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Spring 2017Fostering Footnotes
Dates and Doings
Ongoing – Support Group for Foster and Adoptive Parents, Relatives and Others Caring for Children Who have Experienced Trauma. This group meets the third Tuesday of each month from 6 pm to 7:30 pm. The support group is located at our Kalamazoo office; 1608 Lake Street, Kalamazoo, MI 49001. Please RSVP to Karin King; 269-344-0202.
Ongoing – Children’s Support Group for School Age Children in Care. This group meets the third Tuesday of each month from 6 pm to 7:30 pm. The support group is located at our Kalamazoo office; 1608 Lake Street, Kalamazoo, MI 49001. Please RSVP to Karin King; 269-344-0202.
Ongoing – Brown Bag Lunch; Adoptive, Foster, Kinship Parent Connections. This group meets the second Thursday of each month from 12 pm to 1 pm. The group is located at the Family Enrichment Center; 415 S. 28th Street, Battle Creek, MI 49015. Please call 269-660-0448 for more information.
Ongoing – Parenting the High Needs Child Support Group. This group meets the third Monday of each month from 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm. The group is located at the Family Enrichment Center; 415 S. 28th Street, Battle Creek, MI 49015. The group description is, “Struggling with your child’s behavior at home, in school, in public? Get support and find resources from those going through it, too.” Childcare is provided. RSVPs for the support group and childcare need to be made to 269-660-0448, prior to attending.
March 6 through April 24 – Caring for Children Who Have Experienced Trauma; A Workshop for Resource Parents. This is a multi week workshop on Mondays from 6 pm to 8 pm. It is located at the Southwest Michigan Children’s Trauma Assessment Center; Unified Clinics Building, 1000 Oakland Drive, 3rd floor, Kalamazoo, MI 49008. What this workshop is about, “connect with other parents to share resources, learn how a child’s trauma can impact their behaviors, explore ways to enhance your strengths as a parent, share and learn new skills to influence your child’s behaviors and attitudes and discover ways to reduce the stress of parenting.” To register or obtain more information contact Denise Wheatley at [email protected] or call 269-387-7046.
March 17 – 35th Annual Green Ice K-Wings Game. It’s time to celebrate fostering! Come join us to “Raise Hope and Foster Dreams” at the green ice hockey game. The hockey game is located at the Wings Event Center; 3600 Vanrick Drive, Kalamazoo, MI 49001. This Kalamazoo Foster Care Licensing Coalition event will include giveaways and information stations from the following agencies: Michigan Department of Health and Human Services, Family & Children Services, Samaritas and Bethany Christian Services. There is a limited number of free tickets (first come, first serve) and then tickets can be purchased at a discounted rate. RSVP to Lindsey Thelen at [email protected] or Jamila Washington at [email protected].
March 18 – Saturday Parenting Series – Black Hair 101. This training is from 9 am to 12 pm and located at the Family Enrichment Center; 415 S. 28th Street, Battle Creek, MI 49015. The description is, “Many families foster and adopt outside their own race; so obtaining knowledge about proper hair care is important. Learn techniques to care for your child’s ethnic hair and improve their self-esteem. Learn about styling different types of hair and products to use.” Registration is required and childcare is available. Call 269-660-0448 to register.
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April 7 and April 8 – The Empowered to Connect Conference Live Simulcast. This two day training runs from 9:30 am to 6 pm each day. The cost is $15.00 per person. You can register at www.empoweredatcalvery.wix.com/conference. The description is, “This year’s conference is again designed to help individuals better understand how to connect with children from hard places in order to help them heal. The conference is ideal for adoptive and foster parents, those considering adoption or foster care and those who are serving and supporting others.
Online Training Opportunities
Please keep in mind all Foster Parents must complete six hours of training every year. Here is a great way to meet this requirement:
Foster Care and Adoptive Community, Inc. (www.fosterparents.com/training) is an online resource that provides training on topics that are relevant to providing foster care. A course sampling includes:• Positive Discipline• Parenting Traumatized Children• Mad, Sad, Glad, Scared and Other Lively Emotions• Lying and Teaching the Truth• Aspergers, Autism & Other Pervasive Developmental Disorders• Depression in Children and Adolescents• Understanding the I.E.P. Process• Effective Listening and Communication Skills• Parenting Children Across Racial & Cultural Lines• Social Media
These trainings are affordable with most being between $5.95 and $10.95. Certificates are generated instantly which allows for foster parents to then turn them in to their assigned licensing specialist for credit.
