April 2012 30pShort cuts

It fascinates me why some people,including Christians, become preoccupiedwith building their lives on sand when weare warned against it. The secular mind isunaware of the dangers of life building onsand. They of course choose to hidethings under the heading of short cuts.The adverts for DIY are littered withnumerous ways of doing things morequickly, or in a less costly or better waythan anyone else offers. Are we caught upin a similar ideology where we present agospel that appeases rather than a gospelthan challenges? I remember. hitch-hikingback to camp during my National servicedays. Our first lift took us to Sheffield, thedriver telling us he would drop us on theRotherham road a short cut to the A1. Myfellow hitch hiker and I duly decamped onthe road to Rotherham. In two hours ofspeed marching no vehicle of any sortused the road. Eventually we arrived atthe A1 and the first car to pull up was oursquadron Commander. He let us sleep andtook us to within 50 yards of our billet andan hour later inspected the squadron onfirst parade. I never took a short cut againand even today I always prefer going thelong way round or a way I am sure of.Even so, there are some for whom a shortcut has become a way of life and we canexpect to find them in the church; they donot have the will or the time to meet Jesushead on and to walk with him, carrying thecross.In over sixty years trying to follow theChristian path I have never found God tobe offering an easy way or a short cut.You cannot pretend that reading the firstsix verses of Matthew or Romans is aneasy way out of reading the NewTestament, for by their fruits ye shallknow them. There needs to be the desireto search holy writ so that the wholeteaching of God open up the way, truthand the light - not a short cut. There is aproblem for some, in that as we get olderour memory fades. But even then no shortcuts are available only more concentrationand application. Dear Dorothy, our sadlymissed organist, in her latter days whenthings were anything but easy, never

looked for a short cut - only the best wasgood enough for God. Her music, her lifewas not the easy way, it was pure andhonest, costly but beautiful.This leads nicely into our worship, for thatis another act that requires attention anddiscipline. There are no short cut that I amaware of that add anything to our worship.There is only one way our choir sounds sogood, by hard work, discipline andworking together. That could well be amotto for our worship. Can you imaginethe joy and love that such an approachcould bring.There is an old cliché that is bang up todate in the 21st Century, “If you don’t putsomething in, why are you surprised whenyou get nothing out?” Again there is thehumorous saying of Confucius, “Blessedis the man who thinks hard beforebecoming open to change and new ways”.If it’s a short cut that is being offered thinktwice before choosing and then choose apath that is certain, taking longer, but oneyou know you will enable you to reach thedesired destination.

Harry

A prayer for the journeyGod be with you in every pass,Jesus be with you on every hill,Spirit be with you on every stream,headland and ridge and lawn;each sea and land, each moor andmeadow,each lying down, each rising up,in the trough of the waves,on the crest of the billows,each step of the journey you go,go with God.

Anonymous Celtic

PARISH DIRECTORYVicar Rev. David Maher 351844

Curate Rev. Anthony Lees-Smith 425338Honorary Assistant Curate Rev. John Polkinghorne 360743

Reader Linda Dean 328658Churchwarden Terry Barringer 424584Churchwarden Rhodri James 357607PCC Chairman Rev. David Maher 351844

PCC Vice Chairman Rhodri James 357607PCC Secretary Ruth Banger 07764 613862PCC Treasurer Ginni Carroll 01954 212993

PCC Electoral Roll Officer Lilas Davison 354300Administrator Ruth Banger 07764 613862

Altar Linen Finsetta Cummings 352757Assistant Treasurer Bill Elsey 357622Assistant Treasurer Jim Bass 363156

Book of Remembrance Horace Giles 359001Chalice Bearers Bill Elsey 357622

Child Protection Co-ordinator Ruth Banger 07764 613862Children's Society Ruby Leyshon 352151

Children's Work John & Alison Phillips 502969Christian Aid Simon & Clare Redfern 740513

