Helping Children Manage Their Feelings Notes Handout

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How to Help Young Children Manage their Emotions

Ruth Anne Hammond, MARIE® Associate

RIE Webinar May 19, 2020

Copyright Ruth Anne Hammond 2020 Trademarks used under license from Resources for Infant Educarers®

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Evolution: Down from the Trees

Copyright Ruth Anne Hammond 2020Trademarks used under license from Resources for Infant

Educarers®

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Panksepp’s Primary (Unlearned) Affects

• SEEKING• FEAR• PANIC/GRIEF• RAGE • PLAY• CARE• LUST


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John Bowlby’s Attachment TheoryNature & Nurture


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Attachment Patterns/StyleClassification Based on

Secure

Anxious/Ambivalent

Avoidant

Disorganized

Child’s Reunion Behavior after Stressful Short Separation

Seeks closeness, calms quickly, returns to play

Seeks closeness but is not calmed, may be angry; does not easily return to play

Does not seem to notice mother’s return, did not protest her departure, continues independent activity

Shows some fear; behaviour chaotic, hard to classify


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Adult’s Role in Attachment Styles

Child’s Pattern of Attachment Primary Adult’s Behavior with Child

Secure Attuned, sensitive, & contingent

Anxious/Ambivalent Unreliably available & effective,

sometimes non-responsive

Avoidant Distant, unresponsive, intrusive

Disorganized Suffers from own unresolved trauma, emotionally unstable, even scary to child


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Ruth Anne Hammond 2020 Trademarks used under license from Resources for Infant Educarers®

Allan N. Schore’sRegulation Theory:

“The experience of being with a regulating (or dysregulating) other is incorporated into an enduring interactive representation.” (1994)

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Regulation TheoryIn a Nutshell

• The brain is an experience dependent organ• Epigenetics allow for rapid, non-genetic adaptations to shifts in the environmental niche

• The quality of care an infant receives influences early forming right brain structures

•Well-developed brains contribute to affect regulation and later self-control

• Goal of secure attachment is the capacity for intimacy • Adaptability and neuroplasticity can be for good or ill

• Resilience is the result of sufficient positive early experiences


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Co-regulation (with interactive help of another person)

Auto-regulation (independent)

SELF-REGULATION

Schore’s Regulation TheoryDescribes the Balance Between Two Ways of

Managing Arousal States


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Attachment & Self-Regulation

Pattern of Attachment

Secure

Anxious/Ambivalent

Avoidant

Disorganized

Self-Regulation Pattern

Flexibly able to self-soothe yet seek help from a co-regulator when needed

Over-uses co-regulation

Over-uses auto-regulation

No effective means of self-regulating


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Long Term Benefits of Secure Attachment & Healthy Self-Regulation

•Physical health•Strong immune system• Empathy and the capacity for intimate relationships with family, friends and lovers•Self-awareness •Ability to focus on learning, tolerate frustration & follow through


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Comforting News:

It’s enough to be a “good enough” parent.(D.W. Winnicott)


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Recap: Panksepp’s Primary (Unlearned) AffectsAKA: Nature’s Perfect Plan

• SEEKING: Need for exploration• FEAR: Need to be safe• PANIC/GRIEF: Need to be connected to loved ones• RAGE: Thwarted ability to satisfy needs or wants • PLAY: Default mode when child’s needs are met• CARE: Inspires adult’s attention to child’s needs• LUST: Inspires procreation of species


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Valence (Positive – Negative)

Intensity (Low – High)

Feelings Come in All Sizes


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What Do We Actually Do to Help Children with Their More Difficult Feelings?

• Be with them through their feeling states• Listen more than talk• All feelings (if not behaviors) are valid and acceptable • Don’t try to ‘fix’ them; no one likes to be managed• House Rules: Clear & consistent limits create a sense of safety • Empathize but keep the larger view; this too will pass• Take responsibility to restore harmony •Rupture & Repair: Repair is the key


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Thank you!

Please contact me at:ruthannehammond.com


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What is the Environment of Evolutionary Adaptedness

(EEA)?

• Concept of Bowlby’s based on Darwin’s theory• Based on survival needs

• Determines the structure and behavior of organisms

• Natural selection of most well-adapted genes for survival

• In humans includes caregiving behaviors that promote optimal postnatal brain development for survival purposes


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http://gmail.com

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Educaring® Bridges Modern Conditions and “Nature’s Perfect Plan”

•Prioritizes primary relationships•Promotes cooperation through sensitive, responsive caregiving

•Promotes empathy and perspective-taking through emotional authenticity and honest communications

•Built on trust in the child’s innate drive toward mastery and maturity

•Promotes autonomy through free movement and play•Environment is simple, natural and nurturing

•Fosters self-regulation through Selective Intervention

•Balances the child’s need for both autonomy and interdependence


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John Bowlby, MD

Father of Attachment Theory

• Child psychiatrist in post-war Britain• Studied evolutionary biology in developing Attachment Theory

• The key element in the environment of the infant mammal is the mother or main nurturer

• Primates (including humans) evolved such that the mother, rather than the nest, would be the youngs’ place of safety in times of threat


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John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory

•Proximity Maintenance•Separation Distress•Safe Haven•Secure Base


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Allan N. Schore, PhD

The American BowlbyFather of Regulation Theory

• Psychoanalyst and neuroscientist who has written many seminal books on the neurobiology of emotional development •Correlates Attachment Theory with Affective Neuroscience into Regulation Theory


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Secure Base Behavior


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Documents

Helping Children Manage Their Feelings Notes Handout