Great!24200:09:34,036 --> 00:09:37,102I have it right upstairs. It's in myapartment upstairs. Let's go upstairs.24300:09:37,137 --> 00:09:39,083I'm sorry. Where was yourapartment again?24400:09:39,317 --> 00:09:41,942Ha, that's funny. I love that.24500:09:41,985 --> 00:09:44,460You should tell more jokesin my apartment upstairs.24600:09:48,517 --> 00:09:51,491Scenario #12:We're in a horrific car crash.24700:09:51,546 --> 00:09:53,630You die. I'm left paralyzed.24800:09:53,686 --> 00:09:56,203Two sexy nurses,with a six-pack of wine coolers,24900:09:56,255 --> 00:09:57,693sneak into my roomlate at night.25000:09:57,757 --> 00:09:59,990I try to blink at themin Morse code.25100:10:00,108 --> 00:10:01,703"Please, don't.25200:10:02,236 --> 00:10:03,551I love my dead wife."25300:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,860But they're medical professionals,and I got to think,25400:10:05,887 --> 00:10:07,490somehow, they're saving my life.25500:10:08,598 --> 00:10:12,400Fine. Sleep with your nurses.tonight you ride the unicycle.25600:10:12,907 --> 00:10:14,451I already did this morning.25700:10:17,578 --> 00:10:18,593- Hello.- Lily,25800:10:18,616 --> 00:10:21,181I have pounded threecappuccinos waiting for you.25900:10:21,227 --> 00:10:25,103Pretty soon, I won't have to shave,the hair is going to vibrate off my legs.26000:10:25,156 --> 00:10:26,663I'm sorry, I can't leave now.26100:10:26,706 --> 00:10:30,251Lily, he can't see my legs like this.I look like a Turkish lesbian.26200:10:32,328 --> 00:10:35,763There's, um, a pharmacy across the street.Would 20 bucks buy me a razor?26300:10:35,808 --> 00:10:37,300No, but 50 will.26400:10:39,678 --> 00:10:41,553Hold on. Ted's texting me.26500:10:42,406 --> 00:10:44,782"We're combing up-sars."26600:10:45,158 --> 00:10:47,470"Combing up-sars."What does that mean?26700:10:47,568 --> 00:10:49,161It means they're coming upstairs.26800:10:54,168 --> 00:10:55,561My pants, where's my pants?26900:10:55,567 --> 00:10:56,561Where's my pants?27000:10:57,608 --> 00:10:58,461Got 'em.27100:11:00,625 --> 00:11:02,853Ooh! Nice place.27200:11:03,905 --> 00:11:05,981- Hey, are these your roommates?- Yes.27300:11:06,037 --> 00:11:08,391Uh, yes,but they are not here.27400:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,112They are somewhere else.27500:11:10,148 --> 00:11:11,891We have total privacy because27600:11:11,925 --> 00:11:13,980privacy is essential when you're27700:11:14,105 --> 00:11:15,401listening to music.27800:11:16,046 --> 00:11:19,702You know what else is essential whenyou're listening to music?27900:11:20,078 --> 00:11:21,100Music.28000:11:22,088 --> 00:11:24,272That's hilarious.You are hilarious!28100:11:24,638 --> 00:11:28,472I'll go get it in my bedroom.The CD's in my bedroom. Bedroom...28200:11:28,538 --> 00:11:31,052Okay. We'll tryand stay out of trouble.28300:11:31,087 --> 00:11:33,241Of course,we can't promise anything.28400:11:35,007 --> 00:11:37,060This is going to be awesome.28500:11:40,566 --> 00:11:41,633No!28600:11:43,707 --> 00:11:45,893What you guys doing here?I've got... I've got... I've got...28700:11:45,908 --> 00:11:47,841We know, we know, Ted, well done.28800:11:47,855 --> 00:11:50,073This is very impressive. Up top.28900:11:50,107 --> 00:11:52,942- Yeah, bro, up top.