Growcoaching Hints

8/13/2019 Growcoaching Hints

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Change Your Story, Change Your Perception, Change YourLife

We all get caught up in our stories. Most of us think we areour stories. Its whenthose stories take on a life of their own, and that life isnt the one we want, thatthings start to suck.

Think about the story youre living right now. Who wrote it? Did you consciouslydecide to create the reality youre living now, or was it mainly shaped by yourparents, friends, spouse, school, or the media? If you dont like the story your

living, then change the perception. Envision how youd write the next chapter ofyour story. Better yet, actually sit down and write it. Focus your perception oncreating a new reality, one where you are in charge of the story. Take back the

job as screenwriter anddirector, and stop just being an actor

Everything begins with a decisiondecide now to be in charge of your ownperception of reality. Decide now to create the life you want to live.

Personal empowerment begins when we hold true that we are able

Coaching empowerment begins when we hold true that our clientsare able

.


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Activities to be undertaken include prior to initial session include:

Welcome letter

Agreement documentation

About You questionnaire

What is Life Coaching

Code of Conduct

Ongoing sessions:

Coaching Preparation form

Wheel of Life

What is Draining You

Gerard ODonovan

Priority ListGerard ODonovan

Coaching Toolkit


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ssueThis is where we loosely discuss what has been going on for the client and findout if they have anything specific they want to work on. Establishing the issue ortopic often blends into the Goal and Reality parts of the model, but getting anissue up front -- even a loose one -- is the starting point for any coachingsession to unfold.

If this is the first session with this client, there will be information contained

within the About You questionnairethat you can enquire about such as:

FIRST Session:

How did you feel about completing the questionnaire?

Were there any areas that were more challenging for

you to answer than others?

Tell me a little bit more about that.

What has been working for you?

What hasn't been working for you? How are you looking at your life?

How are you feeling about others?

If the client is unsure of what they would like to address in this session then it'stime to:


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One way of exploring is to take a 5 minute holiday. Ask your client to placetheir feet on the floor, uncross their arms, and to take a couple of deep breathsbreathing out slowly. Once they have centered themselves, ask the following 6questions which they can either think about or write down the answers.

A 5 minute holiday can be used for FIRST or ONGOING sessions:

Have you unfinished tasks you dwell upon?

What are you worried about?

What have you been meaning to take care of?

Are you concerned about something in the future?

Has someone made you angry?

Is there someone you should forgive?

How did you feel about your 5 minute holiday?

Thinking about what youve just identified, is there an

area you would like to talk about further?

ONGOING Sessions:

A good model to use for this enquiry is the EARS model which focuses on thepositive outcomes from previous sessions and helps to get the meeting off to astrong start (Bring Out Their Best Natalie Ashdown)

ELICIT - finding out whats happened since you last saw your client,emphasizing the positive.

AMPLIFY - amplifying or emphasing the positive and gaining more detail.

REFLECTassist your client to reflect on what has happened.

START OVERassist your client to build on their achievements andintroduces the new session.


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E So what has been happening since our last session?

A Really, you did all that? What else? Then what

happened? Congratulations!

R So what has changed? And how do you feel now?

What did you learn? Have you made any new choices or

decisions? What have you done that you are really

proud of. How does that make you feel?

S So where do you want to go from here? So how

would you like to build upon your achievements? Can youtell me more?

Need more informationto clarify exactly what the goal is that your clientis talking about?

Tell me a little bit more about that?

The information being provided is too general (abstract) OR too detailed (caughtup in the details) to be able to clarify a goal

Too abstract?Use your hand to provide a visual cue to the client. Starting at a high point,bring you hand down to a central point:

What specifically are you wanting to achieve?


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Too much detail?

Whats the positive learnings that you can take from

what youve just been talking about?

Using your hand to provide a visual cue to the client, start at a low point andbring you hand up to a central point:

What is the first step you are wanting to achieve?

If the client answers a question with a storyor a different topic, say youunderstand and ask the question again. Using this model as a structure, youwill be able to add other effective questions to the model to get a better result.For example:

Curiosity questions

Incisive questions

Laser questions

as well as the more standard open questions. Examples of different styles ofquestions are shown on pages 12 to 14)


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Establishing the ISSUEon which the client wishes to be coached

1. Please tell me the issue you want to work on

2. Can you say it in one sentence so you can keep it easily in

your mind?

3. What do you want to achieve in this session? The first

step on the road to achieving your ultimate goal.

Negative statement? Ask them to convert it to a positive goal.

Neutral statement? Ask them to put it into a clear statement so it

becomes a goal


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oal

Establishing the Goal

4. Think about your issue and, in your minds eye, go forward in

time to when the issue is as you want it to be. (give time for theclient to think about the issue)

5. What do youseethat show you have solved the problem or

achieved the goal?

