M a g a z i n e

North Florida JANUARY 2016 Volume 1 IssUe 37 www.mYFlouriShmaGaZiNe.Com

Go Florida Wild at

Plantation on Crystal River

The “Re-Building” Blocks to a Better alachua County

John v. Janeare Men and Women

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08 Rebuilding Together in Alachua County

12 Go Florida Wild at Plantation on Crystal River

28 Way Back When: The Brick and Bridle Club

30 Newberry, BBQ, Cousins & College Football

What’s Inside…Welcome

…to the world of Flourish where we bring you tips, profiles and fun to help

you create your own flourishing life. this month we took a chilly swim with the manatees at Plantation on Crystal river and got up-close underwater (a baby manatee swam right up to our group). we delve into the reasons why men and women can be so different (or maybe not) and take a look into family and parenting tips. a special contributing guest author, Casey adolfsson, can relate to the hangups of the tech invasion and its unexpected negative influence. So grab a cup of hot tea and take us along on your downtime!

Lauren Douglass

Features

Relationships06 Men and Women: Not So

Different After All14 Date Night in Gainesville

Family16 How To Respond To The

Temper Tantrum23 How to Manage Your Kids with

Different Personalities24 Are You a Tech Widow?

Money & Business11 Sit For Success26 How to Ask for a Raise27 The Biggest Little Money Wasters

Fashion & Beauty20 Choosing a Lip Color21 Hard Candy Glam

Reviews18 In Review: Beauty22 New Year Gear

4 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.

What’s Inside…

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Managing eDiToRElizabeth Putfark

CoPY eDiToRDaniel Sutphin

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aRT DiReCToRDaniel Tidbury

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Jane DominguezBecky Snowden

Daniel Tidbury

PRoMoTionSAmanda LilesKaren Jones

AnnMarie DeFeo Anita Knittel

aCCoUnTingLynsey Parrish

CiRCULaTionAdam Simmons

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Crossword Puzzle

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5Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. Flourish Magazine | January/2016

6 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.

By elizabeth Putfark

men and Women:Not So Different After All?

You’ve heard it before. Men are from Mars;

women are from Venus. We’re just

“wired” differently. Think like a man; think like a woman. Typical

guy; typical girl.

A new research study took on the ancient question of how different men and women really are in a unique way – by isolating the brain and seeing if gender could be determined based on image analysis alone.

The verdict? Not really.Led by behavioral neuroscientist Daphna Joel, researchers identified a

number of structural differences between the more than 1,400 individual brains studied. They did find some patterns. Some forms were more common in men, others more common in women, and others common to both. For instance, men often had a larger hippocampus, an area of the brain involved with memory, than women.

so where do these distinct categories and differences come from? Turns out, it’s not our brains.

7Flourish Magazine | January/2016I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.

However, in all cases the overlap was as significant as the divergence. Some women had a larger, or more “male-typical” left hippocampus, while some men had a smaller hippocampus even than the average female.

In the end, fewer than 8 percent of the brains studied were exclusively one gender or the other. The rest were an amalgamation of traits loosely categorized as more masculine or more feminine.

Scientists thus concluded that it is impossible to tell the sex of an individual based on MRI imaging of the brain. At best, they can be placed along a continuum of “maleness” and “femaleness.”

The results of the study, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in December, fly in the face of much of what we’ve been taught about gender and the brain.

In the mid-19th century, scientists officially declared that men and women had distinctly different brains. The very fact that such an assumption stood unchallenged for over a century says a great deal about how we tend to think about gender—that is, we’re generally more comfortable talking about it in terms of difference, rather than sameness.

Yet as this study suggests, the differences may not be as inherent as we once thought. Instead, gendered thought patterns that have been identified by teachers, psychiatrists, and laymen through the ages must be at least partially, if not largely, socially rather than biologically derived.

For instance, how often have you heard that men are better at compartmentalizing their thoughts than women, “shutting off” certain areas of their brains in order to focus on others? Or how about that women are better able to multitask, maneuvering deftly through a labyrinth of activities?

If we accept that these differences do not come from the uniquely gendered makeup of our minds, we can begin to consider how we’re socialized to operate the way we do. We might think less in terms of catering to one gender’s strengths or weaknesses, and more in terms of finding the best common methods and techniques. Our tendencies might shift from excusing certain behaviors in men that would be unacceptable in women, and vice versa.

And rather than looking for more ways to differentiate between what’s typically male and what’s typically female, perhaps our time will be better spent looking for what’s common to both.

8 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 I believe in living today. Not in yesterday, nor in tomorrow.

What we don’t like to think about is our own hometown.Yet that’s the first thing that came to mind for Gainesville native, Melissa Miller, when as a high school student she began volunteering for construction-based mission work. Inspired by the efforts she saw in remote towns and landscapes, Miller came home to Gainesville on fire to begin the same kind of labor here in Alachua County: the labor of helping low income, elderly and disabled homeowners to make necessary safety repairs on their homes to improve their quality of life, and

subsequently the quality of life in Gainesville.

