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Hoodwinked Script
Red Riding Hood, you probably
know the story.
But there's more to every tale than
meets the eye.
It's just like they always say, you
can't judge a book by its cover.
If you want to know the truth, you've gotta flip
through the pages.
Granny!
It's me, Red!
Is everything OK?
Oh, yeah, sure thing. Come on
in.
What?
- Who are you? - I'm your
grandma.
Your face looks really weird,
Granny.
I've been sick. I...
Your mouth doesn't move when you talk.
Plastic surgery. Grandma's had a little work done.
Now, come on over here. Let's have a look at
you.
So, what's going on, Grandma?
This and that, doing a lot of
quilting.
So you got the loot?
Whoa. What big hands you have.
Oh, all the better to scratch my
back with.
- And what big ears you have! - All the better to
hear your...
...many criticisms!
Old people just have big ears,
dear.
And Granny, what big eyes you
have!
Are we just gonna sit around here and talk about
how big I'm getting?
You came here for a reason. So tell old Granny what you got in
the basket.
Ah, Granny! What bad breath you
have!
- All right! - Ah!
You again? What do I have to do, get a restraining
order?
Settle down, little girl. I'm on to
you.
- Hai-ya! - Save it, Red Fu.
You been dodging me all
day, but now you might as well
give up.
Ahh!
Ha!
You crazy wolf! What have you
done with Granny?
I'm taking Granny down, and you're
next!
- Granny! - It's you! But you...
Chief Grizzly, are the suspects
- connected with the Goody
Bandit? - Yeah, uh...
No. Don't print that, Maxine. We
don't know anything yet.
Is the house made of
gingerbread?
- Don't think so. - Do bears eat gingerbread?
That's enough with the
questions. Jerry, come on! Get these people
back!
All right, back it up! Let the chief
do his job!
Come on, you, with the feathers, back behind the
snake.
I just want to go home and hibernate.
- Bill! - Chief!
- All right, what do we got? - It's a
domestic disturbance.
Breaking and entering, wielding an ax without a license, intent to
eat.
I get it. Any connection with
the recipe robberies?
You mean the Goody Bandit? Could be. The
house belongs to Granny Puckett.
- The cookbook lady? - Yeah,
that's the one.
Hmm.
OK, Paul Bunyan was swinging the
ax, and Wolfie was trying to eat
Lil' Bit.
- All right, get a muzzle on that
guy. - I can explain
everything.
You can explain it to the judge.
- Shouldn't you be in school? -
Shouldn't I have a lawyer?
Uh... What are you doing?
- Hey. We was just... - I was just
smelling it.
- Don't eat that. That's evidence. -
Right.
All right, so this looks pretty
open-and-shut.
Little Miss Rosy Cakes making
covert deliveries to the goody
tycoon,
Wolfie tries to eat 'em both,
then Crazy Flannel Pants
with the ax here busts in swinging
vigilante-style.
Take 'em downtown, boys.
It's the woods, chief. We don't
have a downtown.
You know what I mean. Just book
'em!
Not so fast, Grizzly.
That's the problem with you
bears, always growling up the
wrong tree.
- Hey, Nicky! - You on the case,
Nick?
No, just stopping by to have a sarsaparilla.
Say, Tommy, you lose some weight?
- Uh, no. - Didn't think so.
Nicky Flippers. What are you
doing here? This is my case.
Well, someone hibernated on the wrong side of the
cave.
I saw the lights, thought the circus was in
town.
Now, of course, I see I was right.
You're too late, Nicky. I got this
case all wrapped up.
- Is that right? - Yeah.
They got us all wrong, Mr. Flippers.
Oh, I don't know, you look pretty
dangerous to me.
- What's your name? - Red.
- And why do they call you
that? - Why do they call you "Flippers"?
Go Flippers
- Jump! Get on! - Go Flippers
Go Flippers Go Flippers
- - Uh, no reason.
They call me Red because of this red hood I wear.
- What about when you're not
wearing it? - I usually wear it.
Recipes have come up missing
all over the forest.
Goody shops have been going out of business
for months,
and the trail ends here. I got a case
to close.
Slow down, chief. We've got four suspects, and
that means four stories,
and if you get people talking long enough,
someone will spill the beans.
- Beans? - Could I just make a
quick phone call?
Aaah!
I'll tell you what happened.
What's with the handcuffs on a girl? Her wrists could slip right
out.
- How about a cage? - Bring in
the cage!
- I was being sarcastic. -
Sarcasm. Strike the cage.
All right, get the cuffs off her.
So, Red, why don't you explain
how this all began?
Well, like any other day.
I was making deliveries for my Granny's goody
shop.
@ Ba ba ba-da-ba-da
@ Ba ba
@ Ba ba ba ba
@ Ba ba ba
@ Here's a story I hope
@ You'll like
@ It's the one about the girl
riding on her bike
- @ I know - Hi, Red!
@ It's a tired old tale but it still
rings true
- Hey, Red. - @ She could never
be rude
- @ Or unkind - Hey!
@ But a sad song played at the
back of her mind
@ Oh
@ Can someone show me a
different day
@ To take me away
@ Take me out of the woods
@ Great big world
@ You know what I'm wanting for
you
@ You know what I'm wanting for
you
@ What I'm wanting for you
@ Wanting for you
Ahh!
@ Oh @@
Hey, Red!
Oh! Nice outfit. Always red with
you.
- You must be in autumn. - Hey,
Boingo.
Aren't you helping the Muffin Man
today?
Oh, he closed up shop. Someone
took all his recipes last night,
and now I'm out of a job.
Gee, Boingo, I'm really sorry. Are you still running the cable car?
Yeah, yeah, I am.
But it's nothing like making
goodies all day.
Would a carrot crumpet make you feel better?
Oh, boy, oh, boy! Thanks, Red. I
can always count on you to deliver,
you little rascally devil.
Yeah, well, the woods don't go
around by themselves.
Shut it down.
- Come on, let's go. - Where are we going now,
Mama?
With the Goody Bandit on the
loose,
recipes were becoming an endangered
species.
I decided to call Granny.
If anyone would know what to do,
she would.
