Folder 4mudcat.org/pkd/005aatranscript.doc · Web view[[005ap001]] Letter to Claudia February 27, 1975 page 1 February 27, 1975 Dear Claudia, I just had a bizarre thought. The decay

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[[005ap001]] Letter to Claudia February 27, 1975 page 1

February 27, 1975

Dear Claudia,

I just had a bizarre thought. The decay backward of forms which Joe Chip sees… it is not decay. This is not retrogression. It is the retrograde axis.

We already pointed this axis out – the one he sees in UBIK – as the orthogonal one. Now I say, its retrograde motion, expressed in the novel, as its proper development, its own forward.

This “decay” is the same direction that Holy Spirit (or whatever you wish to deem it) was moving. Backward vis-à-vis our own time. So Joe Chip isn’t seeing the anti-eidos. He is seeing the natural process of the other time exposed. Its normal motion under normal conditions leads back from rocketship to Corvette to La Salle to Model T. I mean, isn’t this important, to realize this? He has already seen it decay via a different axis (the Platonic forms); but he still calls it decay and imagines that what he sees is a reversal of its normal growth direction.

Maybe not. Maybe this is the counter time needed to create parity. I guess I said all this, but not this way; if we saw the orthogonal axis at work, we would not see it go from Model T to LeSalle to ’56 Chevy to ioniosphere… that for it would be the “film pulled backward,” so to speak. Joe (i.e. I) saw it naturally. So within our linear time, form (edola) develops in the opposite direction to what we in linear time see. “To enter the Kingdom of Heaven you must be as little children,” He said, our Savior. We must regain what in regular time is the past; orthogonally it is the future. Then what happened to me in March, I didn’t move backward, to linear time; I moved forward, to the completion of time. I saw time completed: the great Iron City which fell to the people hustling their asses for man and for God, for Justice and Truth and Joy and Freedom. I saw the Parousia.

I saw the Final Things (eschatology). There all forms including us, including me, we have our completion. The other way…

I lived through the Final Things, coming out finally in the Perfect Kingdom: moonlight and cold water (psychropos). And the archway through which – the narrow path? – to enter. I knew I could. And I saw the “hotel” register in which my name was carefully written. Claudia, honey, I saw time rush through to completion, down that orthogonal axis, which I know to be the true axis.

I never noticed this parallel:

Joe chip Saw: What I saw:

FORM REVERSION ROME AGAIN (Time reversion)

But this isn’t “reversion”; it is completion. Actually I had

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never realized the analog between my seeing Rome, then the Hellenistic World, then Attika, then Crete, and what Joe et al in UBIK saw. Form reversion. Along the orthogonal axis. Wrong. Orthogonal (i.e.) the Forms) yes; reversion, no. Now, when I saw what I saw, I had “died” in an actual sense; like those in UBIK I came to the end point of my lineal time-line. But I wasn’t depleted; this “decay backward” to Rome which I saw wasn’t an entropic process, or even decay at all.

I saw the Parousia, and I couldn’t have unless they actually took place (I didn’t know enough to hallucinate them accurately). Did they take place? Has the Kingdom arrived? I say Yes it has, certainly in the sense that the Brit 3 macro says about Jesus Christ’s message about it. Not only is it real, it ihas arrived; the Day of Wrath – I think it is not a mere personal trip which I went through but which we all went through (toppling Nixon was not in my head, nor what Nixon had been doing). Which part was on my head? Only the realization of what it meant, these historical events, and I didn’t realize.

It has happened, the prince of this World fell.

This all has been an unfolding process. A revealing or disclosing of Being.

The Final Things (Parousia) is this: when God and his forces break through, penetrate into, linear time, and intervene for us. This took place. (March 1974.) This did happen. And the sign of its approach, and symbol, was the dream in FLOW MY TEARS: the old white haired king on horseback – imminent approach of Our King to assist us.

Time didn’t reach its completion as an entelechy does; it was pierced; breached. I’m a pre-cog and I saw this, in my dream, in 1970, which I put in TEARS. It was published in Feb 1974. The rat wqhich died died here in this apartment in March 74, as prefigured in the dream; but in the dream, I was amid the posse, on horseback; thus, some part of me, the “equal” part, survived. The rat was the part of myself which had to perish, and is based on an event in the ‘50s when I had the murder a poor rat which had gotten in among my sleeping little girls. It shrieked so when it heard me approaching, but I had to kill it. I buried it with my St. Christopher’s medal. It is now raised up as Christopher… my son’s name, born in 1973. Rog Phillips (who autographed this story of his “Rat in the Skull, ‘To Phillip K. Dick, a name under which I frequently write’ and who now is dead--) in that great story of his he has the rat pray with its foot, by moving its foot, as the boys destroy it; I cried over that (in the 50s) and when I met Rog just before his death, in 1964, I got him to autograph it.

I yes, I see – that rat was the instrument of saving me; I died with it, and I prayed for it when I killed it; and it’s been transformed… in Rog’s story, the rat operated a humanoid robot, and android; it could manage to say, “mama” and “papa” and could recognize the two people who were testing it, the android. It worked pedals. When the boys removed it, it was trying to work the pedals, now gone, and Rog said, It was as if it were praying. I’m sorry, poor rat; Rog is dea; the rat is dead, and I must stop typing or Tessa will get me.

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Tessa’s name for me (without her knowing all this, supra) is Rowie Rog. A combination of sounds which pierce my soul, for evident reasons. Rog Phillips, by the way, was a friend of Tony Boucher, also dead… Ich sih die liethe etc. Preface to UBIK.

My personal activation was a lapidary work achieved throughout many steps, interlocking, in my life. I had to shed the poor rat, and acquire the fawn, via the (blood of) the lamb.

Synchronized with this is time were: the publishing of TEARS, with the dram; and: (macro) the fall of the tyrant.

“Tears” - vide the libretto for Wagner’s Parsifal. The role of tears to nourish and water and vivify new life at Easter – the tears of the repentant sinner is the psychropos, which brings new life.

Ruffie Rat; that’s what Tessa calls herself, also without realizing how these lives live on from the past.

I think if seen in proper perspective, sub specia aeternitatis,we’re like WIND IN THE WILLOWS, to God. (“A motorcar???”)

God has returned. Resumed his Kingship (the Kingdom of God has been restored, here). I saw it – Him – in the alley, as I walked. I never saw that before because He was gone from her; or rather, our eyes were “dead,” i.e. we were blind.

He is with us again, as last night revealed; as soon as I got stoned and went in to pray when I glanced up I saw two huge tree-trunk legs and shoes/feet – a Great Man standing between me and my shrine. He was there… like I saw Mrs. Donlevy. (God of the House of Levi”,) (Discarded shoes on the beach… tennis shoes – but huge and filled, but mostly the tree trunk legs. So dense. He remains here.

I forgot; only after that did I see anything else (e.g. Dionysus). My experiences wouldn’t have been possible in our lineal time prior to March 1974. (He wasn’t here.) And He remains; hence they can reoccur.

(N.B. The Iron City – Rome – didn’t just go away… we threw it over, the tyranny. We fought well, organizated.

Yes; it was Elijah who came first, in mid-March; he prepared us gt blub zeesxh.

First, the “Artist” (Logos) is drawing you (or universe is fashioning you) more and more like Christ. These are the first kinds of changes you’re made to look i.e. be like him. But the real thing is when you can see the likeness. First, see Him seated there, being drawn, then see that you the 1.5 minute sketch resembles Him; it’s when you see that affinity, that’s the last transformation, in you. That follows in linear time what the artist (continual creating) is doing: upon completion, of the entelechy; when time stops, being “filled up” or realized.

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[[005ap004]] Letter to Claudia February 27, 1975 page 5 (no page 4 in pdf) or in selected letters see page 109 1975 volume

If my seeing Rome, that was the Parousia, and it was analogous to Joe Chip seeing the form reversion, then I guess when you die you enter the Parousia at once (this makes sense; how else couldn’t it be? I was indeed describing the Parousia when I described the “decay” along the orthogonal axis in UBIK which is logical). I myself first hit the Dies Irae when I first dropped acid (about 350 mices). It was cold, it was hell; I used it in later books (e.g. UBIK, MAZE OF DEATH). Now, how come I in March experienced what you’re supposed to only after you’re dead? I was judged and so forth, all those things, now. Either this says something about what befell me, or what befell our world in March 1974 (or both). Was it a freak thing for me, a dispensation or accident like being allowed to stay up late or all night, etc. as a child?

This is why (uniquely for me) my thoughts and phosphene activity speeded up in March so that the rate was beyond count. My personal time used itself up… but for me the actual Fulfillment of Time was quite different from the Day of Wrath under acid in 1964, ten years or so earlier. I saw the Day of Judgment this time, when, it was real, only that Sunday night when the pale white light filled the room and I once more knew death was there, and began to pray frantically in Latin, exactly as I had done in 1964 under acid. I relived it; and this time, in 1974, my vision was authentic, because 4 days later my guide and friend the Pinky cat died of cancer. Thus, this was real in an existential way; I thought the pale white light, which exposed him and me, meant death had come for me; but the fact that I saw the light, and that light was real, that event was real, Pinky was going to die – the rest has not been a mere head trip; I know the difference; the acid trip in 1964 was the head trip.

Time had to run out for me before the Final Things could take place. I at last reached God: the beautific Void. I think He gave me a guide to replace Pinky; he gave me Erasmus the way he gave Dante Virgil. I did and do have a guide. Erasmus is my guide now. I guess I am in need of that; I remember the other night (Feb 25) when I go so loaded… as I prayed I remember I said, “I am so lonely. Give me understand. Why is it? I don’t understand.” Later I did understand: that it was because I still missed my father, god bless him whom I’ll never see again. ?But God gave me (1) a friend (v. lat line in Grey’s “Elegy”: “And found in heaven a friend,” which always appealed to me; God gave me as of my prayer on the 25th (2) understanding, that I missed my father’ (3) He also gave me the only absolutely Platonic ideal perfect stone out trip in my life. And most of all, as I sat praying, (4) I realized that Erasmus was with me and had been. I need not be only any more. Erasmus replaces my father; I haven’t been alone since March 1974.

My gifts of the spirit. Oh yes, before I forget; when I had killed the poor rat I tossed the St. Christopher’s medal into his grave with him, poor rat who only wanted to live. But you see how I had been educated by that dreadful morning: the rat had to be killed because of my little girls. It was a lesson for me, uniquely my lesson: that death was unavoidable, in more than the descriptive way: that creatures do die. I saw that day that sometimes they should die; that it was of a moral necessity that I literally kill that rat. I never had that rat’s

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Karma on me, not really; I had that less in me, that understanding. Yet – I felt so sorry for the rat, since it didn’t want to die. The lesson was for me the hardest of all: that things must be done in response to decisions or considerations or needs or directives or to accord with a higher morality which make it binding on one to take life. Therefore I saw the role that death had in the universe: a necessary one (clay pots have to be deliberately thrown back as long as they remain unsatisfactory, and that rat, honey, was he unsatisfactory). It showed me that death could not be avoided. But – I still grieved and I still prayed. Rog Phillips story had a lot to do with my empathy; I had read the story a bit earlier, as I recall. And got the autograph later. The rate came inbetween. This was my baptism into reality, my having to kill this huge gutter-water rat which had gotten into the house and as hiding back in the girls’ rooms. As their father I knew what to do. I guess our father (God) knows what to do, too, when he judges, and now we come to Judgment Day and why it must be so. Exactly as I had to judge and condemn and execute that rat, so much God do this – judge us all and spare some (accept them) and execute others; he would like to save them all, but the necessity of the structure precludes it.

If the fucking rat had only left the house I would have spared it. Thus we too, all of us, are given clues and help; we are guided so that “we can leave in time.” And be spared.

I didn’t draw a personal lesson through that I should shape up or ship out; my lesson was one regarding the universe, outside me: that death was required as a deliberate thing. It was a terrible shock to me. I was anti-war, a pacifist, raised as a Quaker. Now, having read Empedocles, I see that strife or disunion must be present in the universe to balance love or harmony; together they keep changing going. I always succumbed rather than struggled. Struggle is strife and strife is for war and war leads to deliberate killing. Last night on the phone, though, I called Laura again, and got my former wife Anne. I had the opportunity to share some of my thoughts with her, about working out the ionosphere plasmic entity theory about the Holy Spirit, where upon Anne said, “Well, that’s the sin of pride, what you’re doing; that is hubris. To think that you, Philip K. Dick, can figure out God – that is a sin.” Instead of feeling bad I pointed out that judgment had been rendered on us all already, by the Divine Judge; whereupon Anne belatedly recalled that “he who is without sin” and so forth and apologized. But I didn’t say, “The Divine Judge as arrogated this to him and will judge,” I said that He had. Now, you can regard this as my saying that He was/is/always will be, or you can think to yourself, Maybe Phil said what is so: the Day of Judgment came and went, and hardly anybody noticed. Except they noticed something. Straaaaange things went on during 1974.

I think that in 1974 my entelechy was completed, but I never heard of anyone having his entelechy completed (watch it, Claudia), because this means that time has ended, not by God intervening but because the last frames ran through and the film ended naturally. Well, see here is your clue: when the last frames of my film (entelechy) passed faster and faster through the projector, I wasn’t perfect; I’m still full of all


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sorts of shit (you noticed). Well, then it was an intrusion into time, into ordinary time, before entelechies were complete; like God’s grace which saves you even if you’re worthless, this intruded and saved our world even if we hadn’t completed the test (which was what we were doing: doing it over and over until we got it right, and none of us hardly had gotten it right yet. God did suddenly intrude, without warning… for me it was like a thief in the night; it came at night, and I was amazed. I was caught by surprise. But what filled me was in itself flawless; the Holy Spirit or myself completed, either one – but as I stand I am wicked and think wicked thoughts, same as always (I am right now trying to get Victoria Principl – Principal’s phone number; Erasmus says it can be done). This is wicked. I am motive by a leopard skin rug miles and miles of tawny skin (but she has a funny voice, a Sid Caesar imitation of the miles and miles. Well, we’ll use lipsynch).

I do not see where I am changed, but I was spared the Wrath and I was of use (against the tyranny): “Zeus protects those who defend the Perfect Kingdom against those who would nibble it away.” It is as if that rat might have proved worthy in some way yet still a rat (it was where the rat was, not what, which doomed it; it was away from its natural order, out of its spot in the Scheme of Things). Thus, we may stress changes in our Being too much in terms of being acceptable, and forget that being at the Right Place at the Right Time – after all, God will motivate us if we’re there (I think always of the black dude, the guard who found the door at the Watergate Hotel taped back and reported it to the D.C. fuzz). Maybe my letter (don’t laugh) to the Wall Street Journal… no, that was after. I guess then TEARS was what I had to offer. Think of the touching story of “The Juggler of My Lady.” That always had a lot to say to me. Yes, if I did anything in the Final War Against the Beast it was to write and protect TEARS and bring it out strategically, and also be living in Fullerton where I could write Wiggins. You must put in your thesis about my correspondences back and forth with Mr. Wiggins during the impeachment, Claudia; I am so proud to have argued those issues with him. We both drew on all we had in us. (RS will mention.)

Hey, I figured out (you laughed) Nixon is the best – beast.

IX From nIXon That’s Latin for 9

IC from dICk That’s Latin for 99

The universe must be read backward; so the three 9s are 666; its’ a – ohhhhhhh. The other night, “Erasmus” laughing. All the codes and number codes (a lot I haven’t told you, but hope to some day). Seeing the numbers. I saw 555555555 a “good” number.

(Tessa just pointed out that the “d” in Latin is 500. So RMN;s number is 9-599, which just goes to show you. Oh I have it. The “d” shows that he will be destroyed in the 500 th year of his reign. He did reign for 500 years; anyhow it seemed like it. Or its page 500 of my Bible, or something. Wait. You read vertically. Look above. The IX is above the IC. It’s a grid code (see “Cryptology” in Brit 3.)


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You know, if they do discover the orthogonal time axis (along which the Forms move) they will find that it leads to the Parousia.

Forms have a point of completion. Like a novel. They don’t go on and on. That axis isn’t just “process time” like in GODOT. It goes to completion and then stops. It is retrograde to what we see (vide supra hoc libra). Our lineal time then is cyclic in the “spinning ones wheels” sense of going around and around without incorporating true growth; we are declutched, purely in this time; but in reality we partake of movement toward form completion, too.

And yet we experience it backward. It was, as you put it, our childhood. “We see – the universe – as by reflection from the bottom of a burnished metal pan, but now directly for a moment,” said St. Paul. This is all a flashback: our life, a post vitam. Like the squib, the interoffice memo before THREE STIGMATA which is the novel, and what takes place “after” it is really what took place before it, which is there to explain it. I, the little boy like Christopher; that’s me completed.

Oh God, Claudia; the “explosion” is throwing is throwing us backward into lineal time away from the moment of completion/perfection of each of us. What age do you guess? The Savior didn’t say “babies.” I think about 3 or 4 years old, maybe up to 6.

One could say, Before the World took the little child and taught it to see and think only its small way.

Yes, maybe so, Claudia; while the teacher was still the universe. I remember how God, as body-of-God, the universe, taught me, through bugs and bees, the sight of an old blind lady in a great wheel chair. I knew about being bushwacked (by a bee) about old age and death; I knew about the Fish sign, too, the Savior: I called him “Tunny,” from a del Monte billboard for some canned food. We had to travel under the Oakland Estuary in the Alameda Tube, and I saw the tube like a can; at the end we emerged in the sunlight and I saw the billboard with “Tunny” on it. I loved ol’ Tunny, the great fish (like Charley the Tuna now must be to kids). Claudia, I tell you the truth: through (via, not from in, within) such shapes, the true living Archetypes speak to us, especially as children, but now, too, if we liksten. In my kids’ story book the figure of the old king… through him God actually moved toward me, later appearing in a “dream” about my story book,” If you see. I saw this last night, how the drawn figure of the old king is:

The drawing your parent an archetype

The mind receives so well during young childhood. It was wonderful, enchantment, when things spoke, pictures and bugs. Well, God spoke through them via, by means of, them. Utilized them as conduits of resemblances; there we encountered the Queen, the King – and the pieces of the chessboard. I realized the other night, And now, that Christopher is born, I am the wise old king. I will never find him; I can only become him. Bummer. Sad. But I looked at my great arms (I have great arms) and I thought, One must eventually become ones own parent.

And the beautiful cruel queen is Tessa, of course. That story,

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THE RED FEATHER by Dorothy Canfield Fisher (I had my copy until 1972 when I was in Canada and they robbed me a final time), that was what they call my Script.

A little girl, Rosemary, was born, but the fairies came and they swept her away in a shower of sparks (this is what I saw when I was aware of Erasmus: magic fairy sparks). They put a changling baby in her place. Later, that changling grew up, a fairy child in the mortal world not knowing why she could not and then do magic which none of the other children could. Later, a wise old lady in a rocking chair showed her the doorway to fairyland, where Rosemary kept wanting and wanting to go, for some reason (oh yes – she felt alienated in the mortal world; unhappy, restless). She crosses to fairyland. There is the palace. The queen puts her to work in the scullery. She drudges and drudges, and the – oh yeah, now I remember. The whole idea was, the fairies stole the mortal baby to use in their fairy scullery because mortals are well-known to be better at housework. So the mortal Rosemary grows up in the PALACE and is unhappy, and not only that, she is lousy at dusting (the Queen is neverysatisfied, but the wise old king is gentle with Rosemary, saying “There are laws for some people to keep and some people to break.” The Queen always nags him and he says, “Coming, my dear.” He is always civil to her. A woman wrote this, so don’t get your feather in a twit, Claudia). Anyhow, the fairy girl in the mortal world (supra) does magic and can’t fathom why; the mortal girl in fairyland at the palace fucks up at scullering. They meet. It turns out that – I forget. Everyone fucked up. The mortal girl finds her way back to the actual world and is happy, but see, I didn’t dig the end; what I dug was the little – fairy – girl here in mortaldom doing magic by accident and wondering how come she was different. The rest is a lot of plot to make it come out.

The moral of the novel was that you can be different and the King will understand but no one else will, and if you show you can do magic they will be vexed in spirit to see this, but wow, is it a trip, to turn for instance a strip of cloth in deepest winter into a garland of poppies which sizzle when they hit the snow (locale: Sweden). Rosemary (no, Rose; the other was Mary; how clever); the fairy child here in mortaldom: she could make Spring come during the deep winter. This is what she did that I remember; the snow man who winked because she made him alive; anyone can cause a golem to come to life. But the sizzling rope of poppies, in winter, which had just been cloth, just pretend – that is a superacid trip, Claudia, and you know it. The heat (thermal units), the life (Dionysos, Kore, Demeter) – she had a boyfriend for me to identify with, in case some body kid read the book, like me. He was a fairy prince named Stephen. He knew (i.e. why she could do magic).

Rose: “Stephen, how come I can do magic and I’m living here in Fullerton like everyone else, eating at McDonald’s and knowing Willis McNelly.”

Stephen: (MYSTEROUSLY, BUT AMUSED) “I can’t tell you yet, Rose, or Mary, or Rosemary, whaterver.” (EROTIC INTERCHANGE OF GLANCES BETWEENB THEM: SHE FALLS FOR HIM. HE IS A NEAT DUE, SHARP DRESSER, ETC. OLDER)


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It’s odd that I recall the sizzling rope of poppies in the snow so clearly and not the rest. What I saw the other night, the swirls of vines up the vestment of my saint statue – that was like it: the bursting forth into life of Spring, in the midst of stark winter. Now, this is obviously a mescaline type of experience. We know that. And I was loaded. And yet, perhaps Ms. Fisher who wrote THE RED FEATHER based that episode on something she experienced once, and in those days no one in the U.S. took mescaline; no one got loaded. The reproach, “Phil, you experienced that because you wanted to; i.e. the swirling vines of new life” is no better an argument than, “You experienced selling UBIK to Doubleday because you wanted to.” Also, “You experienced it because you read about something like that years ago in a child’s book” – of what real meaning is this argument, since we don’t know how the passage got into Ms. Fisher’s novel in the first place? It doesn’t explain why I recall that section, which was minor, which in the novel just showed the child that her difference from the other children included having strange powers; it was exciting, but not good. She didn’t want to be different. (We knew, because of the scene of the baby exchanging.) Obviously, in that scene, Ms. Fisher intentionally or otherwise incorporated something of the Fruhlingszauber: the magic of springtime, as it really would be: those poppies would have sizzled in the snow, being hot. They were hot with life; the fact that Ms. Fisher saw the equation death/winter/cold versus life/Spring/heat isn’t an invention of her head; it is an actual truth. She did, however, equate magic with springtime; fairy power used to turn the winter to spring, to bring life, and therein she touched on something very deep, at the heart of her small readers, like me, who were astonished and touched, but didn’t know why (we knew nothing of the mystery or fertility religions of Greece et al, did we?).

Magic equals life equals warmth equals poppies. Now, poppies are an exotic flower, with intense colors, identified with foreign lands (this I’m sure is why Ms. Fisher chose them).

Magic is the power to bring to life that which is only a picture of a flower on a strip of cloth (this is how it was in the novel; they tied a strip of poppy-printed cloth around the snowman’s neck). And then poppies, in a rope, came to life, fell to the snow and sizzled; I still remember that touch – what verisimilitude that gave… I felt those hot flowers sizzle, and who ever heard of flowers, even in spring, being hot? See how much is conveyed?

These are maypole and mayday rite anyhow: the flower garland, winding it around the snowman figure. And the way by which Rosemary made the flowers actual (and hot) was by singing a song. So you can see how much is here – song, the winding of the flower-imprinted garland, the great inert figure of the deity! And then life comes – she wanted the Sprint to come, they all did. In the novel the poppies, alive, were explicitly equated with Spring.

Taking a leaf from Marlo Thomas – the best thing a child’s book can do is teach what the child may be and do. Which he otherwise never would have thought of (the worst is to say, No you can’t do or be that. To limit him). Did THE RED FEATHER teach me something our people have forgotten they can do? I leaned otherwise?

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They are going to find that orthogonal axis, Claudia, and when they do, they will find it retrograde and exactly what Joe Chip saw, and it is the time-stream I entered. And the effect of that – it looks like our past. But it is not; it is related to our past, since it moves in that direction. The Bible is a book of the future. The New Testament and the oracles of the Old: they are about to

morrow. The setting, the backdrop, will be familiar to us; the events will be played out against that setting… but the events are new. We must separate set and ground, here. The ground is old; set is new. We are participants in the set.

Ground equals WHERE

Set equals WHAT

The WHAT is Final Reckoning Time or Out-of-Time, and after accounts are settled, we get to go to the seashore. Okay? But first the poor rat has to die; poor creature; and then we’re released.

[[005p011} diagram

ONE YEAR’S CYCLE OR: THE CYCLE

[[005p012]]March 2, 1975 Letter to Phyllis Page 1

March 2, 1975

Mrs. Phyllis Boucher2643 Dana St.Berkeley, Calif.Dear Phyllis,

I have long thought about you, wondering how you are, and my having just now written the short enclosed piece, which is about Tony, gives me pretext to write you as well as the opportunity to extend this copy of the piece so that you might read it. My love and memory of Tony are combined in this, although I must admit in a rather odd way; the reason is that this was commissioned by the Sufi Magazine The Real World, which is a very good magazine (it is put out by Tony Hiss, you writes the “Talk of the Town” in the New Yorker, and boasts such people as Robert Ornstein in its staff; it is what they call (ouch) a class magazine. The paper is high quality, too.

I hope that you like this piece (they may not). They just accepted a poem by my wife Tessa, and then told me that they’d like to be able to get both of us together in an issue. So the heat is on me to Come Through (I’ve been working since seven-thirty a.m.).

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You’ll note that I’m living in Southern California now, “north of Disneyland,” as Tony Hiss put it when he interviewed me for the New Yorker. I’m still writing s-f. I’ve got a lovely little 1.5 year-old son named Christopher, my wife Tessa is incredibly beautiful and very young (the pressure is on me, always, in all ways, to keep going, to not fall behind… alas, we all do eventually, I guess, but then, I have developed strongly religious convictions that Our Good Friend is watching to reach out and scoop us up, when we fall behind).

I’ve enclosed two or three pictures of us… I do hope all goes well with you, and I would so much enjoy hearing from you, and knowing about you these days. I’m into screenplay writing now… also Rolling Stone is doing a long article/interview with me, and, at long last, an experimental S-F novel of mine is coming out. But I will not go Vonnegut’s route and deny s-f if I make it literarily-experimentally; even my experimental novel, CONFESSIONS OF A CRAP ARTIST, is in the broadest sense, science-fiction. Dear Phyllis. How are you?

With deep personal regards,

Philip K. Dick 1405 Cameo Lane #4 Fullerton, Calif 92631, USA

[[005p013]] March 2, 1975 Letter to Tony page 1

Dear Tony,

Enclosed is the piece I’ve been working my ass off for The Real World. I’m glad you liked Tessa’s poem, and that as you say you’re going to publish it in the next issue, but that sort of puts pressure on me to come through – I’ve been on this piece like as of today 7:30 a.m. at the typewriter. You asked for “short.” What is short? I kept it short, I hope short enough. I offer you two possibilities if you wish to cut it:

(one) Just make cuts where you can or wish. I trust you, but I’ll week genuine tears because I kept it terse anyhow as it is.

(two) Okay – on my MS page 6: you could end the piece after line 10. (Final printed sentence: “That was my friend.”) But it’s a different piece this way, with the Day of Wrath scene missing; much limiteder, more milder.

I proofed like mad on this, as you’ll see, to cut down on your work. On author to editor grammar query; you’ll note.

Glad you and Paul [[?]] [[?]] [[?]] other into getting tubby. I feel everyone should eat lunch forever and get tubbier and tubbier. Did I really tell you I was a reincarnation of Winnie-there-Pooh? But he’s not dead! So how can that be? I must have made it up I do that, on occasion.

Yes, CONFESSIONS OF A CRAP ARTIST is a fine novel, and I think Paul and David know what they are doing. I shorten the form by which I refer to my novels in business letters, and in conversations (e.g. FLOW MY TEARS, THE POLICEMAN SAID becomes TEARS; and of course DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF

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ELECTRIC SHEEP? Is referred to back and forth by me and my agent et al as SHEEP or sometimes, in error, ANDROIDS. I know find myself saying, however, caught in a matrix of my own devising:

“I sure think CRAP is wonderful. I’m positive that CRAP will excite the literary market in New York.”

Tessa says in her raspy way,

“Try calling it CONFESSIONS.”

