FAU Dr. Brigman

1

Goals of

Discouraged Children

All misbehavior stems

from discouragement

Real or percieved threat of

loss of status, acceptance,

belonging

Four Categories of

Discouraged Goals

Attention

Power

Revenge

Display of inadequacy

Clues needed to determine goals

Child’s feelings and behavior

Feelings and reactions of adults

who interact with the child

Child’s responses when crticism

or punishment is experienced

FAU Dr. Brigman

2

Attention

active constructive-----------T’s pet

passive constructive----------clinging vine

active distructive--------------class

clown/obstructive

passive distructive-------------

”lazy/dependent”/shy/scared

Feelings of adult=annoyed, irritated

Play strategies for

Attention Seekers

Ignoring when child is

seeking/demanding attention

Giving attention when child is

not seeking/demanding it

Interpreting (during insight

phase)

Power

Active--power struggles involving

arguing, fighting, defiance

Passive--power struggles involving

disobedience, forgeting, manipulating,

being stubborn, being laziness, being

uncooperative

Feeling of adult=anger, challenged,

threatened

Play strategies for

children with too little power

Give all choices/control/power

at first then work at shared

power

Take turns making rules for

games played/directing roleplay

Limited decisions

FAU Dr. Brigman

3

Play strategies for

children with too much power

Egalitarian power sharing from

beginning

Give choices and set

consequences

Avoid taking threat/challenge to

power personally

Avoid asking “parentified children to

be too responsible

Play strategies for

children from “chaotic” families

Allow child to be in control at

beginning stage then move

to shared control

Teach survival skills to child

Revenge

Active revenge--violent, malicious,

cruel, i.e. bullies. Bed wetting,

soiling, and stealing prized

possesions.

Passive revenge--moody, pouty,

threatening, withdrawal, sabotage.

Feelings of adult=hurt,anger

Play strategies for

revenge seeking children

Avoid taking the child’s attemps

to hurt you personally

Exercise patience and

consistency

Assure that abuse is not

currently occuring

FAU Dr. Brigman

4

Proving inadequacy

Active--suicide

Passive--Not trying, giving up

easily, avoiding

people/situations

Feelings of

adult=hopeless,discouarged,

helpless

Play strategies for children

who are proving inadequacy

Avoid all criticism/judgement

More emphasis on asset hunting

(teachers/parents)

Choose activities with high chance of

success (games of chance, i.e. shoots

and ladders, candyland, finger painting,

sand play.

Limit number of toys to reduce chance

of overwhelming

Lifestyle

Family atmosphere

Family constellation

Early recollections

Family Atmosphere

Parental attitudes toward the

children

Parental discipline philosophies

Lifestyle of the parents

Family values

FAU Dr. Brigman

5

Family Atmosphere

Marital relationship

Parenting skills

Personal problems interferring with

ability to provide warmth, respect,

and structure

Family atmosphere of the parents’

family of origin

Typical types of

family atmospheres

Democratic

Rejective

Authoritarian

Inconsistent

Pitying

Hopless

Typical types of

family atmospheres

Suppressive

Overprotective

High Standards

Materialistic

Competitive

Disparaging

Inharmonious

Investigating

family atmosphere

Observing the child and

the parents

Asking questions

Art techniques

FAU Dr. Brigman

6

Observing the child and parents

Child--during play session--stick with

the metaphor, during free play and

other unstructured times, i.e. cafeteria

Parents during consultation

Parents interacting with child in waiting

room, or during family session early in

the counseling process

Asking questions

Lifesyle questionaire

3-4 questions per session is recommended

Frame questions to the child metaphorically,

using the play situation as a base, i.e. “What

happens when the child doll doesn’t do what

the mommy doll says to do? “ or “Tell me

about the sister rabbit,” or “ Which of the

parent rabbits is the baby rabbit most like?”

Art techniques

Kinetic family drawing (appendix E

for questions)

• How does the child see others

gaining significance?

• What are the interactional patterns?

Draw a symbol for each person in

your family

Draw a symbol for the entire family

Family constellation/birth order

Psychological vs. ordinal

position

Only, First, Second, Middle,

Youngest

Divide class into groups and

discuss traits

FAU Dr. Brigman

7

Only

relate easily to adults

independent

creative

pampered/expect others to be

in their service

more self focused with low

social interest

First

Responsible

Achievement/leadership

oriented

Protective/nurturing

Bossy

Overly organized/responsible

Second

Avis complex/catch

up/discouraged

Opposite personalities from

oldest

Good social skills

Middle

Invisible/neglected/unloved

Peacekeepers/mediators/negoti

ators

Innovative/creative

Rebel

FAU Dr. Brigman

8

Youngest

Charming/entertaining

Spoiled

Not taken seriously

Excel at something different

Investigating

family constellation

Observation/questions/art

Looking for assets and liabilities

Sibling rating scale (appendix c)

for parents

Kinestetic school drawing

Early recollections

Snapshot from first 6-8 years of how person

sees self, others, life, what is worth pursuing

and what is likely to happen

ERs provide clues to lifestyle, mistaken

beliefs, social interactions, and goals of

behavior

Event that happened only once vs. a regular

pattern

ERs usually not used with children under 6-7

Obtaining ERs

Before asking for ERs establish rapport, and get family constellation information

