Fathering among Afro-Caribbean families Marcos Rabello

Postmaster Cross-Cultural Family and Systemic Psychotherapy

7th of December 2017, Amsterdam

Collectief Transculturele Therapeuten (Cross-Cultural Therapists Collective)

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1.  My personal story: the reason for this essay

According to the Central Agency for Statistics, known in Holland as Centraal Bureau voor

Statistiek (CBS, 2017), about 151 thousand Afro-Caribbean people from the Dutch Antilles live in

the Netherlands. Young men, especially black or dark-skinned boys, from this population is

portrayed in the Dutch media as irresponsible fathers, who come from broken homes, have

children with different women, are lazy, and become involved in criminal activities. This reminds

me a lot of how black boys are portrayed by the media in my region in Brazil. There, the role of

these boys as fathers has been pathologized and marginalized. I find this biased view of any one

cultural group profoundly disturbing. Being an Afro-Caribbean male from Brazil, I am quite

familiar with this dominant discourse of prejudice towards black males. The aim of this essay is to

investigate the alternative or less dominant discourses regarding Afro-Caribbean fathers, through a

Cross-Cultural Family and Systemic Psychotherapy perspective. I will do this by reviewing

relevant literature and through my own story and experience of being a black male living in a

dominant western culture in the Netherlands.

Helena, Americo, Nazilda, Manoel, Dora, Armando, Marcia, Valdomiro, Sonia, Ailton, Ricardo,

Elias, Edson, Jailton, and Janemeire. These are my siblings. I am ‘the Benjamin of the family’.

My mother Judite and my father Americo raised 16 children. Skin colour plays a role in our family

history. Judite, my mom, is a white Brazilian woman and my father, Americo, who has passed

away, a dark-skinned Brazilian man. This means that some of my brothers and sisters are white,

while some of them are darker, like me. My mom once told me that my father married her because

he wanted to have white kids or of a lighter skin tone than himself. With some of them he

succeeded, with some not, like me. I have dark skin, curly hair, a broad nose, and thick lips. I

inherited many features from my African ancestors. This contradicts what my father wanted. For

this reason, our father-child relationship was not good. My father would joke that I was not his

son, but the boy of a black man with whom my mom had sex. I grew up hearing this story; it did

not make much sense, since I am the only son who physically looks like my father. This was very

painful for him and for me as well. This pain I still carry with me. My poor relationship with my

father had a great impact on my life and therefore I am always interested in themes regarding male

afro-descendants. Let us continue the family story regarding afro-descendant males in my family.

Most of my brothers and sisters have children. Some of them are still married, some of them are

divorced, two of them have died, and two of my brothers, Valdomiro and Jailton, meet the

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stereotype of the afro-descendent male: They have fathered children with various wives. Being a

‘Benjamin’ of such a huge family, I often witnessed the children of my brothers Jailton and

Valdomiro being dropped off at my mother’s house. After a period of time, my brothers would go

away in search of a new adventure. From time to time, they would return to give a little hug to

their children and go away again. Although just a quick gesture, it was one that meant a lot to their

children, but for some of them it was not enough.

Isabel, one of the children who were dropped off at my mom’s (who is now an adult with children

of different fathers), missed more than just a quick hug. Isabel still finds it difficult to talk about

her relationship with her father, my brother, without bursting into tears. When I talk with Isabel

about this painful father-child relationship, I see a lot of anguish which comes from the feeling of

being rejected. Isabel received the warmth and attention of my mother, her grandmother, my

sisters, and myself. It seems that this was not enough for her. Something was missing in her. It

seems that she missed the bond with her father.

Having children with different wives is not a situation unique to my family. In Alagoinhas, a small

city in the county of Bahia, North-east of Brazil where I come from, this occurs quite often and is

culturally accepted. In addition to this, having children with different wives is part of your afro

male identity, especially when you are teenager: having sex with different girls and leaving them

behind when they get pregnant. In Alagoinhas you will find a lot of ‘Isabels’. These behavior

patterns are deeply rooted in our history as black males. In order to understand the behavior of the

afro-descendant boys from Bahia, we need to take a step back in history to consider the family

structures of the nineteenth century and the Dutch and Western European slave trade of Africans

to South America and the Caribbean islands.

