Goleman text

8/8/2019 Goleman text

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Synonyms of EQ: social intelligence, personal intelligence

Thorndike: social intelligence is both distinct from academic abilitiesand a key part of what makes people do well in the practicalities of life.

Peter Salovey, Yale University, studies social intelligence and notes fivedomains:

Self-awarenessManaging emotions, handling feelingsMotivating oneself, self-directingEmpathy and altruismHandling relationships to support popularity, leadershipand interpersonal effectiveness

Jack Block, UC-Berkley, examines his concept of ego resilience, asynonym for EQ, with four domains:

Emotional regulationAdaptive impulsive controlSense of self-efficacySocial intelligence

Blocks research notes high IQ pure types vs. high EQ pure types:High IQ Pure Type: Male

Ambitious, productive, predictable, doggedUntroubled by concerns about himself Critical and condescendingFastidious and inhibitedUneasy with sexuality and intimacyUnexpressive and detachedEmotionally bland and cold

High IQ Pure Type: FemaleIntrospectiveProne to anxiety, rumination, guiltHesitant to express anger directly

High EQ Type: Male and Female


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Socially poised, outgoing, cheerfulNot prone to fearfulness or ruminationCapacity for commitment to people/causesResponsible, ethicalSympathetic and caring in relationshipsRich emotional lifeComfortable with self and others and worldAssertiveExpress feelings directlyPlayful, spontaneous, open to sensual experiencesRarely feel anxiety or guilt

Block asserts that pure types are extreme and that all of us mix both IQand EQ in varying degrees.

Chapter Four: Know Thyself

Metacognition: our own awareness of our thought processes; an abilityto think about out own cognitive abilities

Metamood: an ability to understand our own emotions

Freuds similar concept: an evenly hovering attention; an interested

yet unreactive witness; observing ego; a neutral mode that maintainsself-reflectiveness even amidst turbulent emotions; a slight steppingback from experience

Mayers styles for attending to and dealing with emotions Self-awareness : these people are psychologically healthy,optimistic, sophisticated about their emotional lives,autonomous and sure of their own boundaries; bad moodsdont stay around long

Engulfed : swamped by their emotions and helpless to

escape from them; mercurial personalities, unaware of feelings so they are lost in them; little control overemotional life; overwhelmed and emotionally out of control

Accepting : accepting of emotions and dont try to changethem; those who are in a good mood with no reason tochange and those who are susceptible to bad ones but dontchange them: a laissez-faire attitude; resigned or helpless


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How would you react in an airplane during turbulence? Would you bevigilant or would you tune out your surroundings?

Sensitizers: those who tune in and amplify their own reactions

Repressors: those who distract themselves and minimize the experience of their emotional response

Extreme cases noted by Diener: college student and the woman wholost her pen. Diener finds that women, in general, feel both positiveand negative emotions more strongly than do men.

ALEXITHYMIA: lacking words for feelings; inability to express

emotions; utterly lacking in the fundamental skill of emotionalintelligence, self-awareness

Is it possible to have no inner emotional life at all?

SOMATIZATION: mistaking an emotional ache for a physical one;notable in Asian populations in therapy

Theory related to alexithymia: disconnect between limbic system and

neocortexCase Study: Elliots tumor and removal that caused emotional bluntingor alexithymia; unable to assign values to decisions

The key to sounder personal decision-making: being attuned to ourfeelings; valuing gut feelings

Two levels of emotion: conscious, registering in the cortex; unconscious,registering in the amygdala

Emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamentalof emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood


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Comes from nowhereUncontrollableSteady hum of anxietyImpervious to reasonLocks the worrier into a single, inflexible view of theworrisome topic

Anxiety has two components: cognitive and somatic

Managing low-grade anxiety: self-awareness, relaxation, challengingthoughts, medication

Managing sadness: bereavement is useful and should be experienced asa time out to contemplate loss and adjust and move on. Sadness and

depression can be managed bySocializing, going out to eat, to a movie or ballgameRecognizing and resisting ruminationAerobic exerciseLifts to self-image: getting a massageEngineering a small success: clean the closets, wash the carCognitive reframing: seeing it differentlyPraying or meditating

Therapy for depression: just do it even if you dont feel like it; make aspecial effort to divert attention towards pleasant things

ECT: may work because it affects STM and the patients dontremember why they are depressed

REPRESSORS: those who blot emotional disturbances from theirawareness; tuning out emotional upset; the unflappable ones

About one in six people are unflappable. They may come to be that way

with an innate temperament, modeling by unflappable parents, areaction to a chaotic family life, i.e. the alcoholic parent

Any repressors in the class? See an explanation related to neuralactivity by Davidson, pp. 76-77.


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Chapter Six: The Master Aptitude

The emotional brain has the power to paralyze the thinking brain.

Working memory: the executive function of mental life; the work of theprefrontal cortex

Comparing Asian-American children and Caucasian children withacademic success; the former have an emotional edge coming fromdedication and hard work

Impulse Control: the Marshmallow Test; the research of WalterMischel; those four year olds with impulse control and delay of gratification skills (about 2/3 of the subjects) were tested again atadolescence and found to be

More socially competentMore personally effectiveMore self-assertive, self reliantBetter able to cope with the frustrations of lifeLess likely to go to pieces in the face of difficultiesMore likely to persist in challengesMore trustworthy and dependableMore initiating and take-charge

More academically competent in high schoolBetter on SAT scores (210 point difference)

The remaining 1/3 of the subjects, without those skills were judged to bemore shy in social contacts, stubborn and indecisive, easily upset byfrustrations, to regress under stress, mistrustful and resentful about notgetting enough, prone to jealousy and envy, and overreacting toirritations with temper and arguments. Poor delay of gratification skillsat age four is a better predictor of later delinquency than IQ score.

Mischel: goal-directed self-imposed delay of gratification is perhaps theessence of emotional self-regulation; a meta-ability

Alperts research on test anxiety: two kinds of anxious students: thosefor whom anxiety undoes their academic performance, and those who


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use anxiety as a motivator for preparation for performance (calledanticipatory anxiety)

Good moods enhance the ability to think flexibly, with more complexity,and to find solutions to problems, whether intellectual or interpersonal.

A hypothetical question to students: Although you set your goal of getting a B, when your first exam score, worth 30% of your grade isreturned, you have received a D. It is now one week after you havelearned about the D grade. What do you do?

The response to the above dilemma was a measure of the students levelof hope. Snyders research suggested that ones level of hope was abetter predictor of first-semester grades than SAT scores.

Hope , defined: believing you have both the will and the way toaccomplish your goals, whatever they may be. Hope is negativelycorrelated with depression, anxiety, pessimism

Seligman: scores on an optimism scale were a better predictor of freshman year grades than SAT scores or high school GPA.Explanatory style tells you who gives up.

Review the Seligman research with MetLife: optimists stay with the job,sell more insurance

Underlying both hope and optimism is a self-perception of efficacy.According to Bandura, self-efficacy is the belief that one has masteryover the events of ones life, and can meet challenges as they come up.

Csikszentmihalyis concept of flow: excellence becomes effortless; ablissful self-absorption, the ultimate in harnessing the emotions in theservice of performance and learning; emotions contained and

channeled, positive, energized and aligned with the task at hand; a stateof self-forgetfulness, egoless

To enter this state of flow:Intentionally focus attention to the task at handEngage in a skill at a level that slightly taxes your ability


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Mastery is spurred on by the experience of flow. Learning is enhancedby the experience of flow. How can teachers and parents facilitate thisexperience in activities related to homework? According to Gardner,identify the childs profile of natural competencies and play to herstrengths while at the same time shore up some of her weaknesses.

Chapter Seven: The Roots of Empathy

Failure to register another persons feelings is a major deficit inemotional intelligence; empathy is the root of caring, all rapport

The key to intuiting anothers feelings is in the ability to readnonverbals: tone of voice, gesture, facial expression

Review the research of Rosenthal: ability to empathize related toemotional adjustment, popularity, extroversion, sensitivity to others

Women are better at empathy than men. Can you explain that?

Ninety percent or more of an emotional message is nonverbal.

The developmental unfolding of empathyInfants respond to anothers crying by mimicking the cryMotor mimicry is the physical imitation of the distress of anotherAbility to empathize in childhood relates to how parentsdiscipline the child: calling attention to the distress of othersand relating it to how their misbehavior caused the distressParental displays of empathy help children develop arepertoire of empathic responseAttunement: moments of intimacy between parent and childwhere the parent matches the babys level of excitement

Making love is perhaps the closest approximation in adult life to thisintimate attunement between infant and mother. Lovemaking is, at itsbest, an act of mutual empathy.

What are the costs of misattunement between mother and infant? Inthe most extreme cases, the author suggests that the result will beborderline personality disorder


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Negotiating solutions for conflicts: mediating Personal connection and empathy Social analysis: detecting others feelings, motives,

concerns

Warning: interpersonal skills like those above must be balanced by anastute sense of your own needs and feelings and how to fulfill them. Thesocial chameleon Snyder calls self-monitoring. One can be low,moderate or high in this trait. The as-if personality changes based onothers expectations.

Social Incompetence: the fear that nothing you can say will interestanother; ineptitude in the most basic social graces

Dyssemia: a learning disability in the realm of nonverbal messages;poor sense of personal space; misinterpreting body language; poor senseof prosody (the emotional quality of speech)

When coming into a new group, the two cardinal sins that almostalways lead to rejection are trying to take the lead too soon and beingout of synch with the frame of reference. This is what unpopularchildren do.

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