I don't know what to do. I'm just a tired old lady.
Your recipes are the most famous
in the whole forest, Granny.
What if they get swiped? It could
wipe you out.
Maybe I should bring you the
recipe book, for safekeeping.
A trip up the mountain is too dangerous for a
little girl.
I'm not so little anymore.
Please, dear, you just keep the recipes there,
and everything will be fine.
- But... - I have to go now. My
program's on.
- Kisses. -
What you reading, Red?
"Far Away Places"?
- Are you going somewhere far away? - No. The
world is too dangerous.
Can't see! Danger! Turn into
the skid!
I'm OK. I'll walk it off.
You can't go away. Who's
gonna ride the Goody Bike?
If I had wings like you, I'd fly all the
way past that mountain,
and the next one and the next
one...
But I can't. I'm just a kid.
I'm just a woodpecker.
- - Uh-oh.
"You're next"?
What... what does it mean, "you're next"?
Ruined.
It means someone wants
our recipes.
Are they gonna get your recipes?
Not today.
So you deliberately took
your Granny's recipes
from the family vault, without permission.
- Help yourself. - And then,
you set out on a dangerous
journey up the mountain...
...alone? - Yeah. I guess I did.
@ Critters have feelings
@ Well, critters have feelings
@ Critters have feelings
@ Well, critters have feelings too
@ Critters have feelings Critters have feelings
I guess running the cable car's not so bad, you
know.
It's a great way to see the forest without worrying about all those
big,
mean, hairy beasts out there.
- Beasts? - Oh, yeah, you know,
beasts.
The wolves and the bobcats and
the mountain lions
and the saber-tooth tigers! But mostly wolves.
- Mostly wolves. -
The forest can be a dangerous
place for a little guy like me, with
my cute...
Look at me, I'm fuzzy... You
deliver up this far?
Well, not usually.
But I was thinking about what you told me earlier.
About the Muffin Man?
I need to protect Granny's recipes
from that Bandit's evil plan.
They're gonna shut down
everyone in the forest if we're not
careful.
Aaah! Aah! Aah!
- No! - Aaah!
Ohh!
Aah! Whoa! Ohh!
Aaah!
- - 'Afternoon.
Hello.
So you're the little girl in the
red hood.
That was quite a bit of falling you
did just now.
- You saw that. - Yeah, gravity's
working.
Those old cable cars on the... You
should write a letter.
Wow! Something smells good. Those, uh...
goodies in there?
I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
No, you shouldn't. Good
call.
What are you doing in the big,
bad forest?
You taking the goodies to someone in particular?
- Um... my granny. - Granny?
Granny Puckett? The goody lady?
My goodness, she makes some
good... goodies.
She's got a thing, it's like a... It's
like a... cookies.
Shortbread, chocolate icing between, very...
It's good. Ah, it's very good.
You make deliveries to your
granny often?
I don't think I should tell you
that.
Oh, you don't have anything else in that?
You ask a lot of questions, mister.
Well, I'm a curious guy. Let me have a look.
I'd rather you didn't.
Red! Red Riding Hood!
Hand over the basket.
Aaah!
Red!
You can't hold onto those
recipes forever!
I'll get you, and your little Granny
too!
Well, that settles it.
- We got our Bandit. - Could
be.
I'd like to count my chickens after
they hatch.
Chickens?
You've gotta admit, a wolf
stopping kids in the middle of the
forest...
- That's pretty creepy. - Right.
Yes, yes.
But we don't arrest people for
being creepy.
Yeah, Bruce. You know that guy we got in the tank?
- The creepy one? - Yeah. Better let
him go.
So you went on to Granny's?
I found an old trail up the north
side of the mountain.
Hello!
Hello.
I'm looking for Granny Puckett's
house.
@ Granny Puckett
- Could you stop singing for one
moment? - @ No, I can't, I wish I
could
@ But a mountain witch done put a spell on me 37
years ago
@ And now I gotta sing
everything I say
- Everything? - That's right.
You just talked! Just now!
Did I?
@ Did I?
@ Did I, did I, did I doo-dah, doo-dah did-i-doo
- Granny? - What's that? Who's there?
It's Red. I'm on my way to come
see...
Oh, my dearie, I'm not prepared.
I need to put down fresh
doilies! Aah!
- Granny! Granny, what's wrong? -
Gotta go, munchkin.
Bonsai!
Oh, no.
Mr. Goat, my granny's in
trouble.
I've gotta find a way around the mountain, fast.
@ Well, you came to the right goat
Oh, good. More singing.
@ Thirty-seven years ago a witch done put a spell
on me
Yeah. I know.
@ A spell where when I'm talking I'm singing it with
glee
@ But when you're always singing you've
got to live alone
@ That's why I made this
mountain shack my home
That's great...
@ When you're on the mountain
there's lots to be a-feared
@ That's why this here old
mountain goat's prepared
@ Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
These tunnels, I need one that
leads to Puckett Grove.
Ohh.
@ But I got horns that open bottles and I got horns
that hold my keys
@ I got horns that when you turn
'em right
@ They help me watch TV
@ I got horns that open pickle jars and horns that come with hair
@ I got horns that hang my other
horns
@ I always come prepared
- Can you help me find? - @ To be prepared, to
be prepared
@ This lesson must be shared This lesson must
be shared
@ To be prepared
@ To be prepared, to be
prepared
@ And unless you've got a
spare
@ You've got one life so handle it
with care
- Aaah! - Yipee!
Keep your hands and feet inside of the vehicle at all
times!
Whoo-wee!
@ An avalanche is coming and I
do not feel prepared
@ It's rumbling like a mountain lion I must say that I'm scared
@ And if not for the witch's spell you'd hear just how I scream
@ But since I'm only singing I'll just yodel till
we're creamed
Aaah! Aaah!
Aaah!
Red!
Granny?
Use the hood, Red!
Use the hood!
What?
@ I was prepared!
Granny! It's me, Red. Is
everything OK?
Oh, yeah, sure thing.
So this wolf, he was dressed as
your grandmother?
- Yes. - I'm your grandma.
- And you bought that? - No, not
really.
Whoa. What big hands you have.
And what big ears you have.
