Message froM... The Executive Director & Associate Executive Director

ON FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28TH, THE GOOD GRIEF vol-unteers, families and supporters came together to support griev-ing children at our first annual Great Pumpkin Ball. This event helped us mark a momentous year, one in which we have contin-ued to grow as we settle into our own beautiful new home. Our gala gave us an opportunity to recognize two important people in the community—Reverend Charles T. Rush of Christ Church with our Hope Award and Kevin Cummings of Investors Bank, with our Corporate Leadership Award. With more than 285 in attendance, over $170,000 was raised to support our programs and services, making this event the most successful in Good Grief’s history.

A week later on November 5th, we held our Day of Remem-brance, bringing over 100 people together to share a meaningful and uplifting ceremony to honor their loved ones. This day serves as a stark reminder of why Good Grief exists and why it is so im-portant that we continue to fulfill our mission. Since we opened our doors in September 2007, we have grown over 300%—giving Good Grief the distinction of being the fastest growing children’s grief center in the country. As we strive to meet this ongoing demand, we remain steadfast in our commitment to provide free services to grieving families for as long as they need support.

We’d like to thank all the volunteers and all the participants for making both our Great Pumpkin Ball and Day of Remembrance such a success. In the end, Good Grief is about the community that supports one another in times of joy and sorrow—together we make a difference in the lives of grieving children in New Jersey.

this issueP1Annual Day of Remembrance

P6McKelvey Teen Center

P2Highlights from The Great Pumpkin Ball

P7Spotlight on—A Family & Vounteer

Every year the Good Grief community gathers to remember those who have died at our annual Day of Remembrance. This year, families committed themselves to renewal as they

grieve. Everyone who gathered was excited to experience our annual ritual in our beautiful new home. Good Grief’s Associate Executive Director, Joe Primo spoke about “moving the immovable object that is grief. Moving that immovable object is the work you all do and that takes some high hopes. Everyone in this room understands that a hill can sometimes look like a mountain and a crack can easily feel like a ditch. Today is as much about memory as it is about seeing your own grief journey in a new way,” he said. Children, teens, and families read the names of those who died, while a harpist and vocalist offered hope and encouragement through music. Families decorated ornamental paper to make ori-

gami geese that will displayed in the center and made handmade ribbons that will hang outside. Each ribbon is decorated with memo-ries, hope, and ways to renew themselves as they continue find-ing healthy ways to re-build their lives. In the spirit of the Mexican tradition of the Day of the Dead, families brought the

favorite food of those who died and shared it with their Good Grief friends. The Good Grief house was full of aromas, hope, and the spir-it of community which sustains those who find refuge in this place.

We Remember Them...Good Grief’s Annual Day of Remembrance

JOURNEYFall 2011

Marisa Bolognese Joseph Primo

For more information, please call or email us at: (908) 522-1999 info@good-grief.org or visit us at: www.good-grief.org

Helping Children & Teens Cope With Loss

Good Grief™

An extended family working together, each to create their own origami goose

(See photo event highlights on page 5)

An Enchanted and Magical Eveningall for the Benefit of Grieving Children and Teens

Good Grief held its First Annual Great Pumpkin Ball on Friday, October 28, 2011 at The Park Savoy in Florham Park. The historic mansion and gardens offered an

intimate setting as a backdrop for the event that featured Master of Ceremonies, Greg Kelly, Fox 5 New York’s Cohost, silent and live auctions, gourmet dining and dancing to live music performed by Lady Nica and The Band. With the patronage of over 280 guests, Good Grief exceeded expectations by raising over $170,000 to continue to provide a compassionate community for children and families throughout New Jersey coping with the death of a loved one. The event honored two extraordinary gentlemen that lead by example and personify the values we hold dear at Good Grief—that there is always hope and that it takes a community to support the grieving. Kevin Cummings, Chief Executive Officer, Investors Bank was presented with The Corporate Leadership Award by longtime friend, Mayor Jordan Glatt of Summit. Reverend Charles T. Rush, Senior Minister, Christ Church was presented with The Hope Award by Joe Primo, Associate Executive Director, Good Grief. During the cocktail hour the guests bid on unique and wonderful silent auction items while they dined on delicious

Greg Kelly, MC with Marisa Bolognese, Executive Director, Harrie Copeland, Auctioneer

Kevin Cummings receiving The Corporate Leadership Award with the Kelly Family

Joe Primo, Associate Executive Director with Rev. Charles T. Rush receiving The Hope Award

The Great Pumpkin Ball

Continues on next page....

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The Great Pumpkin BallThe Great Pumpkin Ball

Auction Action—Going once, twice, sold!

