Grooks by Piet HeinSince all of his Grook collections seem to be out of print, it can be very difficult for people to be exposed to Piet Hein's wonderful way with words. This page has a sampling of just some of the thousands of Grooks that this Danish poet/scientist/architect/all-round human being wrote in his lifetime. Please enjoy them. All text and illustrations are owned by Piet Hein's estate.

ARS BREVISThere isone art,no more,no less:to doall thingswith art-lessness.

PROBLEMSProblems worthy of attackprove their worth by hitting back.

THE ETERNAL TWINSTaking fun as simply funand earnestness in earnestshows how thoroughly thou noneof the two discernest.

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CONSOLATION GROOKLosing one gloveis certainly painful,but nothing compared to the pain,of losing one,throwing away the other,and finding the first one again.

T. T. T.Put up in a placewhere it's easy to seethe cryptic admonishment T. T. T.

When you feel how depressinglyslowly you climb,it's well to remember that Things Take Time.

OMNISCIENCEKnowing whatthou knowest notis in a senseomniscience.

SIMPLY ASSISTING GODI am a humble artistmoulding my earthly clod,adding my labour to nature's,simply assisting God.

Not that my effort is needed;yet somehow, I understand,my maker has willed it that I too should haveunmoulded clay in my hand.

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HINT AND SUGGESTIONAdmonitory grook addressed to youth.

The human spirit sublimatesthe impulses it thwarts;a healthy sex life mitigatesthe lust for other sports.

MANKINDMen, said the Devil,are good to their brothers:they don’t want to mendtheir own ways, but each other's.

NAIVE --Naive you areif you believelife favours thosewho aren't naive.

THE MIRACLE OF SPRINGWe glibly talk of nature's lawsbut do things have a natural cause?

Black earth turned into yellow crocusis undiluted hocus-pocus.

DREAM INTERPRETATIONSimplified.

Everything's eitherconcave or -vex,so whatever you dreamwill be something with sex.

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PRAYERto the sun above the clouds.

Sun that givest all things birth,shine on everything on earth!

If that's too much to demand,shine at least on this our land.

If even that's too much for thee,shine at any rate on me.

CIRCUMSCRIPTUREAs Pastor X steps out of bed he slips a neat disguise on:that halo round his priestly head is really his horizon.

SOCIAL MECHANISMWhen people alwaystry to takethe very smallestpiece of cakehow can it alsoalways bethat that's the onethat's left for me?

A TOASTThe soul may be a mere pretence,the mind makes very little sense.So let us value the appealof that which we can taste and feel.

ON PROBLEMSOur choicest plans have fallen through,our airiest castles tumbled over,because of lines we neatly drewand later neatly stumbled over.

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AN ETHICAL GROOKI see and I hear and I speak no evil;I carry no malice within my breast;yet quite without wishing a man to the Devilone may be permitted to hope for the best.

LILAC TIMEThe lilacs are flowering, sweet and sublime, with a perfume that goes to the head;and lovers meander in prose and rhyme,trying to say -- for the thousandth time -- wha's easier done than said.

THE DOUBLE-DOOR EFFECTDouble doors are justifiedbecause they're comfortably wide.Therefore you only half undo'em;and therefore nothing can get through 'em.

FORETASTE WITH AFTERTASTECorinna's scanty evening dressreveals her charms to an excesswhich makes a fellow lust for less.

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MAJORITY RULEHis party was the Brotherhood of Brothers,and there were more of them than of the others.That is, they constituted that minoritywhich formed the greater part of the majority.Within the party, he was of the factionthat was supported by the greater fraction.And in each group, within each group, he soughtthe group that could command the most support.The final group had finally electeda triumvirate whom they all respected.Now, of these three, two had final word,because the two could overrule the third.One of these two was relatively weak,so one alone stood at the final peak.He was: THE GREATER NUMBER of the pairwhich formed the most part of the three that wereelected by the most of those whose boastit was to represent the most of the mostof most of most of the entire state --or of the most of it at any rate.He never gave himself a moment's slumberbut sought the welfare of the greater number.And all people, everywhere they went,knew to their cost exactly what it meantto be dictated to by the majority.But that meant nothing, -- they were the minority.

EXPERTSExperts havetheir expert funex cathedratelling onejust how nothingcan be done.