- Oh, don't be gross.29000:11:52,978 --> 00:11:55,360You guys need to get out of here.Please, take the fire escape.29100:11:55,407 --> 00:11:56,600No, no way.29200:11:56,635 --> 00:11:59,851The other day I saw a pigeon takea crap on it and the whole thing..29300:12:00,006 --> 00:12:00,792shifted.29400:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,222Oh, you can use our bedroom.29500:12:03,277 --> 00:12:06,033Okay, all I need to seal the dealis the Wilco CD, Barney.29600:12:10,717 --> 00:12:11,840What are you doing?!29700:12:12,617 --> 00:12:14,202I cannot allow Ted to do this.29800:12:14,258 --> 00:12:15,363Wh-what? Why?29900:12:15,396 --> 00:12:17,361Because the belt is my birthright!30000:12:17,426 --> 00:12:20,693You cannot claim it before I do.That would be like Jimmy Olsen30100:12:20,735 --> 00:12:23,910capturing Lex Luthor while Supermanwatches impotently from the bedroom.30200:12:24,465 --> 00:12:27,540But, Barney, you've doneway dirtier stuff than Ted.30300:12:27,745 --> 00:12:29,191You're disgusting.30400:12:29,778 --> 00:12:31,871I've never ridden the tricycle.30500:12:32,097 --> 00:12:34,723I was on the verge last year.I was so close.30600:12:37,297 --> 00:12:42,310So ladies, why don't we move this partyto a more horizontal location?30700:12:43,146 --> 00:12:46,262Oh, my God, my new carpet!Oh, my God, this is a disaster.30800:12:46,305 --> 00:12:48,200- You get the carpet cleaner. I'll get a towel.- Okay.30900:12:48,217 --> 00:12:49,391I'll get the video camera.31000:12:49,426 --> 00:12:51,291- Get out!- Okay then.31100:12:51,865 --> 00:12:54,741So let me get this straight.You're going to trike-block me?31200:12:54,807 --> 00:12:57,320That is so petty.It's like you're...31300:12:58,075 --> 00:12:59,611- Tom Petty.- Tom Petty.31400:12:59,678 --> 00:13:01,192You're Tom Petty.31500:13:01,238 --> 00:13:02,511Where's Lily?31600:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,183Still looking for that CD, so...31700:13:11,065 --> 00:13:13,353- What are you doing?- I knew it. I had a hunch31800:13:13,386 --> 00:13:15,213about that girl andI was right.31900:13:16,255 --> 00:13:17,750I saw it first!32000:13:19,727 --> 00:13:21,640You just made the list, bitch.32100:13:23,026 --> 00:13:25,671I cannot give up my bedroomto a boot thief.32200:13:25,725 --> 00:13:27,543She should be punished,not rewarded.32300:13:27,598 --> 00:13:30,270Fine, then I'll try to work in a littlelight spanking. Just do this for me!32400:13:30,348 --> 00:13:31,323No, never.32500:13:31,468 --> 00:13:33,601What if I reimburse youfor the boots, full retail?32600:13:33,797 --> 00:13:36,641- Please enjoy our bedroom.- Great. Just take it.32700:13:36,688 --> 00:13:38,940Okay, wish me luck.32800:13:45,816 --> 00:13:48,513- Oh, my God.- You're such a girl.32900:13:50,027 --> 00:13:52,603- Where's the shaving cream?- You didn't ask me for shaving cream.33000:13:52,647 --> 00:13:55,230Well, it was implied. Who buys a razorwithout buying shaving cream?33100:13:55,276 --> 00:13:57,152Well, who doesn't shavetheir legs for a date?33200:13:57,177 --> 00:13:59,633Well, who's not getting a tipbecause of her attitude?33300:13:59,675 --> 00:14:00,992Well, here's a little tip for you:33400:14:01,038 --> 00:14:03,882shave your legs before you leavethe house, Sasquatch.33500:14:07,487 --> 00:14:10,130Hey, Robin, um, the valet'sbrought the car around.33600:14:10,177 --> 00:14:12,182I thought we'd go to my place,33700:14:12,238 --> 00:14:14,411- if you're in the mood for a nightcap.- Absolutely.33800:14:14,455 --> 00:14:18,472I just have to go to the ladies' room.I've got TB.33900:14:18,718 --> 00:14:20,171Tiny bladder.34000:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,873- I'll meet you out front.