Gender Dysfunction

Sugar and spice and everything nice versus

Snails and nails & puppy dog tails(31 slides)

creatively compiled by dr. michael farnworth

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to

worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

"I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be

memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a’ REAL WOMAN’?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare. Eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front

of the plane. Then a cowboy named Jack from Carmichael Saskatchewan stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He

starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt.One button at a time. No one moves.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.

She gasps... He whispers . . . "Iron this -- and then get me a beer."

Please read:

When Nice Ain’t So Nice

by Elouise Bell

A question?

►Should parents treat their children differently, based on gender?

► Why or why not?

► Jot some of your reasons in your journal.

Were you aware of how you may have been treated differently based on your gender?

How about differences in education?

►Were you treated different in school?

►How did your parents look at your education?

►Are their gender differences in how you perceive education and its importance?

Gender norms and thus expected

►Males►1. “No sissy stuff”►2. “The big wheel”►3. “The study oak”►4. “Give em hell”

►Females►1. “Looking pretty”►2. “A women’s place”►3. “Marriage mandate”►4. “Motherhood mandate”

Androgynous traits are those traits that both male and female share.

Imitating the superior

► In any culture it is permissible and appropriate for the inferior group to imitate the superior better group, but the reverse is intolerable and not accepted.

Can you think of any examples of imitation in this culture? And what direction does it flow?

►Dress

►Names

►Occupations

►Sports

When men enter feminine careers...

►Typically, men will always receive more prestige and money when they enter traditionally feminine occupations.

Dysfunctional masculinity...

►1. Shamed for feelings and affection

►2. Learn that sex is intimacy

►3. Strong, silent type. Can’t talk about inner experience

►4. Purpose in life: make money

►5. Fathering is abandonment

►6. Sexual victimization via seducer-aggressor role

Dysfunctional femininity...

►1. Shamed for their sexual energy

►2. Learn that taking care of others is intimacy

►3. Enmeshment, saving others, and attempts at identity often fail

►4. Purpose in life: masculine approval

►5. Mothering is enmeshment

►6. Sexual victimization via passive body beautiful role

Intimate strangers...

►Boys separate psychologically from their mothers very early on in order to develop their gender identity.

►By age 3 they’ve already begun to be emotionally self-contained and independent.

►Autonomy is demanded of them while intimacy is the lesson they will have to relearn.

Intimate strangers...

►Girls are not forced to separate from their mothers in order to establish their gender identity.

►Unlike boys, girls can remain close to their first intimate human relationship and that sense of connection is later extended to others.

►Autonomy is the primary lesson they will need to learn.

Macho formulas for success...

►Be strong

►Don’t be emotional

►Keep your problems to yourself

►Stay on top of things

►Use your head

Feminism defined

►One who is aware of historical inequalities concerning the feminine and wants to make it better

Jesus was a feminist...

► Jesus violated all kinds of Jewish laws and norms as he interacted with and associated with women during his life's time.

To be fully human, whole and complete demands an embrace of the whole continuum of human emotion and energy, not a

dichotomized fragmented part.

If a male is out of balance and has denigrated his feminine energy within, then he will project and demand that his

women live out the feminine energies that he is afraid of.

His woman will need to be submissive, meek, and tender.

While he obsesses control, power, hurting and wounding in the process.

“I was a better man as a woman than I ever was as a man.”

Dustin Hoffman in “Tootsie”

Another good example is “Mrs.. Doubtfire” and Robin William’s performance...

If a female is out of balance and has exiled the masculine energies from her soul, then she will demand a male who is a

man’s man, to salvage her wholeness.

Her man will need to be strong, courageous and powerful.

She will need to be protected and taken care of.

She will be dependent, clingy and fearful.

Barbara Streisand in “Yentl” was a good illustration of a female who claimed her masculine energies.

Cultural seduction...

►Many of us have been seduced by our society into dichotomizing the labels of masculinity and femininity.

►Perhaps it is time to talk of human energies and emotions and characteristics.

►Certainly our humanity came before our cultural roles.

That which is perfect is complete in all its parts and powers that which possesses all that is necessary for the integrity of its nature.

Think about our culture’s version of masculinity and femininity.

In both cases, imbalance and excess is evident.

2 levels of wholeness (perfection):

• 1st... Personal: balance of masculine and feminine energy within.

• 2nd... Relational: union of heart and mind between the male and female.

Perfect in the Greek is ‘Teleios’

►The Greek word ‘teleios’ means whole, complete, of full age Strong’s Concordance #5046

► It does not mean a humanistic preoccupation about never making mistakes or about having weaknesses.

►Many in our society look at marriage as potential psychotherapy in which they will be made whole and happy by getting married.

Here is a dilemma associated with the decision for a female to marry…

► If a woman gives up her life in exchange for the expected happiness and fulfillment she has fanaticized about in marrying and having a family.

► ►But if that expectation is not met she is going to have a lot of

negative energies (anger, frustration, sadness, depression) that will eventually leak out in some way.

►The moral of the story is: what chance does the husband have of carrying that heavy burden of making sure that the life his wife has is better than the one she so readily gave up?

When a male sees a marriage as a sort of conquest and seduction that he can rest from, once it is obtained, which is just setting the

stage for unmet expectations and future hostilities.

the end