Final Portfolio - Government and Politics

7/30/2019 Final Portfolio - Government and Politics

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Varun Desai

WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and Democracy

Professor Christopher PhillipsFinal Portfolio

Letter of Reflection

December 7, 2012

Dear Reader,

Please take the time to consider my writing portfolio that I have compiled over the past

four months. This selection contains two drafts of my final explanatory position paper, my own

and a peers abbreviated outline of my paper, along with various exercises conducted throughout

the course. I have also included a peers review of my Keyword Synthesis, along with general

comments on specific assignments on Blackboard by my professor. Through these exercises, I

have improved upon various elements of my writing. From writing clearer and crisper sentences

to developing strong reasoning and propositions, this seminar has allowed me to become a

coherent writer. However, this writing seminar has also taught me a greater understanding of the

audience for which Im writing. Editing processes such as the Peer Review of my Keyword

Synthesis Essay, the Abbreviated Outline of my final papers drafts, and my professors

feedback, have helped me develop stronger arguments and clearer reasoning. The assignments

have helped me how to better write for a specific audience.

These assignments have helped me develop my writing style. This in turn would keep my

audience engaged by making my paper more effective and easier to read. Assignments such as

the Keyword Synthesis Peer Review have added more variety in my sentence structure. In the

Peer Review, my peer pointed out that my final sentences of my body paragraphs often ended in

the same way (Thus, one sees that). Instead, I needed to add variation into my writing style

to keep the audience engaged throughout my paper. Noting this, I ended each body paragraph

differently, thereby adding variety to my writing style. Similarly, my own Abbreviated Outline

and my professors comments helped me become a more concise writer. At the beginning of the

semester, I found my writing to be quite garrulous. I noticed that as I wrote my drafts for my

final paper that wordiness was becoming an issue again. Using my Abbreviated Outline, I

flagged many repetitive sentences and omitted them from my draft. Similarly, I was able to find

out more weaknesses in my writing style from my professor during meetings. He told me that a

lot of my ideas were there but werent fully expressed as a result of my wordy writing. Taking

the feedback, along with my Abbreviated Outlines, into consideration, I realized that in order tobecome a more effective writer, I needed to write clearly, which could only be done through

concise and to-the-point sentences. I became more cognizant of my audiences needs through

these critical tools, utilizing them to develop a cleaner writing style.

The critical writing tools have also helped me choose better links between my reasoning

and proposition. In the Peer Review of my Keyword Synthesis, one of the comments was that I

needed to make stronger links between my reasons and proposition. Similarly, my professorsuggested that I needed to either tweak my reasoning or proposition to make my essay less self-


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evident. Considering their comments, I realized that my audience probably wanted a clearer and

more novel proposition than All authors believe hip-hop is a springboard for democracy. I

continued tweaking my proposition until I came up with, All authors share the premise that theSocratic messages in hip-hop stem from the various sociopolitical environments in which young

artists are raised, a proposition that is to the point yet unique for my audience. With my

Abbreviated Outlines, I learned how to choose better evidence for my final paper. For the firstdraft of my paper, I had Randolph Bournes Youth and Democracy as a source. However, I

realized that the evidence inside the essay was based on qualitative and abstract premises rather

than concrete evidence. I used my outline to detect this, realizing that my reasoning did notanswer one of the goals that I had set out for my essay (an audience that relies on concrete facts

and premises rather than abstract ideas). Therefore, I removed Bourne as one of my author

sources and decided to incorporate Imani Perry, whose ideas were a lot more concrete, as

evidence to better appeal to my audience and support my proposition.

This writing seminar has taught me that an essay is primarily about engaging your

audience. It has also taught me how to better manage and incorporate constructive criticism in

my work. Often, these critical tools pointed out a lot of flaws in my work, and in the beginning, Ifound it hard to handle these criticisms. However, I eventually learned how to embrace criticism,

take it in good stride, and use it to become a better and more mature writer.Thank you,

Varun Desai


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Varun Desai


Professor Christopher PhillipsDraft 4 of 4 (final)

Hip-Hop Matters: Socratic Messages in Hip-Hop

Todays youth often critique the society around them. They question their own identity

and the cultural values with which they have grown up in a process called Socratic self-

examination. Hip-hop music, perceived by many adults to be a promotion of sex, alcohol, and

hooliganism, was originally created as a medium to channel these Socratic criticisms and

communicate youths fresh perspectives, great energy, and eagerness to contribute to a better

society. Authors such as Murray Forman, Cornel West, Imani Perry, Sunaina Maira, Alex

Perullo, and Adam Haupt believe that many young people effectively use hip-hop as a tool for

Socratic self-examination. From America to Africa to the Middle East, youth have spread

Socratic messages through hip-hop to counter various forms of injustices. These messages are

linked with what youth see in their community and the experiences that they accumulate

throughout their childhood and adolescence. All of the authors share the premise that the

Socratic messages in hip-hop vary stem from various sociopolitical environments in which

young artists are raised.

Cornel West and Murray Forman see a youths environment as critical to shaping

American hip-hop. InDemocracy Matters, West discusses two types of hip-hop: Constantinian

and prophetic. Constantinian hip-hop promotes the undesirable notions of binge drinking and

promiscuity with which most adults associate the broader musical genre. However, prophetic

hip-hop, the original incarnation was created in response to the sociopolitical issues of income

inequality and the unjust treatment of blacks in America. The first artists of hip-hop were

prophetic and African-American, like KRS-ONE, Kool Herc, Rakim, and Public Enemy. This

group of artists was instrumental in advocating for a better society through Socratic messages in

their songs, which discusses the suffering that they experienced being marginalized in their

environment as youth.

West states:

That such powerful poetry and insightful social critiques could be created by

youths who have been flagrantly disregarded targeted as cannon fodder by a

racist criminal justice systemin disgraceful schools and shattered families

(including too many irresponsible, unemployed fathers) and violent environments

is a remarkable testament to the vital perspective and energy that can be injected

into our democracy by the young...

(West, 182-183).

West empathizes with the difficulties of racism, neglect, and violence that youth face growing


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up. However, he implies that these environmental factors have sparked Socratic energies among

youth, which they express through the medium of hip-hop. Similarly, in his book, The Hood

Comes First, Forman sees spatial confrontations as a fundamental factor in the Socratic messages

of American hip-hop. According to Forman, hip-hop (and more generally, the black urban beat)

is the result of urban spatial conflicts such as racial segregation, localized politics of urban

development, fights between street gangs, and conflicts between minorities (primarily the

African-American community) and the local police. All these spatial confrontations, coupled

with widespread poverty and income inequality, elicit a spark in youth to unleash their

frustrations through the medium of rap and hip-hop (Forman, 33). Hence, Socratic messages in

hip-hop are largely the result of these spatial and environmental conflicts.

Sunaina Mairas article We Aint Hood discusses the importance of Palestinian-

American hip-hop in the Israel-Palestine conflict. According to Maira, an emerging generation of

Arab youth, many of whom have migrated to America after growing up in the Middle East, is

using popular culture to raise awareness about the bitter conflict in the Holy Land, quite different

from the issues of income inequality and racial conflict present in American hip-hop (Maira, 3).

Artists and groups such as DAM (Da Arabian MCs) and the Iron Sheik express their frustrations

with the negative worldwide perception of Muslims in their lyrics. For example, DAMs song

Gharib Fi Bladi(Stranger in My Own Country) has the following lyrics (translated from

Arabic):

Who cares about us? We are dying slowly

Controlled by a Zionist democratic government!

Ya, democratic to the Jewish soul

And Zionist to the Arabic soul

(DAM)

DAM comments on the feelings of neglect brought about by the sociopolitical environment in

which they grew up: the Zionist (Israeli) control of Arabs (Palestine). They highlight Palestinian

feelings of oppression at the hands of the Israeli government. These Palestinian-American artists

have also grown tired of the stereotypical portrayal of Muslims as terrorists and dictators, as in

DAMs song Min Irhabi (Whos the Terrorist). The lyrics, translated from Arabic, are:

Whos a terrorist?

Me, a terrorist?