What bad breath you have! What
big eyes you have.
Are we just gonna sit around here and talk about
how big I'm getting?
Then the fellow with the ax burst
in?
Aaah! - Whoa! Whoa!
No, no, not yet.
First I was attacked by that
crazy wolf!
Hai-ya! You crazy wolf!
My granny jumped out of a
closet.
- Aaah! - But she was tied up...
And then the axman cometh?
You got it.
Only he was screaming.
Arghh?
Like a maniac.
- Wow. - Hmm.
- So that was it? - That wolf was
gonna eat us all.
The guy's pawprints are all over the room.
Book him!
Hold the phone, fuzzy-wuzzy.
Let's hear it from the wolf's mouth.
- Don't I get a drink? - No!
So, Mr. Wolf, may I call you "Wolf"?
You can call me Sheila. I like long walks and fresh
flowers.
Quit playing around, Wolf!
You're looking at three-to-five in an old shoe with no
windows!
So start singing!
- Your face looks familiar. - I get
around the forest.
What do you for a living, Mr. Wolf?
I'm a shepherd. Hey!
You might as well confess. I told
them everything!
Could you keep her away from me, please?
I remember you.
Three years ago on the Stiltskin
case.
You were snooping around for a lead on his
real name.
I was close too.
I was gonna go with "Greg." Greg
Stiltskin.
Wait a minute, Flippers! You
saying this guy's a cop?
Worse. He's a reporter.
- A what? - And I've got the real
story.
I'm an investigative
journalist.
You've probably read my column Facts and Fairy
Tales.
I spent the last six months undercover
investigating the so-called "Goody
Bandit."
As more recipes go missing, the trail has gotten
hotter.
- Huh? -
And I'm talking hot coffee, hot
coffee,
all over my neck. Very, very
painful.
People think a health board
examiner doesn't lead a dangerous
life,
but I will tell you, my furry friend,
food is dangerous.
That's why Kenny told me to come and take a look.
- Who? - Your boss, Kenny.
- You mean Earl? - That's what Earl
said.
He said, uh, "Kenny, come
down here," and so, here I am.
I'm surprised your dessert
counter hasn't been hit,
with all the thievery going
around.
- What did you say your name
was? - Shaw. Rick Shaw. I'm in from
Japan.
Well, Kenny, I'm gonna give you a
clean bill of health.
But I'm gonna need the names
of all your suppliers.
- You'll have to talk to Earl. -
Well, that's Earl right now.
Probably called the FDA.
You keep that thing groomed.
And watch out for hot coffee.
Painful.
No desserts. Waste of time.
The little delivery girl in the red
hood.
Always on the go.
More goodies pass through her
hands than anyone's in the whole forest.
She seemed happy...
...a little too happy, perhaps.
Oh! Creepy.
I was starting to have my
suspicions.
Question: Who does she move the goodies for?
Where do they come from?
Where are they going?
And why the hood?
Aaah!
- Twitchy, you scared me. - Hey,
boss, I beeped you. Get my
beep?
- Calm down. - I got up early. Got
the gear.
I was watching the girl like you
told me to.
- Yeah. Did you see where she went? - Past
porcupines and the bird's tree,
guy with the beard, now she's up the creek! She
sings everywhere!
I'm way ahead of you. We gotta find out who
she's working for.
- You got the camera? - The
220x and photograb with
autofocus!
- Color or black and white? -
Doesn't matter.
- I brought a flash! - Put that
away!
- It's covert. No flash. -
Undercover, got it.
Nobody sees, nobody knows. Click-click. Hee-
hee.
You ever thought about
decaffeinated coffee?
I don't drink coffee!
Hmm...
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Pardon.
I decided to get the word on the street from one
of my top informants.
- How's it going, Woolworth? - Man, what are
you doing here?
The shepherd comes by and
sees me talking to you, I'm gonna
get the crook.
Yeah? There's a bigger crook on
the loose that I'm concerned about.
- What ya hear about the Goody Bandit? - What do
I know?
- Hiya, Twitchy. -
- The little girl in the red hood. -
Don't know, never heard of
her.
Little Red? Processing...
Yeah, yeah, it's coming back to me now. Sweet
gal. Not like that Bo Peep.
Brat put in an invisible fence. I tasted my own
fillings for a week!
Focus! The girl in the hood.
You get around the mountain. Who does she
work for?
How should I know? I ain't that
curious.
Family business. Ain't you ever
heard of Granny Puckett?
- Puckett? - Her grandma.
The Granny Puckett? You
pulling the wool over my eyes?
Ha-ha. Hilarious. Come up with that yourself? That's funny.
- You're looking pretty tasty. -
Why you gotta be like that?
All I know is that the old lady lives
up high in the hills.
- Not a lot of visitors. - Except
the little girl.
She's been known to take
the cable car up the mountain.
Cable car?
Those sheep made me hungry. After this, we're grabbing a bite.
Sounds good. Sounds good.
Baa.
I don't know what to do. Should I
call her?
- Am I supposed to play it cool? -
Keeping her options open.
Seeing other people. You
should do the same.
Shh. Up there.
Do you mind?
Ooh. Sorry.
Hey, you deliver up this far?
The Muffin Man... Granny's recipes...
...an evil plan.
...shut down everyone in the
forest...
I knew it.
She's working for the old lady.
Twitchy.
Aaah!
Aaah!
Ooh! Uhh!
Uhh! Ooh! Ugh!
Ouch!
- - Ohh!
Ahh!
Ohh!
- - 'Afternoon.
Hello.
So you're the little girl in the
red hood.
That's quite a bit of falling you did
just now.
Gravity's working.
What are you doing in the big,
bad forest?
You taking goodies to someone in particular?
Um... Granny.
You don't have anything else in
that basket?
- You ask a lot of questions, mister.
- Well, I'm a curious guy.
- Let me have a look. - I'd rather
you didn't.
I mean, "please." Come back here!
- What are you doing? - Sorry, I
was winding.
Come on! We're gonna lose her! Red! Red Riding
Hood!
We'll never catch her.
Taxi!
Whoa! That was her. We passed her. Right here's
fine.
