HEALING BEGINS WITH FORGIVENESS 9” Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’?

HEALING BEGINS WITH FORGIVENESS

9”Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? 10 But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the man, 11 “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.”

Mark 2:9-11

FORGIVENESSFORGIVENESS

• Forgiveness comes with a cost.• Healing begins with forgiveness.


“It is not as though forgiving were the remedy of choice among other options, less effective but still useful. It is the only remedy.”

Lewis SmedesThe Art of Forgiving


1. I have to admit something happened.

2. I must get in touch with the consequences of the act done against me.

3. I must tell God what happened to me.

The Order of ForgivenessThe Order of Forgiveness

4. I must forgive the offender, for my benefit.

5. I tell the offender I’ve forgiven him when he repents, for his sake.


6. I must distinguish between forgiving and trusting my offender.

7. I must seek reconciliation, not just conflict resolution.


“The victims of injustice and oppression must be ever ready to forgive. Those who have wronged [us] must be ready to make what amends they can. . . . If I have stolen your pen, I can’t really be contrite when I say ‘Please forgive me’ if at the same time I still keep your pen. If I am truly repentant, then I will demonstrate this genuine repentance by returning your pen. The [reconciliation], which is always costly, will happen. . . . It can’t happen just by saying, ‘Let bygones be bygones.’”

Desmond Tutu

Forgiveness vs. Forgiveness vs. ReconciliationReconciliation

• It takes one person to forgive.• It takes two to be reconciled.


• Forgiving happens inside the wounded person.• Reconciliation happens in a

relationship between people.


•We can forgive a person who never says he is sorry.•We cannot be truly reconciled

unless he is honestly sorry.


•We can forgive even if we do not trust the person who wronged us once not to wrong us again.• Reconciliation can happen only if

we can trust the person who wronged us once not to wrong us again.


• Reconciliation is sometimes impossible.• Reconciliation is sometimes

harmful.• Reconciliation may be such a threat

that it prevents a wounded person from forgiving.

ReconciliationReconciliation

The person who hurt us should not be the person who decides whether or when we should recover from the pain he brought us.

What If The Person What If The Person Doesn’t Say Sorry?Doesn’t Say Sorry?

The question is never how many times we are supposed to forgive, but how many times we need to forgive.

How Many Times?How Many Times?

• Be patient with yourself.• Expect some relapses.• Be angry.• Let go of hate.• Forgive communally.

How Do You Know You’ve How Do You Know You’ve Forgiven?Forgiven?

• Is there somebody I need to forgive?• Is there someone I need to go and

ask forgiveness from?• Can I ever forgive myself?• Have I ever let it really sink in the

message of God’s forgiveness?

Forgiveness QuestionsForgiveness Questions

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HEALING BEGINS WITH FORGIVENESS 9” Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’?