6. What are you doingthat shows you have achieved your

goal?

7. What are other people doing or sayingthat tells you thatyou have succeeded in this issue?

8. How do you feel?

9. When do you want to be in this position the one you can

see in your minds eye? You must have a timeframe in mind.

Next week? Next month? Next year? In 5 years time?(Timeframe must be realistic. If they have a big goal and a long timeframe,you might want to focus on a part of the goal in a shorter timeframe)

10.How challenging will it be to achieve this goal?

11.How exciting will it be to achieve this goal?

12.How will you know that you have achieved your goal? Isthere a measure you can use?

13.Is there any other measure?

14.Where do you have control or influence with regard to this

goal?


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Establishing the client's goal for the session is essential. One of the things thatmakes coaching different is our focus on action and change. But, if you don'thave a goal for a session -- how do you keep your client on track? How can youmake sure the client gets value from their session with you? A session goal

allows us to keep the client focused, then if the session drifts it gives us theability to say,

We seem to be heading in a different direction here, is

this what you want?

This tactic can be especially helpful if you have a client that likes to tell storiesor get into drama.

The session goal doesn't have to be specific or 'SMART', but it does need to beenough to give the session a purpose that is understood by both the client andthe coach. For example, a session goal might be to establish a bigger goal or togain some clarity in their lives and this is good enough to keep the client ontrack.

Finally, the goal doesn't have to be agreed right up front -- it can be establishedand 'evolved' as the session unfolds. Occasionally the 'real' goal of the session

doesn't come out until the end when we ask our clients what their biggest win ofthe session was. This is when the client realizes their 'goal' for the session wassimply to feel truly heard, to commit to themselves or to feel challenged and/orsupported.

In making sure the client understands

1) what they want to get out of the session or

2) what they got out of the session on reflection

we ensure the client knows they're receiving value from coaching, and that theycontinue to learn and grow.

Questions are for opening up horizons and getting the client to think. In thiscontext, these are the questions to remember.

Commence questions with

What

Where

When

How


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This is about understanding the client's current situation. It's where we question,challenge, reframe and reflect back to our client what they've done so far, andwhere we examine what's worked and what hasn't. This is where we really getinto where the client is right now and why. It should include talking about

feelings and digging into emotions and intuition -- often new or unchartedfrontiers for our clients.

The Reality section is the 'meat' of any coaching sessionwhere you askquestions, reflect and raise your client's awareness around their priorities andlimiting beliefs -- so they have insights and learn about themselves.

At this stage, we have identified a goal and a timeframe so

lets now have a look at your current situation(your current

reality):

Do I have your permission to continue?

What is happening now that tells you that you have an

issue or a problem?

As well as what is happening, what is missing from your

Reality that you would like to have?

What is happening now that is good and you want to keep

happening as it will contribute towards achieving your

goal?

What are youdoing right or that you feel good about

that is giving you these results?

eality


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What have you done so far to improve things?

What were the results you got from doing

(detail what is being done) ?

How did the results compare with what you hoped for?

What obstacles are in your way that prevent or hinder

you from moving forward?

Let us just check in and think back to your goal for a minute.

Is it still relevant? Should you focus on one part of it ratherthan all of it right now? Should you change any of it? (Positive

and in the present)

..

The types of questions that can be used include:

Laser questionsMakes specific requests / challenges / moves forward moredramatically. Examples include:

When is the last time you felt this way?

When will this be complete for you?

What are you not saying?

Who comes first

What is missing here?

Who has the answer?

How long are you willing for this to continue

Where do you feel that in your body right now?

Do you really believe that?

What is the worst thing that could happen?

What would happen if you did nothing?

Incisive questionsChecks in on a feeling or state / Removes limitations /poses a possibility. Examples include:

If you knew you could do it, what would be the first step?

If you werent holding anything back, what would you be doing?


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If you 50% more confidence in yourself, what would you be doing

what would be different? What do you want to accomplish in your life?

Prompting / transformative questions - Examples include:

Question what the client means (and what they think they mean)

Do you really believe that?

How do you know that?

Are you sure?

Why is that?

Ask the client who they are being

Who would you have to be to get through this well?

How proud of yourself are you now?

Is that really YOU?

Who do you remind yourself of?

Test whether the client is in Integrity

Are you a person of your word?

Where is your life out of balance?

How would you feel it? Where are you sabotaging yourself?

Help the client to solve their own problems

How do you intend to handle that?

Who do you know whos got through that the way you want to? What is the first step?

If you were the coach, how would you coach yourself to win here?

Prompt the client into action

What is next?

When will do you that?

What are the steps to (provide details)


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Encourage the client to stop tolerating

Isnt there another way?

What are you tolerating?

How much longer can you continue to live this way? How much is this costing you?

Encourage the client to gain fresh perspective

Can you see what is ahead?