Suspect is approaching on
foot, stolen recipes in basket.
I'm about to catch her red-
handed.
- - Hand over the basket!
- Aaah! - Hyahh!
So you really took a beating...
...from a little girl? - Hey!
- Hai-yah! - Ooh!
Get back here, you little brat!
@ One, two, buckle to you Ready or not, here I come
@ Don't you run away
@ A-B-C, I can read And the sign
up ahead said
@ Son, you're the 1-2-3-4 Knock on
the door
@ Open up, gotta run away @@
OK. Not cool. Ahhh!
You can't hold onto those
recipes forever!
I'll get you, and your little Granny
too!
Well, that's fishy.
What? They're evil. I'll prove it!
- So can we eat? - Sure. You hungry
for failure?
Maybe a side of unemployment?
'Cause that's what's for lunch.
- What do we do? - We go right to
the source.
We gotta get to Granny's before
the kid.
- Is it a surprise? - Excuse me?
You're going over to Granny's
house to surprise Red. Is it her
birthday,
or what is it? Is there a shindig? 'Cause I'm great
at parties.
- Watch me pull myself out of a
hat! - Yeah.
Big surprise party. You know
how to get there?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. In fact, I know a
shortcut.
You hear that? He knows a shortcut.
Over the woods and through the
river...
No, you don't want to go
through the river, you'll get all wet.
You see, Twitchy, you get lemons,
you make lemonade.
And then that lemonade goes
bitter and ferments and
turns to pig swill.
Never trust a bunny with directions, Twitchy.
Sure thing, boss. Never trust a
bunny!
The bright side is, at least I finally
dried off.
Ohh!
Why couldn't I write movie
reviews?
We are in a pickle, and I
blame myself.
That bunny was worthless, not to
mention he wrote directions on an
Easter egg,
- which is hard to read. - We're
gonna die here!
Hey, now, that's what they said at
The Alamo.
Wha... what was that? Who's that?
Aaah!
Uhh!
Hey, look where we are. More
cave.
- Hey, whazzi-lookie! - With God
as my witness,
you will learn to speak. Look! A
way out.
But I was just... Ahh!
Follow me.
Hmm...
- Huh? - Come on.
@ Train
@ Train
@ Living like a bandit @
Now, this is a shortcut.
Whazzat? Sounds like an
avalanche!
Well, Twitchy, that's natural.
It's just Old Man Mountain
showing us who's boss.
Hey, lookie! A box of candles! A
big box!
Box of candles? Light 'em up!
Wow, that's nice and bright. What kind of candles
are those?
- Deen-a-meet-tay. Must be
Italian. - Ah! Lose the candle!
- But I... - Ahhh!
Got it.
Ahhh!
Aaahhh!
- Did you hear something? -
Hm?
Hm. Come on, let's get to Granny's.
Hello! Paper boy.
Publisher's, uh...
Candygram.
What do we do, boss?
Ohh!
Lucky for me, Granny keeps her
merchandise around the
cottage.
Disguise was the only way to catch
this girl
in the act of smuggling.
Sweetie-pie! Sugar plum!
Hug your granny, little pudding
pop.
Aww!
Boy, that's hot. OK, change of
plans.
- You can be Granny. -
She's coming!
- Wa-dee-dee! - Ohh!
Granny! It's me, Red.
- Is everything OK? - Yeah, sure thing. Come on
in.
Pretty thin, Wolf.
You said the old lady was already
tied up.
- How did that happen? - I don't
know,
maybe to make herself look innocent.
I just write the news, chief, I don't make it.
For a reporter, you have a
strange way of doing your job.
What can I say? I was raised by
wolves.
- Got a way to back this up? - I
got these pictures
developed.
That so? Let's have a look.
These are good.
- Here's a nice one of you, Wolf.
- Ugh!
I wanna do a gallery show. A
coffee table book.
I don't drink coffee. A Chai tea
latte book.
Photos don't lie, chief.
- Good work, Twitchy. - Arghh.
Now, I want to know more about this fellow with
the ax.
How does he fit into all of this?
Maybe you should "ax" him
yourself.
You see? "Ax" him? He was
saying...
I'll bring him in.
Ohh!
Hmm. Hello.
My, my. You're a big fellow, aren't
you?
- Shop at the Big and Tall store? - This is a big and
tall mistake.
I would not hurt a butterfly.
Then what's this? A letter opener?
That's a funny accent you got there, choppy.
I can do the cowboy accent. Howdy, partner!
Indeed you can.
Say, before you ride off into the
sunset, hopalong,
you think you could rustle up information?
I will do my best.
How about explaining what
you were doing in the forest?
Oh! I am working to make good my
call-back!
Your what-what?
Paul's Bunion Cream has a
soothing formula
to make the bunions head for
the hills!
- This guy's a loon. - Watch it,
chief. My mama's half-loon.
Your call-back. You mean, like, for an audition?
Yes! For the bunion cream.
I must find my wood-cutting self to book the spot.
- The what? - The commercial.
- He's an actor. - Oh, boy.
Arghh!
Paul's Bunion Cream has the
soothing formula...
No, hold it! Hold it!
- Stop. "Arghh"? - Uh-huh.
What are you, some kind of
German pirate or something?
I just got the script, like, five minutes ago.
- You're not getting it. - I'm
trying.
- My name Kirk. - Kirk. OK, Kirk.
What makes you feel proud and
strong and mighty?
What puts a fire in your belly,
Steven?
- Oh! My dream! - Yes, yes! Your
dream!
To travel the world
with the greatest singing group of
all time...
...the Happy Yodelers!
@ To yodel for the people
@ To hear the applause
@ My dream @
- - Sorry.
Listen. We'll look at your tape and we'll give you a
call, OK?
Thanks for coming in. Have a
nice life. Next!
That was my first audition in months.
- - Then it was back to my day
job.
I drive a schnitzel truck.
It's not such a bad job.
After all, I bring much joy to the
children!
@ Schnitzel!
Mommy, Mommy! I want a schnitzel stick!
Ooh, the schnitzel man!
