Habit #4Think Win-Win

“Life is an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet!”

How do I use Habit #4 Think Win-Win? Think Win-Win is a habit that will help your

relationships If you can make this a habit, your

relationships will improve - really! You will be able to deal with issues,

problems, arguments, etc more effectively and most importantly…keep both yourself and the people around you happy!

“Win – Lose” – The Totem PolePeople with this attitude usually:

Use other people, emotionally or physically, for their own selfish purposes

Try to get ahead at the expense of others

Spread rumors about others Concentrate on getting their own

way without thinking about others’ feelings

Become jealous and envious when something good happens to someone else

“Lose – Win” – The Doormat

People with this attitude usually: Set low expectations for themselves Have low self-esteem and never

consider themselves worthy or good enough

Compromise their standards over and over again

Give in to peer pressure Allow themselves to be walked on

with the excuse of being the “peacemaker”

Is there a time when a Lose-Win attitude is fine?

“Lose – Lose” – The Downward SpiralPeople with this attitude usually:

Seek revenge Desire to win at all costs Are obsessed with others

in a negative manner Have codependent and

emotionally damaging relationships

“Win – Win” – The All You Can Eat Buffet

People with this attitude usually:

Are happy when others succeed

Help others succeed Think “Abundance” Are willing to share

recognition with others

See life as an All-you-can-eat buffet for everybody

When do we need to “Think Win-Win?” When we are playing

sports, games, etc. When we need to work as

a group When we need to address

problems in our relationships

Really - we need win-win for most of our human interactions.

Video ClipHelping a Friend Succeed:

What Would You Do?

YouTube - Dance

Difficult Conversations In relationships,

communication and conversations must happen.

When we feel strongly about something, we sometimes need to have difficult conversations.

Who really wants to have a difficult conversation? Think of a time

when you have. Was the outcome

good? Why? Why not?

Difficult conversations are a fact of life In your personal and work life

you will have to have difficult conversations.

Entering into a difficult conversation with a win/lose, lose/win, lose/lose mindset will guarantee failure.

Entering into a difficult conversation as a learning experience and a chance for you to get a different perspective on an issue will ensure “success”.

Five Tips for entering into difficult conversations.

1. WHAT DO I WANT TO HAPPEN AS A RESULT OF THE CONVERSATION?

What is the outcome that you want?

Do you really need to say something?

Do you want to find out what the person thinks?

Do you want the person to stop doing something?

Keep the conversation moving towards your goal of the conversation.

2. WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MESSAGE I WANT TO COMMUNICATE?

The “why” behind your conversation

Be specific and include only the most important reasons

Be careful not to bring up other factors or issues other than what you are speaking about

3. AM I FOCUSED ON THE TOPIC OR EMOTION?

An issue that is important to us will involve feelings. However, if you get emotional it will prevent effective communication

Stay calm and neutral while speaking

Stay focused on the content and facts that support your request.

4. WHAT IS THE RIGHT TIME AND PLACE?

When both of you have time to discuss

Make an appointment if necessary/or set up a time to meet.

Choose a place with no distractions or other people.

5. WHAT IS THE OTHER PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE?

Consider the other person’s feelings and paradigms

Ask if they understand what you’re saying or if they have any questions.

Be sure to listen when the other person is talking.

Ask questions. Decide on a Win-Win

solution together

What are some difficult conversations you may need to have with a friend?

1.________________________2.________________________3.________________________

Let’s go back through the 5 steps and use one of these as an example: You find out from a friend that someone

has been spreading a rumor about you and you are incredibly upset.

You’ve let a new band member into your band, but you realize that he/she is not as good as you thought they were. They think they are great.

A friend has been smoking dope for the last 6 months and he/she doesn’t think she has a problem, but their life is starting to revolve around when they are going to get their next joint.