Mayor Jordan Glatt (L) presenter of the Corporate Leadership Award, with Kevin

Cummings, honoree

Patrick Sullivan, Board Chair Freddie Wynne, speaking

Decorated dinner table Our Volunteers

Pumpkins Everywhere!Awards created by Glassworks, Morristown, NJ

Dr. Mary Fleck, Sandy Bruno and George Fleck

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appetizers and listened to the enchanting sounds of Lady Nica. An expectant buzz surrounded the guests as anticipation built for the evening’s events set to unfold. The ballroom was beautifully decorated in cheerful fall décor with real pumpkins as centerpieces and the stage was adorned with pumpkins overflowing with festive arrangements of fall flowers. The evening’s program began with Opening Remarks by Board Chairman, Patrick J. Sullivan. Mr. Sullivan explained to the audience how Good Grief has become one of the fastest growing children’s grief centers in the country and that the need for our services continues to grow. In 2011 we will serve over 400 people from 75 towns in New Jersey. The most compelling part of the evening was the poignant testimonials from two young participants that each lost a parent. The young men related to the audience their experiences in dealing with a profound loss and how the volunteers and staff at Good Grief have helped them cope with the tragedy. Their individual inspirational stories brought home the organization’s mission for the awestruck audience. They could clearly see the immense amount of strength that the boys have gained from their participation at Good Grief, and truly understand the effects of loss and grief on children. Families have said that Good Grief has made it possible for them to survive and continue

living in the face of enormous suffering and emotional pain, which was evident by the boys’ speeches. The evening culminated with a live auction as bidders enthusiastically competed with each other for auction items such as spa baskets, dinner and theatre packages, wine parties, sports items, golf packages, jewelry and resort experience packages. The highlight of the evening was the Fund-A-Need auction where donors generously made donations to help support the organization’s programs.

Through the support of Hope League Members, donors, contributors and sponsors such as AmeriHealth New Jersey, Celgene, Flowers by Bradley—A Division of Bradley & Son Funeral Homes, Hilltop Savings Bank, Investors Bank, Lindabury, McCormick, Estabrook and Cooper, Lois Schneider Realtors, Patient First Dentistry of Summit and Wells Fargo Advisors, the First Annual

Great Pumpkin Ball was a fund raising success for Good Grief. Proceeds from the event will support services to normalize grief in communities through education, advocacy and year-round support group programs for grieving children, teens and adults. The evening’s success was greatly due to the leadership of Gala Chairman, Jim Bucknam and the Gala Committee and the dedication of the organization’s staff and volunteers.

Thank You!

With the help of our community of friends and

family and good grief—my dad, three sisters and I are adjusting

to life without mom.—Freddie Wynne

“

“

An Enchanted and Magical Eveningall for the Benefit of Grieving Children and Teens (continued...)

Gala CommitteeJim Bucknam, Gala Chair Marisa Bolognese Trish ChobdraWarrie Howell

Leslie Ioffredo Rita PettifordMaryann ReillyPat SullivanIrene Weinberg

Board of TrusteesPatrick Sullivan, ChairLes Hollander, Vice Chair Jim Topor, Vice ChairFrances Travisano, Secretary

Sal Gentile, Treasurer Robert Anderson, Esq.Robin Bogan, Esq. Scott BradleyJim Bucknam

Trish ChobrdaBill HectorRichard NoeckerRita PettifordJudy RomanIrene Weinberg

SILVER SPONSORSAmeriHealth New Jersey

CelgeneInvestors Bank

SPONSORSFlowers by Bradley—A Division of Bradley &

Son Funeral Homes Hilltop Savings Bank

Lindabury, McCormick, Estabrook and Cooper Lois Schneider Realtors

Patient First Dentistry of Summit Sue Ingalls, Floral Designer

Wells Fargo Advisors

CONTRIBUTORSDocument Solutions

GlassworksIntermedium Financial, LLC

Rita PettifordThe Park Savoy

Special Thanks to Don Bolognese for the Pumpkin Illustration

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Annual Day of Remembrance

HIGHLIGHTS

Ribbons of RenewalEach person was invited to make a commitment to take care of them-selves in order to keep moving forward and to be able to support the other people in their lives. These colorful ribbons of renewal were then hung on the tree on the front lawn of Good Grief as a continual reminder of the need to take care of ourselves.

Origami GeeseFrom the geese, we learn the impor-tance of teamwork, community, and en-couragement. Using origami paper, each participant wrote a memory of the per-son who died on the white side of the paper, and then followed directions to carefully fold the paper to form a goose. These geese will be prominently dis-played in our main house, symbolically flying in their “V” formation.