But that’s too long. Let me know if you are going to use this piece I wrote; if you don’t, I will get you.

With warm personal regards.

Philip K. Dick 1405 Cameo Lane #4 Fullerton, Calif 92631, USA

[[005p014]] Untitled undated document page 1

Handwritten notes in PKD’s hand: A Light struck meadow for Tony Hiss & the Real World. Hark! Each tree its silence breaks – Nicholas Brody 1692

When I met Theodore Surgeon, who wrote MORE THAN HUMAN, this good man said to me right off, “What sort of universe is it that causes a man like Tony Boucher to die of cancer?” I had been wondering the same thing ever since Tony Boucher died. So had Ted Sturgeon, although he didn’t expect me to give an answer. He just wanted to show me what he – Ted Sturgeon – was like. I’ve found I can do that, too; let people know about me by asking that. It shows that I cared a lot about one of the warmest people who ever lived. Tony was warm and at the same time when he stood in the midst of a group of people, seat came out of his forehead from fear. Nobody ever wrote that about him but it’s true. He was terrified all the time. He told me so once, not in so many words. He loved people, but one time I met him on the electric train going to be opera and he was scared. He was music critic and he did reviewing for the New York Times and edited a magazine and wrote novels and stories. But he was scared to take a drive across town.

Tony loved the universe and the universe frightened him, and I think I know where his head was at. A lot of people who are timid are that way because they love too much. They’re afraid it’ll all fall through. Naturally, it did with Tony. He died in middle-age. Now, I ask you, what good did it do him to be scared? He used to carry his rare old 78 records to radio station KPFA every week wrapping them up in a towel so they wouldn’t get broken. One time I decided to give Tony all my rare opera and vocal records, just plain give plain give them to him as a gift of my loving him. I phoned him up. “got Tisne Lemnitz records and Gerhard Husch,” I told him. Tony replied shyly, “They are my idols.” We was a Roman Catholic – the only one we knew – and that was a strong statement. Before I could get the records to him he was dead. “I feel tired half the day,” he had added. “I can’t work as much as I used to. I think I’m sick.” I explained I had the same thing. That was eight or so years ago. The doctor told

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him he had a bruised rib and taped it up. Someday I will meet that doctor on the street. Tony got bad advice from everyone who could talk.

We used to play poker. Tony loved opera and poker and science fiction and mystery stories. He had a little writing class – this was after he was famous and edited F&SF – and he charged on dollar a night when you showed up. He read your whole manuscript. He told you how rotten it was, and you sent away and wrote something good. I never figured out how he accomplished that. Criticisim like that is supposed to crush you. “Maybe it’s because when Tony reads your story it’s like he’s reading it in Latin,” somebody said. A whole dollar it cost. He taught me to write, and my first sale was to him. I still can remember that nobody understood the story but him, even after it was printed. Now it’s in a college-level s-f course manual put out by Ginn and Company. There’s only about 300 words to the story. After the printing of the story, Ginn and Company prints an impromptu discussion I had with a high school class about the story. All the kids understand the story. It’s about how a dog sees garbagemen coming to steal the precious food that the family stores up every day until the heavily constructed repository is full and then these Roogs come and steal the


food just when it’s ripe and perfect. The dog tries to warn the family, but it’s always early in the morning and his barking just annoys them. The story ends when the family decides they have to get rid of the dog, due to his barking, at which point one of the Roogs or garbagemen says to the dog, “We’ll be back to get the people pretty soon.” I never could understand why no one but Tony Boucher could understand the story (I sent it to him in 1951). I guess in those days my view of garbagemen was not shared universally, and now in 1971 when the high school class discussed it with me, I guess it is. “But garbagemen don’t eat people,” a lady editor pointed out to me in 1952. I had trouble answering that. Something comes and eats up people who are sleeping in tranquility. Like Tony. Something got him. I think the dog, who cried “Roog. Roog,” was trying to warn me and Tony. I got the warning and escaped – for a while, anyhow – but Tony stayed at his post. You see, when you’re so scared of the universe (or Roogs, if you will) to stay at your post takes courage the kind they can’t write about because (one) they don’t know how and (two) they didn’t notice in the first place, except maybe Ted Sturgeon, with all his own love, and his total lack of fear. He must have known how scared Tony was, and to be that scared and for the Roogs to get you – it’s so symmetric, isn’t it.

However, Tony is still alive, I discovered last year. My cat had begun to behave in an odd way, keeping watch over me in a quiet fashion, and I saw that he had changed. This was after he ran away and came back, wild and dirty, crapping on the rug in fear; we took him to the vet and the vet calmed him down and healed him. After that Pinky had what I call a spiritual quality, except that he wouldn’t eat meat. He would tremble whenever we tried to feed it to him. For five months he’d been lost, living in the gutter, seeing god knows what; I wish I knew. Anyhow when he was changed – in the twinkling of an eye; that is, while at the vet – he wouldn’t ever do anything cruel. Yet I knew Pinky was afraid, because once I almost shut the refrigerator door on him and he did a 3 cushion bank shot of himself off the walls to escape, and clocked a velocity unusual for a pink sheep thing that usually just sat and gazed ahead. Pinky had trouble breathing because of his heavy fur and what they call hairballs. Tony had

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asthma terribly and needed it cold. Pinky would sit by the door to get the cold air from under the crack, and struggle to breathe. I will not write a teaser article here; Pinky died of cancer suddenly; he was three years old; very young for a cat. It was totally unexpected. The vet diagnosed it as something else.

I hadn’t realized Pinky was Tony Boucher, served up by the universe again, until I had this dream about Tony the Tiger – the cereal box character who offers you cocoa puffs. In my dream I stood at the one end of a light-struck glade, and at the other a great tiger came out slowly, with delight, and I knew we were together again, Tony the Tiger and me. My joy was unbounded. When I woke up I tried to think who I knew named Tony. I had other strange experiences after Pink died. I dreamed about “Mrs. Donlevy” who was incredibly tall – I could see only her feet and ankles – and she was serving me a place of milk on the back porch [[?]] there was a vacant lot where I could roam at will, forever. It was [[?]] Elysian Vacant Lot, which the Greeks believed in, but just my size.


Also, the day Pinky died, at the vet’s, that evening as I stood in the bathroom I felt my wife put her hand on my shoulder, firmly, to console me. Turning, I saw no one. I also dreamed this dream: I had the album notes for “Don Pasquale” and at the end the conductor had added a note: five string of cat gut, like a stave. It was a final hello from Pinky who was Tony Boucher; in the dram the album was an old 78 one, a favorite of Tony’s.

Tony or Pinky, I guess names don’t count, was a lousy hunter all his life. One time he caught a gopher and came up our apartment stairs with it. He put it on his dish, where he was fed, and the gopher ran off. Tony felt that things belonged in their place, an obsessively orderly person; his books were arranged the same way – each book in its exact place. He should have tolerated more chaos in the universe. However, he recaught the gopher and ate it.

Tony, or Pinky, was my guide; he taught me to write, and he stayed with me when I was sick back in 1972 and 1973. That’s why my wife Tessa brought him over, because I had pneumonia and needed help and we had no money for a doctor (I think now in that regard I was lucky; he would have told me I had a bruised rib). Pinky used to lie on my body in a transversal fashion, which mystified me, until I realized that he was trying to figure out which part of me was sick. He knew it was just one part, around the middle of my body. He did his best and I recovered but he did not. That was my friend.

Handwritten in PKD’s hand: To A & B P 4


(A)

Most cats fear the clattering arrival of the grabagemen each week, but Pinky really more detested them than feared them. He hit out under our bed about half an hour before we heard them coming every Monday. He didn’t show fear; we just saw the two unwinking green eyes under the bed

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where he waited the garbagemen out. There was no PInky, just the eyes, waiting them out, the Bastards.

(B)

Four nights before Pinky died, before we knew he had cancer – I started to say, before he had been diagnosed as having a bruised rib – he and Tessa and I were lying in the bedroom on the bed, and I saw a uniform pale light slowly fill the room. I thought the angel of death had come for me and I beganb to pray in Latin: “Tremens factos sum ego, et timeo,” and so forth; Tessa gritted her teeth but Pinky sat there, front feet tucked under him, impassive. I knew there was no place to hide, like under the bed. Death can find you under the bed; everyone knows that, even little kids. And it looks bad.

It never occurred to me that death was coming for anyone but me, which shows my attitude. I saw us all as painted ducks, on a painted sea, and thought of the Arab 13 th century poem about “Once he will miss, twice he miss/ All the world’s one level plain for him on which he hunts for flowers.” We were as conspicuous as – well, anyhow finally I gave up praying, but I remember in particular I kept crying out, “Mors stupebit et natura,” Which I thought meant that death stood stupefied, as if in surprise (as in, “I was stupefied to lean that my car had been towed away.” It means just standing there impotently. That is not what Merriam-Webster 3 says, but it is what I say).

Pinky never noticed the pale light; he seemed awake, but dozing. I think he was humming to himself. Later when I slept, toward morning I dreamed a disturbing dream: the report of a gun being fired close to my ear: a shotgun blast, and when I looked I saw a woman lying dying. I went for aid, but got onto some kind of one of those electric trolley busses by mistake, along with 3 Gestapo agents (I dream that a lot). We rode around forever while I tried vainly to short-circuit the power cables of the bus, or trolley car, whatever it was; without avail. The Gestapo agents seemed confident and read newspapers and smoked. They knew they had me.


Tuffy ooo Oy

Zsssay yyhh

Yi

I love ye8 you

NOTE:::::: YE:::

Tuffy, you are the sweetest personnorth of here. I hope you are okay.Are you okay? I love you. Signed,

Furry

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The one power of linear time is: it is accumulative;It scoops up the successive rings of experience, and By its very nature, unique, causes the super-Imposition of those rings to grow clearer, as theyRegister and re-register, often years apart. DreamsHelp us see these identifies of rings (for super-Imposition the analog or right hem computer)

[[005p019]] March 5, 1975 Letter to Claudia page 1

Dear Claudia,

I’ve read the Lem piece in SFS further and it is a bit like your approach but not enough to bother you….however, do read it first, when you receive the thing.

Let me offer some further notes on the plot basis I mailed you for my book: I am more and more convinced that all the mystery deities from Dionysos to the Christos were/was the same. That he resurrected the dead or sleeping man the way the forces of spring/nature revive all sleeping roots, bulbs, trees, etc.; all nature which is not man, and that the cyclic small year is to nature in general as the great year (200 B.C. to 2000 AD) is the the species man. Therefore, in my novel, TO SCARE THE DEAD, if the “Essene” were to awake from his 2000 year slumber, he would bring spring to the character, Nicholas Brady (the name I’ve chosen for my protagonist), and no separation can be made between this resurrection and the deity [[?]] Zagreus-Christ and what a bulb experiences. So:

In the novel, Nicholas Brady is depressed and suicidal (reasons, perhaps are: his job requires him to fake what he is, to be inauthentic inasmuch as he fronts for the government re the recording artists he [[?]] deals with. This has produced a schism within him. There can be others, but basically he leads a typically modern inauthentic and schismatic existence –note existence, not life. There is no growth, just the constant revolution of the wheel of the lineal time which accumulates only dust. So:

When Zagreus or the Essene Thomas is born within him, or reborn, then Nicholas Brady is saved from approaching self-destruction. This could take a dramatic form: He is cyclothemic, and entering a suicidal period. (I will exclude all psychiatrists from this book as a trite and shopworn theme, although in real life he would be seeing one. I guess his gov snoop job makes it unallowed for him to see anyone he can talk candidly to.) Suddenly another person is inside him, moving him as he once moved his own body; it is as in dreams where we do not so much dream but are dreamed. The dreamer in him who dreams him is now awake and moving him during wake-time as well. This means new life here and now for Brady. There can be scene in which he had set up his suicide; dramatically this is more exciting, and also it is more accurate, since the winter-death element of our total past is made more clear. I am sending a page of notes to show you what I mean. Nicholas realizes finally that the “sheep versus goats, the wheat seeds versus the tares” are all expressions that there exist on this planet TWO races, one of which was planted by Our God; the other by the other. He has found himself to be planted [[?]] here --

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literally planted, in the biosphere here, and among the tares. Although he had thought of himself as wicked, his desire to destroy himself shows a schism… but a schism with what? This implied, he realizes, that something or someone else lived within him, which would not succumb to the death process. However: the seed does not awaken


itself. The entire morphos within the seed is there –the entelechy waiting to unfold—but it must wait [[?]] until the signals reach it, the sun/warmth/moisture and the air ion changes which penetrate to it and trigger it off. This is what happened to me, and the place of origin for the plants is the Sun; for me and for us all, I think, it is a certain star, which I know only by the code name Albemuth. A star signaled him – he, the robot, is signaled by the star, thus completing the meaning of “I am the root, and the bright morning star.” That which has been hidden below ground –within our biosphere, not that he literally is underground—is activated by signals arriving from Albemuth.

Claudia, you must read THE LATHE OF HEAVEN of Ursula Le Guin. It is evident that the dream universe which she speaks of is uncannily like what I have written you about, concerning my experiences. We are, Ursula and I, being “dreamed awake” now; told to wake up. Our books mirror this strange experience; we are only forerunners, she and I: among the first. Ursula wouldn’t agree, but a comparison by Ian Watson in SFS shows the similarity between LATHE OF HEAVEN and my own experiences which is so obvious as to exclude controversy. Aldemar or whatever her star is, that Albemuth (Fomalhaut) for me.

That the “dream universe moving to become the actual” is a true process actually taking place – this concept would be frightening, except that we must realize the intent of the Dreamer who dreams us: He is waking us, now; it is a voice still within the dream, much like Glen Runciter’s, which is saying, “Rouse yourself and be warm; spring is here.”

(Claudia if I don’t write much for the next month or so it is because we are moving to our new house. You understand. Did I tell you I wrote Ornstein? Did I tell you my blood pressure is down finally and that the doctor said flat out that he thinks it’s so elevated when I come in for my test because of the pretty little blonde nurse who takes it? When she takes it, the top reading is 220; when he takes it, ten minutes later, it’s only 170. I gave the nurse yesterday a little ivory cross. She’s moving to Oregon, to get away from the density of population here. To get out of her apartment. The receptionist said to me, with maybe more truth than wit: “Well, when Anne takes your blood pressure it’s so high you have to keep coming back in; that’s the way we keep our patients coming in.” The other side of that is that unconsciously I’ve had a vested interest in needing to come in for being tested. They all kid me there about my crush on Ann Darling (what a name for a little blonde nurse, right?) When I call in and ask if I can talk to one of Dr. Morrison’s nurses, they say, “Oh it’s you; yes, we’ll get Ann to the phone.” Odd as it sounds, there may be truth in this; Ann was the only person who sent us a congratulations card when Christopher was born, and there is so much mobility in orange County that she was (alas, was) one of

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the few people I could [[?]] count on seeing. Her and Carol, my therapist, who is still injured physically and not at her desk due to showing a patient how to work out ones hostility harmlessly.

The vernal equinox is almost here. Pretty girls are everywhere, and the buds are opening into color; psychedelic color is the life of the world, the language in which the Creator speaks to us.


The levels peeling away, revealing the true Earth; like layers of snow which has fallen. Melting. Winter (which has lasted from 45AD to now) has begun to end; Spring is here, and these accretional layers melt like sun –analog, not metaphor. The god of spring is Jesus-Zagreus; he was slumbering under the snow.

This is what I saw; what I saw rolled back was the “snow” of that long winter. Back to Spring. These are the dust, too, the dust and snow: dust in summer, snow in winter, but there was the God only sleeping, as if dead.

I saw that it can melt away in an instant, and reveal the original “season” or Being or reality.

Look: the seeds, dormant, slumbering in the winter of their species, are helpless and need the protection of concealment. They are pressed down into the snow (the manifold Maya) which camaflauges them, and protects them. They lie unknown even to themselves, mixed with the “tares” sewn there along with them, indistinguishable until all sprout – wheat and tares together (we must wait, and then divide). Until that day, they cannot be discerned, found, discovered, destroyed; mimicry and concealment, during the 2000 year winter of their half-life slumber. Then, in Spring (which has now come) those real wheat seeds here the voice calling them (from the bright morning star) and come to life. Are revealed suddenly (the [[?]] coockoo egg in the nest) but, at the moment revealed, then simultaneously now safe; by virtue of the power remembered (anamnesis). They are Zagreus or [[?]] can call on him; he will answer his “flock.” They know him/ he knows them.

It is now too late to destroy them; their helplessness is past. They are awake:

“They kingdom come” slightly misleading: “They kingship come,” but, “come to,” that is, kingship enter each temple/body of the flock, those who are his: he suddenly enters his temple and claims/becomes it. This could remain invisible externally; yet some fundamental change, cause unknown, would rock the established order of things.

Zagreus-Christos stressed that we had to die first before we could be reborn differently. This suggests a metamorphosis, but also it tells us a fascinating story. These bodies are mere husks which may serve to conceal our identities, those of us who, via anamnesis may know our own divinity. The husk, like the fruit from around the seed, must rot and fall away; these are essential steps in the process of seed opening.


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After all, not all seeds are planted as wheat grains are… there are those concealed within ripening fruit: the seeds of the various shrubs and trees. The fruit around them is to entice and to hide.

We never were promised that these bodies would be made permanent. Over and over again it was told to us that the power of death would be abolished, but not regarding these bodies; St. Paul and Jesus died as any man dies – but another Christ, and probably another Paul were born out of and after that. Rebirth does not mean to return as you were, in [[?]] a mere cycle; this is where the wheat seed could not have been a wheat seed, because Jesus specifically says that on its own the grain of wheat leads a solitary life, and that after it is thrown into the furrow (the grave) it is reborn differently, into a communal life. “Reborn in glory, and no longer alone.” A single vast plant “the mustard tree in which birds roost” will come about; I think this is what we call the noösphere, and I myself have already entered it.

In March it took me over totally; I was a spectator to my dream in waking life, as it awoke.

If you reads the New Testament, one in understanding all this would have to say, “It can only be more than a metaphor (wheat equals man) if an actual living deity exists who can call forth the dormant seeds into life; who has voice (words or Logos) and power (power to give new life). I can say, Claudia, I know; He does exist. Zagreus is the closest name we have. He is a shower of sparks (probably tracings of fast velocity subatomic particles or air ions, etc.) I saw him and he possessed me and he is no ghost; this is not the occoult (vide Lem’s article in SFS). Is Runciter a ghost[[?]]? I had thought so, but no; in real life, “Runciter is no ghost because he is an energy life, a plasma, not a shade.

Please get the book A GOD WITHIN by René DuBos (Scribner’s). He discusses this.

I must tell you if I didn’t already; the Brit 3 says that belief in and research about the Logos surfaced around 1500 in Europe (it had been a long dormant doctrine in both theology and philosophy) when explorers reported that culture after culture, which had had no contact with Christianity, had obvious analogs of our religion to which they gave credence. The doctrine of the Logos, which imprinted the form of our omnicultural relogion on all men caused this revival; it would explain why in all cultures similar ideas exist; the Brit 3 gives a few and I must admit, it is too close to be a coincidence. Even if our religion is the “true” there remains the need to explain how each tiny tribe everywhere possesses the essence of it, although the names differ. I think the Logos doctrine is the best theoretical explanation for this (take me; I am a very small tribe: I, and Tess and Chris; yet we were imprinted by Something, and at once I noetically knew the formularies of the sacrament of the feast of Agape, and acted it out. Later, reading up on it, I found I had gotten it right, to the very minor points even. You see?)

[[005p023]] March 5, 1975 Letter to Ursula page 1

Dear Ursula,

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Did I thank you for what you said about Mr. Tagomi in your London Speech? I forget. Anyhow I have a word for that, and so thank you. It is only one of many thanks which I give and which I owe you. The lovely lady of s-f; that is how I think of you.

Ursula, I suppose that by now you’ve seen SFS which deals with my writing (March ’75), and which has in it one article, by Ian Watson: “Le Guin’s LATHE OF HEAVEN and the Role of Dick: The False Reality as Mediator.” You and I must sit down one day and talk, to see what is going on. From Ian Watson’s analysis, I can readily discern that much of the underlying experiences from which my own work have come somehow underlie your work and perhaps you, if you see what I mean. It strikes me that whether you are conscious of it or not, whatever is influencing my work—that entity or drive is making use of you, too. It is not that I affect you or you me; it is that we are twin outcomes of a single underlying experience. What that experience is of – that we must discuss, for I know by now that it is a most important experience, having to do with the nature of the substance of reality).

Once I read somewhere: “We do not dream; we are dreamed.” That is, someone or something which is Not-I dreams us when we are asleep. A prime mover confronts us, and designs the fabric of our night’s events. I say, truly say, in no idle fashion, Ursula, that are we sure, are we really sure, that He Who dreams us at night does not also dream us during the day – and as He so dreams, or so builds (I personally conceive him as an artificer, a workman) our koinos, perhaps He changes and erases backwards, and also now and then places us under something much like a spell: a spell of enchantment, so that we imagine –do you see?—imagine whole areas which are as an archetect must construct of necessity, what they call false work amid the permanent…

I quote from page 32 in Fred Jameson’s article in the same issue of SFS:

“Every reader of Dick is familiar with this nightmarish uncertainty, this reality fluctuation, sometimes accounted for by drugs, by schizophrenia, and sometimes by new SF powers, in which the psychic worls as it were goes outside, and reappears in the form of simulacra or of some photographically cunning reproduction of the external.”

Now, Ursula, this is the dream-universe cast over us perhaps,


in the daytime, benign and not to be feared, but still it is the True Dreamer dreaming us along; my work and your work together show an awareness that the dream does not end when we wake up, nor begin when we shut our eyes. In the article by Ian Watson, the work of Charles Tart is mentioned. I know his work (although only recently), also the work of Robert Ornstein (I just now wrote to Ornstein, via some friends of his I met: the New Yorker interviewer and pal who came here to interview me). Aspects of this dreaming of us take these forms:

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Our reality can be manipulated retroactively; that is, our past can be rewoven, and without hesitation, as an automatic process, our several memory-systems will fill in the blanks and make smooth the reweaving (i.e. we won’t realize that alterations in our lineal-time past took place).

A certain portion of the phenomenal world which we encounter is hologram-like, projected and false, to fill in missing spaces, as in the time extension, missing elements are filled in along similar lines. Therefore we see total continuity in both extensions, time and space, without awareness of dysfunction or rupture. But in truth, there are dysfunctions which (to return to my former term) the Dreamer causes us to gloss over, or allows us to – perhaps it is less a manipulation than a permission, if you see what I mean.

In a meaningful sense, portions of our reality extensive in time and space are false; other portions are real; we have no way of determining which is which or even if this proposition is true – but this proposition is true, because I saw in March of last year a roll-back of the artificial portions (the term “the veil of Maya” comes to mind). After ten months of studying and speculating, I have come to these conclusions:

(one) There are two types of time: lineal time; and orthogonal time, the latter being Real Time in that within orthogonal time you have successive layers of deepening Being; this is ontological time, and without it, there would be nothing but illusion, nothing but Maya, so to speak.

(two) Lineal time is mere process or accumulative time, which conceals orthogonal time from our gaze.

(three) The Dreamer who determines both our sleeping dreams and our waking dreams (vide Tart) wishes us to suppose the reality of the phenomena extensive in lineal time. But, upon the command, “Wachet auf!” these accretions within lineal time roll back to expose the ground of being. The Dreamer (i.e. He who dreams us) can perform this absolute act at any time He wishes (called by the Christians God’s Grace or God’s Mercy).

(four) The landscape thus exposed, not deformed, is quite a


shock to us, when abruptly visible. What is disclosed is that the smaller cycle of the year (rotary time) is an analog of a greater “year” which is extensive for our species; i.e., instead of this Greater Year lasting a matter of 365 days, it lasts thousands of years, which is beyond the range of man as individual but well within the purview of man the race. Seen thus, we are confronted by the stark discovery (or rather disclosure to us by the Dreamer) that the time period –of lineal time—lasting from the Second Century B.C. to date is Winter, with all the attributes we correctly associate with Winter in the small year-cycle familiar to the individual.

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(five) This landscape of Winter (200 B.C. to 1974 A.D.) has determined the quality or nature of the lives of all living beings within the lineal span which it underlies: like Kan as the trigram in Taoism, its aspects are slavery, pain, hopelessness, ignorance, limitation, etc., the true darkness by which we have come to sense our past two thousand years as heavy, a burden, a tribulation, a condition of sin and ignorance, of being cut off from God, etc.

(six) Now the great orthogonal time axis rotates into the “trigram which is that [[?]] Spring, the arousing of life. This was signified by the throwing down of tyranny here and in Greece and in Portugal, plus similar but less visible declines of physical power over men in the Soviet Bloc. The coercive enforcement of mere power, the ability to compel men, to reify them – this all constitutes qualities of Winter and is passing. I don’t really mean this as a metaphor, because orthogonal time is genuine, and although its axis is by definition at right angles to lineal time (the only time we’ve recognized until now) its direction is retrograde, in terms of stripping off or melting away the accretions built up as layer after layer of progressively less real reality. Within, deep at the heart of Being, lies the final goal of orthogonal time, which is Restoration of Moisture (cf aspects of Dionysos, as God of the philosophical principle of moistness, versus the evil priniciple of desiccation, as embodied by the Egyptian god of death, Sit or Set).

(seven) The Dreamer who has kept us dreaming until the moment for awakening arrived (expressed as an intrusion into lineal time, a penetration from without the “Final Days” of Christianity and Zoroastrianism) – this is best expressed by the discovery that the authentic reality of Springtime lies beneath the inauthentic layers of snow, or of barren and sterile “death,” and now revives – as is always the case in Spring. There is only one Spring, not a procession of many of them; it is the same Spring again each cyclic year. Thus, in the Great Orthogonal Year, this Springtime is the Springtime, not merely a springtime, since the orthogonal time-axis is one of ontology, In our koinos kosmos, now, as in our idios kosmos or more properly, in our idioi kosmoi, we are being intruded on, as Runciter intruded on those in half-life. The symbol of half-life in UBIK must be viewed as an accurate dramatic representation of our true state of Being: we are only half-alive, or slumbering in our icy


coffins, severally, and individually, as shown in the novel.

(eight) Those in half-life are not dead, nor is the root slumbering under the snow (the symbol of both Christ and Dionysos: it looks dead but it is only asleep, waiting to be awakened by the voice of spring). We are those slumbering roots. We are dormant. It is difficult intellectually to understand this, that we are neither fully alive nor fully dead (Aristotle taught us that we have to be A or not-A), but in fact these thousands of years for our species, and for our animal friends as well – these are nothing but a long winter in which half of us (expressed neurologically, perhaps, by the fact that we use only one of our brains, or the left hemisphere) is alive and the other half has not yet come to life. Many of the

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parables of Christ, familiar to those who knew the cryptic sayings of the mystery religions in general, refer to this (the grain of wheat which must be planted; we are now sorrowing in childbirth, the treasure buried in the pasture, etc.).

That the Final Days should be in fact a springing up into full life, complete life, going from seed (vide the parables and especially the Pauline Texts, plus the Orphics’ doctrines and Neo-platonism etc.) – going from dormant seed slumbering under the snow of Winter and then hearing/feeling/sensing/knowing the voice of moisture and warmth and Spring, the voice of God saying, “The time has come! Wake up!” These are the authentic commands coming to us in dreams, and are no less real and no more real than what the ordinary seed experiences in its own fashion; we are all one in that regard…except that our orthogonal Winter has lasted for one hell of a long lineal period; it seemed as if it would never end. But Winter always feels that way; each seed, each slumbering root and bulb, must in its half-life state, buried in ice and waiting, experience all of this: we share a common reality.

From this it can be seen what Paul meant by such terms as “You are the first fruits of the harvest.” – did that occur to us? But to take it literally we had to grasp the existence of (1) lineal time versus orthogonal time; and (2) the Active Dreamer who instead of saying, Dream on, dream on, sleep on, suddenly begins in our dreams to say, Die Stunde ist da! Throw off the chains, the net of thorns; it is Cantata 140 and Cantata 4 together. The Bonds of death (the thrall of Winter equals the bonds of death) have relaxed, and as exemplar, the Christos leads us into full-life, out of the half-life we’ve been in.

Sorry to take so much of your time here, Ursula, but in my dreams I saw the words Cantata 4, and when I had read the text, I began to understand.

