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AHM ConnectDr. Scott Engelman
© AHM 2018
Welcome to
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Today’s Host
Mark Jackson
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AHM IN FOCUS
ThroughInstruction-Community-Retreat-Mentoring
Offering Men Hope andDirection
in a Confusing World
through Jesus Christ.
By Providing a StrategyFor Masculine Spiritual Advancement
Executed in Six Ways
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Dr S A Engelman
Today
Not All Stories Are Created Equal
Session #5 of 6
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Dr. S Engelman
Purpose of this Series
Your Smaller StoryGod’s
Larger Story
KNOW UNDERSTAND
Have a new Context for re-Interpreting
all the Experiences/Emotions of your Life
So you can become the kind of character
you were created to be in the greatest Story
ever told
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Dr. S EngelmanDr. S Engelman
Outline of Series
God’s Story Your Story
1. History is God’s Story
2. How God Tells a Story
3. The Story God is Telling
4. How your Story was Formed
5. Not all Stories are Created Equal
6. Living into God’s Story
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Dr. S Engelman
Where the Outline is Taking Us
God is directing all of Human History
past, present,futurein the telling of a Transcendent,
Overarching Story
l
e
God’s Story is being told with
Linear MovementAnd 3 themes:
Innocence, Tragedy, Resolution
g
y
God uses 7 chpts to tell how those with
“eyes of faith” can know something the angels can’t but long to understandhe angels can t butlong to understand
Your Life is a visible story
composed of many personal stories both good/bad
Innocence, TragedyResolution
y, ty, tl
c
Not all Menare telling their
Life Story in the context of
God’s Story
Dr. S Engelman
Transcendent,Overarching Story
In
You can be transformed
by learning to live your story in context
of God’s Story
#1 #2 #3
#4#5#6
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Dr. S Engelman
Review Last Session How your Story was Formed
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What is Your Story?
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How was Your Story Formed?
How do You Come to Know
Your Story?
Your default mode of operation that’s being told by your
self-protective relational style
Through boyhood memories that
were framed in a broken masculine
design
By learning to notice your Family Context; Sacred Stories; Personal
Interpreter
Three Questions
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Dr. S Engelman
Today Session #5
NotAll Stories are
Created Equal
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Dr. S Engelman
Introduction
As Male Image Bearers, we have been created to have a unique place
in God’s Story
The best way for a Man to live is to devote his life
to finding that place.
IF TRUE…
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Dr. S Engelman
Problem!
Finding our place in God’s Story isn’t as easy
as it would seem.
The stories we live from are too often
unhealthy stories
ONE REASON
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Dr. S Engelman
What do I mean?
Give our lives: -Hope
-Direction -Power
-Meaning
Healthy Story Unhealthy Story
Traps our lives in: -Shame
-Brokenness -Fear
-Despair
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Dr. S Engelman
Today’s Question
What makes Your Story
Healthy or Unhealthy ?
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Dr. S Engelman
Today’s Purpose:
To help you Diagnose
the Health of Your Story
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Dr. S Engelman
Today’s Outline
The Marks of an Unhealthy
Story
The Marks of a Healthy
Story
The Cure for an Unhealthy
Story
I.
II.
III.
Adapted from Lecture by D. Taylor
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Dr. S EngelmanDr. S Engelman
I. The Marks of an Unhealthy Story
(Four Marks)
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Dr. S Engelman
FOOTNOTE: The Story behind Unhealthy Stories
The first unhealthy story appeared in Edenwith the introduction of a VIRUS
Satan, the “Deceiver” and “Father of Lies”
Put spin on God’s Wordincongruent with God’s
Story: Good can be found outside of God
Dr. S Engelman
Emptiness-Pursuit pattern of Relating
Infects every Story turning them into
unhealthy, diseased stories
SOURCE
Satan the “Deceiver” and
ESSENCE
P t i o God’ Wo d
SYMPTOM
Emptiness Pursuit pattern
SCOPE
I f t St
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Dr. S Engelman
1. Postmodern Relativism
Belief: (1) All stories are equally valuable
(2) No story can be “truer” than another.
Common sense says this belief is NOT true.
Some stories promote life, others death.
Some stories advance hope, others despair.
Some stories encourage love/kindness, others
selfishness/hate.
What?
True?
Why?
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Dr. S Engelman
Example Equal or Unequal?
