The 1st rule of being a hipster is NEVER admitting that you are a hipster.E ven as the evidence mounts, you are required by hipster law to adamantly deny you are in any

way a hipster. If you must, get angry, remove your non-prescription black-rimmed glasses, stamp

your hand-sewn boots, and walk away from the table as quickly as your skinny jeans will allow.

But this rampant denial of Hipsterdom does present a problem at church because there’s no way to know how hipster your worship leader is. Until now.

T hough moving to Nashville has turned me into a hipster,

too, I felt it was my responsibility to create this score-

card. If churches would let you know on their signs

the degree of hipster you’re about to experience,

you wouldn’t need this. Until that day, though,

here is the world’s most comprehensive guide to

understanding how hipster your worship leader is.

NOTE:(This list is designed to address the male

hipster species, but should a lady feel led to

create a separate list for the female contin-

gent, I wish her the best. There are certainly

hipster girls leading worship—I just don’t know

how to describe their scarves very well.)

Hipster FIELD GUIDE

HANDMADESOCKHAT

+1

ORGANICCOTTONSCARF

+1HANDLEBAR

STACHE

+4

VINTAGEBIBLE

+4

CITYCHICKEN

TOMS

+1

ROLLED SKINNY JEANS

+1

+2

1. Has a pair of TOMS. = +1

2. Has a !eet of TOMS. = +2

3. Repaired a hole in the toe of his TOMS with a patch he knitted at home. = +3

4. If he’s not wearing TOMS, his shoes kind of look like he went bowling right before leading worship and forgot to give back the rental shoes. = +3

5. Feels Urban Out"tters is too mainstream. = +1

6. Wears a skinny tie. = +1

7. Wears a skinny tie with a button-up shirt untucked. = +2

8. Wears bow ties. = +1

9. The bow ties are handmade. = +2

10. By an 82-year-old bowtie maker who wears a vintage cummerbund. = +3

11. Regularly points out that your church doesn’t do enough worship songs that require the use of a banjo. = +1

12. Asked if the communion wafers are locally grown. = +2

13. Uses the phrase “farm to table” constantly at lunch after church. = +2

14. Has never stepped foot on a farm. = +4

15. Starting to roll his jeans. = +1

16. He thinks the Avett Brothers are some plumbers in town. = -10

17. Someone has ever told him he is “so Nashville.” = +2

18. Or “so Portland.” = +2

19. Or “so Brooklyn.” = +2

20. Or “so Austin.” = +2

21. Or “so Kissimmee, Florida.” = -2

SCORECARDT O T A L

WORSH IPL E A D E R

Hipster FIELD GUIDE

VINTAGEBOWLER

+1

SUITVEST

+1

HANDLEBAR STACHE

+4

PET OWL

+4

HOMEMADEKOMBUCHA

HAND-SEWNBOOTS

+1

CLAM DIGGERS

+1

+4

22. More likely to cover Mumford & Sons or the Lumineers during church than Chris Tomlin or Matt Redman. = +5

23. Appreciates the beard potential of David Crowder but is concerned that he doesn’t wear enough suspenders. = +3

24. Wears raw denim jeans that are not supposed to be washed. = +5

25. If it were up to him, the church picnic would be replaced with a food truck roundup with options like “Artisanal Apricots on Wheels.” = +5

26. When hired at your church, he asked if you knew a good cobbler in town. = +1

27. Thinking about making his own shoes. = +3

28. Already learned how to make his own shoes via Pinterest. = +4

29. Doesn’t own a TV and occasionally mentions that fact when you’re talking about things other than TV. = +2

30. But he watches Hulu, Net!ix on Demand and Youtube. = +3

31. Has a favorite font. = +1

32. It’s not Comic Sans. (No points, that’s not a

hipster thing. That font is universally hated.)

33. He wears Warby Parker glasses. = +2

34. Wears as much product in his hair as a metrosexual worship leader but calls it “pomade” instead. = +2

35. His Instagram feed is full of photos of his amp. = +1

36. Or close-ups of a microphone. = +5

37. Lives in the city and owns chickens. = +3

38. Built the coop by hand with locally sourced wood from trees that died natural deaths. = +4

39. Liked a number of bands before you knew they even existed and now that other people like them he’d rather not like them. = +1

40. Keeps trying to convince the pastor that he should do an “Explosions in the Sky” song during worship. = +2

41. He slapped you in the mouth when you asked if he owned a Blackberry. = +3

42. He wears work boots that have never been to work. = +2

43. Buttons the top button on his shirt and calls it “top shelf.” = +3

Hipster FIELD GUIDE

Page TOTAL

WOOL HAT

+1

FULLBEARD

+2

VINTAGECAMERA

WORKBOOTS

+1

BANJO

+1

+2

44. Has ever said the phrase, “I liked that before it was mainstream.” = +1 for each use.

45. Is so hipster he stopped using the word “mainstream” because it’s too mainstream. = +10

46. Has an old-timey handlebar mustache. = +1

47. Has a special wax from England that he uses on his mustache. = +2

48. Has a mustache, but it’s ironic. = +1

49. Can grow a surprisingly full mustache in less than a week. One Sunday there’s no mustache, next Sunday Magnum PI is leading worship. (Hipsters have an uncanny ability to grow facial hair.) = +4

