Fast Nein: The Fast and the Fuhrer

8/19/2019 Fast Nein: The Fast and the Fuhrer

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FAST NEIN: THE FAST & THE FÜHRER

Written by

Jordan VanDina

WWW.WEEKENDSCRIPTS.COM


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FADE IN:

TITLE CARD: Germany. 1895.

INT. CHILD’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

A SMALL BOY plays with a replica toy Volkswagen. He makesengine noises with his mouth and races the car around hisroom.

Arguing can be heard loudly in the hallway.

MAN (O.S.)I can’t deal with this anymore. I work every Goddamn day to putschnitzel on this table...

WOMAN (O.S.)

Who is she? Tell me her name.

The boy takes the car and runs it up his bed and makes itslowly crash into a toy helicopter that is in his other hand.

ALOUIS, 40’s, barges into the boy’s room holding a suitcase.

ALOUISAdolf... Son... stop playing withyour toys.

THE BOY is revealed to be ADOLF HITLER, age 6.

ADOLFYes, father?

ALOUISI’m leaving. I’m not coming backeither.

ADOLF HITLERWhat?

ALOUISLook, I met a Jewish lady at

Oktoberfest and she may not be thebest looking gal around and shenags a bit but she treats me right.

ADOLF HITLERWhat about our family?


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ALOUISFamily is bullshit, Adolf. Rememberthat. Family does not matter... Theonly thing that matters...

Alouis picks up Adolf’s toy car.

ALOUIS (CONT’D)A man’s car. It’s the only way toescape. If you have your car, youhave power. You have freedom.

Alouis grabs his suitcase and walks out. Adolf studies hisfather leaving. A rage builds in his eyes.

FAST NEIN: THE FAST & THE FÜHRER

EXT. RACETRACK - PRESENT DAY

Cars speed around a track. The Engines rumble with intense,intimidating, power.

DOM TORETTO, Vin Diesel, is behind the wheel. We are close onhis face. He studies the track. The curves; the pavement; heis one with his automobile.

Dom checks his rear view mirror, driving the car behind himis BILLY, a 9 year old child.

DOMLet’s dance, you chubby bitch.

We pull out to reveal Dom is racing at a bumper car track inan amusement park. He quickly swerves and cuts Billy off.

Dom is not doing well, he has a 5 O’Clock shadow and lookslike he may have gained 15-20 pounds pretty recently.

Billy looks nervous, he doesn’t want any trouble, hisforehead starts to sweat.

DOM (CONT’D)Not so tough now are you?

BILLYStop. I don’t know what I did butI’m sorry.

The child speeds up. So does Dom.

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BILLY (CONT’D)Help. Somebody please save me.

Dom stops his go-kart and watches Billy continue around thetrack which is separated in the middle by a body of water.

DOMOnly God can save you now, Billy.

Dom waits for the perfect second then presses a button on hisgo-kart steering wheel that activates a NOS tank.

Dom’s go-kart shoots off at full speed straight towards the water, it clears the bank totally and goes airborne...

BILLYNOOOO!!!!!!

Dom’s go-kart gets over the water and crashes directly into

Billy’s.

A crowd that was watching gasps in horror. Billy’s kart isflipped. Dom stands over him.

DOMNever fuck with my family.

EXT. FUN ZONE GO-KART & GAMES - LATER

Dom’s MANAGER, sits behind a desk and scolds Dom.

MANAGERDom, we gotta let you go. This isthe third incident this week.

DOMWhat I do?

MANAGERWell, aside from installing aNitrous Oxide system in a companygo-kart, you intentionally harasseda customer, cursed at a child and

crashed a Dodge Charger on hole 3of our mini-golf course. And, I wasn’t going to say anything but doyou have a gun on your ankle?

Dom puts his pant leg down to cover his gun and cracks asmile. This is classic Vin Diesel!

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DOMGuess you don’t give a shit aboutfamily.

MANAGERWhy do you keep accusing me of

that?

Dom throws a bunch of black and white surveillance photos onthe table. The photos show little Billy bumping another car.

DOMThat little shit was bumping mynephew Jack.

MANAGERIt’s bumper cars, Dom. They are meant to be bumped... Sorry, Ireally am, but I have to fire you.

DOMThat’s okay... Sometimes to live inthe heat, you gotta die in thefire.

The manager is very confused by what Dom just said.

MANAGEROkay?

INT. DOM’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Dom walks in his house. His nephew, JACK O’CONNER, runs upand hugs him.

DOMWhat’s up, little Jack? I got you atoy.

Dom hands Jack a used spark plug covered in oil. It’s sharpand probably fairly dangerous for a child to handle.

JACK

Thanks, uncle Dom!DOM

Run along. Later on I’ll tell youabout how I jumped a car out of aplane and didn’t have a scratch on me.

Jack runs off. MIA, Dom’s sister, walks in from the kitchen.

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MIA Dom, can we talk?

DOMI let my engine talk for me.

MIA Yeah well maybe you can use your mouth for this one...

Dom looks offended by that statement.

MIA (CONT’D)Did you cut the brakes on PrincipalAllen’s Buick today?

Dom cracks a Corona. Dom loves Corona, it makes him feel athome. Dom loves home.

DOMThat prick principal said Jackisn’t excelling at math.

MIA He isn’t. He is really struggling.He needs a tutor.

DOMEh, who cares. Street criminalsdon’t need math anyway.

MIA

I don’t want him to be a streetcriminal, Dom... Look, I knowyou’ve been trying to step in as afather since...

DOMSince what, Mia? Since Briandisappeared? A kid needs a father,Mia. Not just a mama, Mia.

Dom throws his beer bottle against the wall. He opens anotherone instantly.

MIA You’re not a father, Dom. You’rejust the drunk uncle...

Dom stares at the broken bottle against the wall. Mia’s wordsreally resonate, Dom pulses with rage and smashes his bottleon the ground. He grabs another one.

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INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER

Dom is in a pile of Coronas and his own filth watchingtelevision.

ANGLE ON TV:

Donald Trump is at a rally raising his arm a lot like Hitleras he addresses the crowd.

DONALD TRUMPAnd so I’m gonna build a wall, keepthose pesky Mexicans out, and also my dick is bigger than everyone inhere. Combined. Thank you. It’sGreat. My dick is great. Huge. It’sa fantastic rod. One of the bestever. My Penis has been very, verysuccessful.

ANGLE ON LIVING ROOM:

Dom changes the channel to the SPEED NETWORK as he nods off.

ANGLE ON TV:

The show is called “Cars Throughout History ” and is profilingHitler’s automobiles.

HOSTHitler had a number of expensivecars in his arsenal during World

War 2. Including a BMW R75 and afleet of expensive Mercedes. Butthe pride of his life was his supedup Volkswagen Kübelwagen... Here isa clip of Hitler racing it down aGerman side street.

EXT. GERMANY - 1941

ADOLF HITLER, speeds around in his Volkswagen laughing. Heruns down people on the sidewalk, cuts the wheel and totally

Tokyo drifts into a crowd of people.HITLER

You should look both ways beforeyou cross! Am I REICH?

As Hitler speeds through town he passes a number of postersthat have a man on them. The poster reads “THE PERFECT ARYANSOLDIER.”

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The image on all the posters are of a blonde haired, blueeyed, gentle-faced man. Infact... It looks like a lot likeBrian O’Conner, Paul Walker, from the other FAST movies.


Dom rubs his eyes awake and looks a little closer at thescreen.

DOMWhat the Hell?

Dom gets closer to the television. Studying the posters inWW2 Germany.

DOM (CONT’D)Is that Brian?... BRIAN?!

Dom picks up his beer bottle and smashes it into the TV. Mia

runs out.

MIA That’s it, Dom. You’re out of here.I’m sorry.

EXT. DOM’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Dom walks down the street. He looks jacked in the moonlight.Sort of like he got a pump in right before this take. Maybedid some pushups in the dressing room. Either way for 48years old Vin Diesel is in incredible shape.

A blacked-out Suburban pulls up behind Dom. The SUV parks andsomeone is heard getting out. Dom keeps walking.

MYSTERIOUS VOICEWe need to talk...

DOMI let my engine talk for me...

MYSTERIOUS VOICEYou do huh? Well this is an A-B

conversation, so C your way to myD.

DOMExcuse me?

The mystery man revs his engine. Dom doesn’t have a car so helooks around the street, the only thing around him is a SMARTCAR.

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Dom gets slightly nauseous at the idea of driving a Smart Carbut then shatters the window and jumps in. THE RACE IS ON!

INT. SMART CAR - CONTINUOUS

Dom looks around for the NOS button, this piece of shithippie car doesn’t even a Nitrous Oxide tank, what the fuck?

DOMIt ain’t that smart.

Dom laughs to himself. That was genuinely funny.

Dom sees the Suburban shoot past him. This Smart Car doesn’tstand a chance, Unless...

EXT. 711 - NIGHT

Dom flies the Smart Car that he just stole into a 711 parkinglot.

INT. 711 - CONTINUOUS

Dom is at the counter with 100 bottles of whip cream.

711 CLERKHaving an ice cream party?

DOM

Something like that.

Dom gives the 711 employee a coy smirk.

EXT. SMART CAR - NIGHT

Dom sets up the 100 cans of whip cream in the tail pipe ofthe Smart Car, these cans are stacked with Nitrous Oxide.

INT. SMART CAR - CONTINUOUS

As Dom sparks the engine the cans ignite and the nitrouspropels Dom a thousand miles an hour into the street, heinstantly catches up with the Suburban.