Five years from now, what will have been the better decision?

What will happen if you keep doing that for the next 10 years?

Who told you that?

Remind clients of their vision

What is your vision for yourself and the people around you?

What do you really want?

Is there a legacy you wish to leave?

What are you really committed to underneath all of this?

Challenge the client for more

What are you committed to?

So, what is possible here?

How soon can you resolve that?

Is this really in your best interest?

When the client is stuck:

Is it okay if I make a comment?

May I share the best of my thinking on that?

May I push you a bit here?

Should we reschedule this call?

Challenge Assumptions:

Where is the evidence?


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"Good questions come from effective listening," she says. "The coach has to analyse,

personalise, contextualise, then ask the question."

McMahon gives an example. "If someone says they want to be x, the question to ask

them is: if you were x, what would you be doing that you are not doing now?" she says.

"And how would other people notice the difference?"http://www.personneltoday.com/articles/2009/02/19/49435/coaching-questions-ask-the-right-

questions.html

Keep checking in with your client:

Are you okay with this?

Are you happy to continue? What else would you like to add?


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If the client could solve their problems alone they would have done. Often what

they need from their coach is a push, or some support to take an action they

have been putting off. Or they may need some help brainstorming or tweaking

to find an action that truly works -- something they can commit to 100 percent.

A good dig around in the 'Options' to find actions that really work for our clientspays huge dividends in moving our clients forward.

Now that we have a goal identified, we are going to consider all

the options available. This is more about what could be done,

not necessarily what youwill do. Its really a bit of fun to seewhat possibilities there are. In the workplace wed call this

brainstorming so throw out everything you can think of and

dont hold anything back.

What could you do to move yourself just one step

forward? Think of as many things that you could do aspossible. No limits at all.

What could you do if you didnt have to explain itor be

answerable to anyone?

What could you do if money was unlimited?

What if you could devote all your time to this one thing?What would you do then?

What could you do if you knew there were no adverse

consequences?

ptions


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If you knew someone who had already achieved this and

dealt with this issue, what might they suggest?

If you secretly know what you should do first, what

would it be?

Okaynow Id like you to choose one of these options. Choose

one that will move you forward, even if just one step. It

doesnt matter which one it is entirely up to you.

This step is about choosing one action that will take you one

step closer to your goal. Now lets talk about the option you

have chosen.

Will this option move you closer to your goal? What is thebenefitof you doing this one thing? (there

must be a benefit)


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ay forwardThe essence of coaching is change -- some sort of action -- even if the action isto change the way they do something, to stop doing something or even donothing! Ensure every client leaves their session committed to at least ONEaction otherwise the session would simply be a conversation. And while a

conversation can be helpful -- nothing changes in our clients' lives unless theymake some changes.

This part of the session changes an idea into an action.

By when do you want to have done this one (or more if

relevant) thing that you have chosen?

What will you do? List the actions you must go through

to complete (detail what is being

completed)what you have chosen to do.

Should anyone else be involved in this list of things you

are going to do?

YES:

o What do you want this person or these people todo?

If YES:

o What do you want this person (or these people) yo

do?

o When will you ask them?

o Should asking them be your first step?

o Should preparing notes for telling them be your first

step?


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Should anyone else knowthat you will be doing these

things?

Are there any other resources you need to achieve this?

Apart from the resources we just talked about, do you

have any other resources available to you?

This next step (repeat what it is) can you think of

anything that might stop you from doing it?

How likely is it to stop you?

If YES:

o When and how can you get these resources and obtain

commitment for these resources?

If YES:

o When will you tell them?

o Should telling them be your first step?

o Should preparing notes for telling them be your first

step

o When will ou have the notes read ?

If YES:

o What will you do to stop it from stopping you?


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Earlier you decided when you would complete this first

step (detail timeframe). Is that timeframe still valid?

What else could you do to make this work?

Is there anything else you need to consider before you

begin this first step?

In your own words, would you please confirm for me

exactly what you have agreed to do and the timeframes

you have applied to this first (or next) step.

Now I would ask you to write the details of this first (ornext) step and timeframes into your diary.


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Naildown:

Using a scale of 1 to 10, please answer these last 3 questions:

1 = definitely will not or could not be lower10 = definitely will or could not be higher

How strong is your intention to take this first step?

How high is your enthusiasmfor taking this first step?

How strong is yourcommitmentto taking this firststep?

Is there anything else I can help you with?

W - can also be WHAT do you need from me?Ask this question to find outwhat they need from you over the next week to support them.

W - also stands for WIN.As mentioned under 'Goal', always ask somevariation of this question at the end of your sessions "What was your biggestwin of the session today?" This can also be achieved through the clientcompleting the Coaching Preparation Form prior to the next session.