Love, Life, Hope
Hatred, Death, Despair
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Dr. S Engelman
If all Stories are Equally Valuable/True, Then…
We have no moral authority to stand againstthe destructive story of an evil man
Differing human values are only a
matter of preferenceand opinion
You can’t judgeevil man’s story
since your values
are notsuperior to his values
The values of an evil man’s story
are just as valid asthe values of
your story
Also
Charles Manson
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Dr. S Engelman
Likewise If all Stories are Equally Valuable/True…
We can only live in this World as uninvolved, silent spectators
We can only watchan evil man’s
equally valid storyunfold before us
Our stories don’t really matter to anyone beyond
ourselves.
Dr. S Engelman
Then
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Dr. S Engelman
Summary The First Mark of an Unhealthy Story
Postmodern Relativism
Common sensetells us this message
is not true
Mark of unhealthy storybecause it shapes us
into silent, passive men
The belief that all stories are
equally valuable, and no story is
truer than another.
Tolerance Can’t Judge
Unenlightened
Embrace Can’t Disagree
Hater
2009 2019
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Dr. S Engelman
2. Exaggerated Individualism
What?Belief:
“My story is all that matters and the only story that counts”
How different from Individualism?
Belief: “My story is unique
and different than yours”
Mark of Healthy
Story
Mark of Unhealthy
Story
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Dr. S Engelman
What Makes it Unhealthy?
Suggests: All stories
including God’s Story are irrelevant
compared to mine
Using God/Others for purposes of my own Story
(Emptiness-Pursuit)
Produces:
Leads to:
Isolation from Meaningful Community
I have no responsibilityto you/God
You/God have nothingsignificant to say to me.
SAYS:
Exaggerated Individualism
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Dr. S Engelman
God
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Dr. S Engelman
Mark of an unhealthy story because it rouses the
Emptiness-Pursuit Pattern
Belief: “My story is all that matters”
“I have NO responsibility to you or God…And NEITHER you or God
have anything to say to me.”
Summary The Second Mark of an Unhealthy Story
Exaggerated Individualism
Promotes isolation fromand non-accountability tomeaningful Community
“I h NO““
Pro-Choice Mindset
Morality of Offense
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Dr. S Engelman
3. Disempowering Determinism
What?Belief:
We are what we are because of “forces”
over which we have no control.
Marxism
We are the productof the social classwe are born into
Freudianism
We are slavesof our own
unconscious mind
Postmodernism
We are victimsof power/authority
of others
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Dr. S Engelman
Disempowering Determinism Is Behind Today’s “Victim Culture”
You are a VICTIM of Someone/Something!
Homophobes Misogynists
Patriarchy Parents, Police
Past abuse Present harassment
Microaggressions Macroaggressions
Racism Capitalism
Religious Intolerance
Masculine men responsible for Global Warming g
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Dr. S Engelman
In Fact
S Engelman
INTER-SECTIONALITY
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Dr. S EngelmanDr. S Engelman
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Dr. S Engelman
What Truth Is This Cartoon Exposing?
While it’s True
Certain “forces” can/do negatively influence the men
we become
It’s NOT True
We are powerlessto choose and not responsible
to change
Today’s Victim Culture excuses responsibilityand encourages blame
While it’s True It’s NOT True
“Victim” of unjust act/experience
“Victim” as an approach to Life
t “
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Dr. S Engelman
Note
Eventually becomes
“Victim” as one’s Identity
“Victim”as an approach
to Life…
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Dr. S Engelman
In Other Words
As Defined by INJUSTICE/UNFAIRNESS
HOPELESS VICTIM that can only cope by blaming outside forces
for your life’s undesired condition
If you view your Life:
You will come to identify yourself:
LARGER STORY that includes
Unjust/Unfair Experiences
Rather than:
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Dr. S Engelman
Question
What’s the Problem with Today’s “Victim Culture”
in the Context of God’s Story?
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Dr. S Engelman
Answer
Inherent in being a character in God’s Story
is both:
God-given powerfor you
to choose
God-assigned responsibility
for you to choose.