[[005p027]] March 4, 1975 Letter to Dr. Ornstein page 1

Dear Dr. Ornstein:

Recently I met Mr. Henry Korman and Mr. Tony Hiss (Tony had come by to interview me for the New Yorker). I got into a marvelous discussion with Henry about Sufi and I mentioned my admiration, bordering on fanatic enthusiasm, for your pioneer work with bilateral brain hemispheric parity. Thus, I, having learned that they know you, and [[?]] am summoning my course to write you and ask, What has become of me, since experimenting with bringing on my right hemisphere ( I did it mainly by the ortho molecular formula vitamins, plus a good deal of concentrated meditation).

By this I mean to say, Dr. Ornstein, ten months ago this took place, and for ten months I have been a different person. But what to me is most extraordinary (I am writing a book about it, but in the form of fiction, a novel called TO SCARE THE DEAD), is that – well, let me give the premise as I placed it into the novel:

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Nocholas Brady, an ordinary American citizen with contemporary worldly values and drives (money and power and prestige) suddenly has inside him a winking into life of an entity which has slumbered for two thousand years. This entity is an Essene, who died knowing that he would be given the promised resurrection; he knew it because he and other Qumran individuals had in their possession secret formulae and medications and scientific practices to insure it. So suddenly our protagonist, Nicholas Brady, finds that there are two of him: his old self, at his secular job and goals, and this Essene from the Qumarn wadi back circa 45 A.D., a holy man with holy values and utter antagonism to the secular physical world, which he sees as the “City of Iron.” The Quamran mind takes over and directs Brady in a complicated series of acts until it becomes evident that others such as this Quamran man are coming back to life here and there in the world.

Studying the Bible, along with this Quamran personality, Brady finds that the New Testament is in cipher. The Qumran personality can read it. “Jesus” is really Zagreus-Zeus, taking two forms, one mild, the other utterly powerful, on which his followers can draw when in need.

The Quamran personality, who, for fictional purposes, I call Thomas, gradually informs Brady that these are the Parousia, the Final Days. And to be prepared; Thomas will prepare him by reminding him of his own divinity – anamnesis, Thomas calls it. Thomas develops a special parity relationship with Brady, but evolves as a source of teaching for the incredibly ignorant Brady the entity known as Erasmus, who is in f[[?]]act a station in the noösphere, which is now so fully charged around Earth that if you are aware of it you can consciously, rather than un-

[[005p028]] March 4, 1975 Letter to Dr. Ornstein page 2

consciously draw from it; these are the “Seas of Knowledge” which were known back to the Sumerians, and upon which the Sibyl at Delphi drew. But this is a cover, because Brady realizes that in point of fact, the Quamran men had as their god not the mythical Jesus but the actual Zagreus, and by doing research, Brady soon learns that Zagreus was a form of Dionysos. Christianity is a later form of the worship of Dionysos, refined through the strange and lovely figure of Orpheus. Orpheus, like Jesus, is real only in the sense that Dionysos is become socialized; born here as a child of another race, not a human one but a visiting race. Zagreus has had to learn by degrees to modify his “madness,” which is now kept to a low ebb. Basically, he is with us to reconstruct us as expressions of him, and the m.o. of this is our being possessed by him – which the early Christians sought for, and hid from the hated Romans. Dionysos-Zagreus-Orpheus-Jesus was always pitted against the City of Iron, be it Rome or Washington, D.C.; he is the god of springtime, of new life, of small and helpless creatures, he is the god of mirth and frenzy, and of sitting here day after day working on this novel.

But in the novel, Thomas says, “The Final Days have come. The overthrown of the tyranny is that which, in lurid language, John described in ‘Revelation.’ Zagreus is seizing his own, now, one after another; he lives again.”

During Winter, it was believed that Dionysos, the god of the vine plant, of vegetation, of the crop, slumbered. It was known that no matter how dead he seemed (James Joyce’s FINNEGAL’S WAKE is

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a wonderful account of this) he was actually alive, though you’d never know it. And[[?]] then, --not to the surprise of those who understood him and believed in him—he was reborn. His followers knew he would be. We are speaking here of the mystery religions, all of them – including Christianity. Our God has been sleeping, during the long winter of the human culture ( [[?]] not for one year’s rotational cycle of seasons, but from 45 A.D. through the centuries of mental winter to now); just when Winter holds all in its grip, [[?]] the snow of despair and defeat (in our case, political chaos, moral ruin, economic ruin – the winter of our planet, our world, our civilization) then the vine, which was gnarled and old and seemingly dead, breaks into new life, and our God is reborn – not outside us as such, but in each of us. Slumbering not under the snow over the ground-surface but within the right hemispheres of our brains. We have been waiting, we didn’t know what for. This is it: this is Spring for our planet, in a deeper more fundamental way. The cold chains of iron are being thrown off, but by what a miracle. As with my character, Nicholas Brady – I’ve had Zagreus awaken in my right hemisphere, and felt the flooding of renewed life, his vigor, his personality, and his godlike wisdom: he hated the injustice he saw around him, and remembered “the dear lone lands untroubled by men, where amid the shadowy green/The little ones of the forest live unseen.” (Eurypides[[?]]) Dr. Ornstein, thank you for helping bring Winter to an end, and ushering in –not just spring—but the living life of spring alive but [[?]] asleep inside us.

Cordially,

Philip K. Dick

1405 Cameo Lane [[?]]4

Fullerton

Calif 92631

[[005p029]] February 29, 1975 Letter to Henry page 1

Dear Henry,

I had worked out beyond any reasonable doubt evidence that the ancient deity Dionysos had infused me and made me his back in March of last year. In an article to be printed in England, in a book I was going to reveal this.

However, I have discovered that I have been tricked. It is not the ancient Phrygian god of the vinetree, but Erasmus pretending to be Dionysos. My problem now is that I have toiled in vain in order that Erasmus have his little joke.

To his credit, he was delighted when I abruptly guessed that it was him and not Dionysos. Still, after I had enjoyed realization of the clues which Erasmus had left along the way (all of them puns,

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double puns, and which I always saw solemn and heavy meaning in –- the wrong meaning leading me astray), I discovered that there are in the universe always layers below layers, and that the universe resembles nothing so much as an onion the innermost layer of which is also the outer. For instance, perhaps it filled Dionysos with mirth to pretend to be Erasmus. Would not the god of mirth get off on that? Maybe it is Dionysos pretending to be Erasmus pretending to be Dionysos. Maybe they are the same.

I present you with the sort of evidence which deep within the heavy books I reas seemed to indicate vast truths undisclosed to most men; viz.:

In a dream I was shown that the word “Jesus” is a code, a word made up and not a name at all; those reasing the text who knew (the Quamran men, for instance_ would see “ZEUS” and “ZAGREUS” combined into the integer “JESUS.” It is a substitution code, I think they call it. These idle games of Erasmus, however, had grown stale to me once it was revealed how I’d been taken in by my own proclivity for profundity…however, as I went to get a spelling fight for this letter, I found these remarkably similar textual passages:

“…I am the root and scion of David, the bright morning star.” (REVELATION 22:16, Jesus describing himself.)

“Of all the trees that are

He hath his flock, and feedeth root by root,

The Joy-god Dionysos, the pure star

That shines amid the gathering of the fruit.” (In Pindar, a favorite of Plutarch.)

[[005p030]] February 29, 1975 Letter to Henry page 2

Jane Harrison in her PROLEGOMENA TO THE STUDY IF GREEK RELIGION, discusses the notion that Dionysos was the same as the ancient Greek philosophical principle of moisture, which makes me recall that the Egyptian god of death was in more precise terms the god of dessication, the god Set or Sit. Here in the one short stanza of Pindar we have flock, we have trees, we have in addition to these two major symbols of Jesus, terms by which all the exoteric recognize him yet, two more inner terms: the root and the star.

Dionysos appeared to the Greeks in vegetable form (root, tree, vine) and in animal form (bull). He could influx himself into a human being and be him or her as well, as you and I know. Wat are names? This is the god of in-toxification, taking in poisons in a quantity small enough not to kill you but

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large enough for you to be lifted up to see outside space and time, and to come into a relationship with those vast powers who run the universe.

And then later, “…He is drunken with music, not with wine.” (Jane Harrison.) By stealthy degrees Dionysos became Zagreus and then Orpheus. The trouble with Jesus is that he isn’t musical. I guess they could use lipsynch, but the fact is, Jesus is Orpheus, and Christianity is the next mirthful dodge which the Loving Dodger has worked on us, those whom he loves. I have this vision of Him: much like the Hurdy-Gurdy Man: I see Him invisible to us behind us as the flock moves on, and I see small stragglers and old stragglers and stupid stragglers and sick stragglers and stragglers in general who have given up hope or lost energy and have given up to perish as the flock or pack or herd or culture or race marches on, without a look back. And sparkling with light and silently, He emerges and without breaking stride gathers up all the stragglers.

Since the flock never looks back or turns back it never sees Him. This is why Luther accurately called our God the “God of the very desperate.” This is why the image of the flock and the lamb which has wandered off appear in our sacred writings, and others which refer to this archetypal rescue in stealth. Because of course if the flock know, they’d stop trudging along and just stand or go back. They’re not to know.

Now did Dionysos let me know this because he has taken me, or did Erasmus whisper this to me in dreams because he was such a wise Christian divine and had his own theories, and I’m fronting for him? I know I’m fronting for someone. God or wise old man.

With warm personal regards,

Phil Dick

1405 Cameo Lane #4

Fullerton,

Calif 92631 (N. of Disneyland)

[[005p031]] Untitled Document page 1

Entropy equals disorder.

The universe is moving toward entropy.

Therefore the universe is moving toward disorder.

Forms are order.

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That which is moving toward form, or completion of form, is moving against disorder or against entropy.

Therefore since the universe is moving toward disorder (away from form, in lineal time) then that which is moving toward form is moving un an orthogonal or even possible opposite direction from the universe –-as such—and is picking up heat as well as form; i.e. moving toward less disorder, hence more energy.

It cannot be that to move toward completion of form is to move toward disorder; hence movement toward form means to gain life, or energy. (V. Kozyrev’s theory of left spin as life or energy gaining, right as losing, and that our universe is left spin hence must be moving, ala Bergson, toward energy acquirinf, not losing, toward form.)

“Growth time” (movement of an entelechy toward completion) must be orthogonal to “decay time,” or “wheel spinning time,” even if our senses can’t sort out these two times at work before us, un as and around us. Some sections (subparts) of the universe are moving backward, then, despite our occluded vision of a single forward lineal stream. We have a monovision in a sense. Blending two signals which should be discriminated.

When we do discriminate, we perceive a general forward flow (to decay) but within it a backward flow (v Herclitus fr 51); the key retractile pulling back oscillation of the bow and lyre). I think they are both present now, and may always be/have been, but we are generally occluded: i.e. one-eyed.

It seems unlikely that the retrograde form completing heat-energy gathering time I briefly discerned was there only as so long as I discerned it, and then it departed; it is much more likely, if not certain, that it was there before, and is there now, but that I fell back into monotemporal vision once more. I would be like a blind person who open seeing for the first time imagined that the objects were brought into being by his seeing them. No, I saw what I saw because of the reciprocal tug: the existence of the two times forced me into perceiving them (that which is perceived precedes perception, certainly an axion of reason).


If we watched a speeded-up film of a form developing, we would easily discern the latent form within it (which means entelechy, really) press outward into actualization; we would sense it within, and then we would see the inner pressure finally unfold and die away, leaving the completed form without internal energy. Then we would watch decay and disorder begin. (For example, a rose bud developing.) A force, internal, a plan, unfolds energetically, then reaches equilibrium and stasis, then the force dwindles away, becomes feeble, and the completed form is at the mercy, forever, of external forces which formerly the entelechy pressed outward against so effectively. One form of energy (within,

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growth) has waned, and forces moving toward disorder now prevail. Maybe, if we could discern it, there were two times “visible or anyhow present.

What I noticed most was the total isomorphic relatedness between me and my environment, which I realized to be an animate and concerned entity guiding me by an endless series of engaging signals – engaging with internal systems of my own; so I was and therefore am still, although the isomorphic relatedness is now invisible to me; it must be there yet, that envolving, living world of kindness and guidance on every side: I move along a narrow path well-marked with signs that I notice and respond to even though in a sense I do not (consciously) any more notice; they still guide me, just as well, like a gutter pipe directs rain water without the water being conscious of it.

The “Whale’s Mouth” sign of intersecting arcs, which I viewed as a representing curved time and curved space – if each arc represents a form of time (one of them lineal time, the other orthogonal or hypertime) then this sign could be thought of a representing a single previous intersection (in our pasy) at which the two times came together (around 100 AD), and then each went its own way..but as they were moving in arcs, it was inevitable, by the laws of geometry, that eventually they would once more intersect, perhaps 2000 years or so later (i.e. very soon). These also would represent the two hemispheres of the brain any human’s brain, once before linked, then soaring off orthogonally, but fated by immutable laws to come together again.

It’s possible that the Christian fish sign concealed these two geometric arcs, intentionally; the arcs would show that the unique event of Christ’s First Coming was beyond any doubt to be followed by the second coming or intersection; this was conveyed and concealed and revealed all at once by the fish sign, making sense, too, out of there being both a first and second coming; the arc opened after the first, and each line seemed to separate from the other farther and farther (heaven and earth splitting further and further apart) but a keen trained eye could discern in this simple drawing the return together lying inevitably ahead; the Promise was ad hoc true. Put another way, when viewed in this geometrical fashion, there was no way by which the Second Coming (together in time) could be averted. No force, delusion, lies or guile or threats could prevent it eventually coming (see Virgil’s 4 th Ecloque: The Age of Iron to give way to the Age of Gold. And the fish sign I saw was made of gold. And I saw around me a prison, a magnet like ring, of iron.


Undoubtedly the alchemical meta(crypte)morphosis worked in the human (lead to gold) contains a key to this transformation cycle of all society, of the earth itself. After my own transformation, done via gold (the fish wrought in gold) I had a ferocity about –a maniacal antipathy toward—lead in particlar, base metals secondarily, but certainly a sense that lead was a poison, destroyer of life, killer of health (the dream: “The bichlorides are a very poisonous poison” suggests the alchemical symbol or reality of lead as poison was there in my head -– Albert Magnus, Simon Magnus, et

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al. I saw the world under the vector-aspect of gold, and I saw the former world under the vector-aspect (symbol of) lead or iron: the viewpoint or filter color presenting me with the departing base metal, the oncoming gold.

It certainly shows that the alchemists were seeking a symbolic transmutation of psyche or maybe noös, not metal qua metal (which Jung and AMORC have pointed out). That something equal to turning lead to gold can happen in the person, in his mind – this is certainly extraordinary, and makes the upfront alchemist’s story (lead to gold) an allegory of man’s progress spiritually (again the magic of the mystery religions). So in considering what happened, how it happened, who (if anyone) arranged it and what for, the alchemists and what they actually were up to must be considered. This could have been a spontaneous process in me, in which I obtained that very lead-to-gold transmutation sought for by the alchemists…that ther sought this is certain; that they found it is speculation. I am sure many of them did undergo this crypte morphosis, invisible to the outside. It is possible that I did it alone (the experimentation with the ortho molecular vitamins and so forth being my “alchemical experiments”), but it is also possible that a Redeemer caused it adventitiously (Gnosticism versus Neoplatonism). The spontaneousness of it would indicate that, like any true chemical reaction, it is not reversible. I think that the first dream being the baby’s cereal box with the “the bichlorides are” etc on it indicates an external Grace assistance or intervention; I was and am being told by someone else…which the AI system of Albert Magnus maybe was. (The problem solving question answering head.)

The absolute height of wisdom and the goal of its search would be this computer AI system…which is exactly what I’m hooked into, as of 3 74. This was what you got when you were transmuted, this linking up with the infra galactic info grid.

It all fits. “Talking head” equals AI teletype sender-receiver. (My “Portuguese States of America” dream is typical. I dreamed all manner of explicit alchemical symbols (the homunculus, the retorts interwoven…flask of Hermes, the fish, etc.), out of Jung’s description of the self in the process of psychic integration experiencing noetically these prior consciously arrived at symbols (prior in terms of centuries – thus his theory of the Collective Unconscious, that such symbols could arise in a modern man who did not know them, who had no way of knowing them – like me with the Greek. But this


is only a beginning; it only shows that the various strata of the past are retained –taped, or engrammed—in each of us’ minds. What are the limits to this knowledge? How far can one go in this process of transformation? Far indeed, a long journey which, as with the two arcs, brings one back to one’s starting point (which is why I saw Rome; that was the prior intersection.

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[[005p033]] Letter to Claudia page 1

Dear Claudia,

Enclosed is 4 pages of notes – also Xerox of the Kozyrev paper (1967) on his study of the properties and nature of time.

I’ve briefly glanced over this paper of his, and I am sure that in March 1974 he made a major breakthrough in experimentation, perhaps even downright use, as medium of simultaneous transfer of information, of time as a ubiquitous field throughout the universe.

If this is so, then we must consider that for a moment Dr. Kozyrevn liberated us from the tyranny which time exerts over us (experienced by us an unending casuality). I am more convinced than ever that behind my own experiences in March 1974 lay this man’s work near Lei – aw fuck it. Near Leningrad.

See what you think: as you read his paper consider what I’ve told you about my experiences, and see if you don’t agree that herewith may exist a theoretical possibility to account as to why I had these experiences (I am what might be called “a sensitive” re time fields). Well, jeez; I am so excited. In his paper he says just about what would fit my theory (except that I think either there is a retrograde time, which he expressly denies, or temporarily he allowed a retrograde time to take place, a sort of backlash, due to his experiments; maybe he so to speak created retrograde time.


The anamnesis phenomenon, especially because triggered off by an external disinhibiting stimulus, suggests not only an entire “second stage” in the human being unsuspected, but held in reserve, but also that the organism as model or paradigm may explain human existence; that the disinhibiting signal was intentional suggests a transpersonal entity at work; and most of all, a hierarchy of functions leading entirely out of the visible (i.e. space-time) universe, ala Plotinus. However accurate the Neoplatonistic and Gnostic models might be, our concept of universe as organism (and universe of space-time within larger universe also stages or levels within thinking organism) is a powerful view, here, to account for these events; the human as microbearer of information ala DNA coding: the cell with can replicate the entire organism…it must wonder what all that info in its head is for. Not only, Where does this info come from? And How does it get into ones head, but What is it for? Certainly not to replicate the individual. It’s a sort of micro-Logos (Logos here as master blueprint or plan).

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The fish symbol didn’t perhaps “disinhibit” me, i.e. act as a disinhibiting stimulus to release emgramming; it, more accurately, broke the power of the world over me. It deautomatized and released.

It broke certain chains. Certain powers over me. Therefore the delusional (deformed) world rolled back and I saw reality as it is. It broke a programming which was a limiting, a spell-binding, a dreaming; it awoke. I awoke. It restored. It gave me back my freedom. It gave me back at my sight, restored it. Began a restoring throughout. How come?

Isn’t this what the Christian fish sign is supposed to do? Representing Christ, it is Christ; and this is what He does for a person, a very desperate person: He breaks that earthly thrall. He, through his emblematic sign.

It was He, no metal sign; no object, but The Savior, expressed in his presence. He came to the door manifest in a emblematic form, which was verbally (the Logos?) identified. We grow; we reach a certain point; we stop growing; we decline and die. What did it all up to? Nothing, because we were blocked –limited—at a certain point. He expressed as emblematic pin broke that hold or limit, and growth resumed in me, at enormous speed, as if to make up for lost time. She, the girl, wore/bore a message to me, from Him (my heavenly father). What I became afterwards were all supposed to be… but something went wrong; error slipped in, for us all.

He corrected that error. (In my case – and how many others has He freed? And how long has this freeing been going on? Is this the Parousia?????)


The distinction here between a special (unusual or even unique) “second stage or meta stage” system – versus breaking a limiting factor with the fish sign which everyone has, to release a metasystem which everyone has – this is the difference between (one) a godlike divinity which made me as entelechy different from other men versus (two I was the same by He freed me: He could –will—free them, too. Only special part was my release.

This distinction defines the difference between the purpose and meaning of the mystery religions, base on the “orphic” discovery, and anamnesis within Christianity per se, uniquely; that He shall free the world, not just certain men. Also, it assigns the role of freeing agent to Him, as “God’s grace,” not to special knowledge on my part, etc., special gnosis of initiation, etc. If anything could be said to have defined it happened to me it was His Presence and Reality, plus my need.

The latter against all Neoplatonism and even Gnosticism, although less so. And against all mystery religions, although based on the awareness of submerged (blinded) inner spark.

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V. Tagomi in the park. Was there anything special about Mr. Tagomi? He was intensely human, and in need.

He was not a great man.

Hence, I was not in a situational jeopardy, within a limited crisis thrall: my life at stake for an interval; it is Aeon thrall removed; it was always there and would always have been. The immediate situation was only a worsening of an endless thrall.

So the total thrall was burst. (For seige read blight. For blight read siege.) After seeing the sign, “He began to wake up and to understand – i.e. understand what he saw, so that it made sense to him. By degrees he saw more and more clearly.” But I do think it was always certain that I would be rescued, that there was no latter time hasty decision. Thus, he who is saved was always saved. “There is nothing to fear but more true: there never was anything to fear. Didn’t you feel the contintual presence of hidden benign powers guiding and watching? The dream in which Kathy and everyone suddenly took off their masks and she said, ‘Someday you’ll be told what this was all about.’ Promise then. Last night, the dream: ‘I will send you a leader, named Vinland Smith.’ And the dream about the government office, where the boss returns and most employees are found to be idle, and some (even worse) playing venal money games and turning way those in need. Only a few employees tryly doing their work while the boss was gone; but now the boss has returned. If the ‘Kathy’ dream, in Canada in 1972 was fulfilled, then these, also, I am sure. Leader equals:

(our) land(ing will) vin(dicate cordwainer) smith. And vin equals vine equals Zagreus-Christ-Dionysos, Lord of Springtime. I.e. “the leader I am sending comes from the stars.”


Hypnagogic thoughts: field one and field two somewhat like Form one and Form two of Hericlitus, which is like Yang and Yin. The Gnostics believed in only two parts of universe’s time cycle: now (drudgery, which would be roughly Form two) and the good spring to follow (or form one, Yang). (Hence: fire will test all; the ushering of the Hericlitus concept of dry soul which sees monistic wold. Dried out – like in dream where very dry cigarette is lit by the God telling me of the leader to come.

The stale, dried-out cigarettes in UBIK: Indication that the Other Field or Form had entered (in the novel, as Claudia pointed out, dried out cigarettes were error; world is becoming cold, decaying, not dried out. I think the stale dried out cigarettes, which are not orthogonal reversions (sic) like to LeSalle car, are a sort of hair-line border line between; sign that decay, going along normal lineal axis, has swallowed itself up, completed itself; and lineal time is fulfilled; Form Two has ended, to be replaced by Form One (springtime, Yang, fire). Very brief flurry at change-over.

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Tessa had recently bought pack of cigarettes, disgusted to find them stale. Exactly like Joe Chip in UBIK. Surprise. Also like a joint. Also like wafer; dry, before wine. Ah, smokes was wafer; “Vinland” was the blood. That is the correct sequence in Mass: first dry wafer, then moistened by the wine (blood).

Er kommt, er kommt! Der Bräutgaum kommt!

(Is it possible that the anamnesis regards future events, of retrograde time-line? I am recovering memory not of what did happen but of what will happen?)

I didn’t see what had happened, but rather the fulfillment of time: its completion; so I remembered what was going to happen, not what had happened a long time ago.

PLOT ELEMENT for TO SCARE THE DEAD: Nicholas discovers that each of his brains (minds, hemispheres) is traveling at right angles to the other in time. this is vital plot element: MUST USE, to help accentuate that it isn’t a duplication of one mind, but two totally different minds; any device like this or time-travel which will accentuate difference, is desirable.

Q: Are the two hemispheres, by so traveling, becoming farther and father apart progressively, like ships travelling at right angles (lat versus log) to each other? And will they ever rejoin –meet again, and become One? (V. Parmenides’ forms one and two being only apparently two different things. Here go into Taoism, and all the Parmenidesian elements interrelated. As the two minds travel further and further apart, they form a vast double loop, enclosing more and more space, as on a GO board; enclosing, ultimately, all inside them; a double circumnavigation of the universe.

And as this double motion increases, their combined (superimposed) viewpoing becomes more accurate, since their its perspective is more – objective, detached, encompasses more (reality).


This, then, is not only a journey; it is a simultaneous double journey; he watches himself recede from himself, grow smaller and farther away. When, later on, if ever, will he encounter himself again, the two arcs re-intersecting ultimately (but at a time he can’t plot)? Eventually he (expressed as either hemisphere, in search of the Other) will encounter an other which is That Other: himself (V. Plato and the four-armed four legged animus-anima who person long ago split apart and in search of its other part): he will unexpectedly encounter Himself, and thereby close the loop, probably forever.

Or – did his other self (the Other) start out long ago, and is just now returning? Himself expressed as signal (“I shot an arrow in the air”; by arrow read “half of myself”) now returning, producing anamnesis, the shock of recognition. He is not starting on t is trip; this trip is ending.

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These are answers – responses, to him. By whom? This is the mstery; who is he in contact with (the VALISystem). It really is not himself in time, in past or present, but spacially complete, as on GO board. “Our souls, having traveled out to the stars, are now streaming back, to report that life exists, that they exist, and hence so do we.”

What is expressed here is an extraordinary demonstration of the principles of conservation and symmetry (Hericlitus and Parmenides, plus our thermal laws). What was dispatched tiny and weak and frail and ignorant has returned with moral and spiritual authority, capable of working “magic,” i.e. casting and removing dokos. Originally it fled Kali and has now returned, cowl-masked, robed an in dusguise, the “unkown person” of Zeno’s paradox who is himself, to break the power (thrall)f of Kali (the deformed kingdom; desiccated kingdom of Set). So, more correctly, it can break spells, not cast them; it is parity within the Kundry Klingsot) versus the Redeemer axis.

I am going to state a truly extraordinary premise: that long ago, when Earth fell to thrall, a signal was sent out for help; that signal itself has returned in strength, bearing power and arms, in truth and justice; that signal accumulted space, hence time, transduced other fields, rose from unloving to animate. That signal is its own receiver, and has been boosted, fedback to grow; hence in a sense to send out a prayer is to automatically intuit its retun later, at the time of fulfillment (which would vary from person to person; earlier sent, earlier returned; if time is an energy, and time and space are convertible extension of a matrix, then space is energy, as well; as it traveled space it began to grow, rather than weake – this was after it had gone half-way and was returning; it recapitulated all that had been lost, by the principles of conservation, parity and symmetry, supra).

This is Absolute negantropic compression, the restoration of lost or waste (heat). Time (energy) is Form One. Space (empty, hollow, Yin, cold) is Form two (but these are expressions of a Sameness; v. Parmenides.


That signal was/is also the Not-I, all that was lost inwardly too; when it returns it will fulfill the law of Karma; whatever we lost expressed in milliamps will return a thousandfold, but in kind; i.e. ach Gott, for those who are “now filled,” v. Taoism; what is the not-I for the agrandizing person? Amazing, how many of the Gospels express these concepts of symmetry and parity; the bread cast upon the water, etc. Well, this k does link my experience not only with the New Testament but with the scientific discoveries by Heri and Parmeni. Conservation, nothing can be created nor destroyed…I am experiencing the return or “reversal” effect, which expresses conservation and symmetry (Tao abases the highty and lifts high the humble”). (Contraction expansion, oscillation, the palintropos harmonie. My experience (and the current movement toward entropy) indicates that the oscillation view of the Strung Bow of Heri is

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correct, rather that the tension system of equilib, which is a simultaneosity. It goes out now (toward entropy) is restored later (which means sequential oscillation; this doesn’t mean that time is real but that sequence is.)

The tension view of boy and lyre (fr 51) would be a fine thing for structure-as-a-whole (plague of rats on planet One balanced by superabundance of Warfarin on planet Two), but this treats every subsystem as expendable. The oscillation interpretation would mean that imbalances within each descending level of subsystem would be balanced; re my dream about the 3 lives I might have led, with Tao establishable within each one: not left balanced by right, but balance within left; balance within mid; balance within right. Within each subsystem is the balance or Tao. In each segment, no matter how biasedly cut, or small, that segment (of a former whole) then becomes a whole, and spreads out fan-wise (Rhipodon!) to give a left, middle, right secion, space being infinitely divisible. You could compare this to the regenerating by the two parts of the worm when cut in half; soon you have, not two halves, but two wholes. You know, I think of Peter Mann’s account to the murdered baby rabbit sending out a microwave signal which the mother, miles away, on shore, picked up. Meine Schwester, die gerstorbende, hatte solch ausgeschicht; weit von uns, sehr weit, irher Himmlicher Vater es gehört hatte, und Hilfe x geschenkt hat; nun kommt es, die Antwort davon.

