HOPE BEYOND ILLNESS A Guide to Living WELL with a

Chronic Condition

SHULAMIT LANDO

Please feel free to distribute this first chapter of HOPE BEYOND ILLNESS To you friends and colleagues!

Copyright © 2015 Shulamit Lando

All rights reserved. ISBN-10:

151910667X ISBN-13:

978-1519106674

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Praise for

HOPE BEYOND ILLNESS – a guide for living WELL with a Chronic Condition

“This book is a must read for everyone suffering from a chronic illness, for everyone in the helping professions, and for everyone who wants to live a better life. Beautifully written, full of wisdom and practical advice, the book will inspire and guide you.”~ Cloé Madanes, President, Robbins- Madanes Training

“Once I started reading this book I could not put it down. I felt this was the kind of book I was desperately looking for when I was diagnosed with a chronic illness in 1999. Shulamit Lando's honesty, authenticity and bravery make you feel as if you are not alone and here simple but smart and powerful tips give you a brilliant toolkit to begin designing the healing journey you feel you need in order to create the life you want. ” ~ Shiri Ben-Arzi, Medical Coach, Co-Founder & CEO of MCI – The Medical Coaching Institute

“I am fascinated with this book. It reinforces my hope far, far beyond Illness…! It is honest, touching, full of very important information, enlightening! A must!!! ”~ Tamara Melnick, Cancer survivor, Psychologist, Family and Couple Therapist, Specialist in body mind therapy and Supervisor. Lecturer and workshop facilitator, for therapists in Mexico, Chile and Israel.

"Simplicity can only be found in the complexities. Shulamit has compressed a vast amount experience, learning and possibilities in these pages. She has given us the inspiration and permission to be one with ourselves, be silent, and listen to our voice. This piece of writing is a precious jewel in the sea of life. A Pearl of Wisdom." ~Tina O'Brien Lightwork and Reiki Practitioner and MS travel companion

DEDICATION

To all my patients and clients, alive and gone on forward, that through the years have shared with me, taught me and inspired me in own journey of healing. This work would have not been possible without your trust.

Thank you!

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Like any other big endeavor, it takes a village… this work took the village to work after hours and take menial jobs that were sometimes not even part of our agreement. There are not enough words to thank my editor and sweet friend Wendy Dickstein, her patience and tolerance with my endless changes and memory challenges, put her though a mining slavery labor that brought me—and all of us—a most valuable polished jewel. To Shifrah Devorah Witt, whose brilliance and lightness of heart helped me choose my own intuition over the trend of what should be done in our marketing current times. To Melanie Levit who read me quite at the beginning and her insights set me on a fresh direction. To my teachers Cloé Madanes and Shiri ben Arzi, from whom I have learned so much, for their generosity in reading me and stating their invaluable support in writing. Thanks to my teachers and mentors like Tony Robbins, again Cloé Madanes, Stephen Levine, Bernie Siegel and so many others that I don’t personally know but whose writings and teachings transformed me and are expressed in this book.

To Zvi Lando, my sweet husband, who was able to stand me and support me through the endless crisis of insecurity and overwhelm through this very long process. To Dr. Luchi Weissmann, my mom, who taught me how to overcome any and every adversity. To Tina O’Brien, Sarah Klein and other journey companions and those who, like me, travel the journey of chronic illness, for their generosity in sharing your stories and your findings and for staying right by me through this complex and arduous labor. Thanks to Ophrah Listokin that in between yoga stretches kept encouraging me to trust myself beyond my many doubts and title changes. To those who read me, suggested different approaches and gave me insights; Claire Higgins, Margarita Soberón, Judy Posner, Bonnie Simon, Tina Olivero, Leah Katan, Aliza Levine and so many other friends, colleagues and healers that stood by me through the ups and downs of writing a book in which I had to go digging inside my kishkes and come out with something ‘pleasant’ to offer from such obscure dwelling in the gutters of oneself.