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Dr. S Engelman
This Means
When a Man BLAMES
Someone or Something for the condition of
his Story
He places himselfat the mercy of
Hostile/Indifferent Forcesoutside the context
of God’s Story
He abdicates both hisPower/Responsibilityto live as a character
in God’s Story
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Dr. S Engelman
Mark of an unhealthy storybecause it feeds passivityand irresponsibility in men
Belief: We are what we are because of powerful “forces”
over which we have no control
Men are designed to exercise power by making choices and taking responsibility
Summary The Third Mark of an Unhealthy Story
Disempowering Determinism
Violates God’s design for Men as characters
in God’s Story
Men are desig
Identity Politics
Christian “Fatalism”
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Dr. S Engelman
Suggested Reading
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Dr. S Engelman
4. Indecisive Cowardice
What?The REFUSAL
to choose or actin uncertain situations
while living in an unpredictable World
directed by a mysterious God.
The DEMAND: √ Life be manageable√ God be controllable
√ Certainty be achievable
The HATRED of the mystery and faith
that characterizes all of God’s Story
Dr. S Engelman
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Dr. S Engelman
Note on Reality
We will alwayspossess only partial
knowledge andunderstanding of
anything
We will neverbe able to
construct/create a predictable World that guarantees the
life we want
Dr. S Engelman
Our choices/actions will alwaysrequire a certain degree of
faith and risk.
Because we hate mystery and love manageability
Acting on Faith & Risk
will always be less attractive
Acting on Guarantees &
Certainty is alwaysmore attractive
This Means:
However:
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Dr. S Engelman
What’s the Problem with “Guarantees”?
Because uncertainty/risk
are what produces the kind of TENSION
required for a good story
What will Demand for Guarantee do?
Rob your Story of meaning and significance
Leave your Story uninteresting
and dull
What will Demandf G d ?
KILL Y
OU
R S
TO
RY
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Dr. S Engelman
Mark of unhealthy story as it stops movement, feeds fear,
hinders faith
The the refusalto choose or act without certainty or guarantees
Men are designed to move with courage in chaos by risking faith in God
Summary The Fourth Mark of an Unhealthy Story
Indecisive Cowardice
Violates God’s design for Men as active characters
in God’s Story
Men are desi
ScienceEducationExegesis
Vending Machine God
Theology
Create Illusion Escape Responsibility
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Dr. S Engelman
Question
If UNHEALTHY Stories are Marked by…
Postmodern Relativism Exaggerated Individualism
Disempowering Determinism Indecisive Cowardice
Then what are HEALTHY Stories Marked by?
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Dr. S Engelman
5 Minutes
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Dr. S Engelman
Question
If UNHEALTHY Stories are Marked by…
Postmodern Relativism Exaggerated Individualism
Disempowering Determinism Indecisive Cowardice
Then what are the Marks of a HEALTHY Story?
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Dr. S Engelman
A Healthy Story is Marked by
4 Things
(6 Things in Notes)
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Dr. S Engelman
1. A Healthy Story is Truthful
A truthful story corresponds to Creational Reality
Explains the World in a way that
convincingly accounts for
why things are the way they are
Dr. S Engelman
Meets our spiritual/
intellectual need for
transcendentmeaning and
personalsignificance
Rings trueregarding how we experience
Lifearound us and our
Emotionswithin us
Leaves us feeling
internally settled,
connected, and
grounded as a Man
What?
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Dr. S Engelman
In Other Words
Leave you feeling the need to lie to yourself
in order to live in it.
Require you to stretch or suppress
the factsof your experience
in order to make them “livable”
S Engelman
Leave you feeling internally divided,
fragmented or anxious
A Truthful Story will not…
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Dr. S Engelman
Illustration of Untruthful Story
“We are meaning seeking beings who must deal with the inconvenience
of being hurled into a universe that intrinsically has no meaning.
And so to avoid nihilism we must embark on a double task.
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Dr. S Engelman
Example of Untruthful Story
“First, we invent a life-meaning project that is sturdy enough to support a life.
Next, we must contrive to forget our act of invention and then persuade ourselves
that we have not invented but discovered a life-meaning project
—that it has an independent, out-there existence.”
S Engelman
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Dr. S Engelman
2. A Healthy Story is Energizing
Living in a truthful story will energize you to…
Make choicesto live the Life
you were created to live in this World
as a Man
Not be contentto passively sit and let
things happento or
around you
Risk trusting God for all of life by letting
go of the need for control and
certainty
What?
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Dr. S Engelman
3 Results of Living in a Truthful, Energizing Story
Self-absorption
Self-deception
Self-destruction
Self-protection
Postmodern RelativismAll stories are equal/true
Exaggerated IndividualismOnly your story matters
Disempowering DeterminismYour story is at mercy of others
Indecisive CowardiceNo place for risk in your story
From: At Center of:
Postmodern Relativism
a. It will FREE you!