We Need Your Help!To spread the word about becoming a Foster Parent, I would like to hear from you. What ideas or events do you think would be a great opportunity to get the word out? For example, attending your church to speak about becoming a Foster Parent or any event you think would be beneficial.
For your superb ideas, please contact Jamila Washington, Recruitment Specialist, at 269-501-0834 or by email [email protected].
Foster Care On-Call Telephone Number (269) 569-8294This phone number is an important resource for you and for foster children. This number should be utilized when the agency is closed and your worker is not available. Typically this would be between the hours of 5 pm and 9 am and on weekends. If something happens that requires a trip to the emergency room, behaviors escalate etc., please be sure you are calling this number. During normal office hours, contact your foster care worker directly.
Emergency Shelter HomesKalamazoo County Department of Health and Human Services is in great need of Emergency Shelter homes. These are homes that could receive a call for a placement 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to provide short term care for children that come into care until a foster home can be located. Contact your licensing specialist for more information.
May is Foster Parent Appreciation Month
Thank you so much for all you do as foster parents for the children and families we serve! Your dedication and service is invaluable.
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As time goes on and we reflectOn the things we’ve said and done;The places we’ve been, the people we’ve met And we think of all the fun
We realize the marks we leave in lifeAren’t made of stone or steelBut rather of the lives we’ve touchedAnd how we make folks feel.
For people are far more valuableThen achievements great and high,Than cars or planes or space shuttlesOr buildings reaching to the sky.
You and I can leave our mark in lifeBy doing all we canTo serve and praise and upliftThe lives of children, women and men.
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Introducing Our New Staff
Krystle Garrett – Foster Care Specialist. Krystle graduated from Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, AZ in February of 2015 with a Master’s Degree in Criminal Justice. Prior to coming to Family & Children Services, she worked as a Family Specialist Licensing Worker in Chandler, AZ for four years. Krystle recently relocated to Michigan in October of 2016. Krystle enjoys spending time with her two handsome boys, family and friends. Being a mother is Krystle’s greatest joy. Welcome, Krystle!
Andrew Buskirk – Foster Care Specialist. Andrew attended Western Michigan University and graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Sociology and a Bachelor’s Degree in Criminal Justice. Prior to coming to Family & Children Services, he worked for Allegan County Juvenile Home, coached varsity football and rugby and volunteered as a Youth Guide for Peer Assistance and Leadership (PALS) and Students Against Drunk Driving (SADD). Andrew likes learning about investing, running with his German Shepherd and playing sports. He is looking forward to his future at Family & Children Services and is thankful for the opportunity to be here. Welcome, Andrew!
Sarah Claxton – Foster Care Specialist. Sarah graduated from Western Michigan University with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Criminal Justice. Prior to coming to Family & Children Services, she worked for 16 years at Kalamazoo Homeless Shelter for families, five years working with homeless youth ages 17-21 to provide housing, employment and life skills and five years as a Foster Care Licensor for relatives with children placed in their home. Sarah enjoys outdoor activities, playing sports, reading and family time. She has a true passion to help others in times of need. Welcome, Sarah!
Morgan LeClear – Foster Care Specialist. Morgan graduated from Western Michigan University in the spring of 2016 with a Bachelor’s of Science in Family Studies and Child Development. Prior to coming to Family & Children Services, she was a nanny in East Lansing, Michigan for 3 ½ years. For fun Morgan likes to spend time with friends and family as well as travel to new places. Morgan has a strong passion for helping others become the best versions of themselves and she is willing to go above and beyond to help others reach their goals. Welcome, Morgan!
Elizabeth Helms – Foster Care Specialist. Elizabeth graduated from Western Michigan University with a Bachelor's of Social Work Degree. Before graduation, Elizabeth was a Youth Independent Living and Outreach intern at Catholic Charities, Ark Services for Youth. Elizabeth enjoys reading, laughing, and playing softball. Elizabeth is extremely excited to be a part of the agency and help the families in the counties that we serve. Welcome, Elizabeth!
Sierra Braxton – Foster Care Specialist. Sierra graduated from Western Michigan University in December, 2016 with a Bachelor’s Degree in Family Studies. Prior to coming to Family & Children Services, she worked for Communities in Schools for seven year and KPEP for 2 ½ years as a Resident Coordinator. Sierra is a “Big Sister” through Big Brothers/Big Sisters and enjoys her role she has with her “Little.” Sierra loves to travel and shop! She is also an “extreme couponer” who loves finding great deals. One of her most important and treasured roles is being an aunt to her seven year old niece. Welcome, Sierra!
