Sermon for 90 plus Shabbat (B’haalotekha)

What is it that most people want to become but nobody wants to be? This is no riddle; a simple reality of life. All of us, in one way or another, want to reach old age but none of us wants to be old. Consider our culture's search for nos- trums & elixirs extracted from the fountain of youth to halt the inexorable march of Father Time. This tension between wanting to grow old & not wanting to be old is as ancient as civilization. Here’s how the great George Carlin described this tension in the aging process: “Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” “I’m 4 & a half.” You’re never 36 & a half, you’re 4 & a half going on 5. You get into your teens; now they can’t hold you back. You jump into the next number. “How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16.” Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You BECOME 21. . . Yes!!! Then you TURN 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. She TURNED; we had to throw her out. What’s wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21; you TURN 30. Then you’re PUSHING 40. . . stay over there. You REACH 50. Wait a minute: You BECOME 21? You

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TURN 30? You’re PUSHING 40? You REACH 50? Then you MAKE IT to 60? By then you’ve built up so much speed, you HIT 70. After that, it’s a day-by-day thing. You HIT Wednesday or Thursday. You get into your 80’s, you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90’s, you start going backwards. “I was JUST 92”. Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”Despite the mixed feelings about growing older, in the 21st c aging is quite different now than it has been at any other time in history as evidenced by the sheer number of people at or beyond what is typically considered retirement age. The 65-74-age category is 7x larger than it was in 1925; the 75-84-population is 15x larger; & the 85-and-up pop-ulation is 30x larger. Not that long ago this wasn’t the case. This year I turned 42, a kid, a baby, you may say. In 1925, the yr. the youngest of our 90+ year olds were born, the average American, lived to only 56. Then, 50 was considered old age, & only 1 out of 3 survived to 65-which was thought of then as extreme old age. Even as late as the 1960’s, the age of 60 seemed ancient. The Beatles were singing "will you still love me when I'm 64.” Simon & Garfunkel lamented the ravages of old age in their song, Old Friends: “Old

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friends, winter companions, the old men. Lost in their overcoats, waiting for the sunset… Can you imagine us years from today, sharing a park bench quietly; how terribly strange to be 70.” These days no one would dare speak of 70 as life's twilight!We are indeed blessed in our generation with much time be- yond the years of child rearing to make all kinds of contribu- tions to our communities & to continue to grow & develop as spiritual beings. As one person who is 86, quoted by a colleague, said “If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart; the spirit should never grow old.”Traditionally, in the Jewish community age is equated with wisdom. The word zaken, elder, is said to be an abbre- viation of zeh kanah chochma, 'one who has acquired wisdom.' For the sages, we don’t become elderly; we become elders. R. Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, in his book from “Aging to Saging” wrote personally about the process of growing older & its significance. In his experience, old age can be a time of self-development & spiritual growth. Aging, gives you the perspective to respond to life’s conflicts without bitterness & resentment. Aging makes you aware

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that each day is pre-cious, to live more in the moment & to focus on thoughtfully chosen priorities.He acknowledges that this is a paradigm shift, writing: “Accor -ding to the traditional model of life span development, we ascend the ladder of our careers, reach the zenith of our suc - cesses & influences in midlife, then give way to an inevit- able decline that culminates in a [depleted] old age.” Go tell that to former-President George H . W . Bush who went skydiving on his 90 th birthday, last yr., just as he did for birthdays 80 & 85. Or to Granny D (no she is not a senior rap -per), she is Doris Haddock, who wrote an inspiring account of her walk across America at the age of 90. She undertook this walk with stooped back but stiff spine to bring attention to the issue of campaign finance reform, &, along the way, challenged many of our assumptions about aging. Or consider Shimon Peres , who was Israel's president when he turned 90 in 2014 (now apparently has gotten involved in global hi-tech). These individuals demonstrate that retire- ment is a false & arbitrary moment in life. Baseball great, Satchel Paige, suggested measuring one's age in this way: How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? Our lives should be measured not based on chronologi -cal years but how we feel mentally,