Church Cleaners Ruth Banger 07764 613862Church Hall Bookings Ruby Leyshon 352151

Coffee Makers Gill Ambrose 858994Coffee & Rolls Fiona Blows 329822

Director of MusicFriends of Etterbeek John & Elizabeth Lamont 565559

Fund Raising Events Co-ordinators Eva Hutson 574070Fund Raising Events Co-ordinators Ruby Leyshon 352151Fund Raising Events Co-ordinators Evelyn Walker 364067

Good Shepherd Players Liz Collinson 01954 251377Good Shepherd Players Ruth Banger 07764 613862

Intercessors John Lamont 565559Jimmy's Night Shelter Ann Callear 357694

Lesson Readers Lilas Davison 354300Monday Club Eva Hutson 574070

Good Shepherd News Editor Ruth Banger 07764 613862North Cambridge Area Deanery Synod John Phillips 502969North Cambridge Area Deanery Synod Ginni Carroll 01954 212993North Cambridge Council of Churches John Lamont 565559North Cambridge Council of Churches Michael Lovell 328521

Pastoral Care Co-ordinator Linda Dean 328658Planned Giving Secretary Lilas Davison 354300

Registrar of Planned Giving Envelopes Tom Shipp 353734Rural Development Movement Henry Disney 359396

Sacristan Stuart Keir 572303Servers Bill Elsey 357622

Sidesmen & Sideswomen Terry Barringer 424584Sidesmen & Sideswomen Rhodri James 357607

Social Events Co-ordinator Bertha Wilson-Njenou 571948Sound System John Lamont 565559

READINGS FOR APRILSundays and holy days1 PALM SUNDAY

Mark 11: 1-11

8 EASTER DAYActs 10: 34-43Mark 16: 1-8

15 SECOND SUNDAY OF EASTERActs 4: 32-35John 20: 19 - end

22 THIRD SUNDAY OF EASTERActs 3: 12-19John 15: 18-21

29 FOURTH SUNDAY OF EASTERActs 11: 1-18John 10: 1-10

Wednesdays4 Isaiah 50: 4-9

John 13: 21-32

18 Acts 5: 17-26John 3: 16-21

25 Acts 15: 35 - endMark 13: 5-13

FIRST CALLon April 1st

8-9pm at 51 Highworth Avenue

REGULAR SERVICES IN APRILSundays 8am Holy Communion

10am Parish Communion(LAST Sunday in the month is an All-Age serviceand we are joined by those who attend theCommunity Church in Orchard Park)

Mondays 9.15am Morning Prayer

Tuesdays 9.15am Morning Prayer

Wednesdays 9.30am Holy Communion

Thursdays 9.15am Morning Prayer

Fridays 9.15am Morning Prayer

Services at Orchard Park see the weeklybulletin.

CHURCH CLOSUREThe church will close after the 10amservice on Easter Day (April 8) and willre-open for the 10am service on April 15

SPECIAL SERVICES IN APRILSaturday April 14 at 11am at St.Laurence’s Church – baptism of JakubLovellSaturday April 21 in the afternoon Dave& Hazel Maher will renew their weddingvows

EVENTS IN APRILSunday April 1 at 12 noon Sunday LunchClub meets in the Church Hall.Wednesday April 18 at 7.30pm in Churchan RSCM event at which John Barnard willintroduce his new publication. See page 10Sunday April 29 Last Orders at a local pub

MEETINGS IN APRILStanding Committee Meeting in theVicarage at 6pm on Sunday April 22Annual Parochial Church Meeting onSunday April 29 in church at approx.11.30am

HOLY WEEK 2012at The Good Shepherd

Monday April 2 10am to 12 noonEaster Family Activity Morning at Orchard ParkCommunity Centre

April 2 - 5 at 9.30amHoly Communion

Wednesday April 4 at 7.00pmFinal Lent Compline

Thursday April 5 at 7.30pmMaundy Thursday service of Holy Communion

Friday April 6 (Good Friday)at 11amJoint service of witness in Arbury(meet outside the Community Centre)and at 1.30pmService of meditation for Good Friday (see pages 7-8)

Sunday April 8 (Easter Day)at 5am Easter vigilat 8.30am said Holy Communion9.00-9.45am Shared breakfast10am All Age Easter Day Communion followed byEaster Egg hunt

A prayer before the washingof the feet

God of dirty hands and tired feet,taking people as they come,kneeling and healing,touching where others turn away,forgive us when we ant to be too clean,forgive us when we despise lifefor the messy business it is.