Emylye Laperriere – Foster Care Specialist. Emylye graduated from Western Michigan University with a Bachelor’s of Science Degree in Family Studies. She previously worked in a residential facility for juvenile justice. She enjoys working with children of all ages, but has a special heart for teens. Emylye enjoys crafting,
reading and volunteering at her church. She recently became a foster parent, as well. Welcome, Emylye!
Stephanie Kimmel-Kurtz – Receptionist in the Family Center. Stephanie is a graduate of Western Michigan University where she graduated with a B.A. in Interpersonal Communications and English. Before joining Family & Children Services, she worked in Lansing as the Office Coordinator for a busy Audiology practice. As a self described “people person” her background has always been in Customer Service, helping the general public in any way she can. Born and raised in Portage, Michigan, she is happy to be back home with her wife Emily, who is an Educational Sign Language Interpreter in Kalamazoo. Stephanie loves to spend any free time with family and friends, loves her animals and is looking forward to getting involved in club sports this summer. She also loves Netflix. Welcome, Stephanie!
Jamila Washington – Parenting Support Supervisor & Recruitment Specialist. Jamila graduated from Western Michigan University with a Bachelor’s of Science in Family Studies. Currently, she is working toward her Master’s degree to become a Family Life Educator. Jamila has been with Family & Children Services for six years where she started off as an Administrative Assistant to Foster Care. She was then a Visit Coach in the Supportive Visitation Program for four years. Jamila has a passion for working with families and encouraging them to believe in themselves. Jamila enjoys decorating and spending time with friends and family. Welcome, Jamila!
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From the Safe Kids Kalamazoo website (www.safekidskalamazoo.org): Safe Kids Kalamazoo County is a member of Safe Kids Worldwide, a global network of organizations dedicated to preventing accidental injury.
Safe Kids Kalamazoo County brings together the expertise of individuals in our community who are dedicated to reducing childhood injuries. Safe Kids Kalamazoo County Coalition members include, but are not limited to: EMS, law enforcement, fire departments, service groups, childcare providers, school personnel, government agencies, city personnel, parents, Western Michigan University staff, and Bronson Methodist Hospital staff. Safe Kids Kalamazoo County is has an extensive coalition network that provides programming in the same service area.
Upcoming events being offered by Safe Kids include:
April 6, 2017 – Bicycle Helmet Fitting by Appointment from 12 pm to 4 pm at Bronson Methodist Hospital
April 20, 2017 - Bicycle Helmet Fitting by Appointment from 12 pm to 4 pm at Bronson Methodist Hospital
Ongoing - Car Seat Check-up Events by Appointment
Portage Fire Dept. - Station #17830 Shaver Rd | Portage, MI 49024Call 269.329.44871st Wednesday of each month: 12pm-4pm3rd Saturday of each month: 8am-Noon
Bronson Children’s Hospital601 John St. | Kalamazoo, MI 49007Call 269.341.6508 (May-October)3rd Wednesday of each month: 2pm-6pm
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Making a Difference by Maintaining Connections
By: Donna Gillespie Foster
When they're in foster care, one of the greatest gifts we can give young people is to help maintain--or strengthen--their connections to their families. To do this well, it really helps if we have good relationships with the birth fami-lies as well.
This isn't always easy. Working with birth parents and maintaining children's connections to them can be very chal-lenging. In fact, maintaining connections often requires "out of the box" thinking and approaches.
Attitude MattersChildren come into the care of foster, kinship, and adoptive parents because the birth parents have great needs of their own that prevent them from raising their children in a safe environment. Co-parenting with angry and hurt birth parents can be extremely difficult.
For my 17 years as a foster parent, I remember having to constantly think "out of the box" to build relationships with birth parents. Proving I am not judging them and that I am no better than them took a lot of effort. When I was successful, it was because I cultivated an attitude of humility and acceptance. I tried to ask myself, "I haven't had their life struggles and experiences, so who am I to judge?" I don't want others to judge me. I knew I couldn't help birth families if I put expectations on them to live a certain way.
Look for Signs of SuccessSuccessful kinship, foster, and adoptive parents seem to have similar beliefs as to what their role is in helping children and their birth families. They also know success when they see it.
For example, you know you are successful when children can talk comfortably in front of you about their birth families without fear you will make hateful comments about them. Instead, they know they will hear you talk about the strengths of their parents.
Moments for TeachingAnother indicator of success is when birth parents want you to help them learn safer and more loving ways to raise their children. This is a good sign that reunification may eventually occur.