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physically & spiritually. It is also a chance to give as well.“The secret to a happy life”, Granny D teaches, “especially in your later years, is to help other people until you don’t notice your own needs & pains anymore.” If Doris Haddock can have this attitude at the age of 90, while literally walking across the United States, I think that each of us can look within and ask ourselves what more we can be doing to better our community, to move beyond our own needs & concerns.We learn from Granny D, Shimon Peres, George H.W. Bush, that our sense of our own age is a relative phenomenon. The story is told that Justices Brandeis & Oliver Wendell Holmes took walks every afternoon. On one of these occasions Holmes, then 92 paused to gaze in frank admiration at a beautiful young girl who passed them. He even turned to look at her as she continued down the street. Then, turning to Brandeis, he sighed, “Oh! What I wouldn’t give to be 70 again!” This story reminds me of a joke an older colleague once sent. You know you’re getting old when your wife says, "Let’s go upstairs & make love," & you answer, "Honey, I can't do both."

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As Bette Davis once quipped, "Growing old is not for sissies!” Jewish texts present these contrasting truths, synthesizing aging as an opportunity for ongoing growth, wisdom, & connection, while at the same time acknowledging inevit- able declines, both mental & physical. Every aspect of aging is honored & supported, without presenting old age as a su- gar-coated fairy tale. The Bible records that many of our heroes lost some precious capacity as they aged; Isaac became blind, David was frail & cold.Which brings us back to the paradox of our life as human beings: all of us, in one way or another, want to reach old age but none of us wants to be old.Yet, there is something admirable, even inspiring, about those individuals who achieve a degree of acceptance, which enables them to be examples of ongoing spiritual develop- ment even as their physical capabilities wane. The 90 yr. old Israeli Judaic & feminist scholar, Alice Shalvi, writes that, “What I have lost in longevity, I have redeemed by profundity. Compelled by failing physical strength, I sit more, recline more, rest more frequently. But in those moments of physical non-action & bodily passivity, the spirit can soar if I unleash it from everyday concerns.” Her words should give us great comfort in suggesting that we

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can continue to grow as spiritual beings even as our bodies begin to wear out. The book “The Gentle Weapon”, includes this prayerful thought from Reb Nachman of Breslov on this theme of “Ageless Aging”:Teach me, God, to live out my days focused on all that is meaningful in life.

As unaccountable aches & pains multiply, as memory and retention fade, teach me to relate to my physical existence with

an ever-expanding recognition of its transient nature;teach me to relate to my soul with an ever-expanding awareness of her eternal nature and ageless worth.

An individual's attitude toward aging is significant. While there are those who think that growing old is but mind over matter, we cannot disregard genes & just plain luck that often provide some people with vigorous, graceful aging while others find that their bodies just do not seem to cooperate. Attitude is, indeed, important. A colleague remarked about visiting a woman who was celebrating her 99th

birthday . As he left, he cheerfully said, "I hope I will be able to come back next year to celebrate your 100th

birthday with you."

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"Why shouldn't you?" she asked. "You look fairly healthy to me.” A person can be a whole, contributing & creative person even with aches & pains, & other losses. Until we breathe our last breath we have a song to sing and a word to share.Roger Angell – the great essayist- who last year wrote an amazing piece in the New Yorker called “This Old Man: Life in the Nineties,” said: “Getting old is the second-biggest surprise of my life, but the first, by a mile, is our unceasing need for deep attachment and intimate love.   We oldies yearn daily & hourly for conversation & a renewed domesticity, for company at the movie or while visiting a museum, for someone close by in the car when coming home at night.”I know that for some the most intimate touch of the week is Saturday morning services.  I know that for some Beth Abra -ham is the place where they feel more dignity & warmth than any other place in their life.  This morning, we take the time to remember our z’kenim, our 90 plus elders. They are grandparents, great-grand- parents, & parents, aunts & uncles, teachers & friends. Our community would be incomplete without them.

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When Pharaoh asked Moshe who was to leave Egypt, Moshe answered, “We will go with our young & with our old.” We need our elders to be part of the community, & our elders need us. The quintessential Jewish dance, it has been noted the hora, is not a couple’s dance, it is a dance of community.

There is a special mitzvah in our tradition of “hiddur pnei zaken”- literally beautifying the face of the elder. Today in a small way we as a community are fulfilling this mitzvah of cherishing & honoring our elders with this “Birthday for the Ages.” We are privileged to honor our z’kenim as they have honored the Beth Abraham community throughout the years.

Mazal Tov and Shabbat Shalom to all.

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