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UUCWC • Celebrating 100 Years of Congregational Life
The Magazine of the Unitarian Universalist Churchat Washington Crossing
Winter 2016–2017
Houses�ofHealingA�doorway�toracial�justice
Path�to�MembershipInside�Roots�&�Wings
FreedomTo�BeJo�Millner’s�58years�at�UUCWC
Minister: Rev. Kimberly Wildszewski
Board of Trustees:
Kathy Frey, President
Mike Hanson, Vice President
Lynne Quinto, Treasurer
Mike Dalzell, Secretary
The electronic version of this magazine contains hyperlinks. If you
are reading this in PDF format, click on the underlined text for
more information about the phrase or subject.
Unitarian Universalist Church at Washington Crossing268 Washington Crossing-Pennington Road, Titusville, NJ 08560
(609) 737-0515 • www.uucwc.org
UUCWC MISSION STATEMENT
Inspired by our Principles and Purposes, members of the Unitar-
ian Universalist Church at Washington Crossing unite to create a
welcoming, caring religious community. Within this community,
we encourage and affirm the individual’s quest for authenticity,
wisdom and spiritual deepening. We gather to celebrate the won-
der of the cosmos and the mystery of life, its passages, its joys and
sorrows. Compelled by justice, we give voice to societal concerns
and reach out to touch the lives of others.
Crossings • Winter 2016–20172
Andrew Conrad
Mary Lou Dahms
Ed Dobrowolski
Chris Lynch
Pam Shadzik
Articles in Crossings focus on the positive work done by UUCWC
members and friends that demonstrates our congregation’s com-
mitment to the 7 Principles. Many good works by our committees,
teams, and individuals are inspirational. Unless you are intimately
involved with these efforts, however, it can be easy to miss the
time and selfless dedication, the challenges overcome, or the joy
experienced by those involved — not to mention the impact on
those who benefit from their work. By telling our stories, we hope
to inspire even greater engagement in social justice, charity, and
other positive efforts within UUCWC.
CROSSINGS: OUR PRINCIPLES IN ACTION
www.uucwc.org 3
On Our COver: Pris Gaver receives an award from the commissioner of the new Jersey Depart-
ment of corrections for her 20 years of volunteerism through the Houses of Healing program.
16INSIDE THIS ISSUE:
Awaken the Human Potential in Our Prisons
4 Women and a Congregation16
4
Roots Hold Me Close, Wings Set Me Free12
As a way to become involved in UUCWC’s racial justice initiative, Houses of Healing offersa soul-searching way to live our first principle of Unitarian Universalism. Pris Gaver broughther 20 years of experience with Houses of Healing to UUCWC.
This issue, we conclude our Centennial series about 50-year members. Jo Millner (picturedfar right, above, with other UUCWC long-timers at Creed Myers’ 50th anniversary recogni-tion in 1998) is a Mormon-raised former Marine who values the freedom Unitarian Univer-salism has given her and her children to explore their own religious beliefs.
Our new path to membership, Roots and Wings, is intentional from a visitor’s very first greet-ing at the door. As we grow, new members are equipped with tools and knowledge intendedto increase the chances they will find a long-term spiritual home here.
The Magazine of theUnitarian Universalist Church
at Washington Crossing
Editor:
Michael D. Dalzell
Graphic Designer:
Lori O’Neil
Chair, Editorial Advisory Board:
Rich DiGeorgio
Editorial Advisory Board:
Jim Bicksler
Elliott Dunner
George Faulkner
Marty Friedman
Loren McAlister
Lynne Quinto
Jane Shafer
Roger Shapiro
Dan Tuft
Pamela V’Combe
Regina Podhorin Zilinsky
Writers:
Mary Lou Dahms
Margaret DeAngelis
Karen DiGeorgio
Rich DiGeorgio
Chris Piatek
Phyllis Warren
Photographers:
Lou Csabay
Barbara Drew
M.J. Hansen
Colin Unsworth
Bert Wolfe
Crossings is produced 3 times a yearby the UUCWC CommunicationsCommittee.
Copyright 2016, Unitarian Universalist
Church at Washington Crossing
Join the Journey.Open to You.
www.uucwc.org 5
Pris Gaver first heard about Houses of Healingat a conference she attended in 1997. One ofthe speakers was Joan Borysenko, best-sellingauthor of Minding the Body, Mending theMind, whose workshop drew on her book andexperiences as a therapist. During that all-dayworkshop, Borysenko spent 15 minutes talkingabout Houses of Healing, an emotional literacyprogram for people who are incarcerated andsponsored by the Lionheart Foundation.
Pris had been toying with the idea of doingtherapy work with prisoners, and what Bory-senko had to say was an “Aha!” moment. Avoice in her head said, “Put your money whereyour mouth is. This is what you are supposedto do.”
Pris already had a background as an addictionstherapist, but the per-diem assignments she
was getting did not satisfy her desire to trulyhelp people make sense of their lives and moveforward. As she says, “Hearing Borysenko describe the Houses of Healing book and program was my wake-up call. The book tookeverything I had been using in my own therapypractice and put it into time-limited, teachablesegments.”