2.  A brief Dutch slave trade history

Due to the fact that Afro-Caribbean and Northern Brazilians share the same history of slavery and

common experiences of prejudice, discrimination, and marginalization, in this essay I chose to use

the general term ‘Afro-Caribbean males’ to describe the experiences of both these populations.

One cannot talk about slavery without referring to the history of The Netherlands and other

Western-European countries that were involved in slave trade. Whereas the era of the Dutch West

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India Company (known in The Netherlands as West-Indische Compagnie) is seen by many as a

golden age in Dutch history, I see it more as a dark time. The Netherlands and other Western

European countries, such as the United Kingdom, participated in slave trade in Brazil but also in

former Dutch colonies such as Suriname, a country in South America, and in the Netherlands

Antilles in the Caribbean. The latter, also known as the Dutch Caribbean, still partially belongs to

the Kingdom of the Netherlands. In her 2014 book ‘The absent father does not exist’ (‘Afwezige

vader bestaat niet’), the Dutch developmental sociologist Irene Zwaan makes a point that the

concept of fatherless families is deeply rooted in the history of slavery (Helberg, 2013).

3.  Family structures in the era of slavery

Slavery had its greatest impact on the family life of the Africans brought to South America and the

Caribbean. In the beginning, most of the slaves were males. As a result, the frequency of sexual

relations between black slaves and white female servants was fairly high. Recent findings reveal

that at any point in slave history, family life varied as a function of gender composition, region,

mode of production, the nature of the planter’s business interest, the size and location of the

master’s properties, and the slave holder’s commitment to family stability (Berlin, 1998;

Schwartz, 2000; Stevenson, 1996). In general, a slave master’s business decision created a variety

of slave marital and familial relationships and structures. Although individual families may not

have remained together for long periods of time, the institution of the family was an important

asset in the perilous era of slavery. During slavery, families were broken up by the sale of one of

their members; there was no legal marriage for slaves; the children of a slave mother were

automatically slaves; and the statutes or law regarding slavery were such that the mobility was

permitted (Patterson, 1982).

Ruggles (1994) has argued that black people are far more likely than white people to become

single parents and to reside in extended families. Social theorists such as DuBois and Elkins (as

cited in Ruggles, 1994) pointed out that slavery resulted in fragmentation, disorganization, and

instability for black families. Africans were bought and sold according to the slave market’s value

and suitability for a particular region and/or task. Slaves were often separated from other family

members because each slave was considered chattel, to be sold to the highest bidder. Life

expectancies were low and mortality was high (Franklin & Moss, 2000; Hines & Boyd-Franklin,

1996), since slave masters were only required to provide slaves with the bare essentials for their

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survival. Additional practices were put in place in an effort to destroy the traditional concepts of

family. Slaves could not marry legally – tribal ceremonies were not allowed which meant that no

child to a slave could be legally recognized as a family member. Mothers, fathers, and children

could be sold away from each other, disrupting any semblance of family security or stability

(Boyd-Franklin, 2003).

4.  Fathering within an Afro-Caribbean context

According to Roopnarine (2015), fathering is itself a major life change for Caribbean men,

requiring them to look beyond themselves and to reconcile the conflicting demands of “being

masculine” and “being responsible”. Among African-Caribbean males, fathering is not a smooth

developmental process, one in which boys are prepared to assume domestic nurturing roles, in the

way that their sisters are. Fatherhood is often early and unplanned, frequently occurring outside

co-residential unions, and generating economic demands that cannot be easily met. Because the

procreative need is quite distinct from the cultural mandate that men demonstrate virility and

dominance, and because fatherhood itself opens a door to a new conception of self, men may

easily find themselves struggling to balance their images of the person they are supposed to be.

The virtual absence of social support for young fathers helps shift the balance away from making a

successful transition to the father role.