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ATOMYRIADESNature, it seems, is the popular namefor milliards and milliards and milliardsof particles playing their infinite gameof billiards and billiards and billiards.

ROAD SENSEGod save us, now they're murdering another winding road,and another lovely countryside will take another loadof pantechnicon and car and motorbike. They're busy making biger roads, and better roads and more,so that people can discover even faster than before that everything is everywhere alike.

OUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTWe must expect posterityto view with some asperity the marvels and the wonders we're passing on to it;but it should change its attitudeto one of heartfelt gratitude when thinking of the blunders we didn't quite commit.

THE TRUE DEFENCEThe only defencethat is more than pretence is to act on the factthat there is no defence.

PAST PLUPERFECTThe past, -- well, it's just like our Great-Aunt Laura,who cannot or will not perceivethat though she is welcome, and though we adore her,yet now it is time to leave.

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MY FAITH IN DOCTORSMy faith in doctors is immense.Just one thing spoils it; their pretenceof authorised omniscience.

DEFENCE WANTEDIn International Consequencesthe players must reckon to reap what they've sown.We have a defence against other defences,but what's to defend us against our own?

GETTING DOWN TO FUNDAMENTALSIt will steadily shrink,our earthly abode,until antiode standsupon antipode.

Then, soles together,the planet gone,we'll know the groundthat we rest upon.

GROOK TO STIMULATE GRATITUDEin sour rationalists.

As things so very often areintelligence won't get you far.

So be glad you've got more sensethan you've got intelligence.

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MISSING LINKMan's a kindof Missing Link,fondly thinkinghe can think.

THE ROAD TO WISDOMThe road to wisdom? -- Well, it's plainand simple to express: Err and err and err again but less and less and less.

THAT IS THE QUESTIONHamlet Anno Domini.

Co-existenceor no existence.

BRIDGE OR TUNNEL?Channel project.

A tunnel would be possible, a bridge would also do,but wouldn't it be better to amalgamate the two?

Let bridge and tunnel undulate in waves from shore to shore,keeping green the memories of those who went before.

LOSING FACEThe noble art of losing facemay one day save the human race and turn into eternal meritwhat weaker minds would call disgrace.

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A PSYCHOLOGICAL TIPWhenever you're called on to make up your mind, and you're hampered by not having any,the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find, is simply by spinning a penny.No -- not so that chance shall decide the affair while you're passively standing there moping;but the moment the penny is up in the air, you suddenly know what you're hoping.

OUT OF TIMEA holiday thought.

My old clock used to tell the time and subdivide diurnity;but now it's lost both hands and chime and only tells eternity.

MORE HASTE --Inscription for a monument at the crossroads.

Here lies, extinguished in his prime,a victim of modernity:but yesterday he hadn't the time --and now he has eternity.

A WORD TO THE WISELet the world pass in its time-ridden race; never get caught in its snare.Remember, the only acceptable casefor being in any particular place is having no business there.

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MEETING THE EYEYou'll probably find that it suits your bookto be a bit cleverer than you look.Observe that the easiest method by faris to look a bit stupider than you are.

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANA poet should be of the old-fahioned meaningless brand:obscure, esoteric, symbolic, -- the critics demand it;so if there's a poem of mine that you do understandI'll gladly explain what it means till you don't understand it.

THE CASE FOR OBSCURITYOn Thoughts and Words I.

If no thoughtyour mind does visit,make your speechnot too explicit.

LEST FOOLS SHOULD FAILTrue wisdom knowsit must comprisesome nonsenseas a compromise,lest fools shouls failto find it wise.

AN ODE TO MODESTYTalking of successful racketsmodesty deserves a mention.Exclamation marks in bracketsnever fail to draw attention.

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GROOK ON LONG-WINDED AUTHORSLong-winded writers I abhor, and glib, prolific chatters;give me the ones who tear and gaw their hair and pens to tatters:who find heir writing such a chore they only write what matters.

THE CURE FOR EXHAUSTIONSometimes, exhaustedwith toil and endeavour,I wish I could sleepfor ever and ever;but then this reflectionmy longing allays:I shall be doing itone of these days.

I'D LIKE --I'd like to know what this whole show is about before it's out.