No, as mechanical bounce-back or even noos-reinforced (changed to act as deliberate responses) they are more archaic, language and concepts indicate if answers, then to signals sent out circa 400 B.C. By our species, not by me qua me. (Then about 1000 Light years away, twice two).

In UBIK: the form-reversion which Joe Chip sees would be a negantropic process; as the form regress (sic) they gather energy, since moving retrograde to the entropic expansion outward motion of the universe. Suggests that Joe Chip saw the parity’s counterforce, there to establish symmetry through principle of conservation; this is balancing against the lineal forward toward entropy, and not, repeat, NOT a decay process (as Claudia pointed out re the cigs and cream – those move forward to deay…that is a forward, not retro process. I had confused decay with “moving backward,” contracting


Thus what UBIK Contains as the most important scientific discovery possible is this energy-attracting, retrograde contraction working against the expansion into entropy. This, too, is what hit me in March 74, and it was indeed energy-giving, ot acquiring, not losing or taking; transger of heat from a warmer body, against the cooling off process of entropy. This certifies as valid the view in UBIK of the Empedoclean reciprocal motion (in time itself). Repear, the form-reversion is energy-gathering; older prior forms had in them greater latent heat.

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Dear Claudia,

Here are some vital new thoughts, esp on UBIK. You’ll note that my real insight comes as I realize that your point re the cream souring, and the cigarettes, are contra the form-reversion and are normal but speeded up (lineal to entropy outcome) decay. Thus, you did it, baby; YOU did it.

[[[005p041]] Letter to Claudia page 1 (cont.)

The “Logos Effect,” discovered about 1600 when explorers brought back to Europe information about cultures and tribes which had never had contact with Christianity. Many of these cultures and tribes had religious beliefs and rites so similar to Christianity that, astutely, the 17 th century theologians saw the possibility that the explanation lay in the long-abandoned idea of the Logos as Plan (Philo, et al), printing out Salvation Ideas for every culture, every race.

UBIK does indeed so resemble Dr. NK’s time theory that one knowing his time theory could not excape noticing this when he read UBIK (for example, the scientific explanation of Ubik assigns a positive value, in terms of life-sustaining or giving energy, to a counterclock spin, which is virtually a parody of Dr. NK’s concept of lefthandedness being life supportive). This would bring UBIK to their attention (as it later brought Dr. NK’s theory to my attention). But in no way, probably, was I influenced by anyone telepathically, etc., even though UBIK was written in 1968, the year Dr. NK’s theory was released in the US in English. Evidently this is an example of the “Logos Effect” in harmonizing and edifying all men regarding certain “salvation” or life-giving knowledge, goals and values.

However, it is equally probable that in March 1974 an actual concerted telepathic transmission effort was made in Leningrad vis-à-vis me and my ideas, perhaps to test out and see if I was telepathically sensitive.

This attempt, if indeed it took place, was more of a failure than a success, inasmuch as I think what came as a result of this was my developing an “instinctive” antipathy toward the Soviets, under the perhaps correct impression that they’d made an effort to “improve” (i.e. coerce) my ideas. The total effect on me was beyond doubt beneficial, both in terms of acquired (received) energy and acquired (received) information and comprehension; how much of this was a collateral result, added onto the

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experiment by the Logos itself, I have no way of assessing. Somebody likes me; if not the Soviets, then the Logos; maybe both do. I underwent a period of ordeal, but the results left me healthier and freer than I’d ever been in my life. I wish I could have such an experience again. I’d recommend and welcome it – everyone should have it. But probably it was a composite experience: one part deliberatedly directed from Pulkovo, another added by the Logos, a third derived from my own inner entelechy which was speeded to completion by the reception of all that good time-energy. It was a multiple cure, in at least three directions (linear space, down from above, upward and out from within). Also, the vernal equinox had arrived: springtime. The slumbering God, asleep but not dead – he was waking up anyhow.


There are at least two separate ways to read my experience in its relationship to Dr. NK’s theory.

(1) My experience indicates he is correct regarding time as energy and the way time can “carry” telepathic material (to quote him: “Once we understand how to make time dense at will, then we will be able to communicate information telepathically at will.”)

or;

(2) My experience is a result (a casual connections) of the experiments and truth of his work; the difference being that it is possible that any major telepathic reception would induce the massive time dysfunction I experienced, for the reasons given in Dr. HK’s theory; in which case no matter who transmitted to me, including the Logos –instinct—itself, I’d sense the time transformations involved.

A further point: it’s evident from what Dr. HK says that it would be the intent to cause a great leap in time-density in order to transmit information telepathically, not the other way around (i.e. increase density as means, the t-p info as ends;; not the other way around, not send info telepathically as means of increasing time density somewhere. The leap in time density, the entire experience of radically rolled-back time, would be an automatic experience of any t-p receiver, would have to happen in order for him to receive. This surely would be more evicent if it was not a person normally sensitive to t-p transfer; someone like me who never normally got info by telepathy would experience a unique and surprising transformation in time and not understand why. Normal telepaths probably would have become accustomed to it. My sense of time changes (in terms I guess of density) would indicate a strong artificial sending system and little if any natural sensitivity in me. This indicates that rather than me having hyped up my input they hyped up their output: as means, the created dense time around me, and thus were able to transmit. I infer from this (assuming all I’ve figured out in this sequence is correct so far) that Dr. HK or someone anyhow, and probably someone connected with Pulkovo, did in fact finally manager to figure out how to increase time density “at will,” as desired.

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All this indicates that (1) Telepathic transmission to me of info was the goal; (2) Increasing the density of time around me was the means; (3) I was an “effect” and not a “cause,” which explained why I felt so much under duress, and acting out adventitious command. I probably was. But that’s not the whole story. (4) Probably it was Pulkovo, or related to it. Why me? UBIK, no doubt; the fact that it resembled Dr. NK’s work – even seemed to parody it. Chance (a meaningful acausal “Logos Effect”) coincidence brought the noval and me to their attention. The Logos’ purpose was achieved in all this, though, since the Logos foresaw all this when it imprinted the ideas into me originally (in 1968). Thus, it caused Lem (et al) to take an interest in UBIK and to invite me to come to Poland, and all else that happened. The Logos’ purposes were always served in this primarily, since it excited us all into what we did initially; we


all were doing the Lor’s work, so to speak, being brought to salvation individually and helping in the general Plan; thus we who were secular scientific and left wing came around to an awareness of the Logos, and, as Hericlitus says, “we woke up from our dream and began to see reality, i.e. the plan or logos.” And so it came to be, at least for me. Throughout all this the Logos was preemptive in time and in authority and in will and in teleology; and it triumphed through us not despite us. Using this multiplex human project as its plastic medium, the Logos ignited at last a dazzling triumph for dignity, for justice, for understanding and for truth above all (“the spirit of truth which knows all from the Father”). This was vast benign divine intervention, within our work, like the invisible levening of the bread, etc.

In his article, Dr. NK states that (1) Time is an energy which enters material systems; (2) It maintains everything; (3) It is everywhere simultaneously and therefore (4) It can transmit information everywhere telepathically; and (5) in this fashion it probably transmits instinctive knowledge to living creatures, all biological entities, and (6) It is even possible that ir egulates and informs and harmonizes “inanimate” entities such as stars.

This is a description of the Logos.

Energy plus information which is everywhere.

That’s Mr. Runciter plus the spraycan of Ubik.

If we can see identity between Dr. NK’s “Time” and the “Logos, the Word of God,” then there is no problem in explaining the entry (even a preemptive entry) into any successful time-density activity by the Logos, outsmarting long in advance man’s own personal plans. By definition, by affecting a massive density in time they are involving the Logos, which is already informed (i.e. whatever information might be “artificially transferred telepathically, this is the normal method used by the Logos to assist and

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inform living creatures anyhow; the “artificial” information would simply enter as portion of a vaster, older stream).

It could not be otherwise. Not unless (1) Dr. NK is wrong; and (2) My experiences in March 74 are phony and (3) It is evident that this is not true, the evidence being (3) the novel UBIK being obviously “influenced” by Dr. NK’s when in fact it was not; a third source (triange maradigm: three points, not two), is necessary for an explanation; i.e. the Logos.

QED, because I was not familiar with his paper; and I was not telepathically affected then (i.e. not artificially).

The best way of viewing all these elements (Dr. HK’s theory, UBIK, March 1974) is to see confirmation of the LOGOS’ reality (vide Dr. NK’s paper when he discusses simultaneous transfer of information throughout the universe to all biological entities, via Time).


The Pulkovo work has rediscovered the Logos at work, and given it the name of Chronos instead – father Chronos from whose race we are all descended, and who controls all things.

It could be said that if Dr. NK –i.e. Pulkovo—was feeding lines to me, the Logos was feeding lines –i.e. prompting—to him. Beyond and behind the figure of any and all temporal powers, and their intentions, lie the intentions and power of God. Here is an excellent illustration of that: Man proposes/God disposes. If indeed telepathy is the universal medium of information-exchange, then the Logos, if it existed, would use it; also, those involved in experimentation with time and its info-transfer uses, would be in more direct connection with the Logos as Plan than most of us.

We still serve our ex-employer, Mr. Runciter; and he still assists and advises, as before. Nothing has changed; he knows how to get through to us, and what to bring us to restore us, and what advice (info) to lay on us. All of us.

Dr. Kozyrev speaks of Time informing all biological entities simultaneously on an instinctive basis, by telepathy; this is fine but where does this information originate? Can Time think? It is evident that Immanent Mind is equal to Time, possessing the same qualities, both of them. The Plan, being pressed onto us, is thought of separately (as Logos). This is an interference on the part of Dr. NK; Time informs, but it must know in order to inform (or anyhow be in possession of what it informs with). He is so close to attributing knowing to it that he might as well speak of it as knowing what to inform each species with, and when (as well as where from). I think anybody reading his paper would eventually wonder the same things I am wondering, even without my experience. I point out: that God’s thoughts and will and plans are not separate, as they are in us (v. Hericlitus, Avicenna, Isa.). There is mind but no

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brain, just as He is aware without eyes, etc. Time seems according to Dr. NK to be capable of all these simultaneously – without lag or distinction, as is found in us.

Ad I fount today in Psychology Today: The New Testament Decoded. “Jesus taught a self-realization beyond classical physics.” “Knowledge of the code was lost during the persecutions.” This is precisely what I have dreamed again and again. Amazing, and I came across the ad because of an article on autistic children, and so knew to go read this discarded issue of PT – and saw the ad.

The part of Dr. NK’s paper which would theoretically account for my writing UBIK (i.e. independently thinking us his revolutionary ideas) is the sentence about “all biological entities are perhaps informed telepathically by and via Time.” He might even be willing to say he himself was informed this way. Also, they would transmit more energy (time made dense) than information – that alone would be helpful to the receiving organism; it would be strengthened with or without any information.


To transmit even the most unscrupulous lies, designed to destroy and enslave the receiver, would be overtaken by the heightened energy of the receiver; it, he, would be able to discern the aspects, and he would be powerful enough (drawing on the newly and perhaps uniquely for him dense time) to throw this off, although he wouldn’t do this on a conscious basis; as the theory itself indicates, it would be done “instinctively” (like automatic actions, outside conscious awareness).

I think I’ve shown not just that the Logos (or Immanent Mind) might enter, could enter, but would. Also, the Pulkovo people would know this by now, having discerned this in prior tests; they would by now be making no attempt to transmit deceitful information or for inhumane use, it being recognized as self-cancelling.

Voila! For Magdeburg jars read moist soul-dry soul (and the related external worlds). Read filters/scramblers/monism/v.FLOW MY TEARS; v. March 74. In all this, the moist soul, dry-soul, plus any combinations (proportions) of mixture. Binomial therum: A plus B all squared. How many possibilities? Two pure (one heaven, one hell), then two mixed (the middle).

How? The “Selectric rotating ball lens filter” system.

The only real explanation lies in linking Parmenides’ moist versus dry soul (and the two monisoms) with the Zimmer Magdeburg system: “the Unreal God and His Unreal Cosmos, a book of aspects.” It doesn’t exist, unless you have a moist soul. Firebright must have been what Hericlitus meant by a dry soul, a fiery soul.

We are living where two universes (sic!) meet – i.e. where they overlap. We’re in the A plus B part. There is Universe A (or Form One), which is good, fiery, dry, healthy, etc (Yang). Also there is form Two, Universe Two, Yin. We’re in a mixture of both. My dream: the RUs (plural): ruling universes. Two

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at least; they control ours, which is a –are you ready?—impure print of both. Each of us is moved along his entelechy growth line by his exemplar in the RU (above); when he has finished his growth and is complete he then serves as exemplar –and guide—for someone below this universe; he is now part of a RU. The RU above leads him; he leads, as the RU of someone below us. And since Time is the medium in which growth takes place, then these processes are temporal ones; any completion stands at the far end of time (the future), and so logically we can assume it works backward into the inomplete temporal stream when it turns back to help after being completed. All completion lies ahead of all process growth. Our exemplar –mine, for instance—must logically lie ahead of me in time, and be reaching back. I am still in the time stream; he reaches retrogressively, back into time, against its forward swim, and pulls (teleology!!! Which I felt!).


Whether my exemplar is “me” is a merely semantic question; my exemplar is “me complete,” and that is not “me in process.” My exemplar is the Christos; we all are drawn from the future to become Him, and as we reach Him and become Him, then we turn back to help those still in progress or process. I would say that the absolutely overall biggest achievement of this is to dissolve and destroy our mere ego identity and allow us to merge into the Kingdom (Kingship) of Christ: him in me, me in him, as Paul says; we will/ do form a Kingsom, where he is Lord.

Dr. NK: “Time enters material systems.” Maybe our dreams are time, as energy which bears info to us, entering us; we are he single simultaneous point from which the entire universe is projected from in terms of time (v. Dr. NK’s paper).

We evidently live in a multiple source (on the model of light source) compound universe. The hologram is fed from several sources. Whereas normally we inhabit all, sometimes we can get into only one of the RUs, one of the sources. This is very strange (paradigm is FLOW MY TEARS, in which 3 separate superimposed but somewhat different universes are lived in between first and final page of pt 1 to 3. How is this overlap achieved? How does one exit from one and into another? Who manages all this? Why?

For all I know, there are many more RUs than two. It could be like the Selectric in terms of letters and numbers: hundreds. This is really weird. And what has time to do with al this? It would seem very little (another example: Mr. Tagomi in the park. These are alternate presents, maybe. An infinity, and each somewhat different –the Rhipadon fan-shape 3-part segment which divides and each has 3 parts: left, middle, right. Well, how about this: Left is RU one; Middle is compound; Right is RU Two. That makes the compound, at epicenter, the Tao. This gets us into Taoism fast.

However, on this Rhipidon model, 3 RUs would suffice, and still explain like my 3 lives dream (poor, like I have, rich). Also, this would equate the mid or Tao with Apollo’s Golden Means, his

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Harmony and Balance. So our world is stabilized from dual sources, like the two-rotor system I saw, in the clock face, with the tiller. This is still the model; our universe is maintained in equilibrium, fed by the two sources; my god, this is the other interpretation of Hericlitus, of palinthropos harmonie: this is the static harmony of the strung bow, of simultaneous tension, rather than successive oscillation; see outside time –seen I guess “correctly,” i.e. sub specia eternitatis—it’s the strung bow. Oh jeez. Maybe the two interpretations of Fr. 51 are themselves examples of balance and equilibrium: both are true (a example of itself right there; what is true of all sentences, etc.). This is one vast great point that Hericlitus wanted us to understand, along with the fact that Form One and Two meld into each other, so that these two interpretations are themselves meldable into a single – whatever.


It just occurred to me: Hell is dark, heaven made up of light. Maybe the fluctuation of universes is a fluctuation of degrees of light (or color?). Like with Land’s two beam color theory: two light sources are all that’s needed, to create within the outcome all the colors (permutations and changes, possibilities) there are. But without 2 sources, with only 1, there would be no change because there would be no interaction. Back to Empedocles: the two players at their game. Best of all: back to the symbol of Taoism, in which a small spot of light appears within the dark when it grows too great, and vice versa. Each changes over into its opposite when pushed too far – a basic principle underlying Taoism.

We could put Hericlitues against Empedocles this way: [[?]] would maintain that, “Are you sure two light sources are needed? Dark is only the absence of light, volume or intensity, anyhow, lowering it in terms of its intrinsic quantity. As when a battery loses its charge gradually.” Empedocles would posit “dark” as an actual Yin force. What I myself saw were two players, in the Empedoclean sense, but above them, the Logos or Plan – I think. Also, I saw one plaver playing in lineal time, the other retrogressively – this was the main difference, although it was an antagonist two-person game all right. Maybe: “Nothing can exist without creating its own opposite.” But why?

You get enough darkness and it turns spontaneously to light. You get enough light, etc.

For all purposes which are ours, we should construe our universe as under the dominion of two distinct RUs, if not more, and a compound of both – so in a sense, not as real as both or wither of them. But maybe ours is the desired product, and also more stable. Agains, the two light sources pouring through frames of film…

The dream about James James certainly expressed what I saw in 3 74: with the Creator producing first solar flares (or the atom and tis moving parts), then from it the baby, and then evolving from the baby Kathy. But that he had to injure Tessa (because she stood up to see his “act” better) – this was what I saw as an objection to linear forward moving time and continual creation anyhow: that

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in the powerful huge surging-forward drive of life, so many creatures are wounded and crippled, left to die, behind the flock. And in my dream I asked for help, and none of the thousands sitting around to form an attentive audience for James James would lift a finger, despite my appeals. But then the wide glass doors opened, and the first scouts entered the great building. “We need medical assistance,” I said to them, and they came toward me; small as they were, and only the first vanguard, they did represent another force, one which heard and responded. Surely this is a dream-drama expression of the retrograde force which is the other game-player and which I construe as either the Logos or Christos or the Holy Spirit – and which to me is the “good” although so far weaker of the two players. Certainly


the dream showed me clearly that the primary miracle, the one which of necessity must precede all others, is the miracle of life born out of the unloving, the miracle of creation itself; then the movement up the evolutionary scale, from form to higher form to highest form; this surely is the primary work of the universe, to do this, its hardest, first, and most solemn task, over which nothing else can take precedence. How can anyone question that? But although there must be a flock to go on (the species, I guess, or all life), before there can be those who fall back too weak or sick to keep up – this in the dream was so damn clear: one person out of thousands in that auditorium caused trouble, stood up (against James James rules) and was thrust back down and crippled. The ratio of success to failure was maybe 10000 to 1. So I am concerned with that 1, and stepped forward, halting James James and his continual miracles of evolving creation (certainly the most extraordinary event I’ve seen in dream time or waking time, ever). I was asking for medical attention, not for me or for her, but for us. “We need medical attention” or assistance, whichever. There is such a need; there are casualties, and I understand that He Whom I follow, He sees to it that the 1 casualty is assisted: i.e. gets medical attention. The image of the good scouts: good Samaritans, maybe; those which lend a hand to those in need. It is as if the dream says:

The universe has now successfully progressed along far enough so that forward-motion can begin to be mitigated by the “scouts entering the situation” to pick up the casualties, since evolution of form has gone so well and so far. There are now casualties to pick up. In this work there’s be a lag; it wouldn’t begin for a while. But now the laws of compensation and equilibrium have brought us to the point where we have a small but very significant casualty, and so by these laws which govern reality, the scouts are starting to appear, to march onto the scene from outside (wherever that might be, anyhow marching here from somewhere else). They have begun to arrive. We must state our needs (by definition, they listen and give aid). Our need is a medical one; we are injured, or sick, or crippled, or weak. We need help of that kind: life-support help. We’ll get it; a dream like this could not lie.

I think a tremendous principle of conservation and balance was expressed in this dream. Kathy represented what I would deem the highest form of form-evolution; even so, I halted the forward-

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motion because the causality was not acceptable to me. I noticed, and steeped forward. That time has come (e.g. “No, we will not allow our mentally deficient, our weaker races, our poor, our old, our helpless in general, to be sacrificed; the day of Rule by the Strong and healthy is over; the sick must be cared for, although perhaps not by the healthy but by someone coming here from Elsewhere.

James James represented ruthless creative power. But a balance is needed, both in each individual and for our planet as a whole. It was not with malice but with zeal that James James (JHWH, I guess) shasmed Tessa’s elbow (ulna, the crippled lamb limping along) (my right shoulder). But I threw my eight in on the balance-scale on the side of the injured, the minority, although I personally could only


ask for (medical) help; I had only the power to notice, to step forth, to voice the need – i.e. put it in words (my writing? My speeches, etc? Letters? Call attention to human needs?)

It also gives Tessa now as joining Ralph and Pinky, the lamb, the deer, as injured an to be treated with love and cherishing care, as being of great worth – too great to sacrifice. These sacrifices, the dream said, are too great to ask (Jesus sacrificed himself in their/our place; he was/is the lamb). That is the key word: the involuntary sacrifice, which will not be permitted now, since it is too precious (observe the notion that the sacrificial animal was decidedly not of too much worth; that is why it was offered, in the past). First a human became of too much worth; now then animal, too. We must all live or perish; we cannot be separated into the “strong versus the weak” or whatever any more.

But regarding possible time dysfunctions (due either to experiments at e.g. Pulkovo, or natural, due to overloading of the ontological matrix, or both,) most of my experiences have had to do, not with time, but with space (mostly about Mexico or what resembles Mexico and is taken to be). Future space at some future time? The only for sure time dysfunction I felt was in March 74, and that was, if it existed at all, probably artificially obtained (Pulkovo). The other, special ones – they probably were natural dysfunctions, sudden brief windows into the future of both space and time. What is possible, though, as I’ve said before, is the notion of “mytosis-like” splittings of the present (due to time dysfunctions, perhaps in our past) that result in alternate worlds (as in MITHC).

It’s as if the merely potential (i.e. discarded at one or more critical junctions along the linear time-line) has come into a periodic shimmering realization, along side what is actual (vide William James on the sea of potential facts around each actualized fact – each that, so to speak, makes it). Like in my story “The Commuter.” Also, there is to me the real thought that adjustments (ala “Adjustment Team”) are being made in our past, which are to an ever increasing degree making a certain “alternate present” (or time line) actual – in place of the one we have, not along side it. I sense a series of minute tinkerings going on (vide Peter Mann’s conversation with me recently on that idea). They are realigning our reality so it will conform to what the Plan (Logos) called for, thus losing the error fact, finally, which crept in. I

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suppose they could be making this critical correction back as far as 100 A.D. Just for story purposes, let us suppose a time-traveling team from our future has gone back to 45 A.D. to see to it that Jesus is not crucified. When the Parousia are finished with, the time line we have will not even be remembered; our memories will be retaped to fit our newly made past, as well as present, and, as in “Commuter,” we will be relieved that “nothing has changed after all” (sic). I guess the realigned-correctly world will have California still the property of Spain-Mexico. Portugal will retain its States of America. The Catholic Church will not have been rent asunder by the Reformers; this world will have only one huge Christian church/body, for all…


That Holy Spirit which engulfed me in March 74 was, I felt then, traveling backward in time…doesn’t my experience of this, if it be correct, fit in with a theory that “they” are going back in time to tinker with some moment in the far past? The Spirit stopped to help out here, on its way back to the Crucifixion; there, it will help out, thus setting up another time-line entirely. Thus, all will already have been saved by the Savior, back retrogressively, century after century, only backwards in order. It got to us in March 1974 – hit us at that nexus.

Note: “The scouts” who enter the big building where we all live – this may not refer to a special entry (e.g. by some ETI visitors from another star); it may represent the vanguard of the Parousia – God breaking into time, entering it to assist us.

My original dreams back in 3 and 4 1974 indicated ETI more than anything else (the Cyclops and sibyl dreams). Yet, they could have represented Earth’s distant past.

Also, I could be pre-coging the Parousia, and they will manifest themselves as ETI, from the “bright, morning star.” So both could be true. (But the previous dream about “Vinland” suggests explorers (Norsmen, the first whites to come here to the New World. Albemuth could represent Nova Albion.) In which case, “scouts” are scouting parties from another star, the first to land or to have already landed. They seem most like concerned scientific teams exploring a backward region that lacks medical and other help it needs.

[[005p050]] 3/13/75 Letter to Claudia page 1

Dear Claudia,

Here are some more notes……are you getting tired of all this? I do think (see the 10 pages supra) that something is close at hand – something good for us which’ll help us.

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[[005p051]] 3/13/75 Letter to Claudia page 1 (cont.)

Jesus spoke of a coming “Kingship of God” which, He said, “Is among you/ around you/ within you.” It could arrive any time. When it arrives, many men, most men, won’t know. Since God created this world in the first place, the angle of error may be slight, and the percentage which He must remove and change may be relatively small. Is all this world, every thing and creature and idea and object in it, objectionable to God and a produce of the Adversary? Obviously not. Suppose there are a subtle seizing of power, behind the scenes as it were, by the Rightful King. He would retain the present order by and large, disturb as little of it as possible, act in an economical way to take control. We might only sense that some oppressive power had departed; some burden and fear had lifted.

That this has happened I am positive. That so little has changed shows how slight the angle of error, the element which had to be “burned off like chaff.” Death still exists; Jesus and Paul always said that this body would have to live out its natural cycle and die away, for the other body to replace it, which comes later. The main thing is, This world is under control, now, and two main spirits reign: Truth and Justice, although they are of necessity unfolding in time (i.e. it takes time, because sequence is necessary). This world does not operate on its own, independently, and having fallen into the hands of tyrants and liars. Truth and justice lie at the heart, and work out judiciously, where needed; they now, in a distinct and real sense, although subtle, prevail, and nothing can ever change this; any set back, or any retention of the lie, is only apparent. We must not go on what is apparent; that was never a good index. But, in another way of viewing this, we can say that at last that which is apparent, which appears to be, in actuality is. This was not true before. There are no further real secrets, and no further fake façade cardboard Thought-control hypnotic pseudo-reality managed and manipulated, no invisible empire of police and criminals and dangerous covert power. What meets the eye can be trusted, except that still hidden to most people is the heart, not of darkness, but of light; it is the pulse at the core of things, whereas not so long ago at the core of things rotten darkness stank and connived.

We have a concentric-ring society, and the innermost ring has been burned off by the fire, has now been replaced by light, by God, and this is paralleled by a discernment outside, by those on the rim, that the Lord of Hosts has in fact suddenly come to his temple, announced by the messenger of the covenant whom we delight in…as Malachi put it. There was a swift arrival (mainly by Elijah), a swift victory over the darkness, a tossing down of the tyranny, and then the enormous judging and destroying power was withdrawn and replaced by an assisting and healing power. Advocacy for the weak and oppressed is no longer necessary, now that God rules. Healing (as if after a battle which was won) has been in order, and so done. Finally the freeing of the many


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prisoners, the giving them their first glimpse of the pasture which is their reward. It is as if humane people came across a place where animals were imprisoned under cruel conditions: overowkred, starved, animals which were ill and unattended, and, finally, put to death in vicious ways without release or reward, with no recompense. At once, these humane visitors seize the owner of this cruel factory and depose him; then they see to it that the sick animals are given medical attention, food, sanitation – all their just needs looked after…but most of all, these animals, ill-treated all their lives, are to be made to understand that finally they will go out into this great lush pasture forever, and never never at any time –this is a promise—returned to the dark servitude which they had suffered under. The original owner of this slave prison, this factory, was deprived of everything he’d built up, his profits, and dealt a stunning blow which nearly destroyed him; most of all, judgment by the intervening humane people was swift, and in favor of the imprisoned, powerless animals, and entirely on their side against their obscure oppressor. Judgment, assistance in a short swift battle, medical help, food, a variety of basic needs, but most of all, after they had been freed, a vision for them to see, now, as soon as possible, so they would know…especially since some would be too ill, too far-gone to be brought back. They deserved to see now, and not have to wait. “Look what lies in store for you,” the humane intercessors would be showing them, when they knocked away the always before so evidently impenetrable wall of the prison. “Look beyond,” and there would lie vast fields, grass, and the hillsides. Springtime, beyond the broken open prison wall. First the animals would see the prison which surrounded them which they had mistaken for reality; it was not: reality lay beyond, and the prison would be knocked down entirely eventually, although that would take time. To free so many trapped and ill-used animals would take a while. But the cruel tyrant boss who had ruled – being deposed, he could not keep the prison going, as his father before him had. Although it had existed thousands of years it was decisively gone, now, even though many animals, so ensured to their life, so sure that it was the only life, or rather only existence, would not see or understand at first.