When she returned from the conference, shecalled the Lionheart Foundation and ended uptalking to Robin Casarjian, author of the bookHouses of Healing: A Prisoner’s Guide toInner Power and Freedom, for two hours. Thefoundation sent Pris the book and the trainingmanual. The organization provides these mate-rials to prisoners and to the volunteers whoserve as teachers/facilitators of the program.
Little did Pris know then how receipt of those
Houses of Healing “taught me how to understand life in a different way asfar as to respect myself and others. everyone has their own problems andwe all make mistakes. But it’s how you recover from them that counts.”
— Houses of Healing graduate
recognizing the inherent worth and dignity of each person extends to
those in our prison system. As one of the ways to become involved in
uuCWC’s racial justice initiative, houses of healing offers us a unique
way to live this first principle of unitarian universalism — challenging our
biases and assumptions.
Story by Mary Lou Dahms
4
There But for Fortune
About our heAdline
“There But for Fortune” is a song written by Phil Ochs,
whose topical folk music of the 1960s and 1970s ranged
from the civil rights to the antiwar movement. His first
verse of “There But for Fortune” captured the righteous
indignation of the inequities of our justice system:
Show me a prison, show me a jail
Show me a prisoner, man, whose face is growin’ pale
And I'll show you a young man with many reasons why
And there but for fortune, may go you or I
Crossings • Winter 2016–2017
www.uucwc.org 7
for years with neg-ative feelings andpost-traumaticstress.
“In the 13 weeksof the course,”Pris says, “I canactually see per-sonal positivechange in the peo-ple who attendand do the work. Ialso truly come tocare for the peopleI work with. I amthere for them, Iaccept what theytell me, and I be-lieve they can suc-ceed. I let themknow they aresomeone of worthand value, andthey respond to mytrust. Each time Ipresent the course, I see breakthroughs —some of them profound.”
Seeing the difference this course makes forothers has encouraged Pris to keep teaching itfor close to 20 years.
From those original programs at EdnaMahan, Pris went on to teach Houses of Heal-ing at Jones Farm and at the Center for Reha-bilitation and Facilitation, both in Trenton.Over the years, she’s taught anywhere fromtwo to four classes a week, sometimes with asmany as 20 to 25 students for 13 weeks, up tothree times a year.
Passing the torch
As Pris embarked on her 20th year of teach-ing Houses of Healing in 2015, UUCWCbegan exploring ideas for its churchwideracial justice initiative. Rev. Kim saw Pris
with the Houses of Healing book and, havingtaught the program herself during an intern-ship, Rev. Kim asked Pris if she would bringHouses of Healing to UUCWC as a racial jus-tice volunteer opportunity.
Elliott Dunner decided to get involved afterreading article after article about the impactof mass incarceration and the fact that theUnited States has the highest incarcerationrate in the world (716 per 100,000 people asof July 2015, according to the U.K.-based In-ternational Center for Prison Studies. He at-tended and participated in Pris’s course atJones Farm last March.
“I wanted to learn from the inside about pris-ons and their impact on the people who areheld there,” says Elliott. “I was amazed to findthat the guys at Jones Farm are more like usthan not. I saw full knowledge of right andwrong, analytical thinking and disarming
6
materials would cascadeinto two decades of mean-ingful work — and becomeone of the cornerstones ofwhat is now UUCWC’sracial justice initiative.
Persistence pays off
For Pris, introducing andleading a program in aprison — a setting in whichshe had no experience —was entirely new. Her de-sire to make a real differ-ence in people’s lives,however, helped her over-come her initial reluctance,and she set out to bring theHouses of Healing programto prisons in New Jersey.Pris started by networkingwith other people in thestate who had requested theprogram materials. Shecalled and met with prisonadministrators. Many ex-pressed little interest inproviding emotional liter-acy training to their in-mates.
To get her foot in the door,Pris usually approached theprison’s education depart-ment with a presentationbased on the Houses ofHealing program. Her firstsuccess was with the EdnaMahan Correctional Center,a women’s prison in Clin-ton. She began leadingsome of the first Houses ofHealing workshops in NewJersey there.
As she tells it, “For my first
course, I simply took thetraining manual and fol-lowed Step 1, Step 2, Step 3and so on. My early effortsseem rudimentary now, butit was better than anythingthe prison had offered be-fore. The positive feedback Ireceived and the impact Isaw it have on the lives ofthese women encouragedme to go on.”
The course begins by askingstudents to answer thequestion “Who am I?” andthen to explore how theygot from innocent child toprisoner. They learn thatthey — like all of us — aremore than the sum of theirmistakes. Students begin tovalue their own self-worthand to see the importanceof putting energy into it.They feel a sense of hopethat helps them move for-ward.
One important segment ofthe course teaches mindful-ness, relaxation, and medi-tation. These skills can helppeople channel their emo-tions from anger into amore positive direction.Many people in prison weresexually or physicallyabused as children; amongwomen, as many as 80% to85% have reported havingbeen abused. Pris has seendramatic improvements inboth behavior and anger-management skills amongpeople who have struggled
Lionheart founder and director Robin
Casarjian first developed a course in
emotional literacy skill building for in-
mates after being invited to give a
talk on anger, resentment, and for-
giveness to inmates in a Massachu-
setts prison in 1988. Previously, she
had taught emotional literacy pro-
grams in corporate settings. She was
astonished that 200 men came to
her first all-day course. She realized
that there was a huge unmet need
for this kind of program among peo-
ple in prison and that she had found
her calling.