How am I a terrorist

When youve taken my land?

Youre the terrorist!


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Youve taken everything I own while Im living in my homeland.

(DAM)

In this song, DAM rebels against the Islamophobia prevalent throughout America after the

September 11 attacks, which brands all Muslims as terrorists. Instead, they accuse of America ofbeing a terrorist by tak[ing] away everything I own while Im living in my homeland. This

Palestinian-American critique of society clearly stems from the dissenting environment in which

these young artists were raised.

Alex Perullo and Adam Haupt both see different messages in hip-hop that discusses

newfound democracies in Africa. Alex Perullo writes about the importance of hip-pop in the

promotion of Socratic messages in Tanzania after socialisms end in the 1970s. Tanzanian

youth, such as Mr. II, confront adults misled perception of young people as wahuni, or

hooligans, through hip-hop. They use hip-hop music to counter these perceptions by promoting

ujumbe mkali (strong messages) within their songs, political messages that often highlight theharsh social conditions of Tanzania (Perullo, 1). Unlike its American and Palestinian-American

counterparts, Tanzanian hip-hop primarily discusses issues affecting new democracies, such as

class struggles, education, and most notably, unemployment (Perullo, 3). Meanwhile, Adam

Haupt sees hip-hop as instrumental in the promotion of democracy in South Africa in the post-

apartheid era. Hip-hop provided youth in South Africas nascent democracy a means of

accessing the public sphere after years of suppression during apartheid. After 50 years, the youth

were finally able to release their pent-up frustrations against the previous apartheid regime. Even

in 2000, artists such as Black Noise still used hip-hop as a tool for engagement of youth in

society (Haupt, 1). Thus, it can be seen that the Socratic critiques in African hip-hop have largely

been a result of the social and political surroundings in which African youth artists were broughtup.

Imani Perry also shares the premise that social critiques in hip-hop come from the artists

sociopolitical milieu. Like West inDemocracy Matters, Perry believes that the environment that

hip-hop artists have grown up in has been vital in shaping the content of their songs. However, in

her bookProphets of the Hood, she argues that the structure and style of hip-hop is just as

important as the message conveyed in the music: While the music bursts with sociopolitical

themes, it is quite dangerous for the critic or listener to interpret it purely as a reflection of social

and political conditions, without thought to the presence of artistic choice in every narrative and

composition (Perry, 39). Perry observes that there are many subtleties to hip-hops structure thatmakes it so beautiful. She notes that the artistic flow of hip-hop is very similar to that in the sport

of boxing: Hip hop is poetry that shifts styles of defense and offense, moving between grace

and bull-like forward barreling. It dances, it leans back, and then it attacks. It uses the broadest

allegory to discuss the individual moment of confrontation (Perry, 58-59). The combinations of

these various shifts in music optimize a tone that releases the frustrations held by youth about

their sociopolitical environment. Thus, this artistic expression by youth, coupled with the

Socratic messages in hip-hop, are successful in promoting American democratic values.


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Hip-hop has helped young people make great contributions to democracy. Whether it is

in Africa, Asia, or the United States of America, young adults have channeled their qualms with

society through this powerful medium. However, the power of hip-hop does not stop there.

Recently, there has been talk of hip-hop and rap being introduced into the science curriculum at

10 elementary schools in New York. The assumption is that hip-hop music will help youth retain

more information and keep them more engaged in the classroom (Leland). Hip-hop, if used

prophetically, has the ability to not only disseminate Socratic messages; it has the power to make

other people, especially other youth, to start critically thinking about the society around them in

the same way that these artists have done. Hip-hop is a great motivator for a more robust

democracy, which can bring about societal change. Hip-hop has the power to evolve democracy

from the sluggish horse that Socrates saw into a cantering colt.

Works Cited

Forman, Murray. The 'Hood Comes First: Race, Space, and Place in Rap and Hip-hop.


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Middletown, CT: Wesleyan UP, 2002. Print.

Haupt, Adam. "Counterpublics, Noise And Ten Years Of Democracy." New Coin Poetry 40.2

(2004): 76-90. EBSCO MegaFILE. Web. 16 Nov. 2012.

Leland, John. "A Hip-Hop Experiment." The New York Times. The New York Times, 18 Nov.2012. Web. 07 Dec. 2012.

Maira, Sunaina. "We Aint Missing: Palestinian Hip HopA Transnational Youth

Movement." CR: The New Centennial Review 8.2 (2008): 161-92. Print.

Perullo, Alex. "Hooligans and Heroes: Youth Identity and Hip-Hop in Dar Es Salaam,

Tanzania."Africa Today 51.4 (2005): 74-101. Print.

West, Cornel.Democracy Matters: Winning the Fight against Imperialism. New York: Penguin,

2004. Print.


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Varun Desai


Professor Christopher PhillipsRhetorical Outline, Draft X of X (final)

Proposition: All authors see messages in hip-hop from artists are a result of the sociopoliticalenvironment theyre in.

Description of Synthesis:

In Cornel WestsDemocracy Matters, West dedicates a chapter to discuss the necessary

engagement required with youth culture to facilitate a better democracy. West describes various

modern methods of youth expressing this engagement, namely hip-hop. In Murray Formans The

Hood Comes First, he discusses the issue of space in instigating the formation of hip-hop.

Using my Table of Common Elements, I was able to establish a link: each of them

expressed the notion that youth are critical in promoting democratic energies. Upon furtherdelving, I realized that each of them discussed environmental factors as important to developing

democratic energies among youth. West brings up many external factors such as inept fathers

and racism while Forman discusses spatial issues such as unemployment and poverty as

fundamental factors in releasing the frustrations of youth.

Using the keywords of democracy, youth, and hip-hop, I was able to find that these

environmental factors did not only occur in the United States, but all around the world. Sunaina

Mairas article discusses Palestinian-American hip-hop as unleashing the frustrations

surrounding the Gaza conflict with Israel and Palestine while Haupt and Perullos articles

discussed youth using hip-hop in the context of unleashing new democratic energies in Africa.Thus, I was able to use these articles to add a worldwide dimension to my essay.

Finally, after going back to one of my sources, I was able to add another dimension in my

essay. Imani PerrysProphets of the Hooddid suggest that hip-hop is fraught with sociopolitical

themes, but she also outlines the importance of the artistic nature of hip-hop. Thus, I decided to

include that within my essay as my final body paragraph that supports the proposition, but also

provides a unique twist to it.

Plan: Write a rhetorical draft consisting of one introductory paragraph ending in an explanatory,

complex synthesis proposition and four body paragraphs. The first three body paragraphs are

arranged by each authors geographical area of expertise. First body paragraph discusses

American hip-hop, using Cornel West and Murray Formans texts as evidence. Second body

paragraph discusses Palestinian-American hip-hop, using Sunaina Mairas article as evidence.

Third body paragraph discusses hip-hop in nascent, African democracies, using articles on

Tanzania and South Africa by Alex Perullo and Adam Haupt as evidence. The final body

paragraph returns to American hip-hop, but provides a unique perspective on hip-hop through

using Imani Perry as the principal source. Finally, write an ending linking the power of hip-hop

as not only a Socratic communicator, but also an instigator for a full-fledged democracy.


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Audience:

Goal: Introduce the audience to the variety of ways in which youth participation can affect

democracy via the medium of hip-hop. Discuss the role of hip-hop as a medium for Socratic

examination. Offer concrete examples of hip-hop music and how it varies with the sociopolitical

environment (e.g. background, social condition) of the artist.

P1 says: People consider youth to be a nuisance to society but all authors believe that messages

in hip-hop stem from the environment in which the artists grew up.

P1 does: Introduction of topic of discussion ending in an explanatory, specialized proposition.

Begins with universal premise in P1S1 but transitions into using specialized premises. Need to

define Socratic messages more clearly.

P2 says: Cornel West and Murray Forman believe that an authors sociopolitical environment

plays an influential role in American hip-hop.

P2 does: Introduction of first two texts and first reason to support proposition. Employs

authoritative citations (e.g. West) and concrete, hierarchical (prophetic vs. Constantinian)

evidence.