Or, more accurately, at one time the plant or organization had been well-run and regulated, in a fair and humane way, and then the true owner and ruler had assigned stewardship in his absence, and had gone on a journey, with promise that while he was gone it would be run properly. The time of his return was uncertain. Those left to run it were like [[?]] a whole bunch of kids left by their parents to tend themselves, or perhaps kids to be taken care of by a hired attendant. I think the first model is most accurate. Suddenly the parents return. It is like LORD OF THE FLIES. Horrified, they find that some kids, the shrewder, stronger ones, have enslaved the other; the whole house is a shambles, with fighting and breaking going on, a descent into barbarism…the parents line up all the kids and judged each according to what that child was doing at the moment the parents returned.

Elijah, coming immediately before God, played a multiple role: he refined those whom God wished to save rather than destroy – i.e. he got them into a fit condition so they would pass muster. I guess it’s a form of tipping off those kids you wanted tipped off that you’re about to reappear and check out everyone. You send a messenger in advance who


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carries with him a friends list. The messenger, Elijah, shapes up and squares up each person on the list; this involves making him pious, and directing him to engage in good works; he is good of attitude and good of action. Let’s say there is a five to six month period in which the persons are reshaped and refined and reworked. They are born anew, in God, and it’s a hard row to hoe. They are acquainted with the true nature of reality, and the true situation confronting them. They become conscious of their forgotten origin and task (anamnesis). Setting to work, they aid in the Great War against the Lie, offering themselves as sacrifices. They sustain mortal injuries in that fight, but accept it, confident in their tasks and their God. While lying bound up, as if in the “Todes Banden,” the bonds of death, they see the surprising, sudden awful glare of the Day of Judgment; at this point, Elijah has seen to it that they are in proper shape to escape the Wrath and to please God. Even so, the loving sacrifice, their Savior, is present to absorb both the blow (Pinky the guru) and the sin, the toxin, the guilt (Ralph, as lamb). The person is lovingly accepted by God and goes to join him, although he continues on here, since the Kingship (Kingdom) is now here, rather than “beyond,” or “in heaven.” It is now as Jesus bade us pray for: “On Earth as it is in heaven.” Thus, this experience comes without him having actually physically to die. All this, including the restoration which is his reward, the green grass, the pasture, is here.

The whole experience seems to take about one full cycle of the earth: one year, beginning at the vernal equinox. Thus it is identified with the departing of winter and the reappearance of the lost spring.

This whole last year contained a lot of pain and shock and loss for me (I was hospitalized twice, my son once, I lost two cats in very sad ways, and had to get rid of my little dog, and was burned on my first screen play), but it was the best year of my life, because somehow within the illness and loss and pain I gained an inner reality to match the external reality. There is no point in merely establishing an external new real kingdom or kingdom. God must reign in the human heart and body as well. It is the ultimate growth: to turn into a portion of God (“that I might live in Him/Invisible and dim”) and continue on, knowing that He is both inside and outside. I can say that although I have not seen God, I saw signs of Him, indubitable signs. And knew Him to be growing within me, as the new life Firebright, from the Sun…the Aton, I guess, which Iknaton spoke of, that good tender trembling frail brave man.

The criticism that Elijah’s coming first and shaping certain folk up so they’d be acceptable was somehow cheating – this misses the point of it all. God’s desire is to save, not to condemn; he wished that as many as possible could be ready for acceptance. The object was not to judge; the object was to save. Thus, before he judged he prompted, so to speak, everyone who needed it or would benefit from it. I certainly wouldn’t have passed muster without prior help. The exam per se was not the main purpose of God’s coming; He intervened, entered time, and it was necessary to make swift judgment the moment he resumed Kingship. If anyone objects to God’s desire to have as many people as possible fit for acceptance when judgment came – that is an odd objection, and makes the judgment a sort of end in itself, which it is not. It is as if one were to construe the purpose of school to be to give exams and to flunk people. The purpose of school is to teach, and to teach in order to prepare, the

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exam merely determines whom the teaching benefited and how much. Viewed this way, Divine Judgment was a searching out, a scanning of each person, to determine who had learned anything, rather than who had done bad. What was wrong in my case was that I still had a lot to learn; thereupon I took a vast high-speed training course, in which I learned that I had never up to then learned: that God is filled with joy and love, that He has infinite patience, and that He desires me to come to Him in fit shape. There no other criteria, such as being a “Good” person. God is above that, since His love is a refining love, in the light of which one is transformed; it is impossible to feel God’s love and to desire to harm a living thing.

I am less in doubt that this was the Parousia (I am not in doubt about that at all; it is exactly what Jesus and Paul anticipated, if not John) than I am in doubt –in perplexity—as to whether it was solely in my own world, my idios kosmos, that it took place. Does the koinos kosmos remain the same? I don’t think, really, that it has. But no one else that I know of (sic) saw what I saw, which by general standards at the very least limits it to a subjective experience, a personal one, for me alone. I think that seeing the signals around me firing, the living organism, may have been what Malachi meant by “The Lord of Hosts shall suddenly come to his temple,” etc.; suddenly He was within everything, and visible, at least to me. “At least to me.” I saw His presence. Perhaps I err when I assume that he had always been there, but not visible to me; that my eyes were suddenly opened to what had always been. Maybe He had been gone, and came back; my eyes were opened and He came back and there fore I saw Him. If my eyes had been opened a month earlier I wouldn’t have seen Him because He hadn’t arrived then, as yet.

Let us consider the miracle involved. When God enters time, when he pierces our world, pierces the veil and rends it – where go the usual categories of personal subjective, then-now, etc? Did He come for all men or just for me? Will what happened to me in March 1974 still later on happen for others, or did it happen once for everyone? This is the same question about Christ’s death on the cross; does he really die again and again for each man, so-to-speak sequentially, or simultaneously, which is to say, once? I think both are true; the usual categories don’t apply.

I am a child trying to understand adult concepts.

As in FROLIX 8 – the change rushes across the world, the way I saw the black band rush across the sky on Good Friday: the band that joined the old universe with the new…and in that instant as I and Laura watched, I understood that we were on film, on a loop. This 3 – hour strip rushing at so high a speed – it tied the two ends together. And started the sequence anew. Thus, back in 1962, my first mystic (sic) understanding of Easter, and of the Death of Christ, the dead god – in the bonds of death “Christ lag in Todesbanden,” etc. I saw it then. What I saw then was real and I knew it then to be real; what I experienced in 1974, which was maybe 12 years later – at the same time of year…it was real, too. We can maybe resolve this when we ask, When you play your LP of Beethoven’s 7 th symphony, is it a

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different performance each time? Does von Karajan repeat it? One hears it again and again, but it is the same: like the archetype, printing out: the die stamping. What we hear is the “print.”


The great miracle is that it is always new, and always it is the same, once more: unchanged. Suppose I play my LP of the 7th symphony until I know it by heart, and then I give it to you and you play it. You have never heard it before; to you it is entirely new, no more and no less new in relationship to my knowing it – I mean, however many times I have played it, however new or old it is to me, this has no effect on how new it is to you (assuming the LP isn’t worn or damaged). For you it is new independent of me, and herein lies the miracle. However many times Christ has died for man; however many people have had my experience; it was as new for me as if no one had ever had it before; in my world, it was unique, it had never happened before, and so Christ died for me solely. He is infinitely new, infinitely divisible, infinitely everywhere – I guess he is Ubik.

Each new child enjoys his sandbox as if sandboxes were first new and had never pleased and been experienced by children before. Thus a great truth is here: I can assimilate the phenomenon rose without in any way assimilating in the same way, phenomonologically, leaving its true essence pristine and unchanged. I take nothing from it, since I do not assimilate it qua rosa; do you see? I just assimilate an image; thus we can see the necessity of our “reality” being made up of mere images – it is to keep the essence of each thing from being used up. All the images in the world (food eaten, wine drunk, etc) do not consume in any way or to any degree the archetypal categories which are real. And so each new life is free to encounter and experience the images fresh, a new, as if no one ever did before. And, too, the universe is not consumed. It is exactly as if we had one U.S. silver dollar rather than the possibility of stamping out an infinite number – all those are merely “images” of the original dollar, but if instead of printing from dies made from the archetypal original – suppose instead of printed editions of my books, the MSS were sold? Instead of the possibility of as many people – well, you see what I mean; for purposes of (one) maintaining the renewal of the universe and (two) giving each person an equally fresh, untouched experience, the cave or image or film system must be employed; I guess somewhere is The rose and The every single thing, which the prints which we take to be reality come from – God help us if they get consumed! If, as we seek, ontology should be experienced (assimilated, consumed) rather than print-out.

If my world is on film then I am on film and hence immortal, like “Citizen Kane.” The film can be stored and later return, and even other prints –and stills—can be made. I do not joke, here.

Viewed in this very simple way, God is the living force of rebirth and renewal; our world –and each of us—have been decaying into entropic dimness, and what God does is reestablish equilibrium: everything can, through Him, be restored – back to that concept: the Restoration of All Things: the Day on which that occurs is God’s return. This is Ubik, and for the universe to survive this force, God, must exist and be capable of doing what Runicter, Ella and Ubik do. Otherwise it would continue to run down

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like a watch and finally end; and our days would be progressively more dismal. In my case, this process was reversed – and what had once existed (like the Greek concepts) were Restored – by divine intervention.


If a simple, workable, theoretical model were wanted by which all could be restored, then this might serve:

(one)

Reality in concentric rings of greater being (completeness), which the person initially encounters in terms of a rung less real than one he later encounters (best of all, finally encounters). Thus, the final ring encountered is the most real and gathers up –accumulates—all that he ever encountered before.

(two)

There would be a “writing backward” system by which the person would be presented, for engramming-on purposes, lesser fragments of forms the larger fragments of which he will encounter later – that is, later for him. Thus, his encounter-line would be arranged backward to the direction he himself experiences it, the way a mystery novel is written. What he has had, and possibly lost, which would make the term “restoration” meaningful to him, would so to speak be deliberate clues presented ahead of time (early in his life) with the full knowledge that these were the certain experiential items he would later on come onto. The interesting part of this is that he could be easily, almost effortlessly, engrammed in a random fashion, yet have the sense of total meaning. Here is a synthetic example: let us say that at the end of his life-line he winds up in the Lusitania Hotel which is in the shape of a boat and has cherrywood furnishings including broom plants (Acacia) as the floral items. Intrinsically neutral in value (these are virtually a pattern-less collection of elements) they would, for him, acquire meaning –Bedeutung—if one were to place early in his life small replicas of these constituents: one would see to it that as a child he grew up for a few months –long enough to create engramming—in a yard with flowering Acacia, which is really a weed, and that he watched a film on the sinking of the Lusitania on his family’s TV set…and so forth, seeing to it that there was a vast wasteland of these items, so to speak, until the glide pattern part of his life. Finally he would begin to encounter these dear long long engrammed-on bric-a-brac, and have a deep sense of cosmic completeness. Thus any life, theoretically, could be given a subjective sense of completeness and meaning and purpose and wholeness just by seeing to it that retrograde “clues” of what was in the natural course of events to happen along were stuck here and there at very early strategic points. The economy of these would be beautiful, since one would simply work backward from the “solution,” i.e. the end as pure random given. “I am getting all back what I lost,” the person would sigh gratefully, and see a Divine Plan, a Godish Hand in all this. Of further interest: he would be right. There is really no way this simple, economic system of enbewing an ordinary life with completeness could be accomplished without the agency of (a) deliberate design and (b) the ability to accomplish it by retrograde motion in time. What is to me of supreme interest is that

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the person involved –the subject—would be able to detect the subtle but to him indubitably real hand of the Creator in the final section of his life – although no one else could, and any one else could argue himself black in the face that no pattern was evident. The subject, all his life, would have carried these key engrammed-on external gestalts, slumbering always in his psyche; he would know, when he began to re-encounter them what it signified (not that the end was near but that the whole process was subsumed by intention, design, and a plan or Logos). These would be absolute signs along the trail that there was indeed a trail – and it was one intended for him; he and it were isomorphic.


Being a novelist I can appreciate how easily this could be done; the ordinary person would suppose that the tinkering to produce a wholeness would be done at the end (i.e. the final elements in time would be placed there to conform with the very early childhood ones), but of course it’s the other way; at an early age certain gestalts would be stuck in, and at this point the child’s worldview, his sense of reality, in fact his reality, would be so hazy that he would accept anything; there could be no rejection of any time as “out of context” or “not supposed to be there and hence unconvincing or suspicious in nature.” God could stuck a sardine can in the middle of the sky, and the 2-year-old would gaze at it with awe (as we would) but with total acceptance (which we would not). God could see to it that these key (and they need be only a few) engrammed on items could be striking – would leave a vivid impression, and a lasting (for obvious reasons) effect. The child, as he grew up, would find himself wondering, every so often, why the yellow blossoms of the Acacia plant seemed so significant to him and lingered in his memory tapes, after much else had dimmed…and then finally he would delight in re-encountering the Acacia plant, at the Lusitania Hotel, and marvel that he had somehow “found his way home” or better, more accurately, “been led home.”

(In my life, this would be why I always remembered the name of my babysitter, Olive Holt, when the names of most teachers afterwards were forgotten. It was because that “name” in divided form would crop up in the Xerox letter, by accident – it could to a certain vague but real extent be found there; I would see it in the Xerox letter and my mind would work in retrograde way, which is the direction the retention was impressed at the time, when I was 4 years old, because it would come up later –because that would clue me in, in 1974.)

This is an example of a process which I saw in 3 74 as a major process in the universe: it plays its hand (so to speak) in such a nonlinear way that the pattern is never visible until the final sections or even section is lowered (or raised) into place – one can’t even tell, for a long time, maybe a lifetime, that there is/are pattern(s) at all. What is given is not given in sequence, anyhow not in causal sequence, or any 1,2,3,4 sequence. The significance, therefore, of any element early in the “game”, which is to say, in life, cannot be assessed; one can dream at any time a dream the events and things of which although impressive and vivid admit to no understanding – until the missing integers show up subsequently. So

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selective, so intelligent is the method of play, that every guess as to the meaning of a partial pattern is brought to ignominous ruin when the true (completed) pattern is visible, and one must hang on, and hang on, waiting for that last piece. Thus, things seem to turn into their opposites, or anyhow into what they were not, as an additional piece is added; and each gestalt is a subsection of a larger gestalt embracing several gestalts. We therefore can reason that if we watch the universe in its process, its continual creation, we cannot guess what shape It will assume when complete until it is complete – it could turn from a short fat mean dull dry universe to a thrilling warm green hat-shaped one, with the additional of a single sly piece, and God Himself could show a complete visage which was quite different from the semblance up to then…this might provide a new clue as to “unreality” versus “reality”: the latter is anything correct apprehended, which is to say, when it –I repeat it—is complete; until then, no matter how scrupulously observed, it would be less than real; it would be illusion? A phantom? The not-real, anyhow.


It would not really achieve is-ness or true being, but only have temporal (!!!) function or mode until then. (The “false work” of the universe, serving until final pieces are in, and Being or true isness, takes place, which could be Suddenly and Unexpectedly! A would be witnessed as a transformation, not a mere addition to, but a total transformation from being (not truly so, just existed in the mode of) one thing into being (this time truly) another!! simply

Ther[[?]]em : That which we call “illusion” or “not real” is/that which is still incomplete. Not yet what it Is. There is a lot of this. On all sides of us, and in us.

You see, they couldn’t keep the universe vacant and closed until it was finished; where were we supposed to live until then? (Like a new exhibit at Disneyland which isn’t opened until finished, until complete.) We’re living in an in-progress place, because there is no where else for us to go; this is the only exhibit.

I think I can now formulate an explanation for Parmenides’ original problem expressed in his demonstration that he could prove that reality was not as it appeared (and hence had a veil or dokos over it). I can do this by asking the right question, which I don’t think ever has been properly asked. I will do as Zeno did, as a kind of paradox q & A:

Q: I hand you a jigsaw puzzle and tell you to assemble it. You begin to put the various pieces together, not knowing what the picture will be until you have finished, although I know. You work and work, and gradually a picture emerges from the assembled pieces. It is a face. It is the familiar face of

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Mickey Mouse. When you are one piece short –that is, you still have one piece left to put in place—you exclaim, “I know what the picture is! It is of Mickey Mouse!” Then you place the final piece where it goes. The puzzle is now complete, but now that you have added the final missing piece, you see that it is not a picture of Mickey Mouse but of Theodore Roosevelt. The question is: Was it always a picture of Theodore Roosevelt? Or was it a picture of Mickey Mouse up until you put the final piece in, and then it became a picture of Theodore Roosevelt?

A: (This is harder than it might appear. Let’s try it both ways.

Qualified hesitant answer, tentative answer: A. Well, suppose the final missing piece had been lost. Never put in place. Then it would have remained a picture of Mickey Mouse forever. So I say, until when and if that final piece was added –

I: But you were assembling a picture, not creating it. Someone else drew the picture, drew it of Theodore Roosevelt, then sawed it up into pieces for you to put back together. Whoever drew it intended it to be Theodore Roosevelt. You were always in error. You were as much in error one piece short and you were when you had no pieces assembled. “Mickey Mouse” was as much an error as saying it was “Marilyn Monroe.” You are not and never were free to decide in the sense of choosing; you were only free to perceive. It had only to do with perception of what it was, an objective matter. Therefore to begin to reason that until the


final piece was added it was a different picture than when the piece was added – no, that is not so. It was the same picture or face, but not complete, and not to you recognizable. But that is your problem. After all it might have remained unrecognizable to you even after you had assembled all the pieces (to a North Korean, perhaps). Or you might not have finished assembling, or assembled wrong, etc.

In terms of Parmenides basic point about appearance versus substance, you could say that what we see looks like Mickey Mouse, but a priori we know (maybe it says so on the box the puzzle came in) that when complete, we will have a picture of Teddy Roosevelt. If, when it has been fully and correctly assembled, and it still looks to you, to me, to everyone, unlike Teddy Roosevelt and much like Mickey Mouse, then we can conclude there is an unexplainable gulf between what we “know to be there” and “what we in fact perceive.” But this is another matter from that obtaining when we are even one piece short of completion and it looks like Mickey Mouse. Anyone familiar with gestalting will be able to explain that a partial gestalt may not resemble the full or actual gestalt, because we must fill in the missing section with a projected form-constituent. We have seen Mickey mouse but in fact there is no Mickey Mouse, any more than when some one brings in a potato which looks like Mickey mouse. It is

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merely a potato which has grown funny, and we project or gestalt it as Mickey Mouse – the potato is not an incomplete picture; there is no missing piece to ass, and no picture was intended, either of Mickey Mouse or anyone else. This is how the Rorschach blots work; they intrinsically have no content; all is projected.

If we ask, “Why do I see Mickey mouse and not Teddy Roosevelt, when I know it should be Teddy Roosevelt?” I point it that there is a piece missing and that when it is added probably the discrepancy between what you see (MM) and what you should see (TR) will be abolished, and only the Gute-Forme TR will remain. Thus, the dokos will finally lift.

When the development toward completion of this overall pattern is equated with evolution in general, it is evident that we do not worship this god, who is the Creator, but rather the God who enters and picks up the pieces allowed to drop to the workroom floor – “The stone rejected by the builder shall be my cornerstone,” as our God, Christ, put it. There is one God of the total section, the universe as entelechy, and a God of each discarded subsection, that it, too, in some miraculous way, will not perish. It is evident in what manner the universe –the developed complete evolved pattern—will not perish, but what about those of us who were sacrificed or lost out along the way? The principle of “those who did not make it” is a major principle and includes many. My dream of the man who created life from the atom, to the comic strip baby to Kathy – that procession was the universe moving toward completion, and this ruthless march forward injured a bystander; casualties were involved: the lamb, specifically, as represented in the dream as Tessa, who needed medical assistance from the good scouts who were coming in to the vast building. We seek help, but the Creator is concerned with the total structure, not with the rejected bits; if there were only this God and not Christ, what a juggernaut the cosmos would be. We would all perish, ant-like, in the service of the final gestalt or pattern (Darwin et al believed in just such a world). But we seek another God, that of the defeated and powerless


When first the Vision of Christ as the God who goes along invisibly behind the flock and picks up those who can’t keep up, who fall – this at first seems like a small matter, from a nonethical standpoint; how vital a principle is illustrated here? But if the universe is still in process, if continual creation is going on, then maybe “the lambs who could not keep up” represent every one and everything sacrificed along the route of creation; it might include all of us, since it is possible that all of us will not make it into the final completed pattern. We really have nowhere to go for help but to Christ.

NB: The difference between Gnosticism and Neoplatonism is basically that (one) the Neoplatonists believed you could achieve it yourself, whereas (two) the Gnostics believed that the Redeemer did it for you. I think that (two) the Gnostics are correct; it is not something which you achieve, but which (as God’s Grace) is sent to you.

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• • I finally tied it all up: the phosphene graphics were exactly like the Auroras. Probably I thought of this already, but the significance escaped me. Pattern or blueprint – the Logos. The Aurora is energy, in the ionosphere, is plasmic, and is involved with solar flares: is radiation. It acted as a cathode ray tube with my optic nerve as screen.

• • On the “Decoded New Testament”: It agrees with my experiences of the whole last year. They say it comes via the sun; the sun acts as a transducer (so to speak) between Creator and visible universe, a sort of nexus. There is the solar spermatikos, which impregnate men’s souls, which enter us as divine immortal seeds. (One to a person.) That would make God the father; is the human being, then, merely the host for this, for Firebright, as I understand to call mine? Or am I the other parent? (The second birth of the New Testament.) It is also me born again; the second birth is mine; so I am a parent, not merely a host. We have here a true duplex entity, not a parasite. I merge with and gradually, by degrees, become Firebright, who is growing. I –physically speaking—can get sick and be killed; not so Firebright (the karmic body, so-called).

You can’t make this happen. God does it. How exciting, and yet I knew all this, from Firebright (i.e. the Logos, the microLogos).

• • “The Decoded N.T.” show that there others like me, and they know who and what they are, and have joined together. There is nothing I know that they don’t. This answers one of my most pressing questions; the answer is Yes. This whole thing is really real. That I was given this…crucial stations, I suppose, which fan out in all directions (cf my London “speech”). But I did see what they haven’t said: the absolute purposefulness of everything, and the retrograde method of making it all work to a point. What happened to me (Firebright) had a certain history – if you read backward along linear time: my works and my life, in oddly contrasting ways, make the experience although in no sense predictable, at least sensible.

• • •

In discussion with Loren Cavit: what I saw in 3 74 may not have been “Seeing the universe backward, reversed, etc.” but I may have in


fact seen a mirror opposite universe, reversed, with time naturally traveling backward…and processes reversed, so that (this is hard to phrase) these processes blend with forward moving processes in our own universe, and in that fashion so seen signify nothing to us; but when seen correctly (i.e. reversed, in their true mirror opposite universe) these drab processes attain great meaning and can be identified by us as for instance the Logos at work. Forward-moving, the work of the Logos is undistinguished and appears to lead nowhere; but we are mis-perceiving as a part of our universe what is really a vital factor in the mirror opposite universe. This is why I kept exclaiming that I was seeing time moving backward, but, more importantly, why I exclaimed with conviction, “I have been seeing the universe backward,” and why I felt suddenly I had seen the universe pulled inside out – and reversed (and why I felt we had always seen just a mirror image of reality, a reflection – and hence reversed. The true universe is the

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reverse of ours; the “mirror opposite” is somehow more real, more true; ours is a mere picture of it. The mirror opposite universe is the actual universe: essence versus phenomena.

This would well express the relationship between dokos or maya or phenomena and reality; the former are a picture of a mirror opposite actual universe.

It is not instantly possible to figure out what each item in our universe would look like if reversed: simple notion (backwards, going the other way, etc.) are inadequate. Like writing held up to the mirror in our world; if we hold up “mirror writing” suddenly we can read what had been unreadable. What was chaos (blur) becomes cosmos (in focus), simply by reversing it; processes, i.e. which made no sense now make sense.

We are attempting to formulate theories about processes we see running “backward,” but rather more precisely “reversed,” or like, “inside-out.” No wonder the universe seems weird to us.

This is the mystery secret of like Christianity (real xtianity).

It would be a error to say this mirror opposite universe is invisible in another dimension – it is visible to us, to our senses, but like a monochromatic person, we blend it with our forward-moving processes, not discriminating it out. We must turn our monovectoral (unidirectional flow-perception) into two perceptions showing both directions visually. We see these processes backwards; but we see them, and they are all “gray,” i.e. the color of the picture universe: forward-x linear.

If one were to abruptly (for the first time) see processes flowing in a reversed time way, and be able to recognized them at once, and see them as coherent, this would be excellent proof that these process were now being seen properly; i.e. in accord with their actual direction of development. Otherwise, one would expect the person to be confused for a very long period, to be able to make nothing out clearly. Were he to see famous entities such as the Logos and know them for what they were, almost at once – this would indicate very much as to the more correct view here than the forward (picture) one he’d been experiencing. (Even if he knew nothing of Parmenides’ proof of the dokos.) It’s a simple, “Now it makes more sense…viewed this way.” A resolution of a picture is its own proof of its own correct resolution: when the picture swims into clarity and focus and one can tell, at last what it is ….the visage of God, in my case.


That makes of reality a sort of code, which we kept running through (like a tape) different ways, until finally we thought to reverse it (which doesn’t merely mean backward but maybe inside out; cf tape processes where a tape can be played inside out, not merely reversed).

We are not stabilizing what we experience correctly; if enlightenment comes as soon as we run it “inside out,” which is also automatically in a reversed way, then it is evident that our senses should be

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striving to do this; or anyhow to pick up the picture of the universe and the mirror opposite as well; and certainly not blending them into one signal.

Messages are arriving in red and green and we are monochromatic; the resulting blur makes little sense.

At this point I would make this guess: that the universe is not running backward and we see it forward; if that were so, we would have recorrected our impressions of it; I think that there are two flows, and we see both as running forward, which is not true. There is perhaps the main flow, or the more powerful flow, which does run forward; but there is a subtle, mild, mirror opposite running inside out and reversed, and it seems to be a sort of intelligence capable of affecting our forward flow, in crucial ways. That is my summation: the mirror opposite universe is a weak, living, intelligent mind which alters the configuration of reality in its backward-moving time flow so as to benefit our total flow, which is to say, the forward one we normally see.

• • A final note: Loren Cavit hear late one night on a DJ talk show and disc program what I heard that I could not believe: a switch from music and chatter to programming, of us. This is true onset of my experience, the true shock: to wake up and hear my radio programming me in a vile way at night. Loren several years ago heard her radio doing that. I think we really heard it. Who it was, or why – neither of us knows, but there was an obscure tyranny which fell, and this was part of it; it was invading our minds using modern sophisticated electronic subliminal thought control manipulative techniques. Probably it was a satellite over-ride, beamed directly to our sets, our receivers, with the voice of the DJ simulated; probably it was by the Soviets. That a girl so sane and responsible would have heard it, confirms what I have thought all this time. We got help, from outside, to throw all this into ruin.

As in Ray Nelson’s story “Eight O’clock in the Morning” we woke up – “Sleepers Awake!” (And found the springtime had come.)


The mirror opposite universe. It is not –repeat NOT—another universe, but this one reflected. Thus as Parmenides said, Form Two is actually Form One (reflected, or seen in reverse, or seen backward or upside down or from outside). We have universe and –“As seen by reflection in the bottom of a polished pan.” The most important realization of Parmenides: Yin is (or becomes) Yang. There must be a zone of interaction between Form One and Two giving rise to change and time. We should do a Parmenides says, we should expunge Form Two, which is the “moist” or reflected mirror opposite, and experience only the dry Form One; again, the Magdeburg hemisphere: to do this we need a fiery soul.

It is a matter of the utmost importance, absolutely so, to discern why –or how—we happen to see Form Two, this reflected mirror opposite universe, which is reversed or backward? Why this total bounce back of signals which give rise to mere phenomena (let’s try out this: a green object is actually

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every color but green, etc.). We are bouncing signals off objects and receiving these radar-like blips in our head (eye, ears). What we experience is what is bounced off, so to correctly apprehend our universe we must correct by totally reversing the totality of incoming signals (left is right, forward is actually backward, big is little, inner is outer, and time good heavens, time is moving backward in relationship to our bounced off Form two reflected experience of it. We are sounding the depths with many cat whiskers – and taking the whiskers for what they sound or plumb) (the whiskers are actually art of the plumber the sounder, not the what-is-sounded, the true Other; we merely encounter ourself over and over again: the physionogmic fuckup).