“She actually had the vision, that early in her life,” explains RD Bonner, Director of Programs for Rebuilding Together of North Central Florida. “This is what she felt called to do.”

Miller started by gathering high school friends and fellow youth group members and getting them excited for the cause. They would meet up on Saturdays with $20 and a sack lunch and go around doing home repairs for people in town.

By elizabeth Putfark

“What we’re trying to

convey is we’re not rebuilding for you – we’re

rebuilding together.”

Rebuilding Together

in Alachua County

When we hear the term, “people in need,” we think of different things. We

might think of someone asking for change, children without lunch money,

victims of natural disaster, or, at least as often as not, people living in

some other country.

Local grassroots chapter of national nonprofit gives homeowners in need a helping hand

9Flourish Magazine | January/2016Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.

After earning her degree in building construction at the University of

Florida, Miller and her core group of fellow volunteers founded the nonprofit group, Rebuilding Gainesville. By 2008, the group’s growth prompted them to align with national nonprofit, Rebuilding Together, and they changed their name to Rebuilding Together North Central Florida.

And they’ve been growing ever since.

According to the group’s data, 2014 saw over 400 local

volunteers complete 33 projects with more than 4,500 hours of

labor. In total, they estimate that Rebuilding Together NCF added more than $122,745 of value to Alachua County in that single year.

how Does it Work?Home repair projects are chosen on a case-by-case basis that takes into account both the need of the homeowner and the nature of the repair.

In order to be considered, homeowners are asked to come into the Rebuilding Together NCF office and fill out an application during open application cycles which typically run from January to June. Health and safety are always predominate concerns, and most service recipients fall into one or more of four categories: low income, disabled, elderly or veteran.

One of the most important questions on the application is how willing is the owner to get themselves, their friends and their family involved.

“Right there on the first day we have them write on the application, are you willing to help us and to get

your friends and family involved in the

process?” admits Bonner. “We really want it to be an educational experience for everyone involved.”

Of course, owner involvement means more than simply increasing know-how in the local populace. It’s more about building community.

“We did one [project] recently where there were as many family members of the homeowner as there were volunteers. That’s the ultimate vision. What we’re trying to convey is that we’re not rebuilding for you, we’re rebuilding together.”

Who Can Volunteer?Volunteers come from all over the county, both as individuals and as groups. Bonner finds that the majority of the volunteers for each project come from Rebuilding Together NCF’s local corporate, church and service club sponsors, each of which assembles teams of representatives to take on projects. While some groups have plenty of experienced repair workers within their unit (the Rotary Club, Walmart and local construction companies for example), others are assigned skilled laborers to help with plumbing, electric and other more nuanced tasks. Youth volunteers as young as 14 are also welcome, although all those under 18 require adult accompaniment.

Regardless of the makeup of the group, many of the people who volunteer, including friends and family of the homeowner, end up asking to be a part of future projects.

“As we’re leaving the worksite, everyone seems to feel like they had

the most fun out of anyone – and that includes the

homeowner and their family! People find that it feels really good first to be a part of a larger,

collaborative effort, but second in something that’s

all happening locally.”

10 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Do They Need my help?Although part of a national group, all the funding, resources and labor for Rebuilding Together NCF come from Alachua County. In turn, all the donations go directly to work in our community.

In 2011, a study identified 7,500 substandard homes in Alachua County – a number that Bonner estimates to have grown significantly in the five years since. “Given the economy since then and the ageing housing stock, I would have to estimate that number has far exceeded what it once was, despite our best efforts,” he explains. “This is definitely a cause where the need is far greater than our capacity to serve.”

How you choose to help depends on personal skill set, time and availability. Bonner suggest that the best impact you can make is to engage a group you’re a part of to become a sponsor, do a little fundraising, then take on a project of your own. Of course, individuals are also invited to join specific projects, particularly

skilled laborers.

“If you are a roofer or a plumber and you’re reading this article, you should call me!” laughs Bonner.

The easiest way to contribute is simply to write out a check. Rebuilding Together has found that for every dollar donated, they’re able to create four dollars’ worth of market value in repairs. Bonner promises, “We will stretch your dollar!”

“If you are a roofer or a plumber and you’re reading this article, you should call me!”

To find out more about Rebuilding Together nCF, visit www.ebuildingtogetherncf.org.

12 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.

The luxury resort offers Manatee tours in the underwater world of the Crystal River – the only place in the world

where it’s legal for divers to interact with the endangered West Indian Manatee in the wild.