In 1992, she started the Lionheart
Foundation to bring social emotional
literacy programs to prisoners, and
later expanded the programs to
reach at risk youth and teen parents.
Her 1995 book, Houses of Healing: A
Prisoner’s Guide to Inner Power and
Freedom, emerged as a way to dis-
seminate this material more widely.
The book is hailed by prisoners,
prison administrators, chaplains,
ministers, and volunteers working to
help imprisoned
people see
themselves in
a new light and
to begin to re-
build their sense
of self-worth.
Today it is an in-
ternational pro-
gram, distributed
in many countries.
About the
lionheArt
FoundAtion
Jones Farm in ewing, n.J., where Pris, lynne, and elliott have facilitated houses of
healing. the state-run dairy farm is run almost exclusively on prison labor by in-
mates who either live on the farm or are bussed in.
Crossings • Winter 2016–2017
www.uucwc.org 9
Pris’s involvement. Sheis eager to learn moreand to begin co-teachingwith others.
“I hope others will get in-volved,” she says, be-cause “it’s been gratifyingnot only to see thegrowth that people inprison achieve, but alsoto experience personalgrowth by doing the workof introspection and self-exploration myself.”
For inmates, that workinvolves a lot of journal-ing and meditation.Lynne has noticed that,sometimes, “the quieterparticipants are more comfortable opening up.”
In addition to Lynne and Elliott, Sallie Dunner, Di-anne Ross, and Shelly Catanzaro were approved asvolunteers this summer and trained with Pris inthe fall. Pris, meanwhile, is breaking new groundwith the program, piloting it this fall at a federalprison at Fort Dix, N.J. Pris will conduct sessionsin English, while a co-facilitator from Ecuador willconduct them in Spanish.
“Prisoners feel neglected because they are neglected”
A number of church members have signed up toteach Houses of Healing as a correspondencecourse. Participants are assigned to a prisonerwho has consented to work through the 13 les-sons by mail. For protection, facilitators’ mail ar-rives via the Lionheart Foundation, and thefacilitator can use an alias if he or she prefers toremain anonymous.
Heidi Dalzell, a clinical therapist, is one of thesefacilitators. She became involved as a result ofthe experience of one of her clients. As the
client’s mental illness worsened and her behav-ior became more erratic, her husband aban-doned her. The client later committed a felony,and although her crime did not result in physicalharm to anyone, she received a harsh sentencebecause she didn’t have the capacity to advocatefor herself. She is currently on parole and seeingHeidi for care as part of the terms of her parole.
The fact that her client’s deteriorating mentalhealth situation was not considered during hertrial and sentencing made Heidi more aware ofthe inequities of our justice system. This year,Heidi worked on the Houses of Healing corre-spondence program with a prisoner in Califor-nia. Let’s call him José.
Heidi describes some of her initial experiencesworking with José. “At first, José’s responses werevery superficial. When he opened up, he knew theanger he expressed was not socially acceptable andhe apologized for scaring me. I let him know thatit’s important to get feelings out in the open. I gavehim permission to be honest and told him I wasthere for him and was not afraid.”
8
senses of humor. Ifound common groundthat I did not expect,and I am impressedwith how hard thesemen have worked tomake themselves betterpeople.
“They are not afraid toreflect on how theyscrewed up and theyare committed to learn-ing how to make betterdecisions and overcom-ing the abuse many ofthem have suffered.They handle difficultsituations every day inprison, and they aredeveloping tools, suchas meditation andanger management, tohelp them apply thelessons they learnedonce they get out,” Elliott continues.
“I highly recommend toanyone and everyone tolearn more about thisprogram and get in-volved.”
Lynne Molnar also hasgotten involved and,with Elliott, recentlyco-facilitated a pro-gram at Jones Farm.Although she alwayshad been interested inthe rights of people inprison, Lynne con-fesses that she hadn’ttaken action untillearning about Housesof Healing through
The Houses ofHealing programaddresses emo-tional issues thatlead people toprison. At one time,Jones Farm, nearTrenton, recog-nized the nichethat Houses ofHealing filled, re-quiring prisoners toparticipate in the program. At the time, 30 to 40 men would sign up at once.
Today, Pris is lucky to get eight participants. Many prisons have putmore rules in place for bringing programs into prisons and offer lessflexibility in conducting them. The process for getting clearance to vol-unteer in New Jersey prisons is also more onerous, and, unfortunately,many prison systems appear to be less vested in rehabilitation and offerfewer programs than they once did.
Whether this change is based on funding constraints, empirical dataabout recidivism, fear and misinformation, or politics, it is unfortunate.As a society, we can find ways to rehabilitate people — or build moreprisons.
“The price we pay as a society by punishing crime rather than rehabili-tating offenders is far too steep for all of us,” says Lynne Molnar, whohas facilitated Houses of Healing at Jones Farm. “We need to help ourfellow citizens return to their communities sooner and better able tocope.”
