Helping children to manage anger

Sara Hitchenswww.sarahitchens.counselling.co.uk

What are emotions?

No definitive list but…Paul Eckman (1972) listed 6 basic emotions that he thought were hard-wired and universal:- Anger - Disgust- Fear - Surprise- Sadness- Joy

ANGER a misunderstood emotion

It is a normal, healthy emotion It can mobilize us to make

changes

Physiological response

Anger gears up the body into fight mode

What is happening in the brain?Pre-frontal cortex – strategy/THINKINGLimbic system – emotions/INSTINCTS

Amygdala - receives incoming data, decides whether to send data to the limbic or cortex area

Amygdala hijacking – physical and emotional alarm system activated, flood of hormones released leading to a surge of energy

Thinking part of brain not engaged

Some Amygdalas are more sensitive than others – some people have a short fuse!

It will often take over 20 minutes for hormonal releases to decrease in intensity – and cortex (thinking part of the brain) to re-engage!

So what can you do?

o Be aware of your own anger triggerso Be aware what you are MODELLING

o Give young people STRATEGIES for managing their anger.

What makes you angry?

Feeling taken advantage of?

Feeling as if your opinion or efforts aren't appreciated?

Feeling that others should behave better?

Injustice?

Memories of enraging events?

Did you know?

oWe are rarely ever angry for the reasons we think.

oUnderneath many current angers are old disappointments, traumas, and triggers.

oWe are often angry when we didn't get what we needed as a child.

Did you know?

oWe become more angry when we are stressed and body resources are down

oWe often become angry when we see a trait in others we can't stand in ourselves.

How do you handle anger?

EXPRESSION – CONVEYING YOUR ANGER?o Angry outbursts?o Violence – towards people or things?o Rational discussion?

SUPPRESSION – HOLDING ANGER IN?

o Hurtful humour or sarcasm?o Gossip?o Refusing to comply?o Illness?o Chronic lateness?o Depression?

Calming downoManaging your outward behaviouro Letting your strong feelings subsideo THINKING

Strategies for calming down

TAKE A BREAK

• Focus on your body• Take some deep breaths• Slowly count to ten • Relax – try listening to music• Stretch or massage areas of tension• Exercise – releases pent-up energy

Constructive expression

Stating concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them

TEACHINGConstructive expression

LISTEN attentivelyNAME the feelingsCONNECT feeling with reasonsPRAISE efforts to verbalize feelings

Only then…

Offer alternative perspectivesTeach problem solving skills

Practice makes perfect…

TALK about anger TEACH importance of taking a

break & ways to cool down TEACH constructive expression

Agree on what is not allowedEnsure consequences when they break rules

Conscious, reflective regulation of emotions develops kids who can handle the many feelings that a rich life brings…