- Yeah.34100:14:38,006 --> 00:14:39,233You've got to be kidding me.34200:14:42,305 --> 00:14:44,183Excuse me. Sorry.34300:15:03,365 --> 00:15:05,790So, I'm having a little troublefinding the CD.34400:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,373That's okay.34500:15:08,487 --> 00:15:11,783We don't need music...to have fun.34600:15:11,867 --> 00:15:13,171Exactly.34700:15:13,725 --> 00:15:17,721You do like to have fun,don't you, Ted?34800:15:27,705 --> 00:15:30,200It's getting late.I'll get your coats.34900:15:33,715 --> 00:15:36,050- "I'll get your coats"?!- I don't know why I said that.35000:15:36,098 --> 00:15:38,102Why'd I say that?It's the opposite of what I meant.35100:15:38,136 --> 00:15:40,333I wanna take clothes off them,not put more on.35200:15:40,367 --> 00:15:43,170Ted, you're ruining thisfor everyone.35300:15:43,507 --> 00:15:44,663Leave him alone!35400:15:45,755 --> 00:15:48,682Sometimes even the greatest warriorsshoot themselves in the foot.35500:15:49,295 --> 00:15:51,123What are you talking about?35600:15:51,235 --> 00:15:54,450If you must know, it wasn'ta freak beverage malfunction35700:15:54,476 --> 00:15:56,621that stopped me from ridingthe tricycle that night.35800:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,242So, Barney,35900:15:58,735 --> 00:16:02,491why don't we take this party toa more, horizontal location?36000:16:14,867 --> 00:16:17,952- Oh, no, the night's ruined!- No, baby, it's not.36100:16:17,966 --> 00:16:20,362Yes, it is! Whatever this nightwas heading towards is ruined.36200:16:20,407 --> 00:16:21,570Where's my coat?36300:16:23,305 --> 00:16:24,922Why would you do thatto yourself?36400:16:24,956 --> 00:16:26,590Because you get upin your head, man.36500:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,232You start thinking,"I can't do this. It's two women."36600:16:30,247 --> 00:16:32,400That's two of everything,four of some things.36700:16:32,438 --> 00:16:35,312The logistics alone are enoughto cripple even a pro like me.36800:16:35,938 --> 00:16:39,923See, if a complete degenerate likeBarney choked, what chance do I have?36900:16:40,806 --> 00:16:42,511The best chance in the world.37000:16:44,648 --> 00:16:46,882Fear took the belt from me.37100:16:47,435 --> 00:16:50,873Fear rode the tricycle that night,my friends.37200:16:51,617 --> 00:16:54,110But fear will not geta second turn.37300:16:54,598 --> 00:16:56,450- It won't?- No.37400:16:57,305 --> 00:17:00,611Because I now realizeit isn't my destiny to win the belt.37500:17:01,077 --> 00:17:03,752It is my destiny to helpmy friend win it.37600:17:04,865 --> 00:17:07,910Ted is fated to go there first.37700:17:08,975 --> 00:17:11,052He is our Neil Armstrong.37800:17:12,527 --> 00:17:14,900Spacesuit up, Ted,'cause you're going to the moon.37900:17:14,947 --> 00:17:15,830Step one.38000:17:18,767 --> 00:17:20,142Ladies.38100:17:20,297 --> 00:17:24,032I couldn't find your coats,but I did find... tequila.38200:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,053Wait, wait, wait,a remote control fireplace?38300:17:29,085 --> 00:17:30,690We don't have a remote control fireplace.38400:17:30,725 --> 00:17:33,882Right, that's my apartment.The dressing gown's mine, too.38500:17:33,918 --> 00:17:36,173Damn, this should be me.Anyway, continuing...38600:17:42,838 --> 00:17:45,410I am so exhausted.38700:17:45,448 --> 00:17:47,721So exhausted.38800:17:49,155 --> 00:17:50,850Wait, why would I wantto tire them out?38900:17:50,936 --> 00:17:54,840That's your excuse to unleashpretext for physical contact #1.39000:17:57,885 --> 00:18:01,852You give the most amazingfoot massage.39100:18:02,036 --> 00:18:05,792That's 'cause I used to practiceall the time on my grandmother.39200:18:06,326 --> 00:18:08,203Why in God's namewould I say that?39300:18:08,236 --> 00:18:10,232It's endearing.You're a caregiver.39400:18:10,268 --> 00:18:12,331Never take family valuesout of the equation.39500:18:12,415 --> 00:18:13,202Step three.39600:18:15,116 --> 00:18:17,200Ted, what's wrong?39700:18:18,865 --> 00:18:21,821I was just thinking aboutthis documentary I saw once39800:18:22,327 --> 00:18:24,861about somethingcalled a super volcano.39900:18:25,596 --> 00:18:26,870Okay, what the hell?40000:18:26,957 --> 00:18:28,050Wait for it.40100:18:28,177 --> 00:18:30,030It can happen at any time.40200:18:30,918 --> 00:18:32,822And obliterate all life on Earth,40300:18:33,676 --> 00:18:36,672which is whyI live by three simple words.40400:18:37,468 --> 00:18:40,332Don't postpone joy.40500:18:42,316 --> 00:18:43,460Oh, my God.40600:18:44,265 --> 00:18:46,623- That's so true.- Yeah.40700:18:50,986 --> 00:18:53,681The mortality angle.That's actually pretty good.40800:18:56,026 --> 00:18:58,382- I can do this.- Yes, you can.40900:18:58,456 --> 00:19:01,453I can't believe I'm going to say this,but I'm actually moved.41000:19:01,575 --> 00:19:04,723- Bring it in, guys.- All right.41100:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,501I'll see you on the other side.41200:19:45,856 --> 00:19:48,071So what happened next?Did you do it?41300:19:48,785 --> 00:19:50,210It doesn't seem rightto talk about it.41400:19:50,747 --> 00:19:53,191What? No! Tell me.41600:19:54,398 --> 00:19:57,992Don't tell me because you don't have tobecause you didn't do it.41800:19:58,367 --> 00:19:59,481You didn't do it.41900:19:59,515 --> 00:20:00,543You did it.42000:20:00,676 --> 00:20:02,122You did it, didn't you?42100:20:02,158 --> 00:20:03,032Did you?42200:20:03,485 --> 00:20:05,381You didn't do it.Yes, you did.42300:20:05,417 --> 00:20:08,431You did. No, you didn't.Tell me!42400:20:09,236 --> 00:20:11,941Some stories you tell,some stories you don't.42500:20:13,057 --> 00:20:14,902That's because you didn't do it.42600:20:14,985 --> 00:20:16,312He didn't do it.42700:20:16,688 --> 00:20:19,970You did it. You did it.You did it. Tell me, did you?42800:20:20,147 --> 00:20:23,210Ted, belt. Did you?Did you or didn't you?42900:20:23,298 --> 00:20:24,012Did?43000:20:24,115 --> 00:20:27,410Tell me, please. For the love...Do you know if he did or didn't?43100:20:28,295 --> 00:20:31,520Oh, hey, um, would you goin there and see if my date's okay?43200:20:31,815 --> 00:20:34,120- No problem.- Thank you.43300:20:41,095 --> 00:20:45,572No, nobody's in there,but the window's actually open.43400:20:45,807 --> 00:20:47,640I guess I shouldn't beso surprised.43500:20:47,675 --> 00:20:49,692I mean, she was acting weirdall night, right?43600:20:49,757 --> 00:20:52,301Yeah, you know...43700:20:53,038 --> 00:20:54,920why don't I buy you a drink?43800:20:55,667 --> 00:20:56,530Okay.43900:20:57,006 --> 00:20:59,390Did I overhearthat you're a surgeon?44000:20:59,578 --> 00:21:03,052- Guilty as charged.- Oh, you're so funny.44100:21:05,027 --> 00:21:07,761I'm here! I'm fine!44200:21:07,826 --> 00:21:09,590My head is bleeding.44300:21:09,646 --> 00:21:10,900Going down again.999900:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00www.tvsubtitles.net