@ Schnitzel, the favorite treat For
little girls and boys to eat
@ Schnitzel man can serve them
quick
@ It's a schnitzel on a stick
@ No more spoons Use your
hands
@ Says the friendly schnitzel
man
@ Make sure you keep an extra
one
@ For later in your lederhosen
- Schnitzel! - Ow!
- @ Schnitz... -
What the schnitzel?
My schnitzel truck, it's been piddly... piddle-
llaged...
They stole everything!
Oh, that's too bad.
It's not easy being in the
goody business these days, huh?
I'm getting schnitzeled left and right today.
I cannot even sell the bunion
cream.
- Now I'm gonna lose my job! -
Chin up, mister.
Maybe someday somebody will
open up a great big goody shop
and we can all work for that little
guy.
- Oh, yeah... What? -
Uhh...
- Hello? - Kirk! Yeah, baby,
listen.
We got the client here, we looked
at your tape,
and we think we might have a real
"Hercules goes bananas" angle
on this.
- So we want you to come back in. -
Come back in?
It's a call-back.
I had always heard about call-
backs,
but I had never gotten one!
A call-back?
Ahh! What do I do?
You come back tomorrow, do the
same you did today,
only this time you do it good. Can
you handle that?
- I will. I can do it! - OK.
Now, I want you to go out into the
wild
and I want you to find that tree-
chopping side of yourself.
You find your inner woodsman,
Curtis.
Don't act like a woodsman, be a woodsman. Got
it?
Yes, I can!
Find an ax, start swinging, OK?
I've gotta be in a circle wipe across
town, but I'll see you at 10:00.
I have to go and find the little woodsman...
...in me!
OK. Well, tell him I said hello.
Ay! Ay-ay-ay-ay!
Ooh!
Ha-ha!
Goodbye!
Hup, hup!
- - Sorry, little birds!
Run!
I had done it!
I had found the little woodsman
inside of me!
Yes.
Paul's... Bunion...
...Cream...
...has the soothing formula...
...to make your bunions...
...head for the hills!
Right!
...bunion...
...cream...
...has the soothing...
...formula...
Hello?
Ohh...
Oh, schnitzel!
Aah! Aah!
Ohh! Ohh!
Aahhh!
I'm taking Granny down, and you're
next!
Aahhh!
So you didn't jump through the window, you were
pushed?
- Yes. - By a tree.
Yes.
Because you were pretending
to be a woodsman.
- That's right! - To sell foot cream.
I got the call-back!
And good for you.
Well, I think it's safe to say that
our thespian friend here
knows the least about anything of
anyone in this room.
Exactly! What does that mean?
That it all points to Granny.
What about it, Granny?
Maybe you're not the sweet goody-
maker everyone thinks you are.
Are you stealing recipes to protect
your sugar-coated kingdom?
Oh, no, Mr. Flippers.
The only crime I've ever
committed
is making my goodies
unlawfully delicious!
My granny doesn't keep
secrets.
And even if she did, she'd tell me
about it.
We tell each other everything. Right, Granny?
Sure, dear. Mostly.
- Mostly? - What are you hiding,
old girl?
My family worries too much. I didn't want them to find
out.
- Find out what? - Yeah. What?
- - Hey, chief!
Check this out!
All gasp
When did they make that a
sport?
I noticed you have three G's tattooed on the
back of your neck.
That's appropriate,
since there are three strikes against you.
It's true.
I'm not like other grannies.
I never did like the quilting bees
and the bingo parlors.
I'd rather live life to the extreme.
@ Here come the real G
@ She don't need bling-bling She
got a set of wings
@ From all the fame and the pain that she
brings
@ Neck and neck you know she gets respect
@ She's like a special effect
with every record she wrecks
@ You think you see Aunt B but you get Mr. T
@ Underneath the beehive is the
new Bruce Lee
@ I count to three before you see a ball of four-
foot-three
@ With the money for
nothing and her tricks for free
@ Seventy-five, alive and a
hardcore biddy
@ Still making half pipe hand
plants look pretty
@ In the woodie with the goodies for the Jacks and
Jills
@ More power to the granny with
the skills @
A trip up the mountain is too dangerous for a
little girl.
I'm not so little anymore.
Please, dear, you just keep the recipes there,
and everything will be fine.
- But... - I have to go now. My
program's on.
Kisses.
Time to shred some powder!
Time to shred some powder!
I didn't have time for Red to visit
today.
I was on my way to the big Xtreme
Dream Snowsports
Competition.
I've been training three months for
this one.
Nothing but solid snow,
and the top maniacs are here
to teach this mountain a
lesson.
@ Buck teeth Bark in my claws
@ I'm a tree critter
@ Sticks and stones are my
bread and bones
@ I'm a tree critter
- Triple G, what's up, baby? -
Granny, what's happening?
What up, my homeys? You ready to get
spanked?
So, what's the dizzo, grizzo? You
ready to floss that hill, playa?
- Fo' shizzle! - Yeah, gimme some love.
G, you checking the hardcore
European team over there?
Those guys put the Saber-Tooth Brothers in the
hospital yesterday!
On the real, it's gonna be wicked
out there!
You let me worry about those
player-haters.
Oh, I almost forgot. I made you kids some
snicker-doodles.
- Yo! - Tight!
Yeah, snicker-doodles! Give it up! Give it up!
Snickadeedoo!
@ You can take the critter out of
the tree
@ But you can't take the tree out
of the tree critter's needs
@ Now this critter's gotta run
with the birds and the bees
Well, what's your name?
Just put, "To my biggest and cutest fan, Boingo."
And then, like, put some X's and
O's and a little smiley-face.
All contestants to the starting line!
- Oh, yeah. -
Be careful, Granny Puckett.
Old ladies get hurt on these
slopes.
Bring it, honey.
Aahhh!
Yo, Granny!
I know you did not just swing
your pole at me!
- You're little! You're small! -
Yeah? Well, take that, yo!
Whoa-oh-oh-oh!
- Yeah. - Watch that skier!
- Whoa! Look out! - So it's like that?
You wanna play now? Get some of
this!
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Woo-hoo!
That must have been right about when Red called me the second
time.
I always forward my phone when I leave the house.
- Granny? - What's that? Who's there?