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There have been so many from whom I have gotten help and encouragement, I deeply apologize to those who my mind can’t remember to name at this moment; I deeply appreciate you all. And to all of you who read me now and will read me in the future, I thank you and bless you on your way to a healed life.

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments vi

Preface 10

Introduction: Crossroads 12

Chapter 1: A Needle in a Haystack 16

Tips: The Butterfly Hug 18

Chapter 2: And Get Yourself a Wheelchair 20

Tips: The Breath; Square Breath Technique 23

Chapter 3: A Snowflakey Illness 26

Tips: Reach Out, Relaxation Script 32

Chapter 4: The Brain’s Biting Little Monster 41

Tips: Attention and Attitude 46

Tips: The Triad, Create a Placebo Life 46

Chapter 5: Follow the Waking Dream 52

Tips: Spiritual Exercise 58

Chapter 6: The Day Before 61

Tips: TAP 62

Chapter 7: The Dream 67

Tips: Write! Start a Dream Journal 70

Chapter 8: Illness is Compost 72

Tips for the body 75

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Tips for the Mind 77

Tips for the Spirit 78

Chapter 9: The Messenger in the Woods 80

Tips: Affirmations, The Letter 83

Chapter 10: When Pigs Fly 88

Tips: Muscle Testing; The Vision Board 94

Chapter 11: The Here and Now 102

Tips: Personalized Music Playlist, Incantations 110

Epilogue 114

About the Author 117

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PREFACE

This is a recounting of my own healing process and my return to a meaningful and rewarding life.

My story begins with receiving an apocalyptic diagnosis of a severe case of Multiple Sclerosis and continues through the journey as I transformed the situation of illness to serving others and thereby becoming a vehicle for others to heal.

I am writing this book because there are so many of us with diseases that fall anywhere along the spectrum from limiting, to debilitating, to downright crippling, who might benefit from what I have found on my own journey from illness to wellness. I am convinced that for me, MS or not, it was the journey itself that has been transformational, by giving meaning and direction to my life.

In those terrible early days, when I was in the throes of an acute attack, almost paralyzed up to my earlobes, slow in every way, very weak, my brain and body not connecting, I really had no way of knowing if the symptoms were ever going to go away. Maybe I’d never get out of it, maybe I’d always drag my arm or walk with a limp, or maybe—since with the illness affecting my speech I sounded as if I’d just drunk a whole bottle of tequila—I’d never sound normal again. All these things could have happened. Every time I had an attack, there was no reassurance that I was going to recover.

As I write, many images and voices come into my mind and want to stop me in my tracks. Who am I to share my small story? What are they going to say? But, who are “they?” They are all those who suffer and have suffered more than I have and who make a huge transformation in the world. How do I dare set myself up as someone who can teach others about illness and transformation? I don’t suggest that I can offer a miracle cure. A miracle is something that is completely individually defined. One person may consider an event to be a miracle, whereas someone else might see exactly the same thing as sheer luck or as a total fluke.

Maybe I was just lucky. Maybe my Multiple Sclerosis (MS) was so benign that there wasn’t really anything to worry about in the first place. True… but then, “maybe” can go both ways. About 50 percent of people with MS eventually enter a progressive stage. I never did. And for that, I want to knock on wood.

But maybe, and it’s a big MAYBE, if I had not done all the things I did—the mind-shifts and the lifestyle changes that I worked on with so much dedication—maybe it would have turned out much worse.

Was I blessed with a milder form of MS? I surely didn’t know that then

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and the nightmare lasted for 15 years. Perhaps, had I not done everything I did, I might have become so depressed that my immune system would have shifted my so-called “benign” situation into a disastrous one. Dis-ease, as the word implies, is a lack of ease in body, emotions, and mind. If the mind and the emotions can heal, then the body can also be cured from ailment.

Dr. Jeff Kane, one of my main mentors through the beginning of this process, makes a novel distinction between disease–that which is physical, objective and measurable–and illness: the subjective experience, that which is unmeasurable and mainly the one we are left alone with, keeping us awake at night. The experience of illness is the one we face when diagnosed with chronic illness and what we really need the courage to learn to live with.

