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VOICE OF LOVE
"I want to wipe away at least some of the pain; no one can wipe
away all the pain completely, but every
smile brought out makes you sleep better for a night. We may not
be
able to make everyone always happy but we can make a lot of
people
temporarily happy, and I believe in doing that." Sudha
Ragunathan
Every time I see a new born child, the child's parents and
grandparents ask me, "Who does the child resemble - the father or
the mother or ..." My reply has remained the same for the past
seven years, "The child looks like himself / herself"
The greatest wonder of life isn't the similarities that each new
born brings into this world but the uniqueness it brings along with
its birth. What it means to realise that in the history of the
world, there has been nobody like you and to the infinite of time
to come, there will be no one like you... that HE does not repeat
another of your kind! These are the mysteries of life that I do not
even attempt to demystify but just
wonder at ... remain awestruck by ... be grateful for ... and I
smile between tears just experiencing these mysteries. I firmly
believe that with the birth of every child and its first crying,
the world hears a voice that it has never heard before... never in
the entire history of the world. One such unique wonder was born
and in her first crying, the world would have hardly anticipated
the horizons this voice would engulf encompass and enthral. Today,
this voice lingers in the hearts of billions; it vibrates in the
bedrooms, drawing rooms and puj a rooms of millions of homes; it
has echoed in many celebrated auditoriums of the world. People
travel miles to listen to the melody that expresses itself
though
the priceless vocal cord of this incomparable personality -
Sudha Ragunathan. I believe, creating, producing and delivering
music is not just the rightful blend and balance of Sa Re Ga Ma Pa
Da Ne, the fundamental adherence to grammar, the skills and
knowledge that go with it, the innovation and creativity... it
isn't just all these; it is an expression of the entirety of the
personality from whom the music is born. Like in the right Guru,
you cannot separate the message from the messenger, for a part of
the Guru lives in all his messages, even in the right musician, a
part of him/her lives in all the music that finds expression
through them. Don't the sun's rays carry the
Roan rkwars ED November 2002
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A SALUTE Mi qualities of the sun? So is the case with this world
renowned Classical Carnatic Vocal Maestro. The person she is, is
much larger than the vocalist the world knows of. Her music is just
the signature of the person she really is. Through this edition of
'A Salute', Frozen Thoughts salutes this angel of a personality,
Sudha Ragunathan. Venkataraman, who had assets in Tamil Nadu that
could have lasted for generations, set up his own business in
Bangalore. His wife, Choodamani was a highly resolute lady. Sudha
was born as the second child to them at a time when affluence was
expressing itself in all forms in the family. A Bungalow, cars,
servants, watchmen... everything was available in abundance. "It
was Puttaparthi Sai Baba who named me Geetha Sudha, saying he would
call me Geetha and I would be Sudha for the rest of the world. I
grew up in an atmosphere of music, listening to bhajans all the
time. I started rendering devotional recitations when I was merely
one-and-a-half years of age. My mother tells me repeatedly that I
was a child who never complained, did not cry, was well behaved and
was always a quick learner who could absorb things like a sponge.
The first five years of my life, I was the apple of everyone's
eyes, for I was Baba's favourite child," said Sudha recal I ing her
toddler days. She did her early schooling in Bangalore from Sophia
Convent, a school which Sudha believes was instrumental in shaping
her confidence and independence, for
the school demanded each of its students to find their self
expression. After a very rosy childhood for a decade, life began to
show traces of its cruel side. Business wasn't going well and the
monsoons betrayed them for years together and kept them from having
a harvest from the lands they owned. Financial decline began and
assets they had to sell off their one after another. The bungalow,
the cars and the helpers were all gone and Sudha's family had to
shift to a rented house. Sudha had to go to school by walk. Yet,
nothing deterred the academic brilliance of Sudha; she was always a
class topper, be it in academics or debate or for that matter
acting as Mother Mary for Christmas. At the age of eight, Sudha
started learning the fundamentals of Carnatic music from her
mother. Business and financial challenges began to spill into the
family and ruffle family harmony. Home wasn't the paradise it used
to be and there was always an uneasy calm in the house. The family
relocated to Madurai. Sudha did her 8th standard at the St.