Equipped with the resort’s own wetsuits and snorkel gear, guests are invited to swim alongside the

gentle giants as they play, eat, and socialize. If you’re staying at the

hotel, your tour begins with breakfast downstairs before the adventure launches from the resort’s own dock. You’ll learn about the endangered species in a pre-tour educational

session, then experience the underwater natural habitat that as many as 700 manatees call home for a portion of each year.

Photos and video of the once-in-a-lifetime experience can be included in any tour package, leaving you free to embrace each moment. Whether you’re a seasoned diver or first-time snorkeler, the team at Plantation will help you swim like a fish – or better yet, a manatee!

Plantation at Crystal River is nestled along Florida’s Nature Coast, surrounded by the Kings Bay Natural

Go Florida Wild at

Plantation on Crystal River

There’s a lot to do in Florida

that you can’t do just anywhere – trophy fishing, competitive golfing, and strolling the miles of lapping

waterfronts. At Plantation on Crystal River, you can do all of that, plus one

more activity that you won’t find anywhere else in the world:

swimming with West Indian Manatees.

13Flourish Magazine | January/2016We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.

Springs and more than 25,000 surface acres of lakes, rivers, wildlife refuges and state parks. For more than 50 years it has played host to weddings, corporate retreats, family reunions and getaways for visitors from around the world.

The green and eco-friendly hotel sits on 232 lush acres blanketed with emerald fields and dotted with grand oaks. Guests of the hotel enjoy a tiki bar, pool deck and hot tub all overlooking the water, as well as

outstanding customer service with a down-home feel.

In addition to manatee tours, Plantation offers a wide variety of outdoor entertainment.

The grounds are a birdwatcher’s paradise, home to hundreds of species of fowl including Osprey, Blue Heron, Red- and Yellow-Bellied Warblers, Neotropic Cormorant, Eagles and Grey-Horned Owls, to name a few.

And it’s not just birds flying through the air; golf balls whiz by regularly, too. Plantation is fully equipped with a challenging 27-hole competitive golf course designed by renowned course architect, Mark Mahannah. True to the traditional “Florida” style, the course features numerous water and bunker obstacles to keep players on their toes.

Anglers will find their paradise at Plantation as well. Grouper, trout, redfish and tarpon, as well as largemouth bass, bluegill, redar sunfish and black crappie fill the waters just outside the hotel’s luxurious accommodations. Guests can bring their boat in tow, rent one for their stay, or head out with a pro on a guided charter straight from Plantation’s own docks. The on-site marina also rents kayaks for a fun paddle around local waters.

So the next time you want a unique location for a personal, professional, or family getaway, look no further than Plantation at Crystal River. At just over an hour’s drive from Gainesville, this hidden gem will keep you coming back year after year.

14 Flourish Magazine | January/2016

And lucky for you, Gainesville is a perfect place for couples. To help you find the romance in our city, we’ve compiled a list of some of our favorite unconventional ways to step out on the town.

For Adventure…Hit the water. Try a kayaking trip down the Ichetucknee River, or paddleboarding on Lake Santa Fey. A simple google search will show you plenty of options for local rentals. If you’re more of a water admirer than a water enthusiast, enjoy the view at Newnans Lake.

Although arrangements might take a little more effort than a dinner reservation, the endorphins that come from fresh air and exercise will be well worth it.

For Connection…Don’t be afraid to dig deep. Treat your date to a day of rejuvenation at one of Gainesville’s many spas or meditation centers. Although generally the choice of older, more established couples, spa days can be great for relaxing together no matter your commitment level.

Especially if your date works in a high stress environment, sharing a day of pampering might be the best way to break down some barriers and get closer, faster.

For Flirty Fun…Go retro. Take your date to one of Gainesville’s local arcades or fun parks. Glide around the rink at Skate Station Funworks, then head outside for a friendly contest in the batting cages. Or head to Barcade for

skee ball and other favorites accompanied by local brews.

Dress sporty and be ready to indulge in a little smack talk. If Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that witty banter between rivals is a definite recipe for romantic success.

DateNightin Gainesville

The only thing worse than

having nothing to do on a Friday night is the pressure of a new date to do it with. Whether you’ve been together a day, a month, or many years, every couple

benefits from spicing things up on date night.

By elizabeth Putfark

Believe you can and you’re halfway there.

15Flourish Magazine | January/2016If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

For Ambiance…Let nature do the work. Take your date to the

Kanapaha Botanical Gardens to see magnificent flowers and fauna all arranged for peaceful perusal. If you prefer something a little wilder, head into the deep wilderness of Devil’s Millhopper or take a ride down the Hawthorne Bike Trail. Take a camera along (ideally NOT your camera phone) and have a friendly competition for best photo of the day.

Surrounding yourselves with the beauty of nature will take the pressure off conversation and let you

enjoy the comfort of simple companionship.

For Philanthropy…Give back together. Volunteering is a great way to

see the best in someone special, and the worst in someone less than stellar. Stock shelves at a

local soup kitchen, walk dogs at the humane society or buy a bag of carrots and feed them to the rescued horses at the Mill Creek Horse Sanctuary.

although we usually think of dates as ways to treat the one we love, we forget

that a healthy dose of perspective, blended with the feel-good boost that comes from giving

back, is often the best treat around.

16 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 We know what we are, but know not what we may be.

Toddlers may use hitting or screaming, adolescents might act out or teenagers could turn to destructive behaviors in order to express their internal environment. As parents, we want to find a reliable, loving way to help our children handle their frustrations at changing activities or completing learning skills. One such way is with HandInHandParenting.org. It has been so valuable that I can’t help but want to pass this information along to any other struggling parent.

When my daughter was a toddler, her reaction over the most varied of situations left me at times confused, affected and wanting to cry myself. How can my calm, playful child turn into a hitting, screaming alien when I simply ask her to pick up a toy or put on her shoes? Is she hungry? Tired? Or… maybe angry? What am I missing here? Parenting can certainly be a bit of a minefield and guesswork at times.

But that is where Hand In Hand Parenting comes to the rescue. Their core value is my little lifesaver – The Stay Listen!

What this means is that when your child is expressing their anger or conducting themselves in a manner reasonably unacceptable, that moment is when you need to stay and listen to your child through their emotional expression. The following steps will eliminate the struggle every time and faster than any timeout I have ever tried to use.

Get on the child’s eye level. Put your hand on their shoulder or lovingly take them in your arms. Then explain and repeat the limit you are setting in a calm, compassionate tone of voice. Stay until they have fully expressed their feelings.

It is really that simple. Stay with your

child, listen to their crying (as long as that may be, and yes, even in public) and calmly repeat the limit you setting. It is difficult in the beginning, and you are going to doubt the process until you see the results. This is NOT permissive parenting where you let them do as they please. You are still setting and maintaining the limit and defining the acceptable behavior, but you are controlling your emotional reaction to it.

Next time, when your toddler is throwing a fit, say to them, “I know this is hard, but you cannot throw food (insert other behavior), but I will stay with you until you calm down.” Check that you are eye level and having some sort of caring physical contact or sitting close by. This communicates that they are important, you can be trusted and allows a chance to work out their emotional reaction without becoming

how to respond to the

Temper Tantrum

From Toddlerhood to the Teenage YearsBy lauren douglass

Emotions are expressed in different

ways as children age. Finding a way to help your child manage their “big”

feelings can sometimes be a challenging experience.

17Flourish Magazine | January/2016It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.

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isolated. An invaluable skill which can be used throughout their lives, that we all want to teach our children, is how to manage feelings while completing necessary life tasks.

As our children grow, many times their feelings can come out as

outbursts over one thing or another, but that is the exact time when you

get eye level, ask them what is going on and speak in a calm tone. They are

looking for that connection – children need this because they are flooded with

emotions and still learning how to process. Isn’t that when creating an environment where your

child feels connected to you most important? When you cry, if someone listens to why you are crying and gives you a hug, does it make you feel better? Yes – and the same goes for your child.

Make a tantrum a great teachable moment to demonstrate how to work out frustrations in a safe environment and talk about examples to move through feelings in healthy, effective ways. Directing to any physical activity is a great way to channel frustration and anger like hitting a pillow, doing a foot stomp or jumping in place are good quick go-tos that avoid hurting anyone or anything around. Talking and role playing works well for handling fear. Writing and coloring are great for sadness. Those are the skills we want to teach – not just quick fixes for controlling their outbursts.

As children age, they are going to continue to challenge parental or social requests at different stages and for different reasons. Maintaining this response of stay-listening will help you navigate those tricky times and set the stage for an open dialog during the teenage years when communication is vital. I highly recommend visiting the site if you are having a difficult time at any age or in preparation as a parent.

Many age/stage examples, resources, and other parenting advice is available on HandInHandParenting org. It has truly been a lifesaver in our household!

18 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 Change your thoughts and you change your world.

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19Flourish Magazine | January/2016There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

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20 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.

Worried that you’ll never be able to pull off red lipstick, or sport that shade of fuchsia you’ve always wanted to try? Fear not! if you take into account your skin tone and coloring, you can rock almost any color you want.

UndertoneThe first characteristic you want to consider is undertone. Is your skin predominantly “warm” or “cool”? Those with yellow or golden skin tones will look best in warm lip colors such as brick red, peach or reddish pink. Those with blue or pink undertones in their skin will look best

in cool lip colors such as icy pink, fuchsia or blue-based red.

saturationAfter determining warm versus cool, consider whether you tend towards bright or muted colors in general. Do you normally wear vibrant colors like hot pink and emerald green, or does your coloring look better in soft coral and sage? Those with pure coloring will look drab in muted colors, while those with soft coloring will be overpowered by bright colors. If you like bright colors, look for lip colors in saturated hues like bright orange or

coral. If you want more muted hues, look for lip colors that have been toned down by white, gray or black.

ContrastFinally, consider the overall contrast level of your coloring. If your skin, hair and eyes are very similar in lightness or darkness, you are probably low-contrast. If you have, for example, very light skin with very dark hair and eyes, you are probably high-contract. You can also determine contrast by looking over your wardrobe: do you wear a lot of very light colors next to very dark colors, or is the majority of your closet the same tone? Those with low-contrast coloring should look towards lip shades that are in line with their coloring: light shades for those with light coloring, or dark shades for dark coloring. Those with high-contrast coloring should look for the opposite: dark lip shades look striking with light skin and dark hair.

that’s Perfect for YouLip Color Choosing a

stain-effectsdeeper shades that diffuse outwards for a two-tone look

Flaming colorred is the game and bold the only rule

Natural proportionsforget the liner and let your lip’s natural shape rule the day

Baby balmNude or lip balm lips pair perfectly with dramatic eyes

Very Berryberry-stained looks go great with every skin tone

Lip Trends in 2015

By kirsten Nielsen

21Flourish Magazine | January/2016Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.

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22 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 You must do the things you think you cannot do.

Prince Lionheart Travel AccessoriesDesigned with the modern parent in mind,

Prince Lionheart’s line of travel products are perfect for trips with babies and

kids. With award-winning gear for everything from feeding, diaper

changing, potty training, travel and safety, there’s something for every

milestone. PriCeS VarY, PriNCelioNheart.Com

Casabella sink setFreshen up your cleaning tools with the brand new Casabella Sink Set. This complete set has everything you need to cut the grease – from sponges, to soap dispensers to the much loved Casabella gloves! Safe and effective on all non-stick surfaces, this kit is a must-have for every home! $45 CaSaBella.Com

New Year Gear

oxygenPlusO+ is a portable, recreational oxygen canister for health and wellness enthusiasts everywhere. Get a flavored burst of energy, a drop in stress, a sobering breath or an altitude antidote all in one easy to tote tube of oxygen. Prices vary, OxygenPlus.com

hUB Portable ChargerThis revolutionary new line of HUB Portable Chargers from myCharge

allows world travelers, tech geeks and multiple device users to solve the ever

present challenge of keeping their electronics charged on the go. The

all-in-one charging solution powers up smartphones and tablets faster and

more conveniently than ever before.$69–$129 mYCharGe.Com

Kettmeir Pinot GrigioHand selected by The Wine Enthusiast, this pinot comes from one of six world-renowned wineries operating in three of Italy’s most prestigious wine regions. A fine aperitif that is also a superb match for seafood salads, meat or fish-based starters served with succulent sauces, full-flavored soups and even white meats. PriCeS VarY, SmuSaiNC.Com

Which Fork Do I Use?Navigate the minefield of dining etiquette,

manners and table setting with aplomb with the help of this irreplaceable tome. An

Independent Publishers Award National Medalist, this user-friendly manual includes

in-depth table setting information and beautifully illustrated graphics for prepping

a table for any occasion. $24.95 amaZoN.Com

24 Flourish Magazine | January/2016

Years ago, I didn’t know what it was like to be a Tech Widow. That is until I married an Early Adopter. An Early Adopter is someone whose love of gadgetry always has him or her on the lookout for the next best thing. They are always on the front lines of a cutting edge technology and can go by other clever names like Techie, Geek or sometimes even self-described as a Gadget Freak.

Early Adopters like my hubby saw the writing on the wall or the arrangement of the pixels as it were for emerging technologies. He was the first person I met with a Smartphone. Like others, he saw how these modern pieces of metal and plastic, which fit into your pocket, would change the way we communicate and transform how we share moments and thoughts with just the tap of a finger. While I couldn’t see past my AOL Messenger and continued to IM, people like my husband were

checking their emails on small handheld devices and sending texts rather than

dialing a phone.

Fast forward to years after the invasion began, I found myself focusing on the

evolution of something else… my husband’s nightstand. Where a glass of water and the

latest Newsweek used to lie was now a continuous growing collection of devices that

seemed to multiply monthly. With the ability to follow up on an email, check the latest football

scores or settle an argument about who starred in

are you a

Tech Widow?

By Casey Adolfsson

If you haven’t heard the term

yet, well, that’s because it’s pretty new. But as someone who has lost their family’s conversational

connection to the pings and tweets of the devices we all use every day, the struggle is real! You might be able to relate and maybe you would like to make a change. Follow along

as I describe my transformation into becoming a Tech Widow but, most importantly,

how I stopped being one!

A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.

Photo by Susannah Peddie

25Flourish Magazine | January/2016

what movie, there was so much this swipe of a screen had given us. However, the marketers that encouraged upgrading and purchasing of even more megabytes and minutes forgot to mention one big thing – what we would lose in the process.

This was my slippery slope into becoming a Tech Widow. Hubby no longer seemed to be able to have a conversation without a device in his hand, which he would glance at with increasing frequency. Eventually, it progressed into an opened laptop that put more distance between us than the quarter thickness of its screen.

It didn’t happen overnight and truth telling – I kinda sorta let it happen. I didn’t rant and rave about this lack of attention. I made excuses for him when he couldn’t seem to put his phone away in front of others. I reminded myself that he loved me and his obsession was putting food on the table and a roof over our heads. I also began to enjoy the benefits of carrying one small book-shaped thing when we traveled versus the ten books that always put me over the weight limit. And who doesn’t love a digital shopping list you’re unlikely to lose or the school nurse’s ability to always reach you?

But it was when we both would sit side-by-side not speaking, instead staring at our little blinding white screens, that I started thinking about our relationship before the tech-invasion. We used to talk about our day during dinner, even if it was boring, or maybe watch a TV show together – you know, the ones where you had to wait a whole week to see the next episode. We would have interesting conversations and use actual spoken words while looking into each other’s eyes across the bread basket.

That time was before these little conveniences made their way onto our dinner table. It now appeared that we could not bear the idea of being unreachable or go without regular updates on the news or laughing out loud at adorable kitten pictures for as long as took to eat a plate of spaghetti.

I realized I had a choice. I could either stay on board and continue to ride this tech-train or fight my widowhood and ensure that my children would not become tech-orphans by reclaiming my husband from Techdom.

But how does one do this? The devices were already inside the walls, and I have no power over the allure of the internet!

It wasn’t easy, especially since hubby successfully presides over a little corner of the Tech World – a corner that has paid for our home and ensured a secure future for our children. While his obsession was keeping us in the black, it was stealing my best friend and soul mate’s attention. So with hubby more preoccupied than ever and our little minis following in his footsteps with their tablets and phones, I saw the truth of our situation. That is – I would have to be the unpopular one!

Feeling like the Grinch at Christmas knowing I was about to steal their “joy,” I did something simple. I made some rules…

• NO tech allowed at the dinner table as actual speaking conversations are a must!

• During the evening, text and call alerts should be the only sound your device can make. We do not need to hear that you have a tweet every few minutes. It is distracting to the rest of the family.

• Set time limits for devices and stick to them: kids and parents alike.

• Schedule any important family conversations. If I need my husband’s undivided attention, I ask him and wait until he can separate from the device. Then we talk.

These are a few of our agreed on rules, so I suggest you incorporate these savers or set your own. My name might be a dirty word in your house for a couple of days, but soon you should feel your family reconnecting.

So go find your partner and pry his phone out of his hand and hug him like you haven’t seen him in years. Then you can talk to him about your upcoming tech rules…

Casey adolfsson is a mother of two, a recovering Tech Widow who is still happily married to a Tech Titan, and the author of Merciful, available now on amazon. Read more from her and her wit at Caseyadolfsson.com

Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you.

26 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’

The good news is, with just a little preparation and a lot of tact, you can leave your boss’s office looking even better than before (whether with or without the requested raise).

Know your worthBefore you even think about talking to your boss, consider why you deserve more than you’re making now. According to Forbes, three answers are generally acceptable: 1) you’ve consistently outshined other employees in your pay bracket for some time, 2) new duties have been added to your job description that entitle you to more benefits, or 3) your job title has experienced a dramatic rise in demand within your industry (think mostly tech and finance).

Gather evidence before lodging your request. Be prepared with records of your achievements, the current market, or new duties allocated your way before scheduling a meeting. Sites like Salaryfairy.com offer online wage evaluations based on experience, education, location and the present market, and may provide valuable evidence for presenting your case.

Pick your momentFind out when your company typically doles out pay raises. Most companies budget for annual increases, although bi-annual raises are common in high-turnover industries like retail and food-service. Once you know, schedule your conversation a few months in advance; if you wait for your annual performance review, the budget might already be set.

Use what you know about your boss to determine whether you need to ready to make a quick pitch on the fly, or to schedule a meeting to sit down and discuss a raise.

Request, don’t demandEmphasize that you want to discuss, reconsider or revisit your current salary when you broach the topic, and focus on positives. Keep in mind the difference in perspective that you’re both bringing to the table, and let the tone be informative rather than persuasive. Chances are, the reasons you offer won’t have been on your boss’s radar until now.

If denied, remember to ask how you can improve your performance to secure a raise in the future. Your boss will appreciate your understanding and initiative, and you’ll be at the forefront of her mind the next time raises come around!

Dos and Don’ts of

Asking for a

RaiseBy Susan meeker

How to request a salary bump

without risking awkwardness

or offense…

Want a raise but not sure how to ask for it? It’s no small wonder

– after all, budget cuts and company downsizes are in the news all the time. Still, the time comes in every job when you know you’re

due for a pay upgrade, and more often than not it’s up to you to take

the initiative.