Fathering can be seen as a lifecycle transition phase for any father. Becoming a father within an

Afro-Caribbean context might be even more complex. In Family and Systemic psychotherapies, a

transition is seen as a period of changes which have an impact on a person’s environment and the

system as a whole. In 2005, Carter and McGoldrick pointed out that to understand how individuals

evolve, we must examine their lives within the context of both their family and their larger cultural

contexts with their past and present properties, which change over time. Each system (individual,

family, and cultural) can be represented schematically (see Figure 1 below) along two time

dimensions: one which brings past and present issues to bear reciprocally on all other levels (the

‘intergenerational’ or ‘vertical axis’), and one which is developmental and unfolding from the

‘here and now’, the present moment (the ‘horizontal axis’). For the individuals, as for the family,

the vertical axis includes biological heritage and the intricate programming of behaviors with one's

given temperament, possible congenital disabilities and genetic makeup, but also patterns from

previous generations within the family. The horizontal axis relates to individuals’ and larger

systems’ emotional, cognitive, interpersonal, and physical development over the life span within a

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specific historical context. As mentioned above, Afro-Caribbean males are mostly young fathers

(Roopnarine, 2015). They are still exploring their identity in adolescence, which is a profoundly

difficult transition in their life. At the same time, they additionally need to cement their role as

fathers. On a vertical level, these Afro-Caribbean fathers encounter specific stressors such as

racism, poverty, and possibly domestic violence (Carter & McGoldrick, 2005).

Figure 1.

In the case of Afro-Caribbean males, the vertical axis conceived by Carter and McGoldrick could

include ‘prejudice’/ ‘racism’ as a stressor. Specifically, racism has its historical roots in the era of

slavery, and its effects (including internalized racism) are passed down from generation to

generation. In the Dutch media, Afro-Caribbean men are portrayed as males from a macho culture,

who abandon women with whom they have fathered children (Ten Hooven, 2001). As a ‘here and

now’ stressor, ‘prejudice’ is thus also a factor that can be located in the horizontal axis.

In 2016, Elsje Jorritsma wrote an article in the NRC Handelsblad, a right-wing Dutch newspaper

for the white Dutch upper class, portraying Afro-Caribbean males as thieves and criminals; the

author explained this as a result of the population group’s cultural background and claimed that

these males come from families with absent father figures. In 2014, the same paper claimed that

Afro-Caribbean males receive three times more financial support from the government than Dutch

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‘Europeans’, but are four times more likely not to finish high school and five times more likely to

have a criminal record (Kas, 2014). This portrayal of Afro-Caribbean males in the Dutch media

(i.e., not finishing high school, which could lead to unemployment) can be seen, according to

Carter and McGoldrick’s lifecycle, as a stress factor in the ‘here and now’, the present moment

(horizontal axis).

Carter and McGoldrick (2005) explain that when ‘vertical line’ factors (e.g., historical prejudice

against Afro-Caribbean males, history of slavery) are combined with ‘horizontal line’ factors (in

this case, high unemployment rates due to the dominant discourse regarding laziness or criminal

involvement), this could magnify the effects of stress on an individual’s life. The double transition

of adolescence and fatherhood may therefore lead to a lot of pressure on Afro-Caribbean males. A

third stress factor, according to Carter and McGoldrick, is migration.

5.   Impact of migration on fathering

Most of the Afro-Caribbean males in Holland have migrated from the Dutch Caribbean, either

alone or with their families. This means that they experience the direct or indirect stressors of

being a migrant or of being raised in a family system which has a history of migration. They come

from a former Dutch colony; from a Narrative Systemic Therapy perspective, their experience of

living in the dominant culture, where the prevailing narrative or discourse (such as the one

detailed above regarding criminality) is reiterated and strengthened while less dominant narratives

are oppressed, is bound to have a significant effect on their behavior (White & Epston, 1989). This

behavior can be analyzed in different stages of the migrant’s life.

The Dutch cultural anthropologist Van Bekkum (1996) compared migration to a ‘rite of passage’,

viewing it first and foremost as another lifecycle transition in the migrant’s life. Van Bekkum’s

conceptualization of migration as a rite of passage originates from the writings of the Dutch-

French anthropologist Van Gennep. According to Van Gennep (1960, p.40), a ‘rite de passage’ is a

symbolic transition which consists of three stages: separation, liminality, and incorporation (as

shown in Figure 2 below).