Joseph's, Madurai. The family after a span of one year relocated to
Chennai. From her 9th standard, Sudha studied in Good Shepherd
Convent and as always excelled in academics and also played
Basketball for her School. He mother felt that Sudha needed a
formal initiation into music. So from the age of fourteen, she
learnt from T.V. Viswanathan and then from B.V. Lakshman. The
financial situation in the family was only deteriorating from bad
to worse and from worse to worst. If
the first ten years of Sudha's life were rosy, the next ten
years were too thorny, far more than what the family could handle.
There were days when they did not have enough to eat and not enough
good clothes to wear. There was always sadness and melancholy at
home. However, Sudha's mother was determined in the midst of all
those ordeals that her children's education should never suffer and
Sudha's music classes should never stop. Sudha joined the Science
group in Ethiraj College for her PUC (Pre University College) as
she aspired to be a doctor. She fainted in the laboratory on
several instances during that phase, as there wasn't much to eat
and she had to walk to and from college everyday. Her house was
sans electricity as they could not pay the bills and she had to
study in the light of the corridor. A Chemistry teacher of Sudha
(she must be a God sent messenger) advised Sudha not to take up a
career in medicine. She advised Sudha, "Anybody can be a doctor but
not everybody can have a VOICE like yours." So Sudha opted for
Economics in her graduation. Talking of her college life, Sudha
said, "No one ever knew about the darker side of my life. For me,
my integrity towards my parents was very important and I never
wanted to let them down. Even though nothing was okay back home, I
did not allow that to affect my college life. I was this
bubbly-freak-out-kind, enjoying every moment of my college life but
yet, I always suppressed my natural instincts and desires as my
character was very important to me. My
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A SALUTE U
lecturers were very affectionate towards me. College gave me
greater scope to express my musical capabilities and I came first
wherever I went. I also represented college in Essay writing,
Debates, Dramatics, Quiz... in every conceivable field of activity.
I was mostly outside college participating in Inter-Collegiate
competitions. Initially, crowds used to boo me whenever I sang
Classical Carnatic vocal but soon I stamped my class and earned an
identity for myself in all city Colleges. Even though I had only a
few sets of good dresses to wear, only curd rice to eat and had to
walk the distance from home to college, I conducted myself so well
that people used to respect me. I was called the 'Nightingale' of
my college. Every challenge I faced only made my grit and
determination even stronger to overcome them all. 'I will prove...'
has always been my mantra. I was first the Treasurer of my College
Union and then became the Vice President. I not only won the
prestigious 'Service to the College' medal but also became the
first girl to win the 'Outstanding student of the year' award for
three consecutive years." Sudha wanted to pursue her IAS and serve
the country. However, on the insistence of her mother, Sudha
applied for the Government of India Scholarship given to young
artistes for advanced training in music. When she went for the
interview, she handled all practical aspects of the interview with
aplomb but was stumped when asked a theoretical question for which
she did not know the answer. However, she noticed the lip movements
of one of those in
the audience and repeated the same. "My shrewdness and His grace
saw me through and I got the scholarship. It went on to become the
most important turning point of my life. My family had always
adored Dr. M. L. Vasantha Kumari (MLV), a genius in her own rights
and my mother suggested that it would be a blessing if I could
learn from her. So, I went to meet MLV in 1977. She asked me to
sing a few songs and then consented to guide me. She has been the
greatest influence on my life," added Sudha with reverence and
gratitude imprinted on her face. Winning for the first time is an
accident. Winning the second time is an incident. When you win the
third time... Oh, winning becomes your habit. Sudha was busy
learning and practicing new songs, taking part in all the singing
competitions and winning most of them. The music world began to
echo, "The star is on the rise." Simultaneously, she completed her
Post Graduation in Economics. She was also singing Choral Music for
All India Radio for the sake of remuneration, which the family
desperately needed. Speaking of her Guru MLV, Sudha said, "MLV
believed that growth is caught and not taught. She would not teach
any songs.. She would sing; and I had to learn by observation. By
accompanying her to all her performances, I came to learn the
songs. I learnt while singing along with her, for she would turn
her head every time I faltered and that would make me realise where
I had gone wrong. Later she would gently point out my lapses. She
took care of me almost like her own daughter. Somewhere she
believed that I could
carry on her legacy. No major progress is possible without your
Guru's blessings and in that sense I am abundantly blessed." In
1982, Sudha got married to Ragunathan. She recalls, "It was a very
nervous phase for both my Guru and me, for we weren't sure as to
how my marriage would affect my progress. My Guru, MLV cautioned
Ragunathan on the sacrifices he would have to make in marrying such
a promising and upcoming artist. I was fortunate to walk into a
very affectionate family. Though my in-laws admired the
daughter-in-law in me, and my husband cherished me as his wife,
they found it very difficult to reconcile with the passionate
musician in me. Raghu would come home only to find me leaving for
my concert. My career graph was soaring high. It was tough on him
and it showed up in his temperament. There were imbalances and
sparks. Two years into the marriage, my first son, Kaushik was born
and the arrival of the child fortunately brought about a turnaround
in family harmony." In 1990, Sudha was pregnant for the second
time. MLV's health began to deteriorate and she was diagnosed with
Secondary Cancer. MLV took a promise from Sudha that she would not
miss performing in the December Music Season, irrespective of what
happens. In October, MLV became critical and could not even speak
and yet whenever she saw me, she would murmur, "Sudha... Sudha..."