I have found that often, when people who are not believers or spiritual or even the slightest bit religious experience disease, they start counting their blessings, noticing events and seeing them as “signs”. They begin to perceive the good things that happen, things that they may have taken for granted in the past, as special events. That kind of changed consciousness is itself miraculous to me.

Later, after I was able to recover and to create a new life for myself, some of the neurologists I had consulted for my sickness, started to send their desperate patients to me to see how I could help. Sure enough, when a person suffers from a chronic or a life-threatening illness, the whole family suffers. So part of the help I have been able to offer clients is to support their families and caregivers.

This is a memoir, where I recount what I went through and how I felt with and through it all until there was no more. After every chapter, I give tips for you to help yourself. All the tips I share are effective and proven approaches for dealing with overwhelming feelings which allow calm and healing to come into your life. These tips imply making an effort, but they do work. Of course, according to the effort is the reward.

It’s absurd to think you can or would do all of the things suggested in this book at the same time. Use your intuition to feel your way through it. Sense what feels right for you and what doesn’t. And specifically, what’s the next baby step in your development toward building an attitude of gratitude, courage, strengthening your skills as you go along towards your healing.

But I suggest you do start with learning to relax and meditate because those are the central pieces from where to expand from, outwards.

So if you or a loved one are suffering from any kind of dis-ease, practicing the tools I share both in my book and in my practice of TheraCoaching—a blend of Medical Coaching, Life Coaching and Psychotherapy—will enable you to turn your life around. Go for it with all your might, and you will see results. Your life will be transformed.

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INTRODUCTION: CROSSROADS

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don’t think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.” ~Anthony Robbins

One develops great courage from traveling the journey of illness. At the beginning it is like a strange, formless, indefinite entity that is born at the moment of the diagnosis, an undesired creature indeed. But it was born and now it is right here with you, as you watch it stubbornly develop, nurtured by every step you take toward your capacity to accept things as they are, your ability to deal with your reality better and, ultimately, to your healing. Every step of the way, from the simplest fear of tests and treatments to the overwhelming dread of facing and dealing with the endless “what ifs”, makes the creature develop into a specific shape until you can recognize it as what it really is: a power that was not there before. One needs huge amounts of courage to face the fears that illness brings to our startled minds—fear of loss, of disability, of suffering, of uncertainty, of what will be and what will never be again, of depending on others, and of so much more, and ultimately, of course, the fear of our own mortality.

“Courage is grace under pressure”, Hemingway told us. When we feel we are about to drown in a life-threatening storm, the human spirit is capable of extraordinary achievements. The human spirit is undefeatable, no matter the adversity. No matter what challenge is presented to it, sooner or later it will take up that challenge with a burst of hope and find a way out, a way through, a reminder of the courage in you and of the undeniable way that you have already been able to overcome many hurdles in your past.

The human spirit is invincible; it is that part of you that endlessly seeks healing and doesn’t give up, that always needs to find a way out and to keep going until you heal. And you will know that you have arrived at your healing when you experience serenity in the presence of your disease.

I had the choice to continue being who I had been till that moment, with the same skills to face a life of illness, or I could choose to flow with what I was supposed to become. I chose the second path, and indeed I became a new self.

I was always an artist at heart; a bit of a dancer, singer, song-writer and actress. One day I found my spiritual path and the next day Multiple Sclerosis (MS), an incurable illness, found me and brought me to a halt. MS became my life’s greatest lesson: How was I going to find this “thing” to be

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a gift from God, the Universe, the cosmic soup, or from some higher sphere? What was my newly found spirituality and awareness supposed to teach me now?

From one day to the next I was numb from my toes to my earlobes and almost paralyzed. I was no longer able to dance, speak fluently, sing, or play an instrument. My doctor told me:

“Go home and get your business in order… and order yourself a wheelchair.”

