Quiz #1: How well are you doing as a couple?

The quiz below, based on findings of marital research, can help you get an idea of how well you are doing in some vital areas of your relationship. Please check all that apply to your relationship:

___ 1. My partner frequently criticizes me or puts me down ___ 2. I don’t feel like my partner and I are on the same team. ___ 3. Our disagreements often turn into ugly fights. ___ 4. I avoid telling my partner what I really think and/or feel. ___ 5. My partner tends to take things the wrong way. ___ 6. I sometimes fantasize about what it would be like to date or marry someone else. ___ 7. When we argue, one of us doesn’t want to talk about it anymore and walks away. ___ 8. I often feel lonely in this relationship.

Quiz #2: Love and Respect

The following were adapted from Dr. John Gottman's research. Please check all that apply to your relationship: ___ 1. My partner seeks out my opinions. ___ 2. My partner cares about my feelings. ___ 3. I don’t feel ignored by my partner very often. ___ 4. We touch each other a lot. ___ 5. We listen to each other. ___ 6. We respect each other’s ideas. ___ 7. We are affectionate toward one another. ___ 8. I feel that my partner takes good care of me. ___ 9. What I say counts. ___ 10. I am important in our decisions. ___ 11. There’s lots of love in our relationship. ___ 12. We are genuinely interested in one another. ___ 13. I just love spending time with my partner. ___ 14. We are very good friends.

Disclaimer: Please note that all information provided is for general informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for a professional evaluation. If you are experiencing emotional distress, please contact a mental health professional.

___ 15. Even during rough times, we can be empathetic. ___ 16. My partner is considerate of my viewpoint. ___ 17. My partner finds me physically attractive. ___ 18. My partner expresses warmth to me. ___ 19. I feel included in my partner’s life. ___ 20. My partner admires me.

Quiz #2: Dealing With Conflict

During our attempts to resolve conflict . . .

___ 1. We are good at taking breaks when we need them. ___ 2. My partner usually accepts my apologies. ___ 3. I can say that I am wrong. ___ 4. I am pretty good at calming myself down. ___ 5. We can maintain a sense of humor. ___ 6. When my partner says we should talk to each other in a different way, it usually makes a

lot of sense. ___ 7. My attempts to repair our discussions when they get negative are usually effective. ___ 8. We are pretty good listeners even when we have different positions on things. ___ 9. If things get heated, we can usually pull out of it and change things. ___ 10. My partner is good at soothing me when I get upset. ___ 11. I feel confident that we can resolve most issues between us. ___ 12. When I comment on how we could communicate better, my partner listens to me. ___ 13. Even if things get hard at times, I know we can get past our differences. ___ 14. We can be affectionate, even when we are disagreeing. ___ 15. Teasing and humor usually work to get my partner over negativity. ___ 16. We can start all over again and improve our discussion when needed. ___ 17. When emotions run hot, expressing how upset I feel makes a real difference. ___ 18. We can discuss even big differences between us. ___ 19. My partner expresses appreciation for the nice things I do. ___ 20. If I keep trying to communicate, it will eventually work out.

Please go to next page for scoring instructions.

Scoring Instructions Quiz #1: How well are you doing as a couple?

Most couples would say "yes" to some of these questions some of the time.

However, a persistent pattern of "yes" answers may be a warning sign that you and your partner could use some help to get your relationship back on track.

Quiz #2: Love and Respect

Give yourself 1 point for each statement you checked. (The highest score possible is 20.)

According to research, a score less than 7 indicates that a marriage may lack the necessary amount of love and respect for marital success.

If your score was below 7, you and your mate may benefit from couples counseling that focuses on developing greater love and respect for one another and addressing any areas of conflict.

Quiz #1: Dealing With Conflict

Give yourself 1 point for each statement you checked. (The highest score possible is 20.)

According to research, a score less than 6 indicates that repair attempts after an argument are unsuccessful a significant amount of time.

If your score was below 6, you and your mate may benefit from couples counseling that focuses on developing more effective ways to deal with conflict.

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