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Figure 2.

As mentioned above, most of the Afro-Caribbean males living in the Netherlands have either a

second-generation migration background or a personal migration history to Holland in search of a

better life. As also previously mentioned, Afro-Caribbean males often have children in

adolescence, a profoundly difficult stage in their life, with fatherhood being another important

transition in and of itself. On top of this, they experience the pressures of migration. According to

Van Bekkum, Van den Ende, Heeze, and Van den Bergh (1996), one could suggest that these males

are positioned in the liminality stage, which means they are ‘betwixt and between’ their own

culture and the Dutch values and standards. Moreover, Afro-Caribbean males find themselves in

two stages: from being single to becoming a father, from adolescence to adulthood, from being

autochthonous to being a foreigner. Taking all this into account, one could carefully conclude that

these males experience a complex triple transition.

Carter and McGoldrick (2005) argue that migration can have an impact on one’s lifecycle. We

could suggest that Afro-Caribbean males fluctuate between their original culture and the dominant

western European culture. This fluctuation can be stressful and might impact the shaping of their

role as a father. If Afro-Caribbean fathers are second-generation migrants, they carry additional

stress factors. In Family and Systemic psychotherapy, these have been termed ‘transgenerational’

or ‘intergenerational’ issues (Boszormenyi-Nagy & Spark, 1973).

Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy is a Hungarian psychiatrist who immigrated to the United States in 1948

and became the founder of Contextual Therapy. He developed the term ‘invisible loyalty’ to

describe the behavior of children who unconsciously take on the responsibility to aid their parents,

often to their own detriment (e.g., they become a failure in order to confirm their parents’ negative

expectations) (Goldenberg & Goldenberg, 2008). The Dutch-Surinamese Cross-Cultural Family

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and Systemic therapist Tjin A Djie points out in her book that second generation migrants are

loyal to their family and do not want to disappoint them, so they carry within themselves pain and

sadness (e.g., the pain of a migrant who is the target of prejudice), which in turn, according to

Boszormenyi-Nagy, is passed on from generation to generation. When working with such a client

base, Tjin A Djie advocates embedding them in their family systems and cultural background, in

order to fortify their coping capacities. Tjin A Djie believes that this helps create protective factors

for migrants (‘beschermjassen’, ‘protective wraps’). Furthermore, another transition which Afro-

Caribbean fathers face concerns the forming of their identity as males (i.e., their transition from

boy to man).

6.  Transition from boy to man within an Afro-Caribbean context

From early on in their childhood, Caribbean boys are taught the definitions of masculinity, and

they quickly absorb this training. Focus groups conducted in the Caribbean with different age

groups of children, structured to represent different social classes and community contexts, found

that between ages 8–9 and 10–11, boys quickly moved from a fairly egalitarian approach to

gender definitions and relations toward a more restricted male gender ideology, with an emphasis

on antagonism and competition in interpersonal relationships (Bailey, Branche, McGarrity, &

Stuart, 1998). It was observed that by age 10, boys had begun to realize that toughness, physical

strength, and sexual dominance were expected of them, and by age 14, youngsters were socialized

into an ideology in which boys and girls were expected to be treated differently, with men and

women performing different roles. The role of the man as economic provider was clearly

articulated, and even in a girlfriend–boyfriend relationship this expectation was encountered. The

authors noted that one of the greatest areas of bitterness expressed by children toward fathers

revolved around the non-performance of this economic role: “My father never try him best. My

mother play mother and father role” (Bailey et al., 1998, p. 43).

As boys became older, the sexual relationship became “adversarial, aggressive and predatory”; it

was observed that the entire socialization process conveyed a message to boys that “as they come

to manhood, sexual proactivity is a part of their fundamental identity” (Bailey et al. 1998, p. 57).

These attitudes, expressed by young persons, are congruent with the general body of research on

sexual attitudes and gender relations among Afro-Caribbean men, in which the definitions of

masculinity center heavily on dominance and virility and their contribution to men’s status

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(Chevannes, 1993; Whitehead, 1992; Wilson, 1973). That Caribbean men do feel strongly about

procreation was one of the major findings from a 1993 study of fathering initiated by the

Caribbean child development center at the University of West Indies, which sought to obtain a

deeper understanding of men’s roles in Afro-Caribbean families. This study will be discussed in

more detail below.

7.  Fathering among Afro-Caribbean families: a multi-layered problem

As explained above, becoming a father in an Afro-Caribbean family is a complex and multilayered transition process. The process of becoming a man coincides with the transition of becoming a father; and migration, in itself a major stress factor, is added to these. The pressures that minorities are subjected to within a dominant culture are mixed with the often contradictory demands of becoming a man and a father. An increased risk of poverty and discrimination can add another layer of complexity to the experience of Afro-Caribbean males. Though not a father myself, I share most of the issues that Afro-Caribbean men deal with, and I know from experience how perplexing and stressful these multi-faceted problems can be. The pain is not superficial but unfolds in increasingly complex layers, making it difficult to identify which aspects of the problem need to be tackled first. I therefore feel that Systemic and Family Psychotherapists should cautiously explore the clinical presentation of Afro-Caribbean fathers more in depth, so as to help them unearth existing issues and understand how the various layers of their difficulties are interconnected.

8.  Fathering among Afro-Caribbean families: A Cross-Cultural Systemic approach

One cannot write about fathering among Afro-Caribbean families without describing how families

are structured and organized across cultures.

Historically, there have been various (mostly western-oriented) approaches or waves of Family

and Systemic Psychotherapy. In order to gain a better understand of how Afro-Caribbean families

are organized, I will first briefly introduce the western systemic approaches. Subsequently, cross-

cultural approaches will be explained.

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7.1 The Social Constructionist approach

The social constructionist approach is based on the awareness that the reality the therapist

observes is invented, with perceptions being shaped by the therapist’s own culture and his/her

implicit assumptions and beliefs. If the narratives in which clients story their experience – or have

their experience storied by psychiatrists – do not fit these experiences, then significant aspects of

their lived experience will contradict the dominant narrative and be experienced as problematic

(White & Epston, 1989).

7.2 Narrative Therapies

Systemic narrative therapists attempt to help families generate and evolve new stories and ways of

interpreting events to make sense of their experiences. Family and therapist together co-evolve or

co-construct new ways of describing the individual and related family issues, so that they no

longer need to be viewed or experienced as problematic.

7.3 Cross-Cultural Systemic therapy

Cross-Cultural Systemic therapy is a wide term or concept. For this essay, I will be focusing more

on issues that Afro-Caribbean fathers will come across in their life. Some of these issues have

been already touched upon throughout this essay. In Cross-Cultural Systemic approaches, these

themes come together.

According to James and Hasting (1993), Cross-Cultural Systemic approaches devote themselves

to understanding the meaning of cultural diversity and advocating its usefulness when working

with individuals of distinct cultural, multicultural, racial-ethnic, and/or socio-economic

background. Moreover, the authors explain that (dominant) cultural forces can have an impact on

an individual’s life (in this example, Afro-Caribbean men might experience the forces of the

dominant discourse as a stressor while their fathering is being shaped). Taking into account the

above, the Cross-Cultural Systemic approach may be useful when working with Afro-Caribbean

men, as it transcends the dominant European theories and practices. The Cross-Cultural Systemic

viewpoint focuses on the power of individual cultural background and seeks to embed the

individual in his/her cultural wealth.

The French philosopher Michel Foucault has contributed immensely to Cross-Cultural Systemic

thinking as concerns power relations. From a Narrative Therapy perspective, Afro-Caribbean

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fathers living in Holland are exposed to a dominant culture which has the power to construct

narratives about them (e.g., to paint them as irresponsible and uninvolved fathers), thus potentially

impacting their fathering. Applying Foucault’s ideas (Foucault, 1983), one could also say that a

particular dominant discourse about these fathers, perpetuated as an objective ‘truth’ by the

dominant culture, helps maintain a society’s power structure and eliminates alternate accounts of

the same events (e.g., alternative ‘stories’ regarding fatherhood in Afro-Caribbean families).