On October 31st 1990, MLV passed away. "To uphold the promise that
I had made to my Guru, I endured my advanced pregnancy and kept
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A SALUTE
singing till January 3rd and the crowds I drew that year were
phenomenal. Maalavika, my daughter was born on January 20th. Ever
since my profession has been on A high and my life has not been
mine Escalating assignments, tours abroad, awards... life has been
so fast... twelve years have passed by and it appears as if it was
just yesterday that we lost MIN." Sudha draws unparalleled crowds
to all her concerts, wherever she performs. The constant echo in
the music world is, 'Here is MLV's legacy'. In fact, one of the
most popular and looked up to music critics once remarked, "If I
were to ever find myself alone on a deserted island but have
Sudha's audio cassette with me, then I would not mind it." Speaking
of the impact of her husband on her life, Sudha elaborated, "Both
Raghu and I have understood that your spouse can never be a product
of your thinking Since the similarities between us are more than
the differences, it has offset the challenges in our relationship.
But for Raghu, I could not have survived as a singer. So many
months in a year, I am not home and even when in Chennai, I am not
home for so many hours. It is he who has kept everything going. His
don't-care-attitude, courage and casual outlook towards life are
his assets. It is so difficult to be a celebrity's husband, more
so, because of the insensitivity and stupidity with which people
relate with him. Moving forward in life has forced me to encounter
a lot of gossip and bad mouthing, and unfortunately they have also
drawn
Raghu into many of those. Nothing jolts him and I do not know
from where he gets the strength to brush all this aside. It is
actually Ragunathan that you should salute." About her children,
Sudha clarified, "My children are one of my greatest blessings.
They are so independent. If they weren't so understanding, I could
not be going out to perform day after day. I will be a little sad
if neither of my children takes up music but their happiness would
override my sadness. I just want them to be achievers in whatever
they do. Rather than being a reluctant mediocre in music, let them
be willing Numero Uno's in whatever they do." When I asked about
what she cherishes the most after music, Sudha said, "My family;
playing and cracking jokes with them and walking alone with the
voice of nature in the background. Finally the bear hugs I share
with Maalavika." When I queried her on how she takes care of her
health, Sudha explained, "First-of-all, it is easy for me to give
up anything in life. When I come to know that something is harmful,
I just give it up. I believe in giving up something lower in order
to gain something higher. My affinity for divinity, my clean inner
personality and my inner purity takes care of my health. Singing is
such a meditation that it removes all my inner toxicity and
cleanses me. Of course, my smiling face and my ability to laugh
(her laughter can be every poet's dream) adds to my fabulous
health." Listing her strengths, Sudha said, "I can filter out the
positive elements in
everything. My courage, contrasting passivity, determination to
achieve, endurance, focus, resilience, my craving to improve my
music everyday and faith in the divine are my strengths. I have
immeasurable love in my heart for everything and everyone. Above
all, I cherish my clinging to my husband and my children. Whatever
I do, wherever I am, they are always in my mind every moment."