But in truth, my life was just beginning, blessed by this alleged “end of my life” as I had known it. Finding out what this curve ball had to teach me now became my life’s main task.

I started by observing the meanings that I was giving to my illness: was it a tragedy? Was it really the end of my life? Was it a test? And how were those meanings affecting me? All this took a tremendous amount of my time and energy. I was at a crossroads and there were decisions to be made.

I remember the day, more than 30 years ago, when I decided at the deepest level what my attitude, in face of this “thing”, was going to be and who I wanted to become, no matter what the circumstances might bring. I learned how important it was to accept reality just as it is, to find the balance between surrendering to what is, the inevitable that life brings to you, and learning the lessons from that. And, above all, I learned about not giving up.

I also discovered the powerful inner guidance and wisdom that comes to us as a gift in the form of our nighttime dreams. I was able to make crucial decisions for my healing based on actual dreams. Indeed, some of my deepest insights and awakenings in life have come through the Dream State.

Gradually, over time, I came to realize that taken together all these aspects: having a positive attitude, accepting what is and listening to the wisdom within ourselves, constitutes a big chunk of what is meant by a “spiritual life”.

Eager to find what could help me, I began to study the body-mind connection. In the years that followed, I trained in many different therapeutic and healing approaches. I learned, and eventually began to teach, about the body-mind connection, and I established support groups for people with different chronic and life-threatening illnesses.

Among the many lessons that the MS taught me was the power of humor. I discovered that laughter—a well-known factor in healing—was indeed the greatest healer. As a Yiddish Proverb says, “What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.”

In a similar vein, I developed my personal philosophy, taking into account the expression, “shit happens”. I learned about its accuracy and depth. “Shit happens”… because it does! But not all shit is bad. Have you ever passed a fertilized field right before spring? Of course, it stinks,

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because shit is compost. But it also makes things blossom and grow.

I am still in awe of what the stinky fertilizer of illness made possible for me. I was transformed. I changed from a wannabe actress and singer to a co-worker of the Higher Power. I discovered that everything that has already happened and is now happening to me is for a reason. I know now that life is working for me and through me.

Thanks to all my suffering and fear, I became a vehicle for something bigger than myself—I call it the Spirit of Life or Divine Spirit and sometimes only Spirit—that makes it possible for me to help others. Even though at the beginning I was overwhelmed by the drama of it all, eventually I was able to see the experience in a wider perspective and learn how to use it for physical, emotional and spiritual growth for myself and others.

This is how I became passionate about helping people in distress, those who felt lost and paralyzed in their lives. I help them learn how to overcome any challenge through understanding our ultimate essence and purpose, our drives, needs and emotions; and essentially, understanding how crucial it is not to give up. We must do everything we can, give it 100% of our effort, and then surrender the outcome to the Spirit of Life. I came to realize that we are given challenges in order to teach us to trust that doing the best you can is always good enough.

I am not going to offer you an ordered program or plan of numbered steps and strategies to heal yourself. But I would like to offer you an array of possibilities, many of which I used for my own recovery, some which I learned later and which have proved useful to many people I have been honored to work with and assist.

After each chapter where I will share pieces of my own journey, I will share some tips to help you start shifting physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. That is the road I took and the one I invite you to take with this book.

By using the tools I’ve learned in my own journey towards recovery and growth, I’ve been able to inspire, assist, guide and cheer others to achieve transformation in their lives.

Things shift when we can understand why we do certain things that don’t work for us, and why we don’t do those things that can fulfill our real needs and make us happy. Learning this truth enables us to feel calm, content and more capable of dealing with whatever we have to face.

I hope that this book will inspire you with pearls of wisdom, seeds for contemplation and practical tools to help you walk your life’s journey with beauty and courage.

May the Blessings Be!* (*This is an ancient blessing that assures us that everything that happens

is a gift and is ultimately for our good on the deepest level.)