Cross-Cultural Family and Systemic psychotherapists advocate helping people to resist culture’s

dominant discourse (White & Epston, 1989).

9.  Cross-Cultural Systemic techniques for Afro-Caribbean fathers

The Dutch-Surinamese Cross-Cultural Systemic psychotherapist Urmy Macnack (2015) suggests

that when children of Afro-Caribbean families present with (behavior) problems, these have

mostly to do with the (absent) father. Therefore, therapists have to endeavor to involve these

fathers in systemic therapy. The Dutch developmental sociologist Irene Zwaan pointed out in her

2014 book ‘The absent father does not exist’ (‘Afwezige vader bestaat niet’) that systemic

therapists need to be aware of societal problems (i.e., the marginalization and discrimination that

Afro-Caribbean fathers are often subjected to) which play a role in shaping fatherhood. Therefore,

therapists ought to work from a cross-cultural viewpoint instead of a western family therapy

perspective. Moreover, Zwaan advocates that, in order to promote change in fatherless families

through therapy, one needs to pay more attention to and have a deeper understanding of the power

that dominant and devaluing narratives have over these fathers.

How might a psychotherapist help Afro-Caribbean males from a Cross-Cultural Systemic

perspective? This could be done in various ways. In this part of the essay, I will focus mostly on

the power of dominant cultural forces and on how this power might impact or shape fathering.

In this case, Cross-Cultural Systemic approaches may help Afro-Caribbean males become aware

of how dominant narratives can affect their behavior, thinking, and feelings, and of how these, in

turn, can impact their relationship with their children. Subsequently, Cross-Cultural Systemic

therapy can strengthen the target population and help them become more positively involved in

their children’s care. According to the Fatherhood Institute (2013) in London, positively involved

fathers can be a hugely important resource for their children as well as for the mothers of their

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children. Furthermore, the cross-cultural viewpoint could help co-create with Afro-Caribbean

males the less dominant stories regarding fathering within their community (e.g., Afro-Caribbean

fathers seem to be warm, have a great sense of humor, are loving, and appear to be less detached

than western fathers). The chapter below presents studies which focus on the positive stories

regarding the father-child relationship within an Afro-Caribbean context, silent stories about Afro-

Caribbean fathers which need to be told. Furthermore, the results of these studies may be generally

useful for Cross-Cultural Systemic Therapy.

10.   Previous studies on the benefits of father-child relations

In 2012, Roopnarine researched Afro-Caribbean fathers’ involvement with their children.

According to the author, fatherhood occurs in diverse mating unions and Afro-Caribbean fathers

hold traditional beliefs about men’s roles that are steeped in hegemonic models of manhood.

Furthermore, family process variables (such as stable living arrangements, cohesion, warmth and

affection, and adaptability) appear more influential in determining developmental outcomes than

family structure.

Anderson and Daley (2015) conducted a study about fathering amongst Afro-Caribbeans. The

authors concluded that levels of paternal involvement in African Caribbean men range from being

helpers to being highly engaged fathers. In another study, Roopnarine, Wang, Krishnakumar, and

Davidson (2013) investigated the differences in levels of warmth expressed between mothers and

fathers. The authors concluded that, in most cases, mothers and fathers adopted the same parenting

style. In Leo-Rhynie and Brown’s 2013 study, Afro-Caribbean fathers used a combination of

warmth and control in guiding children’s behavior. Furthermore, they employed a good deal of

punitive control in child rearing.

Khaleque and Rohner (2012) maintain that in order to engage Afro-Caribbean males as fathers,

one must endeavor to tap onto what fathering means to them, a stance quite removed from

dominant perspectives. The authors explain that an examination of the cultural scripts of these

men is important. Moreover, internal working models about manhood and fatherhood and how

Afro-Caribbean boys were fathered may help to deconstruct traditional views of masculinity and

what men do in families. Khaleque and Rohner claim that Cross-Cultural Systemic therapists, for

example, could assist Afro-Caribbean men to move away from conceiving their primary role in

families as ‘breadwinners’, towards developing co-parenting models and embracing morally

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intelligible fathering. Finally, (Cross-Cultural) systemic therapists could use approaches in which

paternal sensitivity is emphasized (e.g., warmth and affection, holding, mutual engagement, verbal

stimulation, and child-centeredness) (Khaleque & Rohner, 2012).