Some courts are beginning to use 12-step programs as a means of re-habilitation for drug offenses. Pennsylvania and some other states alsooffer Accelerated Rehabilitative Disposition (ARD), a special pretrial in-tervention program designed to eliminate costly and time-consuming tri-als and to offer offenders probation or community service.
These kinds of approaches offer second chances and a means of pro-viding treatment instead of meting out punishment for certain crimes.But whether they address root causes of behavior as a way to preventpeople from recycling into the justice system is unclear. Houses of Heal-ing fills a niche, recognizing what one violence prevention expert callsthe “tremendous human potential lying dormant in our prisons.”
— Michael D. Dalzell, editor, with reporting from Mary Lou Dahms
houses oF heAling: Filling A niChe
edna Mahon Correctional Center, a women's prison in Clinton, n.J., was the first
facility to allow Pris to introduce the houses of healing curriculum to inmates.
Photo courtesy of the lionheart Foundation
Crossings • Winter 2016–2017
As a young immigrant from Mexico who did notspeak English, José was bullied — not just byfellow students but by his elementary schoolteachers as well. Connections he made by join-ing a Spanish-speaking gang helped him feel ac-cepted but got him involved in drug use anddealing, and he committed a violent offense forwhich he is now in prison and awaiting sentenc-ing. He is fortunate that his own family is caringand supportive and his siblings are successful.Heidi can see that he, too, has the qualificationsto succeed.
As a therapist, Heidi says she has learned asmuch as José by participating in this program.Perhaps equally important, it lets her give backby helping people who have been forgotten bythe wider world. Prisoners benefit from havingsomeone who cares about them and is investedin helping them succeed.
“It helps me to see what people go through whenthey end up in prison,” says Heidi.“José had a public defender who hadinsufficient information to representhim and very little time to plead hiscase. Often people meet their clientsright before they go into court and endup negotiating a plea bargain for thesake of expediency.
“Prisoners feel neglected because they are neg-lected,” she continues. “The courts are as over-burdened as the prisons themselves. They are likefactories churning out sentences with people’s
lives and futures at stake. The ripple effect ontheir families and communities is devastating.”
Heidi echoes Lynne’s sentiment that it’s beenrewarding to see a person change — in Jose'scase, his ability to develop insights into himselfand articulate why he’s done the things he’sdone. “Learning to meditate has helped himcontrol his emotions,” says Heidi. “Where heonce may have lashed out at a guard skippinghim when he was waiting in line, now he canjust say, ‘Hey, you skipped me.’ Meditating andlearning self-regulation have given him copingskills.”
The coping skills Houses of Healing providescan help men and women not only while theyare in prison but also after they are released.
Connie Schofer has seen this progress in theman she is working with through the correspon-dence course. Connie became involved inHouses of Healing after reading some of thebooks suggested as part of UUCWC’s racial jus-tice initiative. What she learned from her read-ing about inequities in our justice systemoutraged her.
Tim, the man she corresponds with, is incarcer-ated in upstate New York. She and Tim areabout halfway through the program. He is 50,about a year and a half away from parole andvery motivated to be released so he can help hisaging parents. He attends Narcotics Anony-
mous, has strong religious beliefs,and works in the prison law office.He still struggles to overcome diffi-cult memories from childhood,most notably from the sexual andphysical abuse he suffered. Writingabout these experiences to some-one who can listen and affirm has
helped him to heal and move on.
“Being the sounding board for someone as heworks to re-establish his sense of self-worth letsme help in my own small way to right the
www.uucwc.org 1110
MARY LOU DAHMS has served on the Board of
Trustees and the Worship Associates. She is currentlychairing the Communications Committee and servingon the Caring Committee and Council for Faith in Ac-tion. She is also a member of a small group ministryand has been a member of UUCWC since 2003.
wrongs in the life of at least one imprisonedperson,” says Connie. “Once Tim and I finishthe program, I plan to correspond with anotherperson in prison. These fellow citizens need oursupport, and this is something I can do tohelp.”
be the change
Pris, Lynne, Heidi, and Elliott agree thatthey’ve seen the Houses of Healing programmake a difference and that offering such pro-grams more widely could be beneficial. It willtake more people to get involved, however, tobring these programs to more men and womenin prison.
What are we doing as a church community?What can each one of us do to help our fellowhuman beings who have made mistakes? Do wewant our prisons to be houses of punishment —or houses of healing?
As Gandhi reminds us: “Be the change that youwish to see in the world.”
I let him know that it’s
important to get feelings
out in the open. I gave him
permission to be honest and told
him I was there for him
and was not afraid.
The New Jersey Department of Corrections presented awards to 15 of its most dedicated volunteers a ceremony
held on September 27 at the War Memorial in Trenton. Among those recognized was Pris Gaver, for her work with
the Houses of Healing program.
— Heidi Dalzell
1The inherent worthand dignity of every person
PrinciPle
Photo by dianne ross
Crossings • Winter 2016–2017
12
UUCWC’s last major growth spurt came in the years after the new sanctuary was built.