A
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Dr. S Engelman
3 Results of Living in a Truthful, Energizing Story
Meaningful Choices
Active Character
Make Real Difference
Part of God’s Story
Engaging Movement
Exercise Responsibility
Life-giving Power
Transcendent Meaning
How:
A i Ch
Corresponds to Masculine Design
Engaging Movement
b. It will let you SEE yourself properly!
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Dr. S Engelman
3 Results of Living in a Truthful, Energizing Story
Opposition against you
Chaos around you
Fear inside you
Shame haunting you
Designed to Engage
Built for Battle
Capable of Courage
Restored by Grace
Despite: Reason:
c. It will MOTIVATE you to get out of bed
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Dr. S Engelman
3. A Healthy Story is Gracious
Grace is about being given morethan one deserves
Sourced in and
demonstrated by God
in the Gospel
InfectiousNature
meaning that Grace begets
Grace
Life’s lubricant that
makes relationships flourish
What?
To be given to others
just as it is received from
God
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Dr. S Engelman
What will Grace Look Like in Your Story?
The “character” doesn't live by an exacting measure
between performance and reward.
A story characterized by Grace will be one in which…
“You better not fail me or I will make you
pay for it”
The “character” lives from a humble heartexpressed through a
non-demanding spirit
“You are a man to be understood, Not a
Monster to be destroyed”
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Dr. S Engelman
Some Examples of Gracious Stories
Joseph embracing his brothers who sold him
into slavery
David expressing contrition over adultery
which led him to a life of humility
Dr S Engelman
David refusing to kill Saul, the very man
trying to kill him
David expre
Steven asking pardonfor those
stoning him
Jesus on the cross asking forgiveness for
His crucifiers
racing hissold him
very
ng to killer
Steven afo
ston
essing
ry manl him
essing
g to killry man
rer adulteryhim to a
umilityHis
adulterys on the cross
orgiveness foJesus
asking foasking
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Dr. S Engelman
Footnote on Graceless Stories
Typically formed in a Family Contextdevoid of grace
Gives to othersless than
they deserve
Characterized bydemand, expectation, faultfinding, grudges
Receives from othersless than you need
Requires “Penance” for all failures
committed
Won’t forgive Others
Can’t forgive Self
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Dr. S Engelman
4. A Healthy Story is Courageous
What is Courage?
Forward movement in the face of fear
This Means:
A healthy story both feels/acknowledges fear…
But is not paralyzedby the presence of fear
But doesn’t make decisionsdriven by fear
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For Example
Engages difficult relationshipsinstead of avoiding them
Enters chaotic situationsinstead of avoiding them
Faces uncomfortable emotionsinstead of avoiding them
Pushes towards a good endinstead of giving up
Dr S Engelman
Makes difficult decisionsinstead of avoiding them
Pushes towards a good end
Healthy Relationships
Creates Life-Giving Environments
True Knowledge of Self
Inner Strength and Self-Confidence
Life of Hope and Stability
Story With Courage Fruit of Courage
C
In
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Dr. S Engelman
Contrast
Avoids difficult relationshipsinstead of engaging them
Avoids chaotic situationsinstead of entering them
Avoids uncomfortable emotionsinstead of facing them
Gives up when things are hardinstead of pushing to a good end
Dr S Engelman
Avoids difficult decisionsinstead of making them
Gives up when things are hard
Dysfunctional Relationships
Growing Chaotic Environments
Superficial Knowledge of Self
Feel Stuck in Dead-End Life
Cynical and Hopeless Life
Story Without Courage Fruit of Fear
K
d
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4. A Healthy Story is Hopeful
This Means:
A healthy story must have woven into it the possibility of a Good Ending.
A Story lived with Hope of a Good Ending…
Will encourage meaningful choices
that require purposeful perseverance
ageoices
A Story lacking Hope of a Good Ending…
Will encourage pragmatic choices
that promise immediate results
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Dr. S Engelman
How Does A Story Become Infused with Hope?
Not by wishing
for it
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Dr. S Engelman
By remembering
the past
But Where Does Hope Come From?
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Dr. S Engelman
Hebrews 11-12
“Faith for living life in this uncertain world
comes from having a HOPE
in God’s promise of a good ending”
Hebrews 11:1
Having such HOPE is possible
by recalling the many past stories of men whose faith
in God allowed them to experience
God’s power and promise of a good ending.