EXT. STREETS - CONTINUOUS

Dom and the Suburban are toe to toe, whip cream shoots fromthe smart car.

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DOMWarning, roads may be slippery...and sweet!

Dom laughs so fucking hard at his own joke that he losescontrol of the wheel.

The Smart Car skids out on the whip cream and shoots into anembankment, slamming into a tree.

The mystery man grabs Dom’s body and carries it into theSuburban.

INT. DIPLOMATIC SECURITY SERVICE OFFICE - NIGHT

Dom is propped up in a chair. He starts to wake up.

DOM

Where the Hell am I?

Dom sits at a table across from the mystery man, AKA, HOBBS,Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, the greatest international crime-stopper the world has ever known. His arms slathered in babyoil shimmer even in the dimly lit offices of the DSS.

Seriously, I don’t want to go on and on about how much babyoil is on Hobbs’ arms but Jesus Christ, you could wring thosebiceps out like a towel and fill a baby pool with all the moisture dripping off.

HOBBS

See you still got your temper. Youare one angry sumbitch... Good tosee you.

Hobbs and Dom hug. Man, getting to see The Rock and VinDiesel together, two TITANS of the muscular actor world.Incredible. You literally see the ground shake when they hug;crew members on set will legit get scared when it happens.

DOMWhat am I doing here, Hobbs? Didyou track that psychopath I gave

you the name of last month?Hobbs checks his computer and a picture of a child pops up.

HOBBSMatty Higgins, 7 years old, scaredof fireworks and the dark. Addictedto gummy worms. Biggest offense,putting silly putty in SallyMayfield’s hair.

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DOMI want him dead.

HOBBSDom, you can’t kill a child forstealing your nephew’s lunch money

one time.

Dom puts his hand on his gun.

DOMI’ve killed for less.

HOBBSWe found him, Dom...

Hobbs brings up a picture of Brian O’Conner, Paul Walker, onthe flat screen monitor.

DOMDon’t mess with me.

HOBBSBrian O’Conner is alive.

DOMWhere is he?

HOBBSIt’s not where, Dom. It’s when.

INT. DSS TOP SECRET SPECIAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS

The computer screens show Germany in the 1940s. Hitler is inpower. Posters of Brian O’Conner are all around the city.

HOBBSAbout 24 months ago we came acrossa time travel technology. My firstinclination was to time travel backto our first fight so I could kickyour pansy ass again...

Hobbs and Dom both run towards each other and hold theirfists to each other faces. They have so much fuckingtestosterone running through their veins, it’s sick. But atthe end of the day, they’re family...

DOMYou couldn’t kick my ass if my ass was the size of a building and youhad 300 feet.

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HOBBSKeep dreaming. Naturally we wantedto use this time travel technologyto go back and avert disastersthroughout history.

DOMI follow.

HOBBSWe recruited O’Conner to go back intime and kill Hitler. Blonde hair.Blue eyes. He was the perfect Aryandecoy. But something went wrong. He went too deep undercover. We lostcontact.

Dom looks disgusted.

DOMWhy don’t I just go back in timeand grab him. Where’s the time machine now?

Hobbs is clearly distressed.

HOBBSThe sumbitch who sent that sumbitchback in time disappeared. Went onsome rant about effecting the space-time continuum. Some true nerdshit. If I saw him now I’d dunk his

head in the Goddamn toilet noquestions asked.

DOMAll I need is a name...

HOBBSAll I need is a perfect 10 modeland a fully raw bleedin’ steak but we can’t have everything we wantnow can we?

DOMVery good Hobbs. I’ll be laughingabout that one on the 140 MPH ridehome.

HOBBSThe time traveler is a doctor.Doctor Emmett Brown... Doc Brownfor short. He’s a little eccentric,but he’s our guy. Any questions?

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DOMYeah... What am I driving?

EXT. DOC BROWN’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Dom pulls up to a mansion in a slick American muscle car. V-12 engine, probably gets 4 miles to the gallon, it’s so damnbadass.

As Dom is about to park, a DeLorean peels out of the garageand into the street.

DOMOh... You want a race? A race I cando.

Dom steps on the gas and tails the DeLorean. The Deloreanisn’t going fast at all.

DOM (CONT’D)You’re gonna have to go a whole lotfaster than 88 if you want to beat me, old man.

As Dom is about to bump the back of the DeLorean itdisappears in a bolt of light.

DOM (CONT’D)What the...?

EXT. SIDE STREET - NIGHT

Dom studies the street where the DeLorean disappeared. Hegets on his phone and calls Hobbs.

DOMThe car just vanished into thinair.

HOBBSYep, that sounds like the sumbitch we are looking for.

DOMWhat do I do now?

HOBBSWait by his house, he’ll come back.He always does...

Dom waits a beat.

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DOMHobbs...

HOBBSYes?

DOMAre you pumping right now?

HOBBSYeah, working a little tricepbefore bed.

Dom smiles. He knows Hobbs.

DOMDon’t squeeze so hard on thenegative reps...

HOBBSYou can tell all that just bylistening over the phone?

DOMYou’re Goddamn right I can.

INT. DOC BROWN’S GARAGE - LATER

DOC BROWN, from Back to the Future, pulls into his garageslowly.

Doc Brown gets out of the car with a carton of popcorn andall sorts of SWAG from Super Bowl IV. A shirt, a hat; clearlyhe went back in time to watch an old Super Bowl.

A GUN COCK is heard. Doc Brown puts his hands up.

DOC BROWNGreat Scott!

DOMThe names Dom...

DOC BROWNDominic Toretto. I knew you’d becoming for me in time...

DOMSpeaking of time. I gotta go back.Heard you were my man.

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DOC BROWNNo. I refuse to meddle with historyany longer. I’ve done enoughdamage. I’m sorry, but your friendis gone.

Dom puts his gun away.

DOMHe’s not my friend... He’s myfamily.

Doc Brown slowly turns around.

DOC BROWNDo you realize if you go back toget your friend and you even rufflea tree the wrong way that it couldcause dire consequences.

DOMThat’s a risk I’m willing to take.

DOC BROWNIt could lead to Hitler winningWorld War 2 and bringingunfathomable chaos onto the world.

DOMIf it gets Brian back, none of that matters... You gotta understandsomething doc... Family is like the

ocean, it goes far and deep but ifit’s lost then so are we...

Every bro in the audience was just like I’m so glad mygirlfriend didn’t wanna see this shit because I am actuallytearing up right now. I’m a pretty privileged dude so Ihaven’t really cried since I was a kid so this is a truesurprise for me. Didn’t even know I had this sort of emotionin me to be honest.

Doc Brown’s eyes start to well up with tears.

DOC BROWNAlright. I’ll help you. I’ll takeyou back.

DOMGood. But first we need to add theToretto touch to this beast.

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INT. TEJ’S CAR SHOP - DAY

TEJ who is played by Ludacris so let’s be honest we might as well just call him Ludacris and Tyrese stand around the shopdoing some really fun goofy banter.

LUDACRISYour forehead so big, it’s like afive-head. Or maybe even a six-head! Don’t make me say seven-head!

TYRESEYeah well in the original Fast movie Ja Rule had your part so I would calm the Hell down with yourcocky attitude!

LUDACRISWhat?

This banter goes on all day. You should see the outtakes, I mean it’s hours and hours of Goddamn zingers. Tyrese does alegit Borat impression, I’m not kidding.

Dom walks in holding a case of Coronas.

DOMYou guys got time for family?

Ludacris and Tyrese run up and hug Dom.

DOC BROWN

(to himself)Jeeze, this guy fuckin lovesfamily, huh?

DOMThis is my friend Doc Brown, hebuilt a time machine that we aregoing to use to go back to NaziGermany to save O’Conner and killHitler.

LUDACRIS

Word.TYRESE

True.

Ludacris and Tyrese have heard it all at this point, theyaren't even phased by that statement.

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DOMBut first, we need to make this cara little more appealing to the eye.

LUDACRISCall me XZIBIT, cause I’m gonna

PIMP THIS RIDE .

These guys have such natural chemistry it’s insane. Such athrill working with raw talent.

INT. CARPORT - LATER

Ludacris gives a tour of the revamped DeLorean which now hasflame decals on the outside.

LUDACRISAs you can see this thing is

fucking dope as all Hell. Doc Brownyou are about to get MAD PUSSY!

DOC BROWNGross, I’m almost 80.

Ludacris and Tyrese high five.

LUDACRISNow I ripped out them old ass seatsand put in full massage chairs,added a mini-fridge to put somebeers in for when you want to drink

and drive and time travel and mostimportantly, I took out that stupidelectric thing in the dash andadded a fucking flat screen! 1080pBitch!

DOC BROWNWhat?!

LUDACRISScarface on Blu-Ray while youdrive, homie. The special features

are bomb!DOC BROWN

You ripped out the Flux Capacitoryou moron!

LUDACRISNo need for name calling, bro. Ijust did you a huge favor. Checkout the woofer!

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Luda presses a button and BIGGIE starts blasting from thesubwoofer.

BIGGIE“Salt-N-Peppa, Heavy-D up in thelimousine...”

DOC BROWNHeavy. There’s that word again...

EXT. STREETS - DAY

Doc Brown, Dom, Tyrese and Ludacris are stuffed in theDeLorean.

DOMThis thing is fully outfitted withNOS so it’s gonna go a whole Hell

of a lot faster than 88. But backup cause we are gonna need moreroad.

DOC BROWNRoads? Where we’re going, we don’tneed roads.

