44 January/February 2026

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN

TODAY MEETS TOMORROW?FUTURE SHOCK

THIS GORGEOUS MENTAL MOSAIC, A STYLIZED MAP OF A VARIETY OF BRAIN

functions, represents the future of xylophthilic magnetic resonance

imaging, or xMRI. For decades, scientists at the National Institutes of

Health and Marketing have been using this technology to measure how

specific thoughts trigger changes in blood flow to particular parts of the

brain. Over the years, this information has been compiled into a massive

database of specific brain states. Armed with statistical analyses of the

data, exhaustively indexed, collated and cross-referenced, scientists can now pinpoint the precise topic of a subject’s

thoughts—and accurately characterize his or her emotions—at any given moment. This quantum leap in neuroscience

and consumer monitoring will enable marketers, cultrepreneurs and magazine editors to generate valuable customer

demographics with unprecedented accuracy. Keeping your thoughts to ourselves just got a whole lot easier!

With the latest digital imagingtechnology, marketers know exactly what’s on your mind

Alert: brain is being photographedwith high-tech gizmo. Act smart.

Uh-oh, could high-tech gadgetharm brain? Run! No, wait: fight!

Simmer down: running or fightingmay lead to embarrassing lawsuit.

Hmm, almost lunchtime. Mustfeed stomach generously.

Memo from memory: “Try a Hyper-Food Bar. Every bite’s a banquet!”

Memo to mouth: Demand Hyper-Food Bar immediately.

MA

RTY

SE

RE

NO

, MA

RTIN

P.

PA

UL

US

(INS

ET)