Hebrews 11:2-40
The past stories of these men of faith
assure us that our present storycan also be lived with similar HOPE in the same God
who has promised us an even
better ending.
Hebrews 12:1-2
Interpretive Paraphrase
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Dr. S Engelman
In Other Words
The Bible teaches Hope can live in your Story
Not by wishing for it But by
intentionallyrememberingpast stories
of other men
Specifically Men who chose to risk everything
for a Life built on trusting God to keep His promises
for a good ending.
Dr. S Engelman
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Dr. S Engelman
Practically Speaking This Means 2 Things
First
We must realize that a story woven with hope
only comes from taking time to read or listen to good stories of past people who have risked everything
for a life built on trusting a good God
to keep His promises.
S Engelman
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Dr. S Engelman
Practically Speaking This Means 2 Things
Second
We need a collection of good stories
to turn to to assure us
that a life lived from the context of God’s Story
is stronger than any evil, tragedy or failures
we will experience in our story
S Engelman
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Dr. S Engelman
Suggestion for Bringing Hope into Your Story
Build a collection of good story’s by reading good Biographies
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Dr. S Engelman
The Importance of Reading “Good Stories”
God’s Story is stronger than any evil, tragedy
or failures we will experience
in our story
Good Stories give HOPE
by reminding us of one thing
Book of Revelation Jesus has conquered Evil
so don't despair but have hope
in the fading darkness”
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Dr. S Engelman
6. A Healthy Story is Connected
This Means:
Your entire existence feels Grounded/Rooted
in an Unshakable Foundation
Your Story is joined to a Larger Story
with a purpose greater than your own agenda.
Your Life is part of a Bigger Community
with a history richer thanyour own individuality
Result:
Security Significance
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Dr. S Engelman
Note
Because you are all committed to
moving through life together
in the context of the same larger story
r. S Engelman
Being connected to a Communitythat shares the same Larger Story
will do Two Things:
Because you are moving through life together with flawed and imperfect people who will disappoint, hurt and betray you
Inspire You! Frustrate You!
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Dr. S Engelman
A Flawed Community is God’s “Gift”!
To give grace to people that frustrate
and hurt you
To recognize the danger of isolationand self-deception
S Engelman
It will stretch you as a Man:
To see your own selfishness
and hidden flaws To understand and
become comfortablewith others very
different from you
To know and become comfortable with
yourself as someone different from others
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Dr. S Engelman
In Other Words
Being connected to a flawed community
is God’s LABORATORY
For reshapingour unhealthy story into healthy a one!
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Dr. S Engelman
Summary of Today Not All Stories Are Created Equal
Unhealthy Stories Healthy Stories
Cultural Relativism(self-deception)
Exaggerated Individualism(self-absorption)
Disempowering Determinism(self-destruction)
Indecisive Cowardice(self-protection)
Truth
Energy
Grace
Courage
Hope
Connectedness
Marked by Marked by
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Dr. S Engelman
Concluding Evaluation
Does Your Story…
Seem plotless and without direction?
Prevent you from seeing yourself
as a Man having freedom to make
meaningful choiceswith powerful
consequences?
S Engelman
Fail to offer you a way of imagining
a good endingto your life’s
confusing/unfair experiences?
Fail to teach how to live truth
or love well?
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Dr. S Engelman
HEALING
If So…
Then
Your Story is an Unhealthy Story
An Unhealthy Story Needs One Thing
And
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Dr. S Engelman
How do you Heal an Unhealthy Story?
EXCHANGE it for ANOTHER Story
Characterized by Truth,Energy, Grace, Courage, Hope Connectedness
Why These?
Marks of a Healthy Story
Nature of God’s Story
Only One Way
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Dr. S Engelman
of God’s Story
You don't have to REMAIN in your Unhealthy Story!
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NO MATTER…
YOUR STORY can beTransformed!
A NEW STORY can be Obtained!
GOD’S STORY can be Embraced!
Your family Context Sin’s of others
Your bad decisions Your past failures
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Dr. S EngelmanDr. S Engelman
HOW?
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Dr S A Engelman
Next Time Saturday
June 8, 2019
Living Into God’s Story
Session #6
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See you next Month!
© AHM 2018
Thank You For Coming!
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![Quiz 2 Chpts 3 4[1]](https://img.pdfslide.us/doc/110x75/55cf9d14550346d033ac2665/quiz-2-chpts-3-41.jpg)