Our Day of Remembrance Families par-ticipated together in a commemorative activity during our Annual Day of Remembrance to both remember the special person who has died and to make a commitment to self-renewal through two symbolic activities.

A Photo Collage of the Day’s Event

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Editor’s note: On July 23, 2011, the McKelvey family and friends together with Good Grief staff, volunteers and families celebrated the dedication of the Brian Paul McKelvey Teen Center. Below is an excerpt from the address given by Brian’s dad to mark the momentous occasion.

We have come to dedicate the Brian Paul McKelvey Teen Center here at

Good Grief.

I’d like to start by telling you about Bri-an. He died 21 years ago tomorrow, when he was 19. He was hit by a drunk driver 11

days earlier.Brian’s death was tragic and ironic.

Three years earlier, he confessed to me that he had fallen into a pattern of heavy drink-ing. On the road to sobriety, he got cut down by another travelling the road he left behind.

Losing a child is the worst thing to hap-pen to a parent. For 21 years, we’ve been denied the joy of seeing Brian grow from a young man to an adult. Instead, our memo-

ries of him remain frozen at the tender age of 19.

Brian was not only coura-geous in overcoming his alcohol addiction, but in other ways as well. He worked part-time at the local newspaper, as a clerk, while getting his degree. He was a good listener and offered great advice.

Brian’s passion was for foot-ball, the Washington Redskins, art, and music. He also loved to draw, play the guitar, listen to the Grateful Dead, and play video games. He was special.

Though none of us can guess how an-other member of this unusual and involun-tary club feels about his or her specific loss,

one thing is common—we need to grieve and learn how to cope with the loss.

This is where Good Grief comes in. This remarkable organization is providing a place for families sharing the same experiences.

With the help of volunteers, children and parents can get together to commiser-ate. The need is clearly there, and the mod-el is successful. If existed in 1990, it would have been beneficial to our children when Brian died. In just four years, Good Grief has grown phenomenally, and has expanded into the facility it is today.

A memorial fund was established in Bri-an’s name to help teenagers get counseling for drug and alcohol abuse, and over the years we were able to provide help as well as fund other related activities as it continued to grow.

Because Good Grief’s mission reflects ours, we decided to donate the balance to fund this organization. We are honored that Good Grief has decided to name its teen center in memory of Brian.

Good Grief’s 11th and 12th fa-cilitator trainings were complet-ed this past summer allowing us

to support over 400 children, teens and adults this year in our peer programs. Our thirty-five hour training was full of stories, learning, growing, healing, and laughter! The twenty newly trained facilita-tors learned and taught each other as we shared our insights on grief and death. An accountant, students, a sales rep, teachers, moms, and other professionals all came to learn and see how they can provide sup-port to grieving families and children. Facilitators, who already make a bi-weekly commitment, offered their thoughts and insights about their expe-rience, answered the trainee’s questions

and shared how Good Grief has changed their lives. As is true with each of our training classes, the graduates shared that they now feel more prepared to be compan-ions to grieving people of all ages and that the experience affected how they will lis-

ten to and support people in their own lives. Good Grief’s new facilitators will help us to sustain our four nights of our peer-support groups. Our next facilitator train-ing will be in early 2012. We hope you will join us.

MCKELVEY TEEN CENTER

Good Grief’s Newest Facilitators

Due to the munificent contributions of do-nors such as NOVARTIS and the WILLIS FOUNDATION, Good Grief is able to con-tinue the work of helping the grieving com-munity. Good Grief wants to give a heartfelt thanks from the grieving families, who has benefited from their generosity.

GRANTS RECEIVED

The Brian Paul McKelvey Teen Center Dedicated by Ed McKelvey

McKelvey family unveiling the new Teen Center sign

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Tell us about the person who died.A: Marc lived his life to the fullest, appreciating each day he was given. After the early passing of his mother and brother, he learned to cherish and enjoy each day. He often said, “As long as I wake up and take a breath, it is a good day”. Unfortunately, at the age of 45, he did not wake up. He passed away from an undiagnosed, benign brain tumor from which he had no symptoms. He had a heart attack the year our youngest daughter was born and we never expected a problem with his brain. Upon Marc’s arrival at the hospital, that dreadful St. Patrick’s Day of 2009, he was pronounced brain dead. He was an organ donor and had the wonderful privilege, even in death, of help-ing someone else to breathe another day. My girls were six and eight at the time of his passing. Although he left us too soon, he taught my girls and me the joy of living. Marc loved to ski and snowboard, along with hunting, fishing, and mountain biking. He taught our oldest daughter to ski and she still continues to enjoy it today. This is her greatest memory of her dad. Above all, I can honestly say Marc loved his family more than anything. His main goal was to make us happy. He was my best friend, and the best dad a kid could have hoped for. He was always there to support us, listen to us and love us. We miss him each and every day.

