Vulcan & Region Family and Community Support Services (F.C.S.S.)

Produced and Printed Locally; Folded By Hand!! February 3, 2011

An Ode Of English Plural.

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,

But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,

Yet the plural of house is houses not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and there would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of brother and also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let’s face it– English is a crazy language. There is no egg

in eggplant nor ham in hamburger. Neither apple or pine

in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in

England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its

paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,

boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from

Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but

fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t

ham?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not

one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get

rid of all but one but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers are taught, why didn’t preachers praught?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking

English should be committed to an asylum for the

verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play

at a recital? We ship by truck, but send cargo by ship….

We have noses that run and feet that smell. We park in a

driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a slim

chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and

a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in

which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which

you fill in a form by filling it out and which an alarm goes

off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s no

Mop?

-With thanks to Duane and Janice Mix for this contribution.

This Week’s Riddle.

This is a true story. White horse jumped over a tower

and landed on a priest, Who immediately disappeared from

the landscape.

Where did this take place?

Brought To You By:

Vulcan & Region Family and

Community Support Services

(F.C.S.S.)

Director: Carrol Thomson

Child and Youth Services

Coordinator: Ashlee Fath

Reception/Food Bank: Brenda

English and Wendy Theodore

Senior Supports: Tina Wideen

Contact Us At: 115-2nd Avenue N

Box 594

Vulcan, AB, T0L 2B0

From Carmangay Toll Free:

1-877-485-2192

403-485-2192

403-485-2106

Fax: 403-485-6043

www.vulcanandregionfcss.com

Ding Dong!!

Avon Calling!

Call Bea Henry for your

Avon needs at 403-485-4165

FOOD BANK WISH LIST

Items Such As:

Due to Health regulations, the Food Bank cannot accept homemade foods.

*Kraft Dinner

*Hamburger Helper

*Canned Beans/Peas

*Canned Tomatoes

*Juice/Juice Boxes

*Vegetable Soup

*Pasta Sauce

*Canned Fruit

*Pudding

“Break The Cycle: Save

More, Spend Less.” Presented by FCSS and

Money Mentors.

Lunch hour session

February 22 at the Vulcan

FCSS Office from 11:55

am to 1:00 pm.

Receive a $10.00 gas card

upon session completion.

$10.00 registration fee,

lunch included.

Must preregister with

FCSS 403.485.2192

New to Vulcan?

Then come join us on April 13 from 8:30-10

am at the Vulcan Legion for a casual meet ‘n’

greet of others new to the area and some of the

agencies around the County.

New to a different village? Watch for

upcoming events in your area!

The Answer: A Chess Board

Please Please Please

Take Take Take

One!One!One!

For all your financial needs,

call 403.485.2268 today!!

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ay

Mo

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ay

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Th

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Feb

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Are

yo

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gro

up

wit

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tha

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com

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Eve

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t ev

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dat

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pri

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13

/11

.

Mak

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3 x

5 c

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wit

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ur

info

rmat

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on

it;

yo

u m

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ncl

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3 x

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oup

on

fo

r a

free

bie

as

wel

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and

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at F

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ch

11

.

We

do

th

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Mo

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Cal

l:

Car

rol,

40

3 4

85

219

2

FC

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rd F

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(bac

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f th

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ash

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Stu

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Mo

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ay F

eb.

14

10-

No

on

, 1-4

pm

an

d 6

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Ou

r val

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u:

a fr

ee w

ork

sho

p w

ith

no

exp

erie

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nec

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Cre

ate

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n A

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AD

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CA

RD

.

Ref

resh

men

ts s

erved

an

d

EV

ER

YO

NE

wel

com

e!!

Sec

on

d A

nn

ual

Ch

am

pio

n

Kin

der

gart

en

DIA

MO

ND

Sw

eeth

eart

Su

pper

.

Date

: T

hu

rsday

Feb

ruar

y 1

0

Pla

ce:

Cham

pio

n

Hal

l

Tim

e: 5

:30

-7:0

0 p

m

(Doors

open

at

5:1

5)

PE

RF

OR

MA

NC

E

by t

he

Kin

der

gart

en

stu

den

ts.

*L

ive

Au

ctio

n*

*R

affl

es*

*D

iam

onds

for

Her

and H

im*

Men

u:

Bak

e H

am

Pota

toes

Corn

Cole

slaw

Des

sert

Adult

$10

Chil

dre

n $

5

Fam

ily $

30

Under

6 y

ears

FR

EE

Tic

ket

s av

aila

ble

at

the

door.