DOMWell we better need some roadscause this is a franchise aboutdriving and we got 2 more films toshoot.

DOC BROWNRight. Where to first?

DOMLet’s see what this thing can do...

TIME TRAVEL MONTAGE BEGINS

- The year on the time gauge reads 2 million B.C.

They land in the jungle. They all look around and it seems

pretty normal. Then they start to hear a RUMBLE... RUMBLE...RUMBLE... A T-Rex comes sprinting out towards the car.

The DeLorean races through trees and brush while the T-Rexfollows closely behind them.

LUDACRISLet’s get the Hell out of here! Butfirst, lemme take a selfie!

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The gang takes a four way selfie with a T-REX in theprehistoric era.

TYRESEEat your heart out Ellen. Screwthat Oscar selfie. We going

Jurassic in this bitch! Hundredthousand likes minimum.

LUDACRISThis selfie was 65 million years inthe making!

The gang sets the year on the DeLorean and speeds off.

- The year on the time gauge reads 30 A.D.

The gang sit at the table of the Last Supper. Jesus grabs thefirst piece of food.

DOMYou grabbed first food... You know what that means. You gotta sayGrace.

JESUSCome on really?

Tyrese looks at all the food on the table and does a mentalcalculation.

TYRESE

Ugh, can we get separate checks?!

The table loses their shit laughing!

- The year on the time gauge reads 1994.

The DeLorean is racing OJ’s White Bronco down the highway.

TYRESE (CONT’D)Pull over! You’re gonna be fine. Weare from the future, they will findyou not guilty, Juice!

O.J.Really?! You gotta be fuckingkidding me!

O.J. slows to a halt and surrenders without a fight.


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The DeLorean pulls up to a movie theater with a giant lineoutside of it. The marquee reads “The Sixth Sense.”

TYRESEBruce Willis is dead the wholetime!!!!

CROWD MEMBER #1What the fuck?! NOOO!?!

CROWD MEMBER #2Why did you just do that to us?Why?!


Dom in the DeLorean races alongside Dom in his Charger atRace Wars from the first “Fast and Furious” film.

They nod at each other and each trade important driving/life metaphors with one another.

DOM FROM THE FUTUREIf you want to play in the desert,you gotta work in the sand.

DOM FROM THE PASTIf you speed through life youeither miss what’s important or pay more attention to what really matters...

The two Doms smile at each other.

END TRAVEL MONTAGE

EXT. TEJ’S CAR SHOP - NIGHT

DOMNot bad. We just need to make one more stop... Tell me this thing candrift...

EXT. STREETS OF TOKYO - NIGHT

The time gauge on the DeLorean reads 2013. We are right backin the scene from “Tokyo Drift” where Han dies.

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Let me just say “Tokyo Drift” is pretty damn good, I meansure it doesn’t have the star power and has a 38 year oldgrown man playing a 17 year old high school student, but I mean pound for pound, dick-pumping, car-driving, adrenalinerush, it’s right up there with all the other movies. Don’tfight me on this please.

HAN lays on the ground after his car has crashed. JASONSTATHAM is walking towards him pointing a gun. The DeLoreanpulls up and grabs Han in.

Statham looks really confused.

JASON STATHAMEh, fuck it, maybe I’ll do anotherCRANK movie.

INT. TEJ’S CAR SHOP - NIGHT

Doc Brown, Dom, Han, Ludacris and Tyrese sit around the shop.

DOC BROWNNot a bad looking team you’ve gothere.

DOMWe’re more than a team, we’re...

WOMAN (O.S.)Family...

Dom looks up enraged like “who the fuck just finished mysentence?”

LETTY, Michelle Rodriguez, walks in with Hobbs. She runs upand hugs Dom.

LETTYRide or die remember? Think I’d miss a chance to time travel?

DOMI’d like to time travel to the

first time I saw that ass and re-live that moment over and over.

LETTYStill got the charm.

Letty and Dom stare into each others eyes for a pretty longtime. The rest of the team is fairly uncomfortable.

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HOBBSAlright, yall sumbitches, now thatyou’ve taken a tour of space andtime, let’s go over the groundrules.

As Hobbs is talking he is covering his arms in baby oil. Theyare shining like the fire of a thousand suns.

HOBBS (CONT’D)Now, everyone knows to end anightmare you gotta shoot yourdemons.

TYRESEWhat?

HOBBSYou want to find a skunk you gotta

live in the stink.

DOMHobbs, what are you talking about man?

HOBBSI’m talking about time travel. Wehave 2 missions, capture BrianO’Conner and bring him back...

DOMAnd?

HOBBSAnd murder Adolf fucking Hitler.

INT. ADOLF HITLER’S BATHROOM - MORNING

Adolf Hitler’s face has shaving cream all over it. He hasalready shaved his beard and the left side of his mustache.

He practices a speech in the mirror.

HITLER(to himself)“I am Hitler. Supreme leader andreally angry dude”... God thatsounds so stupid. Get it togetherHitler.

Hitler continues to shave the right side of his mustache.

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HITLER (CONT’D)“I am Hitler, a total jerk”... No.COME ON HITLER. You are Hitler. Youcan make a speech. This is what youdo!

Just as Hitler is about to shave the center of his mustachethe door to the bathroom flies open.

Hitler who is totally naked drops the razor and quicklycovers his micro-penis.

HITLER (CONT’D)NEIN!!!!!

EVA BRAUN, Hitler’s wife, barges in. EVA is SMOKING HOT, I’mtalking the face of Eva Mendez, the body of Eva Longoria andthe sass & attitude of EVE the rapper.

EVA BRAUNWhat is taking you so long?

HITLEREVA, I’ll be out in a minute, I amdoing supreme leader things.PLEASE.

EVA BRAUNRIGHT NOW ADOLF.

Hitler walks out shamed, the center of his mustache stillremains. This is the first time he is trying out this look.

He doesn’t really mind it.

HITLERYou don’t have to be so mean allthe time do you know that?

INT. ADOLF HITLER’S OFFICE QUARTERS - CONTINUOUS

Nazi regale and Swastikas line Hitler’s home and office. Onhis desk is also the toy Volkswagen he had as a child.

We see Brian O’Conner for the first time. He looks the samephysically but sort of out of it, doesn’t have the spark thathe once had.

BRIAN O’CONNERHere is today’s speech. You go onin five minutes.

HITLERThank you.

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Brian starts to walk out.

HITLER (CONT’D)Excuse me...

BRIAN O’CONNER

Yes?

HITLERDo you think this middle mustachelooks stupid?

BRIAN O’CONNERLooks great, mein Führer.

HITLERThank you.

EXT. HITLER RALLY - DAY

A crowd of thousands of men, women and children waitpatiently for this little man to come to the microphone. Theycheer and buzz with excitement.

Adolf Hitler approaches the podium. There is an audiblerecord scratch when the crowd sees that mustache. Whispersstart and everyone is talking to each other about how stupidit looks.

HITLERHEY. HEY GUYS. IT’S COOL. It’s the

new thing all the celebs are doing.SHUT UP.

The crowd starts to laugh.

HITLER (CONT’D)SHUT THE FUCK UP. I am AdolfHitler. Supreme leader and supremejerk! You will treat me as such...

Hitler’s face gets bright red. He is being shamed by his ownpeple.

HITLER (CONT’D)(to himself)

Oh no I am losing the crowd.Dammit.

The crowd hushes.

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HITLER (CONT’D)Now. I want to tell you about animportant event coming up. One Ihold every year for anyone willingto challenge me.

A plane flies by holding a painted sign that says “THE 1941ANAL MASTER RACE”

HITLER (CONT’D)I painted that. Pretty good right?

CROWD MEMBERYou spelled Annual wrong. It saysanal.

HITLERWHAT?!

Hitler looks at the sign.

HITLER (CONT’D)Kill that man!

A sniper shoots the crowd member in the head.

HITLER (CONT’D)Moving on... As you know the mostimportant thing in a man’s life ishis car. Which is why I am holdingTHE MASTER RACE.

The crowd goes wild.

HITLER (CONT’D)For those of you who are new here,I will race around Germany, at thefinish line will be the accesscodes to every nuclear weapon inthe country. If someone dares tochallenge me and beat me, they arethe new supreme leader. NOW... WHOWANTS TO RACE ME?

There is a hush in the crowd. Just the idea of speaking up isa death sentence.

HITLER (CONT’D)Come on. Anyone? There has yet tobe a single challenger in all theyears I’ve been doing this.

People stare forward not making a sound.

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HITLER (CONT’D)Well, guess I’ll just drive around myself again while everyone watches me, thanks for...

MAN (O.S.)

I’ll race you.

The crowd GASPS. Hitler’s face turns to an angry scowl.

HITLERWho said this? Show yourself.

Dom unveils himself in the crowd.

HITLER (CONT’D)You want to challenge the Führer?Clearly you don’t cherish yourlife.

DOMI live my life a quarter mile at atime, Adolf Hitler.

HITLERWell I’m not certain I know whatthat means but consider yourchallenge accepted. 2 days from now we will compete in THE MASTER RACE.

Hitler turns to his head of security, HOSEN, and pulls himclose.

HITLER (CONT’D)That man doesn’t leave this rallyalive.

HOSENUnderstood, mein Führer.

Dom looks around, he sees a team of Nazis gripping their weapons. They start to run towards him.

Dom backs out of the crowd and starts to sprint away from the

rally.** THIS NEXT ACTION SEQUENCE IS SPONSORED ENTIRELY BYVOLKSWAGEN™**

Hosen jumps into his brand new, insanely affordable,Volkswagen™.