How has Good Grief helped you grieve?A: Good Grief allows us the opportunity to talk, cry, laugh and vent about our “new” lives and our grief. There is no other place we can go where everyone “gets it”. It has helped me to get my grief out and not to keep it bottled up.

What is one thing you would tell another grieving parent?

A: The passing of a spouse, dad, mom, or child leaves our life forever changed and it takes some time to find your new way of being. You must allow yourself time to grieve and feel the pain. Find someone or some place that will allow you to do this. It has been two and a half years since Marc died and we have just started to find our way through this life as our “new” normal. Life will never be the same; we just have to make do with what we have.

What about Good Grief that keeps you coming back?A: My children always have someone to talk to. Each time we go to Good Grief, it makes us feel better because the other participants get what we have gone through. The circumstances are different with every family but the pain seems the same. The staff here at Good Grief is amazing. Coming to Good Grief is like receiving a big hug each time you walk through the doors.

When your child(ren) tell other kids about Good Grief, what do they say?

A: It’s a place I go because my dad died and it helps me deal with the loss. When I go to my group I can talk about my dad and his death and everyone there understands. I feel accepted. I don’t feel different here.

Spotlight On a Family

Spotlight On a Volunteer How long have you been volunteering?

A: I did the facilitator training in November of 2007 and started with the families on NOS II with the Blue Group (age 10-12) in December and then in the fall of 2008 I added another night with an adult group.....so that makes it 4 years.

Why does Good Grief help children heal?A: The amazing thing is how truly simple it is. If children feel safe, and heard and supported they can heal. At Good Grief, they know they are not the only ones who have suffered the enormous loss of a parent. The loss can be so isolating for a family, but at Good Grief, a community comes together to support each other.

What do you get out of my volunteering experience?A: For me, personally, it has been the most rewarding volunteer experience of my life. I have been involved with many volunteer opportunities over the past twenty years and I have never before felt like my presence made as much of a difference in people’s lives as it does at Good Grief.

What is the most powerful experience you have had at Good Grief?

A: WOW....that is a very tough question. Maybe if you asked what was the most powerful experience this month, I could begin to answer. There have been so many amazing things I have witnessed which have warmed my heart and made me feel the hope and support that these children and families give to each other. To name a few......a ten year old came to GG for nine months and never shared his story. One evening a new participant joined the

group and the boy that had been coming for so long welcomed the new boy and shared his loss with him.....for the FIRST time. The new participant then shared his story. It was true “peer support”. Another evening, during the Hal-loween season, the kids started talking about gravestones, which led to one of them saying which cemetery his dad was buried in, then another participant said her dad was buried there too, and they went around the room and discovered that four of their parents were buried in the same cemetery and then they all talked about how they felt about going to the cemetery.....and it was a NORMAL discussion. I sat back and thought where else could they be having this conversation and it was NORMAL. Also, often the kids will say that this is their favorite place to come.....that their teachers and friends don’t understand, but everyone here does. And a parent has shared that they don’t know what they would have done without Good Grief.

What would you tell someone who wants to support a grieving child?

A: Well, this is the best part and I really didn’t get it before the facilitator training and spending time with the families.....Don’t think you have to have magic words or be able to FIX what has happened to them. Just let them know that you are sorry for their loss, and you are there if they want to talk about it..... and really listen. Most all of the kids LOVE to talk about the parent they lost, they love to show pictures and tell stories....they just need to know someone will listen.

Sandy B. and her daughters have been participants of Good Grief since 2009.

Terry B. has been a facilitator since 2007. She currently facilitates adult as well as 10–12 year-old groups. She is also Chair of Good Grief’s Tour Committee.

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EVENTS

In our effort to find more ways to sup-port grieving parents, Good Grief created a ‘Wine, Cheese & Chat’ event to be held three times per year. Our first one, held on October 14, 2011, was very successful in bringing out GG participants and alumni. Participants declared it a winner saying it was it an uplifting and inspiring occasion. Everyone found it to be a fun way to social-ize with new and old friends and a great op-portunity to take a break from the rigors of daily life. We look forward to hosting more of these events in 2012.

TM

38 Elm StreetMorristown, NJ 07960

For more information, please call us at: (908) 522-1999 or info@good-grief.org

Wine & Cheese

February 17 & April 27, 2012@ 6-8 pm

Two participants sharing laughter on a‘Night of Support’

Volunteers and friends who staffed ‘Our Family Fun Day 2011’

1 out of 7 children will lose a parent or sibling before

age 20!

Your child’s path to healing froM the

death of a loved one begins with understanding

their loss...