If we are too proudto won up to our brokenness,if we keep hiddenwhat needs refreshment,how can you care for us?

You can care – and this is how;when we are ready to movefrom distance to involvement,from intent to touch,then you will wash the feetthat tire on rocky roads;you will care and healbeyond our expectation.

Thanks be to God

David Coleman

An Easter thoughtA wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything intheir collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admirethe great works of art. When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. Hewas very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father wasnotified and grieved deeply for his only son. About a month later, just beforeChristmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a largepackage in his hands. He said, 'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whomyour son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me tosafety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talkedabout you, and your love for art.' The young man held out this package. 'I know thisisn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you tohave this.' The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by theyoung man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality ofhis son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welledup with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture. 'Oh,no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift.' The father hung theportrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see theportrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he hadcollected. The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his

paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintingsand having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection. On the platform satthe painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. 'We will start the biddingwith this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?' There was silence. Thena voice in the back of the room shouted, 'We want to see the famous paintings. Skipthis one.' But the auctioneer persisted. 'Will somebody bid for this painting? Whowill start the bidding? $100, $200?' Another voice angrily. 'We didn't come to seethis painting. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts. Get on with the Realbids!' But still the auctioneer continued. 'The son! The son! Who'll take the son?'Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the long time gardenerof the man and his son. 'I'll give $10 for the painting.' Being a poor man, it was all hecould afford. 'We have $10, who will bid $20?' 'Give it to him for $10. Let's see themasters.' The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son.They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections. The auctioneerpounded the gavel. 'Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!' A man sitting on the secondrow shouted, 'Now let's get on with the collection!' The auctioneer laid down hisgavel. 'I'm sorry, the auction is over.' 'What about the paintings?' 'I am sorry. WhenI was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I wasnot allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the sonwould be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate,including the paintings. The man who took the son gets everything!' God gave Hisson over 2,000 years ago to die on the Cross. Much like the auctioneer, His messagetoday is: 'The Son, the Son, who'll take the Son?' Because, you see, whoever takes theSon gets everything! FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLYBEGOTTEN SON, WHO SO EVER BELIEVETH, SHALL HAVE ETERNALLIFE. THAT'S LOVE

(This was sent to me by a friend who was on my music ALM course. It seemed agreat Easter message.)

A Meditation for Good Friday

This Good Friday afternoon we are doing something a little different from our usual practice. Weshall still have a service of meditation which John Polkinghorne will lead but we shall also belistening to some music. Don’t worry – you don’t have to be a musical expert (in fact, if youdon’t want to listen to the music, just don’t!) but many people find music a great aid tomeditation. It may well be this is music you have never heard before – that does not mattereither.

Music is very important to me and life would be a really grey thing without it. I cannot think of ahappy occasion in my life in which music has not played a significant part. For me, it’s usuallysinging – as it is with all our other choir members, I’m sure. It’s a central part of the worship weoffer to God. St. Augustine wrote For he who sings praise, does not only praise, but alsopraises joyously; he who sings praise, is not only singing, but also loving Him whom he issinging about/to/for, in the song of the lover there is deep love. Augustine is saying that whenthe praise is of God, then something happens to the song of the praiser that makes it more thanjust any kind of song. The object of the song in a way becomes the subject. Something happensso that the song itself becomes Love in its manifestation of love of the one who truly is Loveitself. (St. Augustine entry quoted from Wikipedia)

So come along on Good Friday afternoon anyway. You know John’s meditations will be wellworth listening to and the music by Haydn is truly gentle and beautiful. Come and betransformed by some great music.The initial suggestion of the music came from Tom Ambrose and I asked Tom to write a bit abouthow the music came to be written. We shall be listening to the quiet string quartet version whichHaydn himself created but Tom has the original full orchestral version. But if you becomeinterested in the music and ask Tom nicely …!