MAKING SENSELife makes sensesand who could doubt it,if we haveno doubt about it.

A MOMENT'S THOUGHTAs eternityis reckonedthere's a lifetimein a second.

(for Expo 67)

We travel where ever mankind reignsand find good men in all the worlds domainsand recognize them as a kind of Danes.

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WHAT ARE YOU?The way to grow grand is not: to demandIn life's every field you are what you yield.

THE EGOCENTRICSPeople are self-centeredto a nauseous degree.They will keep on about themselveswhile I'm explaining me.

MOTIVATION OF TOASTS FOR A STEADFAST CHARACTER Your steadfast character appeals to frequent toasts, methinks:you never eat except at meals -nor drink 'twixt drinks.

THRIFT Nobody can be lucky all the time;so when your luck deserts you in some fashiondon't think you've been abandoned in your prime,but rather that you're saving up your ration.

CAPACITY A contribution to the psychology of disappointment

Some people live in a dream of what'llallow them to live their dream:they solemnly hold out a half-pint bottleand ask for a pint of cream.

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A MAXIM FOR VIKINGSHere is a fact that should help you fight a bit longer:Things that don't act- ually kill you outright make you stronger.

THAT WEARY FEELING Do you know that weary feeling when your mind is strangely strangledand your head is like a ball of wool that's very, very tangled;and the tempo of your thinking must be lenient and mild,as though you were explaining to a very little child.

ONE'S OWN WEATHER You're squandering spleen on your brothers,and wasting good self-pity too,if you think that there's sun on the otherswhenever it's raining on you.

TWO PASSIVISTSEradicate the optimist who takes the easy viewthat human values will persist no matter what we do.

Annihilate the pessimist whose ineffectual cryis that the goal's already missed however hard we try.

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THE CENTRAL POINT A philosophistry

I am the Universe's Centre.No subtle sceptics can confound me;for how can other viewpoints enter,when all the rest is all around me?

MOUSE AND MANA relativistic grook on co-existence

A human being sharing with a mouse.Each thinks himself the master of the house.In fact, of course, each occupier's place isthe other's insulating interspaces.

LOOK AND THOU SHALT FINDFoesof what's cookingsee no worth behind it.Thosethat are lookingfor nothing - will find it.

THREE FACTS ABOUT TRAFFIC Three facts, quite easy, should be known to all would-be arrivers who set out on wheels:

that roads are greasy, safety margins small, and fellow drivers fellow imbeciles.

VITA BREVIS A lifetimeis morethansufficiently longfor people to get what there is of itwrong.

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TAUGHT We are taught to live, we are taught to feel.We are taught to conform and conceal.

We are taught so well what we ought to feelthat we cannot feel what we feel.

ETERNITY AND THE CLOCKA homage to finity

Eternity's one of those mental blocks- the concept is inconceivable.The clock concedes it in ticks and tocks, belittled, belaboured, believable.

Each passing moment is seized and chewed with argument incontestable.Premasticated, like baby food, eternity is digestible.

ASTRO-GYMNASTICSDo-it-yourself grook

Go on a starlit night, stand on your head,leave your feet dangling outwards into space,and let the starry firmament you treadbe, for the moment, your elected base.

Feel Earth's colossal weight of ice and granite,of molten magma, water, iron, and lead;and briefly hold this strangely solid planetbalanced upon your strangely solid head.

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LIVING IS --Living is a thing you donow or never -- which do you?

TWIN MYSTERY To many people artists seem undisciplined and lawless.Such laziness, with such great gifts, seems little short of crime.One mystery is how they make the things they make so flawless;another, what they're doing with their energy and time.

DRAWING NEARTo Saul Steinberg

You drawthe near things nearerby makingclear things queerer.

THOUGHTS AND THINGS I concentrate on the concentric ringsproduced by my pen in the ink.The thing that distinguishes thoughts from thingsis that thoughts are harder to think.

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LAST THINGS FIRST Solutions to problems are easy to find:the problem's a great contribution.What's truly an art is to wring from your minda problem to fit a solution.

ON BEING ONESELFGood resolution grook

If virtuecan't be mine aloneat least my faultscan be my own.

THE TYRANNY OF THINGSI am trying to rule over ten thousand thingswhich I thought belonged to me.All of a sudden a doubt take wings:Do they... or could it be..?