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HOSEN (CONT’D)This thing is so spacious, honestlysurprising considering how sportyit looks on the outside.

Hosen pushes hard on the gas.

HOSEN (CONT’D)The pick up is crazy. I bet thisthing will drive a lot like thenewly re-imagined Passat™ whichgets nearly 28 MPG on highway.

Dom jumps in another Volkswagen™ and takes off.

DOMWow. These really are finely tuned machines. And trust me, I’m a carpro. So I know what a good car

is...

Dom starts mowing down Nazis. The bodies of Nazis shatteracross the windshield.

DOM (CONT’D)Incredible durability.

Dom picks up his cell-phone.

DOM (CONT’D)Give me something here guys, I needyou to hack.

INT. FAST TEAM HIDEOUT - DAY

Ludacris is hacking on his computer. It looks verycomplicated and difficult. How did he learn how to do this?

Wasn’t his character a common street hustler? Did he studythis in his off hours? Wouldn’t the other guys have beenlike, “Shit, when did you learn coding and stuff?” Ah well,fuck it.

LUDACRISI’m hacking into their mainframe.

EXT. GERMAN STREETS - DAY

Dom stays on the phone with Ludacris.

DOMWhat mainframe it’s 1941?

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LUDACRISI know exactly what you mean!

DOMWhat?

LUDACRISGO LEFT!

Dom swerves down a tight alleyway.

DOMLater, Hosen....

Hosen points his gun out the window and shoots at Dom’s backtires.

The car skids out. (A Volkswagen™ normally would never dothis even under extreme circumstances like gun fire, but this

is a movie after all.)

DOM (CONT’D)When you’re born in the streets,you have no choice but to gohome...

Dom takes a Corona bottle from his pocket and sticks it ontop of the gas pedal so the car can keep driving. He leavesthe driver’s seat and sneaks out the passenger window.

He Spider-Mans his way out of his own car and sneaks onto theside of Hosen’s car.

DOM (CONT’D)Hasta La Vista you German prick.

Dom points his gun at Hosen’s head. Hosen swerves hard butDom holds on. Dom punches Hosen in the face.

Hosen’s blood shoots all over the Volkswagen’s™ upgradedVienna leather™ seats.

HOSENThis affordable leather came with

the sport package you fucking monster.

Hosen grabs Dom by the neck. Dom reaches for his gun and...

Dom shoots Hosen at point blank range. The blood and violenceis intense but it’s coming from an honest place so we cankeep the film PG-13.

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INT. FAST CREW HIDEOUT - CONTINUOUS

LUDACRISOH SHIT!

TYRESE

I did NAZI that coming!

Ludacris and Tyrese really laugh at that one.

LUDACRISYou crazy man!

TYRESEYou’re my best friend.

EXT. STREETS OF GERMANY - DAY

Dom walks into a crowded street covered in Hosen’s blood.Letty pulls up and gets out of her car.

LETTYDom. You’re okay...

DOMA man is only as good as his ‘72Hemi engine.

LETTYYes. I totally agree.

Dom looks at a local bar and sees Brian O’Conner walk intoit.

DOMBrian? BRIAN?!

Dom runs through the crowd looking for Brian. He is stoppedby the large crowds, he can’t get to Brian.

DOM (CONT’D)Brian?! Where did you go?

Letty catches up with him.DOM (CONT’D)

It was him. I saw him, Letty.

LETTYMaybe you are just concussed fromthe years of head-on collisions.

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DOMA man is only as good as his ‘72Hemi engine.

LETTYWell you do seem normal. You say

that all the time. If you do have aconcussion maybe you should justsleep it off.

DOMYou’re right. You’re the best.

LETTYLet’s go back to our hideout in our0% down APR, 4 door, Sirius/XMcapable, Jetta™!”

DOM

Sounds great.

Dom gives one final look around for Brian. He doesn’t seehim.

** END VOLKSWAGEN SPONSORSHIP **

EXT. NAZI BAR - NIGHT

Hobbs pulls down a propaganda poster of “The Perfect Aryan” which is a spitting image of Brian. He brings the poster intoa bar.

INT. NAZI BAR - NIGHT

Hobbs holds the poster up.

HOBBSAlright ladies, I’ll be fast, I’mLooking for this guy.

A group of hardcore Nazis look up and don’t like the wayHobbs is speaking to them.

NAZI BARTENDERYou better get the Hell out of hereAmerican.

HOBBSYou sumbitches want to make me? You mess with the bullshit you get thehorns covered in corns.

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NAZI BARTENDERExcuse me?

The bartender looks very confused by that statement, he takesout a gun and points it at Hobbs.

NAZI BARTENDER (CONT’D)You are about to see my FinalSolution.

HOBBSBiggest mistake of your life.

Hobbs pulls out a Tank sized machine gun and starts firing itaround the bar. The Nazis start shooting as well.

Bullets bounce off Hobbs by the dozen. Honestly when you havethe health discipline and the drive (no pun intended) ofDwayne Johnson, you can’t be killed. Bullets only make you

stronger.

HOBBS (CONT’D)After I kill all you Nazis. I’mgonna eat a bratwurst with all ofyour wives.

The Nazis run towards him.

MAN’S VOICEStop.

Brian O’Conner walks out from behind the group.

HOBBSBrian. We came back to rescue you.

Brian stares at Hobbs for a second. He goes to embrace for ahug...

When Brian is close he pulls out a shotgun and shoots Hobbsin the chest. His body flies back through the window and ontothe street. A bus hits his body and throws him through theair onto the pavement.

EXT. NAZI BAR - NIGHT

Hobbs hits the ground hard. He doesn’t die though. The Rockcannot die. Seriously it’s in his contract.

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INT. FAST TEAM HIDEOUT - NIGHT

Dom drinks a Corona while Han maps out the route of TheMaster Race on his laptop.

HAN

The race goes through theBrandenburg Gate, up throughAuschwitz...

TYRESEAuschwitz? AWWW SHIIIITZ.

Dom gets up. He looks distressed. Letty follows him in thebedroom.

LETTYYou okay?

DOMI don’t like this Hitler guy onebit. Something’s off about him.

LETTYYou can beat him.

DOMHe’s gonna play dirty. And when youdrive through the mud, your wheelsstart to spin...

Letty looks at Dom like poetry is pouring non-stop from his

mouth.

Han’s cell phone rings.

HANHello?... Oh shit. It’s Hobbs. Heneeds us.

INT. HITLER’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Hitler is in what looks like Spanx as he brushes his teeth.

Eva Braun is in bed.HITLER

He’s going to challenge me?! ME?!Didn’t he read Mein Kempf? I had ahard life.

EVA BRAUNYes Hitler. We know all about YOURstruggle.

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HITLERI should be a famous painter. I ama painter at heart.

Hitler points to a painting he did on the wall which is just2 stick figures holding balloons.

EVA BRAUNYes, Hitler. You are a very goodpainter.

HITLERDamn right I am. I am also a greatleader... We will have sex tonight.

Eva rolls her eyes.

EVA BRAUNOkay, Hitler. We can try again.

Hitler slowly takes down his Spanx. There is absolutelynothing that resembles a penis there. I mean not even aninch. It’s basically a little hole he can dribble pee from.

He has shaven a little Hitler mustache in his pubic region.

He lays ontop of Eva and neither of them move.

One second... Two seconds...

HITLERDid you finish?

EVA BRAUNYes, I came.

HITLERVery good.

Eva pushes Hitler off of her.

EVA BRAUNYou want to try something a littledifferent tonight?

HITLEROkay...

Eva flips Hitler on his stomach and slowly starts to reachher fingers towards his butt.

HITLER (CONT’D)Umm....

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EVA BRAUNShhhh. Go with it.

HITLERI don’t think I like... NEIN!!!!!

Eva has many fingers in Hitler’s tush.

HITLER (CONT’D)NEIN MEANS NEIN! NEIN MEANSNEIN!!!!!!

EXT. HITLER’S HOUSE - NIGHT

The echo of Hitler being fingered in the ass reverberatesthrough all of Germany.

INT. GERMAN HOSPITAL - NIGHT

Hobbs is once again laid up in the hospital. This time in afull body cast. There is a little hole for his mouth. Histattoos have been re-drawn over the white cast, so you stillknow he’s bad ass.

HOBBSIt was O’Conner.

DOMWhat are you talking about?

HOBBSYou sumbitch. I’m talking aboutBrian O’Conner shooting me at pointblank range.

DOMThat’s impossible.

HOBBSYeah well, you can’t spellimpossible without possible.

DOMThat is true. But I don’t believeit.

HOBBSWell believe this. If I ever seeBrian O’Conner again, I am going to murder him.

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DOMYou must be mistaken. Brian wouldn't do that. Maybe theybrainwashed him or something.

A HOT ASS GERMAN NURSE walks into the hospital room.

HOT ASS GERMAN NURSETime for your sponge bath Hobbs.

Even though Hobbs is in a full body-cast you still get thefeeling that he is going to have intercourse with this hotass German nurse.

INT. DOM TORETTO’S CAR - NIGHT

Dom drives down the quiet German streets. Driving helps himclear his mind.

Dom pulls up to a stop light and a car pulls up next to him.Dom looks to his left. It’s Brian O’Conner.

DOMI knew it.

Dom smiles and revs his engine. Brian remains stone-faced; herevs his engine as well.

DOM (CONT’D)Let’s see if you still got it.

The Cars LAUNCH at full speed. 80...90...110 MPH. Wow thesespeeds are sick!! I can’t believe how Fast and Furious thesedudes can drive.

DOM (CONT’D)Easy now Brian, you got two kids athome. And a wife.

Brian goes faster and faster. Some would almost says he’sgoing a little 2 fast and a little 2 furious.

Dom and Brian look at each other while they drive, they don’t

bother looking at the road. They don’t need to.Two amazing racers locking eyes, feeling the road, lettingtheir engines guide them.

They stare at each other for the better part of 15 minutes while they drive at speeds exceeding 110.

This is what this franchise is all about, superior drivingand superior friendship.

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DOM (CONT’D)Ready to go home?

Brian pulls out a gun and points it at Dom as they drive.

DOM (CONT’D)

What the???? Brian what are youdoing?

Dom goes to swerve right and ANOTHER Brian O’Conner cuts himoff at the intersection.

DOM (CONT’D)2 Brians?.... I’ve heard of Twinturbos but this is ridiculous.

ANOTHER Brian O’Conner speeds head-on to Dom.

The three Brian’s trap Dom in an alley, they all drive at him

full speed. Dom is t-boned from both sides and hit with ahead-on collision.

By all means this accident should kill a human being fiftytimes over but...


Dom pulls in, his car only has a slight scratch on it. Thescratch on his head is even smaller.

DOM

We got a problem.

LETTYDom, what happened to your head?

DOMI found Brian.

The team gasps.

DOM (CONT’D)Actually... I found three of ‘em.

TYRESEYou’re not making any sense man.Maybe you have a concussion. Youshould get some rest.

Dom cracks a Corona.

DOMI know what I saw.

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Ludacris is at the computer hacking something. Seriously, notone person thinks to question how he knows how to write codebetter than any of the world’s greatest hackers?

LUDACRISClones.

TYRESEClones? Were you in a car accidenttoo?

LUDACRISI hacked into Hitler’s SocialistMedia accounts and found his plans.They are cloning Brian as theultimate Aryan. That’s why he is onthe posters. Pretty soon ALL ofGermany will be filled with Brians.

DOMThat’s one big-ass family to takecare of... So where’s the realBrian?

LUDACRISHe’s being held hostage in Hitler’sprivate quarters.

INT. HITLER’S PRISON BASEMENT - NIGHT

The REAL Brian O’Conner sits behind a cell by himself.

Eva Braun brings him a tuna sandwich.

BRIAN O’CONNERThanks.

EVA BRAUNNo problem.

Eva walks away slowly.

BRIAN O’CONNER

You don’t have to stay with him youknow.

EVA BRAUNOh yeah? You gonna take me awayfrom all this?

BRIAN O’CONNERI could. I’m from the future.

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Eva comes back and sits closely to Brian’s cell.

EVA BRAUNWhat’s so good about the future?

BRIAN O’CONNER

Well for starters, there’s this movie called “Meet the Parents” where Ben Stiller tries to get hisin-laws to like him but he keepsscrewing up.

Eva laughs at the thought of this. She gets really close tothe cell bars and in Brian’s face.

EVA BRAUNTell me more of this... BenStiller.

BRIAN O’CONNEROh he’s hilarious. He gets angryand like all irritated ALL thetime.

EVA BRAUNSounds like another funny little man I know, Adolf Hitler.

BRIAN O’CONNERYou’re too good for him...

Brian and Eva lock eyes. Something is happening here. Is a

love brewing? Could be. Guess we will wait and find out.

Hitler screams from upstairs.

HITLER (O.S.)EVA, time for you to grab mySchnitzel.

EVA BRAUNI have to go... He doesn’t have apenis so I put fingers in his ass.

BRIAN O’CONNERMakes sense.

Brian watches Eva leave. He feels something for her.Something he hasn’t felt in a long, long time.

INT. FAST TEAM HIDEOUT - MORNING

Dom lectures his crew.

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DOMThere is a new order. The MasterRace is tomorrow. Today we focus onrescuing Brian.

LETTY

What’s the plan?

DOMI’ll distract Hitler for the day.Letty you go to Hitler’s quartersand see if you can find O’Conner.Han, map out tomorrow’s course andyou other clowns, go check on Hobbsand see if he is okay. We need the whole team if we plan on bringingdown Hitler’s regime.

LUDACRIS

Damn! Who woulda thought, a bunchof car racing street thugs wouldeventually take down Adolf Hitler!

Tyrese runs in holding his phone to the ceiling.

TYRESEAnyone know the WIFI password here?

LUDACRISIt’s 1941.

Tyrese types into his phone.

TYRESE1941 didn’t work.

Ludacris shakes his head as if to say “no I meant 1941 is theyear you stupid asshole. Therefore there is no WIFI.” Thesetwo guys are the modern day Abbott and Costello!!

EXT. GERMAN RACE TRACK - DAY

Hitler sits in his car. He speaks to DU HAST, his new head of

security and mechanic.HITLER

These are the Nuremburg Trialraces. Today we will see how fast Ican push my Volkswagen and whatchanges need to be made for TheMaster Race.

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DU HASTOkay. I will time you.

Hitler stares into the distance, pondering.

HITLER

You ever just sit and wonder whatlife would be like if people knewthe real you. The sensitive dude who loves to talk about emotion and wants nothing more than to get lostin a great romance novel?

DU HASTNo.

HITLERMe neither. Never once. Let’s race.

The skies are grey and filled with clouds. The Gods knowsomething terrible is about to happen.

DU HASTOkay, but we shouldn’t spend toolong out here. It’s going to rainand it may even hail, Hitler.

HITLERI’m pretty sure I can handledriving around a race track by myself.

DOMWhat about with someone else?

Dom appears next to Hitler. It’s kind of weird that theydidn’t hear him drive up.

Du Hast pulls a gun on Dom.

HITLERNein. Let him race. Let’s see whathe’s got.

A gentle rain starts to come down on the cars. Dom sniffs theair like an animal.

DOMI think a storm is brewing.Sometimes you gotta drive in therain to park in the sunshine...

Dom revs his engine. So does Hitler.

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Du Hast shoots a gun in the air and the two cars take off.The rain starts to come down heavier. The two cars are neckand neck roaring through the track.

INT. HITLER’S PRISON BASEMENT - DAY

Eva Braun and Brian O’Conner sit inside Brian’s cell,dangerously close to each other. They are laughinghysterically.

BRIAN O’CONNERAnd then Robert Deniro is like“It’s the circle of trust, Focker!”

Eva cries laughing.

EVA BRAUNThe future sounds so... carefree.

BRIAN O’CONNERIt is. I wish you could see it.

EVA BRAUNSo do I...

Eva and Brian get very close to kissing. Brian pulls away.

BRIAN O’CONNERI can’t. I’m sorry. I’m married. Ihave two kids.

EVA BRAUNI get it. I totally understand...Do you think maybe we can just havelike no strings attached sex. Ineed this. When I say Hitlerliterally has no penis, I’m notexaggerating or trying to be abitch.

Brian serious contemplates this offer.

BRIAN O’CONNER

Ugh... I can’t sorry. I love Miatoo much.

EVA BRAUNYou’re a good guy. I hope Mia knowsthat...

An ALARM starts to blare through the downstairs area. Evagets up and locks the cell. She runs upstairs.

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INT. HITLER’S MAIN ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Eva runs upstairs and sees 70+ Nazis on the floor either deador on the verge of death.

EVA BRAUN

What the fuck?

LETTYI’m here for Brian.

EVA BRAUNOver my dead body.

LETTYThat can be arranged...

Eva and Letty run at each other full speed. They both goairborne and hold their fists out like some real Mortal

Kombat shit. It’s awesome.

The girls quickly recover and start old school Jiu-Jitsufighting. They go punch for punch. Kick for kick. Uppercutfor uppercut!

PLEASE LET THERE BE A NIP-SLIP. PLEASE LET THERE BE A NIP-SLIP!!!

Holy shit, cars, explosions and two chicks in a cat-fight.CAN YOU FUCKING believe this shit?! Let’s take a moment tocelebrate just how fucking sick this franchise is. I don’tknow about you at home but I’ve been fully hard since I

started writing this thing.

EVA BRAUNYou Bitch!

LETTYTakes one to know one.

Letty high-kicks Eva in the boobs!!!

Eva’s shirt rips open. Not bad for a Nazi sympathizer... Notbad at all...

Eva takes out a boomerang shaped like a Swastika and throwsit at Letty’s head.

Letty takes out the cross necklace Dom gave her and wraps itaround Eva’s neck. She chokes her hard.

LETTY (CONT’D)GO WITH CHRIST. GO WITH HIM!

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INT. GERMAN HOSPITAL - DAY

Tyrese and Ludacris sit around Hobbs who is still in a fullbody cast.

LUDACRIS

(to himself)Cadillac grills, Cadillac mill’s,check out the oil my Cadillacspills...

HOBBSAmerican cars. Gotta love it.What’s more American than aCadillac, a BBQ and feeling thebones of your enemies crunch underyour Samoan palms?

TYRESE

Awww, Hell Yeah!

LUDACRISWe need you out there Hobbs. Some weird shit going down.

HOBBSI don’t know when I’m going to befixed. I just don’t have the motivation.

TYRESEOh you need motivation to get

better?

Tyrese and Ludacris nod at each other like “we know what todo.”

TYRESE (CONT’D)Hitler was saying that you probablyonly put two scoops of Creatine inyour cereal in the morning.

Hobbs starts to uncomfortably adjust.

HOBBSStupid asshole. Guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’stalking out of school and I’m theprincipal.

LUDACRISHe also said that he thinks allyour tattoos are Henna because thereal tats make you cry.

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Hobbs tries to stand up in his body-cast.

HOBBS(enraged)

I cried one time and it was becauseI already had a bruise where the

tattoo was going. It hurt like abastard.

TYRESEYeah and also he said he heard fora fact that you drive a Prius.

That is the final straw. The hospital bed starts to shake.Hobbs gets off the bed despite his cast and starts toconvulse while standing.

LUDACRISOh shit!

TYRESENurse! Someone help!

Hobbs flexes, a crackle starts to happen, the body-castbegins to split like the ground during Dwayne’s other greatfilm “San Andreas.”

Hobbs Incredible Hulks out of the entire body cast. He looksgreat. Better than ever.

HOBBSNow let’s go kill some

motherfucking Nazis.

EXT. RACETRACK - DAY

Dom and Hitler are racing at full speed around the track.

DOMHere’s the thing. When someone messes with my family... I don’tlet it SLIDE.

Dom Tokyo drifts his car around the first bend and cuts offHitler.

HITLERSliding into me during a race? Whatkind of morals do you have?

Rock sized hail stones start pouring from the sky, crashingonto the cars.

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DOMWhat did you do to Brian? Why is he mean now?

Dom flips his car around and starts to drive fully inreverse. There is no reason for this except it looks cool as

shit.

Dom and Hitler are driving neck and neck. Dom takes out akite and holds it up over Hitler’s car.

Dom nods at the sky, like he is one with God and they have apersonal connection.

The Sky shoots out a bolt of lightening and it connects fully with the kite attached to Hitler’s car.

The car bursts into flames and Hitler jumps out the windowjust in time.

DOM (CONT’D)They say lightening doesn’t striketwice... Let’s hope they’re wrong.

Dom races off into the night.

DOM (CONT’D)See you at the race tomorrow.

Hitler writhes in pain on the ground.

INT. HITLER’S PRISON BASEMENT - DAY

Letty stole the key ring from Eva Braun and has made her waydown to the prison cell where Brian is.

BRIAN O’CONNERLetty. You made it.

Letty starts to unlock the cell.

EVA BRAUNAlmost. She almost made it.

Eva cocks a gun and points it at Letty’s head. Letty slowlybacks away.

BRIAN O’CONNEREva please. This is your chance toset things right. Let me gopeacefully. When I get back to thefuture I will send you the entireFockers box set.

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Eva is emotionally distraught. She doesn’t know what to do.

EVA BRAUNI’m scared, Brian.

BRIAN O’CONNER

You’re stronger than this. A mandoesn’t define who you are.

EVA BRAUNI don’t know if I can let you go...

BRIAN O’CONNERRemember I told you about how BenStiller in “Along Came Polly”figured out that to truly love you must truly let it all go...

EVA BRAUN

You’re right.

Eva unlocks the cell herself and opens the gate for Brian.

EVA BRAUN (CONT’D)I’m gonna miss you.

Eva plants a kiss on Brian’s lips.

EVA BRAUN (CONT’D)Last chance for sex.

BRIAN O’CONNER

No thank you.

Eva lets Brian and Letty go free.

INT. GERMAN HOSPITAL - DAY

Ludacris, Tyrese and Hobbs are leaving the hospital. Thenurses don’t understand how Hobbs is walking around.

HOT ASS GERMAN NURSEHobbs, you weren’t supposed to be

out of here for another 6 months.HOBBS

Pain is just weakness leaving thebody, sweetheart.

HOT ASS GERMAN NURSEYes but almost every bone in yourbody was broken.

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HOBBSSure... except for one veryimportant bone...

Hobbs winks at the Hot Ass German Nurse. She blushes.

HOT ASS GERMAN NURSETime for one more extra specialsponge bath?

HOBBSAlways time for that.

Hobbs pulls Tyrese and Ludacris aside and whispers to them.

HOBBS (CONT’D)She’s talking about sex. We’regonna have it.

LUDACRISDope!

Hobbs, Luda and Tyrese do a 3-way bro fist bump then Hobbsgoes off to have sex.

EXT. HITLER’S HOUSE - NIGHT

Hitler walks up to his house all disheveled, wet from therain, and looking defeated.

HITLER

(ranting to himself)I hate lightening. No, I’ll do youone better I hate Mother Nature. Ialso hate when you wash your handsbut there’s no paper towels so youtouch the door knob wet but peoplethink it’s pee on your hand...

Suddenly a metal Swastika hits him the head.

HITLER (CONT’D)What the Hell?!

Hitler looks up and Eva Braun is throwing all his stuff ontothe front lawn.

HITLER (CONT’D)Nein! Stop that.

EVA BRAUNI want you out of here Adolf. I’msick of this life.

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She throws down a number of his paintings, uniforms and largehats.

HITLERMy painting of a baby calf eatingan ice cream cone!

A small trophy hits the ground.

HITLER (CONT’D)Not my Württemberg little leaguetrophy, PLEASE! STOP!

The neighbors start to come out of the house. Hitler has topretend he is still tough to save face in front of thepeople.

HITLER (CONT’D)(pretending)

Yes. Very good! Spring cleaning...Get rid of anything I don’t need so we can save room for... More evilstuff like bombs and... workouttools... Tough guy stuff... Thankyou for doing this for me.

Eva is at the window with Hitler’s prized toy Volkswagen. Hepleads with her.

HITLER (CONT’D)Please! Not that! You couldn’t beso cruel.

Eva throws the car out the window and Hitler catches it. Heruns inside.

INT. HITLER’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Eva starts to walk out of the house.

EVA BRAUNBy the way he’s gone.

HITLERWho?

EVA BRAUNBrian O’Conner.

HITLERWHAT?! How did he escape?!

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EVA BRAUNI let him go. And another thing. Ihad sex with him. Many times. I want a divorce, Adolf.

Eva tosses Hitler divorce papers.

HITLER(mimicking her voice)

“I want a divorce Adolf” that’sexactly what you sound like devil- woman. Spot on impression I justdid. Well too bad. You aren’tgetting a divorce.

EVA BRAUNVery mature.

HITLER

(mimicking)“Very mature.” That’s twice I justroasted your ass.

Eva shakes her head in embarrassment.

HITLER (CONT’D)Tell me one thing. How was ithaving your fingers in another man’s ass.

EVA BRAUNNo fingers. Just sex. Regular

style.

Hitler starts to dry heave.

EVA BRAUN (CONT’D)Bye Hitler. You fingers in thebooty ass bitch.

Eva walks out. Hitler calls up to his security.

HITLERDu Hast! We have important business

to handle.


Han, Dom and Ludacris stand around Han as he simulates THEMASTER RACE route on his laptop.

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HANOkay, I called in two of the bestracers in Tokyo to simulate therace. This will give us a chance tosee exactly how the road plays outin racing conditions.

DOMFantastic. Who are the drivers?

HANJimmy Hu and Lee Watts.

LUDACRISDamn! Jimmy Hu, I’ve heard of thatguy. He’s talented.

The live feed of the race starts on Han’s laptop. Jimmy Huimmediately takes the lead.

Tyrese walks in as the race starts.

TYRESEOh Shit! Who’s in first?

LUDACRISThat’s right, Hu’s in first.

TYRESEThat’s what am I asking.

LUDACRIS

Hu’s in first, Watts in second.

TYRESEI don’t know, you’ve been watchingthe whole time, not me!

THERE IS A CLASSIC misunderstanding going on here and I forone am loving it!

TYRESE (CONT’D)WHO’S in first place right now?

LUDACRISRIGHT! Hu’s in first!

TYRESEWhat’s the guys name in 1st place?

LUDACRISNo, Watts is in second place!

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TYRESEYou son of a bitch!

Tyrese and Ludacris start slap-boxing. I told you they werethe modern day Abbott and Costello, I fucking told you.

Hobbs comes running in all frantic.

HOBBSThe DeLorean. It’s gone.

Dom gets down on one knee and sniffs the tire tracks.

DOMSometimes to drive to the future,you need to brake in the past...

BRIAN O’CONNERWhere do you think he’s going?

HOBBSI have a bad feeling.

INT. DOM’S HOUSE - PRESENT DAY

Hitler walks into Dom’s house looking for Mia. He studies thehouse and the future.

He picks up an iPad and starts playing Angry Birds on it.

HITLER

Boy, are these birds angry or what?!

A television is left on in the living room. Donald Trump isonce again publicly speaking.

ANGLE ON TV:

DONALD TRUMPGlobal warming was invented in athink tank by the Chinese, theMexicans and probably some sort of

low IQ’d disgusting Vietnamesepeople.


Hitler grabs his collar, he feels uncomfortable.

HITLERYikes. He really went there.

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DONALD TRUMP (O.S.)I think helping the poor and hungryis basically a disaster. I won’t doit. That’s just me.

ANGLE ON TV:

DONALD TRUMP (CONT’D)I am now announcing my VicePresident to be... My penis, it’sstrong-willed, handsome andabsolutely won’t take no for ananswer under any circumstance! As achild they tried to circumcise meand I peed in the doctor’s face. Isaid you better take your fat-asshands and get them away from myhuge stick. That was me at oneyears old. I was a very, very

successful baby.


HITLERThis guy is a monster. But he knowshow to make a speech. I need totake some notes from that.

Hitler shuts off the television.

MIA Excuse me, who are you?

Hitler turns around and smiles.

HITLERWe are going to go on a littletrip...