Ruth Banger

Haydn’s Seven Last WordsA meditation on the last words of Jesus from the Cross forms a traditional devotion for HolyWeek, and particularly for the hours when Jesus hung on the cross on Good Friday. Not all sevensayings can be found in any one account of Jesus' crucifixion. In the gospels of Matthew andMark only one of the sayings appears: Jesus is quoted in Aramaic, shouting ‘My God, My God,why have you forsaken me?’ He finally cries out wordlessly before dying. Luke’s gospelprovides three more sayings, and John’s gospel three different ones.This devotion on these words was already well known when Haydn was asked to compose musicto accompany a Good Friday devotion. He later described how this came about.‘Some fifteen years ago I was requested by a canon of Cádiz to compose instrumental music onthe seven last words of Our Saviour on the Cross. It was customary at Cádiz to produce anoratorio every year during Lent. The walls, windows, and pillars of the Church of the Holy Cavewere hung with black cloth, and only one large lamp hanging from the centre of the roof brokethe solemn darkness. At midday, the doors were closed and the ceremony began. The bishopascended the pulpit, pronounced the first of the seven words and delivered a meditation. Thisended, he left the pulpit and fell to his knees before the altar. The interval was filled by music.The bishop then pronounced the second word, then the third, and so on, the orchestra followingon the conclusion of each meditation. My composition was subject to these conditions, and it wasno easy task to compose seven adagios lasting ten minutes each, and to succeed one anotherwithout tiring the listeners; indeed, I found it quite impossible to confine myself to the appointedlimits.’How difficult it must have been for Haydn, and how unlikely that he should have writtensomething so sombre. For in all his music an irrepressible sense of fun always seems to breakthrough. Great joy, and a profound sense of the goodness of God abound, particularly in hisoratorio ‘The Creation’. So how strange it seems that he should have composed this untypicallysombre work for a country he had never visited. But the Spaniard who commissioned the workhad pestered Haydn constantly. And Haydn does not leave us in misery but takes us beyond thetragic words.Unfortunately the full work is rarely performed. Haydn later adapted the seven slow movementsto be played by a string quartet, and the resources to perform this are easily found. But theoriginal commission demanded the resources of a full orchestra, and only this allows the majestyof God’s Son to be revealed. It also provides Haydn with the resources for a magnificent finale.After the seven last s p o k e n words Matthew 28.50 has something more.

‘Jesus cried again with a loud voice and breathed his last.At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom.The earth shook, and the rocks were split.’

Haydn springs a surprise, and brings joy out of tragedy. As Jesus ‘breathes his last’ theearthquake is signalled by crashing kettledrums in the darkened church. How poignant it wouldhave appeared in Cádiz, where many would have remembered the widespread destruction in theLisbon earthquake on All Saints’ Day 1755. Haydn uses the earthquake in Matthew’s gospel toannounce the resurrection. Victory is snatched from the jaws of death, and the worshippers inChurch of Holy Cave will go from their darkened tomb into the light of day, filled with hope thatindeed everything for which Jesus lived and died is indeed accomplished.

Tom Ambrose

Something to think about

Not a good dayI know you are angry, says God.Your silence screams.So get real,be your hidden self with me;be the one that is not nice,not nice at all.

Don’t be embarrassed,bawl if you want to.Rage.Sulk.Kick and pout like a child;I like children.Yes, poo, tantrums and all, since youask.So when someone says, ‘Let us pray …’Knot your arms and mutter,‘Shan’t!’If it helps,it’s where you are just now.And where you are isexactly where I want to be too.With you.