Another possibility, using the radar screen model: a false area, of repeated or echo signals which our sense apparatus monitors and doesn’t factor out…almost due to a sort of perceptual laziness; it allows the true signals and the false echo signals to blend. This is grim and very frightening; thse would be a ghost universe signal system, mimicking and resembling true signals, but serving no real purpose, such as an “actual” mirror or Form Two Yin universe might. The crucial question: is Form Two just a ghost mimic signal system, or has it got a parity or ballast Yin Form Two function vis-à-vis Form One, the authentic signals? I.E. does it exist at all? I swear, it does not exist; there is no Form Two at all. It is a spurious universe which we don’t discriminate out. Now, are we to reckon here on a corrupted superior percept system? Or a relatively primitive percept system unable for that reason (lack of sophistication) to discriminate? It was 2,400 years ago that Parmenides was able to factor Form two out of true existence (denied it ontology existence), so in any case there’s been no progress; we more deeply involved in Form Two than even, more at its mercy, more barbaric in our worldview. And Empedocles assumed a drop down at his point. It is noise intruding on signal, or at best crosstalk.

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When I look back on those first days in 3 74 when I saw Rome around me, not Fullerton, and specifically the Rome of the period of Christ’s time, and saw its angry military hostility, I was equally aware (and this is what I tend to forget) of my own identity standing in opposition to it; hence its hostility toward me – the scurrying of its agents were specifically hostile toward me, and I had to work in stealth, e.g. in baptizing Christopher et al. The other end of the dipole was my own new identity, not merely the “new” identity of my environment (Fullerton made into Rome); I had become a Christian and a very special kind, different from what I had been as Fullerton had been to Rome; I was a member of a secret group which Rome was dedicated to destroy; this made me part of the Fish sign secret society, killed on identification and disclosure. No sense can be made out of my seeing Fullerton turn into Rome until the other hemisphere of the Magdeburg jars is taken into account: what I had turned into. I can infer it from the hostility of my Roman environment (the ir leg, for instance,) but more so I can infer it from what I did (the baptism) and my knowledge of the original Christian practices. The change had been wrought in me; Fullerton metamorphosing into Rome came as a result of that. Thus, what I saw externally in terms of transformation ratifies what I knew from an inner awareness to be the ase; the two fit perfectly. What was Rome of that period hostile to? The authentic early Christians. Also, I tend to forget that in addition to the secretiveness of my actions, due to my knowledge of what the Romans

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would do to me, was my anticipation of the Savior to come. Now, the Fish-Christians (i.e. the original authentic Christians) did not exist before Christ, nor had they the fish sign; thus, it was the Second Advent which I –we in our group—anticipated. We as a small select body were already in existence, and our savior was evidently already gone (of course: the fish sign came from the sign the Romans placed on the cross above him as he died). There is no latitude in the measure of precision in my knowing what I had been transformed into, both by external observation of change, and inner. Therefore it is bootless to dwell on the question, How did Fullerton become Rome and what does it mean? Are we really in Rome and don’t know it? Was there a time dysfunction? Etc., because the answer is already there in the other Magdeburg hemisphere transformation; I need only look to the change that took place in myself to know the answer. It is only Rome, and Rome as persecuting enemy, if one is what I became. The Crucifixion, although an historical event (circa 50AD) is also in the Platonic world of archetypes always present, outside time, available as the cornerstone experience for someone changed like I was; when you think about it, my transformation would probably be merely one of psychological “Set” had I perceived externally a total transformation…and I should add here, not just the original Fullerton into Rome, but also God along the alley, and being able to read the steganographic codes in the Bible, to sense the Logos, everything else, the world-conflict. I was augmented in my faculties, as the original secret Christian body of men was.

What is involved is a restoring, a new life which is the igniting by means of the penetrating of the solar spermatakos of what had lain dormant, asleep over two thousand, maybe five to ten thousand years; it


could not wake itself up – like the root or bulb called to by spring (by the healing warming Sun of Rlighteousness) it had to be summoned. If new birth or new life refers to a restoring (which it does) then at one time that Healing Sun was present and somehow withdrew, at which time the higher life in us fell asleep, in the darkness (vide the pineal body secreting the hormone melatonia, in darkness, which impede the expansion, the growth, the coming into activity, of the latent form or entelechy). The very idea of “wake up” implies winter time and the slumbering during winter time of all life. In some fashion, however, we once were awake and then fell asleep, which is what the Greeks meant by Lethe, by forgetfulness; forgetfulness is equated with falling asleep, and waking up with anamnesis. I guess the nourishing and feeding by the solar spermatika is understandable when one realizes that all life id “fed” by sunlight per se; this is an analog of that. It cannot wake unless fed; the first impulse rouses it from slumber, as when I felt that an Essene or someone holy who had been slumbering in me thousands of years and who possessed Sophia Pistis had awakened; the shock was of such enormity as to be beyond words to express; I can see why. I asked, Did I once live, then, and am reincarnated and now remember? No, I did not, at least not as an individual, the one born in 1928. What is shown here is the grid-like interpersonality of the Christ consciousness, that there is a kingship and a kingdom, each of us being in him and He in us. I awoke to the experience of having been there in a non material sense, beyond material space and time. I recalled no Latin, only Greek, because it is a Greek religion and a

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Greek spiritual rebirth experience; Rome was totally hostile to it (it came from Orpheus and Zagreus, etc).

I awoke abruptly to find myself with my Savior, and then entered Fellowship with God (the dreams of the delighting void). Can it be said that this is the rebirth, accomplished by penetration of the Child by the solar spermatikos? Yes. Firebright, brought to life and sustained Greater intelligence fo me, better health, longer life, even prosperity. A certain facility with life. But most of all I recall what I saw when I awakened: I saw my God, smiling in the sunlight of day. Once, during the years of the Terrible Separation, I saw Palmer Eldritch in the Sun –I saw God backward, but sure enough, in the daytime sun: at high noon, and knew him to be a god. THE THREE STIGMATA, if read properly(i.e. reversed) contains many clues as to the nature of God and to our relationship with him. I was motivated to flee, then, fearing what I saw, so vast was the breach then. It was definitely a true vision of God, but grown (to my blind sight) terrible; still, it was the beginning of my seeing; that I could see God at all, in the sun, snowed that I was not entirely blind, but rather deranged. My 3 74 experiences are an outgrowth of my Palmer Eldritch experience of over ten years earlier. “Faith of Out Fathers” show this too; I knew Him to be real…but only in UBIK does he begin to appear as benign, especially then in MAZE OF DEATH. We were coming back together, as friends in the light-struck meadow or forest…the summertime to greet.

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The band of darkness which I and Laura saw passing across the sky on Good Friday, during the 3 hour period in which Christ is dead – i.e. in the tomb. It was real; we both saw it, and felt the powerful wind. But maybe it meant more than I realized; vide the “Decoded N.T.” where they speak of Jesus crying out, “Eli Eli,” meaning “My power, my power” has gone because the sun had gone down (out). This darkness described in the Bible, and referred to in the “Decoded” is what Laura and I saw; what did it mean? That He was dead. That the light was gone. Now, take Doris’ notion that maybe a time dysfunction had taken place that day; suddenly (way ahead of schedule) He was dead. There was a connection. I knew, when I saw that band of darkness traveling across the sky, that it was related to his death; this fits in perfectly with the “Decoded” theory that He got his power from the sun. What, then, in view of what the “Decoded” as well as the time dysfunction theory – what did I see and what did it mean? No universe at all? Night had taken place at midday…so, logically, there could be the opposite: light (and hence Christ’s source of power, and Christ alive) during our regular darkness, at night…would this, then, be another, mirror-opposite time dysfunction? If/when this happens? Christ never dead or gone or in the thrall (bonds) of death, in the tomb? When He is risen for us all? No “band of darkness” even when there is no sun…because Laura and I saw this while the sun shone (early afternoon, on a cloudless day).

Not the physical sun that day had gone out (had it, as in an eclipse, I wouldn’t have been anything), but the other sun, the Sun of Righteousness. So I was already then able to see the Other Sun, of Righteousness, without realizing it. That is why I saw “Palmer Eldritch” in the sun, even though I was afraid (Palmer means pilgrim to the Holy Land, which I didn’t know. Palm leaves, Sonta Sofia, etc).

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But more: what Laura and I saw must have been what Jesus himself, on the cross, saw: the Other Sun had gone out (time dysfunction). We saw what he saw. And He died, because of that darkness. When Laura and I saw that certainly not Laura and not me either could have understood the significance of what we saw; I mean, this is not faked, because for us to see that rushing band of darkness, and lacking on both our parts the highly sophisticated knowledge I now have, we did not see it be-cause we “expected” to see it. That was around 1962. It has taken 13 or so years for me to understand what that meant, which certifies to the genuineness of the experience. Then indeed, as related in the Bible, the sun did go out that day on Calvery. The sun went out. Then, as in 1962. This proves the connection between Christ or anyhow Christ’s power or origin and the sun, as stated in the “Decoded.” I am witness to what must consist of a valid (scientifically valid) proof of this. And, just as Isa had the book dream and healing dream here, Laura was witness with me then. In each case a daughter of mine was witness, without comprehension (“a little child shall lead them,” because it can’t fake it).


This news (in Psy Today) about the pineal body being a light receiving organ or gland is so exciting to me because it means that the chromatic phosphene source I experienced did not merely go to the light-sensitive part of my brain, but also to my pineal glad. Since the pineal gland is the “third eye” actually, scientifically speaking, as the Hindus believed, this is thrilling (and helps explain my dreams of the three-eyed people, also ratifying their significance and ratifying that indeed the pressure experienced as phosphene activity did in fact travel to my pineal) anyhow, its function, as the Ency Brit says, “is obscure,” but it is connected with springtime, with instinctive actions, and with total endocrine encoded metaprogramming. My brain saw the phosphene activity and was dazzled and delighted; however, probably as far as the brain itself went, it ended there. Not so for my pineal body; it responded (which is what it does; see article in Psy Today) to what it received from the optic nerve, accepting it not as entertainment but as signal. (Disinhibiting, no doubt.) Probably all melatonia production (for openers) was halted, it being an inhibiting secretion. I guess I saw the “Other Sun,” which shone at nighttime, when the physical sun isn’t there. It was a deliberate signal from the Sun of righteousness, in the night, a dazzling display of its kind of light (a fire-like light, much like chromatic fire), and it tripped the pineal into things buried in our morphology for thousands of years, which the physical daytime sun doesn’t trip (more than abolishing the production of melatonia and histomine, etc.). This chromatic Other Sun fire light would cause firing (sic) in the pineal body which constituted the true, absolute, ultimate purpose of that body, and place my total mindbody organism into its true, absolute, ultimate Being state. Here, I am not saying anything new about what happened, only about how it was done. But it emphasizes that the cause was external, and deliberate (“Grace of God”). And again ratifies the “Decoded N T” theory of what Xtianity was all about – what they were after, and shows there is indeed a “Sun of Righteousness” capable of shining at night, or day if it wishes, but not, repeat not, our physical sun and its variety of light.

Nurturing. I am not, rather than merely being nurtured (by the Earth, etc.) but nurturing Firebright within me (a Yinnish matter: hence this is why I got K’un as my trigram, K’un and Tui, both

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female). This is the normal growth-line of a organism: it is born, and must, as an incomplete, ungrown infant, be nurtured. Gradually, as it grows, it moves toward nurturing rather than being nurtured; final entelechy completion would be for it to nurture, be a parent. This is logically visible in all higher organisms. (We call this “giving” rather than “receiving.” What the Gospels stress when they repeat the concept of giving in so many ways is nurturing, which is giving. The parent (mother or female) gives of her own body in this. The reason the Gospels emphasize the female values is not for receptivity alone (which is the first step, before implantation) but after the reception of the seed, then the nurturing. So long as one takes, one is not full grown, and certainly not yet a parent (of the Spiritual, Immortal body within). One becomes the “mother” and God himself is the father. And does the protecting, as one sees on the visible plane, in a family.

The “receiving of the Holy Spirit” at Pentercost, in Acts, probably is this reception to the pineal body by this different light. What travels to the brain itself is only a by-product “Aurora display.


The conduit is the optic nerve, the eyes the receptor percept organs, but the message is to the pineal body, not the brain. Generally, photon light messages travel to brain-reception; but as the Psy Today article shows, some are “intended” for the pineal body (springtime).

One could speculate that this is the purpose of human beings: Why We Are Here – to serve as the recipient “female” “mothers” for the implantations of the solar spermatika, the divine seeds. Curiously, this would bear on Doris’ point about the item in Catholic Agitator that Jesus’ healing activities were not only primary, it was that which most crucially angered the Romans. I asked her, “Why the hell would healing these bodies for us be a primary act on His part, especially since these bodies will die anyhow; they’re healed, but they aren’t made into anything but what they are, i.e. they aren’t immortal.” Well, if these bodies are to serve as the “wombs” for the solar spermatika, then healing such a body would be “pre natal care,” and certainly logically crucial. Doris and I both agreed that even without knowing precisely why healing these bodies was primary it did show that there was some vast importance to our physical lives here. Healing us would be a logical continuation of creating us in physical form in the first place; it is a stage, but now I am thinking that it is a “launch stage,” a platform –I hate to say host situation, and “host” isn’t right because the divine seed and the human “mother bond into a duplex entity which is not in accord with the meaning of “host.” (A baby is not a parasite in the strict sense, only when one views it in a value sense; in which case all children are parasites to their parents, and anyone in need is a parasite on the rich, etc.) (And the sick to the healthy; any outstretched hand…which brings us back to Gospel symbolism.) God is the Father; the selected mortal (human) male or female is the mother, into whose spirit the seed is placed; but the human (or so Christ assured us) has plenty to gain: she/he/it isn’t discarded as the seed grows, because it is a Light Body which involves eternally the human mother. Carrying “her” with it when the rotting

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fruit decays (dies). This is the only way our physical body can become a fruit containing a seed; otherwise it is only a flower: pretty, but temporary, ephemeral. It does not give birth (except to other ephemeral flowers, a procession of them), missing their true purpose.

It doesn’t seem to me that it’s just speculation that it was my pineal gland to which the primary message went, and which was primarily stimulated; because: (one) the dreams of three eyed people, with the third eye being the Hindu 3rd all seeing eye of enlightenment dead-center in the forehead. And (two) the pineal gland is affected by light, according to Psy Today, in early springtime, at the vernal equinox or just before…probably it can be computed at the precise time (March 18) (1974) that I experienced the chromatic progressions. However, this still leaves the issue of, Where did all the information (e.g. written) come from? Disinhibited (i.e. this was all engrammed inside, in my entelechy, but held back, blocked by the melatonia, the GABA fluid, etc? Just in there waiting? Or did it enter me along with the seed? (Pre-natal instructions! No wonder I felt myself to be under the guidance of Asklepios – and dreamed of doctors! And got primarily medical/healing advice, which goes with what Christ himself offered, for the same reason.


What, though, took possession of me, which seemed like Elijah (if not truly Elijah)? I guess it was the Father; certainly it was not the seed. A form of the Father: the Holy Spirit, which, recall, made Mary pregnant, which brought conception to her; she conceived by the Holy Spirit and gave birth to the Logos; and yet, the Logos in a sense impregnated her; I guess the macroLogos this way achieves its micropresence here. Locally.

However, against this is set my experience of anamnesis, the neoplatonistic recovery of memory of divinity already there. I did not acquire it abruptly; I recalled it.

In reconciling this with Christianity, I was restored. To the former state I had lost (the myth of Adma, the Fall). In the Parousia, there is the Restoration of all things, specifically, man is restored to his intended divine state. The Second Birth (born again or saved, found after having been lost)

Is it food for a seed already there? A seed which has never germinated? Been fed? (“Your ancestors ate manna in the desert and they are all dead; I give you bread of eternal life.” This implies it is more a kind of food in the sunlight, packets of nourishment. But I think the mystery has to do with what I experienced as suddenly being back 2000 years in Rome, being in another space-time. It shows that we do not understand the nature of time. If a new seed, from without, were implanted, why (like Empedocles) would we remember? But we do. Here, we’re dealing with the “divine spark,” like that

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which is in us because our ancestors, the Titans, ate the infant Zagreus. The divine spark is the same as the logos spermatika. The spark or seed, being an immortal being, is not subject to time. The kind of transtemporal experience which I had is impossible to a being which is mortal and hence subject to time; as the Brit 3 says, mortality and being in thrall to time are identical. If a spermos logos were implanted from without, and then fed, I think the person would suddenly find himself no longer bounded by time (and also not bounded by space, but this would be a lesser release). It is time which grinds down and brings death. The divine seed being immortal would transcend time, and what I experienced (because of the nature of time, which is not known to me) would be the sort of natural result of the sudden release from thrall to it. I would imagine a time dysfunction; actually, it would more accurately be that I had become an entity not bound by time. I would think, “Something is wrong with time; I am no longer in Fullerton in 1974 but 2000 years back in the past, in Roma.” The change, though, was in me. No one else felt anything, underwent anything. Thus, expressed this way, which may be accurate, anamnesis, recovery of memory, is a projection (in the Jungian sense) outward, upon the person receiving immortality (i.e. freedom from the thrall of time). THIS WOULD EXPLAIN WHY THERE ARE NO INTERVENING MEMORIES, AND WHY I KNEW IT WASN’T A REINCARNATION TYPE MEMORY, OF A FORMER LIFE. THAT I ONCE HAD BEEN IN ROME CIRCA 70 AD AND SUDDENLY REMEMBERED IT. Rome and Fullerton were fused, as if the element of time were withdrawn. I didn’t remember; I was there. (At two points, A and B simultaneously; vide Dr. NK’s “universe projected from a single point,” etc. This can’t be understood unless time is understood. We are freed – from what? What is time?


It may be that Dr. NK is wrong, and that time is a 4th dimensional space imperfectly perceived; I was freed from time, and this shows that indeed I had been Reborn immortal, but I do not understand that which I was freed from (time). What I should do is try to infer the nature of time from what I experienced (“anamnesis”) when freed from it. It became unreal (I remembered at least 2000 years back; Restoration took place; there was retrieval of data, etc.). What we experience as lost –things moving into the past—those things ceased to be lost. Those things which had passed out of sight (moving from the present to the past and hence gone forever, destroyed) were again there, again real, not destroyed. This is intimately bound up with immortality, the rebirth, the freedom back upward from the Fall. The continual perishing (including that of myself) was abolished – but not only of myself, but of everything. The world-and-I together were retrieved, as if no destroying process had obliterated us (“Death, where is thy sting? Grave, where is thy victory?”). Is this a waking up? (“Look! I tell you a sacred secret: we shall not all sleep,” etc.) Here, “sleep” equals a loss of full consciousness in which perception of all-which-was is lost, and we cease to see it and imagine it destroyed & abolished.

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The transient quality of things, the loss of them into the past, is a diminution of perception, a visual-perceptive loss; we cease to be able to track or follow their movements to another place (the past is another place which we can’t see, being partly blind; in the “Decoded” it says, “He now could –an angel?—see only things very close to himself, and nothing which was far away.” I.e.: he could only see that point which is the immediate present. Those two vast eternities, which contain everything, the past and the future, were no longer visible (the 3rd eye had shut). And ths would be why the gift of prophecy (second sight) is so basic to the restitution of ones full faculties, and associated with Men of God. Prophecy: seeing into. The past is within things (as in UBIK). Again, the onion rings universe. Where is the past? Within what we see, at the hearts. All reality is like some great Indian burial garbage mound, like layers or accretions, at Troy, successive. Not behind but “below.” Contained.

Like in the 3 pages I sent Angus. Palimpset. Well, if the past is within what we see (smaller concentric rings, constricted) perhaps one can reason that the future consists of larger rings than that which makes up our perceptual present; vide Plotinus. The next concentric ring of emanation would be the future…strange. Which we reach toward, and which recoprically reaches down to assist us (as I inferred about the “space people”: they’re from the future, reaching back to what for them is a smaller inner ring of the past, to give help. Angels. They would come to us in dream-time, with visions of what is ahead, and this is why dreams are prophetic. And less dense, less constricted than the daytime Now ring.

Recall in “Autofac” how the automatic factory creates seeds of itself to survive through; this is what a seed is for; I had carefully studied the purpose of seeds. Well, the divine seed is so that I (and not merely my species) can survive, the death of my physical body; when the autofac was destroyed, the seed lived on and grew. Thus, the factory was immortal. It replicated itself and so escaped destruction.


One could assume, guess, that the divine seed is in every one of us, but remains dormant (crypto morphosis); it is never fed, and this feeding comes to the pineal body via sunlight. So there is no implantation. I myself, I felt something (Firebright) was implanted. I had visions of Firebright’s heavenly parents. That sounds like more than celestial food. Which do we have, a quickening, and awakening, or an implantation? The parables about the seeds sown…they don’t make it certain (some sown on barren soil, come on rock, some on good soil, etc.) If one had had a dormant seed all ones life, and it had never stirred, come to life at all, and then a shaft of fire-light from the Sun of Righteousness caused it to come to life for the first time, one might sense and implantation from outside; something which was not oneself. (Sasha must feel that way, with her little new unborn kittens inside her. “They cam from outside.” But in fact they were fertilized from outside. Okay, fertilization is what takes place: it isn’t a seed such as a plant has, but an egg such as a human woman ovulates, and a cosmic spermatika fertilizes it; a zygote is produced. Firebright is a combining. Here would be the crucial distinction

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between Neoplatonism and Gnosticism, which I feel so strongly about: the former is sort of self-fertilizing, parthogenesis, so to speak, but in Gnosticism you have here the idea that something entirely from outside one is necessary, it come along (God’s grace) and if it doesn’t come, then there is no zygote, no Firebright, no seed, no immortality. I always felt Gnosticism was correct over Neoplatonism; viewed this way, it is evident why. The Neoplatonist knows what happened, in a basic way, but he feels he did it by himself: up by his own bootstraps. A personal achievement. I guess this is a failure to know about the “bird and the bees,” as the “Decoded N T” points out. How are babies born? By thinking about it, or by copulating? Let’s be realistic; it takes a union, always true in higher forms, of which we are one. This is why the “Dec N T” can so plainly declare that no meditation, no prayer, no affirmation of belief, is going to do it. It is done to us, not by us. All each of us can do is accept – i.e. receive.

You are to be “meek,” i.e. Yinnish, humble, receptive, but what overpowers you (the father!) is fierce, like Elijah, seeking justice and truth, powerful, definitely Yangish, and the not-you. Just the opposite. Possession by the God (vide Virgil describing Apollo taking over Sibyl. You may be masculine to other humans, but to Him you are feminine, passive. Now, the Mynaeds of Dionysos did not seem to believe (read know) that a permanent fertilization, acquisition took place, but the Orphics certainly did; here lies a vast distinction! The being-overpowered leaves something forever: a vision of truth, of reality, a rising up to ultratemperal regions, but after the beatific vision, the Firebright Second Birth, what is born, lives on, eternally. What a jump from the mere Dionysian frenzy to orphism and beyond, to Christianity! What a realization of the value of being possessed!

This borders on the Sufi: becoming God. One does “become” God while he possesses you, but then he leaves. But – well, it’s like poor Leda. Vide Yeats’ poem. But look at the progeny: Helen of Troy.

Well, I have certainly (through Doris’ help) made a distinction


between two opposite sequential states; my experience began when I was “listening for very weak signals to transduce,” which was meekness (I got it right, picked up paw talk, etc), and then came the chromatic fire. That was when I received God or God’s Power or Spirit, the Yang upon me-as-Yin. Possession of me by the God took place, as Ted Sturgeon says in VENUS PLUS X or whatever, this being what was really sought at the Feast of Agape. No wonder they say, as Doris points out, God is love! Wow, He sure is! It is a (ahem) mating (again vide Yeats’ poem “Leda and the Swan.”) But that was one year ago – over a year ago. Actual possession lasted days, weeks, slowly drained off; no more than a

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couple weeks, the electrostatic life form gradually drained off. But Firebright remained; the dreams remain right up to now; contact (Fellowship) with God remains.

Spring is the mating season. As Psy Today says, it’s based all the way up to cosmic influences (sidereal). All synchronized.

By following all the admonitions of the Gospels, one literally courted the great masculine Father deity so that he literally possessed the Christian. From this (receiving the Holy Spirit, as they put it euphemistically) they got various powers: healing, prophecy, ability to discern, and were made Righteous, which I experienced as a thirst for Truth and Justice and doing the right thing. “Gifts of the Spirit,” yes, but those who were possessed were also the “First fruits of the harvest,” which meant that they gained something permanent; this would correspond with my being back in Rome; i.e. escaping the thrall producing death – hence, freedom, release, from the power of death. Certainly, of all the various gifts, this would matter the most. I myself experienced reality on an inner ontological basis (assimilating objects themselves rather than mere phenomena), saw the structure of the universe (Logos or Plan), had and still retain fellowship –contact—with God, which is to say, knowledge of him. I didn’t just get the power to heal; I was healed. I walked with God and communed with him (along the alley that day, also in trances and dreams). I knew the true state of things (the tyranny) and what to do. But to dream of Crete or dream of Rome is a lot different than that period when I was there; when for me time was abolished. This is what I mean when I say, The power of the world over me was broken. It got that cardboard fake quality. Now it is clear about the Father-Son (JHWH-Christ) relationship (Zeus-Zagreus). The Holy Spirit, a form God the Father takes, impregnates (the person receives it) and Christ consciousness is born (in Mary’s case, Jesus Christ physically born from her womb, she being made with child by the Holy Spirit). Out of this union comes Christ. The father is God. The impregnating spirit is the Holy Spirit. (Does Christ grow up to be Jehovah? Why hasn’t anyone ever asked that before? Or like him? I think he can be like him or even be him.) Where is the Logos in all this? The outcome of possession by the deity is Logos relatedness, in the sense Hericlitus meant. One (the receiving one) is brought into conformity with it, while the Christ within, Firebright, grows. The former mere moral human, full of sin (sickness and insanity) is consumed by the growing Christ, moves toward him, toward the Logos, with it as exemplar and outcome: as perfected form. The

Logos is the plan and information which leads to that completion, a process begun by the Holy Spirit initially.


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This makes of the Trinity a great biological organism in its several stages or phases: father-son is obvious, with the holy spirit bringing about the production of the son, using the human as “mother.” (Just as Mary was used; she is the exemplar for that.) God gets from where He is to produce Christ (as many as God wishes, all of which probably share one “body,” one “mind,” which is transpersonal) via the activity of the Holy Spirit. Certainly the distinctions between God the Father and Christ the Son are clear (Zeus to Zagreus), but then someone asks, “How does the father produce the son? By binary fission? By parthenogenesis, which would make Him a Her?” Answer: as Holy Spirit He very Yanguishly uses one of us, which makes the human race the bride, not of Christ, but of God. (Hence the strange bride and bridegroom imagery in the church –“Wenn kommst du mein Heil? Ich komme dein Teil,” etc., which I knew was erotic but which I couldn’t understand. It has passed down to us in a typically garbled form. The Son is not the bridegroom; He is the issue. God is the Groom; Man is the Bride. Thus, we mere perishing mortals are brought up to participate in an act of biological or anyhow metabiological reproduction of an immortal and very superior electrostatic deity-race, and gain immeasurably from this act; if never involved in this, we mere mortals perish in the most miserable and pointless fashion, just as the Bible says. The odd part is, the text of the New Testament really has got it all there, if you just get the proper slant on it, which we don’t get, the sort of biological, reproductive, live-form, springtime, mating thing…it’s there, but for some wild weird reason we utterly reject and cast out as unholy any suggestion of the erotic…except in the odd idea of Bride and Bridegroom, Christ and Church. This is a case of almost being right, but the not-quite bit is a razor’s edge bit, separating us absolutely. We get just to the edge of grasping it…but as the “Decoded N T” says, it isn’t an intellectual thing anyhow; “grasping it” doesn’t do it, any more than reading about the sexual act among cats produces cats. It’s the old confusion between banana and the word banana. (Philosophy.) Reading about being seized by the Holy Spirit and believing that the HS exists and that it can do it, and that immortality therefrom is possible, through Christ, doesn’t produce it in you. Too bad, but as the “Dec N T” says, no universe ever worked any other way. This is what I’ve meant by “cargo cult.”