"What about your weaknesses," I then asked. She spontaneously
replied, "My procrastination, the lethargy that sets in after a
rigorous schedule and the lenience with which I do not practice for
days at a stretch are my weaknesses." For someone who gives about
160 concerts all over the world, then all those audio recordings,
media coverage and the endless functions to preside over in 365
days, if these are her weaknesses, then for the first time, I have
actually understood the meaning of 'Over Achiever'. In 1999, Sudha
founded 'Samudhaaya Foundation' and
.
contributed hundreds ofthousands of rupees during the Kargil
war, Orissa cyclone, Gujarat Earthquake and also to destitute and
old age Homes. Speaking of her social contributions, Sudha said, "I
want to wipe away at least some of the pain; no one can wipe away
all the pain completely but every smile brought out makes you sleep
better for a night. We may not be able to make everyone always
happy but we can make a lot of people temporarily happy, and I
believe in doing that." Sudha has enthralled audiences all over the
world with her singing.
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A SALUTE U
Apart from all the major cities in India, Sudha had performed in
United States of America, Canada, United Kingdom, Switzerland,
Denmark, Holland, France, Germany, Australia, UAE, Bahrain, Italy,
Luxemburg, Austria, Finland, Muscat, Singapore, Philippines,
Jakarta, Malaysia, New Zealand, Sri Lanka and South Africa. With
tears of fulfilment trickling down, she said, "My music has touched
so many lives, healed them and pulled them out of depression.
People say that my music is their companion during their
depression. A woman once told me, after I lost my husband, it was
your music that brought me back to life. That is why I do not see
their intrusions into my privacy as a nuisance. If someone
recognises me somewhere, I know they must be someone from my
audience, who is responsible for my success." Success is always
punctuated with failures, though with star performers like Sudha
they may be far and few. She said, "I cannot sleep over my mistakes
and failures. Some times I cry, sometimes I sing it out, sometimes
I meditate and sometimes I write poetry about it. It is during
these times that I miss a friend - a lap to lie on and cry without
any questions being asked about my tears. Rajan, it is absolutely
lonely at the top. However, after all that, I fist up and get ready
to fight back. I always bounce back ...instantly." "In all this
achieving, have you missed something in life?" I asked. With an
inexplicable solitude engulfing her, she said, "At every stage of
life, whatever you would term as normal to that phase of life, I
have missed it all. I have missed my
home a lot and I have certainly missed out on being a normal
parent to my children. As a wife, I haven't been with Raghu always,
sometimes I wasn't there physically and sometimes I wasn't there
mentally. I had to trade a lot for the purpose of my life." Having
won over 250 state level, national and international awards, I
asked her, with all this adulation, "How do you keep your feet on
the ground?" With reverberating laughter she said, "Otherwise I
will fall down!" She continued, "The world believes I have achieved
something In music, yes, I have come from L.K.G to Higher
Secondary... but I still have graduation and post graduation to do.
I don't look at what I have done. I look at what is left to be done
and I am progressing towards it." About the foot prints she is
bound to leave behind in the world, Sudha said, "When I struggled
through the ups and downs of life and when I had hit the bottom, I
made a resolve that I will make a mark in this world. Of course,
the working towards it has been gradual. I would like to make a
mark in this world which is beyond music, so that a hundred years
from now, someone on hearing my name should be able to smile and
say, 'Oh, she was a heaven of a woman'." Sudha concluded saying,
"At every fork of my life, someone came along, held my hand at the
appropriate time and led me in the right direction. My wealth is in
the good will of my well wishers and in the endless positive
spiritual energy that surrounds me. These are ways by which God
shows me that He is always with me."
Having experienced this wonder-woman for five hours, I felt like
running to the top of my six-story-building and screaming, "If any
one of you is searching for a role model for your child, this is
the person... this is the person - Sudha Ragunathan." Sudha's life
has everything - happiness, sadness, relationship, solitude,
enthusiasm, passivity, affluence, poverty, leadership,
disciple-hood, celebrity status, care, courage, tenderness,
challenges, solutions, laughter and tears... everything... all
possible paradoxes blended into one life. Could it be that Sudha's
life was God's chosen melody that he composed with all the ragas he
could express into one tune? Having experienced her, I am convinced
that I heard a very special tune. To me, Sudha's life is God's
music. Silence please! Do not disturb... the music is still
on...
"At every fork of my life, someone came
along, held my hand at the appropriate time
and led me in the right direction. My wealth is in the good will
of my
well wishers and in the endless positive
spiritual energy that surrounds me. These
are ways by which God shows me that He is
always with me."
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