P3 says: Sunaina Maira describes the importance of environment in shaping Palestinian hip-hop.

P3 does: Introduction of scholarly article to support proposition. Employs lyrical citations (e.g.

DAM).

P4 says: Environmental factors impact youth to promote democracy all around the world,

including Tanzania and South Africa.

P4 does: Introduction of two other scholarly articles to support proposition. Employs historical

evidence (e.g. South Africa and apartheid) to support proposition.

P5 says: Imani PerrysProphets of the Hoodshares the notion of sociopolitical factors as being

important in shaping hip-hop, but also argues that the artistic expression of hip-hop is just as

important in the music.

P5 does: Introduction of third author-cited source to support proposition. Employs authoritative

citations and equalizing (artistic expression as important as sociopolitical messages) premises.

P6 says: Environmental factors of youth can allow hip-hop to play a huge role not only as a formof entertainment, but also as a great promoter of democratic values.

P6 does: Ending to essay. Concrete, qualitative premises (democratic values better than form of

entertainment).


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Varun Desai


Professor Christopher PhillipsDraft 1 of X

Final Research Essay Title

[Insert the first draft of your single-spaced final explanatory research essay and bibliography.]


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Varun Desai

WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and DemocracyProfessor Christopher Phillips

Rhetorical Outline, Draft 1 of X

[Insert the previous drafts abbreviated rhetorical outline that includes your proposition, plan,

goal, and intended audience, along with a few sentences about what you are doing and saying in

each paragraph. If you would like to include more than the first and final drafts, please repeatthese steps for each draft.]


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Varun Desai


Professor Christopher PhillipsPeer Review of Varun Desais Work

Peer Reviewer: Dimitri Antiniou

Proposition: Authors A, B, C, D, E, and F share the premise that Socratic messages in hip-hop

come from an artists sociopolitical environment.

Plan: To write a 1500 word research essay, utilizing explanatory reasoning and complex

synthesis. To present an introductory paragraph that establishes common ground with the reader

and ends with an explanatory proposition. To support his proposition using explanatory reasons

and developed paragraphs that demonstrate his understanding of Critical Writing methods and

his ability to analyze and synthesize texts.

Goal: To demonstrate his understanding of explanatory reasoning and complex synthesis. Topresent a well-researched, creative, and logically crafted argument. To engage with the reader at

both an aesthetic and intellectual level. To connect a number of author sources at a deep level,

unapparent to someone who has not engaged with the materials.

Audience: The audience, the readers and graders of the Critical Writing program, consists of

educated non specialist readers and graders. They are highly familiar with the Critical Writing

curriculum, and thus have a sense of the process of arriving at a final research essay. They know

intimately the process of researching, analyzing, synthesizing, writing outlines, and crafting an

essay. They are probably not, however, familiar with the topic of this research in any great depth.

The audience will look at the writing with a critical eye for accuracy and demonstration of theCritical Writing concepts, but will also be interested in the scholarly topic.

Description of Synthesis: Varun begins with a number of sources that discuss Socratic-inquiry,

hip-hop, and democracy. He has broken down those sources and found that they all share an

underlying premise. Varun has then organized his essay so as to identify several distinct reasons

that all explain that same premise. He explains how two authors focus on a youths environment

in American hip-hop, others on hip-hop outside of American-Americans, others on youth and

democracy in Africa, and the last on sociopolitical influences. Varun has used complex synthesis

to unite all authors under a shared premise, and then further analyzed them by showing how they

vary slightly in their methods.

P1 Says: Hip-hop has a bad reputation among adults, but in reality has been used to spread

Socratic and democratic ideals that stem from hip-hop artists upbringings.

P1 Does: Introduces several universal concrete premises to establish common ground with the

reader and introduces an explanatory proposition.

P2 Says: West identifies two types of hip-hop and discusses the prophetic messages in


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Constantinian hip-hop; Forman discusses how urban conflicts are the causes of hip-hop.

P2 Does: Provides an explanatory reason supported by quotes, definitions of key terms,

specialized concrete premises, and explanatory reasoning. Utilizes complex synthesis to unite

several authors under a shared premise.

P3 Says: Hip-hop has been used as a Socratic tool of Democracy elsewhere in the world. As

explained by Sunaina Maira and DAM, hip-hop has influenced the Israeli-Palestinian conflict

and conflict with America and the Middle East.

P3 Does: Introduces a universal concrete premise as a reason, with support by quotes, textual

analysis, historical context, and explanatory reasoning. Utilizes complex synthesis to unite

several authors under a shared premise.

P4 Says: Authors Perullo and Haupt explain how youth use hip-hop to discuss democracies in

Africa by examining social issues in Tanzania and South Africa.

P4 Does: Introduces an explanatory proposition that synthesizes two authors. Uses textual

evidence, defines keyterms, and utilizes complex synthesis to unite two authors under a shared

premise.

P5 Says: Imani Perry believes that social criticisms come from sociopolitical influences, a

premise she supports by discussing the structure and style of hip-hop and the tone.

P5 Does: Introduces an explanatory reason supported by an authors observations and textual

evidence; synthesizes an authors work with other authors shared premises.

P6 Says: Hip-hop has allowed youth to contribute to democracies all around the world, but italso has the power to help youth engage with education from a younger age. Hip-hop has the

potential to motivate and spur democracy.

P6 Does: Transitions out of complex synthesis and ends the essay by introducing concrete

premises.

Substantive/Evaluative: Overall, Varun, your explanation is thorough and inventive. Your

introduction establishes solid common ground by introducing hip-hop, Socratic-inquiry, and

democracy. Your opening line, however, doesnt strike me as an effective way to introduce

youth and the Socratic method. Additionally, I got stuck on the sentence that begins Theseinjustices stem from external factors as I dont see the necessity to make the distinction

between external and internal factors. Im confused as a reader about what you are identifying as

external, what you are identifying as influential, and the exact connection to youths. Your

proposition is clear, and shows good understanding of explanatory reasoning and complex

synthesis. I was really interested by your second paragraphs discussion of two different kinds of

hip-hop. Wests description of prophetic hip-hop supports your proposition and reason

excellently. Your second reason reads weakly, as it utilizes passive voice and is rather wordy. I

think your expansion of your central proposition to different geographical focuses is very


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effective. Your textual support and quotes are appropriate and well-placed. I also think you have

a strong ending. Your quick review of your central premise and then discussion of so what

allow the reader to get a quick summary of your complex synthesis and still walk away with a

bigger question in mind than just authors that you have analyzed. Overall, I think you have

introduced important premises, mad strong connections between authors, and provided ample

support.

Descriptive/Evaluative: 1) Your argument is clear, logical, and flows well. Your introduction

into an explanatory complex synthesis reads well and logically. I think additionally that your

geographical organization is an interesting approach. I think you should even identify that

approach so the reader knows what is happening without having to go back and look at the

organization as I have. Im not sure, however, that your second reason clearly follows that

organization. You say not limited to the African-American community, and then discuss Israel

and the Middle East. It seems as if the latter should be introduced in the reason. Looking back at

your argument, your introduction is a strong base for your proposition, which is supported well

by reasons, and ends in a strong so what? Your main area of weakness I think is a lack of

clarity as to where you aregoing to go. It is clear looking back, but while reading it can be

confusing as to how you are organizing your essay. 2) I think your writing could be streamlined

somewhat. You have a lot of complex sentences that rely on dependent clauses and prepositional

phrases, which sometimes muddy up your meaning. For example, the sentence in your

introduction that begins Hip-hop music, perceived by many adults to be uses six commas

and addresses several elements and ideas. Throughout your piece, I think removing unnecessary

modifiers and breaking up especially complex sentences would lend more result in greater

clarity. 3) Your reasons for the most part are very clear. However your second reason confused

me a bit as it says outside of African-American while you go on to address the Middle East.Additionally it is confusing to understand the relationship you are discussing because of the

complicated sentence structure. This is the main reason that stands out as incoherent with your

argument. Otherwise, your reasons and evidence are very strong. Sometimes your introductions

of quotes was a little weak however. For example your introduction of the lyrics from DAM. I

also think that sometimes your analysis of those quotes is lacking, including DAM and the block

quote of West. Overall though, Varun, you provide a well-structured, well-supported argument

that incorporates a number of important critical writing devices. I think reviewing your sentence

structure and style, parsing out your individual reasons, and focusing on introducing and

analyzing your quotes will only strengthen your argument. Great work.