(It’s interesting how in my novel MAZE OF DEATH I wrote about a society where the communication and I guess by inference reproduction of God to his Son did take place routinely; anyhow there were a lot of Walkers-on-Earth bopping around, which is what this is supposed to achieve.

I guess you could say, the total family is, God (JHWH), his impregnating self which comes to man (the Holy Spirit, sent by God) (as Christ said), and if Christ is the Son, the issue, it’s pretty obvious that we humans are the mother; we’re all Mary right now, until we receive the Holy Spirit. But we don’t physically conceive, as she did; there is an inner, Light body transformation, into what they call Christ Consciousness. Our completion/perfection is not here on this Earth, but after our physical body perishes (“If a grain of wheat remain solitary, not sown then it –“ etc. Well, I guess I got it. Albemuth: the star of Bethlehem, which I kept gazing up, seeking. Point of His (HS) origin?

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Maybe I’m missing one major point (certainly one disputed in early Christianity): Christ, although God is His father, has/had a human mother; so Christ while remaining God’s true son, is a halfbreed. This certainly removes any “host” or “use” aspect from this, and returns us to the Zeus-Leda paradigm. And it certainly would make Christ different from His father, since Christ partakes (equally?) of our race. Half God, half man. God fused with us, in holy union. We lifted up…this seems exactly what the Bible says about Jesus Christ. Then, upon physical death, the transient earthly body is shed, and He becomes all light, since only that part survives; thus, as Firebright and I fuse, then we are together half human (my part) half god (His part; except that Firebright more accurately is half of me, half of God – I am to him as Mary was to Jesus. Did she survive in Christ’s immortality? We progressive Christians are certain that out of the HS penetrating one of us, the human lives on after his physical, temporary body dies; that which is the union (the firebright) carries him along; this goes with the victory over time which I have already experienced, the onion rings, layers, as in UBIK; if my offspring is immortal, I am immortal, since any offspring of mine )Firebright, not Christopher) contains me, ala UBIK, and in my Rome-within-Fullerton experience (where is the past? Inside the present). “The father achieves immortality through his offspring.” This is true, but only if the offspring is immortal. Firebright is, since he has a celestial Father.

In one sense Firebright is within me; in another (looking ahead, past the tyranny of time) I am within him. “The child is father to the man.” What will survive of me is what is worthy, I guess, and a sort of consciousness, but yoked in duplex or multiplex with the Savior, who is/will be each and all of us.

There was another entity in me, all right: thinking away in Attic Greek. (the logos?) (the father?) (Firebright?) (The Holy Spirit? Probably the HS. But it proves one was; and, as Apollo made the sibyl do this and that, it made me do this and that.

Perhaps, when the Moment of Restoration comes (which could work equally for all men at once –collectively—or for one individual here and another there, or even visible to just one) the accretional layers of their/his reality would simply be removed, stripped away, to reveal the past – i.e. what had been lost. Again, I refer to the quality of lineal time to accumulate as it advances up the manifold. Restoration would be a taking away! Just as when one restores a piece of furniture to its original –true—wood by stripping away layers of varnish; under them the authentic wood remains. We do call this “restoring.” Perhaps the ultimate & absolute Restoration (rather than merely a partial one, but rather the one) would be an abrupt stripping away of all layers back to 2000 years ago: to the time when Christ was alive, not to Crucifixion was the taking aay of him. My experience contained an awareness of a savior about to come, which would be both a restoration (first advent) and the fulfillment (Second Advent). A collapse of time, the 2000 year interval between His going and His return, telliscoped into a single point. Like when as one train leaves a station “another” appears at once.

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I never after that “found” myself in daytime in an earlier moment, such as Crete, but recalled them in dreams; those were the foundations of Christianity. The Rome-Christ period was actually there and actually experienced during full wakefulness, as present. Yet, it was still now. But now He has returned. It was now and yet superimposed Rome of 2000 years ago: 1974 Fullerton and Rome c 45. I gather that what I experienced were the two advents unified, with time abolished. It made Rome Fullerton and Fullerton Rome; it made 45 AD 1974 AD and 1974 AD 45 AD. This certainly would explain why I knew that neither reincarnation or time-travel per se were involved. It was a time dysfunction but of a crucial sort, that prophesied in the Bible: the Parousia in which it abolishes or ends time, or perhaps, when God enters time from outside time, which is to say, from Eternity; surely that’s a time dysfunction, although you might not be able to fathom why it happened. But I guess this is what you experience when God abolishes time; when the Parousia arrives.

In connection with this, I wasn’t just back in Rome; I was aware of two portions (not aspects, but divisions): the Roman army/police – and the hurrying semi-invisible Christian underground, the fish Christian who were illegal and whom the Romans (part one) were after, to destroy. Gosh, if I were merely transported back to Rome via a time dysfunction I might gaze at great buildings and watch crowds, having no awareness of the fish Christians or the Roman ir leg. So this was not only Rome, or Rome as such; it was Rome viewed as the Apostles mush have viewed it; it was a very precise and special view, and I was one of those fish Christians. I am happy to say that in this apocalyptic experience, I was indubitably one of those Christians, and our Savior was anticipated momentarily (later in the year I had the “Santa Sophia” dream, bearing this out without the Roman experience, that is, the Second Advent for sure, for us).

The “Dec N T” says that this time Christ won’t appear in the form of one single man (as he did as Jesus before), because if he does, then they’ll get him again and it’ll be a failure again; therefore, as I understand it, this is what all this solar spermatika,the seeds, etc. talk had to do with; there will me many implantations, of persons already alive and walking around “at their regular tasks,” and the births will be plural, and inside people’s heads, and not out of a womb, as with Mary’s. Gee, I finally understood it. There will be no one Savior born this time, but a different system Vide St. Teresa of Avilia. “Now, Christ has no body but yours.” As before (at the First Advent) implantation will be done by the same spirit the Holy Spirit, supra, and the same issue will occur: the Son, which explains Jesus’ cryptic remarks about where the Kingdom would be (not here, not there, and Christ not here, not there). But: in you and among you. Yes indeed! Kingship, then, within given persons; the assumption of rule (this duplex personality) within various persons; this is the Second Advent, and not a mere anticipation, a la Elijah. This is the Second Coming itself, this Firebright implantation. I mean, these, not

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this. My God – what happened to me (sic: to me) in 3 74 was the Second Advent, one of them, anyhow. Guess who Firebright is, viewed this way. This now resolves one mystery (mystery to me, anyhow); the relationship between Elijah and the Holy Spirit. What Malachi said would come back was the Spirit of Elijah (if you read about Elisha this is clear). Surely it wasn’t the physical man. The Spirit of Elijah is the Old Testament Hebrew concept for the Christian Holy Spirit (remember, the Jews were absolute monotheists).


We then are discussing possession by Elijah and possession by God in the form of the Holy Spirit; it is the same thing. Now Malachi talks about God sending Elijah; read, “The Father will send the Holy Spirit,” and this refining and purifying process is to make the human temple (body-mind) ready for the implantation. I must reassign dates on the Parousia, then and the more correct ones probably coincide with that of the Inter. Community of Christ’s: in March 1974, when the Holy Spirit (or if you wish to speak of it this way, Elijah) poured itself into me, possessed me, this wasn’t the beginning of it all except for me; as Malachi says, the Spirit of Elijah, it did come first, but we are talking about Microsystems rather than the world as a single totality: a conspicuous event for everyone to witness. What first hits is Elijah. Malachi is of course correct. Out of this event, Christ (or Christ-consciousness, to stress the modern more correct view) comes about as issue. My assault on all the tyrannies, left and right, represent for me a microversion of the war; I on a microscale engaged in ferocious war against both left and right, on my own, not as part of a conspicuous army, but I was, and it was real nonetheless. The war took place and the outcome was as prophesied in the Bible: God’s victory, and the Evil One cast down into the dust (dethroned, his power taken away). Now we see in South East Asia, this year, at precisely the same time of the cycle, in spring, the external imperial empire of the Prince of This World fall. What happened with me in 3 74 also illustrates one of the most astounding prediction: “The dead shall be raised incorruptible.” If you study my internal insight, that an Essene (i.e. Christian of the very earliest period), for example as I express it in my novel plot, TO SCARE THE DEAD, you find precisely that. I was convinced that within me a man who had slumbered 2000 years had awakened, and that he was a sophisticated Essene-Christian. Is this not “The dead shall be raised” and evidently incorruptible? I ask, When does this event occur? Paul has told us. This is what we are waiting for: the graves to open.

Of course, their old actual bodies didn’t reappear My experience is that of how indeed it was accomplished (right hemisphere, or whatever). The dead shall join the living…for judgment and, of judged yes, then for everlasting life. (Recall my dream where I saw my name in the great hotel register, thereupon knowing that I could stay there.) Yes, the Book of Life has been opened; the seals are broken. All my early dreams of that! Yet, I appear ordinary; thus Christ (one of Him) is concealed within me. I feared the “Romans,” which is to say, a repetition of what happened before…good lord, was that the fear which our dear Savior Jesus felt, his fear, his dread at capture and death? Yet, as Tielhard de Chardin says, our species relives His passion; I felt his fear, experienced his Stations, His suffering. But then was reborn, after that Bardo Thodol death. Anamnesis: re-enactment, with victory! And all of us directed –coordinated—by the Logos, the Plan. We, as one body, with Christ the head…my question,

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Why do I be ordinary now if this all be true? Is answered by: He must be concealed. He is cryptemorphosis, within me. I have kept supposing that what happened in me was somehow premature or accidental. No to both. ///I have been made incorruptible, but, like Paul, like all of them, I retain physical affliction and infirmities, and will so, to the end of this physical body.


For Paul is was some sort of “marks or scars,” amybeimparired eyesight; for me, the hypertension and vertigo, etc. But still, see, the moral mother remains; hence affliction is not abolished; the Light Creature is not yet released (as I experienced in my ‘void’ dreams, of the beatific vision, the glade, the Tyger and forest).

No wonder I feel it is springtime. Gee whiz, Christ (Jesus) was immortal, the Savior, in fact, but they tormented and killed him. As long as he was in the mortal body they could hurt him as readily as any man. o

Just to spell it out: “Santa Sophia” and “Firebright” are one and the same.

My whole God is identified with a vitalizing (or revitalizing) life-giving principle, like the orgone, like springtime…and the adversary (e.g. Marxism) is envisioned as mechanical, hollow-eyed, without life. God is a vitalistic force, like Drietsch’s entelechy, etc. This is like my division between the Human and the Android. With God, in the form of Christ, as the exemplar Human. The complete human.

This beats the Greek idea of God as Mind which does nothing but think. Or know. How is it to know, if there is nothing to know? I conceive of it as a builder, an artificer, who creates, in conformity to its Plan: the Logos (I conceive of Logos as blueprint of something to be actualized). The Greek prejudice against the manual arts/the mere crafts prevented them from seeing this quality of God.

He is both building and He is perfecting what He has already built. He animates it, infuses it.

Ursula accuses me of getting away from “Taoistic balance” when I get into Christianity. The Logos and balance (cf Fr. 51 of Hericlitus) are intimately connected, with the Logos implementing balance or harmony everywhere, it being the Plan. It is hard to imagine the Logos out of balance. Also, when conditions on our world were out of balance, it was the Logos which brought what we experienced as relief, but which, on a supraterrestrial scale, was probably a restitution of harmonie. Also, there is my “Rhipidon” fan dream of the left-right-with the center as God’s balanced perfection in

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any situation (and the material in “Decoded” God’s balanced perfection in any situation (and the material in “Decoded” about Satan as the unreal to left and to right.

I was reading about the analogy of the kosmoi to animals (each to an animal), which in its latter stages ran down or got old, like an animal, and formed cycles, and suddenly it came to me how like the Hindu idea this is, the ideas of cycles, and it seemed to me for sure that this is what has happened, thater than a mere pushing-forward too mushc of one of the opposites (to create, in Anaxamander’s sense, injustice) but the true end of a running-down, waring-out cycles. What happens then is perhaps a revitalization of the high-entropic kosmos pens them is perhaps a revitalization of the high-entropic kosmos (what must be realized is that the kosmos is smaller than the universe, or anyhow that the Unbounded lies outside it and imparts laws to it).


The Second Advent or God’s Intervention, the prophecy, is more accurately the running down or wearing out of our kosmos, and the revitalization. Here is the biological model, rather than the mechanical model (vide Hussey). The egg: reborn, et al. Biological models. Orphic. What repels me about Marxism is its mechanistic quality. I get the impression that some of the very early Greeks believed that when the kosmos had rum down sufficiently, the Unbounded (i.e. the deity) had of necessity to revitalize it, or whatever he did; we are all governed by law of some kind; it wasn’t by whim. (Ananke? Moira?) (Ananke, I guess.) Is this view not sor of Babylonian? “Can be counted on to,” is I guess all we can know for sure, especially if He had promised. What is really just important, though, is to realize that beyond our kosmos (which we keep calling “the universe”) lies the Unbounded, which “governs” the universe, and so is the natural source of physical law. (Hussey) “moreover, thelawlike behavior occurs ‘by necessity,’ which implies a power imposing the necessity, and ‘according to the assessment of Time.’” It’s all there. My idea the other night was: suppose the universe were entirely emptied of all matter, in every form. So it was just empty space. Nothing, then, would exist. Right? Wrong. All the laws, which now govern matter, which govern energy as well, would obtain, although we couldn’t discern them. It seems to me that if we don’t assume an Unbounded (as so represented by the pressure of these necessities on matter and energy) we are just describing, we are saying, “Things do what they do because they do it.” A tautology. An observation of regularity, not an analysis of why. You could approach it another way if desired: either the universe does not run down (but the laws of thermodynamics show that it does), or it ends; or it periodically is renewed. To say that it renews itself poses certain problems; I find it easier to imagine it renewed form without, although that poses certain problems too. But if the universe is everything, then it begins to run down (like a clock, like an animal) and then suddenly it revitalizes itself (as I experienced). I am equating the Second Advent and God breaking his silence with this turn of the cycle, this springtime, this revitalization. I think this is what has happened. A revitalizing is going on, and it certainly comes here from elsewhere. Where that “elsewhere” is, I don’t know, but I’ve experienced a real, alive, thinking force.

One of the best points in Hussey’s book is where he says that one of the ancient Greeks (Anaxamandar, maybe) assigns to the deity this primary function or activity or attribute or quality or

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definition: that he gives life, and movement (which I see as the same). Therefore we would experience the return of God, this revitalization, as exactly what the word implies: a renewal of life.

I note that Parmenides’ Form I is equated, by him, with light! His is exciting, since as I understand Parmenides, he saw Form II as a mere mirror reflection, and urged a monism on us (the fiery or dry soul) which made us relate only to Form I, or to light.

The Orphic egg. C If the universe is born from something for which the egg is a paradigm, then maybe, as the individual is, then both are reborn from something like an egg – a light egg. Maybe this was the esoteric teachings of the Orphic: rebirth. Rejuvenation (eternal life).


It occurs to me that “Elijah” and the “Old King” of the dream are the same figure, are both the Father. Firebright, Christ, and the dancing young new King of springtime, who I identify with Zagreus, would be Firebright: “Santa Sophia,” He who is born. First came the Father, and then, through me, birth of Firebright took place, and this is the beardless youth whom I now see: the Son. Whereas it is perfectly clear that it was the Father who as a plasmic life-form filled me up, it is equally clear now that the Son, who is dancing, is another form of God entire: the offspring, who will live here.

In my dream last night: Nick was jolted to discover that I had discerned patterns “which had died with Herb” and left no trace; there had been a total disjunction and yet I had them. “Herb” would be the Employer, Mr. Runciter (a figure of God the Father). This whole movement through the cycles is expressed by the movement of Father to Son, from Wise Age to Wise Youth. Last year (March, April 1974) I was so aware of, and filled up with Justice and the pursuit of Truth, the grim Fatherly pursuits…this year I am so aware of springtime and the figure of youth, dancing. It sounds like Firebright is alive and growing; I hadn’t realized: the Son. He is not after grim Justice, not like the Old Testament God; he is permissive, I guess. Maybe what happens to those Christians like Calvin is that the Holy Spirit fills them with the aspects of the Father, but birth never takes place, so they never pass on into the Youth stage. I keep wondering if Firebright is okay…actually a million times I’ve envisioned him. He’s still a youth, but look at his rate of growth: He is ready to assume kingship. He must be 17 or so, or was, back at Passover. What a rate of growth! But I’m not sure, any more, that Firebright (the Young Spring King) is in me in any way, or merely –i.e. only—in me; I think He moved from point A or World A, which was not tangent to our world, into our world via me, which was Point B. I was an entry point or nexus.

But I am still in touch with him. He is, however, now in this world. I guess again (after a time disjunction). (I.E. There was a period when he wasn’t.)

The transmission of the Light Creatures was somehow interrupted (by accident, by martyrdom, design, etc.) around 100 AD, or maybe even earlier (Jesus being the last one), so that a two thousand

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year breach had to be leaped to restored the Light Creatures to our world once more. This is what the New Testament is talking about, and Orphism. They are in need of us to transmit themselves, and all of us who “contained” any of them were (by the Romans!!) destroyed…hence my fear, my dreadful urgency and secrecy esp re Chrissy. Nobody else was left who knew how to receive (and harbor & shelter & incubate, whatever) a Light Creature.

Eyes of newborn babies: mercury drop. Also, dream of grape-colored cube: yogurt, fruit, eternal. We must remember: old age is a disease; we are sick, not self-renewing, like yogurt (it’s a symbol, in dream, of renewal). The bichloride: to restore (i.e. project) new sight. However psychological, though, this is still what Christ taught us; it is still the arrival of God’s Kingship (within).


My sense that Firebright has gone on only means that He, a half Light, Half Human creature, is now strong enough to leave the “womb,” which is good. Any immortality I have will be through the fact that He is immortal; like all children, he must leave, Son of a Mortal Mother (myself) and Deity (God as Father). Tessa points out it’s a corporate body, like yogurt (in the dream, the renewing fish that’s sliced forever). Christ as pure Light Being is the Head; we all form the body; we are immortal with Him. It would be dreadful to be immortal alone, separate.

There is no doubt that, what with my right hemisphere experiments, I was trying to achieve something – and perhaps did. Received something; receiving was part of what I was into, the idea that we could, if we listened in a new way (or a forgotten way). Where did the “tight beam” come from? Certainly my dreams suggest the past; anyhow it is all what should be identified as retrieved knowledge. But it may have been triggered (the disinhibiting) by and ET signal. This presumes a link between earth and, ahem, heaven. I think there is.

Two other points: (one) On the aspects designated as those which the “Christ transformation” confers according to the “Decoded N T,” all that can be verified now (e.g. higher intelligence, better health, prosperity, etc. whatever) I’ve obtained; now, there is no intrinsic relationship which links these various “gifts.” No one would draw up such a list a priori, since they appear unrelated. They are leaps forward in various areas. Others listed by the “Decoded N T” such as immortality I can’t check on, of course, but I will infer that this too was acquired, if the others were. (two) My left eye suddenly resolving better than my right: this may refer to feature extractors in the cerebral cortex, and be brain improvements, allied with the sense of “having been blind but no longer being so.” Again, this is linked with the prophecies given in the N T to those who receive the Spirit (i.e. become Christ). Vide my dream of last night: At first I thought nothing of this dream, but on later reflection, it certain seems to me religious in nature; not only am I having “weak legs,” as Red Foxx puts it, but recall May Magdalene vis-à-vis the disciples. Maybe this dream (followed by one in which I escape from prison, am not followed and am free to run and run) are re-assurances that my improved state is permanent.

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I just had a thought: when the words came to me, “Santa Sophia is going to be reborn; she was not acceptable before,” I interpreted this ‘Santa Sophia’ to refer to the Christos, making use of the concept in John of Christ being the Logos. But in face, uninterrupted, what I heard simply state that the “Wisdom of God,” which is the Firstborn Son of God, or the Logs, or the Word, will be reborn – not the Christ, although that may be true; it’s an additional interpretation, however and may have misled me. It is the Logos which is back for sure, according to those words that I heard, and the emphasis should be on that. What is more striking would be Logs…born which seems now to have referred me back to “Logos spermatika,” the fertilizing or creating Logos, and to the entire doctrine of the “Dec N T” and Philo’s ideas, without necessarily involving the Messiah (another concept entirely; the Persians had the Logo spermatikos, for example). I certainly should consider this view first.


I assumed that Santa Sophia reborn meant Christ because the anticipation of His rebirth is so vast in us…but now I think I let an unquestioned thought take over, when the more accurate was available to me already, but buried (this is what the “Dec N T” is into, this rebirth of/by the Logos seeds). (And is related to Christ.) This certainly would be equal to what the “Dec N T” calls, “God breaking His long silence.” As I understand the Logos, it is both the agency by which God created the universe, the building plan or blueprint thereof, and the word by which the creator, the Unbounded, communicates with Man; it is also within the macrocosm and in each of us a microcosmoi. It does not save us after we fall, as Christ does, but on the other hand, he didn’t create the universe. In any case it is the median between God and Man expressed as thought or wisdom (sophia). Perhaps it is what I view as immanent Mind: God purely as that which thinks springtime, must must have struck my pineal body deep within me (Kathy: Santo Sophia as woman) ala, in the grass). It began to happen this spring, perhaps.

Here is something hard to express, but important. Going back to Plato and Neoplantonists. If the soul remembered each life, and if there is reincarnation, and if the soul acquired wisdom each time around, THEN what I experienced (anamnesis) is exactly the breadth and magnitude of wisdom commensurate with these many live, and of the quality which this and only this wisdom –acquired this long, laborious way—could consist of, could have gathered. What I saw (space and time), what I understood (how the universe worked), my total awareness, is exactly commensurate with the Platonist and Neoplatonism (and Pythagorean) idea of rising each time rising but forgetting, and the value of anamnesis, the removal of amnesis. What was remembered was the wisdom and understanding that was the aggregate of all these lives, and proportionate thereto (consider how many…perhaps thousands). Nothing else really was retained (although the dreams show local details sufficiently).

But of all that I understood, a union with God by means of the Logs meant most to me. To rise up, assisted by the Logs. The double action: reaching up/reaching down. The Guide (Erasmus). qed

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I think that my seeing the Levant in Feb 1975 is as important, although less striking, as my seeing Rome in March 1974. In both cases, the thrall of time was removed, disclosing the eternal world, in Dante’s sense. A transition had been made in that world (it is hard for someone unacquainted with Medieval thought to understand progression in eternity, but the basis would be a progression or procession of Platonic archetypes The archetype in March 74 was Rome and Iron and Slavery, with a corresponding need to fight for freedom, truth and justice; however, a year


later, a year in our world, disclosed a tremendous movement in the eternal world: with the thrall of time removed, we saw the freer world of Justinian, with its palm branches waving, the same palm I see in the Greek letters of the FISH sign and which I associated with the mushroom. The scene had shifted from Rome, or anyhow roman rule, to the legitimate elements of the Middle East: the building of temples (I saw the post office as such), and people lounging around…it was a vast improvement, and a moving forward hundreds of years. It was also crucially different, a different archetype imprinting from beneath (the way the trigrams print out, only they are purely rotary, and there are just 8 of them). Is it possible that orthogonal time is archetypal in the sense of the way the trigrams underlie and progress? Orthogonal time would not progress by increments (clock time), but move from type to type. What is interesting, for me, is that both these “dysfunctions” are into Roman times: the first circa 100 AD, the second circa 500 AD (Erasmus), but that is different. Anyhow 400 years in the Real World (Eternal World) changed – “passed” is the wrong verb.

These are like scene changes for a play. They take place outside of the drama, and one gives way entirely to the next, to which it bears no logical or intrinsic relationship (a road gives way to a city building, for instance; time and place both are transformed, and there is not causal progression, like the road slowly becoming the city building).

Which brings up my “schlockmeister” movie dream: our world as a set, of valleys and rivers and trees, which the schlockmeisters have polluted, and how angry the “owner of the property” is. They, the director, cameraman, producer, were to do His property, and look at the schlock job they’re doing; hence his ire. The first time, in 3 74, the pure springtime was tainted by the ring of iron; but in 75 it was gone! And so I felt pure springtime those days, and marveled much. But – the instincts (and certainly what were fired at me as signals were what, when animals receive them, we call instincts) the instincts that appear in springtime are those connected with the vast cycle of reproduction, of mating and giving birth. For me it was a metabirth, or spiritual, but the timing of these instincts is further proof (indication, maybe) of their nature. Also, they were mixed with survival instincts of a metanature, but leading ultimately to reproduction, arising out of my survival; that is, I survived (and had the instincts for that, first) that I could reproduce in a spiritual or meta fashion. Survival-to-reproduce-to-survive is normally a closed system, which baffles us as to what is means and what is ends; but in this, the

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reproduction is the goal, since it is higher; this was not a closed cycle. What was born (Firebright) was not a mere replica of what had formerly survived (me). Perhaps Firebright was formed in 75; it was in 75 that I had the “Saint Sophia” experiences. Perhaps in 74 the instincts were primarily for survival, for personal life; but this was followed gently and easily in 75 by the Saint Sophia Second Birth, the non-defensive metasystems. I think there was no taint of personal survival and the meta instincts therefore in 75, but in 74 certainly of primary need were the instincts


for my survival, defensive in nature; this explains the ferocity I felt, the awareness of combat, of an antagonist. None of that in 75; in springtime when the pineal body was reignited, only the St. Sophia cycle remained, and was pleasurable, as reproduction should be. It is always necessary that an organism survive intrinsically if it is to reproduce. If Firebright was to be born –the young beardless king—in 75 I had to live on into 75; this required the warrior instincts of 74, which were successful. “The trumpet’s loud clamor doth call us to arms,” for 74; then for 75 the Purcell “St. Cecelia’s Day Ode.” I guess combat comes before mating, and the worthy survive and reproduce, and thus the species is strengthened; the dynamics which we see here with, say, deer, are the same for the metaworlds; if I had not proved capable of survival, I would not have had a chance to give birth to Firebright, the young king of springtime: the root and star.

Certainly during spring 74 I was personally aware of my need to survive, and that the Logos was assisting me to do this. I don’t recall any strong sense of the spermaticka, except theoretically; that I was achieving, by surviving, not temporary life, but somehow eternal life. But the remaining part of that came this spring…no wonder they wanted to strengthen me physically, “in this world.”

Also, what I experienced was ad Adjustment, in terms of the palintonos and palintropos harmonie systems. The great entity which we call God, Immanent Mind being better a term, adjusted imbalances at that time, and this started up a lot of signaling. Probably I was part of a palintropos change, and oscillation outward (expanding) with what had been in the Taoist sense “too filled up,” also the Greek sense (hubris) forced back, made Yinnish, retractile; this contributed to maintaining the total palintonos harmonie of the Universe/Mind. I was made into an active (Yanglish) station of that change, and felt it, felt the signals coming to me; this is what appeared to be –or was—possession by the God or Elijah, also divine intervention (to restore harmonie). Of course this is a constant process, but usually I am not a part of it in that sense, being shifted from retractile (Yinnish) so abruptly on signals; this served the purposes of justice (to aid me) and of justice (to deal out defeat to the haughty, (whoever they were). A whole subsystem in the total universe must have started firing abruptly – just as my brain did when I took the w.s. vitamins. Where this gave me the unique chance to see that the universe is not the sum total of all the objects in it, but the laws governing it (the harmonie systems, etc.) is that: between me and my environment (read establishment) there was a severe imbalance. If no God, Immanent

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Mind, Unbounded or Logos existed, the restitution of equilibrium between me and this environment would have had to be brought about by one or more of the objects which fill this universe – me, or other people, etc., or visible forces. One or more of us would have had to act deliberately to bring about equilibrium. No one did; in fact, the imbalance was pushed further and further. What acted was the Immanent Mind which carries within it (the Container of all the objects) me and everyone else including my total environment. That this realm exists is not an object of knowledge to our society; it used to be called The Gods, in the Greek sense, not in the Hebrew sense (vide all studies thereon). Well, our society, inadequately informed on what the pre-Socratics knew, and the mystery religions and other Greek thinkers knew, continues on unaware of the forces which ultimately govern.


I will astonish myself and say, not noös (which would make the universe a bunch of thoughts by the noös). I’d say – as psyche to soma! A mysterious relationship. The macro (universe), with its psyche and what we see, all that we see, its soma; then each of us, the micro. Noös makes everything of one substance, which may appeal intellectually, but this is not what I saw…although I did see the “soma” become sort of cardboardish. Gee whiz. Psyche to soma, until the veil is totally lifted? Step one: we see soma and suppose it all. Step two: we get a glimpse of psyche and call it God. Step three: we see it all noös.