27Flourish Magazine | January/2016We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

Throwing out LeftoversThe Natural Resources Defense Council claims

that Americans throw away an average of 25

percent of their food and drinks. That’s a quarter of your grocery budget!

Ditching ClassWhether it’s a night class, gym class or cooking class, if

you’re paying for it, GET THERE! Otherwise it’s eating up income to no end.

splurging at Gas stationsThat same granola bar that’s 90 cents at the grocery is $1.75 at a convenience store, so pack your snacks and resist impulse buys!

Drinking Bottled WaterYou can pick up a filter for $18 and fill a $10 BPA free bottle infinite times. They’ll pay for themselves inside of one week!

Neglecting Your healthWhether it’s your heart, your teeth, your eyes or your mind, keeping your body in good working order can save you thousands in the long run.

You might think of yourself as the ultimate penny-pincher, but these little habits could be costing you big time!

Biggest Little money Wasters

By isabelle Crane

28 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 When the sun is shining I can do anything; no mountain is too high, no trouble too difficult to overcome.

You don’t know fun until you’ve played Cowboy Musical Chairs – at least, that’s probably what these two University of Florida students (C. A. Robbins and B. Hibbs) would have told you back in 1947 as they wrestled for the last available seat.

This event was one of many highlights in the annual “Block and Bridle” club rodeo, a celebration and tribute to the agrarian roots of UF students raised in the heart of Florida cattle country.

In the cowboy version of this childhood classic, two lines of chairs are placed on opposite ends of a rodeo arena. The action begins with all cowboys and cowgirls seated on one side (where there are enough seats for everyone) holding onto their steeds be the reins. When the music starts, they have to mount up, race to the other end and claim one of the remaining chairs, all while maintaining control over their horse. One chair

gets removed every round so that a horse and rider pair gets eliminated after each crossing.

The rough-riding, wholesome fun of Cowboy Musical Chairs is a great testament to the enduring legacy of

CLuBThe

Block BridleaBoVe riGht: two uF StudeNtS (1947) wreStle For

CoNtrol oF the reiNS iN a “CowBoY” VerSioN oF muSiCal ChairS. www.FloridamemorY.Com/itemS/Show/66441

Photo Credit: State arChiVeS oF Florida, Florida memorY, httP://FloridamemorY.Com/itemS/Show/66441

anD

Way Back

When

29Flourish Magazine | January/2016Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

the Block and Bridle club,

which still thrives at UF in Gainesville

today. The organization was established in 1919 by students from animal husbandry programs around the country. Their aim was to provide members with professional development through areas of service, education and leadership,

while also making a positive impact on the agricultural industry by investing in the next generation.

Nowadays, the club’s mission remains the same. In the Gainesville chapter, students at UF and Santa Fe College are invited to join with other students, faculty and industry leaders as they prepare for careers in animal science related fields. With over 92 regional branches in colleges and universities around the United States, students have the opportunity to network and compete at the national level in contests related to the animal agricultural industry.

The Block and Bridle emblem The club emblem is and always has been a large “B” accentuated on the top with a meat block and cleaver, and on the bottom with an equestrian bridle. While overtly agrarian, the symbolism of the insignia goes far beyond the physical tools it depicts.

The straight and perpendicular backbone of the “B” symbolizes the upright character, sincerity and morality of

initiated members, while its curves speak to those same members’ social pleasure, energy and determination. The meat cleaver represents the material aspects of agrarian life, including the hard physical labor required, while the bridle in the lower half stands for the self-control endemic to those who respect themselves, their company and their livestock.

30 Flourish Magazine | January/2016 Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time like dew on the tip of a leaf.

For all the schools never to produce a single major college football player, consider this: Newberry High, a Class 1A team, has three reporting multiple FBS scholarship offers.

All three are 6-foot-4. All three play defensive line. All three are cousins. No kidding.

Newberry, a shovel pass west of Gainesville, is home to tasty BBQ and an annual Watermelon Festival, among other things. The cousins and college recruits – Cory Durden, Malik Neal and Ja’len Parks – will vouch for the BBQ, but also recommend you try the seafood.

Durden and Parks, who say “we’re cousins, but we’re more like brothers,” are dominating defensive tackles with amazing quickness and size. They’re only juniors, but former Newberry coach Kepa Sarduy said, “They’re ready for college now.”

Parks (6-4, 290 pounds) is verbally committed to Florida State, but like with most pledges these days, it’s essentially a placeholder. Besides,

there’s plenty of time for young minds to wander over the next year. The earliest FSU can officially lock up Parks’ signature is Feb. 1, 2017.

“I’m committed, but my options are open,” said Parks, the No. 9 defensive tackle in the country in 247sports.com’s composite rankings. “There’s nothing set in stone or anything like that. I just want to see what else is out there and may take a few trips.”