50. No longer says the phrase “That’s so 2011” because that phrase is already so 2012. = +2

51. His kids dress cooler than you. = +3

52. Traded in his metrosexual Castro revolutionary hat for a little bowler hat. = +4

53. Reads the lyrics to the songs from a scroll. = +2

54. It’s printed on homemade paper. = +2

55. Hates hymns. = +2

56. Unless they’re “vintage” or “reclaimed.” = +4

57. Mixes unexpected instruments during worship. (e.g. plays his bass guitar with a bow.) = +4

58. Is thinking about vacationing in Iceland. = +3

59. Wears men’s capris on stage. = +1

60. Tells you, “They’re not capris, they’re clamdiggers.” = +2

61. Has never been clamdigging. = +3

62. Stopped blogging so that he could focus on tumblr. = +2

63. He traded in his silver Volkswagen Passat for a maroon old-school Volvo station wagon. = +1

64. Traded said station wagon in for a "xed gear bike. = +2

65. Wears leather high-top Nike Dunks. = +2

66. Has never actually dunked. = +3

67. Wears a periwinkle suit each Sunday. = -10

68. Wears a vest but no other part of the suit. = +10

69. Picked his latest guitar amp based on which one had the smallest carbon footprint. = +1

70. Still waiting for Pitchfork to start reviewing worship albums. = +2

Hipster FIELD GUIDE

Page TOTAL

POMADEHAIR

+1WARBY

PARKERS

+2

SUSPENDERS

+2

VINTAGEBOWTIE

+2

VINYLHYMNS

VINTAGE WING TIPS

+1

ROLLED PANTS

+1

+2

71. Thinks pitchfork is something used for pitching hay. = -10

72. Loves attending South by Southwest. = +2

73. Stopped attending when it got all “mainstream.” = +4

74. Used to have a band that wasn’t a “Christian band,” but a “band full of Christians.” = +2

75. Grows his own food and occasionally does worship leader talk singing from stage about it. “I was just reminded of how beautifully creative our God is this weekend when I was picking kale in my garden.” = +5

76. Drinks Kombucha on stage. = +2

77. It’s homemade. = +4

78. Shops exclusively at Whole Foods. = +1

79. Shops exclusively at Trader Joe’s. = +4

80. Only Christmas album he’ll listen to is Sufjan Stevens’ album. = +2

81. Can correctly spell Sufjan Stevens’ name on the "rst attempt without Googling it. = +4

82. Kind of looks like he cuts his own hair. = +1

83. He actually cuts his own hair with hand- sharpened scissors he got from the farmer’s market. = +10

84. If he had on camo and was holding a hunting ri!e, you’d swear he had a mullet, but holding a guitar makes it look like a cooler haircut than you could ever personally pull off. = +20

85. Wears skinny cardigan sweaters because they’re the new skinny jeans. = +1

86. But he still wears skinny jeans too. = +2

87. Wishes the videos your church showed felt more like Wes Anderson "lms. = +2

88. Inexplicably owns a pet owl. = +2

89. Keeps his wallet on a chain. = +2

90. Uses Moleskine notebooks. = +2

91. Writes in his Moleskine with a vintage pen that requires him to carry around his own ink supply in a tiny clouded glass container. = +4

92. Has an iPad, but the case is made of reclaimed farm wood. = +2

93. Completely denies weather exists, wearing wool hats in the summer and tank tops in the winter. = +2

94. He constantly tells you that he is not a hipster despite mounting evidence. = +20

Hipster FIELD GUIDE

Page TOTAL

Hipster FIELD GUIDE

How did your worship leader score?

0-10 Not Hipster.Your worship leader is not hipster. Not even a little. Is he metrosexual? Maybe. (There’s an illustrated

scorecard for that in the Stuff Christians Like book.) Is he traditional? Maybe. Does he think the

phrase “hipster” refers to a bone ailment that impacts members of the senior citizen community

who don’t get enough calcium chews? Possibly. Hard to tell, but one thing is sure, you won’t be

seeing any banjos or razor-thin cardigans at your church anytime soon.

11-50 Headed to hipster.You’re on your way, my friend. Your worship leader is taking baby steps toward the land of hipster.

The steps are probably being made right now in a pair of TOMS, raw denim jeans and vintage

!annel shirt that looks like it might have been originally worn by an old prospector who owned a

claim up by Johnson’s crick.

51-100 The lost son from Mumford & Sons.Congratulations! Visitors from Brooklyn will feel right at home in your church. The mustaches are

ironic, the suspenders full of stories, the music full of instruments you didn’t know people still played.

Is there both a Macbook and a washboard up on stage at the same time? Yes, yes, I think there is.

101+ Mayor of Nashville.If your worship leader ever comes to Nashville, they are going to have a parade for him. And at

the parade they will serve farm to table, organic quinoa instead of anything cooked in a Crock-Pot.

Everyone will get tattoos of anchors with obscure verses on their arms before riding away on "xed

gear bikes into an Americana sunset.

Want more from Stuff Christians Like?Pick up a copy of the book at Amazon or daveramsey.com

Read the blog: StuffChristiansLike.net

Follow Jon Acuff on Twitter: @JonAcuff

Add up all the points and find out what it all means with this convenient key: