Final Alll

7/31/2019 Final Alll

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PeopleHistory Edition

WhoW

ARitbette

r?

Top10SEXIESTpeople

Top 10 Fails!

FashionIcons!


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WHOWAR IT BETTER?in which we make commpletely biased opinons of the awesomeness of those invovled

1. CRUSADE vs CRUSADE(S)

WINNER : Childrens Crusade

Mindless deaths of children in Gods name?

Takes serious commitment.

2. WW I vs WWII

WINNER: tie

War of Atrittion + Total war must be credited to WWI, but WWII defends its ranking buy

using Atom bombs on civillians.

3. AFGHANISTAN vs MACEDONIA vs BRITAIN vs USSR vs USA

WINNER: Afghanistan

If your name is synonymous with graveyard of empires, you have already won. Also

mad props for being the start of civilization.

4. GENOCIDE(s). a. ARMENIAN. b. HITLER. c STALIN. d .POL POT c. KHEMER ROUGE. f.

RWANDA

WINNER: Decomposers.

Everybody pretty much loses, except for the biological cycles of nutrient decomposi-

tion.

5. 3 KINGDOMS vs WARRING STATES + GUOMINGDANG vs COMMUNIST

WINNER: China.

The wars have stopped over Chinese rule. Everybody in China -except for BoXIla- iscurrently winning.


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6. Battle of Constantinople vs Peter Jackoson

WINNER: CONSTANITINOPLE

Your 21 year old general conquers the impenterableChristian fortress on aexclipse. Shaped like the Islamic Cresent. And then slams down the Muslim

Curtain. Sorry Peter Jackson, CGI + trees is just lame in comparison.

7. Charles I v s Cromwell vs Charles II

WINNER: Charles II

LOSER: CROMWELL

Ironic that everyone hated Cromwell so much that they got back the son of theperson they hated so much that they elected Cromwell.

8. Cold War vs Everyone.

WINNER: Kruscheve

Obviousy the biggest bro in all of the 20th century -seconded only by Winston

Chruchill- his behaviour towards Nixon and enfrocement of the Iron Curtain

against the Velvet Upising and Nationalist movements is truly amazing.

9. Sepoy Rebellion + Boxer Rebellion

WINNER: Boxer Rebellion

a) While the Boxers didnt accomplish your

goals, at least you didnt get the British

involved actually colonizing China + b) their

OFFICIAL name was The Society of Righteous

and Harmonious Fists. Case closed.

10. Battle of Tours vs Battle of Talas

WINNER: ISLAM

Even if Charles Martle stopped you, the Ummayads made it up to Spain and

stayed there from 721-1492. Take that Sykes-Picot Treaty.


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Top 10 FAILS in Human Historyin no particular order of stupidity

1. GREAT LEAP FORWARD

Lets trun pre-indsutrial agricultural communties into backyard factories. We will get steel and

+25 million famine deaths.

2. DETENTE

Two world super powers and M.A.D. missle stockpiles. A world population frightened otu of

their wits. But its all okay now- they promise to store them in warehouses and gradually disarm

them.

3. SLAVERY

We need labour. Choose 1: a) force capture people who dont look like you, transport them

across a hemisphere, tie them down with chains and beat them to work on your agricultural

plantations, repeat for 1000 years OR b) pay people to come work for you.

4. COLD WAR

Put two hungry cats in a pen full of new born gerbils. Hilarity ensuse. Ahem. Put two hungry

world powers on the global economy full of newly independant countries. Wars ensuse.

5. LEAGUE OF NATIONS

League circa 1918: Gosh. Germany was really mean because of their colonial aspira-

tions. We should probably humilate them and demand their faltering economy to pay us back.

League circa 1930: Gosh! Japan took over Manchuria. Well. Its okay if they

mess with China. Its not one of Europes colonial holdings.

League cicra 1938: Germans can have Czechoslovakia if the promise to stop then. Is

everyone one okay with that?

League circa 1940: OMG. GERMANY. WE DIDNT SAY POLAND


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6. BLACK DEATH

Aww. What cute rat. AAAAA. What large pustules. Perhaps we should get on aboat . Perhaps we should hug our friends a lot. Its very suprising that they have

pustules too.

7. AMERCIAS

The columbian exchange resulted in amazing cross trading of organismis, culture

and diesease. Notable exceptions were the dead 90% of Amerindians.

8. SCRAMBLE FOR ARFRICA 1910

The British: If we are going to colonize things, let us atleast do it sport-

ingly. No pushing or shoving in line, ahem Germany, just because we are at your

house doenst me you get to go rst.

9. BONIFACE TREE INCIDENT

America and South Koreas: deenders of capitalism and freedom along the 38

parellel.

Tree: a communist sympathiser trying to destroy liberty.

Death toll: 3/14

10. OTTOMAN EMPIRE

Lets Industrialize. Lets get dependant on forgeign investements that then destroy

our jizya tax revenue. Lets loose to the Russians. Lets join the wrong side in WWI.

Lets loose territory to Balkan states. Lets kill 1.5 Armenians. Lets be Turkey!


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Top 10 Sexiest People

Jos Doroteo Arango

Armbula,aka. Pancho Villa.Pancho Villa was a Mexican

Revolutionary general. He is

known for attacking Columbus,

New Mexico after the USdecided to fund Carranas

government instead of his. US

General Pershing tried to

track him down, but he was

never found. Many people find

his mustache his sexiest feature.9. Empress Dowager Cixi

mpress Cixi ruled the Manchu Qing

Dynasty, unofficially, for around half a

entury. She tried to strengthen China

with modern inventions but she also

lways put her interests before the

ountrys interest. Many historians saywas because of Empress Cixi that the

ynasty declined. Her sexiest feature

nown to be her charisma and boldness.

...In history

10.


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8. Napoleon Bonaparte

Napoleon was a French emperor who tried to

take over all of Europe. Though he ultimately

failed, the Congress of Vienna met after him

and there was a long period of Peace in Europe

after this. A common myth is that Napoleon was

52 inches or 157 cm, However, it has been

the french foot had 13 inches so he was really

56 inches or 169 cm. Many people found his

small stature very sexy until they found out the

truth. Now, people find his charima, smartness

and short temper quite attractive.7. Cleopatra VII

Cleopatra was the last pharoh of Egypt. She is

known for building the largest library in the

world and for building one of the largest cities

n Egypt. She also built a large naval army.

Her sexiness is portrayed through herseduction of Caesar and Mark Anthony. If she

can seduce the two of the most influential

men in history, she must be sexy!

6. Marie Antoinette

Marie Antoinette was the Queen of France.

She did not have much political influence but

is known to have used a lot of the French money

for her luxurious gowns. Her sexiness is shown

through her fashion and flirting. She is also

known to be very permiscuous, having lovers

of both genders. How could you not fall for such

an open minded woman!


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4.

3.Alexander the Great

Genghis KhanGenghis Khan is notorious for

conquering the largest empire in history.

From the Golden Horde in Russia to the

Yuan dynasty in China, Genghis Khan isall around the world... Even today.

Genghis Khans sexy, charismatic charm

has been discovered through his large

population of descendents. He had

many wives, and also decided to spread

his genes to around 2,000-3000 women

as well. It is said that 8% of the men inCentral Asia are descendents of Genghis

Khan. Obviously, other than being

forced to, the women were infatuated by

his mustache and goatee.

Julius Caesar is famous for forming the first

dicatorship in Rome. He was a key figure

n turning the Roman Republic into a Roman

Empire. He reorganized the whole empire,

and was the general for the army. The

Romans even named a month after him, July.

His key sexy features are his tall

height, masculine stature and balding hair.

5.Julius Caesar

Alexander the Great greatly expanded his

empire during his regin at a very young age.

He was also able to spread the Greek

anguage and Culture. He was able to conquer

Egypt, Persia and even India. Though his

empire declined after he died, many people

remember his sexiness because of his scentand the poise of his neck.


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2. Theodora

1.Mr.Kersten

Theodora, the wife of Emperor Justinian I

during the Byzantine empire is well known

as a former stripper. She is considered one

of the most powerful and influential women

n Roman history. She is well known forhe Nika revolt, where she made a speech

which eventually influenced Justinian and

he army to attack Hippodrome.

Some characteristics that many people,

especially Justinian, found sexy are her

beauty, wittiness and intelligence. She isalso said to be a party animal.

Debuting as an AP World

teacher in 2012,Mr. Kersten has been able

to successfully prepare

his students for the AP

world exam. he is known

for his amazing acting

skills and his enthusiasm.His charms are shown

within his action movie

stunts and his ability to

make all his students

laugh by sharing stories

and making history fun.Thank you Mr. Kersten for

a great year!

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