Tell, draw, act out using puppets 5-7 ERs over several sessions

Write down everything the child says about the ER

Ask child to describe feelings associated to the ER

FAU Dr. Brigman

9

Making meaning from ERs

Look for central themes

Demo . Everyone writes

2-3ERs. Volunteer shares ERs

and class uses questions to

discover central themes

Lifestyle hypotheses

I am

I must

Others are

The world is

Life is

Therefore I must act as if

Therefore my behavior must be

Lifestyle hypotheses

Share over time to help child

gain insight

Present as quesses using

metaphors, art, &

interpretations of conversation

and play

Insight phase-- Helping child

understand:

Goals of their behavior

Their basic convictions about

themselves, others and the world

Behaviors they use to gain

significance and sense of belonging

FAU Dr. Brigman

10

Techniques for insight phase--

rate 1-10 ability to use these ten

techniques--

Sharing tentative

hypotheses/interpretations

Metacommunication/communication

patterns/nonverbal communication

Reading reactions to counselor

statements

Role play

Techniques for insight phase

Metaphor

Mutual story telling

Bibliotherapy

Art

Immediacy, humor, confrontation

Connecting play sessions with real

world

Interpretation using direct and

indirect tentative hypotheses

Indirect for children who are resistant or

defensive about direct interpretations

Indirect interpretations use the

toy,doll,role play character or puppet as

the focus of guesses about goals and

convictions. It is importnat to stay with

the child’s metaphor. (see p. 151)

Children’s play is usually more rich than

their verbalizations for interpreting goals

and convictions.

Metacomunication--

counselor interpretations of:

Patterns in how counselor and

child relate

Nonverbal communication

Child’s reaction to counselor

statements, interpretations, and

questions

FAU Dr. Brigman

11

Role Play

Allow repetitions of role play events

when the child seems to be gaining

insight or emotional release from them

After 6-8 repetitions consider changing

the scenario by adding a character or

changing the direction of the role play.

Use the whisper voice and/or character

voice to suggest changes.

Metaphors

Using child’s metaphor

Designing therapuetic

metaphors for the child

Mutual Storytelling

Bibliotherapy

Using the child’s metaphors

Statements and guesses are made about the

thoughts, behaviors, feelings, and goals of

the characters in the play vs about the child.

• Ex. from Kottman--Lori, tying the house up--fear of

divorce--”Looks like you are trying to keep the

house from coming apart--It must be scary to the

people who live in the house to think the house

may come apart

Avoid breaking the metaphor--addressing the

problem directly--linking to child’s life before

the child is ready to deal with the issue

directly.

Designing Therapuetic

Metaphors (see p.161 for steps)

Counselor develops story which is

parallel to child’s situation.

Characters are included that

represent the key people in the

child’s life situation.

The characters face problems

similar to the child’s.

FAU Dr. Brigman

12

Designing Therapuetic

Metaphors (see p.161 for steps)

Feelings, thoughts, actions, and goals

are attributed to the characters that

match the child’s situation

After hardships the characters solve

their problem in some

healthy/constructive fashsion

Below age 8 animal characters usually

work best, after age 8 people characters

seem best.

Mutual Storytelling For children up to age 8--ask child to choose

puppets or animals, pretend they can talk and

tell a story with them.

The story should not be something that really

happened or from a movie, tv, book, but

something they make up.

The story needs a beginning, middle, and

end. The characters need to have a problem

to solve and to find a way of solving it.

See questions p.165 to interpret the story

Bibliotherapy

Bookfinder-American Guidance

Services-Circle Pines, MN.

Bibliotherapy catalog-

Paperbacks for Educators--

• 1-800-227-2591

Books That Heal--

Art

Extending Kinetic Drawing

• Compare drawing at various

stages of counseling

• Try other family/school drawings,

i.e. ideal, with changes child

would like, how they would like

relationships to be with key

people in their life

FAU Dr. Brigman

13

Cartoons

Cartoon helpers (age 8 & up)

• Draw fearful, worrisome situation

• Draw a cartoon helper who can

help with the problem

• Draw how the fear/worry will look

when it is resolved

Symbolic Representations

Oaklanders’s rosebush

Members of their

family/teacher/classmates

symbolically

Reorientation/Reeducation--

learning and practicing new

ways to:

view self, others, world

behave in various situations

relate to others

Style of counselor interaction

reorientation/reeducation phase

More directive

Problem solving/application to

outside situations

Teaching/skill training

• Social skills, sharing, negotiating

• Providing practice/coaching

Review gains and prepare for

termination