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enough. Pearl of Wisdom: Doing the best you can is always good

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CHAPTER 1 A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK

They turned me inside out. I filled a bunch of tubes with blood for blood tests, did all kinds of X-rays, the works! They literally tied me to a table and a very long needle went into my spine. They wanted to inject a contrast fluid while they photographed it flowing up and down my spine to find the tumor at the base of the brain. If it flowed freely, it meant there was no tumor. When the liquid entered my body I freaked, I yelled: hot burning liquid was being spilled down the inside of my legs. “Relax—the doctor/god said brushing my fear off— it’s nothing, it will pass.” There was no compassion for a panicked girl. Then they had the table move up to a standing position, down toward my head, so that I was facing the floor. They moved me around like a doll—being careful that the substance didn’t go into the brain because that would cause bad migraines. The frustrated doctor didn’t find what he was expecting. Nothing!

Because they found no tumor, either in the brain or anywhere else and nothing alien along the spinal cord, they had to start a new search to find a reason for this crisis. So another appointment was made at the same hospital for the next week. Now they wanted to determine what part of the brain was not functioning. They explained the test to me. They were going to insert a needle into every muscle with the hope of determining which part of the brain wasn’t functioning right. Like acupuncture! I thought, Easy, I knew acupuncture, I had experienced it many times, and I had a lot of pleasant memories attached to the treatment at a doctor friend’s lovely office in the lushness of Tepoztlán. I can easily and even pleasantly deal with that, I thought with some relief!

My friend S took me and waited for me outside with my mom. The doctor who was going to perform the test (a very nice guy, I found) actually said to me that he very much disliked working with patients and having to cause them pain. He preferred research, he said. He explained that he had to insert a needle into every muscle, that the needle was connected to a computer that would measure the electrical connection between the particular muscle and the brain and draw a map of the brain’s function. I understood that part. Then the test started… Torture! It was not the hair thin needle of acupuncture, it was a needle the width of a toothpick, pushed deeply into the core of each muscle. He would then ask me to move the

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part of the body he was testing, move it this way and that way, squeeze, tense, relax it… and then he would continue with the next muscle. It was a nightmare! He started with my right arm. When he got to the hand I was in tears, in panic! He caressed my cheek apologizing. Do you know how many muscles our hand has? 34 muscles which move the fingers and thumb: 17 in the palm of the hand, and 18 in the forearm. That meant 34 needles in my little hand.

My mother often used to measure her pianist hand against mine and say, “Such little hands you have!” Little, yes, yet it includes all those chances to be poked! Only testing my right arm and hand took two hours. He released me after that, probably out of sheer pity. He had not found any dysfunction so far. I only remember leaving his office barely making it emotionally and completely collapsing into my friend’s arms, sobbing for a long time. Even now, as I am writing and my body remembers, tears come to my eyes again. Needless to say, I have hated needles ever since, although I still would have to go through so many more treatments that included needles. I did not come back to finish the test, it was like Nazi torture that I was not willing to endure. Five years had to go by before another neurologist finally came up with the diagnosis.

Rio Abierto: very early symptoms As usual, it had been a good class. I loved this movement class at the institute, where a lovely woman led us through free-flowing movement a couple of days a week. The class usually made me feel exactly that, free and flowing. I loved going to Rio Abierto, Open River. It made my heart and body sing. I was healthy and whole then.

A friend picked me up and as soon as I got into the car, she asked me a simple question: where should we go for lunch? My mind was clear, and I knew exactly what I wanted to say. But I just couldn’t articulate anything. What came out of my mouth was gibberish. She asked again and I tried harder to give an answer, but my brain would just not comply. She must have seen the panic in my eyes, because, without even parking, she got out of the car, leaving it almost in the middle of the busy avenue, and led me back into the studio. The teacher, Alicia, took me into one of the cubicles and started doing her magic, her craft: smoke and fire, aromas of deep incense and needles. She did acupuncture at the ends of my fingers and between my toes and then lit a fat cigar-looking stick of a smelly substance made of herbs. Moxa, she called it. She brought the glowing smoky stick to the edge of my fingernails. The heat of this aromatic stick brought me back to sanity and I was able to talk sense again.

That was a very scary moment. It was one of the scares that my body gave me, long before it became a whole syndrome. It was just a strange thing that happened one day, totally disconnected from anything else, in the

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middle of my perfectly normal life…or so I thought!

The panic I felt, thinking I was losing my mind or having a stroke, was sheer anguish. If only I’d had then the survival tools I have now…

~ TIPS TO HELP YOURSELF:

Fear and panic from what is happening must be the greatest thing we have to deal with and overcome in life in general, and especially when faced with illness.

For moments of deep fear let me share this extremely effective and useful tool for building resilience.

The Butterfly Hug This technique is an amazing tool to help you let go of heavy emotions or prevent being overwhelmed by stress, grief, shock or trauma. It is part of the EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) process and it has been successfully utilized by practitioners especially to help children sooth their disturbing emotions in the aftermath of trauma by war and natural disaster. How it is done: Cross your arms over your chest and tap on each shoulder (or arm) alternating in a rhythmic way. This is called bi-lateral stimulation. By rhythmically alternating the tapping on both sides of the body you help the brain process the disturbing memories (and the overwhelming emotions that those memories evoke) so that the information can be stored in a better, more functional and calmer way. Process: a) Cross your arms across your chest as if you were giving yourself a hug. Each one of your hands lands on the opposite shoulder or arm. b) Notice your upsetting emotion, whatever it may be (sadness, fear, anger) and score it from 0-neutral to 10-extreme distress, in order to be able to track it and watch it shift. c) Start tapping alternately on each side (each shoulder or arm) for about 20 seconds while focusing on the negative feelings, the image, or the negative thoughts that come up and you want to release. After about 20 seconds or taps, stop and take a deep breath.

Ask yourself again, on a scale from 0 to 10, where are you now? You will find that the level of intensity may go up at first, and then it will gradually start to go down. Keep doing this until you feel the level of intensity drop to a significantly lower level. Depending on the emotions you are dealing with and the reason you are experiencing them, you may even notice that the emotion completely disappears.

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This is a very simple way to process and soothe difficult emotions. You could use it as a family or group activity/process, sharing it with children or family members who are going through some traumatic or painful event. You will gather double benefits by both:

1. soothing the difficult emotions as a family or group 2. and just sharing this bonding activity.

There is a slightly different way to do the butterfly hug. Facing the palms of your hands toward you, slide one hand across the other until they are hooked at the thumbs. When you move your fingers it is like the flapping of a butterfly’s wings. Now place the butterfly at the center and over your chest. By alternating the flapping of the butterfly wings you will be tapping on the acupuncture points located right under your collar bone. Those points are directly related to grief, anxiety, depression and trauma.

Notice how different you feel at the end of a few sets of this alternating tapping (20-30 repetitions per set). Repeat it as often as you feel the need. Remember to breathe with a long and smooth rhythm.

Pearl of Wisdom: “Every decision I make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle. I relinquish all regrets, grievances and resentments, and choose the miracle”. ~ Deepak Chopra

If you liked this book so far, please purchase the electronic version

for your PC, Kindle, tablet or smartphone at:

http://hope.shulamitlando.com

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Shulamit Lando is an accomplished Body Mind Psychotherapist, Bereavement Councilor, Trauma specialist and a Medical Coach. She has been counseling those with chronic and terminal illness for more than 30 years. She has led many support groups for people living with chronic and life threatening illnesses like Cancer, MS and HIV-AIDS in Mexico and in Israel. Besides her private practice she currently volunteers at The Yuri Shtern Holistic Center for Cancer Patients in Jerusalem. She is also the author of an autobiographical novel in Spanish, “amor arroba desierto”. Born and raised in Mexico, Shulamit now lives in Jerusalem, Israel, with her husband Zvi and their cat Tisha.

You can contact her at: http://www.beyond-pain.com

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