Today, the success of Roots and Wings suggests that we are on the precipice of another
growth spurt. Through the program, new members are equipped with tools and knowl-
edge that make them more likely to find a long-term spiritual home here.
Story by
Christine Piatek
Roots and Wings
February 2016 letter
from Rev. Kim to four
local UU congrega-
tions on the eve of
UUCWC’s centennial.
All of these congrega-
tions share a common
history with us.
To the Germantown, Lower Bucks, Princeton, and
Dorothea Dix UU congregations:
This year brings much excitement, reflection, and
anticipation for the Unitarian Universalist Church
at Washington Crossing. This year we celebrate 100
years as a congregation!
With our roots in Trenton and a story that stretches
17 full-time ministers and countless ministries long,
we are taking the time to remember and learn
. While
it is easy to reflect on how our own lives and
community have been so greatly affected by the
presence of UUCWC, in recalling this past century
we also know that some of the story of your
congregation is entwined here, too.
I am honored to know that our congregations are
bound within one another and look forward to our
shared faith and common history drawing us closer
to forge new ties.
In faith,
Rev. Kim Wildszewski
www.uucwc.org 13
he Roots and Wings program evokesthemes in Rev. Kim’s letter to neighboringcongregations, remembering and celebrat-ing our religious past while looking to our
future through a joyful kaleidoscope. At UUCWC,Roots and Wings is our chosen path to membership— a path that has evolved over many years.
This journey begins where you might expect — rightat the front door of our building. With broad smilesand a firm grasp of the hand, UUCWC greeters ex-tend a warm and intentional welcome to visitorsand long-term members alike each and every Sun-day. Ask any member of the congregation and theywill quickly tell you the name of the congregantwho first met their gaze and spoke the first words ofwelcome.
A new component of our welcoming ministry is the“Talk and Tour” that Rev. Kim introduced two yearsago. On a typical Talk and Tour, members of theMembership Ministry meet visitors in the sanctuaryafter a Sunday service. Penny Gardner, Kevyn Mal-loy, Lynda and Roger Shapiro, Colin and SparkyUnsworth, and Holly and Jim Sanders then lead a15-minute tour of our building.
At least twice a month, they share with visitors thehistory of our congregation, tell them about our fa-cilities and activities, and methodically lead them tothe Crossings Room to partake in fellowship hour.Visitors learn when they arrive downstairs that any-one holding a large red mug is part of the Member-ship brigade. Those people help visitors to engagein conversations during coffee hour and address awide range of questions that may come up.
Talk and Tour breaks the ice and provides an in-stant measure of comfort. Later, the Roots andWings conversations with Rev. Kim forge a founda-tion for successful membership. Roots and Wings isnow a prerequisite for visitors and friends whowant to become members of UUCWC — a joyful ex-perience and an intentional path to membership atUUCWC. Potential members must attend both the“Roots” and “Wings” sessions with Rev. Kim beforethey can sign the membership book.
roots hold me close…
Roots and Wings differs from the way UUCWC in-troduced prospective members to both the Unitar-
ian Universalist faith and our congregationprior to Rev. Kim’s arrival. In the past, ourcongregation offered sessions that wereoriginally called “The New UU” and thenbecame UU 101 and UU 201, modeledafter the UUA curriculum called “The NewUU.” Holly Bussey and Jim Sanders wereinstrumental in the design of these earlyprograms, and Bonnie Ruekgauer andLori Rahn were facilitators in those earlyyears.
UU 101 was an hour-long, informal ques-tion-and-answer session offered once amonth by the Membership Ministry. UU201 was a six-session offering where theminister, staff, and committee and boardmembers made presentations aboutUUCWC, its ministries and programs, thesources of UU theology, and informationabout ways to become a member. Whilethese sessions were offered and visitorsand prospective members were encouragedto participate, attendance was not manda-tory and anyone interested in membershipat UUCWC could join at any time.
Roots and Wings is a two-part program— Roots first, followed by Wings.One must attend the Rootssession before attending theWings session, after whichthe individual decideswhether member-ship is right forhim or her. Thetwo sessionstotal roughly 4hours of listen-ing, learning, andsharing. Roots andWings are offered in tandem eight times each year.
Roots is a conversationabout UU history — ourroots — and our evolvingtheology. We hear about the he-roes of UU history like John Mur-ray, Olympia Brown, and other
t
Crossings • Winter 2016–2017
14
founders and activists of this faith.Here, prospective members can askquestions about the UU faith tradi-tion and our UUCWC community.Penny Gardner, who chairs theMembership Ministry, notes that“Kim’s full grasp of our heritageand theology makes her uniquelyqualified to definitively answerevery question.”
…Wings set me free
In Wings, Rev. Kim shares that88% of UUs have come from an-other faith tradition. She notes thatwhile adults who join UnitarianUniversalism come using languageof negation (e.g., “sin” or “damna-tion”), our children raised in theUU tradition instinctively use lan-guage of affirmation (“we believe inthe inherent worth and dignity ofall”). Here, we learn that our chaliceis a symbol of welcoming.