A hardhanded hunch in my mind's ear ringsfrom whence such suspicions may stem:that if you posses more than just eight thingsthen y o u are possessed by t h e m

UNPLUMBED DEPTHSGrook on philo-sophistical and other -isms

Philo-sophisticism with hypnoticeffect affects the boobies that abound:being so bottomlessly idioticthat even they can see it profound.

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ORIGINALITY Original thought is a straightforward process.It's easy enough when you know what to do.You simply combine in appropriate dosesthe blatantly false and the patently true.

WHAT LOVE IS LIKELove is likea pineapple,sweet andundefinable.

WISDOM IS - Wisdom isthe booby prizegiven when you've beenunwise.

THE OPPOSITE VIEW For many system shoppers it's a good-for-nothing systemthat classifies as opposites stupidity and wisdom.

because by logic-choppers it's accepted with avidity:stupidity's true opposite's the opposite stupidity.

WANTING TO BE ABLE TO 'Impossibilities' are good not to attach that label to;since, correctly understood,if we wanted to, we would be able to be able to.

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WHO IS LEARNED?A definition

One who, consuming midnight oilin studies diligent and slow,teaches himself, with painful toil,the things that other people know.

EVERYBODY'S WORTH KNOWING It's some sort of comfort to get the gistof certain impertinents I could list -so that you know what you haven't missed.

MEMENTO VIVERELove while you've got love to give.Live while you've got life to live.

GROOK ABOUT FAITH, HOPE, ETC. She gave me hopeshe gave me love, with bounty unalloyed.But what she had of faith,alas, she gave to Freud.

THE CIVILIZED ART Two types that had far better leave to their bettersthe civilized art of exchanging lettersare those who disdain to make any response,and those who infallibly answer at once.

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PRESCRIPTION A bitof virtuewill neverhurt you.

THE FIRST PRINCIPLE OF GASTRONOMY There's a rule for proper dosesin the dinner-eaters lore:one should stop the filling processwhile one still has room for more.

And if someone at the tablehad reminded me before -Hallelujah! I'd be ableto absorb a little more.

TIMING TOASTGrook on how to char for yourself

There's an art of knowing when.Never try to guess.Toast until it smokes and thentwenty seconds less.

HANDSOME IS -Portrait-grook

He's gallantry personified; in facthis brochures ought to read:SATISFACTION GUARANTEED -or your virginity returned intact.

IDLE FELLOWPortrait-grook

Professsor Blooby doesn't see the funin what his fellow-man call relaxation.He isn't ignorant of how it's done,but lacks the necessary application.

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THOUGHTS ON A STATION PLATFORMIt ought to be plainhow little you gainby getting excitedand vexed.

You'll always be latefor the previous train,and always in timefor the next

A DIPLOMATIC COMPROMISE A fellow I knowcan get mountains to moveand all oppositionappeases:he preaches what Godcannot help but approve,and doeswhat the Devil he pleases.

NOVELTY For me there is something ineffably new in every new moment's arising;and even the things I habitually do have qualities new and surprising.

There's nothing that happens that happened before in exactly that way in its life.When you're playing the piano, it's rather a bore; but it's nice when you're kissing your wife.

ABREASTHe who aimsto keep abreastis for eversecond best.

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REMEDIES' REMEDIES Pills are usefulagainst illsand againsttoo many pills.

WE DO OUR BESTOr do we?

Modern manhas the skill;he can dowhat he will.But alas -being manhe will dowhat he can.

CHEAP EATERY Whenever I'm scared by the state of my purse I dine at the 'Gold-Digger's Claim',where the food is so out of comparison worse you forget that the price is the same.

THE FINAL STEPIf they made diving boardssix inches shorter -think how much sooneryou'd be in the water.

SIMILARITYCommutative Law

No cow's like a horse,and no horse like a cow.That's one similarityanyhow.

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THE PARADOX OF LIFEPhilosophical grook.

A bit beyond perception's reachI sometimes believe I seethat Life is two locked boxes, eachcontaining the other's key.

BUDGETING: THE FIRST LAW If you want to knowwhere your money went,you must spend it quicklybefore it's spent.

ON AN ASHTRAY When your thirstand hunger cease,may your ashesrest in peace.