Frances Copley

Welcome to the city (but one wee word of advice)Lord Jesus,if only you would come to our city like you did to Jerusalem.We’ve some great hymns to sing to welcome you!Our guitars would be out to lead the singing;we’d wave our scarves and dance.You would get a real red-carpet welcome –five-star treatment.

There would be a real religious revival.It would be wonderful.If only you would come hereto our countryto rescue us.

But in case you do,just one wee word of advice –stick to religion, but be careful.Don’t interfere with politics, or economics, or big business and all that,and be careful not to make unpopular changes in the way we worship.

Save us from what might happen in the next life, yes,but leave us to go on our own way,the way we are used to in this life.

If you get it wrong for our city,who knows?We, too, might have to liquidate you.

Ian Cowie(These two poems are quoted from Eggs and ashes. Practical & liturgical resourcesfor Lent and Holy Week by Ruth Burgess & Chris Polhill. It is published by WildGoose Publications)

The Plant Workshop 2012During the plant workshop, because it was so interesting I made afew notes about what you can and can’t do with a plant. Some of thethings I didn’t know already which meant that I was learning moreand I was interested, so here are some of the things I’d like to pointout to you:

• With a plant ALWAYS water it with warm water.• If your plant has yellow leaves-it means it’s feeling stressed• Plants don’t like having wet feet-don’t place the bottom of your

plant in a wet spot.• If you have it-use ‘Just Friendly Fungi’.• Look out for magazines with facts about plants in it-you’ll find

out more!Thank you to all plant experts and look out for next year’splant workshop in 2013.

Erica Lees-SmithCurate’s daughter!

An InvitationThank you to all my friends at The Good Shepherd for all the many kindnesses youhave shown me since Dorothy’s death. As it happens, I have a significant birthdaythis year and I would like to celebrate it with my friends – i.e. all of you!

Please note the date of Saturday May 19. I have spoken with Dave and reservedthe church for that evening. The plan is that we shall have a Bring and Share Supperbut that I will provide all the drinks. In addition to the supper I would like everyoneto come prepared to “do” something – read, sing, play, whatever you like. We shallprovide our own entertainment and I am sure we shall have a great time. I thought wemight party from 7pm to 9pm which would give us the time (and energy) to put thechurch back to rights for the services the following day.

I do hope as many as possible will come.Ruth

Thank YouI would like to say “thank you” to everyone for their love, prayers and support sinceHorace’s death. My family and I are most grateful for the many cards, messages andpractical help we received and also for the generous donations to The Papworth Trustgiven in Horace’s memory.

Margaret Giles

EASTER LIVESWhen Friday times are all we knowIt's then we feel there's lack of aimIn life and world's a place of darkAnd tears. It's just a pointless game.

With Saturdays this winter worldHas ground to halt and God is dead,Along with dreams of justice, peaceAnd hope. We wait in sleepless bed.

When Sunday comes with sun again,Our Easter joy erupts in heartAnd mind. We rise with call to walkIn Gospel's Way, to play a part.

Today, as children, live in nowAlone, for what's beyond the graveIs golden light exceeding dreamsOf what we hope's beyond our cave.

Henry Disney

Easter EggsThank you to all those who purchased Fair Trade Easter Eggs from the MeaningfulChocolate Company. We sold 30 to our congregation. The company manufactured120,000 and as we go to press there are less than 3,000 unsold – they are confidentthey will sell out. This is such an easy way to spread the real message of Easter.