Grammatical:

1) According to Forman, hip-hop (and more generally, the black urban beat)is the result of urban spatial conflicts such as racial segregation, localizedpolitics of urban development, fights between street gangs, and conflictsbetween minorities and the local police.

2) All citations lack page numbers3) Hip-hop has the ability to not only disseminate Socratic messages; it has

the power to make people to start critically thinking about the society


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around them in the same way that these artists have done.


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Varun Desai


Peer Review of Dimitri Antiniou

Peer Review of Dimitri Antiniou

Proposition: The authors believe that blues is a catharsis for racial struggles.

Description of Synthesis: InDemocracy Matters, Cornel West discusses that the confronting

adversity through the blues is an epitome of tragicomic, an idea that he believes is important to

the foundation of a strong democracy. Using this as the foundation for his research, Dimitri

began looking for author-cited sources related to the blues. One of his sources focuses on the

general African-American population and their use of music to express their frustration. Another

of his sources discusses the blues as a response to violence in the South against black slaves

before the Civil War era. His keyword articles all discussed black folk music and how it

expresses deep emotion within the music. Using these sources and his Table of Common

Elements, Dimitri was able to ultimately come up with three commonalities between the sources:

each of them discussed a difficult experience, emotional tension and the role of blues music as a

way to release this emotional tension. Using these common elements, Dimitri was able to come

up with an umbrella term for the blues: catharsis. This led to the formation of his proposition:

blues music acts as a catharsis for racial injustices.

Audience: The faculty members of the Critical Writing Program are the audience. They are

educated non-specialists, meaning that they are probably not familiar with the topic at hand, but

know what constitutes a clean essay. They are familiar with the process of complex synthesis and

explanatory reasoning, and also know what constitutes good analysis and rhetorical strategies.

Thus, though they are not familiar with the topic on hand, they will still look for convincing

reasons, a strong proposition, and good supporting evidence to introduce them to the topic.

Goal: Synthesize a relationship between blues music and racism in America by using concrete,

historical evidence from various authors. Demonstrate an understanding of explanatory

reasoning, complex synthesis, and rhetorical tools by carefully crafting an essay.

Plan: Write a complex synthesis essay consisting of an introductory paragraph ending in anexplanatory proposition, and six body paragraphs. The first body paragraphs outlines the

definition of a key term, while the rest of the five body paragraphs outlines an author and

evidence from the source to support proposition.

P1 says: Blacks have had a tough history, and blues music is a catharsis for racial injustice.

P1 does: Introduction to subject of essay using universal premises before transitioning into

specialized premises. Ends in explanatory, specialized proposition.


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P2 says: In order for catharsis to occur, a difficult experience, emotional tension, and a way to

release the tension must occur.

P2 does: Definition of key term to support proposition (catharsis). Employs authoritative

citations (e.g. dictionary).

P3 says: Cornel WestsDemocracy Matters discusses the role of blues as a medium of

tragicomic hope.

P3 does: Introduction of first author and reason to support proposition. Employs concrete (e.g.

perseverance) premises and authoritative citations (e.g. West).

P4 says: Ralph Ellison also agrees that the blues act as a catharsis for racial injustices.

P4 does: Introduction of second author and text to support proposition. Employs authoritative

citations (Ellison).

P5 says: Adam Gussow discusses the role of blues music as catharsis in the context of lynching.

P5 does: Introduction of third author and text to support proposition. Employs authoritative

citations (Gussow) and concrete premises (e.g. pain and alienation).

P6 says: Marybeth Hamilton describes the voice of the blues as a means of releasing feelings of

racial suppression.

P6 does: Introduction of fourth author and text to support proposition. Employs authoritative

citations (Hamilton) and qualitative premises (Mississippi River with severest racial injustice).

P7 says: James Baldwin explains that the Negro has only been able to voice his frustrationsthrough music.

P7 does: Introduction of final author and text to support proposition. Employs authoritative

citations (Baldwin) and equalizing premises (e.g. black history the same as American history).

Substantive/Evaluative Paragraph:

I really liked your first body paragraph on catharsis. You clearly set out criteria for

defining catharsis, which really helps with your other author-cited sources. As a result, your

other reasons are clear, concise and to the point. However, one thing that I have noticed in your

essay is that you separate it author by author. This could work well since your first bodyparagraph defines the criteria for catharsis really precisely. However, a lot of your sources are

very similar (e.g. Ellison and Gussow). More or less, each of the authors describes the same

difficult experience, same emotional tension and the same utilization of blues as a way to release

this emotional tension. Another thing is that all these sources discuss racism in the context of

African-Americans. Your proposition discusses the role of blues as a catharsis for racial

injustice, but you limit your argument to racism between whites and blacks. Perhaps you can

expand your argument and create a more engaging essay by discussing blues music as a catharsis


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18

for other racial injustices as well. Another thing to take into account is that the audience has now

changed to educated non-specialists. Therefore, you could do more with elaboration and

definition of key terms. You could include a definition that categorizes the genre of blues music

in your introductory paragraph. Also, in P4S3, you state that First, he identifies the Southern

experience as one dominated by violence, mis-education by Western civilization, and racial

prejudice, but you dont elaborate on these. Similarly, you mention the American democratic

experiment, but remember that since these are non-specialists, you probably need to be more

precise with your word choices.

Descriptive/Evaluative Paragraph:

For the most part, your flow is very good. Your proposition is clear, succinct, and a result

of complex synthesis judging from your description of synthesis. However, there is some

wordiness in your essay. P1S1 could be rewritten in an active voice rather than a passive one.

You also need to cite the source in parentheses after quoting, which you fail to do in P2 after you

define catharsis. Another thing that you could do is to vary the way you attack your bodyparagraphs. You seem to have a formula of introducing the author with a quote from the book

and eventually ending with a summary of the three criteria for catharsis and how they relate to

what the author says. Instead, maybe you could vary up your body paragraph structure through

different types of evidence. Perhaps you can cite a couple of lyrics from blues song to further

demonstrate your point, because your analysis does not have any primary evidence. Lyrical

citations have the potential to really assist your essay. Also, you have no ending. You should

include an ending and ensure that the ending is not a summary but rather a conclusion that

provides a new perspective on the matters discussed.

Grammar:

1. The history of blacks in America is one heavily influenced by racism and itsugly side effects.to:

Black history in America has been heavily influenced by racism and its side

effects. (wordiness)

2. This definition introduces a process that consists of three distinct elements: a

difficult experience, the presence emotional tension, and a release of thattension or refreshment of spirit.

to:

This definition introduces a process that consists of three distinct elements: a difficult

experience, the presence of emotional tension, and a release of that tension or

refreshment of spirit. (omission of word)

3. Gussow begins by characterizing life in the South for blacks. He identifies aprevelance of violence in Jimcrow South, an area dominated by white


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supremacy and rampant lynching.to:

Gussow begins by characterizing life in the South for blacks. He identifies a

prevalence of violence in Jim Crow South, an area dominated by white

supremacy and rampant lynching. (Capitalization and spelling error)


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20

Peer Reviewed Paper Author: Dimitri Antiniou

Peer Reviewer: Varun Desai

The Blues in Black America

The history of blacks in America is one heavily influenced by racism and its ugly side

effects. From overt violence to subtle prejudice, blacks have faced much adversity due to the

prevalence of White attitudes of superiority and dominance. Slavery and segregation are just two

examples of these difficult realities. In the face of such injustices, many blacks turned to music,

giving birth to the Blues tradition. In their respective texts, authors Cornel West, Ralph Ellison,

Adam Gussow, Marybeth Hamilton, and James Baldwin all investigate the history of the Blues

and its role in the lives of oppressed blacks. All of these authors interpret Blues music as a

catharsis for racial injustice.

The term catharsis is derived from several ancient Greek words meaning Puring, topurify, or pure. It is defined by the American Heritage New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy as,

A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes

the spirit. This definition introduces a process that consists of three distinct elements: a difficult

experience, the presence emotional tension, and a release of that tension or refreshment of spirit.

Although they do not name it as such, each author explains how music embody that process and

serve as a catharsis for blacks in America.

InDemocracy Matters, Cornel West explains that the Blues were a way for blacks in

America to confront hard realities and persevere without cynicism. The hard reality, as West

explains, was the prevalence of white supremacy in the American democratic experiment. Hedetails the deep roots of racism and slavery, and proposes that even today Americans struggle

with confronting that dark history. Thus, politics and social thought have been dominated by

matters of race. West believes that the Blues embody what he calls tragicomic hope. In the face

of dominance, he explains how tragicomic hope allowed blacks to preserve hope even while

staring in the face of hate and hypocrisy (16). Wests argument outlines the experience of living

under racism, the tension created from Americas inability to confront its past, and the ability of

the blues to refresh the spirit. Without naming it as such, West interprets the Blues as catharsis.

In Richard Wrights Blues, Ralph Ellison explains how the blues at once express both

the agony of life and the possibility of conquering it through sheer toughness of spirit (275). Inthis book review, Ellison uses Richard Wrights autobiography,Black Boy, to highlight several

hardships common of all Southern blacks. First, he identifies the Southern experience as one

dominated by violence, mis-education by Western civilization, and racial prejudice. Secondly, he

proposes that Southern blacks were isolated within themselves, unable to connect with their role

in America at large. Ellison then explains that the Blues were a strong response to these

difficulties. He describes them as, an impulse to keep the painful details and episodes of a brutal

experience alive in one's aching consciousness, to finger its jagged grain, and to transcend it, not

by the consolation of philosophy, but by squeezing from it a near-tragic, near-comic lyricism


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(264). Ellisons description of the lives of blacks in the South and his interpretation of the blues

both point towards catharsis, as they supply all three elements: a difficulty, a tension, and

refreshment.

In Seems Like Murder Here, Adam Gussow takes a slightly different focus by explaining

the role of the Blues in the South as a specific response to the practice of lynching. He buildsupon this by saying, Black southerners evolved blues song as a way of speaking back to, and

maintaining psychic health in the face of an ongoing threat of lynching (xii). Gussow begins by

characterizing life in the South for blacks. He identifies a prevelance of violence in Jimcrow

South, an area dominated by white supremacy and rampant lynching. He states that quality of

life for Southern blacks was poor, dominated by white racial and sexual hysteria, white-

managed economics of expropriated black labor, white folkways that demanded silence and

submission (15). He delves deeply into the role of the Blues as a social response to the

grievous spiritual pressures exerted on working-class black southerners by the sudden eruption of

lynching-as-a-spectacle (3). The center of Gussows argument is that the Blues stemmed from

the ever-present threat of being lynched as a way to maintain mental and spiritual health. Thus

Gussow has identified the traumas of lynching, the tension caused by that threat, and the

restoration of spirit that occurs through musical expression.

In The Voice of the Blues, Marybeth Hamilton also takes a different angle by focusing

on the voice of the Blues. She first characterizes the blues as a music of pain and alienation, a

cry of African-American despair (123). In the Mississippi Delta, where racism and injustices

were arguably the most severe in America, the Delta Blues were born. They gave a story to the

forgotten and faceless black masses (234) and expressed the pain being suffered. Hamilton

notes that the blues possessed that unreproduceable voicea purity of spirit and a wild,

untamed longing, a mournfulness that spoke not just of slavery but of some-thing universal in the

human soul (129). Her argument outlines the overwhelming experience of being abused and

forgotten, feeling the tension of having no voice or face, and then finding a voice to express pain

and tragedy. Thus, while her argument does take a slightly different focus, Hamilton ultimately

crafts an understanding of the Blues that points towards catharsis.

InMany Thousands Gone, James Baldwin explains that, It is only in his musicthat the

Negro in America has been able to tell his story (23). To begin with, Baldwin explains one side

of the Negros plight in America. He says that, It is not a very pretty storyIt is a story which

otherwise has yet to be told and which no American is prepared to hear (123). Baldwin

identifies the plight of the American Negro as a crisis of identity. He notes that America holds a

fantastical and fearful (34) image of Negroes, citing a history full of violence and injustice.

Additionally, he proposes that the story of the Negro in America is actually the story of

American itself. Thus in order for Americans to understand the plight of the Negro, they must

confront their own history. He concludes that, We cannot ask: what do we really feel about him

such a question merely opens the gates on chaos. What we really feel about him is involved

with all that we feel about everything, about everyone, about ourselves (23). The difficult

experience, as Baldwin writes, was the inability for blacks to confront and express their history.


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This inability created a tension, a backlog of emotion. The blues released this backlog and

restored the spirit of blacks. Baldwins argument again points towards the Blues as a catharsis.

Dimitri Antinious Abbreviated Outline


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23

Proposition: Authors A, B, C, and D, and E interpret Blues music as a catharsis for racial

injustice.

Description of complex synthesis: In our research text,Democracy Matters, Cornel West writes

about tragicomic hope, an attitude of perseverance. On several occasions, he mentions that the

blues tradition of blacks in America was the best embodiment of tragicomic hope. He writes thattheir confrontation of adversity through music constituted a profound embodiment of the

tragicomic ideal. However, West never explores this subject in depth, at least in this text. As a

Jazz & Blues musician, I was drawn immediately to this creative conclusion. I set out to uncover

more for my Topic of Interest Assignment, reading about racism, democracy, and the Blues. In

my first round, I came across several author sources that discussed the role of the blues

specifically. One focused on the ability for blacks to express their story through song and another

on the blues as a response to violence in the South. In my second round of research for the

keywords, I found several articles that discussed Negro folk music in America, again returning to

the idea that it expressed deep emotion and pain. As I worked through the writing seminar

curriculum, I wrote two independent essays/chunks, one for each round of research. Coming to

the final research essay, I sat down to examine similarities across the entirety of my research.

Ultimately, I noticed that all of my sources dealt with confrontations of realities and emotional

responses. The blues, each author wrote, serve to confront a hard history, a bleak future, or a

painful injustice. It was not just a confrontation, however, but also a coming to terms. The

blues allowed for an emotional development that consisted of confrontation, comprehension, and

expression. Here I had the revelation that, although no author named it as such, each author was

really supporting a claim that the blues were a form of catharsis. I continued on to research

catharsis, and came to understand three important elements in its definition. I then went back to

my Table of Common Elements to look for those elements, and was able to pull them from fiveof my sources. Thus I set out, in this essay, to provide an understanding of catharsis, and then

show how each of my authors interpreted the Blues in the same way.

Audience: My audience consists of faculty readers and graders. They are highly familiar with

the Critical Writing curriculum, and thus have a sense of the process of arriving at a final

research essay. They know intimately the process of researching, analyzing, synthesizing,

writing outlines, and crafting an essay. They are probably not, however, familiar with the topic

of my research in any great depth. Most will have come across it in their general educations of

American History, but will most likely be unfamiliar with the specific arguments cited or authors

analyzed. I must then be careful to achieve two tasks simultaneously: 1) to demonstrate myability to use explanatory reasoning and complex synthesis and 2) to engage with my reader and

keep them interested in an unfamiliar topic. My audience will look at my writing with a critical

eye for accuracy and demonstration of the Critical Writing concepts, but will also be interested in

the scholarly topic.

Goal: To demonstrate my understanding of explanatory reasoning and complex synthesis. To

present a well-researched, creative, and logically crafted argument. To engage with my reader at

both an aesthetic and intellectual level. To connect a number of author sources at a deep level,


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unapparent to someone who has not engaged with the materials.

Plan: To write a 1500 word research essay, utilizing explanatory reasoning and complex

synthesis. To present an introductory paragraph that establishes common ground with the reader

and ends with an explanatory proposition. To support my proposition using explanatory reasons

and developed paragraphs that demonstrate my understanding of Critical Writing methods andmy ability to analyze and synthesize texts.

Varun Desai


Professor Christopher PhillipsComplex Synthesis (Research Text & Sources)

Adults often perceive youth to be a nuisance to society. They see them as sex-crazed,

binge-drinking troublemakers that are unable to become serious with their lives. These people

feel that youth do not offer much to society or to democracy. Authors such as Randolph Bourne,


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Cornel West, Imani Perry, and George Forman however, however, believe that many youth

communicated their fresh perspectives, great energy, and eagerness to contribute to a better

democracy. But, they also have differing views on how exactly youth impact democracy. Though

all four authors see youth as critical in promoting democratic energies, they see youth impacting

democracy differently.

Randolph Bournes Youth and Life sees the unbridled passion of youth as a great

proponent of democracy. According to Bourne, the young generation is full of contradictions, but

the one thing that youth have that is different from older generations is a great, rich rush and

flood of energy. It is as if the store of life had been accumulating through the slow, placid years

of childhood, and suddenly the dam had broken and the waters rushed out, furious and

uncontrolled. Youth are neither cynical nor worn down by previous failures like the older

generation is. Their minds are fresh from the protection of childhood, ready to undertake the

challenges set forth by the world in front of them. Thus, they are able to lead the Socratic

lifestyle of self-questioning by critiquing the society laid around them. They take the world

presented to them and channel their passion for their society into laying new foundations to

progress democracy (Bourne). Thus, it can be seen that Bourne values the importance of the

unbridled passion of youth and views it as a key factor in progressing democracy.

Cornel West sees youth as a critical force in promoting democratic energies through the

medium of hip-hop. Like Bourne, West acknowledges the passion of uncorrupted youth as

critical to democracy. However, West believes that youth channel this energy in different

methods, such as hip-hop. Despite the fact that present day hip-hop is often associated with

messages promoting promiscuity, hip-hop originally was created as a mode of expression against

the injustices of democracy. There are two types of hip-hop according to West: Constantinian

hip-hop and prophetic hip-hop. Constantinian hip-hop is the hip-hop supports imperialist dogmas

and evokes a sense of nihilism within people through their lyrics. However, prophetic hip-hop,

the original form of hip-hop, was found in response to the notions of income inequality and the

unjust treatment of blacks in America. The first artists of hip-hop were prophetic, like KRS-

ONE, Kool Herc, Rakim, and Public Enemy, and were instrumental in promoting American

democracy. Their songs discussed the suffering that they experienced being marginalized and

their attempts at resisting the nihilism of American democracy. According to West, that such

powerful poetry and insightful social critiques could be created by youths who have been

flagrantly disregarded, demeaned, and demonized by the dominant market-driven culture

targeted as cannon fodder by a racist criminal justice system and a growing prison-industrialcomplex, in disgraceful schools and shattered families (including too many irresponsible,

unemployed fathers) and violent environments is a remarkable testament to the vital

perspective and energy that can be injected into our democracy by the young, who have not

made their compromises yet with the corrupted system (West). Thus, it can be seen that West

feels that youths democratic energy can be effectively unleashed through the medium of hip-

hop.


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Imani Perry sees the artistic expression of youth as the impetus to unleashing democratic

energies. Like West inDemocracy Matters, Imani Perry believes that hip-hop has been quite

vital in promoting democracy. However, in her bookProphets of the Hood, Perry argues that the

structure and style of hip-hop is more important in engaging democracy than the message

conveyed in the music: While the music bursts with sociopolitical themes, it is quite dangerous

for the critic or listener to interpret it purely as a reflection of social and political conditions,

without thought to the presence of artistic choice in every narrative and composition (Perry).

Perry remarks that there are many subtleties to the structure of hip-hop that makes it so beautiful.

She notes that the artistic flow of hip-hop is very similar to that in the sport of boxing: Hip hop

is poetry that shifts styles of defense and offense, moving between grace and bull-like forward

barreling. It dances, it leans back, and then it attacks. It uses the broadest allegory to discuss the

individual moment of confrontation (Perry). The combinations of these various shifts in music

optimize a tone that releases the frustrations held by youth about their society. Thus, this artistic

expression by youth is successful is promoting American democracy.

Murray Forman sees that the issue of space is a fundamental factor in promoting

democratic energies among youth. Like West and Perry, Forman examines the role of hip-hop in

releasing democratic energies among youth. He also examines the role of rap. According to

Forman, rap (and generally the black urban beat) is the result of confrontations. These

confrontations usually occur in urban areas. Urban areas face a variety of spatial issues, such as

racial segregation, localized politics of urban development, fights between street gangs, and

conflicts between minorities and the local police. All these spatial conflicts, coupled with

widespread poverty and income inequality, elicit a spark in youth to unleash their frustrations

through the medium of rap and hip-hop. Hence, it can be seen that spatial issues are instrumental

in developing deep democratic roots among youth.

Works Cited

Bourne, Randolph Silliman. Youth and Life. Freeport, NY: for Libraries, 1967. Print.

Forman, Murray. The 'hood Comes First: Race, Space, and Place in Rap and Hip-hop.

Middletown, CT: Wesleyan UP, 2002. Print.

Perry, Imani.Prophets of the Hood: Politics and Poetics in Hip Hop. Durham: Duke UP, 2004.

Print.


2004. Print.


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Abbreviated Outline

By Varun Desai

Proposition: All four texts see youth as critical in promoting democracy but in different ways.

Description of Synthesis:

Randolph Bournes Youth and Life outlines the importance of youth by discussing their

unbridled passion and uncorrupt nature that makes them so critical for the progress of society. In


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Cornel WestsDemocracy Matters, West dedicates a chapter to discuss the necessary

engagement required with youth culture to facilitate a better democracy. West describes various

modern methods of youth expressing this engagement, namely hip-hop. In Imani Perrys

Prophets of the Hood, she discusses the formational years of hip-hop and its artistic notions that

contribute to its popularity. In Murray Formans The Hood Comes First, he discusses the issue

of space in instigating the formation of hip-hop.

Using my table of common elements, from all these different sources, I was able to

establish one common link: each of them expressed the notion that youth are critical in

promoting democratic energies. At the same time however, each of them had a differing opinion

on what exactly about youth is critical to promoting democracy. Though three of the four sources

made references to hip-hop as a medium through which democratic energies can be unleashed,

each of them felt that a different factor led to the formation of hip-hop in promoting these

energies. West focused his argument primarily on the sociopolitical messages in hip-hop, Perry

focused on the artistic expression in the structure of hip-hop songs while Forman outlined the

issue of space as a fundamental factor in developing hip-hop to unleash democratic energies.

Meanwhile, Bourne believes in the unbridled passion and uncorrupt nature of youth in promoting

democracy.

Plan: Write an 800-1000 rhetorical draft consisting of one introductory paragraph ending in an

explanatory proposition and four body paragraphs. Each body paragraph outlines an author and

how their argument supports explanatory proposition.

Audience: Youth in class very much involved and engaged in democracy. Many of them have

contributed to democracy in some manner through their extracurricular activities and agree that

youth participation can be critical to democracy. However, they may not be aware of themultitude of ways in which democracy can be promoted by youth.

Goal: Introduce the audience to the variety of ways in which youth participation can affect

democracy. Although, through comparison and contrast of various authors, introduce the

audience to different views on how youth can promote democratic energies.

P1 says: People consider youth to be a nuisance to society but four authors suggest that youth

can unleash democratic energies through they do so in different ways.


Begins with universal premise in P1S1 but transitions into using specialized premises.

P2 says: Randolph Bourne believes that the passion of youth is critical to promoting democracy.

P2 does: Introduction of first text and reason to support proposition. Employs authoritative

citations.

P3 says: Cornel West believes that democratic energies in youth can be expressed through hip-hop.

P3 does: Introduction of second text and reason to support proposition. Employs authoritative


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citations and concrete, hierarchical, evidence.

P4 says: Imani Perry believes that the artistic expression of youth is critical to developingdemocracy.

P4 does: Introduction of third text and reason to support proposition. Employs authoritative

citations and metaphorical language. Transition between S7 and S8 needs to flow better.

P5 says: Murray Forman believes that the spatial issues encountered by youth are critical todeveloping democracy.

P5 does: Introduction of fourth text and reason to support proposition. Transition between S7 and

S8 is rather abrupt.

Varun Desai


Keyword Synthesis

Adults often perceive hip-hop music to be a nuisance to society. They see the medium of

hip-hop as promoting sex, binge drinking, and troublemaking among youth. These people feel

that hip-hop does not allow youth to offer much to society or to democracy. Authors such asCornel West, Sunaina Maira, Alex Perullo, and Adam Haupt, however, believe that many youth

have used hip-hop to communicate their fresh perspectives, great energy, and eagerness to

contribute to a better democracy in many places. From America to Africa, youth have used thehip-hop as a medium to unleash their frustrations of their sociopolitical environment. All four


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authors see hip-hop as the springboard for youth to promote democratic messages around the

world.

Cornel West and Sunaina Maira both see hip-hop as a critical force in promoting

democratic energies in America. InDemocracy Matters, West dicussses the idea that prophetic

hip-hop, the original form of hip-hop, was found in response to the notions of income inequalityand the unjust treatment of blacks in America. Artists of prophetic hip-hop discussed the

suffering that they experienced being marginalized and their attempts at resisting the nihilism of

American democracy in their songs. According to West, that such powerful poetry andinsightful social critiques could be created by youths who have been flagrantly disregarded is a

remarkable testament to the vital perspective and energy that can be injected into our democracy

by the young, who have not made their compromises yet with the corrupted system (West).

Sunaina Mairas article We Aint Hood discusses the importance of Palestinian-American hip-hop as a way to unleash the frustrations surrounding the situation in Palestine. According to

Maira, an emerging generation of Arab youth is using popular culture to raise awareness about

Palestine. Though hip-hop primarily emerged in the late 1970s from marginalized AfricanAmericans, Palestinian youth have now embraced the medium and use it to unleash their

frustrations about the Israel-Palestine conflict. They have grown tired of the stereotyping of

Muslims as terrorists and dictators. They express these frustrations within their songs, often byundermining these representations in their lyrics (Maira). It is through these hip-hop lyrics that

youth spread democratic messages in America.

Alex Perullo and Adam Haupt both see hip-hop as critical to the newfound democracies

in Africa. Alex Perullo expounds upon the significance of youth and hip-hop in promoting

democratic messages in Tanzania after socialisms end in the 1970s. Tanzanian youth, such as

Mr. II, confront adults perception of young people as wahuni, or hooligans, through hip-hop.They use hip-hop music to channel their frustrations and promote ujumbe mkali (strong

messages) within their songs, political messages that often highlight the harsh social conditions

of Tanzania. They discuss various issues such as poverty, class struggles, education, and mostnotably of all, unemployment, within their songs (Perullo). Meanwhile, Adam Haupt saw hip-

hop as instrumental in the promotion of democracy in South Africa in the post-apartheid era.

Hip-hop assisted youth in South Africas inexperienced democracy by providing them a meansof accessing the public sphere after years of suppression from apartheid. Even after 10 years in

2000, artists such as Black Noise still used hip-hop as a tool for engagement for youth in society.

Thus, it can be seen that hip-hop has been vital for youth in promoting democratic messages to

fledgling democracies (Haupt).

Works Cited

Haupt, Adam. "Counterpublics, Noise And Ten Years Of Democracy." New Coin Poetry 40.2

(2004): 76-90. EBSCO MegaFILE. Web. 16 Nov. 2012.

Sunaina Maira. "We Aint Missing: Palestinian Hip HopA Transnational Youth Movement."

CR: The New Centennial Review 8.2 (2008): 161-92. Print.

Perullo, Alex. "Hooligans and Heroes: Youth Identity and Hip-Hop in Dar Es Salaam,

Tanzania."Africa Today 51.4 (2005): 74-101. Print.


2004. Print.


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Abbreviated Outline

By Varun Desai

Proposition: All four authors feel hip-hop is instrumental in promoting democracy by youth.Description of Synthesis:

Through my statement of research interest and the sources that I used for my complex

synthesis draft, I was able to target three keywords that I felt were important to my potential

essay: hip-hop, democracy, and youth. After searching up these keywords on a variety ofdatabases (EBSCO, J-Stor, and Google Scholar), I was able to find three articles. The first article

discussed the importance of hip-hop for youth in South Africa during the post-apartheid era. The

second article discussed the importance of hip-hop and youth in Dar Es Salaam. The third articleI found focused on the importance of hip-hop for Palestinian-American youth in the struggle for


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the liberation of Palestine. From these articles, I was able to notice a common pattern: each of

these articles agreed that hip-hop was a good medium for youth to unleash their frustration and

promote democracy, but each of them focused on a different part of the world. Unlike Weststext, which only focuses on hip-hop and youth in America, these articles provide a global

perspective on hip-hop and youth. Thus, my new proposition came about: all four texts see hip-

hop as critical for youth to promote democracy around the world.

Plan: Write a 500-word draft consisting of an introductory paragraph ending in an explanatory

proposition and two body paragraphs each consisting of two authors reasons and evidence tosupport proposition.

Audience: Youth in class very much involved and engaged in democracy. Many of them have

contributed to democracy in some manner through their extracurricular activities and agree thatyouth participation can be critical to democracy. However, they may not be aware of the

multitude of ways in which democracy can be promoted by youth and may not necessarily be

familiar with the role of hip-hop as a medium for youth to launch their arguments aboutdemocracy. I will need to present concrete, factual historical evidence for them to see the role of

hip-hop as a springboard for promoting democracy around the world.

Goal: Change the negative perception surrounding hip-hop by providing historical and modern

evidence on how hip-hop is used as a cultural medium around the world. Change the view that

hip-hop is only an American cultural medium when it is a worldwide phenomenon.

P1 says: People consider hip-hop to mislead youth but four authors suggest that hip-hop can help

youth unleash democratic energies around the world.


Proposition needs to be modified so that main focus is on the international nature of hip-hop

rather than hip-hop as a springboard for democracy to make reasoning flow better.

P2 says: Authors West and Maira believe that it helps promote democracy in America.

P2 does: Introduction of first text and reason to support proposition. Employs authoritative

citations and qualitative premises. Page numbers need to be added to citations.

P3 says: Authors Perullo and Haupt believe that hip-hop helps youth promote democraticmessages in newly established democracies in Africa.

P3 does: Introduction of second text and reason to support proposition. Need to describe whyhip-hop is used as a springboard over other mediums and Haupts argument needs to be

elaborated upon.


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Varun Desai

WRIT076-307-Socratic Method and Democracy

Professor Christopher Phillips

Custom Proofreading Sheet

Custom Proofreading Sheet Draft 4

Incorrect Sentence Correct Sentence Little Brown

Manual

Type of Mistake

Grassroots

(associations) are

able to develop

personal

connections that

Grassroots

(associations) are

able to develop

personal

connections that

60 Subject-verb

agreement

Overarching


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34

overarching

authorities

(government) is

unable to do.

overarching

authorities

(government) are

unable to do.

authorities is plural

They stem from theproduction of an

active environment

where citizens are

able to exchange

thoughts and ideas

to develop new

opinions on their

current political

system. These civic

associations can

provide these

mediums of

exchange,

ultimately

cultivating a strong

and effective

democracy.

They stem from anactive environment

where citizens are

able to exchange

thoughts and ideas,

which can

ultimately create a

strong democracy.

34 Conciseness

Lot of flowery

language. Not

needed. Be direct

Such groups, which

include the

American Civic

Association, are

usually volunteer-

run associations that

run various services

(such as citizenship

classes and refugee

resettlement) and

social events for

their respective

communities.

Such groups, which

include the

American Civic

Association, are

usually volunteer-

run associations that

host various

services (such as

citizenship classes

and refugee

resettlement) and

social events for

their respective

communities.

39 Variety

Volunteer-run and

run again doesnt

sound nice. Change

to host.


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35

An increase in civic

involvement can

counter this trend by

creating a greater

sense of community

among the people.

As people in these

civic associations

are able to interact

with more people,

they will be able to

eventually put

communal interests

above their own

self-interests,leading to a more

efficient and

engaged democracy.

An increase in civic

involvement can

counter this trend by

creating a greater

sense of community

among citizens. As

people in these civic

associations are able

to interact with

others, they will be

able to eventually

put communal

interests above their

own self-interests,

leading to a moreefficient and

engaged democracy.

39 Variety

People was

mentioned 3 times.Try to use synonyms

to keep language

varied.

Civic associations

develop a sense of

belonging among its

members, resulting

in greater

cooperation andawareness of

communal needs

rather than

pursuance of self-

interests.

Civic associations

develop a sense of

belonging among its

members. This

results in greater

cooperation andawareness of

communal needs

rather than

pursuance of self-

interests

34 Run-On.

Break into two

sentences.


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communal

interests about their

own ones.:

communal

interests above their

own ones.

46 Exact words

Be careful when

writing

He realized that they

have the power to

fuel many

democratic

movements, such as

womens suffrage

He realized that

civic associations

have the power to

fuel many

democratic

movements, such as

womens suffrage

68 Unclear antecedent


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A merger of two

civic associations,

the National

American Womens

Suffrage

Association

(NAWSA) backed

extensively for

womens rights for

30 years by

recruiting new

members, raising

money, advocating

at various

worldwideconferences, and

canvassing the

support of many

celebrities.

A merger of two

civic associations,

the National

American Womens

Suffrage

Association

(NAWSA) backed

extensively for

womens rights for

30 years by

recruiting new

members, raising

money, advocating

at various

worldwideconferences, and

canvassing the

support of many

influential people.

42 Colloquial

(celebrities does not

seem appropriate in

a 1920s context)


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Varun DesaiWRIT076-307- Socratic Method and Democracy


Timed Essay 2

Explanatory reasoning and justificatory reasoning are different in many ways.

Explanatory reasoning is, as it suggests, an explanation of the proposition that is set forth.

First of all, in explanatory reasoning, propositions are usually set forth, but not limited to, using

verbs such as is or are. The propositions are usually phrased in a way that they answer the

first 4 Ws (who, what, when, where) or how. For example, if you look at this current timed

writing, you can see that the proposition is, Explanatory reasoning and justificatory reasoning

are different in many ways. I have phrased it in a way that it incorporates the use of the word

are. Also, the proposition begs to question the answer how. Thus, it can be seen that this

proposition is very explanatory. Explanatory propositions are common when the person is

writing to an audience that is not familiar with the subject being discussed. Thus, explanatoryreasoning introduces them to the topic and allows to become a bit more familiarized with the

topic discussed. It allows them to begin forming their opinions on the topic, but doesnt

necessarily convey your own opinions and feelings about the topic. Explanatory reasoning is not

persuasive; it does try and sway the reader into supporting your idea. Rather, explanatory

reasoning allows your reader to learn about the topic and explore the many different notions

surrounding the topic. This is quite different from justificatory reasoning.

Justificatory reasoning, as it suggests, provides a justification on the stance that is taken


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within your proposition. First of all, justificatory propositions often include the words should,

must or ought. The propositions are phrased in a way such that they answer the question

why rather than who, what, where, when, or how. For example, in my midterm

portfolio, my justificatory proposition was Civic associations must become the backbone of

American democracy. I used the word must in my proposition to convey a justificatory tone

to my paper. I also phrased my proposition in a way such that it begs to ask the question why.

Justificatory reasoning is usually reserved for audiences who are fairly knowledgeable on the

topic discussed. They know about the subject under scrutiny and also have their own stances on

the issue. Thus, the writer has to convince the audience to reconsider their viewpoint and to

support his or her stance instead by providing evidence to support their proposition. The writer

must engage in persuasive rhetoric, which can be done through a variety of tools. One common

tool that a justificatory writer uses is the tool of refutation and concession. In order to make

justificatory papers stronger, a writer must acknowledge counterarguments against his or her

proposition. The writer can then do two things: they can either refute the counterargument by

providing evidence against the counterargument, or they can concede to the counterargument butquestion its overall significance or impact. Thus, the audience recognizes that the writer

acknowledges their concern, but the refutation and concession makes the audience question

whether or not the counterargument is as valid as originally thought. Thus, the audience becomes

more persuaded by the writers argument, making the reasoning a lot stronger. Hence, it can be

seen that explanatory and justificatory writing differ in various ways.


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Varun Desai



Timed Essay 1

The opportunity to hear candidates visions during the presidential debates will be a key

insight into choosing the right President for America.

The presidential debates will give a wider American audience a first-hand opportunity to

listen to the candidates speaking about their platforms. Before the presidential debates, the only

forms of campaigning that the candidates undertook were local rallies and small conventions.

Thus, a select few citizens only heard the candidates voices while the rest of the citizens access

to the views of the candidates was through biased media stations. Since the presidential debates

are being broadcast live on TV, more citizens can access the political views and philosophies of

the candidates. For the first time throughout the elections process, a wide audience will have the

opportunity to listen to candidates directly speaking about their visions. It will be the first time

for some viewers to see each candidate side by side. It will provide them with a context to judgeeach candidate and their views, regardless of whether or not they stay in the bubble of their

campaign rhetoric and sound bites.

Also, not only will the presidential debates present a context for which viewers can judge

the candidates, but it will also provide an environment where the candidates can stray away from

their campaign rhetoric and sound bites. In the last presidential debates, there were often

improvised questions asked by citizens through YouTube that were addressed to the presidential

candidates directly. The candidates had to answer a variety of different questions that obviously


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could not have been prepared for. It gave a chance for them to show their true side in different

facets of presidency: as a humanitarian, as an economist, and as the leader of a nation. Therefore,

the presidential debates can actually give a opportunity to see the true side of the candidates, a

side that is not bounded necessarily by prepared speech.

Though some may believe that the presidential debates will be for nothing if thecandidates stay in their campaign rhetoric and sound bites, they have potential to be quite

important in choosing the right American President. It will give the opportunity for a wider

audience to listen to the candidates, and they create an environment where the candidates have to

actually stray away from their campaign rhetoric. The presidential debates can give key insight

into what type of candidates Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are, and can provide them with

actual, first-hand information for making the right decision for American President.


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Varun Desai


Writing Diagnostic


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Varun Desai


Peer Review of Varun Desais Work

Peer Reviewer: Tim Miller

Brief Description: Peer Review of Keyword Synthesis

Proposition: Cornel West, Sunaina Maira, Alex Perullo, and Adam Haupt see hip-hop as a

platform for which youth around the world can promote democratic messages.

Synthesis: The type of synthesis that is used here is simple synthesis. The connection between

all of the writers is that they see hip-hop as a medium for which the youth of the world can

channel democratic messages. The essay becomes simple synthesis when the authors are

categorized by which country they discuss. Cornel West and Sunaina Maira talk about hip-hop in

the U.S. and Alex Perullo and Adam Haupt talk about hip-hop in Africa.Audience: The audience for this essay is the writing seminar class and Professor Phillips. It can

be assumed that the class all readDemocracy Matters and have a basic understanding of Westsargument about hip-hop and its connection to democracy. However the class probably doesnt

know the significance of hip-hop outside of the U.S.

Goal: Explain to the reader the significance of hip-hop for youth around the world and itsconnection to democracy. Explain to the audience that hip-hop is more than a form of

entertainment, it is an art form and a medium of expression.

Paragraph 1:-Says: To many adults hip-hop has a bad connotation and represents many of the ills of society.

However there are four authors who disagree and believe democracy is an important way foryouth to discuss democratic issues.-Does: Establishes a specialize explanatory proposition, uses compare and contrast to lead into

the introduction of the proposition

-Mechanics: No errors

Paragraph 2:

-Says: Cornel West and Sunaina Maira b

Documents

Final Portfolio - Government and Politics