February Free Chapter - Intentional Parenting by Dr Yvonne Sum

7/29/2019 February Free Chapter - Intentional Parenting by Dr Yvonne Sum

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/february-free-chapter-intentional-parenting-by-dr-yvonne-sum 1/9

Copyright © Dr Yvonne Sum 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

red in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopyi

recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

http://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/yvonne-sum/intentional-parenting-9781742753584.aspx



DR YVONNE SUM


stored in a retrieval system, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,






PART ONE

Why Intentional Parenting?









7

ONE

Leading from the Heart

Legend has it that a long time ago there lived many

gods. Some of the gods decided that humankind

deserved to be given a great treasure to help in their

evolution. But many of the gods had reservations about

this because they felt that humans did not deserve this

treasure: ‘They are simply not good enough. They are

forever fighting among themselves. They don’t deserve

this magic. They don’t deserve this treasure. So we shallhide it from them.’ One god said, ‘We shall hide it at the

top of the Great Mountain – they’ll never find it there.’

Another suggested, ‘We should put it under the rapids

of the Great River – they will never find it there.’ After

much debate, the smallest god piped up, ‘Excuse me, I

think I have an idea. Let’s hide the Great Treasure in all

human hearts. They will never find it in there.’


























8

INTENTIONAL PARENTING

Parenting, like stepping up to become a manager, is

a leadership privilege that you may have actively cho-sen or it may have been bestowed upon you by surprise.

Parenting is your commitment to a learning partnership

with your child or children, a partnership that not only

grows your children but also develops you in the pro-

cess. It is a general misconception that you as parents

(like managers) have to have all the answers. You don’t.

Some of the greatest resources waiting to be tapped liein your children and you will find them by asking ques-

tions – questions to which you don’t have the answers.

The advent of parenting can shake you to the core.

My life was going along fine – and then I had children.

When I became pregnant I was wracked with doubt.

Who was I to bring up another human being when I was

hardly sure of how to look after myself? I could have

been a classic case study of antenatal depression. My life

as I knew it was truly ended. I was so terrified about

my prospective role that I developed pre-eclampsia (high

blood pressure) in the third trimester.

A sense of overwhelming unconditional love is said to

envelope the mother when a child is born. In the deliriumof my labour – or simply hallucinating from my endor-

phins – as Jett ventured into the world, I imagined him

talking to me: ‘You were in this playground first.’ he said.

‘Be my tour guide. I have a destiny you cannot change.

Relax and enjoy the ride. Nothing you do – good or

bad – will stop me getting there. It can challenge or sup-

port me though. Just love me, Mum!’






































LEADING FROM THE HEART

9

And that’s what I did – and what I continue to do.

I understand what this heartfelt message from withinmeans. ‘If what I do diverts Jett from where he is des-

tined, he will rebel in order to get back onto his track. If

I inspire him as he is learning to become himself, then he

has an easier road to his fate. My job is to observe Jett as

best I can so I can inspire him on his way.’ And so began

my learning partnership with my child. My blood pres-

sure dropped to normal immediately.I also consciously came to the following realisations:

1. I don’t have to have all the answers.

2. I don’t have to do it exactly as my parents did.

3. I can make this a positive opportunity to grow.

When Jett was born, I opened up my senses to observe

him constantly. The fact that I found my own child to be

the most gorgeous being made it easy for me to give him

100 per cent of my attention.

It has been said that no book can give a complete

guide on how to be a parent. I beg to differ. The book is

the child: so read the book that is the child – and the restcomes easily. I realised I did not have to teach Jett every-

thing. What a relief. Instead, Jett taught me more than

I could ever imagine. He allowed me to see the beauty

in our world in new curious eyes and to marvel at a lot

of things I had taken for granted: a new leaf on a tree,

a crawling caterpillar, the patterns raindrops make on

the car window. I started to appreciate music from the




































10


classical composers, which always soothed him into a

trance (he has a natural gift for music and plays amaz-ing violin and piano by ear now). By the age of two, his

favourites included Mozart’s Marriage of Figaro, Bach’s

Air on the G String and Saint-Saëns’ Carnival of the

Animals. He was about the same age when I started read-

ing him to sleep with Shakespeare – he especially loved

Romeo and Juliet . I realised Jett was demonstrating the

wisdom and genius that we are all born with but whichis gradually eroded by time and society.

Lesson #1: The joy of learning partnerships

My path to becoming a leader involved me learning some

important lessons from my children first.

I learned to be imperfectly perfect. I have a partner in

my child as I learn about my parenting role. Go with the

flow. Learn from one another.

My daughter Xian, who is two years younger than

Jett, has taught me plenty as well: the joy of her love

of learning, which is always obvious from the broadestof beaming smiles; her ability to read and understand

mathematical concepts at age two; her amazing ability

to engage people of any age into connecting with her,

and the joy of movement and dance. We are currently

navigating Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s novella The Little

Prince, both for its excellent story and its exploration of

the human condition.











































LEADING FROM THE HEART

11

Xian also taught me about open and honest commu-

nications in an unusual way. In the last month of mypregnancy, she breached and my doctor recommended a

caesarian. I took a moment to connect with Xian in utero

and asked her to collaborate as best she could so that

I could have a natural birth. Within the week, she had

turned and I delivered her naturally with hardly twenty

minutes of labour. Woo hoo! What a great team effort!

One of the great things about not having all theanswers is that it makes you more curious about finding

them.

Lesson #2: Be curious and explore the world

The next lesson that my children taught me is to see the

world from their point of view. In their world, there is

no such thing as failure. There is an insatiable need to

explore why the grass is green and the sky blue. Curi-

osity is a great way to be as a learner. How beautiful

it is for parents to retain childlike spontaneity, creativ-

ity, exploration and the ability to live life with a sense of wonder! As learning partners navigating our world, our

children can bring out this neoteny, or sense of curiosity,

and wonder in the parent. The world gets curiouser and

curiouser for us again. How magnificent to discover this

amazing planet that we live in, again.

It seemed a long time since I had enjoyed the rhyth-

mical pitter-patter of raindrops, or watched patiently as



































12


a caterpillar grazed the tender leaves on my favourite

shrub, or I deliciously caressed the stippled waxy lemonrind as if fondling a well-loved pet.

Lesson #3: Being present

Jett and Xian taught me patience, to linger over short

connected moments of bliss every day, to enjoy seeing theworld from their perspective and to ask for help.

Lesson #4: Read the book that is your child

The most important lesson of all: you may learn more

about yourself through learning about your children.

















Documents

February Free Chapter - Intentional Parenting by Dr Yvonne Sum