Ruth

Songs, Psalms and SpiritualsThe Good Shepherd will be hosting an RSCM evening on Wednesday April 18 from7.30 to 9.30pm. John Barnard will be introducing his new publication Songs, Psalmsand Spirituals and copies will be available to purchase on the night. This should bean informative and enjoyable evening. The cost will be £5 and bookings should bemade with Jan Payne (C. 576345 or janmpayne@gmail.com)

Shoeboxes – an updateWhile we pursue that elusive target of 100 filled shoeboxes from our congregation, itwill, I am sure, be of interest to you to know the following statistics for 2011.1,089,018 shoeboxes were sent out from the UK and Ireland to children overseas500,000+ children and adults were involved in making up gift-filled shoeboxes16,184 churches, schools, workplaces and community groups were involved7,500+ overseas volunteers helped to distribute the shoeboxes5,000+ UK volunteers helped to collect, prepare and send out the shoeboxes1,927 public places served as Drop Off points to collect the shoeboxes14 countries in which children received the shoeboxes1 child who received each box

Thank you to Ruby who supplied the information

Thank you to Bill Elsey who sent me this.

First Aid CourseIf you had been in church on a couple of Monday evenings in February, you wouldhave witnessed a strange sight: the curate and ten members of the congregationmoving each other round the floor while mouthing mantras such as “Dr ABC”* ,“FAST”** and “SEEP”***. No, not an outbreak of charismatic phenomena orrehearsals for a bizarre liturgical dance but the First Aid at Work Course. We werepractising what do, and in the right order, in an emergency, with special attention toCPR and the recovery position. We have covered resuscitation, recovery position,choking, bleeding, heart attacks, strokes and shock and will soon be in possession ofcertificates. We hope we never have to use what we have learned for real but are verygrateful to Ruth for organising the course and our energetic and engaging instructorAnne Sellwood. It was serious stuff but we had a lot of fun, posh biscuits (despiteLent) and getting to know each other better on the way.

* Check for Danger, seek response from the casualty, Airway, Breathing,Circulation** The test for Stroke – Facial weakness, Arm weakness, Speech Problems,Time to call 999*** Treatment for bleeding – Sit, Examine, Elevate, Pressure

Terry Barringer

As this has obviously been a great success and I know of other people who would liketo have done this course, I hope we shall be able to arrange a further course. Watchfor details in GS News and in the weekly bulletin.

A helping of good cheerThis is a story about a little girl who, on the way home from church, turned to hermother and said, "Mommy, the Preacher's sermon this morning confused me."

The mother said, "Oh! Why is that?"

The girl replied, "Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?"

"Yes, that's true," the mother replied.

"He also said that God lives within us. Is that true, too?"

Again the mother replied, "Yes."

"Well," said the girl. "If God is bigger than us and He lives in us, wouldn't He showthrough?"

Mom walks into the kitchen and sees her daughter with the whole box of animalcrackers spread on the counter top.

Mom: "Why did you pour out the whole box?"

Daughter: "The box says, 'Do not eat if the seal is broken. I'm looking for the seal."

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself apersonal pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. Aquick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for theparking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in theignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory isthat the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to aterrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left mykeys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all,"Honey," I stammered. I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keysin the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heardDiane's voice. "Ken" she barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

Diane retorted, "I will, as soon as I can convince this policeman that I did not stealyour car!!!"

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send himflowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in peace."The owner was frustrated and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how frustrated he was, theflorist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting frustrated,you should imagine this - somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and theyhave flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location.'"

Strange FactsThe average adult will eat—inadvertently, mind—a pound of insects over the courseof a lifetime.The average bank teller loses about £200 every year.The average bolt of lightning is 6 miles long. Its temperature can reach50,000°F—over four times that of the sun.The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it.The average flight speed of a house fly is five miles an hour.The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.The average human produces 25,000 quarts of spit in a lifetime, enough to fill twoswimming pools.The average human sheds around 18kg of dead skin in a lifetimeThe average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.The average person supposedly falls asleep in seven minutesThe average person will spend 2 weeks over their lifetime waiting for the traffic lightsto changeThe average talker sprays about 300 microscopic saliva droplets per minute, about 2.5droplets per word.The Aztec played a game using a solid rubber ball shot through a stone ring, the loserwas put to death, the winner, on the other hand, got all the spectators’ clothing.The bagpipe was originally made from the whole skin of a dead sheep.The Bible has been translated into Klingon

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1 for animalshaving the most taste buds.The cigarette lighter was invented before the matchThe closest living relative of the t-rex is the chickenThe combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The followingsentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughmanstrode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed andhiccoughed."