By asking this, you not only reinforce the value of coaching but both you andyour client will learn a lot about what's really important to them.

Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/6176871(05Jun11)

Experience tells us that a score of 7 or below on intention and

commitment means it will not get done. If they score 7 or less, as

them what has to happen for them to raise that score? Perhaps

this is where their first step should be.
http://ezinearticles.com/6176871http://ezinearticles.com/6176871http://ezinearticles.com/6176871http://ezinearticles.com/6176871


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Overcoming Limiting Beliefs:

Our beliefs are at the core of who we are.Beliefs guide our decisions andbehavior in all areas of life. They determine what we think is or is not possible.More often than not they prove to be self-fulfilling prophecies. Some of ourbeliefs are not fully our own, but rather blindly taken on from others. Once abelief is formed, we work overtime to prove it right, even if the belief issomething negative like Nobody likes me or I am a failure. Do we have to letour beliefs govern us, even if they are harmful to others and ourselves? Can weconsciously make changes to what we believe?

In the first half of the 20th century the world believed that it wasimpossible to run a mile under four minutes.When, on May 6th 1954, RogerBannister ran a mile in 3.59 minutes, everyone was in awe. Then, a curious

development took place. Within the following year many other runners ran themile under four minutes. It was as if a spell had been broken. To understandthis phenomenon better, we have to take a closer look at our beliefs, and howthey affect us.

Some of the beliefs we hold give us great strength and empowerment.Studies show that, on average, people who believe they are healthy live 7 yearslonger than those who think they are unhealthy, regardless of their actual health

condition at the time of the survey.

Other beliefs zap our energy.They tell us that we cannot achieve our goals orthat we are not worthy of other peoples acceptance. Those kinds of beliefs arecalled Limiting Beliefs in NLP. They typically sound like I am ugly, I will neverbe successful, I cant work with those kind of people, etc.

NLP groups Limiting Beliefs into three categories:

Hopelessness:My goal cannot be achieved under any circumstances.

Helplessness:My goal can be achieved, but I lack the ability toachieve it.

Worthlessness:I dont deserve to achieve this goal, because ofsomething I am/am not or have/have not done.

Limiting beliefs can be a result of significant experiences (referenceexperiences) in our lives.Consider the story about the man who, as a nine-year-old, killed his friends three-year-old brother, while playing baseball. Hewas focusing so hard on his next swing that he did not notice the young boyrunning behind him. As a result he formed the belief If I go after my goal, I endup hurting others. This belief made it very difficult for him to succeed in hisadult life.


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When attempting to overcome limiting beliefs the first step is to becomeaware of them.This can be challenging, since our limiting beliefs have a way ofhiding from us. They like to stay in the background, where they dont have toexplain themselves. It is almost like they are afraid that they will be provenwrong, if examined too closely.

In order to uncover limiting beliefs, ask yourself questions like:

In case of Hopelessness:Why is this goal unattainable?

In case of Helplessness:What skills do I lack to attain it?

In case of Worthlessness:Why dont I deserve to achieve this goal?

If you calmly ask yourself these types of questions,you will uncover the

limiting beliefs that stand in-between you and your goal. It is important to notethat beliefs tend come in clusters. Keep analyzing your beliefs, until you feelsatisfied that you have uncovered all of the limiting beliefs that stand in yourway. Once you are aware of your limiting beliefs and the way they affect yourbehavior, they will start to loose some of their power over you.

Analyze you beliefs for their purpose.Ask yourself, How does holding thisbelief serve my best interest? Often beliefs serve a purpose. If you do get

some payoff from holding a belief, but at the price of some unpleasant sideeffects, look for a belief that gives you the same payoff without the side effects.For example, replace a belief like Men are trouble by Some men are troubleand I need to be careful to make sure I choose a man with a good character asmy partner. The payoff of both those beliefs is being safe from pain, but thesecond belief is less limiting.

One way to stop believing that you cannot do something is to just trydoing it.Once a belief has been proven wrong it looses its power, as wasevident when Roger Bannister ran the mile in under four minutes. Of course,common sense should be applied with this approach as to avoid harm to selfand others.

References:

Changing Belief Systems with NLP, Dilts, R., 1990

Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-Being,Dilts, R., Hallbom. T. andSmith, S.1990


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Hints when coaching:

Never use the word why. Alternative could be Tell me what wouldmake you do that (not why)

If you feel they are not telling you everything, as Is there anythingelse?

Challenge assumptionswhere is the evidence. What has happenedthat would support this belief.

Challenge limiting beliefs

Remove limiting assumptions with incisive questionsIf you knew that.. what would you do

Leave time for reflectionat least 3 seconds after each answer.

Always be yourself.

Should they become stuck, you can ask Is it okay if I share ..and offer them the opportunity to use resources from your toolkit. Note:This should never be any more than 5% to 10% of the session.

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