Mia throws a punch at Hitler, her arm is caught by Du Hast.

Little Jack runs up and stabs Hitler with his Spark Plug.Hitler grabs Little Jack.

MIA Jack no!

HITLERDon’t worry little boy, you willsoon see your father again.

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Dom and Brian sit by themselves and drink a Corona.

BRIAN O’CONNERI knew you’d be here to save me.

DOMYou never turn your back on family,even if you are in a tight spaceand the only way to get out of thattight space is to turn around, thenyou should still keep your backfacing your family and never turnit. Ever.

BRIAN O’CONNERI’m worried about Mia.

DOMHitler wouldn’t dare. He’s crazy,but he’s not suicidal.

BRIAN O’CONNERI hope you’re right. God... She’ssuch a great mama, Mia.

DOMI know she is.

BRIAN O’CONNERHow are the kids?

DOMI been looking after them. Teachinglittle Jack to drive a DodgeCharger.

BRIAN O’CONNERAmerican made? Bullshit! No way anyson of mine would drive an American made car.

DOM

Look I gave him the keys on histhird birthday and he didn’tprotest.

BRIAN O’CONNERUnreal.

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DOMHe actually ended up driving allthe way to the Bank of America onWestern before he totalled thething.

BRIAN O’CONNERAmazing... Can’t believe I missedhis first drive.

DOMI got it on tape. Well so did mostof the LA news crews. It was apretty big deal in our town for afew months.

BRIAN O’CONNERI’ve missed so much.

Han comes running in.

HANGuys, you are gonna want to seethis.

EXT. FAST TEAM HIDEOUT - NIGHT

The DeLorean has been returned. The spark plug that Dom gavelittle Jack is sitting on the dashboard of the car.

DOM

Guess I mis-judged you Hitler. Iguess you do have a death wish.

BRIAN O’CONNERWhat’s the next step?

DOMRace is tomorrow at 9 am. I’m gonnabeat Hitler, end the Nazioccupation, rescue Mia and thekids, and be home in time to finishgrilling the perfect Toretto

burger.BRIAN O’CONNER

If you do that, I’ll volunteer tosay Grace!

Dom and Brian laugh together. They understand each other.When two troubled kids come from the streets, all they reallyhave is the bond between friends.

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DOMOne more thing though, I need theright car for this race... I’mgoing back to the future.

Dom walks over to the DeLorean. The “Back To The Future”

theme music starts blasting from the car.

Dom looks over at Tyrese.

TYRESEWhat?! I thought it was theappropriate music for this.

DOMYou crazy, man!

INT. DELOREAN TIME MACHINE - NIGHT

Dom sets the year for 2016 and presses the gas.

The car flies out of the hideout. Dom presses the NOS button.

The DeLorean shoots through the space-time continuum. Itpropels into the future.

Dom tries to hit the brake but... THE BRAKES ARE CUT.

DOMOh shit. No brakes. Well-played,Hitler.

The DeLorean shoots full speed past all time and cultures.The years, events and decades fly by Dom.

EXT. WOODSTOCK ‘69 - DAY

Dom plows through a crowd of people at Woodstock while JimiHendrix plays.

DOMHendrix. Love that guy.

EXT. THE GRASSY KNOLL - DAY

Dom passes the grassy knoll on the day Kennedy wasassassinated.

The bullet that was meant for JFK is taken by the DeLorean when Dom speeds past JFK’s car. JFK LIVES!

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The crowd doesn’t know what just happened. Cops descend onLee Harvey Oswald.

INT. PARAMOUNT STUDIO LOT - NIGHT

Dom passes through a Hollywood set in the 60’s where he seesthem faking the moon landing.

DOMDamn. I’ve seen too much. SOMEBODYSTOP THIS THING!!!!

EXT. WOODSTOCK ‘99 - DAY

Dom passes through Woodstock ‘99 plowing through a crowd ofpeople.

DOMLimp Bizkit. Love those guys!

EXT. THE TWIN TOWERS - DAY

The DeLorean is now airborne. It propels through space onSeptember 11th, 2001 in New York City.

Dom eyes the terrorist planes coming for the towers, there isan intensity in his eyes.

DOM

You terrorists caught Toretto onthe wrong day.

Dom cranks the wheel and SLAMS his DeLorean into the firstplane that was aiming for the towers.

The plane spirals out and falls full speed to the groundcompletely missing the tower.

Dom’s DeLorean goes through the top floor of the Twin Towersand shoots out the window to the other tower just as the 2ndplane is approaching.

DOM (CONT’D)Playing chicken with a jet... Yougotta understand somethingterrorists, America is my biggestextended family. And I lovefamily...

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Dom makes his way over to his garage.

INT. DOM’S GARAGE - NIGHT

Dom pulls a Corona from his fridge and takes the cover off

his 1970 Dodge Charger R/T. He is still completely nude.

DOMMy first love... Time to make one more customization.

Dom takes the Flux Capacitor and installs it onto the dash ofthe Charger.

INT. HITLER’S GARAGE - NIGHT

Hitler is putting the finishing touches on his Volkswagen for

the morning race.

Eva walks out of the house with her suitcases.

HITLERYou know I am the child of a brokenhome. I believe very strongly inthe sanctity of marriage.

EVA BRAUNYou are a murderer.

HITLER

I AM A PAINTER.

EVA BRAUNAnd you have that little mustache.

HITLEROh, all of a sudden size matters?

EVA BRAUNIt has always mattered Adolf. Ithas always mattered.

Eva kisses Hitler on the cheek and walks out. A single tearforms in Adolf’s eye. He pulls out the toy Volkswagen he wasgiven as a child.

HITLER“The only thing that matters is a man’s car.”

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INT. HITLER’S PRISON BASEMENT - NIGHT

Mia sits awake as her two children sleep. Hitler makes his way to the cell. He quickly fixes his hair in the mirrorbefore going down there.

HITLEREverything comfortable?

MIA You took me back in time and put mein a small prison cell.

HITLERNo need to be rude... You know...Your husband and my wife endedup... Doing stuff together.

MIA

That isn’t true.

HITLERSo if you wanted to maybe try somestuff to get back at them, I wouldn’t really be opposed to it.

MIA No thanks.

HITLERRight... Don’t know what I wasthinking. I hate Americans!!!

Ughh... Awkward... I’m gonna go.

MIA Bye.

HITLERBye. All that stuff I just saidearlier was a joke. All of it. Byeagain!

INT. HITLER’S MAIN ROOM - NIGHT

Hitler runs up stairs embarrassed and in a fit of rage, hegrabs one of the clone Brian O’Conners.

HITLERGo downstairs and tell that womanthat she should be nicer to me. Andfind out where those guys’ hideoutis.

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EXT. HITLER’S PRISON BASEMENT - NIGHT

The clone Brian O’Conner walks downstairs towards the cell where Mia is being held.

MIA

Brian?

CLONE BRIANMia? Yes it is me, Clone Brian... I mean... shit... It’s me Brian. JustBrian. None of that other stuff Isaid before Brian.

Mia seems confused.

MIA Why did you call yourself CloneBrian?

CLONE BRIANFreudian slip!

MIA What do you mean?

CLONE BRIANLook Mia, I’m not a clone. But youshould be nicer to Hitler and tell me where Dom is hiding.

MIA

I don’t think so. If you are thereal Brian, what do you always sayto me right before we go to bed?

Clone Brian thinks hard.

CLONE BRIANCars are really awesome and I likegoing fast.

Mia is impressed but still skeptical.

MIA Okay, you got that right. One morething... When is little Jack’sbirthday.

Clone Brian tries to rack his brain, nothing comes up.

MIA (CONT’D)That’s what I thought. You aren’tthe real Brian.

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CLONE BRIANHow did you know?

MIA When you love someone, they look atyou a certain way...

EXT. ARMY BASE - NIGHT

Hobbs drives at full speed towards a deserted army base.

He has a built in blender in his HUMMER that cooks up theperfect protein shake.

Hobbs adds an entire tub of protein powder, a full steak, 40egg whites and a few granola bars.

He puts a little left over protein on a key and does a bump

like cocaine.

HOBBSDaddy is gonna kill some Nazi scum.

INT. OLD DESERTED ARMY HUT - NIGHT

Hobbs sits across from someone...

HOBBSSo that’s it. We’ll need your helptomorrow if we want to bring these

sumbitches down.

A shadowy head nods yes as smoke billows from a cigar.

HOBBS (CONT’D)I knew I could count on you.

EXT. THE BRANDENBURG GATE - DAY

The day is upon us. All of Germany is gathered around to watch THE MASTER RACE.

Hitler is on a podium. He seems newly invigorated, lively,and fired up after seeing Trump’s speech.

HITLERGerman people. I am the best. Thebest to ever do it. I am smart. Iam rich. And I have a really HUGEHUGE penis.

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The crowd FUCKING LOVES IT. This is the Hitler they votedinto office before he lost all his confidence.

HITLER (CONT’D)Eva Braun is a pig and disgustinginside and out. I am back on the

market and looking for a screw-partner while I run this greatcountry and soon, the world!

The ladies in the crowd go wild. They throw their bras andpanties on the stage.

HITLER (CONT’D)So before we race just know that when I win this race not only am Ia great daredevil, but also superrich and have a very large penisthat should be celebrated. Thank

you all.

Hitler’s hair is starting to get wispy and unkempt, a lotlike Donald Trump.

Hitler gets off the podium to much celebration. He jumps intohis Volkswagen.

Hitler and Dom are lined up at the starting line. Each ofthem rev their engines.