I've got a great example of this. I know a couple that could not conceive. They hoped, one day, they could adopt to complete their family. When a newborn baby girl was placed in their home, this new foster mother attached to her quickly.
Now the goal for this child was reunification with her young birth mother. The foster mother wanted to meet the birth mother, so she brought the baby to the first visit.
Right away, the foster mother noticed the birth mother held her baby awkwardly. She did not hold the infant close and seemed confused.
Instead of judging this young woman, the foster mother gently said, "Your baby misses your heartbeat. She heard it for nine months and is bonded to you. Can I help you to hold her so she can lay her head on your heart?"
The young mother cried and said yes. In a few minutes, the birth mother was cuddling her baby, speaking softly to her and rocking her.
When the foster mother told me about this exchange I asked about her emotions, since I knew she would love to adopt this child. She simply said, "She wasn't my child. She was her baby. My baby will come later."
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This foster mother respectfully shared parenting ideas with the birth mother. In time, the baby returned home.
After ReunificationIt's an even greater success when kinship and foster parents stay connected to the birth family after reunification. When birth parents have ongoing support, it lessens the chance of children re-entering care.
Even if reunification can't happen, building relationships with birth parents can lead to success. When a parent realizes they love but cannot raise their child and relinquishes their parental rights to kinship, foster, or adoptive parents that, too, is success. And when relinquishment happens and there is a good relationship between the birth parent and adoptive parent, the child is more likely to stay connected to their birth family. This is good for the child.
Sibling ConnectionsFoster and adopted children struggle deeply when they are separated from their siblings. It is a great success when we can prevent this from happening.
I have seen foster and adoptive parents either have all of the siblings in their homes or, if that is not possible, take steps to ensure siblings have regular contact through life books and shared activities, celebrations, and playtimes. These families are really one huge family unit.
After AdoptionEven after adoption there can be real benefits to sustaining or recreating children's connections to their birth fami-lies. Consider this story of "out of the box" thinking.
A foster parent adopted a teen who had many placements over the course of six years. This teen had not seen her birth mother or siblings during all of those years. This adoptive mother saw how the youth anguished over not knowing her birth family and constantly searched for them.
After the adoption, she and her daughter found her daughter's birth mother. After making contact they started visits in the adoptive home and progressed to day-long visits in her birth family's home. Today, overnight visits with birth mom and siblings continue.
Are there are struggles? Yes. From guilt, the birth mom tries to be a friend to her child, rather than a parent. But the adoptive parent has to set healthy boundaries and things are going reasonably well. She does not intend to change her mind about including the birth family in their lives. She believes that if she is to attach successfully with her adoptive child, the child needs her birth family connections as well.
Donna Foster is a national trainer, consultant, and author of the series "Shelby and Me: Our Journey Through Life Books" (reviewed in Fostering Perspectives, vol. 20, no. 1).
Shared Parenting: Potential Benefits for Resource Parents (Foster, Relatives and Adoptive Parents)
Creating supportive relationships with birth parents may:• Enhance child development, learning, and well-being by encouraging the child to return to the child role;• Decrease children's defiant behavior by reducing their desire/need to demonstrate loyalty to birth family;• Provide information and insights that enable foster parents to meet children's needs earlier and in a more effective way, thus helping children and reducing foster parent frustration;• Reduce conflict with birth parents over various issues (e.g., grooming);• Increase birth parent support for foster parents by reassuring them their children are being well cared for and that foster parents do not seek to replace them; and• Create a positive connection between the foster parents, the child, and the child's family that will not have to end, even if the placement does.
Source: Russell & McMahon, 2005
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Foster Family Potluck
Monday, March 6, 20175:30 - 7:00 pm
The Family Center atFamily & Children Services
1608 Lake StreetKalamazoo
Please bring a dish to pass. Meat will be provided by Family & Children Services.
Please RSVP to Tim Crawford, Licensing Specialist at 269.373.0248 x.4641 or [email protected]
Come Munch and Mingle with Fellow Foster Families
Child Behavior Charts: How to Use Them EffectivelyBy Elisabeth Wilkins (from www.empoweringparents.com)
When families call 1-on-1 Coaching, just about every call we get involves a question about consequences. Many parents struggle to find effective consequences while overlooking the importance of using rewards. We recommend establishing rewards or “incentive systems” for kids, which can be done easily using a behavior chart.
To download our free Empowering Parents Behavior Charts with instructions from our 1-on-1 Coaching Team included, go to the following website; https://www.empoweringparents.com/free-downloadable-charts/
Behavior charts are important to consider for several reasons:
• Clear expectations. When your expectations of your child are crystal clear, they are more likely to be successful.