- Take that, from Mr. Big
Muscleman! - Want some of
this?
Ha-ha!
Gotta go, munchkin!
Bonsai!
- Uhh! - Uhh!
Ya!
Ohh! Aww!
Oh, you're not so bad!
- Who do you work for? - I can't
tell you that.
- Young man, you tell me this
instant! - All right!
We were hired by the Bandit!
Who is the Bandit?
- Ha! -
Granny is finished.
Now we go after the little red-hooded girl.
Red!
Ooh! Ooh! Oohhh!
'Afternoon.
Oh, applesauce.
@ Eva Deanna My sister is your
mama
@ She fell from heaven like a loaf
of manna
@ Put her in pajamas and read her a book about
animals
@ The way they sound and how
they look
@ She likes to stomp around
@ She buckles on her shoes to make it loud
@ Singing the wheels on the
bus go round and round
@ I hold her ankles up so she
can dangle upside-down
@ An avalanche is coming and I
do not feel prepared
It's just Old Man Mountain
showing us who's boss.
Woo-ha-ha!
Ahh!
@ You can't rearrange her
@ She's no stranger to
danger
@ Whoa, oh, oh, oh Whoa, oh, oh
@ With golden locks on her head
@
I wish I had a video camera!
Whoo!
@ Rolling on the edge
@ Of the afternoon
@ The glow of the sun
@ Tells you that your day is not
done
@ Pay the clock hand no mind
@ I can't rewind
@ But time is a friend of mine
Red!
Granny?
Use the hood, Red!
Use the hood!
Ah, that's my girl.
@ Ba-ba, da-dum-ba-ba-ba-ba
@ Ba-ba, da-dum-ba-ba-ba-ba
@ And it's all right
I guess it's just one of those
days.
@ Rollin' in the afternoon @
Whoa... whoa, whoa! Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Whoa! Uhh!
What do we do, boss?
Sweetie-pie! Sugar plum!
Boy, that's hot. OK, change of
plans.
- You can be Granny. -
She's coming!
Wee-dee-dee.
Hi.
Granny! It's me, Red. Is
everything OK?
Yeah, sure thing. Come on in.
Eventually I was able to use the
squirrel to break down the door.
Ow! That hurts!
I'm taking Granny down, and you're
next!
I could've handled that wolf
myself.
But then the craziest thing
happened.
Honey, don't look at your granny
like that.
I'm sorry, I thought you were
Triple G.
Or are you the Bandit?
Awkward!
- You're being ridiculous, Red. -
I'm being ridiculous?
You're off living... la vida loca,
risking your life for some dumb
thrills,
and I'm supposed to stay home and
be your happy little delivery girl?
- I have a... - Coffee break,
anyone?
- Yeah. - Who's got my keys?
You think Granny would mind if I
went through her garbage?
- Excuse us. - I thought you were
happy.
- Excuse us. - I thought you were
happy.
Open your eyes.
I've never even been outside the
forest.
Don't you think I want more than
that?
Of course you do. You're a Puckett.
I don't know what that means anymore.
- Hey, look! It's Little Red! - No,
it's just some kid.
- She's not wearing the red
hood. - There she goes!
- Excuse me! - Little girl!
@ Everything is changing
@ You're looking for the cure
@ And you feel like you're the loneliest girl
@ In the world
@ Trouble in your head, now
@ You don't know what to do
@ Seems like up is down and red
@ Is blue
@ Because red is blue
@ Doesn't make much sense
@ But red is blue
@ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
@ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
@ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
@ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
How do you remember all these recipes?
They're all right here in this book.
Every recipe in here comes from
the Puckett family,
generation after generation. See?
Now, there's Sylvia Puckett at the North Pole.
She found the best hot
chocolate in the world there.
And there's Emma Puckett.
She flew cheesecakes across the Atlantic.
For as long as critters have had
a sweet tooth,
Pucketts have been making and collecting recipes
all over the world,
refining them, giving them that special Puckett
touch.
So you see, Red, when you put that hood on,
you carry on a grand tradition.
It's a big job, making sure the
world stays sweet.
Huh? What's this?
Oh, it says, "World's Greatest
Grandma."
Grandma, I can read.
It says, "Battle of the Iron Cage Gladiators."
A-ha! Ahh!
- Granny? - Listen, munchkin.
If there are two things your
Granny doesn't do,
it's lie and play extreme sports.
@ In your heart there's a room where you lock
away
@ All the times and the things that she said
@ And now red is blue
@ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
@ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh @
- Is it a flush that beats a full
house? - No, that's a full
house.
- Is it a flush that beats a full
house? - No,
that's a full house.
- It's not my turn? - I know about
houses.
I built mine out of straw. I'm not an
idiot.
Am I gonna get to put the cuffs on
someone, or what?
Remember, Ted,
pieces of a puzzle make funny
shapes, but they still fit together in
the end.
Boy, you're just full of those, aren't you?
We are closer to the Bandit than we've ever been
before, chief.
The clues to find him are right
here in this room.
In this room? That's what I've
been saying!
Are you telling me we're back to
square one?
Hold on, Smokey. Where's the fire?
Timmy, it's Tommy. You there? Over.
- Am I talking to the wall? -
If you don't have your walkie, don't
talk to me,
but if you got your walkie, let's
talk.
Put everybody in cuffs. I'm taking
them all in.
It's what I do, that's why I'm police chief.
Timmy, it's Tommy. Pick up. If you're there,
pick up the walkie.
What are you doing this
weekend? Over.
We've got this place locked
down, all secured.
It would seem that all of you came together
tonight by mistake.
Maybe you naughty
neighbors butted heads so we
could get to the real truth.
- The Goody Bandit. - That's
right.
The Bandit's still at large.
There's been a lot of finger-pointing
tonight,
but now all fingers point to
the Bandit.
- Not my finger! - Oh, no,
you were just out damaging forest
property,
cutting down the redwoods we all
call home.
Big guy like you, you could
probably take whatever you
want
from little goody-loving creatures.
But someone robbed me! Have we lost track of
that?
That's right, someone did.
Maybe a snack food competitor.
Right, Granny?
Now, hold on a pea-picking
minute!