Wings allows participants to sharetheir personal spiritual roots, whatmotivates and inspires them, andwhat they hope to discover as theymove forward in community atUUCWC. Rev. Kim begins theWings conversation with a readingby Rev. David S. Blanchard of theFirst UU Church of Rochester. Thereading describes church much likea home – a place of refuge and chal-lenge, of comfort and risk; a placeof acceptance and love; a place togrow wings and soar.
Wings also very frankly outlines theexpectations of members: regularattendance; embracing a culturethat honors diversity and our prin-ciples, broad themes that are re-flected in the lighting of our candlesof fellowship; participation in spiri-tual development through religiouseducation offerings; service to theUUCWC community; and pledging
annually to sustain this community.In return, prospective memberslearn that they can expect the sup-port and care of the communityduring times of need; tolerance andacceptance of their chosen spiritualpractices; opportunities for growthand challenge; empowerment ofour youth; and the opportunity tobecome part of an evolving commu-nity.
And then Rev. Kim pulls out some-thing unexpected: “We will disap-point you.” As a covenantalcommunity “trying very hard to ‘dochurch’ well,” she says, there will betimes of disappointment and dis-agreement. These words reflect thechallenge of an authentic commu-nity: one that can disagree and dis-sent and still hold each other in loveand respect, while seeking mutuallysatisfying solutions to conflict.
It is often difficult to see the impactof one’s own work. Rev. Kim re-flects that each time she gears upfor Roots, she wonders “if I amsharing too much history; if the sto-ries I’ve lifted up are interesting; ifonly I get excited by the depth ofour timeline because it’s what I’vestudied and what inspires me. Butevery single time I offer Roots, theoverall response from the group isinterest, intrigue, and gratitude.”
Rev. Kim has found that “folks areespecially hungry to learn that Uni-tarian Universalism has such deephistorical roots,” noting that ours isoften stereotyped as a “new age” re-ligion without ties to the world orAbrahamic religions. “Many of uswant to be able to place our theo-logical diversity into some kind ofunderstandable story or box. Rootsgives them this. It answers thequestions of how we came to be acommunity of pluralities, diversity
Evoking the themes of roots
and wings in her DRE blog, Di-
rector of Religious EducationRobin Pugh describes the his-
tory of religious education at
UUCWC as a transformation:rooted in our fundamental prin-
ciple of raising up the inherentworth and dignity of all per-
sons, but embracing changeand the modernity of a fast-paced society. “We teach theseven principles and the waythey shape and inform who weare and influence our way ofbeing in the world. Our childrenknow that each of us is respon-sible and capable to helpchange the world for the bet-ter,” Robin writes.
Our children’s religious educa-tion (RE) curriculum descendsfrom the work of Sophia Lyon
Fahs. Her transformation ofUnitarian religious education inthe 1940s is credited in part
with the resurgence of the de-nomination as those childrengrew into adults who were en-
couraged to explore life’s
questions. “We wish children tocome to know God directlythrough original approaches of
their own to the universe,”
Fahs wrote in describing herapproach.
Today’s children’s RE program
at UUCWC builds a foundationfor children to become rooted
in a faith tradition that gives
them wings to change theworld.
Bringing R&WConcepts to
ChildrenThrough RE
and, still, appreciation. I think it also helps us envi-sion how we can each find a place within the largerwhole today and in the years to come.”
Former Membership Ministry Co-chair MartyFriedman believes that the Roots and Wings pro-gram “ensures that new members are more fully in-formed and more intentional when they sign themembership book.” Marty’s conviction is backed bythe work of congregational growth consultants, whobelieve that setting higher expectations for congre-gants leads to more committed members. Marty ex-pects that “this will lead to more satisfyingengagement of new members and less early attritionthan we’ve had in the past.”
in their own words
Lucy Nugent, who began attending UUCWC withher friend and neighbor Pris Gaver during Rev.Charles Stephens’ tenure as minister, says Rootsand Wings gave her “a much clearer understandingand cementing in my mind that UUCWC is where Iam supposed to be.” Lucy describes the program as“a positive undertaking for potential members andan interesting journey.” When she completed theprogram and decided to sign the membership book,Lucy “felt proud to be part of a congregation thatfits so well with my path at this time.”
Lydia McMorrow and Nancy McNamara have aunique perspective on the path to membershipthrough Roots and Wings. Lydia and Nancy areboth former and — now — new members ofUUCWC. They joined in the 1990s, left for a fewyears, and have recently returned.
“If these sessions hadn’t been offered, we mighthave continued as ‘friends’ of the church, continu-ing to attend Sunday services without formally re-joining,” Lydia muses. For her, the sessions madeclear what was expected of members and what shecould expect from the congregation. She was struckby Rev. Kim’s comment that there will be disap-pointment and saw it as “a good reminder that thechurch is made up of humans and nothing is per-fect.”
Nancy, too, likes the notion “that while we aregrounded in our principles, we are still evolving as areligion.” Nancy appreciates the clarity of Rev.Kim’s presentation of the expectations and respon-
sibilities ofmember-ship, includ-ing afinancialcommitment.“Breakingthe greattabooaboutdis-cussingmoney isreally neces-sary,” she says,“and Kim han-dled it beautifully.”