• You get more of what you pay attention to. James Lehman felt that if you pay more attention to positive behav-iors, you get more of them. Conversely, ignoring some of the less desirable behaviors causes them to fade away over time.
• Immediate feedback. Kids get immediate feedback about their progress. They can see how well they’re performing simply by glancing at the chart, which allows them to self–correct if needed.
• More motivation. Incentives are often more motivating for children than the threat of losing something they value, which can cause some kids to go into a downward spiral. If a kid makes one mistake and believes she will lose her phone indefinitely, then she might think, “What’s the point?” This is particularly true for elementary aged children and kids with ADD/ADHD.
• Fewer Consequences. Many parents who call the Support Line feel as if they have nothing left to take away or that they are really limited when it comes to privileges that they can restrict. Using incentives gives kids something to earn and helps parents who are feeling stuck.
Recently, the 1-on-1 Coaching Team realized that we were recommending behavior charts quite often, but when it came to creating and implementing this system, up until now parents were left to their own devices. With that in mind, we decided to create some behavior charts to give parents easy access to these wonderful tools—and, of course, to make it easier for parents to put into practice.
We created a few different types of charts, each with its own specific set of instructions to explain how to implement it:
• Single Behavior Charts. These charts are best if you want your child to work on one new skill at a time, such as doing things when asked or not interrupting when others are speaking. We created one for younger children and one for older children.
• Multiple Behavior Charts. For those of you who have trouble with morning or evening routines, this one’s for you! This chart would also be suitable for any other multi–step process you want your child to work on, such as cleaning his room.
• Chore Chart. Our chore chart will help you establish a chore schedule for your child. This is suitable if your child has multiple chores to do during the week.
• Homework Progress Charts. These charts are intended to track your child’s homework–related tasks. There is a simple version and a more complex version, so you’ll be able to choose the style that is suitable for your child.
We also wanted to stress that there are some important things to consider when implementing a behavior chart. The first thing to keep in mind is that rewards are not bribes. A reward is established ahead of time, at a point when things are calm and going relatively well. For example, saying to your child, “I expect you to help me find the items on the grocery list today. If you stick to the items on the list without asking for anything else, you can choose a special snack for your school lunches when we’re done.” In contrast, a bribe happens in the moment. If you’re bribing your child, you might say, “If you stop asking me to buy extra snacks and keep quiet for the rest of the time we’re here, I’ll buy you that cereal you wanted on the way out.”
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Furthermore, many parents feel like they shouldn’t reward their children for doing something they’re supposed to be doing. If you’re considering using a behavior chart, though, that tells us your child is not doing what she is supposed to—so it’s important to find a way to motivate her. As James Lehman said, “You have to start where your child is and coach them forward.” A behavior chart is not a forever thing—it’s just the first step. The purpose is to use positive attention to shape your child’s behavior over time.
We also recommend that you stick with one chart at a time. If you have too many charts going all at once, it will be too confusing and overwhelming for both you and your child. Remember, too, that your child will need your help at first to stay on track and learn how to use the chart. It is not realistic to expect your child to do the chart on his own right away. Trial and error is an important part of the process. It can take some experimentation to discover what types of rewards work best for your particular child. Keep in mind that behavior charts are not a cure all. They work amazingly well for some kids, and they don’t work at all for others. So you need to be realistic in your expectations.
We are very excited to be able to provide these behavior charts for you. We hope you find them to be a helpful tool to add to your behavior management system at home. Please feel free to leave your comments here and let us know how it’s going!
Thank you for taking the time to read Fostering Footnotes. Please contact Krista Ploski at 269-344-0202 ext. 4609 or [email protected] if you have comments, ideas or suggestions. Also, if you’d like to co-chair the newsletter, contact Krista for more specific information.
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This event, for Family & Children Services foster families, is being co-sponsored by the Junior League of Kalamazoo. Watch for a formal flyer to come at a later date.
Please RSVP to Shari Boone at [email protected].
Save the DateEaster Egg Hunt Coming to Family & Children Services!
Please join us on April 15th, 2017 from 10:00 - 11:30 a.m. for our first Easter Egg Hunt! We will have an Easter Egg Hunt, photos with the Easter Bunny and other activities for the children in our new outdoor space at the Family & Children Services Family Center in Kalamazoo. Light refreshments will also be provided.
COLOR ME
1608 Lake StreetKalamazoo, MI 49001
Call 269-344-0202 in Kalamazoo269-965-3247 in Battle Creek
Be a Foster Parent. Today.fcsource.org