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner."Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, Iwould like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners...""Go away!" said the old lady. "'I'm broke and haven't got any money!" and sheproceeded to close the door.Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wideopen... "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen mydemonstration."And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet."Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure fromyour carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut offmy electricity this morning."

"I don't want a new baby." Our oldest son Brian was pretty adamant when I told himhis father and I were expecting a third child. We'd survived the first round of siblingrivalry when his younger brother, Damian, was born, so we were surprised that hewas digging in his heels over a new baby.We spent about and hour trying to convince him it was a positive thing. Three-year-old Brian made his stand about this new baby, and neither logic nor persuasion couldbudge him. Puzzled, I finally confronted him with a straight-forward question, "Whydon't you want a new baby?"With wide and teary eyes, Brian looked straight at me and said, "Because I likeDamian, and I want to keep him."

IN THE CHURCH HALLTHE SUNDAY LUNCH CLUB John & Elizabeth Lamont 565559

1st Sunday of the month noon – 1.30pm

THE MONDAY CLUB Eva Hutson 574070Monday 2.30 - 4pm

THE GOOD SHEPHERD CUBS Charles Brown 07720 441123Monday 6.30 - 8pm

LINE DANCING Mrs B Wright 426517Tuesday 10.15 - 11.45am

KEEP FIT 50+ GROUP Margaret Briggs 01954 250870Tuesday 2.30 - 4pm

THE GOOD SHEPHERD RAINBOWS Miss Rachel Marsh 574520Tuesday 6.15 – 7.15pm

DOG TRAINING CLASSES Susannah O’Hanlon 235281Tuesday 7.30 - 9.30pm

CARERS & SUFFERERS OF DEMENTIA The Manager 884031Wednesday 10 – 12 noon

THE 18th & 25th GOOD SHEPHERD Mrs Pat Marsh 574520BROWNIESWednesday 6 - 7.15pm

THE CAMERA CLUB Anthony Tyler 01954 719315Wednesday 7.30 – 9.30pm

GUILDHALL RETIRED MEMBERS CLUB Yvonne Wisbey 5235492nd Wednesday of the month 2 - 4pm

ROYAL BRITISH LEGION3rd Wednesday of the month 2.30 - 4.30pm March to November

T G W U Evelyn Hunnyball 3642934th Wednesday of the month 2 – 4pm

CAMBRIDGE INSTRUMENTS D. Fisher 262282PENSION FELLOWSHIP

3rd Thursday of the month 10am - noon

THE GOOD SHEPHERD BEAVERS Emma Roberts 426043Thursday 6.15 - 7.30pm

THE GOOD SHEPHERD SCOUTS Chris White 0700 891511Thursday 7.30 – 9.00pm

CHURCH TODDLERS’ CLUB Claire Duell 0787 4850867Friday 9.15 – 11.30am

TAI CHI Mike Tabrett 503390Friday 2 – 3pm

DOG TRAINING CLASSES Arbury Road Vet. Surgery 361911Friday 7.30 - 9.30pm

TO BOOK THE CHURCH HALL

Please phone 352151 (evenings)

Submission date forMay Newsletter:

April 15(Publication date April 29)

Vicarage 01223 351844

Church Hall bookings(evenings) 01223 352151Newsletter Ruth Banger 07764 613862OR ruthbanger51@gmail.com

CHURCH OF THE GOOD SHEPHERDHere at the Good Shepherd we like to help you to celebrate and

commemorate many of the milestones on the journey through life; theseinclude weddings, anniversaries, funerals, and baptism services.

If you wish to find out more about these, the first step is to contact theVicar, the Reverend David Maher. He will be able to tell you what isinvolved and arrange for a meeting with you if you then wish to take

things further.

He can be contacted on 01223 351844

Church website: www.churchofthegoodshepherd.co.uk