Despite matching offers from Florida, Miami and countless others, Newberry’s DT duo is Florida State’s to lose.

“I’m keeping my options open, too, but Florida State is my favorite,” said Durden (6-4, 283), the No. 25 defensive tackle in the nation. “Alabama would be an interesting offer, but Florida State is like a family atmosphere for me.”

Durden said several family members have attended FSU, but said he doesn’t expect another relative, Malik Neal, to study the Tomahawk Chop in college. Neal (6-4, 210) hasn’t been offered by the ‘Noles, but he has plenty of top colleges to choose from with offers

from Colorado, Oregon State, South Florida, Troy, Utah and Western Kentucky.

“I don’t want to commit too early, just so I can see what’s all is out there,” Neal said.

Not that all people in small towns are related, but this is not the first time Newberry produced talented relatives. It is home to former Florida Gators Mike and Ricky Nattiel and Edwin and Keith Ross as well.

Newberry, BBQ, Cousins &College FootballCousins land small town west of Gainesville on recruiting radars

Story and photos by mike Capshaw

Florida aNd Florida State are amoNG ColleGeS reCruitiNG

NewBerrY deFeNSiVe liNemeN malik Neal,

CorY durdeN aNd ja’leN ParkS, who

alSo haPPeN to Be CouSiNS.

31Flourish Magazine | January/2016The bird is powered by its own life and by its motivation.

JanUaRY 1ST5pm Food Truck Rally @ Cymplify8:30am Haile Farmers Market @ Haile Village Center

JanUaRY 2nD2pm Gators Swimming & Diving vs. Florida State @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center8pm Gators Men’s Basketball vs. Georgia @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

JanUaRY 3RD1pm Gators Women’s Basketball vs. Mississippi State @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

JanUaRY 5TH7pm Wet Talks: Springs Lovers’ Show and Tell @ Thomas Center Galleries

JanUaRY 6TH7pm Collected Stories @ The Hippodrome Theatre (Add. Dates)

JanUaRY 7TH2Pm Steve Berry: Author Series @ Millhopper Branch Library

JanUaRY 9TH14th Annual Tour de Felasco10am Collectors Day @ 3215 Hull Road

10am Dudley Kids - Weights and Scales @ Dudley Farm Historic State Park 10am Second Saturday Kids Day @ Dudley Farm Historic State Park 1pm 40th Annual Camellia Show @ Kanapaha Botanical Gardens 7:30pm Toronto Symphony Orchestra @ Phillips Center for the Performing Arts

JanUaRY 10TH2:30pm How to Write a Travel Narrative @ Millhopper Branch Library (Add. Dates)

JanUaRY 14TH7pm Gators Women’s Basketball vs. Georgia @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

JanUaRY 15TH6:45pm Gators Gymnastics vs. UCLA @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center7:30pm Jewel Box Concert: Elio’s Quartet @ The Historic Thomas Center7:30pm Vocalosity: The Aca-Perfect Concert Experience @ Phillips Center for the Performing Arts

JanUaRY 16TH7:30pm Breathe @ Squitieri TheatreCurtis M Phillips Center

JanUaRY 17TH 7pm Gators Women’s Basketball vs. LSU @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

JanUaRY 19TH7:30pm 42nd Street @ Phillips Center for the Performing Arts

JanUaRY 20TH4pm Union Street Farmers Market @ Downtown Gainesville

JanUaRY 21ST11:45am Florida Arbor Day @ Matheson History Museum 7pm Gators Women’s Basketball vs. Alabama @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

JanUaRY 22nD7:30pm Gainesville Orchestra @ Santa Fe Fine Arts Hall

JanUaRY 23RD11am Gators Swimming & Diving vs. Auburn @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center 1:30pm Bamboo Workshop at Kanapaha @ Kanapaha Botanical Gardens 2:30pm Victoria Christopher Murray: Author Series @ Headquarters Library 8pm Gators Men’s Basketball vs. Auburn @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

JanUaRY 24TH2pm Attacca Quartet @ University Auditorium

JanUaRY 26TH7pm Disney’s Beauty and The Beast @ Phillips Center for the Performing Arts

JanUaRY 29TH9:00 Am Gators Gymnastics vs. Alabama @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center7:30pm Blaze @ Phillips Center for the Performing Arts

JanUaRY 30TH10am 30th Annual Hoggetowne Medieval Faire @ Alachua County Fairgrounds10am Floridiana Show & Rare Book Sale @ Matheson History Museum 12pm Gators Men’s Basketball vs. West Virginia @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

JanUaRY 31ST10am 30th Annual Hoggetowne Medieval Faire @ Alachua County Fairgrounds 1pm Gators Women’s Basketball vs. Kentucky @ Stephen C. O’Connell Center

JanuaryEvents

what’s happening: