PraiseforFeedingtheHungryGhostbyEllenKanner

“Justwhatittakes,onandofftheplate,toenjoyaricherlifetoday.”—MireilleGuiliano,authorofFrenchWomenDon’tGetFat

“Beyondbeingacollectionofrecipes,thisisabookaboutliving.Ellenislikehavinganelfin,white,Jewish,veganOprahwhisperinginyourearthat‘it’sgoingtobemorethanokay,honey—it’sgoingtobemagical!’”

—fromtheforewordbyNormanVanAken,coauthor(withJustinVanAken)ofMyKeyWestKitchen

FEEDINGtheHUNGRYGHOST

Copyright©2013byEllenKanner

Allrightsreserved.Thisbookmaynotbereproducedinwholeorinpart,storedinaretrievalsystem,ortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans—electronic,mechanical,orother—withoutwrittenpermissionfromthepublisher,exceptbyareviewer,whomayquotebriefpassagesinareview.

EarlierversionsofsomecontentwereoriginallypublishedintheHuffingtonPost,theMiamiHerald,andCulinate.

TextdesignbyTonaPearceMyers

LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataisavailable.

Firstprinting,February2013ISBN978-1-60868-164-8PrintedintheUSAon100%postconsumer-wasterecycledpaper

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ForLewisandMarciaKanner,thebestomnivorousparentsavegangirlcouldhave.

Thanksforalwayshavingfaithinme.

ForewordbyNormanVanAkenIntroduction—HungryAlltheTimeANoteontheRecipes

CHAPTER1.THESEED

RECIPE:SeedCakeBirthandRebirthRECIPE:HaitianSoupeJoumou

FeedingFaithRECIPE:HoppingJohn

GentleNudgetheFirst:BusinessPlanAChild’sGardenRECIPE:WholeGrainPancakesRECIPE:TurkishMilletandGreensforMarcella

GentleNudgetheSecond:DiscoverthePowerofLiterature—YourOwnSowingtheSeedsofLove,orAphrodisiacsandOtherAdditivesRECIPE:PinkGrapefruitandFennelSaladRECIPE:Deep,BasicComfortLentilSoupRECIPE:UnconventionalbutSeductiveVeggiePaellaRECIPE:AmorousCardamomAppleCrumble

GentleNudgetheThird:DumpingtheDuds

CHAPTER2.THEFLOWERING

RECIPE:LavenderTeaRECIPE:DownandDirtyRice

StandingonCeremonyRECIPE:FarinataRECIPE:RedOnionJamRECIPE:SpringPeaPureeRECIPE:Judeo-ChristianBiblicalBarleyandHerbSalad

KeepingtheFaithRECIPE:DIYMatzo

MyHeartIsFulRECIPE:FulMudammas

GentleNudgetheFourth:RedefiningComfortRECIPE:ZucchiniBread

Mother’sDayforDummiesRECIPE:EarthDaySpecial:StoneSoup(NoRocksRequired),a.k.a.VegetableBrothRECIPE:KamutforMotherEarth

GentleNudgetheFifth:GoOld-SchoolRECIPE:FarrottowithGreens,PineNuts,andCurrants

TheGlobalStewRECIPE:CSAGumboZ’herbes

GentleNudgetheSixth:SeasontoTasteRECIPE:RoastedBeetSaladwithChili-LimeVinaigrette

CHAPTER3.THEHARVEST

RECIPE:MoroccanCarrotSaladWhatILearnedinSummerSchoolRECIPE:WestIndianMangoMadness

GentleNudgetheSeventh:Tending—andHarvesting—YourOwnGardenRECIPE:SummerTomatoSaladwithZa’atar

IntenseHeatRECIPE:RiceintheSahara

ABowlofWell-BeingRECIPE:Harira

GentleNudgetheEighth:StockedandStokedRecipeforDisasterRECIPE:VeganChocolateCakeRECIPE:When-All-Else-FailsPasta(a.k.a.Ten-MinutePastawithZucchini,Tomatoes,and

Chickpeas)GentleNudgetheNinth:GetCaughtUpintheRaptureRECIPE:BroccoliwithLemonandMint(BroccoliforBeginners)RECIPE:KaleChips

FeedingtheHungryGhostRECIPE:VegetableDonburi

RECIPE:HungryGhostMoodModifierGentleNudgetheTenth:BalancingActRECIPE:Steel-CutOatswithGojiBerries

CHAPTER4.THECOMPOST

RECIPE:Pumpkin,Poblano,andSpinachTacosWildcatScatterRECIPE:AlmondCookiesRECIPE:OrangeBlossomCookiesRECIPE:RedLentilSoupwithIndianSpicesRECIPE:ThanksgivingKalewithFennel,Cranberries,andWalnuts

GentleNudgetheEleventh:SlowFoodRECIPE:No-KneadWholeWheatOatmealBreadRECIPE:TuscanWhiteBeansandWinterGreensSoup

SweetnessandLightRECIPE:AfricanAmericanSweetPotatoandPeanutStewRECIPE:MultifaithSweetnessandLightSugarplumsGentleNudgethePenultimate:YourDailyServingofAhimsaRECIPE:AhimsaChaiRECIPE:VeggieBhaji

WhatGoesAroundComesAroundRECIPE:“We’llAlwaysHaveParis”WildMushroomSalad

Epilogue—GentleNudgetheUltimate:PracticeBarakaRECIPE:VegetableCouscouswithPreservedLemonandOlivesRECIPE:FlatbreadfromaStarter

AcknowledgmentsNotesDeliciousRecommendedReadingIndexAbouttheAuthor

Ihave favoritequotes from thisbookalready.Butbefore Ishareacouple, letmeharkenback.WhenIwasmuchyounger,I’dbuyalbumsatthemusicstore.NowthatIhavecarbon-datedmyself, letmesaywhy I’m thinking thisway in regard toFeeding theHungryGhost byEllenKanner.Therewerealbumsthatyouwouldputontheturntableandaftertwolistensyouwouldgetakindofglow,andthatglowwasduetothefact thatyouknewdeepinsidethat thisalbumwas going to reveal more and more gems with each listening. Here’s one from Ellen that Iunderlinedimmediatelyinmycopyofthisbeautifulnewbook:

“Prayerisattentiveness—whattheyogiccallmindfulness—andit’swhathappenstomeinthekitchen.”

Beyondbeing a collection of recipes, this is a book about living.Ellen is like having anelfin,white,Jewish,veganOprahwhispering inyourear that“it’sgoing tobemore thanokay,honey—it’sgoingtobemagical!”

AnotherfavoriteIstarredinthemarginofmycopy:

“EverytimeIstarttowriteaboutfaith,Iwindupwritingaboutfood.”

Awordtomyfellowomnivores:youwillfindyourselfnot lookingat thisasavegetariancookbookthatinherentlycontainsrestraints.Ellenwouldgiggleandpinchyou…metaphorically,at least! Her voice and wisdom roll off the pages without a bit of guilt-inducement orcondescension.Sheisaseeker,notaproselytizer.Sheisheretoawakenamorepositiveselfineachofus.AndI’mready.

I’malsoreadytohavehergiftmewiththeEthiopiancustomcalledgursha(seepagexix).Itisanactof friendship that translatesas“hand-feeding.”And IhopeherHaitianSoupeJoumou(seepage12)isintheancientspoonhergiftedhandisholdingwhenthegurshacomesmyway.

Cometothinkofit…ithasalready.—NormanVanAken,

coauthor(withJustinVanAken)ofMyKeyWestKitchen

Eating—wedo it everyday;you’d thinkwe’dhave itdownbynow.Andyet Ihear fromreadersallthetimewhosaytheywantacloser,healthierrelationshipwithwhattheyeat,withtheplanet,andwiththemselves.Thisshouldnotbesohard.Butitis.

Igaveatalkrecently,fashionedtobeasortofgreen’sgreatesthits.Iwantedmyaudiencetounderstandtheconsequencesofwhatweeat,andwhythatmightmakethemconsidereatingmoreproduceandlessmeat.Theymightevengovegan.Ithappens.Mytalkingpointswentsomethinglikethis:

1.Ameatlessdietiscool,andnotjustbecausecelebsaredoingit;it’scoolintermsofcarbonoutput.

2.It’sgoodforourhealth.TheUSDA’snewdietaryguidelinessayso.3.EvenD.H.Lawrencegotintoit(atwhichpointIthrewinhislineaboutfigsbeing“glittering,

rosy,moist,honied,”togettheaudiencerevvedupabouttheconnectionbetweenproduceandpleasure).

People nodded. I had them. I endedbig: changewhat you eat, then changeyour life, thenchangetheworld.Applause.ThenIopenedituptoquestions.

Aguyinthethirdrowasked,“WhatdoIeatfordinner?”Excellentquestion.Becauseyoucan’tchangetheworldwhenyoucan’tevenfigureoutwhattoeatattheendofalongday.

TheFrenchparadoxenablestheFrenchtoeatlavish,leisurely,artery-cloggingmealswhileremainingsvelteandchic,withcholesterollevelsthatdon’tmaketheirdoctorsscreamandhurlstatinsat them.TheAmericanparadox,bycontrast, is justdepressing.Weknowmore thanweeverhavebeforeaboutwhatourbodiesandourplanetneed—yetwe’reinanobesityepidemic,and the earth isn’t doing so great, either.March isNationalNutritionMonth, butMarch 14 isNationalPotatoChipDay.We’respendingbillionsondietbookswhileconsumingoveramillionTwinkiesaday.ImyselfdonotparticipateinthisTwinkiefest,sodon’tlookatme.

Wewatchfoodshowsandfollowcelebritychefs,butwedon’tcook.Manyofusdon’tevenknowhowtoshopforfood,letalonewhattoeat.Onefriendusesherovenasashoecloset.Sinceshe doesn’t cook, she eats as though on an endless campout— processed sausage, packaged

cookies,chips,candy,andcinnamonbuns-o-rama,washeddownwithdoublemochalattes,extrawhip.She’sonastrictdietofnitrates,fat,andsugar,absentfruitandvegetables.Awholegrainnevercrossesherlips.

Thisisagirlwhoknowsbetter.I’mthinkingyouknowbetter,too.Knowingbetteriseasy.Making changes armedwith that knowledge is what’s hard, a bring-you-to-your-knees kind ofhard.Sometimesitdoesn’tevenseempossible.Butitis.

My friend is wonderful, brilliant, beautiful, the best person I know. I’m just ninety-sixpounds’worthofnervous.Iworryabouther.Iworryaboutthatguy,theonewhodoesn’tknowwhattoeatfordinner.Iworryaboutyou,too.Becauseyou’reprobablyasbaffledasMr.What’s-for-Dinnerandonthesamedietmyfriendison.Maybeyou’renotintocinnamonbuns,butwe’reallcaughtupintoday’sfranticpace,fastfood,bigtalk,emptycalories,andemptypromises—adietoflivingthatleavesushungryandunfulfilled.

You deserve nourishment—nourishment from the food you eat, of course, but also fromconnection, balance, radiant good health, and the fun that seems to be happening at a party towhichyouwerenotinvited.Hatethat.

Allthebooksandarticlesaboutweightlossandfeelingbetteraregreatasfarastheygo.Buttome,that’snotfarenough.Ourrelationshipwithfoodgoesbeyondasinglemealorevenamealplan.Wherefoodcomesfrom,howitbindsustotheplanetandtoeachother,andhowitmakesusfeel,mattermore thanwhat’son theplate.The thingswehunger for—comfort, unconditionallove,connection,meaning—aren’tontheusualmenu.

Ithinkfeedingthatdeeperhungerandservingtheworldstartwithwhatyouservefordinner.Itmeansthinkingbeyondwhat’sonyourplate.Itmeansseeingfoodassomethingthatstrokesthesoulas it stokes thebody, foodasconnection toandcommunionwith theearthandeachother.That’saskingalotofdinner.Getusedtoit.AskingalotiswhatIdo.

Inelementaryschool,Iwastheannoyingkidinclass,armraised,alwaysaskingwhy:

Whydopeoplesmoke/wagewar/dodrugs/haveunprotectedsexifweknowit’sbadforus?WhydidwetakeAmericafromtheIndianswhentheywereherefirst?WhyisJennySlaterinthebathroomcrying?

Istillaskalotofquestions,especiallythebig,cosmickind.I’mconvincedourfoodholdsthe answers. I’mHuffington Post’sMeatlessMonday blogger and a syndicated columnist, theEdgyVeggie.I’mplantbasedbypassionandprofession;butdon’tgetweirdedoutbythisdetail,please.Thinkofmeastheveganwho’sinvitingeveryonetothetable.

I’m not a self-styled guru, a nutritional wonk, a NewAger, an earthmother, a pedant, aproduct peddler, or a proselytizer. I’m a fourth-generation Floridian who loves broccoli, andlovesbeingveganbut isn’thard-assedabout it. Ihave sexwithnonvegans—at leastone,myhusband,Benjamin,anamazinglypatientman.Married tome,hewouldhave tobe.Wehaveamixedmarriage.Iamvegantothemax;heisanexuberantomnivore.Weworkitout.Callitcrazylove.Wehavenohistoryofinterestingaddictions,trauma,arrests,orexperiencesinrehab.We’renotdevoutlyanything,butwe’rewellandlivinginMiami.

Miamiisnotexactlyabastionofthefaithful,whichexplainssomeofourcollectivequirks.Itismanyfaithsandalotofsecular—andalittlecrazy-from-the-heatnuttiness.Miamisitsatthe

bottom tip of Florida, andFlorida is at the bottom tip of theUnitedStates. It has a history ofattractingpeoplewho’vetankedouttheirotheroptionsandhaverunawayasfarastheycan.Gomuchfarthersouthandyouhitwater.

Florida’sbest-knownCatholicpriestmadetabloidheadlinesafewyearsbackbydisportinghimselfonthebeachwithawoman.Themediahadafeedingfrenzy.Sinner!Hypocrite!Badguy!TheCatholicChurchwasnot toohappy,either.Iwasnotoneofhisparishioners,butI thought,hey,giventherecentfilthuncoveredinthechurch,apriestandanage-appropriatewomaninlovedoes not seem theworst thing in theworld. Amid themedia shouting, the priest reminded usthere’sadeeper,morecomplicatedstory,theonethatcomesofbeinghuman.Thatmeanswe’reall prone tomessing up. “God’s not all that interested in you falling down,” he said. “God isinterestedinyougettingupagain.”

This isadivinespirit Iunderstand, someone I’d love tohaveover fordinner. I justcan’twrapmybrain around a divine spiritwho’s vengeful and pissed.Not thatwe don’t tryGod’spatience forty times before breakfast. Funny, every time I start towrite about faith, Iwind upwritingaboutfood.

FeedingtheHungryGhosttakesitstitlefromtheTaoconceptofrestlesssoulsstillhungry,stillseeking,evenbeyondthegrave.InancientBuddhistscrolls,hungryghostsareedgy,depictedas bug-eyed, big-bellied, and fierce. Wouldn’t you be if you’d been staggering around forcenturieswithout gettingwhat you need?Hungry ghosts are assuaged by prayer and food.Thesamethingsdothetrickforhungrymortals,too.Wearehungryforsomuchmorethanfood.Butyouknow,liketheguyatmytalk,we’dallbegladtohavesomethinggoodtoeat, too,andnothavetostruggle.

Evenaswetweetendlesslyaboutmindfuleating,wehavegrownmoredisconnectedfromourfood.Frankly,mindfuleatingsoundslikeachore.Butwhatifitfelt likehangingoutwithafriend,onewhofeedsyouterrificthings,maybeevenonewhopopsabitofmoist,velvety,andwinninglydarkchocolatecakeinyourmouthandthenexplainsthathand-feedingisanEthiopiancustomoffriendshipandkinshipknownasgursha.That’swhatIwantFeedingtheHungryGhosttobe.

Todiscussfoodwithoutdiscussingourrelationshiptoit,beittiestoarecipe,totheculture,place,ortimeitcomesfrom,oreventothepleasureoffooditself,istomissthebiggerpicture.Saffron,tarragon,cardamom,andcuminmakefoodtastebetter.Culture,connection,andfaithdothesamethingforourlives.Theymakeitdelicious.Theyfeedus.

I’mnotheretoenrollyouintheHungryGhostBootCamp.Iwon’tattendabootcamp,letalonerunone.Iammoreinclinedtowanttolearnwhennotbeingshoutedatorforcedtowearunattractivefootgear.AndIamnotintolies.Youknow,ChangeYourLifeandSavethePlanetinFiveStepsandthatwholegenre.Becausechangetakesafewstepsmorethanfive,andthehungerthatneedsfeeding issomethingprofound.Sohonor it.Honoryourself. Ido.That’swhyIdon’tprescribesteps(orfollowthem).Iprefertobecoaxed,gentlynudged.

Youhavetoeateveryday,anyway,soyoumightaswellfallinlovewiththerightstuff.Whyisourrelationshipwithfoodimportant?Forthesamereasonbeingaliveisimportant.Becauseitis.Becauseyou’rehere,soyoumightaswellgofor thewholedelicious,authenticexperience.PerhapsyousubscribetoThomasHobbes’sbeliefthatlifeisnasty,brutish,andshort.Honey,I’ve

haddayswhereI’dfindithardtodisagree.Butthethingis,itdoesn’tallsuck.There’syou,right?Andyou’renotsobad.

Andsinceyou’rehere,aliveandkicking,youmightaswellfeelgood.MywonderfulfriendisoneofoverahundredmillionAmericanswho,despitetheirwonderfulness,havestratosphericcholesterollevels.Beingwonderfuldoesnotmakeyouexemptfromthetroublesoflife.Thetrickishaving the resources tohandle them. Itmeansnourishingeverybitofyourself, soulfullyandemotionallyaswellasnutritionally.I’llcoaxandgentlynudgeyoualongthepathandcheeryouon,everystepoftheway.

Canyoudoit?Hell,yeah.It’snotonlypossible—it’senergizinganddelectable.We’renottalkingdiet;we’retalkingaboutfeedingourdeepesthunger,foramorevitalself,formorelovingandmeaningful connections, for a nourished andnourishingworld, andyes, for fabulous food.That’swhattoeatfordinner.It’sallinterconnected.Anditalladdsup.

I’vedividedFeedingtheHungryGhostintofourchapterstohelpcorralallthisfaith/foodtalk:

1.TheSeed(forJanuary,February,andMarch)2.TheFlowering(forApril,May,andJune)3.TheHarvest(forJuly,August,andSeptember)4.TheCompost(forOctober,November,andDecember)

Theearthhas itsrhythms, timesofgrowthandbounty,ofquiescenceandregeneration.Wecallthemseasons.Seasonsarethewaytheworldspeakstous.Iteventellsuswhattoeat,withtreesprovidingjuicyfruittocoolandhydrateusinsummer,whenit’shot;anddense,durablerootvegetablesgrownfromdeepwithintheearthtosustainandnourishusinwinter,whenit’scold.

Youhaveyourownseasons,too.Wealldo—thedarkerdays,whenliferevealsitselfinallits sharp edges, and bright days of delicious joys. The calendar offers a way to start theconversation, but themain topic is you.Andwhat to eat for dinner.We’re all hungry.So let’sbegin.

aNOTEontheRECIPESLifegivesusmanyreasonstostress.Makingdinnershouldn’taddtothem.IthinkofarecipeasaGPS—it’s thedirections togetyouwhereyouwant togo, theendresultbeingsomethingthatmakesyousmileandsighasyoueatandgivesyouthesensetheworldislookingoutforyou.Attheveryleast,arecipeshouldenableyoutocreatethefixingsforamealthattastesgreatandisn’taheadachetomake.

Whena recipeherecalls foracarrotoranonion, Imeananycarrotoronionyoucangetyourhandsonwithoutastruggle.Ifit’slocal,farmers’-marketfresh,andorganic,terrific.Ifit’sslightlypastitsprimeandyoucan’trememberhowitwoundupinyourkitcheninthefirstplace,I’mdelightedtogiveyouawaytouseitup.Unlessotherwiseindicatedinarecipe,I’mnotpickyaboutthecarrot’ssize,color,variety,orprovenance.Ileavethatuptoyou.Likewiseforthesizeofchoppedbits.I’mattractedtocrunch,texture.Iliketoseethecomponentsthatgointomymeal.

Otherspreferfoodfinelychopped,diced,minced,ormirepoixeduntiltheirfoodachievesasortofoneness.Gowithwhatyoulike.

Sayaparticularrecipeinthisbookreallyappealstoyou.Youlookatthelistofingredients,andthey’reallamongyourpetdelights.Exceptyou’remissingoneitem.Sowhatareyougoingtodo?It’stheendofanotherworkday,andyou’realreadyoutofyourelegantifconstrainingofficewear and into your comfy wouldn’t-be-caught-dead-going-out-in-public wear. Do not go foodshoppingonmyaccount—goswapping.Feelfreetosubstituteingredients.Usewhatyouhave.Quinoaoranotherwholegraincanpinch-hitforbulgur;scallionscanstandinforanonion.Itmaynotbeaswritten,butitwillstillbefine.Allwillbewell,you’llhavepreparedamealyoucancozyuptoandenjoy,andyou’llhavenotearstodry.

Sometimeswhileyou’refollowingarecipeontheroadtodinner,youfindsidepaths,backroadsthatbeckonandleadyoutonewplaces.Feelfreetotryadifferentvegetable,anotherherb.Taketheroadlesstraveledby,asRobertFrostputit.Go,explore.Strikeoutonyourown.Therecipewillworkfineyourway,myway,anyway.Honoryourselfandyourowntaste.Trustyourgut.

I’mseriousaboutcooking,aboutitsaddingpleasure,meaning,andconnectiontoourlives.Iamrelaxedinmyapproachtoitandhopeyouwillbe,too.

Therecipesinthisbookaren’tprocessed;they’reprimal.Theyembraceallculturesandaremadefromrealfoodfromtheearth,foodthatgoesbackcenturies.Thesedishesconnectuswiththepast,witheachother.Andsincemanyinvolvewholegrainsandbeans,they’rehighinproteinandfiber,andlowincashoutlay—alwaysaplus.Makingandeatingthesedisheswon’tmakeyou seeGod, but theymay returnyou to the ability to see andhear your ownnot insignificantspirit.Andthatalonecouldchangetheworld.Nowgo.Cook.Eat.

Seeds arewhere it all begins. They promise the start of things. They’re superconcentratedsourcesofenergy.Ilookateverythinggrowinginmybackyard,frommynewlysproutedpurslaneto the ten-foot firebush exploding with firecracker-red flowers, favorite of zebra longwingbutterfliesandhummingbirds,toourthirty-footliveoak,whichstretchesitslanky,leafylimbsouttoprovideshelterandcanopy.Theyallbeganasseeds—everydaymagic.

Naturemakesthatkindofmagiceasy.Youdropaseedinthedirt,coveritwithsoil,giveitsomewater, leave the sun and the seed tomake friendswith each other, and honey, you’re inbusiness.

Butthenthere’sthefineprint.Firebushneedsdirectsunandcanhandleshallow,sandySouthFloridasoil.It’satoughnative.Purslaneissupposedtobeaweedandthusthrivelikeaweed,butmine’sanemic, timid,probablysufferingfromsunstroke.Evenweedshave theirneeds,andpurslane prefers filtered sunlight. A seed only fulfills its superhero potential if it gets propernurturing.

Thenthereareyourmoremetaphoricseeds(andIdoloveametaphor),thenewbeginningslifeoffersyou—thejoyofanewjob,anewlove,anewhome,anewbaby,anewyear.Suchnewbeginningsendowyouwithall theenergyofa seed.You’reawakening, feelingyourway,tentativelyreachingyourrootsintothesoil.Thesekindsofseedsaretimesofhope;butthey’realwaystimesofchange,andchangeistough.

Here’swhat’seventougher—youdon’talwaysgettochooseanewbeginning.Losingyourjoborbreakingupwithyourpartnerwouldn’tmakeanyone’slistoftoptenfavelifeevents,butsuddenly,thereyouare,inituptoyouradenoids.Thatseedgeneratesanenergyofitsown—likeatornado,itripsupyourlifeandknocksyouonyourass.Ittakesaherculeanefforttorolloutofbedinthemorning.Where’sthejoyinthat,ace?

Andwhileitseemstoberainingseedsaroundyou,boththehappykindandtheseedsyouwouldn’tevenwishonyourex,thinkofyourselfasaseed,too—areallygorgeous,spectacular,one-of-a-kindseed.Butyourgorgeousnesscan’tcomeintofullfloweringunlessyou,too,getthenurturingyouneed.

Forme,itmeansrootingmyselfinmycommunity,beingpartoftheinitiativesthatbringrealfoodandrealpeopletogether.Sometimes,Iconfess,Ineedtoforcemyselftoattendthismeeting,thatevent.ButI’malmostalwaysbetterforit.ThepeopleImeetinspiremeandenergizemeandtakemeindirectionsIdidn’tknowIwantedtogo.You’regrowingoystermushrooms?Wow,howdoyoudothat?HowcanIdothat?You’reteachingchildrentocook?CanIvolunteer?I’mluckytobenourishedbymynativesoil.

Youknowbestwhatkindofmetaphoricsoilyouneed,whereyoufeelyourhappiest,truestself,whereyourownstrengthiscoaxedforth,whereyoucansetdownstrongrootsandliftyourfacetothesun.

Ormaybe you don’t know.Maybe you’ve been so pelted with misery seeds, you barelyknowwhatyou look like, letalonewhatyouneed.Theysaysuffering iswonderfullycharacterbuilding.Isayyou’vegotplentyofcharacterasitis.Isaywhatever’sgivingyougriefshouldjustgetoutofyourwayandgetoutoftown.Untilitdoes,though,you’restuck.You’regoingthroughhell, it’s takingeveryounceofyourstrength,andyoucan’tquiteseehowyou’reevergoing toreturntothatblissful,farawayplacecallednormal.

Startbynurturingyourself.Abasicwaytogiveyourselfthecareyouneedistopayattentiontowhatyoueatandtomakehealthierchoicesforallconcerned—foryou,fortheplanet.

Seedsareaneasyplacetobegin.Whilevegetablesstillhavetheirdetractors(why?why?),anyonecanchomponahandfulofseeds.Ifyou’restruggling,they’llsupportyounutritionallyandofferasprinkleofbadlyneededcheer.Ifyou’rehappy,they’llonlymakeyouhappier.Theyofferacrunchthatbespeaksindulgence,butwithitcomethephytonutrientsandfatsourbodieshungerfor,thekindthatgiveusaniceinnerglow,nomicrodermabrasionrequired.

Someseedswesnarf—sunflowerseeds,pepitas(pumpkinseeds).Some seeds we use to impart deep flavor in cooking — cumin, cardamom, mustard,

coriander,fennel,tonameafewofmyfavorites.Someweeatwithoutevenrealizingwhattheyare.Allyourlegumes,fromteensyredlentils

tomassivegigantesare,botanicallyspeaking,seeds.Andsomewemeantogetaroundtotrying,becausewehearhowtremendoustheyareforour

health,yetwe’redauntedbythem—flax,chia,andhempcometomind.Well,honey,yourtimehascome.Whetheryou’reflourishingorfaltering,youneedmoreof

theseteensyguysinyourlife.Flaxruleswhenitcomestoomega-3s,thoseexcellentfattyacids.Chiaseedsarerightupthereintheomega-3department,buttheyalsohaveafantasticamountoffiberandantioxidants.AncientAztecwarriorsthrivedonthem,andtheywereprettytoughguys.Hempseeds,tiniestofall,offermoreproteinperouncethananyanimalprotein.

Usethemindividuallyormixedtogetherinaseedycocktailasatoppingforcasserolesandroastedvegetables.Welovetexture.Addthemtograindishes,bothsweetandsavory—oatmealisn’t oatmeal for me without a sprinkling of seeds. And chia and flax make excellent eggsubstitutesinbaking.Mixingtheseedswithalittlewaterformsabondingagent.Notonlydoyougetthebody-supportingbenefitoftheseeds;yougetthenicecohesivequalityofeggswithoutthecholesterolandwithoutrufflingasinglechickenfeather.

SEEDCAKE

Ibelieve inbackingup talkwithsomethingwortheating.SowhenIwas thinkingwhatkindofseedyrecipetousehere,Ithoughtofcake—seedcake,simplebutsoulfulandlongbelovedinEngland,Ireland,andScotland.ItsoriginsdatebackasfarastheMiddleAges,andbackintheday,theseedinquestiontendedtobecaraway,makingforatreat thatwalkedthelinebetweensweet and savory. Good as far as it goes, but trending toward heavy, and certainly heavy invegan-unfriendlyingredientslikebutter,milk,andeggs.

Veganbaking,likelife,isaboutbalanceandcompromise.Ratherthanweirdyououtwithabunchofarcaneingredientsyou’llhavetoshopfor,I’veswappedthetraditionaldairyandeggsforother items thatarewholeandplantbasedandfairlyget-table. I’vealsoswappedcarawayseedsforanise.Likecaraway,aniseisexcellentfordigestionbuthasagentlerflavor.It’smildlylicorice-y and ismellow in themouth. It joins a symphony of other seeds for amoist cake ofhauntingfragranceandflavor.

SeedCake

Serveasdessertorasananytimerestorativewithcoffeeortea.

Serves8orso

1cupunsweetenedsoyorhempmilk2tablespoonsgroundflaxseeds(alsoknownasflaxmeal)2tablespoonsgroundchiaseeds2teaspoonsaniseseeds1½cupswholewheatflour1teaspoonbakingsoda1teaspoonaluminum-freebakingpowderZestandjuiceof1lemon¾cupevaporatedcanesugar*cuphemp,flax,orcanolaoil,plusmoreforthepan

½cupunsweetenedapplesaucecupraisins

Preheattheovento350°F.Lightlyoilan8-inchroundcakepanora9-x-5-inchloafpan.Inasmallbowl,combinethesoymilk,flaxseeds,chiaseeds,andaniseseeds.Stirgentlyto

combineandletsitwhileyouassembletheotheringredients.Inalargebowl,sift togetherthewholewheatflour,bakingsoda,andbakingpowder.Add

thelemonzest.

In another large bowl, stir together the evaporated cane sugar, hemp oil, applesauce, andlemonjuice.Addtotheflourmixture,alongwiththesoymilkmixture,which,thankstotheseeds,willhavethickenedmadly.Stirtogether,thenfoldintheraisins.

Pour into the prepared baking pan. Bake for 45minutes, or until the cake is golden andpuffed,andatesterinsertedinthecentercomesawaycrumb-freeandclean.Youcanalsogiveitagentlepokewithafinger;itshouldspringbackwhenbakedthrough.

Remove from the oven and let cool.Wrapped well and refrigerated, the cake keeps forseveraldays.

BIRTHandREBIRTHIfotherspeciesareawareofseasonsoftheyearandhoursoftheday,theydon’tmakeabigdealaboutit.Wehumans,ontheotherhand,havearrangedourlivesaroundthecalendarandtheclock,allculminatingatmidnight,December31,whenallthedaysandnightsofoneyearendandanewyearbegins.Ifthatdoesn’tmarkusasaninterestingspecies,there’sthefactthatweobservethisbigdo-overbydrinkingourselvessillyandkissinganythingthatmoves.

Whenwewakeupthenextday,theworldishushed,quiet,curledinonitself,becauseafterall,theplanethasn’tpartiedlikeafiend.It’sfeelingfineanddoingwhatitalwaysdoes—whatanysanelifeformdoes—inthedepthofwinter:itrests,gathersstrength,andwaitsforspring.

Not us, though.TheNewYear’sEve hangovers barelywear off beforewe’re pacing ourcages, eager to get back to the normal rhythm of our lives. And yet, we feel a heightenedawarenessandexpectation.It’sanewyear!Everythingfeelsnewandfresh,andthisiswonderful.Hopeandtheglimmeringofpossibilitykeepuslight.Guiltandremorseweighusdown.

Andyetguiltandremorsesell.We’reattackedbyadsshamingandshoutingatustoloseallourholidayweight,joinagym,getsix-packabs.I’vegotnothingagainstasix-pack,butIhateallthose“newyou” thingsbecause I’mnot sobadandyou’re lovely thewayyouare.And Ihatecleansingdiets,especiallythosesoldinkitscomprisinglittlemorethanabottleandapowdered,unpalatablemixofmysteryingredients.

A certain detox or dietary rethink is appropriate after the binging Bermuda Triangle ofholidays(Thanksgiving,Christmas,NewYear’sEve).However,Idislikebeingshoutedat.Thenewyeardeservestobeenteredgraduallyandgently,ratherthandivedintoheadlong,becausetheshockalonecouldkillyou.Goingfromamonthofpartyfoodstoadietsolelycomposedoflemonandwatermayhelpyoupeeoffafewpounds,butit’snothingyoucanstickto,especiallywhenit’sbitterandgrayoutside.Itexactsatollonyourbodyandsoul.Itmakesyoucrankyandweak.

Wintertendstomakemecranky,anyway.Yes,eveninMiami.Onabadday,whenthewindbites throughmy pathetic idea of awarm jacket, the one thatmakesme look like a homelessperson with no fashion sense, when I’m frazzled by deadlines and deadbeats, the new yearreveals itself to be prettymuch like last year,with all the baggage, all the stress, butwithoutDecember’ssparkliesandparties,plusamassiveholidaycreditcardbilltopayoff.It’sfineforthetouriststogoaroundintheirwifebeatersandshorts,flip-flopsandsunburns;butitiswinterin

mysoul,andit’shardtofeelthebenevolentforcein,well,justaboutanything.This is a good time to goback to bed.UntilApril.Anormal personwould sleep. I bury

myself inblankets,dutifullyclosemyeyes.Theypopopen. I’mso rigidwith tension, Iallbutlevitate. My brain will not shut up. “So, Ellen,” it says in that snarky tone it gets when I’mvulnerable. “What happened to your big plans for this shiny new year? You know, achievingworldpeace, solvingglobal foodscarcity.Whereareyouwith those?Fromhere, it looks likeyou’rejustlyingthere.Wastingtime.”

Ihavemadeabsurd,unattainableNewYear’sresolutions.Andtheyonlywindupfrustratingme andmakingme feel like a loser. So for quite a few years now, I’ve resolved to embracechaos.Becauseit’scomingatuswhetherwelikeitornot.I’mstillnotgreatatitbuthavegrownmorecomfortablewiththeconcept;therearethingsintheworldbeyondmypersonalcontrol—oilspills,war,hunger,illness,stufflikethat.IhatethatIcan’tfixthesethings,butIamlearningtobe—oh,whoamIkidding?I’llalwaysworry.Idon’tliketoworry,butI’mgoodatit.However,becauseI’mlearningtoembracechaos,I’mokaywithmyownworry.Icanevenletsomeofitgo.Alittle.ThenIworrysomemore.

Ienvypeoplewhotakecomfort infaith—thedefined, institutionalkind—thatGodwillprovide, or if something really wretched happens, it’s okay because it’s God’s will, or —inshallah—that itwillhappenasAllahwishes.Theseareespecially the times I’d like toaskGod,Allah,orwhoever’sincharge,justwhatthehellhe’safter.

I’mnotentirelysureIbelieveinGod.Iunderstandhe/shebelievesinme,whichIfindmostcheering.IthinkifthereisaGod,it’sbighearteddespiteourquirksandcraziness,abletofocusonthebigpicture,seewhatwe’redoingandbasicallyshrugandsay,“Oy,whatcanyoudo?”Iwas raised Jewish, butReform.ReallyReform.My husband,Benjamin, thinksmy family’s soReform, we deserve another category—Mellow. Benjamin was raised Lutheran, and in hischildhooddidrefined thingsIassociatewithWASP-dom.Heattendedcotillion.His familyateJell-Osalads.Theybelongedtoayachtclub.

Butinbothhiscaseandmine,theformalreligionpartjustdidn’ttake.WhatresonateswithBenjaminaboutJudaismislatkes.AteveryJewishholiday,heasks,“Isthisthepotatopancakeone?”WhatresonateswithmeisthemoresecularpartofJudaism,theconceptof tikkunolam,healingtheworld,thesocialresponsibilitypart.

AmIJewish?According to liturgy,yes,butamongthe listofmodifiers I’dchoose,veganandfemalewouldcomewellbeforeit.Alsonervous.

Ineachnewyear,Itry,again,tocometotermswithhumanfrailty,mine,yours,big,small.WhenIcomesplatagainstyetanotherofmyhumanlimitations,Ihaveanungodlyresponse.Igetpissed.

Goodkarmatakeswaytoolongforme,butthekarmaofbeingpissedbitesmerightbackintheasseverytime.SoIbeginagain.Ineeddefinite—andpositive—intention.Ican’tjustlieinbedandhopewarwillend.Ineedtotakeaction.

Foralongtime,IthoughttheonlywayIcouldservehumanitywasbyrunningoffandjoiningDoctorswithoutBorders. Just how I,withno formalmedical training,wasgoing tohelp themwasalittlehazy.

SoIstarteddoingsmall,specificthingsthatdidn’trequireavisaormedicaldegree.Ijoined

amassivevolunteerefforttohelpkidsplantanorganicgardenintheirpublicschool.Wedugupthe patchy sod — hard, hot, hand-blistering work. We planted the seeds. We grew fat, redtomatoes, glossy eggplant, and a tangle of greens including callaloo, a green gift from theCaribbean.Ishowedkidshowtocookit.Iwatchedthemeatit—avegetable!

Thekidslikedit,notbecauseitwasgoodforthem,butbecausetheymadeithappen,fromplantingtheseedtoharvestingitandbraisingitwithchiliandgarlic.It’sthatsenseofownership,ofhey, I’vegotapersonal stake in this, thatmakes food tastegood, thatgives itvalue. It’sallaboutconnectingwithhowour food isgrownandsourced,with theplanet,andwith thatgreatbig,mystical thing beyond it. The schoolkids discovered fresh produce; I discoveredmy owncommunityandthatI’mbetteratworkingandplayingwithkidsthanI’dledmyselftobelieve.

Hangingoutatthefarmers’markets,belongingtoourlocalcommunity’ssharedagricultureprogram,workingwithsomeamazingchefsandorganizationsandinitiativesthatbringwhatourfarmersgrowtothepeoplewhoneedtoeatit—thisismyideaofagoodtime.Ican’tpromiseitbringsmetosalvation.Butithelpsbringmebacktomyself,plusIgettowriteaboutitandturnreadersontoagoodthingortwo.

That’showImetmyfriendMarcel,geniusofsoup,specificallysoupejoumou,thebelovedsoupwithwhichHaitiansstartthenewyear.It’snotenoughforMarceltomakeit;hehastofeedeveryoneheknows.Sohemakesavatofitonahotplateinhisstudioandservesitupallday.Evenindarktimes.

The 2010 earthquake devastated his homeland.He lost his auntie, uncle, and cousins, allwithashakeoftheearth.Thisiswhenthefetalpositioncomesinhandy.Instead,Marcelwantedtomakesoup.Heneeded tomakesoup.WhenIarrived,hisplacewas floodedwithafternoonlightandwassojammed,Icouldn’tseethehostforalltheguestsclusteredaroundhim,cradlingsoupbowls,talking,eating,laughing.

Finally,IfoundMarcelinhismakeshiftkitchen,holdingcourtandpresidingoverthesouppot.

Igavehimakissandpickedupabowl.“Ithasmeat,”hewarned,rememberingI’mameat-freekindofgirl.“I’lleataroundit.”We looked at each other.He beamed and ladled it, rich and golden, like liquid sunshine,

fromabatteredaluminumpot.Soupe joumou is the triumphof spirit over tyranny, heart over privation, and adamn fine

waytowarmbodyandsoul.Thisisasouptappingintothecollectiveunconsciousofapeople,evokingstrongerfeelingsthanProust’smadeleine.Iwasn’tgoingtoletsomebitsofbeefgetinthewayofthat.

Weall love to ring in thenewyearwith its promiseof newbeginnings, but inHaiti, it’sespecially cause for joy. New Year’s Day is Independence Day, the celebration of that NewYear’sDayin1804whenHaitiansendedoveracenturyofbloodyrulebytheFrenchandwerenolongercolonialslaves,butafreepeopleintheirowncountry.

Haitianscelebratedbyeatingwhathadbeenforbiddenthem—meat,cabbage,andsquash,thelatter twogrownontheirownisland.Haitianslaveshadgrownandcookedthesefoodsfortheir French masters, while they themselves had survived solely on rations of salt cod and

lemonade.Soupejoumousustainsandissustainable.It’smadefromwhatis localandavailable.The

HaitiansadaptedthesoupfromtheirFrenchmasters,heatingitupwithhabanerosandgingerandmakingittheirown.SomeeatitonNewYear’sDayforgoodluck.Others,likeMarcel,eatandserveitknowingitshistory.Itishisconnectiontoplaceandtopeople,hissourceofsanityandserenity.

Aswith all thingsHaitian, there is somemyth involved. The soup is said to honor PapaLoko, the vodou god of the ancient African spirit. Yellow is his favorite color, the one thatsummonshim.Soupejoumousummonseveryone.It’sbellyfillingandsoulliftingallatonce.ItepitomizesformethepeopleofHaiti,whotakewhatlittletheyhave,makeitdelicious,andofferittoyouwithalltheirheart.

Itisn’tthatlifehasn’tlobbedalotofcrapMarcel’swayorthathe’sweatherproofedagainstit.Nooneis.It’showwebearupthatmatters.AndMarcel,ontheanniversaryoflosinghomeandfamily,somehowmanagedwithgraceandmadesoup.That’senoughofasuperpowerforme.

HaitianSoupeJoumou

Ihaveswapped traditionalwinter squash for sturdier sweetpotatoandhave taken themeatoutofMarcet’ssoupejoumou.Ihavenot,Ihope,takentheheart.ThisHaitiandishisfillingandsatisfying.YouneedonlyaddsomenicecrustybreadlikeNo-KneadWholeWheatOatmealBread(page182)orevenFlatbreadfromaStarter(page214)andyou’llhaveamealtomakeyouhappy.

Serves4

1tablespooncoconutoil1onion,chopped¼cupmincedfreshgarlic(yeah,¼cup—gotaproblem?)¼cupmincedfreshginger1jalapeñochili(or¼habanerochili),minced1½teaspoonsgroundallspice1sweetpotato,chopped2carrots,chopped1bunchcollardgreensorcallaloo,choppedintobite-sizepieces4cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebroth1teaspoonfreshthymeleaves1bayleaf1lime,halvedSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Heat the coconut oil in a soup pot overmedium-high heat. Add the onion, garlic, ginger, andjalapeño. Sauté, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables soften, about 8 minutes. Add theallspice,sweetpotato,andcarrots.Addthecollards,ahandfulatatime,andcookuntiltheyjustwilt,about3minutes.Addthebrothandraisetheheattohigh.Whenthebrothcomestoaboil,addthethymeleavesandbayleaf.Reducetheheattolow,cover,andsimmerfor30minutes,oruntilthevegetablesaretender.Squeezethejuicefromthelimeoverthetopandseasonwithseasaltandpepper.

FEEDINGFAITHIthinkyoucanfindfaithinatempleoramosqueorachurch,butyoucanalsofinditinagardenor a school or studio, or in a kitchen, like Marcel. That’s where I find faith, too. Prayer isattentiveness—whattheyogiccallmindfulness—andit’swhathappenstomeinthekitchen.

Cookingisitsownmeditation.Ifyoucansitonyourass,breathedeeply,andfindbalanceandserenity,honey,Isaluteyou.Me,I’vegottomove,andcookingissomethingIcandotokeepmybrain fromspinning likeacentrifuge. Ithelpsmedealwith theday-to-daycraziesandstillkeepmyeyeon theprize,whatever theprize is.Theconverseapplies, too.Whenworkor lifeconspirestokeepmeoutofthekitchenforawhile,Igetalittlewiggy.

WhenI’mcooking,IknowIcan’tcurecancer,can’timposemywillonanunrulycoworkerorpolitician,can’tmakeadeadlinegoaway.Evenonabadday,though,Icanmakeabigbatchofsomethingthatpleases,comforts,andnourishesthepeopleIloveorthatsomehowconnectsmetothem.LikewhenImakesoupejoumou.

Everythingmustbedoneinacertainorder.First,Ichopthevegetables.ThenIsautéthem.Istirandwatchasthegarlic,onions,andgingeraregildedwithoilandgrowtender.Ibreatheinasmellbothsweetandpungent.Focusingoneachstepandthephysicalactionrequiredbringsmebacktomycore,tothatteensylittleplacewhereIamsaneandwhenceflowsmybeliefthattheuniverseisstillagoodplacetobe.Andsinceyou’rehere,stickaround;I’vegotagreatpotofsoupintheworks,too.

Ihaveareligiousfervorforanotherwinterdish.It’snothingposh—justrice,black-eyedpeas,andcollards—butit’sassatisfyingasanythingI’veevereaten.Itwhispers,“There,there,honey.Dinner’sready,”whileofferingantioxidants,calcium,protein,and,thankstothepowerofcollardgreens,outrageousamountsofvitaminsK,A,andC.ThisNewYear’sDay tradition ischeapishtomakeandrichinfiberandfolklore.

Justwhy it’scalledhopping john issketchy. I’veheard thedishgot itsnamefromachilddancingaround thestove,eager forsupper. I’vealsoheard therecipecamefromamannamedJohnwithalimp.Theybothsoundlikestoriesconcoctedaftertoomuchalcohol.

Most foodhistoriansbelieve thedish itselforiginatedwith theslaveswhobroughtblack-eyed peas and rice fromwest Africa.What started as a slave dish was livened with a littlepepperandpork,andmadeitswayintoplantationkitchens.

Some say black-eyed peas look like coins and collards or other greens represent paper

money;therefore,you’llmakeasmuchmoneyasthehoppingjohnyoueat.Black-eyedpeasalsofitanoldsuperstitionthatifadark-eyedmanisyourfirstvisitoronNewYear’sDay,loveandluckwillbeyours.

Goodluck,greatfortune,andhotromance—Ibelieveinallthree.Idon’tquitebelieveaplateofriceandbeanswillmakethathappen.Butjustincaseitwill,IhaveapotofhoppingjohnreadyeveryNewYear’sDay.

It fillsusupyetopensupourhearts just thewee-estbit sowecan letgoof thehurt, theanxiety,thetightness,themeanness,allthedark,heavythingsthatweresolastyear.

Make it New Year’s Eve or even the day before. The flavor improves over time, andhoppingjohnreheatslikeadream.Andthere’sabonus—thesturdyrice-and-beansdishsopsupanyhangover.

Dishes like hopping john and soupe joumou sustain the body because they’remade withingredientsthatarehumblebutwhole,nutritious,andrecognizable.Theysustainthesoulbecausetheyhavearichculturalandculinaryhistory.Theyconnectustoourpastandtoeachother.Thisistherealmeaningofsoulfood.It’sfoodthat’smeanttobeshared,thatletsyouknowyou’renotaloneintheuniverse.Andifthat’snotreligion,Idon’tknowwhatis.

HoppingJohn

Hoppingjohnmakesacomfortingone-potmeal,andwithitslure,lore,andluck,standsalone.However,agreensaladmakesanice,freshcounterpoint.

Traditionally,hoppingjohnismadewithpork.Thisversionispig-less.Likeitspicy?Me,too.Enjoywithasplashofyourfavoritehotsauce.

Serves6

1cupdriedblack-eyedpeas3cupswater6clovesgarlic1driedredpepper,crumbled,orapinchofredpepperflakes1bayleaf1cupbrownrice2cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebroth1tablespoonoliveoil1largeonion,chopped1jalapeñochili,minced3stalkscelery,chopped1bunchcollardgreens,choppedintobite-sizepieces1lemon,halved

Seasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Black-eyedpeas,likemostdriedbeans,benefitbyovernightsoaking.Itmakesthemtendertoeatandeasytodigest.Startwithmymasterplanforcookingdriedbeans.Pourbeans intoabowl,coverwithcoldwaterandjustleavethemaloneuntilthenextday.Drainthebeansandrinse.

Inalargepot,bringthe3cupswatertoaboiloverhighheat.Addtheblack-eyedpeas,2clovesof thegarlic, thedriedredpepper,and thebay leaf.Skimoffanddiscardanypeas thatfloat.They’reduds.Reducetheheattolowandsimmer,uncovered.Thepeascanbeleftalone.Don’tstirthem.Cookingtimevariesfordriedbeans.Letthemcookuntiltender,notmushy.Inthecaseofblack-eyedpeas,it’lltakeabout1½hours.

Addthebrownriceandthevegetablebroth.Coverandsimmerfor20minutesmore.Don’tliftthelid.Turnofftheheat,leavethepotonthestovetop,andletthehoppingjohnsitwhileyoupreparethecollardgreens.

Mincetheremaining4garliccloves.Heattheoliveoilinalargeskilletovermedium-highheat.Add the onion, jalapeño, celery, andminced garlic. Sauté, stirring occasionally, until thevegetablessoften,about5minutes.

Reduce theheat tomedium.Add thecollards,ahandfulata time,andcookuntil they justwilt,stirringoccasionally,about10minutes.

Fluffthericeandblack-eyedpeasandfoldinthecollardsmixture.Squeezethejuicefromthelemonhalvesoverthetop,seasonwithsaltandpepper,andstirtocombine.

GENTLENUDGEtheFIRST:BUSINESSPLANYou’reabusyperson.Icansaveyoutime:actandeatmindfully.

Don’t close the book yet. Look, it needs a better name. Call it “Oprah” for all I care,mindfulness is really justawordforadding itup, for implementingaworkablebusinessplan.Whatdoyouwantforyourself?Whatdoyouwantfortheplanet?Nowactaccordingly.

Forstarters,thinkaboutwhatyou’regoingtoeatnext.Makeaconsciousdecisiononlytoeatfoodyourecognize.

No,forreal.Thisthingyou’regoingtoeat—whatgoesintomakingit?Anappleismadefromanapple

seed,thesoilwhereit’splanted,sun,water,andthetimeittakestogrow.Abrand-namefast-foodapplefritterismadefromrefinedwhiteflour,high-fructosecornsyrup,hydrogenatedoil,andawhole lot of other things, including propylene glycol,which is used in antifreeze. It is only 2percentapple.

Honey,eat theapple.Propyleneglycol is justoneofsomeseven thousandfoodadditives,and the average American eats a dozen pounds of them a year. Additives are substances notnaturally inwhatyou’re eating.They’reput therebymanufacturerswhowant toblingup theirfoodsoitlooksprettier,tastesbetter,lastslonger.

Readingthelabelonpackagingtellsyousomething,butunlessyouspendyourdaysinalab,

youprobablybleepoverthelongchemicalnamesandhopeforthebest.Hope’sgood.Knowledgedoesn’thurt,either.Chancesare,there’smoreinyourHappyMealthanyourealize.

Yes,it’safreeworld,afreecountry,andyoucaneatadditivesifyouwantto.Butyou’renotheretodoyourselfharm.Ifyoudon’trecognizetheingredient,don’tputitinyourbody.Goforpureingredients.

You can reduce your carbon footprint, reduce your waistline, boost your eco-awareness,boost yourmetabolism, feel a vital connection to all living things, get that natural-glow thinggoing,andsavemoneyallinonego.Wannatalkmultitaskingatitseasiest?

Mindfulness is a process, a practice, a gradual awakening. Be patientwith yourself; youdon’thavetogetitalldowntoday.Relax.It’sallpartofthejourney.

aCHILD’SGARDENTheseedsoffoodandfaithtookrootinmeearly,creatingaroguehybrid.Iwasn’tavoraciouseaterasakid,butIwasavoraciousreader.Ireadbooksandstoriesandpoems,butalsostreetsigns,cerealboxes,magazines,billboards,andketchuplabels.Andcookbooks,whichIreadasthoughtheywerestorybooks.Eachrecipetoldatale—theingredientswerethecharacters,thepreparationwastheplot,andeveryonewasatotal,page-turningthrill.Takecheesesoufflé—couldbeatingeggwhites really transform the slimy, transparent stuff at thebottomof thebowlintosomethinghuge,white,andfluffy?Andhowcouldtheeggwhitesliftandrescuethecheesesauceforthesoufflé?Wouldtheyalllivehappilyeverafter?Noway!Itwouldallgowrong!Themysteriesofthekitchenhadtobeplumbed.Alsoonmyto-dolist:themysteriesoflife.

IfIwashungryforanything,itwastodiscovereverythingaboutitnow.Therewassomuchtoknow,butatsix,IcouldalreadytellIwasn’tgettingtherealstory.Atschool,athome,onTV,grown-upsweregivingmetheabridged,sanitized,G-ratedversionof life. Icould tellby theirwide,toothysmiles.Ididn’tbuytheirversionofthingsforared-hotminute.

ThenmyparentsannouncedtheyweresendingmetoSundayschool.Thispresenteddefinitedownsides.Itshotaholeinaperfectlygoodweekend.Ihadtoweardressesthatmotherscalled“darling,”whichmeanttheyitchedandhadfussycollarsandIcouldn’trunaroundinthem.

On the other hand, I sensed you could get to the bottom of things at Sunday school. Thetemplesanctuary,withitshigh,vaultedceilingandstained-glasswindows,wascool,silent,andstill.Itwaswhatwisdomfeltlike.

Butwewerekids,littleones,giventotantrums,noise,andmess.Wewerenotallowedinthesanctuary. Instead, the teachersherdedus intoclassroomswithbuzzing fluorescent lights.Theytalkedaboutholidays,madeussingsongs,andgaveoutconstructionpaper,glue,andcrayonsforcrafts.Atfirst,Ibidedmytime.Maybewehadtopasssomekindoftestbeforethey’dletusinonthings.Iwasdeterminedtoprovemyselfworthy.

Bythethirdyear,though,itwasclear—we’dbeenduped.Well,iftheSundayschoolteachersweren’tgoingtosharethesecretsoflife,Iwasgoingto

findoutonmyown.SooneSunday,aswewentsinglefiletoartclass,Istoodatthebackoftheline. Insteadof turning right, towardmorepaper,more crayons,moreadultdeception, I turned

left.Overthepoundingofmyheart,Iwalkedoutoftheclassroombuilding,outofthetemple,andintothewholeworld.

Thewholewideworlddidnotgiveup itsmysteries easily. Ipasseda cardealership, anoffice building, and the field of patchy grass and crumbling masonry that is Miami’s oldestcemetery.Iwasallalone,andmybraveryhaditslimits.Iranpastthecemetery,turnedthecorner,keptrunning—andfoundtheS&SDiner.

Thewholewideworld is very big.TheS&S is cozy. It has red awnings, big plate-glasswindows,andnotables.It’sallhorseshoecounter,withredstools,thekindIlovedtospinon,buttherewasnospinninggoingoninside;therewerenokids.Acouplesattogether,laughing,theirhands cradlingmugs.Otherwise, people sat by themselves, plates andglasses andnewspapersscatteredaroundthem,makingamess,restingtheirelbowsonthecounter,doingall thethingsIwasn’tsupposedtodo.Thiswasthemostgrown-upplaceintheworld.AndIwasinit.

I squeezed the coins inmy pocket, calculating if I had enoughmoney for chocolatemilk,whenthewaitressspottedme.“Well,heythere.”

Thedinerslookedover,thenbackattheirplates.Exceptforoneman.Hekeptstaringatme.Therabbi.

NottheNiceRabbi,thehappy,youngonethewholecongregationloved,buttheRealRabbi,tall,grayhaired,old,withthick-lensedglassesandnosmilewhatsoever.

Hesaid,“Comehere.”IhaveneverbeensobustedinmylifeasIwasatthatmoment.Butithadneveroccurredto

me before— rabbis ate. His breakfast didn’t seem religious; it seemed normal grown-up—scrambledeggs,blackcoffee,toast.

“Whyaren’tyouinclass?”Hisbreathsmelledeggy.Istudiedtheplasticrackoflittleindividualjelliesandlongedtoarrangethembycolorand

flavorpreference.“Dunno,”Iwhispered.“You…don’t…know?”Hedidn’thave to threatenor tormentme. Iwasnotused tomisbehaving,notgoodat it. I

caved.“Igetbored.”Therabbiblinked.Hisglassesmadehiseyeslookextrabig.“Tellme,”hesaid.SoIexplained thesongsand thecraftswerenotquitewhat Iwasafter. Iwanted toknow

whypeoplehavetodie,wheretheygowhenthey’redead,whybadthingshappen,andwhetherdogscouldbeJewish.

Hetookabreath.SodidI.Therabbiwasawiseman;thatwasthewholedeal.Wouldhelevelwithme?

“Doyouhaveadog?”heasked.Inodded.Hebrokeatriangleoftoastinhalf,spreadablobofpurplejellyonit,andhandedittome.

Hehadn’tcutoffthecrust.Itookabiteanyway,awayfromthecrust.Havingbeensittingthereawhile,thetoasthadgonecold,andthecrunchwasgone.

HesaidIwasaskingquestionsrabbishadbeenaskingforages.Eventheydidn’thavealltheanswers.Well,whatwasthepointofbeingagrown-up,ofbeingarabbi,ifyoudidn’tgettoknow

everything?I thinkhesaidsomethingabout lifebeingaprocessora journey.Hemightaswellhavehandedmeaboxofcrayons.

“Tellmeaboutyourdog,”hesaid.Heaskedaboutmyfamily.Heaskedaboutme.Hepaidandwewalkedbacktothetemple,himloomingaboveme.

Insteadofdumpingmebackinclass,heledmetothetemple’slibrary.Itwasemptyinsideanddark,butheflickedaswitchanditglowedwithlight.Therewerejustthetwoofusandtheroomofbooks,greatbiggrown-upbooks,allliningtheshelvesandyearningtoberead.

“Youliketoread.You’relookingforanswers.Whatifondaysyoudon’twanttogotoclass,instead of running away, you come here?”Then he said. “It can be our secret.Dowe have adeal?”

Inodded.Asecretwasgood.Butknowingthingswasbetter.Iwouldhavetoreadalottolearneverything.ButIalreadyknewmorethantherabbi.Heputgrapejellyonhistoast.Anyoneknowsraspberry’sbetter.

Withgrown-upsandreligionsuddenlyonmyiffylist,Iturnedtopoetry.Poetry—okay,children’srhymes—shapedmythinkingaboutfoodfarmorethananydiet

phenom,veggiefest,orfoodshow.IsomewherecameacrossWalterdelaMare’spoem“MissT.,”whichbegins,“It’saveryoddthing—/Asoddascanbe—/ThatwhateverMissT.eats/TurnsintoMissT.”

Thiswasmindalteringforme,likekiddieLSD.Ofcoursefoodliterallygoesintoyouwhenyou eat it, but I realized itbecomes you, too.Whatever you eat gets integrated into your veryessence.Youliterallyareawarmingbowlofoatmealorahandfulofneon-orangecheesecurls,afreshstrawberry,oraslabofmeatloaf.

Themessageof “MissT.,” delivered for the under-eight set, is verymuch like the famedaphorism of eighteenth-century French gastronome JeanAnthelmeBrillat-Savarin— “Tell mewhatyoueat, and I shall tell youwhatyouare.” I can’t drawa straight linebetweenmyveryvegan self now and the little girl revved bywords and rhymes, but that poem,with its clevercadence and fanciful images,mademe think aboutwhat I ate. So did Florence Page Jaques’spoem“ThereOnceWasaPuffin.”

The poem’s bird hero, with its sad clown face, lived all alone on an island, without“anybodytoplaywithatall.”Iwouldhavebeenhappytoplaywiththepuffin.Instead,Iworried.Wherewastherestofhisflock?Hadtheymovedon?Whywouldtheydothat?Andhowdidtheydothat?Didn’ttheyrealizepuffinscan’tfly?

Thereweremoreworriesahead,inthefollowingstanzas.Thepuffinhungoutandatefish,buthewaslonely.Untilthefishcameandmadehimanoffer—“Youcanhaveusforplaymates,/Insteadoffortea!”Theneverythinggotbetter,andtheyallbecamefriends.Now“thePuffineatspancakes,/Likeyouandlikeme.”

Happyending,ontothenextpoem.Butlike“MissT.,”“ThereOnceWasaPuffin”stayedwithme.Wovenintotheliltingrhymeschemewasaseed,alessonaboutcompassionateeating.It’sbestnottoeatyourfriends.Especiallywhenyoucanhavepancakesinstead.

WholeGrainPancakes

Timing iseverything.Whilemanyrecipes in thisbookwillencourageyou to takeyour time,pancakeswillwait for no one.Make the batter just before cooking and heat the griddle orskilletashotasyoucan.Youwillberewardedwithfluffycakesthataren’thalfbad—orhalfbadforyou.

Servewithmaplesyrup, freshfruit,powderedsugar,orwhateveryoulike.Youcanevenserve these topped with sautéed vegetables, in which case it’ll be a more substantial andbrunchyaffair.Apuffinwouldapprove.

Makesaboutonedozen3-inchpancakes

1tablespoonveganmargarine,suchasEarthBalance,plusmoreforcookingthepancakes1cupunbleachedall-purposeflour¼cupwholewheatflour¼cupold-fashionedoats(alsoknownasrolledoats)1½teaspoonsaluminum-freebakingpowder1teaspoongroundflaxseeds(alsoknownasflaxmeal)1¾cupsplainorvanillasoymilk

Meltthe1tablespoonveganmargarineinalargeskillet;setaside.Meanwhile,combinetheall-purposeflour,wholewheat flour,oats,bakingpowder,and flaxseeds ina largebowl.Add thesoymilkandthemeltedveganmargarinetothedryingredientsandstiruntiljustcombined—donotmaulormanhandlethebatter.

Meltadditionalveganmargarineintheskilletoverhighheat.Pourorladleabout¼cupofthepancakebatterontothegriddletoforma3-inchpancake.Addasmanymorepancakestothepanasyoucanfit,allowingplentyofroombetweenthem.

Cook until the edges brown and a few bubbles form, about 4 minutes. Using a flexiblespatula,flipthepancakesandcookuntilgoldenbrownandfluffy,about4to5minutes.

Serveatonce.

Enjoy.Me,Iamnotatrueeaterofpancakes.Iamnotatrueeaterofbreakfast(perhapswecanblametherabbiincident).Orrather,Idon’teatbreakfastinthemorning.Ilikeitmuchlaterintheday.Abowlofoatswithcinnamon,flaxseed,andwalnuts,orasexy,slickerymango,orajust-bakedmuffinandacupofcoffeeortea.Whatcouldbebad?Thisisaquirkorpredilection—amuchnicerword—IpickedupfrommygrandmotherMarcella.

Mymotherdutifully,lovinglycookedmostofmymealswhenIwasgrowingup,butitwasMarcellawhotaughtmemoreabouteating.Andadventure.Shewasmypaternalgrandmother,aKanner not by blood but bymarriage,who, thankGod, injected theKanner linewith amuch-

neededdoseof liveliness andmischief. I haveagoodmanyKanner traits. I givebadphone. Ihaveatelegram-liketerseness,atendencytowardthinness,goodteeth,goodfeet,andanamazingcapacitytofeelcoldeveninMiami.Butfrommygrandmother,Igetaloveoftheexoticand,alas,aninabilitytofilter.Likeher,Itendtoblurtinappropriatethings.

Marcella could not cook. When I was little, her scrambled eggs — overdone, brown,rubbery—mademecry.Shewasrenownedforhervilecoffee,wateryyetcorrosive.Shewasnotyourtraditionalgrandmotherlytypewithasoftandavailablelap.Backinthe1920s,Marcellahad road-tripped from Florida to California with her soon-to-be sister-in-law, my great-auntRose,thefussiestwomanonearth.Howtheymanagedisanyone’sguess.TherewasnogettingtothebottomofitwhenI’daskthem,andthere’snoonealivetotellthetalenow.

Marcellamarried and became amother and then grandmother, but she never quite settleddown.Shesmokedanddrankandplayedcardswiththegirls—evenwhensheand“thegirls”werewellintotheirseventies.ThemostgrandmotherishthingMarcelladidwasknit,butshewaskeenerongolfandswimming,andhadaswimmer’sbroadshouldersandathrillseeker’snature.ForMarcella,thespiritofadventurecamenaturally;itwaspartofwhoshewas.Inme,itneededcultivating.Iwasashy,bookishlittlegirlofseven,andmyideaofadventurewasgettinglostinstories. I’d been in an acuteTales of a Thousand andOneNights phasewhen Iwound up inMarcella’s towoneafternoonwhilesheranerrands.Wewent to theyarnstore,wherebosomywomenpinchedmycheeks(whydotheydothat?),tothedrycleaner,withitschemicalsmellsandtheracksofclothesspinningfromtheceiling,andfinallytoaplaceI’dneverseenbefore—aMiddleEasterngrocery.

ItmusthavebeentheonlyoneinMiamiatthetime.Itwassmall,dim,withnarrowaisleslinedwithshelvesstackedhighwithbagsandbottlesandjarsofthingstotallymysterioustome.Andyetsomehownotmysterious.Iknewthisplace.IknewitfromTalesofaThousandandOneNights.

MyheartpoundedasIpeeredaboutforScheherazadeingauzyrobesandbangles.But theonlyotherpersoninthestorewastheslightlyterrifyingowner,whoregardedusfrombeneathaledgeofbushyblackeyebrows.Iwantedtorubeveryjarinthestore,tofindonethatconjuredadjinn,oratleastplungemyhandsintothebinsoflentilsandbulgur,sweepingthemupandlettingthem fall, like playing in sand without the beach. But the owner scowled, and I didn’t dare.Disapprovalcameoffhimassharpasthescentofsumacandfeta,whichmingledwiththeothersmellsinthestore—tangy,curedgrapeleaves,headysaffron,sweetcardamom.

Islippedmyhandintomygrandmother’s.Clearly,wehadleftthesanctityandsecurityoftheknownworld. It didn’t bothermy grandmother any. From one of the bins, shemeasured out ascoopofthedriedapricotsshelovedtosnackon,curledandfurrowedlikelittleears,butsweetandtartandchewy.Sheaskedtheownerforsomefeta,whichhekeptinarefrigeratedcase,animmensewhitecakebobbinginitsownbrinybath.Shealsoaskedforawedgeofsomethingthatsatnexttoit,amoundofsomethingtan.Hesliceditandwasabouttowrapitupinbutcherpaper,whenshereachedoverandbrokeoffapiecerightthereintheshop.

Ibracedforthemantoproduceascimitarandhackusintobits.Mygrandmother,oblivious,gavemeanugget.“It’shalvah.”Sothiswastobemylastmeal.Iateit.ItwasbothlikeandunlikeanythingI’devertasted.It

was sweet, itwaspeanutbuttery, itwas just a littlebit gritty, thenwhoom, it dissolved inmymouthandwasgone.Iinstantlywantedmore.

“Halvah,”Isaid.Andthenamewassweetinmymouthaswell,amagicalincantation.Theownerceasedgloweringandbeamed.

Youcouldsayhalvahwasmygatewaydrug.Fromthenon,Iwasalwaysgameto trynewfoods,andMarcellawashappytobemyguide.Babaghanoush,oneofherfavorites,wasaneasysell. It’s garlicky, yes, and unlovely but has a name like one of Scheherazade’s heroes.Guacamole,whichMarcellainsistedoncalling“guamacole,”wasastapleduringsummerwhenheravocadotreeboreabundantly.Icametolikeitaftersheletmemakeitwithher.Isquishedtheavocadobetweenmyfingers;sherubbedbitsofitonherface—freemoisturizer.

Thencamemygrandmother’sbelovedlimburger.Mygrandfatherbanneditfromthehouse.Ortriedto.Marcellakeptittightlysealedinajaratthebackofthefridgeandonlyletitout—likeabaddjinn—whenhewasaway.She’dphoneoutoftheblueandsay,“Yourgrandfather’sout. Let’s have lunch.” This meant limburger and onion sandwiches on pumpernickel, acombinationthatmakesmyeyeswaterjustthinkingofit.

OrmaybemyeyeswaterbecauseMarcelladiedyearsagoandwearenolongereachother’sgastronomicpartnerincrime.ImissthewayhereyeslitupwithpleasurewhenIintroducedhertosomethingnew,likeIndianlemonpickle—toomuchsalt,toomuchchili,toomuchoil,canIhave somemore, please? I wish shewere still alive so she could try pomegranatemolasses,puckery and intense, but with a sweet finish. Or natto — pungent fermented soybeans — aJapanese dish that gives limburger a run for its money. I wish I could make her kimchi andharissa,theirflavorsfierce,fiery,tangy,offeringbrightflashesfromotherlands.

Mygrandmothertraveledthecountry;I traveltheglobe.Shewasapassionateeater.I’mapassionateeaterandcook.IfeelherpresenceatEcuadorancevicherías,inMoroccansouks,andinmykitchenwhenImakeharissaandhalvah.Icanimagineherpeeringintobowlsanddippingherfingerintotaste.

What I lovedaboutTalesofaThousandandOneNightswas that it didnot end.Storiesopenedupintootherstories.Foodisthesameway.Oneculinaryadventureleadsintothenext,andthedjinncanbeanywhere—inaMoroccantagine,aTurkishguvec,theirnamesalmostasmagicalashalvah,orjustaseasilyinagreatpotofcoffeeyousharewithsomeoneyoulove.

TurkishMilletandGreensforMarcella

Offeringwholegrains, fabulousgreens,andhaunting flavors, thisdish isaone-potwonder.However,ifyoufeelitwouldbelonelybyitself,itpairsverynicelywithfennel.Asidedishofroastedfenneldrizzledwithbalsamicvinegarhasanicechewiness.Foracrispcontrast,shredrawfennelorenjoythemilletwiththePinkGrapefruitandFennelSalad(page39).

Serves6to8

¾cupwalnuts2½cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebrothorwater1cupmillet2tablespoonsoliveoil1largeonion,chopped4clovesgarlic,thinlysliced1to2teaspoonsredpepperflakes,or1or2driedredpeppers,crumbled1bunchgreens(collards,kale,chard—whatever’sgreenandfresh),choppedintobite-sizepiecescupfinelychoppedfreshdill

One15-ouncecandicedtomatoes2tablespoonstomatopaste½cuppomegranatemolasses*1teaspoongroundcorianderSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper1bunchfreshcilantro,chopped

Preheattheovento350°F.Coarselychopthewalnutsandpourintoashallowbakingpan.Bakeuntil they’regoldenbrownandhaveawonderfulbuttery smell, about10minutes.Set aside tocool.

Inalargesaucepan,bringthevegetablebrothtoaboiloverhighheat.Addthemillet.Cover,reducetheheattolow,andsimmeruntilalltheliquidisabsorbed,about20minutes.

Fluffthecookedmilletwithaforkandsetasidetocool.(Thecookedmilletcanbestoredinan airtight container in the refrigerator for a day or two; bring to room temperature beforeproceedingwiththerecipe.)

In a largepot, heat theoil overmedium-highheat.Add theonion, garlic, and redpepperflakes.Cook,stirringoccasionally,untilthevegetablesarefragrantandsoftened,about8minutes.

Addthegreens,ahandfulatatime,andthedill,andcookuntilthegreensjustwilt,stirringoccasionally,3to5minutes.Addthewalnuts,cookedmillet,andtomatoes,stirringgentlytokeepthemilletclump-free.Stirinthetomatopasteandpomegranatemolasses.Addthecoriander,stirtocombine,andseasonwithsaltandpepper.(Themilletandgreenscanbestoredinanairtightcontainerintherefrigeratorforadayortwo;reheatjustbeforeserving.)

Stirinthecilantrojustbeforeserving.

GENTLENUDGEtheSECOND:DISCOVERthePOWERofLITERATURE—YOUROWN

Ikeptadiaryinmyteens,chroniclingmyangstandmisadventuresandbrain-bendingcrushes.Itwas,ofcourse,puerile,self-absorbed,allofit.ButyouknowwhatOscarWildesaid—“Inever

travelwithoutmydiary.Oneshouldalwayshavesomethingsensationaltoreadinthetrain.”It’stimeyoukeptadiary,too—afooddiary,whereyourecordeverythingthatgoesinyour

mouth.Whatcouldbemoresensationalthanyou?Thehardestpartofstickingtoafoodregimen—oranyregimen—isthehumanfactor.We

lie toourselves.All the time.Anicerway tosay this iswe fudge—oh,dangerous,deliciousword—onthe truth.Wecheat.Westartoutgreatguns,but thenwecave.Weget tired,bored,cranky,tempted.

Ican’tkeepyouhonest.Thatain’tinmypaygrade.Afoodjournalwilldotheworkforyou.Doitforrealforonemonth,andyou’llhavesomethingmorethrillingthanaKardashiantell-all,andmoreauthenticbesides.It’llrevealyourowneatingbehavior.

Accordingtothedogwhispererwhotrainsbothourwaywardpuppyandme,there’salwaysabehaviorpattern.Weallhaveblindspots, thingswerationalize.Thetrickistokeepnotessoyoucanrecognizeyours.Sowatchandlearn.

Don’tjudgeyourself,don’tforbidyourselfanything,especiallyfoodyouloveandassociatewithcomfort(becausewhyelsewouldyoueatit?).Butwhenyoustartseeinghowmuchyoueatandwhen—what thebehavioristscall triggers—youmaycome to that ahamomentand feelreadytomakesometweaks.That’showIgotmyselfoffmysodajones.

Uh,yeah.Fullandshamingdisclosure—Iusedtodrinksoda,yourworstdietaryoffender.AndIusedtodrinkalotofit—closetotwolitersaday.Ijustifieddrinkingitthewaywealljustifybadhabits:couldbeworse,Icouldbeanaxmurderess,sowhat’ssobadaboutacanofsoda?

Well,foronething,that’swherealotofcaloriesandsugarare.AccordingtoaUniversityofNorthCarolinastudy,wedrink21percentofourcalories.That’sdoublewhat itwas in1965.Ourwaistlineshavedoubledaswell,notjustfromsoda,butalcohol,fancycoffeedrinks,juice,andso-calledenergydrinks.

Iwas strictly a caffeine-freeDietCokegirl, as though thatmademe superior.Talk aboutdenial.Mybodywasstillaplaygroundforsoda’sunwelcomechemicals,includingphosphorus,whichwasbusilyleachingawaythecalciumfrommybones.

IknewIhadtokickthehabit.Itwasamatterofhealth,butalsooneofhypocrisy.Drinkingsodabecameharder tosquarewithwhatI’d learnedwritingaboutfood.Youcan’t talk the talkwhenyou’renotwalkingthewalk(unless,apparently,you’reinpublicoffice,butthat’sanothermatter).

Being a weenie, I went for a step-down approach, the slow switch, the same kind ofapproachIadvocateforyou.Foracoupleofweeks,Iallowedmyselfasodawheneverthemoodstruck.Thecaveat—Ihadtodrinkaglassofwaterfirst.Thatway,Ifigured,I’dbegettinggoodhydrationandgettinginthehabitofdrinkingmorewater.Thisturnedouttobetrue.

ItgottobethatonceIdrankthewater,Ididn’twantthesoda.IgotdowntooneDietCoke toenjoywithdinner.Therestof theday, Idrankmint teaor

waterwithawedgeof lemonforfestivenessandflavor.Waterbecamethebeverageofchoice,andbykeepingafoodjournal,IdiscoveredI’ddrinkanythingifitwasnexttomycomputerwhileIwasworking—soda,hemlock,whatever—soitmightaswellbewater.

Overtime,thetwo-literbottlesofDietCokefrommybadolddaysbecameshroudedwith

dust.BythetimeIopenedoneforavisitingfriend,ithadgoneflatandfizzless.I’vebeensoda-freeforyearsnowanddon’tmissitatall.Infact,thethoughtofit,allsweet

andfoamyinmymouth,isjustweird.AmIhappier?Healthier?Richer?Morefamous?Well,I’mhealthier.Ihavefewercolds,morestamina,glowierskin,andnailsthatactuallygrow.AndI’mprettyhappy.AndIoweitalltoliterature.Myown.

SOWINGtheSEEDSofLOVE,orAPHRODISIACSandOTHERADDITIVES

Saint Valentine wasmartyred sometime back in the third century, so the guy’s bona fides aresketchy.Thetruth,asbestweknow,istheRomansjailedhim,andwhilebehindbars,Valentinewouldsendwordoutbylettertohisfans,sayingbuckup,alliswell,don’tloseheart.Andthusthegreetingcardwasborn.

Acouplemillennia later,we inAmerica celebrateValentine’sDaywith a sharpuptick incard,rose,andchocolatesales.Iwilltellyouthis,thoughyoumaynotbelieveme—thesewillnotsolveeveryromanticproblem.Theywillnotguaranteeyouahookupwithyourobsessiondujourorsmoothoveraroughpatchwithyourhoney.Norisblingnecessarilytheanswer.Ifit’samust-have gadget, it’s obsolete already.Diamondsmaybe forever, but they often fundAfricanwarlords,anddoyoureallywantthatonyourhead?

I’m a cheap date for Valentine’s Day— or any day. This is, in part, why my husband,Benjamin,marriedme.Anotherreason,hesays,isIhavethebiggestheartofanyoneheknows.IthinkitishisnicewayofsayingI’masucker,asoftie,andheisgoingtohavetopickupthewet,gloppychunksofmyheartwhenitbreaksyetagain.Ineverdevelopedathickemotionalskin.Inthatregard,Iamlikealobster.

I nevermuch considered the lobster (sorry, David FosterWallace), other than noting theobvious — they are butt-ugly. (And to put such creatures in your mouths and eat them isdesirable?Really?)ThenItookatriptoMaine,whereIlearnedaboutshedders.

Fromtimetotime,lobstersmolt.Standstoreasonwhenyouthinkaboutit.Ifyou’vereacheda certain size, you’re going to bumpup against the insideof your exoskeleton, andwhat then?Moltorbecrushedbyyourveryskin.So lobstersshed.Then theyarestillbutt-ugly,on topofwhichtheyarevulnerable.

That’sthedownsideofbeinginlove—itturnsyouintoashedder.Sure,theworldturnsupitscolors,and thesecretsof theuniversewhisper toyouand tellyouhowhotyouare.On theotherhand,yourcarefullyconstructedlifesplitsopen,crashes,andfallsaway.Intime,youwillgrowanothercrustaroundyourself,butinthemeantime,youarenaked,bro,andoutintheopenwaters,whereanythingcangetyou.

Ontheotherhand,goingthroughlifewithyourcarapaceinplacecutsdownonyourfun.SoIhavetriedtobeselective,discerninginmyloveinterests.

Iputoutinthekitchenbutdonotdosoforjustanyone.Ihavetolikeyou.And you can bet the end result will be good. Or at least thought through, mused over,

mentallyandevenphysicallycaressedandmassageduntilIhavethethingIfeelwillgiveyouthe

mostpleasure.Nothingismoreintimatethanfeedingsomeone.Thequestionis,whatdoeslovetastelike?

Whataretheflavorsofaffection,desire,comfort,seduction,flirtation?Itdependsontheone—orones—you’refeeding.Ofcourseit’scomplicated.Withdinner,aswithlife,whatwethinkwewantisn’tnecessarilywhatwewant.Orneed.Thetrickisdiviningthatdeeper,primaldesireorabsence.Thathunger.

Feeding people I love— or even like— should not bemy default. I have other talents.Beingabletorecite“TheLoveSongofJ.AlfredPrufrock”initsentirety.Poledancing.Okay,I’ma lousypole dancer.But I’vebeen feedingpeople since Iwas a kid.Myearly forays into thekitchenwerepraisedbymymother,who’dbeenshooedoutofthekitchenbyherownmother,andbymyfather,whohad—andhas—asweet toothandhoped tocultivatea sourceofendlessbrownies.Hegotit.

Baking brownies for Daddy andmaking dinner to seduce someone have at their root thesamedesire,awishtopleaseonaprimallevel.However,thedifferenceisripewithpossibility.ThisbecameapparenttomeatfifteenwhenIdecidedtohaveanorgyformyfriends.

Theywereseniors—twoyearsolderthanmeandabouttwentyyearsmoresophisticated.Exceptforonething.Theytalkedextensivelyaboutsexbutdidn’thaveit.Oh,therewaslonging,allright.Someofuspinedterriblyforotherswhowere,asisthewayofadolescence,clueless(aboutalotofthings,including,inonecase,sexualidentity,butthat’sanotherstory).

Um,thesexthing?Ihadhadit,andwiththeconvictionofthenewlyconverted,concludeditwoulddomyfriendsaworldofgood,too.Withaterribleteenlogic,Idecidedweshouldhavesexwitheachother.We’dbeeachother’sinitiatingexperienceandseteachotherfree.

Ofcourse,therewasthelust/disinhibitionissue.Thisgroupwasn’tpronetorippingofftheirclothes or anyone else’s. Some intervention, some assistance,was going to be necessary. So Iinvitedeveryoneoverfordinner.Andlacedthefoodwithanaphrodisiac.

Okay,thisstrikesmeasfortykindsofwrongnow,butatthetime,whatIworriedaboutwaswhich sex stimulant and how to score it. Had I applied myself to my studies with the samedetermination,I’dhavebeenvaledictorian.ButIwasmoreinterestedinsex.Inanaltruisticway—youwantthebestforyourfriends.

Tome,anovicerecreationaldruguser,date-rapedrugsandSpanishflyseemedbothcrassand iffy.However, dittany ofCrete, a variety of oregano, has some historical precedent as anamatory aid, plus it has a pretty pink flower. It is, however, indigenous only to Crete.As in:Greece.Asin:somesixthousandmilesfromMiami.Andmewithoutevenadriver’slicenseyet.DittanyofCretewasnotgettableinMiamibackthen,at least throughmainstreamchannelsandwithmybabysittingmoney.Cardamomwaseasiertogetmyhandson.Likeitskin,ginger,it’sawarming spice and has beenwarming up folks for centuries. Characters sucked on cardamomseedsinTalesofaThousandandOneNights.Promising.

Evenmorepromising,myparentswouldbeawayfortheweekend.Theyknewmyfriends.Hangingoutatourhouseandsuckingeverythingoutofthefridgeiswhattheyalwaysdid.Thistime,though,theeatswouldbedifferent.

I took to the kitchen. I substituted regular oregano for the dittany ofCrete andmade— Icouldn’t tell youwhynow—amoussaka.Moussaka, thatGreekmélangeof layered eggplant,

potatoes,zucchini,tomatoes,onions,andmeltingbéchamel,maybeclassic,butitevokesabentGreekgrandmotherwithsensibleblackshoesandawhisperofamustache.Itisnotsexy.Plusitrequiresahellofalotofchoppingandstirring,anddirtyingeverypotinthekitchen.BythetimeI’dassembledit,Iwasreadytocallthewholethingoff.ButIaddedafinalhandfuloforeganoandhopedforthebest.

Thenightofthedinner,myfriendsarrived,innocent,unknowing,hungry.Iworeareddresswhichhadtheeffectofshovingmybreastsuptomychin.ToparaphraseM.F.K.Fisher,Iserveditforth.

Themoussakawasoregano-intense,allright—somuchso,ithadabitterfinish.Butwhatdidwe know?Wewere teens, not food critics. Everyone atewith abandon— except for onefriendwho’ddecidedtogoonadietandleftdeconstructedbitsofmoussakaalloverhisplate.Toobad—ofallofus,heneededtogetlaidthemost.Butbigappetiteorsmall,iftheoreganowasturninguson,theeffectwasdeadsubtle.

Desperate, I brought out dessert. Apple crumble. Okay, it was lacking in the looksdepartment.Itwas,ascrumblesare,brownandlumpy.Butyoucouldn’tmissthefragranceofthecardamom,dark,sweet,peppery.Atthefirstbite,alltalkingstopped.Thecrumblytoppingmeltedonthetongue(thankyou,butter),theapplesachievedthatperfectbalanceoffirmnessandyield,withtheGrannySmithsaddingthatsoupçonoftartnesstooffsetthesweeterCortlands.Andthecardamom—slightlyhoneyed,slightlydusky—struckalownote,backinthethroat,deepintheviscera.Itseemedtodirty-dancewithourtongues.

Ahh,Ithought,herewego.Withcardamom,wemightbeontosomething.Isatback,lookedaround,smiled,andwaited.

We ate the crumble down to crumbs.But itwas the only thing that got ravished.No onebecametouchy-feely.Theydidnotflush,twitch,orgetthathappy-stupidlookofhormone-revvedlust. My red dress stayed on; likewise everyone else’s clothes. I have never made or eatenmoussakaagain.

Ilearnedmylesson—letmyfriendshavesexintheirowntimewithpeopleof theirownchoosing.Igaveupontheideaoforgies.Butnotonaphrodisiacs.

The best aphrodisiac isn’t in a powder or a plant; it’s — eureka — in each person,somethingalchemicalwaitingtobesummoned.

Ittookawhileformetogetitright.Istartedincollegewithaguywithdark,liquideyesandacleftchin—thefirstoneIeversawonsomeonewhowasn’tCaryGrant.Hehadaresonantvoiceandabroodymanner,whichstruckmeaswildlyromanticandnowjustseemslikeapainintheass.ButIwasyoungandfoolishandsmitten—smittento thepointIclampedmyjawshuteverytimewemet,sureifIsaidmorethanhello,Iwouldstartbabblinglikeanidiot.PerhapshethoughtIwasmuteatfirst.

We circled each other for weeks, leaving vapor trails of pheromones. By this time, I’dshownmyselfcapableofspeechandpotentiallymore.Heaskedmeout.Icounteredbyofferingtomakehimdinner.

Burgersandbeerwouldhavebeenthesafechoice,butI’mnotabeer-and-burgersortofgirl;andbesides, thatkindoffoodjustweighsyoudown.Heavywasnot theeffectIwasgoingfor.Vegetarianbutnotveganatthattime,Ichosecheesesoufflé.Soufflésarecheaptomakeandso

wonderfullyhopeful.Theyinflate,theyrise,theyaspire.AndIneverhadonegowrongsincethefirstoneIbakedattheageofnine(Iwasanunusualchild).

Withit,Ipouredchampagne(okay,itwascheapCaliforniaméthodechampenoise—Iwasonastudentbudget)andservedasaladofsoft,palebabygreenswithfennelandgrapefruit—pinkgrapefruitfor thatboudoirblush—dressedwitha light,brightvinaigrette, thetextureandacidityanicefoilforthemeltingunctuousnessofthesoufflé.Fordessert,freshraspberries.Itisamealthatleavesyoulight.Andfulloflonging.

Funny,IdonotrememberwhatIwore,butIremembersettingthetable.Therewerecandles,of course, and flowers— daisies, not roses (again the impoverished-student issue), but theylookedcharmingagainstthedarkbluetablelinens.Blue-and-whiteplatesmadeanicecontrasttothegoldenpuffofsoufflé,which,mayIsay,wasspectacular,itscrustyieldingtothedetermineddownwardthrustoftheservingspoon,revealingatremblingtumbleoftangy,cheddarygoodnesswithin.Thegreensaladleavesandpinkgrapefruitglistenedwithvinaigrette;slimflutesofstraw-coloredchampagnetrailedawhisperofbubbles.

PinkGrapefruitandFennelSalad

BothgrapefruitandfennelareloadedwithvitaminC,antioxidants,potassium,andfiber.Andwalnutsarecrazywithomega-3s.Butwhatdoyoucareaboutthatwhenyoujustwanttogetlaid?Well,thispalatedazzlingwintersaladworksthatangletoo.

Youcantossittogetherinabowl,butforextrapoints,makeacomposedsalad.Itallowsforvisualseductionandismucheasierthanitsounds.Justmoundthearugulaonindividualplatesoraplatter,scatterchoppedfennelontop,andfanoutthegrapefruitpieces.Sprinklewithtoastednutsandfreshlygroundpepper.

Serves4to6.Makingitforadatewithyourpotentialbeloved?Justhalvetherecipe.

1pinkgrapefruit1fennelbulb½cupwalnuts¼cupwalnutoil2tablespoonsDijonmustard2tablespoonsmirin1tablespoonagavenectarorhoney1teaspoonfennelseeds,crushed4cupsarugulaFreshlygroundpepper

Peelthegrapefruitandcutthesectionsintobite-sizepieces.Removeanddiscardtheseedsand

trimawaybittermembranesandpith.Placethegrapefruitpiecesinalargebowl.Halvethefennelbulbandsliceitverythinly.Addittothegrapefruit.Preheattheovento350°F.Coarselychopthewalnutsandpourintoashallowbakingpan.

Bakeuntilthey’regoldenbrownandhaveawonderfulbutterysmell,about10minutes.Setasidetocool.

In a small bowl, whisk together the walnut oil, mustard, mirin, agave nectar, and fennelseeds. Pour the mixture over the grapefruit and fennel, toss gently, and let marinate at roomtemperaturefor30minutesorintherefrigeratorforupto4hours.

Gentlytossthearugulawiththegrapefruitandfennel.Topwiththechoppedwalnutsandagrindortwoofpepper.

Ihad,alas,workedmyselfintosuchanervousstate,Iwasrunningamildfever.Itdidn’thampermeanyand,whatthehell,gavemycheeksabitofaglow.Gentleheatcameoffthecandlesandcameoffme.Thewhitepetalsofthedaisiesfellonebyone.

Icouldbarelyeat,but Ididn’tneed to.Watchinghimdosowasnourishmentenough.Thewayhiseyeswidenedwithpleasureorsometimesclosedtoldmeplenty.Hedidn’tspeakmuchbecause,well,hedidn’t.Sowhenitseemedappropriate,IchatteredonaboutGodknowswhat.Otherwise,Ilethimbe.

Afterward, I set the crystal serving bowl brimming with tender berries on the table, noplates,nospoons.Wereachedin,ourfingerstouchingbyaccident.Ornot.

Hereassessedme.Hekissedme.ButthenhestarteddatingthisgirlnamedDebbie,whichprettymuchtellsyoueverything.

Igotthemenuright;Igottheguywrong.Nexton the list,aguywithnaughty, twinklingeyes,abadboypout,asscheeksas tautand

curvedastwohalvesofaplum…andbreaththatsmelledlikesomethingevilwashedupinthetide. His hello, while enthusiastic, stopped me in my tracks. Rather than tell him, I fed himhillocksoftabbouleh,brightandcleansing,withparsleyandmint,mesasofgingercookies,andriversofpepperminttea—flavorstodelightthepalateandneutralizethebreath.

“Wonderful,” he’d moan, popping another cookie in his mouth. Having grown up in ahouseholdwheretheonlyseasoningsweresaltandgarlicpowder,he’dgladlyhavefollowedmedownanyculinarytrail.Alas,kissinghimremainedaproblem,andIhadtogivehimtheboot.

Imadeanotherbeausoupwhenhewasailingandpresentedittohim,thepotswaddledinared-checkedcloth.

“Whatisit?”heasked,sittingupinbed,hisblueeyesbrightwithfever.“Lentilsoup.Imadeit.”“Whywouldyoudothat,baby?”Thisrequiresexplanation?Lentils are themost easilydigestedof the legumes and therefore excellent for infants and

thoseinfirmorfeelingofftheirfeed.Liketheirbeanybrothers,though,they’restillproteinrich.The little disks, slightly convex, not only are delightful in the mouth but inspired a whole

scientificfield—optics.Opticallensesgettheirdesignandnamefromlentils(whosebotanicalnameisLensculinaris).

Lentilsrequirenopresoakingandcookquickly,goingfromdriedtoreadytoeat,bing,bang,boom.Soyoucanmakeanourishingsoupwithease.Beingmildtasting,theygladlytaketoanysortofspin.Whenyou’refeelingspirited,youcanspikethemwithcuminandturmericastheydointheMiddleEastandIndia(seeRedLentilSoupwithIndianSpices,page176)orwithchiliandmint as theydo inTurkey.These flavorsunlock somethingdeliciouslyprimal inme.But if, aswithmyblue-eyed love, you’re inneedofdeep, basic comfort, simply cook the lentilswith amirepoix—finelydicedcelery,onions,andcarrots,whichactasalittlebouquetforyourfood.Theneat.Youcanfeelthehealingcoursethroughyou.

“Justtasteit,”Isaid,spooningsomeintohismouth.

Deep,BasicComfortLentilSoup

Thissoup issimplicity itself. I’malways tempted toembellish itwithspicesandvegetables,whichmakes it lovely but also turns it into another soup (see Red Lentil Soupwith IndianSpices,page176).Sometimes,liferequiresalittlerestraint.Whenitdoes,thisisyoursoup.

While I normally prefer largish vegetables in my soup, here the goal is for all thevegetablebitstoberoughlythesamesizeasthelentils,hencethefinerchopping.

Serves4to6

1tablespoonoliveoil2clovesgarlic,minced4carrots,finelychopped3stalkscelery,finelychopped1cuplentils4cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebrothorwater1bayleafSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Inalargesaucepan,heattheoilovermedium-highheat.Addthegarlic,carrots,andcelery.Cook,stirringoccasionally,untilthevegetablesarefragrantandsoftened,about5minutes.

Pickthroughyourlentilsandremoveanypebblesoroddbits.Pourintothesaucepanwiththevegetables.Addthevegetablebrothandbayleafandbringtoaboil.

Cover,reducetheheat to low,andsimmeruntileverythinghasbecometenderandfondofeachothertothepointofcoalescing,about1hour.

If a smoother,more velvety soup appeals, feel free to puree using an immersion blender,takingcaretoavoidsplatters.Otherwise,simplyseasongenerouslywithsaltandpepper.Feedto

yourself,aninvalid,aninfant,oranyonewhoneedsmorefromless.

BlueEyesimprovedquickly.Ourrelationshipdidnot.Amanwithnoappreciationforhomemadelentilsoupwillhavenoappreciationforthekindofpersonwhomakesit.

The intensity, inexperience, and angst of youth are, happily, behind me. The angst ofadulthood,alas,isnot.Butstill,ifImeetyouandIlikeyou,Iwanttocookforyou,tofeedyouwhatbestsatisfiesyourownparticularhunger.Ican’thelpit.

ItseemedtomeperfectlynaturalattheendofinterviewingaPulitzer-nominatednovelist,toinvitethemantodinner.Alongwithhiswifeandtwoyoungchildren.Itwasonlyafewdayslaterthatitdawnedonme—Ididnotknowthesepeople,Ihadnotmetthesepeople.Andviceversa.This novelist is famous and acclaimed—whatwouldhewantwithme?Andnowhe andhisentire familywere coming to our house to eat.What the hell was I thinking? But plans werealreadyunderway,andbesides, Ihadalreadyconcoctedamenutoogoodtomiss:champagne,kalamatas,pistachios,andtoastedpitawithGreekpeaspreadtostart;movingontofig,fennel,and arugula salad, served with a paella — fish-free, made with vegetables and quinoa andscentedwithadizzyingamountofsaffron—andalustyzinfandel;andfordessert,almondcakewith roasted pears and a golden Sauternes. All served by a cook whose only desire was toplease.

Thepleasure,itturnsout,wasmine.Goodfood,goodwine—theyhelpaneveningalong.Dazzling,charmingcompanyliketheauthorandhisfamilyhelps,too.Butthat’snothingyoucancounton.

Youdon’thavetobefamoustobeatmytable.Youdon’tevenhavetobehuman.IdidthesamethingwhenIbabysatafriend’spetrabbit,preparingafeastofshavedcarrots,afewraisins,and tender celery leaves.The raisinswerewell received,but rabbits are easy.People are thepuzzleandaltogetherhardertowoo.

UnconventionalbutSeductiveVeggiePaella

Paella, Spain’s iconicdish, is traditionallymadewith rice,meat, fowl, and/or seafood. I’vesubstitutedquicker-cooking, higher-proteinquinoa for the rice and lighter, brighter veggiesfor the animal bits. But I’ve left some tradition intact. As with true, classic paella, thisvegetarianversionisheadywithsaffronandfeedsacrowd.

Serves6to8

1milddriedchili,suchasancho4tablespoonsoliveoil

6clovesgarlic,chopped1tablespoonsweetorsmokedpaprikaGenerouspinchofsaffronOne15-ouncecandicedtomatoes4carrots,chopped1fennelbulb,chopped1bunchscallionsor1springonion,chopped8ouncesmushrooms,sliced4cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebrothorwater2cupsquinoa,rinsedSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepperOne15-ouncecanartichokehearts,rinsed,drained,andquartered2roastedredbellpeppers(jarredarefine),cutintostrips12cherryorgrapetomatoes,halvediflargeChoppedfreshflat-leafparsleyforgarnishFennelfrondsforgarnish

In a small bowl, soak the chili in enough hotwater to cover until softened, about 20minutes.Drainthechiliandchop.

Inalarge,deepskilletorSpanishcazuela,heat2tablespoonsoftheoliveoilovermediumheat.Addthechoppedchiliandgarlic.Cook,stirringoccasionally,untilthegarlicturnsgolden,4to5minutes.Addthepaprika,thesaffron,andthecannedtomatoesandtheirjuice.Cook,stirringoccasionally,untilthickandfragrant,about2minutes.

Transfertoablenderorfoodprocessor,andpureeuntilsmooth,about1minute.No need to clean the skillet. Use it to heat the remaining 2 tablespoons olive oil over

medium-high heat.Add the carrots, fennel, and scallions.Cook, stirring occasionally, until thevegetablesrelaxandaregildedwithoil,about5minutes.Addthemushroomsandcookuntilthemushrooms darken and become tender, another 5minutes.Return the chili-tomato sauce to theskilletandstirtocombine.Add1cupofthevegetablebrothandstirforjustafewminutes,untilathickishsauceforms.

Add thequinoaandanadditional1cupbroth to the skillet.Stirgently, reduce theheat tomedium,andcookwithoutstirring,rotatingtheskilletoccasionallytodistributetheheatevenly.After10minutes,addtheremaining2cupsbrothandcookuntilalltheliquidisabsorbedandthequinoagrainshavepoppedandexpanded,about10minutes.Tasteandgiveitagoodseasoningofseasaltandfreshlygroundpepper.

Gentlypresstheartichokehearts,redbellpepperstrips,andcherrytomatoesintothetopofthepaella.Beartsy.Remove thepaellapan from theheatandcoverwitha lidorwrap tightlywithaluminumfoil.Letrestfor10to15minutes.

Garnishwithparsleyandfeatheryfennelfronds.

Experience has taught me coaxing out someone’s inner aphrodisiac means coupling thefamiliarwith the exotic— scenting homey apple crumblewith earthy cardamom, leavening atypicallyheavymealwithanetherealsoufflé.Itmeansgivingsomeonethewelcomeoftheknown,butgiving it a twist, soyou taste something familiar inawholenewway. It isdiscovery, it isrevelation, it is like falling in lovewithwhat you already know.Having awarm heart in thekitchencounts,too.Seductioninthebedroomorthekitchenisharderwhenyou’refeelingpissy.

Insomeways,Istillcooktoseduce.Orplease.Orcomfort.I’mamarriedwoman,afterall.Benjamin eats what I cook every day and loves what I feed him, whether it’s lentil soup orcardamom-scentedapplecrumbleorripe,nakedberries.ThisisnotwhyImarriedhim.Butit’snice.

I still love cardamom and add it to dishes from curries to crumbles. Because you neverknow.

AmorousCardamomAppleCrumble

Admit it, youwerewaiting for this recipe. It’swonderfuleatenwarmandnaked,byyouandyourlove,clothingoptional.

Serves6to8—or2veryturned-onpeoplewithlotsofleftovers

Oilforthepiepan¾cupplus2tablespoonsunbleachedall-purposeflour¾cupold-fashionedoats(alsoknownasrolledoats)1½cupsbrownsugarZestandjuiceof1lemon2½teaspoonsgroundcardamom½cup(1stick)veganmargarine,suchasEarthBalance,softened6apples,preferablyacombinationoftartandsweet,peeledandsliced1teaspoongroundcinnamon

Preheattheovento375°F.Lightlyoila9-inchpiepan.Inamediumbowl,combine¾cupoftheflour,theoats,¾cupofthebrownsugar,thelemon

zest,and1½teaspoonsofthecardamom.Stirtogetheruntilthemixtureiscombined.Workintheveganmargarineuntil themixture just turns intoacrumble.Afoodprocessorcando the job inlessthanaminute—becarefulnottoovermix.Usingawoodenmixingspoongivesyougreatercrumbcontrol and lets youput extraheart into it— it’ll take a coupleminutes.Set the crumbmixtureaside.

Puttheappleslicesinalargebowl,pourthelemonjuiceoverall,andtosstogether.Addtheremaining ¾ cup brown sugar, the remaining 2 tablespoons flour, the remaining 1 teaspoon

cardamom,andthecinnamon.Stirgentlyuntiljustcombined.Fillthepiepanwiththeapplesandtopwiththecrumblemixture,lightlypackingthecrumbs

ontop.Bakefor30to45minutes,oruntilthecrumbleisbubbling,goldenbrown,andfragrantashell.

GENTLENUDGEtheTHIRD:DUMPINGtheDUDSOurrelationshipwithfoodisametaphor.Itreflectsourrelationshipwitheverythingelse.Nastyfood habits, toxic life decisions. If you’re treating your body— your fabulous, one-of-a-kindbody— like trash, how are you treating your family? Your friends? Your community? Yourplanet?

Abadfoodrelationshipisjustasawfulasabadromanticrelationship.Youmeetsomeone,itstartsoutgreat,violins,fireworks,hotsex.Thencomestheletdown.TurnsoutMr.Wonderfulhasan irritatinghabitofbreakingdates, an interferingmotherwithwhomhecurrently lives, andasomewhatunresolvedrelationshipwithhisex.

Maybeyoucuthimsomeslackatfirst,becausethat’sthekindofpersonyouare.Butcomeon,howmanytimesareyougoingtobetakeninbysomefoolofferingyouthatgrinthat’snotasdisarming as he’d like to believe, along with the pretty promise that this time things will bedifferent,baby?(NotthatI’mspeakingfromexperienceoranything.)Youwouldn’tkeepdatingaloser,darling.Soditchhim.

Alas,takingawaysomeoneorsomethingwelove—evenwhenweknowit’sbadforus—stinks.Ofcourse,weallknowthisonsomelevel,butourdogtaughtmethelessonalloveragainwhen,inhernaughtypuppydays,shechewedofftheheadofherfavoriteplushtoy.AsIpreferredhernot toeatwadsofcottonstuffing, I tried to take itawayfromher.Bad idea.Growlingandsnappingensued.

Deprivationmaymakesaintsofsome,but itmakestherestofusmean,small,creepy,andgenerallyunpleasant.Plusitdoesn’twork.Takeawayourtoy,andwewillturntosomethingelse.Yourshoe,perhaps.

So what does work? Slow, gentle change and a little distraction. The only way I couldextractthemauleddogtoywithoutbeingsavagedwastoofferhersomethingelse.Look!Foryou!Prettynewtoy.Nicedoggie.

Can’tlivewithouticecream?Enjoyit.Buttryeatingjustaspoonfulortwolessthanyoudidlastnight.Serveittoyourselfinsomethingpretty;youdeserveit,babe.Thenwhenyou’reoutoficecream,don’tbuymore.Whattheeyecan’tsee,theheartdon’tgrieve,asanAussiesweetietoldmeonce.Breathe.Youdon’thave tocommit todoing this forever; just try itnow, justgetthroughnow.Distractyourself.Coconutmilkicecream,frozenyogurt,andpurefruitsorbetarelusciousandofferlessfatandfewercaloriesthanicecream.Prettynewtoyscanbegoodforyou,too.

Notonlywillyouhavedumpedabadhabit—amajorcoup—you’llbecreatingapositivenewone.There’sneurologicalevidencethatrepetitionofnewbehaviorcanrewireascrambled

brain.Evenyours.Onceyoupave thewayfornewneurocircuitry, it seems togreen-lightotherchangesthatonceseemedimpossible.Thinkofitaspsychospiritualfengshui.

Getting rid of duds,whether dietary or live-in, takes time, patience, and the absolute andabundantbeliefthatyoudeservebetter.Andyoudo.Youdeservetobethehealthiest,hottest,mostjoyfulyoupossible.Youmayfindovertimeyoucanditchyourolddudofanicecreamfixandfeelterrificaboutyourselfbesides.Häagen-Dazsmaysuffer,butyouwon’t.

*Lessprocessedthanwhitesugar,evaporatedcanesugarlookssimilartolightbrownsugar.It’ssoldinnaturalfoodstoresandinmanysupermarkets.It’sthego-tosugarinallFeedingtheHungryGhostrecipes.

*PomegranatemolassesisavailableatMiddleEasternmarketsandmanygourmetstores.

We think of flowers as pretty.Naturewants us to, arranging them in pleasing, symmetricalshapesanddecoratingtheminawholemadpaintboxofcolors,fromthegentlelavenderpastelsof water lilies captured byMonet, to ginger’s red-and-orange in-your-face spikes and spires,which inspiredGauguin. Ifyou’veneverevolvedbeyond the simple five-petal-flower-drawingstage,you’restill in luck.Loving flowershasnothing todowithartistic talent. It’showwe’rehardwired.Becausebotanicallyspeaking,theyarethesexorgansofplants.

Bloomingflowersgladdenourheartsafteracold,graywinter,but theirmainagendais toattractbirdsandinsects,tostimulatepollinationandgetlife’spartygoing.Whiletheflowerspoptheirsaucyheadsoutofthecoldearth,thesaprisesinyoungtrees.Andinallspecies.Springislibidinous,fecund,fun.Inspring,asAlfred,LordTennysonwrotein“LocksleyHall,”“alivelieririschangesontheburnish’ddove;/IntheSpringayoungman’sfancylightlyturnstothoughtsoflove.”Thisisadecorous,Victorianwayofsayinginthespring,wefeelthelove.Wefeelthelust.Alllifeformscomeoutofdormancy,andwe’restruttingourstuff.

Maybenotallofus.Aprilisthecruelestmonth,accordingtoT.S.Eliot(breathe—thisisour lastpoetry reference forawhile).WhatEliotmeantby this is thatAprilcanbeacon. It’ssupposedtobethemonthinwhicheverythingcomesintoflower.Butthenitsnows.Oryouwipeoutwalkingthepaththatwassofirmbeneathyourfeetyesterdaybutthathas,thankstothespringthaw, morphed into a mud bath from which your dignity and your Jimmy Choos will neverrecover.It’ssupposedtobespring.Butyou’restillswaddledinsweatersandcan’tkickthesinusinfectionyougotbackinJanuary.Maybetheweatherisdelightful.Thesunisout,thelilacsareinfull,audaciousbloom,theirfragrancecloying,pervasive,andmigraineinducing,andeveryoneispairingupandgoingat it, includingyourex.The twoofyou justbrokeup,buthehasn’tbeenpining.Infact,he’sgettingmarried(tosomeoneelse),soyou’rejustamitehard-pressedtoseethegloryineverything,allright?Sojustbackthehelloff.

Buckup.Springhappensonceayear,butevenwithoutclimatechange,therulesaredifferentforhumankind.Youarenotanannual,onethatgrows,flowers,shootsitsseed,sotospeak,anddies.No,thereallygreatthingaboutourspeciesiswecancomeintofloweragainandagain.Itisacomingintoself,ablooming,asenseofrealizingtheextentofourownincredibletalentsand

powers.Sayyou’vebeeninaholdingpattern,anot-good-but-not-badtreading-waterphase.Thenone

morning, you awake and delight to the trill of the sparrow that’s been singing its heart out forweeks,onlyyou’rejustnowhearingit.Youfindyourfootinginapreviouslyrockyrelationshiporat last figureouthownot tocrash theoffice’snewsoftware system.The scales fall fromyoureyes; thenumbers drop fromyour bathroom scale; yourmusk is in the air; your verypresenceseemstochargetheionsaroundyou;thegodsbeamdownandrainprizesandpresentsuponyou.Oratleastyouthink,okay,maybethishasallbeentothegood,afterall.Andthoughit’snothingyoumightbringupinyourcarpool,youfeelyoursoulliftandlighten.Youfeeljoy.Floweringiswhenlifetellsyouyes.

Forme,sexisthebestyesoutthere,anytimeoftheyear.Iamanice,marriedwoman,butevenso,desirecansurpriseandawakenyouinodd,unpredictablespurts.I’mnottalkingabouterectile dysfunction drugs; I’m talking about when attraction floods you for no reason, likesuddenly getting a crazy-ass crush on the organic farmer at the local farmers’ market or thatsenatorwiththeweirdhair.Itgivesyouareasontosmilethroughyourcommitteemeeting,wearlipstick,orgetahaircut.Itdoesnotalwayscoincidewiththeseason,andhallelujahforthat—I’dhatetothinkloveasweknowithastobestuffedinbetweenAprilandJune,orelsewe’reoutofluckforanotheryear.Itcanhappeninyourownspringandwellbeyond,too,evenwhenyou’reolder and supposedlywiser.Desiremakeshappy suckersof us all andmakesusblossom intocreationsbothbeautifulandvulnerable.

Youdeserveflowers.Theybelonginyourlife.Andinyourdiet.Orangeblossom,lavender,jasmine,androseareafewwithterrificculinaryapplications,addingtheirhauntingfragrancetofood and drinks, alongwith a whisper of other lands and definite healthful properties. If thissoundsweird, let’sstartwithasuperbasicherbalconcoction,what theFrenchcalla tisane,orinfusion—acupoflavendertea.

LavenderTea

Lavender infusion is pale but has a surprisingly bracing flavor. It’s just a wee bit soapytasting.Thatmeansit’scleansing.Good.It’llwashthoseoldnegativefeelingsrightoutofyou.Breathe.Feeltheteaworkitsmagic.Letitsootheyou;letithealyourheart.

Makesagenerouspot,serving1to4

2teaspoonslavenderbuds*

Putonakettleofwaterandbringtoaboil.Fillateainfuserwithlavenderbuds;puttheinfuserinateapot.Pourintheboilingwater.Letsteepforabout3minutes.

Youmaypouritintoamug,butitwouldbehappiest—andsowouldyou—ifyouserveditinyourgrandmother’schinateacup,theonewithalltheflowersonit.

You’ve probably eaten other flowers, the flowering parts of plants, without causing a scene,withoutevenrealizingit.Chilipepper,withoutwhichIwouldnotcaretolive,qualifies.Sodogoji berries, the superfruit of the moment, as well as peas, cucumbers, and many of yournightshadevegetables, includingpeppers, tomatoes,andeggplant.IfonlyDavid,mylatefather-in-law,hadknowneggplantisasexorgan,hemighthavebeenmoreinclinedtoeatit.

DownandDirtyRice

What makes traditional New Orleans dirty rice dirty is the addition of what James Joycedescribed in Ulysses as “the inner organs of beasts and fowl”— gizzards.Um, no thanks.Choppedeggplant—theflowering,sexualpartoftheplant—takestheplaceoforganmeatinthissupersatisfyingveggieversion.It’sniceononeofthosesurprisinglychillyspringnights.Thedishisnottoospicybutyoucanmakeit thatway.That’swhatTabascosauceisfor.It’smadefromLouisiana’sTabascochili,whichisalsoafloweringvegetable.

Serves6to8

5cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebrothorwater1½cupsrice(whiteistraditional,brownismorehealthful)1bayleaf1tablespoonoliveoil6clovesgarlic,chopped1largeonion,chopped1mediumeggplant,chopped2stalkscelery,chopped1greenbellpepper,chopped2tomatoes,chopped,orone15-ouncecandicedtomatoes2teaspoonssweetpaprika1handfulfreshthymeleavesor1teaspoondriedthymeSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepperJuiceof1lemon1bunchfreshflat-leafparsley,chopped1cupcookededamame(optional)

Inalargepot,bring3cupsofthebrothtoaboiloverhighheat.Addthericeandbayleaf.Stirgently,cover,andreducetheheattolow.Simmeruntilalltheliquidisabsorbedandthericeistender,about30minutesforwhiterice,40minutesforbrownrice.Removethebayleafandsetthericeaside.(Thericecanbestoredinanairtightcontainerintherefrigeratorforadayortwo;bringtoroomtemperaturebeforeproceedingwiththerecipe.)

Ina largeskillet,heat theoilovermedium-highheat.Add thegarlic,onion,andeggplant.Cook, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables soften, about 5minutes.Add the celery, greenbellpepper,tomatoes,paprika,andthyme.Continuecooking,givingthevegetablesastirnowandagain,untiltheyaretenderandgildedwithoilandspices,5to8minutes.Stirinthecookedriceandtheremaining2cupsbroth.

Reducetheheattomediumandcookuntilalltheliquidisabsorbedyetthemixtureisstillmoist,about10minutes.

Seasonwithsaltandpepper.Stir inthelemonjuiceandparsley.Forapopofproteinandbrightgreencolor,foldintheedamame,ifyoulike.

Thiswillkeepcoveredforseveraldaysinthefridge,andtheflavorimprovesovertime.

STANDINGonCEREMONYThebiglessons,fromseasonaleatingtoeatingtogetherasafamily,arealittlelikesex.It’sallwellandgood tohearabout,but itcanseemlike thepracticeorpolitics inanothercountry—veryfarremovedfromyourownoverstuffedlife.It’sonlywhenyouexperienceityourself thatyougetthatsenseofwow,wherehaveIbeenalltheseyears?Maythedelightsandmysteriesoftheworldrevealthemselvestoyouinthefirstgo.However,mostofusneedtolather,rinse,andrepeat these lessonsoverandoveragainbefore thegrin-making,grateful-to-be-alivefeelingorthe“Ah,nowIgetit”feelingsinksin.Thisisthenatureofimprintingforusimperfectbeings.Sowhetheryou’reinstructingorlearning,ithelpstocometothebiglessonswithpatience.Becauseit’salwaysgoingtobesomebody’sfirsttime.Andyouwantittobefabulous.

My family steeped me in ritual before I even knew it— stealth induction, very clever.Fridaynights,we’dgotothehomeofMarcellaandherhusband,mygrandfather.HisnamewasAaron,buthewasnotthesortofguyI’ddreamofcallingbyhisfirstname.Ever.EvenBenjamin,whowastwenty-fivewhenhemethim,referredtohimasMr.Kanner,andmayIsay,hisvoiceoccasionallybrokewhenhedidso.

ThechummiestIgotwastocallhimGrandpa.Hedidn’tnoticememostofthetime,andItriedtoencouragethatbykeepingthehelloutofhisway.Wewererelatedandyetlikedifferentspecies to each other. He was not kid friendly, nor was his house, all stone and formalupholsteredfurnitureandbreakableobjetsd’art.

Therewere no toys on hand, just onewell-worn copy ofThe Velveteen Rabbit, which IdutifullyreadeveryFriday,sincemycousinsweren’tinterested.Wewere—are—closeinage,sowhenweweren’t busy fighting,we played together, chasing each other down the hall, ourshrieksringingout;andthoughweweretoldtobecareful,Iwipedoutontheliving-roomterrazzo

and knocked outmy front tooth. It was only a baby tooth, so no harm done, other than initialtrauma and profuse bleeding everywhere. Just another Friday evening, anotherwalk along theknifeedgebetweenorderandchaos,achaosjustheldincheckbydinner.

Wesatatthedinnertabletogether,thewholefamily—thatwasjustthedeal.BythetimeIwasinthepicture,thewholefamilymeantAaron,Marcella,theirtwogrownsons,theirwives,fivegrandchildren,andat leastonefamilyfriendordistantcousinorsomeonemygrandmotherhadrunintoandinvited,aswell.Wecrowdedaroundthetable—Italian,midcentury,withallitsleaves in—my grandparents presiding at either end,me usually squished in between adults,straddlingatableleg.

Mygrandparentsweren’tobservantJews,butevenso,Fridaynight,Sabbath,wasspecial.Thetablewouldbesetwithstarchedwhitelinen,thekindyouneverseeanymore,sterling,china,andcrystalstemware.

Dinnerwouldmeansouporsaladtostart;aseriousmaincourse,whichmightberoastlegoflamborstuffedpeppersorspaghettiandmeatballs;rollsandbutter;potatoorrice.Therewerevegetables,butofadistinctlyold-schoolstyle,lackingbrightness,flavor,freshness,andoomph.Inregularrotation—peasandcarrots(frozenandthenboiled)andgelidiceberglettucesalads.There were marinated artichoke hearts, which I came to love once I realized their name hadnothingtodowithchokingyourheart,andasparagus,canned,anemic,slimy,and,weweretold,“adelicacy.”Likethatwouldmakeuswanttoeatit.

Onthebrightside,therewasdessert.MarcellawasgiftedinthewaysoflemonBundtcakes,coconut layer cakes, brownies, sugar cookies, and buttery, ground-almond cookies rolled in aprofligateamountofpowderedsugar.Shecalledthemweddingcookies,butthey’rebelovedallover,withmany iterations— they’re calledMexicanwedding cakes,Greek kourabiedes, andghraybehacrosstheMiddleEast.Myfavoritenameforthemisliar’scookies,becauseassoonasyou bite into one, you’re dusted and incriminated.Orworse. I could nevermanage to eat onewithoutinhalingthepowderedsugarandhavingacoughingfit.

The rest of the meal, though, was prepared by Cora, my grandparents’ magnificenthousekeeper.Shewaslarge,elderly,motherly,black,butwiththeheartandsensibilityofayenta.Corahadadefinitive senseofHowThingsOught toBe that I canonlywonderat.TheFridaynightfamilydinneredictmaywellhavecomefromher.

Shecookedforallofus,includingthoseofustooyoungtorealizewhatabighonkingdealitistoprepareenormousmulticoursemealsforahorde.Alsoabighonkingdeal—exposinglittlekidstogrown-upfood.Verygrown-up.Archaic,even—Imean,whoseideawasbeef tongue?Whothoughtitwouldbeabigsellertoasix-year-old?Cookingitwithraisinsmighthavelentitsweetness,butitlookedlikewhatitwas,withallthoseweirdlittlepapillaebumpsonit.Don’tgetmestarted.

Ifwedidn’tlovethetongue,therewerenoMcNuggetbackups.Wecouldeatornoteatwhatwasbeingserved;therewereplentyofotherthingsonthetable;andwell,betterlucknextFriday—maybethere’dbefriedchicken.

I’m sure thereweremore than a fewmeltdowns,maybe from the kids,maybe from theirparents.IhaveavaguebutrecurringmemoryofCorathreateningtokillherselfifwedidn’teatthemashedpotatoes andmygrandfather gettingup from the table to pour himself a tumbler of

scotch.Maybehewasn’t soold,buthehadall theaccoutrements: false teeth,whichhekept ina

glassbythebed,hearingaid,thickglasses,and—yecchh—atruss.Theprecursortothemoremacho weight belt, this was a complicated, allegedly flesh-colored, many-strapped thing thatmostly resided on a chintz bedroom chair, where its sole purpose seemed to be to scare thebejesusoutofme.Igaveitawideberth,neversomuchastouchedit.

Whatwith the truss andmy debacle on the terrazzo, the kitchen becamemy playroom ofchoice.Iwasobsessedbythebig,blackgasrangewithacooktopthatlitupwitchyringsofblueflame.Marcella andCora’s knivesworkedbetter as bludgeons than as sharp implements, so Icouldn’t do toomuchdamage.The twowomendidn’tmind havingmeunderfoot, but they haddinnertomakeandwentabouttheirbusiness.Theydidn’ttalkaboutprocessorrecipes;bothhadexperienceandinstinct.AndperhapsinCora’scase,recipeswerehersourceofpower,andshewasn’tabouttogivethatup.

Iftheyweren’tinstructive,theyweren’trestrictive,either,especiallymygrandmother.Ifsix-year-oldEllenwanted to dump a box of raisins in the brownie batter, shewas all for it. ThekitchenwaswhereIhadmyfirstsenseofYes,whereIcaughtaglimpseoftheselfIstillwanttobetherestofthetime—clever,creative,composed,nottrippinguponmyowncraziness.

Butyoucan’tstayinthekitchenforever.Coradied, leavingmygrandparentsstrandedandclueless.Theyhiredandfiredaseriesofhousekeepers,allofwhomweredoomedbecausetheyweren’tCora.

MarcellatriedtokeeptheFridayeveningsgoing,butsheandmygrandfatherwerewellandproperlyoldbythen.Thegranddaughterswereolder, too,andsuddenlyfuggywithteenagegirlhormones.Weservedthefood,whiskedawaytheplates(sometimesbeforepeoplehadfinishedeating),andcleanedup,butwehadschoolandsocialthingsandotherinterests.WehadFriday-nightdateswithboys.Evenwhenwemanagedtoshowupatourgrandparents’house,weweresogoofyandmoody,mygrandfathermusthaveyearnedforthepast,whenweweresmallerandmoretractable.

Lookingback,I’mappalledbyhowcasuallywe,thegrandchildren,tookthings.WeassumedFridaynightmeantitwastimetotrotouttheheavytablelinens;thatwashowtheworldworked.Weshatteredmorethanafewofthosecrystalglasses.ButnowIthinkit’snotsuchabadthingtohavethelineblurredbetweenceremonyanddailylife,tofoldoneintotheother.That’showIliketolive.

BenjaminandIeatdinnertogether,nomatterhowlatewe’veworkedorhowcrappythedaymight have been. It may not be posh, but it’ll be home cooked and crazy with whatever’s inseason.WeuseMarcella’ssterlingsilverware—weneverdidgetaroundtobuyingstainless—andplateswegotinKappabashi,Tokyo’srestaurantdistrict.They’reheavy,blue-and-white,eachdifferentbutallpaintedwithscenesofoldJapan—boyschasingbutterflies,atreebentbythewind, adragon reachingout a claw.The table is litwith tapers in tall brass candlesticks that,alongwiththesilver,coulduseabitofpolish.

Nowiswhenweshareourrespectivedays,ourdreams,ourdeadlines,thelyricstothatsongBenjaminjustdownloaded,andmyideaforagreat thingtodowithbarley.Withit,weusuallyshareaglassofwine.Itreturnsustoourselves.

After dinner,Benjamin and I oftenmove to the living room, a riot ofMarrakech red andCaribbeanblue,withpiecesfromalltheplaceswe’vebeentoandloved.WereclineonthelowMoroccancouch,facingeachotherlikebookends,thesolesofourfeetjusttouchingifIstretch.

Itisanepiccouchthatcanseatmanyfriendswhocomeovertolaughanddrinkandeat.Ifthey sometimes fall asleep there, too, we try to take this not as an insult, but as a sort ofcompliment—thatyou’rewelcomehere;youcanbewhoyouare;andifatthemomentyouaresleepyortiddly,thenyounap,andwewilltuckaquiltaroundyouandtrytowhisperandkeepthedogfromlickingyourface.Andwhenyouwakeup,thepartywillresume,wewillbegladtoseeyoualloveragain,andtherewillbesomethingwonderfultoeat.

Farinata

InLiguria, theycall it farinata; inProvence, theycall itsocca.BecausethisMediterraneanpancakeismadewithchickpeaflour,it’snotjustluscious,it’sgluten-free.Withacrispycrustandatenderinside,it’sgreatbyitself,ortoppedwithroastedvegetables,tapenade,sweetandtangy jewel-toneRedOnionJam(page63),orvibrantSpringPeaPuree (page64).You canmake the batter ahead and bung the frittata in the oven, enjoy a glass of wine, and yourfarinatawillbecrisp,hot,andreadytoserve.

Take it from stylish appetizer to more of a meal by serving it with a harvest of freshroastedvegetablesorabig,tumblingkalesalad.

Serves4

1cupchickpeaflour*¾cupwaterplus1tablespoon¼cupoliveoil,plusmorefortheskilletSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Pourthechickpeaflourintoamediumbowl.Slowlypourinthewater,stirringconstantly,untilathickbatterforms.Addthe¼cupoliveoilandstiruntiljustcombined.Coverandrefrigerateforat least 1 hour and up to overnight. The batter should be creamy and golden,with texture andcolorliketahini’s.

Placeonerackintheuppermostpositionoftheovenandanotherrackinthemiddleposition.Preheatthebroiler.Lightlyoilan8-or9-inchskillet.

Pour the batter into the skillet, using a spatula to spread the mixture into an even layer.Sprinklesaltandpepperontop.

Placetheskilletontheuppermostrackandbroiluntilthefarinataisgolden,startstofirmup,andtakesonapancakeappearance,8to10minutes.

Turnoffthebroilerandsettheovento450°F.Transferthefarinatatothemiddlerack.Bake

untilthefarinatasmellstoastyandalightbrowncrustformsontop,about10minutes.Removefromovenandletcoolslightly.Sliceintowedgesandserve.

RedOnionJam

This tangyonion jamisgoodwith farinataor flatbreadordollopedonanygrainor legumesalad,andfabulouswithfresh,ripetomatoes.

Makesabout2cups

2redonions,halved1tablespoonoliveoil1cupcabernetorotherredwine¼cupagavenectarorhoney2tablespoonsbalsamicvinegar1handfulfreshthymeleavesSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Slicetheonionhalvesthinly,sotheslicesformhalf-moons.Verystylish.In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the onions and cook, stirring

occasionally,untiltheonionssoftenandturntranslucent,about10minutes.Addthewine,agavenectar, balsamic vinegar, and thyme, and cook, uncovered, until the liquid reduces and turnsgarnet colored and syrupy, about 10minutes.Keep stirring as themixture reduces, to keep theonionsfromstickingtothebottomofthepan.

Covertheskillet,reducetheheattolow,andcookuntilthemixturebecomesjammy,about15minutes.Letcool.Seasonwithsaltandpepper.

Theonionjamcanbestoredinanairtightcontainerintherefrigeratorforupto2weeks.

SpringPeaPuree

Thispureeiseasy,brightincolor,thankstothepeasandmint,brightinpalate,thankstothelemonandmint.Twojuicylemonsshouldgiveyouallthejuiceyouneed.Sometimes,though,

lifehandsyoupithylemons,inwhichcaseathirdlemonmaybenecessary.

Makes1¼cups

1½cupsfreshorfrozenpeas,thawed1clovegarlic1bunchfreshmintJuiceof2or3lemons¼cupoliveoilSeasalt

Blitzthepeas,garlic,mint,lemonjuice,andoliveoilinafoodprocessoruntilsmoothandwellcombined,about2minutes.Tasteandseasonwithsalt.

Thepureecanbestoredinanairtightcontainerintherefrigeratorforseveraldays.

I’dliketo thinkI’mjustnaturallybrilliantandgenerousthatway,but it’salldueto imprinting.Overmore than a few Friday nights, both Cora andMarcella inadvertently instilled inme anantipathytowardeatinganimals,buttheyalsogavemethesensethatasharedmealisbothpartyandsocialcement—thethingthatbringsustogetherandkeepsustogether.Andofcourse,ithastobebeautiful.Youhonoryourguests,whetherthey’rekingsorcousins,whetherthey’resevenorseventy.

(Notetoself:polishthesilverandcandlesticks.)Thisbelief,thispractice,ismyTrueReligionwithoutitbeing,youknow,truereligion.Or

maybe it is the truest religion. Long before it was a career path, hospitality was a moralimperativeforallfaiths.Innsandguesthouseshadyettodotthelandscape.Airplaneswouldn’tbeinventedforcenturies.Ifyouwantedtogetsomewhere,youwalked.Orifyouwerepartofthe1percent,perhapsyouhadamuleorhorseorcamel.

There was no heading to Disneyland; youwere on the Silk Route for trade ormaking areligious pilgrimage.On foot.And if you got a little tired or peckish on the road, you prayedsomeonewould take you in.And if they had you bunkwith the sheep or gave you their breadwhen,please,you’reglutenintolerant,youdidn’thavealotofrecourse.Youcouldn’tpostarantonTrip-Advisor.Soyouweregratefulforwhatyougot,anditreallybroughthometheGoldenRule.

Okay,thingsarealittledifferenttoday.Weoutsourcehospitality.Andchargeforit.Soyoucangetthingsthewayyouwantthem.Andyet,we’velostsomething,thatdesire,oratleastthatwillingness,toopenourhomesandhearts.Itmeansputtingitoutthere,lettingyourguarddownalittle.InBuddhismit’sknownasdana,orgenerosity,butmorethanbeinggenerous,it’swantingtobegenerous.

I’mnomoreBuddhistthanIamanyotherreligion,butasaprecept,dana’sakeeper.InthesamewayIhavenoproblemmixingitupinthekitchen,Icherry-pickbitsfromdifferentfaiths.Thisisano-noamongthehard-corereligiousandprobablyoffendseveryone.

Butpeopledoitallthetime.Imean,lookattheBible.Ifyouwanttofindjustificationforany sortofbehavior, it’s in there. It’s just amatterof interpretation. Includingwhat a supremebeinghadinmindforustoeat.Ifyouthinkthere’salineinthesandbetweenJewsandChristiansor Democrats and Republicans, the difference between omnivores/meat eaters andvegetarians/vegans/meatlessfolksisamile-widechasm.And,ofcourse,bothsidesthinkthey’reright.

InGenesis1:29,theword,asAdamandEvegotit,was,“Behold,Ihavegivenyoueveryplantyieldingseedthat isonthefaceofall theearth,andeverytreewithseedinitsfruit.Youshallhavethemforfood.”YoucanreadthatandconcludeGodwantsustobemeatless.

ThenyoucanreadGenesis9:3, inwhichGod tellsNoah,“Everymoving thing that livethshallbemeat foryou;evenas thegreenherbhaveIgivenyouall things,”andconcludeGod’sgivenustheokaytoeatanimals.

Oryoucanreckon,asIdo,thatNoahwasawhiner.Thatheyammeredandyammeredandsaid,“ButIdon’tlikeseedsandherbs.Andwe’restuckhereintherainonthisstupidboat,andI’mhungry.”Godjustgaveinandsaid,allright,already,eatwhatyoulike;letitbeonyourhead.

I’malittleskepticalaboutPeter,whoinActs10:9–15hearsavoicetellinghimnothingisforbiddenhimtoeat.SomereligiousprosbelievethevoicetobeGod’s,butweweren’t there.Whoknows?MaybePeterwasjustcrazedwithhungerandsufferingauditoryhallucinations.

Sowe go back toGenesis 1:28, the bitwhere the Lord gaveman dominion over all theanimals.

Yes,butthatdoesn’tsayweshouldeatthem,too.Dominionisnotthesameasdomination.Iprefertothinktheinterpretationhereis:wearecustodiansofourfellowanimals,andsincewehave this fairlywell-developedcerebralcortex thatputsus incharge, it’sour job to lookafterthem.Withcompassion,notcruelty.Andwithoutmakingthemfordinner.

Thosemadenervousbyameatlessdiet like tociteRomans14:2,whichsays,“Theweakpersoneatsonlyvegetables.”AndthoughI’vereadaninterpretationsaying,oh,theBibledoesn’treallymeanit,evenI’vegottosaythatsoundsprettydefinitive.Butthenthescripturereads,“Letnottheonewhoeatsdespisetheonewhoabstains,andletnottheonewhoabstainspassjudgmentontheonewhoeats,forGodhaswelcomedhim”(Romans14:3).Andthere’s1Corinthians8:8,whichsays,“MeatcommendethusnottoGod.”

IamamazedbyhowmanybiblicalreferencesIknow,consideringI’maheathen.ButIhadenoughSundayschoolbeforedroppingouttoknowaccordingtotheGoodBook,Godlaiddownascantfewrules—tenof’em.Wehaveahardenoughtimefollowingthese(somekindofhumandesignflaw).Howmanyelectedofficialsalonehaveskirtedorshruggedoffthreeofyourbasiccommandments—thoushaltnotlie,thoushaltnotsteal,thoushaltnotcommitadultery?

Soam IquestioningGod?No. I’mquestioningus.Becausewhile themessagemightbealittleconfusing,basicallyGodsayswecanchoosewhatweeat.Thequestionbecomes,whatdowechoose?

I choose compassion, toward animals of all kinds. Including— though it’s sometimes astruggle—myownkind,thehumankind.Whichbringsmetooneofmybiblicalfaves,Proverbs15:17—“Betterisadinnerofherbswhereloveisthanafattenedoxandhatredwithit.”

Theway I interpret theBible is theway I choose to live—witha supersizedportionof

compassion,holdthemeat,holdthesideofhatred.Myissuewithformalreligionismyissuewithgovernment.Theguysatthetopmaygointo

thejobwithallthegoodintentionsintheworld,butonceinpower,theygetalittletoococky.ThetenetsofreligiongettobelikeabillinCongress—there’ssomegoodbitsinthereyoucangetbehind,butthey’rebundledwithotherthingsyoucannotingoodfaithespousebutareforcedtogoalongwithanyway.Thatjustdoesn’tfeedme.

Anotherthing:manyformalreligionshaveused—orskewed—thetenetsoftheirfaithtojustifybloodybits.Youknow,theCrucifixion,theSpanishInquisition,theslayingofthefirstborn,jihad,stufflikethat.Withthatcomesthesenseofwe’rerightandyou’rewrong.Centuriesuponcenturiesofit,andwestillhaven’trealizeditdoesn’twork.

I bypass all that breast-beating-and-bloodshed-in-the-name-of-God stuff. There’s a reasonEasterandPassovercomeinspring—attheirheart,theyhonorseasonalrenewal.Well,wecanall celebrate that, and while we’re at it, let’s celebrate Rongali Bihu, otherwise known asAssameseNewYear,themid-AprilholidaywhenthenortheastpartofIndiamarksthecomingofspring.Thefestivitiesgoonallweeklong,andhowcanyounotloveaholidaywherecowsaregroomedandfestoonedwithflowers?

Atallthespringholidays,wegathertoshareritualfoods,themostdirectroutetoseasonandspirit.Weliterallytakeitin.Foodisthewayweconnect;itisthelensthroughwhichweseetheworld.Itiscreation,itisre-creation,itisnurturing,itishope.

Judeo-ChristianBiblicalBarleyandHerbSalad

Thisbarley saladhas life forceandhistory.Cheap, fortifying,and loadedwith fiber,barleyfeeds five thousandpeople in theBookofJohnandisahit in theOldTestament, too.Thesedays,mostpeopleconsiderbarley—iftheyconsideritatall—assomethingwintery,perhapssharingspacewithmushroomsinawarmingbowlofsoup.Here,thisancientwholegraingetsthe tabbouleh treatmentandbecomesasignificant salad loadedwithherbs (and love—seeProverbsquoteabove).

Niceaspart of abiblicalmeze (MiddleEastern tapas, if youwill), servedalongsideablobofhummusandflatbreadorwithroastedeggplant,it’sjustrightforspring.

Tahini is an extremely luscious sesame paste, available in Middle Eastern groceries,natural food stores, and most supermarkets. Like natural (preservative-free) peanut butter,tahinitendstoseparate,withtheoilfloatingtothetopofthesesamegoodnessbelow.Stirwellbeforeusing.

Serves4to6

2cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebrothorwater1cupbarley

1bunchfreshmint,chopped1bunchfreshcilantro,chopped1bunchfreshflat-leafparsley,chopped3scallions,chopped1tomato,choppedJuiceof1lemon2tablespoonsoliveoil1teaspoongroundcuminPinchofredpepperflakes½teaspoonagavenectarorhoney1handfulkalamataolives,pitted2tablespoonstahiniSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Inalargepot,bringthevegetablebrothtoaboiloverhighheat.Addthebarley.Cover,reducetheheattolow,andsimmeruntiltheliquidisabsorbedandthegrainsaretender,about30minutes.

Fluffthecookedbarleywithaforkandsetasidetocool.(Thecookedbarleycanbestoredin an airtight container in the refrigerator for a day or two; bring to room temperature beforeproceedingwiththerecipe.)Stirintheherbs,scallions,andtomato.

In a small bowl,whisk together the lemon juice, oliveoil, cumin, red pepper flakes, andagavenectar.Pourover thebarleyandstiruntil thegrainsareevenlycoatedwith thedressing.Stirinthekalamatas.

Refrigerateinanairtightcontainerforatleast2hours.Thedressingwillsoftenandmoistenthebarley.

Removethebarleysaladfromtherefrigerator.Drizzlethetahinioverthebarleysaladandseasonwithsaltandpepper.Thekalamatasaddsomesaltinessoftheirown,sodon’tseasonuntiljustbeforeserving.

Servecooloratroomtemperature.

KEEPINGtheFAITHIusedtothinkIwasrejectingmyfaith.Mostly,Iwasrejectinggefiltefish.AlthoughnotpartofthetruePassoverplate,ithassomehowbecomeaholidaytraditioninmanyfamilies,including,alas, mine. You could call gefilte fish by its French name, quenelles de poisson, but in anylanguage, it isminced fish shaped intodumplingsandpoached. I call it a fishball, and it stillmakesmepanicky.Itispaleandlifeless,whereIcravecolor;mushy,whereIcravecrunch.Wet,with disturbing gelatinous bits adhering to it, it slides all over the plate despite the sprigs ofparsleyordilloftenusedtogarnishandbrightenitupandperhapsserveasananchor.Ididnotbecomeveganinordertogetagefiltefishreprieve.Butit’sanicesidebenefit.

Andyetgefiltefishis,forsome,thetasteofhome.Iunderstandthatprimalpull.Fine,you

canhavemine.YoucanhavealltheAshkenazicfoodofCentralEurope,thefoodofmychildhoodholidays.Thebrisket,theblintzes,theboiled,thebland.It’sacuisinethatmakesmoresenseinMinskthanMiami.

Thesoft,bright,cleansingmint,thetartspritzoflemon,andtheoily,inky,saltykalamatasinthe Judeo-Christian Biblical Barley and Herb Salad are the flavors of Sephardic cuisine, thecuisineoftheJewsofMorocco,theMiddleEast,andtheMediterranean.Samereligion,differenttribe. Sephardic cuisine also makes liberal use of cumin, cinnamon, saffron, dates, lentils,eggplant,andtomatoes.ThesearetheflavorsIunderstandandhungerfor,hungeredforbeforeIeven knewwhat theywere. Iwas in the angstiest throes ofmy teens (mymother can tell youstories) when I learned you could cook this way and still be Jewish. Suddenly, I belongedsomewhere.Suddenly,everythingblossomedandmadesense.

Okay, not everything. But I’m still drawn to the food of these countries. I must have thewarmingscentofcumin,thesweetnessofcinnamon,inmykitchen;Imusthavetheseflavorsinmymouth.Makingrecipeswithoriginsdatingbackcenturies,cookingfoodourforebearsmadeintheirkitchens,makesmyheartreplete.

I feelakinship to thosewhocamebefore, feel theirpresencewithmeas Imake thefoodtheymade. They settle in, draping the folds of their robes around them just so, andwatchmepreparethebarley,chopthemint.

Becauseitismyfantasy,theyarewiseandwarmandkind,andnothamperedbythefactwedon’tspeakthesamelanguage.Theyofferlittlesuggestions.Addmorelemonjuice.Chopthemintalittlefiner.Andbecausehumannaturehasnotchangedsomuchoverthecenturies,theythrowina littlecritiqueor two.Whotaughtyoutoholdaknife thatway?Andwhyareyourfingernailsblue?Ifthey’realittleweirdedoutbymykitchengearandgetup,theyrecognizethebarleysalad,welcomeandeatit.

Imaybealittledodgyontheformalreligion,butIkindofgetintobiblical,intoold-school,intoauthenticity.Thisis,perhaps,whatpromptedmetomakehomemadematzoatPassover.

Matzo,orunleavenedbread,isathin,drycrackersometimesknownasthebreadoffaith,soyoucanunderstandhowI’dbealloverit.Moreoften,though,itiscalledthebreadofaffliction.Callitwhatyouwill,there’sonlysomuchyoucandowithit.Butwhatifyoubakeyourown?It’savitalconnectiontoourJewishancestors,hasto tastebetter thanyourbasicboxedmatzo,andmadewithonlyflour,water,salt,andsometimesalittleoil,it’sprettystraightforward.Itcouldn’tbetootime-consuming—theJewsfleeingEgyptthousandsofyearsagohadtobaketheoriginalmatzodouble-quickbeforeblowingtown.Howhardcoulditbe?

Famouslastwords.Tostartwith,there’stheeighteen-minuterule.Accordingtorabbinicallaw,therecanbeno

chanceforthedoughtofermentandriseduringbaking.Therefore,fromthetimetheflourhitsthewatertothetimeyoutakeitoutoftheoven,makingmatzomusttakelesstimethanittakestowalkaRomanmile—clockedateighteenminutes.

Imeasuredoutmyflourandreadiedmyrollingpin.Atthebell,Isetoffinamatzo-makingmaniaandwoundupwithacrispy,toastymatzo—flatandoblongandsometimesalittleoddlyshaped.Itdidnottastelikecardboard.Oliveoilmadeitdelicious,andwithafoodprocessor(somuchforold-school),it’sdoableinseventeenandahalfminutes.Eureka,it’spossible.

It is not, however, Passoverworthy.My kitchen is clean, but it is not kosherized,whichinvolvessteamingorsuperheatingallsurfacesandutensilsandhavingarabbiblessthekitchen.Ihadn’tdoneanyofthat.IhadafeelingI’dinnocentlycommittedafewothermatzomisdemeanors,aswell.

Forinstance,there’stheflourissue.Iusedunbleached,allpurposewheatflour.Wheat,alongwith barley, spelt, rye, and oats, has a gift for leavening. This quality makes it desirable forbakingtherestoftheyearbutisoff-limitsatPassover.

Millet,though,isn’tontheix-naylist.Mostpeopleknowitonlyasbirdseed,butthiswholegrainwasbiginEgyptcenturiesago;andsomefoodhistoriansbelievegroundmilletwasusedforthatfirst-everbatchofmatzo.MaybeI’dgetbywithatechnicalityifImadematzowithmilletflour.

Itmixedintoacreamybatterandbakedintoabeautifulgoldencracker,allwithinthelimitedtime.Buttotaste,itwastrulythebreadofaffliction.Milletmatzoisbrittleandsour.

Quinoaflourmatzo?Doesn’tseemlikeanythingtheancientJewshadinmind(orathand).IaskedaroundandwasmetwithyourclassicYiddishshrug.Finally,Iturnedtoarabbi.Notjustanyrabbi,aLubavitcherrabbi,asold-schoolasyoucanget.

“So,rabbi,”Isaid.“HowdoIdoit?”Therabbistrokedhisbeardandsighed.“ThisIcannotadvise.”It’snotaflourissue.Afterall,commercialPassovermatzoismadewithwheatflour.What

youneed isahigh-speedmatzo-baking teamandacommercialoven.Athomebyyourself,youcan’tkeepturningoutmatzofastenoughorkeepyourovenhotenough.

“Makeyourownmatzo?Whatdoyouneedwiththatheadache?”therabbisaid.Tore-createtheancestralexperience,Iexplained.Tradition,connection,authenticity,faith,

allthatstuff.“Keepthefaith,buythematzo,”therabbisaid.DidIlisten?

DIYMatzo

I have experimented with many different kinds of flour (and abandoned millet flouraltogether), and my personal best matzo uses both allpurpose and whole wheat flour. Thiscombinationwinsforthedoughthat’seasiesttohandleandthematzomostwortheating.TherecipehasitsoriginswiththeJewswhofledEgypt,butalsowiththeestimableHowtoCookEverythingauthor,MarkBittman,whomakesastylishDIYmatzoofhisown.

Matzokeepsinanairtightcontainerforadayortwobuttastesbestrightoutoftheoven.

Makes1dozenmatzo,rusticandbiblicalinappearanceandnotatallbadtoeat

¾cupwater

3tablespoonsoliveoil1cupunbleachedall-purposeflour1cupwholewheatflourSeasaltforsprinkling

Preheat theoven to500°F.Setout twobakingsheetsandhave themreadyforquickrollout-to-oventurnaround.

Inasmallbowl,whisktogetherthewaterandoiluntilitemulsifies,about1minute.Putthefloursintoablenderorfoodprocessor.Withthemotorrunning,slowlypourinthewater-and-oilmixture.Blitzthemixtureuntilaballofsmooth,notsticky,doughforms,about1minute.

Dividethedoughintoadozenpieces.Onaflouredsurface,rolloutonepieceofdoughintoa thin-as-possible round(oroften inmycase,a lopsidedovoid)about8 inchesacross.Donoteventhinkofrollingoutmorethanonepieceofmatzodoughatatime—itwon’twork.Placegentlyonanungreasedbakingsheetandsprinklewithsalt.Prickthedoughalloverwithaforktopreventbubbles—asignofleavening.

Repeatwiththeremainingpiecesofdough.Bakethematzofor4minutesononeside,oruntilgoldenbrownandpebbledwithbrown,

thengentlyflip,baking4minutesmore.Setonrackstocool.

MYHEARTISFULCallitmatzo,callitflatbread;ithasapplicationswellbeyondPassover.MyanswertotheArab-Israeliconflictistousethematzoasanediblescoopforful.

Someoneneedstocomeupwithabettername.Butful,orfavabeans, thenationaldishofEgypt,datesbackcenturies,andyoudon’twant tomesswithanyone’sbeloved tradition.Evenwhenithasanoff-puttingnamethatissometimes,lamentably,spelledf-o-u-l.

Spellitanywayyoulike,fulisnotupmarket.It’s“everyman’sbreakfast,theshopkeeper’slunch,andthepoorman’sdinner,”astheArabicsayinggoes,andabowloffulisawelcomesightatanytimeoftheday.

Thisisnottosayitispretty.Alas,itisabowlofbrown,althoughsometimesyoucanaddafewquick-cookingred lentils forcolor.But thebeansareslowcookeduntil theyyield, turningthemkindandvelvetyinthemouth.Fulistoasty,nutty,primal,remindingusyetagainthatgentleheatandtimeworkinconcerttotransformthehumblestfoodintosomethingtostirthesoul.

Sometimesthebeansaremasheduntilfluffy,thenprettymuchleftalone,toenjoyasadiporasoneofthecookedvegetablesaladsoftheMiddleEast.Sometimesfuliscookedwithtomatoes,lemon,garlic,andcumin, thewonderfulwarmingspiceofEgypt, inwhichcase it iscalled fulmudammas.

Youcantopfulwithanynumberofgarnishes,fromtahinitochoppedtomatoesandonions,orjustwithadrizzleofgutsy,greenoliveoilandasprinkleofsalt,butitisnottobetartedup.

You’dbemissing thepoint.This is thepeople’s food.Egypt’snational dish is not lamb,but alegume.Apotoffulfeedsmanyandsuppliesalotofproteinandfiberforjustafewpiastres.

If there is anything unsatisfying about favas, it is this — the beans have a tough outercarapace that needs to be peeled before eating.Tomakemattersworse, somepeople have anextremeallergicreactiontofavaskins,calledfavism,nottobeconfusedwithfauvism,theFrenchavant-gardeartmovementofacenturyago.VeryfewpeoplehavebeenallergictoMatisse.

Available inMiddle Eastern markets andmany natural food stores, dried favas come insmall,medium,andlarge,buttheEgyptianswiselyuseonlythesmall,tenderonesformakingful.Ihavegonewithalarger,lima-sizefava,thinkingfewerbeansperpoundwouldsavemepeelingtime.Iwassorelymisguided.Thebiggerthebean,thetoughertheskinandthegreaterthepeelingeffort.Smallfavas,whichtheEgyptianscallfulhammam,orbathbeans,arenotonlyquickertocookbuteasiertopeel.

Whatever size favas youuse, your best bet is to parboil the beans, peel them, then finishcookinguntilthebeansaretender.Iamsorrytotellyouthiscantakeaslongastwelvehours.Thefinalcooking,however,takesonlyminutes.

Ful is also sold incans, ifyouwant to spareyourself some timeand labor,butyou’llbecheatingyourselfoutof thefull fulexperience.Peelingapoundof favas isaworthyendeavor,especiallyifyouenlistotherstohelpyou.

Infact,peelingfavas together in thesameroomis the idealway tosolve theArab-Israeliconflict, marital conflict, any conflict. It keeps everyone’s hands busy but leaves you free toconverse, argue, understand, and ultimately feed each other. You may get frustrated with theprocess,butifyouwanttoeat,youhavetopeel.Shoulddiplomaticchannelsfail,theworstthingyoucandoispelteachotherwithcookedbeans.

Iwouldmuchrathersendgeneralsintothekitchentopeelfavasthansendthemintobattlewithguns,bombs,andbrave,selflesstroops.Mynewslogan—makeful,notwar.

Peeling,whenitcomestofavas,isallaboutreachingthepointoftenderness.Peeling,inallcases,isarevelationofself.Andthenwecansitdownandeattogether.

FulMudammas

Traditionally,eachsimplebowlofbeansistoppedwithagoodlydrizzleofoliveoil,buttoeatlikeanEgyptian,alloweachpersontosalthisownful.

Thisrecipedoubleseasilyandcanbeservedwithhomemadematzooranyflatbreadthatpleasesyou.

Serves4

3cupssmallfavabeanscookedaspermasterplan(seepage16),orforaneasierway,two15-ouncecansful,rinsed

4clovesgarlic,chopped½cupredlentils1½cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebroth,water,orreservedfavabeancookingliquid

2teaspoonsgroundcumin2tomatoes,chopped,orone15-ouncecandicedtomatoes,drainedJuiceof1lemon½cupchoppedfreshflat-leafparsleyOliveoilforgarnish(optional)Tahiniforgarnish(optional)Choppedfreshflat-leafparsleyandchoppedtomatoesforgarnish(optional)Choppedscallionsforgarnish(optional)

Inamediumsaucepan,heatthecookedfavabeansovermediumhighheat.Addthegarlic,lentils,broth, cumin,and tomatoes.Reduce theheat tomediumandsimmer, stirringoccasionally,untileverythingstartstocometogetherandtheredlentilsbecometender,about12minutes.

Stir and smoosh until you get the consistency you like. Some people like their ful totallycreamy,othersmoreonthebeanyside.Stirinthelemonjuiceand½cupparsley.(Thefulcanbestored in an airtight container in the refrigerator up to 1week; bring to room temperature justbeforeserving.)

Topwithyourchoiceofgarnishes,suchasoliveoil,tahini,parsley,tomatoes,andscallions.

GENTLENUDGEtheFOURTH:REDEFININGCOMFORTYoulooklikeyoucouldbeachocolateperson,buta littlemoreinteresting.Yeah?Solet’ssayyourcomfortfoodofchoiceisturbofudgeicecreamwithsaltedtoffeechunks.Thecoldness,thesweetness, thepopof saltiness, theclever interplaybetween thecrunchof toffeeand thecoat-your-throatcreaminessoftheicecreammakesyoureyesglazewithpleasure.

Orperhapsyou’remoreofamac-and-cheesesort.Creamygetsyouoff,too,butithastobesavory—saltyandfatty,withawarmsauceofcheese(orwhatpassesforit)robingnoodlesthatain’tseenaldenteinawhile.

Inbothcases,thesefoodsaresoeasytoeat,youbarelyhavetochew.Andyoubarelyhaveto think, not if the manufacturers have done their job right. That salty/fatty/sweet flavorcombinationyoulove?Foodcompaniesloveit,too,becauseitspikesyourblood-sugarlevelandlightsupallthepleasurereceptorsinyourbrain.Thisprettylightshowcomeswithnot-so-prettyconsequences.Itturnsconsumersintoeatingmachineswhodon’tquestionwhatthefoodisdoingtothemortotheenvironment.Itturnsusintojunkies.Junkiesarenotgooddecisionmakers.Orrather,they’regoodatdecidingalltheywantismorejunk.

Withinhalfanhourofeatingyourfavoriteindulgence,youhitcomedown.Yourbloodsugarfalls, along with your energy — and perhaps your self-image because you realize,

congratulations,you’ve just loadedupon saturated fats, processed sugar, extra salt, andemptycalories,plusa fewchemical compoundsyoucan’tpronounce, let alonecomprehend.Where’sthecomfortinthat?

How foodmakesyou feel is as important as how it tastes.Where it gets confusing is theemotionalcomponent—the“Iwant,Iwant,Iwant”s—havingpositiveassociationswithfoodthatpromisescomfortbutliestoyou.Ihateliars.

How do you define comfort food? For me, it’s something nourishing and pleasurable,energizing when I’m feeling good, propping me up when I’m needing support. That meanssomethinggreenand leafy;but serveabowlof spinach tosomeonewho’sbeingvisitedby theCrapFairy,andinmostcases,youwillnotbegreetedwarmly,despiteallyourgoodintentions.

While I usually want something spicy or crunchy like a twenty-ingredient curry, in timeswhen I’m in need of comfort, I want something simple to make and simple to eat, gentle inspicing,softintexture,tender,becauseIwanttobetreatedtenderly.

Iwantthepleasureofsomethingsweetbutwouldliketoreducethedegreetowhichweareenslavedbyprocessedsugarandflour,yourbasicwhitedevils.Beingvegan,Iamalsoatoddswithdairyandeggs.Iaskalot.

Theveganfactorcomplicateseverything.Manyveganbakedgoodsare—andIdon’twanttoalienatemyownhere—heavy.Orwet.Orboth.Mydefinitivezucchinibread recipecameabout the way all my culinary successes do— off book, intuitively, in a kitchen fever. It isflavorful,flaxen,light,lemony,tender,andvegan,witheye-catchinggreenzucchiniflecks.

Zucchini bread multitasks, combining the sweet innocence of nursery food, the virtue ofvegetables,andenoughofawoo-hoofunfactortomakeitallworthwhile.

ZucchiniBread

Enjoywithacupoftea.Enjoywithsomeoneyoulove.Thiscanbeyourself.Focusonthetea’sgentle, floral notes, the bread’s light and lemony sweetness.One small zucchiniwill do thetrick.You’llhavethebenefitofitsgoodnessbutbarelyknowit’sthereatwork.Breathe.Feelatpeacewiththeseason,atpeacewithyourself.I’mnotsayingyouhavetosing“Kumbaya”oranything,buthey,ifthespiritmovesyou.

¼cupcanolaorcoconutoil,plusmoreforoilingthepan1smallzucchini,grated2tablespoonsgroundflaxseeds(alsoknownasflaxmeal)Zestandjuiceof1lemon1½cupsspeltflour1tablespoongroundcinnamon1teaspoonbakingsoda1teaspoonaluminum-freebakingpowder

cupbrownsugar½cupunsweetenedsoymilk3tablespoonsagavenectarormaplesyrup

Preheattheovento350°F.Lightlyoila9-x-5-inchloafpan.Inasmallbowl,stirtogetherthezucchini,flaxseeds,andlemonzest.In a large bowl, sift together the spelt flour, cinnamon, baking soda, baking powder, and

brownsugar.Addthezucchinimixturetotheflourmixtureandtoss,keepingthingslight—goodadvice

forlifeingeneral.Inanothersmallbowl,combinethesoymilkandlemonjuice.Itwillcurdle;don’tfret.Stir

inthe¼cupoilandagavenectar.Gentlystirthewetingredientsintothezucchini-flourmixture,untiljustcombined.Pour into theprepared loafpan.Bakefor45minutes,oruntilbread isgoldenandpuffed,

andatesterinsertedinthecentercomesawaycrumb-freeandclean.Youcanalsogiveitagentlepokewithafinger;itshouldspringbackwhenbakedthrough.

MOTHER’SDATforDUMMIESSpringistheseasonforregeneration,butitisalsotheseasonforshewhogenerates.InApril,wehonorMother Earth on Earth Day, then comeMay, we honor our own respective mothers onMother’s Day. Gotta love ’em both because without the planet and without your mom, youwouldn’tbehere.

Every year onEarthDay,we suddenly remember, oh, right, the earth is our home,wherewe’vebeengetting roomandboard.For free.We feelguilty, sowe throwparties, and they’refabulous;butthepresentsareevenbetter,withpeoplelaunchingnewgreeninitiativeseveryyear.Thethingis,whetheryourcommunitystartsacompostingprogramoryoumakeyourownpledgetobuyandeatlocalproduceatleasttwiceaweek,theearthgetsit.Shedoesn’tnagandsaywhyhaven’tyoucalled.She’stheworld’sgreatestmom.Youdon’tneedtotakeheroutforbrunch,justshowsomeappreciation,makealittleeffort.

Jesus,it issaid,madewinefromwaterandfashionedloavesandfishesfromthinair.Therestofususuallyacquirefoodstuffsbymoreconventionalmeans.ButforEarthDay,miraclesareonthemenu.Youcanhelphealtheplanet,savemoney,andgetaheadstartondinnerallinonego.I’lleventhrowinastory.

Onebriskspringmorning,astrangerappearsinavillage(oneofyourclassicplotlines,bytheway).Thestranger’slookingalittleworseforwearandthevillagenotmuchbetter.There’sbeenwar,famine,poverty; infact,all thehorsemenof theapocalypsehaveriddenthrough,andit’smadethetownsfolkalittlelessthanfriendly.Theysuggestthemanmovealong.

“Rightaway,”hesays,“butI’dliketostopforsomethingtoeatfirst.”“Goodluck,”theysay.“Youwon’tbefindinganyfoodhere.”

Hesmiles.“Noproblem.GoteverythingIneedrighthere.I’minthemoodforstonesoup.”Hebuildsasmallfire,fillsabeat-uppotwithwater,anddropsinwhathesaysishismagicsoupstone.

Magicandsoup—thesearebothappealing things to thosesufferinghardship,andwithinminutes, the whole ragtag village has assembled to watch. The man stirs the pot and smiles.“Love a good stone soup,” he says. “But, you know, what reallymakes it special is a bit ofcabbage.”

“Isthatright?”Oneofthevillagersproducedasorry-lookingheadofit.“Great,” the stranger says. He chops up the cabbage and adds it to the pot. “Thanks for

helpingme.You’llhavesomesoupwithmewhenit’sready,won’tyou?”Thevillageristhrilled,alsohungry.Anothervillageraskswhatelsegoesintostonesoup.“Carrotsarelovely,perhapsanonion,apotato,andIalwaysliketoaddsomegreens—just

likethekindgrowingaroundhere.”Prettysoonthewholevillagehasponiedupavegetableortwotobechoppedupandadded

to thepotwith themagicsoupstone. Itallcomes together tobearich, life-sustainingsoup theentirevillagecanenjoy.

Themoralis,wearecapableofchange,butonlybyworkingtogether.Onetwirlycompactfluorescentbulbwillnotchange theworld.But ifwealluse them, theycanhelp,andcreateaglowbesides.SohereisastonesoupforaMother’sDayforthemotherofall.

EarthDaySpecial:StoneSoup(NoRocksRequired),a.k.a.VegetableBroth

Ratherthantossingscrapsandtheoddbitsofvegetablesleftoverfromcooking,throwthemallinabag—likeagallon-sizeplasticone.Extrapointsifyouuseenvironmentallyfriendlyreusablebags,availableatmostnaturalfoodstores.

Throwthebaginthefreezer.Addscrapstothebageverytimeyouchopfreshherbs,peelanonion,ortearupgreensforasalad.Carrot,tomato,andpotatopeels,greenbeantopsandtails,stemmybitsofparsleyandcilantro,cabbagecores,woodybroccolistems—everythinggoesinthebag.Whenit’sfullandyou’vegotanhourorso,it’sbroth-makingtime.

Dumptheveggiebitsintoasouppot—twogallonsorlarger.Addfourcupsofwater,acuportwomoreifyou’vereachedvegetablescrapmotherlode.Putthelidonthepot,settheburneronhigh,andletthewatercometoaboil.Turnofftheheat,leavethepotinplaceforhalfanhour(orlonger),andyouaredone.

Meanwhile, the veggie bits and hot water will coalesce, producing gorgeous vegetablebroth.Knownaspassivecooking,itmaylooklikeyou’redoingnothing,butyou’remakingbrothandsavingenergy,bothyoursandtheelectricityorgasnecessarytoheatthesoup.Keepingthelid

onmeanstheheatdoesn’tescapeanddoestheworkforyou.Let themixture cool, then strain the broth through a sieve or colander into awaiting pot.

Vegetablebrothcanbefrozenuntilyou’rereadytouseit.Compostcookedandcooledscraps.Taste varies based onwhatever goes into the broth.However, it’s always better than the

purchased stuff.There’s no salt unless/until you add it.Andyounever have to layout anotherpennyforpreparedvegetablebrothagain.

It’snotarecipetoservetoguests,butyou’llmakeitalot,Ihope.Useitinsteadofwatertocookwholegrains—vegetablebroth infuses themwithbothnutrientsandflavor.Use itas thebaseforsoupsandstews,andasthebaseforahome-cookedMother’sDaycelebration.

AlongwithValentine’sDay andNewYear’sEve,Mother’sDay is a holiday to be spentwiththoseyoulove,athome—yourhome,yourfriend’shome,yourrelative’shome,anyone’shome.Justdon’tgoouttoarestaurant.

These holidays, where we are called upon to be our truest, most authentic and adorableselves, turn restaurants, even those where the rest of the year they live to serve, into crazedmoneymakinggougemachines.

Okay,soperhapsIhaveissues,especiallywithbrunchbuffets.I’mstillrecoveringfromthetraumaofmyfirst,whichshouldhavebeenaspectacularfairytaleofafeast.

ImusthavebeeneightwhenmyparentstookmetoSanFrancisco.Ifellinlovewiththesealions off Fisherman’s Wharf. My mother fell in love with the idea of having brunch at theFairmont. And so we went.We were greeted, seated at a table with thick white linens, thendirectedtothefood.

Well,youcouldn’tmissit,couldyou?Thereweretiersofit.Sausagessweatingredunderheatlamps,wholefishsculptedtolookasthoughleapingfromtheirplatters.Therewerebasketsupon baskets of pastries; bakeries had been raided of their breads. Bowls heaped withmayonnaise-begoopedsaladsflankedatowerofpancakesdrippingwithmeringue.

Iwonderhowitwouldlooktomenow.Ionlyknowthatasakid,Ifounditterrifying.Iwentthroughthebuffetline,holdingmyemptyplateinfrontofmewithbothhands.Myparentsofferedme food from this platter, that bowl, gave the tooth-baring smiles that

signalparentalencouragement.“Youcanhavewhateveryouwant,”theysaid.WhatIwantedwastogohome,backtoMiami,backtoourhouse,wherethingsmadesense

andthingshadscale.Isensedgoinghomewasnotanoptionrightthen,norwoulditgodownwellifIsomuchasproposedit.

Iproceededtotheendoftheline.Iwentback.Imighthavewalkedaroundforaverylongtime.BythetimeIreturnedtotheplatterofmeringue-toppedpancakes—whywouldyoudothatto apancake?— theyhadbeenpickedover, leaving anoozingpuddleofoneness; the leapingfishes’ bones were exposed. And sharp. The mayonnaisey things had only grown whiter andwetter.

Ibroughtmyplatebacktomysmilingparents(who,forallIknow,hadalreadygoneback

forseconds),smoothedthenapkinovermylaplikeabiggirl,andwasabouttoeatthefeastofmychoosing,whenaman,anotherbrunchpatron,bentovermeandsaid,“Isthatallyou’regoingtoeat,littlegirl?Youknow,yourfatherhasspentalotofmoneytobringyouhere.”

Ithenlookedfromthesmallclusterofgreengrapesandthesinglered-dyedcrabappleonmyplate to theman.Hisvoicewaskind, though firm,his sport jacketplaidand loud. Iburst intotears.

Iwasakid.Ididn’tunderstandthewaysoffoodjustice;Ijustknewtherewasnowaywecouldeatallthisfood.Howhungrycouldanyofusbe?Worse,noonetrulyhungryandinneedwasgoingtogetanyofit,either.Alose-losesituation.

Myfatherdrewhimselfupandsaid,“Mydaughtercaneatwhatevershewants.”Scoreonefordad.Itwasasthoughhe’dliftedmeontohisshoulders.Butwhowasgoingtostandupforeveryoneelse?Ipluckedagreengrapefromitscluster, sucking it inwithanaudiblepop.But itcouldn’t

eclipseanewhatredofbrunch,ahorrorofwaste,andawarinessofmeninplaidsportcoats.Ihaveoutgrownnoneofthem.

Oh,there’ssometasteful-enoughsportcoatsoutthere,andsomeguyscancarrythelook;butwiththewastething,there’snoquestion—foodisnotnecessarilyacasewheremoreisbetter,especiallywhenhalfgetstossed.

The question is, what makes a feast? The answer for my mother and aunt, children ofDepressionparents,isplenty.Theybothsuffernightmaresofrunningoutoffood.Thishasnever,everhappened,andyetthatfearisstillthere.Theycompensatebyservingifnotoverabundance,thenletussaygenerousportions,andBenjaminandIalwaysleavewithbagsofleftovers.

TheancientRomansateuntiltheywereill,politelyexcusedthemselvestohurl,thenreturnedto the table. An interesting over-the-top attitude, but they didn’t last as a civilization. SomeJapanesepracticeharahachibu,eatinguntilyou’re80percentfull.Thismayseemlikeit’ddoyouin,too.ButinJapan,foodisart.It’splatedtodelighttheeye.Yourstomachgetsitsfill,butsodoyoursenses.

I lack the patience— and knife skills — to carve a carrot into a rose but don’t mindspendingtimeinthekitchenpreparingfoodoratthetableenjoyingit.Timeisacrucialingredienttocreatingafeast.Itmaybenomorethanapotofjasmineteasharedwithafriend.It’slessaboutthefoodyoueat than thespiritandattentionyoubring to it.Taking time toeatcanseemlikealuxury,butthealternativeisn’tpretty.

Ourfirsttwoyearsofmarriedlife,BenjaminandIlivedinTokyo.Lunchtimeinthebusinessdistrictwasobservedwithasortofbrief,frantichorror.Tokyobusinessmenslurpeddowntheirsobainseconds.Theyflippedtheirtiesaside,raisedbowlstotheirmouths,andemptiedthebroth— still steaming— and the tangle of noodles in one rapid go. Delight the eye it did not. Itprobablydidn’tdomuchfortheirdigestion,either.

Youdon’twanttolooklikethat.Andyoudon’twanttofeellikethat.Slowingdownratherthanspeed-eatinginvitesyoutobecomeawareof thephysicalsensationofeating,oneof life’sgreatunsungpleasures.Sowhyrushit?Indulgeinfeelingthesilkysobanoodlessliparoundinyourmouth,contrastthatwiththethin,crispdisksofcarrot,themeatychewofshiitakes.Feeltheheat of the broth, taste the brininess from the soy, the gentle bite from the ginger, the gauziest

overlayoffermentationfromthemiso.Eatingslowlyalsomakesyourecognizethatmomentoffullness,poisedbetweenharahachi

buandancientRomanexcess.Thatisthebeautifulmomentofenough,whenyoufeelthathappyahh in thebellyand the soul andneednothingmore.The“more,more,more”urgewill set insoonenough.Fornow,trytoenjoythemoment.Breathe.Ithelps.

The technical word is satiety, or fullness, and it sounds to me very like the Arabicbenedictionsaidatthebeginningorendofameal—sahtayn,wishingtwohealthstoyou.Youdeserveatleasttwohealths.Sodoesyourmother.SodoesMotherEarth.SomakeMother’sDaymeaningful,mindful,adayofcelebration,notwaste.Asimple(meatless)mealpreparedwithawholeheartbeatsamore-than-you-can-eatandmore-than-you-can-affordbuffet.

ShowMomthelove.Showherthelunch.Makeityourself.

KAMUTFORMOTHEREARTHHere’sawholegraindishIcreatedthatearnedthesealofapprovalfrommymotherandaunt.It’smadewithKamut,orkhorasanwheat. It’sancientwholegrain,soancient it’sbelieved tohaveoriginated in theFertileCrescent, and takes its name fromahieroglyph. It’s got all its ancientgoodnessintactandevenwheat-sensitivefolksseemabletoenjoyit.There’smuchtoenjoy—arich,nuttytasteandterrificchew.You’vebeenmeaningtoeatmorewholegrainsanyway.Itcanbemadeadayortwoahead,soitmakesthingseasyforyou.Andit’sorganic,soitmakesMotherEarthhappy,too.

KamutforMotherEarth

Kamutneeds tobesoaked inwaterovernightandrequiresslowcooking.Don’t fussabout ittoomuch,justfactorinalittletime.

Serves4to6,doubleslikeadream

3cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebroth1cupKamut(alsoknownaskhorasanwheat)1clovegarlic2bayleaves4to5carrots,coarselychopped2onions,coarselychopped2tablespoonsoliveoil2tablespoonsDijonmustard,plusmoreasneededJuiceof2lemons,plusmoreasneeded

1bunchSwisschardoragoodhandfulfreshspinachorarugulaleaves,chopped1bunchfreshflat-leafparsley,chopped1tablespoonchoppedfreshtarragon(ifyou’reabigdillfan,swapitfortarragon)Seasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Inalargepot,bringthebrothtoaboil.Meanwhile,pourtheKamutintoasieveandrinsewithcoldwater.Whenthebrothboils,addtherinsedKamut,thegarlic,andbayleaves.Cover,reducetheheattolow,andsimmerfor1½hours.Iknow,it’salongtime,buttheKamutkeepsitsowncompany.Whenthegrainshaveplumpedupenormouslyandaretenderandchewy,theKamutisready.

Meanwhile,youcandoother thingswhile theKamutcooks.For instance,youcanpreheattheovento350°F.

Spreadthecarrotsandonionsonalargerimmedbakingsheet.Drizzlewith1tablespoonoftheoliveoil.Roastuntilfragrant,slightlydarkened,andjusttender,about30minutes,givingthevegetablesanoccasionalfliporstirsotheyroastevenly.

Inasmallbowl,whisktogetherthe2tablespoonsDijonmustard,theremaining1tablespoonoliveoil,andthejuiceof2lemons.

Transfer thecookedKamut toa largebowl.Add thechard,herbs, and roastedvegetablesalongwiththeirliquids.Pourthemustard-and-lemondressingoverallandmixagain.

Seasonwithsaltandpepper.Tasteandzingupwithalittlemoremustardorlemonjuice,ifdesired.

Serveatroomtemperatureorhot.TheKamutforMotherEarthcanbestoredinanairtightcontainerintherefrigeratorforseveraldays;reheatjustbeforeserving.Toreheat,bakecoveredat350°Fforabout30minutes,stirringoccasionally.

GENTLENUDGEtheFIFTH:GOOLD-SCHOOLKamut,farro,spelt,quinoa,millet,barley,amaranth—thisisn’tamagicalincantation.Ormaybeitis.Thewordsarenamesforancientgrains,wholegrainsthathavebeenaroundforcenturies.Forcenturies,wholewashowweategrain,too.Thenwediscoveredmilling.

Milling, or grinding, grain removed the husk. It rendered the grain softer, easier to chew,easiertodigest.Millingwasoriginallydonebyhand,adifficult job thatmadeprocessedgrainexpensive. It became the food of the privileged, a status symbol— refined grain for refinedpeople.

Overthecenturies,itbecamemoreaffordable,moreavailable,andstillweprocessed.It’sonlybeenwithinthepasthalfcenturythatwe’verealizedjusthownutritionallyneuteredrefinedgrainis.Wholegrainhasitskernelandbranintact,andthat’swherethehard-corenutrientsare.That’swherethefiber,thefun-for-the-mouthchew,andthenutty,earthyflavorare,too.

Weareanationabsorbedbyyouth,radianthealth,andbeauty.Andyetthemajorityofusarefat,sick,andnothot.Thiswasnothingweflash-mobbed.It’stheresultofwhatweeat.Andit’s

notentirelyourfault.Manyofushavebeenraisedonprocessed,refinedwhiteflour,whiterice,white bread. They’re fluffy, cheap, bland, and some nutritionists believe they’re the reason somany people are suffering from wheat intolerance. What’s for sure, though, is refined grainscontributetothetriplethreatofdiabetes,heartdisease,andcancer.Nottooyum.

We’resotakenwithfoodsthatclaimtobenaturalandhealthfulonthelabel,weoverlookfoods that really are.Give ancient grains a try.They’reyour age-old sources for great energy,nourishment, flavor, and satiety (that’s that happy, full-belly feeling).Evenwithout a label thatsaysso.Rediscoverancientgrains.Eattheminalltheirrobust,unrefinedglory.

FarrottowithGreens,PineNuts,andCurrants

Traditionalrisottogetsitsluscious,chewy,creamytexturefromshort-grainarborioriceandconstantstirring.Thisdishgivesyouthesameterrificresultwithlesseffortandwholegraingoodness,too.Callitfarrotto,callitFred,thisisacheatyversionofrisottomadewithfarro.

Tosoakornot tosoak, that is thequestion.Manychefsgostraightaheadandcookthefarrowithoutsoaking.Isoakitovernight,anditcomesouttremendouslycreamyandcooksupquickly.Tryitbothways.

Serves6

2cupsfarro¼cuppinenuts4teaspoonsoliveoil3clovesgarlic,minced1driedredpepper,crumbled,oracoupleofgoodpinchesofredpepperflakes1bunchSwisschard,spinach,kale,orotherheartywintergreens,choppedintobite-sizepieces

5cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebrothorwater¼cupcurrantsSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Pour thefarro intoasieve, rinsewithcoldwater,anddrain. Ina largebowl,soak thefarro inenoughcoldwatertocoverovernight(ornot—yourcall).

Preheattheovento350°F.Pourthepinenutsinashallowovenproofpanandtoastuntiltheyjustturngolden,about6

minutes.Theycangofromgoldentoblackinamatterofminutes,sowatchthetimecarefullyandzipthemoutoftheovenassoonasthey’reready.Transferthepinenutstoasmallbowltocool.

Inastockpot,heattheoliveoilovermedium-highheat.Addthegarlicandredpepper.Cook,stirringoccasionally,untilthegarlicandredpeppersizzleandarefragrant,afewminutes.Add

thechard,ahandfulata time,andcookuntil it justwilts,4 to5minutes.Transfer thechard toanotherlargebowl.

Noneedtocleanoutthestockpot.Drainthefarroandpourintothepot.Heatovermedium-highheat.Stiruntilthefarrotoastsandgetsalittlelusterfromtheresidualoil,about2minutes.

Addthevegetablebroth,stir,andbringtoaboil.Cover, reduce the heat to low, and simmer untilmost of the liquid is absorbed, about 30

minutes. (The farro will continue to soak up liquid as it cools.) The farro will be thick andcreamywitharisotto-esqueconsistency.

Stirinthechardandthecurrants.Thecurrants,whichstartouttinyandwrinkly,willplumpupfromtheheat.

Seasonwithsaltandfreshlygroundpepper.Gentlystirthepinenutsintothefarro,reserving1tablespoonforgarnish.

Toserve,moundintoaservingbowlorspoonontoindividualplates.Sprinklethelastofthepinenutsontop.

Thefarrottocanbestoredinanairtightcontainerintherefrigeratorforseveraldays;reheatjustbeforeserving.

theGLOBALSTEWAsafledglingexistentialistinmytweens,IcoinedtheExistentialStewTheory,whichpositsyouareacarrot.Oranartichoke.Oramushroom.Orasprigofbasil.Youaresignificant,withyourowncharacter,yourownuniqueflavorandqualities.Youarewholeandindependent.Yetyouareanecessaryingredientinanelaboratestew.Takeawayanyoneingredient,andthedishsuffers.Butwhenyouhangoutwithyour fellow ingredients,youenhanceeachother,youbringout thebestineachother.Together,webecomeevenbetterthanwhatweareindividually.Andisn’tthatthepointofbeinghuman,tobumpupagainstotherhumansandhelpeachotherout?

Notbadasatheory—it’srealitywherethingsgetcomplicated.Iwouldpaygoodmoneytoavoid bumping up against some people. They do not bring out the best in me; they send myshouldersuparoundmyearsandmakemehisslikeacorneredpossum.

Apparently,otherpeoplefeelthesameway.Aboutme.Howcanthisbepossible?Buthowelsetoexplainthefenceournext-doorneighborsputuparoundtheirhouse?Itiseightfeethigh,withwoodenplanksstandingsidebyside,admittingnolightinbetween.Ittotallyenclosestheirhomefromview.It’saboxaroundtheirhouse.What’snext?Amoat?

Theycallitafence;Icallitacorral.Itmightlookmorefittingoutinthecountry.Butwearenotoutinthecountry;wearesmackdabinthemiddleofacityblock,andtheirfencecomesrightupagainstthepropertylineofourtinylot.Itcastsunfortunateshadowsinmybackyardwheremyarugulawould otherwise flourish. It’s an affront to the eye.And it’s such a snub. Perhaps thefencemakesthemfeelsafe.Fromwhat?Fromme?Obviously,myneighborsaredeeplydisturbed.Alsomisguided.Becauseiftheythinktheycanjustshutmeout,they’vegotanotherthinkcoming.

Therearealsopeopleyoumightprefernottobumpupagainst.Butbumpwedo,andthere’s

nofencebigenoughtokeepusallapart.Therearesevenbillionofusatthetablenow,andwe’refacingacaseoftoomanymouthsandnotenoughfood.Theworldgrowsenoughgrainsoeveryoneofussevenbillioncanhavetwopoundsofitperday,plusalltheproduceyoucaneat(andyoushouldeatmorethanyoudo—justsaying).Alas,athirdormoreofthatgraingoestofeedinglivestock,whileoneoutofeverysixofusgoeshungry.Withnotenoughforusall,thepolitical,religious, economic, and cultural differencesbetweenus can appear large.Andugly.Fear andhatredmakeusnotsopretty,either.

Idon’tmeanyou,ofcourse.Youaremagnificent.Butyouarenottheonlyflavortheworldhastooffer.Weareallheretolive.Andit’snotalwayseasy.

Iknowwhatyou’rethinking—let’sgetallthiseatingandenlightenmentstuffoutofthewaynow,so Icangetback towork,my family,my laundry,andmaybegrabacoffeeandaPilatesclass.I’msosorry.Iwishitworkedthatway.Iflifeandspiritanddinnercouldbereducedtoatweet,I’dbeonit.Butittakestimeandpatiencetoappreciatehowitallconnects.Youhavetorelaxintoit.PatienceandrelaxationarenothingI’mgoodat,butIknowyoucan’trushconnectionanymorethanyoucanhastentheslow-cookingmagicthatgoesintoapotofstew.

Yes,stew.Itturnsoutmytwelve-year-oldselfhadsomewisdom.Wearealltogetherinthegreatglobalstew.Wedependoneachother.Notasdirectlyaswedidwhenourancestorstookinstrangers,butjustasmuch.Notlovingeachothermadlydoesn’tchangethat.Puttingupstupid-assfencesbetweenusdoesn’tchangethat,either.

So I try to breathe and bemy bigger, better self, to dealwith our differenceswith somecompassion,somehumility.Andsomedinner.

Of course, what happens in a church or amosque or a synagoguematters, but I’mmoreinterestedinthefoodwesharewhenwecomehome.Almosteveryreligion,everyculture,hasitsownholiday soup or stew. Itmay contain a spice or seasoning that’s not in your pantry—orcomfort zone; but strip away the differences, and you have a pot of commonality, ingredientseverycultureknows.They’rerichintraditionbuteasyonthebelly,simpleandsustaining.

Stewsareculturalcomfortfood;theyarethepeople’sfood.Thisisfoodthattakesdownthefenceswebuildbetweenus,thatbridgesourotherness.Goodthing,too.Weallgottaeat.Inthesynchronistic way life sometimes has when you play your cards right, I discovered gumboz’herbes, New Orleans’s amazing green gumbo, in the spring, when collards, chard, spinach,watercress, sorrel, parsley, tatsoi, kale, dandelion, mustard, and turnip greens all conspire toexplodefrommygarden,community-supportedagriculture(CSA)box,andfarmers’market.

Ican’ttellthekale,“Notnow,darling.Comebacknextweek,”oraskthecollardstopleaseshrink down from their elephant-ear size to something more manageable. Not only is it peakseasonforgreensinmypartoftheworld,butthisüberabundancehappensattherightseasonasfarastheCatholicChurchisconcerned.

Silly,heathenme, I’dbeensmittenwith itbecause it tasted sogoodandmademe feel sogood.Who knew it could be penance grub? It turns out gumbo z’herbes is anAshWednesdaytradition, complying with the Lenten abstinence from meat. Carnival, as Mardi Gras is alsoknown, comes from theLatincarnevale— literally, “farewell,meat.”Pleasenote it doesnotmean“farewell,fun.”Gumboz’herbesismeatless,butitshowsyourmouthagoodtime.Ittakesthestingoutoffortydaysofprayerandausterity.Youcanenjoyingoodfaith.Truly.

Youcan,asIdid,pronounceitwithaFrenchaccent,butinLouisiana,theylookedatmeasifIwascrazy.There,theysay“gumbozav.”Andtheycreatedit,sowhoamItoargue?AndIcan’targuewithanyrecipethatletsmeuseleafyandso-calledlowlygreens,spinthemintoculinarygold, andmake room inmy refrigerator, too.We’re talkinga lotofgreens.Poundsof them,asmanykindsasyoulike,aslongasthey’reanoddnumber.Thisisbelievedtobringgoodfortune,and if not exactly sanctioned by the Catholic Church, it makes a good story. I thinkwe’re ashungryfornarrativeasweareforfood.Ormaybethat’sjustme.

Ifyoupreferyourmealwithoutbackstoryand religioussignificance,gumboz’herbeswillstillcomethroughforyou.It’scrazywithcalcium,iron,antioxidants,andwhatnot.ButyoualsogetyourRDAofakindofnourishmentevencollardscan’tsupply—thenourishmentofthespirit.Fulfillment,joy,connectionarebuiltrightin.

Here’sanotheropportunitytouseyourvegetablebroth.It’satimeinvestment—youdon’twant to rush a roux. There’s something leisurely, expansive, luxurious about making gumboz’herbes, and youknow,whenyou spend the timemaking food, you’rewell on yourway to afeast. Ifyou’vegota foodprocessor,you’vegot itmade.Mostof theworkhappens in thepotwithoutyourhelp,andtheresultisamazing.It’salaboroflovewithabigflavorpayoff—justwhatyou’dwant tomakeforpeopleyoucareabout.Serveovercookedbrownrice;keepyourfavoritehotsaucehandy.

CSAGumboZ’herbes

Gumboz’herbesisgreengumbo—justwhatkindofgreenisuptoyouandwhat’sfreshandavailable.Iusewhatcomesinmycommunitysupportedagriculturebox—escarole,collards,tatsoi,rainbowchard,andbeetgreens.Remember,useanoddnumberofgreensforgoodluck.

Traditionally,gumboz’herbesisladledoverwhiterice.Ipreferbrownrice,bothforitsnuttyflavoranditsgreater,grainiernourishment.Eitherway,thisgumbomakesabig,seriousbowlofgreen.

Serves8to10

5bigbunchesgreens(escarole,collards,tatsoi,chard,beetgreens—whatever’sgreenandfresh)

Tablesaltforthegreenscupplus2tablespoonsoliveoil

½cupwholewheatflour2onions,coarselychopped6clovesgarlic4stalksceleryplustheirleaves,coarselychopped2redbellpeppers,coarselychopped

6cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebroth1handfulfreshthymeleaves1bayleaf¼teaspooncayennepepper1tablespoonapplecidervinegarSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Washyourgreensreally,reallywell.Thisisthemostimportantstep,asamouthfulofgritisnotpleasing.ThebestwayI’vefoundtocleangreensistoplopthemdownandrinsethemthoroughlyinyoursink.Thenpickthemover.Youcanreservetheoddstemmybitsforbroth.Shakeinsometablesaltandrinseagain.(Thesalthelpsridthegreensofstubbornsandandsuch.)Giveafinalrinseandblotdry.

The old-schoolmethod for cooking gumbo greens is to blanch or boil them, but I prefersteaming,whichkeepstheircolorbrightandtheirlovelynutrientsintact.Steamgreensinbatchesinacoveredsteamerordoubleboiler.Fill thebottompothalfwaywithwater.Bring toaboiloverhighheat.Placethegreensinthesteamerinset,orthetoppotofadoubleboiler,theonewiththeholesatthebottom.

Cover and steam so the greens are just tender yet still vibrant and bright colored. Timevariesforthedifferentgreens.Soft-leafedgreenslikespinachsteamin3to5minutes.Sturdiergreenslikecollardsmaytaketwiceaslong.

Placethegreensinacolanderwithapotbeneaththemtocatchallthegoodveggiebroth.Meanwhile,makeyourroux.Inalargesouppot,heat cupoftheoliveoiloververylow

heat. Whisk in the flour and cook, whisking occasionally, for a really long time, maybe 45minutes,oruntiltherouxstartstogiveoffatoastyscentandturnschocolatyincolor.

Meanwhile,inafoodprocessor,pulsetheonionsandgarlicuntilthey’refinelychopped,notmushy, about aminute, tops. In a large skillet, heat the remaining2 tablespoonsoliveoil overmediumheat.Stirintheonion-garlicmixture.

One by one, finely chop the celery, bell peppers, and, finally, the greens, in the foodprocessor,addtotheskillet,andstirtocombine.Oncethevegetablesstarttosoftenandcoalesce,in5to7minutes,givethemalaststir,thenreducetheheattolow.Cover,andcookfor20minutesorso,stirringoccasionally,untilvegetablesarewelcomingandtender.

Yourrouxandvegetablesarenowreadytomeeteachother.Gentlystirthevegetablemixtureinto the roux, until everything is well combined. Raise the heat to medium-high and add thevegetablebrothplusany juices fromthedrainedgreens.Add the thyme,bay leaf,andcayenne.When the mixture starts to boil, cover, reduce the heat to medium-low, and cook, stirringoccasionally, for1hourmore,oruntil thegumbodarkensand thickensa littlemore.Oh,don’tcomplain;begenerousofspirit.Callafriend,checkyoure-mail,pouryourselfaglassofwine,ifithelps.

Splashinthevinegarandseasonwithseasaltandpepper.

GENTLENUDGEtheSIXTH:SEASONtoTASTEYoucouldcall thewaythisriotoffreshgreenscoincideswithLentdivineintervention,agreatcosmicmeant-to-be.Oryoucouldcallitseasonality.Thistermhasgottenalotofbuzzinthepastfewyears,whichgoes to showyouhowout ofwhackwe are.Until the last century, seasonaleatingwasallwedid.Wewouldharvestthefruitsandvegetablesavailabletouswhentheywereripeandready.Somewedriedandstoredforwinter,butmostwe’deatright then.Thismakessense.

Then came refrigeration and air travel, and we could get fresh grapes in December.Wecouldget everythingall the time.Andwe stillweren’t happy.Because thegrapesdidn’tmuchtaste like grapes, as theywere grown for sturdiness rather than for that low, slow building oftannic skin and sweet, juicy flesh, andhint of soil and rain that’s inherently grapy.Thegrapeswerepickedunderripesotheywouldn’tbedeadbythetimetheygottoyou,thentheywereflownortruckedinfromanothercountry.

Internationaltraveltotallyragsmeout,sohowcanitnotdothesametoagrape?Then there’s the cost for out-of-season stuff. The earth has limited amounts of oil, limits

we’rebumpingupagainst.Depletingourfinitereservesforabunchofgrapesbecausethemoodstrikesisnot,asyouraccountantwilltellyou,cost-efficient.

Theproblemis,we’vegottenoutofsyncwith therhythmsof theearth.Ourgo-gosocietymakesusfeelguiltyforbeingother than24/7,whenreally, lovey,nooneis24/7.Or ifso, it’sbecausewhoeverit ishasstaff.Eventheplanetdoesn’tdo24/7.Twenty-four/sevenisalie—there,I’vesaidit.

Butdowelisten?Notfromthelooksofthings.Eatingoutofseasonislikelivinginaforeigncountrywithoutunderstandingthelanguage.Youmightbeabletogetbywithfranticgesturesandshouting,butyoumiss thenuance,all the lovelywaysof thisplace.Youmisswhat theearth istrying to tell you. It’s saying, pay attention. Live in the moment. Gather ye rosebuds— andbroccolibudsandnasturtiumbuds—whileyemay,becausetheywon’tbeheretomorrow.Orifthey’restillaround,they’llhavelosttheirluster.

Luster is thebest reason to eatwhat’s ripenow.Thinkof freshpopcornversus stale; flatchampagneversusabottlethatbubblesandsparkles.Foodtastesbestwhenit’sfresh.Seasonaleatingisnature’swayofdirectingyoutofoodatitsmostvibrant,whenit’scrazy-madwithchi(Chinesefor“lifeforce”).Itconnectsyoutotheearthanditsseasonsandthrowsalittlemeaningin, if you’re looking for it.Mostly, though, it’s about having agood time, about adding a littlemorelustertoyourlife.

RoastedBeetSaladwithChili-LimeVinaigrette

Beets, mangoes, and jicama (also known as Mexican turnip) are Mexican crops, and theyfeature in springand summer salads like thisone, sparkedwithachili-limevinaigrette. It’s

suitableforCincodeMayoandprettyenoughforMother’sDay.

Serves4to6

2good-sizebeets(savegreensforsouporforsautéing—youknowhowIfeelaboutwaste)Juiceof2limes1tablespoonbalsamicvinegarorapplecidervinegar2teaspoonsagavenectarorhoney3tablespoonsoliveoil1teaspoonDijonmustard1teaspoongroundcumin½teaspoonchilipowder3to4bunchesfreshbabygreens(arugula,butterlettuce,watercress,orspinach)½jicama(alsoknownasMexicanturnip),peeledanddiced,or1youngwhiteturnip,peeledanddiced

1orange,peeledandcutintobite-sizepieces1mango,peeledandchopped(ifavailable)cupalmondsorpecans,toastedandcoarselychopped

1bunchfreshcilantro,chopped

Preheattheovento400°F.Washthebeets,wrapthemtightlyinaluminumfoil,androastfor1hour.Removefromthe

ovenandletcool.Whenthebeetsarecoolenoughtohandle,slipofftheskinsandchopintobite-sizepieces.(Thechopped,roastedbeetscanbewrappedandstoredintherefrigeratorforaday.)

In a small bowl,whisk together the lime juice, balsamic vinegar, agave nectar, olive oil,mustard,cumin,andchilipowder.Youshouldhaveabout cupofdressing,ampleforthissaladplusleftovers.

Arrange the greens on a platter or on individual plates. Top with beets, jicama, orange,mango(ifusing),almonds,andcilantro.

Drizzlethedressingontop.

*Availableinmanyculinaryshopsandabazillionplacesonline.*ChickpeaflourisavailableinsomenaturalfoodstoresandinMiddleEasternmarkets,whereit’ssometimescalledbesan.

“Summersurprisedus,”writesT.S.Eliot.Thephrasecomesearlyin“TheWasteLand,”anditalsosurprisesthereader,alreadysolostinthepoem’srichlayersastobestartledbythesefivesimplesyllablesthatcomeintheeighthline.

Istill feelakid’sdeep-heartedyearninginsummer,anitchtobeoutside, toruntill I flopdown on the grass and pant like a dog. Summer inMiami is hot andwet-blanket humid. It issomethingyouenter,likeasauna.Thesunbleachesoutthesky.Lawnscrispintheheat.Sodothesunburnedtourists,whostaggeraround,eyesvacant.Nativesknowenoughtogoinsideandseekair-conditioning. On the upside, the riffraff have taken off, and we can get into our favoriterestaurantswithoutareservation.

Summer surprises me, too. What surprises me is how quickly it goes. It’s no soonerMemorialDaythanit’sLaborDay,andeveryone’stalkingback-to-schoolthisandthat.Summerover, game over. I think of scripture, particularly the Old Testament, Jeremiah 8:20— “Theharvestispast,thesummerisended,andwearenotsaved.”Inotherwords,morethanhalftheyearisshot,andwhathaveIgottoshowforit?

Itwas not always thus. Summers of childhoodwere open and endless.OnSaturdays,myparents would rent a cabana, a fancy name for a bare, cement-floored roomette on the beachwheretheycouldunloadtheircarloadofstuffandme.Iwouldrunscreamingintothewater,thewaves roughhousing me until my lips were salt numbed, my eyes stinging, and fingertipspuckered.Icouldbecountedontodropmylunchinthesand,torunfrommymotherasshetriedtoslathermewithsunscreen,andtohowlassherinsedoffmycoatingofsalt,sand,andsunscreenunderthesprayofthecold-waterpublicshower.

OntheFourthofJuly,we’dstayintotheevening.Separatefamilieswouldgatherandmingle,andafrenziedparadeofdogsandchildrenranupanddownthebeach.We‘dwriteournamesinsparklersandsetofffireworks,thebig,lacyonesIlovedandtheboomycannon-shotkindthatgottheboysrevvedandmademehidebehindmyparents.Thefathers,ofcourse,wouldgrill.Idon’tknowwhyIndependenceDayhasbecomesynonymouswithincineratedmeat.Somethingabouttherockets’ red glare? There would be hot dogs, with their upsetting name and more upsettingrubberypink skin.Someonewas always shuttlingme away frommyarchitecturally challenged

sandcastlestohandmeabunwithahotdogsportingaracingstripeofmustard.Ilikedketchup.Dropping a peanut-butter-and-raspberry-jelly sandwich in the sandwas tragic.Dropping a hotdog?Noloss.

Withthegrillingcametheattendantsalads—potatosaladandcoleslaw.Potatosaladwassoftandwhiteandbland,butitmadesense.Itwasasaladmadefrompotatoes.Butwhatonearthwasacole?Whateveritwas,itwasn’tintheslaw,whichwasalways,always,alwaysshreddedcabbage,carrots,andmaybesomeonion,boundbybottledmayonnaiseandvinegar.Sometimesitfeaturedceleryseeds,aclearsignthecookwasabitofarogue.Orasoutherner.

Thegoodpartaboutgettingolderissometimesyoudoattainsomewisdom.Maybenotthesecretsoftheuniverse,butyoulearnthatcole refers tovegetablesof themustard-greenfamily,whichincludescabbage(alsokale,collards,broccoli,turnips,brusselssprouts,mustardgreens,belovedtomeall).Youalsolearnyoucanslawjustaboutanyfruitorvegetableandtossyouredibleconfettiwiththingsotherthanmayo.

ThismayolessMoroccan carrot salad is one ofmy favorite summerdishes. It’s seasonal,brighttotheeye,brightwithflavor,andabsurdlyeasytomake.Itneedsjustalittlekitchenheat—aminuteor two to toast the spices.And it standsupbeautifully at apicnicor adayat thebeach.

MoroccanCarrotSalad

Serves6to8

1poundcarrots1tablespoonoliveoil1teaspoongroundcumin1teaspoongroundpaprika;sweetistraditional,smokedisedgybutquiteniceGenerouspinchofcayennepepperor,ifyouhaveit,Aleppopepper2teaspoonsagavenectarorhoneyJuiceof1or2lemons½teaspoonseasalt1bunchfreshflat-leafparsley,coarselychopped

Coarselyshred thecarrots inafoodprocessororcut into¼-inchmatchsticks,yourcall.Dumpintoagood-sizebowlandsetaside.

Inasmallskillet,heattheoil,cumin,paprika,andcayenneoverlowheat,stirringnowandagainuntilspicesdarkenandthewholethingturnsfragrant,2to3minutes.Removefromtheheatandletcool.

Pourthespicedoiloverthecarrots.Addtheagavenectar,lemonjuice,andseasalt,andstiruntilthecarrotsareevenlycoated.(Thecarrotsaladcanbestoredinanairtightcontainerinthe

refrigeratorforaday.)Justbeforeserving,gentlystirintheparsley.Enjoyslightlychilledbutnotgelid.

WHATILEARNEDinSUMMERSCHOOLChildhood summer stretchedon even after the fireworksof theFourthwereover.Someofmyfriendswent off to camp. I rather felt sorry for them. Summer unleashed inme a lightness, alicense tobe, rather than to do, to spend the day outside in the sunwith dogs and books, andmakingmyroundstoindulgentneighbors.Eachdaywassimple,sweetandgolden,likethesingledropofnectarinanixorablossom,andthewholeworldwasmyfriend.

Myparentsdonotevenlikethebeach.Theywenttopleaseme.Andbecausetheyneededadiversionbutcouldn’taffordarealvacation.Myfathersportedsideburnsinthosedaysorinmymemory,andtheoceanwasblueandhighandfierce.Itissoflatnow.Itisasofterblue,acalmerfriend,itsrowdydaysallbutforgotten.OrperhapsI’mthetameonenow.Tamerandbusier.

IdonotheedthecallofsummerthewayIdid—toomanythingstogetto.Ihavelostmygirlhoodgiftforbeingherenow.Iamgoodatbeingatleastfifteenminutesaheadandliveinananxious state of perpetual what-comes-next-ness. It keeps me in favor with editors because Inevermissadeadline.IthaskeptmeoutoftroublethefewtimesI’vedonecommercialkitchenprepbecauseIcankeepupandnotpissoffthechef.I’mconscientious,reliable,butnotpatient.Iamimpatientwithmyownimpatience,myownlimitations.

Iwasrantingtoafriendaboutthis.ShegavemeoneofhergreatMonaLisasmilesandthisadvice:“Embraceyourmess.”

Areyoukiddingme?Oh,Iknowourstrengthsandourweaknessesareoftentwohalvesofthesame.Ihavenotroubleembracingyourmess.Yourmessischarming,yourmessisjustfine.It’smyownthatdrivesmefortykindsofcrazy.Onthelistofcharacterflaws:myout-of-the-boxnervousness,mystupid tendency towant tobeeverybody’sbest friend,my resistance todoingthingstheeasyway,myinabilitytocutmyselfsomeslack.

Changeispossible.Radicalcharactermakeoversaretougher.ThebestIcanhopeforistotakeabreakfrombustingmybutt,everynowandagain.Maybejustonceayear.Andsummeristhetimetodoit,whenIcanlearnfromanexcellentrolemodel—thewholeearth.

Duringthemonthswhentheearthandthesunarebestbuds,theplanetitselftakesabreak.Thisisnotwinterdormancy.It’sthepromiseofspringfulfilled;it’stakingaholidayafterajobwelldone.Thewarmtemperatureandwarmlightofsummersaycomeouttoplay—thetimeisright,and theproduce is ripe.Wecall fruitsandvegetables“produce”because,well, theearthhasproducedthem,sometimeswithsomehelpfromus.Socome.Eat.Wearsunscreen.

Here inmy backyard, the collards keep going and growing, impervious to both cold andheat,theirleavesastoughandbigaselephantears.Therestofmyweegardenhasyieldedupitslot — heirloom tomatoes, odd shaped, sun warmed, and sweet; arugula, with its Victorian,scallopedleavesandpunkpepperkick; longcurlsofredRussiankale;rainbowchard,withitsclean,ozonetaste,tenderleaves,andneon-brightred-and-yellowstems.

Bees and zebra longwing butterflies zip in and out of our firebush, a lacy puff of redblossomslikethefireworksIlove.Hereistheopenskyandbenevolentsun.Andhere,minutesaway, is the broad basin of theAtlantic, a phalanx of brown pelicans zooming just above thewater,theirwingsfannedout,creatingnotsomuchasarippleonthesurface.Acalmfallsoverme,andasmidgeofspaceopensbetweenmycervicalvertebrae,usuallytensionfusedintoastateofoneness.

Embraceyourmess—alotofvalueinthosethreewords.Otherusefulthree-wordadvice:Beherenow.Breathe.Ithelps.Andthere’swhatmyfathersaidtomerightbeforeheloweredmybridalveilandwalkedme

downanabsurdspiralstaircasetowaitingweddingguestsandmygroom—Don’tfuckup.Iamconstantlytryingforalltheabove,torelearnwhatbirdsandinsectsknow,whatIonce

knewbyinstinct,knewfromtheinside—toliveinthemomentandbegratefulforit.EvenJob,thatmiserableguyfromtheBible,said:

Butasktheanimals,andtheywillteachyou,orthebirdsoftheair,andtheywilltellyou;orspeaktotheearth,anditwillteachyou,

orletthefishoftheseainformyou.

WhichofallthesedoesnotknowthatthehandoftheLordhasdonethis?Inhishandisthelifeofeverycreature

andthebreathofallmankind.

It is about letting go, surrendering, being vulnerable and open to possibility, expanding,inhabiting themoment rather thanrushing through itonourway tosomewhereelse.Which isagreatway toapproachseasonaleating. (Andyoudidn’t think Icouldwork thisbackaround tofood,didyou?)

Barbecue is for otherpeople.Summer forme is the sticky, sweet, in-your-face flavorsofmangoandlychee.

Lycheeswerealwayseasytolove,theirperfumeandsweetnessmadeforachild’spalate,andtheyofferforthabundanttactilepleasure.Thecarapaceofthelycheeishard,bumpy,andred,withapuckery,tannictaste.Peelthatawayforthefruit—smooth,slippery,glowingwhite.Popitinyourmouth.Itissotenderandfullofjuice,youbarelyhavetochew—itgivesitselfuptoyouuntilatitscenter,youcometothesmooth,oblongseedthecolorofcinnabar.Lycheesarenottobeeatenparsimoniously.Theyinviteablessedtranceofeatinguntiltheyaregone.

Mangoeswereaharderselltomeasachild.Asanuptightkid,Iwantedeverythingtidyandsymmetrical.There isnothing tidyabout amango.They’d fallwith a thud fromour tree in thebackyard,explodingintoamessyyuck.Iwouldhavebeenhappytoleavethemasafeastforthepossums,who’dborethroughthemwiththeirsharpteeth.Mangoesresembledpossums,hangingdownonlongstemsthewaypossumscouldhangfromthetreebytheirtails.Butoneofmychores

wastogettothemangoesandcleanthemupbeforetheystainedthedeck.Thestickysap,withitswhiffofturpentine,itched,putmeinasneezingfit,andmademyeyelidsswelluntilmyeyeswereslits.

There was no escaping them.Mangoes and avocados are to South Florida summer whatzucchiniiselsewhereinthecountry.NosoonerwouldIrecoverfromcleaningupthebackyardthanourneighborswouldgivetheirownmangoestous—no,pressthemuponusunbidden.

Youcould countonamangohavingahairy,odd-shapedpit.Thatwas theonly sure thingabout it. Sometimes amango had fibers that would stick in your teeth, and sometimes it wasslippery.Abananarequirednoguesswork.Itwasalwayssoft,sweet,unsurprising.Butyoucouldnevertellwhatyouweregoingtogetwithamango.Well,nowonder;thereareoverfourhundredvarietiesofmango,andagoodlynumberofthemgrowinSouthFlorida.

Ilongagooutgrewmychildhoodmangoallergyandaversion.You’vegotextras?I’mgladtotake them off your hands.Mangoes have a sort of reptilian-looking rind that comes in sherbetcolors— pale green, butter yellow, orange slouching toward red. It is inedible and must bepeeled away, revealing the golden flesh inside. The fruit tastes of honey and peach, with awhisperingofcarrot.They’re richer invitaminC thanoranges,crazywithpotassiumandbeta-carotene,andjustincredibly,delectablygood.

Togetatthegoodnesswithin,takeaknifeandgentlyscorethemangoinquarters.Don’ttrytocutthroughit—thatfunkypitwillnotallowyouto.Justgrabthetopofeachsectionandpulldown.Theskinwillpeelawayfromtheflesh.Thenslice,chop,ordicethemango,asyoulike.Youcansuckonthatpit,albeithairyanduntidyintheextreme,anditwillinnowisedisappoint.Itmay,however,dribblea trailofgolden juicedownyourshirt,an indelible reminderofyourbliss.

Thereisatwo-weekwindowinJulywhenboththelycheesandmangoesareripeandtheairis headywith jasmine, real jasmine, thewhite blooms suddenly popping open under cover ofdarknesslikethespecterofawomanwhoappearsonlyatnight,dizzyingtheairwithherperfume.

Breatheinthejasmineandeatthefruitnowbeforeitisgone,eatwithabandonandwithoutclothing,becauseitissohotandbothmangoesandlycheesaresojuicy.I’vesacrificedmorethanoneT-shirt tomango stains andhavenot regretted it.Lychees taughtmepleasure,butmangoesremindmeoftherewardsofembracingmymess.

WESTINDIANMANGOMADNESS

Gorgeous,ripesummerfruitdeservestobeeatenasis,withoutadditives,frippery,ormonkeying.No lycheetinis, no raspberry frappés, and no mango upside-down cakes. However, there areexceptions.Mangoesareyourfriends.Duringtheassaultoffruitwhenyoucan’tkeeppacewiththeglut,youcanpeel,slice,andfreezethemforlater.Oryoucansaywhatthehellandmakethiscurry,which isn’t reallymad, but it’smango,which adds just the right sweet and tang to thisisland-inspireddish.

It’smildofspice,althoughyoucanrampuptheheat,andthewholethingcomestogetherinafewminutes. Callaloo is better known elsewhere as amaranth, and if you know it at all, it’s

becauseofitstinywholegrains.IntheCaribbean,it’sbelovedforitsgreens,emeraldbrighttobrightenthespirit. Ifcallaloo’snotfreshandlocal,bokchoyornapacabbageis inseasonandgladtotakeitsplace.

WestIndianMangoMadness

It’s summer, so serve the madness more toward room temperature than flat-out hot off thestove. Pair with brown rice, Caribbean pigeon peas and rice, or roti or Flatbread from aStarter(page214).

Serves4

cupcashews¼cupwholewheatorchickpeaflouror,ifit’sallyouhave,unbleachedall-purposeflour1½teaspoonsgroundallspice1½teaspoonsturmericPinchofseasalt,plusmoreforseasoning1poundfirmtofu2tablespoonscanolaorcoconutoil2onions,thinlysliced4clovesgarlic,minced1thumb-sizepiecefreshginger,peeledandminced½jalapeñochili,minced(optional)2bunchescallaloo,2bunchesbokchoy,or½napacabbage,choppedintobite-sizepieces1nice-sizeripemango,peeledandchoppedJuiceof1or2limesSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper1bunchcilantro,coarselychopped

Preheatovento350°F.Coarselychopthecashewsandplacetheminashallowbakingpan.Bakeuntilgoldenbrown,about10minutes.

In a shallow bowl,mix together the flour,½ teaspoon of the allspice,½ teaspoon of theturmeric,andthepinchofseasalt.

Squeeze excesswater from the tofu, blot drywith a kitchen towel, and cut into bite-sizecubes.Workinginbatches,addthetofucubestothebowlandtossgently,untilthetofucubesareevenlydustedwiththeflourmixture.

Ina largesautépan(withstraightsides,asopposed toaskillet,whichhasslopedsides),heat1tablespoonoftheoilovermediumhighheat.

Lineaplatewithpapertowelsandplacenearthestove.Carefullyplaceabouthalfthetofu

cubes in the pan,with enough space so that the little guys aren’t crowded.Cookuntil the tofucubesgetanicelittlebitofcrustonmostsides,turningasneededwithaspatula,about9to10minutes. Transfer the tofu to a plate or paper towel to absorb any extra oil. Repeat with theremainingtofu.

Noneedtowipeoutthepan.Useittoheattheremaining1tablespoonoilovermedium-highheat. Add the onions, garlic, ginger, jalapeño (if you like), and the remaining teaspoon eachturmericandallspice.Cook,stirringnowandagain,untiltheonionsaregoldenfromtheturmeric,fragrant,andslightlytender,5to8minutes.Reducetheheattomedium,asneeded,iftheonionsarestickingtothebottomofthepan.

Addyourlovelychoppedgreens,ahandfulatatime,andcookuntiltheyjustwilt,about8minutesforbokchoy,justaminuteorsofornapacabbage—callaloo’scooktimeissomewhereinthemiddle.Addthemangoandlimejuiceandstirtocombine.

Toss in the tofuandstirgently toheat through,about4 to5minutes.Seasonwithsaltandpepper.

Stirinthecilantroandscatterthecashewsontop.Easy,fabulous.

GENTLENUDGEtheSEVENTH:TENDING—andHARVESTING—YOUROWNGARDEN

Voltairesaidwemusttendourowngardens.Hemeantit’stoughtochangetheworldanditcangetuglyandoverwhelmingout there,anyway.Bestrategic,specific,useyourenergy tonurtureyourstrengths.That,inturn,makesyourownworldbetter.

Voltairewasspeaking inmetaphor.Thesearedays thatcall foraction,notwords, though.Whileyou’re tendingyourownmetaphoricplotofground, tendsomereal stuff.Growsomeofwhatyoueat.

AsateenageGoth,Igotintogardeningfortheromance—Keats’sIsabellawateredherpotof basil with her tears (her lover’s head was inside the urn; there were issues).My teenagemetaphoric garden had unnaturally high yields of angst. But it turned out I could grow moreproductivethings,notjustbasil,butaru-gulaandtomatoesandcollardsandokraandpeppersandbroccoli. It feltweirdlyempowering,providingasenseofEmersonianself-reliancealongwiththevegetables.Idialeddownalittlebitontheeyeliner.

Voltaire never said our gardens have to be big. Just growing a pot of herbs on a sunnywindowsillwillyieldenoughtosparkupsomesaladsandmakeyoupartofthegrowingprocess,a coaxer and creator of life. Growing gives you something from almost nothing. Nature isincrediblybenevolent.Iamnotthedirtwhisperer.Myplantsgrowbecausethey’reinhealthysoilandgetthesunandwatertheyneed.Wouldthatourownneedsweresosimple.

Thereisnobetterteacherthanagarden—ofanysize.Itrevealstherhythmsoftheearth.Itshowshowallitselements,fromtheseedtothesoiltothesun,cometogethertoproducewhat

youeatinaminute.Itteacheshumility.Idon’tkidmyself.Imaybegrowingvegetables,ortryingto,buttheearth

is running this show, notme. I had big planswhen I planted purslane— tomato and purslanesalad,forone.Thepurslanehadotherideas.Likenotgrowing.Theseeds,fromalocalorganicfarmer,sprouted.Allveryexciting.Imademuchovertheseedlings,praisingthemmightily.Thenthey died. Toomuch sun?Not enough sun?Not enoughwater? Poor soil drainage? Poor self-esteem?

It does not help to yell at plants. It does not make them grow faster. Or at all. Growthhappensas itdoes, if itdoes—over time. Ihate this. I like thepointof things, the result, theharvest,morethantheprocess.ButIamlearning.

Growingteachesthesweetrewardsofpatience.Itrytothinkoftimeasthesecretingredientincooking,thenecessarybutnaturalinputinthesoil,thetrickthatturnshey-how-are-yaintotruefriendship,themagicthatmakeseverythingcometogether.ThiswasthelessonIharvestedinsteadofpurslane.

IfIhavecropfailure,it’sannoying,disappointing.ButitremindsmejusthowdependentweareontheearthandhowgratefulIamfortrueorganicfarmerswhogrowthebulkofwhatIeat.Itteaches gratitude, to cultivate a little reverence along with your radicchio. It makes memoregratefulforthemiracleoffresh,ripetomatoes.

Their names alone delight — Cherokee Purple, Mr. Stripey, Pink Ping Pong. They’reheirlooms from local farmers and gifted gardener friends.Asheirloom suggests, they’ve beenbredover generations andpasseddownwith love, recognized for the treasures they are.Theybear but the slightest resemblance to the basic beefsteak tomatoes in your supermarket, greengassedandbaseballhard.I’mtiredoftastelesstomatoes,tiredofourincreasinglyone-variety-is-all-you-getworld.Whyshyfromvariety?Whydenyourselvesflavor?

Myheirloomsgrowleafyandleggyinsideathree-foottomatocage.Theyaresmallerthansupermarkettomatoesandnotalwayspinupperfect,butthey’retender,juicy,yielding,warmfromthesun,temptingyourhands,yourmouth.Theyhavegive,theyhaveheft,theyhavechi.

Bringyour face to them.Breathe in.Tomatoplantsgiveoffascentsomecallastringent. Icallitsexualmusk.Freshtomatoesmakeyouwanttobringthemdirectlytoyourmouth,totouchtheirthinmembraneofskinwithyourlips,toenterthefruitwithyourteeth.ItisnotfornothingtheFrenchhavecalledthetomatopommed’amour—“appleoflove.”

ThismaybeotherthanwhatVoltairehadinmindwhenhewroteoftendingyourowngarden,buthewasaFrenchman,afterall.Hewouldunderstand.Atleasthe’ddeigntohavesomesalad.

SummerTomatoSaladwithZa’atar

Thissummersaladrelieson fresh,ripe tomatoesandlittleelse. Itcomes togethersuperfast.Find za’atar, a spice blend of sumac, thyme, and sesame seeds, in most Middle Eastern

markets. It adds a haunting, elusive flavor— the taste ofwisdom. Should the za’atar itselfproveelusivetoobtain,thesaladwillstillbebrightandhappywithoutit—thoughperhapsnotaswise.

Nicewithafluffy,wholegrainydishliketheJudeo-ChristianBarleySalad(page69).

Serves4

3gorgeousripetomatoes,chopped,or3cupsgrapetomatoes,halved,oramixofthetwoJuiceof2or3lemons3tablespoonsoliveoil1fennelbulb,halved(iflarge)andthinlysliced2scallions,chopped1handfulkalamataolives,pitted1handfulfreshmint1tablespoonza’atarSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

First,growyourtomatoes.Okay,thatstepisoptional.Inasmallbowl,whisktogetherthelemonjuiceandoliveoiluntilemulsified.Addthefennel,tomatoes,scallions,andolivesandtosstocombine.Gentlyfoldinthemint

andtheza’atar.Seasonwithsaltandpepper.Enjoyatroomtemperature.

INTENSEHEATI don’t associate fastingwith greater spiritual insight. Benjaminwould prefer not to associatewithfastingatall.ButIfastatYomKippur,theJewishdayofatonement,whichfallslateintheharvest season— one shot, one day, and you’re good to go. It remindsme to appreciate thesimplethingsItakeforgranted—agood,strongcupofjoeinthemorning,afresh,gentlepearatlunch.

But,youknow,it’sasingledayoffyourfeed;itisnotamarathonfastlikeLentorRamadan.Ramadantakesitsnamefromal-ramad—intenseheat.IthappensduringtheninthmonthoftheIslamiccalendar,thehottestmonthoftheyear—usuallycorrespondingtoJuly.It’sthirtydaysofprayerandfastingfromdawntodusk,atimeofreturningtoyourselfandyourfamily,ofpledgingyourfaithanew.

We are too easily distracted by silly worldly things.We always have been. It’s the waywe’re made. Two hundred years before iPhones and reality shows,Wordsworth wrote: “Theworld is toomuchwithus; late and soon, /Gettingand spending,we laywasteourpowers: /LittleweseeinNaturethatisours;/Wehavegivenourheartsaway,asordidboon!”

Iwouldhave lost theexclamationpointat theend,but thepoem’smeaning resonates. I’mfullyguiltyofdistraction,ofmakingmyselfcrazyovernothing.TheritualofRamadanappealstome,andsummeristhetimetodoit—itmakesforakindofbikrampenance.Hotweathertakesawhackatourappetitesandburnsawayourlesspleasantqualities,boilingusdowntotheessenceofourselves.AtleastthatwasmyexperienceinMorocco.

Mostof theSahara iswhat’sknownas stonedesert,milesandmilesof flat,dusty, stone-pocked,blastedlunarlandscape.BenjaminandIhadbeendrivingalldayontherocky,roadlesssurface,reaching,bynightfall,aksar,acompoundmadeofmud,standingallbyitself,milesfromanywhereatall.

Inthedark,thewindblew,thesandstungus.Weknockedatthethick,archedwoodendoor,andafter a time, awoman in robesadmittedus. Inside,within theksar’s highwalls, thewindstopped, the air became still and silent. She showed us to our bare room, then to the centralcourtyard, strungwith colored lights and litwith lanterns.Weshouldcomeoutwhenwewereready,shesaid.Shewouldbringusdinner.

InMarrakech,we’d stayed at a riad, a traditionalMoroccan home built around a centralcourtyard.Ourroomwasatoneend,nexttothekitchen,fromwhichcameheadyaromas.Itiptoedby and watched two staff women at work. They were easy together in the kitchen, with itselaborate black-and-white tiled floor and not a single modern appliance in sight. They wereworking,buttalking,too,andlaughing,dancing,singing—andsometimesululating—tomusic.People cook together, friendsandextended family— that’swhat theydo.And there is alwayssomethingtobedonein thekitchen,soafterbeatingbackshyness, I joinedthem.Ipickedupaknife—duller thanmine at home but capable of chopping carrots, onions, and zucchini for avegetable tagine, Morocco’s famed slow-simmering stew. One cook steamed and fluffedcouscous. Her friend flipped semolina griddle bread. The only Arabic phrase I knew was,“Please,specialprice?Forme?”Itdidn’tmatter.Wecouldgesture,wecouldsmile,wecouldnodtocreatearichlyflavoredmealand,tome,aricherday.

InFez,wehadgoneshoppinginthesouks,wherevendorsdisplayedbarrowsbrimmingwiththistly wild artichokes; bins of lustrous purple eggplants; baskets of fresh, fragrant mint; figsspilling their seedsandsecrets;pyramidsofdriedapricots, furled likeears;pillar-size jarsofspices;burlapbagsfilledwithgrainsanddriedbeans;andatthelocalbutcher’sstall,theheadofacamel.Therestofhimwasmissing.

Inthedesert,though,milesfromanywhere,includingthenearestmarket,localfoodtakesonadifferentmeaning.Nothing in theSahara is localexceptdatesandolives. Inoneof thegreatcosmiccoincidences,though,theyareamongthemostsustainingfoods.They’rewhatyou’refirstservedatIftar,thebreakingofthefastattheendofdayduringRamadan,andtheywerewhatourrobed hostess set down in front of us. Then she brought out a ceramic cooking vessel with aconicallid.This,too,iscalledatagine.

Sheliftedthelid,revealingnotavegetablestew,butatumbleofriceandaperfumedsteamthatpromisedsomethingmore.The ricewas studdedwith toastedalmonds,headywith saffronandoliveoil,and,everynowandagain,neverwhenyou’dexpectit,you’dcometoanothersliverofdate.Tender,crunchy,simplebutsomehowthrilling,itwasmadeentirelyofpantrystaplesandacertainamountofgenius.Itwastheperfectthingatjourney’send,likebeingenvelopedinthe

armsofafriend.Ican’tquitegiveyouthewholeSaharanexperience,butthisricemightgetyouclose.Ihave

addedsomelentilsforproteinandinterest.They’reappropriatelyshelfstable,too.Iwouldalsolike to throw in some green vegetables but, in order to be true to the original, have held off.Thoughitpairsverynicelywiththebroccolirecipelaterinthischapter(seepage145),BroccoliwithLemonandMint(BroccoliforBeginners).I’mjustsaying.

RiceintheSahara

Serves4to6

½cupsliveredalmonds3cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebrothorwater1cupbrownrice2tablespoonsoliveoil1onion,slicedPinchofsaffron½cupredlentils1cinnamonstick1teaspoongroundallspice3driedMedjooldates,choppedSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Preheattheovento375°F.Pourthealmondsinashallowovenproofpanandtoastuntiltheyjustturngoldenandarefragrant,8to10minutes.Transferthealmondstoasmallbowltocool.

Inamediumsaucepan,bring2cupsofthevegetablebrothtoaboiloverhighheat.Addtherice,cover,and reduce theheat to low.Simmer justuntil the riceabsorbs the liquidand leanstowardtenderness,about30minutes.(Itwillcontinuecookinglater.)Removefromtheheatandletcool.(Thericecanbestoredinanairtightcontainerintherefrigeratorforadayortwo;bringtoroomtemperaturebeforeproceedingwiththerecipe.)

In a large skillet, heat theoil overmedium-highheat.Add theonion and stir until evenlycoated.Cover,reducetheheattolow,andcookabout20minutes.Theonionwillstillbepaleandwill have thrown off quite a lot of liquid.This is good.Add the saffron and raise the heat tomedium.

Addtheredlentilstotheonionsandstirtocombine.Addtheremaining1cupbroth,coveragain,andcontinuecooking.Redlentilscookspeedily—10to15minutes.Checkthemafter12minutes.Theyshouldbepalerosyandtender,notmushy.

Addthecinnamonsticktotheonion-lentilmixture,andstirintheallspice,cookedrice,anddates.Seasonwithplentyofsaltandpepper.

Heat overmedium heat for a fewminutes, stirring to combine, until heated through. Justbeforeserving,stirinthetoastedalmondsforanicecrunch.

Afterward,weslept.Whenthehostessknockedtowakeus,itwasstilldark,justafterthreeinthemorning.Idressed,splashedwateronmyface,brushedmyhair,andputonaswipeoflipstick.Iwantedtolooknice.

Weopenedthedoorinto…anabyss.Thedesertatnightisnotmerelydark;itiscoldandsoblackitseemstocreateavacuum.Thestarsblazeabove,stolendiamonds,buttheydonotlightyourway.Youcannotseeout,youcannotseedown.Towalk,Iwouldhavetogoonfaith.

Abeamoflightalsohelps.Amanstood,holdingaflashlight—ourBerberguide,swathedinbluerobes.

“Come,”hesaid.“Yourcamelsareready.”I’dputonlipstick—ashadecalleddesertrose—forthecamels.Iwantedthemtolikeme,

asIknewIwouldlovethem.Theykneltinthesand,saddledwithblankets.Ifelltomykneestogreetthem.

Perhaps it was the wrong shade of lipstick. Like our spare, elegant guide, they seemedimpervioustothewind,thesand,us.Buttheytolerateduswhenwegoton.Whentheguidegavethecommand,theyroseontotheirfrontlegs,pitchingusbackward.Thentheyroseontotheirhindlegs;weallwobbled,gotourbearings,andproceededoutofthestonedesertandintothedunes.

Wetrekkedforhours.Ourguidedidnotsaymuch.Hedidnothaveto.Theonlysoundwasthemuffledthuddingofourcamels’hoovesonthesand.Theblacknessofthenightgavewaytopearlyfirstlight,andthedunessurroundingusrevealedthemselves—roseandhoneyandsalmoncolored, an ocean of sand, vast and alive, blown high by the wind into sensuous peaks andsweeps.

This sand was not the sand that had pelted us outside the ksar the night before. It wasentirelyother,sofineastobealmostliquid,likesatinonmyskin.Thedunes’surfacewasalreadygrowingwarmfromthesun,butIplungedmyhandsdownintothesandbelow,whereitfeltcooltothetouch.

Wesat,watchingthesunriseabovethedunes,firstapiercingredlightabovethesand,thenabandofit,andthentheentiresunrisingasthoughinahurry.Whyhurry?Therewereonlythewidestretchesandscoopsofsand;whatnovelistPaulBowlescalled theshelteringskyabove;andus.IfeltBowles’sdefinitionofmagic,“asecretconnectionbetweentheworldofnatureandtheconsciousnessofman,ahiddenbutdirectpassagethatbypassedthemind.”

Thedesertrangwithprimevalmagic.Webreatheditsair,fullofsecretsthatwouldrevealthemselves,ifonlyyouwouldwait.

Iwaited.Thedeserttoldmeone.Youneednothing,itsaid.Youarefine.“Wego,”ourguidesaid.Go?Whywouldwego?Iwantedtostay.Forever.Fez,Marrakech,Miami,whatdidIneed

withanyofit?IwantedtodisappearintotheduneslikeKitMorsebyinBowles’sTheSheltering

Sky.Havingasurrealandsexualnervousbreakdownlikeherswasnegotiable.“Itishot,”ourguidesaid.Soitwas.Inthemidstofmyecstaticexperience,Ihadsomehowfailedtonotice.LikewiseI

had not noticed Benjamin and I were covered with desert dust. Our guide, however, wasimmaculate. Berber robes and headgear aren’t a fashion statement. They make sense. So didwater.Idrank.Anddrank.

Wemountedourcamels; they lurched to their feetand ledusoutof thedunesandback towhere thedesertworedown to stone. Itwas stillmorning,but the sun’sheatwasapower, asabsoluteasthenight,oranocean,oranoceanofsand.Andoutinthedesert,thereisnoescapingit,nocover,noshade.Ifeltstunnedbythesunandasdryandgrayastheendlessstonedesert.IfelthumbledbytheSahara,beholdentoit,atitsmercy.

Weploddedon.Then I sawsomethingodd.Somethinggreenand scrubby in the rocks, asthough the Sahara had grown an unfortunate soul patch. Then there were lots of green thingspushingthrough, thenwholeribbonsofgreeneruptingfromtherocksandsand.Iwonderedif Iwashallucinatingand then,evergiven toextremes, if Iwassomehowdyingof typhus likeTheShelteringSky’sPortMoresby.

Iclearedmyparchedthroat.“Isthis…arethese…shrubs?”The Sahara’s surface is dry, our guide explained, but water flows beneath, close to the

surface.Whenitcomescloseenough,thingsgrow.Thenhe smiled.For the first time. It transformedhim, turninghim fromstony tovital and

alive.“Wherethereiswater,”hesaid,“thereislife.”Hecalleditanoasis.Icallitamiracle.Andyouknow,I’mnotonetobandythewordaround.

aBOWLofWELL-BEINGItisnotalwayspossibletorunawaytothedesert.Whohasthetime?Andthere’salwaystheriskyou’llhavetoomuchofaShelteringSkyexperience.Butalittleheat,alittlemagic—theseareworthwhilethings,andapotofharirasuppliesboth.

Likedatesandolives,hariraisaRamadantradition,deeplyrestorativeattheendofadayoffasting and repentance, making use of a riot of fresh summer vegetables, like tomatoes andzucchini.Theresultissomethinggreaterthanthesumofitsparts.

Everyfamilymakesitsownversionofharira.It isentirelyforgiving,allowingyoutoaddmoreofthisorthat.Youcanmakeitelegantwithapinchofsaffronorraselhanout,amysticalblendofspicesandpeppersandflowers,oryoucanmakeitsimpleandstraightforwardandstillcomeawaywithafairamountofenchantment.Theonlymust-haveisyeast.Thisistraditionalforharira, giving it some oomph and thickness and amild fermenty kick. After that first taste—whereyougo,hmm,odd—itbecomesaddictive.I’vesinceseenharirarecipeswithlamb,withchicken,witheggs.Ihaven’tseenmanyplant-basedversionslikemine,though.

Harirasomehowsatisfiesbutdoesnotstuffyou.Maybeit’stheyeast.Certainlyit’stheyeastthatliftsthissoupofsummervegetablesfromeverydaytoexotic.Itliftsmyspirits,too.WhenI

makeharira,IliketothinkofthewomeninmyMarrakechriadmakingitfortheirownfamilies,andsomehow,someoneinthedesertenjoyingit,too.What’sthepointinhavingmagicifyoucan’twhiskapotofsouptosomeonewhenyoulike?

ExcellentduringRamadan,whenit’sservedatdusk,alongwitholivesanddates, tobreakthedaylongfast,itisquitethethinganytimeofyear.Enjoyitnontraditionallywhentheweatherisbitterandcoldoryouarebitterandhaveacold.It’senergizing,restorative,warming.Itiswell-beinginabowl.

Harira

Serves8

2tablespoonsoliveoil1largeonion,chopped1teaspoonturmeric3zucchinioryellowsquashoramixofthetwo,chopped2redbellpeppers,chopped2stalkscelery,choppedPinchofsaffronorraselhanout(optionalbutverynice)One28-ouncecandicedtomatoesor4gorgeousripetomatoes,choppedOne15-ouncecanchickpeas,rinsedanddrained6cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebroth1smallhandfulwholewheatvermicelliorangelhairpasta,brokenintobite-sizepieces1tablespoonactivedryyeastdissolvedin¼cupwarmvegetablebrothorwaterJuiceof1or2lemonsSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper1handfulfreshcilantro,choppedLemonwedgesforserving(optional)

Inalargestockpot,heattheoliveoilovermedium-highheat.Addtheonionandturmeric.Cook,stirring, until the onion softens and turns golden, a few minutes. Add the zucchini, red bellpeppers,celery,and, ifyou’vegot it, thesaffronorraselhanout.Cook, stirringoccasionally,untilthevegetablesbecometender,5to8minutesmore.

Stir in the tomatoes, chickpeas, and broth. Reduce the heat to medium-low and simmer,uncovered,45minutesto1hour.

Addthebrokenpasta,yeastmixture,andlemonjuiceandstirtocombine.Continuecooking3to5minutesmore,until theangelhairsoftens,stirringoccasionally.Seasonwithseasaltandpepper.Justbeforeserving,stirinthecilantro.

Servewithextralemonwedges,ifdesired.

GENTLENUDGEtheEIGHTH:STOCKEDandSTOKEDEvery so often, Benjamin likes to open the doors to our kitchen cupboard. It puts him into arapturous trance. It is, he says, a thing of wonder that’d do an alchemist proud, with bags ofspices,grains,andseeds,mysteriousbottlesand jars filledwithbright-coloredoilsandambersyrups, all spilling forth— and sometimes spilling out. Imay not be tidy, but I am prepared.Havingawell-stockedlarderisuseful,whetheryou’reintheSaharaorSanFrancisco.Itmeansyou’llalwayshavewhat it takes toput togetheramagicalmeal.Magic,afterall,needsa littlehelp.Yourstartersupplymightsetyoubacktwenty-fivedollars.Asidefromtheoliveoil,theseingredientsaddnofattoyourfood,butalladdplentyofenergyandnutrition,plusthemakingsforayear’sworthofdiverseandvibrantmeals.Awholeyear’sworth.Comeon,youcanblowthatmuchatStarbuckswithoutevenworkingupanespresso-inducedsweat.

TheBasicsLEGUMES.Protein-rich,fiberrificbeans,likelentils,garbanzos,blackbeans,andcutelittlewhitecannellini.Havingafewcansofbeansmeansyoucanhaveamealinminutes.Driedbeansarecheaperandhaveanindefiniteshelflife.Whychoose?Keepafewofeachonhand.

WHOLEGRAINS.Grainswiththeirnutrient-richkernelandfiber-richbranintact.Oncewrittenoffaspeasantfood,they’renowrecognizedasdietarydarlings,andwe’recomingtoappreciatethemforwhattheyalwayshavebeen—delicious,eachwithitsownuniqueflavorandtexture.Gettheonesyouknow, likeoatmealandbrownrice, thenstepoutand trybitsyamaranth,nuttybarley,nuttierbuckwheat.Andquinoa,thequick-cookingancientgrainthat’ssofuntosay;ithasasubtletasteofwildfields,andthetinygrainsfeellikebubblesinthemouth.

EXTRA-VIRGINOLIVEOIL.This is theoilourbodies like toprocess. It’s rich incancer-beatingantioxidants,withahigh smokepoint,whichmakes it great for cooking, anda silky fruitiness.Extra-virginmeansit’smadefromthefirstpressingoftheolives.Ithasloweracidityandmoreantioxidantsthanotherolive-oilgrades.It’selegant,madlyversatile,andjustatouchgildsadish.Homer called it liquid gold. I’m talking theHomerwhowrote the Iliad and theOdyssey, notHomerSimpson,whohashisownviewsonfood.Pleaserememberheisacartooncharacter.

SEASALT.Whycanseasaltcostanywherefromthreetotendollarsapop,whenabigol’ last-you-forever canister of the supermarket kind only sets you back fifty cents? Because sea saltofferstheone-twopunchofbetterflavorandbetternutrition.Tablesaltisrefined,withitsnaturalmineralsprocessedoutandanticakingagentsaddedin.Seasalthasnoneoftablesalt’sburnorbitternessandisnaturallymineralrich.Ithasamildnessonthepalate,almostlikeaspiceuntoitself.Itcomesinawholerainbowofcolors,includingcrunchypinkHimalayansaltandFrenchsel gris — gray salt. I’m especially crazy about Maldon salt, from Essex, England, with

magnificentwhitecrystalflakesthatdazzlethetongueandmakeforfuncrunching.Pricey,butsovibrant,youneedonlyalittle.

WHOLEPEPPERCORNS.Thepepperinyourpeppershakerwasprobablygroundbackinthelasticeage.It’ssodustyandbland,it’lllastyoutillthenexticeagebecauseyourarelyuseit.Giveyourmouth some fun.Whole peppercorns are like pearls that release their fullness and sparkwhencrushed.Freshlycrackedpepperaddsnotjustheatbutdepthofflavor.Itbeatsthepantiesofftheoldgroundstuff.Gowild.Buyapeppermill,too.

TheBrushstrokesLegumes,wholegrains,oliveoil, seasalt,andpepperwill takeyoufar.They’reyoursurvivalstaples.Verynice,butyoudeservemore.Whataboutthrillsanddelights?Whataboutfullfrontalflavor?Theseculinarytreasuresaretoblandfoodasanartist’spaletteistoablankcanvas.

CONDIMENTS

Youdon’tneedseventykindsofmustardandfortykindsofpickles.Startwiththebigthree—anearthy,grainymustard; a rich, fermented soy sauce; anda syrupy, agedbalsamicvinegar.Theyadddepthanddimensiontofood,butnofatorcalories.

Ready to upgrade? Ingredients that were impossible to get a few years ago are now onmarket shelves or just a click away on the Internet. I’m in love with sweet-tart pomegranatemolassesandthelayersofsalty,tangyflavorsofpreservedlemons.Alltheseingredientsdazzlewithflavorsvibrantandunique.Likelove,theycan’tbefaked.Unlikelove,theycanbebought.

SPICESSpicesarethedried,groundbarkorseedsofplants.Herbsarethegreen,leafyparts.Herbstendtobecooling,whilespicesarewarming.Thinkofthedifferencebetweenaniseseedandtarragon.Both have licorice notes, but anise, a spice, has a gentle coziness to it, while fresh tarragonleavesprovidealightlicoricelift.Jarreddriedspiceslastuptotwoyearsifkeptoutofthelight,sostockup.Driedherbs,ontheotherhand,arejustsad-making.They’lldoinapinchbut,atbest,will remind you of their live, fresh incarnation. Experiment and educate your palate. Find theseasoningsyoulike.Usethemgenerously.Trynewones.ThespiceswithoutwhichIwouldnotcaretoliveincludethefollowing.

CARDAMOM.Rich,mellowcardamomisthestarofchai,India’sfragrantspicedtea(seerecipe,page195),Arabic coffee, andDutch andAfrican recipes, too. It’s not cheap, costing right uptherewithsaffronandvanilla,butit’sanaphrodisiacaccordingtoTalesofaThousandandOneNights.It’sprettysexystuff.Lessmythic,morescientificfindingsshowitaidsdigestionandhasamightycongestion-bustingphytochemical.

CHILIES.Thebigbangofspices.Andthebangiscapsaicin,aheart-healthyantioxidantthatblastscholesterolandtriglycerides.ChiliesareloadedwithvitaminsA,C,andE.Theystimulateyourheartandcirculationthewaytheystimulateyourpalateandsinuses.Theyfireupfoodsfromcornbreadtothebeany,spicymélangethatbearstheirname—chili.Howspicyisuptoyou—andtheScovillescale.TheScovillescaleratestheheatofeverychilipepper,fromthebarely-therebellpepper,whichhasaratingofzero,totheincendiary,legendaryghostchili,whichhasaratingofoveramillion.Ilove’emall,especiallythreewinningdriedredchilipeppersfromTurkey—Aleppo, with its gentle heat; its sassier sister, Marash; and darker, sharper Urfa, with itsdeliciouslygutturalname.

CINNAMON. Antimicrobial, anti-inflammatory, and circulation improving, cinnamon aids yourrespiratoryanddigestivesystems.Notonlydoesthiswarming,sweetspiceaddanoteofgracetofruits and desserts, but studies indicate that just a quarter teaspoon a day (a dash in yourcappuccino,onyouroatmeal,oronafreshpeach)canhelplowerblood-sugarlevels.

CORIANDER.Corianderiskintocilantro—infact,theybeganlifeasthesameplant.Corianderistheseeds;cilantroistheleaves.Anti-inflammatory,antibiotic,andacholesterolkiller,thisisasuperversatile spice, rich invitaminC.TheEgyptiansembraced it five thousandyearsago forbothitshealthfulpropertiesanditssultrynotesofcitrusandsage.It’sbelongedtoArabcuisineeversince,aswellastothecuisinesofMexico,theCaribbean,India,Asia,andMorocco.

CUMIN.ThisearthyEgyptianspicenaturallycontainsironforimmunityandstimulatesdigestion.It also zaps potential nasties thanks to its antimicrobial properties. Itmayhelp fight cancer aswell.Allthis,andit’samust-haveforcuisinesfromtheMiddleEasttoMexico.

GINGER. This dried, ground rhizome (great word, means “root-stock”) earns its age-oldreputation as a stomach settler and a purifier. It has cholesterol-lowering, artery-degunkingantioxidants, and antifungal, blood-clotting, and cancer-whacking properties. You can’t makeAsianorIndianfoodwithoutit.Orgingerbread.

TURMERIC.Theotherrhizomeonthelistandthegoldenspiceineverycurrypowderknowntoman. It’svaluednot just for itsgentleheat,but for itsanti-inflammatorypowers,andmaybeaplayerincombatingAlzheimer’s.Researchindicatesitbreaksupplaquedepositsinthebrain.It’sintegraltoIndianfoodandmakesmustardyellow.

Thesespicescomplementeachotherinrecipesandinyourbody,too.Chilies’circulatorypowerallowsforbetter turmericabsorption.Ahot infusionofginger, cinnamon,andcardamomeasesbothrespiratoryandgastricwoes.It’slikeadivinemeant-to-be.

RECIPEforDISASTERIexcelatdenial.I’mnotproudofit;butit’sacopingmechanism,andit’sservedmewellintimesofcrisis. I’veevenbeenable toshrugoffahurricane. Itmighthavebeenon theweatherman’sradar,butitwasn’tonmine.Wehadn’tgottenahurricaneinyears,andMiaminevergottheminAugust.Whyworry?Iwasmorefocusedonmeetingastorydeadlineandmeetingafriendfora

littlefun.Ineededsomefun.Dismissingamajorweathereventwasonething.HarderwasdenyingthefactthatBenjamin

andIwereinaspotofbadweatherourselves.Ourfirsttwoyearsofmarriedlife,we’dlivedinTokyoinalittleapartment.Benjaminwas

thereforwork;Iwasthereforromance—anewhusband,anewlife,anewcountry.Itwasthebestkindofadventure,beinginlove,playinghouse,travelingAsia,makingthingsupaswewentalong.In-lawsandresponsibilityexistedinanothertimezone.

ThenwecamebacktoMiami,whereeachofourfavoritegrandmothersdiedwithinmonthsofeachother.Werentedanotherapartment;IworkeddaystoputBenjaminthroughgradschoolcourseshetookatnight.Webarelysaweachotherbutsoldieredonwithasenseofdutynowforthefuture—notmyfavoritesense.HepassedtheCPAexamhisfirsttimeout,inoneheroicgo,andgotajobwithanaccountingfirm,andweboughtahouse.

These are good things, things you strive for, yes?Herewas our reward, our harvest, thefruits of our labor. It all accreted onme likeweights. I felt left behind, lonely.Benjamin hadgrown up, I hadn’t, andwewere never going to have fun again. Thewhole world gavewaybeneathme.IhadnoideawhereIwasgoing.Andoh,good,weweregoingtohaveahurricane,too.

IdidnotknowhowIwasgoingtosurvivebeingstuckinthishousewiththishusband.Oh,theywerebothniceenough;Iwastheproblem.Iwasbratty,snappish,andmoody.Icouldbarelystandmyself.

Furtherproofofmyfreakishness—Iamnotparticularlyintochocolate.ButI’mnotstupid,okay?Ineededdarkchocolate’santioxidantsandmoodmodifiers.IfIwasgoingtomanagethishurricane at all, a cake would be necessary. Some vegan chocolate cakes are good, somedecidedly not, but most comprise arcane ingredients like xanthan gum. I’m sorry, I still don’tknowwhatthatis.

I tookamental-healthbreak to look throughLaurieColwin’swonderfulbookMoreHomeCooking. I love her cozy way of giving you a recipe for something simple and comforting,somethingyouwanttoeatrightnow,andhappily,youcanbecauseit’smadewiththingsyouhaveonhand.Combined,though,theseingredientsbecomegreaterthanthesumoftheirparts.Thisnotonlyyieldsyousomethingwortheating;itmakesyoufeellikeyou’veexecutedamagictrick.IfIcouldn’thavefun,atleastI’dhavechocolatecake.

IdidsomeveganingredientswappingforColwin’srecipeandcameupwithacakethat’squick, easy, pantry friendly, almost guilt-free, and totally vegan— and still provides amind-blowingchocolateexperience.

VeganChocolateCake

Serves8to10

½cupcanolaoil,plusmoreforthecakepan1¾cupsunbleachedall-purposeflour¾cupunsweetenedcocoapowder1teaspoonbakingsoda1cupevaporatedcanesugar1cupunsweetenedalmondmilk2teaspoonsapplecidervinegar2teaspoonspurevanillaextractPowderedsugarforgarnish

Preheattheovento350°F.Lightlyoila9-inchroundcakepan.Inalargebowl,sifttogethertheflour,cocoa,andbakingsoda.Stirinthesugar.Inasmallbowl,stirtogetherthealmondmilkandvinegar.Itwillcurdle;don’tfret.Stirin

the½cupcanolaoilandthevanilla.Gently stir thewet ingredients into the flour-cocoamixture until just combined and it all

coalescesintoadark,thickbatter.Pour into the prepared cake pan. Bake until the fragrance of chocolate wafts through the

room,about30minutes.Youcanalsogivethecakeagentlepokewithafinger;itshouldspringbackwhenbakedthrough.

Allitneedsisadustingofpowderedsugar.Thecakecanbewrappedwellandstoredintherefrigeratorforseveraldays;bringtoroom

temperaturejustbeforeserving.

So I had the cake. But even I couldn’t deny that the whirling computer-generated graphic themeteorologists were calling Hurricane Andrew was bearing down on Miami. And the localtelevisionweatherfolk,normallysosmileyandcomposedbeneaththeirpancakemakeup,werestartingtoblink,stutter,andsweat.WhateverelseImightbedealingwithordenyingwouldhavetowait.

Iwentaboutdoingthenormalhurricaneprep,layingincandlesandcannedfood,takingintheplantsandpatiofurniture,allthewhilesingingtheR.E.M.ditty“It’stheEndoftheWorldasWeKnowIt(andIFeelFine).”

Justasthewindsstartedtokickin,Benjaminloweredourblindsandlatchedthem,turningourhousefrombreezy,open,andfloodedwithsunshinetodarkandclose,thesetofSartre’sNoExit.

Low-pressuresystemoutside,high-pressuresysteminside.NowonderBenjamingotsockedwithamajorheadache.Hewiselytooktobed.

I didn’t. I read, paced, drank tea,made ice, picked up a book, put it down,watched theweather reports. The stations kept running footage of palm trees battered by the wind,meteorologistsinyellowrainslickerssquintingthroughtherainatthecamera.Thiswasbeforehurricanepredictingbecamestateof theart.SouthFloridaonlyrealized thepowerandpathof

HurricaneAndrew,acategory4storm,asithit.Itknockedoutourelectricitybyteno’clock.Thephonelinewentdeadanhourlater.With

thewindowsshuttered,Icouldn’tseeout,couldn’tseewhatthehurricanewasdoing.ButIcouldhearit.Ididnotknowwindcouldscream.Itkeenedlikeabansheearoundusallnightlong,anditwas all I could do not to scream right alongwith it. Gusts smacked the house and shook thefoundationtillIthoughtwewouldtwistandspinupandawaylikeDorothy’shouseinWizardofOz.

Andthenallfellquiet.Thestormpassedbymorning.ThiswasthemomentforBenjaminandme to turn and embrace each other, grateful we were still alive.We didn’t. But together, weventured from our dark, shuttered house into sunshine. The sky was clear, the air freshlylaundered.As I lookedup, itwasas if thehurricanehadneverbeen.Butdownhereonearth,fallentrees—someashighashomes—blockedtheroad;powerlinesweredown;weirdbitsofdebris—shatteredrooftiles,jagged,splinteredtreelimbs,shredsofclothing,asinglehubcap—werestrewnallovertheblock.

The thing is, as bad as a hurricane is, you don’t know how bad until afterward. Thishappenedatatimeoffewcellphonesorlaptops.Discoveringhowfriendsandrelativeswere,how the rest of Miami had done, was piecemeal and protracted, a slow, painful relay ofinformationfrompersontoperson.Myaunthadnoroofandextensiveflooding.Afriendhadlosthome, car, belongings, everything.Houseswere smashedalongone southwestern stretchof thecity,asthoughbyacrankygiant.Citywideinfrastructurewasdemolished,too.

It ishardtogetupagoodoh-woe-is-me-am-I-getting-what-I-need-in-my-relationshipthinggoingattimeslikethis.Therewerebiggerissues.

After justa fewunpluggedhours,yourealizehowbigapartelectricityplays inourdailylives,howbrilliantlyweuseittoinsulateourselves,howvulnerablewearewithoutit.Itdidn’ttake long to feel the full forceof thesubtropics.ThiswasAugust. Itwashot.Andhumid.Andhumbling.Withinhours,everythingfeltstickyandsaturated,includingus.Intheseidealhothouseconditions,mold andmildewblossomedon every surface. Foodpromptly started to rot in therefrigerator.Icemeltedbeforeoureyes,andtherewasnotellingwhenwe’dgetmore.

Junk food consumption spikes at times like these. The first time anyone bothereddocumentingthiswasaftertheSeptember11WorldTradeCenterattacks.Thephenomiscalledterroreating,whenyou’vehadenoughandtaketobed—orscurrybeneathit—withcorndogsandPop-Tartsandtelltheworldtogotohell.

It isnot a timeyou thinkofhavingaparty.Yetourhousewascentral, still standing, and,giventheconditionoftheroads,relativelyeasytogetto.Sothenightafterthehurricane,friends,family,neighbors,andafewstraysgatheredhere.AndIwasglad.Weallneededtobeclose,ashotandstickyasitwas.

Thisdoesnotmeanwewereperky.Iwasazombifiedversionofmyself,andthepeoplewhocamethatnightwerenobetter.Wewereoverwhelmed,haggard,ashen,andabitontheripeside.Someshoweduptearful,otherswereangry,buteveryonecameandsurrenderedthebitsandbobsof food they’d brought from home, food as tired and sorry as we were. I’ve seen more andpeppierproducewhenIservedatasoupkitchen.Evenwitheveryonechippingin,dinnerfortenwould be a challenge. We had no oven, stove top, refrigerator, or coherent menu; I had no

coherentbrain.Butweareaspeciesofadaptation,whetherwewanttobeornot.Whenallelsefails,thereispasta.

Benjamincorralledeveryoneoutbackandfiredupthegasgrill.Isetabigpotofwaterontop.Andwaited.Afterhalfanhour,wegotsomethingapproachingaboil.Afteranotherhalfhour,the spaghetti had cooked to just a shade shy of al dente, and Iwas one click from despair. Itwouldhavetodo.Itookthepotoffanddrainedoffthepastabyholdingacolanderoverapatchof dirt, saving some of the precious starchy cooking water for the sauce. Benjamin tookeveryone’sdonatedmeatandthrewitonthegrill.Ourfriendsandfamilystaggeredaroundhim.

I took the drained pasta inside. The tile floor, like my bare feet, sweated. Outside, thedaylightwasfading.Inside,itwasdark.Thisissomethingyoutendtoforgetinacitysoinlovewithelectricitythatthestreetlightsblotoutthestarsatnight.Buttakeawaypower,andwhenthesunsets,itreallysets.Oh,sure,therearetheprettybitswhenthesunfades,thelightplaysgolden,andtheskygoesallart-decopastel,butthentwominuteslater,bam,it’sblack.

Alone in thekitchen, I lit a fewcandles to seebyandchoppedup thevegetablesalreadywiltingwithoutrefrigeration.ItossedtheminaskilletwithaglugofoliveoilandgavethemastirandsautéovertheSternostove—aflimsylittlecardboard-and-metalstanderectedoveracanofflammablegoothatprovidedsomeheataswellasnoxiousfumes.Iheldmybreath.ThenIsacrificedmylasttwolemonsandsqueezedthemintothevegetables—myfavoritewaytozingupfood.Onelemonwassosoftandtired,mythumbwentrightthroughit.Iburstintotears.

Asmall,jewellike,rationalpartofmeknewitwaswrongtohavesurvivedahurricaneonlytobedefeatedbyalemon.Therestofmetoldtherationalpartofmetoshutup.

Iaddressedtheuniverse.“Can’tonefriggingthinggoright?Isthattoomuchtoask?”Apparently, itwas.Becauseafewminuteslater,aweirdlightbeganmakingits jerkyway

into the house. A break-in? A poltergeist? Sterno hallucination? Aneurysm? All inconvenientoptionsrightnow.Iwentfromsweatytocold-sweaty.

Benjamincalledout,“Ellen?Whereareyou?”“Paris,”Ishouted.“I’minParis.I’mhavingawonderfultime,thanks.I’minthekitchen—

whatdidyouthink?”He stood in the kitchen doorway, holding a flashlight, the source ofmy light, a tall man

castingatallershadow.“Iheardyourvoice.Ithoughtsomethingwas—”Hebrokeoff.“Imissedyou.”Ormaybehe

said,“Imissyou.”Icouldnotforthelifeofmeimaginewhy.IwoulddivorcemyselfifIcould.It was too hot for a tantrum, too hot to cry, but I started blubbing about the lemon, the

hurricane, us.He grabbedme in a clumsyhug. Itwas too hot for hugs. I dropped thewoodenspoonandthrewbotharmsaroundhim.

ThenBenjamin,myguardian angelwith a category4 headache, shone the flashlight beamintothepotasIgavethepastaalasttoss.Helitenoughcandlesforahighmass,setthemaroundthedining-roomtable,andcalledeveryoneintoeat.

We sat around the table, eating or not, the candlesmelting intomush, the flickering lightcastingmonstrousshadows,theopenwindowsbringingnoreliefofabreeze.Thenightandthetangleoffallentreesenclosedusalllikeawitch’senchantment.

Someoneknockedat thedoor. Iscreamed.Benjamindid themoreconventionalandusefulthing—heopenedthedoor.There,inthedarkness,stoodafriendholdingupadrippingbag,thelastbagoficeinthecityofMiami.Hecamein,handedovertheice,andpulledupachair.Wetoastedhimwithrefresheddrinksandspirits;heatetherestofthepasta.

Ibroughtoutthechocolatecake.Eventhosewho’dbeentoomiserablefordinnersatupatthesightofdessert.Wedivviedupthecakeamongus.

Inthecandlelight’sunsteadyglow,BenjaminandIlookedateachotherfromoppositeendsofthetable.Ourproblemswerestillgoingtobethere.Butwewerehere,withourfriendsandourfamily,inourhousethatwasbuilttolast.Maybewewerebuilttolast,too.I’mnotsayingweall felt lucky, spared, saved.We felt okay.We feltwe’d survived. In desperate times, that’s agoodfirststep.

It’satrickyfirststep,too.ItendtofindhopeaselusiveasanicecubeinAugust—Ihaveit,andthenIdon’t.Thebig,cosmiclessonsweeachneedtolearnaretheonesquickestforgotten—memorycardfull.ButIhavetostartsomewhere.Sometimes,itstartswithmakingdinner.

Idon’tmakethispastaoften.Icanbesuperstitiousenoughtothinkitinvitescalamity.ImakeitwhenI’mtappedout.AndI’malwaysglad.Itisnotshowyandisofnoparticularculturalorculinary tradition, other than necessity. But it’s soothing, simple, and remindsme that even indisaster, there are shimmering moments of generosity and forgiveness and hope. Sometimesthere’sspaghetti,too.

When-All-Else-FailsPasta(a.k.a.Ten-MinutePastawithZucchini,Tomatoes,andChickpeas)

This recipe relies on vegetable workhorses (if that’s not a mixed metaphor) like zucchini,tomatoes,andchickpeas.Alsowelcome—anyandallherbsandanygreenvegetablesinyourfridgeorfreezer.Giveusyourtiredbroccoli,yourpoorfreezer-burnedpeas.Addthemtothepasta.Theonlysemi-arcaneingredientisnutritionalyeast.Itisnotnecessary,butdonotscoffat it. Rich in vitaminB12, nutritional yeast is a vegan’s best friend. It could be yours, too.Cheesy-tasting,dairy-free,andshelf-stable,it’sanicethingwhenyourrealcheeseissportingabluefuzzofmold.

Serves8to10(youcanhalvetherecipeifyoulike,inwhichcaseitservesamoreseemly4to5)

2tablespoonsoliveoil4clovesgarlic,minced1or2pinchesredpepperflakes

4zucchini,chopped4tomatoes,chopped,orone28-ouncecandicedtomatoesAnyextravegetablesyouhaveonhand,chopped(optional)Two15-ouncecanschickpeas,rinsedanddrained1poundwholewheatspaghettiorangelhairpastaJuiceof2lemonsAnystraybitsoffreshherbs,chopped(optional)¼cupnutritionalyeast(optional,butexcellent)Seasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the garlic, red pepper flakes, andzucchini.Cook,stirringoccasionally,until thegarlic turnsgolden, thepepper flakessizzle,andthezucchinisoftens,about5minutes.

Addthetomatoesandtheirjuice,andanyextrachoppedvegetablesyou’reinneedofusingup.Stirandcookforanotherfewminutesuntilthemixturecomestogetherasanice,simplepansauce.Stir in thechickpeas.Reduce theheat tomedium,stirringoccasionally,while inanotherlargepot,youboilthepastaaccordingtothepackagedirections.

Drainthepasta,reserving½cupofthepastacookingwater,andreturnthecookedpastatothe large pot. Pour the zucchini-and-tomato mixture over the pasta and toss until the pasta isevenlycoatedinthesauce.Addthelemonjuiceand,ifdesired,someofthereservedpastawaterfor the ideal sauce-to-noodle balance. Sprinkle in any or all the herbs and, if you like, thenutritionalyeast.Itaddsbody, flavor,andoomph.Toss tocombineandseasongenerouslywithseasaltandagoodgrindingoffreshpepper.

GENTLENUDGEtheNINTH:GETCAUGHTUPintheRAPTUREVegetablesgettheirnamefromtheLatinvegetare,whichmeans“toenliven.”It’slifeforce,chi,allthatstuff.Processedfood,ontheotherhand,musthaveitsoriginsinthewordzombie.Soeatavegetable—afreshvegetable.Itcanchangeyourlife.Changedmine.

MymotherusedtobeintoAtkins(don’tgetmestarted);myfatherisvegphobic.Freshgreenvegetablesweren’tpartofmychildhood.Vegetablescameinafrozenbrick—itwasabenightedera;weknewnobetter.Theyweresomethingrelegated.Anafterthought.Tothisday,myfatherwillmanagetochokedownafreshasparagustipthengiveupandsaythehellwithit.

Mychildhoodinvolvedeatingafairamountofbad(thatistosay,frozen)broccoli.Andyet,inoneofthosemysteriesoflife,Igrewtolovevegetables,allofthem,startingwithbroccoli,myfirst vegetable love. Like all true loves, it has endured. I didn’t go looking for broccoli butstumbleduponit,whereitwaswaitingformeallalong.

Mysophomoreyearofcollege, Iwashomeonsummerbreak,helping tomakedinner. I’dsteamed a head of fresh broccoli, intending, aswas family tradition, to bury it under butteredbread crumbs— the better to disguise it. Iwas separating the floretswithmy fingerswhen I

absentmindedlypoppedoneinmymouth.Everythingstopped.Isurrenderedtothetaste,vegetalyetsweet,andtothetexture,firmtothebiteyetyielding.I

felluponthebroccoli,unbuttered,uncrumbed,unadorned,likeawomanstarving.Icouldallbutfeel its phytonutrientsworking theirmagiconme,busting throughbad college foodandworsecollegehabits.I’dbeenavegetarianforyears,butinthatinstant,Ibecamesomethingmore—abroccolibeliever,mylifeforeverchanged,redeemed,hallelujah.

Vegetablerapturecanhappentoyou,too.Butyou’vegottoengagewiththeprocess.Startbyeatingafreshvegetable.

BroccoliwithLemonandMint(BroccoliforBeginners)

Serves4

1headbroccoli1bunchfreshmint1lemon,halvedOliveoilfordrizzlingSeasaltforsprinkling

Takeonelovelygreenheadofbroccoli.Rinseofftheinvisiblenasties.Cutintoflorets,leavingonasmuchstemasyoucanstand.That’swherethephytonutrientsare.Tossingoutthebroccolistemwastesresourcesandcheatsyououtofthebestnutritionalbits.Steamed,thewoodystemsturntenderandkindofgreattasting—likeasparagus.Chopthemintobitsandyou’vegotbonusbroccoli.

Doyouwant tobeplungedintoboilingwater?Neitherdoesbroccoli.Steamingpreservesthenutrientsinproduce,soinvestinacoveredsteamerordoubleboiler.Placethebroccoli—florets and chopped stems— in the top pot, the onewith the holes at the bottom.Fill the potbelow halfway with water. Bring the water to a boil over high heat. Cover and steam for 7minutes,thenpeekinsideandcheckonyourbroccoli’sprogress.Itshouldsmellvegetalandrichandbeglowingandgreen.Youwantstemsthatsnap,notbend.Giveitanotherminuteortwo,ifneeded,thenrinseincoldwaterortossahandfuloficeintothesteamer.Likeothervegetables,broccoliretainsheatandwillcontinuecookinguntilyoubringdownitstemperature.

Stoptoadmire.Youhavejuststeamedfreshbroccolianditisbeautiful.Doalittlebroccolidance.

Take thenakedbroccoli floretsand thechoppedstems,and throwtheminabowl.Takeafewhandfulsoffragrantmint,choportearintobits,andthrowit intoo.Squeezethejuiceof1lemonoverthebroccolianddrizzleitwitholiveoil.Toss.Sprinklewithseasalt.Eatasasalad,asasidedish,orlikeit’spopcorn.

Letyourwhimandtheseasonguideyou.Becausewhatevervegetableyouchoosewillofferyousomething fabulous, be it cold-friendly kale in the winter, with off-the-charts amounts ofantioxidants,calcium,iron,andvitaminC,orthefirsttenderpeasofspring—vitaminK,folate,zinc!That’swhyHippocratessaid,“Letfoodbethymedicineandmedicinebethyfood.”

Stillmoretakenbythebig,theblingy?MorebytheKardashiansistersthanyouarebykale?Beholdthekalechip.

Allyouneedarethreeingredientsandtenminutestotransformtheleafygreenyou’vebeenavoidingintoaddictivefingerfood.

KaleChips

Changeup the flavorbymixing theseasaltwithapinchofcumin, redpepper flakes,currypowder,thyme,oranydriedherborspiceyoulike.

Serves4

1bunchkale2teaspoonsoliveoilSeasaltforsprinkling

Preheattheovento300°F.Wash the kale leaves and blot dry.Tear or cut the leaves free of the stems. (Reserve the

stems for vegetable broth.) Tear the leaves into generous-size chips, keeping inmind that thechipswillshrinkduringbaking.Placethekalepiecesonalargebakingsheet.Drizzlewitholiveoilandtossuntiltheleavesareevenlycoatedwiththeoil.Sprinklewithseasalt.

Bakeintheovenfor10minutes.Thekalewillshrinkdownandturnmagicallycrispy.

FEEDINGtheHUNGRYGHOSTOurfirstyearinTokyo,BenjaminandIdiscoveredJapanhasstreetfestivalseveryweekendallspringandsummerlong—cherryblossomfestival,plumfestival,festivalsallaroundtown,withthepeopleineachprefectureparadingtheirownshrinethroughtheneighborhood.Theyallseemtofeaturehappycrowdsandstreetvendorssellinggrilledsquidonastick.We’dknowwewereclosingonthefestivallocationwhenwe’dgetthatsquiddywhiffofburnedtires.

One summer evening,wewereoutwalking and stumbledonto an eventwehadn’t knownabout.Ithadsquid,butitfeltdifferent.Itfelthushed,asthougheveryonewasholdingtheirbreath.

Women in their crisp yukata (cotton summer kimonos) and men in dark suits and tiesclusteredbythebanksofthewindingSumidaRiverinthefadinglightofday.Theylitcandlesandset them afloat in little paper boats. Then theywould bow and release themout on thewater.When darkness fell, the sky was lit with fireworks, what the Japanese call hanabi — “fireflowers.”ButIkeptturningbacktolookattheglowofthecandlesintheirboats,floatingoutandaway.

Thenextday,theproprietressofthenoodleshopdownstairsexplainedthiswastheweekofObon,whenthedeadreturntovisittheirlivingfamilies.Thefamiliesgather,prayforthem,doalittledance,placefruitsandvegetableson thefamilyaltar, tidyup thegravesof thedead, thensendthemoffinthecandleceremonywe’dwitnessed.

OneofthethingsIlikebestabouthumanbeingsisourabilitytomakeapartyoutofanything.Thedeadarebustingloose?Outstanding.Let’sdance,let’smakethemfeelwelcome,let’scook.What’stheirfavoritethingtoeat,besidessquidonastick?Japan’sotherstreetfood—donburi.

Donburimeanssomethingservedoverrice—usuallyeggs.It’seasy,popular;it’sJapanesecomfortfood.I’veenricheditbyaddingvegetables.Andlosingtheegg.It’sstillexcellent.

VegetableDonburi

Serves2

2cupswater1cuprice(whiteistraditional,brownismorehealthful)1cupStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebroth¼cupsakeorsherry1tablespoonwhitemisopaste1tablespoonsoysauce2teaspoonssesameoil(optional)2cupsbroccoliflorets2carrots,chopped1teaspoonmincedfreshginger2clovesgarlic,minced8ouncesmushrooms,sliced4scallions,chopped

Inamediumsaucepan,bringthewatertoaboiloverhighheat.Addtherice,cover,andreducetheheattolow.Simmeruntilalltheliquidisabsorbedandthericeistender,about30minutesforwhiterice,40minutesforbrownrice.Removefromtheheat,withthesaucepancoveredtokeep

thericewarm.In anothermediumsaucepan,bring thebroth to aboil overhighheat.Add the sake,miso

paste,soysauce,andsesameoil(ifusing).Stirtogetheruntilsmooth.Addthebroccoli,carrots,ginger,andgarlicandcookfor2minutes,oruntilthevegetablessoften.Addthemushroomsandscallionsandcook,giving thevegetablesabrisk, lightstir,until themushroomsturndark,soft,andjuicyandallthevegetablesareheatedthrough,afewminutesmore.

Dividethecookedriceintotwobowls.Gentlyspoonthevegetablesandtheirsauceontop.

InHongKong,BenjaminandIdiscoveredYuLan, theHungryGhostFestival,muchaswehadcomeuponOboninTokyo—byaccident.Wewereonsummerholiday,walkingalongCatStreet,withitsdazzleofantiqueandapothecaryshops,thestreetvendorsholdinguptheirwares.TheycalledoutinEnglishandCantonese,theirshoutsringingtogetherlikemusic.Amidthebustleofvendors,Ispiedawomanwithacoolerfullofice.Shewassellingfreshlychees.Theremaybesomeforwhomgrilledsquidonasticksatesadeepandurgentcraving,butforme,it’schilledlycheesonagloriouslyhotafternoon.Weboughtabagandwentonourway,peeling the fruit,poppingthecoldsweetnessintoeachother’smouths.Wehadnodestinationinmind,noscheduletokeep;thedaywasitsownreward.

Wecametoatemplesurroundedbyafugofincense.Throughthehighopendoors,wesawpeoplebowingandprayingasiftheirlivesdependedonit.

In theory,China’sYuLan is similar to Japan’sObon. It’s an honoring of the dead, but ittranslatesintosomethingedgier.InChina,hungryghostsareseriouslyhungry,depictedwithteenylittlemouths,narrow,reedynecks,andbig,emptybelliesthatcannevergetenough.

Oh,theymightventurebacktotheirlivingkinforareunion,butthey’remorelikelytohangoutinthewater,waitingtillyoutakearefreshingswim.Thenthey’llpullyoudownandunder.They’redead,depleted,ravenous,andinabadmood.

LikeObon,YuLaninvolvesprayersandaltarsandfoodofferings,buttheconsumablesaremorelikelytobeapackofsmokesandabottleofscotch.It’snothealthy,butwhatdoesitmatter?They’reofferingsforpeoplealreadydead.Boozeandciggiesarewhattheywant—orwhatwethinktheywant—andit’sbetterthey’reappeased.Orelse.

Goahead,blamethedead.They’renotcorporeallyheretodefendthemselves.Ithinkwe’remoreoftentheoneswhowantmore,more,more.Evenbetter,wewantyoutohaveless.

Someofthesevendeadlysinsarefun—lustcomestomind.Gluttony,sloth,andpridealsohavetheirappeal.Ofallofthem,Igetplaguedbyenvy,yourrealdownersin.Icantellyou,toomuchwantinggets in thewayof living, theway toomuchsalt ruins thedish, scoursyour tastebuds,andmakesitsoyoucanenjoynoneof it.Andit’sexhausting.BadenoughtobethatwaywhenI’malive;I’mnotgoingthroughitwhenI’mdead.

Alittledesire,alittleappetite,issexy.Eveninaghost.Itmeansyou’reopentoreceivingtheworld’s pleasures. The question is, what are you hungry for? If you knew almost ten billionanimalsarekilledeveryyearforfood,wouldyoureallywantsecondsonthebarbecue?

We’rehungry formore thandinner. I am, anyway.There’s not a bunchof kaleor headof

broccoliorloafofzucchinibreadbigenoughtofilltheache,thehole,thehungertobemore,tobebetter.

Often—mostlylateatnight—myinsecuritiescomeoutanddance.They’vegotthemoves;they’vegotthelooks.Meanwhile,I’mlyingthereawakeandfatandoldandstupidandugly.Thisiswhatmyinsecuritiestellme,anyway.Whilethey’redancing.Throughperfectlylipstickedlips,they remindme I’mnotDeepakChopra.Or today’sFoodNetworkstar.OrLadyGaga (thoughtheyknowIwouldnever,everdohermeat-dressthing).Oryou.

Whennecessary,Ivisualizerushingoutonthatdancefloorandtrippingthem.ThenIripofftheirfalseeyelashesandhairextensions.WhenIcanprizemygripoffmyobsessiondusoir,thethingIlack,thatImusthaveordie,Iam—humanparadox—lesshungryforit.Itisamatterofbreathingthroughthecrazies.

Istriveforenoughness,feelingcompletewithwhatIhaveandwhoIam.Itisnotallaboutme.LadyGagaprobablyhasbaddays,too.Perhapsanotherwordforthisisperspective.

ThenextrecipeisoneofthoseZen,less-is-morekindsofthings,perfectforwhenyourinnerhungryghostisbeingparticularlypesky.Itrequiresmanyvegetablesandabitofprep.Embracethe process; it’s there to get you out of your own head. It’s a simplified version of Buddha’sDelight,thetraditionalmildandmeatlessmonk’sstewthatbringsgoodhealthandgoodfortune.Its selling point isn’t spice, but a symphony of textures. It delighted an enlightened guy likeBuddha.Mayitworkforyou,too.

HungryGhostMoodModifier

Shirataki are low-calorie, gluten-free noodles made from sweet potato, with an interestingchew.Theyrequirenocooking,comepackedinwater,andcanhaveanoff-puttingsmellwhenyouopenthebag.Don’tbeafraid;justrinsethemwell.Findshirataki,alongwithricevinegarandsesameoil,atmostAsianmarketsandnaturalfoodstores.

Serves2

2teaspoonscanolaorpeanutoil1clovegarlic,minced1thumb-sizepiecefreshginger,peeledandcutintomatchsticks2scallions,chopped1carrot,cutintomatchsticks1stalkcelery,chopped1redbellpepper,cutintomatchsticks1cupshreddedcabbage4ouncesfirmtofu,cutintobite-sizecubes2tablespoonssoysauce

1tablespoonAsianricevinegar1teaspoonagavenectarorhoney1teaspoonsesameoilOne8-ouncepackageshirataki,rinsedwellanddrained

Inalargeskillet,heattheoilovermedium-highheat.Addthegarlic,ginger,andscallions.Cook,stirringoccasionally,untilthevegetablesarefragrantandsoftened,about2minutes.

Addthecarrot,celery,andredbellpepper.Cooking,stirringoccasionally,untiltheybecometender,2to3minutesmore.

Add the cabbage and tofu. Cook, stirring occasionally to prevent the vegetables and tofufrom sticking to the bottom of the pan. Cabbage wilts quickly, so this will only take 3 to 5minutes.

Inasmallbowl,whisk together thesoysauce, ricevinegar,agavenectar,andsesameoil.Pourthemixtureoverthevegetablesandtofu,andstirgentlyuntilevenlycoated.

Addtheshiratakiand toss tocombine.Cook,givingagentlestir,until thesauce ismostlyabsorbedandtheshiratakiisheatedthrough,afewminutesmore.

Maybeghostsreallydospendtheirdaysdirectingus,inwhichcasethey’reasbusyinthenextlifeasinthisone.Nowondersomeofthemgetcranky.Ormaybethehauntingisofourownmaking—regretorangeroverthethingswedidanddidn’tdo,longingforwhatwas,painoverwhatwewantthatcanneverbeagain.Ineithercase,itisunfinishedbusiness.

Ithelpsustohonorandcommemoratethedead.Itmakesiteasierforus.Andwhoknows?Maybeithelpsthem,too.Whodoesn’tlikebeingrememberedandshoweredwithpresents?Butwehavenoproofabottleofscotchorahandfuloflycheestastesasgoodtoaspiritasitdoeswhenyoustillhaveaphysicalself.Anotherthingbeingalivehasgoingforit—there’sstilltimetobuffovertheroughspotsinourpersonalities.There’sstilltimetomakeitright.

Idon’tknowwhat thedeadneed,but the livingneedat least twoHungryGhostFestivals.The frantic approach of throwing booze at our ancestors in the hopes they’ll leave us alonereflects thewaythingsarewhenyouscrapebelowthesurface—it’sallourrawfeelings,ourfears,ourownhungryghosts.Thedemurefamilyget-together,completewithcandlesandsquid,reflectsadesiretodrawaroundusthosewelove,nowwhilewearestill living,whenwecanclankaroundinourcleverbagofbones,engagingwithalloursenses, fromscotch’smedicinaltangandsmokynotestothespicedsweetnessoflychees.

Sodo itnow.Feedyourselfand thoseyou love.Oreven thoseyou like. It is summer, theharvestisbountiful,andwearealive.

GENTLENUDGEtheTENTH:BALANCINGACTSittingonmydeskisastatuetteofGanesh,theHinduelephant-headedgod,godoftheharvestand

remover of obstacles. In many representations, Ganesh is seated, looking benign and slightlypleasedwiththeuniverse—orhimself.Heisthegodofsuccess,afterall.MyGaneshisdancing.Oratleastpoisedtodance.Heisbalancedononefoot, theotherlegraisedandbent,hisarmsextendedingracefulwaves,thepositionbellydancerscallserpentine.

I’mabelly-dancedropout,butI, too,canbalanceononefoot. Ioftendothiswhenonthephoneorwaiting in lineat thebankorpostoffice—it’saneasyway tomultitask, itkills thetime, itworks theabs. IcanbalancewhenI’mstill,butwe’renotstill,arewe?We’realwaysmoving.

Evenwhenwe’reat rest,ourbrainsareactive.Sometimes, they’re justwillful.Mybrainregularlywakes from a semisound sleep around three in themorning and takes the rest ofmehostage,treatingmetoadoublefeatureofstupidthingsI’vedonewrongduringthedayandthingsI’mbehindonandmaynevergetto.

Thisdoesnotencourageareturntosleep.Itencourageshoursofunproductiveworry.Icangetmyselfcrazyandoutofbalancebylyingabsolutelystill.It’satalentI’mnotespeciallyproudof.

Balanceissomethingwecravewithourwholebeing.Balancedoesnotmeanblandness;itmeansstability.ItisliketheTaosymbolofyinandyang,twoequalparts,lightanddark,femaleandmale,curledintoeachothertomakeaperfectcircle,acompleteness.

Perfectandcompletearehardtokeepup.Wearemadeupofopposites,butwhenonesideexertsmore force than the other, we get knocked down— by life, by stress, by the nasty flumakingtheroundsintheoffice.Wecravebalance,butwe’renotgoodatit.Weworktoohardattheexpenseoftherelationshipsthatsustainus—ourfamilies,ourcommunities,ourselves.We’rerunningonempty,andwe’rehungry,depleted.Butwedon’tstop;wekeepbouncingandbangingfromextremetoextreme,fromstarvingtostuffingourfaces.Againandagain.Baduseofenergy.Anddoesn’titseemextremeandjustthelittlestbit,um,insane?TheHopihaveawordforit—koyaanisqatsi. Itmeans “crazy life.” Itmeans “life out of balance.” PhilipGlass composed astirringmusicalscorebythatname.Itisinturnsfreneticandsonorousandmoodyandominous.Itisnotthesoundtrackyouwantforyourlife.

Evenahurricane,thatconvectionoffury,hasacenterpointofstillness.Andthat’sthetrick.Findingbalancemeansslowingdown,findingthatmomentofstillnessinthemidstofthedance,thatone thingwe thinkwe’re far toobusy todo. Iamsorry tosayyoucannotachievebalancewithapilloraWii.Butyoucandoityourself.Meditate.

Meditationremindsusweareeachabrightglowofenergybutasmallpartofaverylargeworld. It increases mindfulness. It refreshes the spirit and body. It’s proven to lower bloodpressureandincreasefocus.Andit’shard.

WhatIoncecalledmeditatingmeantsittingwitheverymuscleclenched,myfacescrunchedwith anxiety, because the great cosmic answers were not coming to me. This is not whatmeditationis.It’saboutallowingyourselftobe,toacceptwhoandwhereyouareintheworldrightnow.

Ihavetothinkofmeditationasamarathonrunbysittingabsolutelystill.Ittakestraining,andittakespatience.Ontheupside,youdon’tneedanyexpensivegear.Ihaveyettogetthepromisedrunner’shigh.Maybenexttime.

Sittingsilentlywithmyselfmakesmybraingoberserkwithamillionuselessthoughts.Ineedtomakesomecalls.Isn’tthatthephoneringingnow?Myleftlegisallpinsandneedles.It’sgoingtosleep.Orelseit’ssomethingdire.MaybeI’mhavingananeurysm.Howcanyoutell?MustdoaGooglesearch.Mustcheckmyemail,orIwilldie.Breathe.Jesus,I’mreallyinthezonenow.Hoursmusthavegoneby.Iopenmylefteyeandchecktheclock.Actualtimeelapsed—forty-nineseconds.

Theworldwillwait. It’spatient. I return to followingmybreathing, toclearingmybrain.Mybrainshouldhaveitsownyardsale—no!Don’t thinkyardsale.Don’t think.Justbe.Justbreathe.

You’vegot tobebetterat this thanIam.Blockout fifteenminutes foryourself.Nophonecalls,nointerruptions.Findarestfulplace.Sitcomfortably,quietly,yourfeetonthefloor.Yourchair,yourcouchwillsupportyou,thesolesofyourfeetconnectyoutotheenergyofthewholebenevolentplanet.You’rebeinglookedafter,soletgo.Closeyoureyes.Openyourmindandyourheart.Focusonyourbreath,thegentlerhythmofit,theriseandfallofyourchest.It’selegant,andyoudoitallthetimewithoutevenappreciatingit.Cleveryou.Sowhileyou’resittingthere,justsendyourbodyamessage.Tellitthankyou.

Youdonothavetodothisforever.Justfornow.Giveyourselfpermissiontodowhatwe’realwayssayingweneedtodo—beherenow.

Whileyou’re in this receptive,meditativestate,contemplatewhatyouneed inorder tobebalanced,whatyouneedtothrive.Thinkabouthowyouliveandwhatyoueatandwhatyoucantweaktonourishyourexcellentbodyandluminoussoul.

Wecan’tbeconsciousoftheseasonsoftheearthuntilweareconsciousofourownseasons.Wecan’tbestewardsofthelandwhenwe’renotabletotakecareofourselves.Meditationgivesyouabreakfromyourbusy,busydaysoyoucanlistentoyourself.Whatareyousaying?Youmaynotgetaninstantanswer.Breathe.Relax.Intime,itwillbecomeclear.

Inthemeantime,hereyouare.Youareenough,youareplenty.Becauseifyouwanttolookatthelargerpicture(andIalwaysdo),harvestmeansmorethanwhatyoupulloutofthefield.Itistherewardyoureapforeffortexpended;itisthesumofwhoyouarerightnow.Andyouarealavishharvest.

Youwouldn’t thinkmeditatingtakesenergy—you’rejustsittingthere—but itdoes.Andyou want to fuel yourself properly. A bowl of oats provides a bowl of low-glycemic, heart-supporting,wholegraingoodnessthatstopshungerinitstracksandcanhelpyoufindfocus.Ifallyouknow is instant, it is time to branchout and try thepebblywonder of steel-cut oats.Theyrequirealongercookingtimebutprovideamplerewardbywayofsatietyandafull,nuttyflavor.

I have added goji berries, thewonder berry of themoment.They are another ancient giftwe’re just discovering. People say gojis boost circulation, immunity, and liver function.Whatpeopledon’ttellyouisgojisareslightlysourandchewy.Whencookedinwiththeoats,though,theysofteninflavorandtextureandbecomeentirelymoreagreeable.

Steel-CutOatswithGojiBerries

Nowisagoodtimetogetintothatmeditative,serenestate.Steel-cutoatsarenotyourbasicrolledoats.They’recutcrosswise, so they’repebbly,not flaky,andhaveoatenoomph.Theyalso require twice as much water and twice as much time to cook. But they are delicious,filling,andfabulousforyou.

Enjoy topped with flaxseeds, hemp seeds, chia seeds, nuts, any manner of berries orchoppedfruit,driedorfresh,alavishsprinkleofcinnamon,adrizzleofmaplesyrup,whateverpleasesyou.Iknowsomeonewhoenjoyssoysauceonhisoatmeal,buthe’sageniusandcangetawaywithit.

Serves2(orGaneshallbyhimself)

2cupswater½cupsteel-cutoats2tablespoonsdriedgojiberries1teaspoongroundcinnamon1teaspoonagavenectarormaplesyrup

Inamediumsaucepan,bringthewatertoaboiloverhighheat.Addtheoatsandgojiberriesandcook,stirringoccasionally,untiltheoatsthicken,afewminutes.

Reduce the heat to low and cook, uncovered and stirring occasionally, until the oats andwatermagicallycoalescetooptimalcreaminess,20to30minutes.

Stirinthecinnamonandagavenectar,thenenjoyasisorlavishwithtoppingstoyourheart’sdelight.

Anyonecantellit’sautumnwhenthetemperaturedropsandtheleaveschangecolor.InSouthFlorida,aplacenototherwiseknownforsubtlety,thechangeinseasonsissoslight,newcomersdon’tevennotice.Youhavetolivehereawhiletobeawaketothewaythelightshifts,frombrightandbleached-outtoasoftersunshinethatbatheseverythingingold.Thehumiditylifts,andwithit,ourhearts.

Snowisforotherpeople.FromKeyBiscaynetotheEverglades,mybelovedwaterbirdsarenesting—brownpelicans flyingabove inphalanx;snowyegrets rocking theirvampybreedingplumage;plump,placidpurplegallinules that look likebath-timerubberducksdressedupwithjewellikeiridescentfeathers.

Now isourplanting season,a timeofgrowthandnurturing.Yetat the same time that I’mputtinginmykale,arugula,chard,peppers,radishes,andtomatoes,Icanalsosensethepresenceofghosts.

EveninMiami,whereOctoberheatandhumiditycanturnafiercejack-o’-lanternintoapileofpumpkinpureeovernight,somethingisintheair.Weshiftbacktostandardtime,andbyearlyevening,theskyisblack,asthoughthesunhaddecidedtocallitquitsforeverandit’stheendoftheuniverseasweknowit.

Youcanseehowthismightweirdpeopleout.Before Halloween was an excuse to eat candy and a ghost meant a costume made of a

bedsheetwithtwoholescutoutforeyes,theancientCeltsbelievedlateautumnwasthetimeofthedead,whentheycamebacktoearthbecausetheyhadn’tgottentocrosseverythingofftheirto-dolist.TheCeltsmarkedthetimewithfeastingandcelebrationtohonorthedead.Theyhopediftheyactednice,thedeadwouldfeelmollifiedandgobackwheretheycamefrom.Druidsdidthesamethingbutaddedorgies.

Bytheeighthcentury,theCatholicChurchhadgrownininfluence;thechurchsaid,enoughofthisorgybusiness,cleanedupthesex,anddesignatedNovember1asAllSaints’Day.Butyouknow, the people like their sex and wildness, so the church had to add All Souls’ Day onNovember2.Peopledidn’tgettohavesex,atleastnotchurch-sanctionedsex,buttheycouldhavebonfiresanddressupinfunkygear.

BenjaminandIobserveacleaned-up,modernHalloween.WetakeouryoungnieceNikkito

pickoutapumpkinfromtheBoysClubsale, thenbringherback toourhouse tocarve it.Thistraditiondatesbacknot to theCelts,but tomygirlhood. Idid it—and still do it—withmyfather.We’vebeendoingitfordecades,andyetourcarvingskillshavescarcelyimproved.Eachyear, our jack-o’-lantern features triangle eyes and nose and an orthodontist’s dream of asnaggletoothedsmile.

OnHalloween,welightourjack-o’-lanternanddispensecandytoadorabletrick-or-treaters,medoingitwithafairamountofguiltforfeedingthemjunk.Ontheotherhand,I’mnotgoingtobetheneighborhoodmean,crazyladydolingoutapplesorhomemadeflaxseedbonbons.I triedgivingouthandfulsofpenniesoneyear,shiningthemupwithlemonjuiceandsalt,pretty,pretty.Neveragain.Nowonderwe’releftoffanyorgyA-lists.

Things,though,arefarfromtame.

Pumpkin,Poblano,andSpinachTacos

Seasonalproducedeliversheat, sweet,andnourishmentwithvitaminsA,B,andC,calcium,iron,potassium,andoh,Icouldkeepgoing.Jack-o’-lanterns,thoughtemptingtouse(becausewe hate to waste, don’t we?), go mushy and bland when cooked. Choose a more flavorfulvarietylikecheesepumpkinorsugarpumpkinforthissouthwestern-inspiredmeal.

Epazote,atraditionalMexicanherb,hasagrassy,savoryflavorandhasbeenusedasastomachsoother.ItalsogoesbywormseedandthemoreappealingnameJesuit’stea.

Serves6to8

4poblanopeppersOne2-poundpumpkin,cutintobite-sizecubes2tablespoonsoliveoilSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper1good-sizeonion,chopped2clovesgarlic,choppedPinchdriedepazote,orpinchdriedoreganoandpinchdriedthymeLeavesfrom1sprigfreshsage,chopped4bighandfulsspinach6to10multigrainorcorntortillasToastedpepitas(pumpkinseeds)forgarnish(optional)Shreddedvegancheeseforgarnish(optional)Hotsauceforgarnish(optional)

Place one rack in the uppermost position of the oven and another rack in themiddle position.Preheatthebroiler.Placethepoblanosonabakingsheetonthetoprackandbroiluntilblackened

onbothsides,8to10minutesperside.Removethepoblanosfromtheovenandimmediatelywraptheminakitchentowelorseal

theminapaperbag.Letthepoblanossweatforatleast20minutes.Whenthey’recoolenoughtohandle, slipoff theblistered skins.Remove the seedsandcut thepeppers intobite-size strips.(Theroastedpepperscanbewrappedandstoredintherefrigeratorforaday.)

Turnoffthebroilerandsettheovento425°F.Spreadthepumpkincubesonarimmedbakingsheet.Drizzlewith1tablespoonoftheolive

oil,andseasonwithsaltandpepper.Roastonthemiddlerackuntillightbrownandtender,about30minutes,givingthevegetablesanoccasionalfliporstirsotheyroastevenly.

Meanwhile, ina largeskillet,heat theremaining1 tablespoonoliveoilovermedium-highheat.Addtheonionandgarlic.Cook,stirringoccasionally,untiltheonionissoftenedandgolden,about8minutes.Addtheepazote,poblanostrips,andsage.

Reducetheheat tomedium.Addtheroastedpumpkinandthespinach,ahandfulata time,and cookuntil the spinach justwilts and the pumpkin andpoblanos are heated through, 5 to 7minutes.Tasteandseasonwithsaltandpepper

Towarmthetortillas,wrapinakitchentowelandsteaminadoubleboilerforaminuteortwo,orwrapinaluminumfoilandplaceina300°Fovenforaminuteortwo.

Moundthefillingontotortillas.Topthetacoswithtoastedpepitas,shreddedvegancheese,andperhapsasplashofhotsauce,andenjoy.

I’vebarelypitchedtheputrefiedHalloweenpumpkinintoourcompostbinwhenbang, it’stimetodothebigcleanupandcookforThanksgiving.Thencomesthewaveofholidayparties,and it’s a quick skid toChristmas,Hanukkah,NewYear’sEve, all coming at you so fast, youdon’t even have time to take the leaves out of the dining-room table.Where did the past fewmonthsgo?Wheredidtheyeargo?

Weseetheendofthecalendar,havethesensethattimeisrunningout,andstarttofeelthewee-estbitdesperate.Sillyus.Timeisahumanconstruct.Fortheplanet,winterisjustanothercycle,agearingdown,astoringup.

On the surface, the world may show itself as forbidding gray skies, barren trees, snow-coveredfieldsorslush-crustedstreets,andotherEndofDaysindicators.Really,theparty’sjuststarting.

Youknowhowagoodnight’ssleepsmoothesoutyourforeheadandyourspirits,andmakesitpossibleforyoutokeeponwithasmile?That’showtheearthfeels,too.Awinter’snapperksuptheplanet.Yourbodytemperaturedropswhenyousleep.Earth’sdoes,too.Butdeepwithin,there’s still sweetness and warmth and growth. This is the time for filling, nourishing rootvegetables,likebeets,carrots,andsweetpotatoes.Theylaughatcoldtemperaturesandkeepformonthsinyourlarder.Notetheirtonality,inthered-to-orangeschemeofthings—thecolorsweassociatewithheat.Youcouldalmostthinktherewassomegranddesignbehindit.

With the colder, shorter days ofwinter,we, too, seek sweetness andwarmth deepwithinourselves, thepromiseof renewal.Thinkof it asa spaexperience foryour soul—aspiritual

sloughingoff,amysticalexfoliation.There’sareasontheevergreenisaChristmassymbol.It’sgreenevenintheheartofwinter,

remindingusthisisaseasonofregeneration.Forallofus.Theliturgicalcalendarbeginsnotinthespringtimewithobviousnewlifeandprettygreenleaves,butinDecember.Nowistheseasonof Advent, of contemplation and togetherness, of readying, of preparing to party, should theSaviorcome,ofbeingcheerfulandcarryingonifhegetshungupintrafficorifitdoesn’thappenatall.Wearereadytobegin.

InJudaism,winteristhetimeofSimchatTorah.WehavereadthroughtheentireTorah,thesacredHebrewscroll,overthecourseoftheyear.Wehavereachedtheend.Andyetnottheend.Wegettoendandbeginagain,atthebeginning.

Theplanet teachesus thingsdonot end, or if theydo, these endings are never as neat ordramaticaswehumansmakethemseematthetime.I’mglad.Ihategood-byes.

Wecan’terasethepast.Weneedthepast.Wecouldn’thavereachedthisshiny,newmomentwithoutit—evenJanus,thegodofbeginnings,knowsthat.

January isnamedforJanus.Youcan tellhimfromall theothergodsbecausehe’s theonewithtwoheads,onelookingforwardintothefutureandtheotherfacingbackward,togazeintothe past.You are notwho youwere ten years ago or even tenmonths ago. Every year, everyseason, lays the groundwork for what is to come. Think of time as metaphoric compost,primordialmuck, thebroken-downorganicmatter creating theperfect environment inwhich togrow,tobeginagain.

Lifeismessy.Justworkingonanartprojectwithyourkidwillteachyouthat.It’llturnyourdining-room table into a Jackson Pollock of glue-gun dribbles that, like Lady Macbeth’sbloodstainedhands,willnevercomeclean.Butyourchilddoesn’tseethat;heseesapricelessworkofarthecreated.Youwanttocraponthat?Look,hehastherestofhislifetowallowinguiltanddisappointment.Youhelpedbringamasterpiecetofruition.Youhavepreparedthesoil,youhavecreatedafertile,sacredspace.Birthcomesfromdecay.Kindaodd,butthereyougo.

WILDCATSCATTERIfyoulivelongenough,someoneyouloveisgoingtodie.Whathappensthen,whetherthedeadenter the realm of heaven, receive divine enlightenment, come back as a ghost or a cow orcompost,isunknowntothoseofusstillliving.Whathappenstous,though,isnomysteryatall.Losingsomeoneyoulovehurtslikehell.

This iswhenformalreligionsshouldstep itup,plugginginfaithandsupport. In theWest,yourbiggerreligionsoftenprovideaguidebook—whenyoufeelthisway,readorsayordothat.This isn’t always far enough, to judgeby theuptick in secular ceremonies, aDIYapproach todeath,asitwere.

Youwantmore thanwords; youwant a ritual, one that says hey,world, pay attention—we’velostoneofthegreatones.Youwantaceremonythat’smeaningful,notjusttoyou,buttothepersonyou’rehonoring.Soyoudosomethinglikespreadyourbeloved’sashessomewherethatmattered,somewhere thatprovided joy.And if itmeansdoingsowithoutgettingapproval,you

will do it anyway. Furtively.Under cover of darkness.With a backup plan in case it all goeswrong,andarmedwithabottleofthedearlydeparted’sfavoritebrandofboozeforcommunionandcomfort.Thisisknowninthefunerarybizaswildcatscatter.

A large and solid person in life becomes light after cremation. Spreading the ashes(“cremains”—another funerary term)feels rather likespreadingorganic fertilizer,which, inasense, it is.Butnaturehas its limits.Even themost fertilesoilwon’tgrowthepersonyou lostbacktolife.There’snowaytobringbackthedead.

Unlessitismemory.Memoryisitsownsortofwildcatscatter.Callthemghosts,callthemmemoriesofthedead,theysurroundme,infuseme.Ibelieveinghosts.JohnMiltondid,too.Oratleast hewrote about it convincingly enough inParadiseLost: “Millions of spiritual creatureswalktheEarth/Unseen,bothwhenwewake,andwhenwesleep.”

I feel their presence as a tender ache in my heart, a whisper in my ear, the sizzle ofsomethinginapan,awhiffofMarcella’sL’AirduTempsorthetangoftheginmyfather-in-lawloved,apokeintheribs,adesiretolaughandcryatoncethatisn’tPMS.IdonothearvoicestellingmetofightforFrance,butsometimes,especiallytowardtheendoftheyear,I’llhear,“Icouldgoforalittlesomethingbeforelunch,”andI’llsmile,rememberingPatrick,myfirstboss,wholovedcoffeeandcookiesand,oddlyenough,me.

AlmondCookies

PatrickandIagreedlifeishardenoughwithouthardcookies.ThesetendertreatsareChineseinorigin,butuntraditional,beinglardless.

Makes2dozencookies

½cup(1stick)veganmargarine,suchasEarthBalance,softened1tablespoonalmondbutter2/3cupevaporatedcanesugar2teaspoonsamaretto2/3cupalmondflour2/3cupunbleachedall-purposeflour1teaspoonaluminum-freebakingpowderAneutraloillikecanolaforthebakingsheet24blanchedalmonds*

Ina largebowl,useamixingspoon tocreamtogether theveganmargarine,almondbutter,andsugar.Stirtogetherforafewminutes,untilthemixtureislightandfluffy.Mixintheamarettoandalmondflouruntiljustcombined.

Inanotherlargebowl,sifttogethertheall-purposeflourandbakingpowder.Addtheflour

mixturetothebutter-sugarmixtureandstiruntiljustcombined.Thedoughwillbeslightlysticky.Turnoutthedoughontoalightlyflouredsurfaceandshapeitintoalogabout12incheslong

and1½inchesindiameter.Wrapwellinaluminumfoilandrefrigerateatleast2hoursoruptoovernight.

Whenreadytobake,preheattheovento350°F.Lightlyoilarimmedbakingsheet.Unwrap the dough and slice into ½-inch-thick rounds. Place the dough rounds, 2 inches

apart, on the prepared baking sheet. Gently press a blanched almond into the center of eachcookie.Bakeuntilthecookiesarejustturninggolden,10to12minutes.

Removefromtheovenandletcool.Thecookiesarequitetenderindeedfreshfromtheoven,buttheyfirmupastheycool.

Storeinanairtightcontainerforseveraldays.

Youcanalsoworkadifferentkindofmagicwiththisversion,whichwhispersoftheMiddleEast.

Variation:OrangeBlossomCookies

Gratein1teaspoonorangezestSubstitute1teaspoonorange-flowerwater*forthe2teaspoonsamarettoIncreasetheunbleachedall-purposeflourto¾cupSubstitutepinenutsforthealmonds

Imet Patrickwhen Iwas seventeen and somehow got hired asmedia-relations assistant for alocal arts festival. My first day, he shambled in late, a black-and-white cookie as big asManhattanstickingoutofhismouth,aStyrofoamcupofcoffeeinhishand.Heworearumpledmadrasplaidshirtnotquitetuckedintohiskhakis.Iwasinexperiencedbutnotnaive.Icouldtellthisguywasnotstandardissue.

Patrick’sdisorderedstylebeliedhissuperpowers.Hecouldtakethemeasureofasituationandmake thebestof it. Inourmanycookie-and-coffeeklatches,he explainedour jobwasnotabout creating beautiful content with artistic vision, but about placating rude people, defusingticketingdisasters,anddoingdamagecontrolwhenafamousplaywrightshowsupdrunk,knocksoveratrayofcanapés,anddoessomethingunspeakabletothehostess.

Patrickwas indispensable.To everyone.Hewouldwalk into a crowded room, and evenwithacelebortwointhemix,hewastheoneeveryonewasgladtosee.

Attheendofsummer,thefestivalendedseriouslyinthered,andtheorganizerspulledtheplugoneverhavinganother. Iwentback tocollegeformysophomoreyear,nowskilled in thewaysofappeasingtheentitled,trackingdownAWOLartists,andfinaglingfreedrinks.Theend.

ExceptPatrickwouldn’tletitbe.Hecalledeveryweek,evenafterhemovedtoNewYorkwith his new partner, Marc. They showed up in Miami around Christmas. We took holidaystogether.Here’sapictureofusatatattyMiamiattraction,withnasty-clawedmacawssittingonour heads. They’re heavier than you’d think.Here’s another picture of us swimming laps in aneighbor’shottub.Andhere’smeinbridalgetup,flankedbymygorgeousnewhusbandononesideandPatrickandMarcontheother.Patrickisfeedingmeweddingcake—carrot,reallygood—tuxedoshirttailalreadyhangingoutofhispants.Marcisgivingmesipsofchampagne;we’realllaughingatthegreatjokeoflife.It’sawonderful,joyfulimage;butmorethanthat,itsaystotheworld,we’renotjusthusbandandwife—we’reBenjaminandEllenandPatrickandMarc,andthat’sthewayitwasandwouldalwaysbeforever.

Itshouldhavebeen.YoumaysensewhereI’mgoingwiththis.Patrickgotacold.Itlastedalongtime.Hehadpneumonia,edema,abunchofmiseriesthat

werenotgoingawayanddidnotadduptoacommoncold.Hegothepatitis—thewrongkind.Despiteourphysicaldistanceandmybusylife,Ihadtofacethefacts—myfriendwasdying.

MarccalledoneDecemberday.“It’sgoingtobesoon,”hesaid.“Patrickwantsyoutobehere.”

AllmylifeI’dagonizedovereverything.Butthiswasveryclear.Ibookedaflight,bakedabatchofalmondcookies,andflewoutthenextday,takingacabstraightfromtheairport tothehospital.Itwasmidwinter;thehospitalwasdrearyandgrayandencrustedwithgrayice.

Patrick’sroom,though,wasstiflinghotandfullofpeople.Itwaslikeallthecocktailpartieswe’dattended(orcrashed),exceptforonething—inbedwassomeonewhowasmyfriendandyetnotmyfriend.Withhisredhairandbeardandthehammythighsheworriedabout,myPatricklooked likea funVincentVanGoghwhoatewellandhadbothhisears.Thisguywaswasted,emaciated,hookeduptoeverykindoftube.HiseyesandskinwerethecolorofFrench’smustard.Hewasnevergoingtoeatcookiesagain,ever.

Icouldfeelmytearsstart;buthehatedthat,soIhuggedhim.Hefeltlikekindling.Hesaid,“Youfeelgood.”IsaidI’djusthadthisspatreatmentwheretheysandedmyass.

“Lemmefeel.”Whateverhehadbecome,hewasstillPatrick.Iundidmyjeansandslippedhishandin—gently,becauseitwasbonyandriggedtothings

doingIhadnoideawhat.The party didn’t last long; itwas clear people didn’twant to stick around. Itwasn’t just

becauseI’dpresentedmybackside.So itwas justPatrick andMarc andme and anuneatenboxof cookies.Sometimeswe’d

chat,sometimeswefellsilent.Alotofthetime,Patrickmoaned.Overthenextdays,Igotgoodatuntwistinghistubesandswabbinghismouthwithaglycerinstick.SometimesI’dputhishandonmyass,andhe’dalmostsmile.

Onemorning, he began convulsing.He yanked at his tubes and thrashed and shouted.He

didn’tknowwhowewere;buthelookedatme,andinhiseyes,yellowedwithjaundice,Isawanger,frustration,andhorror,asenseof,howcouldweletthishappen?

“Morphinereaction,”thedoctorsaid.“It’snormal.”Notforme.Iwentdownthehall,turnedtothewall,heldupmycellphonewithoutturningitonandsaid,“Ican’tdothis,Ican’tdothis,Ican’tdothis.”

ThenItookabreath.Patrickdidn’twanttodothis,either.Buthedidn’thaveachoice.SoIputmyphoneawayandwentbackandstayedwithhim.Sometimestheonlythingyoucandoiswitness,trytobearanother’spain.Itistimeslikethesethatfaithmustcomeinhandy,likeapairofjumpercables.Me,Ifelthobbledbyhelplessness.

AnursegavePatrickaninjectionandhefinallycalmedandgrewstill.Marcleft totakeabreak,andI,exhausted,curledupinbedwithmyfriendandtookanap.

Thatevening,MarcandIsatinPatrick’sroom,talkingquietlywhileheslept,guardinghim,listening to the rasp of his breath. Then we both looked at Patrick at the same moment andrealized — he was gone. It felt very like he had left the room. I saw a silver mist, like asprinklingofsnoworpowderedsugar,hoveringabovehimjustamoment,thenitwasgone.ItisprettyandpleasingtothinkitwasPatrick’sspirit.Morelikelyitwaslackofsleeponmypart.

Marcellahaddiedbythen.AndAaron.Butyou’renotsupposedtodiewhenyou’reinyourthirties.You’renotsupposedtodiewhenyou’rePatrick.

Ingrief,yourcarefullyconstructedlifecrashesandfallsaway,leavingyouexposed,flayed,raw,helplessasanewborn.Dailylifebecomesamatrixofimpossibilities,startingwithgettingoutofbed in themorning.Youdevelopsleepalternativesornewwaysofgrooming.That theymightnotbesuccessfulisbesidethepoint.

Atothertimes,grieffeelslikeabonelodgedinthethroat,acalcificationoftheheart.Thebitsofyouthatoughttobeopenareobstructed.Thepainoflossdullsyoursenses,createsaforcefieldaroundyourbody,encasesyouinice,makesyouimpervioustotheworldaroundyou,andespeciallyimpervioustoitspleasures.Youshutdown.

Griefisanecessarypain.Thatmeansthere’snowayaroundit—trytoburyitnow,andit’llcomebackandtsunamiyoulater.Butwhenyou’regrieving, theworldgrantsyoualittleslack.Youhavelicensetobeweird.Infact,youneedtobe.It’stheonlywayyou’regoingtogetthroughit.Thinkofitasahealthymadness.

Peopleyouknowandpeopleyoudon’twillsayordothingsintendedtocomfort.Notallofthemwillhelp,likesomeonetellingyouit’sforthebest.Idonotrecommendresponding,asIdid,“Oh,really?AndwhendidyoubecomeGod?”

Peoplewill tell you how itwaswhen their friend/lover/ spouse/parent/pet died.And foreverytwentypeople,onewillsaysomethingthatwillmakeyoublink,thatwillresonateandmakeyouask,“Itwas like that foryou, too?”Becauseweallgrieve, inourownwaysandourowntime.Noonegetsoutofit.

Inthewakeofdeath,peoplebringfood.Theprecedentisasoldashumankindandinitiallywasaboutfeedingnottheliving,butthedead.TheCeltsbelievedthejourneyfromlifetodeathwas hardwork, requiring fortification byway of eats— orwhat they called lón báis (deathsustenance).Itdidn’ttakelongforfolkstorealizethoseleftbehindtomournweren’thavingadayatthebeach,either.Andweallfeelhelplessashell.Sowecooktofightdeath,theenemy,orat

leastgothroughthemindless,physicalactofputtingtogethersomethingtoeat.InGenesis25,Jacobmadeapotoflentilsouptocomforthisfather,Isaac.Isaacwasfeeling

offhisgameandoffhisfeed,havingjustburiedhisownfather,Abraham(whomadeitto175,ifyoucanbelievetheBible).ThenEsau,Jacob’sbrother,comesinfromthefieldandsays,“Pleaseletmehaveaswallowofthatredstuff there,forIamfamished.”Jacobsaysnotsofast,bro,Iwant your birthright, because according to scripture, Esau, the eldestmale,was due to inheriteverything.Esauissohungryhethinkshe’sdying.Healsothinks,whatgoodisabirthrighttoadeadguy?So,fine,Jacob,hereyougo,handoverthesoup.

Esaueats.Helives.Heregrets.Hehateshisbrother,hehateshimself,andeveryoneloses.Itisoneoftheearliestrecordedhistoriesoffamiliesbehavingbadlyatatimeofdeathandcrisis.

Thattraditionendures.Butsodoesthefolktraditionoffuneralfood,thefoodyoubringtothe grieving.Over the centuries, the lentil has givenway to food no one fromGenesiswouldrecognize,aparadeofcasseroles,spiralhams,deliplatters,jigglingbowlsofricepudding,anddense funeralcakes.This isknown inmyfamilyasDPF(deadpeople’s food). It is foodoftenabsentofvegetables,thoughnotabsentofheart.

It is the heart, the caring I focus on when I’m red eyed and ragged out from crying anddesperate for somethinggreen. I focusonhow food lets us connectwhen all else fails. It is abridge,thelinguafrancaofgrief.

Patrick,too,wasinterestedinwhatfoodcando,inalabexperimentkindofway.Likeifyoutakebananabreadoutoftheovennow,whenitneedstobakeanotherfortyminutes,walkitovertoyournext-doorneighbor’soven,andfinishbakingitthere,howwillitcomeout?Prettywell,bytheway.

Patrick lovedprocess,andprocesshappensat itsownpace.He’d takeanhour tomakeasalad.Bythetimeitwasready,cocktailshadgoneonwaytoolong; thelettucehadgonelimp,andsohadI.

Somehow,towardtheendofhisdays,he’dmadealambstew,whichhefrozeinconvenientifnotbiodegradable individualplasticcontainers.Marcfound themafterhisdeath.He tried tothrowthemout.Hecouldn’t.

Overaperiodofmonths,Marcheated themupandate them.Patrickmusthaveknownhewould.IbetPatrick,analtarboygoneastray,thoughtofthisasasortofcommunion,hiswayofhavingdinnerwithMarcevenwithoutbeing there in theflesh,awayofcomfortinghispartnerbeyondthegrave.

It’spartofourhumanhardwiringtofeedthosewhomourn.Itisnotamatterofaddressinghunger;itisaboutcoaxingandcallingthegrievingbackintotheriotofjoyandpainandbeautyandchaosthatislife.Evenwhenyou’renotready.Toeatistoengage,tostrengthen,tounwrapfromthatfirstlayerofsorrow’sembraceandpartakeoflifeforce.

Listen.Theworldisknockingonyourdoor.It’ssaying,letusin.We’vebroughtfood.

RedLentilSoupwithIndianSpices

ThislentilsoupisnottheonethatscotchedJacobandEsau’sbiblicalbrotherlylove.Itissafetoeatandwillsustainandsupportthesadorsick.Ratherthanyourbasicbrownlentils,whichare serviceable but drab, this recipe uses red lentils. They cook in minutes and with thetomatoesgivethesouparosy,hopefultint.Thespicingisgentleandremindsyouthingswillnotalwaysbe sohard.Thegreensaddsignsof life,not tomentioncalcium,vitaminC,andtryptophan,theaminoacidthatpromotesasenseofwell-being.Can’thavetoomuchofthat,especiallynow.

Serves6

2tablespoonsoliveoil1½teaspoonsgroundcumin1teaspoongroundcoriander½teaspoonturmericPinchofredpepperflakes2largeonions,chopped6clovesgarlic,minced1thumb-sizepiecefreshginger,minced1½cupsredlentils5cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebrothOne28-ouncecandicedtomatoesJuiceof1lemon2handfulsfreshspinachorkale,chopped—addanotherhandfulifyou’reagreensfreaklikeme

1bunchfreshcilantro,choppedSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Inagenerous-sizesouppot,heattheoilovermediumheat.Addthecumin,coriander, turmeric,andredpepperflakes.Cook,stirringoften,untiltheoildarkensandthespicesturnfragrant,about1minute. Add the onions, garlic, and ginger, and cook, stirring occasionally, until the onionssoftenandturntranslucent,afewminutes.

Addthelentilsandcook,stirring,forafewminutesmore,untilthelentilsdeepenincolorandglistenwiththespicedoil.

Addthebrothandthetomatoesandtheirjuice,andbringtoaboil.Cover,reducetheheattomedium, and simmer until the lentils are tender andhave becomeonewith the soup, about 30minutes.Stirinthelemonjuice.

Ifyouwantthesouptobesilkyandsmooth,youmaypureewithanimmersionblender,butreally,it’snotnecessary.Jacobdidn’t.Thelentilsaresmallandsoftandhavecoalescedintothesoup.

Gently stir in the spinachandcilantro.Theywillwilt into the soup.Seasonwith salt andpepper.

Thesoupkeepsseveraldaysinthefridge.

Igetthatdeathishumankind’sownsortofrenewal—outwiththeoldlot,inwiththenew.Still,Ithinktheprocessisflawed,andcan’tbelievenoone’scomeupwithabetterway.

ImissedPatrick.Istillmisshim,butsomethingstrangehappened.Theterribleacheforhimgavewaytolife,topeoplebearingfood,andtoPatrickhimself.Beingdeadwasnoimpediment;hejustnudgeditaside.Hemovedthroughme,hemovedintome.Hehauntsmeinpleasingways.When I tell a funny story and people laugh, I know it’s because of Patrick, and I know he’slaughing,too.Icansmellhiscoffeebreath.Hehasn’tsupplantedwhoIam—Iwillalwaysbenervous.Buthehasbecomethebestpartsofme.

TheghostsIhangoutwithwerewonderfultomeinlife.They’restillgoodcompany,evendead.Wetalktoeachother.Itdoesn’ttakeaséance;itjusttakesmeinthekitchen.Olives,capers,anything salty brings David, my father-in-law. Cookies conjure Marcella, who loved to bakethem,andPatrick,wholovedtoeatthemandwasforeverbrushingsugaroutofhisbeard.

Maybeyourghostscanbeboughtoffwithfoodofferingsandsuch;minetendtostickaround,especiallyMarcellaandPatrick.Theystillloveaparty.

IlookaroundourThanksgivingtable,andtheghostsarethere,reallynodifferentthantheywereinlife—Patrickissayingoutrageousthingsoutofthecornerofhismouth,justloudenoughtomakeMarcellasniggerandswathisarm.MygrandfatherAaronharrumphsandcadgesbitsofturkeyfromtheplatter;mymother-in-law,uneasy,lipspressed,pushesfoodaroundonherplateasthoughitweresuspect.Davideatsquickly,waitingtillheandhissecondwife,theloveofhislife,can,politely, leave.She,slender,eatsas thoughshehadn’t indays,blinkingandbeaming,utterly amazed by the food. “I’ve never had this before.What do you call this? Stuffing? It’ssuperb.”Allofthemaredead.Howisthatpossible?

Therearenewfacesat the table,newfriends,alongwithfamily likeournieceNikki,andbeneaththetable,ourdogliesbyourfeet,prayingforamorseltodrop.Asthepeoplewelovebecomeghostsonebyone,itseemsthereislesslaughteratourholidaytablebut,perhaps,moretenderness.We,oratleastI,recognizethateventhoughwesometimesannoythehelloutofeachother,ourtimetogetherisprecious.Finite.Andwedon’twanttoblowit.

TurkeyIcoulddowithout,butIhaveasoftspotforThanksgiving,wherethefoodtraditionscomefromyourculture,yourfamily.Thecorn-breaddressingmymotherandImaketogetherhasits origins in the corn-bread dressing she used tomakewithMarcella.Over the years,we’veaddedmorevegetablestothedressingandenlistedtheaidofafoodprocessor.

I’m the heretic who put new twists on family favorites. I’ve introduced kale to ourThanksgivingtableandenlistedNikkitoaddthewalnutsattheend.Thatisherholidayrole.Asshegetsolder, I’ll haveother things in store, tomakeher feel invested, to showThanksgivingdependsonher.

It depends on all of us. It’s about remembering allwe have and about remembering eachother; it’saboutcelebratingwiththefoodsof theseason.It’saboutgettingtogetherwhetherwefeellikeitornot,sowegetaremediallessoninourtribalways.IsupposesomepeoplefeelthiswayabouttheSuperBowl.

ThanksgivingKalewithFennel,Cranberries,andWalnuts

Thisdishcanbemadeadayaheadandcanbeservedhotoratroomtemperature.It’seasy,it’sagem,andcranberriesaddtheirowngemlikeglamfactor.

Serves6to8

2tablespoonsoliveoil1fennelbulb,cutintobite-sizecubes2bigbuncheskale,chopped¼cupsherryPinchofredpepperflakescupdriedcranberriescupwalnuts

Seasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

In a large pot, heat the oil over medium-high heat. Add the fennel to the pot. Cook, stirringoccasionally,untilsoftened,about10minutes.

Addthekale,ahandfulatatime,andcookuntilitjustwiltsbutisstillbrightgreen,about8minutes.Stirinthesherry,redpepperflakes,andcranberries.Removefromtheheat.(Thekalemixture can be stored in an airtight container in the refrigerator for a day; bring to roomtemperaturebeforeproceedingwiththerecipe.)

Preheattheovento350°F.Pour thewalnuts intoashallowovenproofpanand toastuntil they just turngoldenbrown

andarefragrant,about10minutes.Removefromtheovenandchopcoarsely.Gentlyreheatthekaleinalargepotovermediumheatuntilheatedthrough,about8minutes.

Getafriendorfamilymembertostirinthewalnutswithlove.Seasonwithsaltandpepper.

GENTLENUDGEtheELEVENTH:SLOWFOODSitting down to a meal has always been a way to celebrate. It says nourishment, it saysabundance,itsaysdelicious.Anditshouldn’tbereservedforThanksgivingorChristmas;youcandoitforasimplemealofsouptonightandgetthesamethrill.Itmaybetheonlypartofyourdaywhenyourelax.

Relaxing does not come naturally tome. I ammuch better at hunchingmy shoulders andclenchingmyjaw.Butrelaxingisasimportanttohealthasaworkout,soIsitdown,unlockmyjaw,breathedeeply,andeat.It’sbetterfordigestionandupstheoddsI’llactuallytastemyfood.Eating atmy desk or having a “working lunch”with colleagues leavesmy brain and stomach

feelinglikethevictimsofadrive-by.Factorinalittletimeinyourdaytodothesame,toletgo,tobreathe,toslowdownandeat.

Ifyoudon’t,you’llwindupproducingquartsofcortisol.Thisisthefight-or-flighthormoneyouradrenal systempumpsout in crisismode. In a calamity situation, cortisol iswhat youwant. Itspeedsupyourresponsetimeandyourheartrate.Asaregulardiet,however,cortisoldrivesupyourbloodpressure,increasesyourriskofheartattack,winnowsyourbonedensityandmusclemass,and—here’stheespeciallycharmingbit—increasesabdominalfat.Um,thanks,no.

Slowingdowndialsdownthecortisol.Italsorampsupthemindfulness,whichisexcellentin the grand schemeof things, leading to enlightenment, serenity, and all that. It also increasessensuality,whichmakeseverythingmorefunrightnow.

Really. Stick out your arm. Excellent. Bring it back to your side. Now, take five wholesecondstoraiseitagain.Youmayhavemoresupplenessinyourarmthistime,ratherthankeepingit stick straight, as before.Observe the beauty in the languorousmovement, feel theway yourbreathbecomesdeeperandmore rhythmic. It’s thesameactionasbefore, seasonedwith justalittletime.Andappreciation.Andsensuality.AsJamesBaldwinwrote,“Tobesensual,Ithink,istorespectandrejoiceintheforceoflife,oflifeitself,andtobepresentinallthatonedoes,fromtheeffortoflovingtothebreakingofbread.ItwillbeagreatdayforAmerica,incidentally,whenwebegintoeatbreadagain,insteadoftheblasphemousandtastelessfoamrubberthatwehavesubstitutedforit.”Well,thatseemstocallforabreadrecipe,doesitnot?

No-KneadWholeWheatOatmealBread

Healthful and homemade, this is about the easiest yeast bread going. It gets its grainygoodness fromwholewheat flour andoatmeal andneeds no kneading.That’s right.Aswithmanyno-kneadbreadrecipes,thisoneowesitsoriginstoJimLahey,madgeniusbreadbakerandownerofNewYork’sSullivanStreetBakery.

Makes1loaf

One¼-ouncepacketactivedryyeast2cupslukewarmwater1tablespoonmolasses4cupswholewheatflour1tablespoonoliveorcanolaoil¾cupold-fashionedoats(alsoknownasrolledoats)¼teaspoonseasalt

Pourtheyeastintoalargebowl.Addthewarmwaterandmolasses,andstirgentlyuntiltheyeastdissolves.Lettheyeastproofonyourkitchencounterorasimilarwarmenvironmentfor10to15

minutes.Whentheyeastisfrothy,addtheflour.Mixwellbyhand,orwithamixeronlowspeedfor2

to3minutes,creatingasmooth,moist,notstickydough.Usingabigspoon,workintheoil,oats,andsaltuntilthedoughjustcomestogether.Donotobsessorovermix.Lessismore.

Coverthebowlwithakitchentowel.Setinawarmspottoriseuntildoubledinbulk,about1hour.Lightlyoila9-x-5-inchloafpanora9-inchpiepan.

Punch down gently to let a bit of the air out. Do not pummel. Plop the dough into thepreparedloafpanorshapeintoaroundandplaceinthepiepan.

Coverwiththekitchentowelagainandletthedoughriseinawarmspotfor1hourmore.Itshouldimpressyoubydoublingagaininsize.

Preheattheovento450°F.Bakefor30minutes,oruntilthetopisgoldenbrownandcrustyandthebreadsoundshollow

whentapped.Wellwrappedandrefrigerated,itkeepsseveraldays.Warmupintheovenforafewminutes

formaximumenjoyment.

Sothere,youhavesensualityandalovelyloafofhome-bakedbread,too.Frompreparingittoeatingit,foodislikeforeplay,apleasureinandofitself,oneyoudon’t

want to rush.Allow yourself to get in themood. Then sit down and enjoy your dinner. Enjoyyourself.You’reagreatdate.Havefun.Youoweittoyourselfandtotheplanettobehappy.

Thatloafofbreadwillbeallthemoredeliciouswhenpairedwithsoup,particularlyTuscanWhiteBeansandWinterGreensSoup.

TuscanWhiteBeansandWinterGreensSoup

Beans and greens again, but the flavor and body are very different thanwith the red lentilsoup.Andyoumakeitwithwater—notvegetablebroth,notstonesoup.Water.Ioweit—andmuch gratitude — to Italian culinary goddess Lidia Bastianich, from whom this recipe isadapted.Itgetsitsgoodnessandoomphfromthebeans’owncookingliquid.Halfadozensageleaves impart an amazing amount of flavor. It’s just the thing for coolweather, costs a fewbucks all told, and feeds six. And you’ll have done it yourself. Beansmay be cooked a dayahead,ifthatreducesyouranxiety.Planyourlifeaccordingly.Sitdownandeat.Slowly.

Serves6

1pounddriedwhitebeans(cannellini,greatNorthern—whatevermovesyou)4tablespoonsoliveoil

5clovesgarlic6freshsageleaves2driedredpeppers1bayleaf1smallheadescaroleorkale,finelychopped1cupwhitewineSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper

Placethebeansinalargesouppotwithatight-fittinglid.Addenoughwatertocoverthebeansby1inch.Add3tablespoonsoftheoliveoil,4garliccloves,thesage,1driedredpepper,andthebayleaf.Bringtoaboiloverhighheat.

Cover, reduce theheat to low, and simmerunattended for90minutes.Checkyour e-mail,haveaquickie,watchMadMen,whatever.

Checkthebeans;theyshouldbesoft,tender,andrichwithflavorfromthesageandgarlic.Fishoutthesage,thebayleaf,andthedriedredpepper.(Thebeanscanbestoredinanairtightcontainer in the refrigerator for a day; reheat the beans in a soup pot over medium-high heatbeforeproceedingwiththerecipe.)

Inalargeskillet,heattheremaining1tablespoonofoilovermedium-highheat.Mincetheremaininggarlicclove.Addthemincedgarlic,theremainingdriedredpepper,andtheescarole,ahandfulata time, to theskillet.Cookuntil theescarole justwiltsbut isstillaprettyceladongreen,about3minutes.

Pour½ cup of thewine into your pot of beans.Using awooden spoon or an immersionblender,smashthebeansuntiltheyturncreamy.Goassmoothasyoulike—Iliketoleavesomebeans whole for a nice rustic feel. Heat over medium-high heat until heated through, stirringoccasionally

Stirinthewiltedgreensandtheremaining½cupwine.Cover,reducetheheattolow,andcontinuecookinguntiltheflavorsmellowandblend,about15minutes.Ifthemixtureseemstoothick,addanadditional½cupwater.Seasongenerously,becauseyou’regenerousofheart,withsaltandpepper.

SWEETNESSandLIGHTIntheWest,whenwethinkofthewinterholidays,wethinkofChristmas,withhousesandfirtreesbedeckedwithstrandsofpretty,winkylights.WethinkofHanukkah,alsoknownastheFestivalofLights,whenwelightcandlesinamenorah,acandelabraofsorts.Butyouknow,theJudeo-Christianholidaysofwinterdon’thavealockonlight.

Kwanzaa has its own menorah, only it’s called a kinara. It’s lit with seven candles —mishumaasaba—representingtheholiday’ssevencorevalues,whichincludepurposeandfaith.Beginning the day after Christmas, this weeklong holiday marks a still point in the midst ofwinter’sgift-givingfrenzy.It’sanewholiday—createdonly in the1960s—payingtribute to

who we are and where we came from. Like Thanksgiving, Kwanzaa is secular, a centeringcelebrationofculture,ahandingdownofethnicprinciplesandcustomsandfoods,thethingsthatshapesociety.

Iwishtherewereawholeholidaydedicatedtobroccoli.Kwanzaa,atleast,comesclose.Itmeans“firstfruitsoftheharvest,”andoneoftheholiday’ssymbolsismazao—crops.

AfricanAmericanSweetPotatoandPeanutStew

Thisstewcontainspeanuts,sweetpotatoes,andblack-eyedpeas,anutrient-densetriumviratetowarmyouinwinter.Serveoverbrownriceormillet,anancientwholegraingiftfromAfrica.

Serves4to6

2tablespoonscanolaorcoconutoil1onion,chopped1jalapeñochili,minced,oragenerouspinchofredpepperflakes2stalkscelery,chopped1sweetpotato,chopped1poundgreenbeans,trimmedandhalved1redbellpepper,chopped1cinnamonstick2cupscookedblack-eyedpeas(seeHoppingJohnrecipe,page16)orone15-ouncecanblack-eyedpeas,rinsedanddrained

One15-ouncecandicedtomatoes2tablespoonspeanutbutterSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper1handfulfreshcilantro,chopped

Inalargesouppot,heattheoilovermedium-highheat.Addtheonionandjalapeñoandcookfor1 minute. Add the celery, sweet potato, green beans, and red bell pepper. Cook, stirringoccasionally,untilthevegetablessoften,afewminutes.Addthecinnamon,theblack-eyedpeas,andthetomatoesandtheirjuice.Cover,reducetheheattolow,andsimmer,stirringoccasionally,untilthestewthickensandtheflavorsdevelop,about30minutes.

Gentlystirinthepeanutbutteruntilitdissolvesandbecomesonewiththestew.Seasonwithsaltandpepper.Gentlystirinthecilantro.

Lyon’s Fête des Lumières— Festival of Lights— dates back to 1643, when the plague hit.

Doesn’tsoundlikefun.ThetownspeopleagreedeveryhomewouldlightacandlefortheVirginMaryandsetitinthewindow,inhopestheplaguewouldsparetheirtown.Itworked.Thecityerected the Basilica of Notre-Dame de Fourvière in 1872 to honor the VirginMary and nowmarksDecember8asadayofgratitude,remembrance,andlight.Thewholetownissetaglow,withhigh-techlightshowsdressinguppublicspacesandcandleslightingupeveryhome.

Elsewhere in Europe, they celebrate St. Lucia’sDay, named for a fourth-century SicilianmartyrwhowassaidtoconsortwithSatan.Butthatwasprobablyasmearcampaigntodefameher.St.LuciagotintroubleforfeedingpersecutedChristians.Shesmuggledfoodtothematnight,and so she could find herway hands-free, she designed the prototype of the helmet light. Sheworeacandelabraonherhead.LuciacomesfromtheLatinwordlux,meaning“light.”

TheystillloveherinSicily,wheretheyobserveherfeastdaywithbonfires,butshe’sreallybiginSweden.Onherfeastday,December13,whichcoincideswiththewintersolstice,younggirlsdress inwhiterobeswithredsashesandwearwreathswithcandleson theirheads.Asachild,Iwasentrancedbythis.Ialsowondered,howdoyounotsetyourhaironfire?

InIndia,Diwali,theHindufestivaloflights,isobservedbylightingcandlesandoillampsand ends in a show of dazzling fireworks. The holiday has several backstories, but they allinvolvethedestructionofsomedemonorother.Itcelebratesthetriumphofgoodoverevil,lightoverdarkness.LikeKwanzaa,Diwaliisaboutconnection.It’satimewhenIndianscontemplateandhonortheirrelationshiptoothers—friends,family—butalsotheirrelationshiptotheworldandallthecreaturesinit.

At Diwali, Hindus rededicate themselves to living one of Hinduism’s key precepts —ahimsa.Weoftentranslateitas“nonviolence”or“doingnoharm.”Butit’snotanegative;it’sapositive— it’s recognizing the sacredness in all ofus. It’s an ancient concept; theword itselfcomesfromtheSanskrit.Ifwedoitright,wegetsamadhi—divine,universallove.

No, really. Yoga began as a Hindu philosophy. It has eight limbs, all of which take youtowardahigherstateofbeing.Eachofthelimbshasitsowncomponents.Greatidea,butwaytoomanylimbs.Iwasgettingtangledupinthenamesandstepsandlegsandarms.ItfeltlikeplayingaspiritualgameofTwisteragainstsomehydra-headedcreature,andIwasgoingdown.

Don’t worry, a Hindu friend explained. It all starts with ahimsa. When you predicateeverythingyoudoonlove,fromthewayyoulookatpeopletothewayyoueat,theotherlimbsseemtoradiateoutfromthere.HecallswhatwepracticehereWesternyoga(andhe’snotquiteahimsa in the way he says it). What he means is, we learn a nifty crow pose, we learnpranayama,breathingcontrol,wherewesnortthroughalternatenostrils.Itseemsprettyfabtous,but that’s just thebeginner level.Oh.Somaybe that’swhy I’vebeenpracticingyoga foryearsnowandhaveyettofindthatwholesurrender/serenitything.Thesnortybusinessdoesn’tdomuchforme,either.

I’mmore in tunewith theHinduswhenitcomes tofoodandspirituality.Theybelieve thetwoareintertwined.Foodissacred.Oftenitisfirstofferedtothegodsbeforewecaneatit.Thisiscalledprasadam—God’smercy.That’swhywemust treat foodwith loveandrespectandhumility,fromgrowingthericetocookingit.Rememberchi?It’slifeforce,it’senergy.Thechiweputintofoodinfusesthefooditself.

“If you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man’s

hunger./Andifyougrudgethecrushingofthegrapes,yourgrudgedistilsapoisoninthewine.”That’snotMarioBatalitalking;it’sKahlilGibran.Justhowtalentedthepoetwasinthekitchenisunknown,butIcanvouchforwhathewrote.

When I’m troubled, my spirit, apparently believing misery loves company, sabotagesanythingIattemptinthekitchen.Myvinaigrettewillerodethetenderskinofyourupperpalate,norwill itdomuchfor thesaladgreens.Thequinoawillclump,andthemuffinswillbemush.Youmightwanttopickupdinnersomewhereelse.

Love,ontheotherhand,transformseventhesimplestdish.Itmakesourinnerlightshine,aswithyourbasicyogicgreeting—namaste,whichmeans“Ihonorthelightinyou;youhonorthelightinme.”

DiwaliisbasedontheHinducalendarandfallssomewherebetweenlateOctoberandmid-December. It honors the harvest.At least on paper. Say “Diwali” tomyHindu friend, and hebreaks intoamegawattgrin suitable for the festivalof lights.He isn’t thinkingofahimsa;he’shungryforDiwalimithai, jewellikeIndiansweetsofsemolina,nuts, fruit,warmingspices,andsugar.Andmoresugar.Sittinginsugarsyrup.

Diwaliisaboutlight,butit’salsoaboutsweets.Allthewinterholidaysare.On St. Lucia’s Day, the girls of Sweden play St. Lucia herself by serving their families

coffeeandsweetspicebunsknownaslussekatter—Lucycakes.Howdotheydothiswearingflammableheadgear?Whatdo theydoabouthot,drippingwax?They’resupposed to resemblethemartyredSt.Lucia,notbecomeher.

TherecanbeadegreeofmartyrdominvolvedwithmakingthefavoritesweetatHanukkah,sufganiyot— littleyeast-doughpuffs fried inoil.They’reakin toGreek loukoumades,Russianponchiki,orSpanishbuñuelos.TheofficialstoryistheyhonortheoriginalHanukkahmiracle—thelightinthetemplethatsomehowburnedforeightdaysonaday’sworthofoil.Thetruthofitis,peoplelovefriedfood,andanyexcuseisgood.Theothertruthis,fryingaddscaloriesandfatbutnonutrientstoyourmeal.MyownpersonaltruthisI’mfryaverseandfinddealingwithhot,splattering oil almost as death defying as wearing candles on your head. Plus cleaning upafterwardmakesmecranky.Crankinessdefeatsthepurpose.

Christmas sweets—where to begin? Candy canes, gingerbreadmen, yule-log Christmascakes,abazillionversionsofChristmascookies,and,ofcourse,theever-contentiousfruitcake.

Iwilloutmyself. I love fruitcake— the real stuff,with itsoriginsnot ina factorybut inancientRome.Fruitcakedatesbacktothefifthcentury,appearinginDerecoquinaria(TheArtof Cooking), the oldest surviving cookbook in the Western world. Back in the day, yourprototypicalfruitcakecomprisedsimpleingredients,mostlychoppeddriedfruitsandnuts.Withinsimplicitycanliecomplexity.Thesumptuousoilsofpinenuts,walnuts,almonds,andpistachiosembraced and enhanced the winey sweetness of dates, apricots, plums, and raisins for a richconfectionthatendured(withoutpreservatives)longafterRomefell.

Itisthegreat-grandmotherofsugarplums,thetraditionalEnglishsweetmeats.AlldriedfruitwereplumsasfarastheBritsoftheMiddleAgeswereconcerned.Thesugarplumsthatdancedintheirheadswereconfectionsofnutsanddriedfruittheirancientforebearsmightrecognize.

Andhereweare today,withmuchofwhatweeatmadeof ingredientsunrecognizablebyourselves. Do we eat too much processed food? Yes. Too much processed sugar? Yes. But

sweetness is there for a reason.Some foodhistoriansbelievewegravitate toward sweet foodbecause in ancient agrarian times,when foodwas scarce,we turned to nutrient-rich dates andhoneytosustainus.Goodstory.

Ithinkwewanttogetitright.Wewanttobegoodandloving;wewanttobesweetnessandlight.Wejustneedsomeincentive.Honey,cookies,candy,yulelogs,andsugarplumssweetenourmouthsandourspirits.Sweetnessprimesthepump;itencouragesustobegood.Weareall,atheart, tantrumy two-year-olds. Bribe us with a cookie, and maybe we’ll behave. The winterholidays have their backstories — the whole birth-of-Christ thing for Christmas and therededicationof the templeforHanukkah—andhere iswhere itgets trickyanddivisive.Stripawaythedetails,andthemessageisthesame—miraclesarepossible,beitastarthatlightsupthenightorthetemplelightthatkeepsburningwhenitshouldhavegoneout.Wewillcareforthepersecutedandvanquishthebaddies.Includingourown.Wehavebothgoodnessandevilwithinus,andtriumphingoverourowndarkimpulsesistherealmiracle.

Hey,don’tyoureligiousguyseventalktoeachother?Wecouldhaveonebigholiday,allofus.Wemaybelongtodifferentfaiths,differentclubs,butwe’remorealikethanwearedifferent.Handilyenough,Kwanzaacelebratesumoja,community.

If it’samatteroffindingthecommonelement, looknofurther thandessert.Sweetnesshasbeen part of our culture— all our cultures— formillennia. It’s a farmore effectiveway toreinforcewhat all these holidays teach us than the commercial buying festwe engage in thesedays. Toys and gadgets break. Often on Christmas morning. What endures are samadhi andumoja.Youmaynothaveknownthewordsbefore,butyouknowwhattheymean.

MultifaithSweetnessandLightSugarplums

These sugarplums require no cooking, no fuss, no frying, no candelabra. They get theirsweetness naturally, from dates, common in many Middle Eastern desserts. Cardamom isbelovedinbothIndiaandSweden.Thereligionsmayviewthingsdifferently,butweallshareadesire for sweetness and light. File this under things you can throw together in a foodprocessorthatcomeoutquitegood.

Makes2dozensugarplums

12driedMedjooldates,pitted8driedapricots½teaspooncardamonseeds½teaspoonaniseseeds1½cupswalnuts¼cupgroundcinnamonorunsweetenedcocoapowder

Putthedatesandapricotsinafoodprocessorandpulsebriefly,untiltheyformbitsthatjuststartto come together in amosaic.Add thecardamomseeds, anise seeds, andwalnuts.Pulse againuntiljustcombined;themixturewillnotquiteadheretoitself.Forlackofabetterword,wecancallitdough.

Wrapandchillthedoughforatleast2hoursanduptoovernight.Pourthecinnamon(orcocoa)intoashallowbowl.Grabagenerouspinchofthedoughand

rollintoaballaboutthesizeofawalnut.Rollthedoughballinthecinnamonuntilit’sdustedonallsides.Continuewiththeremainingdoughuntilyouhave2dozensugarplums.Thedoughtendsto absorb the spice, so roll the balls in the cinnamon a second time; they’ll be prettier,moreuniform,andeasiertohandle.

Thesugarplumscanbestoredinanairtightcontainerintherefrigeratorfor2weeksormore;theflavorimprovesovertime.

GENTLENUDGEthePENULTIMATE:YOURDAILYSERVINGofAHIMSA

If you thoughtmeditationwas challenging, ahimsawill challenge you at awhole new level. Itmeansdoingnoharmtoasinglecreature,whether it’s theantyou inadvertently flattenonyourwayoutthedoororyourboss.Oh,youwouldn’treallyhurtyourboss,ofcourse.Notphysically.Not intentionally.But the ratty,mean, low-down thoughtsyou—or at least I—have adozentimesadayareanti-ahimsa,too.Negativeenergycounts.

Ahimsaisnotthesameassit-on-your-asspassivity.Whensupremeloveguideseverythingyoudo,itisactuallytheultimatepower.Atleastthat’sthetheory.Perfectahimsaisnotpossiblebecausewe’renotmadeperfect.Nosensegoingaroundtryingtoactmoreahimsathanthou.Allwecandoispracticeahimsawithhumilityandstrivetogetitmorerightthanwrongmostdays.

Howdoes it feel tocomeat theworldfroma lovingplace?Relaxing.Yourshouldersaredown,yourfacerelaxed;yourchest—andheart—feelopen.Youcanlettheworldinandyourlove out. It feels like chai tastes—warm with spice, sweet, and creamy. It feels pleasantlyevolved.

If you’re having a crappy day, youmightwant a cup of chai to help you get there.Whenyou’refeelingmoreloving,youhavemorelovetogive.

Also known as masala tea, this Indian blend of black tea and sweet seasonings boostsserenity,circulation,andgoodspirits.InIndianrestaurants,it’susuallyservedwithsteamedmilk,likea latte.Aversionofchaimaybeserved inyour favoritecaféorcoffeeshop,oftenwithawholelotofaddedsugar.Imakeitunsweetenedandwithalmondmilk,whichcomplementsthespicesandhasarichermouthfeelthansoy.Butusevanillasoyifyouprefer,andsweetenasyouwish.Thinkofchaiaseggnogwithouttheeggandboozebutwithallthespiceandhappy-makingqualitiesintact.Unlikeeggnog,it’sservedhot,allthemorewarmingandwelcominginwinter.

AhimsaChai

Serves4to6

1smallishlumpoffreshginger,minced½teaspooncardamomseeds1cinnamonstick4wholecloves½teaspoonaniseseedsAfewpeppercorns4cupswaterAfullinfuseroflooseblackteaor4blackteabags(maybedecaffeinated)1cupalmondmilkorvanillasoymilk

Droptheginger,cardamom,cinnamon,cloves,anise,andpeppercornsintoamediumsaucepan.Addthewaterandbringtoaboiloverhighheat.Cover,reducetheheattolow,andsimmerfor10minutes.Uncoverthesaucepananddropintheteainfuser.Re-coverthesaucepanandsimmer,lettingtheteasteep,forabout5minutes.

Inasmallsaucepan,heatthealmondmilkovermedium-highheat,untilitjustreachesaboil.Turnofftheheat.

Straintheteaintomugsorteacups,addingasmuchsteamedalmondmilkasdesired.

Idonotautomaticallyboundoutofbedeachmorningfeelingallfullofahimsa.Beingplantbasedatleastoffersalegup.Ifacreaturegaveitslifeforyourdinner,thatnot-ahimsavibeisgoingtocatchuptoyousometime.GoingmeatlesshaslongbeenanintegralpartofHindupractice.TheVedic text theManusmriti orThe Laws ofManu, written sometime around 200 ce, argues theethicsofeatingmeatbackandforth,thenconcludes,“Youcannevergetmeatwithoutviolencetocreatureswiththebreathoflife,andthekillingofcreatureswiththebreathoflifedoesnotgetyoutoheaven;thereforeyoushouldnoteatmeat.”

If thenameof the text is almost impossible for aWesterner to pronounce, themessage isclear—ameatlessdietpromotesahimsa.Itmayevengetyouintoheaven.Meanwhile,hereonearth,itencouragesustofeelcompassiontowardeverythingwiththebreathoflife.Thatmeansallanimals—includingourselvesandeachother.Beingmeatlessishealthfulandholistic,leadstoabetterintegratedyou,andracksupkarmicgoodness,too.Attheveryleast,itmeanswe’renotmakingthingsworse.Andit’sanythingbutbland.

Ameatless dietmay bemore than you’re ready to bite off,metaphorically speaking. Trydoingitforonemeal.Foroneday.Seewhereittakesyouonlife’sjourney.

VeggieBhaji

CelebrateDiwali—oranyday—withthisvegetablebhaji.It’squicktomakeandfireworks-bright,withjustabitofjalapeñoprovidingasmall,pleasantexplosioninthemouth.Withafood processor fitted with the shredding disk, it’s a breeze to make. Otherwise, seize yourfavorite chef ’s knife and slice the vegetables finely. It will go quickly. Think of the light.Purplecabbageaddseyeappeal,fanciercabbagelikenapaorsavoyismoretenderandcooksquickly—thevarietyyouuseisyourcall.

Serve with brown basmati rice, or scoop up with naan, roti, or another flatbread (seeFlatbreadfromaStarter,page214).

Serves4to6

3tablespoonscanolaorcoconutoil1tablespoonblackmustardseeds1teaspoongroundcumin1teaspoonturmeric1tablespoonunsweeteneddriedcoconut(optionalbutverynice)1onion½headofpurple,napa,orsavoycabbage3carrots1redbellpepper,slicedintoskinnystrips1jalapeñochili,mincedJuiceof1lemon1bunchfreshcilantro,choppedSeasalt

Shredtheonion,cabbage,andcarrots.Inalargeskillet,heattheoiloverhighheat.Addthemustardseeds.Coverwitha lidand

cookuntilthemustardseedspop,about1minute.Uncovertheskillet,reducetheheattomedium,andaddthecumin,turmeric,andcoconut(ifusing).Cook,stirringoften,untilthespicesstarttotoastandthemixturebecomesfragrant,about1minute.

Add the confetti of vegetables to the skillet and stir together overmedium heat.Add thesliced red pepper andminced jalapeño to the skillet and cook, stirring occasionally, until thevegetablessoften,about10minutes.Stirinthelemonjuiceandcilantro.Seasonwithseasalt.

WHATGOESAROUNDCOMESAROUND

AsmostAmericanJews,Muslims,Buddhists,Hindus,atheists,andSeventh-DayAdventistscantellyou,Christmasinthiscountrycanmakeyoufeellikeyou’renotintheclub,likeyou’retheLittleMatchGirl leftout in thecold,pressingyournose to thewindowwhileeveryoneelse isinside at a party where the food and wine are abundant, the home is warm and lovely, andeveryonelikeseachother.Thatsnow-frostedChristmasmythissopervasive,weeventrytopullitoffinMiami,whereitlosessomethingintranslation.Santasaren’tsupposedtosweat.

Iwas thrilled tomarry intoBenjamin’sLutheran family, thinking, ah, at last, I’ll learn thesecretChristmashandshake.WhatcanIsay?Youwerenottheretowarnmeorsay,“Asif.”

The Scots call the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve the Daft Days. ThepracticedatesbacktotheMiddleAges,whenitwascreatedasafewdayswhenyouhadlicensetobemerry,cutloose,haveagoodtime.We’restilldaft.Butnotalwaysinamerryway.Wereelfrompartytofamilygatheringtocommandperformance,half-madfromforcedgiftingandgaiety,fueled by guilt and an overabundance of the wrong sorts of things to eat and drink. All thismerrinessseemsengineeredtobringonacaseofthelow-downsinanyonelesssaintlythanTinyTim.

Oneyear,becauseBenjaminandI felt thereweren’tenoughparties,notenoughstressandtogethernessandgiftgiving,wedidtheextradaftthing.Wegotmarried.

Oftenwe celebrate our anniversary— and escape the rest of the daftness— by runningaway.Iftheairportsarecrowded,thetimingisotherwisebrilliant.Nooneworksthatweek.Oh,theymayshowupattheoffice,butthey’rebusypickingthroughwhat’sleftofthegiftbasketsandfranticallyplacinggiftordersonlineforpeoplethey’dforgottenabout.YoucangofarduringtheDaftDaysandwillnotmuchbemissed.

Whenwecan,wepreferout-of-the-countrytravel.OtherculturesservetoremindusthatnoteveryoneassociatesChristmaswithbig,inflatableSantas,relentlesspiped-incarols,andmaxed-out credit cards. It’s ourway of centering, our own reboot, a few days to set aside the dailydistractionsandfocusonwhyweweredaftenoughtofallinloveinthefirstplace.

Accordingtosongandrumor,AprilinParisismagical.I’veonlyseenitinDecember.It’snothalf-badthen,either.Ifyou’regoingtodothewholemidnight-massthing,Notre-Dameistheplacetodoit.HighGothicarches,boomingorgan,takingpartwiththousandsofothersinaritedatingbacktothetwelfthcentury—itallmademeshiverwithawe.Ialsoshiveredfromthecoldseepingupthroughthepunishingstonefloor.Ikeptshiveringlongafterward,aswewalkedbacktoourinn,inthecoldandthepouringrain(Paristaxisstoprunningatmidnight).Sowhat?Itwasallpartofthewholeauthenticexperience.

This was followed by a fewmore authentic gray, rainy days and nights. Finally, the sunbrokeout—onouranniversary.Theangelsescapedfromheaven,andtheskyblossomedtherichshadeknownasFrenchblue.

I stoppedshiveringandunbuttonedmycoataswewalked through thebrightstreetsof theMarais,slowedatacornerfleu-ristetoadmireaprofusionoftulips,turnedtosmileatBenjamin.Hewasgone.

Ifoundhimhalfablockback,leaningoutsidethedoorofapatisserieinabeamofsunlight.Hehadablissed-out lookonhis face,awhitepaper sack inhishand—andsomething inhismouth.Hekissedmewithsugar-frostedlips.

“Éclair!”heannounced,thenlickedhisfingers.ThisisoneofthemanythingsIloveaboutBenjamin—hiscapacityfordelight,hisabilityto

treat himself right because he deserves it, his unswerving belief that you deserve it, too. HewouldhavemadeaterriblePuritan,butifit’sjoyyou’reafter,he’syourman.

HeledmetoarestaurantatthePlacedesVosges,andafteraweekofmarvelous,memorablemeals, I was in love before we’d even been seated. An array of towering white and butter-coloredlilieswelcomedusattheentrance,fresh,woodsy,withtheirslightscentofdecay.Fartherinsidelaytheproprietress’selderlydachshund,curledupinherbasketonthefloor.Sheraisedherbeardedmuzzleaswewalkedby.Shedidn’twaghertail—howgauche,howAmerican.Butsheregardedmethroughrheumyeyeswithacertaintendresse,asenseofrecognition,ofahh,Iseeyouhavecomeatlast.

Wewereseatedatawhite-clothedtablebythewindow.Sunlightspilledinandsuffuseduswithgold.

Since it was a restaurant, there was also food, and if ever you had doubts as to whatseasonalwonderswinteroffers, just remember truffles.Theday’sspecials includedsaladeauxtruffes.

Well.Ninetimesoutoften,I’lltakethecheaproad.Ontheotherhand,I’mnotstupid.WhengreatfortunekissesyouonthelipsandoffersyoublackPérigordtruffles,youdon’tsmackitintheface.IorderedthepriciestsaladIhaveeverhadinmylife.

Thesoftestofgreenscuppedaprofusionofmushrooms—champignonsinFrench,thewordsounding tantalizingly like champagne. The saladwas set offwith thinly shaved radishes androastedhazelnuts,dressedwiththelightestsparkleofageniusFrenchherb-lemonvinaigrette,andgarnishedwithagenerousshavingofPérigordtruffles.Theymeltedonthetongue,tastingofsun-filteredforestandsomethingalittlefuggyandnaughty.

Itwaswarm,wild,tender,chewy,gnarly,silkyallatonce.Myheartraced.Iscoopedsomesaladontoafork,aimeditatBenjamin’smouth.“Youmusttastethis.”

He tookabite, and the lookofpleasureonhis facedoubledmyown.Here Iwas in thiswonderfulplace,withprofligateflowersandproperdog,agentle,smilingproprietress,inParis,onasunnydaywithmyfavoritepersonin theworld.Andtruffles. I tookamoment todowhatBenjamin ismuch better at— I celebrated themoment. I gasped atmy luck and grinned. If Ilookedlikeanidiot,justatthatmomentIdidnotcare.EuphoriacameoffmelikeChanelNo.5.

“We’llAlwaysHaveParis”WildMushroomSalad

PerhapsyouhavetobeFrenchtomasteraperfectlybalancedherb-and-lemonvinaigrette,butI hope this comes close. This salad aims to be like the one that inspired it, providing anexciting combination—warm, chewy, crispy mushrooms; cool, whisper-soft greens; round,hardnuts;crunchydisksofradish.Textures,temperatures,andflavorsthatallcometogether.

InaParisiansortofway.Wild iswonderful,andwinter is theseasonforrich,wildmushrooms.But,yes,youcan

throwafewtamewhitebuttonmushroomsintothesalad;allwillbewell.

Serves2

¼cuphazelnuts1tablespoonoliveoil1clovegarlic,minced8ouncesassortedseasonalwildmushrooms,suchasoystermushrooms,cèpes,morels,hen-of-the-woods,wipedcleanandsliced

3bighandfulsarugula,watercress,and/ortenderlettuceleaves,likebutterorredleaflettuce

4tablespoonshazelnutorwalnutoil3tablespoonsfreshlemonjuice1tablespoonfinelychoppedfreshtarragonSeasaltandfreshlygroundpepper4to6radishes,suchaswatermelonradishesorFrenchBreakfastradishes,thinlyslicedAshavingoftruffles,ifyou’vegot‘emTruffle,hazelnut,orwalnutoilfordrizzling(optional)

Heatalargedryskilletovermedium-highheat.Pourinthehazelnuts.Toastthenutsforabout7minutes, shaking the skillet or chasing thehazelnuts aroundwith awooden spoon.They’ll rollaroundintheskilletlikemarbles.Whentheybegintodarkenandsmellunbelievablybutteryandfragrant,pourthehazelnutsoffintoasmallbowlandletcool.

Noneedtowipeouttheskillet.Useittoheattheoliveoilovermedium-highheat.Addthegarlic. Cook, stirring often, until the garlic softens and turns golden, 3 to 4minutes. Add themushrooms, in batches, if necessary. Allow enough space in the pan. We don’t like to becrowded,neitherdomushrooms—itwillmakethemsoggy.

Raisetheheat tohigh.Cook,proddingmushroomswithaspatula.Keepthemmovinguntiltheydarkenandsmell richandearthy,4 to5minutes.Give themushroomsa flipandcontinuecookingon theotherside, for4 to5minutesmore.Thesecret to thisdish is the texture—themushroomsshouldbetenderbutwithacrispyoutside.

Inthemeantime,moundthearugulaontwosaladplatesorasingleservingplatter.Inasmallbowl,whisktogetherthehazelnutoil,lemonjuice,tarragon,apinchofseasalt,

andagoodgrindofpepper.Scatterthecrispedmushroomslicesoverthearugula,flingtheradishesaroundontop,and

strewwithhazelnuts.Pourthedressingoverall.Tasteandseasonwithsaltandpepper,ifdesired.Lovely.If you want to be decadent like the Parisians, top with truffle shavings and drizzle with

truffleoil.

Thecoupleatthetablebesideusinclinedtheirheadstowardmeandsmiled,thenturnedbacktoenjoying their meal, a bottle of wine, and each other. Their voices were low, their laughtergenerous.Her gunmetal-gray dress fell in fabulous folds around her; hewore a black sweaterwithasubtlegloss,asthoughwovenbysilkwormswhoadoredhim.

Theman turnedback tous,gestured to thewine, andgaveus a radiant smile. “Wearen’tgoing to drink all this,” he said in impeccable, unaccentedEnglish. “Wouldyouperhaps sharesomewithus?”

InMiami,strangersdon’tofferyouwine.Oriftheydo,Ifearthey’vespikeditwithdrugs.ButonthisdayinParis,itseemedlikeonemorebitofmagicwewerebeinggranted.Wethankedthem, and the waiter brought twomore glasses. The wine was, in memory at least, a butterySauternes,warm andwelcoming as the sun, perfectly chilled so as not to shock the systemorsensibilities.Itwasarevelation.Thefirstnotesweremusty,yeasty,flinty,followedbythelovelypuckerofdriedapricotsandfreshlemon.Eachsiptolditsownstory.

Thechiccouplehadastory,too.TheywerenotfromParisorevenFrance,itturnsout,butfrom Chicago. They came every year. On their anniversary. Today was their thirtieth. Thirtyyears? I recalculated theirage.Maybe theywerechildhoodsweethearts.Evenso, theywereatleastadecadeolderthanI’dfigured,justintheirearlyfifties,butI’mtellingyou,hotearlyfifties.Wow—youcouldbeolderandstillastonishinglysexy.Thiswasasexhilaratingasthewine.

“What’syoursecretforahappymarriage?”Iasked.Shesmiled.“Webelieveincelebration.”ItwascleartomewehadtospendeveryminutewiththiscouplebeforeweleftParis.And

maybemovetoChicagowhenwegothome.Rightnextdoortothem.Idon’tknowwhyI’mwiredthisway,butIam.IfImeetyouandIlikeyou,you’rescrewed

becauseI’mgoingtowantustobebestfriendsforeverandtoknoweverythingaboutyourightnow, fromwhatyouate forbreakfast towhoyour favoriteKaramazovbrother is.Sometimes Ithinkmyavidity,thewayIfallinlovewithaplaceorapersonorapetoraplant,ischarming.Therestofthetime,Ijustwanttomuzzlemyself.

Lackinganyabilitytofilter,Isaidsomethingtotheeffectof,“Sowhatareyouguysplanningfortonight,andcanwecome,too?”

Thewomansmiledagain,awarm,opengiftofasmile,as thoughIwasn’tbeingastalkerweirdoat all.Shedidn’t say, “Backoff, bitch,”or slapmewith a restrainingorder.She said,“Thishasbeensuchabeautifullunch.Let’sjustenjoyitnow.”

Itwastrue;nowhadalotgoingforit.ButIwantedmore.Ialwaysdo.Iprefernottothinkofmyselfasneedy—justsomeonewhohasnotyetmasteredtheBuddhistconceptofdetachment.

AttachmentisoneofBuddhism’sbigsoulpoisons,whichoncecausedmetobelieve,despitetheir otherwise loving and mellow ways, Buddhists were just being hard-assed. Detachment?What’sthepoint?Wemustloveeachotherasfiercelyaswecan,notbe“cool,”asRalphWaldoEmersonputit,“foritwillallbeoneahundredyearshence.”

Overtime,Ihavecometorealizedetachmentisnotthesameasnotcaring,notloving.Love

allyouwant;it’snoskinoffBuddha’sass.Ontheotherhand,you—I—stillhavetobeawareof,accept,androllwiththeconstantimpermanenceofthings,whatBuddhistscallanicca.

Wecan’tbesureofanythingahundredyearshence.Wecan’tbesureofmuch.Allwehaveisthismoment.Thatsaid,Istillchoosetolovepeoplefiercely.I’mnotmadeanyotherway.

ThefabulousChicagocouplepartedcompanywithusonthatwondrousafternooninParis.Theykissedourcheeks inFrenchfashion,meltedinto thecrowd,anddisappeared.But thedaydidnotvanishwiththem.ThoughBenjaminandIsharednomorethananhourandaglassofwinewiththem,it isstillafragrantmemory,somethingwarminginwinterIcanconjurewithameremushroom.

Bringyourfingertothebridgeofyournose.Rightthereontheothersideofthenasalboneisyouramygdala, thealmond-shapedpartof thebrainconvenientlyclose toyourcenterofsmell.Thispartofthebrainhousesmemory.It’slikeaniPodforrecollection.It’snotintoanalysis; itstoresthewholesensorygestaltofthings.Italsoplaysaroleinthewayweprocessemotion.

There’s thewhole physiology behindwhatmakes us hungry formore than dinner. It’s themystery,theromanceofitthatenchantsme.Icook.Icreate.AndIremember.Asmellortastecanbringtherichnessofapastmomentroaringbackandinfusethepresentwithsweetness,fromthegoldensunlightandSauternesthatwonderfuldayinParistothewaythehalvahMarcellagavememeltedonmytonguewhenIwasagirl.It’ssuchacleverpartofusthatitmakesallourdesignflawsasoupçonmoretolerable.Italsoshowsthere’spowerandopportunityineverythingwedo.

Both the planet and you aremiracles, superior in form and function to anythingwemeremortals have dreamed up. Both maintain a complex series of operating systems and usuallymanagethemsoeffortlessly,wedon’tevennotice.Okay,oneofusismuch,muchlargerthantheother, so much as to make you feel insignificant at times. Don’t be fooled. You are madlysignificant.Thefateofthewholeworlddependsonyou,includingwhatyoueatfordinner.

We are badlyworn bywhat has become of our environment, our food system, ourselves.Whatnationsandreligionshavedoneandaredoingtoeachothercouldturnusallbitter,takeusfartherapart.Sohowcanfoodbetheanswer?

Somuchunseenhasgoneintothemealbeforeyou,theseasonstheplanetspentproducingit,beitgrapes, truffles,andhazelnuts,orriceandbeans.There’sthelaborandcareofthosewhomakethewine,forageforthetruffles,andfussoverthevinaigrette,orharvestanddrythegrainsand legumes. There’s the culture and place and faith and history infusing any dish. You bringunseen magic to each meal, too, by way of your own unique memories and emotions andassociations. The simplest meal is in truth a deliciously collaborative effort, a mystery bothdivineandearthly.

Whengrownandpreparedwithloveandsharedwithothers,foodfeedsourhungernow,butmorethanthat,itfeedswhowecanbe.Itlightsapathtounderstanding,toovercomingthedark,hungry parts of ourselves.A singlemoment, a single taste, can flavor awhole life and feed aprimalhunger—for love,connection,asure if fleetingfaith that foronce,all is rightwith theworld.Thequestionis,why?I’mwillingtosayit’s thereforustobegratefulforallwehave.Gratitude is the soul’s Lipitor. It opens our hearts. It gives us faith. It gives us energy to goforward.ABuddhistprayerends,“Mayweacceptthisfoodfortherealizationofthewayofloveandunderstanding.”Foodshouldalwaysleadustothat.Andtoeachother.

Herearelentilsandmilletandgarlicandsaffronandcumin,thefoodsthathavesustainedussince before the Bible. Here are kale and broccoli and vibrant field greens that bespeak lifeforce.Hereiscrusty,yeastyflatbread,stillwarmfrombeingturnedoutofitspan.Dipitinthisoliveoilthatflowsgoldengreenandtastesofgrassandpepper.Herearedatesandmangoesandfigs and pomegranates to dazzle you with their sweetness. I will pour you wine the color ofpomegranates, grown from old, wise grapevines. I will pour you hot, pale tea, fragrant withflowers,tohealyourheartandfeedyoursearchingsoul.Theyarealltooprecioustosavoralone;theymustbeshared.

Thiskindoffood,thiskindoffeeding,isabenediction,aseedthatcantakeroot.Look—watchitgrowandblossomevenasyoulook,Janus-like,forwardintoawholenewyear.

ItisnotwithinmetosmilelikeBuddhaortheMonaLisaandsayeverythinghappensforareason.ButIhavefaithenoughtobegratefulfornow,toknow,asWordsworthdid,“Thatinthismomentthereislifeandfood/Forfutureyears.AndsoIdaretohope.”

We’rehereandalive.We’restillinthegame.Everythingispossible.Socometothetable.

*Toblanch almonds, pourwhole rawalmonds into a small heatproofbowl.Coverwithboilingwater and let sit for 15minutes.Drain.Thealmondskinswillslipoffeasily,leavingyouperfect,palenutkernels.

*Orange-flowerwaterisavailableinMiddleEasternandgourmetmarkets.

YouknowIcan’tletyougowithoutagoodmeal.Cookingforpeopleisanancestralcallinginmyblood.MaybeI’mworkingoffsomebadkarmafromapastlife.Itfeelslikegoodkarmatome, though. From Marcel, my genius friend and his magical soupe joumou to the women inMarrakech,singingastheyworked,somanypeoplehavenourishedmeinsomanyways.Foodisalways theway I thinkof to repay them.That theymightpreferagift card is something Ionlyconsiderafterthefact.

Whetherit’sinvitingstrangerstodrinkyourwineorfriendstoeatyourfood,thesharedmealhasdefinedhospitalityineveryfaithandcultureIknow.Andyetthesedayswedoitonlyrarely.Wearetoobusy,ortootimid,ortoostuckinourways.Wewouldrathertext—quicker,easier,nofuss,nomuss.Whatwerisklosingisthesubtext—ourgloriousmess,ourhumanity.Whatisthepointofhavingpeopleinyourlifeifyoucan’tcookwiththem,feedthem?Ifyoucan’teatanddrinkandtalkandlaughtogether,allcrowdedaroundthetable?

Everymeal— anymeal, nomatter how humble— can offer the opportunity for deeperconnection,foracommunionforpeopleofeveryfaithorofnoparticularfaithatall.Webeginwhenwebegin,beitthefirstdayofthenewyearaccordingtotheGregoriancalendar,theJuliancalendar,orthelunarcalendarorwhenwe’rehungry.Wecreatecelebrationwhenwegather.Wecreateplentybybeingourmostauthenticselves.

The Hebrew word for “blessing” or “prayer” is baruch. In Arabic, it is baraka. InMorocco,itmeansthesame,butbarakaisalsoitsownkindofblessing.Itisshowinggratitudeforthefoodyouhavebysharingit.Itiscreatingabundance.Itisthepowertomultiplyfood.Youdon’t have to be Jesus to do it, either. This kind of blessing, the law of increase, requires apracticalmagic,ofmakingthemostofwhatyouhave,evenwhenit’svery little.Somepeople,likeMarcel,arebornwiththisgift.However,itcanbelearned.

Fresh,localproduceisvibrantinthemouthandeasyonthewallet.Wholegrainsanddriedbeans keep in your pantry likemoney in the bank.They’re cheap, comforting, nourishing, and,with clever application, feed a horde. Steaming a pot of couscous or barley causes the tendergrainstoswellandexpand.Youcankeepresteamingsothegrainsfluffandseemtoproliferate,feedingasmanyasareatyourtable.Withalittlecreativity,awell-stockedlarder,andadesiretofeedthoseyoulove,you’llbesurenoonegoeshungry.

IamgratefulandfortunatetoknowPaulaWolfert,goddessofMoroccanandMediterraneanfoodways.Shenotonlytaughtmeaboutbaraka;sheexemplifiesit.Ihopetofollowhergraciousexamplewiththisrecipe,adaptedfromhersinTheFoodofMorocco.

Many Moroccan lamb or chicken tagines include preserved lemon and olives — awonderful, haunting combination. Many recipes for vegetable couscous include a handful ofraisins.Manyvegetablecouscousrecipes—eventheclassicseven-vegetablecouscous—alsoincludelamborchicken.Butnotpreservedlemonandolives.Thisdoesnotseemtometheleastbit fair.Notonlydo lambandchickenreceiveuniqueculinary treatment,but theygreedily findtheirwayintomessingupanotherwiselovelyplant-baseddish.Withthisvegetablecouscous,Ihavehopedtorightaterriblewrong.Ihaveleftouttheraisins.Andlamb.Andchicken.

Cheap, simple produce seasoned by amiserly amount of extravagant spice served over amoundofwhole grains, thisMoroccan dish employs someof the techniques of a tagine but isservedoverwholewheatcouscousorbarley.Itisbarakaitself.

VegetableCouscouswithPreservedLemonandOlives

Chopping thevegetables into largerpieces in thisrecipehelps themmaintain their integrityduringslowcooking.Theolivesshouldbegood,importedones,betheyMoroccanorGreekorFrench or Italian, such as oily kalamatas or mild green Picholine or a combination.Traditionally,they’reenjoyedwhole,notpitted.Breakwithtraditionasyouwish.

ServewitheverybitofthelusciousbrothoverwholewheatcouscousorbarleyandpairwithFlatbreadfromaStarter(page214).

Serves4to6.Recipemaybedoubled,eventripled,dependingonhowmanysurpriseguestsyouhave.Therewillalwaysbeenough.

2tablespoonsoliveoil4clovesgarlic,coarselychopped1largeonion,coarselychopped4carrots,coarselychopped4stalkscelery,coarselychopped1redbellpepper,coarselychopped1zucchini,coarselychopped1tomato,coarselychopped2cupscookedchickpeasorone15-ouncecanchickpeas,rinsedanddrained1cinnamonstickPinchofsaffron½teaspoongroundginger½teaspoonturmeric

2cupsStoneSoup(seepage84)orothervegetablebrothorwater1cupwholewheatcouscousorbarley1preservedlemon,finelychopped*cupolives

Seasaltandfreshlygroundpepper1bunchcilantro,chopped

In a large soup pot, heat the oil over medium heat. Add the garlic and onion. Cook, stirringoccasionally,untilthevegetablessoften,afewminutes.Addthecarrots,celery,redbellpepper,zucchini,tomato,chickpeas,cinnamonstick,saffron,ginger,turmeric,andbroth.Stirtocombine.Cover,reducetheheattolow,andsimmerfor10minutes.

Uncoverthesouppotandcontinuecookinguntilthevegetablesaretenderandthesaucehasthickenedandreduced,about20minutes.

Preparethecouscousorbarleyaccordingtothepackagedirections.Stirthepreservedlemonandolivesintothepotwiththevegetablesandspices.Seasonwith

seasaltandpepper.Justbeforeserving,stirinthecilantro.Pourthecouscousintothebottomofatagineorintoalarge,shallowservingbowl.Forma

wellinthecenter.Fillwiththevegetablesandbroth.Enjoy.

Breakingbreadtogetherisanancientriteofwelcome.It isalsoarevolutionaryact.Endingallwarsdoesn’ttakeanotherwar.Ittakesacommunalmeal.Webringourtraditions,ourculture,andourcorebeliefs—thethingswevalue—tothetable.Wemaynotagree,butwecansittogetherand talk about it over food. It is away to bridge the differences between us, tomeet all ourhunger,topartakeinbaraka.Ithasbeenourbesthopeforhumanitydatingbacktobiblicaldays.InActs2:46,faithbroughtpeopletogether,butsodidsharingfood.“Everydaytheycontinuedtomeettogetherinthetemplecourts.Theybrokebreadintheirhomesandatetogetherwithgladandsincerehearts.”

Hereisbreadtobreak.Thisismygo-toflatbread.Chewyandflavorful,it’snotquitenaan,nortrueMoroccanbread,butitworksverywellwithVeggieBhaji(seerecipe,page197)orwiththe Vegetable Couscous with Preserved Lemon and Olives (see recipe, page 211) — witheverything,really.

I adapted and veganized the recipe from one by the late, great food writer and novelistLaurieColwin.“Weareallbrothersandsisters,”asshewrote in“TheCaseof theMysteriousFlatbread.”“ThisbreadfromEthiopia isverysimilar toabreadfromIndiaorScotlandandisappreciativelydevouredbyaniceJewishgirlfromPhiladelphia,herhusband,whowasborninLatvia, and their NewYorker daughter.” And, may I amend, further monkeyed with and evenimproveduponabyapassionate, spiritual, thoughsecularveganwhopasses iton toyouasameans of increase and baraka. It’s foolproof, forgiving, and fabulous — you will be veryimpressedwithyourself.

FlatbreadfromaStarter

Theflatbreadstartertakesjustafewminutestomake.Thenyouleaveit toitsyeastyself tobubbleanddevelopovernight.Makingthebreaddoughtakesonlyafewminutesmore,anditneedsonlyacouplehourstorise.You’llhavetobreakthebreadtoshare,butthat’sthewholepoint, isn’t it? This flatbread is excellent served with Vegetable Couscous with PreservedLemonandOlives(page211),VeggieBhaji(page197),andanyofthesoups.

Serves6to8

¼cupunsweetenedsoymilk1tablespoonapplecidervinegar1teaspoonactivedryyeast1cupplus2tablespoonswarmwater1½teaspoonsevaporatedcanesugar2 cupswholewheatflour,plusmoreasneeded½teaspoonseasaltOilfortheskillet

Pourthesoymilkintoasmallcuporbowl.Addthevinegar.Itwillcurdle;don’tfret.Pourtheyeastintoamediumbowl.Add2tablespoonswarmwaterandthesoymilkmixture.Leavetofrothforafewminutes.Addthesugarand cupoftheflour.Stirtogether.Coverthebowlwithakitchentowelandleaveitonthecounterorinacoolovenovernight.Thenextafternoon,add2cupsofthewholewheatflour,1cupwarmwater,andtheseasalt

tothestarter.Mix gently.Work inmore flour, up to another½ cup, until you have a sturdy, not sticky

dough.Coverthebowlwithakitchentowelagain.Setinawarmspottoriseuntildoubledinbulk,

2hoursorlonger.Lightlyoilan8-inchskilletandheatoverhighheat.Meanwhile,dividethedoughintothirds.Flattenandstretchintoroundsabout6to8inches

across,sothateachpieceofdoughfitsintotheskillet.Takeonepieceofdoughandplaceontheskillet.Cookuntiltawnyandpebbledwithbrown

spots,5 to8minutesperside.Theflatbread isdonewhen it’scrustyandsoundshollowwhentapped.

Repeatwiththeremainingballsofdough.

Maybeatimewillcomewhenthewholeworldcancookandeattogetherwithgladandsincerehearts.Startbydoingitwithsomeoneyouknow.Cookwithyourchildren.Askafriendoverforameal.Makeakitchendatewithyourmother,yourauntie,whoever’s thekeeperof theculinaryflame, to learn how tomake the dishes that bespeak home and celebrationwithin your family.Hostapotluck.Organizeablockparty.Inviteeveryone.There’salwaysroomforonemore.Wearestrongertogetherthanapart.Hungryghostsandhungrypeople—weallloveaparty.Sopullupachair.Let’seat.

*PreservedlemonsareavailableatMiddleEasternandgourmetmarkets.

Agenerousservingofgratitude toeveryonewhohadfaith that Icouldwrite thisbookandcheeredmeonalltheway,oftenoveragreatmeal,including:

DanielleSvetcovofLevineGreenbergGeorgiaHughesandallthefabfolkatNewWorldLibraryDianaAbu-JaberDebraDeanandCliffFettersHollyGonzalezSharonJohnsonLewisandMarciaKannerTonyProscioandPeterBorrellJacquelineRubensStefanUchMarcZemsky

Fortheirprofessionalwisdomandunstintinggoodhumor,Iamgratefulto:

MiamiHeraldfoodeditorKathyMartinCulinateeditorKimCarlsonMitchellKaplanandCristinaNostiofBooksandBooksThestaffofHuffingtonPost,mostespeciallyGreensectioneditorsJoannaZelman,TravisDonovan,andKatherineGoldstein

EricaMeierandJayaBhumitraofCompassionOverKillingDeniseRyanoftheOrganicFarmingResearchFoundation

Inperson,onthepage,ontheplate,thefollowingpeoplehavecarvedoutmomentsofgraceinthisoftengracelessage,andthatisreallywhatwe’rehungryfor:

JohnAshNavaAtlasLidiaBastianich

MelissaClarkLaurieColwinMireilleGiulianoGabrielleHamiltonMichelNischanMichaelSchwartzNigelSlaterTerryTheisePaulaWolfert

For all of the above and more, thank you, Benjamin Bohlmann, wonderful husband,courageousaccountant,outstandingtravelingcompanion.Youmakemylifedelicious.

Inputting together this list of acknowledgments, I ammissingpeople.Please forgive— Ioweyoudinner.

INTRODUCTION—HUNGRYALLTHETIMEPage xiii, glittering, rosy, moist, honied: D. H. Lawrence, “Figs,” Kalliope, accessed September 4, 2012,www.kalliope.org/en/digt.pl?longdid=lawrence2001061702.

Pagexvii,God’snotall that interested: JaweedKaleem,“FallenPriestAlbertoCutie,Soon toBecomeaDad,RebuildsMiamiMinisterialLifeasanEpiscopalian,”MiamiHerald,May29,2010.

CHAPTER1:THESEEDPage23,WalterdelaMare’spoem:WalterdelaMare,“MissT.,”inForget-Me-Nots:PoemstoLearnbyHeart,ed.MaryAnnHoberman(NewYork:LittleBrown,2012),55.

Page23,Tellmewhat youeat: JeanAnthelmeBrillat-Savarin,ThePhysiology of Taste; or,Meditations on TranscendentalGastronomy,trans.M.F.K.Fisher(NewYork:VintageBooks,2011),15.

Page23,anybodytoplaywithatall:Thisandthefollowingexcerptsfrom“ThereOnceWasaPuffin”aretakenfromFlorencePage Jaques, “There Once Was a Puffin,” in The Harp and the Laurel Wreath: Poetry and Dictation for ClassicalCurriculum,ed.LauraBerquist(SanFrancisco:IgnatiusPress,1999),26.

Page31,whatOscarWildesaid:OscarWilde,TheImportanceofBeingEarnest:ATrivialComedyforSeriousPeople,act2,ProjectGutenberg,lastmodifiedAugust29,2006,www.gutenberg.org/files/844/844-h/844-h.htm.

Page 32, University of North Carolina study: Deborah F. Tate et al., “Replacing Caloric Beverages with Water or DietBeverages for Weight Loss in Adults: Main Results of the Choose Healthy Options Consciously Everyday (CHOICE)RandomizedClinicalTrial,”AmericanJournalofClinicalNutrition95,no.3(2012):555–63,doi:10.3945/ajcn.111.026278.

CHAPTER2:THEFLOWERINGPage51,asAlfred,LordTennysonwrote:Alfred,LordTennyson, “LocksleyHall,”PoetryFoundation, accessedSeptember4,2012,www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/174629.

Page55,whatJamesJoycedescribed:JamesJoyce,Ulysses(NewYork:RandomHouse,1961),55.Page66,Behold,Ihavegivenyou:Bible,Genesis1:29,EnglishStandardVersion.Page67,Everymovingthing:Bible,Genesis9:3,KingJamesVersion.Page67,Theweakpersoneats:Bible,Romans14:2,EnglishStandardVersion.Page67,Letnottheonewhoeats:Bible,Romans14:3,EnglishStandardVersion.Page68,Meatcommendethusnot:Bible,1Corinthians8:8,KingJamesVersion.Page68,Betterisadinner:Bible,Proverbs15:17,EnglishStandardVersion.

CHAPTER3:THEHARVEST

Page105,Summersurprisedus:T.S.Eliot,“TheWasteLand,”inTheBestPoemsoftheEnglishLanguage:FromChaucerthroughFrost,ed.HaroldBloom(NewYork:HarperCollins,2004),905.

Page105,Theharvestispast:Bible,Jeremiah8:20,KingJamesVersion.Page110,Butasktheanimals:Bible,Job12:7–10,NewInternationalVersion.Page 120,Wordsworthwrote:WilliamWordsworth, “TheWorld Is TooMuchwithUs,” inThe Complete PoeticalWorks ofWordsworth,ed.AndrewJ.George(Boston:HoughtonMifflin,1932),349.

Page 125, Bowles’s definition of magic: Gena Dagal Caponi, Conversations with Paul Bowles: Literary Conversations(Jackson:UniversityofMississippiPress,1993),106.

CHAPTER4:THECOMPOSTPage168,Millionsofspiritualcreatures:JohnMilton,ParadiseLost,bk.4,lines677–78.Page182,AsJamesBaldwinwrote:JamesBaldwin,“TheFireNextTime,” inThePriceof theTicket:CollectedNonfiction,1948–1985,p.350,GoogleBookspreview,accessedSeptember21,2012,http://books.google.com/books?isbn=0312643063.

Page 189, If you bake bread: Kahlil Gibran, “Work,” in The Prophet, Wikilivres, last modified May 26, 2008,http://wikilivres.ca/wiki/The_Prophet/Work.

Page 196,TheManusmriti:Manusmriti 5:38.48.53, translated byWendyDoniger,TheHindus: An AlternativeHistory (NewYork:Penguin,2009),317.

Page205,asRalphWaldoEmersonputit:RalphWaldoEmerson,“Montaigne;or,TheSkeptic,”inRepresentativeMen,RalphWaldoEmersonTexts,lastmodifiedSeptember3,2009,www.emersoncentral.com/montaigne.htm.

Page208,asWordsworthdid:WilliamWordsworth,“LinesComposedaFewMilesaboveTinternAbbey,”inTheBestPoemsoftheEnglishLanguage:FromChaucerthroughFrost,ed.HaroldBloom(NewYork:HarperCollins,2004),327.

EPILOGUE—GENTLENUDGETHEULTIMATE:PRACTICEBARAKAPage213,Everydaytheycontinued:Bible,Acts2:46,NewInternationalVersion.Page213,Weareallbrothersandsisters:LaurieColwin,MoreHomeCooking:AWriterReturnstotheKitchen(NewYork:HarperCollins,1993),50.

Abu-Jaber,Diana.TheLanguageofBaklava.NewYork:AnchorBooks,2006.Allen,Will.TheGoodFoodRevolution:GrowingHealthyFood,People,andCommunities.NewYork:GothamBooks,2012.Bittman,Mark.HowtoCookEverythingVegetarian:SimpleMeatlessRecipesforGreatFood.Hoboken,NJ:Wiley,2007.Brillat-Savarin, Jean Anthelme. Translated and edited by M. F. K. Fisher. The Physiology of Taste; or, Meditations onTranscendentalGastronomy.NewYork:VintageBooks,2011.

Clark,Melissa.CookThisNow:120EasyandDelectableDishesYouCan’tWaittoMake.NewYork:Hyperion,2011.Colwin,Laurie.MoreHomeCooking:AWriterReturnstotheKitchen.NewYork:HarperCollins,1993.Friese,KurtMichael,KraigKraft, andGary PaulNabhan.ChasingChiles:Hot Spots along the Pepper Trail. White RiverJunction,VT:ChelseaGreen,2011.

Hamilton,Gabrielle.Blood,Bones&Butter:TheInadvertentEducationofaReluctantChef.NewYork:RandomHouse,2012.Reichl,Ruth.TenderattheBone:GrowingUpattheTable.NewYork:RandomHouse,2010.Slater,Nigel.Toast:TheStoryofaBoy’sHunger.NewYork:GothamBooks,2005.Theise,Terry.ReadingbetweentheWines.Berkeley:UniversityofCaliforniaPress,2011.VanAken,Norman,andJustinVanAken.MyKeyWestKitchen:RecipesandStories.London:KyleBooks,2012.Wolfert,Paula.TheFoodofMorocco.NewYork:Ecco,2011.

AActs,Bookof,67,213additives,18Advent,166AfricanAmericansweetpotatoandpeanutstew,186–87ahimsa,194ahimsachai,195–96alcohol,32AllSaints’Day,162AllSouls’Day,162almondmilk

ahimsachai,195–96veganchocolatecake,136

almond(s)blanching,169ncookies,168–69riceintheSahara,122–23roastedbeetsaladwithchili-limevinaigrette,102–3

amaranth,91–92Seealsocallalooamaretto,inalmondcookies,168–69

amorouscardamomapplecrumble,47–48amygdala,206aniseseeds

ahimsachai,195–96multifaithsweetnessandlightsugarplums,193–94seedcake,5–6

aphrodisiacs,36–39,47applecrumble,amorouscardamom,47–48applesauce,inseedcake,5–6apricots,in,multifaithsweetnessandlightsugarplums,193–94artichokes,inunconventionalbutseductiveveggiepaella,45–46arugula

KamutforMotherEarth,90–91pinkgrapefruitandfennelsalad,38–40“We’llalwayshaveParis”wildmushroomsalad,201–3

ashes,spreading,167–68attachment,205

autumn,161–63autumnrecipes.Seerecipes,autumnavocados,112

Bbabaghanoush,28balance,154–58Baldwin,James,182baraka(blessing;gratitude),209–10,211barakarecipes.Seerecipes,barakabarley,91–92

andherbsalad,Judeo-Christianbiblical,69–71Bastianich,Lidia,183beans

green,inAfricanAmericansweetpotatoandpeanutstew,186–87white,inTuscanwhitebeansandwintergreenssoup,184–85Seealsofavabeans

beetsalad,roasted,withchili-limevinaigrette,102–3beverages

ahimsachai,195–96lavendertea,54

bhaji,veggie,197–98Bible,66–68

Seealsospecificbookblack-eyedpeas

AfricanAmericansweetpotatoandpeanutstew,186–87hoppingjohn,16–17

blockparties,215bloodsugar,80Bohlmann,Benjamin,57,61–62,134–35,137–42,171,199–201bokchoy,inWestIndianmangomadness,114–15Bowles,Paul,125,126breads

breaking,213flatbreadfromastarter,213–15matzo,DIY,73–76no-kneadwholewheatoatmeal,182–83zucchini,81–82

broccoliwithlemonandmint,145–46vegetabledonburi,149–50

broth,vegetable.SeestonesoupBuddha’sdelight,152Buddhism,xix,66,205,207businessplan,implementing,17–19

Ccabbage

hungryghostmoodmodifier,152–53napa,inWestIndianmangomadness,114–15veggiebhaji,197–98

cakesseed,5–6veganchocolate,136

callaloo,10Haitiansoupejoumou,12–13WestIndianmangomadness,114–15

calories,frombeverages,32canesugar

about,5nflatbreadfromastarter,214–15seedcake,5–6

cardamom,37,132ahimsachai,195–96multifaithsweetnessandlightsugarplums,193–94

carrot(s)deep,basiccomfortlentilsoup,41–43Haitiansoupejoumou,12–13hungryghostmoodmodifier,152–53KamutforMotherEarth,90–91salad,Moroccan,107–8unconventionalbutseductiveveggiepaella,45–46vegetablecouscouswithpreservedlemonandolives,212–13vegetabledonburi,149–50veggiebhaji,197–98

cashews,inWestIndianmangomadness,114–15CatholicChurch,162Celts,174chai,194–95

ahimsa,195–96chard,Swiss

farrottowithgreens,pinenuts,andcurrants,92–94KamutforMotherEarth,90–91

cheese,limburger,28chiaseeds,4

seedcake,5–6chickpeaflour

about,62nfarinata,62–63WestIndianmangomadness,114–15

chickpeasharira,127–28ten-minutepastawithzucchini,tomatoes,and,139–44vegetablecouscouswithpreservedlemonandolives,212–13

chili(es)essential,132-limevinaigrette,102–3red,inunconventionalbutseductiveveggiepaella,45–46Seealsojalapeñochilies

chips,kale,146–47chocolate,135

cake,vegan,136Christmas,7,165–66,186,191,198–99cilantro

harira,127–28Judeo-Christianbiblicalbarleyandherbsalad,69–71redlentilsoupwithIndianspices,176–78roastedbeetsaladwithchili-limevinaigrette,102–3vegetablecouscouswithpreservedlemonandolives,212–13veggiebhaji,197–98

WestIndianmangomadness,114–15cinnamon,132–33

ahimsachai,195–96cloves,inahimsachai,195–96

coffeedrinks,32coleslaw,106–7collardgreens

Haitiansoupejoumou,12–13hoppingjohn,16–17

Colwin,Laurie,135,213comfortfood,79–81,148community-supportedagriculture(CSA),97compassion,23–24condiments,131cookies

almond,168–69orangeblossom,170wedding,58

cookingasmeditation,14forothers,xix,34–39,40–42,43–44,65–66,209–10,215

Cora(housekeeper),59–60,65coriander,133ICorinthians,Bookof,68cortisol,181–82couscous,vegetable,withpreservedlemonandolives,210–13cranberries,Thanksgivingkalewithfennel,walnutsand,180–81cremains,spreading,167–68cropfailure,117CSAgumboz’herbes,98–100cumin,133currants,farrottowithgreens,pinenuts,and,92–94

DDaftDays,198–99dana(generosity),66dates

multifaithsweetnessandlightsugarplums,193–94riceintheSahara,122–23

death,170–76deep,basiccomfortlentilsoup,41–43DelaMare,Walter,23Derecoquinaria,191dessert,culturalbackgroundof,191–92dill

KamutforMotherEarth,90–91TurkishmilletandgreensforMarcella,29–30

dittanyofCrete,36Diwali(Hindufestivaloflights),188–90,197DIYmatzo,75–76donburi,148

vegetable,149–50downanddirtyrice,55–56

E

EarthDay,83,84–85eating

compassionate,23–24healthier,xv–xvimindful,xixseasonal,101–2slow,88–89terror,139Seealsofood

edamame,indownanddirtyrice,55–56eggplant,indownanddirtyrice,55–56Egyptiancuisine,76Eliot,T.S.,52,105Emerson,RalphWaldo,205energydrinks,32epazote

about,163pumpkin,poblano,andspinachtacos,163–64escarole,inTuscanwhitebeansandwintergreenssoup,184–85

Ethiopia,hand-feedingcustomin,xixExistentialStewTheory,94–95

Ffaith,8–9,13–14,19–22,66–69,71–74,213fallrecipes.Seerecipes,autumnfamilydinners,57–62farinata,62–63farro,91–92

farrottowithgreens,pinenuts,andcurrants,92–94farrottowithgreens,pinenuts,andcurrants,92–94fasting,119–22favabeans,76

fulmudammas,77,78–79preparing,77–78

favism,77fences,95fennel

salad,pinkgrapefruitand,38–40summertomatosaladwithza’atar,118–19Thanksgivingkalewithfennel,cranberries,andwalnuts,180–81unconventionalbutseductiveveggiepaella,45–46

FêtedesLumières,187–88Fez(Morocco),121–22fish,gefilte,71–72flatbreadfromastarter,213–15flaxseeds,4

seedcake,5–6wholegrainpancakes,24–25zucchinibread,81–82

flowers,51,53,54food

comfort,79–81,148funeral,174–76gratitudefor,207–8humanrelationshipwith,xv–xxi,48–50

processed,191slow,181–82,184spiritualityand,189–90sweet,191–92waste,86–88Seealsocooking;eating

fooddiaries,31foodhabits,bad,48–50foodlabels,reading,18FoodofMorocco,The(Wolfert),210FourthofJuly,106France

author’sanniversarytripto,199–201,203–6paradoxicalfoodrelationshipin,xvi

fruitcake,191ful,76–79

mudammas,77,78–79funeralfood,174–76

GGanesh(Hindudeity),154–55gardening,116–18gefiltefish,71–72Genesis,Bookof,66–67,175gentlenudges

ahimsa,194ancientgrains,91–92balance,154–58baraka,209–10,211businessplan,implementing,17–19comfortfoodredefinition,79–81cupboardstocking,129–34fooddiaries,31foodhabits,bad,48–50freshvegetables,144–45gardening,116–18seasonality,101–2slowfood,181–82,184

ghosts,161–62,168,178–79hungry,xix,150–51,153–54

Gibran,Kahlil,189ginger,133Glass,Philip,156gojiberries

about,158steel-cutoatswith,158–59

grainsancient,91–92barleyandherbsalad,Judeo-Christianbiblical,69–71essential,129–30farrottowithgreens,pinenuts,andcurrants,92–94KamutforMotherEarth,90–91aslivestockfeed,95–96milletandgreensforMarcella,Turkish,29–30refined,92

wholegrainpancakes,24–25Seealsooats

grapefruit,pink,andfennelsalad,38–40gratitude,207–8greens

baby,inroastedbeetsaladwithchili-limevinaigrette,102–3farrottowithgreens,pinenuts,andcurrants,92–94gumboz’herbes,CSA,98–100KamutforMotherEarth,90–91steaming,99–100Turkishmilletand,forMarcella,29–30winter,inTuscanwhitebeansandwintergreenssoup,184–85Seealsospecifictypeofgreen

grief,173–74grilling,106guacamole,28gumboz’herbes,CSA,98–100gursha(Ethiopianhand-feedingcustom),xix

HHaitiansoupejoumou,10–13Halloween,162–63halvah,27–28hand-feeding,xixHanukkah,165,186,190–91harira,126–28hazelnuts,in“We’llalwayshaveParis”wildmushroomsalad,201–3hempmilk,inseedcake,5–6hempseeds,4herbs,essential,131–32Hinduism,188–90Hippocrates,146hoppingjohn,14–17hospitality,65–66,209hunger,deeper,xvii,xxi,151–52,206–8HungryGhostFestival(HongKong),150–51hungryghostmoodmodifier,152–53HurricaneAndrew(1992),135,137–42

Iicecream,50,79–80Iftar,121–22impermanence,205India,188–90ingredients,essential,129–34Islam,119–22

Jjalapeñochilies

AfricanAmericansweetpotatoandpeanutstew,186–87Haitiansoupejoumou,12–13hoppingjohn,16–17veggiebhaji,197–98

WestIndianmangomadness,186–87jam,redonion,63–64Jaques,FlorencePage,23–24jasmine,113Jeremiah,Bookof,105–6jicama,inroastedbeetsaladwithchili-limevinaigrette,102–3Job,Bookof,110–11John,Gospelof,69Joyce,James,55Judaism,9,19–22,71–74,119,166Judeo-Christianbiblicalbarleyandherbsalad,69–71juice,caloriesfrom,32junkfood,139

Kkale

chips,146–47farrottowithgreens,pinenuts,andcurrants,92–94withfennel,cranberries,andwalnuts,Thanksgiving,180–81redlentilsoupwithIndianspices,176–78Tuscanwhitebeansandwintergreenssoup,184–85

KamutforMotherEarth,89–91Kanner,Aaron,57–59,173,179Kanner,Ellen

childhoodof,xvii–xviii,19–24,25–29,57–61,86–87,106–7,108–9,144familydinners,57–62friend’sdeathand,170–73,178–79gardenof,110,117–18,161holidaysascelebratedby,162–63,165,178–80,191,198–99inHongKong,150hungerexperiencedby,151–52duringHurricaneAndrew(1992),137–42journalisticcareerof,xviiimarriageof,33–34,88,134–35,199Moroccantripof,120–22,124–26Parisanniversarytripof,199–201,203–6religiousbeliefs,8–9,65–69sodahabitof,31–33inTokyo,88,134,147–48asvegan,65–69,71,144–45volunteereffortsof,9–11

Kanner,Marcella,25–28,57–60,65,173,179Keats,John,116Kwanzaa,186,192

LLahey,Jim,182lavender

about,54ntea,54

Lawrence,D.H.,xv–xviLawsofManu,The,196legumes,essential,129lemon(s)

amorouscardamomapplecrumble,47–48broccoliwithmintand,145–46harira,127–28hoppingjohn,16–17Judeo-Christianbiblicalbarleyandherbsalad,69–71Moroccancarrotsalad,107–8pickles,Indian,28redlentilsoupwithIndianspices,176–78seedcake,5–6springpeapuree,64–65summertomatosaladwithza’atar,118–19veggiebhaji,197–98when-all-else-failspasta,139–44zucchinibread,81–82

lemon(s),preservedabout,212nvegetablecouscouswitholivesand,211–13

lentil(s)healthbenefitsof,41–42soup,deep,basiccomfort,41–43

lentil(s),redfulmudammas,78–79riceintheSahara,122–23soup,withIndianspices,176–78

limburgercheese,28lime(s)

chili-limevinaigrette,102–3WestIndianmangomadness,114–15

lobsters,34“LocksleyHall”(Tennyson),51–52lychees,111,150Lyon(France),187–88

Mmacandcheese,80mango(es),111–12

madness,WestIndian,114–15peeling,112–13roastedbeetsaladwithchili-limevinaigrette,102–3

Marc(author’sfriend),171–73,176Marcel(author’sfriend),10–12Marrakech(Morocco),120–21matzo,73–76

DIY,75–76meatlessdiets,xv–xvi,65,66–69,196meditation,14,156–58meze,69Miami(FL),xviii–xix,7–8,86–87,134–35,161–62,204milk.Seealmondmilk;soymilkmillet,74,91–92

TurkishmilletandgreensforMarcella,29–30Milton,John,168mindfulness,17–19,182mint

broccoliwithlemonand,145–46

Judeo-Christianbiblicalbarleyandherbsalad,69–71springpeapuree,64–65summertomatosaladwithza’atar,118–19

“MissT.”(poem;DelaMare),23MoreHomeCooking(Colwin),135Moroccancarrotsalad,107–8Morocco,120–22,124–26,210Mother’sDay,83–84,86,89multifaithsweetnessandlightsugarplums,193–94mushroom(s)

unconventionalbutseductiveveggiepaella,45–46vegetabledonburi,149–50wild,salad,201–3

Nnatto,28NewYear’sDay/Eve,14–15,86,165,198–99no-kneadwholewheatoatmealbread,182–83

Ooats

amorouscardamomapplecrumble,47–48no-kneadwholewheatoatmealbread,182–83steelcut,withgojiberries,158–59wholegrainpancakes,24–25

Obon(Japanesestreetfestival),148oliveoil,130olives

Judeo-Christianbiblicalbarleyandherbsalad,69–71summertomatosaladwithza’atar,118–19vegetablecouscouswithpreservedlemonand,211–13

onionjam,red,63–64orangeblossomcookies,170orange-flowerwater

about,170norangeblossomcookies,170

orangescookies,orangeblossom,170roastedbeetsaladwithchili-limevinaigrette,102–3

oregano,36–37organicfarming,117–18

Ppaella,unconventionalbutseductiveveggie,45–46pancakes

farinata,62–63wholegrain,24–25

pantryessentials,129–34ParadiseLost(Milton),168Paris(France),199–201,203–6parsley

Judeo-Christianbiblicalbarleyandherbsalad,69–71

KamutforMotherEarth,90–91Moroccancarrotsalad,107–8

pasta,when-all-else-fails(a.k.a.tenminutepastawithzucchini,tomatoes,andchickpeas),139–44Patrick(author’sfriend),168,170–73,175–76,178peanutstew,AfricanAmericansweetpotatoand,186–87pea(s)

puree,spring,64–65Seealsoblack-eyedpeas

pecans,inroastedbeetsaladwithchililimevinaigrette,102–3peppercorns,whole,130–31peppers,bell

downanddirtyrice,55–56harira,127–28hungryghostmoodmodifier,152–53unconventionalbutseductiveveggiepaella,45–46vegetablecouscouswithpreservedlemonandolives,212–13veggiebhaji,197–98

peppers,poblano,inpumpkin,poblano,andspinachtacos,163–64perspective,152pinenuts,farrottowithgreens,currants,and,92–94pinkgrapefruitandfennelsalad,38–40poetry,22–24pomegranatemolasses

about,30nTurkishmilletandgreensforMarcella,29–30

potatoes,sweetAfricanAmericansweetpotatoandpeanutstew,186–87Haitiansoupejoumou,12–13

potlucks,215Proverbs,Bookof,68pumpkin(s)

choosing,163tacos,pumpkin,poblano,andspinach,163–64

Qquinoa,91–92

unconventionalbutseductiveveggiepaella,45–46

Rradishes,in“We’llalwayshaveParis”wildmushroomsalad,201–3raisins,inseedcake,5–6Ramadan,119–22,126–27raselhanout(Moroccanspicemixture),inharira,127–28recipes

tipsforusing,xxii–xxiiiSeealsorecipes,autumn;recipes,baraka;recipes,spring;recipes,summer;recipes,winter

recipes,autumnAfricanAmericansweetpotatoandpeanutstew,186–87ahimsachai,195–96almondcookies,168–69multifaithsweetnessandlightsugarplums,193–94no-kneadwholewheatoatmealbread,182–83orangeblossomcookies,170

pumpkin,poblano,andspinachtacos,163–64redlentilsoupwithIndianspices,176–78Thanksgivingkalewithfennel,cranberries,andwalnuts,180–81Tuscanwhitebeansandwintergreenssoup,184–85veggiebhaji,197–98“We‘llalwayshaveParis”wildmushroomsalad,201–3

recipes,barakaflatbreadfromastarter,213–15vegetablecouscouswithpreservedlemonandolives,212–13

recipes,springCSAgumboz’herbes,98–100DIYmatzo,75–76downanddirtyrice,55–56farinata,62–63farrottowithgreens,pinenuts,andcurrants,92–94fulmudammas,78–79Judeo-Christianbiblicalbarleyandherbsalad,69–71KamutforMotherEarth,90–91lavendertea,54redonionjam,63–64roastedbeetsaladwithchili-limevinaigrette,102–3springpeapuree,64–65stonesoup,84–85zucchinibread,81–82

recipes,summerbroccoliwithlemonandmint,145–46harira,127–28hungryghostmoodmodifier,152–53kalechips,146–47Moroccancarrotsalad,107–8riceintheSahara,122–23steel-cutoatswithgojiberries,158–59tomatosaladwithza’atar,118–19veganchocolatecake,136vegetabledonburi,149–50WestIndianmangomadness,113–15when-all-else-failspasta,139–44

recipes,winteramorouscardamomapplecrumble,47–48deep,basiccomfortlentilsoup,41–43Haitiansoupejoumou,10–13hoppingjohn,14–17pinkgrapefruitandfennelsalad,38–40seedcake,5–6TurkishmilletandgreensforMarcella,29–30unconventionalbutseductiveveggiepaella,45–46wholegrainpancakes,24–25

redlentilsoupwithIndianspices,176–78redonionjam,63–64relaxation,181–82

ricedownanddirty,55–56hoppingjohn,16–17intheSahara,122–23vegetabledonburi,149–50ritual,56–62,167–68,179–80

roastedbeetsaladwithchili-limevinaigrette,102–3Romans,Bookof,67RongaliBihu(AssameseNewYear),69

SS&SDiner(Miami,FL),20–21saffron

harira,127–28riceintheSahara,122–23

SaharaDesert,120,124–26sake,invegetabledonburi,149–50saladdressings.Seevinaigrettessalads

Judeo-Christianbiblicalbarleyandherb,69–71Moroccancarrot,107–8pinkgrapefruitandfennel,38–40roastedbeet,withchili-limevinaigrette,102–3summertomato,withza’atar,118–19traditionalsummertime,106–7wildmushroom,“We’llalwayshaveParis,”201–3

salt,sea,130samadhi(divineuniversallove),189,192satiety,89,152seasonality,101–2,163,179seasons,xxi,6–8seedcake,4–6seeds,1–4Sephardiccuisine,72ShelteringSky,The(Bowles),125,126sherry,invegetabledonburi,149–50shirataki

about,152hungryghostmoodmodifier,152–53

Sicily,188SimchatTorah,166slowfood,181–82,184soda,31–33soulfood,15soupejoumou,Haitian,10–13soups/stews,96–97

AfricanAmericansweetpotatoandpeanut,186–87gumboz’herbes,CSA,97–100Haitiansoupejoumou,10–13harira,126–28lentil,deep,basiccomfort,41–43redlentil,withIndianspices,176–78Tuscanwhitebeansandwintergreens,184–85

soymilkahimsachai,195–96flatbreadfromastarter,214–15seedcake,5–6

spelt,91–92spices,essential,131spinach

farrottowithgreens,pinenuts,andcurrants,92–94

KamutforMotherEarth,90–91redlentilsoupwithIndianspices,176–78tacos,pumpkin,poblano,and,163–64

spring,51–53,83springpeapuree,64–65springrecipes.Seerecipes,springsquash,yellow,inharira,127–28starter,flatbreadfroma,214–15steaming,145–46steel-cutoatswithgojiberries,158–59St.Lucia’sDay,188,190stonesoup

asingredient,12–13,16–17,29–30,41–43,45–46,55–56,69–71,78–79,90–91,92–94,122–23,127–28,149–50,176–78,212–13

recipe,84–85sufganiyot(Hanukkahsweet),190–91sugarplums,191–92

multifaithsweetnessandlight,193–94SullivanStreetBakery(NewYork,NY),182summer,105–7,108–12summerrecipes.Seerecipes,summersummertomatosaladwithza’atar,118–19Sweden,188sweetness,191–92sweetpotatoes.Seepotatoes,sweetSwisschard

farrottowithgreens,pinenuts,andcurrants,92–94KamutforMotherEarth,90–91

Ttacos,pumpkin,poblano,andspinach,163–64tahini,inJudeo-Christianbiblicalbarleyandherbsalad,69–71TalesofaThousandandOneNights,26–27,28–29Taoism,xixtarragon

KamutforMotherEarth,90–91“We‘llalwayshaveParis”wildmushroomsalad,201–3

teaahimsachai,195–96lavender,54

ten-minutepastawithzucchini,tomatoes,andchickpeas,139–44Tennyson,AlfredLord,51terroreating,139Thanksgiving,7,165,178–80Thanksgivingkalewithfennel,cranberries,andwalnuts,180–81“ThereOnceWasaPuffin”(poem;Jaques),23–24tofu

hungryghostmoodmodifier,152–53WestIndianmangomadness,114–15

Tokyo(Japan),88,134,147–48tomato(es)

downanddirtyrice,55–56fulmudammas,78–79harira,127–28heirloom,gardening,117–18

Judeo-Christianbiblicalbarleyandherbsalad,69–71redlentilsoupwithIndianspices,176–78salad,withza’atar,118–19ten-minutepastawithzucchini,tomatoes,andchickpeas,139–44TurkishmilletandgreensforMarcella,29–30unconventionalbutseductiveveggiepaella,45–46vegetablecouscouswithpreservedlemonandolives,212–13

tortillas,inpumpkin,poblano,andspinachtacos,163–64truffles,in“We’llalwayshaveParis”wildmushroomsalad,201–3TurkishmilletandgreensforMarcella,29–30turmeric,133Tuscanwhitebeansandwintergreenssoup,184–85

UUlysses(Joyce),55umoja(community),192unconventionalbutseductiveveggie

paella,45–46UnitedStates

paradoxicalfoodrelationshipin,xvi–xvii,92youthculturein,92

UnitedStatesAgricultureDepartment,xvUniversityofNorthCarolina,32

VValentine’sDay,86Vedictexts,196veganbaking,4–5,81,135veganchocolatecake,136vegetable(s)

couscouswithpreservedlemonandolives,210–13donburi,149–50etymologyof,144fresh,144–45scraps,instonesoup,84–85steaming,145–46Seealsospecificvegetable

vegetariandiets.Seemeatlessdietsveggiebhaji,197–98veggiepaella,unconventionalbutseductive,45–46vinaigrettes

chili-lime,102–3herbandlemon,for“We’llalwayshaveParis”wildmushroomsalad,201–3forpinkgrapefruitandfennelsalad,39–40

Voltaire,116volunteering,9–10

Wwalnuts

multifaithsweetnessandlightsugarplums,193–94pinkgrapefruitandfennelsalad,38–40Thanksgivingkalewithfennel,cranberries,and,180–81

“WasteLand,The”(poem;Eliot),105

water,drinking,32watercress,in“We’llalwayshaveParis”wildmushroomsalad,201–3weddingcookies,58“We’llalwayshaveParis”wildmushroomsalad,201–3WestIndianmangomadness,113–15when-all-else-failspasta,139–44wholegrainpancakes,24–25wholewheatoatmealbread,no-knead,182–83wildcatscatter,167wildmushroomsalad,“We’llalwayshaveParis,”201–3wine

sake/sherry,invegetabledonburi,149–50white,inTuscanwhitebeansandwintergreenssoup,184–85

winter,6–8,165–67winterrecipes.Seerecipes,winterWolfert,Paula,210Wordsworth,William,120,208

Yyeast,nutritional

about,142when-all-else-failspasta,139–44

YomKippur,119YuLan(Chinesestreetfestival),150–51Zza’atar

about,118summertomatosaladwith,118–19

zucchinibread,81–82harira,127–28ten-minutepastawithtomatoes,chickpeas,and,139–44vegetablecouscouswithpreservedlemonandolives,212–13

Ellen Kanner is an award-winning food writer, Huffington Post’s Meatless Mondayblogger,andthesyndicatedcolumnisttheEdgyVeggie.SheispublishedinBonAppétit,EatingWell,VegetarianTimes,EveryDaywithRachaelRay,andCulinate,aswellasinotheronlineandprintpublications.She’sanardentadvocateforsustainable,accessiblefood,servingontheMiamiboardsofSlowFoodandCommonThreads.

Whenshe’snotteachingunderservedstudentstocookorspeakingaboutwhatwe’rehungryfor, Ellen takes time to tend her tiny organic vegetable garden, hike in the Everglades, makefriendswithcows,andmakedinnerwithfriends.There’salwaysroomformoreathertable.Shebelieves in close community, strong coffee, organic food, and red lipstick.A fourth-generationFloridian, she lives “la vida vegan” in Miami with her husband. Learn more about Ellen atwww.ellen-ink.com.

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