I may lead a double life full of
secrets and deception,
- but that's no reason to be
suspicious. - Huh?
A woman like you could have a lot to gain stealing
all those recipes.
And that's how she makes her
goodies so good! Huh?
Or she could just be another
victim...
- What? ...of a hungry wolf!
The wolf did it. Talk about profiling.
Why should we trust someone
who wears disguises for a
living?
- Maybe he's not a wolf at all! -
You got me. I'm a poodle.
- Just haven't been to the
barbershop. - Is this all just a big
joke to you?
- I just followed the girl here. - You leave my
granddaughter alone!
Yes, now we get to Little Red,
the girl with the basket on the
run.
- Where is she, anyway? - I was
just...
The recipes are gone!
- Are you saying Red is the
Bandit? - Not my Red!
Calm down there, Triple G.
The only thing your
granddaughter is guilty of
is flying hummingbirds
without a license.
It would seem there is another
player in this game,
someone who's hippity-hopped
his way through all of your stories.
Yes, there's someone else.
The only one who was with Red
when she fell...
- Ohh! - No!
...who knew a shortcut to Granny's...
Oh, yeah. In fact, I know a shortcut.
...who fraternizes with evil ski
teams...
- What's your name? - Put, "To my biggest and
cutest fan."
...and someone who was there
when the schnitzel truck
was schnitzeled.
What the schnitzel?
Not the bunny!
- I knew it. Never trust a bunny. - Never trust a
bunny!
- Uh, chief. - Yeah?
No one's seen the bunny or the girl,
and that cable car left the
station.
I think we need an APB out on
something small and fuzzy.
I think you're right.
Get your boys to Red's place. We need to head off that cable car.
And bring in a police sketch
artist. No, make it a cartoonist.
We gotta hurry to beat it down. Bill, get everyone in
the cars.
Tommy, you can bring that
evidence with you. Let's go!
- You heard the chief, let's move it! - Not in the
same car!
Keep it moving. There's nothing
to see.
- Who's got my keys? - Shotgun.
- Did you get any shots of the bunny? - The bunny? Why?
I told you to take pictures of everything!
Ohh! We gotta get this to print before it's all
over the forest!
Something don't sit right in my
bones about this.
- What's that? - Maybe it's your
bones.
I smell schnitzel.
What have they done to my
schnitzel truck?
Why are they going up?
There's on old cable car station at the top of the
mountain.
We've got to follow them,
boys. Red's up there. I know it!
Get down the mountain. You
gotta stop those cops.
Run 'em off the road, dangle a donut, I don't
care.
- Tell 'em they're going the wrong
way. - Eezie-peezie! Leave it
to me!
You'll never catch 'em in time.
Is that coffee?
I can't believe I'm saying this, but...
drink up.
We may want...
...to stand back.
Yee-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Caffeine! Yeah, baby!
- Whoa! - Go get 'em, boy.
What...
...have I done? - Now the rest is
up to us.
Can I have coffee?
I don't like it. The cops are all over
the place.
Forget about the cops!
We've got everything we
need right here.
What about the old lady? If she's alive, she'll be
back.
You just don't get it, do you, Dolph?
I'm done!
I'm done dancing for the man!
The Muffin Man and Granny!
They can both take a hike!
I'm never gonna answer to anyone
ever again!
A-ha-ha!
Ah, I just love my job!
You see how it works, Dolph?
You prioritize, you set your
goals, you write a mission
statement.
You ask yourself, "Where do I see
me in five years?"
How about behind bars?
Red! Oh, hi, Red! What are you?
- You've spoiled the surprise. -
You're the Bandit.
Surprise!
I'm walkin' out of here with those
recipes.
- Really? - Yeah.
You're a bad bunny.
Oh, somebody's finally catching
up!
Did you think I followed you
around on your deliveries
because I liked you?
Oh, you best be fearing the ear,
baby.
Ahh!
Hai-yahh!
Is that all you got?
- Ohh! - Ha! You hit like a girl!
Come on.
And ka-blam!
Why don't you go home and cry to
your granny?
Dolph, tie up the brat. Lesa, hold
the book.
Vincent, get the truck. And Keith...
Darn it, change your name.
Please.
That's not scary, and I'm
embarrassed to say it.
- Boris. Try that. - Hmm.
Keith. You know?
Oh, watch out for Keith.
- You're crazy! - Maybe so.
But I'm top of the woods now,
baby!
@ When you're
@ Hopping on down the bunny
trail
@ The critters all seem to look
down
@ You're fuzzy and small Your ears are too tall
@ And goodies make the woods
go round
@ Now, I'm not a pig But you gotta
think big
@ When you're competing with the girl in the
hood
@ So you won't be a fan of my
evil plan
@ But I'm gonna be top of the
woods
@ Now the kids will be packed with my Boingo
snacks
@ Construction begins in a day
@ And all of the bears will be
ruled by the hare
@ As I maniacally plot from my evil
lair
We've really grown in the past year. Nabbing all the recipes was
phase one.
Now phase two is adding my own
special ingredient
to every goody.
A little something I like to call
"Boingonium."
It makes my snacks a little more... habit-
forming.
Happy customer!
Phase three gets a little messy.
I'm gonna need a lot of real estate
down the mountain,
so I've gotta blow the competition
away.
Oh, and that's not a metaphor.
We've literally got to blow them
away. OK?
Yeah, I got it.
And now that I have your
granny's secrets,
I'm afraid you'll be taking the
dyno-mite express home.
@ You won't be disrespecting this bunny no more
@ 'Cause I'm gonna be top of the woods Oh,
yeah
@ I said I'm gonna be top of
the woods
@ Let's bring it on home!
@ I said, I'm gonna be
@ Top of the woods
@ You've been hoodwinked,
baby!
@ Oh, yeah @
Sweet tea and cookies! We got to do something!
I know.
The song was catchy, but the choreography was terrible.
OK, listen.
I have an idea, but we need to get past that ski
team.
The toughest one is the big fella, really mean-
looking,
with a fat head and a thick skull.
Looks like a shaved ape.
- - I mean, he is u-u-u-ugly!
Like a big, swollen,
overgrown...