At the crux of this franchise is engine noises, I mean therumble just gets the fucking people off. That deep, burly,

sensational grit you get from a custom built ‘72. It’s thatsort of rumble that gets you thinking... What if I left itall behind? My wife. My kids. Fixed up the old Mustang anddrove it to La Paz, Mexico... Anyway, just a thought... Backto the movie!

HITLER (CONT’D)Feels like a good day for you todie doesn’t it?

DOMI heard you like fingers in your

ass.Hitler gets bright red in the face. He leans over to thepassenger side of his Volkswagen and slowly, awkwardly rollsup the manual crank window so Dom can’t talk to him anymore.

Hitler signals for Du Hast to come over to his window.

DU HASTYes, mein Führer?

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HITLERUnder no circumstances does he endthis race alive. Do whatever ittakes.

DU HAST

Understood. We already have a planin place...

INT. NAZI PALACE - DAY

Hundreds of Brian O’Conner clones start to file out of thepalace.

Totally in unison all the clones reach into their pockets andtake out a set of keys.

Each of them approach their own Mercedes G-Wagon.

500 Brian O’Conners behind the wheels of cars? OH SHIT.

EXT. THE BRANDENBURG GATE - DAY

Dom looks into the crowd and sees MIA with the two kids beingheld at gun point by Du Hast.

DU HASTBereit. Set. Gehen!!!! (READY. SET.GO!)

A pistol shoots in the air. Dom and Hitler take off throughthe Brandenburg gate.

Hitler flies past Dom. Dom presses his NOS button but nothinghappens.

DOMWhat the???

Hitler holds up a NOS tank.

HITLER

GOT YOUR NOS!!!!!!!

INT. FAST TEAM HIDEOUT - DAY

Hobbs stands around giving a speech to the gang.

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HOBBSUnder no circumstance do we letthat sumbitch get to the finishline and get to those nuclear weapon codes. If we do it’s the endof existence as we know it.

LUDACRISThere’s no way that dude can beatDom.

HOBBSAnd to make absolutely certain ofthat... I’ve invited some friendsto help us.

Hobbs opens the garage. A humongous TANK pulls forward. Thetop pops up.

SYLVESTER STALLONE, pops out of the top, smoking a cigar.

SYLVESTER STALLONEAny room for some Expendables?

The rest of the Expendables start pouring out of the tank,Dolph Lundgren, Arnold, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, CT fromthe Real World/Road Rules Challenge and Mel Gibson...

HOBBSMel. Surprised to see you here.

MEL GIBSON

Why?

HOBBSYou want to HELP us defeat theNazis? And save the Jewishpeople?... Just seems sort of...Out of character.

MEL GIBSONI hear ya. I need to fix my publicimage though.

HOBBSGot it. You’re in.

EXT. GERMANY STREETS - DAY

Dom manages to catch up to Hitler.

DOMAmerican Muscle, gotta love it.

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As Dom passes an alley, a group of Mercedes G-Wagons start topour out of it. They follow Dom closely.

DOM (CONT’D)Looks like we got company.

All the Brian O’Conner clones drive the G-Wagons. They pass astreet sign that says “Gas. Schnitzel King. And AuschwitzConcentration Camp: next exit.”

The dozens of O’Conner clones form a Swastika with their carsand descend towards Dom.

Hitler is gaining the lead.

DOM (CONT’D)(on walkie)

If you guys get a minute, I mightneed some backup.

HOBBSWe’re on it.

EXT. AUSCHWITZ CONCENTRATION CAMP - DAY

The Expendables tank crashes through the gate of Auschwitz.

An alarm starts to blare around the camp.

A team of Nazis run towards them but every last Nazi piece ofshit dies at the hands and bullets of the Expendables.

Terry Crews puts bullets in-between his pecs and flexes. Thebullets shoot out at machine gun speeds. Pound for pound thisis probably the most muscular movie of all time.

As Stallone and the gang mow down Nazis, Mel Gibson sets up atable filled with automatic weapons.

All the Jewish people who have now been freed are encouragedto go grab a gun.

Mel hands a Jewish man a machine gun.

MEL GIBSONSorry about everything.

JEWISH PERSON #1No problem.

Mel hands another few people guns.

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MEL GIBSONSorry.

JEWISH PERSON #2All good.

Mel continues handing out guns to Jews and apologizing tillevery Jewish man, woman and child is armed at Auschwitz.

EXT. THE ROAD TO AUSCHWITZ - CONTINUOUS

Hitler and Dom speed towards Auschwitz. Dom shifts andpresses on the gas with everything he has.

He looks up like Ray Liotta in “Goodfellas” and sees twoGerman army planes above him.

DOM

Bombs away, boys.

The helicopters start to drop bombs over Dom’s car. DomSWERVES past one bomb and another bomb. They can’t catch him.

As Dom speeds down the road he avoids a trail of bombs beingdropped on him. He smiles at Hitler.

A BOMB hits the front end of Dom’s car and starts to flip thecar in the air. One flip... Two flips... Three flips...

As Dom is tumbling through the air in his car, he catcheseyes with Hitler and mimics putting fingers in an ass.

The gate to Auschwitz is close... Dom’s car flies through it.The car rights itself and keeps driving.

Hitler and Dom crash through Auschwitz and race down the dirtpath.

Stallone holds his hand up telling everyone to cease fire.

SYLVESTER STALLONEWe let them race.

As the army of Brian O’Conner clones follows behind themSylvester Stallone nods his head “now.”

The Expendables, The Fast Team and all the Jewish peopleUNLOAD their weapons on the G-Wagons.

Cars Explode, bodies fly, the stench of gun powder fills theentire country. ALL THE NAZIS ARE FUCKING DEAD.

THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE EVER FUCKING MADE. FUCK YES!!!!!!!!!!!

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Dom and Hitler are neck and neck, almost towards the end ofAuschwitz and nearing the end of the race.

Dom pulls close to Hitler’s car and bumps him.

HITLER

Nein!

Dom bumps him again.

HITLER (CONT’D)Stop! This isn’t in the rule book.Play fair!

Dom continues to bump Hitler’s car, pushing him towards abuilding.

THE FINISH LINE IS IN SIGHT. ALL OF GERMANY IS WATCHING THISRACE. THE NUCLEAR WARHEADS AND CODES ARE IN THE DISTANCE.

DOMIf you want to drive Fast then youbetter GAS IT...

HITLERWhat do these metaphors mean?!!

Dom pulls his E-brake and does a final slam into Hitler’s car which spirals Hitler into the Auschwitz gas chamber.

Hitler flies into the large gas chamber room.

The real Brian O’Conner runs up behind the chamber and locksHitler inside.

Dom runs to the gas knob and turns it on high.

As Brian pumps gas into the chamber ending Hitler’s life hesees Eva Braun in the crowd, he smiles at her as she giveshim a thumbs up.

INT. GAS CHAMBER - CONTINUOUS

Hitler sits in his Volkswagen alone in the gas chamber as gasstarts to pump in. He holds up his toy car.

HITLERI’ll keep you safe.

Hitler unbuckles his pants and shoves the toy car up his ass.

HITLER (CONT’D)And with that, I am ready to die.

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The gas continues to leak into the room.

EXT. GAS CHAMBER - CONTINUOUS

Stallone finishes up his cigar.

STALLONEI think we’re done here.

Stallone throws his cigar on top of the gas tank. The entirebuilding bursts into flames.

All of the German people cheer that Hitler’s reign hasfinally ended.

They end up choosing Dolph Lundgren as their new leader. Heis a just leader and treats the people right.

Mia and the kids are free and run up to Brian. Eva Braun isalso awkwardly standing around.

BRIAN O’CONNERMia, I’d like you to meet Eva...She was the one feeding me tunasandwiches while I was captured.

MIA He loves his tuna.

EVA BRAUNHe certainly does.

Mia and Eva stare at each other coldly.

EVA BRAUN (CONT’D)You’ve got a great man, treat himright or I might just come to thefuture and have a Ben Stiller movie marathon with him.

MIA Umm Okay? Thanks.

Eva walks away. Brian picks up Jack.BRIAN O’CONNER

Hey buddy! I heard uncle Dom wasteaching you to drive?

JACKYes sir! Although the piece of shitalternator on the Charger keptbusting out on us.

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BRIAN O’CONNERThat’s my boy!

DOMWhat do you say we go back to thefuture?!

The family cheers and piles into the time traveling Dodge.

EXT. DOM’S HOUSE - PRESENT DAY

The entire Fast and Furious gang sits around the BBQ andcelebrates what they just did.

TYRESESo I said to that dude, I’ve heardabout Mein Kempf but I need to getback to MEIN KEMPFORTABLE COUCH!

DOMHey Brian, remember when I told youthat you owe me 10 second car?

BRIAN O’CONNERYep.

DOMWell now I think you owe me a Neinsecond car!

Brian laughs!

BRIAN O’CONNERYou got it! So. Where to next?

DOMRelax Brian...

Dom nods to his Dodge Charger which he converted into a time machine.

DOM (CONT’D)We got all the TIME in the world!

The gang cheers and digs into their meal. Tyrese grabs thefirst burger.

DOM (CONT’D)First one to touch the food saysgrace!

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TYRESEDear Lord, I am thankful that wedefeated the Nazis, stopped 9/11from happening and most of all...I’m thankful for big booty bitches!

Everyone laughs and digs into their food! Until next timefolks...

THE END OR IS IT?

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Documents

Fast Nein: The Fast and the Fuhrer