11.   Conclusion From a Cross-Cultural Family and Systemic Psychotherapy perspective, one could conclude that

the dominant discourse can have a profound impact on the shaping of fatherhood for Afro-

Caribbean males. As has been discussed throughout this essay, fatherhood for Afro-Caribbean men

is a multi-layered transition with complex influences, such as intergenerational and societal

stressors, the pressures of the transition from boy to man, migration, poverty, unemployment, and

the influence of dominant narratives about black males in western countries such as the

Netherlands. Therefore, alternative or less dominant stories about being a father within an Afro-

Caribbean context need to be created and consolidated. In the literature review one can find some

of these stories depicting Afro-Caribbean males as warm, funny, sociable, and loving fathers (even

when they do not live with their children), very similar to the story of my brother, Jailton. He was

always away, but when he came to visit his son I could see the joy and mutual love between them.

Though dominant discourse devalues his fatherhood and could have borne an impact on it, it

seems like he had such an ‘innate’ warmth and love, that these feelings and behaviors were still

activated in his relationship with his son. Between these two, there was apparently no space for a

devaluating dominant discourse to seep in.

Cross-Cultural Systemic therapists are trained to look beyond the dominant discourse, to

deconstruct dominant narratives, and to embed and ‘wrap’ an individual in his/her larger system

and his/her cultural wealth. Therefore, their assistance in shaping a more positive sense of

fatherhood for Afro-Caribbean males could be instrumental. Cross-Cultural Systemic therapists

could also help Afro-Caribbean men envisage their parental role differently than what the

‘traditional’ view of masculinity dictates, extending it to practices such as co-parenting, and

developing a wider skillset of paternal sensitivity. In short, Cross-Cultural Systemic therapists can

contribute to the de-marginalization and de-pathologization of fathering among Afro-Caribbean

families.

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Back to my own relationship with my father: we were finally able to develop a normal father-son

relationship as I grew older, and particularly when I became a teenager. He gave me warmth and

love. He valued me as human being and recognized me as his son. This gesture was very

important to me during a difficult transition, adolescence. From him I learned some (cognitive)

skills which I later realized were important for me in becoming a man and eventually a father.

Because of him, I learned to be responsible, to have discipline, and the importance of finishing my

studies in order to climb higher up the social ladder. Indirectly, he was able to show me that love

and warmth which is so important in a partner relationship. It seems like my father unconsciously

wanted me to break some of the patterns he carried from previous generations and he succeeded in

this.

Since starting my Cross-Cultural Family and Systemic Therapy training, I have become even more

curious about my father’s life history and experience. When I interviewed my mother for a

genogram, she told me that my father lost his parents early on in his life. He could not cope with

such stress, so he started drinking a lot. I cannot further explore what he went through in his life,

since he has now passed away, but I think that being an orphan in the Brazilian countryside may

have been very difficult for him. Like any other Afro male, my father might have been

marginalized, and he may have been bullied because of his skin colour or social class.

My way of thinking about my father has changed. When I look back at my fathers’ life history, I

have more positive feelings toward him. I am also aware of how social class, racism, prejudice,

and dominant discourses may have affected how fatherhood was shaped for him. For me, writing

this essay did not only involve the review of literature, but also the review of deep, unresolved, or

even ‘oppressed’ feelings that I have about my relationship with my father. Therefore, I dedicate

this essay to other fathers like him. I wish them strength and wisdom.

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REFERENCES

Anderson, P., & Daley, C. (2015). African-Caribbean fathers: The conflict between masculinity

and fathering. In J. L. Roopnarine (Ed.), Fathers across cultures: The importance, roles, and

diverse practices of dads (pp. 13-38). New York, NY: Praeger.

Bailey, W., Branche, C., McGarrity, G., & Stuart, S. (1998). Family and the quality of gender

relations in the Caribbean. Kingston, Jamaica: Institute of Social and Economic Research.

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