Roger Shapiro, a former Member-ship Ministry co-chair who is stillactive within the ministry, was in-volved in both the UU 101 and UU 201programs. Roger feels that Roots and Wingsgives prospective members “to have a deeper under-standing of the beliefs and approaches UUs take, aswell as specific information about the ministries ofour fellowship. Over time, we believe this will helpnew members become engaged more quickly and,hopefully, be active members for many years.”
And while many elements influence a person’s deci-sion to join the church — starting with that very firstgreeting at the door — Roots and Wings provides asolid foundation for a satisfying and long-termmembership at UUCWC. Though it may be early toassess the return on investment in Roots & Wingsthrough membership growth alone, in the past twoyears, 59 graduates of Roots and Wings have be-come members. Growth diversifies, stimulates, andenriches a congregation — suggesting that whileRoots and Wings is a program for prospective mem-bers, it can be of immense value to all members.
www.uucwc.org 15
CHRISTINE PIATEK joined UUCWC in March
1997. In researching this article, Chris participatedin a Wings session, which Chris says was “verywell attended, informative, and inspiring.”
Crossings • Winter 2016–2017
Jo met her husband while he was in the Navyand stationed in Southern California. The twomarried there, and Fred and his brother wereborn in California. After their time in the serv-ice came to an end, the Millners’ next stage oflife brought them east.
“We went to Trenton because my husbandgrew up there and he had family ties,” says Jo.“My father-in-law moved to Trenton in 1890,so they go way back.”
As her four children grew up, Jo would listenas they described themselves as “half Mormonand half Jewish.” Jo felt the need to find thefamily a spiritual home.
“I wanted to visit a bunch of churches, so Ibrought them first to a Sunday school at theUnitarian church in Trenton. That was the firstchurch we visited — and we stayed. The churchappealed to me and I liked the minister, BillHorton.” Jo formally joined the First UnitarianChurch of Trenton in 1958, as Rev. Horton’sterm as minister was coming to an end.
After Rev. Horton came Dwight Brown, something of a Renaissance Man who renteda room in their apartment upstairs and had aVW bug in the 1950’s. Fred used to babysit forDwight’s kids. “Dwight went to Dallas laterand then to Boston with the National UU organi-zation. He went far,” Jo remembers. “When I first met him, I took to him right away and volun-teered in the office during the day with mailingsand schedules and typical UU office work.”
While Jo worked, Fred liked to explore the churchbuilding — a grand old mansion at 489 West StateStreet that the congregation had purchased in1955.
“The house was six stories, with a basement andsub-basement. You would walk onto the first floorand there were two, maybe three floors above thatto get to the main floor. I loved exploring and
finding new rooms,” Fred recalls.
But the room that served as the sanctuary, headds, was tiny and crowded. “It couldn’t hold a lotof people. The church needed to expand, becausethis, after all, was just an old house. We needed tobe alive, more colorful, more presentable.”
The congregational discussion that arose fromthat need was among the most contentious in thechurch’s history.
“I can remember hearing about the move fromTrenton in college,” says Fred. “There were peoplewho had very strong opinions about moving out ofTrenton. And there was a splinter group that
16 www.uucwc.org 17
At 93, Jo Millner is not only our oldest member, she is
our longest-tenured one. In 58 years with uuCWC, she
has come to value how the freedom “to be” that our con-
gregation cherishes helped her to nourish an apprecia-
tion of religious pluralism in her children and allowed
her to stay close to her Mormon family.
4 Women and a Congregation
A People ofFreedom
Story by Margaret DeAngelis
Over the course of our
centennial year, Margaret
DeAngelis interviewed all
four of our living mem-
bers who have been with
our congregation for at
least 50 years — half our
history. What she found
inspiring about this
process is that each
woman tells her own story
of a community that con-
tinues to grow, to reach
for new understandings,
and to honor our history
in the process.
The first thing I notice as I walk upto Jo Millner’s door is the pictureon the front of the door. It is of ayoung woman dressed in a WorldWar II-era Marine uniform.
When I walk in, Jo is waiting,along with her son Fred — Jo witha shy smile and Fred with a bigsmile. I immediately ask whosepicture is on the door. Jo’s smileturns from shy to pride “It’s me,”she announces.
“I joined the Marines at the age of21. They were just beginning toship women overseas, but the warended 22 months later, so theysent us all home lickety split,” sherecalls. “I went through basic train-
ing in New River, North Carolina. I had fun.”
“She used to sing Marine songs tome when I was a kid,” Fred laughs.“Cat songs about Quantico.
“How many kids could say theirmother was a marine sergeant?Not many.”
seeking a spiritual home
Long before she became a Marine,Jo Millner grew up as a Mormon inSalt Lake City. “When I was 8, itwas my time to be baptized. Rightthen and there, I rejected the reli-gion. I knew it wasn’t for me. I justdidn’t find the right path.”
Jo Millner served in the Marines during World War ii. this
picture hangs on her front door of the facility where she lives.
Crossings • Winter 2016–2017
18 www.uucwc.org 19
MARGARET DEANGELIS has been a UUCWC mem-
ber since 2007. Her interviews with 50-year members
Mary Ann Sprenkle, Betsy Young, and Terry Caton
have appeared in previous versions of Crossings.
moved to Bux-Mont. And an-other splintergroup that wentto Bordentown.”