Maybe so. I got just a little past step two and a bit into three. But not enough to determine for it over two.

My experience begins to make sense, logically, when one thinks of the universe as still there even though all contents are gone, somehow or somewhere. The forces (laws) remain: that which govern(s).

We are the acted-upon, which is what is meant be, “Beware of hubris.”

What possessed me also equally possessed the world around me, so unless that which was not alive (the universe) can suddenly be alive, which is not likely, then more probably it was a hightening effect both in me and outside me. It already was alive. I know I was. This was for both me and for my environment a threshold effect, or anyhow my perception thresholded. I say, It is all alive, and what we see is not only alive, it is alive through being infused by life as our body is alive through being infused by life. It is psyche to some in both cases. We are talking about a vitalistic, not a mechanistic, view, and I saw it. I am sure of what I saw. Maybe by “possessed” it should always read, “awareness of being possessed,” implying we are (the environment outside, each of us inside) possessed all the time but not aware of it in either direction. QED.

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In another sense, “being possessed” was being outside oneself, and outside the environment as well, at a third point, the Archimedean standpoint from which one could see both oneself and the environment as an interacting entity…but this does require “being outside.” So it may not have been a coming into me, but a me going outside of me.

I got at least as strong an impression that it was a vast body as that it was a vast mind. It certainly seemed to act, if signaling can be considering acting. Thinking is an action, an activity.

I’m not completely away from the Hebrew idea of God, because it assigns total unboundedness to everything; there is no sense of law, which means, of harmonie of any sort. God does what he wishes; JHWH is a tribal god who has moods. The Greek ideas – look at their insight into palintropos and palintonose; that alone…if JHWH is equal to Zeus, then okay, the Jews had that, they had Zeus. But look what else Greece had; the whole idea of lawful or regulated by the Unbounded; the kosmos within the Unbounded. Why need we obey a tribal deity when we can have all the thinking of the civilization of Greece?


I have found more in Hericlitus and Parmenides than in the whole of the Old Testament.

All the O.T. had in its is monotheism, which they got from Iknaton. I read Iknaton’s prayer. I know where Moses got what he got; he got it in Egypt, and those were unfair gods or god. The Greeks began to add moira and anake and justice and balance – harmonie.

What I experienced was the restitution of balance, and since it was such a vast order I perceived the ultramundane origins of the forces at work. This was no whim of a deity; it was apalantropos hamonie in motion – the swing of oscillation, and these forces were a corporate body or entity which was alive and which had intention, as I have; we were isomorphic, and that is that.

In reading THE BACCHAE. The material about Dytherambus, taken by his father Zeus and placed in a “male womb” by Zeus and called by Zeus “Dytherambus,” etc.; it is so like Firebright…what am I to think? And it was out of this, from the worship of Dionysos, that the entire Christian religion came. Here is the “male womb” which the solar spermatikos could enter; is not this the same myth, somehow? I mean, the same story or concept? Another kind of birth – a second birth? Dionysos was born of Semele, then taken by Zeus; after leaving the “male womb” on Zeus’ thigh, Dytherambus or Dionysos would have experienced a second birth; i.e. be born again! And is even renamed. The resemblance to the story of Zagreus: where Zeus does everything possible to protect him. What is “psychologically” meant by this “male womb”? This second birth with a new name? The second birth is the motherless birth. But also this expresses a maternal quality of the Deity, His being protective, His taking on the entire role associated with the mother (and Hera being cruel and lethal). So that metaphorically (or

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“psychologically”) it is shown that the Deity, God, can and does have all characteristics, that He is in fact not “He” as we understand “he” (i.e. Yang to the exclusion of Yin). He is They or both. The story of Dythrambus expresses an essential and complex concept of the Deity as possessing all parental characteristics and escaping the limiting label of gender with the implied limitations; this is more sophisticated, this Dythrambus story, than would first appear. Zeus can do it all. Those Greek thinkers, or the culture as a whole, inspired perhaps by the Logos itself, was trying to get away from gender and sex-characteristics; have we anything in Judaism or Christianity about Jehovah which is as sophisticated? No. We don’t. This is a total being (also a total view). It shows, too, that too take on divine characteristics one must take on the quality of totality.

Dream about Dodger stadium and low class Mexican type US celebrations of every sort; abrupt awakening and thought: I think we’re (each of us is) a colony, like a colony of bees. A collection of loosely interrelated entities, which light up in patterns; game board style. Also, each of us is isomorphic. We’re inside a great colony of bees, any number and combination of which can light up at any one time. Like cells – in a battery. Any output (both each of us; and It). Clusters: each cell with a slightly different idea of what it’d be like; hence the otherwise inexplicable diversity and variety. We must be function in some


very loose physical arrangement, but with a field exchange created, such as social insects can be assumed to possess; each of us is that field (vide) acupuncture), and the Great Mind is made up of diverse and even discrete physical entities which form an exchange field capable of a vast variety of interconnections or firing sequences of patterns. Arrangements are by commingling and by inter-signalling. Intensity and threshold are major features. It’s a micro collective, a vast macro-collective. My “Dodgers stadium celebration” dream suggests that one idea can be presented to a vast collection of cells and each processes it in an individualistic way, giving it slight modification; all cells share common purpose and memory and form an identity, but don’t need to be mechanically linked. We and our environments form such interconnected cluster systems that mutually process information and alter it while exchanging it; we are all (humans) like a vast compound eye which shows a repetition of the motion of a single object but each cell reflecting slightly differently. Instead of saying, We are within a Great Mind (immanent mind) I would like to modify that and say, We are within a Great Brain, made up of countless cells as are out own (I mean many many cells, with an incredibly vast number of possible combinations of circuitry linkage). Whatever it is that it is doing, it may have parts, like our own brain (regions with functions associated thereto) or it may go on levels at different places, quantitative surges, etc. But there is a sort of “control room” part which can infuse and override “autonomic” functions; what we see is autonomic or reflexive brain-function except at crucial/exceptional times, when there is the equivalent to our “consciousness,” or a rise in level of intention and awareness, of purpose (locally, I guess).

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Joseph Campbell makes this startling point: the Indus civilization identified with the object of destiny, which was the sacrifice (it died, like the moon, and was reborn again and again). This is obviously what Christ is, Zagreus and Adonis were, etc; they were the objects of destiny: destiny acted on them. If you identify with one of them you hope to be reborn. BUT the Aryan system – they identified with the subject of destiny, “the fiery power by which the sacrifice is consumed.” Identified with the dooer, not the doo-ee, you don’t die and get reborn; there is one “identified with the latter moves to the realm of eternity by the way of a consummate mythic identification either with an all-consuming sun-, lightning- or fire-god, or with some such abstraction, as for example, Brahman, the pure subject (atman) or as in Buddhism the void.” I looked this up because supra I had begun to see how like the Brahman this all was…well, it is obvious that Form One is the subject, the dooer of destiny, and that a distinction is made by Campbell of primary importance. I got in with a fire deity, which means transcendence here and now (which I did/was done to). There is no doubt that I am into the Form One fiery god mythic identification, “moving to the realm of eternity” rather than a lunar-like cycle of death and rebirth (the wheel). Thus, I got outside of time entirely (a mystic, I guess, state), and not all that like Christianity, in which time fulfills. Well, then I will never find the answers in Christianity, although certainly many Pre-Socratic thoughts (Parmenides, et al) are valuable to me. (Q: Does the Decod N T” treat our god as a sun god? Yes, it does, and denies the “Christos” identification – with good reason; that is “lunar,” a


phase-rebirth deity…they are identifying our deity with Brahmanism.

I’ve just read Joseph Campbell on Ptath, and I find what I had been hoping to find – part of the black stone’s text, which shows that indeed Ptath is immanent Mind but also a creative god, which means he gets his hands dirty, an improvement on noös merely thinking (of the Greeks, with their slave culture’s haughty attitude toward the crafts). That dream I once had about the doctor in his white jacket and trousers appearing again and again…how much he looked the way Ptath is represented (wrapped in white linen). The whole universe is Ptath’s body which Ptath infuses as ka; look at this, though:

“Mighty and great is Ptah, who rendered power to the gods and their kas: through his heart,

by which Horus became Ptah; and through his tongue, by which Thot became Ptah.”

This is 2,000 years before India. “The whole pantheon, as well as the world, thus becomes organically assimilated to the cosmic body of the creator.” Also, Ptah did it by speaking the word (the tongue). This anticipates the Logos doctrine. Heart is creative intent; tongue utters or expresses, gives voice to (I’ll bet ka and voice and breath are closely identified).

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As God/mind/creator is to universe, ka is to soma (ka, then, is something like psyche but more active).

Joseph Campbell flatout says that the occident believes in a transcendent god (above creation) and the Orient an immanent god who is here now (name your own subtheory). In that case I parted company with everyone in the West except (one) certain Presocratics and (two) Spinoza, who thinks very early Hebrews thought this, whis is possible but to me not important. The only reconciliation I can imagine for me vis-à-vis the West would be to think that God had been above (transcendent) but the linkage is now so repared that He is immediately accessible, which means that the Kingdom is here. (Maybe this is so.) How can I believe He will descend in/on/under a cloud if I know Him to be here, that in fact He never left?

For palintropos h. to exist, time must exist (since it is in oscillation or sequence form). Insofar as this kind of balance (Yang-Yin alternation) is taken as real, time is real, but as soon as palintronos h. is viewed, we are in another world where time is absolutely not real, but for a certainty an illusion. Joseph Campbell, writing about Egypt, says that the great secret of the pharohs was that they were “Master of the Twin Opposed Gods,” Horace and Seth, whose strife in the temporal world is absolutely real, but that “The Secret of the Two Partners,” “was a reference to the hidden understanding of the two gods, who, though they appear to be implacable enemies, are of one mind behind the scenes…mythologically representing the inevitable dialectic of temporality, where all things appear in pairs, Horus and Seth are forever in conflict; whereas in the sphere of eternity, beyond the veil of time and space, where there is no duality, they are at one; death and life are at one; all is peace.” (p81.) It looks to me as if


Ptah, the creator, has stretched a masterful canvas which can read in two directions: within time we can read palinthropos, and in terms of orthogonal directions, a static direction, one of completion or outside time, we can see it stretched like the lyre, in palintonos harmonie: the real secret being that Ptah can achieve both, and the real secret is not that the opposites are reconciled, that palintropos and palintonos are both real (Hussey keeps trying to decide which of the two Heraclitus meas mean; “a thing is either A or not-A.” The secret behind the secret is that you think you have to choose, but you can have both as real. It is not truly written that one must be false if the other is true (if time is real, then it is not an illusion; if time is an illusion then it is not real. These are verbal games.)

Say, I’ll try an interpretation of fr 51: if the palintonos h. is aligned (balanced) properly – you get this correct first, or primarily, then (as a result; it allows you to in sequence) you can go and get a palintropos oscillation; you can play the darn thing if and only if it’s strung right first So the advance up the manifold of time (movement into sequence) indicates that the palintonos h. is okay, and we can move into temporal oscillation, the palintropos. Time is not generated by the –tonos being gotten right, but more allowed to happen; otherwise the ma’at (Egyptian for truth, order, justice) will just all fall down into chaos and there will be no –tropos; it won’t work. That makes –tonos the Unbounded; -tropos the kosmos.

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Also: -tonos, on a lyre, is orthogonal to –tropos, the direction of force and motion in which it, the strings, are played.

When –tonos is achieved perfectly it looks like nothing at all so much as nothing at all…we are deceived by the perfection of this equilibrium in the Unbounded, like cats who think cans of catfood generate themselves…

Since Heraclitus was aware that opposites are not just contained in an entity but are actually identical, he must have realized that the two “opposite” views of hamonie expression in his fragments were in themselves identical, ultimately. Not just contained in the universe both so to speak two views of the same reality.

Joseph Campbell absolutely divides the Occidental religious view and experience off from what I had and hold: immanent God. Either (if I accept his view as historically correct) either I then admit to an “Oriental” religious experience-view, and detach myself from the West, or I leave it open, saying: as of March 1974 God was immanent, that is, not transcendent over the universe but coming up from within in; prior to that I can say nothing. I must leave the door open for the possibility of an Occidental transcendent God who has now manifested himself; at this point I have no clear technique for distinguishing which it is. From a pragmatic standpoint, maybe it is not important, or not very important; what is important is that He is now in the linkage situation; i.e. as Campbell puts it, “You don’t have to be dead to see God,” or “see God now” if it is a now. Maybe when God entered time He entered time in all directions and sort of fanned out, as if secretly there


always but “silent,” i.e. camouflaged (so we didn’t, couldn’t, notice). My linkage has lasted over one full year, which is not typical of a mystical experience, even a good Yoga Eastern one; it has all the hallmarks of being firmly in place. It is somewhat long to be construed as an episode or state (as was my Erasmus state an altered state for sure; this has too much durability, stability; well, this then would, oddly, tend to point very very slightly but genuinely toward a manifestation of a transcendent God, rather than immanent all the time, this durability, because nobody gets a durable communication. They commune for a very brief Augenblick. This appears to be an objectively altered condition or vis-à-vis dialog situation, which is manifestation of the transcendent, not immanence. Has it happened, then, that “The Lord of Hosts shall –has—suddenly come to His temple”? Maybe so, and is now immanent (Q: Is He every thing or everywhere? You’re supposed to as that about immanence. I’d say, like the ka body; within or capable of infusing: pouring himself into. Look into Sanskrit root for create: to pour out oneself.

Now I’ve really got it, a very great clue. In “Acts,” Paul says that at Pentecost when the Holy Spirit descend over the disciples, and they talk in tongues, “everyone suppose them to be drunk.” Now, you add this to in Eurypides’ THE BACCHAE where it say that when Dionysos posses you, you talk in prophecy. Prophecy is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and being drunk is what the followers of Dionysos were said to be, or actually were; intoxication – the Gospel “Acts” itself points to this being

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one & the same experience: prophecy, madness or drunkenness or high – but in the Levant, they hadn’t heard about Dionysos (or said they hadn’t), and the mainland Greek in 400 BC hadn’t heard of the Holy Spirit. It’s just a matter of putting together the two pieces of the puzzle. The golden ringletedhaired stranger…who they bind and put in prison, who offers no resistance…but who can and does call on (the) God, Dionysos. The “womanish” stranger: “Evidently you never wrestled anyone,” says King Penteus, who is obviously Pilate/Herod. (A little like HAMLET, too: the bad old king reigns, but there is this somewhat mad you who speaks in riddles & prophecies, elliptically, because he know what the rest don’t, which is either the truth about the past (a murder, illegal reign) or about the future (doom coming for the evil king).

I am lying in bed here and I am musing, “God can simulated the inanimate. Or rather, God can pretend to be anything he wants, any part of His creation. He can replace any part, be it.” And then it came to me what you call this; you call it the Miracle of Transubstantiation. This is exactly what is believed to take place in the host, during the Communion. Exactly and precisely. What I saw that day in the alley and everything else I saw, God “immanent,” I have for over one full year tried on my own to develop the concept of transubstantiation. Well, it was not wasted time because what I did was prove the reality of the miracle of the Mass, and finally I pinned this down in terms of nomenclature and description. I just saw it on a wider scale; also, I did see it. I did see it. I saw it; the world as “this is my body and this is my blood. I am here.” No wonder my tiny mind had juddered under the weight of trying to understand. This is the holy of holies, the miracle of miracles.


I would like to add that my description (and memory) of what Pinky did in trying to heal me (lying on me transversally) I now learn Elijah did to help restore the widow’s son.

I guess the votive candle and the little saint helped. God consecrated reality right & left around me: miracle of miracles. I understand. Credo.

I have had in this one very small clue, but absolute: the sound of the bells, the Osterglöchen. Christ arisen! The bells of Easter. This delineates it beyond…the sound of the healing bells which mean transformation (as in “Parsifal”). The wound closed. But only One, Christ, ever spoke through the Osterglöchen. (And it was at that time of the year, too.)

So it was a vision.

I must never forget the bells.

(I wrote of God manifesting himself in transubstantiation; but of course it is Christ. This now causes me naturally to wonder, No ever reported seeing the miracle even in the objects of the Mass. How come I saw this (not how come it happened), but why extended, as I saw it? Also, it advances it

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down the time manifold, out of the distant past, into the medieval Period anyhow…I should really go back over everything I’ve written over the whole 14 months and put the correct word “Christ” wherever I speak of having experienced God (especially immanent God; it is immanent or the actually present Christ). Beebread. We are fed in each’s individual cell, but must emerge to join cooperative.

3 74: Instead of a past and present I had two different presents. At the same time. Not in sequence (except in terms of ontology; the Roman was more real, had more Being). Certainly it was like a movie overlap, a double exposure. If they are treated as special realities, then my percept system monitored conflicting information in the form of, “This is location A. This is location B,” defining them as mutually exclusive. In audio terms, two signals (like picking up two stations at once). Is this a spacio-temporal fusion? A demonstration that such a thing is possible, and reminding me of the analogy between the movie film, UBIK, and our world, which JP brought up: “The Cave” updated is cinerama.

Ah! I can now separate it on a new, better basis: into two entirely different parts. (one) The miracle of transubstantiation took place, around me, in my environment, consecrating or sanctifying as if they were the articles of Communion the objects, the trash of the alley, etc. This is the greater miracle, and contemplating it one can eventually extract all the information about God, himself, the world, eternity, he needs; so it is the ultimate miracle (revelation or vision). But (two) Also, not only did this occur, but I saw it. It could have occurred and I didn’t see it. Other people with me saw nothing. This latter, (two) might be said to be a mystical temporary state. Also maybe the influx, the miracle, was limited in its duration; God had not been there before, he came, he was present, he departed.


I think there was an inner event (transformation in me), which was unique – I never had been able to see before, but I believe it is likely that the outer event, the more important of the two miracles, the transubstantiation itself, frequently occurs and we don’t see it. This distinction makes it possible for me to account for what I felt was something “always there” and something “never seen before.” (By me.) I might guess that it’s possible, even likely, that this miracle takes place frequently, but is not seen; placing the category of uniqueness on my perception, and ubiquity (sic!) on the outer miracle, perhaps distributes the frequency of what coincided as an inner event as well as an outer event; we could say, I obtained a percept system (for a time) and at the same time that it, the 3 rd eye if you will, was on, something of vast significance swam into the receptor sights of that 3rd eye percept system (that day walking home from TJs especially). One might say, I happened to turn my head, or train my camera on something of the utmost importance, and so obtained a good impression, an excellent impression, even though the time period was so brief this great miracle did happen to “swim by,” so to speak, to be recorded (perceived) is another equally valid index of its ubiquity; I must infer from my brief sample, and am doing so: He probably manifests himself in this infusion miracle way countless times and places. I

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infer –I am certain—that my “random sample” is representative. I saw a lot of other lesser miracles, too. I saw many things.

There had to have been an inner change in me, for me to see it; after all, neither Tessa not Linda saw it. (And it had to happen for me to see it, too, supra.) So I was changed; it isn’t as if say the threshold of God’s presence on its own, qua the Other, increased or happened, and I remained the same (unless I was always “not blind.”). I believe that the change began in me, and enabled me to see what I then saw happening outside; first, I was taken by the Holy Spirit, and shown.

The factor or act or reality of “possession” is the factor, act, moment or event of transformation in me, after which (during which, too) I could hear language and decipher it…e.g. the bells.

Gosh, what if Christ transubstantiated the whole world? Or entered into union with everyone? Or both? This will fulfill: “The Kingdom of God is within you/among you, but you can’t exactly see it; it has arrived within you/among you mysteriously…” There is already made clear as Church dogma a direct connection between the Kingdom (one being able to enter it, and also perhaps its arrival) and transubstantiation, if one were to think about it (the mustard seed). (The leaven in the bread.) To each of us, “inner-outer” may seem real distinctions, but to God it’s all monism.

My experience at the time (3 74) seemed to be of the Logos, and this would indicate that John’s view of Jesus was right, that Jesus was an incarnation of the Logos (the first born son of God). Hence, back where I have throughout –the year—written Logos, the word Christ being the same. But I think before I experienced Him a fierce “refining”


spirit which was Elijah passed through me and prepared me; it was the agency which made the change, brought me through rapid growth stages to the point where I could see. This roots me to the Old Testament and the Jehovah experience, and also connects me with the Essenes (“The Sons of Elijah,” etc.) But then too the fierce judging spirit could be Christ of the Second Advent, where He will/has come as judge, not as a lamb to slaughter. (When I sat down on the judgment seat, etc.) Christus Judicator. This shows the anticipated side of Christ we’ll encounter at the Parousia, which once more raises the q: did the Parousia come back 4 75, and hardly anybody noticed? Elijah arrived, there was judgment, the battle; the battle won by God, Satan thrown down, and now the Kingdom is establish. If so, how come nobody noticed but me? That’s solipsistic. (one) Maybe other people do know; e.g. The Int. Community of Christ says so. Or (two) maybe not only the Kingdom came to me individually (I hate to say subjectively) but the entire procession of events labeled “Parousia,” which means a variety of events. If the Kingdom “isn’t here, isn’t there,” then maybe none of the events are visible to all; i.e. none of the events inc. judgment are visible to all; i.e. none of the events inc. judgment are “here or there.” (I.e. can’t be externally empirically seen the accidents remain the same, but the essence is

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changed – transubstantiation of the whole reality and us in it. (three) There is also the doctrine advanced by, e.g. the Megiddo Mission people, that at this time very quietly a nucleus of God’s soldiers, the human elect, is being chosen and formed within the total human population; individuals are being singled out directly by God. I would guess that were this so –I say were it—a person so chosen would experience the Parousia for himself taking place so to speak in advance – ahead of time; he would be purified refined; he would be judged, healed, experience communion with God, etc. I even experienced the world entirely turned over to evil; the contamination into pure evil of the multiplex radio signals, eg., and letters, etc. For me that interval where the antichrist is allowed to advance wholly and hold sway – that for me took place, and then zap. But I was totally at his mercy for a time; the Restraining power had been temporarily withdrawn.

That was a supernatural as anything – evil. But it signaled the ushering-in of supernatural transcendent help. This would center around dreadful dream of death underneath the Astrodome (Rome), the flying demons in the sky. The cage. Hissing and trapped. This would mark the furthest evil pushed (again speaking individualistically). But that is one sequence of the anticipated Parousia; and in my case it was followed by exactly what it is supposed to be followed by. (I am a pre-cog anyhow; certainly I show prophetic ability now. So I experienced then what others will experience two, five years from now? Longer? Like, say Communism will win the world and hold sway…the macro, like me as micro and the letters/radio signals.

I keep forgetting the dream of the king on horseback in TEARS; all the Pauline material in TEARS, which was published just as this hit me, these sequences of Parousia experiences! I forever think of my “toiling in the vineyard of the Lord” as starting with my letters of 3 & 4 74; but TEARS! What about TEARS? Was that not what I most of all did, and somehow knew it all the time? As important as the letters may have been (or may not), the book certainly was/is.


I saw the religious encoding and read it, myself: the Logos term “Felix,” the entire ending – everything, that paragraph illuminated (to me, as I told Sergeant Kelly). I had released the Word, shagged past the brutal oppressors and word-deniers. And if indeed it is The Good News shagged on by, in a least-expected place, it is specifically that in fact the Parousia are beginning: this is Christus Judicator. If the Brit 3 article is correct, though, this is the only way the Kingdom is going to come, the only way any of the events of the Parousia are going to come; that means my experience is not anticipatory, since there is in truth no empirical change going to be visible, which can be subjected to test (it can’t be shown to be here or not to be here, is the point the Brit 3 article makes; it is elusive). It is a sort of secret kingdom in which one can live without appearing to live there, although one himself, he would know. And if this Brit 3 view is true, then this has always been the case, and the Kingship may have begun arriving for persons on an individual basis at time X in the past – time X being any moment

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after the Crucifixion. We are waiting for something which does not exist in time as we understand existing in time; it can be both here and not here simultaneously (vide supra about palintropos and –tonos, transcending the dipole thinking). The Parousia partake in – no wait; no the palin(s) but the Secret Partnership, where Horus and Seth are not absolute antagonists “behind the scenes,” Joe Campbell’s book. The same with this. Within visible lineal time the Kingship hasn’t come, and maybe never will (equal to Horus and Seth being implacable opponents); the Kingship has arrived is equal to “behind the scenes, in eternity: the Secret Partnership.

In rereading the Brit 3 article on “Jesus Christ” I’m reminded that although the Second Advent is of Christ, what Jesus taught was the coming Kingship of God, not of Himself, that His Father would rule here, whereas now, God does not; Satan does (vide esp John). This could mean, Rule inside person-by-person, I guess. But the mystical corporate which we enter is that of Christ; and Easter is connected with Christ, very specifically; I stand more toward that, a mysterious Eucharistic identity with the Real Presence of the Savior: a joining with Christ, esp Christ as Logos, first born son of God. But then the void dreams I had: the beatific vision of God. They are not that separable. If you attain union with Christ you certainly have reached God, and perhaps since Christ is the Patn, this is how we do in fact reach God: brought to God, at last, carried there by Christ who rescues us (individually for sure; this is certain: Christ rescues on an individual basis). Christ, then, as the guide (Pinky, e.g.). Leading to the Kingship of God, to where God is. If God is not here, then I am taken there to where God is, led there, assisted and helped, on a journey (yes, I am sure of that; my guru as silent guide; the search as for Grail).

When I compare “Hamlet,” “The Bacchae,” and the Gospels which tell of Jesus’ life, I get a single impression, one story underlying all, but not that visible until all 3 are compared. It is the story of a kingdom where regicide took place; the throne is occupied by a usurper; now the rightful heir has returned (the stranger, Hamlet, Jesus), and hold no power, but speaks in strange riddles. The brutal usurpacious ruler has him imprisoned and possibly killed; nonetheless the young stranger


has acquainted us with the true, secret facts: we are not to give our allegiance to the brutal pretender king, that one day the rightful King will return (the right King is the young stranger’s “Father), and that this kingdom will be a divine one because the rightful King is divine. This story cannot be hushed up; what the monarch fears the most is the release of this truth for people to know. Exactly when the rightful divine King will return is uncertain. Perhaps the young stranger will grow up and return himself, no longer a beardless youth, but stern and wise, a true king (like the Ancient of Days). (My dream in TEARS.) The world must fall into two caps: the pretended and his brutal worldly followers, with their tyranny and lies, and, on the other side, those whom the rightful King will free, those who will know him for the rightful King, and await his coming.

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In reading Helen Wadell’s THE DESERT FATHERS – from her definition it is sure that I experienced eternity (“the other night,” that is, in 3 74 and maybe again in 2 75). (Eternity during an interval very short; thus polarized against mere infinity, as with an extension of a line.)

I have experienced what Jesus predicted: the change from one aeon to the next; and the next is rightful kingship, an improvement, a lifting of thrall by a usurper, somehow connected with Cronos, Father Time (maybe the game of droughts is ending; vide Heraclitus: the old child God, Chronos, playing a game of draughts in defined –regulated— moves. That is the aeon which is ending; I saw that game, too, the player and counterplayer. This fulfills what Zoroaster foresaw: the end of the two-Person game, finally, in a victory of justice, truth, regulation, for ma’at; for Form One; for Light. This is the period Jesus, Paul and John compared to birthpangs, a laboring to bring forth; the whole universe and each sorrowing man being in such labor and pain…but if he could see the issue ahead! The Christian if he thinks of the rightful kingdom coming, he feels good – thinks I mean of the future. But I say, this future is materializing, rising up as if a second new archetypal aeon “slide” were being projected: springtime. We can thus begin to sense it lift now and rejoice now.

(There may be a histeresis lag in our sense perceptions; we don’t see what is, but what was X time-length ago.)

Another thing I saw, which I must not forget, is that I saw that I had been seeing the universe backward, esp. in time; which I finally decided meant that I was seeing “the reflection, as in the bottom of a polished metal pan,” but had begun to see the Real Universe, which of course is reversed from the mere cave image. Thus, the picture is of winter; the slide itself the reverse: springtime (vide the trigram wheel of opposites). In Dante’s schema: if it is winter here, it is springtime there in the Real World.

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Documents

Folder 4mudcat.org/pkd/005aatranscript.doc · Web view[[005ap001]] Letter to Claudia February 27, 1975 page 1 February 27, 1975 Dear Claudia, I just had a bizarre thought. The decay