He's standing right behind me,
isn't he?
- Mm-hm. - Ahh!
Ah.
Ohh! Ohh!
Whoa!
Whew!
- Who taught you how to drive? -
Almost hit a squirrel. That was
close.
- Whee-yahh! -
[Metal crunching] - [Glass breaking]
[Sputtering]
What's the big idea?
I could've made road pizza out of
you, kid!
[Babbling]
- What's he saying? - What is
it, boy?
- - Truck. Trouble at the mill!
Is the barn on fire?
The barn's on fire! The well!
Timmy's stuck in the well!
Hold on. He seems to be
speaking words of some kind.
Pffsst!
You're a delivery girl. Then could
you do me a favor?
Could you take this down the
mountain?
'Cause it absolutely,
positively has to be there tonight!
I'm sorry. What? I can't quite... with
the...
You got something right
there across your mouth!
You're an actor, right? So this is your big part.
This is the role of a lifetime. Make them believe in
you.
Don't act like an evil henchman,
be an evil henchman. Got
it?
- Know what you're gonna say,
right? - Right!
- -
- Mr. Rabbit? - Dolph! Where
have you been?
You nim-witted Eurotrash with the... What is
that, a ski mask?
I like that. See, that's scary. That's good.
- Boss... - What? Say it! Spit it out!
- What's going on? - Boss...
Paul's Bunion cream has the
soothing formula...
Hi there. What he means to say is
that I'm the building
inspector.
- Yes. - I just need to tap the pipes
to see if your wiring's up to
par.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it.
You're not... No. You can't touch
anything in here.
Let's walk.
Let me level with you. You're an
evil genius, right?
Well, I don't know if I'd say genius,
you know.
I was asked to join Mensa.
You got an evil lair in a cave,
that's standard,
but see, most masters of evil
that we deal with
are up to evil genius code.
Are you familiar with the code?
You know, I'm more of a do-it-yourself kind of
guy. Yeah.
I understand. Thinking about
putting in a laser?
I don't know. I don't... Do you think I should?
Well, it's standard equipment for a
cave lair.
I'm not saying you're gonna zap someone today,
but you gotta think about the
future. They gotta be
calibrated.
- You gonna do that yourself? -
Well, I... I...
We should take a look at that power grid.
OK. Yeah, sure, sure.
Wait a minute.
I smell hairspray.
A-haaa!
Come here, you little bunny!
- - Huh?
Ooh!
Whoo!
Ha-ha!
Gotcha!
Get over here!
- Aahhh! -
Hey, Puckett!
Little Red's gonna take a ride!
And there ain't...
...no...
...brakes!
Red!
Aah!
Whoo!
She doesn't trust you anymore,
Granny!
Out of my way, bunny!
Whoo! Ha-ha!
Ahh!
Uhh!
- -
Dolph!
Whahh!
Wow, that's a... that's a long way.
- We could take the truck. - Let's take the truck.
Yeah, cool.
They go up, you go down. Gotta help! APB! Get
the bunny!
- This squirrel ate the wrong nuts. - English! What's wrong with you?
Wait a minute. I've got an idea.
[Babbling]
[Rewinding]
[Babbling]
Ah... OK.
The criminal cannot be found at the bottom of the mountain.
He resides at the top in a cave
fortress
where my companions are trying to detain
him.
Aww.
- That's more like it. - How do we
know he's on the level?
He threw himself in front of a car.
That's commitment.
No, that's crazy. We can't get up
there in time anyway.
Hey, chief! It looks like they're
coming to us!
Ahh!
Ohh! Ohh!
A-ha!
- Granny! - I'm coming, honey!
Grab the hood!
[Grunting]
[Gasps]
Aahhh!
[Screams]
Hold tight!
- Whoo-hoo! -
End of the line, ladies!
- Granny! - You know what to do.
Whoo!
Oh, wonderful.
No!
Watch your head.
- Oh! - Ow!
That hurts.
Get 'em outta here, boys.
[Engine starts]
- No, no, no, no. Not prison. - Say
Parcheesi!
Not prison! Not for a cute little bunny rabbit!
Not prison! Not for a cute little bunny rabbit!
- - Granny, Little Bit, we got 'em!
- Not bad for a little cookie
maker. - Thanks.
I guess I must have had my
eyes shut pretty tight
not to see how fast you were growing up.
You were really something up
there.
I take after my granny.
[Vehicle approaches]
Hello, everybody! Here, we have
the book!
[Crash]
[Car alarm blaring]
- What happened here tonight? -
My granny swooped in and
saved me.
- And the whole forest! - It was my Red who
saved the day.
Well, it was a group effort,
spearheaded by myself, of course.
You'll read the story in
tomorrow's column, but I will
take a few questions.
Mr. Kirkendal will be appearing in
our ad campaign...
- I got a call-back! - No, don't talk.
If a tree falls in the forest, you'll get three stories,
- yours, mine and the tree's. -
Well, a bunny gone bad is going
away,
and you'll wake up tomorrow with
piping hot tea cakes,
same as always.
Ooh!
Those are piping hot.
So how about that new delivery
system?
Well, it beats riding a bike,
that's for sure.
@ I got horns that hold the muffins
@ And I got horns that hold the pies
Hey, did you hear about Kirk? He finally made it.
[Yodeling]
- Wanna see the show with us? - I'm allergic to
yodeling.
- Now, Wolfie... - I'm front page material now,
I'm about to crack a story
about the three pigs
running a home improvement scam. Houses
falling.
I got the wide-angle lenses for those piggies.
You sure this is the right place?
- Ah. - Mr. Flippers.
I see you all got my message.
- Glad you could make it. - What's
going on?
Well, I was wondering if you
would like to come and work
for me.
I could use some fresh talent like
you.
What kind of work are we
talking about?
You'd be undercover, on
impossible missions...
...to faraway places.
There's a lot of stories out there
that need a happy ending.
I'm part of a secret
organization that makes sure that
happens.
"Happily Ever After Agency"?
The woods don't go around by themselves.
We fight the bad guys, swing through the
windows
secret-agent-style, right?
So, what do you think?
Bring it, honey.
I always did like happy endings.
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