GOOD ADVICEShun adviceat any price -that's what I callgood advice

OH BOTHER!What with one thing and another people bother.

With a third thing and a fourth it isn't worth it.

TIME Does time exist?I gravely doubt it.But gosh, what should we dowithout it?

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CANDLE WISDOM If you knewwhat you will knowwhen your candlehas burnt low,it would greatlyease your plightwhile your candlestill burns bright.

WHAT PEOPLE MAY THINKSome people cowerand wince and shrink,owing to fear ofwhat people may think.There is one answerto worries like these:people may thinkwhat the devil they please.

(on Denmark)

Denmark seen from a foreign landlooks but like a grain of sand.Denmark as we Danes conceive itis so big you won’t believe it.

(?)

Those who have no wisedom yet count their wealth by what they get. you who have the grace to live: count your wealth by what you give!

ABOUT DENMARKWhy not let us compromiseabout Denmark's proper size,which will truly please us all,since it's bigger than it's small.

NOTHING IS INDESPENSABLE

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Grook to warn the universe against megalomania

The universe may be as great as they say.But it wouldn't be missed if it didn't exist.

TIME AND ETERNITYWhere the woods and ploughlandsof tradition and modernityrun into the never-ending deserts of eternity,there I have my daily taskwhile time smoothly passes,spooning the eternal sands into hour glass.

INVESTMENT POLICYAnxieties yieldat a negative rate,increasing in smallnessthe longer they wait.

A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENTStomach-ache can be a curse;heart-ache may be even worse;so thank Heaven on your kneesif you've got but one of these.

THOSE WHO KNOWThose who alwaysknow what's bestarea universal pest.

THE WISDOM OF THE SPHERESHow instructiveis a star!It can teach usfrom afarjust how smalleach other are.

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IT ISN'T ENOUGHOne paramount truthour society smothersin petty concernwith position and pelf:It isn't enoughto exasperate others;you've got to rememberto gladden yourself.

SMALL THINGS AND GREATHe that letsthe small things bind himleaves the greatundone behind him.

BRAVETo be brave is to behavebravely when your heart is faint.So you can be really brave only when you really ain't.

SATURATIONThe heavens are draining,it's raining and raining,and everything couldn't be wetter,and things are so badthat we ought to be glad:because now they can only get better.

THE STATENature, our father and mother,gave us all we have got.The state, our elder brother,swipes the lot.

PRESENCE OF MIND

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You'll conquer the presentsuspiciously fastif you smell of the future --and stink of the past.

MAKING AN EFFORTOur so-called limitations, believe,apply to faculties we don't apply.We don't discover what we can't achieveuntil we make an effort not to try.

CONSTITUTIONAL POINTPower corrupts, whereas sound oppositionbuilds up our freedemocratic tradition.One thing would make a democracy flower:having a strong opposition --in power.

RHYME AND REASONThere was an old womanwho lived in a shoe.She had so many children.She didn't know what to do.But try as she would she could never detectwhich was the causeand which the effect.

WIDE ROADTo make a name for learning when other roads are barred,take something very easyand make it very hard.

THE ONLY SOLUTION

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We shall have to evolveproblem-solvers galore--since each problem they solvecreates ten problems more.

REFLECTION ON SIZESmall people often overratethe charm of being tall;which is, that you appreciatethe charm of being small.

A REPROOFGrook in answer to a long explanitory letter

In view of your mannerof spending your daysI hope you may learn,before ending them,that the effort you spendon defending your wayscould be better spent on amending them.

THE LITTLE MERMAID'S LITTLE SISTER The Little Mermaid's Little Sisterwas also partly girl and codthough in a way which those who kissed her found odd.

...but which, well worth to mention,though at first sight absurd,I, with my fond intention, preferred.

STONE IN SHOEIf a nasty jagged stonegets into your shoe,thank the Lord it came alone --what if it were two?

THE UNATTAINABLE IDEAL

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We ought to liveeach day as thoughit were our last day here below.

But if I did, alas,I knowit would have killed melong ago.

A TIPto members of the literary profession

Those who can writehave a lot to learnfrom those bright enough not to.

THE ULTIMATE WISDOMPhilosophersmust ultimately findtheir true perfectionin knowing allthe follies of mankind-- by introspection.

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