Heiligenstadt Testament

1 Testament

For my brothers Carl and [Johann] BeethovenO you men who think or say that I am malevolent, stub-born or misanthropic, how greatly do you wrong me, youdo not know the secretcauses ofmy seeming, from childhoodmy heart andmindwere disposed to the gentle feelings of good will, I waseven ever eager toaccomplish great deeds, but reect now that for six years Ihave been a hopeless case, aggravated by senseless physi-cians, cheatedyear after year in the hope of improvement, nally com-pelled to face the prospect of a lastingmalady (whose curewill take yearsor, perhaps, be impossible), born with an ardent and livelytemperament, even susceptible to the diversions of soci-ety, I wascompelled early to isolate myself, to live in loneliness,when I at times tried to forget all this, O how harshly wasI repulsed bythe doubly sad experience of my bad hearing, and yet itwas impossible for me to say to men speak louder, shout,for I am deaf. Ahhow could I possibly admit such an inrmity in the onesense which should have been more perfect in me than inothers, a sensewhich I once possessed in highest perfection, a perfectionsuch as few surely in my profession enjoy or have enjoyed- O I cannotdo it, therefore forgive me when you see me draw backwhen I would gladly mingle with you, my misfortune isdoubly painful becauseit must lead to my being misunderstood, for me there canbe no recreations in society of my fellows, rened inter-course, mutualexchange of thought, only just as little as the greatestneeds command disposition, although I sometimes rancounter to it yieldingto my inclination for society, but what a humiliation whenone stood beside me and heard a ute in the distance andI heardnothing, or someone heard the shepherd singing and againI heard nothing, such incidents brought me to the verge of

despair, butlittle more and I would have put an end to my life - onlyart it was that withheld me, ah it seemed impossible toleave the worlduntil I had produced all that I felt called upon me to pro-duce, and so I endured this wretched existence - trulywretched, anexcitable body which a sudden change can throw from thebest into the worst state - Patience - it is said that I mustnow choosefor my guide, I have done so, I hope my determinationwill remain rm to endure until it please the inexorableparcae to break thethread, perhaps I shall get better, perhaps not, I am pre-pared. Forced already in my 28th year to become aphilosopher, O it is noteasy, less easy for the artist than for anyone else - DivineOne thou lookest into my inmost soul, thou knowest it,thou knowestthat love of man and desire to do good live therein. Omen, when some day you read these words, reect thatyou did me wrong andlet the unfortunate one comfort himself and nd one ofhis kind who despite all obstacles of nature yet did all thatwas in hispower to be accepted among worthy artists and men. Youmy brothers Carl and [Johann] as soon as I am dead if Dr.Schmid is stillalive ask him in my name to describe my malady and at-tach this document to the history of my illness so that sofar as possible atleast the world may become reconciled with me after mydeath. At the same time I declare you two to be the heirsto my smallfortune (if so it can be called), divide it fairly, bear withand help each other, what injury you have done me youknow was longago forgiven. To you brother Carl I give special thanks forthe attachment you have displayed towards me of late. Itis my wishthat your lives be better and freer from care than I havehad, recommend virtue to your children, it alone can givehappiness, notmoney, I speak from experience, it was virtue that upheld

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me in misery, to it next to my art I owe the fact that I didnot end mylife with suicide. - Farewell and love each other - I thankall my friends, particularly Prince Lichnowsky and Pro-fessor Schmid - Idesire that the instruments from Prince L. be preservedby one of you but let no quarrel result from this, so soonas they canserve you better purpose sell them, how glad will I be if Ican still be helpful to you in my grave - with joy I hastentowardsdeath - if it comes before I shall have had an opportunityto show all my artistic capacities it will still come too earlyfor medespite my hard fate and I shall probably wish it had comelater - but even then I am satised, will it not free me frommy stateof endless suering? Come when thou will I shall meetthee bravely. - Farewell and do not wholly forget mewhenI am dead, Ideserve this of you in having often in life thought of youhow to make you happy, be so -HeiligenstadtOctober 6,1802 Ludwig van BeethovenFor my brothers Carl and [Johann]to be read and executed after my death.

2 AddendumHeiligenstadt, October 10, 1802, thus do I take myfarewell of thee - and indeed sadly - yes that beloved hope- which I broughtwith me when I came here to be cured at least in a degree- I must wholly abandon, as the leaves of autumn fall andare withered sohope has been blighted, almost as I came - I go away -even the high courage - which often inspired me in thebeautiful days ofsummer - has disappeared - O Providence - grant me atleast but one day of pure joy - it is so long since real joyechoed in myheart - O when - O when, O Divine One - shall I nd itagain in the temple of nature and of men - Never? no - Othat would be toohard.

This work is a translation and has a separatecopyright status to the applicable copyright protectionsof the original content.Original:

This work was published before January 1, 1923, and isin the public domain worldwide because the author diedat least 100 years ago.Translation:

This work is in the public domain in the United Statesbecause it was published before January 1, 1923. Itmay be copyrighted outside the U.S. (see Help:Public do-main).

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