Even after thedecision wasmade to move,says Jo, little wasactually settled.“Everybody waslooking at wherewe should go,and it took awhile to find theright place. Fi-nally, everybody
chose Washington Crossing, and they bought theproperty.” And even then, she says, “it was a bigquestion whether to move out so far.”
“i could think what i want”
But moving was not the first important juncturefor our congregation during the 1960s.
“I remember being at a business meeting atchurch with my mother and father when I was asenior in 1964,” says Fred. “There was a discus-sion about civil rights and marching in Selma.Everyone was arguing. Then we had to vote. Myfather was surprised at how I voted. That was OK, though.”
Jo says her husband was “not that active inchurch,” though he was supportive of his wife andchildren’s activities. “In high school, I was in ayouth group for 4 years,” says Fred. “We did aservice each year and a show. My father came toour youth group shows.”
Fred has many fond memories of growing up inour congregation and says he is thankful hismother found our church. “The church had such abig influence on me.
“I have beautiful memories of Creed Myers andthe Myers family. Creed was heavily involved in
camping trips to different parks, some in North-ern Jersey, some in South Jersey. I have greatmemories of the Pinelands.”
Jo says “I liked that Fred liked the church. Myother son, Steve, wasn’t as interested but the ac-tivities were good for all the children. I was in-volved in a lot of the organizations and thedecoration of the church. I loved working in theoffice. The church was the only place for me.
I ask Jo what she likes best about our church. Herhealth prevents her from making it to servicesthese days, so her reply is in past tense, but herheart is clearly still present with us.
“What I loved most is that I could think what Iwanted and I made friends. People were allowedto be who they were, and we had an open congre-gation. I guess I thought I wanted the children tobe exposed to learning about different religions,and then if they wanted someday to choose an-other then they could. But I thought this was theplace to be, to grow and to learn. They hadchoices, and Fred was good about keeping an openmind and acceptance.”
Fred eventually became a Quaker. “We are able tohave a dialogue about UU services and Quakermeetings,” says Jo. “I think that is good.”
And what could have been different? You might besurprised at Jo’s answer.
“We needed to advertise more to bring more peo-ple in,” she says. “So many people do not knowwhat they are missing. There are things to learnand to say. And a while back, we didn’t bring in asmany people in as we could have, because it’s atough thing to advertise a church. But since then,the congregation has grown.” Jo laughs. “Maybe Ihave to swing back in there to hear Rev. Kim’sservices.”
Fred asks his mother if something stands out most about church. “I loved the weekend retreat at the shore,” she says, recalling how in the daysbefore Kirkridge, the annual retreat took place at Murray Grove. “You took your bedroll and they had cabins and you could sleep inside or out.
That was beautiful.”
Fred puts his fingeron something elsethat has been spe-cial to both he andhis mother. It’swrapped in an ap-preciation thatthose of us whocame to UnitarianUniversalism fromother faith tradi-tions hold: We don’thave leave behindwhat we held close.
“It meant so muchthat mom never losttouch with her par-ents and siblings.We would go out toSalt Lake City andhave family re-unions. I feelblessed that I havethis incredible Mor-mon heritage, Jew-ish heritage, and UU heritage.
“I’m thankful Iknow my mother’s family. My mom’s great-greatgrandmother converted to Mormonism in NewYork in the 1830s. We are descendants of up tonine Mayflower ancestors. When we wereyounger, Mom wasn’t interested in this fact butshe is now.”
Fred then beams, “My mom is wonderful. Did youknow she went back to college after I graduatedcollege? She graduated Trenton State magna cumlaude.”
Jo looks at me and says, “You know I often won-der what I was doing here in general.” I remindher from our short meeting how many paths shetraveled, her beautiful history, being a Marinesergeant, her family, the fact that she changed
faiths and yet stayed close with her Mormon fam-ily. “Well I had fun, I enjoyed the Marines, doinglibrary work, organizing, raising a family, workingin the office for our ministers. I didn’t do any-thing remarkable but I had fun.”
I tell her, “You are remarkable and the impact ofyour life on so many others is extraordinary.”
Jo gives me a big smile, “Thank you.”
William horton, our 10th
minister, served at the time Jo
Millner joined our congregation.
the back view of the First unitarian Church of trenton (left) gives a glimpse of the
many rooms Jo's son, Fred, enjoyed exploring in his youth. the church also owned
the building next door — home to sunday school, along with cabaret nights and
parties for the adults. Jo did most of the decorating for these events.
Crossings • Winter 2016–2017
Coming to UUCWC!
Textiles, woodcrafts, jewelry, pottery, ceramics, acrylic and
watercolor paintings, handmade soap and beauty products,
knitted goods, handmade totebags and handbags, scarves,
silk textiles, photocrafts, collage, note cards
and gourds. Gourmet and organic food
vendors. Plus a fabulous bake sale!
• Free show entry
• Held in the Sanctuary and the Crossings Room
• Vendor fees benefit UUCWC
30 artists featuring fine artwork, uniquehandmade crafts, gourmet food, and more!
Something for Everyone!
Saturday, December 310am – 4pm
